#I promise I take critique well I’m not a jerk haha

[phantom-peachie]

what i’d do to see what this was all about

[minyoongijjangjjangmanboongboong]

Dissonance Chapter Eleven

Description: After spending a year studying abroad in America, Y/N returns to Seoul hoping to greet the familiar city as a new girl. But what will she do when she’s met with old friends she’d rather forget? It seems the strings of fate are determined to test her resolve…and her willpower.

Genre: Fluff and Angst

Pairing: Taehyung x (f) Reader

Word Count: 8.3k

Tags: Badboy!Taehyung, Non-Idol!Au, Rockband BTS!Au, Bassist Taehyung!Au

Warnings: Swearing and mentions of alcohol, although infrequently

A/N: Ahhhh, back to a more manageable word count. While I would love to write long chapters all the time, this one just worked better this way! Lucky for my fingers haha. Anyway, thank you guys for being so supportive of the story! I can’t wait to write more. ALSO I know I promised more Joon and Jin in this chapter, but unfortunately I couldn’t squeeze it in. NEXT CHAPTER THOUGH I PROMISE THEY WILL APPEAR! As always please feel free to send me an ask if you want to chat! I’ll respond to all my asks within a day of receiving them. And feel free to send me feedback, critique, concerns, or questions as well so I can address them. I hope you guys are having a peaceful day and I wish you luck if you’re coming up on your finals like I am haha. 

- Mercury

Previous Chapter – Next Chapter

Masterlist

“Y/N,” said Haewon slowly as the first rays of daylight began dancing across the sky outside. She and I were curled up, side-by-side on the couch, staring into the dim living room. There wasn’t much more to say. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I didn’t tell anyone,” I said. “Not even Yuna.”

She sighed. “Why?”

I shrugged and nestled further back into the couch. “I guess…I guess because I scared her too bad that night. I don’t wanna scare her again.”

“You’re not scaring me.”

“That’s good.”

She wrapped an arm around my shoulders and rested her cheek atop my head. “I’m gonna kill him, you know.”

I nodded and shut my eyes. “That’s good too.”

She chuckled then straightened up and gave my shoulder a shake. “Don’t make me laugh right now.”

“What’s the point of any of it if we can’t laugh a little?” I asked, then shook my head. “What was the point of loving him? What was the point of growing apart, coming together, hurting each other?” I rubbed my puffy eyes. “If I don’t laugh then I’ll cry.”

“Y/N, is that…is that why you’re always being so weird?” she asked. “No, that came out wrong. I mean…I guess I mean…is that why you’re always joking around?”

I nodded. “Yeah. It’s stupid isn’t it?”

“It’s sad.”

I laughed. “Hey,” I said, turning my head to face her. “I wanna hear a story of yours. I’m sick of talking about myself.”

She grinned. “What kind of story?”

“One that’ll make me laugh.”

She chuckled and nodded, smoothing my hair as I rested my head once again against her shoulder. “Well, if you want a good laugh, I’ll tell you about the night Taehyung and I hooked up.”

“That’s funny?”

“Oh yeah.”

I smiled. “Lay it on me.”

She cleared her throat. “Well,” she began, “it started with me touching his thigh at the restaurant.”

“Ew,” I interjected. “Sorry, knee-jerk reaction.”

Haewon laughed again. “No it was gross. I was drunk,” she said with a sigh. “Anyway, he got the hint pretty quick and suggested we go to the bathroom. Of course, being drunk and dying of thirst, I followed. We…well, you know what we did in there,” she paused to laugh. “You walked in after all.”

“Don’t remind me,” I said. “I’ll vomit.”

“Yeah, well it was equally traumatizing for me,” she said, chuckling. “Once you guys left, he and I…you know, continued. And,” she sighed, unable to continue. “God, it’s so embarrassing.”

“Don’t be embarrassed,” I said.

She scoffed. “Not embarrassing for me. Embarrassing for him.”

I sat up straight and looked at her with wide eyes. “What?” 

She smirked. “Oh yeah.”

The bitter part of me wanted to hear more and I edged closer, watching her face. “Tell me.”

“So we’re in the bathroom, right? And he’s, you know…sucking on my neck or whatever. As one does-,”

“Gross,” I said, shaking my head. “Sorry, it slipped out.”

She smacked my arm and furrowed her brow at me. “You’re gonna miss the best part!”

“Okay! Okay, tell me.”

“So he’s kissing on me and in the middle of it…he kinda just…whispers a name that definitely wasn’t mine,” she said, laughing.

I joined her. “Ew! Whose name?”

She kept laughing for a while before flitting her hand and shaking her head. “Don’t remember. But it was not Haewon, I can tell you that much for sure.”

We laughed for a long, long moment before each of us paused and sat smiling, facing one another. “Hey…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you everything sooner. Especially since you liked him so much.”

She shrugged and smiled at her lap. “No. I don’t blame you,” she said, taking my hand gently in hers and rubbing circles onto my skin. “It must have been hard. Seeing me pining after him.”

I shook my head. “It wasn’t like that,” I said. “I…I guess I was more worried about you.”

She nodded. “I have a tendency to like guys that are bad for me.” Her voice was so solemn, so somber. I felt a tinge of concern just from hearing such a tone.

“Wanna talk about it?” I asked softly.

She shook her head. “I don’t know. It hurts a little and I don’t think I can laugh about it yet.”

“You liked him a lot didn’t you?” I asked.

She sighed and glanced towards the ceiling, that same sad smile on her lips. She nodded. “I guess…seeing him on stage performing and then talking to him…he seemed so kind. I thought be might be someone I could fix.”

“Oh,” I said, then nodded. “I thought that too for a while.”

“Some people are beyond fixing.”

I was quiet a moment. “I don’t want to think that,” I said. “I think…I think if you love someone enough it can be done.”

She stared at me seriously, her fingers still tracing the top of my hand. “But it didn’t work with Taehyung.”

“Maybe I didn’t love him enough,” I said, then sighed. “Maybe he felt like nobody did.”

She nodded. “I never told you guys, but I had a fling last year while you were away,” she said.

I met her eyes. “You did?”

“With a married guy,” she said, then laughed and shook her head.

I flushed and stared at her. It wasn’t something I would have assumed, nor was it something I thought she would do. “How did you meet?”

“It was on University Street actually. It was right after class and we were both watching a street performer. The crowd got bigger so he kind of had to press against me and then we got talking and…,” she began, but trailed off with a shrug. “I was infatuated with him. He asked me out. We spent so much good time together. He was so kind and loving to me and I felt like…you know, like it was the real deal.”

“But…,” I said, taking in the way her face fell.

She nodded. “But about a month into seeing each other I found out he was married. I was over at his apartment in the middle of the night. He was showering and his phone started to ring. I looked at it and…I really didn’t wanna answer, Y/N, but I saw the contact name and I had to,” she said. “She was saved as My Love.”

I shook my head. “Oh, Haewon,” I said, gently guiding her hair behind her ears.

She laughed and nodded. “Yeah. I answered and I didn’t say anything, but she started talking and talking about the groceries she was getting the next day and the new linens being too scratchy and it was so domestic and I kind of…put two and two together,” she said. “So then I was this dumb college student, sitting naked in a married man’s bed.”

“Did he admit it?”

“Mhm,” she said. “After I confronted him. He admitted it all. He said he’d never cheated before. He said he only had the apartment so he wouldn’t have to commute to work since he lived in Bucheon with his wife.”

“That’s horrible,” I said, shaking my head. 

“Tell me about it,” she sighed. “I felt…disgusting. Like, this nasty used-up thing. And what was worse was that I didn’t stop for another few weeks.”

“What made you stop?” I asked.

She smiled. “He said he’d leave her, but the more I thought about it the less I wanted that. She sounded so sweet on the phone. Gentle. And I knew she deserved to know the truth, but I didn’t want to ruin a marriage. I didn’t want to ruin someone’s life,” she said with a dismal shake of her head. “He was upset, but eventually he moved on. I considered writing a letter to his wife, but I don’t know her address and I don’t think I have the guts.”

“I’m so sorry, Haewon,” I said, placing a hand on her shoulder and rubbing softly.

She nodded. “So when I met Taehyung and I kind of…had those feelings again…ah, I don’t know. I kind of got carried away,” she said.

“And you got hurt,” I said slowly.

She laughed. “Again.”

“Why do we love the people who hurt us?” I asked into the darkness, leaning back into the couch as the heaviness in the air settled onto my chest.

She joined me, each of us staring at nothing in particular. “Because that’s what love is. Because loving someone means loving all of them,” she said slowly.

I breathed slowly, growing tired. “Isn’t that too masochistic?”

I could her Haewon’s own breath coming and going rhythmically, and in my peripheral I could see her chest rising and falling slowly. “Love is masochism.”

My Hope: Haven’t heard from you in a few days. Everything okay? Y/N: Yeah! Everything’s peachy. Just been working a lot. My Hope: Today too? Y/N: Aha, yeah. Too bad, huh? My Hope: Yeah…

I slid my phone into my back pocket with a heavy sigh and slipped behind my Yuna to grab the cup of coffee that she’d been brewing. I filled a porcelain cup and stepped around her again as she chatted with a patron. Quickly I found my way to the table by the window and set the cup down in front of a young man, probably in college, poring over a textbook with a furrowed brow.

I smiled and cleared my throat. “Excuse me,” I said quietly.

He startled and looked up at me with wide eyes. “Ah, uh…yeah?”

“Your coffee…,” I said, turning the handle towards him.

He nodded. “Thanks,” he said. “Ah, here’s a tip,” he said, rifling through his pants pocket before handing me a bill.

I smiled my thanks and turned on my heel towards the register. I placed the bill inside our tip jar and sighed as I realized how much it was. “That’s his fifth cup of coffee today,” I said, shooting him a glare. “And he can only give a dollar for a tip.”

“Stingy,” mumbled Yuna, leaning against the counter as patrons filtered in and out. “Probably since it’s a Wednesday.”

I stretched my body this way and that before sliding my gaze towards the front of the building. “Who have you been texting?” asked Yuna as she nudged my side.

I glanced at her and chuckled. “Who do you think?” I asked. “Hoseok, of course.”

She shimmied towards me and shook my shoulders. “Y/N in love is cute.”

I smiled back at her and laughed a beat too long. “Yeah.”

“I hope he makes you happy,” she said, still holding me in a tight embrace. She smiled at me softly. “You deserve to be happy.”

I blinked at her. Did she know what happened at the party? Haewon and I had agreed to keep things to ourselves, mostly so we wouldn’t have to relive it. “Thanks, Yuna,” I said, nodding.

“You seem a little quiet these days,” she said with a pout. “Don’t feel down, okay?”

I nodded. “I’ll try.”

I exited the cafe and stretched as I made my way to the bus stop. Quietly, I wandered down the street as people strolled in the afternoon sunlight. I wanted to stroll with them, but Yuna was right. I’d been quiet these days. I’d let a crucial part of me out that night, a part of me that I’d been trying to repair for a year. But that broken part was jagged and stubborn, and she demanded I either face her and heal her or ignore her and suffer. I’d been choosing the latter option since that night.

I settled into the bus stop bench and shut my eyes slowly, letting my head lull to the side as I took a rest. Things were getting a bit too heavy again. I felt that familiar urge to run, run, run. 

“Care for a sandwich?”

I stiffened and opened my eyes to find Hoseok sitting at my side, smiling softly with a hand extended, offering a cling-wrapped sandwich with no crusts. I blinked at him as he scanned my face and his smile faltered the longer he looked down at me. I wasn’t sure what that meant.

“Hey,” I said slowly.

He frowned and took my hand, flipping it palm up and placing the sandwich atop my fingers. “Y/N, you look sick,” he said.

My eyes went wide and I smoothed my free hand over my cold cheek. “I’m not wearing makeup,” I mumbled.

He shook his head. “It’s not that. You look like you’re not sleeping,” he said.

I glanced at him. I looked like I wasn’t sleeping precisely because I wasn’t sleeping. “Hoseok-,”

“Hang out with me,” he said, that gentle smile returning. “No pressure, no expectations. Just us. Hanging out.”

I couldn’t fight the chuckle that bubbled forth from inside my chest as his words tumbled awkwardly through the air. I smiled down at the sandwich and nodded. “Okay. I’ve got time.”

He grinned and began unwrapping the food for me, scents of childhood wafting upwards towards my nose. I recognized this particular sandwich. I hadn’t had it since I was young: grilled cheese with tomato. I ran a finger over the clean, crustless edge and took a hearty bite. The nostalgia made me smile. I remembered a time that felt distant and near all at once.

“Is it good?” he asked.

I smiled and nodded. “It’s great,” I said, turning to him and, with my right hand, lacing our fingers atop his knee. “Thank you.”

His face went pink before he breathed a chuckle and nodded, rubbing his hair a little. “It’s no big deal,” he said. “Let’s go have fun. I have some things planned.”

“Hoseok!” I cried as he caused my bowling ball to misfire, shooting down the lane and barreling into the gutter. I glared at him as he continued tickling my sides and he backed away, still laughing. “If you invited me to hang out just so you could cheat then I’m leaving!” 

“You’re the one who cheated last time!” he accused with a pointed look.

I cracked a smile before regaining my composure. “That was different!”

He laughed once more before handing me a new ball. “Give it another go, babe,” he said, and I paused mid-turn. 

I glanced back at him to find that, like me, the boy had gone immobile. Both of us simply stared wide-eyed at one another, unable to move. The nickname must have slipped out unintentionally. It must have simply bypassed his social filters on accident like a rogue water molecule in a cell membrane. It couldn’t have meant anything…

He cleared his throat and turned around, hiding his flushed face as he revealed his back to me instead. I followed suit and spun around, ready to let the bowling ball sail down the lane. But I was too distracted and instead of sailing, the heavy thing only trudged along down the center of the lane before careening lazily to the right and sliding into the gutter once more. I stared at all the pins still standing erect, unaffected by my efforts, and shuffled back to my seat beside Hoseok. He was sipping on a soda, gazing down into the cup like it was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen. The way I was looking at it too, you would have thought it really was. 

“Uh…I missed,” I said quietly from beside him.

His eyes went wide and he turned to me. “O-Oh! Sorry, I wasn’t watching. I should have been,” he mumbled.

I blinked at him as he returned his focus to his cup. “It’s your turn,” I said, still scanning his face.

He fumbled a little as he quickly lurched to his feet and placed his cup back on the table. “I’ll…uh, I’m gonna…make this one,” he said, but his voice wavered and lacked confidence and he could scarcely look me in the eye.

Seeing this confident boy reduced to a nervous mess made something in my heart ache a little for him. The more I knew him, the more endearing he became. Every word, every action, every concerning shift in his mood made me care for him more and more. I wondered if it was okay, however, to care so much for someone but still feel like…perhaps something was missing.

He launched the ball down the lane and it slid confidently along the center line before toppling all of the pins down in one fell swoop. He shouted, causing the a group of teens in the lane beside us to chuckle at him. I chuckled too and, all awkwardness forgotten, he rushed back to me and pulled me to my feet by my wrists, quickly wrapping me up in a bouncing hug. I laughed as he continued to jump, unable to contain his excitement.

“Did you see that? That was a damn strike, Y/N!” he shouted once he’d released me, staring at me with a big grin.

I nodded and patted his shoulder. “Good job, big guy.”

He laughed, still beaming with pride, and exhaled slowly. “Sorry about…you know, before. Calling you babe,” he said with a laugh. “I said no expectations and here I am. Expecting you to be okay with that.”

I shook my head. “Did it make you happy?” I asked carefully, watching his reaction.

His face lightened a little and he nodded. “It’s been a while since I’ve called someone that,” he said, chuckling. “It made me happy.”

“Then do it,” I said. “If it makes you happy, then do it.”

His eyes went wide. “You don’t mind?”

I’d decided a while ago to be what he needed. It was my penance and my privilege. I hadn’t been what Taehyung needed. I hadn’t been what Hyerim needed. And now…

“Not at all,” I said with a smile.

Hoseok yawned like a kitten as we sat side-by-side in the dim movie theater. The film playing wasn’t particularly interesting and seemed to drone on and on, but Hoseok’s constant commentary in my ear had me in stitches as we struggled to keep our voices down. 

As the movie wore on into the early evening, however, Hoseok had begun to lose steam. I wondered how much of his energetic persona was a front, especially as I turned to look at him resting his head back against the cushion, eyes half-shut and lips parted as if he were already asleep. Was he always so tired? Or was it only when he’d been wearing the mask too long?

Slowly his eyes began to flutter, his lashes dusting against the high apples of his cheeks. His head tilted back against the seat, but each time he leaned back his mouth would open too wide and a snore would rouse him from his near-slumber and his eyes would flash open once again. For a while this pattern continued until finally, having seen it enough times to have it memorized, I simply guided his head to my shoulder and smoothed down his hair as his breath escaped in even, measured beats. I watched him from above, watched the micro movements in his face, the twitches, the furrowing and relaxation of his brow. He seemed more peaceful this way. He no longer seemed to be performing.

“I can’t believe you let me drool on you,” murmured Hoseok as we walked down the street together. Sunset was fast-ending and twilight was slowly being ushered in by the shifting sky overhead. This time of day always felt melancholy. Now more than ever.

I simply smiled his way on the near-empty street and shrugged. “You must have been tired,” I remarked.

“No excuse to ruin your shirt,” he said, thumbing the material of my shirt at the shoulder with a sigh. “I’ll buy you a new one.”

I rolled my eyes and swatted his hand away. “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s fine. And besides, I owe you for hanging out with me today. I think…it was a good thing I wasn’t alone.”

Our pace slowed as we came upon a viewpoint overlooking the western part of the city. I could vaguely make out the Han River in the distance. Hoseok sat down on an empty bench atop the viewpoint and patted the space beside him. I could feel the air going serious, just as the sky turned darker as the sunset died. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for such an atmosphere. But the look on his face, vaguely vulnerable and accompanied with a soft smile, spurred me forward. I sat beside him, close enough that our thighs brushed but not so close that our arms touched, and we both stared out at the city sprawled out below us.

“It’s best not to be alone when you feel like this,” he said.

I stiffened and glanced at him. “Are you feeling sad lately?” I asked, struck by his question.

His eyes went wide and, like before, he seemed surprised by his own words. “No, no. It’s not that. Not at all,” he said, shaking his head. He gave me a bright smile.

I took a deep breath and, still watching the cityscape, composed my thoughts. “Hoseok…I’ve been thinking this for a while now, but…,” I began, then sighed and glanced at my lap. “You don’t have to put up a front with me.”

He was quiet and I heard him swallow. “Huh?”

“You don’t have to pretend.”

I took a peek at him out the corner of my eye and saw that his posture had slumped slightly and his expression went dull as he stared out over the city. Gone was the goofy boy who shouted at the bowling alley, and in his wake was a hollow boy sitting poorly on a bench, skin slightly sallow in the dying light and eyes distant. It was such a dramatic shift that I was left unsure of how to proceed.

He inhaled sharply and exhaled. “Are you sure?”

I nodded without a second’s pause. “Yes.”

He slumped some more, now resting with his head facing the heavens and his legs splayed out in front of him, halfway sliding off the bench. “God it feels good to let it go.”

“Let what go?” I asked.

He glanced at me and I expected a cheeky grin. None came. “The fucking act.” I’d never heard him speak this way before. Cold. Slow. Almost lackadaisical.

“Can I ask why you do it?” I asked.

He nodded. “It’s a lot of things,” he said. “I went to therapy for it a while ago. But after a while I stopped.”

“Why?”

“My mom needed me at home,” he said. “I couldn’t afford to spend an hour every day with a therapist when real people needed me.”

I blinked at him. The endearment I’d felt before was stronger now, but it had morphed into something slightly different. Deep concern. “Why did she need you?”

He shut his eyes once again and the wind tousled his dark hair. “My mom raised me on her own.”

“Like Jimin,” I interjected after it was clear he would say no more until I spoke too.

He nodded. “Yeah. But my mom…she took on a few jobs to keep us afloat. She was really busy and really tired,” he said. “I have a little sister. Someone had to keep an eye on her.”

“So you did.”

“I did.”

“And did you resent it?” I asked.

He chuckled. “Hard not to when you’re a bratty teenager who just wants to go out and have fun. But…I guess deep down I just felt responsible,” he said, sitting upright at last and sighing. “She always told me I look like him.”

“Your dad?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I don’t know. I…I don’t really wanna look like him.”

I nodded slowly. “You felt like you had to step into the role he left empty?”

A small smile played with the edges of his lips as he nodded once. “You get it.”

“I do,” I said. “But I want to hear more.”

Finally he met my eyes and I was startled to find his gaze pale as he took me in. “Things were really quiet in the house. Kinda sad,” he said. “Yeri didn’t deserve to grow up thinking the world was that dark.”

“So you…became bright for her?” I asked.

He nodded again, this time smiling slightly. “I had to. I was the person she looked to when she felt like everything was shitty. If I wasn’t consistent…nothing else in her life would have been.”

“That’s a lot of responsibility,” I commented, gauging his reaction.

He shrugged. “For a while I was happy to do it. But after a few years, it started to become harder to drop the act. People outside my family started to expect me to be that way all the time.”

“And that’s not all there is to you,” I said.

“No.”

“You’re more complex than just that.”

He smiled slightly. “Yeah.”

“I wonder…if you allow people close enough to realize that,” I said slowly, my words measured.

He glanced at me. “I…I don’t know about that.”

I nodded. “I wasn’t expecting an answer,” I said, smiling gently. 

His gaze slid back towards the view. “I think people started to take advantage of me, thinking I was too nice to notice,” he said with a chuckle. “I’m not as nice as I seem though.”

I furrowed my brow at him. “You’re not?”

“No,” he said. “There was one person though who saw the me I keep tucked away and didn’t hate me for it,” he said with a chuckle. “But only because the person she kept hidden away was just as ugly as mine.”

“Hoseok,” I said slowly. 

He shook his head. “It’s fine.”

“It doesn’t sound fine.”

He turned to me and smiled softly. “Thank you for caring about me,” he said. “But I’m okay.”

I furrowed my brow and, without thinking, grabbed once again for his hand. I laced our fingers and nodded my head. “Tell me more.”

His skin flushed a little before he cleared his throat and nodded. “Only if you want,” he said. “Her name was Soomi. She was so dynamic and beautiful and smart. You looked at her and you wanted to be her friend so you could hopefully become better just by being around her. She was amazing.”

“But she kept something ugly too,” I said slowly, stitching together the pieces Hoseok left up to me to interpret.

He sighed. “Yeah. We got together in the beginning of high school and at first things were really great. Everyone expected us to get together anyway. The two sunshines. Our relationship started out that way. Positive.”

“Because you were both still hiding.”

“Exactly.”

I played with my thumbs, letting them work over one another. “But the mask has to come off when you get that close to someone,” I said.

He exhaled slowly. “Yeah,” he said. “As things got deeper between us, she started showing me this side of her that was…dark. Like, really dark.”

“What did she show you?” 

He glanced at me. “She was cruel. She liked to rile people up. At one point she told me she only started dating me because she knew the girls in our class would be jealous,” he said with a sigh. “She just wanted attention, however she could get it.”

“And you? What was your ugly part?” I asked.

His eyes flitted towards me, uncertain, almost pure. “I wanted to be loved,” he said with a chuckle. “Even if the person people loved wasn’t really me.”

“Who are you then?”

He pursed his lips. “Gloomy, tired, standoffish,” he said. “Competitive and spiteful.”

I nodded. “Everyone has flaws.”

“Not everyone hides them so well,” he said with a laugh. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but…you don’t hide them. I like that.”

My eyes widened and I glanced at him. “I don’t?”

“You try to but you’re too earnest,” he said. “You’re soft on people who hurt you and you’re too naive.”

“You’re right,” I said, remembering the party at Hyerim’s house with a scowl.

“And you’re an escapist. You run away when things are hard,” he said, then sat up straight and looked at me, surprised. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to criticize you.”

I laughed. “If you can pinpoint all of your flaws, then it’s fair to point out mine too,” I said.

He shook his head and exhaled slowly. “This is why I like you so much. You’re the opposite of her,” he said.

His words settled inside me uneasily. Something was off about his mindset. I’d glimpsed it so many times before, but I was beginning to understand what exactly it was that struck me as wrong. “You think in dichotomies,” I said.

His brow furrowed as he watched the sky. “What?”

“You think things are either this or they’re that,” I said. “Someone is either good or they’re bad. Life is either pretty or it’s ugly.”

“And?”

“And it’s not true. Nothing is black and white. Everything is grey,” I said.

He turned to me, puzzled, and shook his head. “Some things are just bad, Y/N. Some people just suck.”

“No they don’t,” I said. “People are the way they are for a reason. Just like you being so upbeat and optimistic because you felt like you had to be.”

“Doesn’t mean they aren’t responsible for their actions,” he said.

“No,” I said. “But it doesn’t make them bad.”

He sat back against the bench and shrugged. “I want to believe you’re right.”

“But you don’t. Just like that night when you found me at the venue.”

“Yeah.”

“How did it end? With you and Soomi?”

He pulled his lips into a line, revealing small dimples, and tossed his head this way and that. “We started to get toxic. I found that because I was spending so much time with her I couldn’t keep up the act at home anymore. I loved her too much. I started lashing out at Yeri and my mom,” he said. “And a few years back I decided to move to Seoul so it was the perfect excuse to stop seeing her. It went on too long though.”

“How did she react?”

“Take a guess,” he said with a bitter laugh. “She hated me for it. She was so upset I think her hair turned red.”

I chuckled and nodded. “Have you spoken to her since?”

“Nope. And I don’t plan to,” he said. “She liked me because we were the same. But I don’t want to be the person I was with her.”

“It’s okay to want to be better,” I said. “Even if it feels fake at first.”

He peeked at me. “You think so?”

I nodded. “Yeah. And for the record, I believe in you,” I said, but as the words came out they tasted acrid. Those simple words conjured too many thoughts that sent me spiraling. “Everything is grey. You’re not just good or bad.”

He smiled softly and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, leaning the both of us back against the bench. “I hope you’re right.”

I hoped so too…

The rest of the week crawled along. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell Jimin about Hyerim and Taehyung, and the thought of seeing him on Saturday after dodging his texts for a week made me nervous. I didn’t want to cause waves and I certainly didn’t want to distance the boys from each other. I didn’t want to see our group separated into camps again. Even if that meant I had to carry the burden of what I saw with only Haewon to help.

Nonetheless, Saturday rolled around and after having a weekend off from working with the band, I welcomed the early night’s sleep. However, bright and early on Saturday morning there was a knock at my bedroom door. The knocking continued and as I returned to consciousness I realized it was more of a pound than anything.

I groggily slipped out of bed, grabbing a blanket from atop my dresser and slipping it over my shoulders. Eyes half-shut, I opened my door and saw the outline of an angry Jimin in the doorway, Yuna standing behind him brushing her teeth with a shrug. 

“I knew it!” he shouted, grabbing my blanketed elbow and leading me out into the living room. “I texted you about this, like, yesterday!” 

“Texted me about what?” I mumbled as he shook my arm, attempting to fully rouse me from sleep.

“About my mom! She wants us to go to my grandma’s house to help make kimchi instead of coming home. She’s already there,” he said.

“Doesn’t she usually make kimchi after Chuseok?” I asked, furrowing my brow at him.

He sighed and crossed his arms. “Yes. Which was last week.”

I blinked at him. Having avoided my parents for so long, I’d forgotten about family holidays like Chuseok. I scratched my head and nodded. “Okay. So?”

“So you know they live out in Busan and we’ve got a train to catch,” he said.

I rubbed my eyes and stared at him. “What?”

“Jesus Christ, wake up!” he said, waving his hands in my face. “We’re going to Busan to help my grandparents with kimchi,” he said, then thought a moment. “And some small house renovations.”

“That wasn’t part of the deal,” I whined.

He shrugged. “I don’t make the rules. Now lets get going, sister,” he said.

I groaned as he shoved me by the back into the bathroom where Haewon was applying makeup quietly. “Oh! What’s going on?” she asked.

“Kimchi,” I mumbled.

“This early?”

Jimin sighed behind me. “We’re going to Busan to visit my grandparents.”

“Oh! Well have fun,” said Haewon as she slid from the bathroom, casting me a worried glance over Jimin’s shoulder.

At least someone worried about me. Although, to be fair, I was a bit relieved that my parents no longer had the excuse of proximity to demand I come home. I mouthed the words help me before Jimin shut the door, rolling his eyes and leaving me to get ready. Although with his shouting at me through the door like a drill sergeant, he never really left me at all.

“Can’t you smell the ocean?” called Jimin as we hopped off the bus. He grinned at me over his shoulder. The bus had deposited us downtown amidst a sea of tall buildings touching the perfect blue sky. If I squinted, I could see a dot of ocean through the gaps.

I laughed. “We’re in the city, Jimin. The ocean isn’t here.”

“It’s closer than we were before,” he said with a pout, turning on his heel to give me a wide smile. He tightened his scarf and nodded his head towards the parking lot. “Mom’s waiting over there.”

I smiled and followed behind him as we approached a familiar white sedan. Inside, his mother was seated, smiling gently. As always, she was happy and as always her hair was restrained in a loose braid. My mother used to make comments about her seeming ‘sloppy,’ but as I looked at her in the car I saw nothing but joy. Perhaps my parents ought to be a little more sloppy like her…

“Hello Mrs. Park,” I said as she exited the car to give me a sweeping hug.

She laughed and released me to take a good look. “My,” she said, touching her cheek. “You’ve grown!”

I nodded. “It’s been over a year,” I said. “I’ve missed you.”

She pouted, much like her son, and pulled me into a hug once again. “Well, come visit more than once a year and you won’t have to,” she said.

I laughed. “I promise I will.”

She grinned and opened the passenger door for me, forcing Jimin into the back seat. We began our short drive to Jimin’s grandparents’ house. I’d visited once or twice before, but Jimin had begun a campaign at the end of high school to teach his grandparents how to use Skype and often times I would sit with him and chat after school. Much like Jimin himself, his grandparents were gentle and kind.

We arrived at their home in the midmorning. I’d forgotten how traditional the place was, with exposed wood and beds you had to pull from closets and set out on the floor and sliding paper-thin doors. Outside on the deck his grandparents sat hunched over a plastic pool full of kimchi paste, swirling it around with gloved hands as they awaited our arrival. Sitting in several tubs beside the many potted plants on the deck were heads and heads of napa cabbage, withered from having been soaked in salt water for hours.

His grandparents stood and smiled, waving us over. They spared no time in saying hello, simply handing me a head of cabbage and sitting beside me at the edge of the plastic pool.

“Oh, Jimin!” complained his grandmother. “You’re too thin. You look like you’ll fall over soon.”

Jimin’s grandfather huffed and nodded as his mother settled on my left side. “Seoul is making you skinny,” he said gruffly.

Jimin sighed and shook his head, rolling up the sleeves of his grey sweater. “I’m fine! I eat plenty. Right, Y/N?” asked Jimin from my right side, widening his eyes and attempting to communicate with me.

I hummed. “Huh? Oh, well I remember you saying last week that you only ate a bowl of rice and a pice of kale all day,” I teased, pursing my lips in thought.

“She’s lying!” called Jimin, turning to his grandparents who were by then were casting him concerned glances, lingering on his forearms as they laid exposed. Served him right for barging in so early.

He shoved my arm as Mrs. Park chuckled. “He’s eating fine, Mom,” she said softly.

His grandmother smiled at me as we all began painting each cabbage leaf with kimchi paste. “Y/N, you’re growing into such a pretty young lady,” she commented.

I flushed and shook my head. “Oh, no,” I said with a laugh. “Thank you.”

“Jimin, why haven’t you been dating?” scolded his grandmother with a tsk. “You’ll only be young and handsome for a little while.”

“Soon you’ll look like me,” joked his grandfather with a gravelly laugh.

Jimin looked at me and sighed. “Y/N scares all the girls away,” he said woefully. “Every time I start to date, she gets jealous. She just wants to keep me all to her-,”

I interrupted him by shoving a marinated leaf in his mouth. “Good right?” I asked with a smile as he bean chewing. He nodded eagerly.

“Oh, but Y/N don’t you have a boyfriend? I would figure you would,” said his grandmother, still focused on the kimchi.

I shook my head. “Not at all,” I said. “Although I am seeing someone right now.”

“Oh!” called his grandmother with a smile. “See, Jiminie? Why don’t you find a nice girl to date.”

Jimin sighed, tilting his head to the side. I was sure he’d been nagged to death about dating. I felt bad for him whenever the subject came up around his family. It seemed his preferences were hard to put to words, especially to his grandparents: the fact that it wasn’t just a nice girl he was looking for, but rather simply a nice person. I knew he’d never tried to explain it to them before as he had explained it to me many times. I watched his posture go slightly hunched, recoiling into himself just so.

I smiled at his grandparents. “Your home is just as beautiful as I remember,” I commented, slathering a leaf with paste.

His grandfather laughed and shook his head. “It’s falling apart, you know,” he said with a sigh. “I’m glad you kids are here today to help out. The old furniture is just too heavy to move on my own anymore.”

I nodded. “I’m just glad to be able to help,” I said with a smile.

He returned it. “Oh, Dad you missed the backside of that one,” said Mrs. Park, grabbing for her father’s head of cabbage across the plastic pool. “Ah, you missed here and here too,” she mumbled.

He shrugged. “It’s too much work for me,” he said lowly.

His grandmother sighed at him and gave his chest a firm hit. “You’re lazy! Aren’t you the one always complaining that I’m not meticulous enough?” she asked, and the two commenced bickering.

Conversation followed the lead of the grandparents as they seized their nagging of Jimin in lieu of nagging one another. Jimin peeked at me out the corner of his eye and smiled softly, tilting his head downwards in a nod. I nodded back and focused again on the kimchi.

“Ah, aren’t you cold dear?” asked Jimin’s grandmother as I rested inside the house, taking large sips of water in the kitchen.

I glanced down at my attire. In my haste, I’d only grabbed a long-sleeved shirt and some tight, cozy jeans. I’d worn a heavy jacket, but kimchi-making made it nearly impossible to keep the thing on. 

I shook my head. “Oh no,” I said with a smile. “I’m fine.”

“Nonsense,” said the small, grey-haired woman with a frown. “Let me get you a sweater to wear.”

“No, it’s really okay! I’m comfortable,” I called after her as she left the kitchen, but as my words left her back had already disappeared down the hallway. I sighed in her wake.

Jimin came inside from the deck and wiped his forehead carefully, his hands still gloved and spicy. “Oh, hey,” he said, smiling. “Can I have some?”

I nodded and tilted the glass against his lips, letting him have a sip. I held a hand beneath the lip of the glass so any drips wouldn’t land on the ground, and as I guided the water down his throat his grandmother returned with a big, baggy knit sweatshirt. She paused as she glanced at us, wide-eyed, before placing the sweater down on the kitchen table with a smile and a nod. I stared wide-eyed after her as she walked back outside into the afternoon sun and gaped at Jimin who, similar to me, wore an expression of utter shock.

“She’s gonna think-,” he began.

“She already does,” I said, shaking my head.

He groaned. “Why do they always do this?”

I let my expression soften as I set the glass of water on the counter with a sigh. “I’m sorry, Jimin.”

He shrugged. “Its not a big deal,” he said, glancing at me with a soft smile. “I could be paired with someone worse. Like Hyerim.”

I laughed and nodded. “That’s a good attitude,” I said, then felt my smile slip as I remembered what had happened a week prior. 

He leaned back against the counter, pulling his rubber gloves off and tossing them into the sink. “Hey,” he said. “You’ve got something on your mind.”

I joined him and shook my head. “Not really.”

“You’re lying.”

“Yeah.”

“So?”

I turned to him, saw the way his eyes beseeched me, and my resolve crumbled. “Taehyung and Hyerim hooked up at the party last weekend,” I blurted before I could stop myself. I didn’t want to polarize the group. I didn’t want to make things more complicated.

But I couldn’t keep it in forever. Not from Jimin.

His jaw dropped slightly as he stared down at me, eyes round and face slack. “He…what?”

I chuckled and nodded. “Mhm,” I said. “I guess even when I’m over him I’m not over him.”

He shook his head. “Excuse me, he what?”

“He did what he always does,” I said. “Something careless.”

Jimin set his eyes hard and looked at me, suddenly serious. “Y/N, that’s extremely fucked up.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t get so mad at him in high school because I figured it was just a fling and he was going through a hard time, but now is different,” he said. 

I nodded. “I know.”

“Your relationship is really fragile,” he said, then scoffed. “This isn’t just a mistake, Y/N. This is a monumental fuck-up.”

I nodded once more. “I know.”

“I mean-,” he began, raking his fingers through his hair with a disbelieving laugh. “I mean really! Really, how could he do that? And you caught him?” he asked, shaking his head at me.

“Yeah. Out on the balcony of all places,” I said with a laugh.

He rolled his eyes. “If he doesn’t make this right he’s dead to me.”

“Jimin,” I said, warning in my tone. “You know he’s got a lot going on. If everyone he cares about abandons him when he messes up then it’s validating all the shitty things he thinks about himself.”

“Well maybe he’s right then!” he shouted, then settled down as he glanced around his grandparents’ empty kitchen. “Maybe he really is all of those shitty things.”

I shook my head. “Jimin,” I said. “He’s not.”

He groaned and continued running his fingers through his hair, shaking his head. “He’s unbelievable. Like, this whole thing is unbelievable.”

“Yup,” I said with a shrug. “I’m trying to get over it.”

“It’s clearly not working,” he said. “God, is this why you’ve been avoiding my texts and calls? Because you didn’t wanna tattle on him?”

“Tattle is a bit-,”

“Jesus,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m gonna kill him. I’m really gonna wring his neck.”

I placed a hand on his shoulder and he turned quick to me, eyes wild. “Jimin, please calm down,” I said.

He stared at me for a long moment, scanning my face, before he sighed and nodded. “Fine,” he said. “But for you. Not for him.”

“He’s your best friend,” I said. “Don’t make this into a battle. It’s not me versus him.”

“It should be,” he said. 

“No it shouldn’t. I don’t want you to choose between your friends,” I said. “I never wanted that. That’s why I never told you about my feelings before. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you now.”

He rolled his eyes. “You know I’m all talk, Y/N,” he said. “As much as I hate him right now, he’s still my best friend. You two were there for me during the hardest times in my life. That doesn’t just go away.”

“But…?” I hedged, sensing that his speech wasn’t finished.

“But,” he began. “I’m really disappointed in him. Like, more than ever before.”

“I know,” I said softly, glancing towards the lightwood floor.

He gave my head a pat. “Explains why he’s been so gloomy around the apartment lately.”

“He has?”

“Like a dead person honestly,” he said with a sigh. “Which is why I invited him to come to Busan too.”

I stiffened and looked at him. “Excuse me?”

Jimin winced away from me. “I’m sorry!” he called, raising his hands in prayer and bending at the waist to stand shorter than me. “You guys were doing really well and I thought it would be a good bonding time! Since the three of us haven’t gotten together like this in forever!”

I stared down at him, face and neck hot from the very idea of seeing him. Sure, I could talk big about forgiveness and dichotomies, but I sure as hell wasn’t ready to be around him yet. “Jimin…”

“I’m sorry!” he shouted again, bowing to me. “I really didn’t know! I’m so sorry!”

“Wait…why didn’t he come with us then?” I asked, hope swelling in my chest that perhaps he couldn’t make it.

Jimin shook his head and stood upright, brows knit pitifully as he pouted. “He had to work on some lyrics with Namjoon this morning so he was gonna grab the bus then catch a cab so he could come by in the afternoon.”

“Jimin,” I said slowly, eyes finding the window which looked out onto the serene deck where his family worked. 

“Yeah?”

“It’s afternoon.”

“Yeah…”

I sighed and walked past him, out onto the back deck that overlooked the mountains as the sun colored them gold. It was so beautiful out here, so quiet. But my heart was thundering louder than ever as I stepped out onto the deck to find Jimin’s grandparents still huddled before the plastic pool, but Mrs. Park was suspiciously absent. I rubbed my face as stress settled in and turned towards the gate leading out to the street. I saw Mrs. Park’s back as she spoke to someone exiting a stout cab.

I saw his dark hair first, and then his dark eyes, and then the dark circled beneath his dark eyes. His skin was sallow and his smile was faint as he gave Mrs. Park a quick hug. He was dressed in all blacks and greys, his sweater falling off one slim shoulder. Had he lost weight? He grabbed his luggage from the back of the cab and walked through the gate beside Mrs. Park. Slowly, he came closer and closer until finally-

He looked up. 

We locked eyes and I felt myself spinning. I saw so many things in those eyes, so many innumerable memories. I saw the boy who blotted out the sun on a trampoline when we were kids. I saw the kid who splashed chlorinated water into my eyes, causing them to sting for hours, at the public pool. I saw the boy who looked so handsome in a suit at our middle school graduation. I saw the young man who held my hand on the top of a hill in the middle of the night as we gazed at Saturn. I saw the guy at a party on a breezy balcony, pleading with me not to leave.

Standing in front of me for the first time in a week was Kim Taehyung.

[darlingjbum]

Waiting

Pairing: Mark Tuan x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Rating: fluff 

Summary: "If, by chance, we both still don't have anyone by the time we're thirty-five…Promise me we'll marry each other." 

You lay on your bed, wrapped up in your blankets so that only the top of your head was exposed. There were tissues messily laid out around you and by your head sat an empty tissue box. You stare up at the ceiling, glossy eyed and dazed, going over that day's events.

April 15, 2007 - The day you got your heart broken.

You were fourteen years old but you swore you were beyond your years. You decided a long time ago that you were in love with love. And god, how today sucked. You couldn't stop thinking about the break up and you had cried your poor little heart out so much so that you were sure your body was shrinking from losing so much water.

You reach over to your night stand to check your brick of a Nokia phone for messages from your best friend but stop dead in your tracks when you see a picture of you and your boyfriend--ex boyfriend, prettily displayed as your home screen.

Your eyes well up again and you brace yourself for the inevitable tears. You reach for the tissues and in finding that the box was empty, a loud sob escapes you and once again you lie there in your naive agony.

Mark runs frantically to your house after receiving your 'S.O.S' text. He rings the doorbell furiously and is met with your mothers' worried eyes.

"Y/N…sent S.O.S," he wheezes as he tries to catch his breath. He’s bent over with his hands on his knees. "Is she….okay?"

Your mother looks at him endearingly. Mark was no stranger to your family. You two had been attached at the hip since you were born. She found it adorable how he never failed to make it to you during your episodes of teenage angst.

She readily hands him a bottle of water before stepping out of the doorway to let him in.

"He broke up with her. She's been crying for two hours, Mark. Two hours! Please help." she implores, playing along with the heightened emotions of young heartbreak.

Mark was taken aback. "He broke up with her?! I'll kill him." he spits through his braces.

He runs up the stairs to your room hurriedly and your mother stifles a giggle, adoring how Mark cared for you.

These days, she tells you how she's known all along.

SOS MARK SOS!!

You type frantically on your phone, sending the message just as your blind date returns from the restroom.

"Who was that you were texting?” He takes his feat in front of you. “You shouldn't be texting anyone while you're on a date with me. It's kind of rude. You shouldn't even have your phone out at the table at all. This place is too nice for bad manners." He looks at you as if he means to lecture you.  

You mentally kick yourself for agreeing to go out with another jerk.

You nervously laugh and shift uncomfortably in your seat,"Haha, it's no one. I was just check--"

Your phone lights up with Mark's name and picture and you inwardly breathe a sigh of relief.

You look up at your blind date, feigning a look of apology, "I really have to get this. I'm so sorry."

He motions for you to continue with your call but shakes his head in disapproval at what he considers your poor table manners.

"Hey Mark, is everything okay? You had your procedure today right?" You thank the heavens for your best friend.

"Ooooh we're going with the procedure one today. It must be that bad, huh?" Mark sits curled up on your couch and turns his attention from the T.V. to your call of distress.

You gasp across the line, faking shock. "Are you serious? Are you okay?"

You can feel him roll his eyes at you.

"Jesus, Y/N. We've done this call how many times now and your gasps are still so unconvincing. C'mon."

You refrain from reacting to his critique, though you mentally note that you should practice your gasps more often. You continue the acting again.

"It's going to be okay. I am on my way right now." You get up motioning for the check and putting your coat back on.

"Ooh wait Y/N, can you bring me some food on your way home? I ate the rest of your leftovers but I'm still hungry, oops." he chuckles.

"You’re still in room 904 right? I'll see you in half an hour." You hide a smile of triumph and hang up the phone.

You fake apologize to your terrible blind date and dash out of the restaurant before he can say anything.

You walk into your apartment and drop a bag of food in Mark's lap before walking around the couch to slump down next to him. You groan and stuff a pillow over your face and Mark watches you, almost feeling bad.

Almost, because he's advised you over and over not to go on anymore blind dates because they always end up like this. Hence your well-rehearsed but poorly executed get away phone call. Almost, because the only person he wanted you to be with was him.

"I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life." you mutter, muffled by the pillow.

He rolls his eyes at your theatrics and digs into his food. "No you won't. You just haven't found him yet. Just keep looking, Casanova."

He can feel you scoff behind the pillow though he doesn't hear it. You uncover your face, fold up your legs on the couch, and turn to face him.

"Mark, do you seriously not think about it? Like, how long are we supposed to wait? Actually, are we supposed to go looking for them? And why are you so nonchalant about this?" You bombard him with questions, annoyed at his laxness.

"Because, Y/N, it will happen when it happens. If it's meant to be it will be." He spoons more food into his mouth, waiting for your sure response. You weren't satisfied with his answer.

"It doesn't worry you that you might have missed your chance? Or worry you that your girl is out there somewhere like sad or crying or something and she needs you?"

He laughs and looks up at you, "No. It absolutely does not."

Because she's right in front of me, he wants to say, she’s perfectly fine.

"Unbelievable." You throw your arms up in frustration and lay back on the couch in recluse.

He watches you, thinking about how great it would be to be able to hold you and tell you that he's been here all along so you don’t have to keep looking.

I'm right here, he thinks.

He thinks about how everything would change but then again, nothing would change because he's loved you like this since he could remember and his feelings wouldn’t falter. They never have.

He remembers the night that he decided he would tell you but didn't.

Senior prom. You two went together as friends, but to Mark and everyone else, it seemed like more. You took his breath away the entire night and he was so happy to be by your side, to let everyone know you were his date, to slow dance with you, and then ugly dance with you.

You were sitting on a fountain outside of the venue when he worked up the courage to tell you. When you saw him you ran towards him excitedly and took his hands in yours.

"Mark, I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am to have you." You had meant it. Mark was your steady. He was your soulmate. "Tonight was so much fun and it's all because of you."

He smiled at you and squeezed your hands, attempting to steady himself before telling you. "Y/N, I--"

"Wait, I'm not done," you quip. 

He chuckles and rolls his eyes, motioning for you to continue.

"You are so important to me. You are the best, best friend that anyone could ever ask for and I don't want this to change. I don't want any of this to change."

He remembers how your eyes sparkled as you said all of this. He remembers how sincere you sounded and how his heart sank at hearing that you didn't anything about your relationship to change.

Marks snaps out of his memories and back to the real world when he sees you shift to sit up on the couch. He smiles and shakes away the small sting that he often feels when recalling that night. But it's different now.

"Y/N?" he softly calls.

"Yes, Mark."

He takes in a breath of air, "If, by chance, we both still don't have anyone by the time we're thirty-five…Promise me we'll marry each other."

His words caught you off guard and you almost gawk at him. But familiar warmness fills your heart, the kind that only he can incite, and you smile back at him. Thirty-five was a little over a decade away but your imagination instantly wanders to a charming house, sitting in front of a fireplace nestled on the couch with him. You're surprised at your own thoughts but you welcome them.

"Mark Tuan, did you just ask me to marry you?" you fake a gasp. You really had to work on those.

"The offer is only good for the next two minutes." he jokes and you laugh.

"I'd love to. I promise."

He beams at you and kisses your cheek. You don't notice how hard his heart is beating. He feels like he's on top of the world. Yes, thirty-five might be long from now but to him, you were worth the wait. You had always been.

"The date is set, then." he chirps happily, turning back to his food to hide his smile.

He looks so happy, too happy and you feel the sudden need to mess with him.

"Wait. Oh my God, you really think I'm still going to be alone at thirty-five?" you wail dramatically, and he shoots you a look of incredulity.

"Y/N! You are unbelievable!" he groans. You laugh at him while dodging the couch pillows he throws at you.

This was when it began.

You sit on the swings in the playground that stood halfway between your apartment complex and his. You have plans to meet for dinner and you both decided to meet in the middle. You sit there drawing patterns in the dirt with your shoes.

Things changed since then. You couldn't stop thinking about Mark. You couldn't stop picturing a life with him, your future with him, and you certainly couldn't stop the butterflies in your stomach that fluttered about when you thought of him.

It just made sense. You and Mark. Mark and you. Everything about you two just made sense. It was genuine and loving and sweet. He was genuine and loving and sweet. You couldn't imagine your life without him. He was your soulmate.

"Watcha thinking about?"

His voice startles you and you try to shake your dangerous thoughts away before looking at him. He takes a seat on the swing next to you.

"Nothing, just the future, you know." you say absentmindedly.

He nods his head slowly and a comfortable silence falls between the both of you.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

You laugh nervously and shake your head no.

"Come on, Y/N. It's me."

You take a deep breath before you begin. It was Mark.

"Do you ever…just think about…us, maybe?" From the corner of your eye you see him turn his head to look at you but you can't bring yourself to look at him just yet so you continue, "I mean, you know, when we were younger everyone always said we'd end up together. And I always blew it off because there was no way you'd ever see me like that. But honestly, I can't picture my life with anyone else beside me…but you."

You build up the courage to meet his eyes and he looks back at you round eyed. The streetlights illuminate his face and you can see he's blushing. He's embarrassed. You quickly feel the heat rise in your cheeks and instantly regret your rambling.

"You know what, forget I said anything." You quickly get up to take your leave, running in the direction of your apartment.

You kick yourself for thinking that he could care for you like that. If he had he would have already told you. Right?

You don’t get too far when he calls out to you.

"I love you!"

Your feet involuntarily stop and turn you in his direction. You can see him smiling at you from under the streetlights. He walks towards you with sure and steady footsteps.

"I always have and I always will, Y/N."

You don't know what to think.

"And you waited all this time to tell me?" you almost scold him. "Mark Tuan, you let me go out on how many stupid blind dates with stupid jerks for how long? When you could have just told me? No no, I think you actually hate me. Making me suffer through--"

He reaches up to hold your face in both of his hands and he kisses you to shut you up.

He kisses you gently and slowly at first, taking care not to overwhelm you. But when you lean into him he moves one of his hands to the back of your neck and the other around your shoulders to hold you steady against him. He kisses you urgently this time and you can feel the honesty in his words in how he holds you so close to his body.

When you pull away, both breathless, he tightens his hold around your waist and your arms find their way around his neck. He leans his forehead against yours, stealing quick needy kisses in between taking breaths.

"I cannot believe you seriously took this long--"

"Oh my gosh, Y/N. Hush!" he groans and throws his head back before leaning onto your shoulder, defeated. "You always, always, ruin the moment."

You snicker while running your hands through his hair and placing soft kisses on his head.

You look out into the rows of people waiting to greet you. Your heart is pounding so hard that you can feel it beat against your chest. You put your hand over it as if that were going to help it steady.

He touches the small of your back as he walks up behind you. You look at him expectantly, looking to see if he was as excited as you. If he was as happy as you.

The way his lips are turned up in a smile and the way he gazes at you with such affection is answer enough. He grins wildly as your eyes meet, feeling his own hammering heart calm at your presence. He reaches out to place a hand on your cheek, his gold wedding band catching in the light.

"Baby, are you ready?"  

You smile back at him warmly and nod but refuse to give up a chance to tease him.

"You just couldn't wait until thirty-five to marry me, huh?"

He rolls his eyes and then pulls your chin up to look into your eyes directly. "I've waited my whole life," he breathes, "So, no. I couldn't wait anymore."

With that he places a kiss on your lips, audibly taking your breath away. He chuckles against you when he hears you gasp.

You couldn't wait either. For the cute little house, the warm fireplace. Life with him. All of it with him. Forever with him.

A/N: hello hello, it’s been a while since I’ve posted any writing lol. I seriously have so many drafts someone help. They’re coming though! I really really enjoyed writing this and I hope you enjoyed reading it! If you wanna read the rest of my oneshots//scenarios click here! Feedback is welcome!! Thanks so much for reading!! Have a lovely day!!