#I probably won’t make much more of these. I hate making the OG gifs. I have a couple ones I already made I might finish editing idk

[moonrosegirl]

Before vs After

[vanderlustwords]

Under the Sheets

(not my gif)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Prompt: 9) There’s only one bed, and we sleep as far away as possible from each other but wake up cuddling

Requester: Anonymous 

Summary: Bucky spends more time out of his dorm than in it with how much his roommate amorously makes love to his girlfriend. Luckily, his cute across-the-hall neighbor is generous about lending her place to him. Bucky’s unsure if he wants to hug or kiss his roommate for putting him in the situation he is in now. 

Note: Thank you for sending this in! :) This trope is the OG.

Count: 3948

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You would say that every meeting you've had with James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes is always a series of unfortunate events. 

The first time was when you were locked outside of your dorm room because you're an idiot without a roommate. Since it wasn't your first incident, you were very reluctant to call the campus security guard to let you in. You're pretty sure he hates you. 

Luckily, across the hall, you had some new neighbors. 

"You must be James-"

"Bucky, please," he offers you an easy, charming smile. 

"Bucky, nice to meet you," you smiled back.

You had been standing outside your door for quite sometime when Bucky came back, explaining how Steve was out with his girlfriend. As it would be, Bucky knew how to pick a locked door open. You only got a laugh when you asked him about such questionable skills he had.

The next time you met Bucky was when you spilled your grocery bags all over the floor before entering into your building. Bucky seemed to just arrive home from his afternoon classes. 

"This is so embarrassing," you muttered with flushed cheeks as Bucky helped you pick everything up.

"Well, no use crying over spilled milk."

"I haven't bought milk," you joked, causing him to laugh. Bucky had helped you carry your groceries in.

"No roommate?" He looked around the place, seeing how the extra room you had turned into a study room.

"Nope! Well, I mean, I had one earlier in the year, but she moved out after 3 months to transfer to another university. They didn't assign me with anyone else." 

"Lucky," Bucky sighed.

"Roommate problems?" You raised your brow. You had come to know that Bucky and Steve have been friends since they were in diapers, now seemingly grown and going to university together too. 

It seemed hard to believe the two friends would not like rooming together.

"Not problems, per se," Bucky licked his lips. "Just Steve likes to bring Peggy over a lot, and she stays the night often. I guess her roommate is kind of a psychopath."

You nodded slowly and understandingly. It was probably difficult to get studying done or sleep with hearing your roommate fuck at night.

"Well," you offer him a nervous smile, "you are always welcome here if you need the space to study."

"Thanks, doll."

It seems after that, Bucky took your offer quite seriously. Over the next few weeks, he would show up to your place in the evening needing some quiet to work on his papers and upcoming tests.

You certainly didn't mind the company, sometimes having the place to yourself could be a little lonely when everyone else had their roommates to hang out with. 

It was almost kind of nice—an easy friendship brewing between the two of you. 

The thought of dating never really crossed your mind because you weren't ignorant of the fact that Bucky was wildly popular across campus. Steve was too, but Peggy Carter was also wildly popular herself, making them a dream couple. 

So, all sorts of people were trying to put themselves on Bucky's radar.

And, well, you were just you. 

You were just flittering through your university life. You had friends, of course, game nights were on Friday, and went out on the occasional weekend to drink. 

Really, the only time you got to spend time with Bucky was within your dorm building. 

"I brought takeout!" Bucky holds up thick bags with food. You can smell the contents right away and smile.

"Thai food?" You smile, hopeful, in case you're somehow wrong.

Bucky grins at you as you let him in. He puts the bags on the counter, and you help him take the things out.

"Yeah, I saw you staring at their building while I was on the way to class the other day," he laughs. "How long did you stand there?"

You felt your cheeks warm at being caught by someone.

"Only ten minutes," you mumble. 

Bucky licks his tongue against his bottom lip, smiling at you as he takes a seat.

You moan, almost a little inappropriately when you take your first bite.

"God, it's been way too long," you sigh happily as you munch away.

Bucky laughs, "For someone who likes Thai food so much, I don't see you eat it too often."

You shrug. "Thai food is one of those things where there's a lot of dishes that are shared. My friends, unfortunately, don't share my love for Thai food."

"Blasphemous!" Bucky gasps dramatically and jokingly, but you follow along with a firm nod.

"That's what I've been saying!"

Bucky grins. "Alright, how about your boyfriend?"

You roll your head over to Bucky with a look. "I think as often as you spend here, you should know by now I don't have one."

"Just checking," Bucky shrugs. "Any particular reason why?"

You quirk your brow at him. "Well, I'll tell you if you tell me why you haven't got a girl. Lord knows you don't have a shortage of options."

Bucky chuckles as he looks at you, scooping more food into your mouth. His eyes soften for just a moment.

"Just waiting on the right girl is all," he says, looking back at his food when you look up at him.

"Ah, then we're two peas in a pod," you smile, "I'm also waiting for the right person, and unfortunately, the only guys on my roster right now are frat boys."

You scrunch your face a little, and Bucky lets out a burst of laughter at your expression.

"Any particular reason for that?" He asks.

"One of my friends is in a sorority," you sigh. "She thinks she can get me to join if she shoves hot guys my way. I'm actually going to get dragged to a party on Saturday."

"Well," Bucky licks his lip, "is it working?"

"Not even in the slightest," you smirk.

Bucky grins. 

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"I don't want to study anymore, my brain is melting," Bucky groans as he leans back against your couch with his head facing the ceiling.

His eyes shut as he tries to make all the words disappear from his head, and you laugh at him.

"It's only been two hours," you point out. "Don't you have a huge test on Saturday afternoon?"

"I can't," Bucky moans dramatically. "I can't anymore. I should accept my inevitable doom and fail."

You roll your eyes with a smile as you lean forward and close his books. "Alright, drama queen. I think you just need a break. Why don't we just put on a movie?"

"Annnnd, now my brain is unmelting," Bucky sits up with an excited twinkle in his eye. 

You end up watching three movies, but by the third movie, you fall asleep. 

Bucky sits there, eyes drifting to you with ease as the movie plays on.

You snored a little, causing him to smile involuntarily. 

Alright, Bucky admits, you were just beyond adorable to him. 

But finding the right person also takes time.

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Friday night is game night. 

Your friends get much too rowdy as you try to quiet them down, knowing Bucky is probably trying to study across the hall. 

One of your friends drinks way too much and ends up passing out on the couch, dead to the world. 

"Alright, let's call it a night," you yawn as you stand up and stretch. It's well past 1 AM as your friends get up.

"Should we wake him?" One of your friends asks.

"Nah, just leave him. I don't even know if he will wake up," you and your friends share a quick laugh as they leave your building.

"Don't forget we have the party tomorrow," your friend, Mary Jane, pulls you in for a hug.

"Right," you drawl, "Another attempt to find me a gross, frat boyfriend?"

"I mean, show me another guy on your roster, and I won't try to drag you to these parties," Mary Jane laughs.

You made some noise of agreement as you pat her back before she lets go, walking to the door and giving you a little wave before leaving. 

You stretch again before you go to your closet to bring out an extra blanket and set it over your friend. You grab a glass of water and some Advil because you know that poor sucker will feel it tomorrow.

You look in the fridge and groan when you see you've run out of eggs. Typically, you wouldn't mind getting them in the morning, but your friend was someone who needed food immediately when they were hungover. You weren't willing to wake up any earlier to get the eggs in the morning, so you closed the fridge and got ready to head to the 24-hour convenience store down the block. 

You were casually scrolling through your phone as you left your apartment. When you opened the door, you could hear some...sounds from Bucky's apartment, and you felt instant pity for the man. You were ready to leave the building when a figure sitting in the lobby scared the shit out of you.

"Holy fuc--Bucky?"

Bucky looked up with slightly bleary eyes, and it looks like he was still studying as he had his textbook in his lap along with his notebook.

"Oh, what are you doing down here?" He asked, sounding rather tired. 

"What are you doing down here?" You retorted. "It's almost 2 AM. Don't you have a huge test tomorrow?"

"...Steve and Peggy had a fight..." Bucky pressed his lips together, and you don't need to ask further that the noises you heard earlier were them making up.

You wheedle from foot to foot while you look at Bucky. He looks exhausted, and you feel awful he's been sitting out here for God knows how long.

"How long were you out here for?"

"I don't know," Bucky shrugs, "Couple hours?"

You sigh. "Why didn't you just let me know. You could've come over."

"It was game night for you, wasn't it?" Bucky blinks because he was pretty sure he saw your sorority friend leave about 10 minutes ago. 

You let out a pretty deep sigh, holding your hand out in front of him.

He scrunches his brows.

"C'mon," you wiggle your fingers, "come get some eggs with me, and you can crash at my place tonight."

Bucky gives you a light grin as he closes his textbook and grabs your hand as you put very little effort into pulling him up. 

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There's a body.

In the place where Bucky thought he was going to sleep. 

You don't seem to pay any mind to it as you put the eggs and orange juice away in the fridge.

Bucky is thinking a mile a minute.

The couch was taken, and the extra room you had was turned into a study room. 

Was he supposed to sleep on the carpet? Were you going to give him a sleeping bag?

"Hey," Bucky grabs your attention, "Where should I crash?"

You shut the fridge door, running your hand through your hair as you make your way to your room.

"We can just bunk in the same bed," you say with a shrug, and Bucky thinks he might have a heart attack.

"You're okay with that?" Bucky asks slowly.

You shrug again, "Yeah, I bunk with people all the time. Don't you? It's like part of the university experience."

Bucky doesn't know how to say that he's probably doing more than just sleeping when he bunks with someone.

You turn around and lean at your doorframe, quirking your brow with a smirk.

"Don't tell me you aren't enough of an adult to share a bed with me."

Getting a rise out of Bucky seems to work as Bucky stalks into your bedroom.

"I'll show you an adult," he mutters childishly, and you roll your eyes with a smile.  

And although Bucky says such big words, he's lying stiff as a board on the bed. He lies as close to the edge as possible without falling with his back turned to you, and you can't help but chuckle a little.

"You can unclench, you know. I hardly doubt you'll get some rest if you lie there like a metal rod," you say, but you're also lying pretty close to the edge with your back turned to him, though not as stiff. 

It's silent for a moment, but eventually, you feel the bed shift a little as Bucky relaxes. 

It's silent again, and you feel yourself starting to fall asleep.

"Who was that on your couch?" Bucky asks, breaking the silence.

"Hm?" You hum, opening your eyes slightly. "Oh, just a friend. He usually doesn't come to game night, but his boyfriend is visiting back home this weekend. He went a little too hard on the drinks."

"He's gay?"

"Yeah, got a problem?" You ask almost daring Bucky to say he does. 

"Definitely not," Bucky smiles. 

It's silent again.

"So--"

"Go to sleep, dumbass, you have a test in the morning," you say without opening your eyes. You hear Bucky chuckle softly. 

"Goodnight, doll."

"Goodnight," you smile. 

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Warm. 

Bucky felt warm. Maybe a little too warm. 

He hasn't opened his eyes yet, but he can feel sunlight hitting his face and hear the birds chirping outside. 

Bucky takes a deep breath in and feels shifting in his arms. He moves a little, pulling the warmth in closer. 

He roughly hums in the back of his throat when he feels lips press against his collarbone.

It hits him like a freight train.

Bucky immediately opens his eyes, his body becoming rigid again as you come into view. 

What started with the two of you sleeping at the furthest edges of the bed with your backs turned to each other ended up being the very opposite. 

Sometime during the middle of the night, the two of you gravitated towards the middle of the bed. You were wrapped up in his arms, head just under his chin. He could feel your breath on the base of this throat, and it was giving him goosebumps.

Your hands were wrapped around his back, gripping his shirt slightly. Bucky couldn't even move too much with your legs intertwined with his. A groan wanted to escape his lips with his thigh wedged between your legs.

Bucky tried to move slowly without waking you. 

He really did.

But then you let out a whine, holding him tighter and clenching your legs to lock his thigh in.

"Stop moving," you whined.

God, Bucky doesn't think he'll make it. He's already got morning wood, and this is too much. 

He calls your name in an attempt to wake you up. 

"Doll, you gotta get up, I have a test soon," he says instead when you hardly react to him calling your name. 

This time, you do blearily open your eyes with a huff. 

You untangle yourself from him as Bucky lets out a quiet sigh of relief. Sitting up, you let out a yawn and let out a big stretch, your shirt riding a little up as you do. 

You look at your clock.

"Alright, there's about an hour before your test. Eat some breakfast before you go."

"It's really fin--"

"Break. fast."

You leave the room, and Bucky is left sitting there by himself. The morning passes quickly as you make breakfast. The sounds nor the smell seem to wake your friend up.

"Good luck on your test!" You smile at him as you make him a breakfast sandwich for him to go. 

Bucky smiles back with a 'thanks' before he leaves your place confused.  

Did this morning not affect you at all? Did you not see him as a man? 

Bucky was distracted during the whole test.

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You held your smile until you heard the footsteps fade from your door.

After that, you nearly screamed. You stalked over to your hungover friend and whipped a pillow into his face.

"Ack!" He wakes up, nearly falling off the couch. He groans instantly when he sees your face.

"I'm so hungover, oh my god," your friend moans. 

Your face feels hot as it's flushed in embarrassment. "This is all your fault for drinking too much and crashing on the couch! I should've pushed you onto the floor!"

You let out a groan before you stalked off to the washroom, closing the door. 

Your friend sits up, looking at the plate of eggs and bacon on the table. 

"What'd I do?"

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The entire day leading up to the party is spent with you trying to contain your embarrassment. You're trying to repress the memory of being pressed up against Bucky and clingy. 

You didn't hear from Bucky after his test, and you were much too mortified to say anything, so you hadn't texted him either. 

"You look constipated, please take some shots and relax," Mary Jane hands you tequila with a lime slice.

You shoot back the shot without hesitation.

"Alright," Mary Jane whistles, "Do I even want to know what's got your panties in a knot?"

"Nope," you shake your head.

"Alright, fair enough. Get some more drinks and mingle!" Mary Jane turns her attention past you. You look behind and see her current boyfriend, Harry, enter the room with kegs.

You sigh when Mary Jane looks at you with puppy eyes.

"Go," you tell her. She squeals and kisses you on the cheek before rushing off. 

You do flitter through the party, catching up with some friends, and getting some drinks. 

As embarrassed as you are, the last thing you want is to get sloppy, so you don't overdo it. 

But as you already know, luck is never on your side. 

Especially when you see Bucky walking into the party. People are getting excited and rushing up to say hi to him because Bucky rarely goes to frat parties. 

The two of you lock eyes instantly, and the memory of this morning rushes back, and you wished the ground would open up and swallow you.

'Play it cool,' you tell yourself as you turn back to the group of people you're standing with. 

You're not even sure what they've been talking about, and there's no way you could focus on that now. 

Bucky doesn't seem to be rushing up to you either. He's drinking a beer with Harry as a crowd surrounds them. 

You can see girls in the back looking at him and whispering, and you feel the burn in your gut now for some reason. 

God, were you such a cliché that sharing a bed with Bucky actually made you think that way about him?

The night seems to continue on, and even though you keep catching eyes with Bucky, neither of you seems willing to make the first move. 

You head over to the bar to get more drinks when someone approaches you and orders you a drink. 

You internally groan.

Brock Rumlow. 

A real piece of work. 

He made it into Theta Chi, well-known to be a troublemaker. 

He was known to sleep around and make unwanted advances towards girls and was hardly passing his classes.

Brock had turned his attention to you lately, which you flat out rejected him. It helped that you were friends with Mary Jane, who was dating Harry, the president of Theta Chi, and could tell Brock to back off. 

But Brock Rumlow liked to push his boundaries. 

"You look pretty good tonight, did you dress pretty for me?" He smirks at you, and you roll your eyes.

"Fuck off, Rumlow. I already told you I'm not interested," you look away, not bothering to take the drink he ordered for you. 

"Now don't be like that, you haven't even gotten to know me yet," Brock leans against the counter close to you. 

"And as I've explicitly told you, no," you whip your head back and glare at him. 

You're about to walk off and see if you could find Mary Jane and Harry when Brock grabs your arm. 

"What the fuck-" You start to say when another arm comes into view, grabbing Brock's wrist. 

You look over to see Bucky standing there with his lip pressed into a thin line as he grips Brock's wrist hard enough until he lets go.

"Ow--what's your problem, dude?" Brock holds his wrist before shaking the pain off.

"Keep your hands off her," Bucky cocks his brow as he stands in front of you.

"How about you mind your business," Brock glares at him. "What? Are you her boyfriend?"

Bucky is standing so close to you that you can see his muscles tense, and you find yourself wrapping your arms around him from behind.

"Yes," you interrupt as Bucky lifts his arm over you and then around you so that you're tucked by his side. "He is my boyfriend."

You look up with a loving smile, trying to play the part when you find Bucky's steel-blue eyes gazing back at you.

He licks his lips, teeth dragging over his bottom lip, you swear so slowly before he smirks and looks back at Brock.

"So," Bucky keeps smiling, "fuck off."

"You could've just said you had a boyfriend," Brock grumbles at you like it's your fault somehow.

"My girlfriend doesn't have to say anything. Do you need to be taken back to elementary school to understand what 'no' or 'I'm not interested' means?" Bucky cocks his brow, and Brock sneers at him.

He looks like he wants to cause a scene, but Bucky is a well-known guy around campus, even if he's not in a fraternity house. Brock knows nothing good would come from starting a fight with Bucky, and he's already on thin ice with Harry.

And Bucky knows that. 

So, he turns to you with a smile.

"C'mon, doll, let's get out of here."

As you get ready to leave, Bucky turns to Brock once more with a steely look on his face.

"Stay the fuck away from my girl."

Bucky actually leads you out of the party, saying a brief goodbye to Harry and Mary Jane, who wiggles her brows at you, and you're so grateful to have left.

The two of you walk silently but slowly back to the apartment, and you've got your arms wrapped around your midsection. 

You cough, bringing Bucky's attention to you as you come to a stop under the streetlight.

"Thanks," you say a little awkwardly, "for you know, playing along."

Bucky smiles lightly. 

"If those are the kind of guys on your roster, I think you should expand your horizons a little."

"Not all of us can have a guy like you on our list, but I'll take that under advisement."

You laugh, trying to play it off as a joke because even though it was all just pretend for a moment, being pressed up against Bucky as his girlfriend shouldn't have felt as good as it did.

"You can add me to your roster."

The words were said so smoothly you had almost missed it. You turn your head to Bucky, who's standing there with his hands in his pockets. 

"What?" You say unsurely, convinced you might've heard him wrong.

"I told you I was waiting for the right girl," Bucky smiles, "I'm waiting for you, doll."

You feel an explosion of butterflies in your stomach, cheeks heating up as you process Bucky's words. 

Every meeting you've had with Bucky is a series of unfortunate events. 

And perhaps between every moment, while waiting for the right guy to come along, it only took waking up in his arms to realize maybe he was there all along. 

[katahnisharma]

gone (4) | t.h.

Summary: tom is back from shooting cherry, but he’s not okay.

Warnings: this started as my entry to the lovely b’s writing challenge @worldoftom, but you guys were so amazing and wanted a second part. this is a very emotional chapter and there are mentions of anxiety, depression, and overall intense emotions so please be careful loveys ♡

A/N: hey guys it’s been a while but life has been really really difficult so i'm sorry for the wait! i'm not entirely sure if anyone still cares about this series so here’s hoping :) for this chapter i listened to light of love by florence + the machine and all good things come to an end by the og queen nelly furtado lol. also Tumblr apparently won’t let me link certain things so if you’re looking for my masterlist or playlist it’s in my bio ♡

IF YOU’RE STILL INTERESTED IN BEING ON MY TAGLIST PLEASE FILL OUT THE NEW FORM IN MY BIO BC I WILL BE REVAMPING IT!

gif by @hllands

“Hey, did I leave my notebook in the living room?” You asked, letting your tea bag soak in the mug Tom always saved for you. It was an unspoken rule, that dark blue cup with the constellations on it from his mother was yours only. You mentioned how beautiful it was once, and Tom remembered.

It went on the list with the others.

“You mean the one with the polaroid on the cover? No, it’s not in here.” Tom called back, scrolling through Netflix to find a movie for the both of you. He’d just come back from the junket for Spies in Disguise, and he immediately called his best friend over to spend the day with him.

Well, it was supposed to be more than just another day.

Because today he was going to tell you he loved you.

“Hmm, maybe I left it in my bag upstairs. I’ll get it when I’m done with the tea.” You said, setting your mug down on the counter. It looked like it needed sugar, so you rootled around for the little jar Tom kept in one of his cabinets.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go get it!” Tom said from the couch, his nerves beginning to make him jittery. He thought that while you were in the kitchen, picking a movie would help him calm down. But he couldn’t focus on any of the descriptions, and Tom could feel his heart beat faster and faster.

He needed to get up for a few minutes.

“Are you sure? Do you want me to pick the movie then?” You teased, knowing very well Tom hadn’t found a movie yet. It was a bit of a running gag, him never being able to pick a movie. You would bite your lip to stop from laughing when he eventually got frustrated and handed you the remote.

And even in his nervous state, Tom still grinned because of you.

“Yeah, yeah, like you’re any better. We’ve seen The Avengers twice!” He shot back, a smirk on his lips when he heard you scoff in the kitchen. Apart from your smile, making you jokingly annoyed was Tom’s favorite thing. He liked how cute you were when he teased you.

“Shut up and get my notebook, Tommy!” You laughed, and Tom felt his cheeks warm at the sound.

God you were so fucking perfect.

When Harrison woke up, he almost forgot where he was. But then his vision cleared and there you were, lying in the hospital bed. Harrison’s heart clenched at the sight, remembering the events of last night that landed you here with an IV in your arm. He sat up and stretched, the old wooden chair squeaking against the floor.

The sound was what made you stir, your mind waking up from the dream.

“Harrison?” You whispered, your eyes adjusting to the dim lights in the room. The hospital bed you’d fallen asleep in the night before seemed to glow next to you, but you realized it was just an IV hooked up in your arm. Harrison smiled softly, getting up and coming to stand by your side.

“Hey, you were out like a light.” He said, handing you the glass of water a nurse had brought. You gratefully brought it to your lips, feeling a little dehydrated from whatever fluids were in the IV bag. Harrison gave your free hand a squeeze before crossing to the windows, playing with the blinds to let some sun in.

“How long have you been here?” You asked, playing with the sheets mindlessly. Harrison thought about lying, telling you he’d only arrived a few minutes ago. Because he knew you’d feel bad about it, but you could always tell when he lied.

“Since last night. I stayed here, didn’t want you to be alone.” Harrison replied, and you frowned almost immediately. You felt bad enough that he’d driven you to the hospital on his day off, but knowing that he’d also spent the night sleeping in an uncomfortable, crappy chair didn’t help with the guilt.

“And before you say ‘you shouldn’t have’, just remember you would have done the same for me. So stop beating yourself up about it.” He said, going back to his chair. You winced when it made the same creaking sound, like it was about to break. Harrison noticed, and he couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

“But this chair was really unbearable.” He chuckled, and you finally smiled again.

“Shut up, you idiot.” You giggled, chucking a pillow at Harrison right as the nurse peeked in. You felt your face burn as she smiled at the two of you, Harrison picking up the pillow sheepishly and biting back a laugh.

“Glad to see the patient is feeling better. Can I get you anything, love?” She asked kindly, picking up the now empty class beside you. You smiled at her, shaking your head. You really just wanted to be discharged so you could leave, hospitals always made you nervous. The smell of disinfectant and the general sense of uncertainty were not your favorite sense overloads.

“No, but thank you for everything. Do you know if I’ll be able to leave today?” You asked, and the nurse nodded her head.

“You should be all set to be discharged in an hour. The doctor will check in on you in thirty minutes and then you’re all free to go.” She said, taking the pillow from an embarassed Harrison. You giggled a little when she fluffed the pillow, and returned it to your bed.

“Great, thank you again!” She gave you one last smile before leaving the room, and Harrison breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank god, I’m really hungry.”

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For Harry, last night would probably be one of the worst and strangest of his life.

After Tom broke down and sobbed into his shirt for two hours straight, he became so frenetic that Harry was afraid he would end up accidentally hurting himself. Tom tried to pack a suitcase to go after you, but he almost slipped in the shower and was so disoriented that he ran into the bedroom wall. Then he tried to cook something on the stove for Harry, but left the fire on while he got distracted trying to find your favorite cereal. Tom wasn’t completely all there, and it was pretty obvious to Harry that he was having some sort of episode.

So once Tom was focused enough to eat the banana his brother opened for him, Harry called his mother.

“Mom, I need you to tell me the name of that anxiety medicine. The one that sometimes works as a sedative.” Harry cast a glance at Tom on the couch, watching him slowly chew the banana with glossy eyes. He had been silently crying at odd times this morning, and it was definitely making Harry nervous.

“Why? Harry, what’s happened?” Nikki immediately sounded worried, running over to the medicine cabinet. She kept the anxiety medicine mainly for Harry, who used to have pretty severe bouts himself. The episodes became few and far between, until they stopped altogether.

But now Nicki was concerned Harry was having them again.

“It’s not for me, Mum. It’s for Tom. I think he’s having some sort of breakdown, and I’m afraid he might accidentally do something stupid and hurt himself.” Harry said, looking over his shoulder to see Tom staring at the banana, almost lifelessly.

“For Tom? Harry, please tell me what’s going on.” Nikki said, clutching the bottle in her hand nervously.  

“I think Tom and Y/N might be over.” Harry said, and the words had more weight than he thought they would. Like it was finally a possible reality, one where you and Tom weren’t together anymore.

“Okay, I’m on my way.”

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“Can you get in the car alright? Need any help?” Harrison asked, hovering over you as the two of you walked to the hospital parking lot. You rolled your eyes, smiling at his protective behavior. He’d been like this during your dischargement too, and it was sweet but definitely unnecessary.

“Haz, I told you. I’m perfectly fine, I swear. It really doesn’t hurt that much, and I can absolutely get into the car on my own.” You said, patting his shoulder reassuringly. Harrison sighed, biting his lip a little worriedly.

“Okay, okay, just making sure. I just don’t want you to aggravate the injury or anything. At least not until we get you home and set up.” He replied, and you couldn’t help it. You leaned over and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, watching Harrison’s mouth immediately drop open in shock.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“To thank you for being the world’s greatest div. I love you, idiot.” You said, laughing when Harrison slung an arm around your shoulder. He rolled his eyes at you, smiling playfully.

“You know I love you too, but you really didn’t need to give me that weirdass kiss.” Harrison chuckled, immediately ducking into the car before you decided to throw your purse at him. Scoffing, you got into the passenger seat and punched him in the arm.

“Ow! That hurt!”

“I’ll have you know my kisses are wonderful!” You giggled, clapping a hand over your mouth when Harrison started to fake cry and clutch his arm.

“If I agree, will you leave me alone?” Harrison laughed, starting the car and reversing out of the parking lot. You smiled wickedly, reaching up to ruffle his precious hair. Harrison recoiled instantly, whining at your little stunt.

“I take it back, I actually hate you.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Where is he?” Nikki asked, rushing into the living room. Harry jumped up and led her to the bedroom, where Tom was curled up in a ball. Under the covers, he was crying softly and clutching what looked like a sweater. It seemed too small to be his, and Harry immediately realized it was your favorite sweater. The one Tom loved on you because it was what you were wearing when both of you met for the first time.

“Tom? Love, look at me please.” Nikki whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked over at Harry and mimed a glass of water, which he left to get from the kitchen. Once they were alone, Nikki gently pulled the covers back. Tom lay there, tears streaming down his face and the front of your sweater soaked.

“She’s gone...” Tom whimpered, trying to pull the covers back over his head. He was completely spent, the possibility that you were really gone hitting him like a train. Tom had pictured the rest of his life with you, and now nothing seemed worthwhile anymore if you weren’t there beside him.

“Y/N? Tell me what happened, Tom.” Nikki said, running a gentle hand through his hair. Tom relaxed under her touch, reminded of all the times in his childhood that he lay in bed upset. Breakups, rejections, failures, his mother had seen them all. And she'd always been there for him.

“We got into a fight...a big fight….and I threw my phone….”

“At her? Tom, how could you do that?” Nikki gasped softly, and Tom’s eyes widened. He found the strength to sit up, looking his mother right in the eyes.

“No...no! I would never hurt her! I threw it at the wall and I locked myself in the bathroom. But….when I came out….she was gone and there was b-blood on the f-floor and...I think-I think I-” Tom couldn’t get the rest of his words out, and Nikki knew enough to envelop her son in a hug.

“It’s okay...it’s okay, Tom.” She sighed, holding her eldest son close. The whole thing was confusing, but if Nikki knew anything about your relationship with Tom it was that it had been the best one he’d ever had. You were kind, intelligent, and strong, exactly what she had always wanted Tom to have in a partner. But hearing Tom cry and work himself up meant she knew what she needed to say. Tom had to stop living in his head.

“Tom? I want you to listen to me, it’ll be okay.”

“But….she’s gone and I hurt her….I can’t ever forgive myself…” Tom sobbed, but Nikki was adamant she would speak and get through to him.

“Look, the past is the past, it’s not in our hands.  You have the chance to ask for her forgiveness, and explain what you’re feeling right now. Don’t let your past actions dictate the future, love. That would be a mistake, because I know Y/N. She loves you and she wants to be there for you. She’ll understand what you’re going through because she cares, that’s what a real partner does. They want the best for you because it’s you. You need to forgive yourself so that she can help you heal.”

“But what if she doesn’t w-want me anymore? I know I scared her….I never wanted to do that b-but she’s been hurt and left because of me….I’m afraid Y/N won’t love me anymore!” Tom cried, his body shaking a little. Nikki rubbed his back and took the water glass from Harry, who’d reappeared in the room.

“Darling, you have to try. You have to fight for the love you want. You don’t think your father and I have gotten angry with each other? We fight and that’s normal, but at the end of it all we come back to each other. I put my feelings aside and listen to him, and he does the same. That’s how it works, we love each other so much that I’ll forgive him and he’ll forgive me.”

Nikki took Harry’s hand and held it, and Tom was finally still. There was no more crying, no more shaking. It was just a moment frozen in time, the three of them together in a little room. Harry hugged Tom and Nikki kissed his forehead, and for the first time in 36 hours Tom wasn’t afraid anymore. The fight wasn’t plaguing him anymore, and neither was the aftertaste of filming that had been slowly poisoning his mind. All he could see was you, like a vision before him wiping his tears away. With that same smile that he had fallen in love with so easily, because it was purely yours.

And that was enough for Tom to be at peace with himself.

“Thank you.” Tom whispered, and Nikki was able to smile again. Harry ruffled his hair, making Tom punch him softly in the arm. He reached for the water glass and the pills in Nikki’s hand, knowing that he needed to take them.

“Take these two and it’ll help a little with the anxiety. It’ll also make you a little drowsy, but it might be good to sleep it all off properly. I’ll stay here with Harry until you wake up, okay?” Nikki said, and Tom let him expend enough energy to nod and smile.

“Just...just please make sure Y/N is okay? Make sure that nothing’s wrong?” Tom said, and Nikki squeezed his right hand. Harry had his left.

“Always. Now get some real sleep, you’re going to need it...”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Can we please listen to something other than your terrible daily mix?” You laughed, Harrison clutching his chest to feign offence. He reluctantly handed you the aux cord and you smiled, knowing exactly what you wanted to play. Taking a couple seconds to sift through your own playlists, you found the song you were looking for and pressed play. Harrison smirked at your choice, rolling his eyes at the songs you played over and over again. He attempted to steal the aux back from you, but you dodged him quickly.

“Hey, focus mister! I’m not about to get into an accident right out of the hospital!” You said, giggling as he started to belt out the lyrics and dance. He laughed, rolling his eyes as he focused on the road again.

“I’m a great driver! I’m just trying to save myself from your shit music taste.” He said with a smirk and now it was your turn to roll your eyes. Harrison wasn’t a bad driver, but he definitely wasn’t a great one. The first time you had gotten into the car with him had been to get groceries and it was a disaster. He forgot to turn around before reversing and nearly hit a little old lady with her cart, and almost got hit merging onto the highway. After that, you were careful to look out for him even if it meant you became a backseat driver.

“Sure, Haz. Whatever you want to believe. Just please get us home in one piece!” You laughed, leaning your head back and letting the sunlight warm your face. If not for the events of the previous day, you would have basked in the glory of such a beautiful day.

But your mind turned to Tom, as it always seemed to.

“Hey, is my bag in the back?” You asked, suddenly desperate to check its contents. Harrison turned down the music, furrowing his eyebrows at your change in mood. You turned to look at him, a slight fear in your eyes. Harrison nodded, gesturing to the backseat.

“Yeah, it’s there. Why? What’s wrong?”

“I just...I just need to make sure something is in there…” You trailed off, swiveling in your seat to grab at your handbag. Harrison watched from the corner of his eye as you set it on your lap, rootling through it quickly.

“Whoa, whoa. What are you looking for?” Harrison asked, a little concerned by how frantic you seemed to be. With a sigh of relief, you feel your hands grasp what you’re looking for and you pull it out slowly. Harrison’s eyes automatically soften, seeing your eyes water with your most prized possession in your hand.

“Is that the notebook Tom bought you? The one he bought you when he found out you wanted to be a writer?”

“Y-yeah...it is. I just wanted to make sure it was still there, you know? That’s dumb, isn’t it? I mean...he probably doesn’t even want to be with me a-anymore. So...so why am I….why am I holding on like this?” You felt the dam break finally, the tears streaming down your face. Harrison bit his lip, pulling the car over and unbuckling his seatbelt.

“Hey...hey...look at me.” Your tears were staining the cover, the little drops of water creating little streams on the surface. It felt like someone had pulled the rug from underneath you, and that you’d discovered there was no floor. What would you do without Tom? You loved him more than anything, but you were no fool. His anger couldn’t have come from out of the blue, it was something repressed that Tom had been feeling for a long time. Without warning, your insecurities began to mount.

Maybe he was bored of you.

Maybe you annoyed him.

Maybe he’d found someone else.

Maybe you weren’t good enough and he’d realized it.

And then the worst of them all.

Maybe the rest of the world was right.

“I’m losing him.” You whispered, and Harrison’s heart clenched at your words. He knew you were always insecure about dating Tom, but you’d never vocalized anything like this before.

“No, no you’re…”

“I’m not an idiot, Haz! I’ve seen the signs! H-he’s done with me….I’m just d-delaying the inevitable. I should have….I should have known I wasn’t good enough for him. He’s him and I’m j-just me, who the hell was I fooling? E-even the fans knew it!”

“Y/N...come on...that’s not-”

“He hasn’t wanted to spend any real time with me since he came back from Cherry. It’s like I don’t even exist to him, I’m invisible until he has to talk to me. I’ve tried five times to get him to have dinner with me and he rejected me every time, Haz. All I’ve heard for two months is ‘I’m going out with the boys, sorry’ or ‘Just going to sleep, don’t feel like eating’. And I tried to understand, I really did. It must have been so hard shooting a movie like that, it would be emotionally draining for anyone. Hell, even the book is emotionally draining-”

“I don’t think...”

“Let me finish, please? Haz, I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired, I’m so tired. I can’t fight for this relationship anymore when I’m not even sure if he wants it. He pushes me away all the time and it hurts me to see him like that. Tom isn’t happy, and I think it’s because of me. So I won’t hold him back anymore, I’ll just quietly disappear. No drama, no fighting, nothing. I can’t bear knowing I’m the reason he’s unhappy, it would kill me to think that.”

You broke again, the tears burning your eyes as you clutched the notebook tighter to your chest. It brought you a little comfort, knowing what you would have to do next. You needed to leave Tom, to let him live his life and be happy. You clearly couldn’t make him happy anymore and though that was something you’d struggled to accept in the last few hours, it was the right thing to do. You had no delusions about the way you looked, you always felt rather plain and boring compared to the beautiful women Tom was used to being around. He would be better off with someone else, someone as amazing as him.

Someone who isn’t you.

Harrison’s throat went dry as you slowly raised a hand to wipe at your tears, your eyes glossing over as you stared lifelessly out the window. He had a horrible feeling that you were serious about what you had just said, and he wasn’t sure how all this had happened. How could he have let you feel like this?

How could they not have noticed?

“Please, please don’t say-”

“Harrison, I have to. I can’t do this anymore.” You whispered, and Harrison stopped mid sentence. You never called him by his full name, it was always just Haz. He squeezed your hand as you cried, sobs wracking your body that made him cry too. You barely got the words out, but Harrison knew them before you said it.

“I have to leave because I love him.”

IF YOU’RE STILL INTERESTED IN BEING ON MY TAGLIST PLEASE FILL OUT THE NEW FORM IN MY BIO BC I WILL BE REVAMPING IT!

TAGLIST (PLEASE ONLY SEND AN ASK OR FILL OUT MY FORM!!): @tommyparkerr @grandmascottlang @toms-order @domestic-void @tomhollandsgirlfriend @cutiehollands @peeterparkr @jupiterparker @inlovewithmob-tom @veronicas-littleworld @da5haexowin @sergeantbxrnxs @hazsterfield @itsholyholland @underoosstark @stormyholland @let-me-luve-you @musicgirl234 @its-livelovelife @steve-thotgers @tiny-friggin-human @lavcnderparker @lucille-lovely @yeahbutmarvel @lokiislowkeyhot @spideymood @yoharryyouawizard @tomhollanders2013 @starlightseoksmain @jnej @spiderman-n @positiveparker @winterssoldierrs @heycreehere @galaxy-parker @sdrecsfics @doimakeitthroughthenight @wronglanemendes @brokensimpson @spnsoap @ninetypoundsofasthma @quitetommy @voltronshepard @marvelismylifffe @iluvmesomemarvelndc @annathesillyfriend @tiredfeels @scarlet-spiderr @hedwigthelegend @renesniajazza @bibliophile-grasshopp @tomhollandswhore @yeeterbenjaminparker @juliabuenooo @paradoxparker @pokeloisfk @machomango13 @nobledoritoman @cosmicdaya @hey-its-grey @toms-gf @cutesparker @whypeterparkerwhy @blissfulparker @xxtomxo @pastelpeter @hilllsnholland @hopespym @peterstrainingwheels @stuckonspidey @jacobsbatalon @steveroguhrs @spideypeach @spxderbarnes @stealth-spiderr @uglypastels @darlingtholland @spideyflicker @thollandss @out-of-my-way-extras @trustfundparker @clockblobber @asmilinghopelessromantic @zaynjawy @sholla4-314 @lemondropirwin @angelbabymed @in-the-corner-coffee-please @peterbparkcr @william-stanley @greenarrowhead @squishyhyunjin @starz-23 @spoopy-spooderman @whatevsholland @aestheticstom @tomzfrog @bebegomie @embrace-themagic @joshuaparkers @dancingoncrackedhearts @mlt2000 @spidergirl007 @headsup-itsmostlypeter @sspideytom @kisses-holland @hardestbattles-strongestsoldiers @infamousmany @theefactorygirl @aelinashryvver @sarah-moss2015 @honeybucks @fandomdarlings @yourwonderbelle @rexorangecouny @deni-gonzalez @mylifeasafangirlforever @random-writer06 @whitewolfandthefox @sweetlyth @notethereal @play-morezeppelin @fandoms-stuff @petesrparker @yavinmoon @sweet-baby-cakes @noswagswag @peteunderoos @jackiehollanderr @yadekms @practicallylivesonline @i-tried21 @stasye @unorganizedasf @tomshufflepuff @mejustbeingme @fanboy-tom @mimaligrl @theimpossiblehologramtree @diamonddia-mond @qrangr @parkeroffline @peterpumpkinparker @rosieredcheeks @delicately-important-trash @zabdisamor @peterbrokenparker @the-lost-fairy-tale @everestluke @gigilame @youllbemineandillbeyours @cherryblossomcharlotte @paintingbellarke @teawithbucky @tomhaz @multi-worlds @clara-licht @ppkrtingle @laurxn-robinson @lulueliott @lostinspidey @starlightparker @ddaeing @sincerelymlg @officiallygeek @maybemona @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @lowkey-holland @particularsof @saturn-aka-six @elysianparker @fangirlingisajob @hypnotized-so-mesmerized @deathofthrones @th0ttie4tommy @orowit @lauras-collection @itseightbeats @thomasholyholland @h-arrystyles @softboyparkerr @darlingxholland @marshyrebelcloud @kristinathecarat @florencxs @definitely-not-black-cat @spdys @wazzupmrstark @farfromhaz @plushparker @princepeteys @afterglowparker @softspiderling @geeksareunique @sltwins @belladonichaze39 @emmmybear @melrosaeparker @crazymexicanfangirl @beequeen8020 @escapetheshackles @siriuslyslyslytherin @eilishparker @violet-lilyy @w-jhxk-yj @doctor-spence-reidd @spacebitch2 @folkoftheair @himynameishooman @temptingholland @miraclesoflove @marvelobsessedteenager @hollandosterfieldfanfic @biebsmylife95 @hannihannelora @getmebieber @angiexyoung @markleehee

Gone Taglist: @tshdarling @hestoosirius @ana-cxst @aeciru @play-morezeppelin @bobo-bush @itsjusttor  @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @autty0314 @name-me-regret @prfctdayas @youngblood199456 @fab-notfat @technolilly @hollandinq @theetherealbloom @littlebookbengal @spideyyeet @midnightbarnes @3prettyinpink3 @lulueliott24 @spxder-bxcky @spiderbibby @ietss @winterseba @sehunights @blahhhhhhhaaa @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven @sixwyrxstuff @noelleivy @madeinthemidnightmemories @tryn25 @iriaaarb @marvelobsessedteenager @eleanornicolelocke @breakingnasa @iwishitwasthe-80s @wesleypiper @ihopethatwemeetinanotherlife @1dstark-blog @totesem @itstomhollands @stxfxniexreads @astrobxbeee @magicianraging @reveluvspecial @be-cautious-around-bri @audreylovesashton706 @whereverigoimightstay @natasha-stark-parker @jacksnoodlez99 @lifeisabitchandsoareyou @stabbyhat @blackeighteen @itisjustpaula @caitsymichelle13 @herondalism @ameliathackray @pluckypete @rachaeldonnaspiteri1 @farfromjustordinary @cosmicmndes @farfromhoran @giveme-gaskarth @likeit-or-leaveit @captured-firelight @spnsquirrel @some-random-stranger-007 @silver-bubbles @thevelvetseries @screeching-student-unknown @melrosaeparker 

Moots Tag -let me know if you want me to take you off :)- @angelic-holland @fairytaleparker @honeymoonparker @screamholland @hollandstom @calmholland @spiesindisguise @neverlandparker @nnatasha @parkerpuff @the-claire-bitch-project @angelhaz11 @farfromhaz @blushypetey @hazinhoodies @spiderrpcrker @yeahimcrying @definitely-not-black-cat​ @quackeroos @ts-holland @t-holland2080 

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

what does this have to do with clownfish?

i know this was a mostly sad episode that ended on a rather disquieting note, but i was grinning from ear to ear by the end, you guys. I LOVE THIS SILLY SHOW SO MUCH, and i want to tell you why, so let’s talk about titans 2.04:

SPOILERS ahead

1. i get why we’re getting a flashback episode now--the titans’ ~sordid past~ with deathstroke has gotten a fair bit of build-up, and now that slade has jason, we need the history between him and the og team to contextualise the upcoming confrontation. still, i was really looking forward to having kory reunite with the team, goddamit! 

1.5. i like the convivial, almost collegiate vibe that the original titans have about them--the idea of them getting together both desperate to prove that they are more than what their origins and youth might suggest, and to dick around (pun not intended) and just... be, in a way that their individual circumstances wouldn’t allow them. costumes on, in mission-mode, they are trained and hyper-competent, but in their downtime they apparently like adorably warbling off-key at each other and re-enacting 90s/00s cheesy rom-coms. it’s great! i would’ve loved to see these kinds of flashbacks drip-fed to us right from the beginning of the season--putting it all in one episode, from aqualad’s introduction to demise all in forty minutes, not only screws up the pacing, but also robs us of more of garth’s genuinely warm chemistry with the rest of the team. 

1.67. besides, the immediate contrast between this and the way dick conducts the titans now would’ve been funny and quite impactful.

2. for all that dick seemed standoffish and genuinely frightened of himself in s1, the slightly less filtered look we get into his mind in this flashback--well before his existential crisis--is somehow even more disquieting?? the way he talks about batman and his relationship with dawn and even his friendship with donna smacks of an alarming emotional disconnect; a space where his sense of self has fallen and been replaced by a role that he has been trained to play. he smiles more in this episode than probably all eleven of s1 combined, but he’s far more reserved, afraid of vulnerability, and completely unwilling to express any emotion that would come in the way of him being who he Needs To Be.

2.45. this episode puts into sharp relief just how far dick has come to make peace with bruce in 2.01. here batman is a glowing symbol against the night sky; a shadowy figure promising justice is vengeance and not the other way around; a hulking figure that he can hate and love without reserve, that orders him to be better no matter how exhausted he is, even while standing between him and incomprehensible evil like a bulwark. at the heart of the titans tower--a skyscraper on the opposite side of the country from gotham--is another batcave, a sign that how no matter how far he goes, dick’s perception of himself and his relationships is still inextricably tied to batman and his ways. 

it’s the missing link between the angry, grieving boy we saw in flashbacks last season, and the man rapidly spiralling into crisis at the beginning of season 1. he’s internalised batman’s mission before he can decide for himself what he wants to be, and he’s been like this well into his adult years (unlike the comics). no wonder when the moment he goes Too Far finally comes, when he’s so burrowed into himself that vengeance becomes an end rather than a tool, it’s such a violent upheaval, and one that he hasn’t quite been able to put to rest in over a season.

2.65. honestly the matter of fact way he talks about being dawn’s rebound relationship after her breakup is haunting me?? dick grayson--robin, batman’s partner, the First Sidekick, leader of the titans, friend, brother, lover, a valuable asset with trackers in his arm and neck--is so utterly subsumed that his feelings, his self, automatically comes second to the role he’s playing. i wonder if he had found that he’d had a tracker installed in his body without his knowledge at this point, he’d have accepted the cold logic of it (of course batman needs to keep track of him), instead of the visceral reaction he has five years later, when he immediately picks up a knife and cuts it out of his skin.

2.95. (retrospectively it lends so much more meaning to the opening scene of 1.08??? where dick says he needs to go off on his own to get his bearings right instead of staying on to be the Leader after their traumatic time at the asylum and kory and the others are quietly accepting of it?? where’s that ‘that’s growth’ gif when you need it)

3. donna! it’s interesting that her role as a titan was always meant to be a pitstop before she moved on to Greater Things, and her struggle to reconcile that with her growing attachment to the team came across really well. jillian’s never really pressuring her to leave immediately--six months! two weeks! idk, forever! really, it’s your pick!--but donna tells dick she needs to leave that very night, either because she’s hoping that he’ll protest and ask her to stay, or that she’ll fall for garth and lose her wavering conviction to leave if she stayed any longer, or both. 

3.5. donna and garth’s relationship followed so many wonderfully cheesy conventions, with all of their attendant adorableness and Problems. the scions of two different royal families of two different races falling in Forbidden Love! garth clumsily flirting with donna even as she keeps turning him down! (not cool, garth!) bonding over reminiscing about quirky childhood memories! consulting a put-upon mutual best friend! the last minute reconciliation and confession of love at the airport! garth dying right after celebrating his birthday! (that cop was just a day away from retirement!) PERFECT

like. i have NO IDEA why people still insist on calling this show ‘dark’ and ‘edgy’. don’t let the weird lighting and occasional blood spatter distract you from the goofy, well-intentioned heart right at its centre, you guys!

(but man, dick and donna’s quiet heartbreak at the prospect of separation was harder to watch. for a moment, dick really let himself feel the burden, sinking onto his haunches, his head in his hand like he was about to cry. just a moment.)

4. the others’ reaction to garth’s death is very telling. donna is devastated; hank and dawn are upset, but in a distant way that suggests that they didn’t really know him very well or for very long; and dick... well dick is hard at work in his batcave, because that is how he knows to react to disaster. 

4.5. i know that i spend quite a bit of my reviews harping on and on about dick, but he is more than just the team leader, or the one with the most well-defined arc so far, or the connective tissue between the old and new teams: the titans is HIS, in ways both subtle and insubtle. batman is funding the whole thing; their resources, their tech? all wayne enterprises. by extension, this shindig is dick’s idea, dick’s operation, something he shaped after himself--serene, beautiful, somewhat impersonal on the surface and batman-the-symbol, batman-the-phantom, right at the centre. 

4.65. so when the burden of morality-bending vengeance falls squarely on dick’s shoulders, it seems natural. it also seems entirely natural that when dick does follow through on what the team wants from him, the fallout is also put square on him: he’s the one that’s gone completely off the rails, the one that would sacrifice anything for a mission (like hank implies in the previous episode), the one haunted by his own darkness. this, of course, is patently false, as trigon demonstrated earlier this season.

5. the opening scene of slade wilson doing the Thing He Does Best was so fun to watch. i love that this show is always trying to do interesting things with the camera. (tho i wonder, who hired him to take out donna troy in san fran? was that even his original objective? was it dr light? i am Confusion)

5.5. ... even tho the villain-confrontation scenes seemed hampered by low effects budgets and a lack of... kineticism. i can’t figure out how dr light works even after two episodes of seeing him do his thing. he can apparently implant light bombs in people but never seems to use this awesome ability again, when it can actually help him against the titans? 

6. the moment i saw joey wilson’s profile through the window of his home, i knew he was going to be my favourite character on this show. i love him and his enthusiasm and his cute shoes and his love for vintage records SO MUCH! i know it’s been hinted that he died, but i can’t bear the prospect for even a second. HE’S ALIVE AND WELL SOMEWHERE HAVING TEA AND LISTENING TO GREAT MUSIC WITH AMY ROHRBACH, I JUST KNOW IT

6.5. dick (and the others) wouldn’t be so horrified with themselves and think about shuttering the titans for good if they hadn’t felt some kind of attachment to jericho. dick especially i think is going to fall into an actual honest friendship with joey and is going to extremely disgusted with himself when it all ends in tragedy anyway. 

6.75. we’re probably not going to find out what actually happened to joey for a while, but here’s hoping the Unforgivable won’t happen.

7. on the brightside tho, KORY’S BACK NEXT EP! can’t wait. 

[theatresteph]

7x01 Thoughts

Okay, so I’m shamelessly copying from the twitter thread I made after I first watched the episode. This was before I saw the sneak peaks, and I still haven’t seen 7x02. If I sound angry, whiny, irrational, tired and bitter, it’s cause I kinda was. If you want a proper review, check out @travllingbunny’s review below. She made GREAT points!

So yeah. If you love logical and tries-to-be-unbiased-Steph, she’s not here. She’s too busy to care whether she sounds smart right now. Her smart vocabulary is being used for essays right now. Otherwise, here’s what I thought.

Okay, so basically, I’m very annoyed about the lack of Bellamy. I don’t care whether there’s a larger point to it. Bellamy’s the leading man and Bob’s one of the best actors on the show. Not using him is a disrespect and I have every right to feel that way.

Aside from my Bellamy feelings, I was rolling my eyes a lot at the political and religious mess that is Sanctum. It’s a whole bunch of crazy and violent people with military-grade guns in the mix. So... basically the U.S. 😂 seriously though, I can’t STAND fanatics and I’d like to stop seeing them in my favourite dramas 🙄.

Ngl, I was throwing shade at a lot of characters, but Echo actually received none of it! I was surprised too, but I loved what I saw of her and Gabriel working together, and once I stopped being annoyed at Hope for attacking him, I liked that she teamed up with them too.

Also, ROAN WAS BACK!!!!! WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME!!!?? I LOVE ROAN SO MUCH!!!!!! And seeing OG Echo was cool! Them saying that she was useless without Bellamy or something like that was so compelling and I’m actually excited to see her story this year! But I’d still rather see Bellamy!!! Seriously, WHERE WAS HE!!!???

Ugh, but moving on, yeah, I was annoyed at characters I love a bit today. I hated watching Clarke continue to pretend like everything’s fine when it’s not and she should actually grieve. I’m definitely going to see that soon though, after that fire! But this is Clarke’s way and I’m used to it.

I did feel good watching Murphy feel bad about Abby. I don’t care about his reasons or whether he thought he was doing the right thing or anything. I don’t blame him for Abby’s death, but I don’t really know how to not be mad at him for Clarke’s near-death. I know I’m holding a grudge, but I guess that’s where I draw the line at forgiveness for him. Making a deal with the people who murdered your friend who repeatedly sacrificed herself for you is one thing. Assisting in her murder when you know she’s actually alive is something else entirely. I don’t care that he helped in the end when he had a knife to his throat. I judge Emori less because she told Bellamy.

In general, I still judge both Murphy and Emori for choosing to become bodysnatchers altogether even though they’re not Primes and I care about them. It really doesn’t matter to me how you sell it; murdering someone else so you can live in their body is wrong, and not wrong as in “morally grey”, as in indisputably selfish. I won’t be convinced otherwise about that. Of course, I still love and care about them as characters because I know them so well, I just can’t get past this. Whatever.

I loved Miller, Gaia, Indra, Madi, Jackson and Gabriel completely this episode 😊. Madi’s story of her birth-Mum had me crying so much! She was only 6! 😭 I want to hug her and Clarke so much! I want BELLAMY to hug them so much!! WHERE IS BELLAMY!!!!???

I called it about Murphy’s “have we learned nothing!?” line being him playing his Prime role! And wbk about Sheidheda possessing Russell. So Russell’s FINALLY dead-dead. I’m excited about where this will go!

As usual, I’m worried about Jordan 😬. I can’t tell if the woman holding a knife to his throat was Nikki Bang-Bang or some other random criminal, but I hate her either way.

Also, Hope saw Octavia! Clearly Octavia was around when she was growing up. We already guessed that based on the trailer and other stuff, but it’s still nice seeing it confirmed.

I don’t want Clarke to lose herself in her grief and Sheidheda’s manipulation and all the chaos, but I do want her to work through her feelings! No one deserves therapy more than her!!!!

Also, the Anomaly stuff was weird, but what else is new? All I care about is saving Bellamy and finding out whatever the f*ck happened with Octavia and getting Bellarke to confess/kiss/sex scene. It’s what we deserve and why I started the show.

I ended it there with a Miranda Priestly gif 😂. So that’s what I thought. I’ll watch 7x02 soon, and will probably give my thoughts in a similar format. I’m very scatterbrained right now cause of assignments and exams. I’ll be finished in about a month, so I’ll be more invested then. I know Bellarke’s not happening until at least after 7x04, so I’m okay with missing out on things here and there until 7x05. Anyway, hope you enjoyed that 😘.

[shadowhuntersloving]

So a lot of people are probably gonna hate me for what I'm about to say. I'm actually a bit worried about how many, but we're gonna do this anyway because I need this off my chest now that s3 of Skam France is close to its end(it hurts just saying it). 

Actually Yann's "Episode 9, it's almost over" made me emotional enough to write all of this. So thank him for that. Yeah.

I don't even know my exactly point yet, but I'm gonna start ranting: I love s3 of Skam France. I will be honest, I haven't seen s1 and s2 yet. I have heard so many bad things about it, and to begin with, I was one of those people who didn't understand why we needed remakes of the same story. I was one of those people. But I realise I have been TOTALLY wrong. Skam France is the only remake I have really watched through, and then the OG. I have seen some of Skam Italia, but it didn't capture me the same way. As soon as I started Skam France s3, I was mesmerized. I didn't know it was possible to get THIS invested.

Back when I just started Skam OG, I also first found out about the show during s3. It was everywhere, and as someone who watched Eyewitness at the time, and is still a Shadowhunters fan, it popped up on tumblr. I believe that was where I saw it first. Then I went to youtube and started watching, and I was hooked like no other. The show had an earthi-ness to it(I don't think that's a word lol). I related to the characters. And I just generally really liked it. 

However, the difference between back then and now, was that I wasn't really 'a part of' the fandom as I feel like I am now. I wasn't reblogging stuff and commenting and all those things. I wasn't very active on social media, so I watched the show and...yeah. I didn't really have anyone to freak out over it with, or rather I did, I just didn't use it at the time, not thinking about it. But I don't know how many times I have rewatched scenes from s3.

S3 has a very special place in my heart. Not only do we have Evak, who are incredible, but as mentioned it is the first season where I discovered Skam, and my two best friends have MI. Even as MI too, so I could see that, like, feel it deeper than anything else, because of that. Therefore Even is also a very important character in the story for me. 

Then I came across Skam France, after long long time of not being involved with anything Skam, and I can't even remember how I found it, but I'm SO happy I did. I came in around right before episode 7, I believe, so I haven't been here from the beginning, sadly. I kind of hate that to be honest, because it feels like everything have gone faster because of that. But that's not my point. My point is that I found out how much I actually love Skam France s3. Yes, it's the same story overall, but the actors, the cinematography, how deep they are going into the characters, how filled with emotion it is, everything. I love the changes they made to Even and Isak's characters too. 

For example, the intensity of it all. You really feel everything. It's very emotion-filled, and I love when a series can do that to me. Also, how bold Lucas is and what a dork Eliott is, like, how can you not love them? Plus the chemistry Maxence and Axel has, both on screen and off screen. Their friendship is so pure. And Maxence's livestreams gives me life, seriously. The whole raccoon and hedgehog. Another big thing I love, which we have seen in this latest clip, is that there is not a division between the boy and girl squad. They are one big group. 

So I'm just gonna say it straight out: At a lot of points, I like Skam France's s3 more than the OG Skam's s3. Now, please don't get mad. I know what you're thinking, and I agree. All of the remakes have their own charm, their own ups and downs, none are better than the other. But taking in a personal opinion, in this case mine, I as a person likes Skam France s3 more in several ways. Like that Lucas hangs out with the boy AND girlsquad and supports them both. As I mentioned above, there is no division. This is one of the things that I have never liked about the OG. 

But it's not 'just' about the show to me, I think: It's also about watching the live streams, seeing the interviews, seeing gifs, reblogging and commenting with you guys, the fandom. I didn't do all of that when I saw the OG. I didn't have that 'bond' with the show. But I have that bond with Skam France. I go on here to find updates all the time, and I get so emotionally invested in the story, and can see others doing that as well. I don't know, it gives me a much different feeling than what I had with the OG. Somehow this bond is just stronger, and a lot of it is thanks to you guys. I feel like I'm actually a part of this, like many others. Which also means it's so hard for me to say goodbye to Lucas. I loved his season, and I still do. I have already rewatched the clips too many times for my own good. Axel is such an incredible actor, but so is Maxence, and if I hadn't found Skam France, I wouldn't have found out how amazing these two precious people are. And how much I could freak out over instagram posts ahaha xD. But it's the fact that I am that invested that it's so hard to say goodbye, and I have to remind myself that it's not a goodbye. You guys aren't going away. You're still gonna be there, and so is Lucas and Elliot, but this time they will be in the background. That is okay. I will miss them deeply because they hold a special place in my heart, as mentioned earlier s3 is the first season where I found out about Skam in the first place, and my two best friends have MI, so Eliott's character also have great meaning to me. But they won't go away. They will still be there. 

I think what I have to get used to is the lack of Maxence and Axel. Livestreams, interviews and such. I hope they won’t go away completely because they make me so happy. They are like a walking sun for me lol.

Also, I am really hoping that we can get that s5, and that it will be about Eliott. I want to know more about MI, but not from reading on a website, I want to actually see it being represented in a good and healthy way on TV, which we sadly don't get a lot, if at all, and I don't want him to just be 'Lucas' bipolar boyfriend'. No, that man has SO much more to tell! Please David, Niels and Julie: Give him the chance to. So let's knock the views out of the park, and show them just how much we want it! :D

Yeah, that got a little side tracked I know, but that is honestly also a part of my point: Because if we get an Eliott season, a character that means so much to me, that would make me thrilled, and I will be so happy, also on behalf of my friends. Really, we need to have MI shown in a healthy way, and I feel like this is an opportunity we can't miss. Plus, it will be a season that hasn't been made before, because it's not part of the OG, and I find that really exciting!

So, short story told: I'm a mess, what a surprise, I love you guys, I love all of the cast, and I will miss Lucas' season way too much.

[holydramon]

digimon tri

haven’t heard of it | absolutely never watching | might watch | currently watching | dropped | hated it | meh | a positive okay | liked it | liked it a lot! | loved it | a favorite

don’t watch period | drop if not interested within 2-3 episodes first 2 movies | give it a go, could be your thing | 5 star recommendation | don’t watch if some stupid stuff happening would be a dealbreaker for you

there are a lot of very questionable plot developments and plot holes that are very infuriating, so if that’s something that makes you think you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it, you probably won’t. as much as I like tri, there is definitely a reason why it’s so hated. as for the first two movies, I say this cause the first movie is very much just an introduction while the second one is where you actually get a feel for where the plot is headed. the series really picks up at the third movie, but I feel if you aren’t enjoying the second you probably wouldn’t like the later movies that are weaker than the third and also by the third you’d be halfway through and might as well just finish it.

also don’t watch tri if you’re looking for a series specifically about the 8 chosen. while they are there and do all get pretty nice development and stories, the story is meiko and meicoomon’s story. it is about them. they are the characters at the center of the plot. I would recommend watching it even if you don’t want to watch something that focuses a lot on a new character, because a majority of the chosen’s arcs are really good, but if you really can’t stand meiko, you will not be able to stand tri.

fav characters: Hikari and Meiko! Hikari has been my favorite since I was a kid, and I must admit it’s lowkey just cause I think she has a lot of unused potential?? as for meiko i found her character very relatable and was actually really invested in her and meicoomon’s plotline. also gonna give a special mention to mimi here cause while she’s not my favorite, I used to not like her in the other seasons, but tri made me love her character.

least fav characters: fuck mystery man/evil gennai/whatever the fuck his name is. hate that guy.

fav relationship: hhhhhhhhhhhh. I Have A Lot. i love how meiko and mimi are the embodiment of gals being pals. i love jyou and gomamon, since they have such seemingly conflicting personalities but just get along so well at this point. i love yamato and taichi’s relationship. Just the whole “we are going to fist fight to solve our problems” and yamato being realistically frustrated by taichi’s sudden problem with accidentally causing collateral damage, along with how taichi is actually rightfully worried about these things. idk I like a taichi and yamato conflict where you can actually completely understand each side, and neither side is definitively right or being manipulated.

fav moment: when meicoomon dies because of how much fucking emotion it made me feel, I cry so hard just thinking about that scene. also the beginning scene of the creation of the holy beasts in soushitsu? That scene is so so good, I love the music and the aesthetic and the suspense. also every cute interaction between the digimon and eachother/their partners, especially that one scene where Hikari comforts Plotmon whose looking at the dark forest all scared post-reboot.

headcanons/theories: this isn’t an actual theory and more just a hope but we better learn more about the og chosen and I’m hoping maki may not actually be dead :(

unpopular opinion: it was a good decision to not include the 02 kids in tri oof (like the in-universe reason they weren’t in tri was atrocious and they should’ve handled the 02 kids being missing waaay better, but the 02 kids not being in tri was not bad in and of itself)

how’d you find it: I remember scrolling through tumblr and seeing it get mentioned before it came out, and then kind of forgot about it until I saw a gif of it sometime not too long before the 3rd movie came out. I decided to watch it and it dragged me back into the digimon fandom! like before tri I still had fond memories of digimon from watching it when I was little, but tri was what made me fall completely back into digi-hell.

random thoughts: watch digimon. also digimon tri wasn’t actually that bad.

[slut4supersoldiers]

If you love something, set it free.

Angst prompt: “How many times are we going to end up in this same predicament?” (OG: “How is it that we always end up in this predicament?”)  & “I shouldn’t care for your life, but I’m starting to and it’s becoming an inconvenience.”

Thank you @baebee35 for the request. Sorry for the delay and hope I’ve done justice to your request (sorry I tweaked one of the prompts instead of quoting it, hope that’s okay) 

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X OC Fem reader

Summary: Billy’s insecurities won’t leave him so he decides to leave you.

Words: 2k+

Warning: Strong language, implied smut, violence, ANGST.

A/N: This is my first angst piece and it was quite intense. I am actually happy about this one and teared up a little. Hope y’all will too. Xx

I OWN NEITHER STRANGER THINGS NOR THE GIF.

MASTERLIST

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

Since, he moved to Hawkins Billy stopped celebrating Christmas because Christmas meant spending time with his family and his only family was his mom, whom his father had deserted when he found Susan. For Billy Christmas meant chain smoking in his car while driving around the town aimlessly. He hated the festivities and the happy faces and the cold. That is until he met you.

You started going out with Billy during the last semester of High school and what was estimated to be one of his many flings turned into a serious relationship and two years later a marriage (much to your mother’s dismay and Billy’s surprise). After moving back to California, after graduating the two of began celebrating Christmas with your own traditions. Billy was happy and so were you. But as the words left your mouth that day Billy’s excitement for Christmas died down.

“Bill, mom wants us over. We have to go to Hawkins this year.” It would have been your first Christmas as a married couple and Billy had a lot of plans (that involved a mistletoe and a gift for you- and him- from the nearest lingerie store).  So naturally when you broke the news to him he huffed and puffed and slouched like a little boy; disappointment evident in his eyes.

“B I promise it won’t be bad. We won’t even have to stay at her place we will stay at a motel. That way can still keep up with some of our traditions.” You stroked his cheek while looking at him through your lashes.

“What are you suggesting Mrs. Hargrove?” His demeanour changed suddenly as you bit your lip.

“Well I saw the bag from Victoria’s secret maybe we could use the stuff in there.” You swiftly straddled his lap. Billy placed his arms behind him to support your bodies and smirked as you ran your fingers down his shirtless torso.

“Well princess, I can’t say no to that.”

And just like that Billy agreed with you. And just like that he now found himself nervously tugging on the tie around his neck as the two of you sat in his beloved Camaro. You looked over at your husband. Even the most oblivious person could tell that the man was nervous. He was constantly tugging at his tie or adjusting his jacket while loudly chewing on his gum (a habit he had picked up to give up smoking).

“Billy, baby relax.” You gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

He gave you a tight-lipped smile before he gripped on to the steering wheel tightly.

“Your mother hates me babe. It’s a little difficult to relax.” He said after a moment of silence.

You looked away from the window to your husband and said, “That’s not true.”

“It is. She never came to our wedding. She probably thinks I stole her perfect daughter.” The sudden honking which followed his words made you jolt.

“No B, she didn’t come because we married at the Town Hall and it was so abrupt.” You tried to reason with him.

“Max was there.” He argued.

“She was a witness and my mo-

“It’s okay babe I don’t blame your mother. I too would’ve hated it if my daughter ended up with a deadbeat like me.” The disappointment evident in his voice broke your heart. No matter how hard you tried to make him believe that he was worth it, no matter how hard you tried to piece back the broken man you failed to succeed. But you didn’t want to give up so you grabbed his hand from the gear stick and pressed a chaste kiss to his knuckles.

“William Hargrove you mean the world to me and I don’t care what anyone says I will always love you because you’re worth all the love and so much more.” Billy blinked away the tears that suddenly sprung to his eyes and looked ahead with a smile on his face that you had fallen in love with.

After battling your way through the cumbersome traffic you and Billy managed to reach Hawkins. The moment your car passed the “Welcome to Hawkins” sign you swore you heard Billy gulp. Once again his nervous fidgeting began, even your soft humming couldn’t calm him down. When you finally arrived in the driveway of your mother’s house you immediately hopped out and opened the door to the driver’s seat.

“Billy look at me I’ll be with you throughout the dinner. It’s a matter of hours. But the moment you feel uncomfortable you tell me and we will leave.” You put your hands on either side of his face and brought his lips to yours’. Running his tongue over your lower lip Billy pulled away and heaved out a sigh. With your fingers intertwined the two of you walked through the doors of your parents’ house.

After greeting your cousins and other relatives and introducing them to Billy the two of you settled on the couch in the corner. You slung an arm on Billy’s shoulder. But before you could sit on his lap like you usually did he lightly pushed you and gave you a tight-lipped smile. Instead of vocally questioning his actions you followed his gaze. Your mother was glaring at your husband who was now timidly trying to hide as far away from her line of vision as possible. Billy was usually very confident but whenever anyone so much as talked about Hawkins you could see him turn into the shell of a man he tried so hard to leave behind. Hawkins was the place where he had buried the demons from his past and now they were haunting him once more.

You were thankful when your dad approached the two of you with two glasses of wine, which Billy politely declined (partially because he was the designated driver and partially because he wanted to maintain a good impression on his sole supporter from your family). Softer and nicer one out of your parents, your dad was always fond of Billy. He always encouraged your mom to see the good in him. Alas! You mom never saw that.

She always complained about how he smoked (so he stopped), how his shirts were inappropriate (so despite of you complaining he buttoned them up). She had this irrational fear that he would knock you up and leave (but two years later and the two of you were going strong and actually wanted to start a family). Long story short, Billy’s insecurities about himself heightened around your mom. He felt as if she was constantly reminding of the flaws he knew he had but was trying to work on. She made him feel as if someday you’d wake up, realise you’re too good for him find someone better and walk away. And that’s exactly what your mom wanted and hoped for when she invited Adam Nixon, your ex-boyfriend.

Adam’s mom and your mom knew each other and that’s how you met Adam. The two of you lasted only for three months, because three months into the relationship you found out he was cheating on you. But your mom never let you off the hook for it.

“Ah Adam! What a wonderful surprise.” Your mom greeted him loudly.

If Billy was nervous before he was worse right now. He could practically see your mom put the plan of throwing him out into motion. Rolling your eyes at your mom’s immaturity you grabbed Billy’s trembling hand to pull him outside.

But before you could step out the stuffy room and away from your mother to enjoy each other’s company your mom called for you.

“(y/n) come here greet our guest. You remember Adam? The one that got away.” She laughed loudly.

“Of course how can I forget? I was the one who found him with his dick in some other girl. Difficult to forget that.” You gave them a smile.

“(y/n) you still haven’t gotten rid of that feisty attitude I see.” Adam walked over to you to hug you, instead you stepped back and gripped Billy’s bicep.

Huffing a little your mom continued, “Adam has started his law firm, right Adam? I personally think lawyers are better than mechanics.” Your mother took a dig at Billy and smirked as she saw the effect her words had on Billy, who was once again squirming and fidgeting with his jacket.

“Well then maybe you should’ve dated him instead of setting him up with me.” You snapped and suddenly everybody’s eyes were on you. Taking in the dumbfounded look on your mom’s face you smiled triumphantly.

“Let’s go Billy.” You pulled at his arm. The smile on your face however was knocked off when Billy refused to move. Shocked you turned around. Billy looked straight ahead and with a clenched jaw he said, “Your mother has invited us for dinner we shouldn’t disrespect her any further by leaving.” Your mom mimicked the shocked expression. Billy gave you a small smile but the exhaustion was evident on his face.

“Bill is right. Let’s start serving (y/m/n). Christmas is about joy and forgiveness. Hope we can all forgive each other and just be together.” Ever the mediator your dad interjected and patted Billy’s shoulder.

 After a tense dinner all the guests filtered out, you and Billy being the last to leave. Ignoring your dad’s pleas to stay the night you told him that you two needed to get out of Hawkins as soon as possible. So you both bid farewell to your father while disregarding your mother and Adam who had still stayed back. Once near the car Billy opened the door for you but before you could get in you exclaimed, “Oh shit! I forgot my scarf. I’ll be back in a few.” Billy who was already exhausted from the events of the night could only nod when you kissed his cheek.

As you walked in you realised that your parents had already retired to their room. But much to your dismay Adam sat on the sofa with his feet on the table and your scarf in his hand. Without a word you stormed to him and attempted to pull the scarf from his hand.

“Hi beautiful. Need something?” he smiled at you, oblivious of your annoyance.

“Shut the fuck up Nixon. Give me the scarf.” You extended your hand.

“Please don’t be so cold babe. I know you still feel something for me.” He slowly rose up and held the scarf above his head and out of your reach.

“Nixon give me the damn scarf you and I both know there’s nothing between us and there nothing ever was. You never cared for me.” You were seconds away from murdering him as you saw a menacing smile make its way on his face.

“That’s the problem (y/n). I regret what I did. I am starting to care for you, for your happiness. Probably, I shouldn’t care for your life, but I’m starting to and it’s becoming an inconvenience because of your behaviour and your up-to-no-good husband.” Adam said and pulled you into him by grabbing a hold of your hand.

“Don’t you dare talk about my Billy!” You tugged at his hand trying to free yourself from his grip. But this angered him further.

“I wonder what you see in him. He is a fucking charity case; broken and desperate for help. Pathetic!” he spat.

That was the last straw and instinctively you raised your hand to slap him. But before your palm could meet his cheek he grabbed your wrist. You momentarily saw his eyes flicker to something behind you and before you could register anything his lips were on yours. With all the energy that you could muster you pushed Adam back and punched his nose. He stumbled back due to the force and held his now bleeding nose. But Adam Nixon was least of your worries when you heard the sound of the front door being slammed shut. Through the window you could see Billy frantically pulling the door of the car open. So you ran out.

“Billy wait. Baby please.” You pulled onto his hand.

“(y/n) go away.” Billy said through gritted teeth. You could feel the pain radiating off of him and it hurt you too.

“B, baby it’s not what it looked like, pl-

“Oh please! Stop lying. Just shut up. You had to do this right. This was your grand scheme with your mother. Play the poor fool, break his heart and laugh about it. Because if that’s the case you can go and tell her that the mission has been accomplished.” He shrugged you off and glared at you. You had never seen him look at you with so much disdain and anger, little did you know that he didn’t hate anyone more but himself in this moment. The second he saw Adam kissing you he felt like a teenager again. He felt the anger pulsing through him. He wanted to hurt someone and that’s exactly what he was scared off. He was a ticking time bomb and he was scared that someday he something set him off he would end up hurting you. You deserved someone saner, someone better. He knew then that he had to you go.

“B, please believe me it’s nothing like that. I love you.” By now you could feel the tears running down your cheeks. With trembling hands you reached out to hold his cheeks. But you winced as he flinched away from your touch.

“Stop lying.” He murmured. A sob escaped his parted lips as he turned away from you.

Your pain was suddenly replaced by anger. You turned him around and grabbed his collars aggressively.

“How many times are we going to end up in this same predicament, William? How many times do I have to make you believe that you are the one for me for you to finally believe me? Fucking hell look at me!” You kept pounding on his chest till he finally grabbed your wrists.

“Princess stop please, stop it.” He yelled and pulled you in. Erratic breathes left your mouths. The sound of the uneven beating of your hearts was all that was audible.

“You can’t live like this. Someday you will realise that you’re too good for me. Someday you’ll realise I am not enough.” Tears ran down his cheeks. The mesmerizing blue eyes that you had fallen for now held pain and self-hatred. You were sure that if your heart was made of glass it would get shattered into tiny pieces as the words left Billy’s lips next.

“(y/n) let go off me. Go back in. I am not good for you. You deserve better than me.” He tried to pry your hands away as if he had not hurt you enough already.

“Billy no, Billy please. Billy don’t leave me.” You grabbed onto his waist like a wailing child would hold on to their mother. But Billy’s resolve did not crumble even as you fell to his feet begging him to stay.

When the lights on the porch finally came on and your father marched in to hold you, Billy put your overnight bag on the ground, got in the car and drove away.

That night when your father picked your broken-self up and tucked you in the bed in your old bedroom you shut your eyes momentarily praying that when you open them your husband, your Billy would stumble in through the window, lie down next to you and proclaim his love for you by kissing every inch of your body, like he used to.

But this time when you opened your eyes you were met with darkness and an image in your mind of the man who once owned your heart only to break it.

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: 2019 NHL Draft

Rasmus Dahlin is a hard act to follow. I think part of the reason Alex Nylander went through such Sabres popular opinion hell was because he was the first round pick the year after Jack Eichel’s Draft. Maybe that’s me projecting because my little Sabres heart hadn’t been broken for a while at that point. I really only jumped on the Sabres wagon at the beginning of the decade so my biggest lived disappointment in this team was the 2011 First Round against the Flyers. Picking Alex Nylander was a curve ball that year and he didn’t pan out immediately. That failing to hit on high draft picks was part of then-General Manager Tim Murray’s undoing and part of what ruined rebuild 1.0. That’s not to mention how bad GMTM was for Nylander’s development thrusting him right into the AHL. You couldn’t put all that on Nylander. I hoped so hard going into this Draft that whoever gets drafted the year after Dahlin isn’t under that kind of microscope right away. Nylander had a tiny little renaissance during his callup last season but he’s still not quite there yet. He’s about to enter what-the-hell-are-you territory but to be very honest his name coming up in trade talks made me a little angry. Hold back your snide tweets, apparently they’re informing the real insiders! I can’t imagine anything like the Nylander Saga repeating itself, but this is the Buffalo Sabres we’re talking about.

The Draft last year felt like a coronation for Sabres fans but just because we’re not getting a generational talent this go around doesn’t mean this draft isn’t ripe for drama. Rewind back about a month and Buffalo was once again the home of the NHL Combine. The event that now will be in Buffalo for several years to come saw the genesis of a few Draft narratives for the Sabres. The most notable one is the Alex Turcotte story. Apparently Sabres brass interviewed Turcotte and… his dad? The reports were conflicting but Turcotte definitely represented a big blip on the radar. The young Mittelstadt-color-palate-swapped center is from Chicagoland and was probably not likely falling any further than 7 – Buffalo’s first pick. Turcotte was a popular choice to go to the Blackhawks in many mock drafts because of the Chicago connection. Jason Botterill and the funky bunch also interviewed one London Knights forward Conor McMichael. Sabres bloggers smarter than I say he was an intriguing option for the other first round pick... that’s if we have that second first round pick because with other teams wheeling and dealing for a week plus going into the Draft Jason Botterill was quiet. There had been rumors galore connected to Buffalo from Tampa to Vancouver which made the lack of movement that much more peculiar. Add onto all this the debut of a Vegas Gold look for the Sabres “Golden Season” instead of royal blue and it was a wild week going into the Draft.

Jack Hughes and Kappo Kakko went first overall as expected. The Alex Turcotte watch was short lived, but he didn’t go third overall to Chicago as many predicted. He had to wait all the way to number 5 when the LA Kings scooped him up. Conor McMichael went 25th overall to Washington but this is a Sabres blog so you’re probably waiting for some Sabres talk. With the 7th overall pick the Buffalo Sabres selected WHL center Dylan Cozens. Once again, smarter bloggers than I say that selection was solid because the first round of this draft was really three tiers: the top two, two through about ten and then everyone else. The Red Wings threw a curve ball and selected Disney Channel star Moritz Seider throwing off everyone’s top ten but for the most part there weren’t many surprises. I was on the Cole Caulfield bandwagon, but he probably wasn’t a wise choice at seven. When he began to drop I even entertained the idea of Botterill trading up with that second first rounder to get him, but this was not one of those drafts and he went 15th overall to… Montreal. Ugh. How about something funny? The Panthers picked goalie Spencer Knight with their 13th overall. That was funny too, but this joke is a Sabres joke: Cozens is the first WHL draft pick in Jason Botterill’s time as General Manager of the Buffalo Sabres. This is a real, deep-cut Sabres joke but there is some humor to that. I think the social media guy for the team knew it too because one of the first photos from them after his pick was Sam Reinhart greeting him. Sam is the last WHL guy to be drafted onto the Sabres. Again, it’s deep cut joke about how Botts hates the WHL so it’s not going to get the whole room but there you go: Humor. I’m not going to pretend to know how to project out Cozens because again, I’m not the smart guy in the room; but I will say it is great to start to replenish the center depth in the organization which dropped off a cliff only a few guys down the depth chart.

The Sabres used the 31st overall pick to… just make a pick. No trades in the first round. As Day One wound down the swell of energy that it may happen dissipated and they picked USHL Defenseman Ryan Johnson. I am all for picking lefthanded D to help build up that side of the defense but the buzz around the pick was a guy with a Russian name who will certainly make me regret not knowing his name. Johnson could’ve easily fallen into the second round, but the pick was in and another defenseman is in the pipeline. Trades, at least the variety from the Sabres, were scarce in the remaining rounds on Saturday. The Sabres traded some late round picks but no real consequential trades on Draft weekend for Buffalo put a little bit of a damper on it all for me. I don’t really subscribe to the idea the yet-to-be-announced salary cap number is really what’s stopping trades. PK Subban got traded to the Devils for a bunch of no names and low picks while we wondered if Sabres 3rd round pick goalie Erik Portillo is in fact named after a type of pepper. The lack of movement right now isn’t something worth panicking about but if we’re sitting here next Monday on Free Agency Day wondering if we’re crazy I’m not going to blame anyone for hitting the panic button. Botterill has signaled a renewed faith in Rasmus Ristolainen probably egged on by the new coach so… you can fall either way on whether the OG Rasmus needs to go. I lean toward trade him but that doesn’t have to be right now. We’ll address all this stuff in the free agency blog so let’s take a look at who else was picked. I mentioned Portillo and we won’t see him even in Rochester for a couple years but that’s fine, the goalie depth was beginning to get shallow. Botts said openly he doesn’t want to rush Ukko Pekka-Lukkonen who will probably make his Rochester Americans debut this coming season. That is smart and frustrating because goalies take a long time to develop when you do it right but… uh… did you watch the second half of last season? Part of that collapse was the goalie tandem coming back down to earth hard. Folks were clamoring for UPL, probably a little too hastily but that’s what eight years out of the playoffs will do to you. I am not particularly jazzed about the other three guys we got. You take flyers on guys that far down in the draft and the chances are better than not all three of these guys I am about to mention don’t make the NHL: Aaron Huglen, Filip Cederqvist and Lukas Rousek. Hopefully one of them is a diamond in the rough. Perhaps it’s unfair for us to be so underwhelmed. Sean Tierney at Charting Hockey placed the Sabres in a top six of teams who did well at the Draft. He’s worth follow if you want to understand how you can make a graph of average likelihood to make the NHL because Lord knows I can’t explain that.

Like, share and comment on the New Look Sabres blog. It’s great to be back at it. You can expect the post on the 2019-2020 NHL Schedule later this week. By the sounds of it that will be released by the league either tomorrow or Wednesday. We already have the preseason, season opener and home opener but I’ll save all that analysis for that blog. Then later on next week you can expect a Free Agency Recap. Normally by the fourth of July the action quiets down. Jeff Skinner happened in August last summer but hey, I’m not psychic. Thank you to everyone who responded kindly to me dropping off the map for a couple days. My wife and I had a family emergency that we needed to address so we put everything on hold. We’re back now and things are going to be alright. Your support means a lot to me and I hope if you ever need something I can be there for you as well. To lighten the mood: let’s hope we don’t need to be here for each other after a worst-case scenario offseason! Pieces are moving and for all the rumors the Sabres are in on this guy and that guy there hasn’t been a lot to actually talk about. I guess we’ll see. It wouldn’t be fun if we knew the ending, eh? Let’s Go Buffalo!

Thanks for reading.

P.S. That Moritz Seider was shocked to go as high as he did. The gif of his reaction is some precious draft video for the ages.

[bau-lover]

Some Other Things About Me: CM Edition

Okay, so I figured it’d be a good idea to lay out some important things about me and CM

Initially when was watching the show, I didn’t really ship anyone in particular but since coming to Tumblr, I feel like my neutrality when it comes to ships on the show has been tainted lol

I’m going to try my best not to discriminate so I’ll post evenly if it’s something regarding ships but for the most part I probably won’t just to avoid any drama or chaos about it

Obviously I’m in love with Derek Morgan but I love ALL the BAU boys😌 Derek just has a special place in my heart lol

I LOVE GARCIA, JJ, and EMILY!! Those are my girls! Don’t get me wrong, I love Tara and Kate and Alex ofc, but those three are my OG girls (you may occasionally see me complaining about Garcia but it’s all in good fun, I love her lol)

I’m a Reid fan for sure, but Morgan will always be my number one, and recently with all the Hotch content I’ve been seeing lately, I think Hotch has silently crawled into that #2 spot that Reid was sitting comfortably at🤷🏽‍♀️😂Love Papa Rossi too ofc💀

Season 7 is my favorite season but I love them all in general. Of course there are some episodes I like more than others or don’t care for as much as I do others, but that’s typical I guess

My favorite episode is a tight tie between Mr.Scratch and It Takes a Village (if my header didn’t give it away lol), but the season finales for season 7 and 8 and 9 are all a tie of second place for me

I love me some Dr. Tara Lewis! (I didn’t like that wig they put on my good sis when she first came to the show but my love for her trumps my hate for that wig lol

I don’t think I have a least favorite character on the show (I literally love everyone lol) but I’m sure as it may come up through my rewatch that there have been certain moments where I’m not a big fan of a character but it’s always temporary lol

I’m not great at making gifs😭but I’m gonna try my best cause it’s a great way to destress from schoolwork sometimes. If I don’t get to it then I may try to make some once the semester is over. If anyone is a gif maker and wants to give me some tips or advice, feel free to do so! I wanna learn😂

In this place we love and respect Mrs.Savannah Morgan😌 I love her and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wanna be her😂so there will be no Savannah slander here

I don’t want to hate on any characters or ships because I love everyone on the show pretty equally, with the exception of Derek, so because of that I’d appreciate it if no one brings any hate onto them here either. I want to make this a safe space.

Feel free to have a conversation with me! Remember, I’m just speaking my mind and voicing my options while I rewatch, so don’t take anything as fact! I may say something while watching and completely change my mind after, so don’t take whatever I post as a pretext for what I think or believe to be truth about anything related to the show. My opinion is always subject to change, so don’t think it’s set in stone!

If there’s anything I’m out of line about or dead wrong about, let me know! But please do it in a respectful and polite manner! Life and school is already stressful enough, the last thing I would want is to come here and get heckled😂especially if it has something to do with me talking about CM

My opinion on the whole reboot rumors: I joined the CM bandwagon super late, so ofc I’d LOVE to see a reboot, but realistically, I doubt it’s gonna happen. But I hope I’m proven wrong! It’ll only be good (to me, at least) if they bring back the original cast (which they most likely won’t). If they did decide to bring the show back, if there’s no elite 7 then I want nothing to do with it lol

I am a proud Elle Greenaway fan😂sis didn’t have to go out the way she did, I can only imagine how great the dynamic between her and Prentiss would’ve been😭

At first I didn’t like Gideon😂I thought he was kinda weird and rude but after a couple of episodes I got really used to him and found him pretty amusing. When he left I wasn’t super sad or anything, but when he died I felt more upset for Reid’s sake more than anything 😭 Funny guy though, odd but funny lol

I love Kate and wished she stayed longer, same with Alex and STEPHEN!! I LOVED STEPHEN! My heart literally shattered when he died😭 he deserved better, they did him so dirty on the show

By now, you can probably assume I was completely heartbroken when Morgan left (which I totally was, I literally had to take a break from watching for at least a week straight) but for some reason, the nail in the coffin for me was Hotch leaving not long after, only to be replaced by Prentiss. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE Emily and all, but idk, the show just never really felt the same to me after those two left. I still watched it of course but those two being gone was just a sore spot I never think I truly got completely over🤷🏽‍♀️ (I’m well aware of the whole Thomas Gibson drama and everything but the way he was written off was just so tragic, I personally liked the Mr.Scratch story a lot so I thought they could really get somewhere with it had he stayed. I get why he had to go but I guess I just regret that he had to leave🤷🏽‍♀️ (My Hotch favoritism might be showing a bit here😂)

That’s all for now folks! But anything else that comes up or crosses my mind will definitely be spoken here!

[travellers-survivor-old-west]

Episode 4: “Just gotta try to wiggle myself in some where”- Austin

I kinda wish our tribe would lose just so I could see where the lines are tbh. Also I have a bad feeling that at a swap/merge our tribe is gonna be picked off because we’re going in with the most numbers and on a base level that’s dangerous; however, I do think it could be deeper than that because of the preconceived relationships and I’m looking forward to seeing who goes home tonight and where we go from here.

This round was a little wild for me. Austin has been my fave since the beginning and we finally created an alliance. We both liked eve so that was easy but we wanted one more person. This is where things got a little complicated. Him and eve both liked isaac but honestly i wasnt feeling isaac and love pat. But i didnt want to push too hard so we just went ahead with isaac. 

BUT we also talked to pat and will have ANOTHER alliance with him (so austin, pat and me). SO basically im working with everyone right now except keaton. Im glad our tribe has been killing it because that means no TC wooo 

We tribe swapped so that is fun. It's always interesting to have a switch up. I have still yet to be screwed by a tribe swap in my entire history of playing ORGs which is something I am happy with. This is one of the best iterations of a tribe I can think of actually. I can forge a closer bond with Xander and Dylan, because now if we lose I won't need to vote one of them out, they become my core 3. So, right after the swap I made an OG Malakoff chat with myself, Xander, and Dylan. I just wanted the immediacy to show that I was serious in wanting to stick to that, which I am. I have communicated several times that I want to work with Isaac, so ideally Austin will go in the event that we lose. I feel bad because he is a sweetheart, but he doesn't fit into my strategy, and if anyone understands game being game, he does.

I love my new tribe??? Not only is nick still here so that gives me a safety net, the sammy I like is here. Pat is here. No idea who eve is but that’s okay too. I’m loving this. Inb4 I get voted out next Bc they actually really fucking hate me :^). Byebye payton it was nice kinda knowing you? Hello ~hopefully~ friends <3

I forgot Austin has a date with Mary Jane daily so Im gonna have to cut him some slack.

Tribe swap....just what I didn't want to happen . I dont ha e my #1 ashley with me but at least I got issac here. Jared is on my tribe now too so that could go either way for me because he knows how I play the game. Gonna have to pull something out if my ass here .

This is for Alyssa you dumb ugly fat white bitch why you keep asking me for a confessional with trifling dirty white racist ass big fat bitch x Anyways. Made an alliance with Pat and Sammy! V excited to work with them but we’re snapping in immunity so, I don’t see why we would need to vote off Vi.... I mean someone at tribal! Hehe

Well....we got our last handed to us. I'm not happy going to tribal bc I feel I'll be the one going. I talk with jared and issac the most but I feel jared will stick with xander and dylan. Just gotta try to wiggle myself in some where.

I have been busy the past couple of days so this challenge being a endurance/speed comp was a struggle. And it looks like my team didn't do much. To help... It's fine we can get out one of these other two dead weights. Speaking of them. Im glad the swap merged me with two allies but the other two just suck to talk to... And that's coming from me .. Jess knows what I'm talking about. Anyways I don't want them here and want them gone. As for my allies. I like Jared a lot we are getting along and enjoying ourselves. He's definitely the one I trust most in this game and hopefully it gets me to merge where I can start phase 2 and hopefully get far. Dylan is fine .. he's offline a lot but he's from old tribe so like it helps. 

Just finished the challenge, OH MY GOD i suck at trivia but thankfully sammy snapped and we won, thank u sammy love u so much!!! Still dont believe he is straight tho x IM JOKING PLS DONT KILL MEDFHNSJFDH

I hate confessions. That’s my confession for the round... jkjk. Eh there isn’t much to talk about now that it’s tribal time. I hope whoever from our og tribe stays safe but I forgot who is there so oops. Sammy killed it. I still call bs on the centipede question but oh well. It wouldn’t have changed the result. It would have just made the gap close by 1. 

LOVE MY NEW TRIBE. So happy we swapped. I’m with actual love of my life ASHLEY!!! And Chloe is amazing too. Aidan popped off in the challenge. Keaton is Keaton. This is a good group and I’m glad they did rlly well in the challenge. I love this kind of thing but I wasn’t able to constantly be on my phone all weekend bc that’s rude :( so I’m glad it worked out. Hoping the tribe swap works out in our favor and Xander jared and Dylan stay together for the vote. Idk if Isaac and jared are friends??? I hope Isaac leaves because he knows I’m a ‘threat’ in games and because I think Ashley yelled at him once. Idk who Austin is but Ashley likes him. But idk how likely that is if Isaac and jared have a connection. As long as jared stays safe ifgaf who leaves.

Yowza. We got absolutely wrecked in the challlenge. I don't WANT to lose any challenges, but I believe in the long run I should be happy to take this L. As another way to show my loyalty, I decided to give my idol progress in the chat with Xander and Dylan. I noticed Dylan never reciprocated so that gives me 1 reason to be wary. Then, Dylan posted a very inappropriate joke in the tribe chat in reference to Survivor Thailand, and the word "rape" was used, so that was the 2nd thing to make me uneasy. At first, Dylan and Xander had no opinion on who to vote, so I voiced that I would like to vote Austin- then Dylan remembered who Isaac is and said "he can go." I eventually got things back on track to target Austin, but Dylan better be careful- it's 3 strikes and you're out with me. I have a good relationship with Isaac so I wouldn't be surprised to see Dylan go if we lose again.

Day 9 on the survivor tribe. My thoughts are about toes and only toes. They are consuming my entire day. I exist merely to think of toes. 

Also Chloe...

Okay so I’m just gonna throw down some of my thoughts right now since I’ve been very quiet in confessionals. I fucking hate these small ass fucking tribes. It makes the thought of going to tribal terrifying because your odds of going home are increased. Since the swap ive actually really been enjoying my time, I really like my new tribe and I feel I can actually connect with these people better than on my first tribe. I am glad to actually have Aidan with me because he’s like THE person I want to work with from my og tribe, along with Vi. I still have my reservations on Nick even though I think he’s nice I can’t trust him as far as I could throw him. I really feel that the trivia challenge brought us closer together as a tribe since what’s a better bonding experience than yelling at Jess that she’s wrong 50 times in one day. I think we’re all collectively quite strong and I really hope that means we can slide past for a while without going to tribal. 

Honestly i always forget what i confess from last time but i still think I’m in a good position in the game. However I really do not want to go to tribal because I don’t want to show my cards. Eve and Pat both want me to work with them so we have an alliance and then Vi and Nick approached me and want to work with me as well. This was completely surprising to me bc I felt as if I would just be an easy vote out if we were to go to tribal since I’m a lone wolf. However I’m in the middle and I feel somewhat powerful knowing that people want to keep me and want to work with me. Me and nick have had a rocky relationship in past games but i think he’s a great person. He’s just a wildcard. I love vi and i think she’s the sweetest person to have ever existed but my gut is telling me to work with pat and Eve atleast for the first vote. Hopefully I don’t have to make the decision but who knows. That’s all I have for now other than I think the idol system isn’t anything I keep getting zapped. I feel like a fly in a southern home...ZAP.

I couldn’t remember the day so I put 69. I hate this tribe with my whole heart and my whole bussy. Jared is the only one giving me any sort of shot at making it passed this round. Austin is a slime ball who will do anything to save his own skin, Xander is dead apparently, and Dylan has been tracking down places where famous people died. I feel like this is my own personal hell and while I’ve been assured that Austin is going home (which I wouldn’t be surprised was a lie) I still have to make a swap or a merge and with the clowns on this tribe being inactive and never talking about anything but Star Wars or not talking at all I don’t know how possible it is to win a goddamn challenge. 

*insert Da'vonne pretends to be shoocked gif at a swap* Since it didn't happen at 16 I wasn't surprised too see it at 15 but I'm glad because three tribes provides for much more buffer. My initial reaction to my tribe was positive as I saw that I had Chloe and three new people in the mix. I'm not gonna lie that I was getting bored on my old tribe but I do hope that Nick is doing alright. He's one ally that I'd love to connect with again... Vi is alright too but I don't know how strong of a connection we fostered. First impressions of my new tribemates: Keaton - I heard he was fucking with my friend in another game so my guard was up but I tried and he seems aloof and random with his contributions but it makes sense since he's playing 4 games at once. Will probably work off of the others who contribute in challenges? We'll see. Ashley - Sweet and seems like a hard worker. Not too much of a read on her yet Owen - He seems nice and genuine but not much of a read from a game perspective yet. It seems the split is 2-2-1 on my tribe from previous tribes but I don't know how strict to tribal lines people are going to play but I can feel some aloofness with Keaton and Ashley is traveling so... that's that on that. If we were going to tribal I have no idea what the fuck would happen but I want to strengthen connections. Honestly I think we can make it to the merge without hitting an elimination but who knows. THANKFULLLLLLLY my ass had a lucky night on the railroads and jumped to spot number fifty and apparently found a STEAL A VOTE. This is what I DESERVE. Thank you Old West Gods for blessing me, the star, with this iconic power. I'm glad I have it in my back pocket and I'm not telling a fucking soul. If it needs to be used, it will be flaunted and I will pop shit. Hopefully I can save it for after merge but if I need to control a pre-merge vote just to get my way, I'm going to do it. 

https://soundcloud.com/user-327042896/dylan-ep-2

[survivorarabia]

EPISODE 7 “Rocks for Roxy” Aren

Ci’ere

“Last tribal was soo wild and I didn’t even participate in it… The results had me shook though. I’m ecstatic that Jay, the only original Fawz member on that tribe, used his idol and survived because he’s someone that I trust and I would like to keep him close. Alex ended up going home and that was delicious news to receive because I definitely get mastermind vibes from him plus he was a Khiana. An idol was flushed out that ultimately protected Jay and forced Lena to vote out her own ally or herself. Issy proved that she really is on my side and I want to work with her moving forward.”

Aren

Well, SHIT. Jay (my cute lil overplaying BOT) just spilled some major tea or 'intel' in this new alliance chat.  So, this little fucker was recruited into this alliance which was mainly consisting of OG Khiana members, so Jay, just as his daddy taught him, started playing along for information from this alliance. Richie, Nicole & Lena are the co-ring-leaders of this alliance, and the little fuckers wanna vote-off everybody in our alliance other than Jay & Roxy. LITTLE BITCHES???? WANNA PICK A FIGHT WITH THE AREN MEISTER, EH? MEET ME IN THE PIT AND THROW FISTICUFFS WITH ME, YOU LITTLE PUSSY. Jay speculates that now that the merge is here they'll kick him out of the alliance and recruit Alex & Ruthie instead, but are we gonna let that happen? NUH-UHHHHHHH! As long as we get Emmott on our side, we can make this a 7-5 vote and I can still flush Alex, the turd, down the toilet! Weeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Ci’ere

“WE OFFICIALLY MERGED! This is every survivor’s goal because no one wants to date somebody that doesn’t make the merge. :> We have a takeover and it turns out that someone is coming back with Pandora’s Box. I immediately guess Alex because out of all the eliminated contestants he knew what he was doing and he’s smart.”

“S h o c k e r, Alex returned and he’s acting super arrogant after being out of the game for about 5 minutes. -.- Issy tells me she’s highkey upset that he’s back, so maybe we can plot to send Alex right back out kind of like a revolving door! Apparently, he’s shocked Issy voted against him when he voted against her twice and almost got her voted out the second time. I reassure her that we’re on the same side and that I have her back.”

Richie

well arabia has been fun thanks so much for hosting but my time here is done now !!!!!!!!!!! http://68.media.tumblr.com/38817c3e9059c7603d59e2cd59b17f7b/tumblr_oelryngZFq1vzwwmeo8_250.gif this is a letter to nicole: Nicole, we go way back, like super long time to a couple months ago, youre a cool girl and i like you so im sorry that i even tried to lie to you by saying it was a typo... i know youre not dumb and i dont want you to think i was insulting your intelligence by suggesting that you would even believe me when i tried to tell you that me saying "i want that idol in my pocket before nicole can get it" was a spelling mistake, i wanted to just own up and be like yeah okay bye but i figured i should at least try to play it off... and your "i saw that"???? ripped my scalp off iconic... but yeah that was a message suppose to go to alex because he had just told me he had found an idol so i went to him with the clue that you just gave me to try and get his help to figure it out because im GREEEEEDDAYYYYYY ohhh you know that im greedy for love but yeah... sorry bout that Love, Richie http://68.media.tumblr.com/80148f3ba599fe2ce93d4324978b2a20/tumblr_of3ougvqUC1vzwwmeo3_250.gif anyway im pretty much dead lmao i cant believe i accidentally sent a message talking about nicole, using her name directly, to nicole herself... like how fucking DUMBBBBB am i!??!?!? and nicole is someone i genuinely trust too she just told me about a fricken idol clue why tf would i want to betray her right now??? bc im paranoid about her using our kauai past against me down the road?? probably!!! but still..... i'm a fucking IDIOT!!! in a minority alliance of 4 (with someone who was just voted out bc no one trusted him) on a tribe of 12 and i just fucked up the one relationship i have with someone outside of that 4 group.... like.. who do i think i am to fuck up my game this bad????

Nicole

GUESS WHOSE BACK BITCHES!!!! I have been feeling so down in this game, these Roblox kids got me SHOOK okay. I literally thought the only person I could trust was Richie, but now today he sent me some rude ass message about me that I think he meant to send to Alex, and I GAVE HIM THE IDOL CLUE. So, of course I was kind of annoyed. I knew I had to get the idol before him to ensure my safety. I FOUND IT because I read it over and decided to Google it since it was in quotes! Duh Brian said the idol clue!! I'm a flop, but I HAVE AN IDOL! Now I just have to decide whether I'm going to use it or not. My issue with Survivor is I am SO impulsive, I would hate to go out with an idol in my pocket so I rather use it like an idiot and then be able to find a new one, than go home. I am trying to see if I'm going to get any votes.

Ci’ere

“I know how to get into people’s heads by pulling on their heart strings a little and controlling their emotions. :> I want people to feel like they can lean on me for anything, trust me with everything and ultimately strengthen my bond with them. I think I’ve been achieving this specifically with Emmott. If he feels like he’s being treated like an outcast, I definitely want him to stick up for himself and I will always be there to talk to him especially if no one else will. Note: If an opportunity falls in my lap, I’ll be the first take it especially if others don’t see any use for it.”

Issy

Shit is going down with this vote and I don't know which side I want to be on here There's Jay, Roxy, Aren, CI'ere, & Kat all (claiming) they want to vote for Alex Then there's Richie, Lena, Nicole, Alex & Ruthie voting for god knows who (Ruthie mentioned Roxy? Idk) And then there's Emmott who's totally reasonably pissed at the OG Fawz alliance because he's not in it, but Ruthie and Alex are trying to take advantage of this and it pisses me off that he's even considering flipping on Fawz because we need Alex gone NOW I want to work with Emmott, he's super nice, he's just unpredictable as FUCK and he keeps wanting to make big moves which I totally understand but this is not how you fucking win this game & I don't know what to do with him tbh Jay is a super huge threat and a sneaky bastard and I don't like how many alliances he's made (me/Emmott, OG Fawz, Ci'ere/Aren, fuck knows what else) & I'm not happy that Emmott is being excluded from the OG Fawz chat because not only is it a shitty game move to make him want to flip because he feels like he's on the bottom, but I don't like how sneaky Jay & Roxy & etc. have been about all these alliances

Ci’ere

“Okay so now I’m going to do a brief merged tribe assessment! I will basically be expanding on the people that I already know or introducing players that I’ve just recently met or have gotten more info on along the way!

Alex: I’m not really happy that he’s back to be honest. He’s smart, he’s dictating the other side, and he does well in challenges. Alex will probably be a target for the rest of the game until he’s voted out or until he wins.

Aren: I still feel the same way about him since my previous assessment, but the fact that he questioned my loyalty kind of set off red flags in my mind. I think he just needs to chill out.

Emmott: He’s very positive and fun, definitely the life of the party. I mean, we did swap and he ended up voting out Blossom so I’m just very confused about that whole situation. We established that we’re gonna stay loyal to each other and I hope Emmott is being genuine about this. He seems concerned on a game level and it was actually quite relieving to know that he’s stressed and paranoid just as much as I am.

Issy: I was kind of iffy on Issy, but I think Shay really did mess up. She doesn’t have a problem with me and I’m not gonna let that affect my relationship with her. Issy proved that we were on the same side by voting out Alex. I definitely want to take her under my wing and I hope she flies through the rest of this game by my side.

Jay: I’m starting to see winner potential in this guy and he’s slowly becoming more threatening. He beautifully played an idol last tribal which would confirm Alex’s elimination. Then he puts together an alliance and starts taking initiative. I trust him and all, but I think Jay needs to be voted out a little before the end if you know what I mean.

Kat: Highkey irrelevant but we’re in an alliance apparently so I have to kind of work with her for now. If this alliance happens to be successful, I’m voting her out because I don’t want any goats at the end.

Lena: We were on good terms when Khiana 2.0 ended, but I feel like she was just doing whatever it took to make sure she was safe. Lena made a mistake of trying to save Alex, so she can go.

Nicole: I really like Nicole and I think I want to take her all the way to the end. She is the physical player, I am the social player, and we balance each other out in terms of strategy. She wasn’t included in this new Fawz alliance and I feel like telling her about it, but I think there might be a reason she wasn’t added.

Richie: Cool dude that I could see myself working well with and going far together, but if tribal lines continue then it probably won’t happen. :[

Roxy: I absolutely love this girl and I know she’ll be loyal to me. Roxy has truly had to survive to stay in this game and she kicked butt to get to the merge. I’m extremely proud of her! She’s still hyper af tho. xD

Ruthie: She had a very sweet and enjoyable presence while we were together on Fawz 3.0, so I hope we can work together here as well!

As for me, I’ve been in a great position this entire game. I’ve been carrying out moves behind the scenes and playing stealthily. I have pushed myself in each immunity challenge to help my tribe win. I’ve made social bonds with everyone and I don’t believe I’m anyone’s priority target. I have been able to get people to trust me and just relate to them. I think I also managed to get in the majority of this merged tribe and I’m ready to start taking people out. I was able to blindside someone and get everyone to flip in unanimous vote. I just need to strategically get myself to the end and start making big moves.”

Emmott

 WOAH THIS IS A LOT SO BAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA i get this message from jay the other day "wanna be a part of an OG fawz majority" i didn't reply i just ignored it couldnt give a fuck i look a little later to reply and he fucken deletes the message right. anyway, i seen this message.... so i say "oh btw, would love to do that alliance" then he was like "Oh dw, it fell through! No one is really wanting it" lol ok I get a message from my MAIN GURL BOO THANG #1 ISSY <3 <3 that there is an OG FAWZ ALLIANCE CHAT THAT I AINT IN AHAHAHAHAHAH ROXY'S FUCKING IMPACT omg im in love with these people there so fucking stupid im obsessed. dumb people actually bring me so much joy omg i hate them all so much. not even like as a group, as individuals they're all dried up grapes and so sad omg so issy's like telling me its okay we'll just go along with it. but i feel thats easier for her to say. 1) shes in the alliance 2) roxy doesn't hate her 3) people actually pm her juicy goss ^^^^ i dont have any of these things so the alarm bells are really going off for me right now, and i kinda wanna flip to the khiana people. i like alex and ruthie more anyway!!! fawz people (minus issy, aren and something ci'ere) makes me feel depressed and bring down my IQ being around them idk what the fuck is going on! all i know is im not in that alliance and that's there own stupid faults! THEY REPLACED ME WITH KAT KAT!!!! my boyf has been more active in this game and all his done is laugh at me when i told him "Some psycho woman (roxy) is yelling at me over the internet" on the topic of julia/roxy/crazy do you know how hard it is to talk to her! omg i talk to her so much and i know we're both bullshitting each other but i have to pretend like shes my favourite person in the world and oh my god, its like hurting my soul genuinely aw well remember shay...... ALSO IDK IF I'VE SAID THIS YET ROXY NEVER SPELLS MY NAME RIGHT - emot - emott - emmotte - emitte - emmot LIKE HOW CAN HARD IS MY CATFISH! i can't wait to tell her my name is actually nick she is gonna freak the fuck out omg

Ci’ere

“Jay poured some piping hot tea on the OG Fawz alliance and now I’m glad I didn’t give Nicole any information. On Khiana 2.0, Richie and Lena linked up and formed a group that also included Jay and Nicole. They wanted to get out everyone in the alliance that Zak had made and exposed. The Fawz alliance needs Emmott on board with us so that we have majority. We currently have 6 votes which is enough to tie, but with Emmott we would have 7. I’m not really sure why he wasn’t included in Jay’s new alliance, but I’m guessing it was for voting Shay out.”

Lena

i literally dont remember anything that happened last night so like... who knows. anyway jay won immunity and i found out via ruthie herself that she is the target????? jay won't give me a name even though i know he's on the majority alliance which is totally BS because he told richie and i when we were on post-swap khiana that he was on the bottom of his alliance which we just found out (and knew previously tbh) was a lie. anyway so like... apparently we have emmott and issy on our side now? that will bring our numbers to 6, and their numbers are also 6

Alex

Aren has agreed to be the seventh vote, and has formed an alliance with Ruthie and I.  So, theoretically, if Issy and Emmott are with us, we should have seven against Roxy.  Theoretically.

I give it even odds at BEST.  I'm gonna tell Ruthie about the Idol, and because her neck is the one on the block, see what she wants to do, play it tonight versus keep it for the future.  I'll let her make the call either way, because I don't think I'm the one getting votes tonight.

Ruthie

TODAY HAS BEEN SO HILARIOUS, I have so much news and I really hope I pull off staying and I hope Alex, Lena, Richie and Nicole stay safe too. <3 SO I've definitely heard my name- that they are going to split a vote between Alex and I in case one of us has the idol, but then... GOOD NEWS.  Nicole spilled that she has the idol and will use it on me if she thinks I'm in danger and that just makes me feel SO good!  I really hope Julia goes because I want 'The Family' and Nicole super safe tonight.  I also have Aren and Emmott's votes... I hope.  Also Aren, Alex and I started an alliance together so that was new and exciting, it's nice to have backup, whew! Anyway, all this has been going on while I was at work and now I'm back home and on the computer and I'm happily trying to use my social game to my advantage.   Let me just add that Julia is HILARIOUS under pressure, she has me dying, I can't even bahaha.  And the thing is I REALLY LIKE HER!  Alex and I would have stayed aligned with her but she's just all over the place, I can't.

Ci’ere

“I have been pushing on Alex to get voted out ever since he came back and right now we have 7 votes for him. I tell my alliance that we should tell the other side that we’re voting out Ruthie because Ruthie, Richie and Nicole have all came to me trying to figure out who my side wants out. On the other hand, I’m reassuring Ruthie that she’s gonna stay which is actually the truth lol. It’s pretty messy right now.”

Aren

FUCK YOU EMMOTT, YOU LITTLE FUCKING FLIPPING WEEDWACK. SO, since he flipped to the Richie/Ruthie/Alex/Lena/Nicole like a fucking dumbass and since he's incredibly paranoid and thinks Roxy's gunning for him and voted him this time for WHATEVER reason, it's gonna be a 6-6 tie on Roxy and Alex??? And all I have to say, is... FOR THOSE ABOUT TO PURPLE-ROCK, I SALUTEEE YOUUU!!!! (Can we get an episode-title on that one? No? Wow, fuck you guys.)

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED WE'RE GOING TO ROCKS FOR ROXY WELP, LOOKS LIKE WE'RE DRAWING ROX TONIGHT! FOR THOSE ABOUT TO ROX, I SALUTE YOU! 

Richie

JULIA IS THE.MOST.ICONIC!!! PLAYER OF ALLL TIIIIIIME!!!!! EVERYTHING SHE SAYS IS AMAZING SHES SUCH A GLORIOUS MESS I LOVE IT SO MUCH THIS WHOLE DAY LEADING UP TO THE MERGE VOTE HAS BEEN SUCH A CLUSTERFUCK OF A MESSS AND I LOVE ITTTTTT!!!! my name hasnt been brought up once (at least to my knowledge but watch me get blindsided lmao) so i've just been talking to everyoneeeeee getting all the tea and taking notes and being a passive participant in all the mess watching like http://68.media.tumblr.com/05e3f3a1cccbad0a8494dbb4cede9e5d/tumblr_of3p41DFQy1vzwwmeo5_250.gif i really dont want to vote out julia just because shes so entertaining im going to be so bored without her messiness and unique juliaism... or roxyisms the girl is so messy she cant even decide on one name for herself I LOVE HERRRRR.... but at the end of the day im not an audience member so voting her out is what i have to do as a player RIP :(  i cant even begin to describe the full mess of what went down because i spent the last 2 hours in a mix of confusion and awe but hopefully after this vote i'll be able to process it all and just soak it all in bc whew iconic... P.S. fuck all yall in the viewing lounge for not picking my merge tribe name i cant wait to vote you out in all stars

Aren

https://i.gyazo.com/1be8248e4edff1d7ed768134ec2db491.png https://i.gyazo.com/e19c0acb752ac521d8aecdbf1643cd27.png https://i.gyazo.com/f5940ddc231a3f713a48a98f16d26198.png https://i.gyazo.com/465a114fe61239ed6fb2338a7a8fd2f8.png https://i.gyazo.com/83f620477610f6c6d5236273d8db38eb.png https://i.gyazo.com/df05067f6e3b5d593654c9ea08236bb9.png I HAVE A FEELING THAT HE'S JUST HAVING A YANK AT MY COCK BUT HOLY FUCK IF I LEGIT JUST FLIPPED HIM BACK TO ALEX I WILL BE SO FUCKING HAPPY OH MY GOD AREN YOU ARE A FUCKING SURVIVOR COGNOSCENTI GENIUS BOW DOWN FUCKERS

Well, FUCKING SHIT. That just happened. Roxy, one of my closest allies and best friends, is now out of the game. I should have her Jury vote if I do make the end though, as she's constantly like 'oh good luck aren' 'oh aren youre great' 'oh i love you aren' and I mean -- she 'aint wrong, I'm pretty fucking brill. Meanwhile, I did actually manage to flip Emmott back, which is always nice. Next vote, Alex should be leaving. I clearly had to play double-agent this round between my alliance and the other alliance, and I had to persuade the opposing side that Ruthie was getting the votes, just so if they were in possession of an idol, it'd go on her. And, hey -- it did work! Nicole played an idol on Ruthie, under the guise that she'd be leaving. HOWEVER, Alex unfortunately had an idol too, and he used it on himself, thus fucking up our plans. Unfortunately for me, I played double-agent at the expense of any shot of receiving the respect of our rival alliance. Apparently they hate me now, and I can't blame 'em! I fucked them over, and honestly, it's just because I'm that fucking good at lying. Alex just told me that I'm the NatT of this season, and he should honestly just go and fuck off. I'm fucking INCREDIBLE at this game, you little shit! Who's the one that's already been voted-off? Suck my LOLLIPOP, BRUH.