#I probably should’ve rendered it but eh

[officiallyeminent]

(click in for better view!) Happy Birthday, Ink.

(Other iterations below)

ink sans by Comyet

[writingwithacupoftea]

Quiet

Summary: Following Grace’s death, Tommy shuts himself off from the rest of the world, dealing with all of the noise in his head alone. But Y/N Shelby will be damned if she doesn’t try to help her brother...

Word Count: 3158

A/N: This has unexpectedly become my 200 follower celebration fic, so thank you again!! I was getting my doctor-prescribed daily dose of Cillian Murphy the other day watching his video about the rise of Tommy Shelby, and the part where he talks about Tommy being burdened by his intelligence for some reason made me think of Matilda. So, the song ‘Quiet’ from Matilda the Musical (which I love btw, I’m a massive musical theatre nerd) became the inspiration for this fic. Hope you enjoy it!!

Y/N Shelby was always a source of amazement to the rest of her family. Being the second youngest of the Shelby clan, it had come as a shock to her three elder brothers that she could be quite as ruthless as them when it came to business and enemies who threatened her family. However, it wasn't just that which truly surprised them: it was the fact that she still managed to retain her heart of gold. This was largely reserved for her family and, despite the violence and atrocities committed by them in front of her very eyes, she loved them unconditionally (even if they were a pain in the arse sometimes).

When Tommy bought Arrow House, he also acquired the little cottage on the estate. Knowing that Y/N was getting restless at the prospect of still living with her family as she approached her twenties, Tommy had given the place to her to do with as she wished. This arrangement pleased both siblings immensely. Tommy and Y/N had always had an incredibly close relationship, despite the large age gap, and the cottage's location meant that Y/N got the independence that she so desperately wanted, whilst also being close enough for them to see each other as often as they wished.

(As well as this, it gave Tommy peace of mind that the only way to access the cottage was to cross the grounds which lay in front of Arrow House. This meant that any enemies would have to go past the blinders stationed in front of his house, then through Tommy himself, and finally deal with the blinders outside of Y/N's cottage in order to get to her. Oh, and he always knew when she dared to bring a boy back with her.)

Everything was going perfectly, and Tommy and Y/N were, for once, happy with their lives.

And then Grace died.

For two weeks after the funeral, Tommy spent most of his time riding around the estate, thinking by himself. He didn't want to see anyone apart from his son. Sometimes, depending on where he stopped at night, Y/N could see her brother at a distance from her living room. She longed to run to him, not to tell him that she was sorry and offer her condolences because she knew he'd be sick of that already. Y/N just wanted Tommy to know that he didn't have to fight every battle alone.

Then, out of the blue, there came a point when he stopped doing that. Instead, Tommy chose to throw himself into his work, providing a different type of isolation. He barely left the house, locking himself away in his office, and when he did go out on business he hardly told a soul. According to Mary (who secretly phoned Y/N every week to let her know how Tommy was doing) he seemed lifeless now, as if he were the one that died, not his wife. Her employer was even quieter than he usually was, and Y/N knew that that was when his brain got the loudest.

Y/N refused to sit by and let him destroy himself for any longer...and she knew just the trick to bring her brother back to life.

***

The phone on Tommy's desk seemed to ring even louder than usual, adding to his pounding headache. He hadn't left the house in three days, not that he'd noticed it, and was more on-edge than ever. With a sigh, he picked up the receiver.

"Tom?" Despite the million thoughts that clogged up his brain, he couldn't help the flicker of a smile that passed over his face upon hearing his little sister's light voice, something he'd gotten so used to when she'd lived with him. But that calm didn't last long before his brain went into overdrive again.

"You alright?" He had tried his best to keep any tones of alarm and worry at bay, but knew that he had failed when his voice faltered on the last word.

"I'm fine, I just need to you pop over and help me move a bookcase."

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Tommy replied steadily, "Y/N, I'm waiting on about three different phone calls and I have a business to run. Why don't you ask -" He paused, looking at the list in front of him, "Ben or Harry to help you, eh?" (They were in charge of guarding Y/N's house during the daytime this week, according to the rota.)

"I mean I would do, but I've given them the weekend off, and quite frankly you're the closest other person, Tom."

The man in question froze. "You've sent Ben and Harry away?"

"Yes."

"For an entire weekend?"

"Yes."

"And you didn't tell me about it?"

"That's about the size of it, yeah."

"What the fuck do you think you're playing at Y/N?" Tommy was shouting now, furious that his sister would be this stupid. "I thought you had more sense than this!"

"Actually, Thomas, I think in this case I've got more sense than you. They've been outside this house for two, nearly three, weeks now because you haven't stood them down and you won't let me do it myself. How do you expect them to do their job properly if they're dead on their feet?"

Tommy fell silent, his heart beating at a mile a minute, worry taking over from his anger. What if someone took advantage of this moment? What if they used this opportunity to take his sister from him, like they took his wife? He was terrified, and the worst part was that it would be entirely his fault: he should never have let this fuck up happen, he should've kept a closer eye on his sister. Y/N lived on his grounds, anyone that came for Tommy would inevitably go for her as well.

He didn't even bother to try and conceal the tremor in his voice when he finally spoke again. "Okay, I'm coming over. Do not, I repeat, do not leave your house, alright? Don’t open the door to anyone but me, either. Have you got a gun with you?"

"Tom, you made sure that an entire armoury was installed here before I even set foot in the place, yes I have a gun."

"Good. Keep it with you, make sure it's loaded. I'm on my way."

Tommy hadn't even put the receiver down before he was on his feet, scrambling to get ready. Guilt and worry consuming him, Tommy made another phone call to get some more men stationed outside Arrow House, went up to the nursery and kissed Charlie goodbye, and then told Mary of his plan. Tommy would be staying with his sister until Monday morning – he was taking his sister's safety into his own hands this time.

It was common knowledge that the patriarch of the Shelby family didn't give a toss about religion any more, but as his pace quickened down the drive of Arrow House that Saturday morning, he sent a prayer up to anyone who was listening that he wouldn't be too late.

***

Livid. That's the only way to describe how Tommy felt upon turning the corner to his sister's cottage. For there she was, stood in the open doorway, clearly waiting for him. As he got closer, Tommy noticed that Y/N was wearing one of his old shirts under her worn grey cardigan, with a gun tucked into the top of her rolled up, oversized trousers. She also had a gentle smile on her face, the one that was reserved only for her family members.

Shaking a stern finger at his sister as he marched over to her, Tommy stated in a dangerous tone "I told you to stay indoors."

Y/N's smile moulded into a smirk. "Yeah, and I told you that Ben and Harry had the weekend off, not that there was no one guarding the house. Eddie and Will took their place last night."

Tommy ran a hand through his hair, whether out of relief or frustration, neither of the siblings knew. "You are in so much trouble." His tone was far from teasing, and anyone else would be quaking at the knees. But not Y/N.

"I thought I would be, but you can shout at me as we walk." Y/N grabbed a large basket from inside the door before locking it. "Come on!"

"You're not going fucking anywhere until -"

"You know, Thomas, the further away I get the less I'll be able to hear of you telling me off." Y/N hadn't even turned around or stopped to say it, she just kept walking.

"For fuck's sake," Tommy muttered angrily under his breath and then started moving to try and catch up with her.

***

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry for making you panic so much." Tommy had only just caught up to Y/N, and had opened his mouth to continue speaking when she cut him off. "I knew you wouldn't leave the house unless I made you think that I was in danger. You were always too good of a big brother to risk that."

Tommy was rendered speechless by her words. He had neglected her for over a month, barely speaking to her and never visiting – how could she still claim that he was a good brother?

As if she could hear his thoughts, Y/N continued to speak. "You're grieving, Tom. I didn't expect anything from you, no matter how much I wanted to see you. Although you haven't been checking that the blinders change over, that part of my call was true. But I've been taking care of it, so I've been safe the entire time. Don't go blaming yourself for anything else."

"We thought that Grace was safe." That was the first thing that Tommy had said in minutes, and his anger at being lured into his sister's trap lay forgotten for the time being. Y/N simply placed her free hand into the crook of Tommy's arm and squeezed it.

"You probably think I'm so selfish for doing this, but I promise I'm not just doing it for me." She paused, almost reluctant to put her next question out into the open. "Everything's getting loud again, isn't it?"

Tommy stared at the ground as they kept walking further and further away from either of their houses, wordlessly confirming her suspicions. He let out a small chuckle. "You always know, don't you, sweetheart? For someone so young, you don't miss much."

Y/N breathed out a laugh. "When you grow up with John and his bloody booby traps all over the house, you do tend to notice everything and more."  

That was enough to bring out the first proper smile that Tommy had produced since his wife's death. He had forgotten what a tonic his sister could be – just her presence and gentle voice was enough to soothe him and ease some of his pain. Tommy brought his free hand up to rest on top of her small one, still nestled into the crook of his arm, and she responded by leaning her head against his shoulder contentedly.  

They continued to walk in silence before Tommy realised that, for once, he had no clue what they were doing. When he asked, his sister's answer made him stop in his tracks.

"Nothing?"

"Yep." Y/N smiled at him proudly. "Absolutely nothing."

"Y/N, I don’t have time to -"

"Everyone has the time to do nothing, Tommy, even you." Her brother sighed in defeat, knowing that there was no point in starting an argument over it (the look that Y/N was giving him was enough to tell him that he'd lost it before it had even begun).

"Alright, fine. But how am I supposed to do nothing and clear my head at the same time, eh?" His tone boarded on impatient.

"You'll figure it out soon enough." Y/N responded, calmly.

***

She was right, of course. They had laid down the blankets that had been tucked away in Y/N's basket and for a while they simply watched the clouds dancing across the sky, bringing back fond memories for Tommy: he had done this countless times with his mother before she passed, and afterwards he used to take a much younger Y/N out to do the same before the war took over. Tommy let the rustling of the wind in the trees and the singing of the birds melt away the endless stream of thoughts in his head. His sister had also been clever enough to bring them so far out into the Warwickshire countryside that he knew that no-one would find them, causing a feeling of safety and freedom to wash over him for the first time in years.

Tommy reached over and held Y/N's hand in his, and whispered "Thank you, bug," just loudly enough for her to hear.

Y/N turned her head to smile at him and squeezed his hand. But then she frowned at her brother, causing him to mirror her expression. "Tom, you've got some grey hairs coming. Seriously, I can see them now, just at the side."

His lips parted in shock as her expression turned into one of mirth. "You cheeky fucker." Tommy's tone was deadly serious; however, Y/N knew her brother well enough to know what was coming next. She just managed to roll out of the way before Tommy's hand reached out to tickle her stomach.

Before they both knew it, Y/N was running like her life depended on it and Tommy was following in hot pursuit, uncontrollable laughter bubbling out from both of them.

***

A few hours later and night had fallen. Tommy had built a fire some time ago, and Y/N was sat by it, reading. He realised that, whilst the scene wasn't too dissimilar to the one he created every night in the weeks following Grace's funeral, it was also entirely different. Before, he had only focused on the thoughts constantly whizzing around in his brain, not noticing anything else going on around him.  

But now, everything was quiet. Not silent, for that would surely send all of the noise flooding back into his head. The sounds of the pages turning steadily in his sister's book provided that nice sort of quiet which meant that that noise just...stopped. Y/N hadn't actually tried to distract him from his grief or his thoughts, either, or tried to get him to talk about it as so many other people had done; all Y/N did was bring him physically away from everything and been there, a strong presence without pressure. For that, he loved her more than ever.

Tommy looked up as Y/N released a long sigh, having just finished her last chapter. He noticed her shiver slightly when a cool breeze brushed over the field, and fished another blanket out of the basket as she walked over to sit next to him. Tommy wrapped the soft material tightly around her and placed his arm around her shoulder, pulling her in for a one-armed hug.  

Breaking the silence, Y/N looked up and said "The stars are so much brighter out here than in Small Heath."

Tommy hummed in agreement. "When you were little and we were on the road with mum, I used to point out all the different constellations to you."

"I don't remember that."

"Well, you were always about half asleep."

"Do you still remember them?"

"I do."

"Would you show me them again?"

The question was asked with such innocence that Tommy glanced down at his sister, and saw her bright blue eyes staring back up at him, eyes that had him wrapped around her little finger. He laid down, patting the space next to him, encouraging her to do the same. "Let's have a look then, shall we?"

He was rewarded with a big, beaming smile.

***

When Y/N started to yawn and her eyelids began to droop, lulled by the warmth and her brother's steady voice, Tommy decided that it was time for them to head back. He bundled everything back into the basket bar one blanket, which he layered on top of the other one covering his sister once they started walking away from the dying fire (despite Y/N's apparent annoyance at his fussing).

Tommy was still set on staying in his sister's spare room for the weekend, wanting to make up for lost time. Part of him also still worried that she would be taken away from him, and knew that there wasn't much chance of him sleeping if he returned to his own bed. After all that she had done for him today, Tommy couldn't bear to leave her just yet.

He carried the basket in one hand, and Y/N had wrapped both of her arms around his other arm, revelling in the chance to be so close to her brother again, and not just physically. Y/N wasn't naïve in her view of Tommy: he was cold, brutal, rude and relentless, and she knew that. But she had also never wavered in her belief that parts of the Tommy that she knew before the war were still there; they were simply buried deep within, so much so that it was slowly becoming more and more difficult to bring them to the surface.  

However, looking up and noting the absence of a crease between Tommy's brows, she couldn't help but feel that she could afford herself a small victory this time.

"I'm always here for you, Tom," Y/N mumbled, seemingly out of the blue. "When you need some quiet, and remember that I always know when you do, I'll never get bored of things like this."

Tommy was silent, and Y/N wondered if she'd ruined it and pushed it too far. But then she heard him clear his throat and quietly reply "That sounds perfect, sweetheart," and her worries washed away in an instant.

***

As the siblings stepped over the threshold of the cottage, exhaustion hit both of them. Y/N headed to the kitchen and Tommy made his way towards the living room. Upon his arrival, however, he stopped in the doorway and simply stared in...

"Y/N?" He called, confusion seeping into his voice.

The woman in question appeared behind him, and peered over her brother's shoulder at the bookcase abandoned in the middle of the room. "Fuck, I'd forgotten about that. Well, you can move it out of the way while I make tea – it's what I called you here to do anyway." Y/N began to wander back towards the kitchen, ignoring the befuddled, yet amused, expression on her brother's face. "Thanks Tom, love you!"

"Love you too, darling," Tommy murmured, not loud enough for her to hear, a full and genuine smile gracing his features.

Yep, he thought, his sister was definitely one of a kind, but he wouldn't change her for the world; and no matter what else he did, he refused to fail Y/N again.

[glass-es-say]

Are Ya Winning, Gos?

“Just don’t get hit by rocks this time, okay?”

“Gee, I never would’ve thought of that.”

“I know,” Gosalyn says solemnly. “That’s why you keep getting anvils and junk dropped on you. We really need to get you a helmet.”

Gosalyn tries to teach Drake how to play Legend of Legends Quest.

Here on Ao3

“Uhg, are you kidding me!”

Drake blinks and looks away from patching his costume back together—again. He’d had no idea how many buttons Darkwing should’ve lost when he’d watched the show as a kid. He’s already had to put in a bulk order for them.

“Ahh!” Gosalyn drops her game in her lap and scrubs her hands over her face.

“Having fun?”

Gosalyn glares at him then slouches somehow further down into the couch.  Drake makes a mental note to include some more stretches in their training routine. “I’m trying to level up my character so I can play with Launchpad and one of the Dewey’s brothers whose character is super OP but this stupid Routerrock monster just! Keeps! Killing me!”

Huh. He can honestly say he hadn’t been expecting that. “Sounds annoying.” He frowns. “They want you to level up before you can join them?”

“No, uhg, they’re both super nice about it obviously but I haven’t really had time to play since before—you know. And I don’t want to be carried!” She punches the back cushion of the couch. “I want to kill stuff myself!”

“Just what every superhero wants to hear from his sidekick,” he responds wryly, standing up and wandering over to where she’s sprawled across the couch.

Gosalyn sits up just enough to roll her eyes at him. “It’s video game, you—uhg, whatever, you probably have no idea what I’m talking about.”

“Oh?” he asks mildly, leaning his arms on the back of the couch and looking down at her. “You sure?”

“I mean, it’s—whatever, you don’t have to pretend to care, um, but. Basically, I’m trying to beat this big rock monster so my character can get stronger but there’s like, this trick to it that I just haven’t figured out yet. And it’s frustrating me. That’s all.”

“Sounds tough,” Drake says. “You must really enjoy playing to keep going after something so frustrating.”

She shrugs, looking away from him and down at the couch cushions. “I mean, it’s fun still, so.”

“Must be. Cool graphics, too. I like that ridiculously huge sword you’ve got.”

Gosalyn snorts. “Thanks. It was a quest reward.” She’s still pointedly not looking at him when she quietly says, “Do you—um, do you want to play?”

Drake blinks. “Really?”

“Well,” she starts, louder and brasher and attempting at blasé, “I’ve already died to this guy so many times not even you could screw up my character’s stats more, so.”

Drake rolls his eyes. “How reassuring.”

“But yeah, I mean. If you wanted to. I don’t mind.”

“Sure, okay,” Drake says, hurdling the couch and landing on the cushion next to Gosalyn. “Sounds like fun.”

She gives him a particular smile he’s been seeing more and more often as they get used to being around each other and he and Launchpad get to know her. It makes something warm and happy squeeze at his heart—he’s beginning to think he’d do pretty much anything to see her smile like that.

“Okay, so this is how you move around and stuff.” She makes her character spin around in a tight circle. “And these are the block and attack buttons. You can get the menu with this one, but please don’t use all my items or I’ll be very, very sad.”

“So you’re saying I should definitely use all those glowing potion things right now.”

“No!” She pushes at him. “God, you’re so annoying.”

Drake laughs and takes the controller from her. “Alright, alright, I promise not to touch them.”

She huffs and throws herself back on the couch then immediately leans back up again. “I’m out of PvP mode right now so if anyone else shows up you can just, like, ignore them. Do not chat with anyone, I—you know what, I’ll just disable that too.” She takes the controller back and navigates through the menu to toggle the chat function off.

“The amount of trust here is heartwarming,” Drake deadpans.

Gosalyn tabs down a few more rows and hesitates, then says, “I’m gonna set the camera on auto too, that’s probably a bit beyond you right now.” She clicks around, then hands the controller back over. “Okay! All set for what I’m sure is going to be a very entertaining fight.”

“Trust and confidence. I’m so touched.”

Gosalyn has left her character in a dark, narrow stone hallway. A line of torches dots the walls, dragging the player’s attention toward the glowing block of light at the end of the hall.

“So,” he asks. “Where am I going?

Gosalyn lets out a long breath. “Oh my god,” she mutters to herself. Drake makes a heroic effort and stops himself from laughing. “Okay, just keep going down the hallway. No—that’s the wrong way. Toward the light, Drake, please. This is already so painful.”

Drake does not snicker. He simply walks the character forward to the light and triggers the loading screen for the next area.

“Okay, so,” Gosalyn says as the shape of a large stone chamber renders onscreen. “There’s gonna be this big rock monster in this room—that’s who you’re fighting. He doesn’t have any minions so you can literally just focus on him and try not to get crushed.” She tilts her head. “I hope you’re better at that than you are in real life.”

“Are the continued insults really necessary?”

“Yes. Okay, see him? That’s the guy. Don’t let him—”

A giant rock fist crushes him immediately. It isn’t exactly what Drake had in mind when Gosalyn asked him if he wanted to play. He huffs.

Gosalyn hisses in sympathy. “See that—that’s not what I meant by don’t get crushed.”

Drake levels her with a glare. “I kind of gathered that, thank you.”

He taps through the character respawn loading page until it drops them back in the corridor before the monster.

“Oh, yeah, try again. Just don’t get hit by rocks this time, okay?”

“Gee, I never would’ve thought of that.”

“I know,” Gosalyn says. “That’s why you keep getting anvils and junk dropped on you.”

“That was one—that was tw—that doesn’t happen to me that often!”

“Oh, it super does,” she nods solemnly. “We really need to get you a helmet.”

“Now she’s all about helmets,” he says, moving the character forward into the battle area again. This time he darts away from the monster a couple times—but within a minute the character gets hit by not one, but two giant rock fists and the death screen pops back up.

“Yikes,” Gosalyn says. “This is just getting a little sad, actually, so maybe you can stop—"

“Wait,” Drake says, navigating his way back to the starting point. “Let me try one last time.”

“Uh, sure,” Gosalyn says. “But please don’t break my controller when you die again.”

“I won’t!” Die or break the controller, hopefully. “Look, I’ll make a bet with you. If I can beat this guy, you have to start helping me sew the buttons back on my costume.”

“And when you can’t?”

He makes a show of sighing. “We’ll get Hamburger Hippo for dinner tonight.”

She just looks at him, eyes narrowed.

“What?”

“I’m trying to decide if it would be unheroic to let you make a bet you can’t possibly win.” She squints. “Eh, I want Hamburger Hippo more than I care about that. You’re on.”

Drake restarts the character and runs forward to the boss area. Right. No item run with a mid-level character that isn’t his. Now that he’s got a handle on Gosalyn’s specific build a single Routerrock won’t pose too much of a problem. He won’t hit speed-run times, but that’s just fine.

His heart beats quickly in his chest. The payoff for pulling this off is going to be so good.

Gosalyn shifts beside him. “You know, this is kind of a hard boss so you don’t need to like, feel bad if you can’t beat it or anything. I mean, I haven’t quite managed it yet—”

The room loads and Drake immediately scales the wall. Gosalyn stills beside him.

Three minutes later and the monster is dead, stone figure dissolving away into pixels. Gosalyn’s character punches the air and starts counting up new XP.

“What.”

Drake finally lets his grin break through. “Probably would’ve been faster with those power ups you’ve got banked, but eh. Your ranged damage is actually pretty good, though, how come you haven’t tried sniping it while dodging out of its melee distance?”

“Buh—Because that’s no fun,” she says distantly. “Wait—what just happened!?”

Gosalyn’s staring between him and the game with a flat look of shock. Drake sets the controller back in her lap and leans back. “I’m a nerdy kid from the ‘90s, Gos. I’ve put more hours into Legend of Legends Quest than you’ve been alive.” He stands and stretches his arms above him. “Hope you’re excited to start sewing buttons.”

“You tricked me!” She cries, vaulting off the couch and throwing herself at his upper back. It knocks the wind out of him and they both go tumbling to the floor.

Drake groans into the rug. Ow. At least Gosalyn had something to cushion her fall.

“You Legend Quest sharked me! Liar!”

Drake wheezes face down onto the floor. “Oh my god, Gos, I’m not LP you can’t just —”

“Stop whining, you’re fine,” she says, but she jumps off of his back and scurries around to kneel by his head instead. “Or you will be until it gets out that Darkwing Duck himself is a scam artist. A con man. A frivolous fraud who lies to innocent children—”

Drake sits up with a groan, rotating his shoulder. “You really want that burger, huh.”

She sniffs. “What I want is for my hero to be a good role model. And yet,” she sighs dramatically, “I am let down. Literally.”

“Again,” Drake says, “I am neither LP nor a climbing wall.”

Gosalyn rolls her eyes and drops down to sit beside him. She doesn’t look at him, just bites her lip and fiddles with the string of her sweatshirt. Drake rubs shoulder and watches her with growing curiosity.

“Uh, you know, there’s a local multiplayer now,” she half-mumbles to the floor. “If you wanted to play again, or whatever.”

Drake swallows around the warmth spreading through his chest. “Would you—do you want to?”

Gosalyn gives a kind of half-shrug. “You know. It could be fun.”

He can’t help the stupid smile that spreads across his face. “I’d like that a lot,” he says, rolling to his feet and reaching down to help Gosalyn back upright. “Let me get my account code so I can log in as my main.”

She gasps and punches his arm. “You have a main? You know what main means? You are such a cheater!” She shakes her head with mock solemnity. “You’re a terrible influence on a growing young mind.”

Drake chuckles and rubs his arm. “Alright, we’ll get Hamburger Hippo. But only tonight! And you still have to help me resew buttons.”

She narrows her eyes at him. “Do you know how to get the Lightning Longbow?”

“Yeah?”

“Alright. Deal accepted.”

*

"...Your character is basically just Darkwing."

"I don't know why you're in any way surprised."

“God, you’re the lamest superhero ever. Even Gizmoduck is cooler.”

“Hey!”

*

Friend request received from GosaWin

 Friend request accepted

[jellicle-jemmy]

So I wrote this a little over two years ago. They are my first thoughts in watching CATS (2019)

This was written basically as soon as I got home from the theatre in 2019. I truly hope you enjoy these, as they have been gathering dust in my drafts. Now, without further ado:

These are just some of my thoughts I had while watching and my initial reaction to the film I have just watched.

Okay, first of all, me and my pals thought we were in the wrong cinema for a couple minutes because there were faaaaar too many people in the cinema

Overture:

As we all know, the music slaps and me and my pals were straight vibing as the camera panned down. 

And then the cats appeared. I legit was thinking, “wow they actually made them look like that, huh?”

I immediately identified Munk, Cass, Dem and Syllabub

SPIDER MUNK! SPIDER MUNK! DOES WHATEVER A SPIDER MUNK DOES!

fr tho why did he climb down that wall like that that’s not how cats work

Why are they surrounding her like that?? ARE THEY SUMMONING A DEMON WTF?? I’M SO DIZZY

[Victoria appears] Oh look it’s a babey

I took a forty, smashed in on the ground and yelled SCATTER

Jellicle Songs For Jellicle Cats

Laurie Davidson is babey 

This isn’t too bad. I like the way that this number is being handled so far

AAaaaaaaaand now it’s funky town WTF

The music just went rachachacha on us

Munk really be out here straight vibing throughout the whole song

I do like how he’s kind of leading the whole numberits fun to watch

As always, there’s my babey Syllabub

We need to talk about the feet. Or maybe we shouldn’t. Yeah let’s not.

What is with the clapping in the music? Who is clapping? The cats aren’t. The audience certainly isnt. ( @whatsajinglebellcat said “It’s the clap of their ass cheeks as they’re dancing”)

The choreography is mediocre at best, I really dislike Andy’s choreography, why are they like that?????

Francesca Hayward is babey

How is Syllabub able to hang from that position wtf, surely that hurts

Robbie Fairchild as Munk is both daddy and babey (i’m said it I’m not sorry)

The jellicles seem to be having fun at least which is nice

Macavity Dialogue Bit

That Moriarty reference flashing into a wanted poster for Macavity is beautiful thank you so much to whoever pitched that and implemented that

Ooooo Macavity already sounds interesting

Once again, Laurie Davidson as Misto is babey

Demeter and Cassandra, why are you such bitches? Dear lord

The Naming of Cats // Invitation to the Jellicle Ball

Ngl I actually really like this bit

Deadass seems like a cult initiation but we’ve long ago established that the Jellicle tribe is a cult anyway

Munkustrap ur doing so good sweetie

Victoria darling u are one in the babey club

As always, there is Syllabub straight vibing

Mr Strap, Munk that is a child, why are you dancing with her like that?!

Francesca is a stunning wonderful dancer but she should’ve been dancing by herself more

Mr Mistofelees you are such babey ur so cute darling, he’s doing so good

Munk why did you have to sing your bit and then restate it while talking we’re not stupid!

oh wait.

a lot of people still don’t get the plot

carry on, and maybe say it again

The Old Gumbie Cat (Coming from someone who has played Jennyanydots)

no

no no

no no no

no no nope not happening no

no way

don’t like that at all

why is she doing that

why does she sound like that

Munk ur doing so good but why

Why is she spreading eagle like that

why do the mice look like that

why do the roaches look like that

WHY DID SHE UNZIP HERSELF DEAR GOD MY EYES

NO FUNNY FAT CAT BOING BOING 

The Rum Tum Tugger

ooooo... this... is alright

actually

hold up

wait

why is this actually good

awww Jenny and Munk are so cute i’m glad they did munk and jenny’s friendship

Damn Tugger is fun

Okay, why is he reacting to Vic that way

Who cares this slaps

Jason Derulo was a good Rum Tum Tugger choice there I said it

Oh my god i actually love his voice

Syllabub = babey

dear god Jenny that comment about Tugger and being neutered isn’t very in character but I cackled

Jenny sweetie pls don’t try and breakdance

Okay the milk is fucking weird

this is weird

okay nvmind it’s good again

Tugger really be feeling himself in those riffs. and so he should

Grizabella The Glamour Cat

This is well handled

I really like how Griz sang her bit to the curious Victoria

I love that not everyone realised Griz was there right away

Of course, that is 

oooo Cass and Dem are feisty 

Deadass Cass seems like Grizabella’s child??!!!

Oh my god they look like the Jets or the Sharks are they about to start clicking????!!!!

Gang gang

Once again - syllabub, i see you and i love you

Dialogue Interlude

Griz went of with Maccy Boi huh?

Macavity you fuckin’ bitch

I barely remember what happened but that transition into Bustopher Jones really doesn’t fit

I think Bustopher and Jenny had a fight? Umm? Why?

Bustopher Jones

I had a real trouble keeping an eye on whats going on in this number

Why are all his ‘clubs’ just dumpsters? Like no. That’s-

That’s not really

No

JESUS CHRIST JENNY REALLY JUST WENT POOF HUH

THANOS SNAPPED THAT QUEEN

HOLY SHIT

I LITERALLY JUMPED OUT OF MY CHAIR

After that I was just watching my friend who played Bustopher to see his reaction to everything

Also why is he singing this entire number by himself

Maitre’D (or however the fuck that name is spelled) is married to Bustopher and no one can change my mind

Why is “the cat in spats” so funny, Macavity? Huh? I did like that Mac poked fun at his fashion sense rather than his weight tho

Also why did Bustopher fucking flyyyy??????

Aaaaaaaaand down the slide Veruca Salt style

Growltiger Interlude

Could’ve raised a lot of red flags with this number, but just establishing the character where all the kidnapped characters ended up, I liked

Also what did Growltiger actually do to Bustopher

And that gag about the rhyming of “aims” and “thames” ran a little too long ngl

But I liked the mauled ear on Growltiger - nice nod and detail

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer

These two really said “Be gay, do crimes”

I love them

I fucking love them

And this rendition

10/10 I love this whole number

They’re a little more evil than playful but I literally don’t care because they’re awesome

The jewels on Victoria? Stan

Mungojerrie is such a cute dumb bitch and I love him so much

Their accents are so cute

The house is stunning

Victoria? Babey.

Mungojerrie? Babey.

Rumpleteazer? Babey.

This number was so much fun and is probably my favourite

And their fur designs are so cute too!

I love this song. I love the version. I love everything about it.

Mistofelees X Victoria Interlude

Once again, the twins are babey

You know who else is babey? My clumsy and adorable boy Misto

Clumsy sweetie

Wow they’re going for Mistoria huh?

Why didn’t they play up Mungo and Teazer knowing Vic before the ball? Why is there just a nod to it in when Munk asks about the jewel Vic wears

Old Deuteronomy

I adore Robbie Fairchild

Why does Old Doot appear like a new rival in a video game?

The rendering was so bad in that moment

But Munk is so sweet when Doot appears

They are mother and son, and no one can change my mind

Judi Dench really can’t sing huh...

It’s so raspy and yick

Also her coat is so odd and I hate it

Deadass she looks like an albino

Song of the Jellicles

I genuinely couldn’t tell if I liked or disliked the fact that everyone sang everything

“Meow meow meow meow” Gus dear god why

Again, we’re back into the whole cult thing

Jellicle Ball

The whole cinema lost their minds laughing through this whole choreography and I hated it

But Syllabub got some dance moves

Tugger saying “With your permission” ummm??? He is Doot’s other more feral son

The choreography was good at some points but for the most part it was eh

The music is bangin’ tho

And then they all died lmao

Memory

WHY DOES GRIZ HAVE SO MUCH SNOT

that is all

PART 2 COMING SOON

[rexcoatlarchive]

Rider Reunions

*post f/zero event*

Waver: so master, you think using my catalyst from the 4th hgw will allow us to summon Iskandar?

Rikka: sure I do. It seemed to work for Rex and Quetz over there

Me: hey

Quetz: hi!

Rikka: so I'm sure it'll work for summoning Iskandar

Waver: I wasn't sure if this summoning system worked with catalysts the same as in a hgw, but it would seem to be the case. It's been so long since I've seen him, I'm embarrassed to say but this is a bit nerve wracking.

Rikka: want me to start it up for ya?

Waver: ...yes, if you would please.

Rikka: alright.

*Rikka places the small tattered piece of cape on the center of the summoning circle.

Rikka: alright *places her hand on the lever* here goes nothing! *pulls on the lever*

*the summoning circle lights up with the column of light, showing the rider symbol briefly*

Waver: there's the rider symbol! It might actually be him

*soon the summoning concludes and there in the center, in his divine chariot is Iskandar*

Iskandar: oh you have done well to summon me! Iskandar king of conquerors shall carve out your path!

Iskandar: *notices Waver* wait a minute *getting off the chariot* boy, is that you?

Waver: it's been a long time hasn't it rider?

*the two embrace each other*

Iskandar: hahaha! It really has been a long time boy! You've grown so much since then! Hmmm, still pretty skinny tho

Waver: I'm not really the working out type

Iskandar: oh come now boy! You'll never get anywhere thinking like that!

Me: wow, that's a pretty touching reunion

Quetz: si. It really warms the heart.

Me: you think we'd ever have such a heartfelt reunion?

Quetz: I can imagine but I don't think I want to be separated in the first place

Me: me either

*Anastasia lost belt, shortly after the battle against Ivan*

*Rex is using the blood of fallen demonic beasts to create a summoning circle*

Da Vinci: *over comms* are you sure this is a good idea?!

Me: yes I'm sure, we need Quetz! Now more then ever!

Da Vinci: you don't have to it like this! You could just use a temp rider summon to get to twins and the briefcase!

Me: they're dealing with Anastasia and Kadoc right now! If those 2 see me trying to summon with they'll definitely try to take me out!

Holmes: are you sure it's not just desperation to see her again?

Me: can it Holmes!

Gordy: who even forms such relations with servants! It's foolish!

Me: you can it too Gordy! Besides, Quetz is a near perfect counter to Anastasia. She's a sun goddess that could definitely destroy an ice dutchess! And her noble phantasm, Xiuhcoatl, can prevent the use of enemy noble phantasms! This lostbelt Anastasia without the use of that familiar...

Gordy: ...will be rendered completely defenseless! I might've underestimated your ability boy!

Me: thanks for the vote of confidence

Da vinci: but even still summoning her in this way, she'll likely not remember you! Are you sure you want to deal with starting that relationship over?

Me: *finishing up the circle, and placing down the catalyst* yes! I'd do it a thousand times if I had to

Da Vinci: you're really determined to do this aren't you?

Me: yes!

Da Vinci: then do it! Summon the love of your life! Summon the goddess Quetzalcoatl!

*the summoning circle begins to glow, and the pillar of light appears once again, showing the symbol of the rider class*

Me: come on, bring her back to me. It's been too long

*the light dissipates and there standing at the center, is Quetzalcoatl once again*

Quetz: Hola! The goddess Quetz- eh? Master Rex?

Me: hey there Quetz

Quetz: MASTER REX!

Me: QUETZ!

*we embrace each other, and Quetz lifts me up and spins me around once again*

Me: it's so good to see you again! And I can't believe you remember me too!

Quetz: of course I remember you! I love more than anything!

Me: REALLY?!

Quetz: si! I love you even more then Lucha Libre!

Me: that's probably the best thing you've ever told me!

Da Vinci: I hate to spoil the reunion, but we still have a situation to deal with.

Me: right! Quetz, I didn't just summon you because I miss you, even though the main reason. I also summoned you because I need your strength!

Quetz: of course master! I'll always be ready to provide my strength for your cause!

*they fly off on the feathered serpent, heading towards the tree of emptiness*

Me: *thinking* I can't believe she still remembered, despite what should've happen! You know... yeah I'm gonna do it! I'm going to propose to her when we finally get a proper base again

*Rex ends up hugging Quetz even tighter while thinking of this*

Quetz: master, your hugging super tight! Is something on your mind?

Me: no, I just missed you.

Quetz: I missed you too!

And that's the story. I wanted to do one of those power of love type stories, while also kind of doing parallels to the Waver/Iskandar relationship. I hope I didn't mess up Waver or Iskandar's character in anyway. Hope you guys like it

@panyum because why not

[snizabelle]

Alright, finally got to a point where I’m happy enough with this fic to actually post it. I’ll probably be putting any further chapters on AO3, enjoy.

------

It took exactly 148 steps from the sandy base of the ruins to get to its former grand lobby, Castis had counted every one meticulously. Barely anything stood of the ancient skyscraper but its pillars. The roof had long been destroyed, or caved in with time, allowing the light and sweltering heat of the desert sun to cover most of the floor. Crouched in the shadows by the weathered railing was a figure, aiming a rifle into the sandy valley below.

Cas aimed his pistol. “Freeze!!" 

It wasn't an unusual sight, the ruins were usually crawling with bounty hunters, vagrants, and thieves.

The suspect remained still, as they hadn't been moving in the first place. I told an unmoving person to 'freeze', he thought. Spirits, I am a fool. He tried again. "Stay where you are!" That's even worse. I wish I was dead.

This was hardly his first arrest, but he was still rattled by confrontation. Everything was so much simpler on paper; doing the actual dirty work was too nerve-wracking. He had already spent 6 months on this crappy planet and dealt with his fair share of riffraff. Nolvion may have been a dwarf planet in the back end of the terminus systems but you wouldn't think it with the amount of scum it collected. The small security outpost he was a part of was the only thing driving it back, though the real objective was considered classified. He tried to keep his hands from shaking as his thoughts continued to scream through his head. "Look, just get up-no stay where you, uh, raise your-" (aaaAAAAUUUGH!!) Finally, the suspect stirred. They were wearing thick, but shoddy, ill-fitting armor, head obscured by a large standard-issue helmet. Without turning, they raised a single finger, indicating whatever Castis was spouting could wait. Wait....what? "I - excuse me!!", he sputtered, "I am an officer of Fort Audax!" There was a brief pause. Then, the suspect stood, and slumped forward with an exaggerated sigh. This intrusion seemed to leave them put out. 

Castis was getting impatient. "I demand you turn around slowly with your hands in the air now!!"

After what seemed like an eternity, the suspect turned and- There was a deafening sound and the floor flew up to meet Castis' head. His jaw cracked on the ground and tasted blood in his mouth. He could feel a bruise forming where the kick had landed on his mandible. Enraged, he scrambled to his feet, head pounding. The culprit stood there, seemingly baffled. "Did you just ..." Castis felt only anger now. "...assault me?!” He heard something that sounded like an 'uh oh' noise muffled in the helmet. Castis barred his teeth. You're goddamn right 'uh oh'. He may have been a terrible negotiator but he was pretty damn good at hand-to-hand combat. Before the offender had a chance to do anything else, Castis had lunged forward and grabbed their wrist, twisting it, forcing their knees to buckle. Before they could react, he headbutted them on the bridge of their helmet, causing the cheap material to crack. As the assailant fell backward, Cas swept their right leg, hearing a distinct crack as they fell backward, helmeted head thudding on the ground. Panting, Castis steadied himself and surveyed the assailant. There was no movement. He walked carefully around the body and pushed their discarded rifle away with his foot. "Vakarian! Come in Vakarian!" A voice crackled onto the communicator on his omni-tool. Cas answered the comm, still trying to catch his breath. "This is Vakarian." "Status report." "Sir,” he panted "Suspect attacked me, but I have rendered them unconscious. Sustained minor injuries. Suspect is unarmed and incapacitated."

There was a pause. The voice cracked again. "Just shoot them."

Cas clenched his jaw. "I repeat: the suspect is unarmed and incapaci-" "I heard what you said." There was a shuffling sound as though the person speaking was shifting, agitated. "Do it." Cas swallowed hard, fingers clenching and unclenching. He chose his next words carefully. "Sir...It would be more...prudent... to bring in the suspect for questioning and proces-”

"Damn you Vakarian!!" Cas jerked his head back so violently it smacked the stone wall lightly behind him, "Do we have to go through this every time?! Do we have to spend hours of paperwork for every infraction!? Just shoot the f -"

He disconnected without thinking.

Damn. Gonna pay for that later.

He glanced over at the motionless figure. ‘Just shoot them.’

***

Well, crap. Marcella was in incredible pain. Hopefully, her leg wasn't broken but it certainly felt like it was. Damn it all. Usually, one kick to the face made rent-a-cops drop like drunk elcor. Should've sized this one up better. You're getting sloppy. The crackle of the cop’s comm echoed over to her. "Just shoot them." Spirits..... If I had known it was my last day alive I would've....would've... She struggled to think of something meaningful one could do in their last hours while the comm screeched. There was abrupt silence and she heard the scraping of boots as the officer turned around. 

Shit. Shit! Not like this! 

More silence. From inside the helmet, she peeked open her eyes for a second to see what he was doing. He was leaning in close. Inspecting her? There was a hunting knife on her hip. Maybe if he leaned in close enough she could get him in the neck. It was her only shot. She felt her helmet jostle and snapped her eyes shut again. Hot air rushed her face as her helmet was removed. Just play dead. Don't move...! She heard a thunk as her helmet was tossed aside. Her hand was laying under her back by her left side. She could feel the shape of the knife pressing against the back of her thigh. He had straightened up again. Her fingers inched toward the knife, touching the hilt. I could just go for it... maybe he'll be so surprised he won't react? Or I'll just get shot in the face. Well, I'm dead either way. There was another loud crackle as his comm buzzed. and almost made her jerk. "Female. No facial markings." She heard the cop say. "Taking into custody. Will report at 0500." What..? She relaxed her fingers, retreating them from the hilt. Interesting.

***

Faldos can flay me for all I care. Castis holstered his gun and submitted his report verbally in his comm. "Female. No facial markings." Do things right or not at all. He walked over to his bag, laying where he had set it by an old pillar. He shuffled through it for a bit, though as usual, it was perfectly organized. He retrieved his handcuffs and turned. The suspect already had one leg up on the ledge and was in the process of climbing over. "Hey-! You- F-FREEZE!!" He dropped the cuffs, awkwardly grabbed for his holstered gun, and pointed it at her back. She froze accordingly. "Ugh, come on!" Slowly, she turned, hands begrudgingly in the air. She starred at him, seizing him up.

The first thing Cas noticed was her eyes. They were a piercing blue. He felt a strange pulling in his chest. She had no clan markings but had slight scarring on her left mandible. The way it traced up the side of her face was almost memorizing. She was tall, even for a turian, and her waist was - “Well?” she said suddenly, shaking him out of his thoughts  She sounded slightly amused.

Cas blinked and shook his head. What the hell was that!?  

"S...state your name!" He could feel his face grow hot in embarrassment.

She smirked and said nothing.

Castis blinked nervously but didn't relent. “You are trespassing. You are not authorized to be here. Show me identification now or I will take you into custody."

She shrugged her shoulders, the universal sign of indifference.

"Are you aware you attacked an officer of Fort Audax?" Cas said.

"Well yeah,' She shrugged again. 'I figured the uniform wasn't for show.”

Castis felt himself burn, "Excuse me?!"

She smirked again, seemingly excited she was able to get under his skin. He exploded, "Get on the ground now!!" Her smile faded. 'Well, I'll try." She visibly struggled to kneel on her left leg, glaring at him all the while. Castis felt a brief bout of shame wash over him. "Hey, uh...I'm sorry if I was too rough. it's okay, I have medi-gel if you need it.” She continued to glare "I’m fine." She tried to lean on one leg and winced.

"No, you're not. You're hurt." Castis stepped forward.

'Really? You kick my ass then offer to clean me up?" The suspect's eyes flashed. "Go ahead and give me two pops in the back of my head when I kneel, make it quick okay?"

Castis slowly lowered his gun to the ground. He took a few more steps forward and raised his hands. "I promise I'm not gonna hurt you."

The perp raised her eyebrow plates but said nothing.

"Do you...would you mind if I...?" Cas took a few more cautious steps forward. She paused for a second then extended her leg almost dramatically. 'By all means, admire your handiwork." He shuffled close to her and knelt by her outstretched leg. Dispensing some medi-gel, he began to apply a numbing agent to her upper thigh. He was uncomfortably close. Look forward, look forward look forward, don't be weird don't be weird - "Enjoying yourself?" His head snapped up to meet her gaze. "NO!" She was smirking again. His face burned as he hastily rubbed the rest of the medi-gel on her thigh as quickly as possible. He staggered to his feet rubbing the excess off his hands. "Alright, how does it feel now?" The suspect leaned on her leg gently, then gave a few light stomps. "Hrm, not bad." She took a few light steps toward him. "Do you make a habit of sensually patching up every girl you brutalize?"

Castis felt his face burn even hotter. "Y-you attacked me first!"

She shrugged, "Eh details...' Details?! "Either way, since you refuse to provide any form of identification - and you attacked me -” Castis glared, “ - I'm going to have to take you in." There was a long pause. She sighed then extended her wrists. Castis blinked. "Really?" "It's only fair, you patched me up." She looked off in the distance as though not wishing to engage in the situation. "Well....good!” Cas huffed a small sigh of relief. Finally, things are gonna stop being needlessly difficult. He approached her warily. "Now please extend your-" She's already doing that you WORTHLESS- "YEP just like that, uh, let me just-" He lifted his noticibly empty hands. Cuffs. YOU NEED CUFFS AAAAA- "Just.....one...second," Cas mumbled awkwardly. The suspect blinked lazily at him, seemingly bored. Castis ran awkwardly back to the pillar where the cuffs lay. He grabbed them and whirled around. "Okay! Now let me just-" She was gone. "HEY!!"

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 3: Cracks and Buds (originally published on December 21, 2020)

Author's note: Like I said last chapter, this will be where things get interesting and diverge a bit from the original version of Future. In addition to merging Rose Buds with Volleyball, A Very Special Episode will mostly be skipped since while I did enjoy that one, it pretty much rendered itself non-canon by the end. However, elements of that will be incorporated into the final episode of Part 1. But I've been talking too much, let's get on with the show!

Synopsis: Steven is forced to air out more of his mother's dirty laundry when Pink Pearl and a group of Rose Quartzes visit Earth.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst, Ocean Jasper, Lace Amethyst, Famethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl, Pink Pearl, Shell, Mega Pearl

Tom Scharpling as Greg

Kimberly Brooks as Shy Rose, Superfan Rose, Hippie Rose, Angel Aura Quartz, Zebra Jasper, Biggs Jasper, Carnelian, Skinny Jasper

Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate

Amy Sedaris as Teal Zircon

Lamar Abrams as Wy-Six

Cristina Vee as Jay-Ten

Dee Bradley Baker as Lion

Noël Wells as ?

--

"Thanks for stopping by to help me with this painting while I help some of these Gems today TZ." Steven, wearing a doctor's uniform, thanked Teal Zircon while she stood before a painting of her former leader Rose Quartz. "Seeing this after all I've been through recently is kinda making me uncomfortable, so I want it moved somewhere else."

"Can do Steven!" Teal exclaimed while keeping her eyes on the painting, contemplating what to do with it. "Now where to put this."

First, Teal tried hanging the portrait above the temple gate. "Naw, no good."

Next, Teal went up to Steven's conservatory and thought Rose's serene expression would fit well among the greenery, but then changed her mind. "Hm, needs to be more grandiose."

Then, she tried going up to the temple's hand and hung it on one of the fingers. "Nice view, but I'm not sure."

Warping back down to Steven, Teal Zircon carried the Rose Quartz painting over to the kitchen and leaned it against the trashcan. "Hey Steven, you think this is a good spot?!" she called to Steven, who had just wrapped up healing a Ruby.

"Wait, in the garbage?" Steven asked as he walked over to the painting near the trash. "Why would you choose that place?"

"Well, it's simple really." Teal explained. "Y'all think Rose is trash now so therefore, she belongs with actual trash."

"No, it's not like that!" Steven objected to the Zircon's decision. "Rose may have done some highly questionable things, like faking her own death as Pink Diamond and lying to both sides for thousands of years, but that doesn't mean she should just be thrown away like that!" Before Steven could continue, there was a knock at the door. "Hang on, gotta take this."

When Steven opened the front door, he was greeted with tons of Quartzes with cracked gems and physical deformities. "Volleyball must've gotten real wild, eh?"

"You said it!" Biggs Jasper replied, sticking out a finger that had an eyeball at its tip.

--

A few minutes later, all the Quartzes were back to normal thanks to Steven, and they returned to their volleyball game while he waved them off. "Come again!" Steven cried. "But not like, too soon. Remember, volleyball isn't a contact sport!"

"Yo Schtu-ball!" Steven's father Greg called for him while he walked towards the beach house with Amethyst in tow. "Did you and that crazy Zircon find a good place for that painting yet?"

"No can do." Teal answered with a shake of her head.

"What she said." Steven agreed. "After everything that's happened lately, I don't know if I still want her hanging over us, y'know?"

"Hey, speaking of pink Gems, I think someone might wanna talk with you." Amethyst said, and she & Greg moved out of the way to reveal Pink Diamond's former Pearl standing behind them.

"Oh, it's you!" Steven exclaimed, recognizing Pink Pearl from when he managed to free everyone from White Diamond's control, including her. "What brings you to Earth?"

"I came here because I heard you might be able to help with this." The Pearl said, stepping forward while gesturing to her hideously cracked eye that extended to parts of her face and even a small portion of her hair.

"Well step right on in!" Teal Zircon exclaimed before she and Steven walked Pink Pearl into the house and sat her down. "You came to the right guy. You should've been here earlier. He was able to fix up all these Quartzes, including one that had an eye growing on her finger!"

"Thanks TZ, but let me take care of this." Steven said. "I'll have you fixed up in a jiffy." He began to lick his palm, which grossed Pink Pearl out. "Don't worry, it may seem gross but it gets the job done." He placed his healing saliva-covered palm on his patient's gem and waited for her eye to be healed. But sadly, nothing happened.

"Did it work?" Pink Pearl quietly asked.

"Maybe you should try touching her eye?" Teal suggested.

"That's exactly what I was going to say." Steven stated before he licked his hand again. This time, the spit went on Pink Pearl's injured eye. But just like last time, nothing happened. "This can't be right!" he said to himself. Steven rushed over to a plant and plucked off a leaf to double-check. He tapped on the stem the leaf came from, and out of it came a bouquet of flowers. "It's alright, my powers are fine."

"But what if there's something more to this?" TZ guessed, sitting down where Steven once sat right across from Pink Pearl. "Tell me, I've been told you were controlled by White Diamond once. I know this might be a touchy subject, but is there anything you remember from that time?"

"Nope!" Pink answered. "8,000 years just, blip! Gone!"

"So you don't remember getting cracked in the first place?" Steven asked.

"Oh no no." Steven's patient corrected him. "This was from before."

"So White must've hurt you at some point!" Teal guessed earnestly. "Is that right?"

"Oh stars, no!" Pink Pearl stated. "This was all Pink Diamond's doing!"

"My mom?!" Steven yelped at this revelation and began tensing up, turning a little pink in the process.

"Told you." TZ muttered, unintentionally making Steven more nervous already until Pink Pearl let out a gasp.

"Are you okay?" Pink Pearl asked Steven, who began to ease up more thanks to her.

"Sorry, it's just baggage." Steven let out a sigh of exhaustion. "And thanks a lot Teal."

"Oop, sorry!" Teal giggled nervously. "No hard feelings?"

"It's fine." Steven said to Teal and turned back to Pink Pearl. "Anyway, I think I know just the Pearl to help us fix you!"

--

As Steven took Pink Pearl outside, Amethyst joined the two as they began searching for Pearl. "So, I take it fixing her eye was a no-go?" she asked.

"You're right, and that's why we're looking for Pearl." Steven said. "You know where she is?"

Before Amethyst could answer, a stray volleyball zoomed past her, Steven and Pink Pearl. Right in front of them, the same group of Quartzes Steven healed earlier were playing a very aggressive round with Pearl serving as the referee.

"Think fast!" Angel Aura Quartz yelled before she spiked the ball towards Zebra Jasper's head, followed by Pearl blowing the whistle.

"Next set!" Pearl declared before she noticed Steven. "Oh, if it isn't my favorite medical professional. How's your clinic going?"

"Hey Pearl, you got a moment for she and Steven here?" Amethyst asked, pointing to Pink Pearl.

"Sure." Pearl accepted as she looked at Pink Pearl. "Did you come to compete?"

"Pardon?" Pink Pearl asked confusedly.

"I mean, in the volleyball tournament." The other Pearl blushed awkwardly.

"Actually, we came here because we need your help." Steven said.

"Okay, what can I do for you?" Pearl asked the two.

"So, this is Pearl." Steven introduced Pink Pearl to Pearl. "She was Mom's, I mean, Pink Diamond's Pearl too, a long time ago." Unfortunately for Steven, introductions quickly got confusing. "And Pearl, you remember Pearl? She was also Pink Diamond's Pearl, AGH! That's too many Pearls!" he snapped in befuddlement. "We should probably give you a nickname."

"A nickname?" Pink Pearl blushed in surprise.

"Yeah, a nickname." Steven repeated.

"Like how Steven calls Teal Zircon stuff like Teal or TZ." Amethyst said. "Maybe we could put an eyepatch over that eye and call you Captain Pearl!"

"Oh, I know what a nickname is." Pink Pearl stated. "It just reminds me of how Pink Diamond once gave silly little names to everything." She added, reminiscing on her former owner with a longing stare. "She was so funny like that."

"Looks like someone's still holding a torch, am I right?" Amethyst snarked. "Now if only I had an eyepatch lying around."

"How about-" Steven began just before a volleyball hit him in the face, and an idea hit him just as hard. "Volleyball!"

"Volleyball? You're so funny!" Pink Pearl, now known as Volleyball, blushed with a cute giggle. "You're just like her."

"No, I'm not like," Steven yipped in surprise. "Anyway, we're here because of the crack on-"

Steven was cut off however by the beach growing darker as a large rumbling sound rang out, and an equally large dagger-like silhouette descended towards them.

"Uh guys, is that who I think it is?" Greg rushed to join the Gems, as the shape grew closer to the Earth.

"Um, is whoever's in there with you?" Volleyball asked nervously.

"Yep." Steven answered, before the Human Zoo docked itself right in front of him. "They're with us."

--

"Ste-Van, greetings!" Wy-Six, one of the humans inhabiting Pink Diamond's former human zoo, merrily greeted Steven alongside Jay-Ten through the communicator in Steven's conservatory.

"Jay-Ten, Wy-Six, how did you get your space station all the way to Earth?" Steven asked just as cheerfully.

"We took the Zoo ship and made it into a cruise ship!" Jay-Ten answered.

"Um, I don't think I was told there were humans that made it to space." Volleyball stated.

"You were still under White's control when Pink had this human zoo made for her." Pearl suggested to Volleyball just as Greg, Amethyst and Teal Zircon arrived in the conservatory. "I'll fill you in later."

"Oh hey Jay-Ten. Hey Wy-Six." Greg nervously greeted the two Zoomans, whose pleasant expressions turned sour in his presence. "I haven't seen y'all since the Choosening!"

"You mean since you DIDN'T choosen us?!" Wy-Six said angrily. "Don't you have any sound discs to listen to in your wheeled conveyance?"

"Yes, yes I do." Greg replied as he nervously walked away from the conversation.

"Now that he is gone, we'd love it if you came by for a visit." Wy-Six offered.

"Sure thing." Steven accepted the offer. "Is it okay if Amethyst came along and saw the Famethyst?"

"You're right, I gotta introduce the Quartzes to them!" Amethyst exclaimed before preparing to run off. "Oh we're gonna have such a ball!"

"As long as she is not Ga-Reg, she is welcome." Jay-Ten smiled.

--

Since Steven had last been there, the Human Zoo had received a massive overhaul. Now that Era 3 came with the end of the caste system, the Famethyst and the Zoomans essentially took over control of the zoo from Holly Blue Agate and turned it into a paradise for themselves.

"Ste-Van, welcome to our cah-ruse!" Wy-Six declared, introducing Steven, Pearl, Volleyball, Amethyst and the Little Homeschool Quartzes to the new & improved Human Zoo.

"Wow, it looks so much different that last time." Pearl gasped in astonishment at how much change they brought to the space station.

"Um, was it always like this?" Volleyball asked the Zoomans.

"Kind of." Jay-Ten said to the Pearl. "We were descended from humans that were taken here and choosened, but it's all different now for us while the Amethysts and Jaspers laze around like delinquents! Am I right Holly Blue?"

"Stop relaxing and get back to your posts, you low class twits!" Holly Blue yelled orders to the relaxing Amethysts, despite the fact that she no longer had power over them. "How can anyone function with this total lack of order?!"

"Aw come on Holly, chill out." A Carnelian the size of Amethyst said while another Amethyst put a flower crown on the angry Agate's head. "You know you want to."

"I give up. No one answers to me, and I answer to no one." Holly Blue kept ranting, unaware that Steven and Volleyball were standing behind her. "I'd give anything for an order from the Diamonds, but all they ever talk about is Steven, Steven, Steve-STEVEN?!"

"Hi Holly!" Steven casually greeted Holly Blue. The Agate gave a stink-eye to Volleyball before nervously shuffling away while performing the Diamond salute, and ran off as her former subordinates laughed at her expense.

"Soon boy. Soon." Holly growled under her breath as she ripped the flower crown off her head and the doors slowly closed behind her. "That Pearl we made into a sleeper agent better work."

"Bye Holly." Steven said just as casual, unaware of what Holly Blue murmured.

"Yo, Famethyst!" Amethyst called to her fellow Quartzes. "Meet some of my new homies!"

"AMETHYST!" the Famethyst cried out happily before Amethyst spin-dashed towards the group and knocked them all down like they were bowling pins.

"Hey, you came here with Amethyst here?" a very skinny Jasper asked Zebra Jasper as she held up Amethyst. "You guys are gonna love it here."

As the large group of Quartzes laughed and played together, Steven looked on with a grin. "What a weird, happy family."

"Ste-van, we have some special friends we'd like you and your Pearls to meet." Wy-Six said to Steven and the Pearls before he led them out of the Zoo.

"They wanted to meet us?" Pearl asked in total confusion.

"Yes, it is they who wanted to come with us to Earth." Jay-Ten replied before they stood in front of the door that led to a room where so many Rose Quartz gems were bubbled by the Diamonds. "We cannot wait to see the look upon your faces when you see their faces! Ooh, here they come!"

The door opened, and standing before Steven, Pearl & Volleyball was a Rose Quartz with a face and hair eerily similar to the Rose that Pink Diamond had disguised as. While Steven and Pearl stood wide-eyed in shock, Volleyball was still left in the dark.

"Yes, that's the look we wanted to see!" Wy-Six exclaimed.

"I suppose she looks familiar to you?" Volleyball asked her friends, who were still silent in alarm as two more Roses, a medium pink-colored messy haired Rose with her gem on her shoulder and another with her gemstone on her chest and slightly straighter hair of a lighter color, rushed out of the room, where tons more formerly bubbled Rose Quartzes frolicked about.

"S-s-so many Rose Quartzes." Steven finally stuttered in surprise. "But how?"

"Now that it's Era 3, we were all unbubbled, so now we're making up for lost time!" the shoulder-gem Rose revealed excitedly while shaking Steven's hand. "Hi, I'm Rose Quartz! And you, you must be Steven!" she added while picking the boy up. "You're so much smaller than I thought you'd be! Is it because you're half-organic? Isn't he amazing Rose Quartz?"

"It's, like, we were bubbled but, like, now we're not." The chest-gem Rose pointed out while speaking like a hippie while her super-excitable companion presented Steven to her.

"Uh yeah, it's really great." Steven laughed awkwardly. "I'm glad to see you're adjusting well."

"Oh, isn't Steven just the best?!" the hyperactive Rose exclaimed. "You're so kind and friendly and brave and smart and handsome and gentle, and we haven't seen the Earth since we first emerged! Tell us, what's it like living there?"

The familiar-looking Rose Quartz peeked out from behind the hippie-like Rose, continuing to make Steven & Pearl nervous while Volleyball still looked befuddled.

"I'm sorry, what?" Pearl stuttered.

"You know, the planet you live on, Earth!" the happy Rose shouted as she lowered Steven to the ground. "What's a day in the life like for a hero like you?"

"Well, most days I am pretty busy." Steven answered shyly. "I wake up pretty early and-"

"Where's your house at?" the hippie Rose interrupted with a question of her own.

"Oh, we have a beautiful view of the ocean." Pearl answered.

"I've never seen the ocean before!" the exuberant Rose said, placing a hand on Steven's shoulder.

"I've never smelled it before." Her relaxed friend added as she placed a hand on Steven's other shoulder, making him even more disturbed. "Speaking of smell, what's it like breathing?"

"It's mostly nitrogen." Steven explained. "My friend Connie says-"

"I bet you sleep ALL the time!" the Rose that had pretty much become Steven's new number one fan cheered.

"Well, not all the time." Steven replied. "I only need eight to ten hours of sleep at night at my age."

"What's it like eating food?" the fangirling Rose squealed eagerly.

"W-w-w-well why don't you come to dinner and find out?!" Steven blurted out while looking at the shy Rose with a massive degree of unease. "That is, if you want?"

"I'm still lost. Why are Rose Quartzes such a touchy subject for you?" Volleyball piped up, breaking up the tension.

"Oh ye of little faith." Pearl declared as she put a hand on her fellow Pearl's shoulder. "You have so much to learn."

Just then, the Quartzes suddenly arrived via conga line led by Amethyst; seemingly unaware of what just happened. "Yo Steven!" Amethyst cried, before she turned catatonic at the sight of the Rose Quartzes with Steven and the Pearls. "Uh, what did I miss?"

"Family reunion." Steven answered meekly before the Quartzes conga-lined away. "So what do you say girls?"

"I'd love to Steven!" the shoulder Rose cheered and gave Steven a big hug. "Come on guys, Steven's having us over!"

"Like, wow man." The chest Rose replied. "You really are a real sweet guy Steven."

"You go on ahead, I'll catch up later!" Volleyball laughed while Steven and Pearl walked away with the Roses. When she was left completely alone, Volleyball hesitantly knocked on the wall and a peephole opened up. "I've come to report Holly Blue."

"Excellent, at least I have one bright spot." Holly Blue sighed happily from the other side of the wall. "Can you give me any important info?"

"Yes. Apparently this Rose Quartz they once spoke so highly of is a rather uncomfortable subject for the Crystal Gems." Volleyball said nervously. "I could see it in Steven, the Pearl and the Amethyst's eyes when they met those Rose Quartzes."

"The boss will like this." Holly Blue purred mischievously. "Return to that boy at once and see what else you can gather."

"That reminds me, I think I'd like to back out of this revolution." Volleyball murmured. "I know it's because of Pink Diamond that I'm like this, but Steven is barely anything like her! He even gave me a nickname!"

"You one-eyed moron!" the Agate yelled at the Pearl. "Our master has brought us together in the first place because Steven bent all of Homeworld to their knees by being a controlling brat, just like how Pink constantly threw tantrums because she didn't get what she wanted! Is that clear Pink Pearl?!"

Volleyball didn't listen however, and instead walked faraway from Holly Blue. "I still won't have any part in this." She declared hotly. "And by the way, they call me Volleyball now."

"What kind of stupid nickname is that?!" Holly shrieked furiously. "Get back and do as you're told, like the slave you are!" Her yelling fell on deaf ears and Volleyball was gone, leaving Holly to panic. "The master will not like this."

--

"He's cutting one of those carrot beans again." The excitable Rose announced as she, her fellow Roses, Garnet and Pearl watched Steven cut up some carrots on his dinner plate. "Going up…..into…his mouth!" she continued before Steven picked up a piece of carrot to eat. "Ah, and it's gone! No one can eat a carrot bean like you!"

"I've been doing this for most of my life now." Steven said, still unnerved by the Roses' obsession with him. "I'd hope that-"

"Hey Scthu-Ball!" Greg cheerfully greeted his son as he entered the beach house. "Any idea when the Zoomans will leave? I haven't had this many of my exes visiting since-"

"You must be Steven's human dad!" Shoulder Rose exclaimed. "Hi, how are you?!"

Greg completely stopped in his tracks at the sight of the three Roses, especially the one that looked almost exactly like his late wife. "I can feel the rest of my hair falling out."

Just as Greg was about to leave, Steven tried to stop him. "Don't go Dad. You wanna join us for dinner?"

"Nope!" Greg answered without hesitation, and left just as quickly as he came. As Mr. Universe left, Volleyball finally returned to Steven.

"Hi everybody, sorry I took so long." Volleyball fibbed. "Amethyst wanted me to stay a while."

"Uh…" Steven muttered.

"Okay, now back to this eating thing!" Shoulder Rose continued while she took Steven's plate for herself. "So, you take this food stuff and you put it in your face hole like this, right?"

"Yeah, that's basically it." Steven laughed nervously.

"Y'know, if I had my own Pearl, I'd totally, like, want it to be just like you." Chest Rose said as she gazed at a very unnerved Pearl. "You tried this butter stuff? It's real groovy."

"It's okay, but thanks anyway Roooooose." Pearl answered very uncomfortably.

"Excuse me Pearl, but are you alright?" the shy Rose Quartz asked Pearl.

"I'm going to the bathroom." Pearl abruptly declared and, as she stated, moved away to the bathroom.

"Yo, you're lookin' kinda tense." Chest Rose said to Garnet with a hand on the fusion's shoulder. "How about I give you a nice relaxing message while we talk?"

"I'm also in need of the bathroom!" Garnet stated and got up to follow Pearl to the john.

"Okay Steven, I think I got this eating thing down." Shoulder Rose proclaimed while holding a carrot from Steven's plate in front of his face like he was a little boy. "Here, open your face hole." With that, Steven reluctantly took the carrot and ate it. "Good job!"

"I, uh, should probably see how Garnet and Pearl are doing." Steven nervously said. "Why don't you talk to Volleyball here while I chat with them?"

As Steven left for the bathroom after Garnet & Pearl, the three Roses stared at Volleyball.

"So, what was it like as Pink Diamond's Pearl?" Navy Rose asked Volleyball.

"They're not her." Steven whispered to himself as he watched the Pearl talk with the Quartzes, with a hand on the doorknob. "It's not weird at all."

--

Steven found Garnet and Pearl waiting for him in the bathroom as he closed the door behind him. "So, how's it going?"

"Don't you think this is super weird?" Pearl asked her son figure. "I mean, we've lived without Rose for sixteen years now, and then here come these Rose Quartzes that were bubbled because of her! And one of them even looked like her!"

"Of course it's super weird Pearl!" Garnet answered bluntly.

"Come on guys, we can't all be like this." Steven tried to calm the two down. "It's like Pearl said, they were bubbled because they looked like Mom. Now they're finally free, and all we're doing is hiding away in the bathroom whispering to each other about the same thing."

"I know it's wrong," Garnet stated. "but I'm overwhelmed."

"You know what? They don't just look like her, they are here!" Pearl exclaimed. "Because she made them!" The ex-servant took a deep breath and buried her face in her hands in embarrassment. "I thought I'd be more prepared for this."

Just then, they heard someone rushing down the stairs, followed by a familiar voice. "Hey Steven, where are you?! I still need help with the painting!"

"That's gotta be TZ." Steven recognized the voice and prepared to go back outside. "You two wait here, I'm gonna go back out to make sure they're having a good time. And that they don't see the painting."

--

"Oh Steven, come out come out wherever you are!" Teal Zircon called for Steven around the house while she hauled the painting around on her back, when she noticed Volleyball and the Roses. "Oh hey Pink Pearl, who are your new friends?"

"Oh, you're that Zircon from earlier." Volleyball said. "I was about to tell these three Rose Quartzes about how I got my eye cracked when you came around. How are you doing?"

"I still can't find a good place to hang this doohickey that won't make Steven freak out." Teal explained as she flipped the painting off her back to show Volleyball. "I understand why he doesn't want it within his line of sight, but it's a very nice lookin' "meep morp" as I've heard some Gems call art."

As Steven finally emerged from the bathroom, he saw that Teal Zircon was presenting Rose's painting to Volleyball while the Roses looked on.

"I think we should leave." Navy Rose suggested. "We wouldn't want to overstay our welcome."

"But we're having so much fun!" Chest Rose complained, and the trio looked at Steven with hurt on their faces.

"Do you not want us here?!" Shoulder Rose asked Steven sorrowfully.

"N-no, you're totally welcome here!" Steven stuttered bashfully, taking a brief moment to glare at TZ for bringing up the painting at such a bad time as he slightly began to turn pink. "I-in fact, I think there's still something we should t-t-t-t-took, I mean talk about, like Volleyball! We haven't brought up your eye yet!"

"Oh yes, it's a real shame what White Diamond did to this poor thing!" Pearl dramatically agreed as she impulsively burst from the restroom, realizing far too late what she just did and covered her mouth in shame. "Oh, darn it!"

"Yeah, I mean, Steven's healing powers won't work on her eye." TZ replied. "Hey Pearl, you know a place where she can get fixed?"

"Well, when a Pearl was damaged, they're usually taken to the Reef." Pearl explained. "It's located on one of Saturn's moons

"Yes, that's exactly what Pink would do!" Volleyball chirped happily.

"Ooh ooh, can we come too?!" Shoulder Rose asked Steven and Pearl. "I always wanted to know how Pearls are made!"

"Oh sure, the more the merrier!" Steven accepted.

"That's so awesome!" Shoulder Rose yelled, and she dropped down to the floor. "I'm dying, I'm dying, I am dead! I am dead Rose Quartz!"

After they all had a good laugh, Steven, Pearl, Volleyball and the Roses all left for the Reef via Warp Pad, leaving Teal Zircon all alone in the living room. At least until Garnet peeped out of the bathroom. "I predicted you would play a role in screwing the pooch TZ." She coolly stated.

"Was it something I said?" Teal said meekly.

--

Far from Earth, past Saturn & Jupiter and on the moon called Titan rested the Reef, a Gem facility that was essentially the birthplace of Pearls. And it was just the place that Steven was looking for.

"Here we are." Pearl announced as the Warp Pad took her, Steven, Volleyball and the Roses to a clamshell-like building surrounded by water.

"So this is the Reef." Steven declared as he looked around the place.

"This is where Pearls are made, right?" Navy Rose asked.

"Were, but you're right." Volleyball answered. "It also serves as a luxury boutique and center for refurbishment & repair."

"Repair, yes!" Steven exclaimed. "Just what I needed to hear." When Steven pressed his hand on a nearby pedestal, the facility turned on and a voice similar to Pearl's spoke to the group.

"Welcome, Pink Diamond." The voice greeted Steven.

"No, my name's Steven Universe." Steven corrected the voice.

"Welcome, Steven Universe." The voice corrected itself. "My name is Shell, your guide to the Reef."

"Wow, it sounds just like Pearl!" Shoulder Rose chirped eagerly.

"Well, this is a place for Pearls." Pearl stated with a chuckle. "Anyways, tell Shell why we're here Steven."

"Okay." Steven said, and then he turned to Shell. "My friend Volleyball here has a big crack on her face, and we'd like to get it fixed. Can you show us where you can help?"

"Understood." Shell obliged as a path to the center of the facility was lit up. "Please follow the illuminated path to the Care Center."

"You really didn't need to go all this way for something so trivial." Volleyball smiled.

"It's not so trivial Volleyball." Steven assured Pink's former Pearl. "Soon, we'll all be able to put this behind us."

"And don't you worry." Pearl added while taking her fellow ex-slave's hand. "I'll be with you the whole way."

Steven and his Gem friends began following the lit path to the Care Center while they examined all the boutique's accessories and holograms of Pearls.

"This is like, so cool." Chest Rose commented. "Pearls are so lucky to get all this cool stuff."

"Please feel free to take your time looking at the boutique's latest offerings as we make our way to the Care Center." Shell instructed. One offering in particular caught Volleyball's eye.

"Look at these darling fans!" Volleyball exclaimed, pointing to an assortment of fans.

"I'm taking one of these for the road." Chest Rose snickered while taking one of the fans for herself.

"What about you Pearl?" Steven asked Pearl. "Any memories rushing back into you?"

"Please, nothing like examining all these glitzy tchotchkes to get you remembering the simpler days." Pearl scoffed when she found a ribbon wand on display. "I mean, who even needs something as tacky as a ribbon wand, right Volleyball?!"

"What a sweet ribbon wand!" Volleyball gasped at the wand on display. "It looks just like mine!" To demonstrate, she summoned a ribbon wand of her own just like what was displayed and began twirling it around. "It was a gift from Pink. Isn't it exquisite?"

"Ooh!" Shoulder Rose whooped in excitement.

"Takin' this one too." Chest Rose declared as she snatched the ribbon wand from its stand.

"It's sweet she gave you all these keepsakes." Pearl laughed sardonically. "But I don't think there's any need to get attached." She tried to remove the ribbon wand from Volleyball's grasp, but the other Pearl refused to lose it.

"Guys, can we keep moving already?" Steven said impatiently.

"Yes, let's." Pearl obliged grumpily before she stomped away to the Care Center. "I've had enough of this old circus of objectification."

--

"Welcome to the Care Center." Shell introduced the almost featureless round room to its guests as they stepped into it. "We have everything you need here to update and repair your Pearl."

"If only I had something to help us remember this trip by!" Shoulder Rose whispered to her fellow Quartzes as Volleyball stepped onto a panel in the middle of the Care Center.

"Hey, I got these." Chest Rose replied, holding up the trinkets she took from the boutique. "Can't wait to show everyone at the Zoo."

"Scanning in progress." Shell informed as the one-eyed Pearl was scanned for any injuries to her form.

"So how do I look?" Volleyball asked Shell, but the answer she got was nothing like she expected.

"I am sorry." Shell apologized. "There is nothing I can do."

"But I thought this place was for fixing Pearls!" Navy Rose exclaimed. "There's got to be some kind of misunderstanding!"

"That's right! What's wrong with her?" Steven agreed.

"There is no visible damage to her pearl." Shell analyzed. "Perhaps the damage was severe enough to impact her even if her gem shows no signs of disrepair."

"So, it's psychological?" Steven gulped at the AI's answer.

"That's absurd!" Volleyball laughed creepily while turning to the others. "I'm totally fine!" The forced smile on her face and the worsening cracks on her eye, on the other hand, told a completely different story.

"How could White be so careless?!" Pearl shouted furiously at Volleyball.

"Oh no Pearl, you got it all wrong." Volleyball revealed. "This was all Pink's doing."

"What did you just say?!" Pearl yelled in Volleyball's face, as Steven watched in horror.

"Ah dudes, I don't think Steven's looking too hot." Chest Rose muttered while she noticed Steven sweating very nervously.

"It's a real funny story." Volleyball said. "Once, Pink got so fed up with Yellow and Blue Diamond refusing to give her a colony that she went straight to White Diamond. Of course, White told her that she wasn't fit to have one, and that set her off."

"Set her off?!" Pearl shouted, currently unaware of the stress Steven was under at the moment. "What kind of crazy talk is that?!"

"You know how Pink's powers were so destructive, how she threw tantrums left & right and that her screams could crack walls!" Volleyball continued explaining, accidentally earning her more of Pearl's ire. "But she didn't mean to hurt me! I was just standing a little too close during one tantrum and-"

"It doesn't matter!" Steven yelled while averting his ears from more of his late mother's dark secrets. "I don't want to hear anymore, I just want to fix this!"

"Destructive powers? Tantrums?!" Pearl exclaimed in disbelief of what Volleyball was saying. "The Pink I knew was a healer who kept her feeling secret!"

"The Pink I knew couldn't keep a secret to save her own gem." Volleyball admitted.

"Are you kidding?!" Pearl replied as Steven's angst reached a boiling point. "If anything, she was too good at keeping secrets! In fact it was because of one secret that we're even here today!"

"STOP IT!" Steven finally screamed as he fully turned pink and his shout knocked the Roses off their feet, catching the Pearls' attention. "I've had enough with hearing about all the horrible things she did! I get it already, she was the absolute worst, can we just cut it out already?! I don't want to think about it anymore!"

"Steven, please!" Pearl cried out, shocked at both Steven's outburst and how it changed his body.

"I just want to fix it!" Steven exploded, causing a room-wide shockwave created by his fury, forming a crater beneath where he stood. Pearl rushed to the traumatized Volleyball's defense as the pink-colored Pearl curled up into a ball on the floor. When Steven finally calmed down, he gazed at his reflection in the broken floor and immediately regretted what he just did.

"I am terribly sorry for the troubles these defective Pearls have caused you." Shell coldly apologized while the whole Care Center turned an ominous red. "Rejuvenation is required to contain these two."

Suddenly, a pair of oyster shells emerged from the ground and began trapping the Pearls inside of them right before Steven and the Roses' eyes.

"Zoinks man!" Chest Rose yelled, a complete 180 from her usual hippie-like persona. "What do we do?!"

"We have to use our heads!" the panicking Shoulder Rose suggested, and her two sisters turned to face her. "Uh, what are you looking at me for?"

"When the process is complete, they will obey you without fail." Shell continued while pulling up a viewscreen showing the Pearls inside the clam-like trap.

"What have I done?!" Steven yelled frightfully while banging on the shells. "Please, let them out!"

In the midst of the chaos, a loud clanging noise was heard from the other side of the shell, which came from Chest & Navy Rose trying to use Shoulder Rose as a battering ram to help free the Pearls. "I didn't mean use my head!"

"Do not worry Steven Universe, your Pearls are about to be better than new!" Shell assured the boy while presenting him the viewscreen. "Feel free to examine this process from the outside using this screen."

While Steven was forced to watch as Pearl & Volleyball were writhing from the pink energy they were zapped with coursing through their forms, the Roses kept on using Shoulder Rose's head to try breaking them out.

"What are you three still doing?!" Steven cried out at them.

"We're just trying to help, uh doy!" Shoulder Rose yelled while rubbing her head.

"Can't you all take a hint?" Shy Rose stated. "He doesn't like us because we look like his mom, and us coming here made it worse!"

"There's no way that's true, right Steven?" Shoulder Rose began sobbing in disbelief.

"That's not important!" Steven replied. "What's important is that we have to save them!"

"Wow dude, not even considering our feelings?" Chest Rose said. "That's just cold!"

"Never meet your heroes." Shoulder Rose began crying.

"No please, don't leave me like this!" Steven yelled for them while they tried to escape the Reef. "You can still help me, it's just that you guys look so much like my mom! I thought I could finally move on from her, but then here you three come and start making feel all twisted up. I've been pretending I'm fine this whole time, but to be honest, I'm not."

"We've been pretending to be fine too." Navy Rose confessed.

"But not pretending to have fun with you!" Shoulder Rose added.

"And not pretending to take all this cool stuff." Chest Rose also stated.

"Your mom created us, and then we were bubbled because we looked like her." Navy Rose said. "Because we were Rose Quartzes. I don't really expect you to understand."

"But I do understand." Steven responded softly. "If anyone knows where you're coming from, it's me."

--

While Steven and the Roses were still outside, Pearl and Volleyball were on the verge of being rejuvenated into completely new Pearls, and used these last moments of their current selves to confide in one another.

"I'm sorry for not believing you!" Pearl apologized quickly to her fellow Pearl. "I just can't stop making all these excuses for her!"

"Is that what you've been doing?!" Volleyball asked while twitching in agony. "Like I said, she didn't mean to do this to me!"

"But you were hurt!" Pearl yelled. "Badly hurt!"

"You were badly hurt too!" Volleyball exclaimed. "But how did you stop all the hurt?!"

Pearl simply responded by hugging Volleyball tightly and proclaiming, "I didn't." When Volleyball hugged her back, the two began glowing in harmony.

--

"Don't worry Pearls, we got you!" Steven exclaimed as he and the Rose trio raced to the viewscreen just as it disappeared. "Oh no, are we too late?!"

Thankfully for Steven, his question was answered in the form of the clamshell exploding and from its remains came a fusion of Pearl & Volleyball, standing calm and confident. The fusion had a single gold eye while the other got its cracked eye from Volleyball, and was dressed in very regal attire.

"You fused!" Steven exclaimed joyously. The Roses were just as amazed, particularly Shoulder Rose who just kept squeeing in amazement.

"WARNING: UNKNOWN ENTITY SIGHTED!" Shell roared in alarm while activating the Reef's defense systems. "FACILITY DEFENSE PROTOCAL INITIATED!"

"We can cheer later dudes, we gotta bounce!" Chest Rose cried out as claws emerged from the walls. The Pearl fusion, however, detained all of the claws with elegant ease using a weapon that was Pearl's spear combined with Volleyball's wand.

"That's so awesome!" Shoulder Rose cheered. "Go Mega Pearl! Yeah, that's what I'm gonna call her, I call dibs!"

"Hang on everyone!" Mega Pearl exclaimed as she rounded up her four friends and sliced the Care Center's door open immediately after it was shut. Laser began firing from the walls, which Mega Pearl nimbly maneuvered through. But as one last defense, smaller clamshells tried to block the exit while tendrils emerged to keep Mega Pearl restrained.

"We were almost there!" Steven groaned in frustration, before Mega Pearl picked him and the trio up in her hand.

"You four take it from here." Mega Pearl said before she turned her ribbon spear into a lance that pierced straight through both the clams and the exit. She then tossed Steven, Shoulder Rose, Chest Rose & Navy Rose forward, and Steven used his shield to slide on as he reached for the pedestal to shut down the facility once again.

With the defense systems finally off, the door opened and Mega Pearl was lying gracefully on the ground, now free from the tendrils, and gazing tenderly at Steven.

Steven smiled back just as Shoulder Rose rushed up from behind him. "That, was, SO AWESOME!" she squealed and squished her cheeks in excitement.

"Best day ever." Chest Rose declared with her face to the ground and a thumbs up in the air.

"Come on, let's get out of here." Navy Rose sighed, exhausted but relieved that everyone was okay.

Unbeknowst to all the Gems as they left the deactivated Reef, a peculiar device left out some dying beeps in the Care Center, and then finally shut down.

--

Night fell by the time Steven and the Gems returned to Earth, and they all gazed out at the ocean together.

"Wow, everything looks so pretty at night." Shoulder Rose muttered in awe.

However, Steven was silent for most of the night, until he turned to Mega Pearl and the Roses. "I'm sorry that this whole trip was for nothing." He apologized to the fusion, and then turned to the trio of Quartzes. "And I'm sorry I made you guys feel bad."

"Nothing personal Steven." Chest Rose accepted the apology. "And like you said, no one could understand us more than you."

"Yeah. Guess that kinda makes us siblings in a way." Steven admitted.

"What does that mean?" Navy Rose said shyly.

"Well, my mom created you, just like how she created me." Steven guessed. "I think that would make you my sisters in a way."

"That sounds awesome!" Shoulder Rose cheered, and she gave Steven a big hug. "Siblings forever!"

"I'm glad to be related to you." Chest Rose agreed with the sentiment.

"I can't wait to tell all the other Rose Quartzes about this." Navy Rose said. "It was very nice getting to see Earth."

"This whole endeavor wasn't for nothing." Mega Pearl finally said softly. "Your mother's Pearls just never knew the whole story. One knew your mother as she was trying to change, but didn't know why. The other never expected her to change at all. But now, I can understand it all, and they can have each other."

With that, Mega Pearl unfused back into Pearl & Volleyball, holding hands and gazing out at the night sky. As Volleyball leaned on Pearl, Amethyst and the Little Homeschool Quartzes suddenly returned.

"Yeah, Famethyst for life!" Amethyst cried, accidentally ruining the mood as the others stared at her from behind. "Hey, what did I miss?"

"Oh, Steven!" Teal Zircon yelled as she raced towards Steven. "First things first, sorry for making your guests feel bad. And second, I think I finally found a place to put Rose! And no, I won't put her in the trash this time."

"That's great TZ." Steven smiled at the Zircon. "What did you have in mind?"

--

Later that night, Steven was lying peacefully in bed with Lion by his side. And within Lion's mane, Rose Quartz's painting leaned against the tree within its pocket dimension, no longer hanging over everyone.

--

"So she just up and left?!" a voice barked at Holly Blue Agate from a computer screen in a hidden room at the Human Zoo. "Why didn't you stop her?!"

"I tried your clarity, but she refused to listen!" Holly Blue pleaded on her knees. "Please forgive me, I can do better on whatever assignment you give me next!"

"Okay, I'll let this slide." The voice sighed, bringing joy to Holly Blue's face. "Return to Homeworld at once, I have another assignment for you. But in the meantime, what about that tracking beacon we planted on the Pearl?"

"It seems to have short-circuited, last I checked." Holly Blue declared. "Last known location was the Reef on Titan."

--

"And that's why you never send a Pearl to do, well, anyone else's job!" a slim, black figure wearing a white cape complained on the other end of the call via a green visor, pinching the gemstone replacing her nose in irritation as she arrived via Warp Pad at the Reef. "I'm already at the designated location. I'll keep you all updated with further orders."

Pushing the pedestal, the facility suddenly reactivated, to the figure's delight.

--

And cue For The Damaged Coda! Gotta say, this was probably my longest chapter yet. Now that we have yet another load of dirty laundry cleaned up, it's time to ask some bigger questions. Who is Holly Blue taking orders from when she said earlier she didn't take orders from anyone? What does this mystery character want with the Reef, and how will Steven react to a possible revolution taking place right under his nose? Join us next week for more answers, and happy holidays!

[slashersteve]

Stuck With Me

requested by anonymous: Steve imagine where the reader gets tortured with Steve and Robin and Steve realizes he loves her. You can do anything you want with it just kinda like the general idea! Thanks!

pairing: Steve Harrington/Female Reader

summary: you and Steve have been through some tough shit, but it was always together. This time, it really seems like you’re going to die and Steve doesn’t want to die without telling you something first. 

warnings: I guess drug use, and some blood, curse words.

notes: I had fun writing this lmaoo, also I loosely based this off of the reader from Hit and Run! because I like the idea of the reader getting dragged into everything alsdklsjdla I hope you like this anon! ~

!!!Spoiler Alert for Stranger Things 3!!!

***

You don’t know how you allow yourself to get into these situations, you’d think you’d learn the first time to say ‘No I don’t think I will help you’ to Steve Harrington when he asked for your help to translate a secret Russian communication and find a way into the stock room where they believed Russian weapons were being transported. 

Honestly though, Steve could ask you to march right into the upside down and you would do it, you liked the guy that much. And now, here you were, arms bounded to your side inside an underground Russian lair with an incredibly painful headache and a Russian man asking you the same questions for the past hour or so.

“Who do you work for?” the Russian general or whatever asked you for the hundredth time, and you answered for the hundredth time, “The Gap- you know the clothing store?! You know the one!? I sell clothes! Literally just clothes!”

“How did you find out about this place?”

“Oh my god guy! I told you! It was by accident! Did you forget?!” you nearly cried out, he glared at you, and for a moment it seemed that he was finally going to believe you, but you should’ve known better before you got slapped. Your head swung to the side, and you let out a painful groan.

“Who do you work for?”

Dear god, you thought, this was the longest night of your damn life.

Eventually, after being questioned and slapped around a bit more- they finally took you out of the interrogation room, you were still conscious, and your face was burning and aching. They tossed you into a new room, you stumbled onto the ground for your feet and hands were bounded together.

You fell to the ground with a hard thud, and a curse word slipping from your lips. 

“(y/n)! Are you okay!?” you heard the familiar voice of Robin, you looked up from your spot on the ground, seeing her bounded to a chair. You blinked.

“Just peachy thanks,” you replied, then your eyes averted to the person on the ground next to you. Your eyes widened when you saw it was Steve, he was knocked out cold, face all bruised up and bloody. His mess of brown hair going in every direction possible. You suspected that he got the worse treatment, because you and Robin weren’t beat till unconsciousness, in fact you don’t think they even got to questioning Robin yet. She looked untouched. 

“Steve? Steve?! Robin please tell me he’s like...alive!” you said, trying to roll over to him which proved to be more difficult than expected. Instead of rolling, you more so flopped around like a fish out of water, trying to get to Steve.

“He’s alive, just...knocked out cold, been for a while, he groaned like once,” Robin replied, voice shaking. You let out a sigh of relief, allowing your body to relax for just a second, you rested your head against the hard ground next to Steve’s face. 

“Thank god,” you said quietly, Robin nodded in agreement. 

“What did you tell them?” Robin asked, before you could reply, the Russian general and the guards returned, taking Robin now. You tried your best, yelling and even attempting to trip the guards from taking her. 

“Let me go you fucking bastards!” Robin struggled as they dragged her out of the room, and they didn’t leave the room without giving you a hard smack in on your cheek that rendered you weak and dizzy. They really pack a hit, don’t they?

“You assholes! You fucking assholes!” you cried angrily, but had to stop because your own voice was making your head hurt even more. You looked forward, seeing Steve’s unconscious face, your attention quickly turned back to Steve and you realized the slap simply brought you closer to him. You quickly wiggled the rest of the way near him, reaching up with your bounded hands to gently touch his face, “Damn, they really beat you huh?” you asked the unconscious Steve, seriously it wasn’t the first time you’ve seen Steve with a bruised up face- in fact you’re sure you’ve seen it more times than you liked. 

It still hurt every time to see him this hurt, the first time he definitely deserved it- Jonathan gave him a run for his money and that knocked some sense into the guy- but the second time, you saw that fight happen right before your eyes. He looked just as bad, not as bad as right now though. You sighed, shaking him slightly.

He wouldn’t wake up, but you continued to try. Eventually, after you’ve given up on trying to wake him and managed to wiggle your way to the door and bang on it with your feet, Steve woke up with a loud groan. 

“Would someone get that door?” he asked groggily, your eyes lit up and you quickly slid your bottom on the ground to get to Steve. 

“You’re awake! Thank god you’re awake-” you squeaked as you got too excited and ended up tumbled back onto your side next to Steve. His eyes were squinted as he got a good look at you. 

“(y/n)- you’re okay- what the hell did those-” he was instantly worried about you, seeing your bruised up cheek and busted open lip. You shook your head.

“Don’t worry about me- worry about yourself- you’ve been out for a while now,” you said, “I was afraid you didn’t make it.” Steve blinked. 

“They can’t get rid of me that easy,” he chuckled, and so did you. Steve let out another painful groan as he tried to look around, “Where’s Robin?” 

“They took her after they threw me in here,” you said, Steve cursed and began to try and get out his ties, you didn’t try to stop him because maybe he could get out of them, but after a while he gave up and you said, “I’ve tried everything- I yelled, banged on the door, tried to knock down a table- it’s...just hopeless.” You frowned now, Steve rested his head back on the ground and looked at you. 

“I never imagined my death like this,” Steve admitted, you pursed your lips together, and suddenly smiled, Steve raised a brow, “What?” 

“It’s just- this is exactly how I imagined my death,” you replied, Steve now raised both brows and had to let out a breathless laugh. 

“You imagined yourself dying with me in an underground Russian base?” he questioned, making you laugh as well. 

“Not the base part, just with you. You all beaten up too. Not in a sailor suit though,” you looked his outfit and he scoffed, “I’ve had too many close calls with you, I couldn’t imagine myself dying without you there,” you admitted, it was a dark thought sure, but it’s just how it was, you sighed, “Kind of romantic? Eh?” Steve smiled softly. 

“Yeah- kinda. In a dark sort of way,” he agreed, you both chuckled. Steve was starring at the smile on your lips, glazing over the open cut with dried up blood as he realized that perhaps you guys were going to die. You were literally dead center in an underground secret Russian base, who’s to say that by the time Dustin and Erica get out of here to get help you three wouldn’t be dead already. 

Steve reached forward with his bounded hands and hooked his loose pinky finger with yours. You hooked yours around his too, enjoying the small skin to skin contact.

“It’s also kind of poetic, the first time- I saved you from being some demogorgon chow, the second time you saved me. Now- we can’t even save each other.” You let out a breath and shook your head. 

“That’s even darker than what I said, Harrington,” you said, Steve weakly smiled and you did as well. You both just stared at each other, as not very likely friends suddenly two of the closest friends. You disliked Steve at first, being friends with Jonathan meant not liking Steve at all, but the night he came over to Jonathan’s house to apologized and saved you from being torn apart by that demogorgon- that changed. 

It was the same for Steve, not that he didn’t like you- just didn’t know who you were personally, not until that day. How you both sat on the Byers’ couch, he was wrapping your injured arm that was clawed by the demogorgon with a bandage and you two got to talking. A friendship had bloomed that day, and Steve really liked you. Like really liked you, except he never admitted it to himself or anyone else that this feeling wasn’t just...a feeling for a friend. 

And right now, knowing that you guys weren’t going to make it out of here alive without some kind of miracle, Steve realized how much he did actually love you. It wasn’t just moments like this, he’s always felt it when you’d come to Scoops Ahoy, smiling and calling him cute in his uniform, watching horror movies together in the theater, you hiding your face in his chest at the scary parts, sharing a soda, your stupid jokes and your love for strawberry ice-cream- he was stupidly in love with you and he needed to let you know before he couldn’t get the chance to.

“Hey- can I tell you something (y/n)? Before you know- we probably die.” 

“Yes?”

Before Steve could tell you, they returned with Robin and that’s when a whole other turn of events happened. All three of you were shot up with truth serum, and drugged out of your damn minds. You don’t really remember most of it, just the colors, and the running, and the excitement.

When you finally weren’t high out of your mind, you were bent over the toilet in the women’s restroom in the mall, puking all the contents of your stomach out. Then you rejoined Dustin and Erica as your normal selves, and met up with the kids, with Joyce and Hopper- then everything literally everything happened. You couldn’t even be that shocked anymore, that surprised that shit like this happened again. 

You were sitting by yourself at the back of an ambulance, a blanket wrapped around your shoulders, and holding an ice pack to your cheek. You were staring at the ground wondering what the fuck your life had really become. 

You feel like you’ve seen and done it it all. You’d been clawed to death by a demogorgon, almost eaten by one, seen a fucking monster made out of melted human flesh?? You were tortured, actually tortured by Russians- and even- was drugged out of your mind for the first time. You had to shake your head at how ridiculous this all sounded- and then Steve approached you. 

He was holding an ice-pack to his own face, and you looked up at him to greet him. 

“Hey- feeling better?” he asked, you groaned in pain as an answer. You scooted over so he could sit down next to you. He got the message and squeezed in the spot next to you, your shoulders were touching, so he wrapped his arm around you. You let him. 

“So- looks like we survived and get to live until the next time our lives are endangered,” Steve said, trying to lighten up your obvious down mood. You laughed, and nodded. 

“I guess so- hopefully next time we almost die it’s not tied up in a Russian base,” you said, Steve nodded. 

“Noted- any further situations that arise that include secret Russian facilities- I’ll make sure to leave you alone.” You giggled, and snuggled closer to him. Steve sucked in a breath. 

“No you won’t, you have to tell me. We’re a team Steve, wherever you go I go- also the cycle starts over now- you have to be there next time to save me, and I’ll be there the next time to save you,” you looked up at him, Steve quirked up an eyebrow and smiled softly.

“Of course, that makes total sense.” You winked at him, and put the icepack back on your cheek, sighing out of satisfaction from the cold. He eyed you for a moment, recalling the last time he really looked at you- when you were both down there. It seemed at that moment that everything was hopeless, that it was the end of the run for you two- after all these years you two were finally going to bite the dust- but at least it would’ve been together. It was too much of a close call that Steve knew he couldn’t just bury these damn feelings inside and ignore them any longer. He loved you, he really did and even if you didn’t return those feelings- you at least needed to know.

“Remember- I wanted to tell you something before you know- we were drugged up and tortured some more,” Steve said as casual as he could, you hummed as a response, eyes closed still, “Just- okay this is going to sound weird right now- but down there, I realized something that I should’ve realized a long time ago. And it’s uh- okay if you don’t feel the same way but-”

“Steve you’re hurting my head,” you whined as you looked up at him, and he quickly and quietly apologized. 

“I just- I love you (y/n),” he said in a softer voice, those words made you suddenly freeze up. You were no longer blinking, or probably even breathing. You just stared at him like an idiot, wondering if you just heard those words correctly. Steve suddenly looked very embarrassed, believing that he actually did just ruin this entire friendship. 

But then you turned towards him and gave a shy, teasing smile, “You what me?” Steve blinked. 

“You want me to say it again?” he asked, and you looked up at him with innocent eyes, making him nervously smile, “I love you, okay, jeesh, is that what you want?” 

“One more time?” Steve rolled his eyes, then leaned in and kissed you. You hummed in surprise, and returned the kiss. Steve leaned away, a dorky smile on his lips. 

“I love you (y/n),” he said for a third and final time. You smiled, the aching in your head suddenly being forgotten for the time being. You licked your lips and replied, “I love you too Steve.” Hearing that made Steve feel all soft inside, and he held you closer to him. A shit-eating grin grew on his lips. 

“You...what me?” 

You leaned over to laugh, and said it again. You sighed, it was a happy sigh that at least something good came out of this entire night. The only thing that’s felt right in your life for a long time, being in Steve’s arms. 

You two were officially stuck together now, and not just for demogorgon killing, or breaking into Russian facilities together, in life now. And that made you happy. 

[tarakaybee]

Oxventure: Lore Speculations

So I post a lot about @outsidexboxofficial ‘s D&D campaign because it’s really cute and entertaining and full of extremely memorable characters. I did this post recently where I attempt to create a timeline of the story so far based on the scant references to the passage of time made by Johnny, their DM, and I started with some headcanon/lore speculations, so I thought I’d add a few more here! Again, these aren’t theories in the sense that I believe I’m decoding hidden lore, Johnny and the gang prioritise telling the episodic stories rather than overcomplicating things with lore from the get-go so this is all just for fun.

Geth

- The gang in more than half of their adventures so far have been near the coastline. So I’m imagining that the area of Geth they’ve been in for a majority of time is reminiscent of the Sword Coast from the official releases, but as of Brawl of the Wild have been teleported to a landlocked area (at least until any stories beyond Spell Check contradict this).

- In addition, at least four of the ‘dungeons’ the gang have entered have been recently repurposed, M. Channail’s hideout was formerly a crypt, The Order of Keeping it Down’s stronghold was a unoccupied Square Keep, the home of the Duke of Redcastle was formerly an unoccupied castle that the town got its name from, and the Chuul’s Temple was formerly a C’thulhu-worshipping temple a few generations back. I’m imagining some sort of country-spanning war early in the lives of the Oxventurers, rendering Geth’s current citizens mostly descendents of said conquerers, a-la the Anglo-Saxons.

-This could maybe potentially be connected to Brunin the Unworthy from An Orc-Ward Encounter, Geth’s leadership may cycle through different species every few generations, hence why a battle between a Dwarf, a Elf army and a Tiefling army is commemorated in a crypt in a country with majority humans. (Incidentally, I am pondering how there could be a Tiefling army considering Prudence’s backstory infers that Tieflings are basically deviations upon human births, though I suppose Tieflings can sire more Tieflings)

NPCs

- I wasn’t sure what my headcanon was regarding Alfred Strangetide for a while, I wasn’t sure if I considered him a member of a small species like Dwarves and Gnomes, since the gang meet a few of those and don’t remark on their sizes at any point. Eventually though I settled on Halfling, as I believe the Tolkien Hobbits were very baby-faced, which I choose to believe is what the gang were fixating on.

- If Suzette were a player character I imagine she’d be a Ranger. 

Dob

- I imagine Dob’s none-Orc half is actually Wood-Elf. Dob seems to have an affinity for nature almost on-par with Merilwen, though not necessarily in gameplay applications.

- In regular D&D 5E rules, Thunderwave inflicts Thunder damage, I.E painful sounds rather than lightning damage, which is what the electrical damage they mention would logically be. As well as being Half-Wood Elf Dob could also have some Storm Sorcery blood in his lineage too!

Egbert

- With regards to Egbert’s atonement, I don’t imagine he has one major crime in his past, more that he grew up poor and had to steal or act in self defence on a few occasions and his Paladin order (Le Dragon D’or, ‘The Golden Dragon’) inflicted a lot of religious guilt on him. (Man this is a depressing one)

- I imagine the deity that Egbert patronises is some kind of offshoot religion of The Order of the Platinum Dragon (Aka Bahamut), hence why Egbert is not sure if his god actually exists (gameplay-wise, I believe Paladins divine power comes from faith in concepts, whereas Clerics magical powers are more directly from the gods, so a Paladin can merely be strongly in favour of the cause of justice itself and still become a Paladin)

Corazon

- Since Prudence is the only character to possess an actual book of spells, I choose to believe that she was the one giving Corazon the foundation for his Arcane Trickster level up (technically Arcane Tricksters learn Wizard spells and not Warlock spells but eh)

- I choose to imagine that prior to meeting the gang Corazon had worked with a nonhuman crew before on some other ship he served on. Growing up as a rich member of seemingly the most common species in the kingdom should’ve made him numb to a lot of biases but he seems very eager to defend Prundence from prejudice upon meeting her, much like Dob was.

__________________________________________________

Side Bit: Fun Rules They May Have Missed

1. In Spell Check, when Corazon becomes magically superpowered he creates a load of sandwiches from nothing using divine creation magic, but then later on complains about the ingredients. Create Food and Water is an actual spell in the current rules and it states that you create enough food for 15 humanoids but it tastes very bland, which is exactly how Andy described it! Similarly, Andy’s use of Mage Hand to creates a magical bludgeoning fist is also covered in the rules with Bigby’s Hand (Though as an Arcane Trickster Corazon wouldn’t be able to learn either spell)

2. As a Warlock of C’thulhu, under the regular 5E rules Prudence could have access to an ability called Awakened Mind, which as far as I can tell, is basically a permanent ability to telepathically communicate with anybody within 30 ft. 

3. Similarly, as a Warlock she presumably had access to a Eldritch Invocation called Gift of the Depths, which allows underwater breathing. This would presumably be how the inhabitants of C’thulhu’s underwater temple travelled there from the land!

4. As a Bard of Valor, Dob would have gained proficiency with Martial Weapons, so as a stretch you could say he’d be proficient with Ethilfrith’s Hammer (Which is technically a Sledgehammer but the rules are lenient with what you can apply proficiencies to). Then again Johnny mentions Dob’s strength modifier is 0 so Dob probably hits harder with his Rapier regardless.

5. At least three members of the gang are able to learn Disguise Self but have not done so despite how many of their plans revolve around attempting to deceive people. :P

[kapanbenernya]

Far Cry 2 -- Toto ft. Ubisoft

It's currently May 2018, and Far Cry 5 has finally hit the shelves. If you want to know about Far Cry 5, let me give you a cheatsheet: it's Far Cry 3. Yes, there's only ONE Far Cry game after Far Cry 3: it's Far Cry 3, but with the sceneries changed and more toys added. That's why I skipped Far Cry 4 after playing the intro for about 5 minutes, because I'm basically replaying Far Cry 3 again. So with that in mind, let's revisit Far Cry before it becomes Far Cry 3

Now, come join me in Africa

The game starts with a Half Life style in-game railroaded cutscene-but-not-really thing where you're forced to sit down and enjoy all the hard work that went into rendering the foliage, the forest fire, and badly animated humans with blank stares. Great for showcasing the Dunia Engine, not so much for replayability. Especially if there's a game-breaking bug like 30 seconds after the game starts proper and there's no way to skip the fucking thing. After a few minutes, you contract malaria and proceed to pass out on the cab like you’ve had too many drinks. You are then saved by the Jackal, a legendary weapons black marketeer you’re supposed to kill. Starting to think we might not be as professional as our CV shows. The Jackal guy decides to spare your life and leaves you to the liberation front shoot-o-rama that’s happening outside. You then pass out again, and one of the liberation fronts pick you up at random. They then give you a stern talking to for killing their boys, and proceed to hire you and give you weapons on the spot.

"This is the guy responsible for killing our boys with a pistol, a machete, and a fever. Let’s give him a rocket launcher when he wakes up”

So the game starts proper after you’re forcefully employed by the local liberation front by virtue of saving your malaria ridden ass 

Your first job is to save some guy like you from the rival liberation front. This person then becomes your buddy. Oh yes, there's a buddy system here, with 2 being active at a time. One buddy is your storyline buddy, the other buddy is your saviour buddy. The storyline buddy is your main buddy and will give you a slight variation to the missions. Usually calling you after you accept a mission from the usual guys, and tells you all about how the two of you could've done it better. I would've liked this to affect the story in some way, because there's a "buddy history" system, like an affinity I guess. It tallies how many times you've helped each other and how much they love you. Sadly, I haven't the slightest clue how this system changes the game because my buddy got killed in a normal shootout two missions in and I don't feel like reloading a save just to save her. What happened next is that I was sent to rescue another guy that becomes my replacement buddy. So I guess this system is very important for the game that you have to always have some guy. What bothers me is that there is a limited roster of buddies available, which means you can only have so many of them killed until they're completely gone. So what happens then, when all the guys have died? That is something I'm not interested in finding out.

The gameplay is your standard old timey sandbox shit. Although those words ring hollow since the gameplay has become the blueprint of sandbox games nowadays. Here's how everything goes: go to mission dealer > do the generic mission > acquire currency and/or XP > spend currency and/or XP upgrading yourself > rinse and repeat, probably do the side-missions which are also generic mission thingy. The missions themselves are kinda bland, they're always go to a place and kill/destroy/steal someone/something respectively. Now if I withdrew the title of the game and ask you to guess the game, you can say any sandbox game all the way from Assassin's Creed to Mafia III, and you'd still be fucking correct. I have to admit the newer ones have polished the elements through and through, but of course there's still only so much that polishing can do.

Perhaps my biggest complaint is that there’s no feeling of progress. The missions are so random and disconnected, it just feels like you're messing around and making money instead of tracking down the guy you're supposed to kill. Why are we doing missions for this liberation front instead of searching for the Jackal? Okay, granted, they DID save our ass on that shootout, but they're the motherfuckers who might've shot us in the first place. But how do you make sense of the fact that after we're done with those guys, we went out of our way to do missions for THE OTHER front? The one that rivals the first front? After seeing this, I decided to drop the game. It has nothing more to offer but generic missions, tedious commute, annoying checkpoint shootouts, and boredom. They do have meaningful events that happen, but everything in between is just making do with smashing puppets with guns and explosions until the next event comes along.

Now let's compare that to the current state of Far Cry games (And by that, I mean let's compare it to Far Cry 3)

In Far Cry 3, your protagonist is set, he's Jason Brody. His story is that he's a rich douchebag in a douchebag circle of friends and they went on a holiday to the tropical island that just so happens to be where the local pirates make a living.

Should've stick to Starbucks next time, eh lads?

They of course got captured, and Jason's brother get killed. This certainly gives Jason the motivation and incentive to fight back, which is to avenge his brother and rescue his douchebag friends. You see, this is called theming. It's about knowing what the goal of the game is and knowing that all the things you do is building up for that goal. You don't learn the multi-stab just to get sick-ass tattoos, you learn it so you can smack the pirates harder. You don't climb radio towers to check off a side quest, you do it because it unlocks new guns to riddle new bullet holes into your enemies. You don't fight a giant ink monster just for the promise of tribal titties, you do it for... uhm...

Actually on second thought...

My point is, the way the game is designed gives Far Cry 3 a great sense of progress and growth. You feel how you, the protagonist grow from douchebag doughboy to a ruthless killer with sick-ass tattoos. This is what in my opinion, Far Cry 2 lacks. You are always a badass mercenary from the get-go, and you don’t have any more motivation but the promise of money to go on. And that shit’s flimsy compared to Far Cry 3, isn’t it?

In Brief

I’ll be the first to admit that Far Cry 2 is fun. The gameplay is very much stellar. It’s become the pioneer’s blueprint for the gameplay of Far Cry games to come. Sure it lacks polish, but it’s good. But apparently not good enough that I eventually stopped giving a shit about it because the important sense of progress is just absent. And while it could be a trivial thing in some games, I believe it is important for a game as huge and expansive as Far Cry 2. After all, it’s the glue that holds the whole experience together, Without it, you’re just randomly setting things on fire and dying from malaria. 

With all the slamming I give Far Cry 3, it’s still my favorite of the series, and the only one I have played from start to finish. It made clearing checkpoints and killing baddies fun while also gets you invested enough to make you want to do so. And what about Far Cry 5? Well I told you in the beginning, it's just Far Cry 3 in rural America. Wait, there's fishing in this game? All bets are off lads, I'm going in.

24/5/2018

[tactical-substitution]

City vs. xG: A Shot-by-Shot Postmortem of an Attacking Performance

In my first post on this blog I considered the question of whether Liverpool’s dominant run in the league prior to the break could be attributed to luck or good fortune. Part of that analysis involved looking at their primary rival for the title, insofar as they had one, Man City - through the season City have looked like a possession-dominant side capable of piling on absurd numbers of shots, yet their points total is comparatively mediocre. I mostly attributed this discrepancy to their defensive performance, and I still believe this to be the primary culprit in the number of disappointing results that Pep Guardiola’s side have suffered this season. City have not underperformed their xG hugely or failed to breach opposition defenses apart from a handful of games, whereas their defense has let them down at nearly every turn. This has been blamed on the lengthy absence of center-back Aymeric Laporte, though perhaps an even bigger factor has been defensive midfielder Rodri’s period of adjustment to the task of replacing Fernandinho, and the resulting susceptibility to fast attacks which the Spanish midfielder has been unable to slow down or stop. Conceding two goals from two shots against Spurs in the second match of the season has not helped, nor has a late screamer scored by Jonjo Shelvey to equalize for Newcastle United. Whether it has been misfortune or ineptitude which has led to City’s defensive decline, it has been this defensive weakness which principally rendered them unable to mount any kind of serious title challenge after two fairly imperious league title wins.

Since the resumption, Liverpool have sealed the title, City got some measure of revenge by taking the champions apart 4-0 at the Etihad, and it seemed that there was nothing left to write about concerning England’s two current best club sides. And then, mystifyingly, City lost 1-0 to Southampton - in and of itself this is not that vexing a result, the Saints are a reasonably good side and neither club was playing for all that much. However, given that City almost entirely dominated the ball and took twenty-five shots to their opponents’ seven, many of them from good areas, their nightmare season has provided us with yet another opportunity to think about the how and why of football. Fivethrityeight’s xG model has the match at 3.6-0.7 in City’s favour - Southampton good value for their single goal, but how on Earth did City fail to get on the scoresheet? It is exactly this that I will look at, although there truly is no answer beyond “sometimes they just don’t go in”. Variance intuitively seems like a bad explanation for a match of this nature to pattern-seeking cognition, and most people would prefer to think that Southampton defended City’s twenty-five shots in some special way, or that the finishing techniques of City’s forwards was particularly ineffective but, well, when one actually looks at each of City’s shots there is no good reason to think that this is the case. Southampton’s keeper and back-four are alright and looked competent and relatively error-free in this match where they were constantly in the thick of it, but they hardly nullified City’s danger-men. As for City? They were fine, and while the scoresheet doesn’t reflect it this was another attacking bonanza of the type that City have regularly orchestrated over the past three seasons.

So then let’s look at City’s attacking performance through a description of each shot that they took. None of these were tap-ins, some were truly optimistic, but it’s somewhat remarkable that not one found the back of the net.

Minute 11: A “speculative effort” from a free-kick near the halfway line, apparently an attempt to take advantage of Saints keeper Alex McCarthy “off his line”. The commentator does not even mention who the taker was. Not the most auspicious beginning to City’s attacking performance - probably fair enough that one didn’t go in!

Minute 16: Southampton 1-0 City! Not a City shot, obviously, but it does determine the dynamic of the rest of the match. Che Adams catches Ederson “off his line” but it’s not necessarily an outright error - Ederson is positioned correctly to facilitate City’s buildup, and if the error is anyone’s it’s Zinchenko’s, giving away the ball in midfield under pressure. This feels like the goal that Southampton manager Ralph Hassnehuttl constructed his side to score, winning the ball in a seemingly innocuous midfield area with his forward players in position to attack quickly. City should have been anticipating that the Saints would press in this manner, but eh.

Minute 23: City have had the pressure on since they went behind. Joao Cancelo makes space for himself with a quick change of direction in the box and cuts it back for Gabriel Jesus at the far post, who is unable to put it away. It’s an alright chance but the cutback is played with a little too much pace for Jesus to finish it with any precision.

Minute 27: A nice little move starts at the feet of Laporte, leading to a corner. City don’t play it right into the box but rather work it to Cancelo, who plays a ball over the top for Sterling, who runs in behind and plays a cutback for Jesus. It doesn’t quite connect and Danny Ings clears it, but it’s good play that could well have led to a goal.

Minute 30: Plenty of excitement here. Cancelo, who’s been having a good match, feeds the ball into Jesus’s path in the right channel, and Jesus finds Sterling in the box. Sterling shoots powerfully with his left foot but McCarthy saves; City collect the rebound and Fernandinho shoots from outside the box, hitting the post. Bernardo Silva floats a cross for David Silva, who heads it straight at McCarthy, and Sterling thwacks it high and wide. "How is it still one-nil?” asks the commentator.

Minute 32: David Silva just undercooks a through-ball for Jesus to run onto, which could have been a very good chance.

Minute 37: Cancelo wins it off Nathan Redmond in midfield and carries it to the edge of the box - he’s been excellent. He slips in Mahrez, who shoots from a wide angle. McCarthy saves with an outstretched leg, it ends up back at the feet of Mahrez, who tries another shot which is blocked by Bednarek. Given the Algerian’s ability to curl one in with his left foot these were definitely decent chances.

Minute 45+2: Some hypnotic buildup play in which every City player is involved gets Bernardo Silva into a position on the right side of the box. He dinks a cross for Jesus to try and head, but the relatively diminutive Brazilian loses his header.

Minute 48: City win a corner. Mahrez takes, Jesus gets a glancing header that just goes wide. Decent enough chance.

Minute 50: It is, as you would expect, all City. Sterling gets into a pretty menacing position taking on Stephens against the by-line in the box, Stephens pokes it away for a corner. City circulate the ball to the right side of the pitch where Fernandinho delivers it into the box. Laporte shoots from a central area but it’s saved; Jesus tries to put away the rebound but McCarthy saves that as well, from point blank range.

Minute 51: Zincehnko shoots from distance, Ryan Bertrand blocks it. That technically counts as a shot, though it’s hardly the most dangerous situation that City have contrived in this long period of pressure since the second half began. Guardiola’s side are looking properly slick.

Minute 54: Jesus and Zinchenko combine to feed David Silva as he’s running into the box through the left channel. It’s a great chance but Silva shoots weakly and McCarthy easily saves.

Minute 56: Cancelo whips it in and Jesus jumps and takes a swipe at it with his left foot. It’s on target but it is deflected for a corner. Southampton win the first header but City win it back; Cancelo finds David Silva in the box, who passes it to Jesus. Jesus displays some nice footwork to get a shot away but it’s through a crowd and James Ward-Prowse hoofs it away.

Minute 57: Remember when Ward-Prowse cleared the ball a moment ago? City retrieve it in their own half and Fernandinho plays in Zinchenko with a long diagonal ball, who finds Bernardo Silva around the D. Silva’s shot is on target, but blocked. It’s not the greatest chance but it’s a decent one - they’re really starting to add up.

Minute 59: KDB is on now. Foden as well. Mahrez and Sterling off.

Minute 65: Bernardo Silva with a blocked shot from a good area after being played in by some interplay between Zinchenko and de Bruyne on the left-hand side. He hits it with some power and it has to go down as a decent effort. I’m of the opinion that City should sell Zinchenko to like Valencia or Schalke or something because he’s incredibly hard to tell apart from de Bruyne on the pitch and I find it confusing and irritating.

Minute 66: Zinchenko puts in a dangerous cross, Jesus does reasonably well to meet it but his header is too central and doesn’t have enough power on it. The resemblance between Zinchenko and de Bruyne is already beginning to piss me off.

Minute 74: De Bruyne takes a snapshot on the turn. It’s off target and not a very good chance.

Minute 77: De Bruyne shoots from just outside the box on the right-hand side. He’s certainly capable of scoring those! Alas, it is blocked by Jack Stephens.

Minute 79: Fernandinho has a long-range shot blocked, which technically counts as a shot. Immediately beforehand, however, City have gotten the ball into the center of the box under the control of David Silva, who very nearly slips in Jesus. Maybe Silva should’ve shot there?

Minute 82: Yet another blocked shot, this time David Silva. Foden crosses but Stephens beats Jesus to it. He is only able, however, to get it away to the feet of Silva. In the end, the shot is pretty tame.

Minute 84: Laporte has a crack at it from way out. He kicks it very hard but it’s very much not on target.

Minute 90+3: De Bruyne plays one over the top for Bernardo Silva to try and volley. It’s not an easy one and he doesn’t quite reach it.

Minute 90+5: Another excellent cross from Cancelo, maybe the man of the match. McCarthy flails at it but can’t quite grab it, it lands at the feet of Bernardo Silva, who only ends up kicking it against Stuart Armstrong for a corner. It could well have been an own goal.

Minute 90+7: City win a free kick right outside the D for a shirt-pull on David Silva. This is in de Bruyne’s range no doubt. He hits it straight into the wall. That’s it for the match. City’s players look a bit nonplussed but mostly apathetic.

As mentioned, City’s failures this season are largely down to defensive issues rather than a truly chronic inability to score good chances (even after this strange match Understat has them only a few behind their expected goals scored). Guardiola’s side have dropped points in a few games that they’ve conceded two or more goals in - against Wolves, United, and champions Liverpool they were undone by genuine defensive frailty, and in the case of their 2-2 draws against Palace, Newcastle, and Spurs they were rewarded reasonably well for their attacking performance, but this was nullified by a spectacular conversion rate of mediocre chances by their opposition. It would be easy enough to look at a result like the one against Southampton in the context of City’s season overall and figure that it must represent some aspect of the kinds of issues that have afflicted City all season, but this is simply not true - the match is not the first one in which City have been frustrated and failed to turn territorial and possessional dominance into a win, but the manner in which it was so is fairly aberrant.

If one were to have the agenda of proving that City are either bad at finishing or unlucky, then they would say that while this was the most dramatic, perplexing, and frankly funny attacking underperformance by City this season, it was not exactly the first. City’s two-goal haul from seven xG home and away against Spurs must rival this game in terms of the capacity to raise Pep Guardiola’s blood pressure, and in losses to Norwich, Wolves, and Man United, City were somewhat under their xG, which might lead to the impression that City have been adversely affected by finishing problems this season. In truth, away to Spurs and away to Southampton are the only matches that look truly improbable or beyond the pale of xG in this regard; under- or overperformance of xG here and there is entirely normal and I’m not going to look at City running about a goal under their xG (as they did against Norwich or against Palace, among others) as evidence of a serious finishing problem anymore than their swing of a goal over xG against Arsenal, Burnley, or Brighton as evidence that they are a side who tend to finish above their xG. When dealing with a side who shoot the ball from good positions as frequently as City do, there are bound to be some slightly odd-looking results against xG. In the case of CIty’s 0-2 loss at home to Wolves (in which they generated 1.9 xG in attack) they could be painted as a touch unfortunate not to score a go-ahead goal, but I think this would be too sympathetic towards Guardiola and his players; having actually watched that match it was clear that City’s attack was too narrow, with Ilkay Gundogan and the Silvas constantly attempting to unpick Wolves’s low-block. Without the presence of Leroy Sane to tear a defense as good as Wolves‘s out of shape, the composition of City’s squad meant that they were reliant on utilizing quick passing combinations and through-balls to nick a goal - their efforts were futile at creating anything more than half-chances, and they deservedly lost that match.

My point with the Wolves example is simply that most of City’s truly mediocre attacking performances this season should not really be grouped with the Southampton match to illustrate a broader pattern of bad finishing or bad luck. Could City’s attack have conceivably generated a couple more goals in relatively close matches against Wolves, Man United, and Liverpool, among others? Undoubtedly, if they’d had their shooting boots on or faced lesser keepers. But these were not evidence of endemic bad finishing or bad luck, simply variance going very slightly against City. In contrast to these, most of City’s ultra-dominant performances in terms of possession and shots have in fact resulted in wins by margins of three or more goals, including against Brighton, Villa, West Ham, Arsenal, Palace, and Watford, the last of whom City managed to score against eight times. By and large when City are at their best going forwards they are a goal machine, and the away-losses against Spurs and Southampton are exceptions to this rather than indicative of any larger pattern. Are City unfortunate to have suffered these two defeats in a single campaign? Probably. But for us to read into them some underlying problem with City’s attack, it would be necessary for them to clearly represent some larger pattern rather than going against the grain of the trend that when City create loads of shots, they tend to score loads of goals. 

One possible explanation for City’s profligacy in the Southampton match would be that the club’s all-time top-scorer Sergio Aguero was out with an injury and his understudy Gabriel Jesus was not up to scratch. Jesus is, in fairness, a player who for all his link-up play and exuberant pressing has tended to finish a few goals below where xG thinks he “should” in a given season. I won’t speculate or offer any analysis as to why he exhibits this tendency beyond that he doesn’t quite show  the kind of attribute that Aguero does to use strength and balance to hold defenders off, turn quickly, and shoot with pace. Jesus is still a reasonably prolific scorer for his club and, it should be noted, has a better strike-rate for his country than Aguero does. Aguero also started at White Hart Lane, which was arguably an even worse finishing performance, so it’s not like when he’s on the pitch City don’t ever miss good chances. The question of finishing skill is a nebulous one, but it would not be totally unfounded to say that while Jesus has the intelligence and agility to get into good goal-scoring positions, his finishing lets him down more than it would most comparable strikers. Is that evident in the shots he missed in this match? Not really, they weren’t easy chances and he should be given credit for getting them at all rather than chastised for missing them. Guardiola has reluctantly relied on Aguero quite a bit during his time at City, presumably because the Argentine‘s gratuitous finishing skill makes him a reliable enough goal threat that even when CIty’s collective attack is not quite at its fluid best he can still get them on the scoresheet. At the same time, City do not rely on Aguero in the same way that, say, Barca rely on Lionel Messi -  Aguero also scores a smaller proportion of City’s goals than Robert Lewandowski does Bayern’s.

The possibility that this was an excellent Southampton defensive performance also comes up. In a sense this was quite Atleti-like from the Saints, befitting their red-and-white-striped shirts; Hasenhuttl’s team didn’t simply park the bus, they were incredibly aggressive in putting pressure on the ball when it arrived in particular areas while retaining a compact 4-4-2 shape. It was reasonably effective at unsettling City as they tried to move their buildup into Southampton’s third, and more importantly a very opportune moment of pressure produced the game’s only goal. And like Atleti, Southampton relied on their back four and goalkeeper to block any half-chances that City could create and win headers - Jan Bednarek and Jack Stephens are not peak Miranda and peak Diego Godin, and Alex McCarthy certainly is not Jan Oblak, but they did their jobs and “put their bodies on the line”. A lesser goalkeeping performance than the one displayed by McCarthy definitely would not have kept City from scoring. At the same time, this was not an entirely successful Atleti-style defensive “masterclass” given that City regularly did take fairly high-quality shots from inside the box. A good comparison might be Atleti’s second-leg performance against Liverpool in the Champions League, or their second-leg match against Bayern in 2016, both of which required a lot of last-ditch defending, goalkeeping, and poor finishing to stop quite rampant attacking performances. It’s entirely possible for a defensive effort to be praiseworthy in terms of its “grit” and so forth even if it results in some decent chances that require saving or being missed. That’s essentially what this was. Wolves and United have genuinely stopped City from scoring by keeping them from creating good chances this season, but that explanation isn’t really available in this instance.

There are other, more speculative explanations for why City failed to score any of their chances this match. Rather than blitzing Southampton from the first minute City knocked the ball around and played their way into the game methodically - they only mustered their first meaningful attempt after going behind! From this we might well infer some psychological factors in play - it could be that City’s attackers were anxious when they were taking their shots because they knew that they had a deficit to make up, and Southampton’s defenders might have been especially committed to challenges and blocks because they had a lead to protect. These kinds of dynamics are a part of the game, sure. Still, CIty’s players are professionals who have won five domestic trophies in two years, and this was not a high-pressure match, it’s hard to imagine that they were so demoralized or anxious that every one of them simultaneously lost their edge in front of goal in these circumstances; likewise Southampton’s defenders and keeper put in good individual performances, which they did look motivated for, but there are a lot of defenders with all the motivation and confidence in the world who aren’t able to block the kinds of shots that City took in this match. There’s probably some kind of a “game state” explanation where Southampton had more bodies in the way of City’s shooters because they had a one-goal lead and reverted to a defensive plan accounting for that, but all of that is unconvincing when one actually goes back and watches the match - if Sterling or Mahrez score with their presentable opportunities midway through the first half it’s a different game, and when one breaks it down to that level of specificity it seems crystal clear that the match largely didn’t hinge on any kinds of factors like that. As they are wont to do City created plenty of moments in which the match could very conceivably hinge in the direction of a comeback win for themselves, but in every instance it hinged further in the direction of a frustrating evening. That’s football.

Bernardo Silva, David Silva, Kevin de Bruyne, Riyad Mahrez, and Raheem Sterling all took shots in this match. All have been among City’s major goal threats over the past few seasons, and none have looked at all like “bad finishers” either to the eye or based on xG. None of them missed sitters of the “harder to miss than to score” variety but the Silvas in particular had straightforward chances that on another day they score. In the aforementioned Wolves game City fed on thin gruel when it came to shots from central areas in the box; here they had quite a few. This was far from the best performance that they have put up under Guardiola, but it was a good one. There is really no compelling explanation for the result beyond goalkeeping and finishing variance. This seems problematic if one views it as part of a much larger pattern because it seems completely, utterly inexplicable that variance of this kind could affect a single team repeatedly over an entire season. In reality, while City have undoubtedly had some wonky results over the course of the campaign, the only one that bears a particularly strong resemblance to this one is the aforementioned Spurs match. It is easy to watch a game like this and view it as summing up City’s season, but this would be something of an illusion. City’s season has been frustrating and disappointing, that’s for certain, but this was frustrating and disappointing in a relatively novel way.

[depizan]

Star Wars for the fandom and Risha for the character :)

Well, this’ll probably get long...

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character: Good question. I do like Han and Lando, and Rey, Finn, and Poe, I think I liked much of the X-Wing crew, Fiolla of Lorrd, Zayne and Jarael from the KotOR comics, a number of companion characters from SWTOR, various fan creations... 

Least Favorite character: Uh, I kinda fear the people with pitchforks and torches, so lets just skip that one, shall we. (Though, really, it’s a toss up, it has a lot to do with the horrible, horrible writing, and the possibilities are from the same show.)

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): I seem to remember some good parings in the old X-Wing comics (though I haven’t read them in ages). I do like Zayne and Jarael (KotOR comics). I am fond of the idea of the new main trio being an OT3. Some of the possible pairings in SWTOR are pretty good. (And others are very NOPE.) Um...honestly, I’m not the shippiest of people.

Character I find most attractive: I’m not sure. There are a lot of aesthetically pleasing men and women in the Star Wars universe.

Character I would marry: N/A

Character I would be best friends with: I...don’t know.

a random thought: Star Wars is one of those things that is somehow better than it is. It’s this big, exciting, lived-in seeming universe that, at its best, kind of runs on Narrativium and optimism, and I really wish people would stop trying to make it “realistic.”

An unpopular opinion: I have SO many. The Yuuzhan Vong should’ve stayed in Warhammer 40k or wherever the hell they escaped from. I don’t like what the background plot/new canon has done to the original trilogy (or the characters from said). The fuck is up with Luke pulling a Yoda? He has more sense and humanity than that. Jedi need extensive classes in basic psychology before they’re allowed to ever do anything again. Kanan Jarrus may bet the worst teacher in the entire history of the galaxy. Can new canon maybe stop with using black women as the face of the Empire (any Empire), I can think of at least three and it’s beginning to really disturb me. (Maybe an unambiguously heroic and good black woman who is not aligned with a fascist state? Just a thought?) That the Skywalkers were involved in everything and kept either turning evil or having to save the galaxy was one of the things wrong with the old EU. We really didn’t need to go with that for new canon, guys. Would it have killed the writers of SWTOR to include a few unambiguously good people in the Republic? Besides Elara Dorne. (Okay, maybe it’s not quite that bad. But it’s close.) 

my canon OTP: Eh.

Non-canon OTP: Eh.

most badass character: Possibly Anakin Skywalker.

pairing I am not a fan of: I fear most of those would end in torches and pitchforks as well. *cough* Though, again, I think some of the possible pairings in SWTOR are pretty NOPE (and there are a few fan pairings that are equally NOPE). Uh...oh...it’s probably safe to say that I find the whole Darth Malgus/Eleena Daru thing to be very NOPE. (And also WTF.)

character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Ahahahahaa, where to begin. Skipping Rebels (that’d be an essay all of its own), I am really not keen on the character development erasure of...oh...pretty much all three of the original main three in The Force Awakens, (Leia comes off the best, but there are still some WTF aspects.) nor am I fond of the fact that - apparently - 90% of Kylo Ren’s backstory and such are in another castle, er, I mean the tie-ins, I will never stop finding Anakin’s lightswitch turn to the Dark Side almost accidentally funny  in its abruptness (I mean, yes, the foundation was laid, but the actual turn needed a liiiiittle more time than “What have I done? Yep, kill younglings, on it, Master.”), and I continue to side-eye Chuck Wendig for going with “be a monster for the side of good” thing. Okay...it ends up being a little better than that, but there’s still too much of that. Also, Chuck, torture bad. And doesn’t work. *whaps with book*

favourite friendship: Han and Lando (unless the new EU has rendered that headcanon), also Han and Chewie. Zayne and co from the KotOR comics. Rey, Finn, and Poe (unless that’s headcanon, god only knows with the new EU). There’s some good stuff possible with companions in SWTOR. Assorted fan characters....

character I want to adopt or be adopted by: Can we rescue them from bad writing?

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you

How I feel about this character: I like her. She’s an interesting mix of practical criminal and decent person. I wish her story in-game had been a bit more coherent, though.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: I...don’t really. She reads as kind of uninterested in that, at least to me.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Her and Vette. Her and the Smuggler.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I still feel like the whole heir to the throne of Dubrillion thing was tacked on and doesn’t make much (any?) sense. I have always thought that her wanting to reassemble and take over her father’s criminal empire would’ve fit far better and make a hell of a lot more sense. I mean, I’m sorry, but I buy her father’s old associates fearing her taking away their power and striking out far more than I buy the current rulers of Dubrillion giving a damn about some minor criminal, even if she is descended from some king they overthrew a hundred years ago.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: That she and Vette would meet up again and rekindle their friendship.

my het ship: Still don’t think she really seems interested in relationships.

my fem/slash ship: Maaaaaybe Vette? (Though still not sure about her and relationships.)

my OTP: Still don’t think she’s interested in relationships. Very tempting to put in snarky things like Risha/money or Risha/her own crime syndicate. But that makes it sound like I think she doesn’t care about people. I think she does, just not necessarily like that.

my OT3: *see above*

my cross over ship: I think she’d enjoy having a nice cup of caf or glass of Corellian brandy with any other basically sensible people surrounded by idiots. 

my kink: Meh.

a head cannon fact: Risha is quietly regaining power over the fragments of her dad’s criminal empire. 

my gender bend: Meh.

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi 2: Meat p9 reaction

Let's see what Rose is up to. :P No, seriously, this might just happen. Just for us to switch back immediately afterwards to John.

The events of the Masterpiece are so important, though, I'd thought they'd happen near the climax to the epilogues. Unless the epilogues are shorter than I'd thought of course. There's still Homestuck 2, and wouldn't it just be something, for the part of Meat that takes place on Earth C to build up to that.

---

OOooh, this counts as the start of Epilogue 2, huh? So... I suppose that means Mean encompasses several epilogues, even if the chapter count keeps incrementing. If this were Homestuck proper, the Epilogues & Prologue would have had separate titles, too.

Prologue : yeah, i had a feeling that was going to come up again someday. Epilogue 1 : Rumble in the Pumpkin Patch Epilogue 2 : MY MASTERPIECE.

"If you were one of the haters and fools who saw Lord English’s masterpiece circulating through the black veins of the dark web," So, from starting the first sentence I get the idea that we won't be changing perspective just yet. But John hasn't seen the masterpiece, so he wouldn't be impressed.

"and were rendered agog by its majesty, then you probably have a pretty good sense of what happened next." ... Hah! Yeah, but Andrew won't be pulling a Hivebent on us here... will he? I'd really like some more succulent details.

"You probably also wouldn’t be rendered that much additionally agog if you were told it didn’t happen precisely as conveyed by the young Lord’s expertly produced claymation theater." OOoooooOOOOHhhhh, interesting yes. ... Well, unless the narration will now drily inform us that the events did not happen to clay figures but actual people. That much, we already could guess.

... Ya know, I wonder. The sprites squared never featured in Act 7 because back when he wrote and produced the animation, they weren't part of the story yet. Could this mean that Andrew worked out the events of the Masterpiece beforehand, and only later thought of things like Arquiusprite emerging from Lil Seb, and Gamzee being dissected? ... It would be a grand psyche if Lord English turns out NOT to contain the soul sludge from Dirk, Equius and Gamzee, but uh, yeah, that probably won't be the case. We (the MSPA Reader) already had a mental breakdown about this.

"Would it be that surprising if the first four heroes weren’t immediately captured in the juju," ... YES. YES THAT WOULD BE SURPRISING. ... THEY DIDN'T GO IN WILLINGLY DID THEY? ... Did they exchange pleasantries (or unpleasantries) before Caliborn captured them. ... This can't have been a joint plan they worked out to 'save' Caliborn from becoming a mindless mobster kingpin chained by providence into doing Paradox Space's dirty work.

"Would it raise any eyebrows if the action turned out to be a bit sloppier than that?" Sloppier as in... less coordinated? Well, these are the same kids who went Game Over in another timeline, I can see how. Unless the narration means, sloppier action as in, more stilted, broken up by banter and revelations being exchanged.

"A bloody"- ... Bloody? They weren't killed first, were they??

"-nose here." Ah. "A stray wedgie there. Someone trips on a cape." So, more like school yard scuffles instead of boss battles then. Like Caliborn & John's first stand off.

"stray honks from the sidelines." Useless minions are a pain, eh, Caliborn?

"Would it rock anyone’s world to discover the stop-motion feature did not treat this battle royale with the utmost fidelity?" Not if THIS is the extent of the differences, no, that's more expansion than contradiction, after all. It would just mean Caliborn's version was more succinct, akin to Doc Scratch' white lies.

"No one who witnessed the spectacle online would react to these discrepancies with much surprise. But you are not such a witness. You are still John Egbert," Narration, I don't think you quite understand what POV means. :P Really would like to see later on that Andrew's ghost is, well, ghost writing all of this in the dreambubbles.

"and you had no idea what sort of raucous teen pandemonium to expect when you zapped into the lair of your nemesis to throw down. Which is why you were completely blindsided when, upon feeling overwhelmed by the melee, Caliborn sprung his gambit on you and your three best friends to even the odds." You were completely blown away by this stunning revelation. Really, the juju, really? :P Rose didn't tell you about THIS, did she, and you should use a moment to contemplate that. You know, as you are sucked into oblivion until it's time to emerge from the other end. Guess his/our perspective will be ending here, then, after he's finished getting sucked into the juju? And only when they team back up with the B2 kids later, will he learn that his attempt to stop LE before he became that very monster, caused it in the first place.

"He opened his little red chest, and out came his white, house-shaped juju, levitating there, threatening to behave as the weapon many treasure hunters throughout history have described it to be." Ah, but do the descriptions do it justice, does it really do what Caliborn claimed in his claymation.

"Upon a second look, it’s not quite white though. It’s colorless, null. A house-shaped hole in your confining reality. A hole that insists on being filled." Until I read the "being filled", I thought that maybe they'd actually end up in blankspace somehow. Then again... The juju that John got his retcon powers from should've chronologically already been filled, and it was still see-through.

"You tried to resist its overwhelming pull, but to no avail." Okay, so yeah, this is still happening.

"Not negating your powers, your strength to resist, so much as it seemed to overwrite them." It's basically retconning his powers, where retconning is used in the same context as the effect he has when he zaps to an earlier moment on the timeline: he overwrites what happened before.

"You landed in the abstract prison it contains face-first, alone, and with a force that made you flip over a few times and skid along by the flat of your chin." Oh wow. Okay, they're actually going to be spending at least SOME conscious moments in the juju. ... So, might that be also how John got granted his powers then, a conscious decision made by the four individuals trapped in the juju? It's been theorized before that John's retcon powers are a combination of the 4 B1 kids' aspects: he travels through Time and Space, creates new alpha timelines (new Light, as in fortune)... Also, free as the Breeze (Breath) something something.

I'm pretty sure how he landed was akin to Vriska's slides at the hands (fists) of Kanaya & John.

Blaperile has a good point - would John still have his powers after past John got his? Or were they an ontological paradox to begin with? That would suck, though he might still find a way to travel back to Universe C regardless. For one, there's the possibility to travel through the Furthest Ring and reach the old B2 session.

"You groped for your glasses instinctively, finding them in two cracked halves. You cradled their remains as you looked up." Wow, his glasses were broken?? Eesh, another childhood treasured heirloom lost. Guess we now find out if godhood grants 20/20 eyesight regardless of eyewear. ... Maybe he needs to reach his next god tier first. I'm reminded of Jake getting his 'eyes' knocked off during [S] Dirk: Rise Up.

"The blurry, distorted face of your laughing nemesis" Nay on the 20/20 part then. Though the distortion might be due to Caliborn grinning maniacally.

"was the last thing you saw before the chest door slammed shut and plunged you into textual obsolescence." Oh, so John can 'see' outside the juju then.

"And here, you are now stuck." Stuck in a house-shaped object. A home, if you will.

"You will not emerge from this holding cell, from an outside perspective, for quadrillions of years." Implying, then, that that is Lord English' own age? Or perhaps, the span covered by the Green Sun's influence?

"It is not long at all until you begin to wish you had brought something to read." Pfffff. Guess John's sylladex contents were pretty bare bone, or he had no access to it. Also, it would seem he's separate from the other kids, damn. If he could've talked with them, he could've at least apologized for his (and post-retcon Rose's) mistake in person, before they started their prison sentence.