#I present pretty fem. I can have pronoun preference depending on the day but I’m fine with any whenever pretty much
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today was fun bc I had to explain concepts to adults that shouldn’t be baffling but clearly were. at work I had to explain nightcore to my coworker which she just could not understand and Does Not like (her son, being a tween, listens to tiktok sped up versions of songs and she was playing them for me and I called it nightcore and she was like “this shit has a name??”) and then later I had to explain both the concept of it/its pronouns and “using they/them for a person that just told you his pronouns are he/it is still misgendering and it’s allowed to be unhappy about it” to my mother. as you can imagine the second one was a less fun convo
#like I get it! she’s middle aged and to her they/them is her way out!#if someone isn’t gender conforming cis then they/them is usually gonna get you the least frustration#and it’s good to not assume gender and pronouns!#but when I’m telling you that continuing to use those pronouns for someone who has made it clear he uses he/it and doesn’t like they/them#is fucking rude!#like I get it maybe you slip up. you’re learning. but correct yourself and keep trying#don’t give up and use a pronoun set you were told not to use.#also she was so appalled by the concept of it/its#like I was trying to explain some reasons a person may choose to use it and she was just like ‘but that’s sad. that’s awful#that they’re choosing that’#(for the record she was using they again. bc fuck me ig)#and I’m like ‘actually people can do whatever they want forever and it’s fine. including using it’#and she’s just like ‘they’ll stop when they get older’#and I’m just sitting here like. oh. right. this is why I’m not out#like my parents. they’re fine. they aren’t bad#but then I think to myself what would they think if I told them I was genderfluid. that I use he/she/they interchangeably#I present pretty fem. I can have pronoun preference depending on the day but I’m fine with any whenever pretty much#like I’m not effective rep. I’m not your enby posterchild#like would they look at me like ‘you’ll stop this when you get older’#and it shouldn’t matter! even if I did it shouldn’t matter bc theyre is nothing wrong with exploring identities or detransitioning!#but I just feel. in my heart. that to them I’ll just be a silly little girl who’ll grow out of it#I feel like I’ll just get she/her. that they won’t be able to do they let alone he. not when she is on the table#so I just sit in the closet. like I have for the past 6 years#bc it sucks but at least I don’t have to face them not knowing what to do with me
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Trans asks
How did you choose your name? My first name comes from a character off doctor who that I like. My second name (which I am mainly known by now) is closely related to one of my birthnames.
What gives you the most dysphoria? (Acknowledging that not all trans people experience dysphoria) Probably the weird psychological things I can’t quite put my fingers.
Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria? I would have probably have said social previously, but I think in the past year physical dysphoria has been worse.
What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric? I think I just sit with the hell most of the time unfortunately.
What was the first time you suspected you were transgender? Probably 15
When did you realize you were transgender? Later in the year of being 15
What is your favorite part of being transgender? Having a community
How would you explain your gender identity to others? I’m male. I don’t particularly identify closely with words like man, but I think that’s mainly because of dysphoria.
How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed? I came out very slowly over the space of about 2 years to various people. Mainly told people face-to-face
What have your experiences with packing or wearing breast forms been? I pack on and off. I used to have a lot of hilarious experiences with my packer, but I’ve just about got the hang of not looking like I have a boner.
What are your experiences with binding or tucking? Been binding pretty much every day for the past 5 years. That’s about to change though thank fuck.
Do you pass? Probably about 40% of the time. Even though I’m 2 years on T lmao.
What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition? As mentioned, I’m over 2 years on T, and I’m getting top surgery next month. I’m considering getting phalo in the future.
How long have you been out? Been about 5 years since I came out to the first person I told. Been out to my parents for about 4.5 years.
What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set? Before I came out to anyone (expect 1 friend) I identified as non-binary for about half a year.
Have you ever experienced transphobia? More times than I can even remember buddy.
What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public? Go in the men’s no matter what I look like, fuck ‘em.
How does your family feel about your trans identity? My parents took a long time to understand but they’re just about chill now Siblings have always been okay with it. Think my grandparents are a little uncomfortable, but they don’t mention it, so it’s fine.
Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth? I’m stealth at work, but that’s it. It’s mainly because it’s just not relevant. I can’t see a reason why it would even come up that I’m trans.
What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans? That I don’t have to feel guilty.
Why do you use the pronouns you use? I use he/him and that’s because I’m a binary guy.
Do your neurodivergencies affect your gender? Well, I’m pretty sure that I have BPD because of being trans so it’s more the other way around.
What’s your biggest trans-related fear? That I’m never gonna pass consistantly.
What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition? Been out for almost 5 years, T, nearly got top surgery etc etc.
What do you wish cis people understood? That their perception of a person is not always correct.
What impact has being trans affected your life? Well I think it’s fucked me up pretty bad, it gave me severe dissociation since I was like 11 and ruined relationships and made people hate me for no reason. It’s also given me a community of amazing people and freedom from gender stereotypes.
What do you do to validate yourself? Eh, don’t really do anything actively. Sometimes I do stuff like walk around in my boxers and that feels validating but sometimes it feel bad so idk lol.
How do you feel about trans representation in media? Mainly bad, I wish they’d stop talking about us tbh.
Who is your favorite trans celebrity? Chelsea Manning!!!
Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most? Jay Stewart, founder of GI. Idk what my life would have been like without my trans youth group, seriously.
How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online? With GI! I’ve been connected with them even before I came out to anyone. Now I’m in the over 18s group, and I met my QPP there and I’m kinda a veteran there.
How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years? Still a binary man, probably will be a bit more attractively masculine? I hope? Will always like to dress up fem though I think.
What trans issue are you most passionate about? The cis shutting their mouths.
What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them? Find the community. Seriously. You are not alone.
How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality? Well it’s interacted with my disability pretty badly because being trans has made it hard to access therapy in the past. Being trans has definitely made my mental illness worse as well. Though I am lower-middle class, and would have never have been able to fund my own transition, I am lucky enough to live in a country with universal health care. So all I have to put up with is long waiting lists.
What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression? I’m always a binary male, but I can dress very femininely sometimes. My presentation goes everywhere on the spectrum depending on the circumstance. For every day, going to work, I have to present masculine.
Do you feel more masculine, feminine, both, or neither? I definitely feel I have aspects of masculinity and femininity in me.
What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it? I’m bisexual and aro-spec. I’ve known I’m bi since I was 13, only realised I’m aro-spec in the last year or so. I’m pretty chill with both these things.
Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference? I’ve dating many lovely cis people and would do so again.
How did/do you manage waiting to transition? Fkcn. Dissociate the fuck out of that shit.
What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things? Idek know. Tungl.hel unfortunately lol.
Do you interact with other trans people IRL? YEs!!!! I have so many lovely amazing trans friends! And I trans QPP! And these two people I’m kinda dating!!
Are you involved in any trans-related activism? Not much currently, but I want to be.
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