#I picked this frame as an excuse to draw a realistic face in under an hour and immediately regretted the slightly upwards angle choice. rip

[anglerflsh]

for the future

[jensensitive]

I am obsessed with the way in which you draw Dean. You have his features nailed to perfection - somehow your Dean looks even more Dean than Dean in the show, because you exaggerate everything that makes him HIM. It's truly breathtaking <3 Any advice on how to get those features so flawless?

This is so so nice, thank you so much 😭💕💕💕

Honestly Dean is like my go-to thing to draw basically, and has been for many years, like I have to try to refrain myself from just drawing Dean again sometimes. He's like probably half of how I've learned to draw at all. So there's definitely practice there.

That said, I did not immediately have much of answer to this. It's like, his face is just his perfect, beautiful face, and then I try to draw that. 😅

So I drew some Dean to figure out what it is I do, so thanks for the excuse to draw more Dean lol

Extensive answer under the cut

If you're drawing something realistic from reference, for Dean you kind of have two options, you can either get a screencap that's closer up so you can see details better, but the top of his head is cut off, or you can get one where you can see less details but his whole torso is in frame. It can be weirdly difficult to guess at where the top of his head is sometimes, and you don't need details to capture a likeness, I think it was Sargent that said that the shape of the head is actually the most important aspect in capturing a likeness, so it's something to keep in mind. On the other hand, if you want to look at his pretty eyelashes while you draw him, you might want something closer up. (An understandable impulse).

Another thing is just to look for a reference that you really like, contrasty light and shadow are also great to look for. It's difficult to create a great drawing without them, but also it will illustrate the structure of his head best too. Look for shadow shapes you want to draw. If a reference is too dark (as it often is, because it's supernatural), edit it so you can actually see what you're drawing lmao.

I took a bunch of random screencaps of 11x02-- as random as I could, normally I'd just take screencaps of what I already kind of like, but I tried to just get all of it so you can see what I'm not choosing. (also couldn't help taking some cas ones when the lighting was going really hard)

I love a profile, I love a 3/4 view, I love when his eyes are like half open. His face was kinda giving towards the end of this episode.

Hopefully you can see them well enough. The mass ideas are more important for picking at impactful reference, but ofc I'm also trying to avoid any where he's making a dumb face or it's blurry. Sometimes that's only evident when I open it bigger, but that's okay, we have a bunch to pick from.

a. This one is one I picked out because it's an interesting angle, and I'd definitely do a little study of it, but because the lighting is so soft, it probably wouldn't be super interesting.

b. I like this one, the face he's making is hilarious, and I like the rhythm of his hand, but if I were to draw it, I might draw a fourth finger, otherwise it might look strange. So keep that in mind too, if it looks odd in the reference, it will look odd in the drawing, so unless you're confident that you can effectively change it, pick a different reference or find a second reference to help you change it.

c. This lighting's more dynamic, and I like his expression.

d. Would be hard to pick between these. This one's 3/4 and has a nice eyelash shadow, and I love the shape of his eye when it's downturned.

e. Shoutout to the shape of Jensen's brow when he looks down gotta be one of my favorite genders. + subtle Rembrandt lighting. Lovely.

f. This one is so good. Overhead lighting getting a shadow from his ear in a sideview, defining the jaw in an interesting way. Great expression. It's a bit strange, the way he's looking to the side, so it might be hard to draw convincingly, but would be worth it if I could do it. The shadow from the hair defining the shape of the brow. The light on the cheek defining the slight eyebag. The reflected light under the eye, the light landing on the nose. Would probably change the hair a bit because it looks a bit odd at this angle in this lighting, and if drawn like this it would probably look at bit block-like.

g. More rembrandt lighting. Shoutout to the shadow that this upper lip casts on his lower lip. Shoutout to the shadow his lower lip casts on his chin. Shoutout to the line of light defining his neck. Shoutout to the shape of his brow and forehead.

h. The rhythms here are chefs kiss-- the shadow line diagonal from the corner of his hairline to the corner of his brow echoed by the shadow line diagonal of his cheekbone, then that second line following through to the line of light on his neck that curves the other way.

i. This one's kinda boring wrt lighting, but it's an interesting enough angle to do a study of.

I'm going with screencap c because it's gonna work well to effectively illustrate the basic structure of how I construct his features. It's not directly straight-on, so the form isn't lost, but it's straight enough on to properly show our proportions.

For supplies here, I'm just using a soft charcoal pencil, I just use the kinda cheap ones (currently Markart) cause I actually like them better than General's. And it's on smooth newsprint. I just get it in a big thing of 500 sheets. Not archival but it's a cheap thing that's incredibly enjoyable to draw on. Pink Papermate eraser and a kneaded eraser. The pen I use at one point for some reason is a red Pentel RSVP ballpoint I think, although I actually prefer a Bic.

1. So first thing I block in that main shape, in this case, his head and shoulders. I also have to draw in the hairline at the same time, cause I can't figure it out otherwise. He's got kind of pointy ears. The collar of his jacket often comes up pretty high on the back of his neck. He's got a distinctive hairline that I think can go a long way to showing it's Dean, it's worth taking note of. It swoops to our left, and then the corner (I guess?) of his hairline will line up with the corner/arch of his brow. And don't draw the hairline as an unbroken line, but several lines with some room to breathe. His shoulders are pretty straight and broad, but about three heads across which is pretty normal.

2. Next what I think about is the shape of the eyesockets and the line of the brow. This bit will go a ways for conveying Dean's expression, because he has a wide range from light and happy to horribly scowly that's in the brows. You don't have to define the exact line of the brow at this moment, blocking in the general line is fine just to have an idea of where it lands. You can go back later and refine it. I also find where the bottom lid lands. In my brain it makes a shape like what I've drawn. I might not draw it just like this, but even if I don't, this is the shape I'm thinking about. The line from the end of his eyebrow to his bottom lid is a fave, sometimes you can see it on him, especially at an angle, and it's real pretty.

3. Next I find where the bottom of his nose lands, it's about double the length of the eyesocket. And the line under his bottom lip, about halfway between his nose and the bottom of his chin. These measurements are pretty average measurements for a face. I didn't give myself enough room for his chin initially, so I moved it down to fix it. Also adjusted his face very slightly wider on the right side, cause it's looking a bit narrow.

4. I added some of our shadow shapes. This is where finding a reference with well-defined shadows will be very helpful. And I sketched in the clothes cause why not. The clothes don't have to be perfect, who cares, Dean's collar is not our point of interest lol. The shadow on the neck will probably be slightly curved because of the roundness of the neck. If it's not, you might want to make it curve slightly anyway just to help define the form. I blocked in where the eyes are.

eyes: For Jensen's lovely eyes, they have a specific shape that is so nice to draw, especially at certain and angles and with certain expressions. But basically the top lid is more angular and can be almost boxed off at the end, and the line from the corner of the eye to the lashes is an s-curve that's higher in the middle. Again, not unusual features in drawing a face, but such pretty examples. The shadow that his lower lid casts (or his makeup idk?) is often dark enough to look vaguely like eyeliner. Jensen's lower eyelids, an underrated part of Jensen. His eyebrows are thicker in the middle and sparser on the ends.

5. Next I found the corners of the lips. This is an important aspect in the way I draw mouths. Sometimes I just draw them with dots where the corners of the lips are, a curve where the lips part in the middle, a shadow under the bottom lip, and the curve of the cupid's bow. (This is seen below in 6) I think I also adjusted the bottom lip shadow here. Straight-on, the middle of his lips is slightly higher than the corners, but of course, this will change when not straight-on, depending on if we're looking up or down at his mouth. I also sketched in the nose shape. The ridge of his nose has a nice subtle bump, and then the ball of his nose is very slightly squared off I think, from a front-facing perspective, I feel like. And I drew in his slightly drawn brows. Just pay attention to the angles in your reference, because the expression, the perspective and the angle of the head can impact it. But of course generally, drawn down in the middle, furrowed = scowly; drawn up, unfurrowed = happy.

nose: I prefer drawing his nose in profile. And who wouldn't, look at it! The slight curve of the bridge and then the ball of the nose. I will exaggerate this a little sometimes, just because it's fun and I like it. I couldn't find a reference, but from below, you can see the shape of the bottom of his nose, it dips in the middle a bit more than average. Drawing the bottom of the nose is often a delicate balance between shadow and reflected light. I love keeping it light, save for the nostrils, but then the shadow under the nose can be important too. Sometimes it's just a stylistic choice. Note that there's a plane change between the side of the nose and the cheek. (I think I drew his nose too upturned here, but the general idea is still there)

6/mouth: In drawing the mouth, the top line of the upper lip looks more rectangular at the ends, increasingly so as it turns away from us, and much less so as it turns towards us. Of course, he has a full upper lip that you can shade as you like. I try to keep it distinct from the shadow of the line of the mouth, and a reflected light on the top lip can be good here too. For the bottom lip, it's always nice to give is some shine with a hard-edge highlight. For the cupid's bow, I try to leave a light between the upper lip and the shadow in the cupid's bow. For some reason I drew the shadow backwards here, but I think it looks fine.

7/ears: I started to shade it, and then I remembered that he has ears. There's a simplified way I draw ears that I like. It's not entirely accurate, because the two shadows at the top are actually usually connected, but I find it a bit distracting that way sometimes, so this is more subtle I guess. In profile, I don't really have a method of drawing it, I just draw whatever the reference gives me or bs it with a similar version of this, depending.

8/hair: My method for drawing his hair is 1) suffer 2) hope and pray. I like to leave a rim light-type deal between the contour/outliine of the hair and the rest of the hair, I feel like it helps define it a bit more. The direction of his hair, and thus the direction of my lines is something like this.

9. And then I more or less just shaded. When shading, it's always good to follow the direction of the plane, and I also alternatively like to shade in the direction that the light is falling to reinforce that gesture, but when I shade a face, I try to shade in the opposite direction of where wrinkles would go, if that makes sense, mostly up and down I guess. This is of course on a case by case basis, like a lot of times, I'll do the forehead horizontally anyway, but it's especially touchy around where the laugh lines of the mouth would be and the neck. And on soft plane changes (and softish hard plane changes), I often shade at a different angle to the main shadow. Shading direction can also delineate different areas of similar tones, like I did with the jacket and the side of the nose. I like to give Dean his eyelash shadow, because he deserves it. I also drew in the eyes, of course. I think I actually tend to shade them backwards, and the light would fall in the opposite direction, so when lit from the right, the right side would be darker, but I just don't draw it that way idk maybe I should.

And there he is, that's our guy!

Normally when I'm drawing, I'm definitely a bit more all over the place, and don't necessarily do things in perfect order. And it's good to move around. I'm probably not going to be shading things before noting where all the features are going to land, but I often am shading something before I've drawn everything. Or end up drawing one eye and then maybe do part of the other and then move to do part of the nose and then sketch in an ear and then maybe notice something's off somewhere and adjust that, etc. Just go with it, have fun, he's got a fun face to draw! 💗

[agent-cupcake]

just curious, what’s your favorite and least favorite character design? my least fav for sure has got to be female byleth for reasons i don’t want to get in to yep ok have a good day 😁

IOops this accidentally became a rant, sorry

Okay so, to preface this all, I’m not a character designer and I’m actually pretty bad at it, but my rule of thumb with really unappealing or fan-service outfits is whether or not it makes sense character-wise and how much it tells the player about the character. For example, I think we can all agree that there’s quite a bit of fan-service elements in Hilda’s design. Boob window. However, it’s not unrealistic to imagine Hilda picking out those clothes for herself. Her costume tells you almost everything you need to know about her character on a visual level. She’s confident, pretty, attention-grabbing, and high maintenance while the gloves and laced girdle give a nod to her Viking-maiden roots.

Taking it to female Byleth, I don’t think that her outfit works on either front. Her design is definitely my least favorite and it’s not helped by the fact that you have to look at her at all times. Whatever. The huge, solid mass of boobs, the buttoned bib, the big eyes, the feather hair, the bellybutton, the ripped tights, the booty shorts. She’s a merc out in life and death situations with an accessible, pale, tacky 2000′s “stab me” stomach cut out and a wedgie. Which could be excusable if, like Hilda, there was reason to believe that that her costume was character choice. But she doesn’t really have much character, and what there is gives the impression of a very stoic, dry, blunt person. I have no idea why they’d have gone that route when the sexual appeal of more “utilitarian” costuming (aka, form fitting armor that at least pretends to be functional) for characters like her is scientifically proven AND would say more about the singular personality trait she possesses. Okay, well, I know why they didn’t do that and I think it’s lame. This dysfunction of “character designer wanted a sexy girl but it’s kinda random and just shoved in the game without any thought” actually reminds me a lot of Xenoblade 2′s leading ladies, Hikari and Pyra. Although considering that their bad designs led to a lot of people hating the game for superficial reasons while accepting female Byleth’s design, I guess I’m just bitter. Jumping to a different comparison, then, look at 2B from Nier Automata. Her design is fine as hell which is kinda hypocritical of me considering that it's explicitly fan-service, but I think it also shows the most damning thing for female Byleth. Her whole look, despite having a dozen different element thrown in, is boring. Maybe it’s the colors (dressing her in all black and white would have been really interesting considering the colors of the three lords are so heavily emphasized as a part of their characters) or maybe it’s just the way the desperate elements come together. But, like I said, I'm not even slightly knowledgeable about character design and I know that despite Three Houses being mostly separate, they had to appeal to a larger aesthetic brand to which I have little experience with. And, ultimately, a lot of people find her cute or sexy which...To each their own, I suppose. I don’t pretend that fan-service doesn’t work on me (2B... Cloud’s arms in the remake... Seph's shirtless Smash skin...) but when it’s this obviously inserted in by the character designers rather than feeling organic in any way AND looks bad I'm just not super interested.

The other worst designs for me would be all four of the Ashen Wolves post timeskip. I don't think it's controversial to say that they didn't try with the clothes, even if I love their designs from the neck up (Yes, even Balthus. He looks like the type of guy that would let you sit on his shoulders at a rock concert so you could see the stage). While there are other designs I think are unappealing, those are for purely aesthetic reasons and so I can't maintain the opinion that they're actively bad or that I even truly dislike them.

As for favorite looks... I actually have a few so sorry you're getting all of them because despite the shit I'm talking, I actually really really love the character designs in Three Houses. 

Ferdinand's post timeskip is one of my favorite designs, if not my favorite. The hair, the coat, the armor, the spurs, the colors. You know exactly who Ferdinand von Aegir is just by looking at him. He’s wealthy, handsome, confident in his appearance, a hero, a princely type character, his battle form is mounted combat which is traditionally aesthetically reserved for nobility and leaders... I love it. The only reason I cannot say he IS my favorite is because of the three Lords. But before them, my honorable mentions include post timeskip Hilda, Dorothea, Lorenz, Felix, and Hubert. Granted, I could make a case for why I like almost all of the student’s post timeskip looks.

For the Lords, I obviously have to start with colors because, weirdly enough, Persona didn’t invent primary colors but are actually used as shorthand. Blue is the color of honor, loyalty, sincerity, sadness, and depression. Something I’ve always found very interesting is that blue is very rarely found in nature. To me, that’s always made it seem more lonely which, at least in this case, is thematically relevant. People call Dimitri boring pre timeskip and while I won’t defend his hairstyle (okay, actually, I probably would because he tucks it behind his ears and idk why but that’s one of the cutest things ever) I really like how unassuming he is. Bland. He’s supposed to be the plain shortbread cookie to caramel deLite Claude and strawberry meringue Edelgard. It is not in his character to draw attention to himself or stand out. To me, he kinda looks like an old Barbie prince, like he should have been named Dominic. Also I love the blue eyes/blonde hair thing and his more angular features. It really helps to sell him as the fakeout chivalrous prince type. Post timeskip, Dimitri's black armor is amazing. I love the fact that it’s a lot more intricate up-close with the different little shell-like pieces and the fact that his boots are furry. I love the big cape and the black and white fur around his shoulders. It’s really cool how they used his costume to change the shape of his in-game model to match the bodily proportions of the character art. It’s easier to see when you change his costume into the DLC ones, but the fur and cape build up his shoulders and chest look more broad while keeping that tiny little waist. The choice to give Dimitri an eyepatch is probably my favorite thing about this design. It’s genuinely inspired. Such a simple detail yet it tells the player everything they need to know about adult Dimitri when they see him post timeskip, in one frame the player can begin to understand the extent of his loss over the past five years. The subtle shadow under his eye in the first few Azure Moon chapters and the messy long-ish hair really help to sell the feral prince aesthetic as well, as it’s from those small cues the player gets that he’s exhausted (in more ways than one) and doesn’t maintain himself. None of these things are intentional choices by Dimtiri, they’re the result of what his character has been through.

Yellow is an intense, energetic color. Mostly, people think of it as being warm and inviting, the color of the sun and positivity. That intensity can be overwhelming, though, too visually demanding when compared to its primary counterparts. Don’t stare at the sun too long. Buuuut, it’s okay to stare at Claude. Claude not wanting to wear tight pants in either of his costumes is not only a mood, it is iconic. Pre timeskip, the softer lines of his silhouette makes him look kinda slouchy, kinda lazy. Like he’s not too concerned with appearances. But those adorably messy curls, the little braid, the clearly tended eyebrows, and earring make it clear that he DOES care about appearances and is very aware of his allure. And that’s before he even starts winking. It is honestly so in character that as many people picked him first on the basis of being thirsty, that feels like an intentionally Claude thing even if it was inserted by the designers. The contrast of his complexion with his seagreen eyes is gorgeous and instantly adds a kind of mystery and intrigue to him considering the setting... but it’s sf funny that nobody looked at bronze god Claude among a sea of white faces and thought something was up. Post timeskip, they used the same trick like they did with Dimitri to change Claude’s in-game model to match his canon appearance. The way they designed his uniform makes him not look as twink-ish, like he’s actually muscular and imposing and has the strength he’d need to shoot a war bow with a 120lbs draw weight. Also like Dimitri, you can instantly tell what Claude’s been up to. Like, he was very pretty pre timeskip but when he shows up in the Goddess Tower after those five years in all that gold, he demands your attention. Like a gentleman general with the excessive aesthetic ideals of the Alliance and details to imply his heritage. The quilted pants are amazing from both an aesthetic and practical standpoint. He’s a mounted unit riding a creature with scales, of course he’d want something on his legs for protection. And the chinstrap. I love that so much, it definitely makes him look more adult. He’s got such a cute soft baby face, it’s fun imagining him experimenting with different styles during the five years to get the most desired physical reaction to him as a leader. 

Frenchfries, meet forehead. No, actually, Edelgard’s design is really fantastic. Claude and Dimitri both have realistically colored eyes and hair and then there’s Edelgard. Dimitri shrugs off attention physically and Claude shirks it with a wink but Edelgard commands the players attention from the very start. Although I’m sure there’s a lot of things to associate with white hair and purple eyes, my first thought was Daenerys from Game of Thrones. Otherworldly beautiful by with an edge. Red, of course, is The power color. Strong emotions, love and hate. Red is also associated strongly with blood, which is very important to Edelgard’s plot. Granted, I think the red and black association is even more powerful than JUST red and red is the cheapest play to make in regards to displaying villainy (I mean, there are some pretty universally recognized associations with red and black and it led to people making some unfair comparisons between Edelgard and a famous dictator) but I think it was effective and well used and I genuinely enjoy its use in her case. Anyway, if I had a major complaint about her design it would be the weird ashy color of her hair whereas Lysithea’s hair is pure white. Which doesn’t even matter with the AMAZING hair horns. Ram horns can actually symbolize quite a few things, but their association with power and strength is pretty universal I think. They’re also used in demonic imagery. I love that THIS was her alternative to a crown. Edelgard views herself as a force of war and power before she thinks of herself as royalty. She also mentions that she isn’t super vain, but she loves to do her hair, so the hair being the most elaborate part of her look is entirely in-character. Edelgard’s ensemble is, like Claude, very militaristic. I love that they kept her in a dress that embraces femininity without showing skin as that wouldn’t really suit her Also, again, Edelgard demands your attention. She’s dressed all in bright bright red waving around a giant axe. She is a symbol as much as she is a combatant, someone to follow. I didn’t really mention their secondary lord costumes, but a girl in sexy armor is literally everything and I love that they had the balls to put their main sexy waifu girl in full body armor.

Okay I’m sorry I realize this was excessive and probably didn’t need explaining and I’m not sure I even articulated my thoughts properly but anyway I love their designs so here is the positivity I’ll put into the world.

[clemanime]

Artistic

A/N: Here you go. Another one. This took me some time cause I was having trouble with staying focused instead of being distracted.

WARNING: Smut, unprotected sex, and if you use an oxygen mask thigh riding

     “Excuse me Miss?” She looked up from her spot under the tree. Him. The man she’d been sketching for over a month now. When he first ran past her, she couldn’t help but pull out her sketch book and get to work.

     “Yes?” She questioned.

     “I’m sorry to bother you.” He cleared his throat. “But I’ve noticed that you’ve been under this same tree every day.” Steve put his hands on his hips, smiling slightly as he tried to catch his breath.

     “And you’re on lap number 99?” She shot him a sly smirk.

     “And you, correct me if I’m wrong, are shading my features.”

She looked down at her sketch, closing it and pushing it in her bag. “I’m sorry.” She cleared her throat, scratching her head.

     “No, it’s fine. Honest.” He smiled as he walked towards her, large arms crossing as he unintentionally towered over her. “I’m glad I could be someone’s inspiration for art.” He leaned his head to the side as he squatted down next to her.

     “Well you have a nice body and you’d make a great character for a Webcomic or a superhero comic in general.” She smiled to herself. “Piercing blue eyes, broad shoulders, bulging biceps, anything you wear would look great on you.” She couldn’t stop talking. “I bet a smirk from you could stop a war.” She stood up. “Can’t blame a girl for admiring your physique.” Her eyebrows rose in shock, her hand flying to her mouth. “I...” She grabbed her things, going to walk away but stopping. “Can we pretend that we didn’t have a conversation? Go back to me being the silent woman drawing under a tree?” She could see the sadness in his eyes, her hands shooting out to comfort him but stopped. “Or...” She adjusted her bag on her shoulder. “Or we don’t forget this conversation?”

     “The first woman I’ve approached in over 100 years.” Steve smirked, putting his hands on his hips. “If you want to draw me it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

     “Really?” She seemed to light up, stepping towards him. “You’d be my model?”

     “Sure.” He shrugged. “If you want to meet up later-”

     “Yes.” She cleared her throat. “I mean. Yeah sure I’m not busy or anything.” She tried to play it cool but the boyish smile on Steve told her that there was no coming back from it.

     “Great." Steve nodded. Steve pulled out a small notepad from the pocket of his sweatpants, motioning to the pencil she had placed behind her ear. "Can I borrow that?" Before she could respond, his large hand was near her face, the heat radiation from him different than the summer heat. It was comfortable, a temperature that one wouldn't mind surrounding themselves in on a chilly night. Or a night full of sensual fun that would end with bite marks, scratches, and hickies. Even though Steve looked composed, inside he was just as excited as she was. As he wrote down his address his excitement grew. “I’ll see you later then.”

     “Yeah.” She smiled brightly, taking the small piece of paper and her pencil. A car pulled up behind Steve, the window rolling down.

     “Hey!”

The pair looked at the car, Steve giving the man in the car a friendly smile. “It’s time for you nap Old Man.” Sam smiled.

Steve turned to face her, holding the pencil out to her. “I’ll see you later then.”

     “Hold on to it.” She put her hands in her pockets. “That’s my favorite mechanical pencil so I’ll be taking it back later.” She smiled.

     “I’m Steve by the way.” He walked backwards, the boyish smirk on his lips again.

At HQ Steve fixed up his room as Bucky leaned against the door frame with Sam behind him. “So this Dame you’ve been talking about is coming over to draw you?” Bucky questioned his friend but didn’t receive an answer.

     “Ask him about the pencil.” Sam chuckled, nudging the other super soldier.

     “Don’t ask.” Steve looked around his room, nodding before looking at his friends.

     “What pencil?” Bucky looked from Sam to Steve, his curiosity peaked.

     “The mechanical pencil that he’s been staring at since he got in my car.” Sam teased.

     “Come on.” Steve put his hands on his hips, sighing as he shook his head. “She’s going to be here soon. I need everyone on their best behavior.”

     “You plan on courting her?” Bucky questioned. “Taking her on dates?” Steve looked down, scratching his head as he started pacing back and forth. “You really like her. Steve you just started talking to her today.” Steve looked at his friends. “Alright.” He put his hands up, backing away from the door.

     “I think it’s adorable that our Steve Rogers is going to get a girlfriend.” Natasha appeared next to Sam. “And he actually took a duster to his room.”

     “I thought he was tired of living like an artifact.” Tony walked up. “Come on kids. Stop bullying your older brother. He’s hit puberty and he’s thinking about girls. Disperse.” Everyone walked away and Steve walked into his bathroom, getting himself ready for his “modeling” session.

She got out of her car, looking at the building in awe. “He’s rich.” She spoke softly to herself. She walked towards the door, clutching her bag as she rang the bell.

     “You must be the artist.”

She jumped, looking at the small speaker. “Hi.” She leaned forward. “Is, uh, Steve here?” She questioned, leaned her head to the side.

     “If by Steve you mean Captain Steve Rogers then yes.” He answered. “Come on in.” The door opened and she walked in after thanking him.

Moving through the building, she could tell that it was built to house multiple people. She stopped at a painting, leaning her head to the side as tried to figure out the chaotic energy coming from it. “So this is the artist.”

     “Oh.” She looked at Tony, smiling. “You’re Tony Stark.” She held her hand out, smiling. “You’re one of the best Engineers I know.” She smiled. “I can’t believe I’m meeting the man that created a suit of armor that can fly and is also a weapon.”

     “Glad to know that you have taste.” He turned and the pair walked down the hall. “Are you an Engineering major?” Tony questioned.

     “No. I’m an Art major.” She squeezed the strap of her bag, waiting for the insults.

     “So you can draw a perfect circle.” Tony questioned.

     “I...” There was obvious confusion on her face.

     “A lot of people don’t know how to draw the perfect circle.” He crossed his arms when they stopped in the kitchen.

     “Tony I hope you’re not trying to scare off Steve’s guest.” Natasha walked towards the fridge, opening it and taking out a bottle of water.

     “Not really trying to scare her off. Just wanting to get a feel for who Rogers won’t shut up about.” Tony crossed his arms as he looked at Natasha.

     “I’m sorry?” She questioned in confusion.

     “Don’t worry about it.” Natasha said quickly. “I’ll take you to Steve’s room.” Natasha led the way, heading down the hall and stopping at the door at the end of the hallway. “Just knock.”

Natasha walked away, leaving her to her own devices. She mentally kicked herself, telling herself to known on the door. She raised her fist, knocking lightly. She didn’t know if he heard her but she stood there, clutching her bag as she waited. When the door swung open she was met with Steve in a fitted tank top and some denim jeans. “You made it.” He smiled.

     “Yeah.” She breathed. “Uh... yeah.”

     “Come on in.” He moved to the side, looking down the hallway at his team as they sent him thumbs up and silently cheering him on. Steve moved in, closing the door behind him, a nervous smile on his face as he rubbed the palms of his hands on his jeans. “So, how do you want me?”

     “What?” She turned to face him, her paint tubes falling out of her hands and on the floor. She dropped to her knees, gathering them up. Steve helped her out, picking up the tubes and placing them on his bed. “I... uh... I didn’t know if you wanted me to paint you something or if you just wanted a sketch.”

     “I don’t mind if it’s both.” He crossed his arms, moving to sit on the bed.

     “Okay. Let’s get started then.” She smiled, moving to the other side of the room. She wanted to be as far from him as possible, watching as Steve found a comfortable position on his bed. She pulled his desk chair into position, sitting down and pulling out her sketchbook, getting started.

Biting her bottom lip, she got started, sketching him in a cartoonish way so that she had a reference to go back to if Steve ended up needing a break. Switching over to her other pencils she got started on a more realistic form of her sketch. “How long have you been doing art?” He broke the silence between the two.

     “I’ve been drawing my entire life.” She smiled to herself. “My mom told me that since I was in diapers I was fascinated with crayons. Other than trying to eat them.” She laughed slightly at her own statement, shaking her head. Looking at Steve, she saw a bright smile on his face, seemingly in his own thoughts. She bit her lip, focusing on the piece of art in front of her.

After about an hour or so she stood up. “You can move now.” She looked at him as he stood up, stretching his limbs. Steve put his hands on his hips as he walked towards her seeing her visibly tensing. She stepped away from him, fidgeting with a pencil in her hands.

     “This looks amazing so far.” Steve praised.

     “I still have to work on the shading.” She smiled slightly.

Steve smiled, putting her book down and turning his attention to her. “Do you like when people look at your art?” He questioned.

She laughed nervously. “When they aren’t finished I think they’re terrible.”

Steve nodded, looking at her. “Do you want some tea? A coffee or...”

     “No I’m okay.” She smiled, still a little tense.

Steve tried his best not to show that he was bothered by how tense she was. “I think your art great. No matter what process it’s in.”

She smiled, picking up her book and started flipping through. “Here’s the other one’s I’ve drawn.” She handed him the book so he could take a look. He looked at them, flipping through as he nodded. She stepped closer to him, pointing to a realistic sketch of an empty hospital bed. “I drew that when my grandmother passed.” She explained. Steve turned the page, looking at an image of him with his shirt up doing the action of wiping sweat from his forehead. She snatched the book from him, laughing nervously. “You didn’t see that.” Steve turned around, standing so close that he could smell her perfume.

She moved to step back but Steve grabbed her hands, stopping her. “You’ve been tense for a few minutes now.” He spoke softly.

     “What makes you say that?” She questioned quickly. Steve let her go, moving over to the bed and watching her intently. She seemed at ease.

     “You feel better when I’m sitting down?” He questioned her, his eyes narrowing as he stared at her.

     “I...” She sighed. “I have my reasons.” She moved over to her sketchbook, grabbing it and contemplating on starting up again but ultimately deciding against it.

     “What’s the reason? Maybe I can help.” Steve smiled and she let out a sigh.

     “Well...” She started pacing, trying to gather her thoughts. She looked at him as he sat patiently, waiting for her to say something. “Can I kiss you?”

     “I’m sorry?” Steve’s expression was that of shock and confusion.

     “I’m sorry. I overstepped.” She moved towards the chair, grabbing everything in her hands and plopping down. “We’ll continue.”

Steve sat with his elbows propped on his knees, staring at her intently as she drew. He could see her shuffling uncomfortably in the chair, his eyes on her thighs as they tensed and relaxed a few times. His eyes darkened.

She finished drawing him, standing and prepping her easel. She moved in silence, her hands on her hips when she finished. “Do you have a cup I can use?” She looked at Steve as he sat, eyes still on her. “Steve?” He stood up, walking into his bathroom and pulling out one of his disposable cups and filling with the water. He walked back out, placing it on the small table next to her. “Thanks.” Steve stood behind her, his large hand touching the small of her back when she started to paint. Her body jerked and she whipped around to look at him, backing up but hitting her easel.

     “Can I kiss you?” He asked this time. She hiccupped, staring up at him as she nodded quickly.

Steve leaned in, brushing his lips against hers. His hand cupped her cheek, his thumb resting just below her lip. He moved his hand to the back of her neck, kissing her. His other hand moved to the small of her back. Her body trembled slightly at the feather like touch on her heating skin. She couldn’t help but take his bottom lip between her teeth, nibbling and sucking.

An animal like growl escaped his throat and his hands moved to pick her up. Steve sat her on his desk, his hands holding her. He pulled his shirt off, tossing it to the side leaning on his hands as she stared at him. She pulled the hem of her dress up, biting her bottom lip when his large hands slowly moved up her thighs. She started unbuttoning the top her dress.

Steve kissed her neck, nipping and sucking to leave a mark on her. She moaned, closing her eyes when he moved to the other side of her neck. “Steve.” She mewled, arching into his touch. “I can’t wait.” Steve nodded, pushing his hands under her dress and grabbing her underwear. He tore the lace from her skin, tossing it to the side. She whimpered when his large hand squeezed each of her cheeks. He picked her up, moving towards the bed and sitting down. She bit his lip as she ground her hips against him.

He pushed her dress around her waist, moving so that she was on his thigh. “Go ahead.” He encouraged.

She looked at him, slowly circling her hips. Steve’s hands slowly moved down to her hips, guiding her so that her pace could quicken. She moaned, tensing slightly as her climax built. Steve’s fingertips dug into her flesh, guiding her so that she moved faster. She trembled, her nails digging into his shoulders.

Her embarrassment was getting to her. They hardly got into it and she finished. Pressing her forehead against his exposed chest she whimpered again. “I didn’t...” She sighed. “I masturbate and all that. But it’s been a long time since someone else...” She trailed off. “I’m talking too much.”

     “No it’s fine.” Steve chuckled, pulling her so that she was pressed against him. “It’s been a long time for me too.” She unbuttoned his pants, pushing them down slightly and releasing his stiff member. She slowly pumped him, looking into his beautiful eyes. She pressed the head of his member against her wet folds, her eyes fluttering shut as she slid down. Her thoughts, so good, on repeat.

Steve wrapped his strong arms around her, biting his tongue at how tight she was. His animalistic urge to destroy her grew the longer it took for him to take in all of him. She bit his chest, moaning when he filled her completely.

Steve Rogers, the man that is Captain America, King of keeping a cool head... was slowly losing it.

He picked her up, taking her by surprise and walking her into his bathroom, slamming the door behind him. “Steve wha-”

     “Trust me.” Was all he said, sitting her on the counter and adjusting her so that she was slumped back, her shoulder blades pressed against the cold mirror. Steve started pounding into her, surprising her. She yelped, her hands flying towards his waist as Steve grabbed her ankles.

Her eyes were shut tight, body on fire the more he hit her cervix. The dull pain she was feeling sent a new sensation of pleasure through her and hot tears down her cheeks. She clamped around him, biting the base of her thumb to keep herself from screaming. Steve switched his grip to her wrists, holding them in on hand away from her face as he leaned in to kiss her lips. “Too much.” She cried.

     “Want me to stop Doll?” He questioned, deep down wanting her to scream No and beg him for more.

     “God no!” She hollered, moving her hips to meet him as best as she could.

     “Good girl.” He smirked, letting her wrists go and grabbing the back of her thighs. Steve stared down at her trembling body, slowing his pace to see how she would react. He enjoyed the way her eyes slowly opened to meet his as they already stared back at her. Her mouth falling open just to breath his name. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips and Steve took the opportunity to kiss her, sucking on her bottom lip and pulling a small moan from her. Steve pulled out of her, licking his lips as he slowly pumped himself. “Turn around for me.” She slowly got off the counter, turning around and looking at him through the mirror. “I want you to see how beautiful you are.” He slowly moved towards her, leaving her in anticipation. “How pretty your face is when I’m inside of you.” His hands made quick work of guiding his member into her soaked hole. Her eyes closed and her mouth fell open. “Open your eyes and look.”

She did as commanded, eyes on her own face as Steve started to relentlessly pound into her. She shook violently, falling over the edge one more time. Steve didn’t stop, holding her in place as he continued. She felt her mind escaping her. His name spilled from her lips as if it were the only thing in her vocabulary.

Steve felt himself growing closer, his thrusts becoming off beat and frantic. He pushed himself deeper, growling when he spilled into her. She leans against the counter, huffing. Steve was the only thing keeping her up, otherwise she would have fallen.

She looked at herself in the mirror, her hair a mess and a slight shine in her eyes. Her skin was littered with bites and hickies. She looked at Steve as he caught his breath. “I didn’t expect this to happen first.” Steve chuckled.

     “What you wanted to take me on a date?” She laughed.

     “That was the plan.” He nodded slightly.

     “Then Friday.” She stood up, looking at him. “After class you can take me to lunch.” He nodded, smiling.

     “There’s this place I went to as a kid and it’s still up and running.” Steve explained, his eyes lighting up. “Since I got back I haven’t been there. Now I have a good reason to.”

She smiled, standing up but hiding the fact that every small move she made sent shockwaves through her. “Great. Should we finish the paintings?” She questioned, moving towards the door on shaking legs.

     “I had something else in mind.” Steve put his hand on the door, closing it as he looked down at her. “I think the both of us could use a nice shower.”

[shadowlink06]

Heart of the King / Body and Soul Deleted Scenes

I've mentioned before that the script for WiR has changed significantly as I published each chapter. I just want to highlight some events that did happen at this point in the story that were in original script to give you an idea how far the story has flown out of my hands to the point where it is hardly recognizable. 

Noctis wasn't supposed to make any type of appearance until the 10 year mark and he had absorbed the crystal's power. Originally he was supposed to be seen in God's Blight only.

Gladio and Prompto were supposed to visit Ignis more within the three month span however they still were not aware of Emus/Ardyn

Ignis and Ardyn were supposed to spend about a year or two together before anyone realized anything was wrong. Talcott was supposed to be the original person that noticed the changes and reported it to Cid.

Gladio and Prompto were supposed to travel to Hammerhead after Ignis's initial visit with them.

Prompto was supposed to pick up on Ardyn's presence in Ignis's hotel room by seeing the restraints and bloodstains on the sheets.

Prompto and Gladio were supposed to both confront Ardyn after the horde had attacked Galdin Quay after Ignis became infected. Gladio was supposed to be the one severely injured by Ardyn.

Gladio was supposed to find Ignis after Ardyn kidnapped him.

Ignis was not supposed to be "broken" by Ardyn until he was kidnapped nor was Ardyn supposed to fall in love with Ignis until this point.

Leviathan was supposed to be the only Astral that would have been attached to Ignis.

Cor, Aranea, Ifrit, Shiva, Titan, and Ramuh weren't supposed to have appearances in Body and Soul - only mentions.  

And just for fun, here is some dialogue/scenes that I had to delete/omit/rewrite:

Chapter 12:

“You… were never going to kill him.” Ignis whispered. 

“So… you figured that out.” He had never really thought of the idea of transferring his own memories to someone else. But there was no other way to explain why Ignis would suddenly come to that realization on his own. 

“I am… I was the true King of Insomnia before my brother took that title from me. The King you try so desperately to protect, the empire that he built upon should have been mine.” There was a pause as he watched Ignis take in his words. “So now that you know that truth… is your allegiance with the King of Insomnia or towards Noctis?” 

The Usurper… his vision had called Ardyn. The one that wanted the throne… the way that it was framed, Ardyn indeed was the one looking to spill the royal blood. Yet he had no way of knowing the truth of why the rage was there. The twisted history of Somnus and Ardyn… The one that had been in the wrong and the one that had been wronged was reversed. Even with his extensive knowledge never had he heard such a tale before. 

“You know I don’t lie… is that why you can’t answer me?” 

All this time…. Ignis had thought that he had been protecting Noctis. Every time Ardyn had taken him was all in the service of his king but now he realized why Ardyn had spent time with the Kingsglaive and why he had left the crystal alone. He had been protecting Noctis all this time. . 

“I told you a long time ago, your sacrifice to protect Noctis was meaningless.” 

“...Yet you toyed with me. Used me.” 

“Indeed I did.” And Ardyn didn’t seem to be apologetic when it was framed that way. “Is that not what monsters do?”

Ignis’s heart sank hearing those words.The man was going to keep him here. Unconsciously he should have known that Ardyn would have taken an extreme measure. He knew the man’s secret now and he was sure that the Usurper wanted him to admit his feelings towards him. “...Ardyn, don’t do this.”

“You leave me no choice.” 

Yet you gave me no choice either, Ignis thought. His clothing was torn away from him dreading what was going to happen to him. Even when his legs were lifted on the man’s shoulders, he felt numb. Unconsciously he was already relaxing his muscles for the intrusion. No matter how many times this had been done, it always felt as though he was losing a part of himself. The retainer felt something warm sliding down his cheeks as his body was worked up to a rhythm.

 his body kept recoiling with each thrust into him. He was crying, he supposed. It was impossible to know when he started. He couldn’t tell if it had come from him or Ardyn and he was afraid to ask or even touch his face to prevent them from falling. He felt like he was going to drown and perhaps that was the best thing for him as the tempest of emotions was tearing him apart. He thought that he heard someone sobbing but It didn’t sound like his own voice. It must have been a dream...

Chapter 2:

By now, Ardyn had found his own pleasure with visiting Ignis. He was sure that the man would still happily slit his throat during his sleep if he could get away with it. The retainer hadn’t tried though. Maybe he thought it better to let Ardyn take what he wanted to go about his day. The Usurper never made a habit of visiting at a certain time, and even forced himself to spend days away to at least give the illusion that Ignis was simply a secondary source of entertainment. 

The only ones that saw “Emus” regular were the staff that were in charge of the hotel but considering that Ardyn rarely spent more than a few hours there, he hoped that it was more in the realm of delivering official messages on behalf of the Kingsglaives. When Prompto or Gladio dropped by, he left Ignis alone with them. Given that nothing had ever happened after their visits Ignis also seemed to not say anything to either of his friends about what was really going on. And through this balancing act Ardyn ate daemons all to keep Noctis safe as the world crumbled to pieces around them. 

But he had gotten to know Ignis on a far deeper level than he had meant. First it was exploring every inch of his body to incite his lust. There was a certain delight the chancellor felt when he could make the boy hard with even the faintest touches or draw out a moan that obviously was meant to be stifled. Ardyn found all Ignis’s weaknesses. Despite the protests, he had noticed the man started to have fewer outbursts and fits of rage. Every so often they would emerge, likely due to his own guilt with what was going on. After Ignis was wrestled out of his clothing and he was able to make the retainer moan that defiant streak dampened, lost in the haze of desire. He hadn’t tortured the retainer in the literal sense, but Ardyn had trained his body and it catered to only his touch.

Eventually Ardyn had stopped trying to get a rise out of Ignis without bringing up his useless loyalty to Noctis, the fact he kept his mouth shut about their sordid affair from his own friends, and even the issues plaguing Eos. They were all so insignificant since these humans were bound to die in one fashion or another. The only thing that was a ritual even from the beginning was just a string of words he always asked before he took Ignis. 

“Do you surrender?” 

And he was always meant with either a firm no or no response at all. Before, he had done it purely as a means to force Ignis to admit that he was weak, seeing him break. It was the last test knowing that there would be no excuse for his complicity if anyone ever discovered what they were doing together. So he always asked, just to see. 

Yet Ignis had not crossed that line. He had gotten the retainer to give him handjobs, blowjobs, tied him up, put a leash on him, any act of sexual depravity that he could do to drag the man deeper in his despair yet that singular issue had never changed. 

Chapter 13:

“There is no reason to believe she would lie about something like this.” 

“If she isn’t… that means that Ardyn has been with Ignis for [insert time lapse here]. He had to have known right?” 

“Ardyn can cast pretty convincing illusion spells though… you’ve experienced them yourself with Noct right?” 

“Yeah… but if they fought… Ignis had to have known the ruse right?” 

That did bother Gladio. If Ignis was under duress, surely the retainer could have said something to either of them, yet he had not. “It’s hard to say.” 

“We have to find him… I don’t like this.” 

“I’m going to alert the Hunters and the Kingsglaive.” Hell, maybe the Crownsguard needed to come in on this as well. Ignis may have been only one person in the grand scheme of the world, but given what Ardyn was capable of doing he’d never be able to sleep at night if he didn’t do everything in his power to get him back. 

Chapter 14:

Ignis had tried running away just once. He had gotten far enough to attract the attention of a horde of daemons before Ardyn found him on the verge of collapse. The retainer had spent so much time trying to keep from being killed it was easy for Ardyn to overpower him and drag him back to the makeshift room. That night, the Usurper had been exceptionally rough, though he never chastised Ignis’s behavior or asked for an explanation. Instead, he opted for the safer option of binding the man. Every time Ardyn went out to feed or had to leave him, he was tied to the posts of the bed and gagged. When Ardyn returned, only then was Ignis free to move around, forced into sex, fed and cleaned up and the cycle repeated until the retainer passed out. 

Ignis couldn’t bring himself to fight back. Several times he had pleaded for Ardyn to release him but every time he was only greeted with the phrase to say those three words to him. Something that was of course refused which only spurred the cycle of abuse to continue. He had dimly hoped that someone would have come for him by now but realistically no one could take the Usurper… no one but Noctis. Besides, they probably thought that he died from the starscourge. Without Luna there was no cure and his body had been declining rapidly. And no one knew what Ardyn was capable of, no one except him now. 

He had only hoped the more that he refused to give the demon what he wanted Arydn would grow bored with him. That was far from the case. Although their conversations were always short, there was always something new that he had learned about the Usurper which only added to the complexity. Each bit of information made him see Ardyn differently and as much as he wanted to continue to condemn him, he was having trouble keeping the rage he had harbored for so long towards the man.

 “...You will never break will you?”

Ignis paused as he heard that. “You want me to?” 

“I suppose I was hoping that.” 

“Even if it was a lie?” 

“Especially if it was a lie.” 

That admission had the retainer look in his general direction. “I can’t… you know I can’t.” 

“Because you are afraid of the truth?” 

“I’ve spoken the truth to you.” 

“You have, but it is a partial one.” 

“Why make me utter those words?” 

There was a long silence as he thought about it. “In the end… for the sake of my pride.” 

“And I won’t abandon him for my own.” 

“Such a masochist you are Ignis.” Ardyn’s armiger appeared before him pulling out the dagger among the ring of weapons. With one fluid motion he straddled the retainer’s legs looming over him. “You know I could kill you without a second thought…” And yet, Ardyn didn’t want to. This damned human had to have been the most perplexing yet frustrating man he’d ever spent so much time with. Killing him now would have been meaningless. He felt the man relax under him even with the knife to his throat. All of his threats now fell on deaf ears, he couldn’t do it. 

“I know you can. But even so… threatening me is meaningless.” 

Ardyn couldn’t believe he had fallen into his own trap. In the quest to break this man, he had committed himself to having an attachment outside the realm of mere whimsical desire. He knew he had experienced it before with someone else but he couldn’t recall that moment in time. She had blonde hair though, perhaps a touch lighter than Ignis’s, more wavy and certainly longer. The tip of the blade roamed up and traced it over to the man’s chin which he forced up. “And why is that?”

“I cannot love you.”

“I will not let you erase me so easily.”

“I am not trying to.”

“Yet you will not acknowledge me.”

“I do… I am.” Ignis whispered. He was far too exhausted to lie to Ardyn. As much as he was able to move around, he was suffocating under the weight of his prison and the painful truths that he had come to know. “You are always in my thoughts.” 

“Do you swear it?”

“...Yes.”

There are way more instances of scenes/settings being changed around post-script but I have either forgotten or they were already deleted off the document before I thought to save it. So if you are wondering why my brain needs a break well... this is part of the reason. As far as scene deletions, I’m sure well over 10k words has been dropped from the skeleton outline I had so that is part of the reason I’m going to just gut Gods Blight and start from scratch to avoid mass chunks of deletions like this.

[alitheamateur]

The Grind- Chapter 4

Warnings: Language. Angst.

Just shy of 3 months had swiftly come & gone. We spent most of our days together, and the easy casualty, and effortless chemistry between us still stood firm. The whirling wind of our relationship only just picking up, and I was intently reading the blatant, yet blindly mysterious novel that was Colton Ritter. He was romantic in the brawniest of ways, always keeping a solid arm around my waist, or his wide fingers locked around my bony hands when we explored the crowded sidewalks on our outings. Or on the rare occasions he decided to sleep over, he’d never settle to sleep in any position other than nestled into my back, his warm steady breaths exhaling into my hair, & limbs locked around me. There was a period when I had to reassure myself that he did indeed know my proper name, and wasn’t just calling me ‘his girl’ every time he addressed me to cover his flighty memory.

The fight was just shy of two weeks away, give or take. Two painfully anxious, grueling weeks away. Rightfully so, Colton delicately began to isolate himself a bit, applying his metaphorical “game face” makeup, if you will. However, tonight he had promised to skip out his usual third training session of the day & let me have him to myself. I tidied the throw pillows on the sunken leather couch on my way to answer his knock, and fluffed some fingers through my hair.  

“Hey, babydoll.”

He crossed the entryway with a wet peck to my lips & dropped himself to be seated on the center cushion of my couch, kicking off the heels of his gray trainers with a grunt. How on earth a man could make a sweat stained, beat-up hoodie look like a 3-piece suit, was an enigma I’d yet to solve.

“How’s my girl?” he smiled, using two fingers to playfully seduce me to fill the empty spot next to him. I made a pit stop grabbing the remote control so I could ready the DVD I had rented for us, then plopped beside his now relaxed frame. The ‘right at home’ manner he felt at my place, made the tiny space feel all the more cozy.  

“Perfect now,” I answered with smiling satisfaction, nuzzling into the warm crook under his arm. As a woman, I never like to think of myself as weak or fragile, small even. But the way his full, sizeable arm made me feel almost like a helpless child protected in the safe space of their own little hiding spot was an exception.

We’d barely made it 10 minutes into the movie before the tongue I’d been biting to keep quiet, broke free. “How’s the training coming? Is your hand still giving you trouble?”

Earlier in the week, I’d met him at Mac’s per his request, & found him wincing as the trainer pressured his obviously swollen, irritated mitt. He brushed off my evident concern, saying he had probably just “over did it a bit,” but the trainer shot me a clandestine glance, indicating that it indeed was something I should maybe be concerned with.

“It’s all good, babe. Nothin’ to worry yourself about, honest. Relax, huh?” He held up the wounded hand, wiggling his fingers as if to prove to me he was as healthy as a horse, and pressed a kiss to my temple.

I nodded my head at the obvious lie, resisting the urge to push the issue of my growing regard for him. My silky legs tucked under me, I lifted from the couch to retrieve some popcorn from the kitchen, strategizing the best way to mind my own business would be to excuse myself from the room for a brief moment or two.

I couldn’t have made it 3 small strides in exit before I was wrangled like a farm animal from behind.

“Hey 2-1, think fast!” He declared referring to the peeling vinyl number on the back of one of my dated team sweatshirts from high school.

Not allowed a moment to resist, he pounced from his seat, captured my limber body, & heaved me over his stony shoulder, adding a saucy pat to my rump for good measure. I squealed with pleasure as he whisked me off in the direction of my bedroom, shouting giggly words of objection mixed with powerless slaps to his widespread back along the way. We entered the bedroom threshold where he chucked me atop the plush white duvet of my full-size bed, my hair bouncing and scattering across my face. My arms outstretched slackly, he situated himself above me, dangling studiously rubbing nose-to-nose with me. I closed my eyes lazily with desire, anticipating the puffy lips I knew were approaching me.

“Highlight of my day about to be what’s between those soft legs of yours, Livvy,” he purred, causing me to shiver involuntarily as his gifted hands slid toward a southern destination. The airy hairs across my bloomed skin raised on end, the grips of his fingers leaving white scraps of pressure along the way.

The moment couldn’t have been more laced with passion, and elevated craving, and yet the wandering mind of mine I often coursed for overthinking, wouldn’t slow down.

“Colt, are you sure your hand’s okay? I just wanna make sure you’re in perfect condition for Mendez. I can’t have you going into this thing if you’re not 100%, babe.”

I knew right off I had made a hasty, unsuitable move. His sculpted jaw clenched, nostrils flaring with outrage. I searched his face for the man I’d grown to know, the one who held me in such high regard, always so playful & gentle. But this was Jekyll. His pupils almost rattled with offense, and I heard his neck crack from the fuming build inside him.

“Really? I told you I’m fine, Liv. Damn it!” He scoffed, and pushed himself off me, heavy feet stomping promptly down the hall, his sock feet ruffling over the area rug. I tossed myself over the foot of the bed after him, regretfully chastising myself for the poor timing.  

“You write articles about sports. You’re not a trainer for God sakes. I said not to worry about me, & I meant it, ‘ight. Just back off!”

I barely managed to hear the muffled last three words he’d growled at me from behind the door he’d nearly breached from hinges on his way out. I wasn’t oblivious to the fact that he held some tendencies of fuming anger, and maybe the occasional tendency for a tantrum. There had to be a dark hole of hostility buried in his psyche, let’s be honest. The guy made a career of bashing in the face of his fellow man. But never, did I expect to see those flashes of dander thrust upon me.

 I spent two days following his outburst lost in a thick fog of muddled questioning. The independent, headstrong woman in one corner was brushing off the barefaced disrespect and hissy fit he’d thrown, advising that I didn’t deserve such, and to run away with my head held high. However, the lovesick girl in the opposing corner who just felt the desire to be valued by a good man, told me to forgive my sometimes darkly pensive partner. He was under an extensive amount of pressure to make weight, and make sure he was properly armed on every level to defeat Mendez.  So, I called a draw between my battling emotions like any indecisive twenty-something woman would do. I decided there was no way I’d go groveling for some answers since I was clearly the innocent party in the episode. But, offering to hear him out when he did show his face, seemed rational.

Arriving home from work that rainy Tuesday, spitting curses to myself when someone had swiped my front row parking spot, there he stood. I picked the dry skin from my lip, organizing my plan of attack. I couldn’t go too easy on him and run childishly right into his arms. No, I was too unwaveringly thick headed for that. Earning my forgiveness wasn’t a simple task, but it wasn’t an impossible one either. As I ascended the concrete steps closer to the looming figure pacing near my door, I noticed he was drenched. His heather gray sweatshirt, now shaded to charcoal, and his teeth gently chattered behind blotched lips.

“It’s freezing out here, crazy! God, Colton! Come inside.”

I left him standing on the doormat to retrieve a set of clothes he’d left one morning after a jog that had led him here. A tingle eased up my legs remembering the shower fiasco that had resulted from his impromptu visit.

“Here, put these on before you catch freaking pneumonia.”

He emerged from the bathroom, his dripping hair standing in all directions messily just how I liked it. “What were you doing out in the rain, Colton? Are you out of your mind?” I knew deep down realistically there probably was a part of him that indeed was, but that was beside the point.

“I ran from my place to Mac’s this mornin’, before the rain. Except I couldn’t focus on my damn session for thinkin’ about you.” He snapped in my direction, tossing his arms up in a seeming surrender.

Was he blaming me for the fact that he couldn’t train? Trying to fault me for his lack of focus?

“Look, Liv. I ain’t the type a guy who gets into much of the feelings bullshit. But, I do know that I owe you an apology for runnin’ out on you the other night… and the yellin’. I’m sorry for that, too. My pop didn’t raise me as the type ‘a man who speaks to any woman like that. I need ya’ to know that I can promise, you’ll never see that side of me again, outside of the cage. Understand?”

He hadn’t looked to me until that moment. It was almost like the little speech he had just given, was partially aimed as a smack on the wrist for himself, too. I could tell he was sincerely ashamed of his erratic behavior, and who was I to deny the forgiveness his now child-like eyes desired.

“I get it. I shouldn’t have nagged you about the hand. That part of your life is none of my business, and I swear to stay out of it.”

The last words had barely escaped me before he swooped my nervous hands into his.

“Woah woah, hold it, babe. The fighting IS your business. Sometimes, you’re prolly gonna wish it wasn’t, truthfully. That’s not at all what I meant. You’re my girl now Livvy, so anything in my life, I want you a part of. The problem is, the other night when you kept askin’ about the injury, it wasn’t that I was mad that you were concerned. It’s just, I was tryin’ my hardest to pretend it wasn’t a problem. I didn’t wanna have to face that something could’ve really been wrong with my hand, or that the fight may not happen at all because I lost my damn temper during a spar. This fight is all I got right now, ya’ know? It could be make or break for me. I thought maybe pretendin’ it wasn’t hurt, would make it go away, I guess.”

How could I not forgive him? In that intimate moment between the two of us, only the pattering of raindrops on the concrete to hear, he’d revealed himself to me. A part of himself that I had the strong inclination most people didn’t get the pleasure of knowing. I was ready to dive completely in, head first, to whatever was slowly igniting between the two of us.

My small hand embraced his now stubble lined face. “Thank you. For welcoming me into your world, and for the apology.”

He slept over that night, my last conscious memory for the evening being tucked neatly into the deep pit of his arm and dozing off into sleepy oblivion to the light strokes of his hands to my hair. Heat waves rising from his naked chest, to my own creating a pocket of comfort amid the cracks of thunder.

 I awoke at daylight with an intense stretch to be a messy, pink penned note folded in the now empty spot where he had slept, his indention left heavy next to me.

Liv,

Didn’t wanna wake you. Headed to Mac’s to have doc take a look at the hand. Good luck today. Give that shit head Mendez hell for me.

Colt

TAGS: @eap1935 @torialeysha