#I only remember lying in a cradle and feeding squirrels

[darlingpwease]

according to my relative's stories, I always thought that I was an optimistic and hyper sociable child (which is true by the way), only to find out that I was also the type who said at the age of five that life was pain and in general was very self-absorbed, 'smart' and depressed and. yow. that explains a lot.

[laylacooke]

Breathe Me || Solo.

Time: After Layla leaves the Wolf Pack meeting in anger. Content Warnings: suicidal ideation; self harm (blood, fracture); depression; self hate; death mention 

Ouch I have lost myself again Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found Yeah I think that I might break Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Nothing was accomplished after the meeting. At least not for Layla. She felt lonelier than she had before she had even met the pack.

Just days prior it had come to light who the wolf was that had turned her. The animal that took away her life. And the man who relished in what he had done. For nearly a year, she had went on wondering what she would do or say if she had ever met the monster that took everything from her. Her parents. The love of her life. Her freedom. And when she did finally meet him, all she could do was punch him. So much pent up anger and rage, but no satisfaction. No answers. Just a smug son-of-a-bitch who only wanted to use her for his personal gains.

Layla had questioned day-in and day-out why she was still around. She had no reason to be here. She had no reason to be anywhere. She felt like a dud. She couldn’t hunt because of her morals. No one had wanted her around. And the people she had found, who had taken her in, had their suspicions. She knew Ulfric didn’t trust her around Ari or Celeste. And she was being held back, because she was still a baby wolf in everyone’s eyes. And the most heartbreaking part? When she was a beast and did revel in her true form the curse had placed on her, she had no control over it. She couldn’t even remember what she had done after it had happened. Had she killed anyone? Probably. Could she admit it to herself? No.

As she walked in silence, tears rolling down her pale, but flushed skin, she had contemplated on whether or not going back to the trailer was worth it. She would have to get her bow back, but the only other things of significance were already on her. A worn picture of her and Frankie and the hoodie currently hugging her body.

Having a warm place to stay was nice, but she had been on her own for nearly a year now. She could go back to that life. It would be easier a second time around. She had learned a few things, since being with Celeste, Ari, and Ulf, that could help her out when things got hard. But unfortunately, the idea of pacifism and everything she had ever held true to her heart, prior to becoming a wolf, she would have to let go of. Violence was just in her nature now. She was a sired descendant of some of the most hated and dangerous wolves known to man. And with that power, she knew would come a struggle of control.

“Why even bother? I should just go home. Tell Frankie I love her in person and give myself up to my parents. A mercy killing. I’m sure they’d make it quick...painless...” She was talking to the air. No one to hear her but whatever lived in the dark. “At least everyone here would be safe. And my parents wouldn’t know where I had been, or who I would have been with...”

As Layla’s pace slowed, she could feel her body growing heavier with emotion. Breathing was a little harder now. Moving over to a nearby pine, Layla fell back into it and slid down the tree to a seated position on the ground.

Her heart was breaking. It felt like the world was closing in around her. The ebb and flow of feeling alone had come and gone over the past week or so, but it laid just below the surface, clawing and scratching its way to the top. It was like drowning above water, and as her breathing picked up, Layla began sobbing. Anger welled up, and she let out a long and mournful scream of frustration, before turning to another nearby tree punching it repeatedly until her small balled fist was bleeding and broken.

Pulling her hand close to her, Layla continued to wale into the night. She had felt so lost. Like any hope inside of her was fleeting.

She had came into this established world with people who had made a future for themselves knowing what they had wanted out of life. She was an outsider. A nobody. She no longer had a direct path. Her hopes and dreams no longer existed. She was mourning the life she had once lived. The memories. Her family, despite how cruel they could be at times, aside from her sweet grandmother who had passed only a year prior to her becoming a werewolf. She was mourning the loss of the woman she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. To start a family with. She mourned her future. College. And a successful career. No, she didn’t know what her future held now, but how could it ever hold anything special? Especially for someone who strongly believed they didn’t deserve it.

Layla no longer felt the same about anything. She had come to despise and hate herself. She wanted to be better and do better, but she didn’t know how. The curse of the wolf had taken everything. And now, she was witness to people planning the murder of another human being. A man just as evil, who only thought of profit.

How could the world be so cruel? How could the thin veil of hope that she had lived with all of her life, despite everything her parents had told her, just shatter over night? It wasn’t fair. Life wasn’t fair.

Her heart was beating loudly in her ears. Her head ached as she continued to cry out into the night. Her hand starting to swell from the fracturing of bone. And despite everything she was tormented by. Everything that told her she was nothing. That she didn’t belong, Layla just wanted someone to come and hold her. Someone to find her.

Yes, she was technically an adult. She was old enough to be on her own and make her own decisions, but at heart, she was still just a child. A little girl who had her childhood taken away from her, because of the adult responsibilities her parents had thrown on her. It’s why she had loved high school. Why she had loved competitive archery and cheerleading. Escaping to the forest to feed bunnies, birds, and squirrels as a child. Pretending she was Ariel. Having tea parties with her grandmother. Going to sleepovers. Lying to her parents so she could go spend time with her girlfriend. Because Layla was still a child, not ready to be forced into adulthood with the weight of the world on her shoulders like fate had dealt, alone and scared to death.

Closing her eyes, as the tears began to slow, Layla could feel her body emotionally drained. She had just wanted to sleep. Wanted her hand to stop hurting. And food. God, it was like she could never get full. But most of all she just wanted to feel the warmth of someone snuggled up against her body. Holding her and rubbing her head until she had fallen asleep, much like her mother had done when she was little; at least for the first several years of her life. Or as Frankie had done so many times, especially on the nights Layla cried herself to sleep because of some stupid argument with her parents.

The eighteen year old girl had just wanted human companionship like she had once known. To be able to fully trust again and to not have to watch her back all the time or step lightly for fear of saying the wrong thing that would get her into more trouble than she could imagine.

Slowly pushing herself up off the ground with her good hand, she found support in the tree she had been leaning against. Wiping her eyes with a dirty paw, the other one cradled close to her body, Layla knew she had to keep moving if she wanted to find somewhere safe to sleep tonight. The rat motel was out for fear of what lingered there now that she knew a little more about the types of things that resided in town. She could always go back to her bridge. That was an option, but in reality, she had just wanted to go back to her little corner in Ariana’s room, and listen to the steady sound of the girl’s heartbeat at night, until she fell asleep.

But would Ulfric let her? She had showed her anger at the meeting, and that feeling of calming down was starting to disappear again as she could feel the roller-coaster of emotion slowly start to push its way back up from the pit of her stomach to her heart. She couldn’t cry anymore. She couldn’t punch things anymore. At least not, until her hand had stopped throbbing, swelling, and bleeding. Instead, she decided to focus on what was around her. Focus on her breathing. Techniques her parents taught her, when she would start getting anxious about hunting.

“Just breathe, Layla. Just breathe.” 

As she repeated these words, she continued to move forward seeing the bright lights of the town just up ahead. She had remembered what Celeste had said about the finger eating squirrels and the idea of staying in the woods quickly went out the door. The funny thing about it all was the farther the redhead got from the direction of the trailer, the more she wanted to turn around, but she couldn’t. Her heart ached. Her mind was racing. And before long, she ended up in the middle of town.

All her usual hangouts from before finding a home with Ulf, Ari, and Celeste just didn’t feel the same. In fact, she had a lingering fear in her belly of what sleeping outside could result in. Instead, she had found herself moving in the direction of one of the only places that remained open all night; Al’s Diner.

As her feet carried her closer and closer, Layla had felt like she had been walking for hours, which she had. But the large illuminated sign just up ahead let her know she was almost able to rest.

She had never been in Al’s before. Had only seen it in passing. The food, despite not being vegan, had always smelled good. And while she couldn’t afford anything, she was hoping she could at least have a glass of water to quench her thirst. The bathroom would provide a place to wash off her mangled hand. And the booth would provide a resting spot, at least until they ran her out, and she would have to start walking again.

Pulling the door back with her functioning hand, Layla stepped inside the bright diner. Her eyes burned from the lights hanging overhead, and it caused her head to pound even more than it already was. Looking around, she noticed it hadn’t been too crowded, which was a bit of a relief. But there was something familiar about the place, something she had been longing for all night. And when her eyes laid sight on a tuft of red hair and a smaller blonde just beyond that of the man sitting opposite her, tears once again, began to fill Layla’s eyes.

Her family.

Two of the people she had regretted running from, and with hitched breathing and trying to build up the same courage she had found the very first day she had met Ari, Layla let her weary feet carry her over to the man and teenager praying that they hadn’t given up on her just yet.

“Got room for one more...”

[bronson]

omg this should be fun!! can you please write something for injuried lysandra and a very worried aedion

GAH okay i’ll try not get too angsty!!! also i think i’m just gonna do a one shot for this, fuck the bullets

“I’m fine,” Lysandra uttered through clenched teeth. “It’s just a scrape.”

Aelin looked at her. “Your leg,” she gestured down, “has the bone exposed. So shut up and let me get the healer.” She began to lay her friend on the daybed in the front room.

“The upholstery!” Lysandra began to protest until Aelin cut her off with an incredulous look. Aelin began to lay the torn leg on a pillow and Lysandra released an unrestrained growl. It wasn’t human–more the growl of a ghost leopard, the form out of which she had only half-transitioned. This brought a brief look terror to Aelin’s eyes, which the shapeshifter tried to quell by waving her hand and mouthing “It’s fine, it’s fine.”

“What was that?!” the females heard a male voice call from above.

Lysandra looked to her queen with pleading eyes. 

“Please, I don’t want him to fret over me!” she begged. “Don’t tell him what happened!” Her tail wrapped around Aelin’s hand. 

“Lys…” Aelin started. But she met her friend’s eyes which were more golden than the usual emerald. Aelin sighed, then groaned. “Fine. But I’m not gonna just outright lie to him. I just won’t say anything. Now,” she removed her hand from Lysandra’s half-faded tail, “I’ll go get the healer and try to calm Aedion down.” She walked away grumbling. 

Lysandra let out a sigh of relief…which triggered a pang in her leg. She bit her lip to keep the cry inside. Mother above, I’m such a godsdamned idiot. She tried to will her body to shift fully back but it refused to cooperate, and honestly it hurt to try. She couldn’t really tell which parts of her were leopard, but she felt the ears and fur on her arms. In fact, her left hand (the same side that the injured leg was) was no hand at all; it was a paw. She rolled her eyes and stretched it. 

She heard Aelin’s telltale giggle. As Lysandra whipped her head around, glaring, Aelin whispered, “The little toebeans. So cute.” Lysandra narrowed her eyes. 

“They have claws you know.” 

Aelin raised her eyebrows. “Is that how you want to treat the person who’s bringing you some much needed medicine and even tarts?” 

“Oooh tarts!” Lysandra grinned and reached for the box Aelin held, but grimaced and sucked in a breath at the pain that radiated from her leg. 

“Miss, don’t move!” The healer, Aragyn if Lysandra remembered correctly, who looked no older than fifteen, bustled over to the lounge chair. She was holding what looked like six different vials of medicines, tonics, and salves. Lysandra shot a pained look over to her friend. Aelin shrugged.

“You shouldn’t have been in that tree.” 

“Well you shouldn’t have dared me to climb it.” 

“Because I thought leopards were supposed to be graceful!” 

“I am graceful! The squirrel surprised me is all–AH!” Her defense was replaced by a shriek as the healer set her leg. Her eyes quickly darted to the second floor, where Aedion was residing. Aelin shook her head.

“He’s out for a walk. Don’t worry,” she reassured her, but mumbled, “Though I’m not sure why you refuse his help…” 

Lysandra pretended not to hear her, and clenched her teeth as Aragyn began to spread a numbing salve over her calf. She tried to reach up and brush her hair out of her face, but realized that her claws had sunk into the wooden frame of the daybed. She retracted them and pried her paw up. Stretching it again, it returned back into her slender human hand. 

The healer had just begun to bandage up Lysandra’s leg and Aelin was feeding her the tarts when they all heard the door unlatch. 

The shapeshifter’s eyes went wide as the door opened to reveal Aedion. The anxiety already on his face turned into almost panic when he saw Lysandra laying on the bed. The flowers he was gripping in his hand fell to the floor as he rushed to kneel by her side.

“IcamebackbecauseIsawbloodandIwasworriedbutGodsnoLysandraareyouokaywhathappened?Aelinwhatdidyoudo?Howhurtareyou?OhMotheraboveare–” Lysandra cut him off by bringing her hand to his cheek.

“Hush, I’m fine.” She smiled, but it did little to relieve the tension on his face. 

“Whoa,” Aelin muttered under her breath. “She was right, you are crazy.”

Aedion’s hair nearly whipped Lysandra in the face as he turned to his cousin, baring his teeth and faintly growling. 

“Hey!” Lysandra smacked his bicep. He turned back to her, his anger subsiding to concern. He brought his hands to her face and brushed her hair out of the way, cradling her cheeks. 

“Are you okay?” he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear. 

“Yes, yes, I’m fine.” She smiled. Though it was a bit much, his worry and concern for her did melt her heart. Just a little. 

He pressed his forehead to hers. “I was out picking flowers and then I spotted the blood beneath the tree and I was so scared–”

“You were picking flowers?” Lysandra asked. “For me?” She hated how sappy she sounded, but he never stopped surprising her with his kindness. 

“Yes, for you.” He breathed in her scent and kissed her nose before whirling on Aelin. “What happened?!”

“Oh, don’t get mad at her,” Lysandra protested.

“Somehow I get the sense that she’s behind this mishap. Huh, Aelin?”

“Uh, I’m your queen,” Aelin retorted back. “So be careful what you accuse me of.” Aedion rolled his eyes. “But I guess, yes, I did dare her to retrieve my ring from the tree…in her leopard form.” Aedion grumbled, but turned to Lysandra. 

“Did you get it?” he asked. She grinned and nodded. He grinned back and high-fived her. 

“But then she fell,” Aelin continued. “And she switched forms too fast and landed wrong on her leg.” 

Aedion turned back to his love and murmured. “Oh no, sweet Lys. Is it feeling better? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Aragyn has been amazing.” She smiled at the healer and the girl blushed and smiled back. 

“No trouble at all, Miss. That’s what I’m here for.” She started gathering up her supplies. “And it looks like I’m done here. Here’s a tonic for the pain,” she handed Lysandra a vial, “and one for sleeping, should it be an issue. Don’t hesitate to grab me from my quarters should you need me!” She tossed another smile to Lysandra before walking away. 

“Well,” Aelin began. “Now that that’s settled, I’ll head out, too. I need to get ready for dinner with Rowan.” 

“Be sure not to tell him that you almost lost your mating ring until after you get home,” Lysandra said, wickedly. “I want to be here for the fireworks.” 

“Who said I was going to tell him at all?” Aelin winked. “Thanks for grabbing it for me, by the way.”

“Oh, no problem at all, my queen,” Lysandra retorted back, sarcastically.

Aelin laughed and leaned down, past Aedion, to give her friend a hug. “There’s more tarts in the kitchen if you need any.” Lysandra hugged her back, a forgiving embrace. 

Aedion didn’t remove his eyes from Lysandra’s face as Aelin left, searching for any signs of discomfort. 

“Aedion, I’m fine. Stop worrying! Look,” she raised her leg. “It’s all bandaged up and should be healed in a few weeks. And the salve really did work, I can barely feel a thing.” 

“Are you sure there’s nothing I can get you?” he asked, tracing his thumb over her face. 

“Well…I would love some more tarts.” Aedion grinned. “And I can’t exactly walk up the–” She didn’t bother finishing her request, as Aedion was already scooping her up in his arms.

“To the kitchen it is.”

As he began walking she yelped. “Ow!”

His terrified eyes met hers and she laughed.

“Just kidding.” He harrumped. “It’s just so easy.”

hope this was good enough nonnie!!!