#I never really liked sports but we had soccer in pe today and tell me why I was beating these stupid cocky idiot

[pink-pony-luv]

i think soccer is my sport actually... 👟⚽️

[yutahoes]

Sakura

(Part Two)

One - Two

genre : Chaptered, Fluff

pairing : childhood friends: soccer player! Nakamoto Yuta x single mom! Reader (Y/N)

word count : 2.3k words

You’ll always be his Sakura.

taglist :  @ailoveyuta @loona-4-eva @aiforyuu @2-3-t-i @cosmiclatte28 @url-lindo-sexy @nuoyipeach @aaasteroidsky  @readers-posts @delightfultacobread @bby-kji9 @a-bts-world​ @mel-yjh​ @yeolsechanhun​ @yutazen01 ​

It was the summer before his third grade when his dad announced that they will be moving to Seoul because of a business opportunity. The then eight-year-old Yuta hated that he had to leave his friends just because he can't stay in Japan. He hated that he had to transfer schools and learn a new language. Why do they have to move to another country? Why not move to another city instead? 

When the teacher introduced him to the class of third graders, he just glared at his Korean classmates who were looking at him in wonder. He doesn't want to be friends with them. He doesn't want to talk. He doesn't want to learn a new language. He's Japanese, why would he speak Korean? The teacher told him - or at least that was what he understood - to sit on a vacant chair at the back of the class. His classmates were staring at him. He's the new guy, it's normal. But he hated the attention. 

It was lunch when he decided to eat on the school's rooftop. He wasn't surprised that it was locked but a girl was drawing on the door of the rooftop. Isn't she in his class? The girl seated in front of him? A crayon drawing of stick figures made him curious, what is that? 

A certain symbol caught his attention, a straight line with a beak-like image and wings at the end held by a stickman he believed is a girl because of the triangular picture below her body. "Sakura?" He asked and the girl jolted in surprise, quickly hiding what she was doing. "Cardcaptor Sakura?" 

The girl was wide-eyed, looked at her drawing then at him. He noticed how her eyes twinkle at that even if the area isn't well-lit. Or is it because she just cried? "You're that Japanese guy." She said in Korean and he only caught the words 'Japanese' and 'guy' so she's probably referring to him. "Do you know Cardcaptor Sakura?" He only nodded. It is a hit in Japan, everyone knows Sakura. "I like Cardcaptor Sakura!" She exclaimed with a bright smile. 

That was the first time he saw that girl who loves Sakura. The first classmate who talked to him as if they spoke the same language. He remembered handing her a comic of her favorite cartoons the next day and she introduced herself as Y/N, even asking him along the lines of 'Can you teach me Japanese?' and 'Do you want to be friends with me?' 

His initial plan of not knowing Korean or not talking to people backfired. He wanted to have a real conversation with this Sakura girl. His first Korean friend. 

Yuta would remember teaching her hiragana every lunchtime, on their own place by the door of the rooftop and she would teach him hangul in exchange. Before class, she would tell him stories about what happened to Sakura from the episode yesterday as if he didn't watch the same show. After class, they would spend some time in the playground waiting for her mom to pick her up. 

She was also the person who encouraged him to try out for the soccer team. Unlike in Japan, soccer isn't a required PE in Korea so his classmates were amazed that he knew how to play soccer, even defeating some older kids. "Yuta, sugoi!" She exclaimed that made him smile, a real genuine smile he never showed to everyone. "You're handsome when you smile. You should smile more often." It was her who made him smile more. Just because he wanted her to call him handsome once again. 

In fourth grade, the two were so close that she spent time in their home and him on hers. Sometimes she would even sleep at their place when her mom has to stay all night in the hospital. He found out that she doesn't have a dad, he left them when she's just a baby and that she would always cry in her sleep looking for her dad. Kids weren't very welcoming with the idea of a broken family either and he would often see her crying on the stairs to the rooftop. 

And now, she's the one who has children. A mom. He never imagined that he will see her as a mom in the future. He wondered if she still cries for her dad. He wonders if she still knew how to speak or write Japanese. He wonders if she could call him 'handsome' again. 

Yuta promised that he wouldn't stay that long in Korea, he wanted to leave as soon as the wedding was over and he had every reason why. But Mark Lee, his secretary, thinks that he needs to stay for a couple more days and think of it as a vacation before the big soccer leagues happen. 

"Your alma mater is inviting you to teach the soccer club," Mark noted as he stared at the email by the administration of his former elementary school. The place where he honed his soccer playing skills. 

The place where he met her. 

The younger guy was surprised when the soccer player agreed to the said invitation. Even forcing him to do it today before he changes his mind. Luckily, he doesn't have any schedules that day.

The school changed a lot. Well, it's been years since he last visited the place. A lot of buildings surrounded the soccer field and he watched how elementary kids played. They look so small or is it because he's used to watching the adults play? The principal greeted him and introduced him to the soccer coach who looked so cocky. But instead of heading to the soccer field, he asked the principal if he could look upstairs. 

His feet dragged him to the staircase to the rooftop. Their meeting place. The door changed color, erasing her drawing that they maintained for years. From the stick figures to an actual 2D drawing of Sakura and Syaoran. 

He wished he could just erase his memory of her as well. The same way as the drawings are erased. 

It was free period when he went down to the classrooms and saw little kids in the school's hallway. Are they this small? "It's because you don't have a dad." He heard a child say and saw that it's a huge kid, probably a third-grader, in his jersey. "The soccer team doesn't accept kids who don't have dads." Well, elementary didn't change. 

When his gaze caught the smaller boy he's talking to, a sudden feeling of recognition hit him. Jae. Y/N's son. "My dad lives abroad." He nodded, he's correct about that. 

"Dads should watch your soccer games." The older kid claimed, making Yuta shake his head. Are children’s behavior like this? Well, he really should refrain from making one of his own. "Accept it, Jae. You can never be good for the soccer team." 

"Yah!" Someone shouted from the side. "Stop bullying my brother." Yuta smiled as he watched the mini version of the girl occupying his mind shout at the bigger kids who were hurting her brother. She's totally different from her. "Did your dad teach you that?" 

The bigger kid only glared when the soccer coach called for him, and he quickly called him 'daddy'. So that is where his confidence came from. His gaze returned to the siblings, Jae was holding his sister's arm saying sorry that she had to get angry. Yuta smiled, that's their mom's attitude. Always apologetic. How can these two be a spitting image of her? Truly, they're her children. 

"Yuta Nakamoto," Jae called before he could flee the place. He greeted the young boy then smiled at the girl who was looking at him in curiosity. "I told you he's eomma's friend, noona. He knows my name." Yuta chuckled at that. He just met his youngest fanboy. 

The younger girl pulled her brother behind her that surprised Yuta. "Eomma said not to talk to strangers." The older smirked. She's really different from her mom. 

"Should we call your mom? Can you give me her number?" The girl shook her head and Yuta nodded, already texting Taeyong. He responded with her number and Yuta quickly called the said phone number, "Hi Y/N. It's Yuta." Both kids were staring at him, "I'm here in Jae's school. Can I bring them to the mall?" 

"Ahjusshi, can I see if it's my mom?" The girl asked and Yuta handed his phone to her. "Eomma?" The girl stared at him in wonder as she heard her mom's voice. "Then can we go with this ahjusshi?" She glared at him for a moment then nodded as if she’s talking to her mom. “She wants to talk to you.” 

“Yuta, you don’t have to do this if you’re busy.” But he wanted to. He wanted to spend time with them and learn about her as a mom. “Just message me where you are. I’ll pick them up.” He agreed. If only he could spend time with her as well. 

It was Jae who’s most excited when they reached the mall. The older girl stayed a few feet away from the two of them. Maybe she’s not interested. But really, she’s a tough nut to crack. He discovered that Jae wanted to play soccer but his mom doesn’t want him to, saying that he’s too young to play. So Yuta brought him to a shop where they sell sports shoes. “I’ll go talk to your mom. But for now, wear these soccer shoes,” he claimed while tying the younger boy’s shoelaces that made him beam. Jae hugged Yuta, thanking him for the shoes. “You’re welcome, bud.” 

Yuta realized that he didn’t know the older girl’s name. What was it? Did Y/N mention her name? To be safe, he just asked Jae about it. “Cherry,” he called then walked to where she was, staring at the skating shoes. “Do you want one?” She shook her head mumbling that their mom would get mad. “Besides, it’s not snowing.” He nodded. 

“We can go ice skating...” 

“You’re not my dad.” That made Yuta stop. Of course, he’s not. “Stop acting that you care about me or Jae. You’re just like the other guys.” Other guys? “You’ll leave me and Jae. You’ll leave eomma.” She’s a difficult nut to crack. 

Yet she’s so different when she’s next to her brother. The cold eyes were changed into warmness when her brother asked if they could play in the ball pit. She looked like a child, smiling at the younger as they bounced at the trampoline. She looks exactly like her. How can two children, both from the same parents, have so different personalities? 

He was just watching them, texting Y/N where he is, checking from time to time the two kids playing with the others in the ball pit area. "Hey," Y/N called, sitting beside Yuta on the mall bench. She smiled seeing the two playing. "Did they tire you?" 

Yuta laughed. "It's fine. They're cool." There was silence, a comfortable silence. It's awkward to see her now. A lot of things changed. "Jae has the same personality as you, that's cute." She giggled. "Cherry looks like you." 

Y/N nodded. "I'm glad she talks to you." 

"It was hard, honestly." He confessed and again, she giggled. That sound. He missed her laugh. "I think she wants to go figure skating." That surprised Y/N. "And Jae wants to play soccer."

"He's too young. He'll get hurt with the bigger kids." Yuta was about to revolt at that. "I remembered when you played with the bigger kids back in eighth grade." That was one of his worst plays ever. Until now, he can feel how hurt he is. 

She confessed that she doesn't know anything about sports that's why she's a little worried about sending her kids to the sports clinic that made him smile. She's such a mom. "I'll train Jae," Yuta announced that made her look at him. "I have to stay in Spain for two months for the league then I'll come back and teach Jae soccer." He explained. "I'll help Cherry too." 

"Yuta, you don't have to." 

"I want to." He held her hand. "Please." 

"Why are you holding hands?" Cherry asked that made Yuta let go of his hold on her. 

The older just gave her daughter a glare that made Yuta laugh. They look alike, the resemblance is too uncanny if you see them now yet they’re so different. “Eomma!” Jae called, reaching out to hug his mom. “I had fun today.” And she smiled at him. “Yuta samchon is so cool.” 

“He bought you shoes?” She asked, checking the new kicks on her son’s feet. Jae claimed that he also bought Cherry one that made the older girl glare at Yuta. “Did you say thank you?” Both nodded. 

Yuta smiled at them. They do look like a happy family. “I’ll get going. I’ll see you when I get back from Spain.” Y/N nodded. Yuta asked for a hug and Jae was the only one who’s ecstatic to hug him. Cherry rolled her eyes that made the older guy laugh. As expected. “Come on, Y/N, a hug.” He said, hands extended for the older girl. 

The girl giggled before giving him a tight hug. His hand rested on her back then the other on the back of her head, caressing her hair. “You’re doing a great job being a mom, Sakura.” 

She laughed before muttering the words, “I’m proud of you, Syaoran.” 

Watching the three of them head to a different way opposite him, he wished he would have another chance to bond with them. He would love to be with them. Maybe having children isn’t too bad. 

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Three

[twstarchives]

Trey Clover・Voice Lines

Additional Voice Lines: Star Send-Off Garments Event Card

School Uniform - R

Unlock Card “It’s important that you be cooperative if you want to get comfortable with this school. There’s no harm in listening to what the vice dorm leader says, don’t you think?”

Groovy “Watching you brings me back to when I was a new student.”

Home Setting “How are you feeling?”

Home Transitions “Something smells sweet? ...Oh, I baked a cake earlier. There might be some left if you run to the lounge right now.”

“Don’t Ace and Deuce ever annoy you? They’re not bad people, but they’re definitely an exhausting set of juniors.”

“Hahaha, it feels like you’re still nervous wearing your uniform. What? That’s not a bad thing. It’s innocent and endearing.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Hey, are you done with your classes for today? Don’t get too wild and bother the teachers, alright?”

Home Taps “Riddle has always stood out, ever since the moment he arrived here. It caused a huge fuss when he became dorm leader.”

“It’s important to study, but you’ll get nothing out of it if you work so hard that you make yourself sick. Taking it slow is the best thing you can do.”

“You should get dental exams just as often as your regular check-ups. Should I refer you to a recommended dentist?”

“If you want to know how to get along with your classmates, go ask Cater. He’s got a lot of friends.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m a little busy right now; could we do this later?”

PE Uniform - R

Unlock Card “Well, ‘easy does it,’ right? Getting too carried away isn’t a good thing.”

Groovy “You’re challenging me to a game of magift? Haha, alright. I’ll let you have a head start.”

Home Setting “Are you done warming up?”

Home Transitions “Ow... While we were in the middle of stretching, Lilia pushed my back down as hard as he could... I even told him to be gentle.”

“It’s really important that you exercise every once in a while and not just stay cooped up in your room. Well, I do understand not feeling up for it.”

“My glasses always get in the way when I’m playing sports... Maybe I should try contacts some time?”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “I’m really not that fond of exercising... But, I’m not necessarily bad at it.”

Home Taps “I used to play soccer a lot in the past. My parents were always really insistent that ‘You need to be strong for making sweets!’”

“Coach Vargas kept yelling ‘Show me what you’ve really got!’ at me today. I wasn’t exactly trying not to put in effort, though.”

“Cater was very insistent that I tell him how to grow taller. I told him that I didn’t really know, but he’s not the type to take no for an answer.”

“I agree that Flying is an important course to take, but the truth is, I don’t like it that much... Keep that between us, alright?”

“Since you seem to have so much energy today, could you go buy some things for me?”

Lab Coat - SR

Unlock Card “This kind of work is more my speed. No need to worry; let me handle things.”

Groovy “Work steadily and carefully. That’s important for both when you’re experimenting and when you’re cooking.”

Home Setting “What do you want me to make?”

Home Transitions “Have you gotten used to our school yet? You won’t exactly find a library or a botanical garden as big as the ones we have anywhere else.”

“They grow herbs and fruits that are kind of unusual in the Botanical Garden. Don’t go around carelessly touching them, alright? It’d be dangerous if one turned out to be poisonous.”

“Deuce was begging on his knees for me to help him with his work... I have to applaud him for that enthusiasm.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Why don’t you stop by the science club if you’ve got the time? I think Rook would be happy to see you too.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “I made caramel yesterday with some leftover ingredients I had. Would you like some? I have so much.”

Home Taps “I like chemistry. It’s a lot more time-consuming than magic, but in turn the satisfaction you feel when you see the reactions is much stronger.”

“Err, where did I put my glasses... Oh, here they are. I’ve been misplacing them a lot lately.”

“Professor Crewel is sort of... intense, but his teaching style is very thorough. He helps us a lot with our club.”

“Cooking is one of the science club activities too. It counts as a type of chemistry, doesn’t it?”

“If you honestly just can’t sit still for a few minutes, I’m worried about how you’ll be in the future.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Watching you guys reminds me of my little siblings. They were always causing a racket; I never knew how to manage them. Hahaha.”

Ceremony Robes - SR

Unlock Card “If you don’t want to lose your head, then behave during the ceremony, alright?”

Groovy “C’mon, are you sure you should be here right now? You’ll be in trouble if you’re late to the ceremony.”

Home Setting “Let’s hope nothing bad happens today...”

Home Transitions “What? Ace was trying to ditch the ceremony? ...I see. Thank you for letting me know.”

“Should you be wandering around by yourself here? We’re relying on you to look after Grim, Prefect.”

“You want to take my picture? I’m not that comfortable with things like this... Cater, on the other hand, would be thrilled to take one with you.”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Alright, there’s a lot I need to get done today. Come let me know if you’d like to help out with anything.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Standing in the Ramshackle Dorm in your ceremony robes is definitely... an interesting sight.”

Home Taps “I know people have conflicting opinions on this, but I don’t think there’s a more fitting dorm leader for Heartslabyul than Riddle.”

“Lilia seems so bombarded with work on ceremony days. Being Diasomnia’s vice dorm leader must be rough.”

“The Headmaster takes very good care of the apple tree in the courtyard. That reminds me, which do you like better: apple pie or tarte tatin?”

“I don’t know how I ended up with Cater; it just happened. When I’m with him, I don’t have to be careful about anything—it’s very comfortable.”

“It’s for your own good that you stay obedient during the ceremony. It’ll drag on forever if you make the Headmaster angry.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “Riddle has everything put together, so there’s not really anything for me to do as the vice dorm leader. I’m kind of like a decoration.”

Dorm Uniform - SSR

Unlock Card “I was in the middle of painting the roses, but... I guess I can’t turn you away if you need something.”

“The preparations for our parties must always be perfect. But don’t worry about it; I’ll handle everything.”

Groovy “It’s stressful having so many difficult people around. Make sure that you be good, alright?”

Home Setting “There’s nothing better than wearing clothes you’re comfortable in.”

Home Transitions “Here’s a chew toy so that Grim can clean his teeth... ow, ow, ow! Alright, I’m sorry! I get it—he can brush his own teeth!”

“Cater, I swear. He ran out on his flamingo feeding duty again. I have to admit, that silver tongue of his really is impressive.”

“Not a single rose can be overlooked while we prepare for our tea parties. They can’t be pink, green, or aquamarine; they all have to be red.” ¹

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “Tea parties and croquet matches are both special, traditional events in Heartslabyul. As the vice dorm leader, I have to work hard for them.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Are you coming to our next Unbirthday Party? I’d like to hear your opinion on a new tart I’ll be making.”

Home Taps “The fireworks we use for the Unbirthday Parties are... What? Isn’t it obvious that we’ll be ending the party with fireworks?”

“‘Why aren’t our rose corsages painted all the way?’ It’s supposed to represent the moral that ‘You must not forget to double-check everything.’”

“I like hats, so I have several of them. This is a special one I had custom-made to match our dorm uniform.”

“Riddle and Cater are both so demanding when it comes to decorating the tables. Who do they think is the one who has to do it all...?”

“Oh, I know we’re supposed to have our buttons done, but... My bad; I’m out of uniform.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “‘When do I get mad’? It’s true, I guess it doesn’t happen very often... But isn’t that a good thing? It’s not like you want to see me that way, right?”

Duo Magic Trey: Sometimes we gotta show everyone our senior pride, Cater! Cater: Anytime’s fine by me, Trey! ♪

Birthday Celebration Outfit - SSR

This card was only obtainable during Trey’s birthday event (Oct 23 - Oct 29, 2020).

Login on Birthday “Haha, I’m kind of getting embarrassed. Thank you. According to the rules of the Queen of Hearts, you’re allowed to be selfish about anything on your birthday. So what should I ask you to do...? Oi oi, don’t get so tense. Wasn’t it obvious I was joking?”

Unlock Card “I’m glad that you’re all celebrating for me, but I think I’m better suited for being on the party planning side.”

“Today’s my birthday, huh...? I’d want to spend it as quietly as I can, but that’s impossible knowing this school. Honestly...”

Groovy “It’s actually kind of nice seeing you celebrate for me so passionately. I had fun thanks to you.”

Home Setting “I feel like this outfit makes me look like a birthday cake.”

Home Transitions “When you eat sweets at a party, make sure to brush your teeth thoroughly that night. That’s not one of the Queen’s rules, but I recommend it.”

“I used to bake the cakes for my little siblings’ birthdays when I was back home. I would burn them a lot when I first started making them.”

“Rook gave me a hat with a posh feather in it. ...What outfit would go well with this?”

Home Transition (Login Greeting) “You remembered my birthday? Thank you. Let’s enjoy the party without going too over-the-top.”

Home Transition (Groovy) “Now, since it’s my birthday, what should I ask you to do...? Don’t get so tense; I’m just joking. Just wishing me a happy birthday is enough.”

Home Taps “Cater and Riddle told me that I’m banned from entering the kitchen today. Am I really that predictable?”

“Lilia from my class told me that he used to get excited for his first 50 birthdays, too... What a weird joke.”

“Ace and Deuce asked me what I wanted for my birthday... and so I told them ‘juniors who actually listen to their seniors.’”

“Earlier, Chenya randomly showed up, said nothing but ‘Happy birthday,’ and vanished. He’s always so unpredictable.”

“This brooch’s design looks like rose vines in the shape of a club. Do you want to see? I could take it off and show you.”

Home Tap (Groovy) “I drink my favorite tea every year on my birthday. If you’d like, I could pour you a cup too.”

Duo Magic Trey: Oh, you came to celebrate too, Ace? Ace: As always, thank you, Trey!

Tutorial “We have to go soon. Or we’ll lose our heads.”

Lv Up “Haha, leaning on others for help sometimes is nice.”

“This wouldn’t have happened without you working so hard with me.”

“Yeah, I’m feeling really confident about this.”

Max Lv Up “I don’t want to let my juniors see the sides of myself I’m not proud of. That’s why I tried so hard.”

Episode Lv Up “I have a lot fun being with you. ...Hm? ‘That sounds like a lie’? What could I say to make you believe me?”

Magic Lv Up “My magic has gotten stronger than it was before. This is the result of the intensive training we’ve done together.”

Limit Break “I know this doesn’t sound like me, but... I want to try seeing how far I can go. Would you like to join me?”

Groovy “I’m happy to know even I still have room for improvement.”

Lesson Select “You seem kind of sleepy. I won’t wake you up if you fall asleep in the middle of class.”

“It’d be nice if our first-years here were just as dedicated to their studies as you are...”

“My best subject? I guess I’d have to say Alchemy... but I’m pretty average with everything.”

Lesson Start “Alright, time to focus.”

Lesson End “Good job today; let’s keep this up next time.”

Battle Start “I don’t really want to have to get violent...”

Battle End “I’m not that good at getting fired up about things.”

Other

Profile Quote “Sorry, but would you mind helping me paint the roses red?”

January 2020 Trailer “Whoa there! Be careful not to plant any white roses by mistake.”

Countdown Poster “Perfect timing! Would you mind helping me paint the roses red?”

Login Bonus “Oh, good on you. It’s a student’s job to get to class everyday.”

Player Birthday Wish “Happy birthday. I went all out baking a special birthday cake for today. Now, what exactly is ‘special’ about it... you’ll see once you eat it. Everyone’s waiting for us. Let’s go.”

Valentine’s Gift Letter (2021)

These letters were originally in English. I didn’t translate or edit them in any way. They came with official merch from Aniplex, and are not present in-game.

Hey you, Thanks for the gift. I didn’t expect anything from you, so you kind of surprised me. Now what should I give in return… I don’t want to give you something you don’t like, so please tell me: Is there anything you want? If there is, I’ll try to find it for you! Hope you have a great one!

1. They can’t be pink, green, or aquamarine

This references a line from “Painting the Roses Red”

[kagehinataboke]

hey!! this is really specific ask. so i 1000% understand if you don't want to write this. you can change bits and stuff. so a high school au where hinata has a crush on kageyama and he posts stuff anonymously on the message board and they have conversations on there. one day they both write up their messages at the same time and just,, share a look. and it's like, oh. it's this idiot. + banter and references to cheesy things they've said before. eg, ("i think ily?? wow ily??") ("who ARE you?")

umm yes??? a million times yes???? i love weirdly specific asks and i am 10000% ON BOARD WITH THIS SHIT, OFC I WANT TO WRITE IT!!

props to this anon for such an amazing idea!!!

i’m dying and i haven’t even written it yet eek uwu

*

“Hinata, we’ll be late for class!” Yamaguchi yells after him when Hinata goes sprinting off down the hallway. “You can’t keep doing this every day!”

“Yes I can!” he calls back with a grin. “Go on without me: I need to check the message board!”

It’s become a habit of his: checking the message board, that is. Their school uses it for daily announcements, flyers for dances, and other official business. Nobody really looks at it—but to Hinata, it’s something special. It all started because he has the confidence of a corn chip and couldn’t bring himself to talk to his long-time crush: the school volleyball team captain, Kageyama Tobio.

He’s tall and gorgeous and well-put-together and… basically just everything Hinata isn’t. To make matters worse, Kageyama also has absolutely no idea that he exists.

The first time Hinata posted on the message board, it was out of blatant desperation. He never expected anything to come of it—and he certainly never guessed that he’d get a reply. His note had said nothing more than: ‘so hey Kageyama, you’ll never read this but i probably maybe am definitely in love with you? i mean yeah, i think ily?? um wow, ily???’ He hadn’t even signed the informal ramble, but the note was gone when he checked later that day; and amazingly, there was a reply the next morning: ‘who ARE you?’

From then on, they had a back-and-forth conversation, all in scribbled notes. Hinata has yet to sign his name, but he knows he’ll build the courage up… eventually. Until then, their brief exchanges are nice—like today’s. They’ve been talking about their favorite movies, and Hinata’s top pick is immediately disputed by Kageyama.

‘of course a dumbass like you would pick something childish like Totoro,’ he writes. ‘the best movie of all time is definitely Harakiri. black and white is still super in-style.’

Hinata snickers into his hand. “What, Harakiri? Is he an old man?” He sticks the note in the binder in his bag with all the others and rips off a blank sheet of paper. ‘that’s way too boring! if you ever find out who i am, i’m going to make you watch better movies.’ He finishes the ‘s’ with a flourish and quickly pins up the note.

He’s going to be late to class, and if he gets one more markup, he’ll be in serious trouble. Then again, he’s probably already out of time and—

Kageyama passes by so suddenly that Hinata’s thoughts smack against his brain like bouncy-balls. He flattens himself against the wall quicker than if a magnetic force had pulled him there.

Kageyama strides over to the message board with purpose, nearly giving Hinata a heart attack when he unpins the note. When he starts looking around suspiciously, Hinata quickly sprints off before he can be caught at the scene of the crime.

Yes, he’ll fess up eventually—but today is definitely not that day.

***

“You almost talked to him?” Yachi throws up her hands in mild exasperation, nearly whacking Yamaguchi in the face with her chopsticks. “Hinata, you’ve had a crush on him since forever, and he obviously likes you if he keeps writing back! You should definitely go for it.”

“She’s right,” Yamaguchi agrees. “You guys definitely have chemistry. You’ve been talking for what, three or four months now?”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t know it’s a guy behind it,” Hinata murmurs dejectedly. “He doesn’t know it’s me… What if he’s really freaked out?”

“If he’s freaked out, then he isn’t worth your time,” Yachi says firmly. “Don’t worry: we’ll support you no matter what.”

It doesn’t really make him feel all that better. If Kageyama finds out it’s him, and he isn’t happy… Hinata knows it’ll break him. He’s been holding onto this tiny sliver of hope ever since they started talking—if he can even call it ‘talking’—that Kageyama might like him back if he takes the time to reply to him everyday… but what if he doesn’t?

The bell rings, and Hinata feels his spirits lift: he’ll check the message board on his way back to class. Kageyama must’ve posted a reply already if he saw the note earlier in the morning. He skips off down the hallway after waving goodbye to the others, woes temporarily forgotten: it’s better to think positive.

He looks forward to this every day: their little conversations. After so long, it feels like they’ve become something close to friends.

As he thought, Kageyama’s note is pinned to the board in place of his. Hinata glances around before pulling it down, palms growing sweaty as he reads it over. ‘you could just tell me who you are and stop dodging around. i’m not that unapproachable, am I?’

Hinata stuffs the note deep in his bag and rushes off to his next class, but the words haunt him. He used to think Kageyama was unapproachable, but it’s hard to think that after getting to know him. He’s got a sweet and funny side that’s invisible to outsiders, and he can be surprisingly thoughtful.

Would it really be so bad to confess? Like Yachi said, Kageyama must have some feelings for him if he keeps writing back. Hinata knows he needs to man up and just… do it. It’s not like they don’t know each other at all: Hinata is on the soccer team, so they’ve interacted at sports meets before, and during PE class. It wouldn’t be uncommon to start up a conversation with him.

He can’t stand living in limbo for another day… It would be better to be rejected than to be haunted by false hopes. If he really loves him, he should have faith in Kageyama as a person.

I’ll do it tomorrow, Hinata decides hesitantly. I’ll post a note and ask him to meet up… and then I’ll confess for real.

“Hinata-kun, come back to earth. Somebody please get his attention.”

”Present— I… I mean… sorry!”

***

“Cleanup duty again,” Hinata grumbles dejectedly, peering through the window at the darkening sky. “It takes so long that it’ll be dark when I go home… I have to stop being late to class.”

By the time he’s finished, the sun has nearly sunk below the horizon and the only remaining students are those with club activities. Hinata slumps by them all tiredly, pausing at the message board. He digs the note he wrote during class out of his bag and reaches for a thumbtack—and nearly goes into cardiac arrest when his hand collides with someone else’s.

Fate must really hate him, because it’s none other than Kageyama freaking Tobio that’s just caught him in the act of note-posting. They’re making direct eye-contact now: it’s too late to run.

The only thing Hinata can think to do is chuck the paper as far away as he can—but of course, it merely flutters for half a second before dropping between them face-up: the last piece of incriminating evidence.

Hinata lunges for it, but Kageyama deftly snatches it up first, holding it over his head.

“I… I was just posting that up for a friend!” he stammers nervously. “A friend!” So much for having courage.

“Oh, is that so?” Kageyama studies him skeptically, and Hinata quickly averts his gaze. “Does this ‘friend’ happen to have terrible taste in movies?”

“Totoro is not a terrible movie!” Hinata snaps reflexively, covering his mouth as soon as the words spew out. “I… I mean, that is, um, assuming that’s the movie you’re referring to…” he trails off lamely.

Kageyama obviously doesn’t buy it for a second. “It’s you, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know what you’re referring to,” Hinata blurts, refusing to meet his gaze. “Who… who do you mean?”

Kageyama rolls his eyes. “‘I mean yeah, I think I love you?’” he quotes. “‘Um wow, I love you?’”

“Stop!” Hinata begs, quickly clamping a hand over his mouth. “Okay, okay… Just please stop.”

As soon as he lowers his hand, Kageyama grabs his wrist. “I knew it was you! You were here earlier, weren’t you? You disappeared before I could catch you.”

“Ah, well…” Hinata bites his lip. “I wasn’t really… ready to meet you yet?”

“Why not?” Kageyama asks, so earnestly that it makes him feel a little guilty. “Am I actually unapproachable?”

“No, I just thought you would hate me!” Hinata exclaims, before he can chicken out. “I’m… I’m a guy, and I obviously didn’t think you would react well…”

Kageyama sighs in a way that makes him nervous. “You really are a dumbass, huh? I knew you were a guy from the start, idiot. What kind of girl has handwriting like this?” He gestures at the note as evidence. “It’s even messier than mine.”

“You… you seriously knew?” Hinata stammers in disbelief. “But you… you didn’t try to find me on your own?”

“‘If you try to find me, I’ll seriously slap you,’” Kageyama drones. “You just said that to me last week.”

“And you said, ‘Go ahead and try it,’” Hinata replies irritably. “I thought you would put some serious effort in instead of just asking over and over again! I was secretly sorta hoping you would catch on, because I couldn’t gather up enough courage to ask to meet up.”

“What about this, then?” Kageyama flicks the note. “‘If you really want to meet me, let’s meet up at the gates after school today,’” he reads aloud. “That sounds pretty courageous.”

“Stop quoting me!” Hinata complains, snatching the note from his hand. “This isn’t how any of this was supposed to go…”

“I’m sorry,” Kageyama says hesitantly. “Can we just start over?” He holds out a hand awkwardly. “I’m Kageyama Tobio. I mean, you obviously know that, but… yeah. This is metaphorical.”

After a moment, Hinata carefully shakes his hand, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach. “Hinata Shouyou.”

“It’s nice to properly meet you.” Kageyama holds his hand for a second too long. “Should we maybe… go somewhere? Together?” He’s blushing, and it makes Hinata want to scream. Is any of this real?

“Yeah…” It’s a struggle to hold back the overjoyed smile that wants to envelop his face. “That would be really nice.”

“Let’s grab ramen,” Kageyama suggests as they move down the hall. “You said that was your favorite, right?”

“You really remembered that?”

“Obviously.” Kageyama lightly bumps against his shoulder. “I remember everything you say—for example, ‘I think I love you? Um wow, I love you?’”

“Stop bringing that up!”

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Get Movin’

How should the progress of physical literacy be observed and recorded under the conditions of our new, unhealthy societal habits? Due to the constant changes in our society, physical literacy is becoming a popular, yet complex concept to live by. People across the globe are becoming more aware of physical literacy, specifically because of the current obesity crisis. Our society is finally realizing the lack of physical activity in the average human’s everyday life; however, it is not just physical activity that we are lacking. Our society is unaware of how important it is to take care of yourself, whether it’s your mental or physical health. Working at my university’s recreation center, I, along with my colleagues and patrons, are very familiar with the concept of physical literacy and deal with health and wellness every day. I think that everyone should be as educated about physical literacy as the people that I work with. Considering the social changes our society has been through over the past couple of decades, we need to be more knowledgeable about and perform physical literacy.  

About two years ago I started educating myself on physical literacy. I have always been active, participating in multiple sports year-round, but I never really took it upon myself to look further into health and fitness. My first step was asking my parents for a gym membership. Walking into the gym for the first time was extremely intimidating. I was surrounded by toned and muscular adults, drinking their fruit punch flavored pre-workout in shake BlenderBottle®’s, but instead of backing out, I learned my way around the gym. I tested new machinery that I have never seen before. I watched videos of fitness enthusiasts to help me familiarize myself with the strange equipment and movements. After many trial and errors, I finally found a workout routine that worked for my body. Before the gym, I absolutely hated running; however, after planning my new routine, I discovered different ways to implement cardio into my workout without having to run a mile or two. Having these different movements and routines made me enjoy taking care of my body. Throughout this process, I started to feel more positive about myself and life in general. I was much happier and less stressed than before I started my journey. What made me love the gym even more was seeing results. Running at soccer practice felt completely different. I was able to push myself much harder. I no longer dreaded going to practice, partially because I didn’t eat a box of pizza rolls doused in hot sauce right before practice. Even my coaches recognized my hard work and faster speed.  I think other students need to hear that change is possible. If you dedicate yourself to taking the time to get to know, push, and discipline yourself, changes, for the better, will happen.

There are many different definitions of physical literacy, but they all have the same concept. Overall, physical literacy is the foundation of a healthy life. The development of physical literacy starts at a young age. Children start to learn and develop physical literacy once they start attending school, as early as preschool and or kindergarten. PE majors and teachers, exercise science majors, like health and fitness instructors, and other health and wellness academic fields must be very knowledgeable about the concept. In this case, we are talking about the fundamental movements of your body, and concepts like having confidence within yourself. In the article, “Physical literacy in the field of physical education – A challenge and a possibility,” Lundvall mentions Whitehead’s first definition of physical literacy discusses the idea of “physical performance aspects of movement that enable a particular goal to be achieved, or elements of movement that need attention” (114). Part of physical literacy is understanding that your body has limits and acknowledging those limits. Physical literacy helps humans, not just athletes, recognize their body’s boundaries. As you get older, your body starts to not work as well. Everyday activities, like walking up and down stairs, can become difficult, so it is very important to know your body’s limits.

Along with physical literacy, eating habits are developed during one’s childhood. According to the authors of the first cited article, “A multilevel intervention...,” a little over a quarter (29% to be exact) of preschool students in Canada eat the recommended amount of fruits and vegetables and only 23% eat the recommended amount of grains (2). Children not intaking the right source of food will cause them to not be as physically strong and less fit. The lack of greens and grains could also lead to obesity, which could cause them to be insecure and less confident with the pressures that come from social media. This snowball affect issue all starts with the parents and guardians of the children. After all, they are the ones that provide their child with the food they take in. If parents are providing their children with food that is not nutritional for their child, they are inheriting these bad habits from their parents. Sure, eating some candy or out at a restaurant occasionally, is fine, but is it taking over your child’s diet?

Our society’s younger generations have established different values and habits than those that are older. Children don’t have play dates in the backyard with their best friend from school. Nowadays, children will spend their entire day inside, their eyes glued to a screen, playing video games, eating Doritos. Sometimes I think back to my childhood and compare my everyday live to children today. On occasion, I will babysit my five-year-old cousin, Jonah. He is constantly on his iPad, watching YouTube videos or playing games. I’ll give him some credit, every so often he’ll ask to go outside and jump on the trampoline, but it’s not the same. When I was Jonah’s age, my friends and I would go in the backyard, run around on the swing set, and play hide and seek. If we spent time inside, we didn’t spend much time with technology. We’d watch an episode of SpongeBob or two, then go play “house” or Polly Pockets. Our world revolves around technology and it’s effecting our children.  

The unhealthy habits and routines that our younger generations are developing will take over for the rest of their lives and can even cause them to become obese or overweight. According to A Healthier America, 17 percent of children in the United States struggle with obesity and “one in three children are either overweight or have obesity” (“Facts About Child Obesity,” 2019). These statistics are at an all-time high.  

As I’ve grown up, I noticed that throughout my own childhood, I myself developed unhealthy eating habits. As I explained before, almost every day after school, I would come home and make a plate of pizza rolls or nachos. This then transitioned over to my freshman and sophomore year of high school. It was even worse in high school because right after I had my afterschool heart attack snack, I would go straight to soccer practice, where I would then run a mile, huffing and puffing. In middle school, I would sneak bags of chips or pieces of candy to my room and go to town for the night. These awful habits were obviously in my hands; however, it was all developed from my family. Even though I was very active as a child, I still had these influences of eating unhealthy amounts of and types of food. My parents, along with my aunts and uncles, have always been big eaters and not so active. It just goes to show you that parents should take a step back, look at their diet, and take their child into consideration. Would you want your child to be eating what you’re eating? Or thinking back to physical activity. Would you want your child to have the same habits that you have?  

Social media has placed an enormous amount of pressure on children, teenagers, and young adults. Once a celebrity is photographed, the photo is uploaded to the internet, where everyone can see, and makes young adults feel the need to look like this celebrity because they have the ‘perfect body.’ What these young adults don’t know is that most, if not all, of these pictures are photoshopped. Most people looking at their favorite celebrities through social media feel insecure and less confident about their own bodies. Social media doesn’t just influence the everyday person to change themselves due to seeing others uploading edited photos. Social media encourages viewers and peers to interact with you on your post, like and comment. Your friends can tell you how good you look in that trendy outfit in the city, giving you that extra boost of confidence, or they can tell you that “you look terrible.” The obvious negative about social media is bullying. What physical literacy is made to do is to prevent things like this. You should have the confidence to post pictures of yourself, not delving too deep into the hate comments or changing yourself because Kylie Kardashian got lip injections. People endorsing physical literacy want their peers to be confident and comfortable in their own body and how their body works. In order to prevent our young people comparing themselves to celebrities and social media influencers, they need some type of reassurance that you are your own person. You can’t look at someone else an expect to look the same way. Parents should establish their children with confidence. If a child is confident within themselves, they are following the concept of physical literacy and have a lower chance of thinking less of themselves.

Although sport isn’t what physical literacy is all about, having a child that participates in sports can give them that extra boost of confidence. Of course, it also keeps them physically active and fit. When associating sport with physical literacy, it must be known that there are steps that lead to sport participation. In order for someone to participate in sports, they must learn the fundamental movements of physical literacy. A few examples of fundamental physical literacy movements are running, jumping, throwing, and catching. Once a child had learned the fundamentals, they then learn the more complex movements that are involved in sports, leading to the participation in sports. Playing sports like soccer and baseball will give students the opportunity to be physically active outside of the classroom and will generally lead them to a healthier lifestyle; however, it’s not about creating the ultimate athlete. The concept of physical literacy thinks less about competition and more about the overall wellbeing and health of a person, which supports the fact that physical literacy doesn’t necessarily focus on sport.  

Physical Education teachers are the people that first introduce physical literacy to a child. Physical Education courses should be a diverse course to give the children plenty of opportunities to find something that they feel comfortable with. Giving students the opportunity to work inside and outside is a good example of diversity in the classroom. Allowing students to have different opportunities, like working in a different environment or doing nonstandard activities, gives students the chance to find an activity that they enjoy. Once a child has found an activity that they enjoy, they will start to develop confidence, which is exactly what PE teachers are trying to achieve. This development of confidence and comfortability with a certain activity, and within themselves, makes it more likely for the child to continue being physically active for the rest of their life.  

Physical Education teachers live and teach by the means of physical literacy. They want students to be confident and motivated to be physically active, but it is hard for a child to be confident when the curriculum requires teachers to categorize students based on their performance. This makes students feel insecure and uncomfortable, exactly what teachers don’t want them feeling like.  Lundvall believes that physical education teachers should stop assessing students “based on how fast, high, or strong a student’s performance is” (116). PE teachers must think back to the idea physical literacy focusing on the development of a child and not how well or poor they perform.  PE educators want their students to develop the fundamentals movements of physical literacy and beyond. They don’t want their students to stop their growth because of a silly test in gym class telling them they aren’t fast enough.

Although Physical Education teachers have a huge impact on a child’s physical literacy, a child’s biggest influence is always a parent or guardian; furthermore, it is very likely for a child to develop habits that their parents have inherited. In order to incorporate physical literacy into a child’s life and to prevent the ongoing obesity crisis, parents should make sure that, along with themselves, their child is staying active, eating healthy foods and amounts, and having self-confidence. Doing all of these things makes it a lot easier for a family to live by the concept of physical literacy and increasing the chance that your child will live a long, happy and healthy life.  

[hardwerewolfbear]

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ACE Stream est un lecteur multimédia basé sur le célèbre lecteur VLC. Il est compatible avec le protocole BitTorrent pour lire de la vidéo HD et diffuser de la télé. Il compte des possibilités pour la capture vidéo en provenance de sources variées, la synchronisation audio externe et sous-titres

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Of course, there are others as well - look around or ask members of these subreddits if you need help finding something. There is likely someone who can point you in the right direction! Using AceStream . Assuming you've found an interesting Content ID, all that's left is for you to watch your chosen program. In order to do so, open the Ace Player application. If you are familiar with. Does anybody know how to create QPPG for acestream? QNAP team wouldn't like add acestream officially, therefore we should help us by ourselves. I tried to install acestream engine to the QNAP VM (Virtual machine). But unfortunately failed. In theory it should work from VM. But in practice it doesn't acestream free download - Torrent Stream, Torrent TV for Windows 10, and many more program

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AceListing is the best AceStream link serving website for football lovers and enthusiasts. The website provides a list of sport events viewable in high quality. Asides football, the website also provides AceStream links for tennis and basketball. Upon visiting the website homepage, you will be shown scheduled matches for the day as well as matches that took place the previous day. Beside these. acestream free download - Torrent Stream, TV Romania Online Sopcast, Acestream, HTTP Streams, Torrent TV for Windows 10, and many more program Help with installation - acestream. Questions about software. 13 posts • Page 1 of 1. ptkfs. Posts: 6 Joined: Fri Mar 28, 2014 5:25 pm Location: Slovenia. Help with installation - acestream . Post by ptkfs » Mon Mar 31, 2014 5:53 pm . I tried to install this software and I wasn't successfull. I tried to find any useful tip but no luck. I have had some issues with dependency and so on. http. AceStream Italia. 721 likes. Comunità Italiana di AceStream la piattaforma multimediale innovativa di nuova generazione, per lo streaming di contenuti multimediali ad alta qualità . Tutti i contenuti..

SopCast and AceStream are P2P-based live streaming platforms, similar to torrents. The streaming protocols are really starting to gain in momentum. The more users using a SopCast or AceStream, the faster the speed and the better quality the stream will be. These type of P2P streams are much better than conventional live streams which always end up lagging due to lack of network resources. AceStream. 124 likes. Page do Streamer Ace, dê seu follow e ajude essa ideia a crescer! https://www.twitch.tv/streamerac About SuperRepo and AceStream Client. SuperRepo does not maintain AceStream Client. We only provide an automated index for Kodi users to have easy access to AceStream Client and other addons for Kodi. We are not affiliated with the developers (NuisMons) and do not provide help for this particular addon

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The best sport, free and live Regístrate aquí Help. Language: Englis Watch Manchester United vs Tottenham Hotspur on PC and Mobile fore free. Catch all events from Premier League, only on StreamSports (2014-08-16, 17:23) shuggy81 Wrote: Hi Guys, Needing some help. I have installed XBMC for Android. I have installed Acestream & Sopcast APK I have the Repo installed. I go to video > addons > p2p-streams but from there when I select Addon website parsers I am stuck.When I click add website parser plug in it doesnt find anything to install locally Acestream is very hit and miss for me. Some days there's virtually no buffering and it runs brilliant, and other days it will buffer every few minutes. My Internet is more than good enough to run it, but the program seems to have issues connecting people and keeping the connection going some times. When I have issues with continuous buffering I notice that my download speed goes up while it's.

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It also has a built in proxy to help with privacy and ISP torrent throttling. This feature is free at the time of writing but is planned to be a paid option going forward. On launch, Soda Player will accept dropping a torrent file or magnet link onto the window, browsing for a torrent file manually or pasting in a magnet/torrent URL. If there's a link in the clipboard it will be.

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Permission is granted to copy, distribute and/or modify this document under the terms of the GNU General Public License as published by the Free Software Foundation; either version 2 of the License, or (at your option) any later version

Navigate to acestream.org. Click on Ace Stream Media X.x (Win). Click on Ace Stream Media X.x (vlc x.x.x). Download the file, and run it after the download has finished. Read the licensing agreement, check I accept if you accept the agreement, and click Next. Choose which components to install and click Next. Select an installation drive, and click Install. Uncheck Visit Ace Stream website and.

From the Acestream app click at the top right on the three points and then on Enter content ID, here you must enter the acestream code and then click on the player that will appear when the app asks for it. It is not necessary to log in to use the app. Where to find Acestream ID Acestream is a service which provides with live sports channels. This service uses a peer-to-peer sharing technique which means that you help others to stream videos while watching them. Similarly, you are streaming videos on Acestream with the help of other users. Features of Acestream include: 1. The content is free to stream. All you need is. System is so slow - posted in Virus, Trojan, Spyware, and Malware Removal Help: Hopefully someone can help me, my system is so slow in everything that it does, i did post for some help a few weeks. Apr 3, 2019 - Acestream has become a popular streaming software and if you're looking for ways to stream sports on Acestream channels, check out this guide on how to get Acestream Acestream Launcher allows you to open Acestream links with a Media Player of your choice. Dependencies python, pyhon-acestream, libnotify, acestream-engine Since v1.0.0 acestream-launcher uses Acestream Engine HTTP API that is available on acestream-engine v3.1 or later. Usage acestream-launcher URL [--player PLAYER] [--engine ENGINE] Positional arguments URL The acestream url to play Optional.

Help. Software; Home ChannelArenavision 15 AceStream. Channel. Title Filter. Arenavision 40 AceStream: Arenavision 41 AceStream: Arenavision 42 AceStream: Arenavision 5 AceStream: Arenavision 6 AceStream: Arenavision 7 AceStream: Arenavision 8 AceStream: Arenavision 9 AceStream: Arenavision World Cup 1 AceStream: Arenavision World Cup 10 AceStream : Arenavision World Cup 11 AceStream. - then local adress window is open in browser and whole system start to work and stream AceStream - torrentTV , and show it in the browser. How to Disable ADs in AceStream i was using AceStream technology since 2016 to watch some sports channels and of course i hate to deal with ADs and Pop-ups, so you may try to follow view simple tricks to disable as many ads as possible like i did VLC Player makes a great streaming video player, but sometimes it can run into spikes in the stream buffer. Part of this may be due to hardware or network issues, but it could also be because of. Cricfree football streams. Live soccer streaming for every match. Sky sports streams channels. Watch online TV here. You will see every goal from now. This category is goal for you

Acestream.net Website Analysis (Review) Acestream.net has 3,728 daily visitors and has the potential to earn up to 447 USD per month by showing ads. See traffic statistics for more information.. Hosted on IP address 77.120.105.88 in Ukraine. You can find similar websites and websites using the same design template.. Acestream.net has an estimated worth of 16,105 USD Help & support My account Broadband, phone & TV. Quick and easy access to your account, services, bills and tools. Mobile. View and manage your mobile account, tariff and usage. Community Contact us Business Broadband Sign in Forum; Blog; Browse. systemctl enable acestream-engine.service for autostart. elmuz commented on 2015-03-21 14:56. Hi, I'm totally new with AceStream. Anyway after installing (and compiling all dependencies) I cannot launch 'acestreamplayer'. This is what I see when opening it from terminal [0x1d40a88] main p2paccess error: connection failed: Connection refused [0x1d40a88] main p2paccess error: connection failed. Please help to improve this article by introducing more precise citations. (March 2010) (Learn how and when to remove this template message) P2PTV overlay network serving three video streams. P2PTV refers to peer-to-peer (P2P) software applications designed to redistribute video streams in real time on a P2P network; the distributed video streams are typically TV channels from all over the. LibreELEC на PC ace steam. HELP!! Поддержка платформы Linux Liv

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2013-09-20 16:43:46,913|acestream|enable debug: 0 2013-09-20 16:43:46,914|acestream|version=2.1.6 revision=293 date=2013-09-18 2013-09-20 16:43:46,914|acestream|get. Completely rebuilding (including qtwebkit, which takes ages) didn't help. I also tried running 'acestreamplayer -v' and had a somewhat similar output, but not completely. Mine said several times libvpx.so.5 was missing Acestream is indeed great but a thread at the old wiziwig-site about security vulnerabilities inherent in the program gave me pause though. Anyone with more computer savvy than me with any input? Anyone with more computer savvy than me with any input Rechercher Search for help. Annuler 0 Panier 0 articles dans le panier. Se connecter. Découvrez comment garder le contact et rester productif avec Microsoft Teams et Microsoft 365, même lorsque vous travaillez à distance > Découvrez comment garder le contact et rester productif avec Microsoft Teams et Microsoft 365, même lorsque vous travaillez à distance > Microsoft Store ne se lance.

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While that problem has gone away, acestream will not play on the samsung tv plex app anymore. I have gone through the steps detailed in the above thread many, many times over the last few months to try and understand why this isn't working, I'm sure it is something simple but I cannot figure it out so I need to ask for help Welcome to your one-stop shop for all things football. Find exclusive videos, match highlights, news, results, tables and more right here at BT Sport

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AceStream. 21 posts • Page 1 of 2 • 1, 2 >> << Funkybassman. Serviio newbie Posts: 6. Joined: Tue Nov 26, 2013 6:47 pm. Wed Nov 27, 2013 9:27 am . AceStream. Greetings from a streaming newbie so apologies if this is in the wrong place or a stupid question Is it possible to reroute an Acestream feed to serviio in the same way that a SopCast stream can be redirected Thanks >> << zip. Serviio. Not much help, sorry . Dave Insurgent Johnny hates to think, he's ignorant. Jan 11, 2016 13,339 13,307. Apr 14, 2017 #5 Anyone using this? I have read good things. 2 Q. Qat Qute. Nov 3, 2015 9,074 11,025. Apr 14, 2017 #6 I sometimes watched UFC events with it. If you catch a good stream, its fantastic. Wouldn't count on it though. Dave Insurgent Johnny hates to think, he's ignorant. Jan 11. Acestream problems I installed Acestream and had it running quite well (little bit of buffering). Then of course, I had to play around with it and altered some setting that were recommended to help with the buffering. Now I get a message that it cannot connect to engine and check if I have that installed

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Después abre el AceStream o el Sodaplayer y pega el enlace en él. Se debería empezar a ver a los pocos segundos. Este método que te hemos comentado es la opción más sencilla y sin prácticamente publicidad. Todo eso te lo explicamos con más detalle en nuestra guía para ver enlaces de Arenavisión. Visitar web: Arenavision.in. No te pierdas nuestra guía de Arenavisión. Si quieres ver. Acestream on Mac. GitHub Gist: instantly share code, notes, and snippets. Skip to content. All gists Back to GitHub. Sign in Sign up Instantly share code, notes, and snippets. akras14 /.gitignore forked from jbergler/.gitignore. Created Nov 13, 2016. Star 0 Fork 0; Code Revisions 4. Embed . What would you like to do? Embed Embed this gist in your website. Share Copy sharable link for this gist.

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Legal | Report Trademark Abuse VideoLAN, VLC, VLC media player and x264 are trademarks internationally registered by the VideoLAN non-profit organization. VideoLAN software is licensed under various open-source licenses: use and distribution are defined by each software license TV Romania Online permite vizionarea canalelor tv romanesti, avand o interfata prietenoasa, pe orice telefon / tableta prin intermediul unei conexiuni Wireless sau 3G/4G. Caracteristici: - Spatiul ocupat de aplicatie este foarte mic - Ghid cu aplicatii necesare pentru a vedea toate canalele dorite - Interfata grafica usor de folosit - Categorii bine definite ale canalelor - Multiple surse. Cómo descargar Acestream. Para poder ver las retransmisiones de Arenavisión, necesitarás un programa llamado Acestream. Instalarlo es muy fácil y puedes hacerlo desde la propia web del programa o desde aquí. Si estás en la web de AceStream busca el siguiente texto para empezar a descargar: Ace Stream Media X.x (Win). Ace Stream Media X.x (vlc x.x.x). Si no quieres instalar Acestream. GitHub Gist: instantly share code, notes, and snippets

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[honeynutholland]

To start off, I’d like to thank Cass aka @purelyparker for starting MCU Body Inclusiveness Day. When I first saw her post about it, I wanted to participate, but I wasn’t comfortable enough with myself to post a full body picture... After seeing my mutuals post their pictures and stories about struggling with body image, it inspired me. 

Growing up, I’ve always struggled with loving myself. There were so many things about my body that made and still do make me self-conscious. When I was younger, I was little overweight and I was so insecure. I’ve struggled with my weight for years and today, I’m at a relatively healthy body weight and I’m happy with how I look, but even then, I still have my days. 

One thing I’ve always been self-conscious about is the size of my boobs and how they aren’t proportional to the rest of my body. My friends teased me about my boobs, or lack thereof, for years. I’m still slightly embarrassed when I go shopping and have to buy AA or A cup bras. Honestly, you can’t even see my boobs when I wear hoodies. I look flat as heck, but hoodies are so comfy, so who cares?? 

Another thing I’m self-conscious about is my thighs. For years, my mom and aunts would always point out how big my thighs were and how they’re covered in stretch marks. When I sat down, I would always look at my thighs and think holy fuck. my thighs are consuming the chair. To change how I looked at my thighs, I started squatting a lot. Although it didn’t make my thighs any smaller, every time I flexed, I loved the way my quads looked. Now, I couldn’t care less about whatever my mom and aunts have to say about my thighs.

Although I don’t have the abs I used to dream of, I love myself more than I used to. Just last year, I would’ve never been confident enough to post photos of myself in a sports bra on social media, but here I am now!  I still have a long way to go before I completely love myself, but I’m proud of how far I’ve come with accepting my body. I had my struggle with body image throughout my childhood typed out, but this post is already pretty long, so everything is under the cut if you wanna read 😊 

In kindergarten, I noticed that I had a lot more body hair than other girls and even some of the boys in my class. Back then, I had my days. Some days, I’d be overly focused on it and rub my arms a lot or keep my sweater on. Other days, I was just like any other carefree 6 year old, running around without a care in the world. This was also when my mom noticed that I had a random patch of hair growing on my neck and would shave it for me every week. When I was 7, I remember trying to shave my arms in the shower and I ended up with a ton of cuts all over. 

In 2nd grade, I started obsessively weighing myself. Although I wasn’t dieting or doing any physical activity outside of my PE class then, I would get on the scale in my washroom every day to see whether I lost or gained weight. At some point during that year, my mom hid the scale so I’d stop looking at my weight. The following year when I was in 3rd grade, we were celebrating my mom’s birthday at her friend’s house. I remember going upstairs and finding a scale in the washroom. When I first saw it, I told myself that I wouldn’t get on it, but in the end, I did and I saw the numbers. I’m so fat, 80 pounds at 8 years old... I went downstairs and sat quietly until the cake was brought out. That was when the tears started flowing. No one knew why I was crying and no one wanted to ask. When they handed me a piece of the cake, I cried even harder and pushed it away. This was also the year, where a boy in my class, the new kid, started bullying me. He’d pick on me and tell my friends not to choose me for their team during our lunch time soccer games because I was “too fat and slow” to run for the ball. I coped with it by binge eating, going through whole boxes of Rice Krispies after school and just eating all the snacks my mom left in a cupboard. 

In 4th grade, I was hospitalized for a blood infection. I was in the hospital from 7am-12pm for a round of fluids, going home afterwards to sleep until I had to go back again from 7pm-12am for more fluids. This process went on for 5 days and as you could probably guess, I had no appetite throughout the whole treatment. I lost about 10 pounds during the week and when I was finally feeling better, my mom’s friend came over to visit and said “Wow, she’s so skinny now!” At the time, I was so proud of myself because someone said I was skinny!

During my last 2 years of elementary, I was somewhat comfortable with my body. I signed up for my school teams and had fun competing in various sports. However, when my grade 7 graduation rolled around, I realized that I didn’t really fit my dress and I thought I looked disgusting in it. It was too late to get a new dress, so I just wore a cardigan to hide the fact that my armpit fat was spilling over the dress. 

In high school, everything got worse. When I was in 8th grade, I basically started starving myself, eating a small portion, if any at all, before throwing the rest of it out or bringing it home to eat. I was only eating one meal a day, dinner, no breakfast or lunch. I was too ashamed to eat in front of my friends and was hoping that it’d help me lose weight. This continued for the next 3 years until I found a group of friends during at the end of my sophomore year I was comfortable eating around. I also started going to the gym during my sophomore year to stay active and maintain my weight, which worked because for the next 2 years, I was basically the same weight and honestly, I was so proud of myself.

[rilenerocks]

I wonder if all people are born equipped for life’s passions. And if they are, is the capacity for them the same for everyone? Does everyone start out with a genetically determined amount or is there an infinite level that is sometimes achieved and sometimes not, depending on what happens to each of us? I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking about this. Some people seem like they’re boiling over with passion and others act so subdued that it’s hard to know if they’ve every experienced a single moment of that powerful sensation.

I think passion has lots of different connotations, both positive and negative. Some passions are conscious and others lurk below our mind’s surface. They can be enriching and growth-inducing or deleterious and damaging to our health. Passion can be enthusiasm and avid devotion. It can be overwhelming in both rage and love. It can be intense sexual attraction. It can be vehemence and anger. Probably it’s combinations of a wide range of feelings and this can be very confusing. I know that I’ve felt all types of passions ever since I was a little kid.

When I was about five, I got a chameleon. I loved it so much I squeezed it to death. What a horror. I was way too young to understand the implications of the potential for destruction associated with a positive feeling. But I learned more and more about that as I grew up. My parents told me I was born loving everyone and everything and that people loved me back. My mom said she was afraid someone might steal me, most particularly my dad’s sister, someone she detested. My older brother told me he first remembered being truly happy when I came along. Sad for him but good for me. I did love so many things with a passion. I loved my parents. I loved warm milk. I loved animals. I loved fudgsicles and chocolate popsicles. I loved playing outside. I loved school and school supplies, especially crayons, erasers and glue. So I guess I started out with my fair share of passions.

  As I got older, I extended all that passionate love to people. I loved my friends. I started to love boys. I loved sports and movies. I loved justice. So much passion. It wasn’t long before I started getting knocked around by reality. Reality was that just because I loved what I loved didn’t mean that I was going to reap big returns on my passionate investments. I loved school but after 9th grade, it mostly bored me to death and as I went off on my own to learn, my grades tanked. I had just enough natural talent to take me into college but nothing about that structure worked any better for me at that level.

  Then I realized that the just world I dreamed of may as well have been in a galaxy far, far away. The disappointment from that discovery ignited my negative passions which are still going strong today. Always something to be furious about and to fight against. Fuel for my engine.

  I loved participating in sports but that brought me negative attention. I wanted to be an attractive girl but my youthful participation brought me the nickname “moose” which had a profoundly negative effect on the joy I found as an athlete. In my junior year of high school I cut 60 PE classes and as a senior, had to make them all up, two for one, in order to graduate. On swimming days, I was soaking wet on and off for hours. But I still loved sports although I became more of an observer rather than a participant. I still have my swimming but at one point I dreamed of smashing home runs and spiking volleyballs for a long time. I made it back to volleyball as an adult, playing while pregnant. Maybe that vibe is why my daughter turned out to be an exceptional athlete in a time that was somewhat kinder to women than the days of my youth. Although not yet kind enough.  But let me stay on track here.

I was a passionate friend and potentially a passionate girlfriend when I was a kid. I fell in love easily. And I stayed there. There’s another component to my particular brand of passion – loyalty. My husband and my kids always told me I was the most loyal person they ever knew. That’s probably a fair assessment. Once committed to someone, at least in my own mind, if not in actual practice with the person I’ve sekected, I stayed put. I’m hard to get rid of once I’ve made my choices. Despite the fire that burns in me so frequently, I’m not the type to flame out. My burn is slow and long-lasting. A lot of disappointment and pain have to happen before I walk away from someone. I guess it’s fair to say that I have personal standards of how people should treat one another, my rules, for sure. But I’ll bend and accommodate for a long time before I give up on a person. Over the years, I’ve developed what I call my permanent list. I have occupants on that list who said or did something egregious enough so that I know I’ll never forget it, at least as long as my brain is functioning. But for the most part, that list is of those individuals who are beyond my forgiveness. I know that’s not a very politically correct attitude in current culture. Forgiveness is a real thing advocated around me. Being unforgiving is supposed to be bad for you, toxic and unhealthy.

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Social intelligenceBeing aware of the motives/feelings of others and oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick.VIRTUE CATEGORY: HUMANITY

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Forgiveness Forgiving those who have done wrong; accepting others’ shortcomings; giving people a second chance; not being vengeful.VIRTUE CATEGORY: TEMPERANCE

I took a personality trait test from a Yale-sponsored class a few months ago. You answer all these questions and a list of your character traits ranked from best to worst is generated. My best trait was emotional intelligence, followed by loyalty and my worst was the inability to forgive. Sounded right.  And it works for me. Michael was always trying to get me to let things go and be more forgiving. He said my hot rage and grudge holding was going to damage me physically. Well, look who’s still here and who isn’t? I’m living on the terms that suit me.

I guess I got the most bashed around emotionally by my first serious college boyfriend. I thought I was going to marry him. The truth is, I thought I was going to marry everyone I ever loved, going all the way back to when I was five years old. But this was the first genuinely reciprocated love I’d felt as a grownup and despite warning flags about not being ready and immaturity, I was convinced that if I fought hard enough, I could make this happen, even with evidence to the contrary popping up regularly and painfully. We were together on and off for three years. One morning after feeling that we’d had the best night of our life, I woke up to him telling me that we needed to break up and that things just couldn’t work. I was astonished, hurt and enraged. As he made his way out of my apartment, I followed him into the street, screaming at the top of my lungs that he would never find anyone who loved him the way I did and that he’d regret this decision for the rest of his life. My roommate and another friend dragged me back into the house as his metallic blue Chevy Hornet pulled away.

The fact is, he did figure that out later but by that time, I’d mostly recovered and was with Michael with whom I spent the rest of his life. Sadly, not the rest of our lives. Michael helped me rebuild myself and to believe that I could trust someone and reestablish my belief that a lifelong positive passion was possible. I’d already figured out that I could hang on to my negative passions about feminism, politics, economic justice, the health of the planet and the like. But I wasn’t sure about people. One of the places I put my positive passions was to sports, both teams and individuals. I could afford to invest myself in those without personal disappointments that had left me flattened and despairing. I picked my loyalties and stayed with them. I had favorite teams and players. I watched everything, football, basketball, hockey, swimming and became an Olympics junkie. As time went on I added tennis and soccer. I still remember the uniform numbers of those individuals who for whatever reason, won my heart. Jean Beliveau, #4 – Montreal Canadiens. Doug Mohns, #11 – Chicago Blackhawks. Doug Buffone, #55 – Chicago Bears. Fred Biletnikoff, #25 – Oakland Raiders. I could go on and on. A lot of my friends were surprised that I was so into sports, as many of them, particularly the contact ones dominated by males, seemed in direct conflict with my feminist politics. But I didn’t care what it seemed like. My personal passionate commitments had  cost me a significant amount of emotional angst. I think I was born with a fairly deep reservoir for giving but I’d come to realize that when I put myself out there, I’d best be prepared to be doing it because I needed to for me and not because of what I expected in return. I’d had a lot of disappointment from family, friends and lovers. With sports, the worst that could happen was that your favorites could lose. The pain threshold for those things was tolerable for me, easier than all the personal disappointments. At least, it always had been for many years. When the silent switch happened, I really wasn’t aware of it at all. I’ve only just figured out that my lines had gotten blurred below the surface of my consciousness because of what life dealt out to me. I was too busy in the living of it to recognize that I’d set myself up for a whole new undoing.

  So these sports. As a Chicagoan and a southsider, I loved the White Sox. I branched out and embraced the Cubs. I was a hockey fan and I sat with my dad as he agonized over DePaul’s basketball team. Except for golf, I’d watch almost anything. Eventually, tennis got my attention. I watched the women, Billie Jean King, Chris Evert, Martina Navratilova, Steffi Graf and of course, finally Venus and Serena. I admired their skills and grit. But I always loved the boys and most particularly, the ones who behaved well, rarely had tantrums or broke their rackets and in general, seemed to play against that spoiled brat type. No John McEnroes or Ilie Nastases for me.

  I liked the cool Swede Bjorn Borg, who played like a smooth machine. After him, it was Pete Sampras, who was just a kid when he started and had a long 14 year career, complete with those beautiful serves and the tenacity to keep playing after vomiting on the court from sickness and dehydration. The civilized guys. I made an exception for Jimmy Connors sometimes because he had high entertainment value. There were a few Australians thrown into the mix and the Croat Goran Ivanisevic who had sporadic talent but took forever to win the big tourney. But in the middle of Pete’s reign, Roger Federer appeared on the scene. And that was all she wrote for me.

  Federer broke into the big time as a teenager and was kind of a punk for awhile. But the tragic car wreck death of his Australian coach when he was 21 was a life changing event for him. Between that and his relationship with his older girlfriend who eventually became his wife, he pulled himself together and became who he is today, a brilliant champion, a genuinely loved public figure and a generous philanthropist. In short, my favorite tennis player.

  Federer’s been playing for 21 years. I’ve watched him countless times and always enjoyed his grace, elegance and tenacity. For most of those years I watched him and the other players during the four major tournaments, the Australian Open, the French Open, Wimbledon and the US Open. There was a lot of other tennis happening off my radar, many tournaments and point systems for rankings. I didn’t really care about that stuff. I was happy with what I saw, read articles so I had some idea of the background for the majors, and was generally content.

When Michael got sick seven and a half years ago, that was where I was at. As we processed his disease and what we knew would be a limited future, I was trying to get a handle on interests that would distract me from the constant pressure of anticipating death. Michael liked tennis too and had played for years as a young man. Often we watched matches together. But as time went by and we rode the waves of anxiety, I started to seek out more and more information about tennis. We’d switched cable tv providers and the Tennis Channel was included in our package. I realized that there were all kinds of tournaments and that Roger participated in lots of them. He was famous for holding records in places that had never crossed my radar. And we had a DVR. I started taping everything. When I had nothing to do, I started watching more tennis. I liked other players but Roger was the one. As the months of Michael’s illness progressed, we both labored under the strain of wondering how much time we had left to enjoy our life. Sometimes I drove my reserved husband crazy, wanting to talk through everything all the time. He was in treatment, often tired and in need of rest. I had lots of time on my hands but I wanted to stay nearby, soaking in every minute of life with Michael. So I turned to the box where Roger waited in the DVR. He was such a joy to watch. Healthy, easy and an amazing contrast to my precious guy who was carrying such a huge load. Over time, I decided that who needed a DVR when you could set an alarm and watch a tournament live from Australia, China or the Middle East? We didn’t really have a normal routine or schedule any more so I could make my own hours. As years went by, Federer’s wins or losses began to affect me more and more. The worst time came in 2016 when he sustained a knee injury while bathing one of his kids. He decided to withdraw from the professional tour for months while he rehabbed thoroughly and tried to decide if he could return and play at the championship level again.

  I was worried about it but at the time I was really focused on the stretch of good health Michael was enjoying so we took advantage of an excellent fall and traveled a lot. I had concerns about some signs of immune system letdown in Michael but as late as December, 2016, we were in our happy place at Starved Rock and life seemed even and predictable. Unfortunately that languorous period was short-lived. By the first week of January, Michael’s behavior was unusual. His appetite was diminished and he had some odd moments when he wasn’t making a lot of sense. We went in to see our oncologist who did some bloodwork and ordered a scan. Everything came back clean. So on we went. Things got stranger and stranger. I began to believe that there was an occult return of Michael’s cancer and began a nagging process that drove him nuts. He wanted to leave well enough alone and I didn’t. We began bickering. Right around the same time, Roger was getting ready to emerge from his medical exile and enter the Australian Open.

As days went by, Michael’s behaviors became odder and odder and I kept dragging him back to the doctors. Meanwhile, Roger was winning match after match. I was up in the night, watching him in real time and trying to avoid arguing with Michael who was annoyed with me. The doctors kept finding nothing. On January 29th, 2017, I had the pleasure of watching Roger win his first major since being injured.

On January 31st, I prevailed upon Michael to let me bring him to the ER to see if we could get him a brain MRI, the only test he hadn’t had. By that night we had the dreadful diagnosis of carcinomatous meningitis, a rare manifestation of certain solid tumors that’s becoming more common as people survive their original cancers for longer periods of time. We were devastated, Michael even more than me as he’d believed the continuing positive reports while I knew something was terribly wrong. We had a 32 day siege in the hospital and then I was able to bring him home in early March. The median survival time for this disease was 4 weeks from diagnosis. Michael hung on for almost seventeen.

  Meanwhile, the French Open began close to the end of Michael’s life and I continued to watch through June 11th. I remember thinking how ironic it was that Roger’s playing bookended the last months of Michael’s life. When July came, along came Wimbledon. I watched all of it and Roger emerged victorious. That highlighted my summer of preparing for the celebration of Michael’s life which was planned for December. When that was over, I stared down 2018, trying to figure out what to do with myself. I started this blog on January 1st. I was in the midst of planning my 50th high school reunion and also wanted to do a little traveling.

  I finally landed on the Western-Southern Open tennis tournament in Cincinnati, a chance to see Roger in the flesh for the first time. As he was getting older I figured I’d better get that bucket list item done. Additionally, the Laver Cup, Roger’s creation was happening in Chicago, at the same time as my reunion.

  I bought tickets to that as well. Both events were wonderful and I was so glad I went. Roger won some and lost some and I felt satisfied. But as time passed I found watching him, especially when he lost, to become more and more stressful. I was aware of the negative feelings but not sure what to do about them. Each match got worse and worse. This was not supposed to be my relationship with sports. I was irritable, frustrated and hostile. I could barely stand being with myself. When my son was around he tried to be comforting but I was basically so obnoxious he’d wind up leaving me to my own devices. I started thinking really hard, going back over the seven and a half year history of Michael’s disease, death and this mourning period. A lot has happened to me during that time. I spent a lot of emotional capital during those years. I spent an extraordinary amount of love on my marriage, so much that I often wonder if I can love anyone or anything new ever again. Even a pet. And then just this past week in the midst of an ugly US Open for Roger, I recognized what I’m referring to as a silent switch. Somewhere back there, as I recognized that my time with Michael was running away, I put a lot of my heart into Roger, a sports guy who was supposed to be a distraction, not someone personal. As his fortunes ebb and he gets closer to retirement I realized that my outsized reactions are more like living through an intimate loss instead of just watching an athlete’s life come to its normal conclusion. I realized that I’d transferred some of my feelings about Michael’s absence to a weird anticipatory despair about Roger’s career coming to an end. How bizarre is that? Probably not very. Roger’s trajectory is another ending, a metaphor for what I’ve been coping with for a very long time. I didn’t recognize exactly when it happened but I know it did. And acknowledging the inappropriate outsized reactions I was having helped me see the need to face this metaphor for what is – a familiar road twisted into an inappropriate level of importance. It’s time to set it back in a more normal place. Ironically, during this week of internal probing and exploring, I’ve been outside in my garden a lot. I had no trouble identifying two adult butterflies, feeding, still strong but battered by predators, perhaps by wind. But still living out there in the world. I was aware that I identified with them. No silent switching in this case. Awareness is hard and often mysterious. I’m going to keep going after it. It’s better than living in the dark. 

      The Silent Switch I wonder if all people are born equipped for life’s passions. And if they are, is the capacity for them the same for everyone?

[thelowcarbrunner]

What’s The Story Here?

“Hi! My name is Fred, and I’m an addict.”

I moved to America in 2009, where, when you say those words, you immediately picture an awkward room filled with people quivering in silence to the sound of anxiety. One may even smell over-brewed coffee. No, I am not addicted to drugs, and this is not going to be the story of how I overcame an addiction by running. This is the story of me. A French-born runner in New York City.

In 1994, my PE teacher gave me detention for hiding in the bushes with some girl friends while we were doing endurance laps in the Jardins du Luxembourg (the Senate’s garden where we would have PE classes in the spring). I think I was smoking cigarettes there as well... I was to report at 8am on a Saturday. This seems like an unimportant event, but I truly believe the confidence boost that was to come shaped part of my personality.

I unexpectedly arrived on time, in my joggers, my rebel attitude blazing out of my ground-striking eyes, only to have it thwarted by the absence of any other student.

‘We are going to jog for half an hour, and you are not allowed to stop.’

What a preposterous idea... ‘C’est impossible !’, I said in my teenage pouting voice. But there was no way out, it was happening.

So I went, before him, slowly. I tried to brake-check him, I said I couldn’t breathe... But I think my sweaty red face wasn’t sad and convincing enough, because he would just push back and tell me:

‘stop whining, you can do it, don’t stop!’ 

He proceeded to start a conversation, I can’t remember what it was about... But I like to talk, so I went with it, and with every sentence, the concept of time started to wither away. I have no idea how fast we were going, but in the end, we did run for 30 minutes, and I did not die.

FAT This happened during what I call, my ‘fat’ year. For a while, I had been drinking Coke by the bottle, stacking candies near my bed, eating ice cream and cookies by the box, ... My older brother even referred to me as “bouffe-tout” (”eat-everything”, which happened to be Slimer’s French name in Ghostbusters.) All I wanted was to eat, burp, and mostly to avoid any effort at all cost. One of my brother’s friend reminded me recently that I had ‘invented’ some type of rope-elevator apparatus just so I didn’t have to walk down the two flights of stairs that separated the TV from the refrigerator... I am unsure of what would have happened of me if I hadn’t hidden and smoked behind the bushes during PE in 1994.

BE COOL In High-School, I spent every day skateboarding with my friends. I would skateboard to school, skateboard in school, skip school to meet my friends to, skateboard... That’s all I did around, and sometimes within, my class schedule. I was very active. Those years can be summed up in 5 words: Skateboard, metal,_ sweat_, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 411 Video Magazine... Yet, running wasn’t something I enjoyed. I assimilated it with PE, and PE wasn’t fun.

I stopped skateboarding when I graduated from High-School and joined a band. This was going to be my life. The energy I put into skateboarding was to go into my hardcore band life. I’d eat whatever, drink whatever, party, scream and play loud music. Somehow, I managed to stay fit during several years with my only workout being screaming into a microphone while jumping everywhere like a clown for about 6 hours a week... How sweet is life...

‘What sport do you play?’

Sports? I didn’t play any. What a strange concept that everyone should be into some type of sports... Of course, as any kid in France during the 90s I had practiced Soccer, some Track and Field, Tennis, etc. But I was out of school, why would I put myself through this willingly?

WHATEVER HAPPENED From one band to another, the music got quieter, until I ended up singing in a signed pop/punk band. The rehearsals and the jumping around were more sparse, I mostly stood behind my mic on a stand going left and right, but the rest of the lifestyle was still there, harder than ever. I remember a band retreat, where we tried to push ourselves to wake up every morning and jog in the woods and do some crunches. Fail. It lasted about a week and stopped as soon as we were back in Paris. Life started to catch up on me, and I was losing touch with my body.

I woke up one morning, my band wasn’t doing as great as I wanted, pictures started showing rolls out of my skinny jeans, I had no vision for my future, I hated myself. Life seemed to be an impossible concept. Impossible... ‘Nothing is impossible. Fuck that’. Like my PE teacher, the voice in my head would not let me quit. ‘Get a grip you stupid goat!’

DIRECTION I needed goats goals. Like those 30 minutes of jogging I was forced to complete, I needed to picture a success, and never quit until I was there. ‘Get fit!’ I bought a cheap pair of store-brand ‘running’ shoes, and started running. I started going to the Olympic pool in my neighborhood to swim laps. I registered for college to resume my studies (in France it’s free, how sweet is la vie?). Here was a clear goal right in front of me, there was an exchange program after 2 years, and I would be one of the few that would spend a year studying in the United States. Failure was not an option. I would talk about it like it was set in stone, ‘when I’ll be in the US...’ Whatever people said, this was happening.

I don’t think I can describe how it felt two years later, on that plane to San Jose, CA, looking out the window, with a year of fending for myself ahead of me. I wasn’t scared. I felt a mix of incredulity and excitement. Like a long race during which you did not even acknowledge any thought about quitting, yet when you pass the finish line, you wonder how the hell you did it...

WHERE AM I GOING? When in college in France, I had registered for any sports or team that would fit into my schedule. Track team, check. Team Handball, check. Baseball, check. If I didn’t have practice on a day, I would just go to the gym or to the pool. But in France, apart from the Rugby team, all you had to do was to show up, and you were part of the team... Years of American Teen movies had scared me from even considering the dreaded “tryouts”, so I didn’t join a team. I just ran, went to the gym, and I bought a skateboard and a bike to get around (as a typical Parisian, I did not have a driving license...) I was staying in shape.

After two years of having planned my life like I had OCD, I let it take a direction of its own, and a year later, I ended up in New York instead of going back to France. There, I adhered to the ‘basic’ New-Yorker’s lifestyle: join a gym, work, workout, drink, eat-out, bis repetita. It wasn’t the best of time, it wasn’t the worst of time, but I did not have a goal, an ‘addiction’. ‘Just find something.’ Music it is. I started The Johnny Pumps, in 2012, and focused on writing songs again. When I wasn’t working or writing songs with a glass of whiskey, I was going to the gym, not really trying, avoiding cardio.

FAT 3.0 Was it age, diet, or lifestyle? I started putting on more pounds that I wanted to. When I reached 220bs, I felt disgusting. The problem when you are 6′4″, is that even when you are overweight, it doesn’t show that much unless you take your shirt off, therefore people tell you “you’re crazy... You’re not fat at all...” Some people, like me, need to hear that we are fat, and we need to get a grip.

I don’t think I’m blowing anyone’s mind by saying that the fastest way to shed fat is to stop eating carbs. Unless Dr. OZ is your go-to reference in dieting, setting aside all other rhetoric, we should all know in 2017 that grains and sugar raise the level of glucose in your blood which triggers your pancreas into releasing insulin which tells the body to stop burning its fat stores and instead, absorb some of the fatty acids and glucose in the blood and turn them into more body fat. Whether we agree or not that this is a healthy, or easy way to lose fat, or that you run faster or slower with carbs, nobody can say it doesn’t work if you commit to it. ‘Commit’. Well, turns out I am good at that. Ketogenic diet, here I come.

RUN, YOU FOOL Coconut oil, avocados, chicken, fish, broccoli and cauliflower. You name it, I’ve eaten more than anyone would like to. But in less than a year I was as skinny as 175lbs (way too skinny...) to finally set up to 185lbs (my ‘perfect’ weight).

In 2015, one of my best friends texted me:

“Hey! Wanna run a relay with me and some friends in a month and a half in Utah?”

“Sure!”

I had committed to run 2 legs of a marathon relay with my friend’s girlfriend. I was going to basically run a half marathon, with no training. I cringe today when I say out loud that I trained for it mostly on a treadmill, at the gym, and that I ran it with road Nikes I bought on sale. I believe my longest ‘train’ run was 8 miles out of the three ‘real’ runs I did in Central Park.

DID I JUST JOIN A CULT? This was the third November Project Summit, and I had no idea what the November Project was. From my experience at the race, they were just some weird beer-drinking frat guys who happened to be really loud and cheerful. I can say today that I really didn’t get it...

I can honestly not remember my time, all I know is that my first leg was under 1h, and the second was hell, and over 1h. I had never focused on my result/time, PR was an unknown concept to me, pace was just a word I would hear without knowing what it meant, if I went out to run, my goal would be x minutes of running or x many loops. I would go, reach the goal, then not think about it again.

Back in New York, I went on a few runs, mostly worked out at the gym. I didn’t really have a ‘good‘ reason to run. In the back of my mind I thought, maybe I can do this again next year, it was fun.

February 2nd, 2016

Text from, to use his real name, Gabe**: **

“Want to go to the November Project workout tomorrow morning at 6:28am?”

“What the hell is November Project, and why TF is it at 6:28am?”

“You know, those guys who were partying when we ran the race in Utah, they have workouts every Wednesday morning and its right by your place.”

“Sure.”

I’m not addicted, but I may have joined a cult.

[rilenerocks]

I wonder if all people are born equipped for life’s passions. And if they are, is the capacity for them the same for everyone? Does everyone start out with a genetically determined amount or is there an infinite level that is sometimes achieved and sometimes not, depending on what happens to each of us? I’ve spent quite a bit of time thinking about this. Some people seem like they’re boiling over with passion and others act so subdued that it’s hard to know if they’ve every experienced a single moment of that powerful sensation.

I think passion has lots of different connotations, both positive and negative. Some passions are conscious and others lurk below our mind’s surface. They can be enriching and growth-inducing or deleterious and damaging to our health. Passion can be enthusiasm and avid devotion. It can be overwhelming in both rage and love. It can be intense sexual attraction. It can be vehemence and anger. Probably it’s combinations of a wide range of feelings and this can be very confusing. I know that I’ve felt all types of passions ever since I was a little kid.

When I was about five, I got a chameleon. I loved it so much I squeezed it to death. What a horror. I was way too young to understand the implications of the potential for destruction associated with a positive feeling. But I learned more and more about that as I grew up. My parents told me I was born loving everyone and everything and that people loved me back. My mom said she was afraid someone might steal me, most particularly my dad’s sister, someone she detested. My older brother told me he first remembered being truly happy when I came along. Sad for him but good for me. I did love so many things with a passion. I loved my parents. I loved warm milk. I loved animals. I loved fudgsicles and chocolate popsicles. I loved playing outside. I loved school and school supplies, especially crayons, erasers and glue. So I guess I started out with my fair share of passions.

  As I got older, I extended all that passionate love to people. I loved my friends. I started to love boys. I loved sports and movies. I loved justice. So much passion. It wasn’t long before I started getting knocked around by reality. Reality was that just because I loved what I loved didn’t mean that I was going to reap big returns on my passionate investments. I loved school but after 9th grade, it mostly bored me to death and as I went off on my own to learn, my grades tanked. I had just enough natural talent to take me into college but nothing about that structure worked any better for me at that level.

  Then I realized that the just world I dreamed of may as well have been in a galaxy far, far away. The disappointment from that discovery ignited my negative passions which are still going strong today. Always something to be furious about and to fight against. Fuel for my engine.

  I loved participating in sports but that brought me negative attention. I wanted to be an attractive girl but my youthful participation brought me the nickname “moose” which had a profoundly negative effect on the joy I found as an athlete. In my junior year of high school I cut 60 PE classes and as a senior, had to make them all up, two for one, in order to graduate. On swimming days, I was soaking wet on and off for hours. But I still loved sports although I became more of an observer rather than a participant. I still have my swimming but at one point I dreamed of smashing home runs and spiking volleyballs for a long time. I made it back to volleyball as an adult, playing while pregnant. Maybe that vibe is why my daughter turned out to be an exceptional athlete in a time that was somewhat kinder to women than the days of my youth. Although not yet kind enough.  But let me stay on track here.

I was a passionate friend and potentially a passionate girlfriend when I was a kid. I fell in love easily. And I stayed there. There’s another component to my particular brand of passion – loyalty. My husband and my kids always told me I was the most loyal person they ever knew. That’s probably a fair assessment. Once committed to someone, at least in my own mind, if not in actual practice with the person I’ve sekected, I stayed put. I’m hard to get rid of once I’ve made my choices. Despite the fire that burns in me so frequently, I’m not the type to flame out. My burn is slow and long-lasting. A lot of disappointment and pain have to happen before I walk away from someone. I guess it’s fair to say that I have personal standards of how people should treat one another, my rules, for sure. But I’ll bend and accommodate for a long time before I give up on a person. Over the years, I’ve developed what I call my permanent list. I have occupants on that list who said or did something egregious enough so that I know I’ll never forget it, at least as long as my brain is functioning. But for the most part, that list is of those individuals who are beyond my forgiveness. I know that’s not a very politically correct attitude in current culture. Forgiveness is a real thing advocated around me. Being unforgiving is supposed to be bad for you, toxic and unhealthy.

Your Greatest Strength

1

Social intelligenceBeing aware of the motives/feelings of others and oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick.VIRTUE CATEGORY: HUMANITY

24

Forgiveness Forgiving those who have done wrong; accepting others’ shortcomings; giving people a second chance; not being vengeful.VIRTUE CATEGORY: TEMPERANCE

I took a personality trait test from a Yale-sponsored class a few months ago. You answer all these questions and a list of your character traits ranked from best to worst is generated. My best trait was emotional intelligence, followed by loyalty and my worst was the inability to forgive. Sounded right.  And it works for me. Michael was always trying to get me to let things go and be more forgiving. He said my hot rage and grudge holding was going to damage me physically. Well, look who’s still here and who isn’t? I’m living on the terms that suit me.

I guess I got the most bashed around emotionally by my first serious college boyfriend. I thought I was going to marry him. The truth is, I thought I was going to marry everyone I ever loved, going all the way back to when I was five years old. But this was the first genuinely reciprocated love I’d felt as a grownup and despite warning flags about not being ready and immaturity, I was convinced that if I fought hard enough, I could make this happen, even with evidence to the contrary popping up regularly and painfully. We were together on and off for three years. One morning after feeling that we’d had the best night of our life, I woke up to him telling me that we needed to break up and that things just couldn’t work. I was astonished, hurt and enraged. As he made his way out of my apartment, I followed him into the street, screaming at the top of my lungs that he would never find anyone who loved him the way I did and that he’d regret this decision for the rest of his life. My roommate and another friend dragged me back into the house as his metallic blue Chevy Hornet pulled away.

The fact is, he did figure that out later but by that time, I’d mostly recovered and was with Michael with whom I spent the rest of his life. Sadly, not the rest of our lives. Michael helped me rebuild myself and to believe that I could trust someone and reestablish my belief that a lifelong positive passion was possible. I’d already figured out that I could hang on to my negative passions about feminism, politics, economic justice, the health of the planet and the like. But I wasn’t sure about people. One of the places I put my positive passions was to sports, both teams and individuals. I could afford to invest myself in those without personal disappointments that had left me flattened and despairing. I picked my loyalties and stayed with them. I had favorite teams and players. I watched everything, football, basketball, hockey, swimming and became an Olympics junkie. As time went on I added tennis and soccer. I still remember the uniform numbers of those individuals who for whatever reason, won my heart. Jean Beliveau, #4 – Montreal Canadiens. Doug Mohns, #11 – Chicago Blackhawks. Doug Buffone, #55 – Chicago Bears. Fred Biletnikoff, #25 – Oakland Raiders. I could go on and on. A lot of my friends were surprised that I was so into sports, as many of them, particularly the contact ones dominated by males, seemed in direct conflict with my feminist politics. But I didn’t care what it seemed like. My personal passionate commitments had  cost me a significant amount of emotional angst. I think I was born with a fairly deep reservoir for giving but I’d come to realize that when I put myself out there, I’d best be prepared to be doing it because I needed to for me and not because of what I expected in return. I’d had a lot of disappointment from family, friends and lovers. With sports, the worst that could happen was that your favorites could lose. The pain threshold for those things was tolerable for me, easier than all the personal disappointments. At least, it always had been for many years. When the silent switch happened, I really wasn’t aware of it at all. I’ve only just figured out that my lines had gotten blurred below the surface of my consciousness because of what life dealt out to me. I was too busy in the living of it to recognize that I’d set myself up for a whole new undoing.

  So these sports. As a Chicagoan and a southsider, I loved the White Sox. I branched out and embraced the Cubs. I was a hockey fan and I sat with my dad as he agonized over DePaul’s basketball team. Except for golf, I’d watch almost anything. Eventually, tennis got my attention. I watched the women, Billie Jean King, Chris Evert, Martina Navratilova, Steffi Graf and of course, finally Venus and Serena. I admired their skills and grit. But I always loved the boys and most particularly, the ones who behaved well, rarely had tantrums or broke their rackets and in general, seemed to play against that spoiled brat type. No John McEnroes or Ilie Nastases for me.

  I liked the cool Swede Bjorn Borg, who played like a smooth machine. After him, it was Pete Sampras, who was just a kid when he started and had a long 14 year career, complete with those beautiful serves and the tenacity to keep playing after vomiting on the court from sickness and dehydration. The civilized guys. I made an exception for Jimmy Connors sometimes because he had high entertainment value. There were a few Australians thrown into the mix and the Croat Goran Ivanisevic who had sporadic talent but took forever to win the big tourney. But in the middle of Pete’s reign, Roger Federer appeared on the scene. And that was all she wrote for me.

  Federer broke into the big time as a teenager and was kind of a punk for awhile. But the tragic car wreck death of his Australian coach when he was 21 was a life changing event for him. Between that and his relationship with his older girlfriend who eventually became his wife, he pulled himself together and became who he is today, a brilliant champion, a genuinely loved public figure and a generous philanthropist. In short, my favorite tennis player.

  Federer’s been playing for 21 years. I’ve watched him countless times and always enjoyed his grace, elegance and tenacity. For most of those years I watched him and the other players during the four major tournaments, the Australian Open, the French Open, Wimbledon and the US Open. There was a lot of other tennis happening off my radar, many tournaments and point systems for rankings. I didn’t really care about that stuff. I was happy with what I saw, read articles so I had some idea of the background for the majors, and was generally content.

When Michael got sick seven and a half years ago, that was where I was at. As we processed his disease and what we knew would be a limited future, I was trying to get a handle on interests that would distract me from the constant pressure of anticipating death. Michael liked tennis too and had played for years as a young man. Often we watched matches together. But as time went by and we rode the waves of anxiety, I started to seek out more and more information about tennis. We’d switched cable tv providers and the Tennis Channel was included in our package. I realized that there were all kinds of tournaments and that Roger participated in lots of them. He was famous for holding records in places that had never crossed my radar. And we had a DVR. I started taping everything. When I had nothing to do, I started watching more tennis. I liked other players but Roger was the one. As the months of Michael’s illness progressed, we both labored under the strain of wondering how much time we had left to enjoy our life. Sometimes I drove my reserved husband crazy, wanting to talk through everything all the time. He was in treatment, often tired and in need of rest. I had lots of time on my hands but I wanted to stay nearby, soaking in every minute of life with Michael. So I turned to the box where Roger waited in the DVR. He was such a joy to watch. Healthy, easy and an amazing contrast to my precious guy who was carrying such a huge load. Over time, I decided that who needed a DVR when you could set an alarm and watch a tournament live from Australia, China or the Middle East? We didn’t really have a normal routine or schedule any more so I could make my own hours. As years went by, Federer’s wins or losses began to affect me more and more. The worst time came in 2016 when he sustained a knee injury while bathing one of his kids. He decided to withdraw from the professional tour for months while he rehabbed thoroughly and tried to decide if he could return and play at the championship level again.

  I was worried about it but at the time I was really focused on the stretch of good health Michael was enjoying so we took advantage of an excellent fall and traveled a lot. I had concerns about some signs of immune system letdown in Michael but as late as December, 2016, we were in our happy place at Starved Rock and life seemed even and predictable. Unfortunately that languorous period was short-lived. By the first week of January, Michael’s behavior was unusual. His appetite was diminished and he had some odd moments when he wasn’t making a lot of sense. We went in to see our oncologist who did some bloodwork and ordered a scan. Everything came back clean. So on we went. Things got stranger and stranger. I began to believe that there was an occult return of Michael’s cancer and began a nagging process that drove him nuts. He wanted to leave well enough alone and I didn’t. We began bickering. Right around the same time, Roger was getting ready to emerge from his medical exile and enter the Australian Open.

As days went by, Michael’s behaviors became odder and odder and I kept dragging him back to the doctors. Meanwhile, Roger was winning match after match. I was up in the night, watching him in real time and trying to avoid arguing with Michael who was annoyed with me. The doctors kept finding nothing. On January 29th, 2017, I had the pleasure of watching Roger win his first major since being injured.

On January 31st, I prevailed upon Michael to let me bring him to the ER to see if we could get him a brain MRI, the only test he hadn’t had. By that night we had the dreadful diagnosis of carcinomatous meningitis, a rare manifestation of certain solid tumors that’s becoming more common as people survive their original cancers for longer periods of time. We were devastated, Michael even more than me as he’d believed the continuing positive reports while I knew something was terribly wrong. We had a 32 day siege in the hospital and then I was able to bring him home in early March. The median survival time for this disease was 4 weeks from diagnosis. Michael hung on for almost seventeen.

  Meanwhile, the French Open began close to the end of Michael’s life and I continued to watch through June 11th. I remember thinking how ironic it was that Roger’s playing bookended the last months of Michael’s life. When July came, along came Wimbledon. I watched all of it and Roger emerged victorious. That highlighted my summer of preparing for the celebration of Michael’s life which was planned for December. When that was over, I stared down 2018, trying to figure out what to do with myself. I started this blog on January 1st. I was in the midst of planning my 50th high school reunion and also wanted to do a little traveling.

  I finally landed on the Western-Southern Open tennis tournament in Cincinnati, a chance to see Roger in the flesh for the first time. As he was getting older I figured I’d better get that bucket list item done. Additionally, the Laver Cup, Roger’s creation was happening in Chicago, at the same time as my reunion.

  I bought tickets to that as well. Both events were wonderful and I was so glad I went. Roger won some and lost some and I felt satisfied. But as time passed I found watching him, especially when he lost, to become more and more stressful. I was aware of the negative feelings but not sure what to do about them. Each match got worse and worse. This was not supposed to be my relationship with sports. I was irritable, frustrated and hostile. I could barely stand being with myself. When my son was around he tried to be comforting but I was basically so obnoxious he’d wind up leaving me to my own devices. I started thinking really hard, going back over the seven and a half year history of Michael’s disease, death and this mourning period. A lot has happened to me during that time. I spent a lot of emotional capital during those years. I spent an extraordinary amount of love on my marriage, so much that I often wonder if I can love anyone or anything new ever again. Even a pet. And then just this past week in the midst of an ugly US Open for Roger, I recognized what I’m referring to as a silent switch. Somewhere back there, as I recognized that my time with Michael was running away, I put a lot of my heart into Roger, a sports guy who was supposed to be a distraction, not someone personal. As his fortunes ebb and he gets closer to retirement I realized that my outsized reactions are more like living through an intimate loss instead of just watching an athlete’s life come to its normal conclusion. I realized that I’d transferred some of my feelings about Michael’s absence to a weird anticipatory despair about Roger’s career coming to an end. How bizarre is that? Probably not very. Roger’s trajectory is another ending, a metaphor for what I’ve been coping with for a very long time. I didn’t recognize exactly when it happened but I know it did. And acknowledging the inappropriate outsized reactions I was having helped me see the need to face this metaphor for what is – a familiar road twisted into an inappropriate level of importance. It’s time to set it back in a more normal place. Ironically, during this week of internal probing and exploring, I’ve been outside in my garden a lot. I had no trouble identifying two adult butterflies, feeding, still strong but battered by predators, perhaps by wind. But still living out there in the world. I was aware that I identified with them. No silent switching in this case. Awareness is hard and often mysterious. I’m going to keep going after it. It’s better than living in the dark. 

      The Silent Switch I wonder if all people are born equipped for life’s passions. And if they are, is the capacity for them the same for everyone?