#I never delete anything I just set it aside til I can do something with it.

[cottoncandy-cult]

Babification Heartslabyul

Riddle

The red headed dorm leader sat quietly at his desk as he did his homework, in a bouncer next to him was the precious ramshackle prefect. He had been quite irritated when he learned the circumstances of her accident, but he quickly became more concerned about setting up a modified schedule so he could take care of her while also keeping up with his classwork. Thankfully the paperwork had been rather light, so he wouldn't be working too much longer and would be able to move on to the next part of his schedule. At first, he thought about planning every second of her day, as even if this was temporarily, he wanted to reduce the amount of stress on both of them. But whenever he'd sit down to try and schedule all he thought about was how his mother did the same thing to him, with a clear memory of how unhappy his childhood was. So, he decided to ask Trey for help, his vice-house warden was more than happy to help him make an organized schedule that still gave her plenty of time to play and gave Riddle plenty of wiggle room in case something came up at the dorm or with his class work. With a sigh Riddle sat his pencil down, stretching as he looked over to the bouncy little girl beside him. He chuckled as he reached over to gently rub her cheek, listening to her giggle as he took a break. "Just a little longer, once I finish this, we'll go get something to eat." The short red-haired male began to pet her head gently, despite how young she looked she had been rather well behaved which made him feel she was aware of her current situation. He couldn't help the grin that stretched on his face when she looked up at him, chubby hands making grabby motions that he just couldn't resist.

With a smooth and gentle motion, the male picked the little girl up, holding her close to his chest so she wouldn't knock against his desk and hurt herself. He gently bounced her, relaxing in his chair as she clung to his shirt and happily babbled away. His blue eyes glanced at the paper he was working on; it wasn't due for another 3 days but as usual he attempted to get as much of his work done as he could. Though his attention was pulled back when a tiny hand tugged gently at his hair, when he looked back to (Y/n) her curious gaze shifted to glee as a bright smile spread across her chubby. With a huffed laugh Riddle stood from his chair, cradling her gently he began to head for his door. "I suppose it won't hurt to call it quits early for once…" Brisk but quiet steps carried him down the hall, he could hear his dorm mates talking amongst themselves as they ate scattered throughout the dorm itself. When he made it to the kitchen, he readjusted the little girl to rest on his hip, he used his free hand to get some of the leftovers out from the prior night's dinner. Trey often did meal prep and chose to ensure there were leftovers, that way there was always something in the fridge for when the others are busy or too tired to cook when they can't find the time to eat during the normal group dinner time. Riddle had decided that for the betterment of the dorm some rules would have to be flexible, and it made more sense to prioritize schoolwork than it did to prioritize a seemingly random time for a mandatory dinner. Of course, he made sure to get out one of the small containers of prepped baby food for the little girl in his arms, after he fed her, he planned to do a bit of light reading with her before it was bathtime. Then he planned to let her play freely while he prepared himself for bed. "Such a troublesome little rose bud, though I'd much rather have your kind of trouble than what those 2 hob goblin friends of yours tend to stir up." The loud giggle that escaped from the little girl as he spoke made the red head chuckle, he continued to talk to her as if she was her regular self while they waited on the microwave. He did his best to ignore the feeling of eyes on him, he didn't want to lose his temper in front of her when she was like this since even if she was still aware in this form that didn't mean she'd have the same control she normally did over herself and her emotions. "Once you're asleep, I'm going to punish them." He whispered to the little girl with a chuckle, narrowing his eyes at the thought of the mandatory reading he had in mind.

Trey

Trey smiled at the little girl who stood on a stool next to the counter, she was just old enough to speak a few words and short sentences and walk which was quite convenient for the clover male. Something he learned about (Y/n) was that she was an absolute devourer as a child, she was happy to try anything and almost always had a snack in hand. Currently they were making brownies together and she had was doing her best to read out the recipe, the haze caused by the sudden age drop had her knowing what she wanted to say but her mouth not being able to keep up. Trey stirred the brownie mix with a smile on his face, glancing up at the little girl every so often. "You ready for the tea party (Y/n)?" The green haired man chuckled as the little girl gave an excited nod, looking up at him from the book. "Mhm, can't wait to try our snacks." She giggled, glancing over at some apple fritters that sat on a warming plate nearby. "The brownies will be done soon, if you want to have a snack until then. It won't hurt to have something small before the tea party." Trey filled a prepared pan with the brownie mix, tucking the pan into the preheated oven as he turned to the little girl. "Do we still have any banana bread?" She tilted her head, climbing down from her step stool as the larger male turned to check for her request. She watched him quietly, giggling a bit as she watched him begin cutting her a piece of banana bread. "You really like the fruitier baked ggoods most, don't you?" The young man turned and kneeled, passing her the plate that had the banana bread on it. He had noticed how her interest in a dessert went up when there was fruit involved. She did like chocolate and regular baked goods, but the fruit ones were always the first she asked for. The emerald haired male planned to keep that in mind for when she was back to normal, he planned to surprise her with some of her favorites at random now that he was getting to know her sense of taste better. "Mhm, I like things with cinnamon too though. Especially with apples." She smiled, her tiny hands bolding a piece of the bread and eating it while she stood by the stove. At least until Trey picked her up and sat her in a chair by the kitchen island, allowing her to eat more comfortably. "I see, I guess that does explain why you always want cinnamon rolls for breakfast." Trey ruffled her hair, listening to the little girl giggle and bat his hand away.

- When it was time for their tea party Trey walked with the little girl to the prepared space in the rose garden, one of her tiny hands held onto his as the other carried the basket with their brownies and banana bread. It was a quiet day, and the weather was nice, so the 2 planned to spend the weekend afternoon snacking and talking about everything possible. Something Trey had noticed was that in her childlike state her self-control was greatly reduced, this gave him the chance to open her up and really get to understand her true thoughts and feelings on EVERYTHING. He wasn't stupid, he knew that she was from a world without magic, and it scared him knowing just how often she is forced to deal with broken powerful mages losing themselves to overblot. But she never really complained, even when she was eating less in order to feed Grim because Crowley didn't have any extra work for her. He wanted to understand how she's holding up, cause from his perspective she had every reason to want to lock herself away in her room and hide. "I actually don't mind being a kid you know…" She spoke softly, admitting a thought she felt somewhat guilty for having. "Oh? I thought you didn't like being short or how emotional it made you?" He questioned; a bit surprised at her sudden admission after all the times she complained about the state she was in.

"To be honest I feel bad, I'm just happy that I got a break from…life." She looked down, biting her lip as she thought hard about the words she wanted to say. He patiently listened, knowing she'd have to go slow to communicate properly. "I'm not having to cram information about something I can't even use all night long, I'm not running around campus between classes trying to make money for food, I'm not spending my breaks doing odd jobs to be able to make fixes to the dorm building. I'm not constantly having to break up or being dragged into fights. It's been like a little break." The little girl smiled awkwardly, shaking her head at herself as she took a moment to breathe. It was a lot for her to say at once, the effort almost seemed tiring "I feel bad, that I'm happy cause I don't have to help anyone like this." That caught Trey off guard, he suspected and understood most of her feelings. But the real surprise was about feeling guilty for wanting a break, anyone in her position would deserve a break from everything. "There isn't anything to feel bad about, you wouldn't be half as stressed as you are if Crowley would pay you decently. He can afford it, trust me. Crowley in general seems to be the root of many of your problems. So don't feel guilty about needing a break from something none of the other students in this school would have been able to handle. Keeping up with classes is already hard, even for those of us who are from this world and actually have magic. But you're basically running through a crash course where everything is new and most of it you can't do." Trey smiled down to her as they reached the gazebo, taking the basket from her to put the last 2 items needed for their tea party on the table as she got comfortable on the padded bench. Trey sat a plate in front of her, on it was a small sandwich and some homemade chips. "It's ok to need a second to breathe, it isn't your fault this happened so don't feel bad for making the best of it." He chuckled, patting her head as he began to fix her a cup of tea. The sound of her laugh made him smile. She was already strong, but he wanted to be the one to give her the chance to not have to be.

Ace

"This is so cool; I get to skip class til you turn back to normal and all I have to do is keep a diary of everything we do throughout the day and what I do for you." Ace smiled from where he sat on his bed, the 4-year-old girl had woken him around 10 a.m. because she was hungry. He had of course made her breakfast and after they returned to his room, he had gone ahead and wrote down when he got up and what he fixed her to eat. Now they were sitting together scrolling magicam, or rather she was scrolling magicam while he did his damndest to style her hair for the day. He had several ponytail holders on his wrist, he had to seek out Vil in order to get advice on taking care of a little girl. Little did he expect Vil to give him a notebook and make him take notes of EVERYTHING he had to say, thankfully it had actually come in handy but at the same time he was still struggling to do things properly. In one hand he had a bottle of detangler, in the other he had small brush that wouldn't pull her hair. Something Vil came with him to buy himself, not trusting Ace to understand the specifics of what he'd need. "So, what style do you want me to do today (Y/n)?" Ace chuckled, brushing through her hair with a few sprays here and there. "Just a ponytail." She giggled, watching a video of a baby panda rolling down a small incline. Ace was relieved at her choice; they took time out every night to practice other hair styles that Vil wrote instructions for. Ace was actually getting good at it, he figured that he might be able to use those skills to impress her once she was back to normal by doing her hair some mornings before class. Something dear little Deuce wouldn't be able to do. Gathering her hair and brushing it smooth, he left some of her bangs down and began tying it up just like the instructions had said. He managed to learn the simpler styles quickly, but there were some more complicated styles he struggled with. He used a special spray Vil made him buy to hold her hair in place, so that it wouldn't collapse in just an hour or two. "There you go, now time to get your day clothes." Because of her state Crowley had been forced by Crewel to pay for her shopping needs, so she had plenty of cute outfits. "I don't wanna wear a dress today." She locked his phone and sat it down, walking over to the dresser drawer with him to look at her options. "Alright, what do you feel like wearing?" Ace squatted down, helping her sort through her shirts and pants. She ended up settling on some grey sweatpants and comfortable T-shirt with the school's logo, she wasn't a hard to please child and from what he could tell she was still very much herself in there, so she had some awareness about her choices.

"While you get dressed, I'm gonna hop in the shower, remember to keep the door locked til I get back." Ace patted her on the head, setting the clothes out on a chair for her while he got his uniform out and left the room to go to the showers. Locking the door behind him. She went ahead and got dressed, her clothes were just loose enough for her to dress herself without too much trouble. Once she was dressed, she climbed back onto the bed, laying on her stomach as she unlocked his phone and went back to scrolling magicam. Despite it being almost noon, she was asleep once more. The phone played a compilation video of funny moments involving some of her favorite video games, she didn't stir until Ace had unlocked the door and entered the room. He couldn't help but chuckle at the sleepy pout she aimed at him for waking her, it was only 2 days after the accident, so she was still a little low on energy. Because of that Trey was tweaking her meals to try and maximize her energy gain, though Ace didn't mind carrying her around. Despite her age he found her pretty light, but he had also been working out in order to keep up better in basketball club and she was weightless compared to his weights. "Sorry, sorry. You can go back to your nap princess; we have some time before we go to the that fair in the city. I'll wake you up when I'm done writing down our plans for today, that way I can just fill in anything extra later." Ace approached his desk, sitting down as he pulled out his assigned diary. The little girl was out cold before he even started to write again, the fair wasn't anything too big. It was a sort of spring festival that had tons of food stalls, games and shops. He wanted to keep her active and distracted so she wouldn't sulk about having to rely on him for everything, as much as he teased her, he knew she was frustrated about being at even less of an advantage than usual. In this state she was relying on him, so he was trying to take the situation seriously even if he would never admit it. To everyone outside of that room, he was a slacker using her to have fun and get out of work. And he preferred it that way, he didn't like the teasing that came with being a try hard.

Deuce

The first-year male smiled, carrying the little girl around on his back as he worked out during gm class. They were just starting class and she had been allowed to stay close, she laid on his back and giggled as she hugged him. Of course, the coach saw it as a great opportunity to work out, Deuce was just worried about making sure she was having fun too. Being as little as she was, there wasn't much she could do, and she always got bored of magicam after a while. She never got bored of playing with him, he'd always spin her around or toss her up and down. He didn't mind playing games with her in the dorm's courtyard, even if some of the other students tried to laugh at him. Trey and Riddle were quick to shut down the nonsense, Cater had loaded Deuce down with first time mommy blogs so he could stay up to date with everything. But he found she was still largely the same person, even if the change affected her in some ways, he still recognized his favorite person. After the work out was done Deuce stood in his assigned spot, (Y/n) sitting comfortably on his hip as her fingers lazily played with the charm on a necklace he wore that day. Seeing as (Y/n) was there the coach decided they would go outside to play kickball that day, figuring it was the safest way for them to earn credit without doing something to traumatize the little girl. And true enough they were all soon on their way out to the kickball field, water bottles and towels in hand. Though Deuce had a little something extra, he had read all the mommy blogs he could and so he had learned to plan ahead. Being the hard worker he was he brought a bag that had things to keep her occupied in it should she get tired of watching kickball, along with a couple bottles of flavored water and plenty of snacks for her to munch on. He even brought a small pillow and blanket so she could be comfortable, as the inside of the school could get kinda cold throughout the day and while it was pretty out, he didn't want her sitting on the bare bleachers.

He was determined to keep her happy and healthy until she was back to normal, even if it could be embarrassing at times, he was starting to enjoy taking care of her. He had developed a bit of a habit though… As he sat the little girl in her spot on the bleachers and got her some stuff out to show her she had options, he took a moment to take a picture, something small he seemed to do just about anywhere. He just thought she was cute, the way she'd sit there smiling flipping through pages of a coloring book. There were some moments he couldn't fight the urge to capture, they did take lots of pictures together when she was in her normal state of existence. But these pictures felt different, they were special cause it was like he was getting to know her when they were little in a way. She brings out his younger kid self, before he started to rebel and get rough. Even if he was the one taking care of her, it almost felt like he needed proof of that feeling that they've known each other forever. She made everything more fun, sure being 4 had to be inconvenient to her but they always managed to keep each other active and happy. Plus, he felt like he was starting to grow, he had to be responsible and think rationally for the both of them. He felt a lot more confident as his growth towards being an honor student showed, as if he hadn't matured the way he did he would have likely lost control of the situation by now. Of course, it helped that she was still kinda herself, he recognized some of her regular mannerisms and they grew even cuter to see her displaying them even now. It soothed some part of him that was tense with anxiety about how long until or even if she can return to normal. Though Crewel did tell him that it was reversable, he still held a pit of anxiety in his chest for those first few days. But now, he was sure they'd manage somehow.

Cater

Cater smiled from where he stood beside 4-year-old (Y/n), the school was hosting a bake sell where everything would be made fresh as sold. The top 3 dorms that makes the most money off their chosen goods receiving a free field trip to a festival in another town, so as usual things were competitive. Heartslabyul had chosen to do several different tarts, it was Cater's job to assemble the fruit ones in a decorative way. Meanwhile (Y/n) got the job of making sure each slice of fruit was about the same shape and size, Trey stood on her other side, cutting the fruit and placing them in a bowl of ice water and lemon for her to sort through. The fruit tarts were to have their fruits shaped like some form of flower, something Cater had learned to do after several videos as the students had all been given a month to practice and prepare. Once Riddle put the last tray of tarts into the oven to bake Cater went about setting out their fresh tarts for display, making sure things were as picturesque as ever. Though before he took the photo the red head had scooped up the little girl, placing her gently by the register on the counter. "There we go, how could anyone resist such a cute little girl and the tarts she helped make." Cater had posted multiple pictures of the little girl helping with each step of the baking process, his followers were eating it up and there was already a large number of people outside of the school gates just waiting to get in. "You think lots of people are gonna come Cay?" The little girl tilted her head, eating some of the fruit slices that were too small to be used for the tarts. The little girl was basically their dorms mascot, given her size and current situation she was allowed to compete as a heartslabyul student. Something proven by the tiny version of the dorm uniform she wore, though it was more of a dorm themed uniform. Her hair had been neatly styled, a black diamond hair pin on the side of her head to hold it all together. "Mhm, your pictures are all really popular. Don't forget you have the most important job princess, you're our mascot, so make sure you have lots of fun. It'll make the tarts taste a lot sweeter." Cater chuckled, reaching over to playfully pinch her cheek.

"I was surprised when you approached me with this idea of having (Y/n) help with advertising, but it seems I underestimated you." Riddle chuckled as he approached the 2, putting his phone away after Trey had him pull up magicam because they were trending. "You shouldn't underestimate the power of cuteness; I keep telling you. Just watch, people love cute kids and ours is the cutest." Cater was quick to scoop the little girl up, spinning around and making her giggle. He didn't care that the other dorms booths were all around, after all a happy child was the cutest child. "You're doing so well helping us, I'll get you something special after this contest is over." The little girl smiled up at him excitedly, Cater always made a point of rewarding her anytime she helped with something. "Can we get macarons from that one bakery again?" She tilted her head inquisitively, her small hands holding onto the front of his shirt. "Sure thing, I've been craving them since the last time. We'll get some dinner first, then we'll settle down in my room and watching some TV while we enjoy our dessert." Cater chuckled, setting her back on the ground and patting her head as he heard the intercom sound the 1-minute warning before the gates would open and let all the customers inside. Ace and Deuce made sure each table had 3 chairs, double checking there were plenty of places to sit and eat aside from the benches that separated their space from the other dorms. "Alright, so what we're gonna do is stand out front and greet people. We gotta talk to them and keep them entertained until it's their turn to order. I'll be right there with you, so no worries." Cater held her hand as he led her to the front of their area, he had a water bottle hooked to the belt on his hip so she wouldn't get thirsty. Just as they got settled the school gates creaked open, large numbers of people began to filter into the area. Some wandered aimlessly, while other more experienced attendees made b-lines for specific dorms. Heartslabyul had quite a large line, but (Y/n) was cheerful as she approached each person with a greeting. Both she and Cater would talk to large groups at a time, asking about their favorite fruits and deserts and what kind of tarts they were wanting to order. By the end of the sell the dorm had sold out, not a single slice of fruit or spec of flour was left. While the others cleaned up Cater got the ok to go ahead and take (Y/n) to get dinner, Trey would handle counting the money with Riddle's help. It wouldn't be til the following Monday that the results would be announced, so after eating they'd have the rest of the night to relax. They managed to just get their macarons before the bakery closed, Cater carried the bag in one arm and little (Y/n) rested on his back. "Today was fun, but that was a lot of people." The little girl yawned, laying her head on his shoulder. "Yeah, that was a lot, but that just means that it's more likely we win. And if we do, then we'll get to go on the field trip. Which includes you since you competed as a member of heartslabyul." Cater chuckled, watching from the corner of his eye as her own eyes started to close. "I hope we win; it'd be fun to go to a festival with you." The little girl giggled, relaxing into the sway of his steps. "Don't worry, when we go I'll show you all kinds of fun." Cater smiled widely, regardless of her size he'd keep his promise for sure.

[pretty-rad-arson-dad]

Hey guys so, about the whole situation that had happened with me being fasley accused of being a pedo, I said I'd make a post telling our side of the story (cause this involves so much more than me and them) and involves about 10 other people.

Also, ahead of time, sorry if this is messy, I just really don't know how to make these kinds of posts to clear things up? Explaining things like this is not something I'm good at. I was also going to post this sooner, but stuff in my persona life happened, and I've also received threats from this person's friends if I tried to come forward with my side of the story (or more like made anymore posts about it, as there's already a whole call-out post about them on Instagram, which I'll be showing later). After some debate, I actually realized it would probably be best if I actually did, just to get a warning out, even though I know there's a chance this won't be recieved well cause this is fucking Tumblr... And again, I'm just trying to tell our side of the story and warn others so the same doesn't happen to them. Also because I do believe this guy might have a Tumblr account and might try to seek out more people to abuse. I sure as hell know one of his friends who helped stalk us have a Tumblr though.

So, the person making the accusations was someone who joined my discord server, and at the time of joining, he was saying that he was of age. Several members on the server can vouch for me when I say this. Of course, in regards to him telling us he was of age, this is apparently something he failed to mention when he decided to make that callout conveniently enough. I'm still unsure of what his actual age is, wether he actually lied to us about being an adult when he joined the server or if he was lying when he claimed to be a minor in his callout. 

Anyways, sometime after he joined the server, he started to become a problem. Me, being an idiot and feeling bad for him, allowed his behavior to slide, though I didn't know the full extent of what he was doing til a bit later.

He would constantly talk about how he was being abused and we'd try and help him with advice, which he never really listened to, and if anyone on the server mentioned that they had done something fun or had a great time doing something that day, he'd go off and make us feel guilty for having fun, cause his at home life was shit and apparently if he wasn't happy, we couldn't be either. He actually tried to pull some shit while I was celebrating my birthday with my family. This kinda becomes a bit important later? Or at least the day becomes important later.

He's also known as kind of a pathological liar on the server, claiming that they one of the official FNAF artists (one who doesn't exist, btw), and start rumors about YouTubers and other people we liked, and whenever I'd ask for proof, they'd get all defensive. This itself isn't a big deal, except he also has the tendancy to start rumors that people are pedos if he gets into a heated argument with said person. It's actually happened when one of my friends said he didn't feel comfortable with people shipping things between adults and children. This caused a giant argument to erupt and I had to temporarily boot said friend from the server. At this time, my accuser then decided to make accusations that the friend of mine was a pedo because he... Didn't like people shipping adults and children.... Of course, we told him to cut the bullshit and stop causing rumors.

Now, keep in mind, they got upset over someone being grossed out by shipping adults and children.

This becomes a bit important later.

We ended up having a few other problems with them as time went on, them critizing other members AUs (well, more along the lines of bullying them for their AUs and projects), more guilt tripping and at one point, even bragging about pushing someone to suicide (at least that's what 2 of the other server members are telling me, I can't confirm this, as it seems it happened during a period I had no internet, and there's a good chance they might have deleted it, but do feel free to take this with a grain of salt). 

Eventually, he actually ended up leaving the server for good because of Tupperbot. Adding the stupid bot was the second best decision I've ever made in regards to him, honesty.

However, for a lot of us, the main tipping point was the roleplays and private DMs.

He loved to roleplay some pretty fucked up shit with a lot of people on the server. We've actually had one member as young as 11 come forward and say he had tried to do shit with them too. Keep in mind, he told us he was an adult when he joined. He would love to roleplay all sorts of weird, incestous and pedophilic shit with us, and would force it on us out of the fucking blue. Another thing worth mentioning, me and a few others are victims of childhood sexual abuse and rape. He CONSTANTLY put this shit in most of the roleplays he did with no regard to how triggering it was for some of us. We never even got a warning or an ask if it was okay to have something like that put in a roleplay. Some members spoke to him about their discomfort involving the shit he was putting in the roleplays, but it was disregarded and he'd continue to do it. Some of us were even so scared to say anything about it, as we were afraid he'd lash out at us and threaten us, so we just put up with it. 

Aside from the roleplays were the really weird direct messages he'd sometimes send. There were times someone would be venting (this would happen in the server as well) and he'd respond with that they had no reason to be upset and that he's been through much worse. There would also be times when someone would be feeling depressed, and he'd make these private little group chats to try and "intervene" by inviting a few of us in there with the said person. This would be fine on its own, but he always made it a point to invite one person that we've REPEATEDLY had to tell him not to invite. I'll call this person Wah, cause I don't want to cause them any more stress by exposing their account name. Wah was someone we've told him not to invite because she was, at the time, experiencing a lot of suicidal idealations and we were worried putting her in a situation like this where one of her friends was feeling like killing themselves and her having to help to talk them down would be the sort of thing to set her off into hurting herself. We obviously didn't want that, so we made it a rule not to ever get Wah involved. Accuser knew this and went and always invited Wah anyways. And would shrug it off whenever we'd go off and remind him of Wah's own mental health issues. There has also been at least one instance with them and another user, who was feeling suicidal. They mentioned they had been wanting to kill themselves and accuser went off about how if they killed themself, accuser would kill themself too. This obviously scared the shit out of this person and made them feel more awful.

And there of course, is the shit they did to me. They'd sometimes randomly flip out on me in my DMs out of literally fucking no where, and purposely trigger my PTSD.

There's more, but I can't remember all of it because just so much went on.

Anyways, sometime after they left the server, people began coming forward with their experiences with accuser, telling all that he'd been doing in DMs, and mentioning his prior behavior on the server. We started venting about the way he had been treating us in the vents chat because well, we figured if we couldn't try to talk to him about his behavior, at least we could vent amongst ourselves. Apparently he had actually made a few friends on the server and they let him know we were talking about him.

Fast forward to my birthday celebration and I'm getting DMs from him. They start our fine enough but eventually he suggests we start a thing where we mention one positive thing that's happened to us each day. Cool, a fine idea on it's own, but as I've mentioned above, he's had the tendancy to make us feel like shit for having anything cool and fun in our lives, so of course me, and a few other people who apparently had received the same message, were hesitant.

I left him on read to think about it and also because, again, I was celebrating my birthday and I was about to blow out the candles on my cake and open gifts.

I don't remember all of what went down, and I don't seem to have access to the Instagram DMs anymore since I have him blocked on there too, but eventually, I received a message of him flipping out because he knew about our vents. I believe I might have ended up calling him out and telling him exactly why we were doing it, but I can't remember. This happened back in May so the memory is a bit fuzzy and I don't have the DMs anymore.

All I know is that most of the members of the server decided to cut him off.

After that, he tried to tell Wah I wasn't who I seemed to be and attempted to ruin our friendship, made several accounts to stalk the Instagram accounts of serveral other of the server members and I, and then we ended up having to kick a few of their friends from the server cause they were starting to cause trouble.

Then there was silence for a bit.

And then there was the incident. They had gotten a (at the time former) friend of ours involved by lying and manipulating them into believing I was doing all sorts of nasty shit. The friend, who I'm going to call Pasta, ended up bringing that stuff over to Tumblr, unaware that they had been lied to. I'm not sure if it was Pasta who reached out to us, or if it was one of us who reached out to Pasta, but we ended up telling them what was going on, and somehow, accuser found out, and accused them of being a traitor and freaked out on them. They admitted that accuser was responsible and we ended up making up.

I've also since then had some of accusers former friends come to me and tell me about the call-out, further confirming that it was them who started all this as a way to try and get back at me.

And, since of course some obligatory proof is required, I shall provide these call-out posts with some screenshots. And you can even see in the comments we're far from the only ones who have dealt with them.

These aren't the only things from them, obviously, but considering the fact that we've all now got them blocked and some of us have even deleted the DMs (because tbh, most of us thought that cutting them off would be the last of it), this is what we currently have.

Anyways, thanks for reading this long ass mess. Hope y'all stay safe.

[lurea]

Part 4: Love You, Darlin’ til the End

This is NOT NEW.  I just discovered, thanks to  @justanotheridijiton that this had been deleted by the tumblr-bots.  Prolly because of the swears.  I’ve removed them and again thanks to Mel, found the text on the Wayback Archive so I could replace it.  It had pics originally, but since this was written in 2013 or something ridiculous like that, I’ll have to do some spelunking to find them.  

I find in 2020, that I don’t actually agree with every detail that I rhapsodized about here...  But I do still agree with the premise, which was that 5.04 was sneakily planned and shot to give the impression that in the future Dean and Cas were in a relationship.  The suits (or someone) objected, which is why the line change happened....but they still left in the set dressing, the wardrobe and all the other small things that suggest they are together together.  On a recent re-watch, I mentally high-fived chuck-- “Of course, Cas is here!  He’s not going anywhere!”

I was amused to note Risa hiding the back corner, away from Cas, as well she should be, since she been messin’ around with Cas’s man.  

All the significant looks between Cas, and past and future Dean...  It’s a beautiful episode.  I still hope it’s where we are heading, in the real upcoming End.   We’ll see.  

To see the original pics, enter this link :  

https://lurea.tumblr.com/post/33015108069/5-04-loving-you-darling-till-the-end-future-dean

into the Wayback archive  and select April 5, 2019 from the date choices.  That should get you a snap of the original post.  

All right!  The End is here!   (see what I did there? hehehe)  

Part One         Part Two         Part Three  

Now?   Future!Dean returns from his mission.  And we have the LINE.  That line that precipitated this ridiculously long analysis of Future!Dean and Future!Cas.  And the camera shot: Future!Dean, Past!Dean turning to look at Cas, and Cas coming into focus.  Future!Dean is clearly referring to Past!Dean.  So why does Past!Dean turn to look at Cas?

Future!Dean: I’m not gonna lie to you. Me and him—It’s a pretty messed-up situation we got going. But believe me, when you need to know something, you will know it. Until then, we all have work to do.

Here is Past!Dean…confused, upset because Baby is broken, Bobby is dead, Cas is acting weird, he’s in the past, everything sucks, and now Future!Dean just cold-bloodedly shot a friend?  Shot one of his own men in the head.  Future!Dean yells something, and the armed men standing behind him all turn to stare…  To stare at something behind Past!Dean and to his left.  

So what does Past!Dean do?  He turns to look at whoever it is behind him that the camp folks are staring at.  Who is it?  Cas. That’s why the camera sweeps over Dean and lingers on Cas and brings him into focus.  The camera is the point of view.  The men hear Future!Dean talking blah blah something-something….but what they see is that obviously something is up with Cas.

Of course, the others are all staring at Cas.  Cas is the one that they know has a ‘messed-up  situation’ with the Fearless Leader.  They are NOT looking at Past!Dean.  

If armed men were staring at Dean, the last thing he would do would be to turn his back on them–his instincts are too good for that. He might smile disarmingly, he might make a thumbs up, or he might try to out-stare them, but he wouldn’t just not respond and turn away.  They’re staring at Cas and Past!Dean follows their line of sight and turns to look at Cas, too.  

Can we say it all together?  Because Dean and Cas are lovers and the WHOLE FREAKIN’ CAMP knows it.  

On to the meeting scene in that storage room.  The meeting scene makes it clear that Cas doesn’t always agree with Dean, that he speaks his opinion when he thinks it’s called for.  And can we talk about this?  Cas, sitting with his feet on the table?  No one else is even sitting at the table, much less putting their feet up on it.  No one else argues with Dean.  Those two things right there reflect Cas’ status.  

No one BUT a lover would so obviously stake a claim to their place at the table… to their TERRITORY, practically daring anyone else…like say, RISA… to push his feet aside and sit down.  Daring anyone else to take his place at Dean’s side.  

And Risa sure doesn’t, she stays to one side and doesn’t talk much.  In fact, she’s obviously pretty crushed by Future! Dean neither knowing or caring why she’s angry–Past Dean has to explain, and after that, Risa says very little.  Future Dean doesn’t address her feelings, or apologize or even ACKNOWLEDGE them.  Compare that to how he behaves when Future Cas pays attention to Past Dean–it’s a huge contrast.  

[ two pics of Cas sitting at the table, with future!Dean in background ]

Just look at the body language established in these two shots. Risa far to one side.  No one else at the table.  No one else coming between Cas and Dean.  There’s ONE other chair at this table and that ONE chair is for Dean.  Cas has the other chair.  Because there isn’t anyone else.  For either of them.

Cas, at one side of the table and Dean, at the other.  Cas, feet propped on his side.  Dean, leaning on his hands on his side.  The point of view for the second shot, having Dean almost framed by Cas’ legs…that is suggestive framing!  Very very suggestive framing, implying a romantic/sexual connection between the characters!!  I mean, they could have made it a tiny bit more blatant if Cas’ legs had been spread…  

But this is clear enough.  You get the vibe.  And that, in my opinion, is yet ANOTHER reason why The End is so profoundly unsettling and upsetting.  There’s so much hinted..so much tension… so much that goes unspoken…that you can’t even put into words why you’re so upset…  You just know that you are.  

Future!Dean, in turn, has his laser-like focus on Cas.  As I noted above, he barely talks to either Risa or Past!Dean.   When Past!Dean explains about Risa, he tersely tells him to shut up.  Who does he talk to?  Cas. And when he pulls out the Colt, where does he put it?  On the table by Cas.

When Cas chuckles at Past!Dean’s torture comment, Future!Dean gives Cas a look, questioning and definitely jealous.    

Cas responds…without Future!Dean even saying a word, because that’s just how well these lovers know each other.  That they can have whole conversations with just a couple of words…and a look.

“What? I like Past you!”  Cas sounds defensive.  Future!Dean flicks a quick glance at Past!Dean and then back to Cas, and drops his eyes.  His lips part briefly.  Again, he doesn’t say a word, but there’s certainly a sense that he is hurt and taken aback by Cas’ comment.  

Probably both he and Cas are thinking about the past.  In 2009, before they were lovers.  Before all they had was each other, before they were lost…  and broken.  Future!Dean spreads out the map on the table.  From that point, until after everyone else is gone, Future!Dean only speaks to one person: Cas.  

When he pulls out the map, where does he put it?  On the table by Cas.  He doesn’t even OFFER to let anyone else look at anything.  There’s only ONE person whose opinion that he wants, that he has any questions for…and that person is Cas. He lets Cas criticize his plan, he lets Cas make snarky comments.  He asks Cas if he’s saying that his plan is reckless.  He stares into Cas’ eyes fiercely, ignoring everyone and everything else in the room.  And then he asks his most important question.

[ close up of jealous future!Dean ]

Dean: Are you coming?

Future Dean acts this way because he doesn’t care about Cas? Pfffft.  He asks this BECAUSE he cares about Cas.  Because he loves Cas, he wants Cas, he NEEDS Cas.  He also needs to kill the devil.  He also knows it’ll probably kill both of them.  It’s not simple, people.  Love never is.  

And if Cas had said “No” here, I think it would have broken him.  I think that’s how much Cas means to him.

Cas:  Of course.

And then…    Oh yes!  There is a Past!Dean reaction shot. So much has zoomed by him and most of it is subtext…most of it is unspoken.  But it’s clear (to me) that there is a lot going on in this episode that no one wanted Past!Dean to know.  That they didn’t want to explain the whole messy long tragic business of how they got from there…to here.  How they ended up in this crazy, punishing, clamps and feathers relationship, that doesn’t seem like it will lead them anywhere except to death.  

But this reaction shot?  Oh, Past!Dean gets it now.  Future!Dean’s expressions, their interactions….he gets it.  And this is another thread that will lead us right back to the present…and the name of that thread is Don’t ever change, Cas.  

But that’s a lie..  And it’s a lie that Dean will see for himself soon enough, because you can’t stop change, you can’t keep things the same and sometimes you can’t fight fate.  

I’d like to believe that these Future Dean and Future Cas managed to have some tender make-up sex before they leave. Or even rough fast sex. But I doubt it.  *sniff*  The meeting scene goes quickly because Dean and Cas have already had this argument about the goal of killing Lucifer.   Dean is not backing down, so Cas does.  Because Cas loves Dean, and if Dean decides that this is it, then that’s the way Cas rolls.

It’s significant that as soon as they are alone in the car, THAT is the time that Past Dean decides to start questioning Cas.  It’s no coincidence that he’s asking questions now after that reaction shot in the meeting scene.  He even mentions “love guru crap” which is as close as we’re going to get Dean asking about why Future Dean and Future Cas have this weird intensity between them.  

And in the truck is where we have the line that should have been this:  

Cas:  The only thing that I think we have left, Dean and me, is each other. If Dean says that it’s time to go out in a blaze of glory, win or lose, so be it, I’m in.  But then…(smiles easily) that’s just how I roll.  

Changed to this:

Cas: And now I’m powerless. I’m hapless, I’m hopeless. I mean, why the hell not bury myself in women and decadence, right? It’s the end, baby. That’s what decadence is for. Why not bang a few gongs before the lights go out? But then that’s, that’s just how I roll.

Let’s look at how much this changes the vibe and interpretation of Dean and Cas’ relationship.  

In the original line, the only relationship mentioned or referenced is the one between Dean and Cas.  Which is appropriate, because we KNOW it’s an important relationship, we’ve spent all this blankety- blank time building it and developing it, and it’s the subtle undercurrent that infuses this ENTIRE EPISODE.  

But the changed line drops that and tosses in a throwaway reference to Cas having sex with women.  

The first line states that Dean is the cause that Cas orders his life by.  Just like Meg tells us in season 7.   Cas isn’t despairing…Cas has found the person he loves, the person that he serves, and he’s happy with that.  Maybe he wishes that some things could be different, but he is following Dean and that’s the way he was meant to be.  

In the second line, Cas is 'hopeless’…he is 'hapless’.  He’s just waiting for the lights to go out.  Instead of having found peace and love in being with the person that he was meant to be with, he is suicidal.  

Think about that, and get pissed off with me.  Instead of being in a loving relationship, Cas is suicidal.  You want queer baiting?  That’s blankety-blank queer baiting!  

This pisses me off.  I love The End, don’t get me wrong, but it pisses me off that such a beautifully constructed episode would have gotten derailed, and its message diluted because of someone’s stupid homophobia.  Someone that is not Ben Edlund (who wrote it) OR Jeremy Carver (who wrote “Free”).  Because as Mark Shepard said so admirably, it’s time we grew up about LGT issues.  

Because that’s got to be the reason.  Suddenly instead of Cas’ and Dean’s relationship being the focus, we’re talking about Cas having group sex.  Instead of Cas making the commitment to follow Dean.. wherever it leads them. …  Cas is suicidal and just waiting to die.  

Now several others have pointed out different interpretations of that line to me…and a couple of points…I don’t believe that Dean and Cas in the future are mere puppets of Zachariah and so not truly Dean and Cas.  There are too many other times where Dean and Cas show End!verse symptoms (Cas getting drunk, torturing having a negative effect on Dean) that make it clear to me that they are being true to their characters.  

But others also pointed out that the first line just isn’t depressing enough for what they wanted the episode to convey–which is, Dean’s worst nightmare.  Outpastthemoat says it pretty well–that the new line better destroys any remaining hope that Dean might have about whether he could be good for Cas, whether he is right to continue to say No to Michael, and so on.  

That is certainly true..but I still like the old line better.  I mean, seriously, they do all still end up dead!  That’s pretty depressing to me! (sulks)  

Look, say…believe… whatever you like about Dean and Cas, but this line is proof that The End was originally intended –beyond a shadow of a doubt!– to establish that Dean and Cas are in love and have been lovers.  

And again, it’s no coincidence that this episode followed “Free to be you and me,” which explored Dean and Cas’ considerable romantic chemistry and attraction.  "Free" is the journey…but “The End” is the destination.

(insert one moment of absolute fangirl squealing because with Carver at the helm and The End verse already established as our destination, folks, the probability of Dean/Cas becoming unequivocally canon just shot way way up!)

deep breath

But anyway, back to Past Dean, in the truck with Future Cas.  And his efforts to pry and find out what is going on between Dean and Cas in the future.  If we’d had our line (fumes) it would have been clear.  But instead, we have some misdirection.  But that’s all right.  It might frustrate things for us, the audience.  But it doesn’t change anything for Past Dean.  

Because Past Dean didn’t start questioning until he noticed how Future Dean behaved toward Cas.  And Dean knows himself.  

He knows his lying expressions.  He knows his loving expressions.  And his jealous ones.  He knows.  That’s why he separates out Cas when he asks Future Dean if he was going to put his friends through a meat grinder…and Cas too?  

Because Past! Dean knows that Future Dean loves Cas.  He’s hoping that that pointing out that Cas will die will get through to Future Dean like nothing else could.

And it does.  Future Dean looks away.  He has to look away.  And that…that is when Past Dean says..   “Oh man, something is broken in you.”  Because he can see that Future Dean loves Cas, and Future Dean is still going to go through with this plan.  

Future! Dean– when he is talking to past!Dean?  This is not the face of someone who doesn’t care.

[pic of sad future!Dean ]

Okay, this next bit is admittedly speculation.  But it does mesh well with the patterns of behavior that we’ve seen before from Dean.  

So why has Future Dean been behaving in such a chilly manner?  We get a flash of emotion when Cas laughs at Past Dean, another when Past Dean says “You’re broken,” but not much more.  Why?  

Oh, I do think Dean actually loves Cas as much as he is able,  I think Past Dean saw that as well, which is why he makes the comments that he makes.  And Future Dean is chilly because he loves Cas.  

So he’s not sharing a vehicle with Cas on the ride to their last mission.   That’s probably why he precipitated my theoretical argument between them.  Why he hasn’t been sleeping with Cas in the cabin that they share.  

Because it’s going to hurt to let Cas die for this plan, but it has to be done.   So Future Dean will do it, and he’s not planning on living through this either.  

But there’s only so much that he can take, and he can’t be Cas’ lover, ride with Cas in the car, interact with Cas, knowing what he knows.  So he shuts those feelings away so that he can get through it.  

But this face?  Not the face of someone who doesn’t care.

[ pic of sad future!Dean, leaning against the car, before heading in ]

That’s the face of someone hurting, who is trying to hide it.  Because that’s what Dean does, past and present.  He denies.  He avoids.  He represses.  And the fact that he’s doing all these things here, in this episode, when everything and everyone else in the episode suggest that Cas and Dean are very very close…   It means that yes, there IS something to repress.  He HAS to repress it.  That coldness…is because it’s the only way that he can cope.  

Blah, blah, Lucifer.  Not interested in this part and I’m sure someone else has done a wonderful meta on it.  :)  

Let’s talk about what happens when past!Dean returns to 2009, and Zachariah threatens him.  And who saves Dean?  Cas.  We and Dean, were expecting Cas to show up at the hotel.  Obviously, Cas sensed Zachariah’s presence with Dean, and rescued Dean.  (Does he brag? Does he say, saved your ass yet again, Winchester?  Nope. Gosh, Cas you are awesome. You deserve a hug.)

Dean: That’s some pretty nice timing, Cas.

Cas: We had an appointment.

Dean: Don’t ever change. 

[ pic of Cas looking snackalicious ]

Don’t ever change.  Don’t get broken.  Don’t become addicted.  Don’t bury yourself in physical sensations to make up for the pain of all the losses that you suffered because of me.  

Don’t fall in love with me, Cas, because I’m broken and I’m not good for you.  

Dean is extremely shaken by his experiences in the End Verse.  He’s so shaken that he reaches out and touches Cas tenderly…lovingly.  He reunites with Sam.  All in an effort to keep himself from become the cold, broken man he saw in 2014.  And it was The End that led us directly to 99 Problems and Point of No Return and Dean’s decision to say YES to Michael.

Which he doesn’t end up doing, after all.  And let’s take a quick glance forward, where Dean spent most of last season quite openly and obviously mourning for Cas.  Because he loves him.  Because despite everything that happened in The End, despite all those clear-as-day warnings, Dean still fell in love with Cas.  

Maybe it was too late then.  It’s too late, always was, always will be…. Too late, once he’d laid a hand on him and pulled him out of hell.  

Because.. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up–here.  

Because…  Destiny can’t be changed, and all roads lead to the same destination.

Here, in this post-Apocalypse where the only thing that Cas thinks they have left.. is each other.

sigh

So let’s review:

The sets, especially the large cabin that we find Cas in:  Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

Chuck’s and Risa’s reactions:  Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

Cas’ dialogue, esp. the  "gotten over trying to label me" bit:  Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

Future!Dean’s dialogue and focus on Cas: Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

Cas’ body language: Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

Their wardrobe: Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

The way their shots are framed and filmed:  Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

The reaction shot of the armed men and Past!Dean turning to look at Cas: Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

The original dialogue from the truck scene:  Supports the idea that Dean and Cas are lovers.

One last thought and then I’ll shut up.  

Who does Past!Dean look at in the photo at Bobby’s?  Cas

Who does Past!Dean go to see first?  Cas

Whose side of the table is past!Dean standing on?  Cas

Who does Past!Dean ride with to the mission and question about his past and seem extremely interested in?  Cas

Who does Past!Dean attempt to save from Future!Dean’s suicide plan? Cas

For Dean, past and present, it’s Cas Cas Cas Cas….

And for Cas, past and present, it’s Dean Dean Dean….  

Just shut up and kiss already, you two!  

Snatch a little bit of happiness before we get to The End.  Please?

Please?

[quarterfromcanon]

You and Me, Always Between the Lines

Heather & Valencia - Femslash February - Day 18 - Right and Wrong [1,828 words]

Valencia opened a new message but hesitated over the keyboard. She chewed on her lower lip while she began to type.

Hey, girlfriend.

Highlight text. Delete.

Hey, girl.

Nine backspaces.

Hola, chica.

Valencia sighed and closed her eyes. She exited the app and returned to the home screen only to reopen messages immediately.

So, today’s the day. I’ve decided. I’m going Facebook official. 

Her thumb tapped send. She gripped the case with white knuckles. Within a minute, a reply appeared.

Whoa. Big step. How’re you feeling?

Good but also freaked out. I’m overthinking.

Have you talked to Beth about it? Is she with you?

Not right now. Multiple meetings until like seven o’clock tonight. She’s been sending me supportive texts in between.

Maybe you could postpone until she gets back?

I thought about it, but the time of day is kind of important to me. It’s a whole thing to try to explain here. I don’t know. This is probably silly. I’m just not sure if I can wait that much longer by myself.

A pause.

Do you want company?

She gulped past the sudden lump in her throat and gave the honest answer.

Sort of. I don’t want to ask for too much, though. I feel guilty. You’ve had to help me so many times as it is.

Valencia wiped a fingertip across her cheekbones. She watched three dots fade in and out of existence.

You’re my best friend. Best friends are supposed to come through when you need them.

The breath she’d been holding left her in a rush. Fresh tears spilled down her face.

I’ve been trying with all I’ve got to keep it together, but I guess reality’s hitting me pretty hard right now. If you’re positive you don’t mind... I do need you.

What time?

12:30, if you can make it?

I’ll be there.

___

“The door’s open!” Valencia responded to the familiar knock.

Heather turned the handle and poked her head into view. “Hey.”

“Hi,” Valencia greeted in a tremulous exhale. Her entire body was tense. The rims of her eyes were a vivid pink from crying. She flipped the phone between both palms on autopilot, faster with each passing second.

Heather entered the apartment and crossed the room. She held Valencia’s hands in hers until her friend relaxed. “How long have you been sitting here?”

“Since eight, if you don’t count the floor pacing and bathroom breaks, so... four-and-a-half hours?” 

Heather settled on the couch beside Valencia. She waited a moment to consider her advice before she voiced it aloud.

“V, listen, it’s like we toasted on your balcony that time, y’know? You make your own rules now. Whatever pressure you feel... This thing people have about online transparency...” Heather shook her head. She took a deep breath and met Valencia’s gaze. “It’s no one else’s call but yours.” 

Valencia nodded, although the worry did not fully leave her features. Heather searched for the right way to articulate what she wanted Valencia to understand.

“If this is part of what you need to feel comfortable in your skin, it’s cool. If you don’t want everyone on your friend list to know your business, that’s okay, too. You’ve already had so many super intimidating conversations. Your sisters, your dad, your mom -- oh my god, your mom -- like, that alone is such a huge deal. You got through all that in less than a year. You’re really brave.”

Valencia smiled feebly, but then sobs overtook her. Heather spotted a box of tissues. She got up to pull a few free and brought them back. 

“Thank you.” Valencia blotted her cheeks with the Kleenex. “I know I’m making myself sound like a damn liar, but I really do want to do this today.”

“I get it.” Heather shrugged. “People don’t make this easy. Even with ones who seem like they’ll be chill, you don’t actually know until you tell them. There’s always a moment of uncertainty. Also this many people at once? That’s a lot of variables.”

“Yeah.” Valencia pocketed the crumpled tissues.

“So what’s the ‘whole thing’ about the time?”

Valencia rested her chin on a throw pillow. “1 p.m. to 4 p.m. is the prime posting time for Facebook.” She grimaced and searched the reaction that flickered across Heather’s face. “It’s not to maximize likes or get more attention, I swear. It’s just that --”

“You’re doing the Band-Aid approach,” Heather realized. “Quick as possible, all at once. If you post during hours with less dashboard traffic, that means even more waiting for stragglers who might have something to say. You’ll keep checking for notifications over and over. Doing this now means dealing with most of it in one cluster.”

“Exactly.” Valencia noticed the clock at the corner of her open laptop. “Oh God. It’s five ’til one.”

She restored the minimized tab to confront the rectangular button on the page. 

“Already set up,” she said, more to herself than to Heather. “Just a command away.”

She hovered the mouse over it, slid the cursor aside, and returned to the spot -- back and forth ad nauseam while Heather waited patiently beside her. Valencia withdrew her fingers from the touchpad like it scalded her. She rubbed the knees of her leggings and shook her head. “I can’t do it. I can’t press it. Here, you click it.” 

She tried to push the laptop to Heather, but Heather slid it back to her.

“It’s gotta be you,” Heather insisted softly.

Valencia tapped once and then flopped sideways to hide behind Heather. “I did it,” she acknowledged in disbelief. “It’s out there for everyone.”

Valencia Perez is in a relationship with Elizabeth Brighton.

“Yep.” Heather twisted her arm to pat Valencia’s shoulder. “You stuck to your plan.”

Valencia clamped her eyelids shut. “Now comes the more difficult part: the wait for the first response.” She texted Beth with trembling fingers to tell her that the news was publicly shared. Then Valencia sat up, but she still couldn’t bring herself to peek at the top blue bar. “Is there a bubble with a number?” she asked while inspecting the ceiling. “Did someone say something?”

Heather looked up from her own cell phone. “Oh, hey, you’ve got one.”

Valencia verified the statement in a split-second. Her complexion went ashen. She touched the single digit with the cursor and gave the inbox a moment to load.

Heather Davis (1)

“You sent me a message?” 

Heather could see Valencia in her periphery, turned toward her. She continued to sift through sites without actually reading anything and did not raise her head. “Yeah.”

“What does it say?”

Heather couldn’t suppress a faint laugh. “If I tell it to you out loud, that kinda defeats the purpose.”

Valencia returned her focus to the laptop. Heather glanced at Valencia’s face but then flicked to the screen instead.

I usually save this for major breakthroughs because it already sounds mushy and fake, and I don’t want it to lose all meaning, but today’s a milestone for you so it totally counts. I’m really proud of you, Valencia. I know everything about coming out has been so fucking hard, but you kicked ass. Congratulations. Digital high five.

Valencia scrolled up once more so she could scan the entire thing again. Heather decided to examine the plants on the balcony, but then Valencia’s arms were around her. “I don’t deserve you.”

Heather returned the embrace with some reticence. “I’ve gotta agree to disagree on that one.”

Valencia laughed and tightened the hug. Heather’s arms shifted to fully enfold her. A new red update appeared. She relinquished the hold and gestured to the laptop. “The bell’s got a number now, too.”

Valencia picked up the computer. She set it on her lap, clicked the notification, and beamed.

“What is it?” Heather prompted.

“‘Elizabeth Brighton commented on your post,’” Valencia read. “She says, ‘I’m a lucky lady.’”

Heather mirrored Valencia’s pleased expression. It didn’t quite reach her eyes.

___

Later, when Heather was back in her car, a couple of text messages sprang to life on her phone.

ROOMIE

Valencia’s dating a woman? HER VERY FIRST WOMAN? Since when??? 

ROOMIE

I’ve never even met Beth. Have I met Beth? Have you?

Heather sighed and retreated behind her eyelids. She folded her arms against the steering wheel to lean on them. 

Incessant buzzing announced more messages.

ROOMIE

Do you think I was, like, her awakening?

ROOMIE

Holy crap. Who knew I had so much untapped bisexual influence? I PROMISE TO ONLY USE MY POWERS FOR GOOD. [wizard emoticon] [rainbow emoticon]

Heather peered at the ramblings without sitting upright. She bumped her forehead against her wrists in annoyance.

ROOMIE

Hey, where are you, by the way? If you’re already out and about, can you buy us some more eggs and coffee grounds? We’re running low. And by “low,” I mean I finished off both this morning. Don’t kill me! xoxo

Heather opened the conversation. She addressed only the most recent question.

I can get them on the way home. See you at the house.

She tossed her phone onto the passenger seat and left Valencia’s parking lot in the direction of the grocery store. While stuck at the first stoplight, Heather’s eyes began to bother her. A dull ache surrounded them. She blinked in an effort to calm it.

By the second intersection, her vision started to blur. “What the hell?” Heather rubbed furiously with the heels of her hands. “I’m trying to drive here.”

Her lungs burned as she rounded the bend.

“Can everything just chill? It’s kinda important for me to be in control of my faculties while I’m steering a three thousand pound vehicle.”

When the market was in sight, she heard an alert vibration.

“Rebecca Bunch, I swear...,” Heather mumbled. She parked and snatched up the cell. The contact name wasn’t ROOMIE this time.

V

Twelve comments, all positive. I can’t believe it. Thank you again for everything.

Heather’s eyesight swam until the letters were beyond recognition. She felt the warm moisture overflow and tumble down her cheek. A similar trail of water traced along her nose.

“Oh my god, stop.” Heather swiped upward with a curved finger and touched the irritated ducts. “What is going on right now? Get back in there.”

It was no use. The more she fought the urge, the more tears emerged to join the first two. Heather puffed out an exhale. She rolled her eyes skyward. “Okay. This is happening.”

She sat miserably still and permitted the unshakable emotion to rise. A faint whimper escaped the back of her throat, but she gulped it into silence. Minutes ticked by on her dashboard. “Ugh, get it together, dude.”

Heather dabbed the evidence away with her sleeves, picked up her phone, and texted back to Valencia.

See? The worst is over. I’m really happy for you.

She meant it.

Truly.

But it was some time before Heather regained her composure.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Tommy

Ali: Now on the coach Ali: How's Ro been? Ali: Tried to give her as much space as poss Tommy: I'll give it a minute before I let ma know, yeah? Give you some space too like Tommy: Proper shut down. Standard Tommy: She ain't said a word to none of us Ali: Cheers Ali: Been a fucking event, don't think even Ma can top the drama but not dying to find out Ali: I thought as much 😟 Ali: I don't think there's much to be done but be there when she's ready though, right? Ali: idk, plenty of friends cried on these shoulders but never Ro over this, its new ground Tommy: You're alright Tommy: I reckoned as much when she flew home Tommy: Like I've been in with tea but I'm blatantly juggling cups and nothing else Tommy: She ain't about my efforts Tommy: Offered to dance battle him and she didn't even laugh Ali: Tah for being tea boy though, more necessary and appreciated than it might seem when she's catatonic Ali: to be fair, that isn't funny, babe 😜 Tommy: Giving it a go Tommy: x 2 like Tommy: oi I'm well funny Ali: 💚 Ali: hmm Ali: i hope that's not your aim w this theatre school lark Ali: standup you ain't Tommy: Laugh it up or you ain't getting your welcome home cupcakes honey Tommy: 🌟 baker I am Ali: tears of a clown baby bro Ali: 'cos bet mary berry herself didn't whip up anything for your arrival only days previous Ali: that's da Ali: mum is OBVS paul Ali: the accent, the blue steel, the unnecessary harsh judgment Tommy: 😂 Tommy: The cupboards were bare before yours truly showed up to help with the big shop Tommy: Working my ballet body without rest here Ali: wanna have a fab summer not a flab one darling Ali: only thinking of all the money they ain't had to put into your training #datscholarshiptho Tommy: Put your claws away if you ain't aiming them at a diff blonde lad Tommy: That'll be why I'm shameless fave not cause none of yous are about Ali: seriously don't Ali: he better square up when we're in that car park Ali: if the teachers don't get him first...you won't believe the fucking scandal blatantly occurring rn Ali: obvs 😘 'til Bea and Fraze become the big ballers they wanna be and start paying it back Ali: all 'bout that dolla Tommy: if you heard that lad, gotta post up 🥊 Tommy: someone better smack that cunt Tommy: Spill it sister, how is he on worse behavior? Nearly a proper skill at this point Ali: I plan to Ali: just followed Carly into the fucking cupboard bog, like Ali: in what world are you not getting caught Ali: we're in a fucking tin can Tommy: ERRR Tommy: Your Carly? Tommy: she can do better Ali: I been telling her Ali: best believe Ali: can't drag her out like time out bitch Ali: he's a disease s2g Ali: every fucking girl I know Tommy: 💔 not about that for her Tommy: Every girl except you? 🤔 suspect Ali: nah Ali: don't need to tell you he treats her like shit, duh Ali: ☕ Tommy: let me at her inbox tbh Tommy: not having this Tommy: she's a cutie Ali: do it Ali: meddlin' gay who smugly knows best defs a better stereotype than jealous ex Ali: 😣 no tah Tommy: Valid Tommy: Your eyes ain't gone green though, have they? Tommy: If this is a triangle, or love square tell me now bitch Ali: Bitch Ali: how dare you do me down like that Ali: Nah, I just want her to be happy Ali: and ain't happening with that cunt Tommy: Don't you reckon she knows that Tommy: She was happy with you but that went how it went maybe she's not looking for it to be like that again Ali: Oh, so I just let her fuck her life up Ali: polite smiles from the sideline like SOOOOO happy for you babes, what a man! Ali: Pfffft 😒 Ali: be a better gay Tommy: Nah but putting yourself out there for the real shit is such a THING Tommy: I get it Ali: So dramatic the lot of you Ali: not gotta get a pug and a mortgage Ali: if you ain't going out there tryna be happy every day every way Ali: what's the point Ali: a madness Tommy: Maybe she's all out of trying after putting up with your high maintenance arse for so long ☕ Tommy: 😂 Tommy: Nobody's bringing their best for that basic fuckboy Ali: 🖕 piss off hair product Tommy: Like you take any less time putting together your 'effortless' lewks you faux hippie Tommy: Don't be coming for my crowning glory Ali: Bleurgh Ali: forgot how much of a bitch you were Ali: when you going back again? 😘 Tommy: We've all seen you #bringitforberlin Tommy: Not that I'm jealous nah Tommy: But how was it? Drama aside Ali: 👼 Don't push me down the stairs, watching my back now like 👀 Ali: It overshadowed everything lowkey but yeah Ali: still ace Tommy: You'll bring it back around when you flatten Drew Ali: 🍑👏 him Tommy: 👑 Tommy: what are we gonna do about Ro and Carly though? 🤔 Must focus Ali: soz, my booty has that affect Ali: but seriously Ali: I am fresh out of ideas... Ali: maybe he's like Samson and we need to give him a buzzcut Ali: break the spell Tommy: or shove a bowl on his head and ✂ Ali: ain't far off Ali: ☕ it ain't that cute a cut Ali: its just shiny and blonde, snap out of it ladies! Tommy: Honestly Tommy: Meena got all the looks and that's the tea Ali: Oooooooooh! 😉 Ali: No argument tho even if you're 😍 Tommy: SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU TALK TO ME ALISON Tommy: She's just better than him very HIGHKEY Tommy: Take it up with our man JC Ali: 😂 Ali: Bless Ali: so sweet Ali: and finally Ali: a matrimony we can all get behind Tommy: excuse me he made me and her both queens Tommy: too fabulous for your hetero baiting of the audience Ali: sure jan Ali: can't fake that chemistry Ali: told you, you're a shit actor Tommy: Take a step back Marsha if you don't want me coming for your weave Tommy: You reckoned on your ex a few back? Marlene would blatantly kill Drew no questions Ali: 💅💄 jealousy's a disease, get well soon bitch 😷 Ali: now you gay baiting! Tommy: 😂 Ali: Let karma sort him out Ali: Ro's well out of it Ali: Carly, I hope, knows what she's doing, even if I don't fuck with it Ali: he ain't gonna 💔 Tommy: Yeah Tommy: Still, drink and debrief when you get home? Tommy: I wanna hear how the teachers throw down Ali: fosho Ali: dog or you SO 100% G.A.Y. now you refuse to go anywhere that ain't flying at least 2 rainbow flags at all times? 😉 Tommy: 🌈 or bust Tommy: not gonna be Ro's scene but if you wanna bring Carly that cunt isn't gonna set foot in such hallowed ground Ali: A different concept for scared straight but I'm with it Ali: I'll ask her Ali: got a party dress I didn't get to debut, gotta save something for the home crowd, like Tommy: I'd watch THAT show Ali: wouldn't we all Ali: so much teen mum to catch up on, you best not have watched it without me! Tommy: Not trying to get struck down ta Tommy: That fury's all for Drew Ali: unless you've deleted all the recording like ur burning after reading, you're alright kid Tommy: Honey I know what's holy Ali: thank God someone does Ali: Drew getting kicked straight to hell and off this bus if he don't chill Tommy: They still going? Tommy: Ugh Ali: Nah Ali: Laoise and her crew dobbed, which fair enough literally no one needs it, doubt they got started before the teachs' were yanking them out Ali: if they had handcuffs Drew would be chained to his seat rn no lie Ali: citizen's arrests and full-scale riot behaviour going down rn from everyone slating Carly Tommy: omhg Tommy: I hope someone's streaming Tommy: Gonna send my girl 💚🍀 Ali: no doubt Ali: reckon we might have to make an emergency stop Ali: couldn't even make the trip home Ali: really lads REALLY Tommy: And I thought my school was full of drama queens and kings Tommy: Christ alive Ali: honestly Ali: got nothing on the common people Ali: i'm so over it Ali: gonna knock myself over the head in a minute so i don't have to deal Tommy: I'd suggest a sing song but don't reckon that'll cut it Tommy: Call me a bad gay again but Tommy: Never hear you over the war cries like Ali: 😂 if there was ever a moment for kumbaya Tommy: If they'd let you keep your 🎸 you'd be thriving Tommy: Yeah I heard about that casual confiscation Tommy: Weapon in more ways than one though, lads Ali: THANK YOU Ali: how we gon' play for peace now Ali: gonna have to get real happy clappy Tommy: 👏stop👏 slutshaming👏 carly👏 Tommy: End with a mexican wave that knocks that cunt out Tommy: She alright? Tommy: I just saw a flash of Ro, safe to say she ain't Ali: I mean, as much as they're all just using this as an excuse to do that Ali: lowkey have a point on this one Ali: why here and why now Ali: its disrespectful Tommy: Talk to her Tommy: Someone's clearly keeping Ro in the loop somehow, is that likely to be her? Ali: Idk Ali: I don't think its her style Ali: she isn't doing it to be malicious to Ro but yeah, idk why she is Tommy: Is she proper 💘 on Drew Tommy: 'Cause lord Ali: How could anyone be Tommy: I have literally no clue Tommy: But Ro's not 💔 about her German accent or whatever Tommy: It's all about him so there's gotta be something we're missing Ali: Oh, that ain't about him Ali: about a lot of things but him being a vessel for her intimacy issues and insecurities is just one of 'em Tommy: So he could've been anyone? Score - 1 for Romeo Ali: Any dickhead who's not gonna make it real on his end and ruin the fairytale, yeah Ali: dime a dozen Tommy: ☕ Ali: safe to say he's fucked the narrative still tho Ali: although, has he? 'cos secretly feeds into the 'i'm wrong and strange' deal we all know is there Tommy: Savage Tommy: But accurate Ali: I know Ali: Die before I said it to her face, like but Ali: makes me worried if she needs to prove that theory right again he could make a reappearance Ali: everyone loves a bit of self-destruction Ali: can't judge but I am Tommy: Samsies Tommy: Fuck's sake Tommy: This family Ali: Rocky the only one with a healthy functioning relationship tbh Tommy: The realest Tommy: Even ma's met her match in ro rn though Tommy: She's lowkey freaking me out and I'm used to you weirdos Ali: Explain Ali: I've seen her at her freakiest, remember, so are we talking worse? Tommy: True maybe I'm just out of practice Tommy: Ghost like vibes catching me off guard Ali: We'll have to keep an eye on the food Ali: she doesn't eat much, and never in front of any of us now Ali: but I can tell when she's had something Ali: make sure we're not hungerstrike vibes again Tommy: I reckon she'll be alright-ish when you get home Tommy: Much as she ever is, you know Tommy: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Tommy: She's not gonna want to go to hospital or any of that shit Ali: Yeah, you're right Ali: I'm being dramatic, it's catching Tommy: 👑 Tommy: Bea will be if she sees her Tommy: Jesus take the wheel and spare me that Ali: 😬 Ali: can hear the 'I told you so' from here Ali: we're all thinking it but shh Tommy: Inside voices like we do at least Ali: Never know Ali: might be the motivation she needs Ali: Bea disappointment Tommy: Oh snap Ali: You know it works Ali: on Fraze too 😂 Tommy: 😂 Tommy: Yeah