#I need to stop connecting their universes tho. The plot is getting confusing even for me.

[little-estrellita]

It gets worse when there are multiple, and now there's an entire series of novels no one knows about

feels so embarrassing to b hyperfixated on your own oc like the smallest thing that reminds you of them has you giggling and kicking your legs and smiling goofy in public but it’s like sorry everyone i was thinking about shmoopsie from my brain again. yeah the one like max 10 ppl know about

[chaosk1ng]

Isaac Clarke somehow ended up with the Mandalorians again. I swear I didn't mean for this to happen again.

Fuck, I'm back at it again.

Another Star Wars x Dead Space crossover, this time it’s the original thought process! (I lied, it's the original era I had in mind but not the same thought process.)

So Isaac once again manages to get stuck in a galaxy far far away, only this time it's the prequel era, I’m thinking of the Clone Wars era.

If he’s in Mandalore then he could be mistaken for a new type of Mandalorian or knock off version that neither Death Watch or the New Mandalorians want. The True Mandalorians probably would have mixed feelings, he could be an asset but he’s an unknown party that doesn’t even seem to want to be involved and knows nothing about them despite looking like the Wish version of them. Maybe he accidentally gets involved with their plot, honestly I can’t see him helping Death Watch, the only way they could get him to help would be tricking him but not only do I think they wouldn’t want to be associated with Isaac but also because I think Isaac wouldn’t get tricked that easily by them. Then again, he did go to the Ishimura for his dead girlfriend who he thought was alive, but that was because of the Marker’s influence so that’s a pass. He probably would help the True Mandalorians since the New Mandalorians don’t like armor or violence which would suck for Isaac who just committed a massacre. The mental images of a blood stained Isaac appearing in a crowd of New Mandalorians is hilarious.

If he does get involved with all the Mandalorians jazz that goes on then he can do the other stuff after. Now I wanna expand on Isaac and the Mandalorians. Shootdangit. (Yes, I do mean that to be one word, that’s how I say it irl)

So focusing on this now, Isaac could (should) probably be placed before Jaster’s death (romance? No, not again. Stop giving me potential old men yaoi material. It’s not my fault they wear helmets). Man accidentally stops Jaster’s death if he ended up before it happens, but also consider this, if it’s after then Jango is parentless, Isaac is parentless, Isaac can become a bad influence on this kid. I’m not saying Jango should get adopted by Isaac cause they both now have problems they need to deal with at the moment to even think about that type of thing, but Jango picking up Isaac’s habits is funny to think of. Jango just curb stops everything, and learns curses from Isaac which would be headturners in this universe since they don’t exist, but please let someone say fuck. Jaster doesn’t need to die to have Isaac influencing Jango, I think he could get along with Isaac and understand where he’s coming from and why he’s confused and likely panicked. I was gonna say that maybe Isaac could try and fight Death Watch before Jango’s parents die but I don’t want to deal with the effect that would happen so Jango, it’s easier with Jaster since you still keep the connections and all that but also see how much the years have worn on them. Isaac needs someone to help him learn, if it’s between the three factions then the True Mandalorians.

HOLY SHIT I JUST REMEMBERED ARLA

I was writing a part later in this rant and remembered her and had an idea, Isaac saves Arla before meeting Jaster and Jango and basically adopts her, that or gives her to Jaster. I don’t care if Jaster isn’t their dad in either of the canons, he can be if I will it! I have the power over the canon of MY fic/rant, fuck you Star Wars writers! (jk, I love star wars, just not the crap in this Disney era, some was good tho.) Anyway, if Arla just kinda forces Isaac to adopt her or if something that happens subconsciously then both her and Jango can compete against each other about who has the better dad. Isaac is somehow getting by and Jaster has already been raising this boy for years up until now, you would think that Jaster would win but Isaac has some things on Jaster, like his weapons and modules and literally everything he possesses because I am very willing to bring up the crap his RIG can do. He can store information of different kinds, has a navigation system that has both a map and guide to show him where he needs to go and can store things of all kinds in it, he can survive in space with it and knows how long he can last AND not only walk on any surface while in the vacuum of space but also move however he wants. You can argue the Mandalorians can use their Jetpacks to do the same but my man’s abilities have not been hindered, he weapons all still work the same and so do his modules, the only thing holding him back is the fact he has limited air at a time and has only fought the Necromorphs. This is ignoring the other features the RIG has. Fuck you, he can hold his own decently by my standards which admittedly are not that high. Anyway, the sibling rivalry is real, one of them has a dad who was and is seen by them as the Mand���alor and this deeply traumatized man who only a few days ago just wanted to save his (dead) girlfriend.

Anyway, if he meets a different faction, he could meet the Children of the Watch. In my last rant of ideas with him in the Mandalorian, I had him co-parenting Grogu with Din, in this one Isaac can become a parent again but instead of Grogu it’s Din this time. He could either appear with the Children of the Watch a little before they rescue him or he could appear as they arrive to help. Either way, we can get Din getting raised by Isaac and him reluctantly becoming a parent, once again he could teach him curse words, have people say fuck in Star Wars, it’s fucking funny. I can’t see Isaac becoming a Mandalorian but I can see him having either good or neutral relations with them, some would like him and maybe befriend him for his winning personality but others may just like him for jobs they need done. Anyway, he could have connections to the Mandalorians and somewhat raise Din in that lifestyle, maybe just have it influence him so if he really wants to he could become one in the future. I could see him wanting to because they’re the closest thing to Isaac in the fact that they wear armor all the time and are warriors, he doesn’t need to know Isaac is just running on adrenaline while on fight or flight mode. Imagine his surprise when he finds out Isaac doesn’t actually know what makes a Mandalorian and the fact he’s just an Engineer and his one of a kind weapons are just tools he found, Din doesn’t need to find out about the Necromorphs until he’s older, hell maybe not at all. Point is that he could just have an accidental baby acquisition fic with him fumbling and eventually going into hiding as the Empire forms. Maybe we see his reaction to the Great Purge, maybe he helped a few of the few he was close to, maybe he finds out after it happened by a Mandalorian friend he had that he comforts, maybe he helped a few clans escape, maybe he was there and saw so many die, maybe he was hiding as he saw the terror unfold, either way he would be devastated at the amount of people he knew and their sudden deaths. He could help keep contact between clans since he isn’t Mandalorian and doesn’t look like one, either way he would be an asset to them after the Purge.

Another thing I want to briefly mention here is him meeting Revan, not long but just a little thought. If he went to the Old Republic and met Revan then he would be so confused if he stuck with him or had any form of contact with him. I love Revan and all but for someone like Isaac who has no idea what a Mandalorian, Jedi and Sith are he would be confused as hell to meet him, my man Revan has been all three. I just want to see how confused Isaac can get with Revan.

Anyway, Old Men Yaoi time™! I think I just like shipping masked men with masked men but still. Just like the last rant with the Mandalorian, this is just an excuse to have the two co-parent Jango and Arla. Maybe Arla does become Isaac’s kid and her and Jango think that since they’re both siblings and they both have their own dad that it only makes sense if they finalize it by getting them together. Basically they Parent Trap Jaster and Isaac, maybe the other True Mandalorians help or start a betting pool, some could try and sabotage it so they win said betting pool. Isaac could ask some of the parents of the group about tips in raising a child to which some could point him to Jaster if they’re trying to help get them together since he’s raising her brother, or if they’re trying to stall then they either will give him advice or warn him not to ask Jaster since he might become a father for Arla instead of him. I don’t think Isaac sees this as a problem because he knows they both have shit they have to deal with and he’s sure that he can’t be a proper father figure for her and does go to Jaster regardless who could give him good insight. Jaster could already have a thing for Isaac for saving Arla, his son’s sister who they thought was dead, and saving his life either before or after meeting the True Mandalorians, Isaac could’ve barely found them in time to save Jaster, maybe give him some medpacks so he doesn’t die. This could lead to him admiring or respecting Isaac to keep it platonic or have it also cause him to develop a crush on him and eventually develop as they talk more and get closer, add in the fact he’s raising the sister of your son and it’s already a done deal for Jaster, he will be too far gone while Isaac is hesitant as hell. I would like to say it’s one of those ‘Blank fell first but Blank fell faster’ but if they fell for eachother then it’s ‘Jaster fell fast and hard while Isaac is slowly walking down a slope at a snail’s pace.’ or alternatively, ‘Jaster fell fast and hard while Isaac is slowly climbing down like he has acrophobia.’

Anyway, this derailed again, it was originally gonna just be Isaac fumbling his way through the Clone Wars and somehow helping resolve it, y’know like other crossovers that are just fix-its and have goofy interactions with the characters but it once again ended up with Isaac getting caught up with the Mandalorians. You can see how my views changed as I went on. I need to stop, get me out the kitchen, this ain’t what I meant to cook.

[therealslimshakespeare]

I miss my girl Maureen, can I maybe have some crumbs? Last month was awful and I did not have a time and energy to interact with any fan spaces (which did not help my burn out) but at the same time my mind kept coming back to your stories (particularly towards your Sarge universe and Those Who Can -tho I saw that you have some updates on Dear John which I cannot wait to read the second I can get a breather). I hope it’s not creepy but your works really serve as an escape for me and thinking about your characters allows to me to stop worrying about other issues

Hello my sweets,

First off, let me give you a hug to wipe out this last month, I’m terribly sorry to hear it was so rough. Please hang in there and know you’re loved and that it’s made my day to see you pop in again. 🎀

I hope you enjoy the latest Dear John when you get a chance, it’s very fluffy and just a nice break from the pain I inflict on the regular with TWC! And yet I’ll also have a new installment of that universe before too long.

What you mentioned about escapism is not creepy at all to me, in fact it’s utterly relatable. I’ve done that all my life with literature and Fanfiction and I’m so touched that my little worlds provide that for you and we can scream about them together here.

As for Maureen-

There will obviously be more fics coming but since I haven’t got a good fragment to share without divulging larger plot points right now, let me babble to you about recent character progression obsession of the week for mess

Namely: Maureen and Bubbles.

Because I love Bubbles and we didn’t have him long enough and he was so excellent and a little ornery and very self effacing but so stubborn and capable and I just 🤧🥹😤😢 about him. But I also like to think about my gremlin bombardiers all together in training and then also their navs? Because yes, Maureen was a bit hoity toity about being a pleasure pilot before the war and was mighty salty about being demoted and yet, she wanted to hang in there and continue with this new purpose in life and prove to herself she could actually succeed and contribute meaningfully.

Then, her demotion to Bombardier actually her lands amongst a set of individuals that suit and match her even better, and it’s just a grand thing in many dysfunctional. But furthermore, the navigators and the bombardiers had such a close working connection and they’re both in the damn nose bracing during practice runs in hopes that their baby pilot actually lands this thang right. And also for mathematics and homework and targets, etc, so much to work on together. I theorize that she worked alongside many navs, some we know and others we never meet.

But then there’s Bubbles Payne. And he has a very big influence on her. I imagine that while she enjoys army life in those early days she’s got tons of her old habits hanging on. Some are more obvious and brazen as we’ve seen. Others are literal insecurities and coping mechanisms from her home life that come out as flirtations or provocations but they’re not, not deep down. And I think this straight shooting man would see through that and be one of the first to call her out on it in a very constructive way. Like, there’s no place for them here anymore. Which is challenging but freeing?

Maybe she comes to him needing some supplies and she’s turning on the charm and the sultry voice and Jo Payne is just: squints in honest wholesome confusion, because it ain’t like he doesn’t recognize a woman trying to get her way. It’s just, he’s used to it at a bar with a hooker who wants a wage and not an enlisted officer in his workplace, ya know?

But Maureen hasn’t ever been on a level playing field with men before. She’s never been just one of the boys, or a member of society really. She is what she can demand or wheedle or seduce out of others. So when she tries that with Bubbles and he’s just *digs in his bag for the calculator to aid in her ordinance* he also lets fly with a real kind and measured but firm sorta “I dunno where it is you come from, Lieutenant, and what sorta eye battin’ contents they held their, but here you’ve got a job. And when ya need a tool for that job, you’re guaranteed the use of it. Same as all of us. Ain’t no favor required, just -do your job. That’s what we’re here for.”

She may end up getting a tattoo of a string of little bubbles. And when she gets into the stalag at long last she asks after him, assuming that his plane got shot down.

Until she learns it did not, in fact, get shot down at all.

KIA. Confirmed. For all of them. But Bubbles’ lesson lives on, it wasn’t a matter of favors anymore in her new life, but merit. And wasn’t that a heartache and a thrill all at once?!

[slightlymore]

no, thank you

part of the Pride Universe

jaemin x fem reader

others: haechan (mentioned in jaemin's thoughts but not present in the real plot)

genre: smut with plot, roommates au, mentions of university (jaemin is a med student), angst, fluff, very +18 tho

warnings: very! rough! smut! (brat taming, oral, masturbation, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, denial, slight degradation, restriction, manhandling, bath tub is one of the locations), short mentions of mlm (jaemin x haechan fwb in the past), yn comes off rude in the beginning but it's necessary for character development, yn has an anxiety attack, angsty 

words: 11.3K

this is kinda good if I say so myself, yall have to read 👁️ if you don't like mlm or memberxmember I promise it's just a short bit of fluff/angst connecting it to Cute~ and that's all lol, the plot is very jaeminxreader centered 

Jaemin has been told that he can't say no to people. Yes, he will come to the party. Yes, he can help with the moving out. Yes, he can help you with Anatomy. Yes, that kind of anatomy as well. 

The only time Jaemin would say no is when people would ask if he’s busy or tired. No, I’m fine. No, everything is alright. 

"Do you ever sleep, Jaemin?" Haechan asked once. 

His soft and sleepy voice made Jaemin smile. He wrapped the boy’s waist even tighter, tugging Haechan’s body against his. 

“Of course I do.” Haechan chuckled. “When?” “When you’re not here”, the other whispered. “Lies. You’re studying when I’m not here. Look at what kind of service I’m doing. Fucking you so that you can just lie in bed and fall asleep.” Jaemin smiled again and ghosted Haechan’s forehead with his lips ready to place a kiss on the other’s warm skin. He stopped himself before doing so. “Yeah, thank you for your service.”

But since Haechan started to date some guy, there was no one to force him into bed and make Jaemin rest. 

The boy would drift off to unconsciousness for a little while every night, head pressed into his med school books, mind full of notions and caffeine. He would stay like that for an indefinite amount of time, not enough to fully fall asleep but enough to being shaken to the core when he would wake up, batting his eyelashes as his unfocused gaze tried to make sense of his surroundings. Then he would get up slowly from his uncomfortable chair and drag his feet to the kitchen to make his nth cup of coffee for the night.

Jaemin has never had a roommate and it was probably because of Haechan. Said boy wouldn’t have cared less if someone was in the other room, listening to their moans, but Jaemin didn’t like that. Instead, he loved it when Haechan would pull up to his doorstep unannounced, eyes either wide with tears or tight with lust. Because the choice was Jaemin. It was always Jaemin. Haechan needed him and Jaemin loved it. He couldn’t have other distractions. No flatmates knocking on the door and complaining. Just him and Haechan, on his bed, on the couch, on the kitchen counters, against the entrance door, on the floor, in the shower. Jaemin didn’t know, but it wasn’t just him doing Haechan a favour, maybe quite the opposite. Because Jaemin has been also told that he doesn’t ask for help. He doesn’t let people know about his needs, or whatever. But Haechan was aware of that. It took Jaemin a little while to notice it, especially since the other was already gone, but more often than not, Haechan would just show up for no apparent reason. “Nothing happened,” he would say, “I was just horny.” But Haechan would come for him. Because that’s how Haechan was. He could see people very well and he could see Jaemin when he needed something, or when he was exhausted and needed a simple hug, or when he didn’t sleep in days or having eaten nothing more than a single cup of instant noodles. They were friends with benefits but the benefits sometimes were just lying beside each other and talk, or order in some food while watching a movie. Sometimes they would just kiss for a long time, during nights where Haechan felt weaker, and those were Jaemin’s favourite nights. “You should sleep now,” the older would whisper against his lips and Jaemin would reply with a short-breathed yeah, in a second, before letting his tongue inside the other’s mouth slowly for another hour or so. Some people might have said that Jaemin was in love, but the boy had no idea himself whether that was the case or not and he didn’t want to think about that. Jaemin didn’t like thinking at all. But he loved it when others did and he loved to think about their thoughts instead of his own. He wanted to know people’s reasons and why they behaved in a certain manner so that he could understand himself without actively trying to.

“So, what do you think?” Jaemin was standing proud in the middle of his spot-free living room, hands on his hips, like a housewife expecting compliments from her housewive friends. 

“Could be better,” you mumbled, biting your nails, barely looking around.

When you found Jaemin’s pretty written paper renting a room on the university notice board, you did assume he was a girl. 

“What could be better?” he smiled at you. 

You stared back, sensing sarcasm but upon seeing the boy’s genuine expression you realized how naive he was. 

“I don’t know. The roommate maybe?” you rolled your eyes and walked towards your assigned room, dragging your suitcase carelessly on the nice wooden floor. “I’m staying, by the way,” you yelled after closing your door with your foot with a loud bang.

____

You have been told a lot of stuff during your life. Selfish, rude, uncaring, insensitive. 

It would make you angry. 

You would yell back that it’s not true making people step back and add some more adjectives that you wouldn’t want to use while describing yourself in class. 

You fought that back a lot, crying secretly under your covers, terrorized of being alone by yourself, afraid of being alone with such a bad person. 

You fought and fought until one day you just stared back at those people. 

So what? you found yourself thinking. Perhaps I am. Yeah. I am selfish and I don’t give a shit. So what about that? What are you all going to do? 

And when you ignored people, they started to ignore you as well. 

And slowly, everyone knew that no, you would not help them with their homework, no, you didn’t want to go to their stupid party, no, you didn’t give a shit about their new college charity event. 

And you didn’t give a single fuck about Jaemin’s rules.

“So, you can actually do whatever you want, really. The only things I ask of you is-,” he tried to speak to you the first morning of you living together.

You turned your music loudly on purpose the previous night as you settled in. You wanted to see the boy come knocking on your door and finally throw away his polite mask as everyone does around you after a few minutes of knowing you. Because you’re rude and it’s better for them to just know that from the start. 

The thing you hated the most was people giving you a little hope, that maybe you’re likeable and they wouldn’t turn their backs on you. Yet, you’ve quickly realized that it is impossible. Not with you. Not since you’re such a horrible person.

“Yeah, I don’t care,” you replied, one of Jaemin’s red apples between your teeth, a little juice glistening on your lips after you bit down. They were prettily on display in the middle of the kitchen island with a little vase of fresh flowers kept them company on the right.

The boy looked at your mouth for a second before locking eyes with you. “Okay,” he simply replied grabbing an apple himself. “I’m glad you like apples. I was afraid they would go to waste-,” but he didn’t complete the sentence, one hand suspended in the air, eyes wide as you let the piece of apple you were munching on fall on the ground as well as the fruit you were holding. 

“These apples are actually disgusting,” you commented then you both listened to the sound the apple made as it rolled into the living room and stopped as it met the soft rug.

That was it. 

It wasn’t your fault that this boy had more patience than your previous flatmates and you had to go stronger on him. 

Kick me out? Are you going to kick me out now? Come on. Kick me out.

But Jaemin didn’t look mad. 

After the initial confusion, he just put his apple back on top of the others and grabbed a paper towel. He knelt in front of you as you stood there with crossed arms and picked up your half munched bite of fruit and threw it away. Then he walked the few steps separating the kitchen island to the living room and picked up the apple as well, giving it the same journey towards the trash. 

You scoffed. 

Jaemin still didn’t say anything and grabbed a pan out of the cabinets. “I’m making pancakes,” he announced calmly. “I don’t like pancakes,” you acted like a kid but the feeling gripping at your throat was something new and you didn’t know how to behave. 

This Jaemin guy made you angrier than other people. 

Jaemin turned around to face you. “What do you like, Y/N?” 

You stared back for a few seconds at his neutral and unbothered face, then shoulder bumped him as you walked away. Grabbing your backpack from the ground you just slammed the entrance door on your way out.

You knew you were annoying. You also hated yourself just like everyone hated you. But you couldn’t help it. It has happened before. You let yourself believe that maybe you were kind and sweet, that you had a caring heart, that people would like you.  Yet, soon after, they would finally realize that you weren’t like that at all. That you were a monster trying to put on an act. So you liked the idea of people seeing the worst you could be first, so they could just leave if they couldn’t handle it. 

And no one could. Yet this Jaemin dude didn't budge.

You came home late that day and you noticed the way Jaemin turned off his music as he heard you enter your room. 

God, you hated him. 

And the morning after he was already in the kitchen, hair wet on his forehead, a white towel around his neck. 

He smiled like an angel. 

"Eggs and bacon?" 

You ignored him. 

And the morning after again. "Fruit?" Door slam. 

And another morning again. "Maybe cappuccino and croissants?" he wondered. Again. 

"Porridge?" "Okay! Okay. Fuck. Okay", you finally replied. 

It was the weekend and you had no excuse to dramatically leave the apartment as you did the previous days when you had to go to class. You were standing in the same spot in front of the kitchen island as the first day when you made a fool out of yourself by spitting out a piece of an apple. 

"I'm fine with whatever,” you added quietly. "Toast?" Jaemin raised his eyes from underneath his fringe before his hand could throw the locks back revealing the forehead. 

You shrugged. 

He smiled excitedly and got busy around the cabinets, the scent of his aftershave intimidating you. 

Walking around him silently you sat up on the kitchen stools, placing your hands on the marble and looked down, uneasy. It was alright if Jaemin was kind now then would start hate you afterwards. You could rest for a little bit, right? You could just put down your shield and breathe. It’s not like you would become friends if the made you breakfast. 

"How did the week go? You guys have many exams?" Jaemin's voice slightly startled you. 

Looking up you saw that he was already looking at you, two white plates in front of him with two pieces of hot toast. You stared back for a second then looked at the way his hands spread jam on the bread. 

"It was alright," you found yourself speaking. 

How was yours? You probably should have asked. But you didn't care and you were afraid to randomly engage in more than a few words long conversations. 

"Here," Jaemin placed the food in front of you then he licked his thumb. Thank you, you should have said. But Jaemin didn't look bothered. 

After a few moments of silence during which you couldn't bring yourself to start eating, Jaemin sighed like a British person would while slapping their knees when announcing they should go. 

"Alright. I'll eat in my room. I have a lot of stuff to do,” he announced and left with the plate. You stared at his back as he lazily dragged his feet towards the corridor and when you heard his door close you finally tasted the toast.

_____

A scared cat. An angry and scared cat.

This was the first thing Jaemin thought when he saw you. 

Honestly, he almost lost it on the first day but kept it in together when he saw the way your hands trembled while being confronted. Then all of his anger died. 

No, I don't care, you told him yet you didn't turn up your music loudly again after the first night and you never bothered him. It was almost as if you weren't even there. 

What a nicely crafted facade, Jaemin would think, hands behind his head, a pencil between his lips, an open manual on his chest, eyes directed towards an indefinite point on his ceiling. 

It was very late at night. His phone buzzed once and the boy stared at the "apartment empty, wanna come?" text. 

Yeah, he could use some of that. 

And he would have been at his friend's place by now if a weird noise wouldn't have stopped him from putting on his shoes. 

It was coming from your room, a small choked sound, barely audible that Jaemin wouldn't have heard it in other circumstances. He walked the corridor slowly until gently stopping in front of you door, a slight blush covering his cheeks. Could it be-? 

But no. 

Jaemin heard a fair share of whimpering girls before and you definitely weren't enjoying yourself. So he knocked, suddenly worried. "Y/N?" You didn't reply, only a little whimper being caught by Jaemin's ears. "Y/N, is everything alright?" He waited, face almost pressed on the cool wood. Another choking sound and "I'm coming in, now,” he announced and you couldn't stop him. 

Sat on your bed, wet cheeks from crying and irregular breaths, you looked up like a scared deer, sliding back when Jaemin walked towards you. "Shh, it's alright," he whispered with a calm voice, hands in front of himself as he sat down in front of you. 

"Don't touch me. Go away," you flinched, hiding your face from his gaze. 

Jaemin had a reassuring face when he spoke again. "I won't touch you if you don’t want me to."

"Go away. Leave me alone," you repeated with a feeble voice, arms pulling your knees to your chest. 

Jaemin looked at you for a few moments, your baby blue pyjama and irregular breath, then he gently sat down on the bed in front of you and crossed his legs. 

"Do you take medicine?" he asked softly. You shook your head. "Okay. Then, will you look at me?" You sobbed and furtively raised your eyes to meet his for a short moment before looking away. "It's alright. You're doing great." Jaemin's voice was low, articulating every word slowly and he didn't move. "It's scary, I know. But there's no danger now. I'm protecting you." His eyes were trained on your face and you finally let yourself stare back fully. 

"Imitate me," he spoke again, breathing in and out slowly. A little sob escaped your lips before you could do the same. 

"Good. You're doing amazing. Slowly," he cooed and you did just that for an indeterminate amount of times, the silence engulfig you both until you looked down and saw your fingers wrapped around Jaemin's hands. 

You let them go surprised but your palms liked how soothing touching another human’s skin felt. 

His was soft and warm, and you concentrated on the way the heat spread to your cold hands, holding them again timidly. 

Then you let yourself fall on the pillows, eyes looking up at the ceiling, the sobs getting more time between each other. 

Jaemin remained still for a moment, as if unsure what to do, then he slowly moved to the side, walking on all fours until resting on the bed beside you. 

A little stronger whine shook your frame again though and he slightly rolled over, rising on his elbow the other hand above your body. 

"I'm-- going to touch your diaphragm. Is this alright?" 

You bit your lower lip then nodded. 

"Okay, breathe in again, keep it for one second, then release slowly."

You inhaled, staring at Jaemin's big eyes as if looking for approval. His hand ghosted your stomach until finally resting on your body right underneath your bust. 

"That's right," he spoke softly. "Now, again.” 

You repeated the exercise, feeling Jaemin's warm palm through the clothes every time your rib cage expanded. 

"Again," he breathed in with you, keeping it, then releasing it. 

After a while your mind felt like white, blood fully oxygenated, Jaemin’s non-invading and calming presence actually making you feel better.

Yet your heartbeat couldn't stop beating and Jaemin could feel it. 

"Again," his low voice made your arms skin shiver with goosebumps, your breathing getting irregular instead of steady. 

"Focus on my hand and your breath," he said but his gaze falling on your slightly open lips wasn't helping you focus at all. 

He blinked and looked up into your eyes again. 

It was even worse. "Jaemin, I'm fine now.” 

The boy blinked a few times and retrieved his hand slowly. 

Your breath calmed down and Jaemin took it for a good sign since he returned to his side of the bed. 

It became silent so suddenly that you could hear Jaemin swallow. 

Thank you? Thank you for being here? Or, thank you for helping me out. Sorry for slapping your hand away? Is this what you should have said, right?

“Then, I’ll be going now,” his soft voice disrupted the silence and your bed creaked in the darkness as he presumably got up. 

No, wait, wait. 

"Why do I become like this at night?" you whispered instead. 

Jaemin’s silhouette against your dark blue windows moved around and lied on the bed again, this time on his stomach, bust raised on his elbows, eyes probably on the shadows of your face. 

"It's because the front part of your brain gets quieter and gives space to the other parts of your brain where feelings are."

"Why do you always have a good answer to everything?" 

You heard Jaemin's breath form a light chuckle. 

"Many people told me that before."

"Okay, right."

"No, wait, I meant that- I'm not bragging, sorry--it came out very weirdly." 

You smiled, the dark and sudden sleepiness making you care less about keeping up your cold image. 

"You want to be a psychiatrist?" "I don't know."

You turned on your side, hands pressed under your face, knees buckled until almost touching his hips. "Why is that?" 

Jaemin sighed. "I don't know if I'm good at helping people." 

The laugh you let out took both of you by surprise. "Are you joking?" 

The boy exhumed perplexed energy even if you couldn’t see him properly. 

"You're a human matt with weird gigantic patience. You'll help people alright." "A human mat?" Jaemin raised his eyebrow at you but you still noticed the amused twinkle in his eyes. "Yeah, you have no self-esteem,” you went on. "I have self-esteem," the other protested. "If you did, you wouldn’t let people treat you like that."

Jaemin let the clock on your wall fill the silence with its ticks for a little while. 

"Like what?" he whispered. 

You rolled on your back, unable to look at him anymore. "Like how I treat you." 

"So you're aware of that." 

"So you're aware of that as well but choose to ignore it instead of fighting back?" 

Jaemin rolled on his back as well, hand rising to his forehead and ruffling his fringe. 

You stared at the way the strands fell back exposing his forehead then you looked at his furrowed eyebrows and finally at his lips when he opened them to speak. "What's the point in fighting back?" 

A car roared outside your open window, giving you more time to collect your thoughts. 

"What's the point in being stupidly kind like that?" you finally spoke up. Your voice was a little whisper as if you secretly wanted Jaemin to not hear you. But he did. 

"So I can live by my principles." "And are you happy?" 

Ah. 

Shit. 

Jaemin was at a loss of words. 

"Isn't it better to just be yourself and do whatever the fuck you want?" you went on. "Like you?" he finally spoke up. "Yeah." "But you're not doing what you want.”

It was your turn to have no words to choose from. 

"You're not yourself, are you?" he asked. "I am," but your voice didn't seem convincing even to your ears. "People are not going to like you more if you behave as you do," you added. "And what should I do to make people like me?" Jaemin inquired. "Nothing. Just be yourself."

Jaemin sat up slowly and briefly looked out of the window. 

"Then you should follow this advice as well. Stop putting on this act."

You didn't sleep the whole night after Jaemin slowly exited your room.

_____

The next day you already left when Jaemin got up and walked to the kitchen. 

He heard you leave actually. He couldn't sleep the whole night either. 

Are you happy? Are you yourself?

No. After turning and rolling on his bed Jaemin got to the conclusion that he wasn't happy or himself at all. 

Not all the time at least. 

Because most of the times he did care about people, but he could also point out times when he did too much for no reason, getting back nothing but a bittersweet taste on his tongue. 

When he came back home after class, an intense sweet fragrance welcomed him first as he stepped inside. With the back turned at him and wearing his black apron, you were frantically looking for something in the kitchen cabinets. 

Jaemin indulged in looking at you for a little while, a fizzy feeling inside his chest, small happiness created by moments like finding money in an old jacket, a little surprise you didn’t need but that made your day better. 

How would it feel to behave like you? Would Jaemin be able to do it? 

At first, Jaemin wondered why you were like that, but after the previous night, he hit his head with an imaginary palm, feeling stupid for not realizing it earlier. 

You were just like him. 

Hiding something in front of people. 

He cleared his throat and smiled when you jolted with a little scream. “For fuck’s sake.” 

Yeah, you were hiding the little girl he saw crying on her bed and he was hiding the needy little boy that so desperately wanted to be loved. 

“I’m sorry for startling you,” he let his bag fall on the floor as he sat on the kitchen stools in front of you. “Are those cookies?” he indicated the oven with his chin. 

You adjusted your clothes as if suddenly realizing how embarrassing it was to wear an apron. 

“Why ask obvious questions?” 

Jaemin’s smile widened until showing his teeth and you felt like either fight him or run away from his eyes. What a weirdo, you thought. It was almost as if he was enjoying your moodiness. 

“Are you looking for something?” he asked again. You crossed your arms on your chest and Jaemin thought that seizing you in the act of being domestic was something that highly embarrassed you. 

He loved it. 

“No.” The boy rested his head on one arm, tilting his head to the side, already knowing what you were trying to do before. “Shall we decorate the cookies together? I can make the icing. The colouring is in the other cabinet.” 

You turned around and stared at the only place you didn’t look before. “I wasn’t trying to decorate them,” you lied. 

Jaemin lifted his hands as if innocent. “Never said that,” then smiled as you rolled your eyes. 

“Do you have plans tonight?” he walked around you to retrieve the decorations and you felt your breath hitch when he had to press himself on your back. “Because the cookies have to cool down first,” Jaemin explained. 

You didn’t reply and untied your apron, suddenly regretting your decision to remain in the kitchen instead of hiding in your room. 

“Watch a movie with me, please?” 

The “no” was already on the tip of your tongue but then you heard the “please” and your eyes moved to Jaemin’s face by themselves. His hands were pressing into the isle, shoulders raised as if he was trying to lift himself, the evident nervousness in his expression making you feel at a loss of words. 

You didn’t expect Jaemin to be shy. Why was he shy? To ask you to watch a movie with him? That made him shy? 

“Okay.” 

His eyes widened. “Okay?”

You almost laughed at how surprised he was and you had to admit that seeing him run around the kitchen to get to the living room was pretty adorable. 

A little sigh, as if a warning, left your lungs when you walked towards the couch. You were probably doing a mistake, but Jaemin - God - Jaemin was so kind. 

Watching his back as he was sat down on his knees in front of the tv, so eager to spend some time with you, even if it was fake, even if he didn’t really care, made your heart swell up. No one has behaved like that before. Maybe it was alright. 

“Okay, but I choose the movie,” you extended the hand and Jaemin got up, placing the remote controller on your palm. His smile never left his lips as you shuffled the options. “What about this?” Jaemin read the description with squinty eyes. "Oh, I don't like happy endings." You looked at him. "Why is that?" 

The boy remained quiet for a moment. 

"I think it's because you relate a lot to a sad story and it describes your life so well that you get mesmerized in it. You finally feel understood. Others are going through the same struggles. But then they get a happy ending and- you don't.”

Jaemin’s fingers played with one of the threads of his shorts and you blinked at his unexpected words. 

“It becomes a reminder of how your life could go if you were lucky like them. But you're not. That's when you can't relate anymore and it becomes even sadder. Instead of being a sort of relief, the happy ending is another punch in the gut, since I'll never be able to experience something like that,” he smiled after the last phrase as if he had just said that the best colour to decorate the cookies was blue. 

Suddenly it felt as if the reality was altered. 

Jaemin's face was a concentrated mask, trying to read other movies descriptions and you desperately wanted to touch it with your fingertips. 

But you touched the back of his hand instead and Jaemin looked down at his thigh before looking up. 

You didn’t know what expression you had on but the boy was so good at understanding people that you could have had a blank face and he would have known what you were feeling. 

He smiled warmly at you and held your hand, squeezing it a little bit. 

“I’m fine.” “It’s alright to be weak,” you almost talked on top of him. “Or to have desires.” 

Jaemin opened his mouth and closed it a few times like a fish and you both jolted when the ding of the oven told that the cookies were baked. 

The boy reluctantly let your hand go when you got up and walked towards the kitchen. 

The smell was incredible and despite the weird saddened energy of the room, you both smiled at each other when locking eyes.

_____

Jaemin got used to your love language very quickly. 

After cookies, came breakfast, and after that, it was the turn of a small gadget you found at the flea market. 

“It’s so ugly that the first person I thought of was you.”

You still kept the insulting wall but Jaemin loved that part of you as well. 

He ate your gratitude made of sweets and desserts, and looked at it in bed, rolling the little bald man made of wood on his palm. 

A night Jaemin would think a lot about, was when you were hammered, bodies spread on the living room floor, eyes closed, soft music in the background to make the ambience less awkward. But you didn’t care about awkwardness as soon enough, the only thing your dizzy heads could think of was nothing at all. 

With a wavering hand, Jaemin felt around him, searching for the bottle of “you’ve never tasted such good cognac before, I’m sure” cognac that Haechan sent him.

 And the “Oh, perhaps I’m getting engaged :P”.

Jaemin stared at the note for a long time then stared at the bottle of amber liquid, his hands gripping it hard. 

You took it from his hands before he could unreasonably smash it on the ground. 

“Are you okay?”

The bottle was put down on the kitchen counter and Jaemin looked at it first then at your concerned eyes, as you’ve started to do more often lately. 

Jaemin didn’t know what expression he had on but whatever it was, it made you take a few steps towards him when he didn’t reply. 

“Yeah,” he breathed out after a little while, trying to put on his normal smile. But when you wrapped his waist with your arms he didn’t stop the tears falling silently on his cheeks. 

He did not sob, nor wail. Jaemin just stood there, arms unable to hug you back. And when you dragged him by the hand, the bottle under your arm, making him sit down on the floor, he just obliged. 

“Let’s drink to that.” 

And Jaemin didn’t know if you meant his broken heart or Haechan’s happiness but he nodded and took a sip of the sweet drink. The bottle travelled back and forth between you until you couldn’t sit up anymore. 

Lying down, the sun setting, the same few songs playing on a loop since no one had the energy to change the playlist, Jaemin couldn’t find the bottle anymore so he just grabbed your hand instead. 

You didn’t say anything and intertwined your fingers with his, mind circling the spot Jaemin’s thumb was circling on your skin. 

"I feel like people love me for how I make them feel.”

The boy’s voice was hoarse and it made your chest tingle. 

You listened, squeezing his hand as to invite him to go on. 

“I know everything about them. I know how to make them feel good. I listen and I love. I love a lot.” 

“You do.”

Jaemin swallowed hard. 

You didn’t have to look to know that his cheeks were wet again. 

“I tried to be perfect. So I could be loved back.”

“You don’t have to do that. You just got an example of that not working very well anyway.”

A sniff. 

“I know. But the little amount I still get now, would it be there if I didn’t try as hard as I’m trying right now? Would people care about me if I wasn't perfect? Would they love me if I didn't do what they need me to? Honestly, I'm terrified to find out.” 

You sighed and let his hand go, rolling on your stomach and lifting your bust on our forearms to be able to look at Jaemin. 

The boy opened his reddened eyes and tilted his head to the side to meet your gaze. 

“If you try so hard and still get so little, you don’t need that love.” 

Jaemin blinked once, listening to your soothing voice, the evening breeze lightly swooshing his hair spread around his head. 

“As you said, they probably still love you for how you make them feel and not for how you are,” and Jaemin visibly flinched at the hard truth. “But,” you grabbed his hand again, not wanting to let him despair, “there are also people that love you because of who you are, even if you confuse them with those that love you for what you do. And I’m sure Haechan is one of them, it just didn’t go well.” “It didn’t have to go well. It has never been something that could go. It’s just my fault that-” but you shushed him pulling at his hand as to make him stop talking. “You can still admit that he hurt you. He didn’t do it on purpose but it’s not your fault either. And it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you. Sometimes you can try very hard and people would still not care in the same way that you do, and it’s alright. It’s not you. It’s them.” 

Jaemin kept his eyes closed as you talked, his chest rising with deep breaths and you placed a hand on it just like he did to you before. 

“Do you like me?” 

His question took you by surprise. 

“You can say no. I’m sorry, I’m putting a lot of pressure on you right now-” “I do.” 

The boy opened his eyes, staring at you from underneath his long lashes. “Why?” 

You stared down at your intertwined fingers. The truth was that you also liked him for how he made you feel. He never snapped, he accepted you, he tried hard to get to you and it was something that you’ve never experienced before. But what does that also mean about him? 

“Because you’re a beautiful human being.” 

Jaemin’s eyes widened imperceptibly. 

“You’re kind and patient and so sweet. And I know that it looks as if I’m saying only the stuff that has to do with me, like, you’re kind with me, and patient with me and sweet with me. But honestly, I would have liked you even if you were like that with other people and not with me.”

You looked up at his face and bit your lower lip. “Also, would you not like me if I understood you the way you understand others? Would that be only loving the way I make you feel? Would that be a bad thing?” “It’s a bad thing only if you were kind to me only to be loved back when in reality you’re not.” “Yeah. And you’re not doing that, are you? You think you’re not deserving of love without trying to be kind but you’re naturally like that, Jaemin. You’re just unhealthily pushing yourself sometimes. It’s not like you’d stop being kind if you stopped trying. Because you’re already kind. And people will love you the same.”  

The boy didn’t add anything to that. 

He pulled you by the hand until you softly landed on his chest and wrapped your body with his arms. 

You could feel his quick heartbeat under your chest and he probably could feel yours. His warm breath caressed your forehead until you fell asleep. 

_____

The day after, Jaemin was the usual boy. 

His teeth were the first thing you saw when you woke up with a groan.  “Good morning.” 

You furrowed your eyebrows when your eyes focus on the background. “What the hell am I doing in your bed?” 

Jaemin giggled and tugged your body against his, making you realize that he has been hugging you the whole time. 

“Let me go!” you tried to escape but Jaemin didn’t budge. 

“We’re just cuddling,” his muffled voice on the sweatshirt you were wearing sounded whiny and sleepy. 

“Why are we cuddling? What the fuck happened last night?” 

Your body stiffened when Jaemin threw a leg on your hips like a koala. 

“Nothing. We got drunk and cried, then we fell asleep on the floor.” 

You waited. 

“And then I woke up and took ourselves on my bed where we cuddled some more until falling asleep again.” 

You waited some more. 

“There’s something you’re not telling me, Jaemin.” The boy raised his face from your shoulder to show you his innocent puppy eyes. “Like what?” “Like why I have nothing on besides your hoodie.” 

Jaemin’s face lit up in a bright smile and he hid his face into you again as if shy. 

“You were thirsty and drank water from the tap.” 

“And?” you were losing all of your patience while your cheeks heated up. 

“And your clothes got all wet.”

“Jaemin, for fuck’s sake, talk normally. Did you undress me?” 

The boy shook his head. “You took them off by yourself,” he paused. “While trying to give me a lap dance.” 

You choked on air and tried to cover your face with your hands, but Jaemin’s koala arms prevented you from doing so. 

What the fuck. What the actual fuck. 

“But you just took your clothes off and fell on me. Nothing happened. I forced you to wear my hoodie. Then you wanted to cuddle and we fell asleep as you kept saying how pretty my eyelashes are.” 

Oh my God. 

“And that’s it?” you asked with a little voice. 

Jaemin looked at you again and his face was so close that you felt as if on fire, the thought of being naked in front of him and doing stuff you couldn’t remember at all. 

“Yeah, unfortunately.” 

You hit him on the forehead and as he giggled, hands pressing on the spot, you could free yourself and run away in your room.

It was something you would have never imagined, the feeling between your legs.

 You breathed in and out, trying to calm yourself, but your skin still remembered where Jaemin’s hands were placed just seconds ago. And his breath on your neck. And your eyes couldn’t get rid of his sunlit chocolate eyes. 

Oh, fuck. 

This shouldn’t have happened. 

You didn’t predict this happening at all and it made you go crazy just like the heat spreading through your body as your hand slipped down your stomach. You didn’t think. Your mind was blank and your fingers moved on their own, teeth biting your lower lip, knees buckling until your frame slipped on the door and meeting the floor. Legs open and back pressed onto the hard wood, you closed your eyes and gasped, hoping that Jaemin’s hangover ears could not hear you.

_____

Jaemin loved how things started to go between you. Bad mannered and moody, you still snapped at him but didn’t run away when he would laugh and pull you into his arms. 

Perhaps Jaemin was making a mistake. The same mistake all over again. 

Perhaps he was giving and giving, thinking the other party felt the same, but he didn’t care anymore. That’s how he was. He wasn’t trying. He felt like hugging you and kissing your forehead just to hear your scream, loving the little smile blooming on your lips when you thought he wasn’t looking. 

He bathed into your silent affection and soon your affection became something else he wouldn’t have expected. 

“I think you should stay at home.” 

Jaemin adjusted his raincoat with furrowed eyebrows. You were standing near the wall of the corridor and watched him about to go out in the pouring rain. 

“Jaemin. There’s a storm outside. Your friend can just call a tow truck or something.” 

The boy has been in a rare bad mood for a little while that day and when he heard that his friend got a flat tire his mood didn’t get any better. And now, with you looking at him as if he was doing something wrong when his conscience was telling him it was the right choice made him unreasonable angry. Because he knew that he should probably listen to you. 

“I know.” 

You huffed. “Then tell him to go fuck himself and stay home.” Jaemin let his shoe fall down on the floor annoyed. “Why do you care so much suddenly?” and while saying it he was already regretting it but was unable to stop. “You’ve hated me since day one and now you care about my well-being?” 

You tightened your lips. “I don’t hate you. I thought-- you understood.” 

Your vulnerability made Jaemin close his eyes for a second. “Fuck, I do. I always do. I understand everyone and I hate it.” 

Sudden lighting made his face spectral and you took a step back. 

“Just stop being a human mat and stop doing stuff you don’t want to do. We’ve talked about this before, haven’t we?” 

If the boy was cooling down, that phrase took it all out of the window. 

“You think it’s easy? Why don’t you stop saying no to everything and start being kinder then? We’ve talked about that as well. You can’t do it either.” 

“I bet I can go one day with saying yes to everything but you can’t go a day by saying no or doing what you want instead of what other people want,” you dared him. 

Jaemin scoffed. “Yeah, sure. I would want to see that.” 

You crossed your arms on your chest determined. “Okay. Starting from this moment I’m going to say yes. What about you? Are you going to refuse people and do what you want? I don’t think so.” 

Jaemin stared at you for a split second and his expression became one you’ve never seen him wear before. With a fluid movement, he filled the space between you until your faces were a breath away from each other. “I want to fuck you. How about that?” 

You almost gasped as you stared at his dark eyes, the storm outside the window giving him an even more dangerous aura. 

Gulping down, your mind started to run and search for an appropriate answer, but it wasn’t necessary as your lips betrayed you by forming a quiet “okay, deal.”

Jaemin’s pupils trembled as if he was surprised himself, yet his hands were quick, stripping him of his raincoat, letting it fall to his feet. 

“The safe word is,” he whispered slowly, “forest.”

You swallowed again, feeling your throat suddenly dry, then you chuckled trying to mask your nervousness. 

“Okay, but forest? Really? That’s very stupid-,” but you couldn't complete your shaky sentence as you found yourself dragged towards the bedroom and knocked on the bed in a second, ass up in the air with Jaemin’s hands on it. “Stupid?” he asked irritated. “Start fucking counting.”   You shivered even though your blood felt like boiling. Not in a thousand years, you would have expected Jaemin to manhandle you like that. 

Spank. 

A little yelp, more because of the surprise than the actual pain since your thick jeans didn’t really allow for much friction, escaped your lips. “One.” Your voice was trembling. “Good girl,” Jaemin’s voice was almost a deep whisper. 

Spank. 

“T-two,” you stuttered as Jaemin increased the force. 

Spank. 

You whined. “Three.” “God, I’ve wanted to do this the first time you left your dirty stuff in the sink and refused to clean up.”

Spank. 

“F-four. So you’re actually able to feel human emotions such as anger, huh?” you chuckled breathlessly. 

Spank. You moaned and your panties started to get too wet and hot for your liking. 

No five could come out of your lips as Jaemin grabbed your arms and rolled you over on your back. His eyes were full of fire and you felt your core tingle as he got on the bed as well, kneeling between your open legs, resting his weight on his hands pressed on each side of your head. “I’m going to stuff you up so hard. Let’s see if you’ll be able to talk back again, princess.” You were about to chuckle, pretending that his words didn’t affect you, but you lost it at the pet name. A little gasp left your lips in the form of a single breath and Jaemin got even closer as if catching it. “Oh, you like it? You want to be called like that?” he teased you. You gulped nervously and nodded. “Then I won’t do it,” he whispered, mouths almost touching. You raised your head to connect his lips with yours but Jaemin pulled away with a laugh until you couldn’t reach him anymore. Then he got closer again when you rested your head down. “Wanna kiss me?” his voice caressed your ears just the way one of his hands started to draw little circles down your neck. You turned your head to the side, giving him more space. “Hm?” he asked while the tip of his tongue traced the outline of your ear. You shivered at the sensation. “Yeah, wanna kiss you,” you replied, remembering the dare, even though, you realized with deep shame, you would have answered positively anyways. Jaemin’s soft chuckle added to the sensation growing between your legs and you would have rubbed them together if Jaemin’s bust weren’t there, so close to your core yet so far away. “Ask me nicely,” he ordered. You bit your lower lip and looked up at him, trying to flirt back, maybe making Jaemin weak the way he was making you feel. But the boy’s smile never flattered. “Do you not want to kiss me?” you fluttered your eyelashes. Jaemin shook his head. “No.” “I want to kiss you so badly though,” you tried again. “Sounds like a you problem.” “Okay, so you’re not actually able to feel human emotions,” you dropped the sugary tone. “This is pretty human in my book,” he lowered his hips grinding on you, his hard cock making you jolt even through the layers of clothes. “I have to do what I want right? Then I want to fuck you until there’s no trace of that attitude left, but on my terms,” and you would have replied if Jaemin didn’t rise on his knees again, looking at you sprawled in front of him like a full meal and if his hands didn’t go to your waistband, unbuttoning your pants and roughly dragging them down. Your legs fell on the bed like dead weight after the jeans were thrown somewhere in the room. Jaemin got between them again but not to do what you hoped he would. Instead, he reached on the shelves behind you and you recognized the sound before seeing the object: a pair of shiny metal handcuffs. Your eyes widened at the sight and Jaemin chuckled. “You want me to tie you up?” you tried to joke, knowing damn well that they weren’t for his wrists. Jaemin ignored your useless question and handcuffed you, tugging at the chain connecting your hands, making you whine as he hooked it to a nail above your head. You looked up, blaming yourself for not noticing it sooner and shivered at the sudden realization that Jaemin had probably done it very often. A little fear of what he might do to you crept in the back of your mind but instead of spreading panic through your body, it spread a wave of pleasure, collecting itself in a single pulsating point between your legs. “Tell me the truth. It’s the first time you’re not the one tied to the bed, right?” you teased him. “No, but it does look like it’s your first time, isn’t it, love?” his eyes were sweet and kind, the usual look Jaemin would give you in the morning or before going to bed, yet it changed in a second as he calmly slipped his fingers on your hips, getting under your panties and dragging them down your thighs. He twirled them around his finger a few times, the tip of his tongue moisturizing his dry lips as he drank in the view of your spread legs. “You’re not taking off this?” you tried to drift his attention to your face instead, shimming your bust as to indicate what you were talking about, suddenly very shy of you being so exposed to him and definitely not used to the look on his face. But Jaemin didn’t budge. He still stared where he wanted, as if almost caressing you with his gaze as he replied. “It would be a shame. That’s my hoodie, isn’t it? Tell me,” he got closer, hovering over you, finally looking at you in the eyes, making you regret that he wasn’t looking away as before, “does it still have my perfume on? Were you thinking about me today just as you touched yourself that time while wearing it?” he purred and chuckled at your shocked expression. “This apartment has very thin walls, angel. But if it makes you feel better, I’ll tell you my little secret as well, yeah?” You nodded breathlessly. “I was fucking my fist to your pretty moans as well, thinking about your sweet lips wrapped around my cock,” he rubbed his thumb on your lower lip, making you open your mouth as if about to kiss you, then smirked. “What about you? Were you thinking about this-” he let his hand fall from your face down your body until reaching between your legs, touching your wet core with two fingers, dragging them up and down slowly. You jolted, inhaling sharply at the feeling, eyes unable to stay open. “-or maybe this?” his voice was a whisper as his fingertips circled your clit, snapping a whine out of you. His shiny necklace was dangling in front of your face, then it laid on your chest as he got closer and pressed his lips on your neck, sucking your skin in, playing with it with his tongue. “Was it perhaps this?” he spoke again as he easily slipped his middle finger inside of you. The wet sounds of him pumping your pussy made you even more aroused and it probably had the same effect on Jaemin since a little low growl roared in his chest. He slipped another finger in. “Do you hear it? So wet and all for me,” his hot breath ghosted your ear. “Jaemin, please,” you mumbled, the building up sensation keeping you on the edge but not enough to grow to what your gut needed. Jaemin raised his bust and sat down on his heels with a cocky smile, looking at the way his fingers disappeared inside you, glistening with your juices. “You’re in no position to ask for anything, angel,” he reminded you calmly. “But I appreciate the please. Now, let’s learn to say thank you as well, shall we?” You whined, rocking your hips against his hand, urging him to go faster. The boy raised an eyebrow at your eagerness and let himself down on his elbows between your legs. “Do you want to feel my tongue?” “Yes, yes, please,” you replied, all of your pride out of the window. “Like this?” he licked your inner thigh. You protested and it only made Jaemin more amused. “Sorry, like this?” he drew a line on one of your lips, so close yet so far. “Jaemin, I’ll fucking make you pay,” you spoke through your teeth and Jaemin clicked his tongue as if disappointed, retrieving his fingers from you and leaving you all empty. “No, no, no,” you wailed, eyes wide staring at him. “What was that? Did I hear some-” he cupped his ear with one hand in a playful act, “-attitude?” “Shit, Jaemin, you said you’re going to fuck the attitude out of me, yet here you are, not doing anything to me.” Jaemin’s smile disappeared in a second leaving space for a dark expression. Usually, he would have continued to smile, but this Jaemin was a different person. “Oh, be careful what you wish for, angel,” he whispered and dove into your core, not leaving you a single second to breathe in properly. You moaned hard feeling his quick tongue, curling your toes and tugging at the handcuffs keeping your arms painfully above your head. “Oh oh- fuck me,” and he did it, lapping at your wetness, fingers shoved back inside of you, quick to find your sweet spot thanks to your increasing moans guiding his movements. His name on your whiny lips probably made him insane since he started to move even quicker, so quick to make you arch your back, not stopping even when you started to uncontrollably shake, coming all over his tongue. Your legs tried to get together but Jaemin didn’t agree with that, slapping your thighs away his with free hand and diving back in, sucking on your clit as if nothing happened. You cried out and mumbled something about stopping but Jaemin didn’t accept anything besides the safe word. Deaf to your protests, he ravaged you until hearing your loud whimpers again, this time shaking so hard that the bed frame moved with you, your wrists hurting as you tugged at the handcuffs again. Only then Jaemin lifted himself on his knees again, breathless, your juices wetting his lips and chin, a thin layer of sweat matting his fringe to the forehead. “How are we feeling, baby?” he grabbed the collar of his t-shirt and undressed himself, revealing one of the best bodies you’ve seen in real life. Unable to speak, still coming down from your high, you just stared at him, fucked numb, and he still didn’t even put his cock to good use yet. “Good,” Jaemin seemed satisfied as he caressed his abs, going down to the waistband of his grey sweats with a slow movement. He teased you like that for a second, loving the way your eyes were trained on his hard one. “You want it?” he asked with a smirk, palming it and outlining its form. “Yes,” you managed to say. Jaemin clicked his tongue. “You’re back to speaking now. Better do something about it,” he commented and took off his bottoms alongside his boxers. In a single movement, your legs were around his waist and the tip of his cock was tasting your entrance. Jaemin moved it up and down with his hand, spreading your abundant juices on it, making you almost whimper with expectation before finally filling you up slowly with a deep grunt. And you felt every centimetre of it, stretching you out, making the air leave your lungs in the same moment until you felt it hit far inside where no cock has possibly touched before. “Shit-” Jaemin whispered as you moaned, slowly making more space inside your tight walls by swiftly rolling his hips. He didn’t need to keep the pace low for a long time though as you quickly adjusted to his girth, high pitched pleasure whimpers leaving your rough throat instead of pained ones. Jaemin swore again, thrusting every time faster, grabbing your legs and putting them on his shoulders, hitting it from a better angle. "Louder, baby. I want to hear your moans." You bit your lower lip, the remnants of your brattiness lingering on your tongue. "Then make me moan, Jaemin-," and in that second you realized that you've fucked up. Jaemin descended in a breath, making your thighs touch your chest, one of his hands deeply pressed into the pillow, the other tightened around your throat. He was quick. Oh, he was so quick you felt like you were about to go blind. "Like this? Huh?" the creak of the bed and the slapping of the skin almost covering his teeth spoken questions. When you came you felt your eyes roll back and Jaemin finally let you inhale, oxygenating your fucked out brain. Little pleas slipped your trembling lips, imitating your shaking muscles. But Jaemin didn't stop until you felt his hot cum spurting deep inside of you, making you clench hard around him, finally hearing his choked moans as well. His hips moved and moved until you begged. “Jaemin, Jaem- I can’t, I can’t take this anymore." “You know what to say, angel. A single word and I’ll stop,” he reminded you. You bit your lower lip, staring at him in the eyes. “Oh, so you like it that much, huh? Like - a - little - slut," he accompanied each of his last four words with a deep thrust. "Your tight little pussy can’t take it anymore but you still want it, isn’t that right, princess? You like to be used like this, just as I please. You’re filled up so much that it’s dripping out, baby. Would you let me use your other pretty holes as well?” “Fuck, Jaemin, you’re driving me crazy,” you whined, a few warm tears collecting to the sides of your eyes. “Oh, my baby is crying because it’s that good? Do you love it? You want more of my cock, right?” he cooed sweetly. “Yes, yes, please,” you squirmed underneath him. “No,” he shook his head amused slipping out of your hot pussy, slapping your clit with his tip. You jolted and tugged at the handcuffs. Jaemin smiled and jerked his cock between your legs. "Oh, fuck," his voice darkened as his fingers wrapped his glistening cock, fucking himself while looking at your abused pussy. He was so hot, with strands of wet hair to hide his eyes, open red lips to let out deep grunts and his abs flinching when his thumb would press into the tip of his cock that a little whine escaped your lips. "Give it to me." Jaemin looked up at your begging face with a smirk, hand not slowing down at all. "Where do you want it?" You let your tongue out and you could visibly see the moment during which Jaemin forced a moan down his throat. In a second your arms were down and you sighed relieved as he silently unlocked the handcuffs. But you didn't live that pleasurable moment for long that your bruised wrists were grabbed again to make you stand up on your knees in front of him. Jaemin looked at your face for a short while, almost tenderly, eyes darting from your eyes to your lips, before he gripped your head and forced your on all fours, his other hand keeping his cock aligned to your face. You whimpered at the sudden movement but opened your mouth, looking up at Jaemin, waiting for him to do whatever he wanted to you. And he did just that. A choked moan vibrated up his length as he thrust on your tongue, making you taste yourself and his cum at once. Jaemin hummed once then whined, stopping the air inside his nose as if choking before releasing it with through his open mouth and it was so sexy that you desired to listen to his sounds forever. And they got louder as you bobbed your head, his hands loosely gripping your face before palming your shoulders and back, going further until reaching your ass and grabbing it, kneading your soft flesh, shoving himself even further inside your throat. Overstimulated, it took him less time to cum the second time and you loved it how briefly at your mercy he was when you let his cock out, a little string of saliva connecting your tongue to his tip, jerking him off until feeling his seed paint your face. "So fucking hot, fuck-," he groaned, staring down at your expression until you milked him all up. 

Both breathless you just looked at each other until a little smile broke on your lips. He followed suit and chuckled, one trembling hand searching for his t-shirt to clean you up. 

"Wait," he said when you sat up,  putting one finger to your cheek and sucking it clean. 

"Delicious," you raised one eyebrow. "Yeah, I bet," Jaemin replied sarcastic one hand sliding on your jaw while the other cleaned up your cheeks. You closed your eyes with a smile and waited for him to be done, not expecting the little peck he places on your lips. 

When you opened your eyes surprised, Jaemin continued to pat your skin as if nothing happened. 

"What was that?" you inquired. 

The boy blinked at you innocently. "You had something on your lips."

Your smile grew. "And it's all off now? I think there's some left. Wanna check?" 

Jaemin let the t-shirt go on the side in that instant and kissed you deeply, almost making you fall on your back. It was soft and careful, yet so intense that if you wouldn't have felt so spent it would have turned you on again. And maybe you still could go on for a while because when Jaemin tilted your head to the side and circled your tongue with his, you could have sworn that the heat between your legs came back stronger than ever. 

"Wait here," he whispered on your skin and got up, letting you admire the back view until he disappeared outside the room. 

With a deep sigh, you let yourself fall on the bed again, stretching your sore muscles, the realization that you've just had some mad sex slowly creeping in. 

When Jaemin came back you were almost drifting to sleep, lulled by the sound of the rain. 

"Come." A little whine rolled out of your lips as you opened your eyes again. Jaemin smiled looking at you for a few moments before sliding his arms under your knees and waist. 

"Jaemin, wait, no-," you jolted awake but not being able to do anything besides wrapping your arms around his neck. "You can't carry me-," but he shushed you and in a few moments you were already in the bathroom, the hot water still filling the bathtub. 

He put you down and held your waist when you realized your legs were still wobbly and helped you step inside the soapy water. When he followed suit, placing himself behind you and pulling you towards him, you felt your cheeks on fire. 

"You alright?" he whispered, hands already trained on your body, massaging your body softly. 

You nodded and inhaled sharply as he traced your bust with two fingers, going down between your legs. "Jaemin-," your thighs closed around his wrist while your face pressed on his bicep to your left. 

His soft chuckle brushed against your temple. "I'm not doing anything. Just cleaning you out," he had the courage to say. When you arched your back he retrieved his hand and grabbed a soft loofah. With gentle and careful strokes, he passed it on your skin starting from the chest and shoulders then going down on your torso, giving a little bit too much attention to your breasts. Too turned on but also embarrassed about him washing you up, you could just stare at the way the bubbly water dripped on your skin and when he ordered you to turn around, you couldn't bear to look at him in the eyes. Hands on our ankles, as you rested your back to the other side of the tub, he worked your legs up slowly, enjoying the view and your shy expression maybe too much. 

"You're so beautiful," he commented in a low, playful tone and you felt like asking him to get you off for the nth time that night. 

Perhaps it showed on your face or maybe he could read minds, but when he reached your inner thighs, he let he loofah float and touched you with his fingers, pulling you towards him until you straddled his lap. 

"The bet is off now. You can insult me just like before," he smirked while his fingers made their way between your aching folds. 

The breath you inhaled was shaky and you had to press your forehead against his, your hands restless on his wet shoulders. 

"I wasn't like that because of the bet," you confessed and Jaemin's pupils visibly trembled while his lips curved in a little smile. "And I'm not like this now because of it either."

A low sound vibrated in Jaemin's chest before he whispered against your open mouth. 

"So you saying that you're actually a good girl?" 

You nodded, unable to speak as the boy's fingers picked up the pace on your clit. 

"I know," he placed a peck on the corner of your mouth, "you're such a good girl," a peck on your jaw, "especially for me" a peck on your neck. 

You exhaled with a whine and let your head fall back, digging your nails into his skin, finally being able to touch him as you've wanted to do before. Jaemin took the opportunity to let his lips descend to your nipples, sucking them inside the warmth of his mouth, twirling the buds with his wet tongue until it was unbearable for you to not moan his name uncontrollably. 

Your body was all mush when you came again with an almost scream, pulling his head against your chest until his fingertips left your throbbing clit and traced your thigh, going around it and palming your ass. When you finally unclenched your arms from around his neck, he looked up from between the swell of your breasts with a soft giggle. 

"Sorry," you mumbled but he shook his head, a kind of adoration in his eyes that you've never seen before. 

"I loved it-," he started but stopped abruptly afterwards, as if not wanting to let the words aching on his tongue to roll freely. 

You sat down deeper on his thighs until your eyes were at the same level. 

"And?" you touched his chest slowly, fingers still trembling from the high. 

He swallowed, mind running at an incredibly high speed reflected in his suddenly troubled eyes. 

"And I think that-- fuck, I might love you as well." 

Oh. 

It made your whole body shake again. 

Jaemin noticed and you wondered what kind of expression you had on to make him look so worried all of a sudden. 

"Is it too much? Too soon?" he cupped your face with one hand.  

You couldn't look him in the eyes. "I don't know-- I just-" 

Jaemin shushed you. "It's alright. You don't have to do or say anything."

You shook your head and raised your gaze. "I just- I really want to let myself go and believe it."

The boy stayed silent for a moment as if wondering what his next words should be and you hated it. Nights and nights of talking freely with him made you understand how refreshing it was to be yourself and not walk on eggshells around people. And you knew that Jaemin felt the same. Seeing him now, delicate fingers on your skin as if afraid to break you, made your heart ache.  

"You care too much, Jaemin. Don't worry about me like this. We've talked about it."

Jaemin briefly licked his lower lip. "How can I not care about you when no one has cared about you before?" 

And you choked on the amount of tears that suddenly made your vision blurry.  

The boy pulled you towards him and you rested your forehead on his shoulder. "I know," he talked with a shaky voice, "I know I'm too kind and all that stuff and everything you've said is true, I need to change for my own sake, but-," his arms held you even more tightly, "not when it comes to you. I want to be like that with you. And I'm going to change, yes, I'll say no and refuse to do things people ask of me if this is what you want."

His words didn't make your sobs slow down but you raised your face and touched his cheeks. 

"Then I want you to care about yourself the way you care about me, Jaemin." 

"I care about myself now, because you care about me." 

You chuckled. "That's still doing stuff for other people." Jaemin smiled and stroked your under eye with his thumbs. "It's not for other people. It's for you. Because I love you, Y/N." 

You bit your lower lip as a new tide of tears announced their way. 

“I never said I care about you though,” your lower lip trembled after you let it go. “You don’t have to say it.” “I hate you.” “Yeah,” he kissed your lips. “And I don’t like cuddles and I don’t like breakfast.” “Yeah,” he kissed you again. 

And again. 

Until you didn’t let him go anymore and he was sure of being loved back. 

[rigelmejo]

Observations when I study multiple languages at the same time:

Hello so good morning all. 早上好大家，我就着急啊哈哈....

I awoke today and my brain SPUN because I can read some Chinese, but I forgot how to say I woke up and got out of bed in chinese. I also just?? I suppose my brain worried and was like? “Do you even remember how to read french? do you even know any Chinese? Or is the new Japanese just overwriting old stuff?!”

I rationally know japanese probably won’t overwrite the rest because like - the first 5 months I studied chinese it just blocked out my French active recall unless I purposely used French a bit. But I didn’t lose any French as far as reading ability, and I got my French active recall back once I used French for a few hours/days. So it would be quite normal if my Japanese is recalled easier than my chinese for a few months. But my brain is like “we worked So hard to get to read what we Can read and say what we Can say we will be SAD if we lose it!!”

反正早上好我床上来了。我已经醒了。我不忘记很多的词。我着急为了没有的意思。我就找到一个翻译词典为了检查对的词。我猜不错。幸好！还我就可以阅读在法语，很好啊。今天我���阅读法语书一下，很容易。我没事。

My chinese may be a mess grammatically I know.

Anyway. I am. Thrilled I didn’t forget that many actual words. Universe help me if Japanese grammar starts fucking up my Chinese grammar tho. I mean I hope not because French never got fucked up; but to be fair to French I DID forget a ton of the conjugations when actually speaking/listening ToT I can barely recall French conjugations anymore unless I actively look at some textbooks or Le Français Par Le Method Nature to refresh myself. Likewise, I studied Japanese probably over 1.5 years ago now and since then, I’ve forgotten nearly all the verb conjugation endings I used to know with the exception of: ます、ません、じゃない、です／だ、じゃありません、ありまう、います、i know te form exists still though I completely forget what it’s for? Giving orders/suggestions? I forgot how adjectives conjugate but I remember they do? And I certainly forgot how words change when connected to their verb endings - I think there’s i and ru verbs? And they conjugate slightly different? And maybe nakatta is past tense negative, and katta is past tense positive (though I can’t remember if it’s katta or something else tta)?

Basically I forgot a HUGE portion of Japanese grammar. I also forgot Word order, I nearly forgot particles (I still have vague recognition of は、が、を、に、の、か). And I remember でも means but because it’s one of the few words I hear constantly and still catch. Also daijoubu (I may be spelling it wrong) for ok (I remember hearing it in YouTube and shows way more than any learning material I had, and I remember I’ve heard a similar word in thai dramas). 大丈夫／だいじょうぶ - using imiwa dictionary app I’m fairly sure that’s the word I’m remembering. Anyway I forgot... so much of my Japanese it’s like I just am relearning from almost scratch but with a vague impression it’s all familiar. I relearned these words/phrases lately which all sound extremely familiar now that I’ve heard them again: そうです、ここ、そこ、あそこ、駅／えき、子園／こえん, お電気／おでんき、今／いま、今日/きょう、あおい／青い、人/じん、話します／はなします、分かります/わかります、どこ、じゃまた.

Among the good things, I do remember most kana upon seeing them again, I think it’s just a few katakana i don’t remember unless I’m reading katakana then I recognize the word and remember the sound - like my name ミジョ/みじょ MeJo “mi-jo.” I always forget specifically ミ、シ、lol. I also forgot the way to extend vowels in katakana versus hiragana until I saw it again. And I still don’t quite remember why cake isカアク, but something else might be ice cream with a - like アーカイブ?

Anyway. Like I mentioned, this morning I read some French to assuage my fear and remind myself i can Actually still read French. I have not actually forgotten, even though my active recall is shot to hell unless I practice. And I did read, and aside from a few words I distinctly remember always confusing me and never looking up, I read fine. I’m fairly sure I read that novel easier than I’d ever read it before, even, catching more details this time than any time previously. So clearly my French reading skills are still fine, have been maintained, and if anything then over the years they’ve still marginally improved a bit.

I suppose my biggest concern with chinese is just... that I want to absolutely ensure my reading skill hits that vague “specific tipping point” that my French reading skill did. The point at which, once reached, your reading skill does not slip below “capable of grasping the overall gist of main ideas” and if you read every few days or weeks then also may continue improve over time. I remember in French, BEFORE I hit that “specific tipping point,” if I stopped reading for a while, then when I came back to reading things were harder to comprehend again and it took a bit of extra work to re-establish the foundations. But after a certain tipping point was reached, even if I didn’t read French for a few weeks or months, when I came back I had a basis of understanding that never fell below “at least able to follow gist of main idea” and often picked up any forgotten words within a few hours, then picked up new words to learn. And so I could continue “picking up where I left off” with learning instead of fighting with my reading skills sliding backwards. They no longer slid backwards, they only got “rusty” and then once polished up in a few hours, would resume improving. It’s the stage I want my chinese reading to reach, because once it reaches that point I will no longer worry I’ll forget the foundational skills - it’s decently doable to re-familiarize yourself with specialized words as needed (we even do it in English if say we read a psychology book for a class 4 years ago then pickup a new psychology class, etc). But it’s difficult to build the original foundation skills everything leans on. In Japanese, I never finished building it - I think I was finally starting to at 2.5 years in, then I gave up. As a result, I lost a significant portion of that foundation I had not finished building. At first I retained some of it, but from years of no review AND no continuing to finish building it, that foundation crumbled. So now I remember pieces of Japanese, but not enough to rely on. Whereas my French had enough time devoted to finishing the foundation, that now even if I take a few months or a year away from it, if I go back to speaking/reading/listening to French then the foundation is remembered quickly and I can start learning mostly where I left off and just jump to improving again (instead of needing months to relearn). While I can relearn/strengthen the basic things in French, I can also jump into books or listening or convos and know enough to just learn from doing, and still remember enough that I’m Capable of interacting with those things and comprehending enough To do them.

I think of it like drawing - idk when it happens with a skill like drawing, I drew since I was able to hold things so I don’t know. But basically whether you draw everyday, or stop for a few months or a year then return to drawing, within a few hours of drawing again all your previous skill comes back to you. If you forgot something you’d learned, usually a few minutes or hours re-learning is enough to drag your skills up to where they were before. So you can quickly return to your former skill level last time you drew, and quickly start improving further. So each time you draw, you’ve retained your skill from before (mostly) and improve your skill, then that skill improvement carries over to the next time you draw. It’s great. In some ways, my French skill is like that - I quickly can get to the comprehension level I was at last time I engaged with French, can improve from there, and then the next time I engage with French I can pick up from the level to which I’d improved to. I may forget some specifics I didn’t use much or learn as well - specialized words, or ways to express myself I rarely use (so rarely reinforce), but if I re-study them it takes a few hours to get those back (instead of the months it took to learn the first time). I am so grateful my French is past that “specific tipping point” because it makes French way easier to retain a useful level in, and easier to pick it back up when i have time and improve it as needed in the areas needed and retain the improvements I make for the most part. In Japanese, I never reached that “specific tipping point” of having established enough of a foundation. So I lost a lot of what I knew.

With Chinese, I really want to ensure I’ve reached past that “specific tipping point” of enough of a foundation, before I give it less dedicated time. I don’t want to lose the chinese I’ve learned, since it’s a significant amount. And... even more than that, my chinese speaking and listening ability is in many ways BETTER than my French, because I worked on it, and I don’t want to lose those abilities either to the degree I’ve developed them. In French, i know I have very low levels of speaking/listening in comparison to my reading and they lag behind as a result - even once they reached the “specific tipping point” a year later than reading in French, they still lag a ton behind my reading (think A1-2 French speaking/listening skills, versus French B1-B2 reading skills). Meanwhile, I’ve been trying to make it so my listening/speaking skills only lag behind my chinese reading skills a little bit. And I’d like all of those skills to reach the “specific tipping point” where I am able to retain the majority of those skill levels, before I work on chinese less frequently.

I know myself. With Japanese, at 2.5 years in I was Just starting to hit the beginning of making that foundation I could retain later - I was just starting to read and comprehend the gist of the main plots in manga, to watch YouTube or play games and grasp the bare gist of what the main ideas was. In French, those skills started at about 5 months in, and I don’t think they hit “specific tipping point” of me being able to rely on keeping those skills perpetually, until 1.5 years in. With Japanese, as I said, i hit the beginning of building them around 2.5 years in, and just never solidified them enough to hit the “specific tipping point” unfortunately. With Chinese, at least in reading (since I’m only discussing reading skill in all 3 languages), I probably hit the beginning of building these skills at month 10-11. That was when I could start reading manhua without a dictionary, novels without a dictionary (and grasp the main ideas gist at minimum), and watch shows and do the same. Which again, is higher than Japanese even was at its beginning-foundation, as I couldn’t even Read novels or listen to Japanese audio on its own and follow the main idea. So I suppose, to compare the absolute beginnings of each foundation being built: in French it was month 3 (when I could start brute forcing through news/Wikipedia and comprehend some gist of main ideas), Japanese year 2.3ish (when I started brute forcing through manga and comprehending very roughly some main ideas), month 6-8 in chinese (when I started brute forcing shows and novels and comprehended honestly more than I can believe I managed to in retrospect, considering how much easier those still-challenging tasks feel now). Anyway... Chinese has seemed to take 2x as much time to improve compared to my French. I do suspect chinese normally takes native English speakers roughly the FSI recommended 4x as much time. I suspect my French learning plan was just not very optimal for my learning style, so it wasn’t as efficient. Likewise... I suspect Japanese should normally take roughly 4x to 5x longer to improve then French. I suspect mine took SO long last time particularly, because I did not even have a good study plan for myself until year 2 of Japanese study.

So... based on all that. I imagine my chinese will be very firmly where i want it’s minimum skill to reliably maintain the foundation of what I know, to be at.. year 2-3. Year 2, if I keep improving as well as I’ve been doing (and assuming if my French had been more consistent it would’ve been at the “specific tipping point” by year 1). And year 3 if I don’t always study as much, or it simply takes longer (so twice the 1.5 years French took). Which honestly... 3 years is still intensely fast as I see it. And, if I’m improving the way I think I have been, I can’t even imagine how ill be in year 3. Anyway... based on all of that... I think it would be a bad idea to pick up Japanese heavily until my chinese is past at least year 2. With my 1 year+ of French, at that point I was also studying Japanese, and they seemed to work fine as I studied both - the only thing was it slowed down my French progress. So I do think waiting to do anything heavy with japanese, until my chinese is a good play I’m ok to let it simply maintain for the most part, is probably a safer plan.

—-

Realistically... no reason I can’t lightly re-study Japanese though and Just like rebuild the beginnings of the foundation I had though, it was probably N4 starting into N3 when I gave up. So I could probably re-learn some old stuff without taking too much time from chinese. And then if my chinese is year 2 by then, that sure would be convenient. Lol this is all... me contemplating. When we all know the truth is, I’m going to do whatever I want to do in the moment, and see what happens o3o

I am gonna tentatively say though, I think as long as I don’t abandon Chinese for any length of time until at least 2-3 years in, it should probably be maintained at least though at where it’s at/gradually improve. I didn’t lose any French during the times I kept using it, even when studying Japanese and russian, the “specific tipping point” didn’t really matter until I stopped using French for months at a time. I am sure I will notice if another language study is slowing down my chinese study though, in which case I’ll pause the other language if I have a Chinese goal that needs more time for attention.

At the moment, my Chinese goals are going about as expected. I wish I could carve some more time for them, but I’m giving them as much time as they were getting throughout the fall - so it’s not like they’re getting any less time than usual. (I am just inpatient, and wish I was the kind of person with the time and focus to give them 4-6 hours a day lol).

[atamascolily]

lily watches fma:b, eps. 58-61

I hate suspense, so I went ahead and read the plot summary for the next few episodes, so I could relax a bit. Unfortunately, there's a lot of plot decisions that elicit a major "WTF?" from me, so we'll see if they work better in context.

so they're using the Gates as transportation portals now?? This is new, isn't it?? or does it only work with people who have already opened gates?? I'm so confused!!

okay, so ling doesn't know how to use alchemy to heal people? but he can sense homunculi because chi? or is this just something everyone in Xing can do? I'M SO CONFUSED.

[he has a stone but neither he nor Greed know how to use it to heal others, I guess?? why not, though?]

Bucaneer calls Olivier a "queen," which is right on!

Greedling is the best thing about this adaptation, full stop

*sings* "It must be nice, must be nice, to have a homunculus on your side..."

that one random woman looks so much like Danta from FMA03 that I just had to shake myself to make sure I wasn't imagining it

Elicia HAS ECLIPSE GLASSES AND IT'S THE CUTEST THING

I don't understand why Hoheneheim counts as a sacrifice - yes, he was present for the opening in Xerxes, but he did not attempt human transmutation himself (even though the portal was centered around him without his knowledge) I feel like intent matters?? iirc, he wasn't consumed and broken down the way Ed and Al were???

He's also now fused with Father in a weird blob that reminds me of Topaz trapping humans in Steven Universe.

I don't know why Hawkeye hasn't managed to shoot the evil doctor in all this close-quarters fighting. And why isn't Roy using flames? We had a demo earlier with the zombies that he can work around his allies without burning them, so... ???

Mustang is ordered to perform human transmutation so the bad guys can have a fifth person to complete their circle (somehow, alchemy always works in fives?) He refuses, but then they say they'll shoot Hawkeye if he doesn't so he caves.

this "gotta get a complete set" seems really sloppy for Team Bad, because the eclipse is like, any minute now. Seems like they're cutting it really close. You think they could have found/persuaded/forced someone into doing it, given how long they've had to work at this. So I'm just like "???" about this.

(the doctor dude also lampshades this, lol)

also, I'm so confused why the doctor claims Roy can bring anyone he wants back - maybe this was FMA03 I'm thinking of, but it seems like you would need some sort of specific connection to a particularl person in order to bring them back that you couldn't just whip out at a moment's notice??

is there any other way to open the gateway besides human transmutation?? And why doesn't the doctor count, since they've made plenty of philosopher's stones (which involve human transmutation, and is why Hohenheim is a sacrifice in the first place)??

okay, hawkeye isn't dead yet, but he's supposed to transmute her anyway? How does that differ from healing? I'M SO CONFUSED.

anyway, pride shows up and eats the annoying doctor and also makes a transmutation circle with his shadows while Bradley pins Mustang to the floor. o...kay. andthen it just...happens?without roy's consent?

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DUDES

okay, andnow the eclipse is starting, irl they'd have a maximum of 8 minutes at totality to Do The Thing, but who the fuck knows what's happening here since all the characters are UNDERGROUND (how do they even KNOW)

fuck, they're basically raping mustang here since his consent does not matter because pride ate the doctor and the doctor has the knowledge (but that should make him and/or pride the sacrifice, not ROY).

like what the actual fuck

so the doctor gets transmuted, even though he was the one with the relevant knowledge?? I don't get it.

and mustang is automatically transported to be with the other sacrifices - why? how?? how does this even work? is that other circlethey wereusing still active? was it part of pride's set-up for this circle to be dual-purpose?HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?

and apparently, it's just one floor below so all they have to do is break the floor??

Roy is blind... but does not physically lose his eyes, which makes NO SENSE, given that Al, Ed and Izumi lost actual physical pieces of themselves.THE FUCK.

ed's like, "this is super fucked up shit, and you don't get to moralize about human nature and hubris if you guys forced him to do this"

pride is basically acting like a kid who had all the time in the world for an assignment and then rushed to complete it at the last possible moment

scar fights bradley, yes FINALLY SOMEBODY KILL THAT DUDE

al's emaciated body is just so heartbreaking, and al's like "no! I can't suddenly move to this incredibly emaciated version of myself before the final battle!" which is actually really smart of him

of course, al's body waits until AFTER his soul leaves to monologue about how al might have just destroyed the entire world. GEE THANKS YOU ASSHOLE.

broussh shows up at the radio station and maria ross is like :????:

Father says the sacrifices are "all in his belly" and we cut to the chimeras on the outside looking at a massive blob - so Father is ALSO a gate???

(ngl: it would make TOTAL SENSE if Father was originally one of the creatures we see when the gate opens, who got pulled into our world by Hohenheim's master... especially since he used Hohenheim's blood? DID HIS MASTER PERFORM HUMAN TRANSMUTATION? WOULDN'T IT BE AWESOME IF WE ACTUALLY GOT SOME ANSWERS??)

(okay, this is my working headcanon now)

May's like "I'M GONNA TAKE 'EM" and I'm like "aww, heck yeah girl!"

it's really appropriate that Scar--Formerly Consumed by Anger--is fighting Wrath, who ordered the Amestrian equivalent of Order 66 on Ishval.

scar put a reconstruction circle on his other arm, how Symbolic

FATHER MAKES A GUN OUT OF HIS OWN BODY WITH EYES AND TEETH

no seriously, what the fuck did I just witness

Al apologizes to Hohenheim in case he hits him when he attacks father, bless that boy

Izumi makes A GIANT FUCKING CROSSBOW, did I mention I love her?

the personal gates of all of the sacrifices open - so they have giant eyes in their stomachs, wtf

father wants to open.. the planet's gate??

(this ties in with the alkahestry and chi, but... what?)

okay, the country-wide transmutation circle activates and everyone dies

Pinako (who knows Hohenheim is involved with this shit): Hohenheim, I'm gonna slug you. AND DAMN WELL YOU SHOULD MA'AM.

then the gates open and Father challenges God to a fistfight

... and God answers??

[apparently God lives in the sun, and only comes out during an eclipse??? looks just like the usual gate-eye-tentacle creature, tho]

okay, so we get our answer as to why an eclipse: male + female, sun + moon, = perfect being = immortality.

apparently there's a rule that all megalomaniacal shounen villains end up looking the same, because Father looks just like Aizen''s final form from Bleach now, except with more eyes.

Father ate God and now he's young and hot and mostly naked again.

He negates alchemy and creates a miniature sun in his hand because he can.

I hope God gives him indigestion or something.

Oh, wait, Hohenheim had a plan after all... THOUGH APPARENTLY 50 MILLION PEOPLE HAD TO DIE FIRST, WAY TO GO THERE

turns out he's been letting bits of his philosopher stone around amestris on his travels so that father would eat them and they'd tear him apart from the inside

... and the circle for the alchemy is the moon's shadow on the earth.

[I don't know if the astronomy actually works out, but it's very nifty nonetheless]

anyway, everybody's soul returns to their bodies, and everyone wakes up. IDK how their bodies handle having been functionally brain dead, but we're just gonna say it all works out, okay?

ooh, and everyone REMEMBERS WHAT JUST HAPPENED so they’re all like “...the fuck??”

scar saves the world by activating the reverse transmutation circle over the center that all the Ishvalans set up during the time skip

instead of blood you just need circles drawn on paper for reconstruction? why did Team Evil go to so much trouble to murder people instead?

father spends this whole fight looking like a very ripped hohenheim in a bathrobe around his waist OMG

pride calls ed his brother and I think this was handled better in 03 with Envy, but w/e. anyway he's going to take over ed's body but kimblee steps in and stops him

(man, this fucker again!!!)

kimblee's like "lol, I just like being a contrary bitch"

pride is reduced to a little baby, which Ed calls "Selim" and puts on his red jacket... okay...

well that was a trip.

cannot fault the manga-ka for ambition and epic scale here, but also: WHAT DID I JUST WATCH.

[forlorned]

finally i’m getting ‘round to barbie’s bio!! she’s a charming native that loves this town more than she hates it, but only by a small margin. she’s the secretary to the mayor, but her father was a disciple so she’s... neutral on the club. wolves, tho? gross. her mom is also a little infamous around town for partying too much, even into her fifties, sort of like lorelai from gilmore girls if she was chaotic and a former biker groupie. anyways, here’s her details:

content warnings: death, implied bipolar disorder

born october 20th, 1988 in charming, california. her mother, also named barbara goodwin, was new to the town when she met ty. she didn’t plan on staying long, accepting a temporary job to fill in as a substitute teacher that was on maternity leave, but it was love at first sight for the two of them. she didn’t know he was a biker until two weeks into their relationship, a fact that ty kept from her. she was only twenty three when she moved to charming, ty a bit older, but she decided to forgive him for lying. by that time, she was madly in love with him... or at least she thought so. the relationship didn’t last as long as her pregnancy. they were constantly on and off, fighting daily, and when barbie was born, barb decided ty would have nothing to do with his daughter. (that didn’t last very long.)

barbie grew up with her father wandering in and out of her life, sometimes living with her and her mom, sometimes not seeing him for months, depending on what was going on with the club at any particular time. it was mostly just her and her mother, and barb only being in her mid 20s when barbie was born, quickly felt like she was losing her youth. she would party regularly, leaving barbie with the elderly neighbor, usually at the clubhouse when she liked ty and la luna’s when she didn’t. for the most part, it was just barb and little barb (as she was known the devil’s disciples and most locals), and they grew up more like sisters than mother and daughter. her mother was her best friend, except when she wasn’t.

barbie was only thirteen when her father died, though it had been a good year since the last time she saw him, during a time when relations between the devil’s disciples and wicked wolves were especially violent. dying in a violent shootout, the president at the time told her that he died whispering barbie’s name, but she finds that hard to believe. of course she was devastated that her father had died, but it felt more like the death of an uncle or distant cousin than one half of the couple that brought her to life.

things were a little different after her father’s death. her mother was still a part-time party girl, relying on her daughter as her only confidant, but she got a little more paranoid. she wasn’t worried about the club, or the gang, so much, it was just the world in general. one moment, big barb was carefree, the next she was obsessively checking the windows were still locked. barbie never grew up with a very rosy view of the disciple’s, but it was confusing how her mother could go from loving them deeply to hating them even more over the course of a day. it wasn’t an easy time to live in charming, but barbie grew to fear everyone, not just gang violence.

it was only a few short years before she got to high school after her dad died, and barbie mostly kept to herself. she was embarrassed over her mother’s public antics, scared of being hurt, and was one of the few black girls in school; all a recipe for an introverted, shy teenager. though she had loose ties to the disciples through her father, she was a chronic good girl, and that carried throughout her college years. she saw what alcohol did to her mother, knew how her father died, she wanted to stay as far away from the seedy underbelly of charming as she possibly could.

not too far, though. she stayed at home during her college education, commuting to fresno for school. desperately she wanted to leave charming, but she feared what would happen to her mother if no one was around to rein her in. completing a bachelor’s degree in communications at fresno pacific university, a major she chose simply because it could lead to many different careers, she found herself unemployed back in her mother’s house after graduation.

barbie landed in the mayor’s office by accident—not literally, but she was searching job listings in the fresno/charming area and came across one for a file clerk at the charming mayor’s office. hired after one interview, she really only intended to be there until she found something better, but slowly she started getting promoted until she was finally in the actual office. working as the mayor’s secretary for the past five years, barbie is incredibly content with her job. for now, at least, she’s absolutely fine where she is. (secretly, she hopes to be the mayor one day. not now, but maybe one day.)

before she had a vaguely cordial relationship with the disciples, and disapproved of the wolves, but since working in the mayor’s office, she’s grown to heavily dislike both. she wants charming to be a nice place to live, but it wasn’t ever that nice to begin with, was it? as far as either crew or gang knows, she’s neutral.

has a very bubbly personality, but it’s mostly just a front. she feels like she can never be angry because her mother relied on her so much as a child and it’s carried over into adulthood. also has major trust issues because of her relationship with her parents, grew up thinking that anyone that was talking to her just wanted something from her. doesn’t have a lot of friends, or at least she doesn’t have a lot of close friends. mostly hangs out with coworkers or fellow i-don’t-want-to-talk-about-my-trauma-ever-so-let’s-talk-about-real-housewives-of-nyc people.

moved into her own apartment, but frequently goes to her mother’s house to check on her/have dinner. and by frequently i mean like six times a week. doesn’t drink more than a glass of wine if she is going to drink, so most people think she’s really boring (she kinda is lol, but we love her).

you either know her as barbie or little barb, never just barb (please call me barbie, barb is my mom’s name. yes she named me after herself.) or barbara. sometimes will answer to babs.

kiiiiind of judgmental, oops. doesn’t think crew or gang members are inherently bad people but it’s more like ooh no baby what is you doing.jpg sort of thing. distrusting but incredibly lonely, whomp whomp. a big fan of passive aggressive smiles. kinda... fake, but in like an innocent way.

wanted stuffs:

childhood friends: barbie grew up in charming, so if ur muse is a lifelong local, they probably know barbie! she’s very shy but super nice, kinda kept to herself growing up, but very ride-or-die until you do something she thinks is Wrong and Amoral.

a best friend: c’mon. this girl needs a bestie, a least one person for her to feel close to and share her real emotions with. except a lot of stopping by ur place of work to go out to lunch and random gifts because Gifts Are Her Love Language.

exes: though barbie is super like... not forthcoming with her emotions, she’s very bubbly and like come the fuck on, she’s a smoke show. i’m imagining someone that really liked her but found her forced cheery attitude annoying and she refused to meaningfully commit because she was scared of the feelings.

childhood enemy: someone that didn’t like barbie growing up, for any reason (except racism obviously lmao). they could’ve been a fellow club brat or maybe they just thought she was weak bc she was so quiet and shy when they were kids. who knows! i just like antagonistic relationships!

a roommate: she moved out of her mom’s house years ago and has a good government job but she still needs help to pay the rent!! ideally they could be really good friends or maybe they were strangers that have to learn to live together and they’re constantly getting annoyed with each other for like, leaving the bathroom fan on or something. i figure this connection would be with another woman, but it doesn’t have to be!

a surrogate little sister (or bro, or sibling): barbie grew up an only child, but she’s got lots of Big Sister Energy. i’m thinking this will be a connection for someone younger that’s in need of some sisterly guidance, or perhaps a fellow club brat that’s more integrated into the crew/grew up to join and barbie’s like i don’t approve of your choices but i’m here 4 u.

um honestly i could go on forever but i don’t want this to be super long, so message me on here or discord (wanda’s loving boy#1003) if you want to plot!! :)

[lanx-reads]

Heaven Review

Final Rating: */***** or 1/10

The angel Bethany and her mortal love, Xavier, have already pushed the boundaries of Heaven with their relationship. In this conclusion to the Halo trilogy, the two take their love to the next, forbidden, step: They marry.

At a time when they believe nothing will come between them again, they are faced with their most daunting challenge yet: the Sevens, a military order of angels designed to maintain balance in the universe. These soldiers won't stop until their job is done - capture the wayward angel and send her home.

Secrets, exile, and unexpected allies flavor the rest of this intense love story and adventure.

Beth discovers there is only one way back to earth, but the cost is higher than she - and readers - ever imagined. If she can survive, she can prove to Heaven and Earth that there is nothing stronger than the power of love.

Heaven by Alexandra Adornetto is the Spider-Man 3 of all books and that is probably the highest praise I can give it considering I did enjoy Spider-Man 3. 

I can’t believe I finally finished this fucking trilogy and HOLY SHIT this book was. A ride. A wild wild ride. I cannot put into words how utterly stupid, bad, and unintentionally hilarious and entertaining this book is. Drama after drama unfolds, none of it really sticks or is really connected to... anything. There’s actually quite a bit of action, but since the main characters are so hateable and nothing connects to anything it feels almost like some sort of terrible action movie. But I understand... books are hard to write and how do you write a good conclusion for a terrible series? 

Well, you don’t.  

Now, is this book more hilarious and entertaining than Hades? In some ways... yes. Yes it is. However, unlike Hades, which was just hilarious throughout for the most part, this book does have some incredibly boring and just painfully stupid parts that remind me of the entirety of the first book. 

Heaven goes out of its way to cram even more religion down your throat. It tries to be even more offensive than the previous books combined. The author tries so so so hard to make these bland characters get on soapboxes as much as she can so they can spew utter nonsense about everything in general. This book is homophobic:

“Marriage is an indissoluble covenant between man and woman” -Gabriel 

(Yes the above is a direct quote)

It’s also transphobic: 

“Billie?” “No way, she’ll be gender confused.” 

(They’re discussing baby names. So I guess if you’re a (cis) girl and named... Billie or Riley you’re gender confused according to this author. As if that’s how it works at all) 

Aaaaand like the last book, the only PoC character is a black angel who’s the main villain. He’s also the only actual attractive character in this mess as well. I guess it’s good she... finally gave her meager PoC character an actual ethnicity? Hemiel is described as being black while Asia, from the last book, is just dark-skinned and ambiguously PoC. Of course, this is a double-whammy here... only Hemiel’s race is described throughout the entire book. And he’s the leader of the group of antagonists. Of course.  Instead of just writing in PoC as people or just not touching the matter and allowing people to imagine the characters however they wished, all the PoC characters in this series (which amounts to two...) are honed in on and specified having a darker skin tone.

I also feel as if this book is offensive to like... every normal Christian out there? Like the Christianity in this book is Evangelical and just. Makes it sound like the whole religion is full of lunatics.

Like I can’t find any way this book isn’t offensive. It’s offensive to Christians and people of other faith. It’s offensive to LGBT+ people. It’s offensive toward PoC. It’s offensive toward domestic abuse survivors. It’s offensive to neurodivergent people. It’s offensive toward Southerners who think people down here are... like that. It’s offensive to both women and men as well. Like, this book holds no punches in it’s freezing cold takes and wrongness. 

However, despite all of the above, I could not be bothered to be offended at all during this book. Now, I am an utter goblin and fall under many of the categories above, and I can understand why someone may get offended by this book. But I myself did not get offended. For one, it’s obvious the author is trying to be as “edgy” as she can be with the above. Why else would she go out of her way to preach every few pages, after all? 

And it really does feel like she, the author, is preaching her beliefs to us during these moments. The shallow “story” grinds to a halt almost every time the characters get on their soapbox for anywhere between a few paragraphs to a few pages. 

Rather than give an actual review about the entire book... I’m just gonna. Explain the plot. Because honestly everything I said about the last two books carried over. Actually, arguably, even though this book had more action than Hades, it is a technically worse book. I found several spelling and grammar mistakes, the pacing was atrocious... although better than the first book, none of the events were connected in any way and had no significance on one another. They didn’t really build up to any conclusion, relevant character development, or form any sort of detailed plot. 

However, that being said, this book does have a plot. A thin one that makes little sense and goes everywhere and one where the subplots aren’t even tied up at the end, but one nonetheless. 

Spoilers abound if anyone actually cares!!

In Heaven, Beth and Xavier decide to get marry. Even tho Beth recognizes signs around town that means hey this might not be a good idea she ignores these signs since she’s an incredibly selfish dunce. The priest who marries them is murdered for committing the sin of marrying an angel and a human together (?) and now Beth and Xavier are on the run from a group of angels known as “The Seven” who act as police. Due to God being Too Busy with Godly Things, The Seven go completely out of wack and become utterly obsessed with returning order... which means breaking their marriage I guess. 

Of course, the above sounds stupid and makes little sense. There is no real reason on WHY angels and humans can’t marry. Like the previous books, there wasn’t any real reason why they couldn’t date either. It’s unexplained. Furthermore, that murdered priest? Yeah, Beth says it’s not her or Xavier’s fault since “they didn’t know they would be punished” yet... time and time again they were told that even dating was forbidden and barely tolerated AND on top of that she was warned with numerous signs that marrying may be a bad idea... so no she’s an idiot and it IS her fault. And honestly? Reading about an angel coming to terms with being the cause of death for someone innocent would have been interesting... but that would require Beth taking responsibility for her actions and stop being a selfish and whiny bitch... which is impossible. 

After that her and Xavier go on “the run” which isn’t even on the run. They hang out in a cabin for a couple of chapters and whine about how they can’t fuck and how bored they are even tho, you know, it’s their own faults for getting into this mess at all. So much weight is put on marriage and I just... don’t get it. I am someone who doesn’t really want to marry anyone and if I did, it would only be for the benefits. I really don’t care about marriage at all, personally, so I just don’t get why it’s such a big deal here. I get it’s part of the religion... but still. Now, if the concept of marriage was explored in any significant way, that would’ve been interesting to read. But it’s not, so let’s move on. 

After being caught by the Seven after doing Stupid Shit, they go to college because...? Sevens rely on their smell and with so many humans around it will mask it? Yeah, lame and contrived excuse to force the characters to go to college. 

The college section of this book is one of the most boring and pointless. It consists of Beth hating on other girls, girls only talking about sororities and boys, and feels like a scene taken from a cheesy movie. It’s completely and utterly unrealistic and cringy; completely painful to read. Here, Beth and Xavier pretend to be siblings... which is disgusting considering this is where they decide to fuck in the woods (which is written SO BADLY I can’t even. Like... for real bitch starts waxing poetic about how she feels she’s in an underwater magical world while getting dirt and grass up her ass I don’t get it) anyways they pretend to be siblings while alone they are husband and wife and it’s so... gross... like you KNOW it’s not incest since they aren’t ACTUALLY related but STILL it makes me feel dirty to read. (And also makes me question if the author has an incest kink bc I mean really....)

Anyways, ofc they’re eventually caught by Beth’s roommate? Who fell in love w Xavier bc the need for drama demanded it and ofc she is disgusted. To hide themselves, Beth grows s k i n over her mouth and then f o r c e f u l l y wipes her memories... and again, claims she is still moral and good doing so since her “hand was forced” 

Now, is this an interesting moral dilemma that could be explored? Of course it is! And because it is, it’s not explored at all, the book assumes Beth is in the right and the reader agrees, and moves on like nothing bad happened. No lasting consequences happen due to this. 

Speaking of... Beth’s character is so radically changed she feels OOC. It’s like the author wanted to have character development but not do any of the actual work at all. She acts like the baddest bitch around and complains that she’s world weary from “all the trauma she’s been through” but it comes out of nowhere? Like she’s still whiny and selfish and annoying. She still acts like a little girl and that the whole world owes her. She ain’t a badass and I dunno why the book is trying to convince us she is. 

Anyways, after THAT fiasco MORE drama hits the fan as the Sevens find them due to them Being Stupid and also Fucking In The Woods and stage what is basically a poor and tasteless terrorist attack in the lecture hall. Now, I do wanna note Heaven is a book that is several years old now... and the author is Australian, but that’s no excuse for the piss-poor mismanagement of a terrorist attack shown in a college campus. 

Now, that being said, this terrorist attack is by the Sevens, who manipulated memories to make it seem like this is what it was... I think... it is very unclear. Someone even dies during this... actually two people... heh

Either way, Hemiel is introduced, he’s shown to be a Horrible Angel with No Empathy and the students ofc freak out and hide under their desks while the room is trashed as they try and root out Xavier and Beth. Hemiel is trying to separate them by either dragging Beth back to Heaven or killing Xavier... and they do manage to succeed this time around!

YES, XAVIER DIES

Well, kinda. I was SO SHOOK when this happened I got EXCITED like could you imagine if Xavier died and the rest of the book is Beth hunting his soul down in Heaven while also looking at her own relationships and exploring the concept of death for a universe that has shown us death is not the end? Yeah, that doesn’t happen ofc but it would’ve been cool. 

Anyways, Xavier sadly doesn’t stay dead. Beth’s sister, Ivy, brings him back even THO SHE SAYS SHE CAN’T she does so anyways because ??? plot armor. But it was fun reading about him being dead. That being said, more problematic stuff pops out here, ofc. Beth threatens to kill herself if she can’t be with Xavier which is just.. not even gonna touch that with a 10-foot pole, honestly. Because yikes. 

Anyways, after pages of the author deciding to take the pussy way out, Xavier comes back except he’s not alone in his body.... because you see...

dun dun DUN Lucifer is back! And he has possessed Xavier! To get... revenge on them killing Jake Thorn, his son! 

I think this is the part of the book where the author realized SOMETHING from the last book needed to carry over to make this an actual trilogy? So on top of having Sevens and Not-In-The-Know College campus girls as the antagonists, we also need to throw Lucifer onto the mix. And he isn’t even the LAST antagonist to be introduced to this book!

This is why I call it the Spider-Man 3 of books, people. There are at least 4-5 different villains in this book and it is ridiculous. This is also why none of the events feel connected. There’s too many antagonists and honestly? You could cut out this entire portion with Lucifer out and nothing would change. It’s just a page-waster. 

That being said, this entire section was the most hilarious and fun to me. I enjoyed Lucifer a LOT in the last book and here he doesn’t disappoint! He calls Beth a whiny bitch to her face which is honestly... a wholeass mood so yeah. 

Beth, Gabriel, and Ivy tie down Lucifer to a bed in a basement of a house they so happen to own which is kinky I guess and a standoff kinda happens? Lucifer is too strong of a demon for the angels to exorcise since they’ve been weakened fighting Sevens or something and Lucifer wants to stay in Xavier’s body to take revenge on him and the angels. 

Which... okay. See, this starts turning stupid as then Gabriel and Lucifer start waxing poetic and debating about... the morality of Lucifer’s fall from Grace? I just... more bible shit... whyyy and it could have been interesting if we cared about Gabriel or if Lucifer was a real character rather than just “big bad” but blehh. Jake Thorn makes a return as a wraith briefly to develop a deal between Beth and Lucifer to get Lucifer out of Xavier’s body or something and it’s honestly so pointless. This entire scene is pointless. There’s so many plotholes it’s painful. 

And thing is, if the author kept the big bad of the series to just Lucifer, this right here is a great starter to a different book. But for some reason, she changes villains every book. Fuck, she changes the villains in this book every few goddamn chapters! This is why nothing feels concrete in this book and why nothing sticks, nothing feels important, and events have no weight. This book feels serialized. Like a monster-of-the-week sort of story that encapsulates multiple episodes of some tepid and poor Supernatural ripoff. And I never even watched Supernatural. 

After this event, everything goes downhill fast. Mainly ‘cause this is the last time we see Lucifer. He just kinda leaves after this section, doesn’t come back, and is barely thought of. The only reason why this entire section of this book is here is because Lucifer agrees to leave Xavier’s body if Gabriel’s wings are cut off? Thing is, his wings aren’t even cut off, they’re just badly damaged. But if you needed Gabriel’s wings to be destroyed for Plot Reasons... just have the Seven’s damage them? Like why drag an entire random ass character and this entire random ass scene into it?

See? Nothing makes any gd sense! The author just wanted to write this scene ‘cause she wanted to... not because it would make sense to put in. And Xavier barely has any trauma from the fact he was possessed by the greatest evil of the world. He watches a game of football, has sex with his wife, and is pretty much completely fine after that. Yikes. That’s not how... people work? At all?

Anyways, Gabriel getting his wings damaged means he’s now Emotional TM since idk pee is stored in the wings? Actually, an angel’s version of a soul and he then confesses his love for Molly, Beth’s friend from hs who is now in an abusive relationship w the head of a growing cult. I WISH I WAS JOKING

Like. What was the author SMOKING when she came UP with this stuff. Anywyas, all that happens is more waxing poetic about love and Gabriel acting OOC and then soapboxing about Christianity and cults or something. Then Later they all rescue Molly from her initiation into the cult by her fiance and since she’s separated from him, she can have no trauma now because she was rescued!! Ain’t that just GREAT!! And now she can be with Gabriel!! Silly Molly, for even FALLING for a cultist anyways!! Yeah, this point of the book just.... whyyyy what is the pooooint whyyy does the author need to put in her two cents about DOMESTIC ABUSE!! NO ONE ASKED!! NO ONE. Maybe because people complained Beth and Xavier’s relationship was shitty and had abusive traits so she had to put in a more dramatic abusive relationship to show that there’s isn’t? But Molly being in an abusive relationship with a cultist doesn’t... magically mean Beth and Xavier’s unnatural obsession w one another is healthy. You don’t-can’t- compare abuse. Or at least you shouldn’t. It’s not a fucking pissing game. 

Anyways, after that fiasco, which again has no real trauma or emotional impact on... anyone? They go back to Venus Cove after being caught AGAIN by Sevens at the college campus. Xavier is revealed that he’s... part Angel? Because Ivy blessed his mother to give birth to him and he was destined to cross paths with Beth or some shit? It’s all convoluted and stupid, honestly. There is no point to this besides giving Xavier a magical way to combat the Sevens in a scene because silly Beth is a womyan and she can’t defend herself and her HUSBAND against ANGELS of course not!! She needs a man to help her!! Also... I guess for more drama? I don’t know I’m just perplexed at this point. 

They go back to Venus Cove because ?? Beth and Xavier are finally cornered and Beth is forced to go back to Heaven. She’s put with a therapist called Eve. More grossness about therapy and misinformation about mental institutions is inbound. Eve is the last of the villains introduced and it doesn’t even matter. Beth can’t stand Heaven without Xavier and goes to get help from Emily, Xavier’s dead gf who he lost his virginity to which is info We Didn’t Need or Care About. Her and Beth argue some, Beth is a bitch, but she’s like that to everyone in the book so whatever. She meets with a friend who was once a Seven who introduces her to some RANDOM ANGEL who HAPPENS to run an UNDERGROUND REBELLION against the Sevens that cuts wings off of angels who want to be human?

And this doesn’t go against God because ??? I have NO Idea because the author doesn’t want it to and God already knows about them and is ok w it and the political unrest in Heaven I guess? God the contradictions are piling up. THIS MAKES NO SENSE AND COULD BE A BOOK ON ITS OWN

Also why were we wasting time with Beth in the first book when there was ALL THIS happening on in the BACKGROUND apparently?? I don’t know nothing makes any sense. 

Anyways, her wings are cut off, she says goodbye to Heaven and falls, lands on the beach of Venus Cove. Her old friends walk by talking about exposition in the 2 years she’s been gone but doesn’t see her somehow? I guess this exposition is supposed to tie in subplots but it doesn’t and also doesn’t matter. 

Beth goes back to Xavier, they have a reunion, and are alone now in the house since Ivy and Gabriel aren’t even there they went off somewhere to do Things I guess and it doesn’t matter. She’s human now and has a belly button and everything so now they can grow old and die together the end.

If it isn’t clear by now.... this book has a problem with basically everything. From a technical standpoint it’s an utter nightmare. In some ways, even worse than Halo since this book also has a tone and mood problem. The story jumps ALL OVER THE PLACE and does a poor job at mixing the supernatural parts and the human parts together. Revelations are made that have no bearing on anyone or anything. Drama happens and so do traumatic events but no one is really impacted by... anything? Beth is always in the right even if she does terrible things, poor her and Xavier, their life as rich white people is so hard since their love isn’t accepted or recognized by Heaven :( let me play the world’s smallest violin for them. 

Seriously. No self awareness or critique. At all. 

I don’t know what else to say about this book. I think it should be evident in everything ELSE I’ve said. Writing? Bad. Plot? What plot? Bad anyways. Characters? Godawful. Too many. No direction, no pace, nothing. This book feels like a churned out mess probably because it is. I don’t even wanna ASK how this got published because the answer is simple; money. 

Either way, I am BLESSED to be done with this series. As hilarious as Hades and Heaven are, I wanna go back to reading REAL books, thank you very much. 

Also, I am so sorry Spider-Man 3. I am so so sorry for comparing you to Heaven. That is a straight up insult and I take it back right now. Because I don’t think anything is comparable to Heaven. 

*/***** or 1/10

[leofcwler]

( austin butler, cismale ) did you hear how LEO FOWLER is applying to columbia university as a FORENSICS SCIENCE major ?! the 21 year old is living in the WATT HALL. i heard that they got in because they are + CHARISMATIC and +EFFERVESCENT, but honestly i think HE can be - CALLOUS and - RECKLESS. they’re a real ANOMALY. oh well, only time will tell if the JUNIOR will make it til the end. 

struts in thru a bead curtain w a martini in hand........... hlo everyone! i’m bri, n im a painfully awkward canadian 21 years of age!! i haven’t been in a group this big in wht feels like 1000 years n leo is a completely new char...... so im a wee bit intimidated bt?? ready to Party (the crowd goes wild). i have a habit of not sleeping so theres a chance im gna b on 24/7 wonks..... give this a like n i will come running to u naruto style to plot!!

TW: neglect, drugs/drug abuse, overdose, hospitalization

ABOUT LEO

aight so leo’s dad? real estate agent n his mom is a nurse. they live pretty average boring lives?? considering tht leo is like the opposite of Average or Boring he used to lie n say tht his dad was an astronaut lost in space and his mum was a mermaid at a freak show, so. however when he was 12 his parents suddenly divorced literally out of nowhere bc lo n behold leo’s dad was having an affair so........ guess he wasnt as boring as leo thought??

his mom moved out n he doesn’t rly see her a lot any more, she doesn’t rly kno wht to do w leo when she does see him?? he’ll go over and be like ‘im gonna JF kennedy trump’ n then his mom will burst into tears and start crying abt how this wasn’t the boy she raised it’s a whole gross mess so he stopped going over so tht she didn’t get sad n he didn’t get uncomfortable

his dad didn’t NEGLECT leo bt after the divorce he certainly didn’t take his time in caring abt his sons whereabouts n what not. leo had always been raised in a kind of carefree house anyway since his mom worked a bunch of random overnight shifts n what not n she was the more strict one, bt it got to the point where leo wld jokingly talk abt burning down the house to see how his dad wld react and all he’d get is a nod and asked to bring his dad another beer SO

he got kinda bored of trying to get his dads attention with no luck, so one day he ended up buying fireworks tht were COMPLETELY illegal from a vendor on the Sketchy Side Of Town and set them off outside of school...... he had expected to get into trouble n his dad wld have to do sommething abt it bt one of the fireworks ended up exploding and breaking several windows n leo got expelled big time

his dad kinda freaked bc the only other school in the super small town he grew up in was a pretty expensive private school tht he cld barely afford

leo hated it............ wld show up to school purposely out of uniform/wld graffiti the walls/did the most to get detentions jst so he cld stay later n avoid going home etc.............. one time he showed up after cutting the pants into shorts tht left almost nothing to the imagination n got suspended fr it

miraculously got into columbia bc even tho he fucked around in school he was actually quite smart?? cld have probably gotten a scholarship if he actually tried bt Trying jst isn’t leo’s style apparently

although he didn’t have too many friends growing up he did have a few tht he purposely hand selected bc he knew they were jst . not a good influence at all?? got him into the party scene in a pretty awful n intense way, he’d been hospitalized more than a handful of times fr alcohol poisoning n he even OD’ed on coke once which . made him realize tht maybe the whole Doing Coke For Fun At A Party thing was just an excuse now. the hospital offered to get him into a rehab program bt he refused to admit he had a problem even tho he still does coke jst a WEE BIT too much to this day

personality wise he’s kind of a lot to handle?? will turn around and insult u then b confused as to why ur offended he jst.......... doesn’t have a filter and also doesn’t realize he’s being rude cuz he was never rly taught to jst . calm down n think abt words before he says them

is waiting for aliens to come down and take over his body/the earth. a genuine believer in them n all things supernatural......... still thinks he’s possessed after a bad flu when he was 14

tbh he like to make ppl purposely uncomfortable sometimes . watching ppl squirm n blush? his fave thing

majoring in forensics science bc ?? he was obsessed with forensic files growing up and always wanted to be the person tht was like . “We found his fingerprints on the doorknob.”

ironically his star sign is leo

pansexual king.................... a mess when it comes to relationships he doesn’t rly know how to properly be in one bt he actually likes them. also likes to jst . sleep around when he can, being w ppl is kind of his fave thing bc he subconsciously doesn’t think ppl want him fr anything other than sex n stuff like tht it’s a mess

TENTATIVELY TOSSED TOGETHER WANTED CONNECTIONS

he does need some friends tbh

a bro he’s w 24/7?? aka Best Friend uwu

a girl he’s rly close w too bt everyone thinks they’re dating?? n they’re always like . ew thts weird

exes!! on bad and good terms............. Give It To Me

also fwb’s.............. needs lots of Those

someone who tutors him?? he has the attention span of a walnut so wld need help

ppl he deals to?? literally collects drugs jst to feel comforted by the fact tht he has them bt has WAY TOO MANY to take so he sells them when he can

enemies!! i figure he may have . a lot of these siodghoidg

unrequited crushes........... him to someone else or someone to him either way it Works

someone in general tht he is jst . head over heels fr............ disgustingly into to the point where he writes them trash poetry abt wanting everyone else on the earth to disappear so it cld b jst them n stuff

ANYTHING!! the world?? our oyster............

[shsl-shipper-gamer-fangirl]

Phantom Confidants AU

In an alternate universe, I actually write about a P5 AU where the non-party social links are the phantom thieves of that universe. So Mishima, Hifumi, Shinya, Sojiro, Toranosuke, Iwai, Takemi, Ohya, Chihaya, Kawakami and even Sae. Honestly I would have loved to have an animal in the group but Morgana is the only animal social link and he's an original member. But hey it's still a pretty diverse group considering it's a mix of mostly adults, some teens, and a kid. They've got a pretty badass lineup to be honest so here's how I think it'll go. 

Full plot, codenames, and Mementos chats under the cut: 

(SPOILERS AHEAD) 

Plot Your Heart Out!

So first up, who would be the new protagonist? At first I figured Mishima because he's got that work-in-progress good guy vibes. But then I checked the list and realized that most of the group are adults and not really sure if Mishima can handle the leadership role. So who else? Then it hit me. Best dad Sojiro. Think about it. He had a direct connection with Wakaba who started this whole metaverse discovery. It's the perfect setup! He helped Wakaba with her research from time to time and during one of the experiments, they had discovered the metaverse. Maybe. I'm making this up as I go. Anyways! 

The general premise is that Sojiro was the first Phantom Thief in his youth and became an urban legend later on when he retired. When he took in Futaba, he promised he'd devote himself full time into raising her so he quit the calling card business. Except fast forward many years later, he was forced to wear/rip off his mask again. 

In this AU, Sojiro already changed Futaba's heart early on so Futaba was able to enroll at Shuujin Academy. It's all fine at first until she comes home and brings up Kamoshida and how no one not even adults can lay a hand on him. Her concerns bring out his instinct protect his child from such monster. When conventional methods failed and the rumors of sexual assault is less farfetched from the truth, he didn't hesitate to start stealing hearts again. 

During the infiltration he'll most likely be able to recruit Mishima and Kawakami (both obviously carry good reasons to get back at Kamoshida). Mishima has average stats which makes him a good support member. He gets stronger with baton pass! Someone give this child a confidence booster and he will plow you. Kawakami has the best buffs which makes life so much easier. They succeed and the school becomes safe so he thought his comeback was just a one time thing. Oh he was sorely mistaken. 

At this point, gossip about the Phantom Thieves have spread and such news have even reached our local back alley doctor. During the weeks before Kamoshida's confession, Sojiro had been striking up unethical deals for medicine from her and so she connects the dots. She confronts him at the cafe during a slow night. She doesn't plan on ratting him out however she wants in. She wants him to change the heart of this one doctor and gives him a deadline (she doesn't say at first that it's because of that one girl patient although they find out anyway during the confrontation in the palace). She somehow ends up joining them during infiltration, awakens and joins the team. She is probably the closest friend/acquaintance that Sojiro had among the group before they were phantom thieves. 

Then comes my favorite arc temporary title Guns Ablaze. They're somehow managing in the metaverse but medicine can only go so far. They need good equipment and when they realized that model guns were effective in the metaverse (courtesy of Mishima experimentally bringing one with him once because real guns are illegal), they decide to shop at Untouchable. Only to somehow get roped into his yakuza blackmail drama. 

Sojiro develops a camaraderie with Iwai because they're both single parents trying hard to raise their adopted child. Definitely share the father of the year award. He joins them at the first day of infiltration because this is his fight and he will settle this with them. Hell, he doesn't even hesitate to bring a real gun with him and shoot a shadow even without a persona. Turns out the shadow yakuza is stronger than a few bullets but he faces him head on and awakens. He is Sojiro's best bro and they talk about parenting a lot. 

Halfway through though they get stuck because the shadows are surprisingly agile. Gun attacks are effective but they keep missing their shots. And you guessed it. They're going to have a kid teach them how to shoot a gun. It's embarrassing really at first, especially for the adults, but they respect Shinya for his sharpshooting skills. They hang out with Shinya a couple of times and the kid grew on to them. One time though they decided to head to the palace after training/hanging out with him but they didn't know that Shinya followed them due to some undecided plot device. He wouldn't awaken in the palace tho but he's still in awe. Some time later, the mother issue happens and he asks for their help. He asks to join them when they decide to change her heart and that's how he awakens. He is best boy. They dote on him a lot. 

Meanwhile the Phantom Thieves are gaining popularity, hence a greater demand in media. Ohya being one of those journalists assigned to write about them, accidentally discovers more than just your average article. However, good journalism is confirming facts before publishing half-truths and so she investigates further regarding Sojiro's group. She ends up frequenting either the cafe or the clinic (she tried the airsoft shop but that was too obvious). She ends up being a regular of Sojiro's curry and of Takemi's medicine (altho she just goes there to flirt err fish info). It takes a while, weeks even, but at some point, someone slips. She gets her evidence on them being Phantom Thieves but she has no plans on outing them just yet. She asks them to change the heart of her boss and they do, with her help even. She insists on tagging along and they couldn't shake her off so she comes with them. She awakens when she confronts her boss' shadow. From there on, she's been helping the team with selecting their targets because who better than a journalist? 

Recruiting Hifumi was probably the most obscure accident, mostly because I honestly can't think of a good connection just yet. There's the fact that she goes to church and Wakaba's grave is near there but even that is grasping straws. Maybe Hifumi put in a mementos request? Somehow got dragged by proximity when they went to mementos and she was just on her way to catch the late train home? I don't know. Someone help me. Chihaya too. I was thinking that Chihaya gets involved with Ohya's arc. Maybe they're friends since they both frequent the red light district. Yeah let's go with that. Chihaya is obviously the navigator of the group so she's a must have party member and Hifumi is the strategist also a must have. They work hard okay. 

Moving on! At some point they try to target the politician from Toranosuke's social link. But it becomes their shortest case ever. Tora had somehow figured that his old acquaintance could be targeted by the phantom thieves and he wants to stop the, but he has no way of contacting them. One day he went to visit that guy's place but coincidentally it was his place of distortion. Coincidentally, the phantom thieves were there and unaware of Tora's proximity. He gets pulled in with them. They never did manage to beat the Palace ruler. Instead Tora just talks it put with the shadow and the palace crumbles after negotiations succeed. Everyone's confused as to what just happened but they're not against it. Tora awakens on his own the next time he joins them, probably in Mementos. He refuses to fight but he always steps up to talk with shadows willing to negotiate. 

At this point, the phantom thieves reputation is skyrocketing. The hype is so strong that Sojiro gets a warrant of arrest. Sae hadn't confirmed it yet but she has made enough connections to point Sojiro as a suspect phantom thief. They do their own research to find out the best way to get out of this. During their investigation, they find out that there's been a suspicious pressure to have the phantom thieves arrested, abnormally so. They deduce that although Sae was an immediate threat, she was just being pulled by the strings. 

They needed to see the bigger picture and to so that, perhaps Sae was the key. They need her cooperation and to have that, they need her to have a change of heart except without the excessive guilt to render her incapacitated. They tried talking it out with her but when that failed they had no choice but had her face the facts, or rather face her shadow self. Sae awakens in her own palace, realizing how twisted her desires had become. When they escape, she asks if she could join their cause and they gladly welcome her. 

Shido is the last palace not just because of him being a corrupt prime minister but also considering the motherfucker had Wakaba murdered which makes this personal for Sojiro. After all, not only did Sojiro love Wakaba (romantically or not) but she was also the reason he was able to become a Phantom Thief in the first place. That fucking dildo Shido is long overdue to be brought down by Sojiro so that Wakaba can have some semblance of justice. Oh and Japan gets saved too I guess. (Yaldabaoth who?) 

>>Oh yeah, although Futaba isn't a thief here, it's not because she doesn't know. It's only because Sojiro forbade her and his word is law so she's still mad about that. She still helps as Alibaba though. Honestly best non-party member confidant of Sojiro and that's not just father bias talking. Okay maybe a little father bias but he's a proud dad okay. 

>>Also Morgana is a social link of Sojiro's. Except it's really just Sojiro being a softie with the cat. He has no idea what Morgana's meows mean (does he even talk/transform in this au?) but he is a good landlord and sometimes he feeds the cat better than he does Akira. 

>>Originally I didn't want Sojiro to be a Wild Card but due to Persona Tradition, in order to be a protagonist one must be a special snowflake with lots of facades inside. So I guess his velvet room would look like a cafe only without the coffee because Caroline and Justine (or just Lavenza) are kids and coffee is bad for them. Sojiro feels so uncomfortable with Igor behind the counter because for a barista to not touch them coffee beans at all, that's pretty suspicious. 

—

Codenames 'subject to change' 

Sojiro Sakura - Solo (single shot of espresso) 

Yuuki Mishima - Wolf (talk about wolf in sheep's clothing or is it the other way around?) 

Hifumi Togo - Jade or General (because shogi) 

Shinya Oda - Trigger (guns guns guns)

 Munehisa Iwai - Gecko (his tattoo) 

Tae Takemi - Witchdoctor or Plague (she protec but she also attac) 

Ichiko Ohya - Rebel (fight the power!) 

Sadayo Kawakami - Burnout (teachers have no chill) 

Chihaya Mifune - Tarot (fortune telling duh) 

Toranosuke Yoshida - Tiger (his name) 

Sae Niijima - Empress or Judge (her personality)

—

Mementos Chats: 

Ohya: No matter how much I drink every night, my body still gets hangovers sometimes. Hey, Takemi. You're a doctor, right? Know any good medicine for this? 

Takemi: I can actually prescribe you with the best medicine. Prevention. "Drink moderately" is an effectively proven motto to live by. 

—

Toranosuke: I tried checking this "phansite" and I keep seeing the "pound sign heart stolen", could you explain to me what that means? 

Mishima: ...Did you mean hashtag? I think I'll be explaining to you more than just that. 

—

Shinya: Are all adults like this? Stressed? I've been thinking about how I'm not growing up fast enough but now I think I just want to be a kid forever. 

Iwai: Smart move, kid. But don't let us get to you. Us adults are fun too, heh, when we're not too buried in bills and taxes.

— 

Iwai: Hey, know any good places to bring your kid? 

Sojiro: Depends on what he likes and the occasion. From what I heard, your kid already likes you enough so just go out and have fun with the kid. 

—

Mishima: Between studying and phantom thieving, I think I just might be better with the latter. 

Kawakami: Why? Last time I checked, your grades seem pretty okay. Are you having difficulties with any of your subjects recently? You know you can always ask me to teach you. 

—

Kawakami: I know I signed up for this but this is too exhausting! I don't even have the energy to check papers after. When I get home, I just collapse on my bed! 

Ohya: I know what you mean. I can't even make a pit stop at my favorite bar! 

—

Chihaya: I've seen shadows in my fortune tellings but to think that I'll be using it against literal shadows. The city sure is amazing ain't it. 

Hifumi: I'm not sure if it is exclusive to the city. Nevertheless, it is always fascinating to watch you work, Chihaya-san. 

—

Hifumi: Despite this group being composed mostly of adults, I find myself strangely at ease... 

Sae: Even as an adult, I agree with that sentiment. This is... a wonderful group to belong to.

—

Sae: I've been meaning to ask this but how do you juggle Phantom Thief work with your real world jobs? I honestly didn't think you had any free time to spare. As a case example, I myself only get by with four hours of sleep on slow days.

Takemi: We seriously need to reevaluate your working schedule... That or quit your job. Can't have you dying from exhaustion on us. 

—

Takemi: I may be a doctor but you all need to look after yourselves better. If any of you collapse, I'm not footing your hospital bills. 

Sojiro: What's this? Free medical advice? You've gotten soft. 

—

Sojiro: So you've been hanging out with Akira and Futaba lately? Those two can't be good influences on you. 

Shinya: They're cool, I guess. Heh, so what if they're bad influences? I hang out enough with you guys at night so that should balance it out, right?

—

Some other trivia: 

Since most of the group are adults with full time jobs, they do most of the phantom thief stuff at night 

They also work out a schedule because they have a lot of responsibilities outside phan stuff 

Still, since Sojiro is a veterinarian at this, they usually accomplish a lot in an hour or two so that helps 

Mishima and Hifumi are forbidden to do any phantom thief activities during exams week 

Meanwhile Kawakami excuses herself for the week after finals week (checking papers is exhausting okay) 

Kawakami is at the forefront of "long weekends do not touch" and "holidays touch them and you die" because teachers need those okay 

Kawakami volunteers to clean the dirty armor they find but on the condition that she gets first dibs on good armor 

Mishima still manages the phansite and he's super proud about the work they do 

Mishima visits the cafe a lot and eventually befriends Akira and Futaba 

Hifumi still speaks dramatically when giving orders or planning strategies in the metaverse 

Hifumi is actually very extra but they just let her be 

Toranosuke can't really fight much but damn he's good at them shadow negotiations 

Toranosuke can't join much because he campaigns at night but he makes it a point to be present at least once a week and during important meetings 

Shinya can't stay too late either so they either go in earlier sometimes or make up an excuse in unexpected cases 

You'd think Shinya would get teased a lot but he's actually doted upon 

Gee Shinya, how come you get to have three dads? 

Iwai and Sojiro are best dad friends and you can't tell me otherwise 

Iwai only cancels on them for father-son bonding and he usually gives them prior notice 

Ohya is the type who cancels at the last minute or arrives late 

Ohya is also the one who invites the adults out for drinks after 

Sojiro offers coffee as an alternative for those who want or may need it 

Takemi is the strict mom friend who doesn't let anyone get sick on her watch 

Takemi forbids anyone to do anything further the moment the first signs of exhaustion show 

Takemi has a special skill that makes her immune to status ailments (unlockable with social link rank up) 

Chihaya does their fortunes upon request with or without persona (she still uses her tarot cards either way) 

Chihaya still slips in her accent sometimes especially when they get ambushed 

Sae is super conscious about used to having a palace (and the only one in the team who had one) but the squad is understanding and she feels happy to be accepted even still 

Sae actually gets along pretty well with them despite their previous conflicts, which are all water under the bridge 

Sae is probably the most OP out of all of them, maybe it's because she had to face her own shadow, hmmm 

The women of the group do hang, sometimes even go out for drinks 

Hifumi joins mostly on weekends because those are in the mornings and Takemi forbids alcohol as long as the sun is out so they just window shop mostly or eat out 

More often than not, those hang outs extend into evenings so Hifumi excuses herself and Ohya now drags the rest to Crossroads 

Meanwhile the guys just chill at Cafe Leblanc, sometimes Iwai even brings his son 

They do have outings with the whole squad (sometimes plus Futaba!) 

They are a good squad, and god I love this AU

—

I uhhhh wanted to write down everything, like codename, outfit, persona, awakening scene, skills, mementos chats with each other, and all but I didn't have the time. Maybe I'll do them in another post? Maybe. Just know that I love them confidants and this au stole my heart. 

If anyone wants to add, draw, write for the Phantom Confidants AU then feel free to do so! Have fun with this idea and enjoy!!

[jungnoir]

college boyfriend!joshua

a/n: special thanks to @choco-seventeen for giving me the idea of barista!josh which ended up being the best idea ever,,, get rdy to die yall

here it is, our long awaited gentleman of seventeen!! requested by this darling~

i’ve never written anything for josh (which is appalling) and seeing as he’s now,,, like a bias,, i mean i kinda have to don’t i

i’m going to pretend that a straight week of searching for joshua scenarios did not help encourage this

so, lovely josh has always had a love for animation

ever since he was a baby, he’s always found a joy in watching cartoons, so his parents always put on some colorful children’s movie for him whenever he got fussy, or when he’d wake in the middle of the night from a terrifying dream and he’d need some calming down

this kind of comfort of seeing characters of all colors, shapes and sizes gave joshua an abundant imagination as a child. he always found he liked the fantastical feeling of animation that live action didn’t really provide him

anything could happen in animation, and anyone could be anything and look anyway that they liked, which was part of the appeal for him

as he got older, he was exposed to anime (lol) and he found that he enjoyed the more mature animation just as much as the kind marketed for children

and he didn’t discriminate either! he could watch anything from tokyo ghoul and death note to your lie in april and haikyuu!! 

but his favorite kind of animation lied in the love of studio ghibli films

something about the wonder of each film enthralled joshua so much as a teen, bringing him the nostalgia of his childhood that he loved so much

to all of his friends in high school, they had always expected joshua to get a stable, lackluster office job and stay in california with his family, which, originally, was the plan

but the films had inspired him to take a leap, so after applying to a few universities in seoul and getting accepted to the good majority, josh finished up two years of college in california before packing up everything he had and all the money he’d saved from odd jobs through his high school/college career and booked a flight straight to seoul, south korea

he obviously wasn’t flying completely blind, as he did have a friend living there already by the name of vernon

long story short on how the two met, bonding over xbox live can lead to long-lasting friendships ok

after a few years of friendship, countless nights of Skype calls and planning to meet one day, joshua had taken the first step and vernon’s family were more than happy to let joshua stay with them until he could get onto his own two feet (not that there’s any rush!! vernon totally doesn’t mind having an older brother around)

joshua was no stranger to korea either, having been taught korean since a young age by his parents, so he was pretty much set to start his new life in korea, even if his parents were pretty sad to see him go so far and so soon

they knew joshua had been a good kid his whole life, and he was making sure every connection and plan he had for his new life was laid out just right so he wouldn’t make things hard on himself and his family, and that was all they could really ask of him

for the summer before school started in korea, vernon takes to making sure joshua is settled in and at least semi-good at making his way around seoul without a problem

there was that one time,,, where he did get lost for like five hours and showed up back at the chwe house with an assortment of baked goods and sweets and exclaiming that “this stuff is so much better than the stuff in california!!”

vernon: you realize that we all thought you were dead right

josh: *blink blink* hm? :)))

but i mean before vernon knows it, joshua is freakishly adapted to life there and he’s suddenly like a local, making friends with literally everyone he meets because everyone is so fascinated by the american boy!! yet it’s funny cause the way josh saw it, vernon was v similar to him in a lot of ways, so he was a lil overwhelmed to find all of vernon’s friends were like !!! a foreigner !!! tell us everything

and sure, vernon hadn’t been to america since he was about five except to visit family, but they were all sooooo excited to hear about things from joshua’s perspective compared to the younger boy’s

so josh obliged, always talking about his experiences overseas and the other kids would be like :o or :D because!!! to josh that was all just boring everyday stuff to him but to them this was all so cool and interesting, and the way they felt about america was the same way josh felt about korea tbh

after a year in college in seoul, joshua was well settled down at the school

since he’s like,,, one of the best english speakers in school (save for a handful of other students who were bilingual their whole lives, foreigners, or just really good at the subject asjdijisa) he’s always willing to help his friends out with english class projects and he coaches them by speaking to them in english at random intervals

like they’ll be having a completely korean conversation and then all of a sudden josh is like “explain the plot to howl’s moving castle in english” and they’re like o shit here we go

but it’s really helpful??? they all get amazing grades bc of his pop quizes

all hail english professor hong jisoo

but, ok, everyone is so confused because that’s….. not what he goes to college for

like he’s verbalized that he loves learning and that being an english teacher in korea would be great for him bc he loves to show people the joy of learning! but animation was his first love

he’s v passionate about it, and he’s made several short films where the characters were stylized after his friends and their experiences (with their permission of course)

he actually did one on jun’s story of coming to korea for the first time as a chinese transfer student and entered it in a small film contest and won!! and jun was so happy that he cried ok

joshua was on skype with jun to jun’s family back in china and they were all gushing about the film after josh emailed it to them

basically if joshua ever needs to flee to another country, jun’s home is open jun’s mom said joshua has privilege of jun’s room before jun does

despite being really good at animating though, joshua is actually kinda shy about showing his work. he’s even shy showing it to his friends with the exception of vernon and jeonghan, the latter of which passive-aggressively convinced joshua to do it and is now joshua’s biggest hype man

“jisooooo. jun got a movie and I didn’t??” “…what would a movie about you even be about? you don’t do anything but sleep” “it could have been about how much you love me!!”

to placate him joshua showed all the lil drawings of chibi!jeonghan joshua had done over the year and jeonghan wouldn’t stop smiling and hugging josh all day jfc

jk jk tho jeonghan is super supportive and whenever people ask him (or don’t. they usually don’t ask but whom the fuk cares jeonghan says) about joshua, jeonghan just guuuushes about the boy and all of his great art and shows them joshua’s v tentative instagram page of his art. there’s only a few pics of outlines and some small clips of films he puts together, but jeonghan will gas his boy up so bad you’d think joshua already had an oscar

on the side, joshua has a job at the campus coffee shop

and like,, idk if you understand just how much of an accumulator of revenue that boy’s face is??

joshua is pretty humble so whenever his friends tease him and say that most of the customers that come to the coffee shop are there for his face, he downright refuses

but i mean,,, it’s true,, the majority of customers come during joshua’s shifts

and if josh isn’t working, it’s like a funeral home

it gets so bad the school is like “do u wanna like work here forever bc we’re totally down with that”

josh is like “lol no”

but he’s really good at his job and not many ppl notice that!! some jealous dudes think the only reason ppl even buy coffee from the shop is bc josh is serving it and they’re deluding themselves into drinking it, but josh is actually an amazing barista

u kinda get creative with coffee when you’re living off of it to graduate ajsiodha

he’s also king of latte art don’t fight me on this

he was playing around in the back one day on his break when he got an idea to make some art in a latte, bc he was at a creative loss with his art on paper, and he just made this v simple couple of hearts here and there, and then suddenly he was making all kinds of designs that ppl loved

his favorite is a little cat design that is so friggin cute ok. everyone loves it

everyone except you,,, who had no idea this was even a thing

between classes on certain days, you have about two hours of free time to yourself, so you like to escape to your favorite coffee place to study and relax

you usually didn’t like to go during this certain time in the day bc the shop was always bustling with customers and you really rather preferred to be in a smaller crowd. so basically, you’ve never seen joshua

you haven’t even heard of him bc you’ve always been pretty in your head when it comes to your studying time

u basically zone out the minute you can smell the coffee beans

but a friend of yours held you up in your last class, so your two hour break diminished to fifteen minutes, and you still hadn’t had your coffee

you practically bolt toward the coffee shop, but your eyes bug out of your head when you notice that for once, there’s a huge crowd of students there, something that never happens when you’re there

so like, groaning internally, you force yourself into line before anyone else can get in front of you and delay you even further

but like… the line is moving at snail’s pace

you can barely see up front, all you know is that someone is taking their sweet time making coffees

in fact, 70% of your time is swallowed up just waiting for the line to move up

you’re jittery, knowing class starts soon and you already don’t have that much time to book it to your next class at this rate, but you have to have your coffee

finally,,, you reach the front….. and….

“hi there! what can I get you this lovely afternoon?”

in the words of jeonghan again, whom the fuk-

“u-hhuhhhuuu hhh ????” 

windows has shut down unexpectedly

this beautiful specimen of a man is smiling down at you without a worry in the world, blinking softly with the longest, prettiest eyelashes you’ve ever seen on a guy

his hair is short and well kept, roots dark and colored with highlights of chestnut throughout

he’s in the uniform but that’s really only black slacks and a half apron; he’s wearing a really nice baby blue dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and his collarbones are just slightly exposed with only two buttons undone at the collar- !!

“do you need a minute?” he asks, looking concerned at your vacant expression

that seems to snap you out of it (or maybe the frustrated swears from behind you do), and you sheepishly apologize, spitting out the first thing that comes to mind, which is definitely not your usual order, “small latte, please”

his eyes light up when you answer, “would you like the art too?”

you furrow your brows and he stares at you for a good moment before he realizes,, wow u really don’t know about his latte art? that’s literally all ppl come here during his shift for

but he does notice he’s never actually seen you during his shifts before

hmm. interesting

“i… i do latte art. it’s kind of… sort of a thing? i don’t know, um, would you like me to make you something in particular?” he says, suddenly a little flustered

you know. you know deep in your heart that you have zero time to spare and that you really shouldn’t be late for this class… but also,,, why the heck not

“surprise me!” you say softly, letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding

joshua perks up and he nods (probably harder than he should have) and quickly puts in your order for your latte 

you quickly scoot to the side and another boy takes over in his place as he turns to make your coffee, and you can’t help but watch his calm, gentle hands as he prepares it

there’s no rush in him, no sloppiness detected, and you can tell he takes pride in his craft

he pours the steamed milk with no difficulty, pouring it with such smooth precision that it hypnotizes you, even as he’s half turned from you and you can barely see what he makes

it’s only when he’s done and handing over your coffee with a smile that you realize,, you’re holding a mug

you forgot to ask for a to-go cup!

but like,,, if you put it in a to-go cup now, it’ll ruin his art

yet, you’re so late for class already……..

he looks at you with even more concern when he just catches you staring at the small tulip etched into the surface of the coffee, and he’s about to ask if you’re alright when you suddenly smile at him and say “you’re beautiful”

in ur mind, you’ve just told him the art he made in your coffee was beautiful

it takes u like,, eight seconds to register that is not what you said AT ALL

but by the time you realize your mistake and wordlessly try to motion to the cup he’s already laughing gently behind his hand, eyes locked on yours, and when he’s done he says “i’m sorry, i’m not making fun of you… you’re just… very sweet. i hope you enjoy the coffee”

part of u still wants to correct yourself, maybe save some of your pride, but instead, you simply sigh and accept his compliment that low (high) key makes your heart beat a little faster, and you quickly whisper a “thanks again!!” before skedaddling

and josh just watches with a soft smile, and can’t seem to get the strange new customer out of his head even after his shift

he doesn’t even mention that you’ve stolen the mug when his co-worker asks about it in bewildered confusion

“just say I broke it” he tells him, and goes back to work like nothing happened

the next day, you come in much earlier and find that the shop is void of a crowd, much to your relief and quieter dismay

holding in your hands the mug that you had washed and stared at in disbelieving horror the whole night in your dorm, you walk up to the counter and hold out the mug to the cashier, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion when you start to ashamedly explain exactly how you had snuck out one of the mugs

but before you can even get anything out, josh suddenly appears from the back, tying his apron just as he spots you and he goes “oh!! hey, mug stealer”

your face flashes in mortification

“i swear it was an accident-” “don’t worry, no hard feelings. I already covered for you so I mean, it’s practically yours anyway. you didn’t have to bring it back”

but you still hold it out, sighing “it made me feel bad, ok? i can’t look at this shame cup anymore”

joshua snorts bc

shame cup

ur too fucking cute for him

“ok, well, let’s make it not so shameful” he says, carefully taking the mug from you and going over to the coffee machine “latte, right? same as usual?” he throw over his shoulder

the girl at the cashier actually knows you, has served you for the last few years, so she shakes her head and tells him that’s not your usual, which makes him a little surprised and he apologizes, saying that he’s since switched around shifts with someone else so he’s still adjusting, so he’s about to ask you what you usually get when you blurt “latte’s fine!” 

and ok, yeh, you’re not getting a latte for him of course

obviously

he just smiles that beautiful smile and gets to work, and the cashier gives you a small, very indiscreet wink much to your chagrin

you shuffle to the side and watch joshua work again, smiling as he gets ready to pour the milk, when he asks what kind of art you’d like

“can I have… wait, what are you good at?” “hm, well, my favorite is a kitty” “kitty it is!”

he quietly makes your kitty, lip tucked between his teeth and you can tell he’s working hard 

he sets the cup before you (this time in a foam cup, just in case you have to run and didn’t remember to tell him again), and watches with pride as you beam at the art, your eyes shining

before you even think about it, you’re whipping out your phone and snapping a photo of it for instagram, before you realize you don’t simply want to credit “random handsome campus barista” for something as beautiful as that

“what’s your name?” you ask, and joshua tells you, and you quickly type down his name in the caption before tapping the photo to add a tag “do you have a instagram?”

and though he rarely ever uses it unless jeonghan prompts him to, joshua spells out his username for you and you tag him successfully, posting the photo just as joshua’s back pocket vibrates with a notification

“thank you so much, joshua. you’re really good at this you know” 

and josh hears it from everyone a lot. all of his customers and co-workers compliment him often so it’s not like he’s unaware of his talent

but there’s just something about the fact that you complimented him that makes him blush, but he just bows a little at you and thanks you softly as you depart to find a table to start studying

of which,,, u do not do lol

even tho it’s barely 10 posts, you spend quite a while looking through joshua’s instagram

they’re mainly shots of his art, of which you soon find out that his major is animation and film development

the captions are v minimalist, but in the comments to his friends and others who’d found his insta, he’s cutely gushing with lots of exclamation marks and the like about how his work is coming along, having casual convos about the others and how their lives are going, and responding to compliments with v heartfelt thanks

because he doesn’t post much, you check the posts he’s tagged in and see a bunch of candid, secret pics of him from all kinds of funny angles, most from students and some parody ones from his friends

by the time you decide to check how much time you have left until your next class, you find you’ve got about a half hour to cram whatever you were going to study within two hours into half of one and get to your lecture on time

so as fast as your legs will allow, you quickly hit follow on his instagram and stuff everything you have back into your bag before sprinting out, missing joshua’s small goodbye and wave in your haste

he smiles anyway, and later when he gets off his shift, he checks his notifications and finds he has a new follower… you

he totally misses everything his professor says looking through your instagram for a good hour and a half

so it goes on like this for a while, you getting your coffee from josh now that half his adoring fans are usually in class when you go to see him, and the two of you casually chatting about this and that

he talks about his major, you talk about yours, and a pure friendship forms

with josh, you really feel like you can talk to him about anything and he understands

he speaks slow, soft, uses pretty words but they’re never overrated. he talks to you with the utmost respect and attention, 100% focused on you whenever you’re around. you’re honestly surprised no one has snatched him yet, what with how much of a catch he is

and like,, you know that anyone would kill to date him because not only is he talented and beautiful and a certified dorkozoid, he’s considerate, kind, feminine…. he almost feels untouched by this world and everything in it

maybe that’s why, you usually think. he’s a catch. anyone would be lucky to have him and you’re having regular chats over coffee and you can tell ppl are jealous

but he just feels too good for you. for anyone

you can’t think of one person on campus that would be good for him. not necessarily that there isn’t anyone… it’s just… who?

as months pass and winter gets colder, you find yourself feeling the effects of being single ten times more

so your friends are like!! are you still head over heels for that barista?? let’s set you up on a blind date to get your mind off it!!!

you’re only like 60% against it

because honestly, even though you’d do anything to work up the courage to date joshua, you wouldn’t mind getting a little dolled up for someone and having fun on a date

so your friends set you up with some guy who’d meet you at this italian place in the city on friday, and you anticipate the day, even telling josh about it when he has time to listen

“ahh… heh, a blind date? you must be super excited” 

instantly you can tell something is off with the way josh talks, but he still keeps that pleasant smile, even tho it doesn’t quite reach his eyes

for the next few days leading up until friday, josh feels a little more reserved to you, not as open as usual and somehow always a little out of it when he talks to you

even when you ask, he just smiles (and it is nothing like his real smile) and tells you he’s fine

so come friday, you’re all dressed up and you happen to walk past the campus coffee shop and see joshua going in for a late shift, so you wave to him on your way and

fuck

fuck

he can’t even manage to say anything, completely speechless as he sees how absolutely stunning you look

and how he wishes you’d turn into the shop, grab his hand and tell him you were excited for your date

but instead, you’re meeting someone else, and all he can hope is that they care about you half as much as he does. even half was a feat

he suddenly catches up to you before going in, grabbing your hand, and you blink up at him in confusion when he says “be careful. text me when you get there please? so i know you got there okay. and… and text me, or one of your friends on your way home, please. you don’t know who this guy is or what he might do. just… have fun. be careful.”

you look at josh, his eyes showing such worry and concern for your well being that you pull him into a quick hug, smiling into his chest as he lets out a sigh, “of course. i’ll be good. plus, i have a pocket knife and a full can of pepper spray just in case he tries to get one over on me”

he chuckles, feeling a lot more relaxed as he hugs you back, “let’s trust you come back with that can still full and that knife still clean, alright?”

eventually, he has to send you off, and you head to your date

you arrive by 6:55, having been told that he’d be there by 7, and so you anxiously look around, knowing you were supposed to be on the lookout for a guy in a navy blazer

but… all the guys in navy blazers are there with someone already

by the time it’s 7:30, the waiter has come by twice, asking if the other member of your party is coming

and by 8, you’re sure he’s not

so you begrudgingly order dinner, eat it in angered silence, and don’t even bother to text your friends he didn’t show. you get your leftovers boxed and order one slice of strawberry cheesecake and leave, your eyes stinging and your heart hurting, but you get back to the school just fine

and at first, you were going to just head back to your dorm. 

but you walk past the coffee shop, and you look through the windows to see it’s still open and josh is still inside, cleaning up and shutting down for the night

before you can think, you’re rushing inside, glad he hadn’t locked the doors, and as soon as josh looks up in surprise to see you, he’s shuffling out from behind the counter and scolding you with “you never told me if you arrived or not. why are you back so early? you look sad, (y/n). what happened? what did that bastard do-” “I have cheesecake. you want some? take it or leave it”

you look hurt, but you keep up the stony expression and he just quietly nods, following you to a booth in the very back

he says nothing as you take out the cheesecake, says nothing as you go into the back and grab two forks and hand him one, says nothing as you take the first piece and sigh, over-exaggeratedly praising the dessert

he says nothing because he knows better. instead, he just listens as you begin to babble about the day, about how excited you were for today all week, how your friends had gassed up your blind date so much and how you had spent two hours eating by yourself, too embarrassed to cry or even tell your friends

he watches as you quietly struggle to pick up a strawberry, the sauce drenched fruit slipping off your fork as your hand trembles with words unsaid

so, he slides out of the booth and into yours, slips an arm around your shoulders, and makes you put it down

“it’s okay. i’m here” he says softly into your ear, and you let it all out into his shoulder

all of your tears and makeup stain his shirt but he couldn’t care less, his only priority in holding you close and comforting you

he wants to beat up your blind date, make them feel terrible for ever passing up an opportunity to spend a night with you because gdi, you were amazing and lovely and he wished he was in that bastard’s shoes

you guys stay like that for a while, you simply relishing in his comfort and joshua wishing he could help you feel better, yet not knowing how

but then he gets an idea

“do you want me to show you how to make latte art? you mentioned you were interested once”

at first, you’re kind of like??? now of all times?? but you also can’t help wanting to get your mind off things, so he helps you slip out of the booth and leads you to the back in the kitchen

there you see his sketchbook and laptop up, seeing he had been working on something before he’d gone to clean up

he goes to get some coffee together while you look over his work, smiling when you see he’s intricately drawing a character at a booth in what looked like a coffee shop, but as you look at it longer, something starts to click

“josh?” you ask, and he hums, filling up a cup with some coffee “Is… is this me?”

he glances back at you and his eyes widen some when he sees what you’re looking at, but he turns back around to play it off before you can say anything “ah, yeah. i needed to warm up so… i thought of you and drew”

“this looks way too detailed for a warm up” you say with a smile, tracing your fingers over the drawing, half of it colored in, the other half still white parchment paper and blending in to the colors where they end

josh snorts, making his way over to you and closing the notebook, “look at you. you know me too well, it seems”

you simply nudge him and he places the coffee cup before you before handing you a metal cup of steamed milk, “so, we’re going to start out with making a simple heart. it’s really important how you guide your hand. i don’t expect it to be perfect, so just try, freely”

he hands you the cup and you nod, turning the spout toward the cup and trying to carefully pour in the shape of a heart, but it becomes a deformed swirl too soon

josh still smiles, telling you to attempt to fix your mistake, but you continue to find it hard, somehow making the swirl more prominent

“josh, please help me” you whine with a small smile, and he nods with a laugh, reaching his arms around you

and,,, you’re caged against the counter, his hand coming to rest above your own where you hold the milk, and his head leans down to whisper into your ear how you should pour, murmuring “it takes a bit of practice, but once you get it, it’s satisfying”

you can’t even focus on the damn coffee bc he’s so close sasjhnasi

he keeps whispering in your ear, helping you try to fix your mistake, and then he grabs a toothpick and starts to trace the swirl into something of a shape, looking a lot better than before

“see?” he whispers by your ear, smiling even as your heart beats so hard you bet he can hear it against your back “not so bad”

you turn your head slightly, only able to move so much with his arm around you and body behind you, keeping you practically pushed up against the counter

he just looks at you for a moment when he sees the look in your eyes, mouth going a little dry

it must be the moment, or maybe the mix of emotions you’d released earlier, because you can’t find the nervousness from before anywhere near when you knead your fingers into his shirt and pull him in to kiss

his lips taste like coffee and stolen sweets, and he moves his body only to turn you around for better access to your mouth, his large hands closing around your hips and squeezing

he’s careful but he is not shy. he kisses you like he’s been wanting to all night, and if you asked him, he’d tell you he had 

you get so caught up in his heady kiss that even when he lifts you onto the counter and pulls himself between your legs, you don’t stop to laugh or marvel at his strength you didn’t know he had. you just thank god that he’s closer

after a few moments, he ends up pulling away, your lips chasing his with a frustrated whine that has him nearly buckling under his weight “my boss will kill me if we make out in the kitchen”

“then let’s take it somewhere else, dummy”

joshua has never locked up the coffee shop faster

after that day, he finally asks you out, and of course, you say yes

your friends apologize to you, feeling absolutely terrible for what happened with the blind date, but you honestly couldn’t care less bc if you hadn’t been stood up, you may have never gotten the chance to kiss joshua

everyone, and i mean everyone can tell there’s something different about josh come monday

he’s so much more peppy, so much more friendly, he’s practically beaming like a ray of sunshine,, like more than usual

and it’s so obvious why when you come in, stealing a kiss from him when he gets your coffee to you before you leave

josh’s co-workers are like??? is this allowed?? wtf is this allowed????

joshua’s boss doesn’t care cause it’s FRICKIN CUTE

a majority of joshua’s suitors back off when they find out he’s taken, but of course they continue to come bc josh is amazing at making coffee and no one is petty enough to stop coming just bc he’s taken lol

if joshua was an amazing friend, he’s an even better boyfriend ok

turns out that one drawing of you in the coffee shop was not the only one

he draws you often, and his favorite you to draw is a cute lil chibi version which he swears is so cute bc like,,, u small

boy literally giggles whenever he thinks about it

you: it’s really not that funny josh-

joshua: YOU’RE SO SMALL

actually made a chibi ver of himself and animated your chibi selves to kiss

he sent you the video and you look at it before you go to sleep every night bc it’s so cute

is always hyped for animated films and you can never get him as excited for live action films

he goes absolutely nuts for disney and stuff but he’s also a fine tuned indie animated film connoisseur of course

sometimes he’ll be like “so i watched this film last night called blah blah blah and it was about blah blah blah and…” and you don’t know wth he’s talking bout sometimes but you just listen to him babble bc u love him

scolds u if you haven’t seen a particular movie/anime/cartoon and then proceeds to force you to watch it

but you actually end up liking them?? and some of them become your comfort movies just because they remind you of josh

will send you animated couples and be like “this is us”

even if you two have nothing in common with the characters? it could just be a cute scene and he’ll link it back to you two

jeonghan LOVES you…. and also will fight you for joshua’s attention but he still loves you

he prides himself on being “joshua’s best friend” but then you meet vernon and vernon is like “he was my best friend first” so you go from a love triangle to a love square

if you added in all of joshua’s admirers it’d be like a love….  enneacontakaipentagon

(that is a thing)

since it’s a lot to go back to america to meet josh’s family, you instead meet vernon’s family in place of them, who despite only knowing josh for a year feel like he’s their second son

they gush about how much they love him and his influence on vernon and vernon’s lil sister and it’s just,,, so precious

but you can tell he gets homesick sometimes, and when family holidays come, he gets particularly sad

vernon’s family works hard to make it easier on him so they set up a skype date with his family every holiday and you watch josh as he talks about how his graduation is coming up, how he can’t wait to visit them, how he misses his mom’s home cooking and how nice life is in seoul

he introduces you to them over skype as well and they’re so kind and lovely!! they absolutely spoil you with love and attention and only have lovely things to say about you

then one day, you get a call from vernon’s mother

she tells you that secretly, they’ve been setting up for joshua’s parents to come visit, and they want you to keep it secret, as well as keep joshua out of the house the day they arrive so he doesn’t catch on

which,, proves harder than you expect

even on spring break your lovely boyfriend only wants to stay in and catch up on shows with you so you have to literally drag him out of the house to hang with jeonghan and vernon at the mall

while you’re all out, joshua just happens to see a shirt while you’re all shopping

it’s a tank top with the word “california” written across it

and usually, josh would just ignore little things like that, but as he stands there, he starts thinking of home and his family who he misses like crazy

it’s not like him, but a few tears slip past his eyes before he wipes them away, attempting to hide it before one of you saw

you did, but you don’t say anything, instead hooking an arm with him and leading him elsewhere, practically bursting with the need to tell joshua what was awaiting him at home

you manage to keep it secret though, even as you smile wider than ever on your back to vernon’s house

of course,,, josh is highly concerned

“why are you smiling so much? what are you hiding?” “dang boy, can’t a girl just smile a lil bit” “not like that. your smile is too big. it’s creeping me out”

if you weren’t driving you might’ve socked him in the arm

you carefully pull up to the house and joshua’s eyebrows furrows when he notices vernon’s parents’ car is parked somewhere different than it was when you all left 

“v, did your parents go somewhere?” he asks, but vernon simply shrugs and follows a grinning jeonghan out of the car, leaving just you and him alone

he stares at you for a bit, the smile still on your face, and then looks back at the house, the wheels turning behind his eyes

“what are you waiting for? i don’t know about you, but I wanna meet the hongs sometime this week, thank you”

his eyes widen a little bit and you’re laughing as he tumbles out of the car, rushing toward the front door as you trail behind, hearing a chorus of elated screams before you enter the house

when you do, you see josh all wrapped up in between his parents, all three of them crying into each other as jeonghan, vernon, and vernon’s family watch with smiles just like yours

for the rest of the day, you spend it with josh and his family, catching up on all that they’ve missed along with getting to know the hongs personally

they’re just as sweet in person as they are over skype, and they absolutely love poking fun at josh to you whenever they get the chance

the sound of josh’s embarrassed “mooooooom” in the background as she tells you about josh’s anime phase and how she’d seen an episode of one of those shows and had to have a talk with him afterward

you: what were you watching, josh?

josh:… i have since refined my taste

by the time the night ends, you’ve got enough embarrassment fodder to last you months

“please don’t take anything my parents said seriously okay. they live to make my life terrible” he tells you over the phone that night, after vernon’s family told you it was getting far too late and you should be heading home

highest of keys, josh was hoping you’d stay so late that they’d let you sleep over but knowing he had two (2) sets of parents in the house now, they’d probably make vernon sleep between you two and that’s the closest you’d get throughout the night

“i don’t know about that. those baby stories were comedy gold” you grin into the phone, laying on your back and smiling up at the ceiling

he scoffs, “just wait till i meet your parents. they’ll tell me all the crazy stories and i’ll have so much blackmail i won’t even know what to do with” “isn’t it funny how i met your parents, who live in california, before you met mine who live here?”

he smiles into the phone, “’s okay. makes us a unique couple. i was starting to think we were far too daydreamy. almost feels like a movie.”

“i’m surprised you haven’t turned it into one, actually” you say, playing with your shirt hem as sleepiness starts to creep up on you and you let out a yawn

“i promise one day i’ll make a movie about us. now go to sleep, i’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

you yawn again but oblige, and you say your goodbyes before hanging up and laying down to fall asleep, a content smile on your face

but then your phone vibrates under your pillow not twenty minutes later

confused, you pull it out, and find a video message from joshua

carefully, you open it, unsure of what you’ll expect, but find a seemingly quickly drawn stop motion video of chibi!you and chibi!josh kissing each other’s cheeks

you smile tiredly, shaking your head at the boy, but as the video comes to an end, a speech bubble appears above chibi!josh’s head, his eyes turning into hearts as he speaks to chibi!you “i’ve been debating on when to say this for a while, but i’m proud to be the first of us to say it: i love you”

the video ends, and you giddily dial josh’s number once more, the boy picking up just as quickly as you had called

“yes?” he says softly, voice tinged with slight worry

but you just chuckle, “jerk. i wanted to say it first. now let me go to sleep… i love you too”

[severalbakuras]

time

to

finish

s3

im not prepared

(apologies to mobile users for the long post)

episode 5:

intro is a pink screen. it’s established pink is a mourning colour. hrmmm.

oh its an eyeball SHIRO

that’s not a good looking room to be in

that HAIR

hallucinating already, this is Not Good.

so he’s like totally alone in that room that is just bad practice right there. supervisor’s gonna get fucked if they get caught.

and. another shiro. one who’s kept clean-shaven. oh ok i know where this is going i think.

operation kuron is so unsubtle that i think we’re in for several layers of bait-n-switch until it turns out shiro never actually existed. schrodinger’s Shiro. shirodinger. 

he escaped waaaaaay too easily - yeah. called it.

‘stage 3′ so stage one is ??? and stage two is this guy.

ok so shiro obvs remembers some things but i find it interesting that we’ve had no internal thoughts beyond memories of the tube/surgery. like he’s not thought about voltron or the paladins or allura and coran like he has no idea if they survived or not. nothing at all by the five minute mark.

HAGGAR FINALLY I’VE MISSED YOU SO

yeah you keep an eye on that boy. im sure absolutely nothing will happen to this guy.

self-cauterization holy shit.

“what killed you?” is the first spoken line of dialogue from shiro i think. everything else is just vague confusion noises and/or battle grunts iirc. we haven’t even had an internal line of thought yet (which i know don’t rly happen in this series like everyone tends to speak aloud but still he’s ALL alone). i think that’s significant, somehow.

how the fuck has he not frozen to death in that skinny suit.

SHIRO NO THAT COULD BE AN ACID LAKE

“subject Y0XT39″ i will eat a raw garlic clove if this turns out to be the real shiro.

wow that’s rly bad for blood circulation like way to make him lose his hands jackasses.

so these two are space cannibals. neat.

if you’re trying to convince people of who you are why would you just say your first name? he WANTS these guys to know who he is, there’s no point being cagey. say your surname shiro go ahead.

knowledge of who the paladins are rly is being kept tight under wraps. so long as nobody ever thinks to check out any planet where galra were known to have integrated into local alien communities to the point of children.

i :) wonder :) who :) might :) do :) that :)

(i wonder how earth’s doing. everyone has family down there who misses them (besides keith since he’s living in a shack in the desert and nobody from the MILITARY-ish training academy told his dad to come pick him up apparently))

lotor i swear to fuck don’t you dare pull a dreamworks smirk DONT DO YOU DARE

so galra channels are hackable

that big guy’s totally having a SUPPRESSING FIIIIIRE moment

i rly like this winter backdrop i love being able to see the brushstrokes on the snow (like digital ones but they count).

he’s starving but he doesn’t take a single bite of the food onscreen can’t tell if suspicious or #mood bc i don’t like people watching me eat either lol

so operation kuron isn’t something widely known then or Hold up those robo-soldiers have no reaction whatsoever to a unit falling down until the hangar doors close.

ok those two guys in the cave HAVE to be in on it or shiro would’ve died on that planet. why keep the ship above a Death Planet for him to be permitted to escape to unless they had someone down on the Death Planet who could send him back to the right ship to deliver to voltron without him knowing he was being played?

like this is ALL phase 3.

‘stop spying on me’

‘do your fucking job’

HA. IDEAS. IN ZARKON’S HEAD. AHHAHAA

i think this is the first time i’ve seen lotor angry like haggar gets under his skin so easily i hope they talk again soon. ‘I AM THE LEADER’ his VOICE damn.

ok so like i already know lotor is half-galran and he’s probably half-altean too like in the original series with the hair and all. but i don’t think haggar is his mother even though she’s also altean. he’s hyper-focused on not being like his father in that scene but he also seems the type that he’d leave a snarky comment about his mother too if she were. and she doesn’t ever refer to him as her son, only zarkon’s. she’d surely say ‘our’ son, unless she officially disowned him as part of his banishment and hates his guts but then surely he’d have at least SOME reaction to seeing her unless he was, like, literally banished at birth and doesn’t know who she is and that he’s half-altean. bc if he knew he was he’d connect the dots between ‘only altean on the ship’ and his dad v quickly.

like i do know the story behind exactly how original lotor (aka sincline) is half altean and it’s Unpleasant and makes zarkon a fucking monster and i doubt this series would even imply that that was the case here but if it did and our lotor knew this was the truth behind his parentage that could explain his lack of reaction to haggar AND his deeply intrinsic rejection of his father.

oh come ON the ship is stocked with oxygen!!!!!! why would a ship that’s intended for a robot pilot need oxygen!!!!!!!!

seven days, when he’s already in a bad way re blood loss/injury (like a healing serious wound burns calories and fluid by the truckload) and didn’t have much water to go on beforehand. if i didn’t think something was up before man.

finally, almost 20 minutes in, we finally see him think of his teammates. took long enough.

black lion notices. hrm.

episode six:

nice shooting lancFCUKING KILL THEM ALLURA

SAME LANCE

HUG YOUR SON SHIRO actually no you’re not shiro stay the fuck away from him

‘weird headache’ since this isn’t a dramatic romance show, he’s not got Invisible Anime Disease #5 so there’s absolutely a tracker in his brain.

A HUNK MOMENT THAT ISN’T ABOUT FOOD I’M CRY (like it intersects with pidge but i don’t mind it’s nice that he gets to show his own brains in what feels like forever)

shiro automatically stepping back in ‘this is what we do mode’ is SHRHCHCH. NO. even if he WASN’T a clone he’s still recovering and is missing out on potentially months of their relationships changing and being redefined. he can’t just step back in like that.

ok so like???? if there’d been more scenes like this early on??? i’d probably be totally into klance?? like keith doesn’t really grasp the depths of the issue with lance judging by how the shot holds on lance leaving and his facial expressions and all but keith tries and lance tries and there’s no cheap joke thrown in there’s no rejecting that there was any emotional connection. it’s not solved the problem lance has by any means but it’s lance opening up to keith about his vulnerabilities and worries and it’s keith doing his best to help him both as a leader and a friend and the narrative doesn’t turn either of them into a joke for it. THAT IS MY SHIT RIGHT THERE.

like i’m obvs lowkey into enemies-friends-lovers (bc otherwise i wouldn’t consider keitor or any of my other ships which i won’t name bc i’ve made it this far without comparing anything to warcraft so i won’t start now) but i guess i much prefer the friends-lovers stage. (especially when only one half of the pair considers the other as ‘enemy’ in the first place).

‘just whack it’ is a universal law that will last forever

SHIRO ARE YOU IN THE LEADER CHAIR. NO? SHUT UP.

fucking fake ass shiro he doesn’t even acknowledge keith stepping up to make a plan as leader like he always fucking wanted him to do he just sails on into his own plan without so much as a ‘sorry’. fuck you fake shiro. firo.

and keith just stands there like a lemon like this is ok ahrhfhg. firo i swear to god if you drag keith back down into the place he was on the gas planet before lance intervened i’m gonna be so mad.

interesting that we don’t get a reaction shot of lance when keith offers to stay behind instead of taking back red. considering how that was literally what the last scene between him and keith was about is all.

so clones are genetically identical so the black lion picking up on firo’s ~spark of life~ fading or whatever to rescue him isn’t odd. but the black lion knows your soul and it’s not happy.

(could be an issue when the real shiro returns tho but eh that’s a problem for futuretron)

I LOVE THIS LOYAL PETTY BASTARD

“Victory or death!” OH COME ON YOU’RE MAKING THE WARCRAFT REFERENCES FOR ME. LOKTAR OGAR

so perhaps lotor squad isn’t in on operation kuron?

i wonder what’s being whispered during the mind control scenes.

that ship looks like a space fox... or maybe a star fox.

in two minds about this part like right now firo IS right but they DO need to actually try and confront lotor at some point. it’s ALWAYS going to be a bad time bc lotor has figured out how to use plot armor to protect himself so sometimes you just need to attack that face down trap card and face the consequences or you’ll be stuck forever yknow?

OH IT’S HER. FROM THE SHIP. COOL i was wondering if that’d come up again.

oops he’s ambidextrous.

also i think ezor might be a little crueler than she lets on, she’s got some v. vicious expressions going on in this grapple.

ZETHRID THINKS ALLURA’S A WORTHY OPPONENT ZELLURA YOU ARE CLEARED FOR LAUNCH (in other news i am a terrible person)

honestly those are both equally high priority targets, either one WILL fuck things up in the future no matter if they follow firo or keith.

now lotor how do you know they were about to attack, unless you perhaps had a direct link into the lions communication lines, which have been kinda previously established as being impossible to hack?

(so that’s one point in them also knowing about project kuron)

YES KEITH THIS IS WHAT YOU DO BEST ON THE FLY INSTINCTIVE GOOD MOVE

hooooly shit lotor’s maaaad

get your hand off him firo.

“i’m sorry i had to step in back there” step in. STEP IN. LIKE YOU WEREN’T IN CONTROL OF THE ENTIRE MISSION START TO FINISH. he sets up ‘you were the leader and you weren’t good enough’ almost on purpose..

the former isn’t true because keith still stepped down and firo commanded all their movements from the ship and the latter isn’t true because no plan survives contact with the enemy keith basically had it as under control as shiro always did. considering the circumstances he did damn well AND he scored a ‘fuck you’ point against lotor by using lotor’s own new ship to wreck the teledove.

“i thought i had it under control” ;A;

HE’S BEEN THERE SINCE THEY ALL FORMED VOLTRON YOU FUCK. HE WAS GOOD AT THIS UNTIL YOU GOT HERE.

FUCK YOU FIRO.

damn that’s cold haggar.

episode seven:

i’m. um. huh. those certainly were memories i’ll need to pause on later.

this dramatic scene is being ruined by all the cute little triforces floating around.

my civil war theory is officially dead now i guess. goodbye, civil war theory. it was nice to have you as a handy aversion of the whole ‘X race is like this while Y race is like this’ trope that always shows up in sci fi and fantasy and sci-fantasy~

this music is giving me jack sparrow IN SPACE vibes.

oooh the dust particle effect in the light shafts in the air is pretty and a good attention to detail.

now see like why wasn’t his spirit projection thing back in season 1 more like this??? he has a character he’s got personality he’s just like his daughter i’d actually MISS this guy if that spirit projection thing had been like his true self and not a bland whatever he was he’s so forgettable i can’t even remember what he was like.

ZARKON WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. YOUR VOICE. YOUR EYES.

so like galra culture has a class/caste system and is kinda militaristic. explains a lot in the future i guess.

“WHAT IS THAT” is that the same cat narti has? and oh god no he’s a dork.

OH NO HE’S A REALLY BIG DORK AAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAA BABY ALLURA. SHE’S SO CUTE.

oh so he married honerva? oh no. OH NO SHE BETTER NOT BE HAGGAR. DON’T DO THIS.

“it was a customary gesture” tf is that all about.

“by willow!” is that the first canon mention of a deity? cool.

so the red paladin was technically the first paladin.

this thing is eldritch as fuck.

“Am I a leg?!” god i am so sad that you’re going to die horribly i love you.

now it’s REALLY eldritch.

god she really is haggar.

so alteans definitely age then (which proves empress allura was definitely dead a long LONG time before alt-eans went all mind-controlly).

honergar’s giving me major ‘that bloodbender who’s name i’ve forgotten’ vibes.

I KNEW QUINTESSENCE WAS BAD SHIT

he loves her so much im gonna cry.

so the lions cannot pick up on deceit then. they accept the will of their paladin over the safety of voltron as a whole and the other lions. they cast no moral judgement.

so there could easily be an evil voltron somewhere.

ZARKON NO HE’S HOLDING HER HAND ARGH.

so those weird purple cloud creatures from another dimension are puppeteering the corpse of the first black paladin, taking his basic desire for power and extending it into a galaxy spanning genocidal crusade because???

their home dimension must be a fucking hell dimension if things like that are trying to escape.

that guard made it seem like they sorta knew and accepted why their planet was destroyed so i guess zarkon returning from death was such a massive cultural shock that they all fell into line. bc otherwise i find it hard to believe that every single galra would join the battle (like yeah the blades exist but they’re a tiny movement) and not question what the fuck happened to his eyes or voice or how he came back from the fucking dead or why they’re meant to suddenly hate everyone.

ok so why do most of the galra have similar glowing eyes iirc? surely the vast majority should have the normal eyes that old zarkon and lotor have but they don’t. unless like successful generals are permitted to ‘live’ forever by taking the creatures into their bodies but then like they have far too much personality for that. the loktar ogar guy for example. what gives.

that’s kind of a leap at lotor’s motives but an understandable one, they don’t know how much lotor detests being like his father so i doubt he’d do the same damn thing his father was trying to do.

he’s baaaaack and he’s got no new tricks, zombieman zarkon’s still just as thick as the last time~

lotor’s gonna be so mad. and also this doesn’t actually explain why haggar lets zarkon run roughshod all over her much better plans prior to this because she doesn’t remember being his husband until this episode.

and also also imo this means haggar definitely can’t be lotor’s mother bc when we’re seeing things coran can’t possibly know like honerva on her death bed we’re probably seeing haggar’s vision of events and he doesn’t appear to be a factor in either of their lives but she remembers their wedding perfectly.

(unless he’s a zombaby but he can’t be because his eyes don’t glow).

hrm.

season four when.

[estrelatzia]

do all pls

It took a while, and I am sorry for taking so long, but I finally had the time to do it ;u;

Thank you for the ask!

Favorite video game?

I can’t choose just one, I have quite a few in my heart.

Professor Layton Series (My fave being Miracle Mask)

Pokemon (Of course! My faves being ORAS, RSE, HGSS, SUMO, B2W2)

And Animal Crossing (New Leaf and HHD)

First console you owned?

The super NES.

I come from a family of “gamers”, in a sense that my dad and most of his cousins are big video game fans.

However, when he was younger, they couldn’t afford any video game, it was too expensive and well, the income was very low, so they mostly spent their times in Arcades. So when my dad got married and finally had a budget, like one of the first things he did was buy a NES lol

He taught me how to splay super Mario when I was very young, tho I don’t even remember the first time I played it.

The first console my parents bought for me was the nintendo 64. And the first one that only belonged to me (Cuz I shared the 64 with my dad and my cousins) was the game boy colour.

A game that holds a special place in your heart?

I think Pokemon Ruby! God, I have so many good memories of this game! Like it was such a good experience for me!

I kinda was “kinnie” with May and saw myself a lot in her. And I fell in love with so many pokemon in that gen, like Torchic, Milotic, Absol, Azuril, Jirachi etc.

I got my first pokemon to lvl 100 (My blaziken). I found my first ever Shiny Pokemon (Trapinch who evolved into Flygon) and was lucky to get a lot of jackpot at the casino (Which I really sucked before lol). I also had a lot of fun times with the secret bases. And I loved the characters like Brendan, Winona and Wally. I discovered a lot of stuff on my own that up until today was memorable to me, like finding the 5% chance of fishing Feebas and trying to discover how to get Azuril (we didn’t have bulbapedia at the time and couldn’t read very well in English.) I also fell in love with the wonders of Hoenn! 

After like 200 hours I think, the games had a thing were the clock just stops moving and you can’t plant berries and such and it kinda sucks. I know it doesn’t change much in game, but when I was a kid it felt like the end of the game for me. And it kinda made me sad, but I still have the cartridge intact. I never had the heart to reset the game, I just moved my pokemon to other games (HGSS). Ruby will always be like a special treasure for me.

Favorite video game character?

This one is difficult, because I love so many lol Like I could talk about days, especially since they have a lot of characters in pokemon.

But I guess I will spare the details and go straight to a video game character that I appreciate and love a lot: Professor Layton.

That man is just such good guy? Like he is charismatic, fancy, so kind and so smart! It is fun playing along with him as a main character! And it’s super funny considering that the plots get so weird sometimes, that someone as logical as him can always figure out what is going on before everyone lol

He is just such a nice guy that you would like to meet you know? Also his voice is so calm and nice, it’s soothing!

He is voiced in Japanese by  Yo Oizumi (Which I would recommend everyone to give a listen to! You won’t regret! It’s so soothing and beautiful!) And Christopher Robin Miller in English!

Least favorite video game character?

I don’t have a character that I dislike with a big passion, but since I am given the opportunity I need to talk about one that annoyed me and I will probably put lot of people in a bad mood….please don’t take it personal, it’s just my opinion ;;

But for me, Zin/nia in ORAS made my experience with the post game some much more annoying!

Like I already have kinda a hate-love relationship with Post game ORAS (The delta episode). I like that they added it to the game and gave more story, I adored the moment you go to space and fight Deoxys. All this was so wonderful. I dislike however how you are like “Place A, fight someone. Ok now go to place B. Fight someone again”. It’s really annoying…and the fact that Zinnia’s character was rushed(?) into the story made it more annoying to me. Like we have some details of her story but not a whole lot. We can probably connect the dots…but still?? It felt weird to me. I thought there would be more to it, but it didn’t. And because of that it made the whole experience annoying and almost frustrating, because we don’t know a whole lot of what’s going on, but Zinnia doesn’t explain either. She is just angry and in a rush, and instead of just explaining what is happening, she goes around and steal stuff and punch people??? And when Steven the champion tries to offer some help, she is just rude?? which honestly I don’t care if she hates him, but logically if you want someone to listen and help you, why are you just being horrible to everyone?? And all that alternate universe will be destroyed…is like ok…I get what you mean but HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT FOR SURE??? How is anyone supposed to know that?? I just…idk it frustrated me. And I thought they would one day explain, but it has been like 5 years? and GameFreak maybe forgot about it, so it’s still a bitter memory to me. I know may love her and it’s ok, but to me she came off as unsympathetic at the time.

Favorite genre?

I would say RPG, but I haven’t complete any RPG in years, except for Pokemon. So I guess just relaxing games? Like Animal Crossing? Or games you can explore? Because one of the thing I love the most about games is exploring the vast worlds and interesting cities.  Idk, I also like puzzle games a lot lol

Video game character you’ve had a crush on?

Well when I was a young kid, I had a crush on Silver and Bugsy lol But now I don’t think I have crushes on any characters to be honest. I kinda lost having crushes on characters, but I am not sure why.

I guess if I have to choose, I would say Henry Ledore from Professor Layton: Miracle Mask, because I really liked that character and his personality. And it’s the closest that I have to a character crush, even though it is barely one lol

First video game you remember playing?

Super Mario for the SNES. But my memories are kinda hazy, so the one I remember the most is playing Diddy Kong Racing lol.

Age you started gaming?

I was super young, I can’t really remember when I played a video game for the first time, but I really started being interested in games around 7-ish. When I started playing Pokemon and discover other video games with my cousins.

Hardest video game you’ve played?

Listen…I don’t have the patience to play hard games…when it gets tough I give up…If I have the choice I would choose the easier mode…so I can’t even answer this question, because I would be saying a very easy game and people will be laughing at me and saying I am a fake gamer or something.

Video game you’ve spent the most time on?

Tomodachi Life (Don’t judge, I love it!)

Animal Crossing New Leaf

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire

Most embarrassing gaming moment?

When I was a kid I got stuck playing Golden Sun at the Mercury Lighthouse. It was early in the dungeon, like right after you get Mia, there was a statue you had to do Ply on, and I never got it. So instead I wondered for hours in the few accessible places in the world and did almost everything else I could. when I discovered, I cried almost of joy, my characters were so over-level at that point lol

I tried to play Pokemon competitive mode a few years ago because everyone was talking about it and lost almost immediately, I had no regrets because I dislike competitive modes, so it just proved that it wasn’t for me, but at the same time, it was darn embarrassing.

My first ever game of Kingdom Hearts was 358/2 Days. My experience with KH so far was only KHI that my cousin had. So I never really played it or knew the story, I just knew there were Disney characters and Mickey was apparently a King??? But I just wondered around Traverse Town (thus why I guess that town is so nostalgic to me), I wanted to explore like Atlantica because Ariel was there, but my cousin didn’t let me because it sucked (tho to be fair, he was right, but I didn’t know that!). Fast forward to Days, I was excited to finally start my own adventure and rapidly got confused. Like where was Mickey? My companions Donald and Goofy? Why was everyone talking about nobodies?? (Which for the longest time I thought meant like a insult instead of actually a real thing in the games lol). And to me the game tutorial felt soooo long. I just wanted to explore, and I lost patience so rapidly. Like if you would ask me, I would say that I spent almost 100 days on that game, but apparently I gave up so early, right before going to the first Disney World (one day before according to my brother lol…). I got roasted by my bro and cousins.

Scariest video game you’ve played?

I also don’t do scary stuff lol ;u; I get scary pretty easily! Like I got scared from playing limbo and couldn’t sleep well that night (I am not kidding lol)

Most memorable gaming moment?

Getting my Shiny Trapinch, finding Feebas and hatching my first Azuril in Ruby!

Also when me and my cousin were exploring the Silver islands (? myabe not the proper name, but I am too lazy to search) in Pokemon Silver, we found Lugia!! And It was super exciting for us! We were super happy for the rest of the day!

Video game character you wish you could meet in real life?

I guess Professor Layton, Aqua from KH and Maya Fey from the Ace Attorney games (She is so funny!).

PC, Xbox, Playstation, or Nintendo?

Almost only Nintendo.

Gaming company you’re most loyal to?

Nintendo, mostly because they make the games I am the most interested in, like Pokemon, AC, Mario, etc.

If you could only play one video game for the rest of your life, which would you choose?

I guess Pokemon, because I can’t imagine leaving without pokemon. But honestly, I can’t just live with ONE game, I would get bored eventually.

Do you use strategy guides?

I used when I was a kid. Now I just use references online when I need it.

How often do you use cheats?

If it’s a in-game glitch, I love trying it. If it’s a cheat that you need to use like a 3rd party, then I never use it.

The only time I cheated was when I was playing DPP, I really wanted to capture Creselia and other event legendary (which I never got, because I live in an obscure town and Nintendo didn’t even give events close to us here so… :) ). I made myself had like 100 master ball in the game, I was just so tired of chasing after Creselia. And honestly I don’t regret doing it. The only reason I don,t use 3rd party cheats is just because I don,t like to use it in the game, I’m paranoid and afraid I will loose my file or something lol

Competitive or single player?

Single player, definitely.

Video game character you want to/have cosplayed?

At a con I went, there was someone dressed like Donk City! Peach. I kinda want to try this but maybe a Roselia or Daisy version!

The other I want to try is KH3 Kairi, just because I adore her outfit. But I feel like it would be difficult and kidna not comfortable to wear, so I am pretty sure I will never lol

Ever go to a video game convention?

No never. It is quite far from where I live. But someday I would like to go.

Hardest boss fight you’ve been in?

I don’t remember honestly.

Video game you wish you could burn from your memory?

Time Hollow. It was kinda a boring game.

The other would be Sims…because I get really distracted and addicted to it to the point I don’t do much else when playing with it and I don,t like being like this since I feel like I am wasting my free time when I play for too long.

Favorite gaming series?

Pokemon

Professor Layton

Animal Crossing

Kingdom Hearts (Even though, I didn’t even played half of the games...)

Do you skip tutorials, or find them useful?

I try to listen when I am not familiar with a game, but I most likely get bored and eventually skip…

Best online gaming experience?

I don’t play online.

Worst online gaming experience?

I don’t play online.

Why do you game?

I game cuz I like gaming. lol It is just a nice hobby and a nice way to relax honestly.

[princelucivaryaslana]

I need to rant about my D&D character because a lot of heavy shit was revealed to me by the DM last night because even tho we are only 2 sessions in, pure luck and die rolls have accelerated the plot very quickly and i’m dying, it’s very long and i don’t expect anyone to read it, i just love my character and his brother and i’m DYING

So my character is a pink tiefling named Valafar Nemonis, but he goes by Mercy, right. He’s the firstborn of a fallen aasimar named Lillith “Lila” Nemonis and her tiefling husband Barnabas “Carrion” Nemonis, who also happens to be the head of the largest criminal organization in literally the whole continent and is also a VERY powerful politician. Valafar was his dad’s best assassin for YEARS, was deliberately groomed to be such, and he was a force to behold. 

There’s a lot of backstory backstory ‘cause this game’s taking place in the same universe that our old campaign took place in, but essentially there are these big amorphous gems that represent and contain the power of each plane of existence, and at one point due to Old Plot Reasons they shattered and now exist as thousands of small shards, which people have found and used for many purposes. 

Valafar’s dad, specifically, is in the business of finding as many of these shards as he can because of the power they contain. In order to make Valafar the heartless killer he desired him to be so as to achieve this end, he deliberately groomed Valafar to think himself superior to all but his father and drove a MASSIVE wedge between Valafar and his little brother Iari (who is the spitting image of his grandfather, Barnabas’s abusive dad; it’s tragic), to the point where Iari was moved to the servants’ quarters to separate them physically and was often used as a literal punching bag by both Valafar and Barnabas in Barnabas’s attempts to separate them emotionally, to reasonable success. (This is especially tragic because Valafar and Iari loved each other to the point where a 10-year-old Valafar got his mother’s help in creating a small heart-shaped dangley earring for his 4-year-old brother while their father was absent on business, simply because Iari had come home from an outing with their mother and excitedly told him about “a rose-colored tiefling woman who looked just like you! She was so pretty and had the most beautiful earrings!” He still has the earring. I’m dying inside.) 

The problem was, near the end of this training, Barnabas wanted to make sure his son was truly ruthless, and he did so by giving Valafar a puppy to raise, with a name and everything, and then ordered him to kill it a few months later. This trauma, plus the fact that Valafar couldn’t crush the pity he held in his heart for his brother no matter how much his father beat them both over it, led him to make the decision that rewrote his entire everything.

Valafar was sent to complete a botched mission that a few of his father’s underlings had failed to accomplish some weeks before, wherein they not only managed to kill the wife of the man they were after and not the man himself, but also failed to acquisition the piece of the Faewild shard they were sent to take from him. The man was, of course, on his guard this time, and he was able to arm himself with the sword that held the piece of the shard Valafar was after and fight back. 

Unfortunately, as providence would have it, three things happened at once: the man’s very young son entered the room upon hearing a racket; Valafar saw the little boy, about whom he had been previously unaware, and immediately realized he didn’t want to kill the man and orphan the child; and the man took Valafar’s hesitation as an opening and chopped Valafar’s shoulder with the sword. The green shard in the sword reacted to the magic that resided thick in Valafar’s blood, and the resulting explosion of green light killed the man, knocked the child unconscious, and bleached Valafar’s once solid-black eyes a fair mint bluegreen and rewired his brain a considerable amount (aka turned him from a lvl 10 assassin rogue into a lvl 1 druid and lowered his Intelligence to 10 in favor of boosting his Charisma).

Panicked, confused, and filled with a resolve he had previously found lacking, Valafar took the unconscious boy to a family in town to raise, stressing very heavily that he needed to leave and that he was relying on them to protect the boy. Then he took to the woods and lived alone for a few years, becoming acquainted with his new abilities, taking on the name Mercy, and desperately formulating a plan to save his brother from their father before it was too late. 

Meanwhile, Iari had made massive progress towards becoming a top-class assassin in his attempts to garner his father’s approval and become like his brother his whole life, but with Mercy on the run, his father’s approval still didn’t come; in fact, all he was given were assignments paid for by a new-money noble family across the continent and the overarching assignment to “Bring my son back to me, dead or alive. Do not fail me as you have your whole life.” His despair at his father’s hatred of him paired with his brother’s final abandonment of him unlocked the magic in HIS blood and expedited his growth as a top-tier killer. Now known as The Lavender Death, Iari is the most feared assassin in the entire world, and he is coming after Mercy.

Mercy was given the warning by a messenger from his father’s organization under Iari’s orders and is currently on the run to avoid “running into that little shit until I’m old and ready to die,” now teamed up with a goliath barbarian, a warforged wizard, and a baby silver dragon who recently lost its caretaker (the guy was playing a dragon trainer ranger and quit two sessions in lmao). 

Now, the reason that the plot has been accelerated very quickly is because, in an attempt to get out of the city and muddle any trail his brother might use to find him, Mercy asked the warforged’s creator to opened a portal to a random location for him and the goliath, who is also a target of The Lavender Death because he’s the escaped slave and murderer of a few of the members of the new-money noble family Mercy’s dad has contracts with (he’s also the son of a giant slave and a human woman from said noble family, it’s complicated and sad), and where should we be teleported by the luck of the dice

than to Mercy’s home country, three miles away from his home city, near enough that Iari could sense him via their mutual connection to the positive energy plane and begin his game of cat and mouse about three or four LEVELS early

So now we have a level 10 Iari after our little level 4 party of three (and a half) and i’m very scared and very tired and very Emotional and one of three things is gonna happen:

1) Iari is going to kill Mercy and then himself (he goes by the name Parricide, which the DM told me means “to kill someone dear to you” and i’m fuckin dying he still wears the earring Mercy made him 16 years ago the DM’s so cruel) 2) Mercy is going to have to kill Iari and deal with the trauma of watching his baby brother die in his arms because he failed to save him 3) By some power of luck and providence, Mercy will manage to stave off the deaths of his party and Iari long enough to make peace with Iari and become his ally and brother again

If Iari and/or Mercy die, their mother is going to finally get fed up with their father and leave him and take his eye out with Inflict Wounds (oh yeah me mommy is a DEATH CLERIC btw) when he inevitably tries to stop her

If Mercy lives, regardless of Iari’s fate, Mercy’s gonna build up his power and then D E S T R O Y his father 

I’M AN EMOTIONAL MESS

TL;DR: My character’s brother is a better assassin than my character was before my character’s levels were replaced with druid levels and now there’s a lot of complicated and heartbreaking plot underway and i’m very emotional about it because I am also irl a shitty favored older sibling who engaged in the mistreatment of my younger sibling and it’s amazing how much life imitates art