#I need to post at a time that isn't past midnight jesus christ

[abombihoney]

my thoughts as I read the new (6 months old) chapter of ethnoentomology bc i said would live blog it and this is least annoying way i can do so.

Hornet really just fucking pulled a gun out im like 1 minute fucking in jesus girl.

---

---

ooooooooh my fucking god he's literally a sopping wet little meow meow. i WILL be coming back 2 this.

---

what this fucking pronoun fuckery i need to reread this shit im onto something. i need to add all my annotations together. i need a conspiracy board. i need to make a chart with color coded lines

---

I wish Hallownest’s official language was anything other than “cryptic riddles.”

me too dude the fuck.

---

CHANCE BEING EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT???? telling lurien he isn't at fault for the radiance's actions

however... how could he think anything else really. he is all for blaming the radiance for everything.

i'm feeling a delicious mix of "can i even trust my own thoughts" mixed with Chance trying to separate what was him versus what was other.

What happens when (if) he manages to separate what actions were wholly him with no outside influence? What will he regret? What will he desperately try to justify?

How would he even determine what is him and what is the influence of the radiance? He has no memory of past actions to compare against. He can't necessarily even trust the memories he does have, they're full of hallucinations, gaps in memory where he doesn't know what he did. If it was "him" that did it. AAAAAAAAAAAUGH

___

is chance checking out of reality a lot rn or am i looking too deep. there seems to be a lot of "jump cuts"

---

back 2 valleri. info dump for me lurien i only read a handful of chapters of midnight rider.

---

 "I couldn’t tell you how many times she would’ve been jailed or worse"

wait wasnt she jailed tho. didnt she like. immediately punch pk in the face or am i misremembering. does lurien not know this. i feel like he should be told this information somehow bc like. i feel like it would give him a heart attack.

---

VALLERI LEFT SOMETHING FOR CHANCE???? THE PLOT THICKENS HELLO???

---

why is chance so gay he is SO focused on lurien all the time jesus christ man. i feel like i keep getting trapped in one of them slow burn fics where they keep almost kissing.

FUCKIGN 2 SECONDS LATER:

Having grabbed something from a small drawer in the table behind Chance, Lurien settled back, (disappointingly) further away from him.

chance ur down bad. this is going to blow up in his face spectacularly somehow. good 2 know i wasnt imagining the horny descriptions of lurien from last chapt.

---

new theory: valleri is a time-traveling post-transition chance. source: my other theory that valleri and chance are closely related. similar temperament and appearance. both from california or w/e.

wait i think i remember valleri have future seeing powers. i refuse to finish reading midnight rider until ethno is done tho so i'm keeping my theory

---

Chance reflexively rejected this information before he could begin processing its implications.

side effects of having magic powered by belief: may decide to just ignore things bc if u believe it you make it true. denial is a powerful drug

wait. hmmmmm.

did the radiance take chance's memories? or did chance want to forget? like could also totes be the cool magical barrier that wipes ur memories to prevent the radiance from escaping the corpse of hallownest. but now i am thinking of all the fucked up implications of something so horrible (by a teenagers standards) that chance wanted to forget everything.

---

TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSK MY BABY TUSK POV TUSK POV TUSK POV

oh no the baby is injured.

They needed to find Chance. He would heal them, like always—

ur honor they love each so much!!!!!!!!! might be becoming a lil codependent but ITS FINE

---

checks out that hornet was a vicious little child lmao

---

“For Hallownest, there is no cost too great. That is what I told Him.”

OH SHIT

---

oh fuck yeah i fucking love use of game mechanics in stories for problem solving. go little guy go!

---

HEY WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

Like life’s just a script and she’s waiting for her cue.

OH? paralleling what lurien said about PK. INTRIGUING.

(fucked up evil theory: The parallels between PK and Valleri that are being drawn here... from what I understand Valleri became INCREDIBLY close and attached to hallownest. What if Chance is Valleri's hollow knight?)

---

The White Palace was destroyed. But so was the Watcher’s Spire, and Chance could put that back.

my sweet child, you are going to fucking kill chance

---

Too cowardly to confront her own cowardice.

ruh roh raggy. hornet's going to have to contend with the fact that she has killed her own siblings in cold blood eventually. possibly soon

---

fuck yeah i love worldbuilding. tell me more about how the fictional bug city built in a wet cave functioned and how the class divide determined transportation methods.

---

*slaps chance* this baby can fit so much PTSD in it

---

this is spelling euphoria isn't it.

---

hey wait doesn't chance have boat trauma??? didn't he see a corpse under a boat in the last chapter of act 1???

---

something bad is going to happen. we're building so much suspense.

---

"Chance"

??????? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON NOW???????

---

 draped half overboard like a dirty wet rag

chance's natural state really.

---

something in their Void was churning

This happens directly after Chance has his little episode with the boat. Are Chance and Tusk connected by the void? Didn't something similar happen in the last chapter??

---

Hornet i love u. She's so spiderman coded.

---

—Tusk whacked the switch to the elevator and went up and away. “Wh—Vessel! Hold on!”

see u idiot

---

Ah Lemm, the confidence of a man who is very very wrong. he'd shit his pants if he saw all the human shit in the junkyard lmao.

---

Several photos were attached to the line and dangled from ceiling to floor. Dozens of lines around the room like party streamers, a hundred little memories swaying gently in the dust.

megamind ass organization system

---

burned painting frame.... coating the room in ash.. im sure this holds no significance whatsoever and won't come up again.

---

Tusk has so much youngest sibling energy lmao

---

uh oh hornet. ur getting attached.

---

this is to hornet also, isnt it?

WAHT THE FUCK

---

oh okay they are connected. poor tusk and chance. they r gonna become a feedback loop up fucked up huh

---

wait does chance not know shes the princess. lmao

---

aww hug fest JEREMY REAL??? or is hornet infected too hello????

---

IM GOING FERAL VALLERIS SEEING SO MANY THINGS AT ONCE AND REACTING TO ALL OF THEM HELLO?????

---

oh my god i feel like ive been punched seventeen times in a row. i have so much hype i need to run a marathon. im fucking spinning in circles im filled with unrestrained summer fun oh my god im supposed to sleep soon i dont know if i can manage stop thinking long enough to do that holy shit

[im-always-the-problem-its-me]

let's get lost and break down in a town we've never been in. let's not sleep and wander around a hotel parking lot after midnight, chainsmoking, flooding people's inboxes with insanity, all while trying to decide whether or not to cut your entire family out of your life.

jesus christ. since i made it through a ridiculous family ordeal recently of course my mind starts thinking about camille preaker. so i'm day drinking and watching sharp objects for the fifth time.

i had a dumb call from my stepdad. and an even dumber call from my mother less than an hour later. i'm not your fucking parent anymore. i cannot help you with anything. just like you told me while you were raising me that you couldn't help me with anything. when i tried to break away from you at 19 i was beat up in the driveway. i didn't even bother calling the cops because i really wished you'd killed me.

fuck. as i'm writing i get a dumbass call from my sister. i already know what she's going to say when she calls me back after being interrupted by a call.

phone tag in my family isn't even our most dangerous game.

fuck. i don't want to deal with this.

i've cut off family in the past and when i guiltily crawled back a few years later (like i had done something wrong when i hadn't) i STILL hear about it every time there's some issue.

i'm too fucking old for this.

other 'not so immediate' family doesn't understand. i had to hear 'why do you hate your mom?' 'you're a bitch just like your mom' etc etc for two days stuck with cousins after our car broke down. jokes. but dammit they cut deep. especially since one of the main reasons i was even on this trip was as a favor to my mother that she didn't even give me the option to say no to.

if one more person says 'you're ok, you're fine, there's nothing wrong with you' etc to me i might just scream. this week all i wanted to do was sleep. i vowed not to touch my phone, not to write, etc.

but honestly, if i don't write, i lose it. it's not healthy to not write and just try to keep everything inside of me. and also, i'm not sleeping well but at least i'm getting some.

i was supposed to see HIM tomorrow but i told him not to come because i didn't know if i'd even be home. probably for the best. since SO and i had the little fight before i left i really don't need to be fucking around and have something dumb happen because i'm in a fucked up place. i've never cheated. why start now? i know how to keep my feelings in check and not act on them. i know how to behave. i just worry about the 'fuck everything' attitude i have lately.

on the creative front, i really want to enter stuff into a couple of writing contests and a few submission deadlines are looming as well that i was going to try for. but i can't seem to get past my own bullshit when it comes to writing and end up journaling angrily or writing posts like this. i'm trying to alchemize these fucked up feelings into fiction or poetry and it's just not happening. dammit.

and not that i want to get into it too deeply because i really can't or i'll lose it, but the world is so fucked up right now and i feel that and try to avoid it at all costs but how can anyone? it's like, what's the point of anything?

but survival mechanisms and whatnot. the drive to keep going until you really can't anymore. those are the fumes i'm living on.

i'm also suddenly reminded of a conversation between us cousins on the trip where it felt like a fucking trauma or oppression pissing contest. like, come on. (we're native by the way) the last thing i wanted to do was get into a dumb political discussion but there i was. i listen. i speak. i don't debate. one cousin wanted a debate and i politely told him to fuck off. everyone has an opinion and everyone's allowed one and i'm not here to change anyone's mind on anything. so that got shut down real quick.

i'm a little buzzed so I'm going to just veg out and watch camille preaker lose her fucking mind (and i don't blame her). i'm not answering any more phone calls if any family member calls cuz i'm done for the day.

this too shall pass and all that, right?

but fuck it needs to hurry up and pass already.

[after-the-shapes-and-beats]

Okay time for talking about ideas/concepts/trivia I haven't explored!! A lot is old stuff but some is new, lots of thinking lately lol.

Also a reminder you can totally ask me questions if you're interested in something I haven't mentioned or want something elaborated further on. <3

I was going to introduce Barracuda, Lycanthropy, and the other player shapes as characters, at different points and under different circumstances of course. I did post one concept of Barracuda, but the others haven't graced this blog yet. (Still have to finalise all their designs/redesigns lol)

Was going to do a lot of Q & Square unofficially adopted parent/child moments. Didn't have anything specific planned but just really looked forward to the potential fluff/angst etc. of it all lol

I was also gonna do shameless Square/Fresh shipping lmao. Its my story they can kiss if I want!!

Chip was gonna get a girlfriend. :)

Was going to bring up Qs past. It wasn't going to be super important/relevant in the long run, but it was going to be discussed.

I reeeaaally wanted to do some animatics. I'm not brilliant at that kind of thing but god I couldn't get them out of my head lol. Still can't haha. Especially one for the track "first crush" by Sabrepulse. ;)

This is a newer thought but I’ve been exposed to some new songs recently via my sibling playing rhythm games and GOD some of those tracks really made me go “I NEED to incorporate this into my jsab au somehow”. They slap dude. These songs fuck severely and I need to choreograph fight scenes to them.

A BIG concept I wanted to introduce was individuals having a "true song" (still workshopping the name) intrinsic to them that gives them their abilities. Square can hear them if he listens carefully. :)

Qs true song was gonna be a big reveal haha. It's not Close To Me. :^)

Considering the start of the blog was set approx. maybe only 1 or 2 months after the event of the game, there was gonna be a lot of Processing Trauma. Fresh is a recently rehabilitated force of destruction. Square just remembered he's basically god. It's all a lot to come to terms with haha. Denial can only last so long lol.

The main plot thing I wanted to eventually get to was basically "where did square come from and what are the repercussions of inserting himself among the mortals he created?"

I haven't pinpointed any characters' ages other than "around this area". Except Huey. Huey is definitely 17 lol. Everyone else is solidly an adult. Square and Fresh are mentally young adults. (Immature young adults, but still. Lol)

Before the game Chip lived mostly at sea, but after everything she decided to settle down to be close to her friends. :) She still spends a good amount of time out on the water, but she has people and a place to come home to now. uwu

Huey's special interest is flying/flying machines! When he and Square met in the factory, he was actually testing out a small single person craft he built when he got stuck.

Fresh is really into his creative hobbies. After knowing only destruction, creating is really fun and healing for him. :)

Q has a plethora of skills, most are expected because they live rurally and try to be as self sufficient as possible, but some are very out of left field lol.

Square likes dresses and being barefoot because of sensory issues, and swooshy dresses are very stimmy. :)

Sleeves don't agree with Fresh and his weird arms lol so he wears exclusively sleeveless shirts. God forbid he ever have to attend a formal event.

Fresh seems like the biggest source of potential angst, and yeah there's a lot there, but Square actually has more baggage of the two! While Fresh is up front about his traumas and insecurities, Square keeps all his stuff to himself. Fresh gets to hear a little bit but only because the two of them just understand and relate to each other in a way the others couldn't.

Aaaand that’s everything I’ve got I think!! I need to work on like, proper ref art and bios for the characters and stuff. Develop some underdeveloped aspects some more. I also need to shitpost more lol. Again feel free to ask questions or whatever!! I don’t currently really know how to move forward other than occasionally posting art so responding to you guys’ thoughts/suggestions for drawings or whatever would be good.

Love youuuu! <3