#I need to find someone to animate this for me

[pr1nceofg0tham]

what do you need from me tonight? .𖥔 ݁ ˖ִ ࣪

i don’t care if you’re sick, i don’t care if you’re contagious.

𖥔 summary since befriending tim drake you have known exactly how he feels about his brothers: offlimits, forbidden, do not enter! this was never too difficult to maintain, never too hard to turn away when one smiles a little too bright, yet when sweet and sultry jason walks into the room it become harder to turn the other cheek.

𖥔 pairing jason todd x reader

𖥔 genre/tw best friends brother au!! fem!reader !! reader is tim’s bff, fluff! angst?! probably suggestive at times i can’t lie, intoxication, swearing !! jason is a softie, none of that charmer fuck boy jason here!! petnames, kissing, reader and jason are real yearners !! reader and tim are supposed to be like 21-22 which puts Jason at like 25-26 or so (in my mind) batfam mentions and cameos! we love!! librarian!jason !! historian!reader !! tim and reader are platonic soulmates <3 also tim calls reader chicken, idk why!! also thers gonna be typos and run on sentences probably (i blacked out)

𖥔 w/c 8.3k and some change

𖥔 a/n this came to me in a dream… idk i just feel like tim has such strong protective girl bestie vibes so this is what happened. i love tim and reader and reader and jason and i really hope you do too!! lemme know xoxo

masterlist | requests open!!

Since the moment you became friends with Tim Drake, you understood his brothers were completely off limits. It was apparent in how he would go out of his way to not mention them by name—only my brother this or my brothers that—it was in the look of pure disgust when someone would bring up just how hot his oldest brother was when he showed up on the news: alerting the public not to be worried about some crime in Blüdhaven. Even you, his best friend since the trauma of Philosophy 204 bonded you together, were not allowed to ask about them without a deadly glare shooting your way.

You understood, if you had a famous family full of wealthy handsome boys, you too would want to keep them aware from your friends. You shudder at the thought of some girl asking if your brother was single, thus whenever Tim gives you attitude about it, you allow yourself to laugh it off. It wasn’t until the summer between Freshman and Sophomore year that you were even allowed near Wayne Manor, and into the lives of his illustrious family. 

Now, five years into your friendship, you could say that you’ve fit yourself into Tim’s life quite nicely. Being his favorite lady, you’re often his date to galas and Sunday brunches with the wives of Wayne Enterprises, The person who comes along when Bruce says “you can bring a friend”, and most special, who he turns to when one of his brothers annoys him. Like now, 

“I just don’t know why I’m suddenly Damian’s chauffeur," Tim says, a familiar annoyance seeping from his voice. “Like, my father has billions of dollars yet I have to be the one to drive my little brother around, come on.” 

You laugh, but the easy way in which he talks about his family’s wealth brings a bad taste to your mouth… You, a girl born and raised in the lower sector of Gotham, find it quite gross how easy your friend throws his money around sometimes, which you remind him with a swat on the back of his head. “Hey! what the fuck was that for?” He exclaims with a laugh. 

“Timothy, you know better than to be all waspy when I’m around…” you sigh, “and anyway, it’s not like Damian goes anywhere but the library and the planetarium… he's just a kid.”

“A kid who threatens to poison me if I don’t buy him bug juice—which I gotta say he is getting too old for.” 

“Ahh, Timmy, are you just sad about your baby brother growing up?” You say, pouting your lips in the exact way you know annoys him. 

You’ve always thought it’s funny how annoyed Tim gets about Damian, a boy who’s only ever sweet to you—asking you about your favorite animals and telling you about the new exhibits at Gotham’s Natural History Museum. “I don’t get why it's so terrible, Dami’s just a sweetheart,”

“Ugh, maybe to you,��� Tim replies, “he just thinks you’re cool cause you work at the Historical Society and you make fun of me,”

“Well, there’s a lot to make fun of.”

“Ha.Ha. Real funny guess who's uninvited to Dick’s birthday party.” With this, you pause. It’s true that most of the parties surrounding Tim’s family are unnecessarily boring and involve fitting into a tight dress and making your hair look presentable. There’s been quite a few times when you’ve wished that Tim would go with someone else and gift you the reprieve from a drawn out conversation with a doctor or a politician, (or whoever else Mr. Wayne invites to drum up philanthropy). However, you look forward to Dick’s birthday every year; a night filled with laughter and sweet drinks, getting to see Dick and his girlfriend Kory get a little too drunk and attempt to do gymnastics on the club’s dancefloor… Even better, it’s the one chance you really get to see Jason, Tim’s older and outcasted brother.. 

You remember the first time you met him, a Friday dinner you accompanied Tim to… It was the one night a week Alfred was free from dinner duty, thus the two of you had brought chinese and gelato for dessert and Damian kept pestering you about bringing him to the Zoo to see the snakes. 

You had already met everyone else, Dick with his charming smile and the spark in his eyes when he pulled your chair out (you’re sure it had more to do with annoying his brother than being a gentleman,) You’d met Duke when he followed his brother into university becoming a welcome third to your little group, and his father–Initmaditing and encompassing Bruce Wayne, but you’d never met Jason. 

You’d heard about him, heard the sighs from his father when he noticed his second son hadn’t shown up… Watched the careful way he was spoken about by his family, in past tenses and thinly veiled sadness. Tim had rarely brought him up to you, barely mentioning how there was some sort of accident, how it destroyed their father and separated Jason from himself and his family. 

You never liked seeing your best friend sad, it hurt too much to see his blue eyes gloss over, so you never brought him up, yet you couldn’t lie and say you weren’t curious. You remember seeing it on the news, the day that Jason Todd went missing… It wasn’t surprising to hear about a missing boy–living in Gotham meant a new tragedy every day–yet, you remember being shocked that something would happen to that bright young boy, grinning ear to ear in the school picture the news showed. 

You were only twelve, but you can think back and see so vividly the magic behind that smile, and how sad you were to realize that this boy, who could have very well gone to school with your sister, was gone… How sad he must be, you remember thinking, to be without his family. 

He was quite the mystery to you, more so after becoming friends with Tim, his brother who would so rarely mention him. It was when you saw him slouching at the dinner table and arguing with Dick, that your curiosity came back, you couldn’t believe it–he was so handsome, prettier than the newspaper made him look, and so tall, but you remembered Tim… Remembered how upset he got when Hannah Beauchamp asked him for his brother’s telephone number, so all you did was smile and say hello. 

After that you saw Jason more often, always quiet, always bright, but it was still glaringly rare… You never knew when he’d be there, unlike Dick who is unquestionable in his loyalty to family functions, Jason could be everywhere and nowhere all at once. Thus, the only surefire way to see him, is to go to Dick’s birthday, a gathering that Jason always appears at, showing his rare smile and a rare wish to his big brother. 

You can’t be uninvited, you really can’t be… 

“Timmy, you know I love you,” you say, giggling at the way his nose scrunches, “Please let me go with you to Dick’s party? Please please please!! I didn’t mean it, it’s so hard to make fun of you!” 

You know you’ve won when his head tilts, nose sticking straight up like an aristocrat in a children’s novel, you know you’ve won because he sighs into a sweet smile–bringing his hand up to muss your hair. 

“You know I can’t go anywhere without you, Chicken.” At his words you unceremoniously jump at him, encircling him into your grasp and squealing out ‘thank you’s.’ “But,” you groan. “You have to come with me tonight… If I have to hear Damian go on and on about Casseiopeia, you do too.” 

⋆.ೃ࿔.𖥔 ݁ ˖*:･༄ 

The party was in full force when you arrived, music blaring, couples kissing, the whole nine; It smelled like sweat and tequila, and fancy perfume, and you wished you could feel this way more often.

Tim doesn’t like going out, doesn’t feel safe bringing you out into the Gotham nightlife–your best friend, sweet and loyal and protective, over his family, over you… You know he’s just looking out for you, but the frustrated sighs and the “that place isn’t safe for a little Chicken like you,” get exhausting. He gets frustrated when you go out by yourself, insistent that your group of girls would be much safer if you guys partied at home, yet he never seems to have a problem if his brothers are there too… more eyes on you, he says when you ask. 

Still, you wouldn’t trade him for the world–how lucky were you, that your best friend cared so much… 

He had gasped when he picked you up, a caricature of your sisters and girlfriends: he squealed and told you he loved your dress, (as if he wasn’t the one who paid for it), a routine that was familiar and warm. He’d driven you both himself, complaining about traffic and assholes who don’t use their blinker, he was telling you about his day and the “insolent” acts Damian committed at school. It was rather nice, just you and Tim listening to shitty pop-punk and laughing, a familiar scene that’s gotten rarer and rarer as his responsibilities have piled on. 

He had squeezed your hand before getting out of the car, smiling at you with earnest eyes and a mischievous grin, and told you: “If Dick’s friend Wally hits on you, tell him I still have the pictures from last summer.” 

You were a ball of nerves in the elevator, stomach dropping as it went up, up, up to the Penthouse, shying away from the stares and whispers that follow Tim around. But now, encased in house music and the saccharine smell of young lust and birthday magic, your anxiety eases and the smile you send your best friend’s way is finally sincere. 

He takes your hand to lead you through the erratic rhythm of dancing bodies, sending dirty looks to men who look at you too long, leading you through the suite like he’s Orpheus on a mission. He doesn’t turn back to smile at you until you’ve reached your destination, the large rooftop patio where the pool lives, here you find Dick–front flipping into the pool fully clothed. His form is perfect, spinning into the water with a ballerina like elegance, a visage so striking against the electronica pumping through the night. 

He comes up for air with far less grace, however, shaking his hair out like a dog and yelling at Kory to join him. When he sees his little brother, his face breaks into the most earth-shattering smile, before he breaks into senseless giggles–telling everyone, “You guys! My baby brother Timmy is here!” 

Tim, a boy who loves his brothers more than anyone except maybe you, grins at the older boy's voice–pulling you along to greet him properly. 

“Happy birthday, Dick!” You tell him, voice raising to be heard over the music and the squealing euphoria of his guests.

“Oh my! Timmy’s little Chicken is here!” Dick’s fondness for you is no surprise, as a professional older brother it is his job to love everyone his siblings love. “Jason! Look who's here!”

It's almost comical how fast you look up, how curious you are to see him, so curious you don’t hear Tim’s sigh or the way his hold on your arm tightens. Like Magic, Jason stands in front of you, leaning against a wall like a poor parody of James Dean. He looks a bit put out, a little annoyed to be interrupted in what looks like a riveting conversation with Roy Harper– a man you’ve only ever met through Tim’s phone on nights when he goes out without you. 

“Hey guys,” He says, friendly enough yet you can’t help but notice how much tenser he looks now that Tim stands before him. “Timmy, I heard you’re taking up more and more roles at Dad’s,” he sounds strained, but it’s obvious that he’s trying. 

“Yeah, our little baby brother is awesome, Bird, but let’s not forget it’s my turn to receive your  compliments.” Dick exclaims, panting a bit from treading water. 

“Yeah, yeah, Dickie, you just gotta wait for it, man.” Jason says, before turning back to Roy, you know at once that their exchange is over, you’re not sure what happened… It seems almost like Tim and Jason fought, niceties were exchanged, yes, but the look in their eyes: exhausted and awkward, says more than the short conversation they shared. 

They get like this sometimes, a phenomenon you don’t quite understand… You’ve witnessed moments where they seem like best friends, joking and joining together in teasing Damian, yet there's other times… Moments like this, when it seems like there's years of separation and frustration between them. 

You can feel Tim pulling you away, his hold on your hand a little tighter than you would like it to be… You can hear Dick yelling at him to stay, ‘the waters nice and warm,’ he yells, yet it's obvious he’s not too worried about it once Kory swims over to him. More than anything you can see Jason, nodding at you from his place against the wall–his drink tipping your way as if to say goodbye. 

You’re still a little confused when Tim drags you back into the suite to dance, finding Conner and Stephanie along the way. The four of you twirl and laugh and drink, the boys spinning you and Steph around and around–passing the two you back and forth until you're dizzy and drunk. Tim’s hands steady you, leading you in a crazy dance the two of you made up junior year, and grinning when you drunkenly tell him you love him. The night is alive, it’s burning with winter yearning and the feeling that you’d never be this young again. How you love your friends, how you wonder what's ailing them. 

⋆.ೃ࿔.𖥔 ݁ ˖*:･༄ 

The music is thunderous, eating away at your ear drums and seeping into your bones until your body sings along. You’re not sure what time it is any more, or where Tim went… Your last memory is Conner giving you his jacket before pulling your friend away, a sight that made you giggle and roll your eyes. Steph’s seemed to disappear too, leaving you all alone on the dance floor, swaying in time with the music and whispering jokes to nobody. 

The crowd seems to have gotten bigger and the drinks stronger, a revelation that sends you in search of Tim or Dick, or someone you know. Yet, you can’t find them anywhere, off with Conner and Kory surely, abandoning you with only vodka and an empty chip bowl to keep you company. The party seems lonelier now, the music dull and throbbing in your ears, and all the dancing seems out of rhythm. It’s almost like you’ve stepped out of the faery ring, released yourself from an enchantment, and now everything that was once magic is all wrong. 

That things happening, that thing where you begin to have nostalgia for the moment you’re in, a kind of bittersweetness veiling over your eyelids as you take in the dark room. This happens sometimes, where you get a sudden case of the blues–too much adrenaline, too much happiness for one person, so it comes out as sad. It doesn’t help that you’re all alone, that Tim left you to go kiss Conner and you don’t really know anyone else, not truly–not the way you need to know them for a moment like this. 

You find yourself on the stairs, leaning against the railing as you attempt to regain your balance. The world seems to be spinning, whether it's from the alcohol or all the dancing you’re unsure of, yet the sky seems to be under your feet. You wished Tim was here… he always knew what to do, always knew how to make you laugh when you’re sad and get you home without a scratch… Stupid Conner, you think, stealing your best friend from you when you need him most… typical. 

It's minutes later that you feel someone nudging you awake, shaking you from your place on the stairs. The person's hands are rough and warm and gentle, easing you back into consciousness, accompanied by  whispers of “come on, little one.” 

You don’t feel very good, the alcohol and the sadness filling your throat with the taste of vomit, yet you find it in yourself to look up. Light invades your senses and that same blaring electronica finds a home in your ears again, a repeated refrain of call on me beating into your bones. You find the eyes of the intruder, green like summer; they’re looking down at you in concern, all squinty like a crescent moon. It's not until the song changes that you realize it’s Jason looking at you, your mystery come to find you. 

“Jason?” you ask, your voice covered in sleep and intoxication. “What are you doing here?” 

“I could ask you the same thing, Where’s Timmy?” 

“Off with Conner.” You harrumph, sneering at his name as if they aren’t two of your most treasured friends. 

“And he left you all alone?” He looks a little surprised by this, and a little upset, a combination that will surely keep you up thinking about what it means. 

“Yeah, can you believe that?! He’s a treacherous traitor who betrayed me.” 

“You know, I’m pretty sure all those things mean the same thing.” He laughs a little, and you wish you were sober just so you could really hear him, the fear you feel that you might not remember this fills you with dread. It's so rare that you get to see him, so rare that you get to talk to him without Tim around to make things different and tense… your crush on Jason is not so hidden, a truth that eats at you in moments like this. You’re sure they probably all know, can all see how flustered you get around him, but you’d never act on it–you’d never do anything to hurt Tim, (that includes kissing his brothers), thus you pretend like it doesn’t affect you as much as it does. But here now, with Jason sitting next to you on the stairs, sharing space and oxygen and more words than you’ve ever spoken to each other before, you feel it becoming harder and harder to pretend. 

“Why are you sitting with me, Jason?” You ask him.

‘What?” He replies, eyes wide in shock or maybe confusion. “You’re my little brother’s best friend and you’re asleep on the stairs, why wouldn’t I be sitting with you.” His voice is pure Gotham, it brings a smile to your lips. 

“I see, is it just because I’m Timmy’s best friend.” 

“Are you flirting with me, Casanova?” he laughs, bringing a bottle of water up to his lips. 

“Never ever, Mr. Todd, I swear it, cross my heart.” You can see how he’s smiling, goofier than you’ve ever seen it, less sculpted than the usual smirky grin he wears around his brothers. 

“You’re drunk.” He says, before handing you his bottle of water, “Drink.” He says it like a command, like something you couldn’t say no to even if you tried, so you listen, yet you can’t stop thinking about his lips around it just a few seconds before. It invades your senses– the image of his rosebud lips curling around the top like a kiss… What is a kiss if not two mouths touching? What is a kiss without a kiss? Shared saliva and phantom smiles pressing against your own? 

One of his large hands goes to the bottom of the plastic bottle–tipping it up further as if to get you to drink more, his eyes swallow you, commanding eye contact as the water tumbles down your throat. “That’s a good girl.” He tells you, voice low and pleasing. It’s only when the bottle is empty that he takes his hand away, lowering the bottle from your lips and looking back into the humid party. 

How handsome he is, you think, it’s obvious he dressed up a little more for this than when you usually see him. He’s in all black, slacks and t-shirt displaying some 90s anime, he even has jewelry on: silver rings and heavy chains around his neck… He looks ravishing, like someone should take him home before other people can perceive him. You remember that first time you saw him, that fifteen year old boy on the news who looked like Peter Pan; you remember how you felt when you read that he was missing, if only you could have told yourself you would have found him one day. 

“Jason?” You whisper, “Where did you go?” He’s surprised at the question, that much is obvious, but he doesn’t seem mad, more tired; exhausted by the memory. 

“Neverland.” He whispers back, a response that brings a smile to your lips even though it’s not an answer. 

“What was it like?” 

“Hmm,” he says, thinking about his answer. “Well, it was pretty, there were pirates and mermaids, and little fairy girls like you.” That makes you laugh, a big booming thing that escapes. 

“I’m a little fairy girl, now?” 

“Oh yeah, I saw you spinning earlier… round and round like you were trying to fly.” 

“Well, I’m all out of pixie dust.” You tell him, which brings that goofy smile back to his pretty face. 

He doesn’t say anything else, just sits quietly with you, humming songs he knows and snorting at the drunken antics of Dick’s guests. It’s nice, just sitting with him–there is no need to fill the space, just peace and quiet. Finally, when you’re feeling sober enough to be a little worried by his answer, you ask, “Why’d you leave? I mean what made you come home?” 

It takes him a moment to answer, but when he does it’s full of secrets and saved up sadness, his voice gruff with the memory of it. “I just had to grow up I guess.” 

⋆.ೃ࿔.𖥔 ݁ ˖*:･༄ 

Days later you’re still thinking about that conversation on the stairs, how sad he looked… how vulnerable and young he appeared. When Tim finally showed himself, he was shocked to find you with his brother, thanking him over and over again for keeping you company. You remember how Jason smiled, sweet and sleepy, before he said No problem, Timmy, you just get her home safe. It’s less of a memory and more of a dream, like you went off to Neverland too. 

It was difficult to find sleep that night, too shaken and embarrassed by your own behavior… Nerves ate at your brain every time you thought about how natural it was to talk to him, nerves that only got worse when you wake up to a text from an unknown number: 

 ‘Hey, fairy girl, it’s J. just want to make sure you got back alright’ 

It filled you with heat and parasitic flutters in your belly, but you couldn’t answer… couldn’t get over the guilt you felt when imagining Tim’s reaction, no matter how innocent it all was. So you left it alone, didn’t answer him and went on with your day as normal as you could make it: lunches with Tim and group chat gossip with Duke and Stephanie, anything that could distract you from the fire blazing in your veins. 

You were still a little cross with Tim for leaving you all alone, but after making him take you out to breakfast and promise to buy you whatever you wanted for the next week, you thought you’d cut him some slack. He was acting a little weird, he kept making that face that only conjures itself when he’s trying to figure something out, and he repeatedly asked you if Jason said anything interesting to you– a question that has you shaking your head every time.

His words were just for you, you knew that more than you knew anything, so even though it was unfamiliar, you kept it from your best friend. 

It’s been a week since that fateful night, a week full of sleeplessness and butterflies when you thought about his bright eyes and warm hands. You’ve always had a bit of a crush, but now it's stifling–incinerating you with the absolute truth of it. Even here at work it suffocates you, presses down in between the dark archives of old newspapers and preserved textiles. It's just another day of paperwork and organization, studying old books on Cherry Hill in hopes to find something that could help stop the impending gentrification. 

Tim’s on his way with lunch, something Alfred cooked up to be sure, an exciting but slightly unnerving prospect. You’ve never been afraid of your best friend before, but you’ve also never kept a secret from him… you know it's not a big deal, so what if you and Jason had a sleepy drunken conversation at Dick’s birthday party? It wasn’t like you kissed! Hell, his hands barely even touched your skin except to wake you up, yet the fear of hurting Tim is so massive and encompassing you can’t help but feel like you need to hide it. 

You hear him say hello to your coworkers, hear his graceful steps down into the basement, he takes the stairs two at a time. When he finally arrives in front of you, he is jovial–smiling wider than you’ve seen in awhile. He dawdles on, handing you your lunch and telling you about how Alfred made twice the amount so all his kids could have some. It’s nice to hear him speak about his family, you relish in it… how happy he sounds when he speaks of his brothers, Alfred and Stephanie, the smile in his voice when he tells you you’re invited to another Friday Dinner. 

“Barbara and Kory are coming too, you’ll be there, yeah?” 

“Yeah, Definitely,” You tell him, but your heart isn’t in it. Tim notices it, of course he does, but he doesn’t call it out. You’ve been acting strange lately, but he trusts that you’d come to him if you really needed help. He stays until you both finish your lunch, kissing you on the head before he heads back towards the WE building; the guilt creeps back in when he leaves, roots of shaming entangling you like vipers. 

This routine follows you into the week, Tim bringing lunch and stories of Conner and Duke and the mischief they’ve gotten themselves into. Your work kept you busy, working late into the night– the book you found on the Founding of Gotham was interesting, and it was proving to be rather helpful in proving your suspicions that the original City Hall was located in the Cherry Hill suburb of Gotham City. You hoped you’d be able to find all the sources you needed, but it was becoming a bigger and bigger project than you ever realized–a project that was impeding on your life. 

It was late into the afternoon when Jason came to see you, bringing with him a smile and something hidden in his book bag. 

“Knock-knock, Little fairy, can I come in?” He asks you, halting on the last step. It's dark down here, lit only with lamps and reading lights, still he is beautiful–the white streak in his hair curling down over his eyes. He looks rather comfy, wrapped up in a sweater and a leather jacket, his book bag crossing over his chest and falling around his hip. God, he’s lovely, and he’s here… Why is he here? 

“What are you doing here?” You ask, startled by his presence and the life it brings. 

“I wanted to bring you some flowers,” He tells you, a secret smile playing on his lips. You look at his empty hands, a confused grin finding its way to your face. 

“Where are the flowers, Jason?” You laugh, although it halts when that goofy grin emerges again. Looking at you slyly he takes something out from his bag, pulling out a stack of books and handing them to you. Still confused you shuffle the pile to read each title,

 Dandelion Wine, White Oleander, The Chrysanthemums, Daisy Miller, The Secret Garden… 

Oh dear, you think, how sweet is this boy? And why? After you’d ignored his message… 

“Flowers,” he says, tilting his head towards you, that charming smile still living on his face. 

Who is this wonderful, handsome boy? When his brothers speak of him, they describe him as gruff and unlikable–mean and sulky. Yet this Jason is bright and euphoric, sweet and happy and mischievous…

He brought you flowers… flowers that you could keep on your shelf forever; stories of life and sadness and magic. 

“Oh my,” you say, “Thank you, Jason.” 

“Of course, I wanted to make sure you were okay…” He hesitates for a minute before continuing on, “Y’know, you never answered my text and I thought maybe Dickie gave me the wrong number.” 

“Oh, no it was the right number,” you sigh. “I just don’t want Tim to feel weird about the two of us becoming friends…” 

“Are we becoming friends then,” he asks you, eyes brighter than before. He looks so young like this, starry eyed and grinning like he won a blue ribbon. 

“I don’t know, Jason, are we?” 

“I’m inclined to say yes, fairy girl. I don’t steal books from the library for just anyone.” 

Shocked, you turn the books over and sure enough, the library's barcode sits against the hardcover. 

“Jason! What the hell?! You can’t just steal from the library!” You yell, yet all he does is laugh. It’s such a pretty sound, deep and melodious like a song you can’t forget the words to. You wonder how often he really laughs like this, true and belly-full, like he means it. 

“I work at the library, Sugar, don’t worry.” He rasps out, “I’m the person who has to buy the new books anyway… so don’t worry about it.” The pet name rolls off his tongue salaciously, finding its way into your tummy, filling you with warmth and a vision of him at Gotham City Public Library. You’re not sure how you never knew, how you never saw him there in your late night book runs for your work. It fills you with fondness and makes your smile somehow brighter than it already was. 

“Well, thank you anyway, J.” You tell him. “Really, no one's ever given me flowers before.” 

When his eyes meet yours the floor shakes beneath you, destabilizing you into nervous fidgeting and shy smiles. You can’t believe this is happening, can’t believe your mystery is standing in front you–vulnerable and handsome and smiling. He brought you flowers… God, what are you going to tell Tim? 

You see he’s getting ready to leave, so you ask (quicker than you thought possible,) “Do you wanna stay for a while? I’m just reading through some sources, but it might be better with company?” The smile he gives you is serendipitous, magical and dreamlike. 

He stays with you long into the night, reading all the left pages as you read the right and sharing his own suspicions. He mentions books at the library that might be useful, and tells you how cool he thinks what you’re doing is, he smiles the whole time. It's late when you finish, yawning and blinking away the strain, he looks more and more like that school picture you once fawned over– young and happy, Peter Pan. 

He insists on walking you home, leading you through the still busy Gotham Streets with a hand grazing your back and a watchful eye on the city. Every once in a while he stops to make sure you’re going the right way, and to ask if you’re still alright, a question that brings a smile to your lips and goosebumps on your skin. 

When you finally make it home, skin bitten cold and his jacket hanging off your shoulders, he smiles faintly at you, bringing his hand up to push a loose strand of hair back behind your ear. 

As he turns to leave he tells you, 

“Don’t forget to get those flowers in some water, see you Friday,” And with the way your heart stops, you know you’re doomed. 

⋆.ೃ࿔.𖥔 ݁ ˖*:･༄ 

Tim Drake is lots of things, but a fool is not one of them. He sees how different Jason is acting during patrol: stumbling over ledges and pulling out the wrong gun. He’s been weird since Dick’s party, quicker to smile and more interested in you than ever before… he remembers seeing Jason try to covertly listen to the Comm when Dick asked Tim how you were,

 “How’s Chicken Little doing, Timmy?” 

But before he could answer, Damian swiftly responded: 

“She doesn’t like it when you guys call her that, can’t you see her nose scrunch up in disgust? Honestly you’re all a bunch of buffoons.” 

Tim, however offended he might be at Damian thinking he knows you better than him, couldn’t help but focus on Jason instead. His face might be covered by his mask, yet his body language is unmistakable–he’s more interested than he should be. 

“Might I remind all of you, she is off limits, do not disturb, dead end… I will kill you and send your entrails to Lex Luthor to make some weird clone of you if you even think about it.” This message is for all of them, but you’d have to be stupid to not realize it was really only for Jason–Dick and Kory have been basically engaged since they were 20 and Damian still drinks bug juice for God’s Sake… the only other person it could be is Duke, but if the gagging sounds he’s making over the comm mean anything, he doesn’t need to be worried. 

Nobody says anything for a second, laughter from Dick and Duke creeping in through his ear piece, yet it all stops when Jason speaks up for the first time that night. 

“You know, you really should let her make her own decisions… She’s not a little girl.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean, Hood?” Tim asks, getting actually truly angry for the first time. There’s a reason why he tried to keep you to himself in the beginning of your friendship, he knows you think it’s because he didn’t want you to date his brothers, but really he didn’t want to have to share another thing. So much of his life belongs to his family, he just wanted one thing to belong to him. 

“Don’t get angry, please, Birdie?” Jason replies, there's no heat in it, just exhaustion. 

“What. Do. You. Mean? Hood?” Tim says again, getting more and more frustrated by the minute. 

“I just mean she’s a grown up, and she should be allowed to talk to whoever she wants to, even if it weirds you out.” 

It strikes Tim as something that wouldn’t bother him if it was about anyone but you, if it was Steph or Bart or Cassie, it wouldn’t have mattered. But it is you, the first friend he’s had that's entirely his own–you’re his best friend in the entire world, the person he loves the most, and he doesn’t need anyone, especially not Jason Todd, telling him how he should act with you. 

“Keep your advice to yourself, Red Hood,” Tim barks out to his brother, yet there's a piece of him that's thinking about what he said, a voice in the back of his head that tells him maybe he should listen. 

⋆.ೃ࿔.𖥔 ݁ ˖*:･༄ 

When Tim calls you to tell you not to come to family dinner, you can’t help but be confused and a little hurt. Sure, he said he’d just come over to yours instead, but the thought that someone was upset with you, or worse that Tim used his brilliant brain to suss out your crush before you could tell him, and now he’d never let you back around his brothers again, whittled its way into your heart and wouldn’t let go. 

You never wanted to do anything that would hurt Tim, he’s the person who you trust most in the world, the only person you could say confidently that you would kill or be killed for. You love him, infallibly and wholly, and thinking that he might be hurt by something you’ve done, even as innocent as a couple moonlit conversations with his brother, consumes you into a hellmouth of anxiety. 

He arrives at seven, the time he said he’d pick you up for family night, but instead of meeting you at your door, he barrels in. There’s a wild look in his eyes, a look you’ve only seen once– when your Philosophy 204 professor fell over and began to aspirate through a seizure–it’s painful and worried, and you wonder what's making him so upset now. However, when you ask, all he does is shake his head, almost like he’s trying to shake out the worries, pound them out like water in your ears. He looks beyond you, into your kitchen and his sighs become heavier and more sporadic, did he run here? 

“I’m trying to figure something out,” He tells you, his voice kinder than his body language made it seem like it would be, yet you’re not surprised–in the five years of being his friend, he’s never once raised his voice at you. 

“Okay, what's up?” You ask, anxious. 

“Are you and Jason in love? Are you having some sort of gross affair?” 

“What?!” You exclaim, sure you have a crush on Jason, and yes you think it would be quite easy to fall in love with him, but come on… Two conversations and childhood crush don’t suddenly turn into an affair. 

“Don’t “what” me, Chicken! I have Jason telling me to treat you like a grown up and now I walk in here and his jacket is hanging from my chair… MY CHAIR!” He says, shocking a laugh out of you, “The chair I sit in, god what has life come to?” 

“Timmy, we’re not having an affair, he just walked me home after bringing me something at work.” You approach him like a snake tamer, slow and kind in your steps–the same steps you saw the zoo keeper take the last time you and Tim brought Damian to Gotham Zoo. 

“But you like him?” He asks, suspicious and guarded. You can’t tell what’s happening in his head, can’t seem to read his mind like you usually can, so instead you let your hands fall onto his shoulders–fingers splaying out to run through the hair on his neck. 

“Yes,” You say, quiet as a mouse. “Is that okay?” 

Tim lets his head fall into your tummy, blowing out a big gasp of air into your shirt, which makes you laugh and push him away. 

“Of course it’s okay, Chicken… I just want you to be happy.” He sighs, “I just don’t really know if you will be happy with him… my brother he’s,” He hesitates, thinks about how he should say this without ruining anything, before he continues: “Jay’s complicated, what happened fucked him up… really bad. And I love you, more than him, more than anyone–you’re my girl. I don’t want you to feel trapped in a bad situation, and feel like you can’t come to me cause he’s my brother… I’ll always be on your side.” 

You smile and let out what feels like all the air in your lungs. How you love your stupid, silly, best friend, as if Jason would ever make you feel trapped and horrible when all he ever wants to do is be free? 

“You don’t have to worry about me, Timmy, I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.” The nickname makes him smile, brings him back to college when all you guys would do was watch Chicken Little and drink bottled sweet tea, when you’d call him Timmy and beg him to let you prank call his dad. Yet, the sentiment makes him sad, how are you a big girl if you’re both still just kids? He doesn’t feel that grown up yet. 

“That’s what he said you know,” He replies. “Just, why didn’t you tell me?” He’s watching you, looking at you in that way that makes you spill all your secrets, so you tell him, 

“I didn’t want to upset anyone, and I don’t know if he even likes me back, so..” 

“Are you crazy?! Of course he likes you, my brother hates literally every single person he interacts with other than Alfred, yet he’s coming to your work to surprise you? Come on.” He’s laughing though it sounds a little pained. It does little to comfort your swirling thoughts. You’re so happy Tim’s not angry, so happy that he’s not throwing you onto the curb like you expected, but he still seems so sad. 

You wish you could swaddle him up and make everything okay, promise that you’d never stop being friends, make sure he knows that you’re not going away–that all of this is a little dramatic for a little crush. 

“Are you okay, Timmy? With the chance that something might happen between me and Jason?” 

“Yeah, Chickadee, just…” he sighs, “Don’t forget what I said, okay? About him being complicated.” You nod, but before you can say anything, he speaks up again. “And, Chicken? Remember our pact about getting married for taxes… it’s you and me spending our afterlives together, not you and Jason.” 

⋆.ೃ࿔.𖥔 ݁ ˖*:･༄ 

You wake the next morning a bundle of limbs and sleepy energy, Tim is barely conscious next to you and the apartment smells faintly of cheetos and ramen; you’d spent the night watching Avatar: The Last Airbender and reminiscing about the good old days. You told him about everything that's happened with Jason, starting from that first sight of his missing poster and ending with the bouquet of books. He was obviously a little grossed out to be talking about his brother in this way, but it felt good to see you so giggly and happy. 

He’d felt bad for making you skip out on family night, a feeling of guilt that shook in his bones as his father and eldest brother texted him about skivving out on family bonding. But, he wouldn’t go back to change it, he was so afraid he was going to lose you, that you’d get tired of him and make friends with other people, that having this night with you was well worth all the lectures he was going to have to put up with. 

He’s watching you now, anxious and blushing, and he can’t help but feel in awe of you–his pretty best friend, really crushing on someone for the first time. Some part of him is glad that person is Jason, at least then he won’t feel too bad about breaking his nose if he starts any shit with you. 

“Everythings gonna be okay,” He says, using your first name in a rare scene of seriousness. 

“Yeah, I know.” You tell him. “I just, don’t wanna ruin anything.” 

“You know, he’s working today… might wanna bring him some flowers.” 

⋆.ೃ࿔.𖥔 ݁ ˖*:･༄ 

The library is alive, warm and inviting like a lover’s embrace. It smells like parchment and dust and clorox wipes, a combination that instantly brings you back to school–elementary crushes and schoolyard gossip. 

There’s not very many people here, too early on a school day for anyone to really be finding solace between the aisles, but you see him. Jason sits behind the front desk, wiry glasses settled on his nose and a book in his lap. He hasn’t noticed you yet, too absorbed in his work to really be paying attention. For a minute, you just stand and admire him–this mysterious creature who walked into your life and never left. All these feelings are brand new and ancient… romantic and friendly, respect and admiration. It would all be so easy, with him–to lose yourself in love and friendship–you want it so badly. 

You can see it so vividly, waking up with him and spending nights intertwined, reading together and researching maniacally. Falling for him is easy, loving him will be hard you know, but seeing him now: pretty and warm in the afternoon light makes the decision rather easy. 

“I’d like to return some books,” you say once you’ve reached him, startling him out of his reverie. 

He can’t believe it’s you, beautiful and bright–like a protagonist out of an Austen novel. He thought he’d never be allowed near you again, thought he ruined it all by bringing you up to Tim, but here you were–lovely like the morning. You’re carrying books, flowers, and your smile is starlight. 

“Well, right this way, Ma’am.” He tells you, once he finds his voice. “I didn’t realize you could replant flowers after you’ve picked them.” He’s teasing you, but really he’s not sure why you’ve brought the books back–is it a way to let him down? Or are you just returning the favor? 

He leads you into the back, unprofessional sure, but he needs to be alone with you. You’re so anxious, he can tell… he needs to be able to reach out and feel you. 

“I just felt like you deserved flowers too, Jay.” You tell him, sweet and lovely like always. 

“Hmm, well I refuse them… they’re all yours, I already replaced them.” His eyes are mischievous again, burning with joy as they stare into yours. You’re reminded of that night on the stairs, when he made you drink water and burned you alive. 

“I talked to Tim,” You tell him, watching as his smile drops. 

“Let me guess, he told you I’m bad news and doesn’t want you around me, right?” He asks, rough with the hurt of past bruises. 

“Actually, he told me you’re bad news but he’s trusting me to be able to handle it.” Jason looks surprised, his summer green eyes wide with shock. He guessed he never really thought Tim would be okay with it… 

He remembers seeing you for the first time: soft and gorgeous in the lowlight of the manor, he was sitting with Damian and remembers how the breath shot out of his lungs at the sight of you. Dami’s been teasing him about it for years now, bringing you up to piss Tim off and making plans for you to bring him to the planetarium on days when Jason said he’d pick him up–like a goddam parenttrap. He thinks back to that night on the stairs a few weeks ago, you looked so pretty spinning around with your friends, like Thumbelina. When he found you on the stairs he was panicked: worried about you and worried about Tim who never left your side, but you were still just so pretty. 

He can’t believe you here now, bringing him flowers and his brother’s approval. He’s waited for this for so long, for the okay from the one person dearest to you, the one person who could make Jason actually care about listening to him. 

“He really said that?” Jason asks you, hesitant and careful like he’s worried you’re playing a joke on him. 

“He really said that,” You reply, laughing when Jason pulls you into a hug. He holds you for a few minutes, feels the air in your lungs press into his belly as you breathe in and out, it feels so good to have you here, to know that he’s not making anything worse by wanting you. 

“So that means you’ll go out with me then, fairy girl?” he asks you, his rough fingers moving up to grasp your chin, tilting it up so you’re looking into his eyes. He waits for you to nod, then waits for the word, yes, to emerge from your pretty lips, before lowering down to kiss your forehead. He feels you sigh, feels your hands shake from their place on his arms, his kisses move down down down until they meet the corner of your lips. You're smiling slightly, like you’re having a happy dream, and when he kisses you for real that smile becomes a big grin. 

It’s all teeth and laughter and the awkwardness of a first kiss, but Jason holds you up and lets you gasp into his mouth and swallows your sighs. He licks into your mouth and clashes his teeth against yours and calls you his fairy, his magic girl come to take him back to Neverland. He holds you tighter and tighter, and feels you shake under his affection, how lovely it is, how badly he wants to make your bones rattle. 

“I’ll bring you more flowers on our date, sugar.” He tells you, kissing the underside of your jaw, before pulling away. He’s sad he has to let you go, frustrated that he has to stay at work while you get to go and hang out with Tim and Damian at the Museum all day, but the kiss you press into his hand–innocent and earnest–makes it worth it. 

He leads you out of the back room and into the well-lit main entrance, pausing only to grab his book from the front desk. “By the way, I found this while I was stacking shelves, I thought it might be useful for your project.” 

In his hands is a book titled Gotham City’s Founding Buildings, and on the cover, miraculously an illustration of Cherry Hill. 

It’s too easy to fall in love with him, you think again, smiling as you pull him into another kiss.

[bitchy-craft]

PICK A CARD: anime quotes that describe your future spouse’s personality

Hello and welcome to this new reading of mine! In here I will give you all some anime quotes that describe the personality of your future spouse. I hope you enjoy and find this fun!

masterpost > paid readings > patreon masterlist

for the extended version of this reading and 90+ exclusive and extended pac's check out my patreon

Pile 1:

“If you don’t like the hand that fate’s dealt you with, fight for a new one.” — Naruto Uzumaki, Naruto

“Nothing’s perfect, the world’s not perfect, but it’s there for us…” — Roy Mustang, Fullmetal Alchemist

“When you give up, that’s when the game ends.” — Mitsuyoshi Anzai, Slam Dunk

“The difference between a novice and a master is that a master has failed more times than a novice had tried.” — Koro-Sensei, Assassination Classroom

“Life is not a game of luck. If you wanna win, work hard.” — Sora, No Game No Life

“To act is not necessarily compassion. True compassion sometimes comes from inaction.” — Hinata Miyake, A Place Further Than the Universe

“Freedom is something that you need to actively acquire… To be free means to take responsibility…” — Charles Beams, Eureka Seven

“No matter how hard or impossible it is, never lose sight of your goal.” — Monkey D. Luffy, One Piece

“Hurt me with the truth. But never comfort me with a lie.” — Erza Scarlet, Fairy Tail

“The best way to remove your lies is to make them come true.” — Suzaku Kururugi, Code Geass

extended reading > paid readings

Pile 2:

"Tears are how our heart speaks when your lips cannot describe how much we've been hurt." – Jellal Fernandes, Fairy Tail

"Even if we forget the faces of our friends, we will never forget the bonds that were carved into our souls." – Otonashi Yuzuru, Angel Beats

"If you keep hiding your true feelings, who’s going to be happy?" – Haruhi Fujioka, Ouran High School Host Club

"Don’t make others suffer for your personal hatred." – Misato Katsuragi, Neon Genesis Evangelion

"I’m not alone. I can hear them… I can hear everyone’s voices… I can sense everyone’s feelings… I am not alone." – Ichigo Kurosaki, Bleach

"People’s feelings are memories that transcend time." – Tsubaki Sawabe, Your Lie in April

"It’s okay not to be okay as long as you are not giving up." – Karen Aijou, Revue Starlight

"Sometimes we have to look beyond what we want and do what’s best." – Piccolo, Dragon Ball Z

"You should enjoy the little detours. Because that's where you'll find the things more important than what you want." – Ging Freecss, Hunter x Hunter

"When you’re in pain, just smile. If you can’t smile, act like you can." – Yuki Sohma, Fruits Basket

extended reading > paid readings

Pile 3:

"A lesson without pain is meaningless. That’s because you can’t gain something without sacrificing something else."— Edward Elric, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

"Power comes in response to a need, not a desire. You have to create that need."— Goku, Dragon Ball Z

"A person grows up when he's able to overcome hardships. Protection is important, but there are some things a person must learn on his own."— Jiraiya, Naruto

"Forgetting is like a wound. The wound may heal, but it has already left a scar."— Monkey D. Luffy, One Piece

"You should enjoy the little detours. Because that's where you'll find the things more important than what you want."— Ging Freecss, Hunter x Hunter

"A lesson you learned yourself is the one that sticks the most."— Kamina, Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann

"The world isn’t perfect. But it’s there for us, doing the best it can… that’s what makes it so damn beautiful."— Roy Mustang, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

"A person grows when he pushes himself beyond the limits."— All Might, My Hero Academia

"Whether a fish lives in a clear stream or a water ditch, so long as it continues swimming forward, it will grow up beautifully."— Koro-sensei, Assassination Classroom

"It’s not the face that makes someone a monster; it’s the choices they make with their lives."— Naruto Uzumaki, Naruto

extended reading > paid readings

[superiorsturgeon]

Jaune: *carefully helping his pregnant wife into the hospital* Are you okay, Pyrrha?! Was that a contraction?! DO YOU NEED ME TO KIDNAP THE DOCTOR?! 😰

Pyrrha: *settles into waiting seat* Jaune, I’m FINE…! Just like I was fine in the car on the way here! I’m barely having any discomfort at all! Please go check us in! 🙄

Jaune: A-all right…! Just call if you need anything…!

Jaune: *scurries away to check-in desk*

Pyrrha: *looks down at her belly* Don’t worry about your father…! He’s just excited to meet you both…! 🥰

Pyrrha: *glances out the window*

Pregnant woman: *obviously in labor and struggling to make it to the hospital* 😰

Pyrrha: Excuse me…? There’s a woman outside who needs help…!

Pyrrha: *glances around empty waiting room* Hello…? 🤨

Pyrrha: 😤

Outside…

Pregnant woman: Oh gods…this hurts so badly…! 😖

Pregnant woman: *suddenly scooped off her feet* 😦

Pyrrha: *carrying pregnant woman bridal-style over crosswalk to hospital entrance* Hmmph…! What sort of hospital is so understaffed that nobody would come help a woman in labor…? 😤

Pregnant woman: 😳

Doctor: *walks out of back room* All right, Missus Nikos-Arc, let’s see how you’re-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?! 🤯

Jaune: Pyrrha, no!!!! You’re supposed to be sitting down! 😨

Pyrrha: *carefully sets pregnant woman in a wheelchair* Well, nobody was around to help, and this woman was obviously in distress! Doctor, please take care of her first! 😠

Doctor: …uh…right away, ma’am…? *wheels woman back to maternity ward*

Jaune: …Pyrrha, you know you’re not supposed to be lifting anything. Especially since you’re in active labor!

Pyrrha: Oh, you worry too much, beloved…! I haven’t even felt my first contraaaaAAAAAAA…! 😫

Jaune: 😟

Pyrrha: …aaaction…! 😣

Jaune: …

Jaune: …I’m going to go find another doctor…

Pyrrha: …yes, please…! 😭

Disclaimer: The characters in this post are animated characters with superhuman powers and durability and should not be emulated by actual people. If you or someone you know are pregnant or planning to become pregnant DO NOT DO THIS!!!

[tarotnoob]

PAC: Who is your soulmate?

Please pick one of the four piles and then scroll for your reading about your soulmate.

Pile 1

Pile 1 song: Who by Park Jimin

Strong water vibes. If they aren't a water sign, particularly cancer or Pisces, they might have a water moon or have a lot of water in their chart. Even when I was looking at the Naruto card, because there's a sense of family and they all kind of collectively give off a water vibe because there's a lot of caring in that group.

So for me that's a strong sense of family, which also comes back to cancer again. They might be from a large family, would be interested in having a large family or at least having several children, they might have a dog. Or I should say besides just having a dog, they might have a very old dog that has been in the family since they were little. I find them to be very sentimental. Basically all of the characteristics that you would ascribe to a cancer sign. But even a Pisces sign as well because there's a sense of feeling things very deeply.

So the person is very idealistic, they are a dreamer, extremely caring and generous. I definitely get the sense like with the flower oracle card that they themselves are a bleeding heart. I get king of cups energy from that card. And you already have a page of cups anyway.

They are extremely romantic. I don't know if I want to say to a corny type of degree but definitely somebody who would remember anniversaries, would buy you flowers just because. They would leave you little notes around the house or like just before you leave for work to leave you a note that says have a good day or they might text you throughout the day to be like I hope your day is going well.

I do want to tell you though I think this is a pile where the case may be that you aren't allowed to know a lot about this person. Just because we have the void of course Moon but I already felt like this was worth waiting for and let go. That you would need to let go of any type of expectations. That it might take a significant amount of time for you to meet this person. Timing is really impossible to say but I got the number seven a couple of times. And sure we could say 7 weeks, but I would lean more toward 7 months or even 7 years if you're fairly young. Or there could even be a 7-year or 7 months or 7-week difference between your ages. It may also go back to the 7th month and again be talking about how this person has strong cancer vibes.

Point being I'm not really getting a whole lot of details beyond someone who is just very optimistic. If you were with them, there's kind of like a childlike sense of wonder. It's not that they are idealistic to the point that they are a bit of a fool, again like I said I think they are a bit of a dreamer. So they could have pretty strong creative abilities. They could be some kind of artist or work in that kind of field. But I don't feel like they have to be. No matter what field they work in, I just get the sense that they are probably very easy to work with.

They would definitely be the type of person you would want to invite to a party because they're kind and they're funny and I feel like they put people at ease. But I don't feel that they are introverted for being so watery. Not that water people automatically have to be introverted. I actually get the sense that not to say they are the life of the party in terms of being a party animal. They are just somebody when you see them at the party you're like oh wow that person's here maybe I'm going to go over and talk to them. And you end up having a really good conversation. Somebody you're excited to see if you happen to bump into them.

So in that sense maybe they also have a bit of Libra to them. Because I feel like there's something charming about them. Like a really good social people person because they are genuinely sincere.

I'm sorry to say that I don't see much in terms of looks other than when I look at the cards I feel like there's a good chance they would have dark hair. Like dark brown or black or even an Auburn or red color. You could possibly meet them and this is where I really think that how you meet and when you meet is kind of meant to be a mystery. But I still feel like you could meet them in a group situation. Whether that's being introduced at a family function somehow. Not as in you would be introduced to a member of your family because that's incest LOL. I mean a family member throws a party like a graduation party and then a friend of of your cousins is also at the event and then you end up talking to that friend at the party. Or at a party that your friend throws. Or somebody in a friend group or family group sets you up as a blind date.

I think this person has very high ambitions or goals for themselves. I don't know if they are actually something they could achieve. Anybody can achieve their goals if they work toward it. But in this nine of cups I get the sense of this person having a lot of dreams and ambitions and high expectations for what they could achieve. Not just in terms of work but I do think in terms of their own romantic life or again I'm seeing somebody who's clearly envisioning their future spouse or partner. They won't have kids and they want to have this type of lifestyle and they want to achieve these certain things through their work and talents.

But there's also something very domestic to them. Again we're coming back to that cancer type of vibe. They could love to travel but in the end I do think this person likes to be in a relaxed setting. Can be a bit of a homebody. If they like to do things or go on vacation, it's more to relax than to constantly be doing activities. They prefer to enjoy the moment as it's happening. They could live near the water or just be really spiritual when it comes to water. Like being around water relaxes them or inspires them. They could like to visit the beach or ocean or a lake.

I find them to be very emotionally mature. I don't think that even though there's an innocence or a childlike quality to them that they are immature. I actually feel they are a bit of an old soul. I think that not only are they a good listener they are good at making a conversation feel equal. You know you can be talking to somebody and they just talk at you and then they take a breath and they're like how are you doing. This person seems more capable of guiding a conversation so that very easily they can make the other person feel good while also not just sitting there like a stump and taking it all in. I'm trying to think of what kind of quality that would be good as in terms of a job. Because not everybody can do that. And you could be like oh well they could be a great therapist but I don't think that's it either. This person is just naturally charismatic. So maybe that's why it makes sense that they could be in the arts. Like they could be a host of a podcast or TV show. Somebody who could be a spokesman for whatever industry that they are in. Not only could they maybe for example write music or be in a music group, they would also be very comfortable at hosting and award show for a music award thing.

I think that they are very affectionate. I would suggest that physical touch would be a big part of their love language as well as like I said giving little gifts and verbal acknowledgment too. It's going to be somebody who remembers the important details of your life like birthdays or anniversaries or if it's a day that you have a really big report do at work. They also remember that if say you went shopping and you said you liked this thing they would end up getting it for you because they remembered. They're going to remember your favorite foods or your favorite type of wine or whatever. They would probably even look up your birth flower and make sure that they got you that kind of flower.

Now that we're talking about music and stuff I do feel like they have a strong connection to language and words. And being able to turn language and words into something that could be related to their work or a talent or a hobby such as songwriting or writing or poetry or music. Lots to do with language. They could also be somebody who teaches a foreign language or speaks multiple languages. They're very good at being articulate and expressing themselves and how they feel but I also feel like they're really good at expressing very complex ideas in a simple way. They're very smart but not in and obnoxious way. It's actually very subtle kind of intelligence. I think they would be very humble. But not to the point where they would let anybody walk all over them. In fact I think that they have very strong boundaries.

If I had to guess besides being from a large family they would be probably not one of the youngest kids. I know this is getting kind of specific but I actually see them as being an older middle or an oldest child. I also think that generally they haven't had a lot of relationships or they've been single for a long time. I think they don't like things to be complicated so unless they are absolutely certain that this is a person that would be of interest to them or that they would have chemistry and I do think that they are more interested in a commitment than a one-night stand type of situation, I think they're not to say they are picky about their relationships but they aren't in need of constantly being in a relationship.

If a person were to select you as their partner. As in like a person that I'm describing like this, you would have to be a pretty outstanding individual yourself. You would have to have your life pretty much together. You would have to know who you are and be comfortable with who you are. This person isn't looking for a project. They want somebody who knows themselves and have established themselves to a certain point in life. Like they would expect you to have a job, you would have to have your goals straight, you would probably have to have some type of accomplishments that you've achieved. But that's really all they're looking for. There's not a lot that they couldn't handle. Like let's say you already have kids but they don't have kids and have never been married and never thought about having older kids they would be like oh well that's fine I mean as long as we connect on this level then yeah. Plus you being a mature person aren't looking at them and expecting them to give you a handout or to take all of this responsibility although they would willingly do so.

I'm seeing a lot of blues and yellows and then a bit of reds. So again I'm just seeing somebody who is very confident in how they think and speak. They aren't stubborn or obstinate. They're just very confident and know themselves really well. So mature. But not boring just like really charming and fun and really sweet. Yes I do think they're funny like in a very cute way. Like they would probably love to tease you.

They would think about you when you aren't together. Not in a creepy codependent way although I can see where earlier in their life they could have had a tendency to be codependent in other relationships. Maybe really wanting to take care of other people so I can see where it's possible they could have been taken advantage of in that way or tried to give a lot of themselves without getting the same in return but I think they've already been through or by the time you meet them they will have learned boundaries.

And again that will show because the type of partner they are looking for has themselves together. They're not okay let's say if you are a hot mess and you know it. Like you don't have your s*** together at all. This would not be the person for you or you might be one of the 7 year people.

They want somebody who is reliable and down to earth and responsible and kind and emotionally mature and totally not selfish. They will definitely spoil you but with the intent that you are doing your part in the relationship as well.

They might really like the color blue or their home might be very neutral or calming. Like I don't think they would paint their walls extreme colors.

Yeah and just to get back to the cards. You really have to let go of wanting to know when and where and why. I know that's really annoying to hear. But that just seems like that's the situation for this pile. I mean it also says Divine timing is at work in your love life. So I think what that means is things are very flexible when it comes to your romantic life and meeting your soulmate. Like there's just a fuzzy deadline and date when it comes to meeting them. Certain things have to happen before then and there's something very wobbly about the timeline. So I think that's why we can't say definitively when it's going to happen.

Because little tweaks and changes and lessons will have an impact on that final end date. You can just know that it will happen eventually and it'll be worth the wait. I would guess both of you have to probably go through similar things in life to come out and be that mature person who's also comfortable with themselves. Because that's going to be what draws you to together. You'll find that in common. You might not have other things in common... you may end up being quite different. But what seems to intrigue the both of you will be that hey this person really knows who they are and they're really comfortable in their skin. And I think that clearly takes people a long time to come to that point in their life. So for both of you to also have to come to that point in your life for it to work out. I would guess that yeah this would be later in life like later twenties or 30s or even 40s.

You could go through other multiple relationships before you even meet this person.

Another way I can guess it would start would be like some type of friendly gesture. You could still meet at the group activity that I mentioned but let's say you didn't have a chair at the table where you wanted to sit. This person would notice and go get an extra chair and give it to you or you drop your napkin and they're there to pick it up and give it back to you. And you kind of like start talking that way. It does seem like some type of event like that. A small token of caring and generosity or compassion that leads to something more. And I actually think of a scenario like I said so I'm seeing like a wedding reception. And you are sitting at this table and you have a coat or a purse and it gets knocked off your chair. I'm not assuming your gender I'm just giving us scenario. And this person is walking by and notices it and very casually like picks it up and puts it back on your chair and you say thank you and you're like though that was kind of nice. And then you're like I don't know there's something about this person.

And you might not sit and talk in that moment but you would bump into them later or they would be on your mind so that when you did bump into them you'd be like hey how do you know the bride or groom and then he would just kind of talk and then you'd be like oh this person is really fun to talk to. And it could go either way where this person is like hey can I get your number or like do you want to text sometime or ask you for your social media. Or vice versa and this might be why the timeline is wobbly because it depends on all types of situations and then it comes down to who asks who. If they don't ask you for your number. And you know you happen to know that they're single. Or you ask somebody and you're like hey who is that are they single. Because we don't want to be homewrecker right.

So you might have to be the one who asks. So if you come into this type of scenario and the person seems interested or you're interested. But they haven't asked but you know they're single. Go ahead and shoot your shot. Be like hey can I get your number like I really enjoy talking to you would that be okay. Or what's your Instagram can I follow you there and we could chat a little.

In theory you both would have enjoyed talking to each other. I can tell you one thing this person won't like so don't talk about it. I don't think they like a person who gossips. I'm not saying they wouldn't sit and watch reality TV with you but I don't think they like really mean gossips. They don't like mean girls. They don't like when people talk about other people behind their back. This person is very straightforward I think although I don't think they say bad things about people very often and if they did it would be to their face indirectly and in a mature type of way.

So again if you aren't secure in yourself this person is not the one for you until you figure out how to be that type of person.

Okay well hopefully that gave you a pretty good idea of what your soul mate is like. I would totally be interested in this person. But I might still be under the hot mess category. However I think this is the type of person that would make you want to be a better person anyway. This is a person that whoever they interact with for the most part wants to be a better person after meeting them.

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Pile 2

pile 2 song: The theme song from BBC Sherlock

I'm sad to tell you that when I wrote this originally, it got deleted.

And it was funny because you might look at this reading and be like oh I got the tower card. And at the end of when I had been doing the reading on here, I was like that's really strange that it seems like something really shocking will happen when you meet or when you come together or around the time that you would get married. And that may be so but I'm actually thinking that maybe that card was for me to be like by the way after you do this reading it's going to disappear. But how the hell would I have known that.

And also you know these things tend to happen in relation to some other type of message. So who knows maybe the shock thing on the day of your wedding is like oops the cake hasn't arrived or oops you misplaced the ring. So there could be an oopsie Daisy that comes along at some point in this relationship.

So what I get is somebody who is likely an air sign, I lean more toward Gemini energy at this point. I remember also saying there was a bit of Libra energy in there as well. This is somebody who is incredibly intellectual, to the degree of somebody who would be in the fields of engineering, science, a very high level of diplomacy, law Fields, especially being a specific type of lawyer or judge. My initial feeling after going through the reading really made me feel like this could be for readers who live in India or the Middle East or a place where there is kind of a more conservative culture around family and male and female relationships. Maybe that won't be for everybody but that's what I was picking up as I was doing the reading.

I also thought this would work a lot with people who are in a culture where arranged marriages are still a thing. Because to me there was a sense of this person getting involved or getting married out of duty and obligation. That doesn't mean that they are super cold, I just feel like they come from a traditional family and probably have traditional values themselves. And not because it's based on a certain belief because I actually find this person is very intellectual and logic based but even so, I do feel like this would be somebody who would be interested in pleasing their parents.

This person would be or would have been as they were younger very focused on education. I think there could have been pressure from parents or family to live up to a certain standard and achieve a very high-ranking or important kind of job. This is somebody who is not what I would call impulsive or would be up for going out to the club. This is somebody who likes to spend their time at work, in the lab, doing research, reading casually but they would probably read non-fiction or science related books or history related books.

I don't find that they're unkind and cold but I would think that they are probably inexperienced when it comes to romance or even sex. Because they've been so career or study focused. But I do think that this is something that would bloom between the two of you once you start dating or if it ends up being an arranged situation. You would end up growing closer over time because this person isn't like okay it's my duty to get married and have a wife and have kids or whatever or whatever gender switch it is this is just an example. I think they genuinely understand the role that a spouse would have in such a relationship.

And certainly this could be about a woman who cares about pretty much only work and research and has been winning awards and then they have been suggested to marry somebody by their family and even though they're more work focused they go along with it. But I do think the two of you would end up being intellectually compatible because of some type of shared experiences. Either because generally there's just the shared experience of coming from the same culture. You could have gone to school together either college or before that or even have been colleagues or worked together closely. Because I do think there's a lot of potential here that if you were say both of you had gone to college together and you were in the same program and then you end up at the same lab working together. You could really achieve a lot through that type of collaboration. This is a person if they haven't already, is going to earn a lot of different achievements. Tumblr is being weird so I'm going to be really mad if it suddenly deletes this. But I will select all and copy at the end.

I think this person has probably traveled or could have studied abroad somewhere. I think they speak multiple languages or have a really high level of interest in ancient civilizations. I do think you know even though I'm not feeling a lot of water energy or a lot of emotion or even compassion, I would suggest that this person has some pocket of Libra energy in their chart because I do think with this queen card that whatever their research focuses on or if they go into law or political science or whatever, they do have an interest in making things right. This could be based on something they experienced in their own community or country and have this social justice obligation to correct things. For example they could be doing research that helps clean up water in smaller villages or better ways to make healthier food or safer vaccinations. Even though they seem deeply entrenched in their work and studies or research or whatever, there is a purpose to it. It's not being done mindlessly.

And I think this person is more likely to enjoy conversations that interest them intellectually. I don't think they really do small talk. I don't think they're overly rude though. Like if you sat next to them on a bench waiting for a bus would they completely ignore you. Probably but also you know if they noticed that you couldn't get your phone plugged into an outlet for some reason they might reach over and help you.

They could be self-absorbed in some ways like that just kind of oblivious to the externals the roundings. They could even be on the spectrum a little bit. Very smart just maybe sometimes socially awkward.

That's why again when you come together I feel like it's more likely to be arranged in some way. Like a blind date set up by parents or an arrangement through families or you both could be quite similar in your pursuits of your studies and are both kind of socially awkward and so you went on this date because friends set you up since you're both single and for some reason you end up hitting it off.

But to relate this all back to the cards since I initially did that in your first reading. The cattails you know they kind of grow in a pond area but they offer shelter to the birds and animals around there to keep them protected. You can also pluck the insides of cattails and use them for nests. So again I think that comes back to this person whatever research or work they're doing does have some kind of social justice relevance or would help the community that they're in.

This third house messages kind of tells me that there's a lot of intellectual things happening with this person that basically they live in their head. I think they have a superior intelligence. That's where I get the idea that they are probably interested in ancient civilizations or other languages or working with a language that's a bit different like coding or the languages of science or math. And they're able to decipher and understand these things.

Also what I got from these cards and especially the Naruto card was this idea that this person works as a high-level strategist. They think multiple steps ahead. I wouldn't be surprised if they played chess or checkers. They do things very strategically and not without purpose. They're able to figure out patterns very quickly.

I think the success card just indicates that this person will be extremely successful in their field and their career pursuits. We have the card that says this could be the one you've already met the romantic partner you seek. Which is also why I think you know you already know this person because you went to school with them or it's a friend of a friend or the family has set you up with them. I wouldn't be surprised if it's a childhood friend with the intent that your families have known each other for a long time and they kind of always expected you to maybe get together. I feel like that's the situation for a lot of people that read this pile.

In terms of the tower card again. This is some Aries energy. This person could be quite bold in the way they handle things to an expected degree. Like maybe you don't expect them to be as bold in a relationship but then they once they open up turn out to be a little bit more forward. It might take more control of the situation or take control of the relationship. It could also indicate that the work that they do is groundbreaking.

And again I think there will end up being some type of shock in this relationship. Almost like a secret reveal. I don't know if it would pertain to either one of you. I actually am seeing it as pertaining to the space around you or if it does affect you then it's like I said before where you're at your wedding and somebody has forgotten the ring. But I am still feeling like it's about revealing some type of information. I wouldn't call it a scandal. But something really shocking during this relationship is going to be revealed and going to happen. I don't know why that's so important that it shows up here but it must be to a degree and then keep in mind that this is the pile that disappeared.

So again something is definitely going to like come out of nowhere or something is going to go missing. Like let's say you need a certificate signed to get married and you had it but suddenly it's gone. So be prepared for some type of situation where you think you have everything in order and for some reason is completely unplanned event happens and shocks you. And maybe it shocks you both especially because your person is about planning. Like they plan everything to the t and then this one unexpected thing happens. But I get the sense that you both aren't upset per se it's more like you're stunned and then you might end up finding it funny later on. Like I almost see this person that despite it say raining when there was a forecast of 100% Sun that your person just kind of laughs it off...

I do think they have a sense of humor but if they do it would be very dry, very sharp, maybe even sarcastic. And if you start to think that okay does this person even have feelings. They do they just don't express them as well. I don't know if they're super in touch with them but probably more than you think. It really is just about not having expressed them before maybe because they don't have a lot of experience with close friend relationships especially not romantic relationships. When you want them to do something you're going to have to communicate it. Whether that's about your physical relationship or emotional. Because I think otherwise they aren't necessarily going to ask or know what you need.

But again if you're looking for a spouse that is extremely smart and responsible and very strategic and would definitely be very successful and well known in his or her career field.

You have two sevens here which could mean you know there's an age difference of 7 years or 7 months or you can meet them in whatever although this file seems to think you've already met them or the 7th could be a significant date or number. Who knows maybe it will solve the mystery of whatever shock or surprise happens.

And again about the queen card I do think this person could either come from a pretty well-established family in terms of politics or a family of doctors or lawyers or even come from money but mostly I see this person gaining a position in society where they are able to help others. This could be a political platform or just becoming a doctor or a judge. But they seem to be able to eventually hold a lot of power and be very successful. I do think that they have a lot of integrity as well. So it wouldn't surprise me that if part of the reason they want go into whatever field is also to fight corruption.

As for how they look I do think that they are quite attractive. They would definitely be a great candidate for a makeover like maybe they probably dress well and care about their appearance because they were brought up to care but they wouldn't be super vain or be thinking about how they look beyond that. I kind of feel like they would have glasses. I think dark hair. Again I keep seeing somebody with dark skin so I guess I keep seeing somebody who's from India really. Or the Middle East like I said. And you know it's somebody who's very proud of their heritage and culture. They could wear clothing that would call to that. I feel like they kind of have short hair.

But it doesn't really matter what they look like because their presence alone demands respect when they walk into a room I feel like. Because they have a very low tolerance for b******* but I don't think people even try to b******* them anyway. They don't need to argue with anybody because they have logic on their side and reason so it's like well as long as what the other person says is logical or reasonable, they wouldn't have a reason to argue with them right. They could also be a well-known professor as well or become a superintendent or a president of a college.

This would definitely be somebody your family would be very proud of you to take on as a spouse or partner. Because they're just so acclaimed intellectually. Even if your family thought they were a little bit cold, they would take good care of you. If there's a deep sense of responsibility and duty in this person. I also would put it past them if they had military or police experience and somewhat as well. Or maybe they just work closely with the police or military.

I think that's about it. It turned out longer than I expected. I also think again collaboration between the two of you would go well. Because when you look at shikamuru and his team, all of their powers together combined into a really good team strategy. Like they work well together. So I think this is somebody who is a good leader and then works well with a smaller team. And again if you two partnered in any way with work, I think you would be a pretty unstoppable team Marie Curie style.

Okay well hope for the best that this pile doesn't get deleted when I hit save. Thanks for reading!

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Pile 3

pile 3 song: toxic by Britney Spears

I was worried about this pile as I was shuffling. If you know the character Itachi you'll kind of find some of these cards sort of funny almost like they're trying to read for Itachi. But I want to go into this thinking that a soulmate means like a positive connection. I wasn't trying to ask about a person or relationship you have to learn a hard lesson from. I don't believe in twin flames so if you want to look at that and see this, go for it, I just don't personally believe or apply that into my reading.

I feel like this is going to be simple but I'm saying that now and I'm sure I'll be able to read a lot from it. One of the things that stands out first is the Saturn connection. Yes we have the devil card but this is a Capricorn and Saturn card. And literally we also have a Saturn card. So I wonder if you have the same Saturn placement or something about their Saturn will end up being significant in this relationship or just in their life. I'm going to read the Saturn truth card first... that wasn't helpful because that card just talks about karma and challenging times and the positive in the card is potentially your partner could be kind of fatherly in a way regardless of gender.

They could be somebody who helps you along the way. What's also interesting is Saturn and mythology is known to have eaten his children. I think because he feared that they would eventually take his throne or place. And you have the destroyer card and the devil card. But we'll kind of walk through what this could be.

Personally I think it has more to do with passion. The relationship could be up and down. Or I think what will be difficult. I don't want to tell you that this would be like some kind of abusive relationship because that doesn't really make sense for what we're asking. I'm reading it more as it's going to be a very passionate relationship like super hot chemistry probably. A lot of Attraction. This could be the pile for a lot of people who fall under the lgbtq spectrum. Because sometimes the devil can also talk about sexual orientation. And the fact that we have awaken here and the two of swords and retreating and truth.

One thing this could be is that if it's some type of gay relationship, it could come at the cost of something just like when coming out can be difficult. But this might be the relationship that either awakens that side of you or it causes some kind of changes or challenges in your life when you two come together. And that can be with anything. It could have to do with family being against it or just typical societal things it could be legal things that make it difficult.

Now if it's not that specifically it could be other things like there's something about the two of you that's very Romeo and Juliet. Like you come from opposite cultures or it's a biracial relationship or it's a poly relationship. But there could just be something that's a little bit different that makes the relationship challenging or explosive or just a little bit I won't say more difficult but it might take more effort in some way. That doesn't mean it's bad or challenging or that you shouldn't be together. It just makes me feel like something about your relationship isn't I don't want to use the word typical but like wouldn't fit in a box exactly.

Also I'm I'm besides getting this Capricorn stuff. I did want to say that I was getting a lot of Gemini energy. I happen to know Itachi is a Gemini. Plus you have a six card here. Actually you have two sixes here periods of the month of June could be significant the date of the 6th. You could meet in 6 weeks or 6 months or 6 years or you could meet in June.

Six is also ironically the lovers card number. So again I'm feeling strongly that there's a lot of passion and chemistry especially physical chemistry. I think when the two of you get together it's like the rest of the world doesn't exist. That's what I'm getting from the retreat card where not just the situation where you know you might have to get away from external people because it's like just not worth it but also what you prefer is just being alone together anyway. Like you're just one of those couples where all you need is each other. And not to say you don't socialize with friends but you're perfectly content being together.

And so let's talk about the destroyer card. It says releasing what is potentially destructive preparing for New Life. This might be part of the retreat card like you might need to either pull away like an eight of cups moment for the two of you to be together. Like I said you might have to choose to move to a different country or put boundaries and walk away from family who don't agree with your relationship. It could also be that before the two of you come together or take the next step that there's this huge change that has to happen before you can be together. Again this is making me feel like moving or changing jobs or even like having not quite divorced a previous partner yet but you're separated and like you have to wait until you finalize the divorce before the two of you can now be together.

It could be you know we do have to talk about what the devil actually means and this person could have also experienced abusive relationships in the past, addictions, experimenting sexually in some way. I think what it actually feels like is more the idea of restriction. These chains being chained to some type of Truth but again this makes me feel like a situation where somebody had to come out basically.

Like somebody was restricted and not able to be who they are in some way. And that doesn't have to be about orientation or gender identity that can be all kinds of things where before you lived a certain life and you didn't feel like it was you or your choices and then I think when the two of you meet, one or both of you realizes that life doesn't have to be like this. Life doesn't have to be this box where you have to be the person that other people want or think you are or even the person you thought you had to be. Like there's going to be some really mind opening experiences when the two of you are together.

And you might have to run away and elope I don't know. Again this this Violet card that talks about awaken. You have a lot of purple energy. This could be purple or indigo so kind of crown or third eye chakras. So a very spiritual connection, a very intuitive connection. Probably of the piles I've read so far, you two are going to have the most like karmic feeling connection like you've known each other in a previous life or you'll finish each other's sentences or you know what the other is thinking without even like saying anything it could just be a look or a glance or whatever. And I think this happens pretty quickly into the relationship.

I do wonder if there will be a little bit of hesitancy before you jump into a relationship or you take that huge step of moving or whatever there just have to be some type of discussion. Maybe this happens when you have to go away and disconnect to discuss what you want to do or maybe it takes a trip or something to work out some kind of issues that you've been having and then once you get through those issues then you move on to the next thing.

I think it could be that the two of you become so close so quickly that there is a sense of codependency. Now let's be honest like your friend group would be like wow okay we never see you anymore because you're only ever with your significant other. You are very likely to hear those types of complaints.

Again I'm getting Gemini energy because I'm looking at the romance card and the way that it's designed it looks like two twins you know like a person or angel on either side here. So I wonder again soulmate energy. You both could be Gemini or have strong Gemini placements that work well together or something in your chart is so similar or like so complementary that that's what kind of creates this feeling of knowing each other so well

It's funny that I said Romeo and Juliet because again that's what I'm getting but hopefully you won't have a tragic ending or anything. There would clearly be a lot of loyalty between the two of you so wherever one person goes you go. Maybe that's also why the devil card is coming up. I talked about codependency but there is almost like the two of you are literally locked together. I think you'll always sit very close to each other to where you're almost touching. If one person moves into the kitchen the other person might kind of like gravitate and follow them. Like a satellite.

And it's like I'm not even getting individual characteristics about this person because so much of it is the two of you and not just about this person. But let's try. What are some actual qualities about just this person.

So they could be Capricorn or Gemini or have like Capricorn or Gemini in their third house or have those placements. They could have Saturn in Gemini. But Capricorn or Saturn seems to have a strong something to do with this person or this connection. I would definitely compare in your birth charts you know who has Capricorn or who has Saturn and where and how those different placements work together whether there's a challenge there or whether there's something that explains this connection.

They might really be into purple. They might be quite spiritual. I think it's possible that they could have a bit of a temper. I'm not saying that this would be directed at you but they could just be temperamental like they could have a lot of fire in their chart. Or they could just literally be have a short temper. But I feel like there's more to what I'm saying about this fire and explosiveness. Like it has another meaning. For example like I can't figure out how I could relate this to a job but this could be related to a hobby where to relieve stress maybe they do kickboxing or boxing or some type of martial art. Something where to release stress they tend to do some type of aggressive behavior but that could just be working out or sports

And it could be you know since you have the Itachi card and I know this is a zero card but that actually makes it look like a no or don't do this which is an interesting thing to go with the devil card or destroyer almost like it should be a red flag. But the thing about Itachi is that you think that he's a red flag to start. Even though he was always probably one of my favorite characters and I never thought he was a bad bad guy but initially you're supposed to believe he did these horrible things. But then later on spoiler, you end up finding out that there's more to his story. That he had specific reasons for doing certain things that he did and also he had no choice in the matter of some of the things that he was forced to do.

So your person could have a similar story. Where maybe they lived a certain way for the first part of their life. Maybe they either out of obligation lived a life that was kind of like a lie. Like I said where they had to pretend to be somebody that they weren't for a long period of time. Or they lived a life that was kind of reckless and a lot of self-sabotage. And maybe when you come together you know that's something that you two will have to talk about. For example like let's say this person ran away at like 13 and lived on the streets and got into drugs and has been arrested. And maybe you'll meet them before or during that time period or maybe you'll meet them after they've gone through that. And kind of cleaned themselves up and gotten themselves off the street or whatever.

I do think after this period of whatever situation that might have happened they will calm down. That feels kind of patronizing to say it that way...

The other thing I feel is like there's just a lot going on than other people would be able to see with this person. They could be easily misunderstood. They could be very surprising to people or something about their talents or abilities could be so explosive or so impactful that people would be surprised who knew them when they were younger.

They'd be like wow the last time I saw you you were in jail and now you're like a successful millionaire music producer. I'm not saying that's what they do but I just think this person is capable of anything and either they themselves are kind of unexpected and mysterious and unpredictable or their future will be like that or they've lived a life already that's been kind of up and down like that.

So yes I would say this person has lived life and been through a lot. Are they attractive? Definitely I would say they are quite sexy. There is definitely an aura about them. They seem kind of mysterious but there's something very alluring about them. Like this could be somebody who wears dark leather and black clothes and has tattoos and long hair and it's just super sexy. It's not giving Scorpio. I'm still over here at Gemini but like a really sexy mysterious Gemini.

But considering we have so much of the devil and Capricorn energy. I think that so there is a sense of stability and limitation right but there's also this volcano here. So again I'm seeing somebody who comes off rather stoic but like under the surface is a hot volcano. I'm basically describing Itachi. So if you are interested in dating Itachi. Imagine how challenging that would be. Imagine all the things he went through when he was young and what he had to do and then instead of imagining what actually happened to him and Canon imagine if like he was around and he learned his lesson and Naruto like brainwashed him into changing his mind and whatever. Let's hope for a happy ending.

So imagine you're dating Itachi. Not only is he kind of pretty sexy and capable of pretty much anything and is this like amazing assassin. You would have to match his freak. Which would be pretty difficult. So it means that you are also probably pretty freaky and would have to be just like equally attractive as well. Like the sex is going to be outstanding let's be for real. And if you're not interested in sex then there's just like something really connecting you to this person. On a really deep level.

They might be a person that you always even if like you feel connected to them you might feel like they could be hiding things or not saying certain things or like there's something going on inside their head that they're not talking about. You might always have that kind of sense and you could ask them and they would probably just say it's nothing.

Who knows maybe he has a weird relationship with his younger brother. Maybe he joined a gang.

I'm really distracted by the people screaming outside. I live in an apartment complex and sometimes the people are just a little bit yeah so the pool closes at 9:00 so that was 2 hours ago. And right now there's just like people yelling extremely loudly because they don't have anything better to do I guess.

That being said, this is an odd relationship. I know if some of you believe in twin flames, this would fit into that category for you. So it could be a situation of being on and off. I don't really want to talk about those types of relationships because I think some of them can kind of actually just be abusive relationships or toxic relationships. And I don't think your soulmate would be that type of person. That would be one of those karmic relationships. Not your soulmate..

All right so again very attractive, very sexy. Very sexual. This is somebody who would have a great phone voice. Like a very deep or gravelly or just sexy voice.

They might smoke which sucks. I do think that there is a lesson to be learned anyway from this relationship. Because what I actually see is when you come together and I kind of solve this in the previous pile. I won't tell you to go read that pile because these are not the same people. I just get the sense of if two people came together and through their Union just like with chemistry it causes some type of chain reaction. So there's something very significant about your union. That's why it feels the most like a soulmate pile for me. It could be that when you come together there is a recognition that you might have known each other in a past life.

This change or Awakening is like a self -awakening. Like you might have some type of huge spiritual change or Awakening upon meeting this person or entering into this relationship. Like a perspective that completely changes how you view the world or life or the universe or whatever

And again it's just giving me more of that sort of dark side of soulmate stuff like with Romeo and Juliet or two people who come together and it's just complicated and there's a lot of feelings and a lot of big moments. It's not a very calm relaxing boring traditional relationship. It's the very opposite of that for me. Granted when it's just the two of you I think that's the calmist it will ever be. I kind of want to clarify this two of swords because two of swords is sort of about knowing you need to make a decision and yeah that could be the decision of staying together or getting together or having to sacrifice something to be together. But let's kind of see

Yeah that makes sense so what you get is six of swords so definitely moving away from something that you're done with that you still kind of carry with you but you're just like ready to move on to a more peaceful or more smooth type of journey for you. So yeah it does feel like that person or the both of you will be leaving behind something that was kind of a difficult situation. And you need to leave that situation behind in order to move forward.

The back of the deck shows two of cups so again it seems like you'll be moving on moving forward together towards something and kind of creating your own family or like when people talk about generational curses. Like the both of you would be breaking that when you go off together. And I'm still just feeling like you're putting a whole lot of distance between yourselves and the things that caused you hurt or negativity in the past. So some of you could even know this person already like this could be a high school sweetheart or somebody that you have just been on again off again throughout your life and finally you to work it out and then you're like okay well we have to leave this town because in this town it was a small town and we got up to no good and now we need to like move out of here to start fresh.

And if you have a moment like that in a relationship where it's a huge deal for you to move on and you really have to sacrifice something big and moving like it would be a change that you know it's not going to be easy. But here you are at this decision point and you're like okay should I do this is it going to be worth it like I can see you feeling a bit nervous or scared for it even if you believe in this person or trust this person. My sense is that it does seem okay to make the choice to move away or move on or move forward

I suppose another scenario I could talk about is let's say you are in a relationship with this person but perhaps they did something that caused you to lose trust. It could be anything. It could be from cheating to gambling like they had some kind of addiction that they tried to hide or some kind of like dark secret right. And then they share that secret with you and like it's kind of explosive for a moment and you might have to make the decision to stay with them or leave or whatever you want to

And that's always going to be a choice because we always have free will and you shouldn't stay with somebody who's going to make you feel bad or be abusive or treat you badly. And I'm not saying this is a scenario I just have to throw it out because of some of the cards that are here. Like when I clarified the two of swords I didn't get anything negative. If anything it just showed me you would be likely to move on together with and like make the decision to put the past in the past. Whatever scenario that that applies to.

That's what I see. You decide to go for it and try and make this relationship happen or take it to the next level or whatever your scenario is and then behind the two of cups I did have the six of cups so that makes me think of like well it's a soulmate card, it also makes me think of a fresh start, it could also indicate that this is somebody that you've known for a while or somebody that you've dated and then you broke up so technically they're an ex and then you try to make it work out.

So I think those are all the scenarios I can kind of run through. You don't only take what resonates for you. For the most part I just think that the main story for most of you will be that a bit of effort had to go into this person's life for them to become who they are and then also that it might be a little bit challenging for you to come together or if not to come together than like to move forward in your life because there could be barricades in your way. And the two of you will have to make this decision like okay what are we going to do to get out of this or what can we do to move forward together and start a new life and start fresh.

That's mostly what I'm getting. And also that this connection is extremely spiritual and that you two coming together will have some type of Awakening moment for the both of you. Especially spiritually. And there are connections like that right where we just can't explain why we think we know somebody or why we connect on this level to the point that to me it does start to feel like needy or codependent or like if this person dies then I'm going to have to die too because I can't live without them. And I think you really need to temper that because I don't think that that's necessarily healthy right what do Romeo and Juliet know they were like 13.

But yeah I think you know it will almost be shocking to you guys how much you connect and feel like the same person or are so intertwined. But some relationships be like that. I don't know if it's like something about the chemistry in the brain or a certain type of pheromones. If you want to call it destiny then that's fine too. But I'm going to tell you it won't be easy. Especially at the start.

And in a sense this feels quite young so you could have met them again like when you are children or when you were teenagers or twenties because it feels like that kind of young volatile romance energy when it starts. So I guess I wouldn't be surprised if some of you did date this person in the beginning and it was kind of like on and off because you were just young. And then you come together later on and connects in a way that's surprising

I just wanted to shuffle again and pull out a few more cards for advice or something else and I got the emperor, king of cups, ten of pentacles. Yeah so I think you know once you get older or as you both get older and you experience all this stuff things will become a lot more stable. I'm kind of for seeing that these cards are meant to be for what happens after your six of swords journey. Like this is what you can expect in the future if you make that decision and your decision is to move forward with this person

So you're going to have ten of pentacles which is like financial wealth you know domestic stability pretty good health potentially like family or kids a house a place to live. Then you have king of cups so this makes me feel more like this person has become emotionally mature and stable and more compassionate and calm with their emotions. I also think that this is about your feelings becoming more mature and not like as immature as they used to be probably.

And then we have the emperor which again talks about stability and order and discipline and more of like I'm seeing more of like a healthy masculine energy. Whereas maybe your person regardless of gender had kind of like a toxic masculinity issue. Like whatever masculine qualities they had weren't super healthy or they could have been a bit more aggressive or temperamental. It could also indicate that they could have been in the presence of a toxic masculine figure of some type. Like an abusive father or an abusive partner. So I think yeah this person initially will have to heal their masculine and maybe lean more into their feminine energy as well. And that will be quite the transition. I don't know if they will make that transition before you me or your final meeting or when you come together in your reunion or whatever.

Or if this is a journey that happens after the two of you meet or both of you come together and you both go through this very similar journey. But yeah I think you'll find that you have lived very similar paths almost to the point where you could be like wow it's like we're the same person. You'll be surprised how many synchronicities or similarities exist in both of your lives. Like if they were from an abusive household, maybe you experience something similar. And it doesn't always have to be about abuse right. It could be something like they had a strict religious family and then they fell out of the church and they were happier for it. It could be like yeah they came out at 16 but before that it was really difficult. It doesn't have to be all completely trauma. Although there's nothing wrong with having trauma I feel like most of us have a lot of trauma. And trauma is fine as long as we don't project it on to other people

So yeah if you like a volatile intense very sexy soulmate relationship, this could be the pile for you. And again this could be you know from 12 to 18 that's the kind of vibe that was happening when you met and you were younger and now you're like 32 and you can't even recognize the person you were as a teenager.

Because that's what I'm sensing is like some craziness while you're young and then you grow out of it just like most of us do and you're able to have a healthy relationship and also like individually be in a better place. And maybe you two didn't know each other when you were young or maybe even like could have somehow felt them from afar somehow like dreamed of them. And again you'll come together like in your thirties like I said when you're more emotionally stable and if you you've moved past that stuff and you've dealt with it. And then the both of you talk and you're like wow it's like you're telling my life story because that's how similar your upbringings and lives were

As for it lasting yes when I look at this retreat picture I actually see the two of you growing old together and like getting married or having some type of serious commitment ceremony or just being committed until the end of your day is absolutely. Like this is definitely your person till the end of your days

I guess I might as well say since they look like they are in their wedding outfits in this retreat card that you could have a wedding ceremony outside like in nature or you might go on a honeymoon where it's more secluded. It could be in the woods like with a cabin or a forest of some kind like whether it's a cabin in the mountains or this could also be like the forests of Costa Rica or Brazil although I'm not really seeing water. And I also think that the two of you will be really good friends. I think that should be clear when you say soulmates it probably also means that essentially the two of you are best friends.

---

Pile 4

Pile 4 song: survivor by destiny's child

Definitely the pile with the most cards and I kept trying to reshuffle and be like no not that many cards. But it would still shoot out tons of cards.

It's kind of a strange pile to me I guess. But what's coming up in terms of signs the most is Taurus and Libra. So this person could be a Taurus or Libra or have bold significantly in their chart. Or they could have something like their Mercury in Libra or their their Venus in one of those signs or something about their Venus is kind of significant. Rather than say Taurus and Libra even though that definitely could be the case of those signs being significant, I keep thinking this has more to do with a Venus placement. Their Venus could actually be in an earth sign or especially Venus in Taurus.. it doesn't matter but you can always look up how people their love language if their Venus is in Taurus or their Venus is in Libra. This also makes me just think of there might be a lesson here in general about how this person is in a relationship or reacts in a relationship or something that will be significant to your relationship

And finances or material goods or like the home life could be significant in this relationship. Like being financially secure seems really important to this person. Although they could have also had issues where they had family members that would ask them for money because they were an addict. I mean I guess this person could also have experience of being a gambling addict. Or it could be that they are so obsessed with money and finances and having a house or how those things reflect social status that maybe they used to care about superficial things like that. That's what I'm getting from this addict card sitting next to second house. It could also be the hey you know maybe this is a person that is a therapist and helps people through addictions.

Because certainly it seems like they've had some type of healing or have a spiritual connection because we have this priest card and it says facilitates spiritual commitment serves as a channel of spiritual energy. And with this addict card it does feel like this person is almost like pushing back these addictions. So again it could be something that they experienced or are trying to help others with. Sometimes you know previous addicts can also find purpose in helping others who are going through a similar journey that they did. Either way. And then it says networker enhances unity through the sharing of information and gender social awareness and empathy. Again spreading awareness about some type of issue. If not them then again perhaps they had a parent who had addictive issues so they speak on those issues and tried to impact and change other people's lives

So they could be like a public speaker or a writer or a journalist or an author or somebody who's just on social media who shares things like this. And that doesn't necessarily have to be their job, it could be something they do on the side or is just really important to them to get the word out about something and then try to help other people is what I'm getting. But yes they could do this for an actual living since we have this second house owning tourist card to start us off. Oregon it could just be that that specific issue that this person is trying to help others with definitely has to do with housing or money. Like helping people find housing or helping people get their life back on track by getting them a job. Like they could be some kind of career employment person for ex-prisoners who are reintegrating themselves back into society. So yeah whatever they're doing they're kind of helping their community and some type of way.

And that kind of fits with this helpful people and forgiveness card. They could be religious or just spiritual because they do seem to be very empathetic and seem to be of the mind that like you know okay so they have an encounter with a rude person at the grocery store but rather than get mad this person is more likely to be like well maybe they had a bad day or maybe they're coming from some other place. This person is almost like Saint like in their patience.

I do think that they are successful in whatever they do. Whether it's work or finances I find that they are successful and whatever they do they receive acknowledgment for it. I still again even though this is the six of wands and this person has the roses and is getting attention she's sharing it with another person. So this person when they earn money or whatever they aren't afraid to share it. Like they've probably give to charities are very philanthropic. They think it's important to give back to their community even if they themselves become famous and Rich. They won't forget where they came from.

They could be a little bit of a social justice warrior or like political rubble to some degree. When I think of Jesus I actually think of Jesus as being quite the rebel He would definitely be more of a socialist so to speak. So I think this person could be walking that type of path. I don't mean literally they think they're Jesus or they're super religious although they could be. I think that they are a person who strives to live a righteous life. Whether they had to come back from a dark place or if they were impacted by somebody else in their life. They want to live righteously and they want to help other people live righteously. And again I don't mean in the religious sense. I mean as in the very simple sense of when you are about to die and if you look back and what was important to you was helping other people and making a difference and trying to keep people from suffering. This is all this person wants. Now whether that comes from being religiously or spiritually motivated or just coming from a place of I don't want people to experience what I had to go through.

And then with this empress and the fool card again that's where we get that venous energy or that Taurus and Libra energy because the empress is about love and relationships. And Venus kind of rolls over Taurus and Libra and anyway. But this is also a card about relationships, love, creation, growing thing so that they can be harvested. The fool is about trusting in the universe or taking risks. So I guess when you combine those of course you would have somebody who's willing to take risks and relationships or maybe this is indicating you haven't met this person or this would be a new person that comes into your life. Like it would be a new relationship for both of you

I think the relationship would probably start off kind of exciting. Because I think this person is rather spontaneous like it's not giving me fire energy but I still think this person is up for anything. Like you could just meet and they would be like hey do you want to go see a movie even though we just spent like 10 minutes ago. Or it's like 11:30 at night and I like hey let's just go see a movie whatever I'll drive us it's fine.

I think there's somebody who's very naturally attractive. You know somebody that wouldn't wear a lot of makeup or somebody that wouldn't overdo how they looked but would still be naturally attractive. That's kind of what that Taurus energy is about. They could also be a natural flirt because of that Libra energy. Somebody who's also very diplomatic and again focused on Justice.

The other Oracle we have here is romantic feelings your feelings are real and worth exploring.

That makes me think again that I think there will be an interest in an attraction pretty quickly within this relationship but I think the dating part will move a little bit more slowly. Even if you meet and go on a first date within a short amount of time, I think you would need several dates before you would even say like hey are we dating. I think that part will be kind of slow. So that's why I think when it says exploring it's like okay you're hanging out and you're probably like even kissing on the 1st or second date or more than that or whatever but it's still like slow and there's no rush or maybe the advice should be you don't need to feel like you should rush it. I just think this person is pretty chill and laid back so they're not going to rush you into anything. I don't even know if they're particularly looking for anything serious at the time but they could just be so chill that they aren't even thinking about it.

I think this person is a little bit childish in their humor. You might get kind of annoyed with them sometimes. Because they have this sense of humor of like a 12-year-old boy sometimes. Or as I think you're kind of mature and sometimes you'll just get annoyed. That's not a really big deal.

I do think even though there's like issues about saving money I do think that they like stuff. Like I feel like when there's an Amazon prime day, this person will get online and buy things. I don't want to say they're materialistic but I think they like to buy clothes or electronics or nice things. And they should be allowed to do that if they have the money for it and they're already giving back.

I would say that you know they do like the finer things in life. Like they enjoy going out to dinner to a nice place. They prefer a nicer coffee maker or a certain type of coffee.

Oh and then to bring in the Sasuke card. Again this could be a situation where this person could have been the Sasuke and you know had to experience some addictions or issues and then they came out of it and then they decide to help others who go through the same type of situation. Which you know this could be tied to pile three. And then be going more into this person's life in particular whereas pile 3 it felt more like it was coming in about the joint relationship and not about the individual. So it's possible if you were drawn to three and four that this could be deeper insight into your person. Now if you only chose this and didn't feel drawn to three I wouldn't tell you to go back and read it but you're welcome to

A short synopsis for pile 3 would be like it did seem like pile 3 was getting to the point where after their person or both of the people involved had gone through some s*** they eventually get their s*** together and then from that point on their relationship becomes something really extraordinary. So sure pile four could be more insight into what that person went through before they met that person and more about what they do but anyway. This could just be the only pile for you

So or in your life you know you could have had a Sasuke that had to go through a bunch of stuff for particular reasons and then you know once he goes through his homicidal stage, he learns some lessons through the power of friendship.

And then you know goes on to share that story with other people and help them. And definitely that person could be a public speaker and that's how they make money or through writing books about those experiences. And yeah. The other thing about this second house card is owning. And owning could again be about owning up to your own issues like the things that you did wrong and corrected. So again you know there's impact here about somebody owning up to something. So it doesn't make me wonder if the actual person perhaps did go through some bad times and then you know turns their life around. For sure that could be a thing. Because with this fool card and me saying that they were a bit immature. They could have been quite reckless when they were younger

They could have not just been reckless with their money or material possessions they could have been reckless in their relationships and had a lot of room to grow as they got older

But overall I do think that they are able to come out of it and be successful because that's why we have the six of wands and this restore card.

The other thing about this romantic feelings card I think is just maybe advice for you to trust your intuition. I don't know why you would necessarily need to do that unless maybe like you have doubts when you meet them or let's say you have a serious talk in this person reveals that they had this crazy experience when they were younger but like you know that they've changed and they aren't engaging in those behaviors anymore so your intuition is telling you okay that's in the past and what I feel for them is genuine so I would like to continue this relationship with them

And I don't see anything that indicates like okay years down the road will they slide back into this behavior. I mean we're not really predicting for that but I would say no because they seem on the right path and it seems like they've learned how to fight whatever that is and yeah. I don't see anybody regressing. I think Dave forgiven themselves or forgiven whomever and from that really dark experience they're only interested in helping other people now.

So what can we say about looks. Again like I said I think that they're just naturally attractive. Because we have little Sasuke here he's a bit of a cutie. Maybe they went through like an emo phase when they were younger. He's so cute and angry in this card.

They could have a pretty large social media following and be quite involved in maintaining that whole lifestyle.

I think sometimes they might throw themselves into work a bit too much. So you might have to pull them back occasionally and be like do you want to go on vacation or do you want to take a break to just go for a walk together. I just feel like they're super serious about the social justice aspect of what they do and then also there is this sense of not vanity but like there is something here about okay well not just as that important but maintaining a certain persona or being on top of their social media so that the message is getting out but also like they care about presenting their image in a positive way. Like it would be really important for them to have their social media look a particular way. And maybe they're like that in some respects to the material things that they like to buy or I don't really think it's their looks unless it involves the clothing that they want to wear. Like they might like designer brands. And maybe it's because you know they grew up without any money so when they got money they like to do what they want with it. But I still think that they are fiscally responsible. So let them do what they want with their money unless they're taking it to the casino

In terms of numbers we have two, eight, three, six so it's a bit all over the place. I'm not finding anything significant about the numbers to share with you in terms of age or dates or anything. Like I said Taurus season or Libra season could be significant or when Venus is doing something special. Or is in either of those signs I guess I should say. I'm not really seeing anything here that implies how you would meet other than you know it could happen unexpectedly or because either of you like on a whim decided to take a trip. I'm landing more toward the timing being closer to Libra season than Taurus season. Cuz I'm getting like September early fall harvest Time. It could be at an event where you have to dress up or fashion is involved

I think it would be really odd to meet somebody at like a beauty pageant or a parade but anything is possible. I suppose you could start also talking through social media as well. Also I'm just realizing that this is aloe vera and I think that's what they called that character in Naruto as a joke so that's kind of funny

But yeah I guess you could just expect if you know the Sasuke character this person probably had a villain Arc in their life or somebody else had a villain Arc and that impacted your person. That's all you really need to know and then they grew out of it and now they're ready to settle down but they're still kind of like immature and maybe a little bit vain. Which kind of makes me think of Libra energy again. So there's some kind of combination of Libra and Taurus happening here because I feel like they're split between you know responsibility and materialism and finances but then also about having people like them and being social and social justice.

I think they'll switch between you know being fun and sociable and then being a little bit too serious and analytical. So my guess a partner that would suit them really well is somebody who is level-headed and fairly calm. I don't think this person would do well with somebody who's a bit short-tempered or who demands having attention 24/7. You would also have to be secure because this person is on social media probably interacting with different people so you'd have to trust that they aren't doing anything weird and slipping into other people's DMs

I do think they are a bit of a flirt though. But just tell yourself okay this person is part Libra so that makes sense. And then they're attractive so people are going to be interested in them. I think they're probably quite popular in that regard other people find them attractive and probably want to date them so you'll have competition

And maybe that's why you're kind of like I don't know about this person cuz they seem like a flirt but the card says well explore your feelings because they're real. So as long as you don't have expectations to start but you just want to like explore what's happening I think that's how this relationship will start. And then it might slowly grow into something more intimate and committed over time. Like a very natural type of progression where like again like I said you know you're dating and then it's suddenly like everybody just assumes you're a couple even though you never had that conversation to say it officially

So yeah I hope that tells you something about your person and you can always interpret the cards in your own way. This person would have to be very strong and determined and focused. And sure they could be a bit of an avenger and some type of way. But it seems to be through rectifying for past mistakes and an interest in Justice and making things right again after learning a lesson.

And I think you know you're somebody who could provide a lot of healing qualities for them to help trust again and just calm them down a bit. Like you could be very soothing to them. Well I think that about covers it for pile four.

Thanks for reading!

[fucked-by-the-narrative]

You know what, I was just going to reblog but I feel like adding a couple things:

do not cite your school/university/workplace, by name or too specific characteristics (e.g. if it has a very unique statue in the front)

avoid referring to the city you live in (i think the only exception here is if it is a huge city, but even so, be VERY careful about which information you post about that can be matched with that to guess your neighborhood, for instance)

if you ever decide to meet someone you met online, ALWAYS go to a public neutral place first. Your home or theirs may sound tempting, but you can decide on that after you see that the person didn't give you bad vibes, catfished you or put you in a stressful situation. Remember this is for BOTH of your safety and comfort!

still about meeting people, the ideal scenario is for you to do a group meetup if it's a group thing (ex: if you have friends from a discord about anime, you can meet up at a convention! if it's people from the same region/city as you, you guys can meet in the mall/park/whatever), so you can do something together. Apart from actually putting people in a more safe setup, you have the opportunity to know these people in a social dynamic that feels more organic - there will always be people getting in pairs/trios or whatever and circling, but the group itself rends an easy environment for everyone.

if you're not able to meet people in a group or you want to meet one person specifically, if you can, ask for someone to take you. When I was 15 and wanted to meet an internet friend of mine on the mall because we were kinda-going-on-a-date-but-kinda-maybe-not, my dad took me and wanted to make sure to greet the guy. I want you guys to know this was on the late 2000's, so this was less common, and my dad never was someone who forbid me from doing things, he just wanted me to do it safely. And for someone from the internet who may have been preying on me, knowing my DAD took me there, SAW HIM and SAID HELLO would've instantly cut the vibe that I may be alone, vulnerable and he could cloak in the unknown. In my case my dad was the real MVP, but it could be anyone you trust - just to let them see you're not alone/someone would miss you if you disappear. This friend of mine still talks fondly about how he loved my dad for this until today.

At the risk of sounding very obvious - if you want to exchange letters/send drawings/something via mail because it is cute and dandy, NEVER send your address. Get a PO box, or find someone you trust that can retrieve it in a commercial address. In 2008 when I wanted to exchange correspondence with my e-love, my dad again asked me to send the letters to his workplace and he would bring them to me at home sealed and untouched.

Avoid using real names for your family members or very close friends. Maybe use nicknames, just the initial letter, call them by their role in your story, etc.

Before sending pictures to anyone of something from your day to day life, take a minute to look at them closely and see if you need to censor any personal information, obvious or indirect. And while censoring, put a colored rectangle or a sticker over it - do not use the drawing tool over it in your phone, since in some cases it is a little transparent and may be undone.

Anyways, there's of course loads more, and I think some of these may sound outdated, but tbh being on the internet when the consensus was that only serial killers/rapists used them apart from me gave my generation a very important sense of digital safety and using the power of anonimity. Sure, maybe all of those are an exaggeration, but the more you know so you can use it when you feel you need it, the better.

Stay safe everyone!

minor tumblr user's carrd: over 25 dni!!

25 year old who was going to prey on this minor: oh damn 😔 here I was planning to groom them but i can't because of their dni 😔 what a shame 😔😔😔😔😔

[dollwhisper]

˚⊹♡. ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖࣪ OFFERING. ノ with. ─── SAM WINCHESTER. minors DNI! ノ . WARNINGS: blood + mentions of his demon blood addiction (just a bit, i promise) super horny sam, marking, biting, penetration. ノ a little addition to SANCTIFIED, not connected! ── MASTERLIST

──── SAM WINCHESTER can't enough of you. each time he sees you, the more he craves.

he bites. he marks. he kisses you like there's no tomorrow. he devours your mouth with his own. he looks at you like he wants to eat you whole, splayed open for him to have you. there’s something dark in his eyes.

he bites your lower lip so hard a small split forms and a droplet of blood spills out, ripe. it’s your essence. but it doesn’t bother him.

he's no stranger to it.

the demon blood— he felt it warm on his tongue and down his throat. but this time is just so different. you're not a demon, he reminds himself. you’re far from someone he would ever think of hurting. you’re someone he wouldn’t dare using. you don’t bring him mysery and he doesn’t need to control any of this.

so, sam hesitates.

he pulls away from you for a moment.

he cleans up your lip with his thumb and his eyes lock with yours momentarily, searching for the slightest sign of fear. a warning. a sign for him to stop. a silent i’m scared.

you must be.

he's making you bleed.

he bit your lip so hard and he left deep marks on your inner thighs earlier. he ripped the tank top and bra off you in what felt like an instant. he almost cracked open the entrance door with his bare hand because he couldn’t wait to fuck you.

he swears you looked at him differently for a split second. maybe you're scared of what he's made of. he’s being too careless and he feels like an animal when he behaves like this. too instinctual.

he doesn’t know if he should keep going. he can’t deal with this part of himself, but something inside of him— something so incredibly loud urges him to keep going.

sam is not a sadist.

he’s just starved. as if a mere kiss isn’t enough and his want reaches beyond that, an inch of your soul, a piece of you that lingers with him when you’re not around.

there’s something inside of him that’s been dying to touch you like this. a desperate desire to see his marks spread all over your body.

“i’m not scared of you, sam. if… that’s what you’re worried about.”

you’re enjoying this side of him.

the night is disgustingly warm, the sticky summer air clings to your skin and the cheap fan doesn’t make much of a difference. you’re in sam’s lap, hiding from the rest of the world behind the door of a motel room, somwhere in illinois.

the second you set foot inside the room, sam pushes you against the wooden door and your duffel bag drops on the washed up carpet as he leans in to kiss you.

and now, barely a few minutes later, you’re naked with your panties pulled the side, his entire length pushed deep inside your cunt. god, he couldn’t even wait for you to take off your panties, he grew too impatient staring at you unbelting your jeans, unzipping them, taking them off.

his favorite spot is the hollow of your neck, the most vulnerable part of your body. a weakness. he would never hurt you. his face finds nest in its crook, as if he’s finally found shelter, a place of perfect safety, a world away from what awaits him outside.

softly, his lips kiss the skin of your neck. then he bites you.

the sharp sting of his bite makes you squirm in his arms and your body arches instinctively.

it feels so good.

“that’s it, open up for me.”

you tilt your head back in response, begging him to keep going. you roll your hips while his cock fucks your wet slick and you can feel his thighs matching your rythm, mouth still clinging to the skin of your neck, biting and sucking.

sam hesitates for a moment, his bare muscular body pressed against yours in a tight hug, messy and sweaty. “are you good, sweetheart?” he whispers.

“mhm, yes, sam, just keeping going. please,” you beg and his lips crash against yours, holding you by the back of your neck, doing anything in his power to pull you closer to him.

his marks are everywhere. your neck, your arms, your lower abomen. he bites you all over, covering your body with his marks. sam holds you pressed against his chest. you swear he’s already kissed every inch of your body as if he’s begging for forgiveness.

you have no idea how you’re going to cover up all this mess. but that’s a problem for tomorrow.

NOTE: thank you for reading! <3 reblogs are super appreciated !

i wanna write more about sam’s addiction so i mentioned it briefly in this fic for now. i have a reallyyyy long sam smut in the making and i plan to take my time on it because i’m dissecting every single part of him agshshvshs

[avocado-writing]

hello :) if you feel like writing it, i'd love some copia and perpetua brotherly bonding! maybe them singing/making music together, or v being creature and copia being reluctantly fond/supportive of it? or something else entirely if you'd prefer!

hello darling! I tend to write reader x character so! throwing reader in there as a lens for their relationship to be seen through 😌

Copia really, really hated Perpetua to start off with.

Not that you can blame him, of course. He went through a lot of big changes all at once: being forced into the role of Frater Imperator, having the Ghost Project ripped away from him, the sudden ache of the death of his mother. It all had to culminate into something, and it turns out that it was the burning-hot hatred of his secret brother.

You had gently tried to explain that maybe it wasn't Perpetua's fault, maybe he should be angry with the inner workings of the Ministry who let him live in this lie for so long rather than another man who was a victim of it too. But no, it was the new Papa who bore his ire, who was the cause of many a thrown Plushia and smashed computer keyboard. "Fucking V!" was the mantra of your life now. You were getting bored of it.

Your husband was a grown man behaving like a child and, quite simply, one day you had enough.

You knew your Copia well enough to understand that this could be easily sorted out. Because really, he was lonely. He had you, of course, but you could see that his new position had him feeling isolated, and the twinge of desperation he had exhibited when Psaltarian had suggested he meet his twin hadn't gone unnoticed. He needed someone else in his corner. He needed not to occupy his time with hate but with friendship.

So you'd taken matters into your own hands. Gone into the Ministry employee files yourself. And one day, to his surprise, Copia had walked into his office to the sound of shared laughter, and found you and his brother sharing a cup of warm chamomile tea.

"Oh," he'd said, the look on his face hard to place. You'd smiled at him, gentle, moving slowly like he was an animal prone to spooking.

"Copia, my love, this is V."

Perpetua had scrambled to his feet, all fawn-legged and doe-eyed, claws shaking as he'd put the teacup down in its saucer.

"You're my brother?" he'd breathed, soft and worried, as if he was terrified this was all some elaborate prank.

"Yes..." Copia had said, brows furrowed. Before he could react further Perpetua had stepped forward and embraced him, scooping up his twin into the tangle of his long arms. Copia had frozen for a second... then hugged him back very, very tightly.

And that, as they say, was that.

It was as if they'd never been separated. Perpetua came back to the Ministry to visit every spare second he got, the two brothers catching up on years of missed friendship. They played video games - which Copia usually won and gloated about - or had long conversations about their taste in popular culture as they had grown up, finding shared interests more often than not. When he wasn't there Copia was always showing you his phone - "hehe, look at this meme Perpetua sent me. It's funny, amore mio, you'll like it."

You usually do. He's everything you could hope for in a brother-in-law: kind, respectful, up for giving your husband a ribbing with you. He's not exactly... human, his body shaped just a little too oddly if you stare at him for too long, teeth and claws too sharp, but Copia loves his oddness anyway.

He loves his brother.

You peer over the top of your book to the corner of the office. They're playing music together and it makes you feel soft. You can hear the gentle tap of Perpertua's talons on the piano; his wide wingspan means he's an ideal musician for the instrument, and Copia often encourages him to play. Perpetua once worried he seemed off-putting hunched over the keys, but in the upbeat enthusiasm of his brother, that has all but melted away.

"How about I play something like..." Perpetua flourishes a chord and Copia nods, scribbling something down on the old notepad in front of him.

"Okay yes, so let's do this..." he plucks the strings of his guitar to a similar melody, nodding when he wants his brother to join in. Together they make a sweet little tune, what could be the beginning of a new song. They jam together before both looking over at you.

"How was that, tesoro?" Copia asks you, excited. You smile.

"It's perfect."

[soaps-mohawk]

(cuddle pile anon) let me see if i can come up with more fluff for you 🫶🏻

- pack finds a cat outside and decide to keep it but it only likes gaz. price doesn’t care, simon pretends not to care, ‘mega is slowly winning it over and johnny is scratched to hell trying to make it love him

- ‘mega gets on etsy and orders everyone love island water bottles with their names. pink script obvi. she did it for the meme but they actually use them

- johnny’s turn to make dinner but he gets distracted (gaz and ‘mega we’re making out he HAD to watch) so everyone ends up at the local 24/7 diner at like 11pm, but they’re all giggly and in love and just happy to be together

- movie nights. they rotate who chooses. each boy has a Designated Spot in the living room and ‘mega settles in with whoever looks the most comfy. if you talk during the program simon will be throwing popcorn kernels at you

- price and simon somehow both come down with a mysterious cold that leaves them in the bed (man flu) so it gives the betas and ‘mega the opportunity to dote on and pamper these alphas who generally refuse to be taken care of. warm soups, fluffy blankets, wiping cool cloths on their foreheads. soft words and gentle hands

- zoo day. meandering around, pointing at random animals saying “omg looks like you” (the uglier the animal the better). drinking cold crispy fizzy drinks, ‘mega gets a new stuffie and everyone’s nose is sunburned

- the pack starts a tradition that on someone’s birthday, not only do they receive presents, they gift everyone else a little gift too! ‘mega puts in lots of thought to hers, choosing specific trinkets and tokens for each of the guys. without fail, everyone else’s birthday present ends up being new lingerie for ‘mega. it’s a gift for everyone.

- *i don’t think wolves hibernate* BUT in the winter time, now that they’re not operating on high stress and adrenaline all the time, the pack’s biological system makes them more sluggish and lazy in the colder weather. this leads to long winter days of snoozing in a pile, simon reading a cozy book out loud, soothing everyone into a lull, and extremely lazy days where nothing gets done but everyone is so happy

- alternatively, in the spring when it starts warming up again, everyone gets the zoomies! it manifests differently for everyone tho. gaz and ‘mega start deep cleaning the house. everything is getting scrubbed, polished and shined. they’re cleaning our closets and cupboards, hanging sheets on the line, planting flower boxes. price starts working outside, tilling up land, mending fences and boards, making the space look pristine. simon beefs up their security, installing cameras and motion sensors, running tests and diagnostics. johnny helps (he’s in the way). the boys start working out more, going on long jogs and using the home gym they installed. they also start working out their girl more *wink wink*

- they have a slip n slide for summer time. it causes many injuries but it’s tons of fun. didn’t take as much cajoling to get price to use it as you would think.

- pumpkin carving in the fall!! johnny’s is the best, the other boy’s look average, and mega’s looks chewed up and spit back out. she pouts and it’s adorable

that’s all for now but i could prob come up with some more if you need. k love you bye

No but these are adorable 🥹 I might steal a couple....

[nyxiepixie01]

Abby x masc!crybaby reader but they’re just super empathic and sweet but Abby is also absolutely positive they need therapy

Bonus points if you make them do the stupid dude cry thing

I'm not going anywhere...

Cw: Comforting!Abby x Masc!Crybaby reader/ mechanic!Abby /fluff/ comfort/ reader!has seperation anxiety/ short, fluffy fic

A/N: (Feedback would be appreciated, I'm trying something new where it is mostly Abby's pov and I don't know if this one is good)

Abby drops her work bag by the door, kicking it closed with a tired grunt. She’s home late…again, some douche had pulled into her shop five minutes before closing in a Mercedes, claiming something was wrong with his car because there was a noise. Just a nondescript noise. So after poking around for an hour and a half she finds a nail on the floor, near an air vent, someone's wife isn't going to be happy. 

Speaking of wives, Abby looks around the apartment to find hers excitedly, and not for the first time notices it’s dark…and quiet. No dinner on the stove, no hum of the t.v., and no running of the shower. Maybe you’re out? No you would’ve texted Abby. A pang of worry shoots through her as she looks around, but she quickly shoves it down…maybe you’re just sleeping. But this has been recurring. Every time she’s late you’re in bed, looking like you’ve been worrying for hours. 

So she makes her way through the apartment and into your and her shared bedroom. A sigh of relief brushes past her lips as she sees your prone form on the bed. Abby makes her way over, stepping over some clothes, your weights, and other things that made their way to the floor. Mostly remnants of Abby’s current hyperfixation-taking apart carburetors and trying to put them back together from memory. Abby knows you act annoyed by the mess…because she sometimes catches you smiling softly as she rambles about the mechanics of said carburetors.

You’ve always supported Abby, through thick and thin, and she loves you for it. Even lately, with how closed off you’ve been, you still show up for her when she needs it. 

She reaches the bed, the mattress dipping down from her weight as she climbs into it next to you. She reaches out, running her hand over your grown out buzz cut, which causes you to stir. A smile graces her lips as Abby looks down at you. “Hey handsome, have a good-” Her greeting cuts short as you interrupt her. 

“You’re late.” The accusation leaves your mouth softly, accompanied with a sniffle. You’ve been crying, Abby can tell from the stuffy nose and the puffy red eyes. 

Abby sighs and lays beside you, wrapping her strong arms around you and drawing you close to her chest, which you instantly bury yourself in. “I am late, some rich dickwad came in late, griping about a noise of all things. Took me an hour and a half to find what was making the noise, wanna guess what it was?” She asks, rubbing your back. 

Intrigued by the challenge Abby gave, you begin guessing. You guessed a loose washer, an animal inside the engine, and a broken AC before you sighed in mock exasperation, demanding what it was. 

“A press-on nail stuck on where the vent is on the floor,” Abby snorts. “That dude paid us for labor to find something he could’ve…woah baby what’s wrong?” Her hands goes to your face as soon as your shoulders started shaking. Her thumbs swipe under your eyes as you start crying.

You sniffle, trying to make your words leave your mouth, but they keep getting stuck, making your attempt at speech into a garbled mess. Abby shushes you, telling you to take your time. A beat passes where you just focus on breathing and become coherent again. “I just..you weren't showing up when you said you would be and I got worried. I didn’t know if you were safe, or where you were, who you were with.” 

A frown pulls at Abby’s lips, you’ve been anxious before, especially when people aren’t on time, but it was never to the point where you start to cry so blatantly, you’re usually a private cryer. No this is new, and Abby can admit she’s worried about you. “Okay, I should’ve texted, but why the tears babydoll?” The nickname falls from her lips with eased familiarity, calming you a fraction. 

“I don’t know, I don’t know. I feel like some kind of velcro baby lately.” You whisper, Abby prompts you to explain further, kissing your tears away, new ones falling from your eyes. “When you’re gone for more than a few hours I get so worried that something is happening. That's all I can think about. I’m so tired.” You sob, holding onto Abby’s hands. 

Abby’s heart hurts, seeing you in so much distress upsetting her. She doesn’t know what to do other than comfort you. “Babydoll, you know I would never cheat on you, and I’m careful…ish…” Her reassurances are soft and whispered, trying to soothe you. 

“I know..it’s silly to think this way.” You choke out, Abby immediately shaking her head. 

Abby smiles softly and kisses your palms, her chapped lips scraping them. “It isn’t silly, your worries are important to me, so I can try and fix them.” A choked and snotty laugh escapes you, some mucus dripping out of your nose, Abby snorts and holds a tissue to your nose, “Blow.” she commands, helping you clear your nose out. “I think you should see a therapist babydoll.”

Your eyes flick up and Abby can see the hesitance and a twinge of anger in your eyes. “I'm not broken or crazy Abby.” The sharp protest cutting through the somewhat calm atmosphere. 

Abby sighs, already knowing you would react negatively to the idea. “I never said you were babydoll, but something is clearly up, and it’s worrying me.” She says in a soft tone, your defensiveness ebbing slowly away at the look of genuine concern on Abby’s face. She’s right though, something is wrong, pacing and chewing on your nails for hours from worry isn’t normal, but you’re hesitant to relent. 

You wipe your cheeks, still wet from your sobs. “But what if you see me differently, or even treat me differently? I don’t want to be some fragile flower.” You whimper out, tears threaten to spill from your eyes once more. 

Abby looks down at you, and really looks at you. In any scenario, and any condition, she knows she’ll always love you. You are the thing she looks forward to coming home to all day, there's nothing that would ever stop Abby from loving you. 

“I won’t, I couldn’t ever look at you differently. No matter what’s going on, especially just some therapy. Or how much you change, you’ll always be my babydoll.” She smiles at you, beginning to tear up herself from this whirlwind of a conversation, and the pure unbridled love she feels for the person in her arms. “I can even do it with you, you don’t have to do it alone, you won’t ever have to do anything alone.”

Her lips meet yours in a soft kiss before she whispers, “I'm not going anywhere…”

[therobotsarestuckinmyhead]

What do you think Cybertronian culture would be like in Transformers One? If you pay attention, the movie is inspired by G1, but it has its differences—in animation style, story, and characters. To what extent do Cybertronians resemble human beings?

i think their resemblances with humans are at a minimum, its really only the way how their society functions that similar to humans but even that is limited to only a few certain aspects.

culturally speaking, in TFO, i think there would be a cultural divide between the cogless and the cogged given the way Sentinel's Cybertron works. he keeps them divided. its quite literally a metaphor for class divide in a way but it might be me overanalysing it. at the same time, in the movie, its almost as if the cogless bots are considered as a sub-species in a way.

the cogless are forced to be backwards in every sense within the system they live in because the system works exactly as intended, they live in poor conditions and toil away for hours doing hard labour which means barely any free time to produce things like art or music. they have no time to think of question the world. they have no time to just sit down and wonder why their world has to be this way. they are a slave class who genuinely believes themselves to be slaves because of the idea that "someone needs to work hard and mine to keep the planet running" is prevalent and constantly spewed out by the authority like Sentinel as a "greater purpose", bots like D-16 believe with all his spark that its what he even exists for and he doesn't even question it once. they genuinely believe that their predicament is some sort of grand divine plan to keep Cybertron running until the Matrix is found.

but despite the "grand-ness" of what these miners do for Iacon & Sentinel, they are clearly discriminated against and are treated unfairly. they say "no-cog" almost like its a slur. like its the worst thing that could ever happen to you under Sentinel's system.

they overwork themselves even if it means they might collapse and injuries may be a lot more common than we think because its clear from the mining collapse scene that there is strict protocol for the miners to follow during that situation and that everyone clearly knows what to do in this situation. with the way how all the other miners seemed to have just went back to their jobs after Orion & D-16 got Jazz out of there implies that this is a frequently occurring event. i doubt they have good repairs in any way whatsoever. also from analysing their designs, its not hard to say that the cogless miners are filthy and barely get any time to clean themselves.

notice the dirt on Orion's chassis and shoulder plating? its very out-there. the cogless have a very rough life, they're basically living like coal miners from the 1900s--- poor sanitation, poor education and barely any time to do anything else but their jobs.

but despite all this, we can see how the cogless still manage to make their living spaces vibrant in way. cue the scene where D-16 and Orion meet for the first time, we see D-16 putting up a Megatronus sticker on the wall behind his recharge capsule. also, Orion finds the Megatronus sticker for D-16 and gives it to him on the train. this leads me to believe that stickers are not only for wall decoration but also for frame customizing, something like a frame ornament and after thinking a bit more about it, i realized that it perfectly make sense because we already have car-stickers in the real world so of course Cybertronians would use stickers as frame ornaments. it would be their equivalent of tattoos in a way.

also with how the trains lead to the surface and how D-16 manages to save Orion from the guards at the archives, it leads me to believe that the miners can go to upper-Iacon every now and then. its kind of messed up in a way because they get to see the world in which the cogged get to live in without every being able to experience it for themselves.

back to that sticker bit, with the way the Primes are marketed into stickers and such, it really gives you a perspective on how Iacon in general thinks of their deities as. considering the Primes are the first Cybertronians quite literally hand-crafted by Primus himself, you'd think there'd be a lot more reverence to their name. turning your warrior-gods into marketable merch is not what you'd expect typically, especially if they are in fact considered as some sort of demi-god. this leads me to believe that the Primes are not exactly considered god-like, they are legendary warriors at best. the best Cybertronians to have ever been. either that or selling merchandise of your mythos is a completely normal thing to do on Cybertron. i kind of find that funny in a way? because if there are Megatronus stickers, are there any Zeta Prime plushies? Solus Prime posters? Vector Prime stans? Alpha Trion fanfiction? are there whole ass fanclubs dedicated to the Primes? stan culture?

perhaps its Sentinel trying to dumb down the Primes and spite them by commercializing them into marketable plushies to remove the seriousness of their legacy and sacrifices.

and so he could make profits.

who knows.

anyway, now to the cogged bots.

cogged bots on the other hand are a lot more prosperous, they live in high-rises of Iacon for the most part and we can see how they have posh restaurants, racing tracks, access to knowledge--- its clear that Sentinel knows the importance of controlling the flow of information with how he keeps the archives as a restricted area. they have better education considering they occupy more high-level/skilled jobs. if there is any remnants of how Cybertron was once like before Sentinel, it would be seen within the vastly different culture that the cogged bots follow. they are the top of the system which Sentinel created.

some say that the cogged bots don't need to do any work at all but i digress because yes, they do work but they occupy jobs which conventionally have a higher position and status than any of the labour the cogless do. things like security guards, supervisors, radio hosts, TV broadcasting, and many more, evident with all the office spaces in Iacon. they do work, they do contribute to society. they're just not slaves like the cogless are.

also another fascinating thing is just how hostile the cogged bots can be to the cogless? its almost as if... Sentinel is dividing the bots to make sure they keep pointing at each other to make sure neither of them turn against him and his cronies. as if he doesn't want them to focus on him or question him in any way.

Sentinel seems to have engineered Cybertronian society to be in such a way where the cogged believe themselves to be superior because they are 'real' Transformers who can actually transform and since the cogless are, well cog-less, they cannot Transform and hence are a sort of sub-species which justifies the way they are treated however, despite the fact that they aren't 'real' Transformers, they are still here for a purpose. considering how cogless bots started appearing """coincidentally"""" just when the Matrix of leadership was """lost to the war""" and with how the Matrix being lost meant that there would be no flow of energon, he could very well paint it to look like the cogless were spawned into Cybertron for the sole purpose of mining and working in energon refineries.

this 'system' would definitely influence the way the cogged and the cogless see their world and hence, the way they perceive themselves.

man, is Sentinel just EVIL. invented a whole system of slavery and racism just to make sure he could keep his Quinteson funders happy so that he could remain at the top of Cybertron. talk about a sell-out politician... surely, human leaders aren't anything like him... right?

about the human part, they are culturally not 1:1 similar to humans and purely because of how their biology and environments are vastly different. they do have certain things which could be described as the "Cybertronian equivalent" of certain human activities, like how paints could be considered the Cybertronian equivalent of makeup or Conjux Endurae as the Cybertronian equivalent of marriage but even then, there are stark differences--- humans mainly put make up on their face but Transformers can have paints anywhere. its very slight differences.

however, on the ground of politics and society? humans and Cybertronians are almost the same. they share similar values and thoughts when it comes to freedom and social justice but our systems vary. the whole system of Primes governing and the Matrix choosing the next leader of the Transformer race is almost like a form of monarchy if you really think about it. they have no concept of democratic freedom which i find kind of funny? they're so advanced but haven't thought of democracies even once in their existence as a species. they're weirdly authoritarian. Autobots are just lucky that the Matrix of Leadership is a magical artifact which knows just the perfect bot to chose to handle that kind of political power.

thank you for listening to my TedTalk

[electric4claw]

Hi!! Now that I have a little more time, I'm going to talk a little about my participation in the @harriertail contest, share some details, and take the opportunity to talk a little about my past with my Ocs and Warrior Cats hehe (I wrote a really long post, you don't have to read it hahaha)

I should say that it was my friend @xemo-wc-08x who introduced me to the contest.

She's already participated, and I really recommend checking out her cover, as she did a really good job.

I'm re-uploading a revised version of my cover and the version without the words so you can better appreciate the illustration.

I also wanted to upload the two illustrations that make up the cover separately, as both took me a long time.

I discovered the Warrior Cats fandom on YouTube, watching the incredible animations that fans made back then, and another friend from school and I wondered if they came from a series that wasn't broadcast in our country haha. We started drawing our own cats and ended up making a comic in school notebooks.

(They're those little notebooks over there; all but one are complete, and one of the big red ones is a comic I made with my school friend, linking the universes of our comics)

While that was happening, I stumbled upon the first volume of Warrior Cats in a bookstore. They were just starting to be brought to my country, and I couldn't believe those videos actually came from a book series!

Of course, I ended up buying the first six and I loved them. That's when I met @xemo-wc-08x at a drawing class, hehe. And for a while, we were three friends enjoying being part of this beautiful fandom.

Over the years, I learned to draw humans and started watching anime, so we gradually abandoned our kitties.

And while I limited myself to hoarding the books and comics, @xemo-wc-08x never completely forgot and even returned to the fandom!

So by the time she got me back into the mood to read the series, I had the books ready on my shelf to be read again!

So, when she told me about the contest, I didn't hesitate to participate. I needed this opportunity to pay tribute to my OCs and design what would be a possible new cover for the first volume of the comic hehe

Back then, I was very inspired by what I saw, imitating the styles of my favorite artists, and even copying some characters hahaha (I'm not proud of it lol)

Over time, I developed my own drawing style, which I've recovered and improved. Luckily, I'm now a concept artist, so I've been able to give some of my characters a good redesign.

SYNOPSIS Claw is a young cat, who was being raised to compete in beauty pageants. She escapes from her domestic life just before being sold to someone and flees from a greater evil, until she stumbles upon a large tree. She uses it as a hiding place, but soon discovers she's not alone. Inside, there's a huge feline colony, with its own customs, which don't exactly welcome her. She must find a way to return to her old life, where she knows her worried parents await her, while she faces her new enemy, alongside the feline colony, which ends up taking her in "temporarily." I hope you like the cover a lot and that I can continue uploading art of Warrior Cats and my Ocs for a long time to come! <3

[holisticcoach]

It’s hereee🫣

FOR APPEARANCES ONLY - ONE SHOT

Featuring: Joe Anoa’i × Milan Carter (Victoria Monét FC)

🔞 18+ Themes: • strangers → tension-heavy, emotionally raw sex.

• unprotected, dominant energy, no strings attached.

⸻

Milan Carter built this life herself. She tapped out her thesis in long nights at a Texas State library before stacking the bills for her first test shoot. Now, at twenty-eight, she was one of the highest-paid models in the country—her face splashed across glossy pages, her name whispered in boardrooms. When she wasn’t jetting between shoots, you’d find her in a barre class, or crooning Motown at her favorite karaoke bar, or on a rooftop with her girls until sunrise. She’d mastered the art of being everything, except vulnerable.

That morning, vulnerability came knocking.

At 8:26 a.m., sunlight slanted through floor-to-ceiling windows in her Miami penthouse, hitting the half-empty cup of cold brew on her marble counter. Silk robe on, hair twisted into an animal-print scarf, she’d just taken the first sip when the knock sounded—sharp, urgent, too loud for a Thursday.

Milan glanced at her phone—no missed calls, no texts. In her world, unannounced visitors meant one person only. Farrah Saint James.

“Open up, it’s urgent!” came the muffled voice again.

She sighed, set her coffee down, and cracked the door. “This better not be another red-carpet favor, Farrah.”

Before Milan could brace herself, the door swung wide. In strode Farrah Saint James—Haitian-American powerhouse and Milan’s best friend since freshman orientation. Today, Farrah was wearing a sculpted white jumpsuit that flattened no curves and Dior sunglasses indoors because why not? The aura of “I’m in charge” clung to her like perfume.

“You sound thrilled to see me,” Farrah announced, dropping a designer tote onto Milan’s cream-leather sofa with a satisfying thunk.

Milan crossed her arms. “Still not convinced your “favors” are charity.”

Farrah smirked, threw the sunglasses onto the coffee table. “Last time got you flown home first class and a Cartier bracelet.”

“Last time wasn’t with an athlete,” Milan shot back, tone clipped.

Farrah froze. For a moment, the room shifted—no glitter, no glamour, just two women who’d navigated every storm together.

“Okay,” Farrah softened, tugging off her hoop earrings. “Hear me out.” She dropped onto the sofa and patted the cushion beside her. “Paris Fashion Week. Front-row seats at Dior. Late-night after-parties at L’Avenue…”

Milan closed her eyes. She knew that sales pitch too well—she’d been the secret weapon behind half of Farrah’s launches. “Cut to the chase.”

Farrah straightened, eyes bright. “WWE is doing a Paris promotion. They need Joe Anoa’i—Roman Reigns—to have one beautiful plus-one for press. You.”

Milan’s heart stuttered. She blinked at Farrah. “Roman Reigns?”

“Yeah,” Farrah said, voice gentle now. “I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important. He’s representing the company. They want someone believable—someone iconic.”

She half-snorted. “So they need me to pretend to date a wrestler.”

“No dating. No hookup. Just a walk, a smile, a few pics with your name on the credits. I handle everything—flights, suite, glam. You just show up.”

Milan paced a slow circle. Sunlight caught on the cactus-green walls, on her coffee-stained mug, on the edge of the scarf tied around her head. Part of her longed for the escape—the fame boost, the spray-tans, the runway adrenaline. The other part recoiled: two years ago, she’d shown up for another athlete. A football star. What started as a simple assignment ended with bruises she still felt in her bones, a door that slammed too hard, and a text chain that never got answered.

Farrah watched her. “Milan, I wouldn’t bring him to you if I thought you’d be unsafe. Joe’s different—low-key, professional. He just needs to look good for a couple of cameras.”

Milan stared at the floor, coffee’s bitterness turning harsher in her mouth. Then: “Does he know? That I’m the ‘plus-one’?”

“Not yet,” Farrah admitted. “But they approved you. You’re the perfect choice.”

Milan exhaled, thinking of her bank account, her growing international following, the chance to own a room in Paris—just one night of “appearances.” She hated how practical it sounded. Hated how excited she felt. Even her heart, the traitor, flipped with curiosity.

“What’s real about this?” she asked.

Farrah grinned, lean and fierce. “Paris is always real.”

Milan lifted her head. “Is he… normal? Does he? …”

Farrah’s laughter filled the condo. “Bitch, what are you asking?”

Milan’s eyes softened with wariness. “I’m asking if he’s an asshole off-camera.”

“Not that kind,” Farrah said, serious now. “Trust me.”

Milan met Farrah’s gaze. They’d survived broken families, betrayals, every toxic industry rumor. If Farrah vouched for Roman Reigns, then… maybe she could keep her guard just a little lower this time.

“Fine,” she said, voice steady. “I’ll think about it.”

Farrah lifted her champagne flute—yes, at 8:45 a.m.—and toasted the air. “That’s all I needed. We leave in two days. Get excited.”

Milan forced a small smile, reached for her coffee, and let the idea settle in her chest like a spark. She didn’t know if it would burn or light her way—but hell, she was always up for a little flame.

Milan sank into her First Class seat like it was a throne crafted just for her. The world below shrank into clouds as she stretched her legs onto the ottoman, flicked on the eye mask, and let the flight attendant’s gentle clink of crystal and polished silverware lull her into a rare calm. A flute of Dom Pérignon—her own, of course—arrived before the wheels even left the ground. She nursed it slowly, savoring the burn of bubbles on her tongue, the delicious hush of being untouchable at thirty thousand feet. Here, she could pretend nothing was coming for her.

When the plane finally dipped toward Charles de Gaulle, Paris lit up beneath her like a constellation of promise and danger. The driver’s car wound through silent streets until she stood in a penthouse that felt too pristine to live in. Floor-to-ceiling windows framed the city skyline, pale gold walls reflected every discreet beam of light, and orchids—fresh, immaculate—leaned as if bowing in welcome. Milan surveyed it all with cool detachment. This wasn’t home. It was a stage.

She dropped her carry-on at the edge of a grand bed, slid out of her slides and cardigan, and let her shoulders loosen for the first time in days. The air here was crisp, but her skin still buzzed with anticipation. On the marble countertop, a single envelope waited: cream paper, Farrah’s elegant black script addressing M.C. in a way that felt both intimate and alarmingly formal.

Inside lay an itinerary printed on glossy stock, an access pass that would unlock every velvet rope in the city, and a folded note on ivory cardstock:

Enjoy this time. You’ve got this.

– F

Milan’s chest tightened for a heartbeat. She tucked the note under her phone and leaned against the counter. She told herself: This is a job. A one-night appearance you’ll spin into headlines and move on. No feelings. No regrets.

It had been over two years since she answered Farrah’s call for a “plus-one.” The last time, it’d been a rising NFL star—what was pitched as a single-camera escort into a charity gala spun into a year of late dinners, inside jokes, and whispered apologies behind closed doors. Bruises went unseen until she tore herself away, her heart and ribs both scarred. She swore she’d never be that vulnerable again.

Now, standing in this flawless Paris penthouse—where every orchid and marble slab screamed perfection—she drew in a slow breath. This favor was different. This time, the man waiting for her at Fashion Week wouldn’t know her history, and she intended to keep it that way. Roman Reigns was Roman Reigns. He had nothing to do with her past. And Milan Carter was not that scared girl anymore.

By the time the glam squad arrived, Milan was already losing patience—but not her composure. She stood barefoot on the plush carpet, wrapped in a white robe, sipping a perfectly chilled green tea as her team buzzed around her.

Her makeup artist worked with the precision of a surgeon: warm, sunlit bronze eyeshadow swept out into a subtle cat-eye; cheekbones carved to sharp perfection; lips painted a satin nude that caught every flicker of light. There was nothing accidental about her face—only intention.

Next came the hairstylist, who transformed Milan’s natural curls into an architectural marvel. Each strand was smoothed into a high bun studded with glossy loops, and the baby hairs along her hairline were artfully swooped into delicate swirls. The effect was both soft and formidable—a crown of polished edges that framed her face and dared anyone to look away.

Then she stepped into the dress.

It was jet-black stretch velvet, sculpted like armor. The bodice hugged her torso, dipping into a deep V that revealed just enough décolletage. A single, oversized lapel rose from her right shoulder, folding back like a sleek wing; at its base, a gilded dragon motif curled in molten gold, catching the room’s light. The long fitted sleeves ended in thumbholes, elongating her arms, while a sharp peplum hip detail added a flash of avant-garde flair. The skirt fell straight with a thigh-high split, letting her left leg peek out in perfect silhouette.

Every time she moved, the fabric whispered—not a rustle, but a promise of power and poise.

Her stylist gave her one last once-over and leaned close. “He’s not ready.”

Milan slid her hand into a black velvet glove, the gold appliqué brushing a heartbeat across her knuckles. She met the stylist’s eyes. “He doesn’t even know who I am.”

“That’s exactly why he will.”

With that, Milan Carter turned and walked toward her destiny—every inch of her finished, flawless, and utterly unforgettable.

The car glided through Paris streets like a dark whisper. Milan sat rigid in the backseat, her body cocooned in crisp black silk, the hem of her gown pooling like ink in her lap. No music. No chatter. Just the muted hum of the engine and the occasional whoosh of headlights against rain-slick pavement.

Her phone buzzed once. She didn’t need to look to know it was Farrah.

Farrah: He’s there. You’ll meet him backstage. Don’t melt into your shoes, Carter.

Milan’s thumb hovered. She tapped out a single word:

Milan: Got it.

Farrah: He’s fine. You’re finer. Smile like you mean it.

Milan tucked the phone away. She didn’t smile. Not yet.

When the car door opened, the world of the venue rushed in: gilded columns, stilettoed feet clicking on marble, handlers waving headsets like batons. Behind the velvet curtain was organized chaos—models in sculptural gowns, stylists darting between racks of couture, press flashing cameras like staccato gunfire.

A server in white gloves offered her a flute of champagne. She took it without thinking—pale gold bubbles sliding over her tongue—and found a quiet corner just offstage.

Her dress felt alive against her skin, molding every curve with quiet insistence. She inhaled the sharp sweetness of champagne and exhaled control. This was her realm—public, polished, untouchable.

Then the air shifted.

A soft footstep. A breath behind her. The faintest click of a polished shoe.

She turned.

And there he was—Roman Reigns. Standing tall in shadowed light, suit impeccable, eyes steady as he watched her.

⸻

Farrah caught both of them just before the velvet rope—her hands landing lightly on their arms, drawing their attention away from the chaos of clipboards and last-minute wardrobe tweaks.

“Roman,” she said, turning first to Joe. He glanced at her, then at the woman beside him: Milan Carter. Tall, sculpted in black velvet, arms crossed, gaze cool.

“Milan Carter,” Farrah continued, shifting her hand to Milan’s shoulder. “Meet Joseph Anoa’i—WWE’s Roman Reigns.”

Milan’s lips curved into a brief, polite smile. “Good to meet you,” she said, voice steady.

Joe inclined his head, voice low and smooth. “You too.”

They stood side by side in the fringe of lights and cables—two strangers bound by a single purpose: to look perfect together.

Farrah stepped back and clapped once, sharp and commanding. “Alright, you two—front row is live in five. Remember: no personal questions. Just grace. You got this.”

With that, she drifted away to take her place at the end of the runway, leaving Milan and Joe alone in the hum of backstage adrenaline.

Milan took a breath, smoothing her gown. Joe’s gaze flicked to her gloved hand, then back up to her eyes.

“Ready?” he asked, extending his arm.

She slipped her hand into his, cool and precise. “As I’ll ever be.”

The handler appeared and nodded. Music swelled. Flashbulbs popped like distant thunder.

Together they stepped through the curtain—and into the storm.

⸻

Inside, the venue felt more like an intimate ritual than a runway show. Thick velvet drapes swallowed the walls; spotlights carved a path of white light down the catwalk, turning every step into an invocation. The air smelled of gardenia and champagne, electric with guests holding their breath.

Milan and Joe slid into their front-row seats, two halves of a perfect picture. Her posture was sculpted poise—back straight, shoulders down—yet the moment her thigh brushed his, a current jolted through her. She stayed still; he didn’t flinch. Neither gave an inch.

Model after model emerged in Farrah’s collection: structured blazers that curved around hips, sheer panels that caught the light like secrets, unexpected gold hardware that whispered power. Milan watched every silhouette as a lesson in command. Joe’s gaze drifted between her and the clothes, curious—impressed by the craft, intrigued by her composure.

Halfway through, the beat of the music shifted and Joe leaned closer, voice low. “You ever front-row anything this… theatrical?”

Milan didn’t look at him. She tucked a stray curl behind her ear. “I front-row shows where I’m the only one on stage.”

That small claim made him smile—sharp, unexpected. “Bet you steal the scene.”

She arched an eyebrow. “Try to keep up.”

He chuckled, a dark rumble that felt like a promise.

When the last applause died, handlers swept them into a vaulted private dining room. Crystal chandeliers dripped light onto a table set with silver and slabs of marble. Bottles of champagne stood on ice; servers glided like apparitions.

Milan’s heels ached. She nibbled her amuse-bouche, eyes skimming the crowd of sponsors and stylists—none of whom saw her as anything more than an accessory. Joe sat two seats down, gently excusing himself from superficial chatter when the conversation turned to social posts and hashtags.

She rose quietly, slipping past a server carrying a tray of canapés. Her dress felt heavy—armor she was done wearing. She moved toward the exit.

Before the door could close, Farrah intercepted her with a firm grip on her wrist. “Bar. Now.”

Milan froze. “I’m not in the mood—”

“This isn’t about moods,” Farrah cut in, eyes bright. “You did your job. Now live a little.”

Milan tugged free, voice soft. “I’d rather be alone.”

Farrah’s expression softened. “You’re not running from him, are you?”

Milan’s throat tightened. “I barely know him.”

“Maybe that’s why you’re so tense.” Farrah laid a hand on her shoulder. “You don’t owe anyone more than a night. Not him. Not yourself.”

Milan nodded once. Mouth clenched. She slipped out before Farrah could argue.

Downstairs, the lobby was deserted. She stepped into the elevator as the last panel slid shut—only to feel the doors slow, then reopen. Joe stood there, silent, tie loosened, cuffs undone.

She didn’t pull away. He didn’t move closer.

The elevator hummed its rise.

“You going back up?” he asked, voice almost gentle.

Milan’s eyes stayed on the floor indicator. “No.”

He watched the numbers tick past. “Need a place to think?”

She didn’t respond. Her jaw set. Finally, she said, “I need quiet.”

He nodded once, respect hanging in the pause. “Floor’s the same.”

At her floor, the doors opened. She stepped out, heels clicking once, twice.

He stayed in the elevator, doors closing behind her.

And in that still space—two strangers in designer clothes—tension bloomed louder than any spotlight.

________

Milan peeled off her couture gown and, instead of the usual robe, slipped into silk pajamas—midnight-blue She traced the fabric’s cool slide across her skin, brushing damp curls off her neck, and let herself for once feel… soft. The city lights under her penthouse windows glowed like distant stars, but inside, her mind was too loud.

She found the hotel bar barely occupied—just a couple of late‐night guests and a bartender polishing glasses under warm pendant lights. Sliding onto a stool, she let the cool leather cradle her hips. No entourage. No makeup. Just silk against her skin and the quiet sort of freedom that made her pulse quicken.

“Neat gin, please,” she told the bartender without looking up. The herbal burn would steady her.

Moments later, Joe eased onto the stool beside her. His tie was gone, collar unbuttoned—still in his black suit, but more himself now, every inch a man who thrived on cheers yet craved silence.

The bartender set a crisp tumbler of gin before Milan and a neat bourbon before Joe. He took a slow sip, closing his eyes at the warmth.

“You trade the roar of thousands for this?” Milan asked, nodding toward their drinks.

Joe smiled, low and wry. “I love that roar. Feels like home.” He tapped the glass. “But even home needs a room with the door closed.”

She lifted her gin. “I get that. My world’s applause-driven too—flashes, endorsement deals, runway shows. It’s the same tide every night.” She let the gin burn down her throat. “I like when things quiet down.”

He watched her profile in the mirror. “Funny—cameras latch onto you, but no one sees you.”

“Exactly.” Milan’s eyes flicked to him. “You ever feel invisible when there’s a crowd screaming your name?”

Joe chuckled softly. “Only when I take off the mask.” He set his bourbon down. “Out there, I’m Roman Reigns—power, victory, living legend. In here…” He swept his hand around the bar. “I’m just Joe. And few people get to meet Joe.”

Milan studied his face. “That’s the best reason to stay.”

He offered a small shrug. “Could use the company.”

She finished her gin and signaled for the bartender to close her tab. “Lead the way.”

They rose together—two strangers bound by the same need: a few hours offstage. Walking side by side into the quiet corridor, they left the applause behind and brought only their real selves into the night.

⸻

By the time Milan asked for her third drink, the bartender hesitated.

He looked at her, then at Joe, then gently shook his head.

“Sorry, mademoiselle. No more for you tonight.”

She blinked. “Excuse me?”

Joe leaned back in his chair, watching.

The bartender was polite but firm. “For your safety. And our policy.”

Milan scoffed under her breath and sat back in her chair hard.

Joe kept his voice low. Calm. “He’s just doing his job.”

“I’m fine.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t.”

She turned to him sharply. “Don’t babysit me.”

“I’m not.”

Her jaw clenched. She hated that twist in her gut. That feeling of someone drawing a line around her again, even if he didn’t mean it that way.

Joe stood up and held out his hand. “Come on.”

She narrowed her eyes. “What?”

“You need air.”

She didn’t take his hand. But she stood up.

“Unhand me, Reigns,” she muttered, brushing past him.

He laughed—genuinely, the first real one she’d heard from him all trip.

She was a little tipsy, but not sloppy. Just loose enough for the cracks to show.

⸻

He led her to the hotel’s pool terrace. It was closed, technically. But Joe pulled the gate open like it was his second home. The air was crisp. The water lit from beneath. Reflections flickered across the tiles like secrets.

Behind her, Joe leaned against the low wall, arms crossed, watching without a word. His shirt was gone now, sleeves rolled to his elbows, collar open so she could see the tension in his throat as he breathed.

At last she spoke, voice barely louder than the night wind. “You didn’t have to follow me out here.”

He shrugged, gaze fixed on the horizon. “I don’t sleep much at night.”

She pressed her fingertips to the railing, staring into her reflection rippling on the water’s surface. “I don’t do this either—come down alone, let someone see me like this.”

He moved closer, so that his shadow fell across her back. “I see you no matter where you are.”

Milan’s breath caught. “That’s… not a line, is it?”

He shook his head. “Never been good at lines.”

She glanced up, eyes raw in the lamplight. “You talk like you carry more than wins and losses.”

His jaw clenched once. “You talk like you’ve been collecting ghosts.”

She turned fully, shoulders squared even though her voice trembled. “I stopped counting when they stopped apologizing.”

He reached out, brushing a loose strand of hair from her neck. “I don’t fix people. But I can hold you when you need something real.”

Her heart hammered. She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Touch isn’t a cure.”

“Maybe not,” he admitted, the rasp in his voice thick with something like regret. “But it’s honest.”

Milan’s lips parted. “Honest how?”

He closed the gap so slowly she had time to brace herself. “I could prove it.”

Silence stretched—charged and dangerous. Then she tipped her chin up, eyes daring. “Then do it.”

The Suite was blistering the moment the door clicked shut.

Joe didn’t waste a single heartbeat on hesitation. His mouth crashed onto hers—hungry, demanding—fingers tangling in the front of her pajamas, dragging her forward like she’d been tethered to him. Milan’s legs parted of their own accord, and she wrapped her thighs around his waist, pulling him impossibly closer.

He growled against her lips. “You taste like fire.”

“Good,” she whispered, voice thick with need. “Burn me up.”

His hands skated under her camisole, thumbs brushing over her nipples until they hardened under his touch. He broke the kiss to nip at her collarbone, teeth grazing skin so lightly it set her nerve endings ablaze. Milan arched into him, fingers crawling down his back to grip the small of it, nails leaving half-remembered trails of her own heartbreak.

“Been too long since someone held me,” she confessed in a breathless rush.

Joe’s lips curved. “Then let me remind you.”

He dropped to his knees, peeling her pajama bottoms down in one slick motion. Milan braced herself on the edge of the mattress, eyes fluttering closed as he claimed her with his mouth—lick, suck, swirl—each stroke driving her body to hum beneath him. He whispered, “Fuck, you’re mine,” and she moaned so loud it echoed off the walls.

When his fingers joined him, she came with a strangled cry, knees shaking, careening over the edge of sanity. He didn’t stop; he held her there until her muscles clamped and unclamped, chest heaving, tears she couldn’t explain brimming in her eyes.

Then he stood, stripped bare, and tilting her hips, slid inside her in one slow, fucking-perfect thrust. Milan gasped, wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him deeper. “Right there,” she panted, voice ragged. “Don’t you dare slow down.”

Joe’s hands gripped her hips like iron. He slammed into her again and again—hard, relentless, as if he needed to knock the world out of her. She met him stroke for stroke, thighs tightening, back arching, the bed rattling beneath them. His dirty whispers—“Such a good girl for me,” “I’m gonna lose it if you don’t hold on”—crashed through her, a collision of praise and promise.

He flipped her onto her stomach, lifting one leg to pound into her from behind, watching the rise and fall of her back. “I could break you,” he murmured low, “and you’d still beg.”

Milan’s head lolled back, mouth open, eyes glazed. “Then break me,” she gasped, “I want…” Her voice caught. She clutched the sheets. “I want to forget.”

He obliged, every stroke a vow to erase her ghosts. She came again—screaming into the pillow—her body shaking like she’d been set free. Joe pulled out, slid her onto her back, and thrust into her one last time, slow and deep, until his release rattled through them both, hips stuttering, breath stolen away.

For a long moment they lay tangled—unprotected, undeniable, trembling in the aftershocks. Milan’s curls fanned the pillow; Joe’s chest rose and fell against hers. Not a word passed, but in the charged silence they’d both found something fierce and true.

Finally, Milan gathered herself, slid out of bed, and reached for her pajamas. He watched—half hard, half stunned—his hand lingering on the sheets where she’d just been.

“See you around?” he asked, voice hoarse.

Milan met his eyes in the mirror, slipping her silk pajamas on with practiced grace. “No,” she said, lips curving in a fierce, knowing smile. “You won’t.”

And in that echo of a goodbye, they both understood: some nights leave marks you can’t wash away.

______

Taglist: @diamondlifeee @sharmelasworld

Authors Note:

Omg yall, my first ONE SHOT 🫠🫣

If you want this one shot to continue into a story, please let me know your thoughts!!!

[hollyhomburg]

Prey Animals (15)

—  Pairing: Yoongi x reader, Poly Ot7, eventual Bts x reader,

—  Genre: Omegaverse, Mafia au, Polyamory au, Found family, Suspense, Eventual Smut, enemies to friends to lovers, Healing & Themes of trauma,

—  Summary: In a world where Beta's are rare, valuable, and often have more than one pack; Beta Min Yoongi does everything he can to keep his mafia heritage a secret from his primary pack. Little does he know he's not the only one who's living a double life.

—  Words: 9.2k

—  Warnings: Graphic depictions of physical violence, Domestic violence, Fear, Fluff, Yearning, Doomed lovers, Guns, blood

—  Check in at the end for my notes on this chapter! — 

(2 hours to go, Yoongi).

The music seems louder when Yoongi heads back inside. The twirl of people faster and faster. Dizzying. Moonbyul and Hyejin are there in the center with a ripple of red feathers and silver hair but you are nowhere to be found, absent from the throng. Yoongi almost crashes into someone, hurrying, tearing through the crowd with barely more than mumbled apologies.

Yoongi is no longer a planet in orbit, Yoongi is a comet crashing into the ground. Yoongi manages to excuse himself- ducking around the arm of an aunty that seems keen to grab him by the ear and talk his ear off about her grandson. He heads in the direction of the courtyard, out the wide windows just to clear his head. He catches your scent on the wind and his feet carry him forward, speeding up now that he knows you’re close.

The garden has been put to bed for the winter, it’s nothing more than a tangle of thorned sticks. You stand with your back to him, blocking his view of the fountain, dead center in the middle of the neatly trimmed hedges, still enough to be a statue. and Yoongi can see the deep plunge of your dress, your hair that lies over your pack in elegant Hollywood waves. Yoongi’s heart is beating so fast.  You do not turn to him. You must not hear him approach.

Yoongi doesn’t know if you’ve just forgotten your jacket or if it was purposeful- if you wanted to feel the cold.

He stops a handful of paces back from you. Collecting himself and wiping back his hair before he clears his throat and you turn, nearly jerking.

Yoongi can see the moment you realize it’s just him, not Geumjae. Your eyes trace his eye, finding it absent of scar and your shoulders melt. Your eyes soften. It’s a bit of a curse, that he and Yoongi look so alike. You set a hand over your heart like it must be thundering (is it beating just as fast as Yoongi’s is? Would you let him rest his ear against your chest and listen to it?).

“Fuck. You startled me.”

“Sorry. I just wanted to talk to you.”

“Just talk?”

Yoongi swallows. Decides to be brave. “I mean I was hoping for a dance too but-” You look like you don’t know what to do with that. Like you don’t know what to say. You don’t bite your lip; you can’t even look at him. He wants to apologize for the other night; for surprising you with that. A confession was hardly what you needed in that moment. Saying those things however true- was more for him than it was for you.

“A room full of people and you’re the only person I want to talk to.”

Yoongi makes you smile with that, even if it’s just a little. You can never resist smiling when you’re around him. You’ve missed him these last few days. He came by once after your confrontation but you stayed inside until his frantic knocking at your front door dissipated. Avoiding him out of sake for his own survival or yours- you’re not quite sure.

You feel a little guilty for that now, just a little. Even more guilty at the measuring look that he sends you that makes sure you’re alright with what he’s said. He checks to make sure he’s not pushing your boundaries too much. But his eyes still flicker to your throat and then up to your face, lingering just a beat too long on your lips.

Yoongi steps a little closer. You do not take a step back.

The scar under your chin has faded to a faint pink, nearly invisible under an unhealthy layer of concealer. But Yoongi remembers. You both do. What he’d said the other night. I could love you. You wonder if that’s still true.

You’ve been avoiding him, but you don’t have the energy for that right now. The not eating and the stress, the constant terror that eats you from the inside out. It has consumed all of your willpower. This. Yoongi. The one good thing in your life- is something that you cannot run away from right now. You don’t have the strength to resist it.

You can’t shake the idea that this might be the last time you get this. That this is your last offering of any kind of tender look or sweet concern. If a tree falls in the forest does anyone hear it? If no one loves a girl- does that make her a girl at all?

You feel cut off from so much. This might very well be the last kindness you’re ever showed.  As you’re nothing more than a threat to the family and a puppy for your husband to kick at. 

When Yoongi looks at you it’s like everything else disappears for him. He even trips on the uneven steps because he’s busy looking at you. Moving one step closer until he’s almost toe to toe with you.

“Your dress is-”

“He made me wear it.”

“I know.” Yoongi does not look down, just at your face.

“I hate it.”

“I hate it too. You look great in it but-” Your hands tighten in the skirt. Smiling sadly. “It’s not you.”

You tip your chin down, staring at him from under your eyelids. “It’s not.” You agree.

You don’t move an inch.

You feel like a person when he looks at you; not like the countless other things your brain tells you that you are. Your husband has conditioned you well- turned you into his creature that hinges on approval. You don’t even know what you’d like to wear- what would- in yoongi’s words ‘be you’. But you do know what would make you the most pleasing to the eye and that’s enough. That’s all you can think about. Everything else is sort of secondary. Underneath the dress- your brain whispers to you that you’re worthless- a waste of space and oxygen, something disgusting and unseemly. Worthwhile of his attention and closeness and kindness only because you have use.

But when Yoongi looks at you- that voice quiets and you feel like you’re something delicate and beautiful. Not just something lurking in the dirt with the worms and other little bugs. Ready to be squashed under shoes.

He never stares at you like you’re a thing and not a person, even though you know that your dress makes you look it. Yoongi has never wanted your body. Not in that way. You’ve never caught him staring while hungry. You wonder if you’re pretty to him at all, you know the rest of his pack are men and most people have a preference. Yoongi is not most people, but you still wonder if he could ever want you that way. He says he could love you- but you know not all loves are created equal. How could they be? When both Yoongi and Geumjae use the same word.

You have to admit, you find it improbable that anyone could want you. You’re used goods. Damaged and maybe defective. After what Geumjae’s done to you, he’s made you worthless to everyone but him.

The music is faint just barely spilling through the floor-to-ceiling windows here rustling the leaves and wisps of incense. The chill is stiff. You’re cold, Yoongi can tell because you’ve got goosebumps rising between the freckles on your arms.

He doesn’t care that someone might be watching. That everyone who matters is just a few short feet away. The darkness makes Yoongi bold; the darkness makes Yoongi stupid.

Yoongi gets close enough to hug you if he wanted and you don’t make to step away. You can see his breath in the cold march chill as he breathes out. “You shouldn’t be out here like this. I don’t want you to be cold.”

Your hands tighten by your sides and Yoongi dares not risk it, palm open and hovering. His hand hovers close enough that you can feel his warmth but not his skin.  Yoongi’s rests it just millimeters away, tensing like he wants to grab your hand.

In the fountain, something trickles softly though it’s not full.

“It’s not the 1800’s Yoongi, people don’t die just from a little chill. I’m not going to get sick.”

You barely suppress a shiver in your revealing dress. Although you wonder if it has more to do with his eyes on you than anything else. Yoongi’s eyes don’t flicker low, not again, he just stares at you.

You look a little better tonight. There isn’t as much as a haze in your eyes like you’re dissociating from everything- like you’re going to that place you described where no one and nothing (including Yoongi) can touch you. You’ve got a clarity today that Yoongi savors. You’re wearing such thick makeup there’s no telling how many bruises you’re hiding underneath it. Dark eyeliner makes your youthful eyes look foxlike and refined.

Not for the first time. Yoongi realizes how terribly young you look. Heart aching.

Yoongi searches your face. “You misunderstand me. I said that I don’t want you to be cold, but maybe if you caught a cold- I could help you get better.”

He knows his words don’t make sense but still, you recognize what he wants to say. He’s never struggled to articulate his feelings or show love before, not before you. Now he feels like he could try a hundred different ways and still not make it right. Still not show you. “I could love you; I could make you better, I could care for you.” But Yoongi doesn’t say any of that- no.

He takes off his jacket and slings it around your shoulders. You make a noise in your throat, eyes going wide in surprise. He steps close enough and hardly has to touch you to do it. You stick your hands through the too long sleeves, clawed fingers curling around the hem.

You look down at it, holding out your spindly arms, then up at him. It’s so big on you it wrinkles at the shoulders.

Yoongi pauses to roll up the sleeves for you. His fingers brushing your wrists.  “Thank you.”

Yoongi’s eyes on you are heavy. He says nothing yet. You’re wearing his clothes; he looks at you with something akin to wanting. You’re not sure what else it is melting his gaze, making him smell so much like chocolate. You’re used to Yoongi’s happy scent. But it’s still just as absurdly good as the first time you scented it on the air. He smells thick and drippy. You’re sure you’ve never seen that emotion directed at you before.

“One dance? Before I take you home?” The choice is easy; staying here with you. And Yoongi decides that this is enough for tonight.

All of the business with Don can wait for another day. They can all kill each other in the meantime- Yoongi has plans with you. After this dance Yoongi will drive you away from here and go to some gritty fast-food place and get you full of however many calories Geumjae has made you skip. Feed you French fries and chicken nuggets from his own hands even. (And pretend he’s not looking at how close your lips get to his fingers the whole time).

He’ll spend the entire drive thinking about leaning across the console to kiss you. He could do it- quick. You’re not wearing lipstick (You took off the bloody red shade that Geumjae made you wear the second his attention seemed diverted).

There would be no red imprinted on Yoongi’s skin from your mouth- or at least- none besides in his memory. No one would know. 

Does your body burn as he does with this? Or are you too full of fear to feel anything at all?

He imagines it happening. Is it okay? Can I kiss you? Can I get our mouths all aligned and can I taste you? Can we go slowly? I know you’d probably need them to be slow and I don’t mind at all, I’m in no rush.

You are both full of things you want to say and can’t. Your handshakes just slightly, lurching as you take his hand. Unsure one second, then vicelike the next.

You keep Yoongi at an arm’s length as he leads you in a waltz. Both of you daydream of a hypothetical illness that you might get because of the cold temperature, some sickness that can be fixed by a few days rest and some warm soup that Yoongi could provide. Pulled together in a bed however big or small you wouldn’t mind. His hand on your forehead crooning. “You’ve still got a fever little lovely. Rest just a little longer.”

Simple dreams, equally as impossible as they are sweet. He pulls you in tighter against him in your skimpy gown. It’s only to keep you warm, he justifies as you melt into his hold. His hands are wide and warm on the small of your back under the jacket. You stumble in your heels on the uneven stones of the garden and Yoongi heaves you up so that you’re balanced on his toes. The bones in his feet ache in protest but he ignores the pain, your surprised giggle better than morphine.

Yoongi certainly feels like an addict.

He spins you, going faster in those practiced steps; it startles a laugh from your mouth, "Yoongi! Let go! We’re gonna fall!” Your words sound girlish and young. It’s a sound that he’s never heard from you and wants to hear again and again. You slow to a gentler pace. Swaying softly from side to side. 

You rest your whole body against his and Yoongi holds you up without comment, a tree to your vine. he rests his cheeks against your temple.

Its then that he notices, nose pressed to your hairline, that your scent is shifting. The undercurrent of your scent has always been rainy, not quite petrichor but something close. It’s slowly sweetening and losing it’s soggy edge. It gets stronger and stronger until Yoongi’s breath goes deep and shaky when he breathes in. Rattling around in his chest.

Yoongi does not know what your scent is like when you’re happy. Yoongi has only ever scented you when you’re miserable, when you’re desolate, when you’re destroyed. On your worst days you smell like rainy mornings. The ones where you’re stuck outside and wetter and colder than you like. But now your scent is shifting into something warm. Not like you’re outside in a rainstorm but inside and looking out, safely resting maybe while something’s baking.

You smell like a freshly baking cake, with buttercream and notes of vanilla and nut. It evokes images of lazy Sundays and cupcakes topped with cherries or maybe birthday candles glowing soft and warm. Those moments when Yoongi was a child and begged his mother for another slice of birthday cake and she gave in. You smell like wishes and frosting. Like sprinkles and presents and childhood. Yoongi wants to bury his face in your neck. Does after a moment, breathing in deep. A gentle hum eased from his throat.

Yoongi noses at your scent gland, just a little bit, drunk on you. And you sigh tipping your head to the side after a moment, hidden from view in this garden. Something so basic that neither of you have been allowed until now. Scenting is something basic, a basic component of alpha and omega relationships. A simple rub against the throat or wrists lets everyone know this person is protected, this person is safe.

The grip on his lapel goes strong, your legs widen and part at the hips to get closer to him. Yoongi ignores the fact that you’re pressing yourself up all against him. Doesn’t think he could stop himself from instigating the shit out of something you’d both probably regret. (Not because you don’t want to- but because it would put you both in even more danger than you already are).

“You just had to take all the good didn’t you.” He nuzzles into your scent gland. Damn his sweet tooth. Not quite understanding.

Out of two brothers, why would one have so much more softness than the other? One gentle and kind while the other is bloodthirsty and violently selfish. Why did you have to choose the wrong one? Would things have gone differently if you’d met Yoongi first? You can’t bear it anymore; you have to know what you’re giving up. 

“What would it be like Yoongi?” You’re crying, softly but it’s there, eyes filling with unshed tears. The kind of emotion that you can hardly breathe through clogging your throat. But these are your last few moments with him- they must be. And you don’t want to cry through them and miss it.

“If you took me away from here, what would it be like?”

Yoongi struggles to hold onto your happy scent, dwindling in the empty courtyard. Your deliciously sweet scent slips away to rain, to thunderstorms echoic and explosive. His scent is already going from chocolate to salt. You are rain and he the ocean, together you are a typhoon. You both know how much wanting something you can’t have can hurt you.

You reach out, holding him close to you like you’re prepared to grasp the future he’ll paint for you. Your hands find their way around his shoulders. And slowly almost like you’re testing to see if you’re allowed, you play with the small baby hairs at the back of his neck. Small and soft. Sensitive enough that it makes Yoongi squirm in all the best ways.

Yoongi picks his head up from your shoulder, eyes flickering from your lips to your eyes. Fuck.

Yoongi runs his hands up and down your back to comfort you through the longing. Like this garden aches for rain- Yoongi aches to give it to you. Anything and everything, his heart on a platter if that’s what you wanted. He’ll rip it out of his chest if you want him too.

Yeah, he definitely isn’t making it back to the pack by tomorrow morning.

His voice is hushed, barely a whisper with his mouth pressed to your ear, “We’d get takeout every few nights and play rock paper scissors to decide who gets to be the little spoon. I’d take you out to the ocean and take you on drives. I’ll make sure you always have enough sugar and butter and flour in the kitchen and you can be as quiet as you need to be or as loud as you want. You can have whatever you need. I’d like to give it to you. You could steal all my favorite sweaters and I’d never say a thing about it.”

You laugh at that. Somehow- Yoongi just knows that’s something you’d do. “And I’d never ever raise my voice at you.”

“No yelling?” You’re almost shy about it. And Yoongi realizes that you think- even in this game of make believe. That you think you’re asking for too much.

“No yelling.” He agrees, He keeps speaking softer, like to whisper his wishes out loud is like trying to hold onto a shooting star.  You can shout at me, call me names, and I promise I won’t ever do the same back. I want to make you so happy you forget my brothers fucking name, you’ll never have to say it again. I want to erase everything he ever did to you. I want to give you so much good you forget what pain ever felt like.”

You try and pull back, but Yoongi just holds you against him. Keeps you tucked safe. “You can’t.”

“I know. But I’d like to try.”

There are other things he wants to say, mornings of calm that he’d like to dictate to you before they happen- like little promises. What kind of life would you want? A quiet one or an exciting one? One full of meals together and movie nights? Or one with vacations and fancy restaurants? Nights to bed early or up late giggling below covers? What would you like- You only have to say it and Yoongi will give it to you.  

Companionship is different than romantic love but that’s there too. Yoongi had been so easily swept up in the tide with the others but with you everything feels different. What is love without understanding? What good does mutually assured destruction do when walking away would hurt Yoongi just as much. He’s not a good person- he knows that. But somehow- leaving you here would be the worst thing Yoongi’s ever done.  

Although Yoongi has never been someone to subscribe to traditional gender roles; He’s never felt more like he could give you it. He could be your protector. He already has been these last few months. It’s intoxicating. He could be that man for you.

With the others, part of him has always known that he was never meant to stay. There was always suspicion in every look they gave. Beta’s are mercurial, the whole world knows they’re never meant to belong to one person. But you look at him like none of that matters. Like he’s just himself. Like he’s just Yoongi.

Maybe he understands a little too well, why Geumjae wants to keep you all for himself. 

“I’d leave you sticky notes on the refrigerator tell you that I love you every time I had to leave, I’d never- ever let you be cold.” His voice breaks on the last word. “And I’d show you my pack.”

You swallow thickly at his promises. Yoongi watches the bob of your throat. He hopes to a god he doesn’t believe him that they’re not empty ones. You turn your face up to his, begging wordlessly for more.  

You’ve never forgotten that there’s someone else for Yoongi (there almost always is for beta’s) several someone’s else’s who have Yoongi’s attention the way you do.

You’re not jealous of them, his pack. Those faceless people that Yoongi loves. If anything you’re only curious. You know how the family treats outsiders. If Yoongi loves 6 other people enough to put everything on the line for them, then they must be something special. The little bits and pieces he’s told you can’t have done them justice.

You sink into Yoongi’s arms as he holds you up without any visible effort. How is it that someone like Yoongi wants you? You can tell by the way he’s holding you that he feels like he needs you close. It’s so different from the way that Geumjae touches you- half wild with want or lust or rage. Usually with your wrists above your head. Bound by rope if you’re being particularly disobedient. Like your skin is only beautiful with bruises rising to the surface.

Geumjae touches you like you’re something he owns. Watches you like you’re his and only his to watch.He watches you like everything you are and everything you’ll ever be is his to do away with.

You hate it. You hate the way that he watches you. You can always feel his eyes on you. Even now just the memory of how he’s looked at you makes you feel filthy. It makes you feel like there’s something under your skin that can’t be cut or burned or starved out.

Not that you haven’t tried.

But Yoongi feels different, he’s a force of nature. It’s intense but it doesn’t make you intimidated, only calm. Pulse sluggish and eyelashes fluttering as your face tilts up and his tilts down. You wonder how they handle his undivided attention. Those faceless people that probably pull him closer with sweet blushes on their cheeks, Not shove him away. Not like you did the other night.

Intimacy is something you’re afraid of. You worry you might always be a little bit afraid. The last time you gave this away so freely you found yourself shackled to a monster.

You wish you’d never run away that other night.

Whatever you’re imagining in your head about his pack- you know the reality of the people Yoongi loves must be better. He’s not the kind of man who would settle for someone the way you’ve settled for Geumjae.

“What are they like? What’s it like to have a pack?” What’s it like to be loved? To be taken care of? I need a hint of it, just a little bit before I go, so that I understand. So that I can give up.

Yoongi tries not to let himself get misty-eyed thinking about them, temporarily distracted from your desolation. On the top of the world and beneath it, fingers brushing your cold forearms under the sleeves of your jacket. The touch hidden but so good it nearly burns.

“It’s- being loved is so-” he trails off, reminding himself that what he’s saying isn’t for himself- but you. What do you want to hear? What do you need to hear too damn this all and run away with him?

“It’s everything.”

The more you believe what’s in Yoongi’s eyes, the scarier it gets. Whenever you start to think about what’s been done to you- you get more and more terrified. If Yoongi’s love makes you feel like a person, then Geumjae reduced you to so much less than that. An object. A thing.

You don’t know if you can come back from that. You have only one thought as Yoongi starts to describe it:

I want more.

"Having a pack- it’s like having a family but better. It’s not just love, although that’s part of it-It’s having everyone there- all the time they’re just there and you’re never alone. I hadn’t felt lonely in years before I came here. Everything gets less lonely and more fun like- even going to the grocery store becomes the best time. Every time is the best time with them. And it doesn’t even feel tiring; even when you want to sleep, you’d rather stay up with them.”

He’s pulled away from you a little, lost in his musings and memories. Enough that a cold breeze can worm it’s way between the two of you. His big palms on your forearms. You don’t mind him touching you. Yoongi never touches you like he wants more, it’s like it’s never a second thought. Does he know how special it is to you? Being touched like this without intent Violent or otherwise? Your body is trembling, anticipating it anyway. But you stare at him as he talks. As he smiles. His short description is hardly enough to explain why he loves 6 people so much that he’d give up anything just to see it again or why he’s still fucking here.

Some things, you just have to experience.

He’d give up anything, anything but not you.

No. Yoongi decides right then and there that he will never give up on you. Maybe because deep down- Yoongi knows to the others he’s hardly a necessity. Yoongi knows that eventually; the others will be fine. They’ll grow past this if they haven’t already. They all have their primary partners and Yoongi has nobody. He’s no one’s first choice. Seokjin has Namjoon and Tae has Jimin. The only person that truly need him even half as much as you do is Jungkook and even then, proper medication might make Yoongi obsolete one day. What an ache it is to be needed.

The only outlier is Hoseok.  

But Yoongi had done a good job of bringing him into the pack’s orbit, where he could be under the care and pressure of Jin and Namjoon. It still leaves a bitter taste at the back of his throat that tells of lost time. Growing older alone when you should have grown older with someone (It’s only been 4 months- but 4 months can feel like an eternity when you’re 28). Realistically, Hoseok was never going to end up mated to Yoongi, since beta’s don’t mate.

The pack have got each other, but you’ve got no one but him.

You’re meant to be in their pack. Yoongi can feel it in his blood. Maybe it’s something instinctual- a precursor to biological compatibility that has him feeling a little drunk on your happy scent. You have a similar scent profile to the rest of the pack. A sweet, food-oriented scent. You belong in Yoongi’s bakery too, he’s sure you must be the keystone to it. Yoongi is talking himself into it.

What would you smell like mixed with Hobi’s caramel? Would you be Caramel cakes or more flan? Wrapped up with Taehyung’s simple spice- Would it get gooey like cinnamon rolls or more like carrot cake? You’d be all coffeecake with Namjoon, a simple Vanilla cake with Jimin, angel food cake with whipped cream to Seokjin’s sweet milk. Those honey cakes you made the other day might be the best match for your and Jungkook’s combined scents. 

I want more.

Yoongi has a feeling that you could spend days trying to put your scents into baked creations. And he’d savor each of them. It might take a lifetime of trying to get it right. But Yoongi would like to help you get that. A lifetime. No pain. No sleepless nights where you go small. Yoongi wants that for you. He wants to see it.

I want more. I want more. I want more.

More.

“It sounds so beautiful.” You rest your cheek against his chest. Unworried about your makeup rubbing off and sticking to the silky fabric. His fingers skim over the fabric on your sides, under the jacket, palms covering the gaps to keep you warm. Each of the tiny crystals feels like a bubble against his skin.

Yoongi holds you like you might be a piece of it, the last bit of his pack that he hadn’t known he’d been missing. Your scent turns, fading the longer he holds you. He holds you closer in reply, slipping again. Going back to the rain, the cake melting through his fingers.

You don’t look as sad as you smell when you smile up at him. Tears dance in the corner of your eyes and Yoongi’s hand is already prepared to wipe them away when it looks like they’re about to fall.

“Get back to them safe alright?”

Yoongi’s heart plummets. He doesn’t ask after the darkness in your eyes, he doesn’t say anything because this sort of sadness needs actions and not words to solve. The tears that drift down your cheek find a home in his palm and then his lips as he leans close. One kiss to your cheek, one to your temple. Between your eyes. It doesn’t work, you only cry more. Shoulders trembling.

What is a bucket to a hurricane? A cup of water to a tidal wave. Sadness always did have a way of sticking. Yoongi would empty the ocean handful by handful if he thought it would make you happy.

Yoongi just pulls you in tighter to his chest as you cry and cry. He gives you minutes like that, swaying to the music softly. The night is winding down. It’s not midnight yet but soon.

When he looks up to the balcony. He’s not surprised to find Geumjae standing there. His palms pressed flat the the balcony watching both of you.

Yoongi doesn’t know how long he’s been watching but it doesn’t matter. Anything he’s seen is enough to damn you both. Yoongi keeps his gaze as he clutches you tighter. You fit perfectly under Yoongi’s chin; your whole body fits perfectly against his. Just a little shorter and smaller than him. Just enough that he’s comfortingly large and not looming like his older brother. His body a castle and not a cage for you to find safe haven in. 

Yoongi stares Geumjae down as he rubs his chin along the top of your head, scenting you, marking you. Everyone inside will be able to tell that you’ve stood close like this. That you are protected by the family beta. It’s a clear challenge to Geumjae and Yoongi sees his nostrils flare and his fists tighten.

The rage in Yoongi’s body is not for you. Geumjae on the other hand, Yoongi would do more than shout and kick and scream. He wants his brother’s blood on his hands. He wants to hurt Geumjae the way he’s hurt you.

Yoongi’s starting to believe that you should have never been Geumjae’s to begin with. And who could deny him? Who would? No matter the ring on your finger you will be Yoongi’s one day. Something feral and bloodthirsty swallows him as he stares at his demon of an older brother.

Yoongi has the same blood in his veins as Geumjae, both of them raised on the same poison. He’s a demon too, Yoongi just has to feed it.

You don’t see Geumjae, you just nuzzle into Yoongi’s throat, trying to dispel his saltwater scent and ease away his unhappiness like he’s trying to get rid of yours. 

Your voice is soft as you laugh lightly, wiping away a tear that’s dripped down the end of your nose. It rings clear across the quiet garden. The music inside fading. Geumjae goes so still Yoongi feels his first trickle of fear.

“It’s funny- you’re so good at helping, you’ve been trying to make sure as little blood gets spilled as possible. The family- me- everyone. You just want to help them but you don’t want the power at all do you?”

Deep in the garden, the music doesn’t play.  The snow doesn’t fall. Even the roses hold their breath and stay still. You stand there in Yoongi’s arms while Geumjae leans in to hear your every word. Neither of them moves yet. Two predators staring each other down waiting for fight or flight to flip it’s coin. Anger a hair trigger away from becoming violence.

You laugh again sadly, unaware of just quiet how in danger you are. Yoongi’s pulse climbs higher and higher.

“You should be the next Don, Yoongi.”

Yoongi doesn’t respond. Still staring Geumjae down. His hands going from possessive to protective in a second, you notice the shift to his posture. The silence stretches for a moment. And Yoongi’s heart is beating so fast he can feel it in his hands. Taste blood already on the back of his throat. You look up at him, but he doesn’t look down at you.

Yoongi watches, in slow motion, as you turn.

Before you can even recoil Yoongi is already dragging you away and through the garden. Past the roses, past the fountain. Geumjae near vaulting down the steps, black leather shoes tapping out a quick beat. Half carrying you through the garden as fast as he can. There’s an exit on the other side- Yoongi remembers seeing it.

Your dash is mad and driven entirely by instinct. White gravel scatters like loose teeth from your fast footsteps. Crunching underfoot.

Geumjae shouts your name but neither of you pay it any mind.

It’s probably stupid for Yoongi to think he could steal you away like this- without any prior planning. But he’s drunk enough on love to try. Maybe you should have taken that advice from Geumjae because love has made both of you so fucking stupid. Really this is ridiculous. I can’t even believe I’m writing this.

You can hear the thunder of Geumjae’s feet when stone becomes tile. His enraged roar that bounces around your head. It’s silly, if either of you had a gun this would be over in a second. You pause for precious seconds to kick off your high heels, running, just as fast as Yoongi is or trying to. “Go! Don’t stop- through here.” Yoongi will never let go of your hand. Dragging you up and taking some of your weight, urging you to go faster. One hand on your palm, the other behind your shoulders pushing you so fast that you stumble.

You only make it to the entryway. Just before the steps start.

You sink into the warmth of the lit passageway like a frog sinks into a not yet boiling pot. Nearly out to the front of the mansion before he finally catches up to you. Faster and stronger than both of you. An alpha chasing after a beta and an omega. An alpha Hunting its prey.

Geumjae grabs you by your hair and pulls you clean off your feet in the empty entryway. You feel the pins in your hair pull and several strands rip away from your skull with a bright lance of pain. Several valets and attendants move from the open doors, not quick enough in their surprise. The photographers thankfully retired for the night. Their hands hover outreached and worried but they can’t interfere. Geumjae doesn’t care about making a scene. Yoongi whirls around, trying to step between the two of you too late.

As much as he’s seen violence, Yoongi has so rarely had the rage to act. It’s intoxicating. Just a little.

Your yelp of pain lights something dark in Yoongi’s heart. Geumjae pulls you by your hair, you kick, trying to keep your feet under you. He wants to hurt Geumjae for that. The shock on his face when Yoongi reverses course and connects his fist with his face is something Yoongi will savor forever. It’s almost worth the pain in his hand, he shakes it as the fury ricochets, and Geumjae spits blood onto the floor. Yoongi’s knuckles are bloody. Geumjae’s nose is bleeding. Yoongi grins, you’re behind him.

Geumjae raises his fist, Yoongi smiles, cocks an eyebrow, and Geumjae lowers it.

“No one makes my wife laugh but me,” And oh, Yoongi realizes it just then; Geumjae still thinks that this is a love story.

(Don’t you know better by now? Or do you still think this will have a happy ending too? I’ll promise you one, but you’ll have to earn it.)

“Oh really, you’re sure?” Yoongi tries to goad him into it. Geumjae can hurt you all he wants, but if he points the barrel of a gun even slightly in his direction the entire family will be out for his blood, and they both know it.

But fuck it. Yoongi doesn’t want to wait for it.

Yoongi was never taught to fight with the same dogmatism that Geumjae was but he gives it his all. Swings and hits and hits, as feral as he is desperate. He doesn’t go down when Geumjae lands one punch to his stomach. After so many weeks swallowing down his anger and not fighting back for you this feels like divine intervention.

You yell, “stop!” and Yoongi gets a hit for following your orders. Disobeying them after the next. Blood fills Yoongi’s mouth for the first time tonight (and it will fill twice more.) as Geumjae’s fist connects with the side of his jaw. Once, twice, again. Until Yoongi thinks he might be passing out.

“You’re going to kill him! Jae! Stop-” your husband has never stopped when you’ve asked. Not once. Your hands wrap your husband’s waist, trying to drag him away from Yoongi. One of Geumjae’s elbows hits your temple and you go down like a stone. Knocked out cold.  Yoongi sees it happen and lunges to try and catch you. But another pair of hands is there to catch you before you hit the floor.

It's Moonbyul, and Hyejin’s not far behind.

Moonbyul is surprisingly strong for a woman, even for an alpha. She shoves Geumjae and Yoongi apart, catching Geumjae’s fist before it has the opportunity to collide with Yoongi’s face again. Maybe it’s just because she’s just so tall.

Yoongi’s dizzy. Grips the edge of a marble column to stay standing while he catches his breath. He knows his face must look absolutely fucked. Especially from how the attendants are looking at him.  

Hyejin drags you away. Pushing you to the wall and putting her body between yours and your husband. She turns around and hisses.

Moonbyul shoves Geumjae away hard enough that he hits the wall with a crack, leaving an impression in the plaster. He tries to lunge for you again and she kicks his knees out from under him in a motion that’s as brutal and trained as any action movie hero. 

Yoongi hears the crack of something. Geumjae’s leg trembles and he drops to one knee.

Geumjae and Moonbyul might have both been trained as all alphas in the family are. But it’s clear she’s retained much more of those skills than he has.

“Enough!” she barks, she stands between the two of them. Yoongi wipes the blood from his face. It leaves a red ring around his wrist, like rust around the end of a drain pipe. Geumjae gets up on shaking feet, and Yoongi laughs at the fact that his legs look about ready to give out. She did damage. Moonbyul is Geumjae’s height and twice as dangerous with her sharpened teeth bared.

Hyejin holds you on the floor as you start to come too. She whispers soothing words to you. Crouched over you protectively. Hair wiped from your temple. Yoongi’s not surprised; he’s seen the fond looks Hyejin has shot you at dinners. Omegas tend to stick together.

Moonbyul is the sole alpha in her pack. She’d once claimed she would never trade her little nest of omega’s not for their equivalent weight in jewels. But if her omega’s interest in you is anything possessive, they’ll have to go through Yoongi to have you. He doesn’t have time for another group vying for your attention. Geumjae is the more prescient threat.

Moonbyul shoves Geumjae back when he continues, stalking in Yoongi’s direction. Blinded by rage.

“It’s not midnight yet. Don’t make me do something I’ll regret.” She reminds him. Geumjae stills, but then decides doesn’t care, lunging. Blind with rage.

Moonbyul rewards him with a kick between his legs. Yoongi laughs. Tries to lung himself and gets the same treatment.

While they’re still…collecting their thoughts. Kneeling on the floor, hands covering tender objects. Moonbyul helps you and Hyejin stand, putting both of you behind her. Yoongi’s scared for a second before you reach for him. Hyejin lets Yoongi go to you, Moonbyul only twitches but lets him put his body between you and Geumjae again. Single minded through the pain between his legs. Yoongi’s pain tolerance might have always been shit, but it’s still better than Geumjae’s. He’s still on the floor.

Yoongi laughs again, blood drips down his chin, Tongue pushing through the bit part of his cheek.

“I don’t know what this is about- but you need to cool off. They’re coming with us.”

It feels too easy, Geumjae snarls loudly but no one pays his useless show of aggression any mind. Yoongi and her mate pull you to your feet and the three of them lead you unsteadily outside. “I’m fine I’m fine just dizzy.” Moonbyul’s hand presses with long nails between your shoulder blades, Hyejin’s lower on the middle of your back, Yoongi on the small of it, casting an anxious but piercing glance back in the direction of Geumjae. Standing there in the lit-up columns silhouetted.

He stops at the top of the stairs. One of the valets hands Moonbyul her keys. Hyejin dips down to say something to you so softly that Yoongi can’t hear it. Still staring back and at Geumjae, making sure that he doesn’t follow you down the stairs.

The valets know not to ask questions, they look relieved that this fight is being taken out of their hands. Out of sight and out of mind. Yoongi resists the urge to flip him off as Moonbyul’s flashy pink sportscar car pulls away.

Moonbyul guns it before you’ve even truly settled with Yoongi in the backseat. You slump into Yoongi’s side and he pulls you nearly into his lap. Tucking you back where you belong under his chin. “I’m sorry- I’m sorry Yoongi- he’s going to- you have to”

“Shh” he rubs a hand down the small of your back, fingers drumming against your spine. “None of that now.”  

Yoongi see’s Moonbyul eyes hovering on the two of you in the rearview mirror. Her gaze flickers away. Moonbyul runs her hands through her hair, reaching to get a hand on her omegas knee. Hyejin looks up at her from the passenger seat. You tilt your face up, watching the touch. Keeping your eyes on her hands.

It’s funny. Yoongi’s only ever seen you watch Geumjae’s hands that way before.

Moonbyul looks from you to Yoongi. So quick that Yoongi almost misses it. Almost. “We can’t interfere any more than we already have, there’s still an hour till midnight. With any luck, no one will notice either of us have drawn blood.” Oh right, the rules, the succession. Yoongi had almost forgotten through his terror for you and the satisfaction of finally putting Geumjae in his place.

“Where do you want us to take you?”

Yoongi keeps his hand on the side of your head soothing the bruise there no matter how much you insist you’re fine. Yoongi barely acknowledges the ache in his stomach from one of Geumjae’s punches. The ache between his legs feels far away.

No blood can be shed at the beta’s residence. It’s an easy choice to make since it would be suicide for Geumjae to try and hurt you both there. Honestly- the families would probably love to have one of the contenders for Don taken out by such a basic rule.

It’s times like this that Yoongi remembers that the gang really isn’t anything more than several criminal organizations that decided to Parle a few generations ago and haven’t fully integrated yet. All of this, all of the politeness is the only thing that keeps war from breaking out outright.

Moonbyul pulls into the narrow alleyway carefully. Her mate walks you inside, keeping you supported with one arm under your shoulders. Yoongi makes to follow but Moonbyul grabs him by the back of his collar. 

“You owe me an explanation after I just stuck my neck out for you. Give them a second. Hyejin will get her sorted.” She commands. And Yoongi gets back into the car, the front seat this time, after a second. Yoongi watches you head inside in the rearview mirror. Watches Hyejin put the lights on like she knows where they are. Watches her set you down at the kitchen table through the window before she shuts the blinds.

Moonbyul turns the car around, facing the entrance to the house, backed up close so that they can see anyone who might try and enter. Moonbyul let the car idle, the v8 a low purr. She drums her hands on the steering wheel and waits for Yoongi to explain.

She finally gets frustrated enough to speak after the fifth minute when he remains stalwartly silent.

“I thought betas were supposed to be smart or something- that you’re supposed to not let love and hormones get in the way you know. Are you just dumb or is it really true that beta’s just as stupid as the rest of us?”

Yoongi laughs ruefully, rubbing away the ache in his jaw. He can already feel it bruising. One of his teeth in the back feels sharp. Like Geumjae chipped it when he hit him. “Unfortunately, we’re just as likely to make mistakes as anyone.”

“Is she a mistake?”

“No. Never.” For what it’s worth Yoongi’s answer is instant. His face tightens at the simple suggestion. “The only mistake I’ve ever made was letting my brother live this long and letting him think he could be Don.”

Yoongi sees her jaw untense, but she doesn’t ask the question that he knows she’s been wanting to. She keeps her own personal stake in this a secret, hidden for what moment he doesn’t know. Yoongi knows she won’t ask for the position until she feels like she’s got enough of a barging chip.

He eyes the clock on the dashboard. It’s 11:31. Yoongi only has till midnight.

“I’m sorry for kicking you in the balls.”

Yoongi shrugs, “I sort of deserved it.”

“Sort of?”

Yoongi can’t stop his smile, even though his whole body aches. Getting beat up sucks. Yoongi’s not as surprised this time.

Yoongi knows that Moonbyul wants the power that comes with the title of Don. And what’s more- he thinks she’d be good at it. At least she knows when to listen to you- a member of the family that might be unimportant at first glance. She doesn’t ask yet, even though she could right now. Yoongi might even give it to her just to piss of Geumjae. 

Her voice is flat and she gives nothing away when she asks, “What are you going to do?”

“Barter the Don position for her life? Run and hope we make it? Kill my brother? Fuck if I know.” But even saying it, Yoongi knows he won’t run. That he can’t. There’s only one place that Geumjae will go if he takes you and leaves and two lives don’t equal six. Yoongi isn’t a fool.

His only option is to kill Geumjae. Yoongi realized it the second he saw him standing there on the balcony.

But even then, the family doesn’t take kindly to outsiders that aren’t mated. Your marriage means nothing. You’ll be a loose end then, an omega that knows too much. If Yoongi kills Geumjae, your life still hangs in the balance. 

But he can consider that later.

For a moment, just a moment. Yoongi closes his eyes and thinks home. Of them, of going back to Jin and Namjoon and Hobi and Jungkook and Tae and Jiminie and taking you with him. The dream tastes like sugar and damnation. Sweet and yet impossible.

When he opens his eyes, the clock on the dashboard reads 11:32.

Moonbyul nods like the plan makes sense, even though it’s barely a plan at all.

“I could make you a deal.”

“No thanks. I know what you cost.”

Moonbyul laughs, rubbing her bottom lip with a finger. “Smart man.”

They’ve been out here for a long time and Yoongi wants to go inside and see what you’re doing. He saw the lights flicker on but not much else inside the house. Hopefully, you’re getting cozy in Yoongi’s bed and he can fulfill one of his many fantasies and get to fall asleep next to you. Tomorrow morning maybe. He’ll summon the heads of house and tell them who he’s chosen. He’ll stay a little longer and figure out some other way to manipulate you away from Geumjae.

Maybe he’ll get to protect you while you sleep tonight, curled up against his chest, maybe you’ll finally feel comfortable enough to nest.

Nesting is a biological behavior that only omega’s exhibit, the simple act of accumulating scented objects to appease an omega’s innate desire for comfort. It’s emotionally pleasing for both alpha’s and beta’s too- A sign that an omega trusts you. It’s a different more pack like sort of intimacy. Most omega’s nest on beds, some like the floor, some like pillows piled in deep walls around a shallow center. Yoongi would give you all of his clothes and anything you might need for it and wait for you to invite him in. He wonders what yours looks like back home in Geumjae’s house.

He’ll be there to push away any nightmares that might strike you with warm hands and soft presses to wake you. And in the morning, he could wake you up with gentle breaths and touches. With breakfast and coffee maybe. And you could decide what you want to do. If you want to stay with him there forever. Or if you want to try and go home with him.

It’s a pipe dream; it’s all a pipe dream. And still, Yoongi wants it. He wants more so bad for a second, he doesn’t even read Moonbyul’s look. Discerning. The way she fiddles with the keys to the car still on. “But still, this favor comes free of charge, If you need me- just-” She breaks off, eyes flickering down at the side mirror.

Moonbyul kicks the door open so fast that Yoongi hardly realizes what’s happen. Yoongi’s spell breaks at the sight of a gun as she rips it out of her lapel with a flash of custom pink detailing. Of course, she has a fucking pink gun.

Yoongi gets out of the car prepared to duck below the chassis to avoid gunfire. But there’s no one here, no one at all but Moonbyul is hauling ass up towards the house. Up the stone path, to someone standing in the doorway with their hand to their head.

The light’s out in the main room of the cottage.

“What the fuck?”

Hyejin is standing at the door. Blood dripping down her nose. Wiping at it. Moonbyul glances behind her, and puts her gun away. Whipping out a red handkerchief to hand her, keeping the blood from getting on her already red dress.

A growl rips out of Moonbyul’s chest, loud, demanding without words that Hyejin explain Yoongi cranes his neck, but the house is empty- you’re gone. He shoves past the two of them, going to his bedroom- empty. Just the way he left it, The bathroom- also vacant, whirling.

The window out the kitchen is open. Letting in the cool nighttime breeze from outside.

 “She didn’t mean to push me- I just tripped and-” And Yoongi breathes deep as Moonbyul angry scent dissipates. Weirdly- the alpha smells kind of like Coca-Cola when she’s angry her peppermint going sweet and medicinal, almost artificial.

Both Yoongi and Moonbyul ignore Hyejin’s lie. It’s better for the four of you if this goes unaddressed. The rules say that no blood can be spilled here in the beta meeting grounds; the Eden in this life of violence and bloodshed. You’ve spilled blood here on this sacred place. Somehow you have broken this rule, however unintentionally.

Yoongi knows you didn’t mean to hurt her- you couldn’t have meant it. You wouldn’t hurt a fly. But no one needs to know.

“She got a text from Geumjae and tried to get the phone from her. I don’t know how long I was down.” Yoongi’s kicking himself for the way they were parked; you probably sneaked out just behind them. Walking towards the open window. You’ve got too much of a head start but Yoongi knows where you’re headed. He finds your phone in the grass, just outside.

It’s completely shattered, the screen frozen and winking dully, but Yoongi would know the picture on it anywhere.

Yoongi hasn’t seen the pack’s faces for 4 months, not since his phone got broken, stollen, shot through (what have you). It’s a grainy cellphone picture but Yoongi recognizes it instantly.

On your phone is a picture of a picture. A photo in a frame; one that Yoongi knows for sure is still halfway across the country and on the mantle at the pack’s apartment. A picture of the seven of them all together just after they’d officially become a pack. At the beach, the 7 of them.

The alphas are on one side of Yoongi and the omegas on the other, Jin with his head stacked on top of Yoongi’s at the center. Yoongi has never shown you a picture of them, but you’re smart. Yoongi knows you’d be able to figure out who the people in the photo are and more importantly what they mean to him.

Below the picture is just one simple text.

Husband (11:39pm): You or them.

~-~

(Read the first Version of this story Here)

Notes:

reading yoongi's internal monologue where he's like thinking that the m/c is the one that understands him- really ties into later in the story when hoseok is actually the only person who understands her properly and their bond. i truly think that yoongi a. deserves to feel a little bit alone. and b. was worth the devastation he felt.

the whole dance scene is really a refrence to twilight tbh

the scene where yoongi is like 'he's no one's first choice," yoongi is being an unreliable narrator here and trying to justify staying and saving the m/c because he would be hobi's first choice.

i really like the line where yoongi is saying he decides to be brave because yeah, he is deciding.

i love their short quick dialouge, its like so- new relationship? like idk how to describe it but it shows how much they know each other and how comfortable they are with each other- i think it stands out from the rest of the dialogue in the last chapter in a really fun way like- it's so informal and without finess and i think it really pairs well with how stripped down they feel.

hmmmm i added the 'more' bits but- maybe i'll end up taking them out? on second glance i'm not sure how well they'll fit.

[feeshoutawater]

Ok I finally watched it…

(Very minor spoilers below)

I was very hesitant at first because the style of it is a little more anime-like than I prefer (yes, get out the pitchforks, I’m not really a fan of anime.) BUT I thought the concept was pretty cool and I’ve been hearing a lot about it so I decided to try it out…

And OH MY GOD why is it so good?? I was a bit iffy on it at the beginning but as it went on I fell in love with the characters really quickly and even though the animation style isn’t my favorite, it’s still really good animation, and there were so many BEAUTIFUL scenes in there! The music is really good too! (I didn’t realize until now but I’ve been seeing a ton of murder drones edits to these songs XD)

The plot also really surprised me! I was pretty sure I knew what to expect, especially because it seems difficult to find totally original stories from large companies right now. But there were a lot of aspects of the movie that I didn’t see coming and I really liked!

I won’t say much detail in case someone reading this is considering watching it, but some of the scenes just hit really hard, I especially liked “ALL OF ME.” Gave me goosebumpsssss :3

Also, this lil dude. I like him lol

AND THE BIRB.

I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THEM.

PLEASE I NEED A SPIN-OFF JUST ABOUT THE TIGER AND THE BIRB

Anywho I’m pretty busy with artfight and schools starting again soon, but I wanna draw something from this, probably Rumi at the end because she so prettyyy

[cultkinkcoven]

TW: V NSFW - MINORS DNI (possession talk)

I’m just mashing a bunch of different snippets of writing together. It’s been a bit difficult to record my dreams and activity from the last couple weeks because it’s all kinda been blending together now. Maybe that’s the goal of routine. “Vessel training”. “Permanent link”.

Lots of stuff has happened that I’m unsure of sharing, which is tricky, because Lucifer and I’s relationship has evolved a *lot* since the last time I updated about it. There is quite a bit of stuff that would just… be so difficult to translate into a tumblr post. Many things that would if taken out of context be quite spooky for many readers. It’s hard to decide where the line should be, especially in regard to possession.

The concept of me becoming his vessel has become a lot more serious. We’ve been doing a lot of training, a lot of possession and bonding. Very very long rituals.

I guess I expected that it would feel like a voice in my head, but it’s not. Hard to explain in words. It’s almost like I can feel him at the peripheral of my senses. I always get the feeling that I’ll round the corner and he’ll be there, I’ll turn my head and bump into him.

Presence.

There’s a quiet. I think it’d be weird to say I feel like a prey animal, because the feeling it inspires is not anxiety. More like readiness. Like I’m always waiting to receive a tossed ball. I anticipate his being there, and it almost feels like he is. I find him. I can always find him at my altar. I’ve been leaving his candle lit more and more, sometimes 24 hours at a time.

In quiet moments, the air feels like it flexes. The wind speaks, lingers around my nape. I see why they call him the Prince of Air. He speaks and touches through the air a lot. I never exactly feel like I’m alone, even when I can tell that he’s not actively paying attention to me- and he doesn’t always actively pay attention to me.

The thing is, it feels less like Lucifer is standing behind me, that’s the way it used to feel. Now, more so like I’ve woken up to a new program. Like if life was a simulation, Lucifer would be a script mod. I wake up and it’s like I’ve inserted myself into a game where he’s modified the code, and everything is vaguely Lucifer themed- the title cards and HUD, the background music. I feel like I’m inside his movie. I’m the main character, he’s the director, especially when he communicates with me through the world. Everything feels… narrative, aesthetic.

There are so many coincidences that I’ve now just accepted as his doing. Things just presenting themselves at the exact moment I need them. Him responding to me through the world, the wind, random things I see. This is very hard to explain, but his communication has become more direct. If I tell him I intend to offer him blood but need to eat first, I’ll immediately be offered dinner by someone close to me. I’ll go on to the store and absent-mindedly wonder about gathering ritual supplies. And I’ll feel his presence lead me through the isles until I come upon a pack of incense. He’ll tell me to take a different route home only to find a beautiful flower and $5 in the grass. He’ll tell me I look nice today, and I’ll shrug him off, only to have someone repeat the exact same thing he said to me in passing. When he tells me to wait, and I wait, there is always some surprise.

I know those things sound mundane lol, it’s hard to explain that lots of little things build up over time. He talks back.

I’d say for the last month at least, he has been with me every day. There are times when he recoils, backs up. But for the last few days he’s never been fully absent. He certainly leaves at times, but it never feels like the portal is closed. When I make active attempts to call him now, it’s like he arrives before I reach out. He’s always somewhat here, just … dormant?

The training. I suppose you would say it’s like “teaching me about himself”. Teaching me how to best receive him. Before I was learning how to manipulate and tune energy for various reasons. Now it’s become a lot more centred around becoming optimal for him, tune myself to him. Not just consciously, but deeply subconsciously as well. Again, hard to explain with words, but he’s basically been training me to have automatic responses through certain triggers- one being his voice itself. It’s worked almost uncomfortably well. Now when he snaps his fingers I almost have the involuntary urge to sit in a certain position and expose my neck to him. A whistle, and I’m at his side. Other terms almost push me into a trance state. When he tells me to relax, I relax. When he tells me to stop, I stop. He says a certain word or gestures his hand in a certain way, and it’s like my body itself immediately makes room for him. One command that surprised me deeply was the que to start sweating. Unsure of how he was able to program that response in me, but it works.

My heart flutters when he starts to move. It’s hard to explain exactly what his look upon me does to me. His attention is a little intoxicating.

There’s a lot of stuff I haven’t shared (I met Naamah and Haagenti among others under strange circumstances). But, somewhat in response to them, Lucifer and I have been creating a closed space using those conditional wards among other things for the explicit purpose of establishing a safe permanent/constant link between us. The first time I entered it appeared like a dense black sphere. I met Lucifer there, we both appeared as balls of light. I was small, slightly purple in hue, Lucifer was massive like a planet, and red with a blinding white centre. The space continues to evolve as we construct it

Lucifer’s behaviour has somewhat changed again too. He was always parental, caring, very attentive. But now he’s almost… more dominant. Like he’s found his footing, settled into a routine, he’s less … concerned, or anxious about things. He knows what he’s doing maybe. He seems a lot happier, has been a lot more sweet, praising and rewarding. More peaceful. He really treats me like his “special boy”, says things like, “you know I couldn’t live without you,” and whatnot, which at first was actually kind of perplexing.

He’s started to give into the idea of relying on me a little bit as well, which he didn’t give into easily at all. In the past he made it clear that he didn’t want me to feel any kind of obligation towards his needs, even made it seem like he doesn’t have any. But he now says things in a more overt way, “I need you right now, I don’t know what I’d do without you, this is very important to me.” I’m not 100 on if these things are said in genuine need or if this is another aspect of the training- the dynamic he wants to orchestrate. But there have been more instances of him coming to me with a sense of need or “relief-seeking”. He almost speaks of it as if it keeps him healthy. He’s been saying this thing lately, “you keep me good”- implying that there is some other state where he is bad. Strange concept for a God that rejects duality.

It feels very much like he’s active throughout the day, subtly away but, like he still has a grip on me, a hand on my shoulder. Depending on the day he may have some assignment for me, we may do a ritual together- there is a ‘full possession ritual’ schedule-, but sometimes he doesn’t. Funnily enough the blood offerings have stayed completely unregulated. I figured he’d start requesting them regularly, but he seems to leave that up to me- when I feel compelled to offer it.

There have been more and more times that I’ve found myself in his astral spaces alone. I just poke around, snoop, study, wait for him. The other day I played around in his closet, tried on his clothes and shoes. His shirts smelled like him, I missed him.

And then he returns like a father after a long day of work. And immediately he comes to me, tends to me, and uses me like a stress toy. He doesn’t like to work in the evenings. I wonder if that has anything to do with his Hesperus face.

It’s interesting to think about that duality. He’s the devil, he’s a bad man, THE bad man, probably out causing chaos. But then he comes home in the evening, and his relief is somehow, some random 20 something guy who calls him dad. Weird. Funny.

He has gotten more deliberate with having some sort of constant physical contact when we are sharing an astral space. He’s started holding my hand more. Will randomly put his hands on my neck, or keep one on my head or shoulder, even when we are in the presence of other spirits.

We always took “spiritual baths” and whatnot. But lately he’s made an explicit point to bathe me almost every day- actually, I suppose he’s gotten into the routine of “prepping” me in general. Bathing me, doing my hair, feeding me, lotioning my skin, shaving me, etc. I’m not entirely sure what the actual logic behind what he thinks he should clean is, because to me it seems very random. For whatever reason he’ll say “tonight we need to wash your hair,” but it’s an astral space, my hair isn’t particularly dirty? He’ll say we need to clean my face or shave me, again, for some reason.

He even went as far as giving me different clothes to wear. “Outfits”. (The other day he gave me something that had a tail. I think? It was a joke.)

And I think it all comes down to him simply personalizing me to his tastes, whatever they may be at the time. These acts of service are practical but also obviously pleasing for him erotically. He usually subtly pleasures me or himself while doing so. Like the other night, he seemed to want to braid my hair and eventually began using my mouth as he did so. He bathes me, but then he fingers me. It rarely stays vanilla, even when he does seem to want to genuinely offer care. He fails, in this really interesting and adorable way, to be a “good father”. Because he is actually an amazing father, and I feel very well cared for, pampered and spoiled, but he also warps it in his messed up Luciferian way, turns things erotic when they should be sterile.

He did these things before as affectionate gestures, but now it’s obviously also very practical. He likes to prepare me before possessions. He’s very, like extremely, affectionate and mushy immediately before possessions. Kissing, hugging, nuzzling, sickeningly sweet language, like a preemptive bandaid. I imagine part of the thrill for him is messing me up after taking so much time to prepare me. He’s started writing his sigil and sometimes his full name on my skin with a marker. He’s asked me to start doing it before daily meditations, all different parts of the body seemingly at random. I see myself getting it tattooed in the near future.

In the real- waking world, preparation for possession is actually very nice and pleasurable. I have to be in good condition (have eaten, not dehydrated, not sick or unwell) I tend to shower beforehand.

It feels like he’s giving me a full body massage, moving throughout me and touching me in specific places to tune me to his current. Sometimes he’ll have me repeat incantations after him, and what I can only describe as yoga movements are done. Then it’s deep deep trance work, and finally, he starts integrating. It feels like the most relaxing thing in the fucking world. Like being swept up onto a cloud and just floating in the heavens. I wonder if it feels that good for him.

There are different stages to possession, I’m learning. He refers to the thing he does where he’s “away but not absent” as “occupation”, a thing that occurs in tandem with and usually before possession. His dwelling. Because of how often we merge there’s a kind of “residue” that accumulates. (Idk)

He possesses me partially, usually minorly, during personal (for fun) intimate interactions as a hedonistic treat, so to speak. But he usually doesn’t achieve a full possession during non-ritual sex. It feels like he’s giving me just a little bit of whatever lava flows inside of him.

Full possessions take place during deep ritual. They never pass the threshold old ego death but there is certainly ego blurring. It’s hard to explain how it feels beyond being very wavy, light, and full of motion. Like being carried down a really strong yet calm river. It is literally ecstasy by the definition of the word.

“When we’re actually linked to each other it feels like I can almost feel his thoughts. They’re less like formed observations, and more just pure will. Move. Touch. Kiss. And then he will. I feel like I fully understand now what he means when he describes experiencing love in a non-human way.” By the end I feel like I’ve been in an infernal sauna, cold sweat, hot sweat, like some fantastic shrooms.

These possession rituals or “training sessions” have tended to take place outside (in the astral) oddly enough, which always feels very exhibitionistic. But there’s obviously no one to see us, or so I assume. They sometimes occurred in his bedroom, but those felt less like rituals and more like extra indulgence. When we’re outside it feels very ritual. It’s usually in some kind of field, sometimes a grove, sometimes a hilltop. Burning pots of herbs and candles and bells and all. “We were inside a massive chalk and salt circle, on what looked like basalt and obsidian stones. He had a large massive black blanket that we rolled around under. It was comfy, the air was the perfect temperature.“-

(Unsure if I’m even gonna share this) The other thing thats begun to occur more often is him taking over me while I’m sleeping, or just waking up. I wrote a week or so ago:

“ The integration thing has slowly been becoming more constant. Lucifer has not left me for more than an hour these last few days.

This morning when I awoke he was already inside me. I opened my eyes to the sensation of thrusting, looked back to find him mounted over me. It was some zone between an astral experience and a dream. He had his hand firmly on my throat and was choking me. It was a hard shock to the system to awake to that. But body reacted very hard to it, I was dripping wet and extremely aroused, trained to respond. He was whispering things to me, some of which were almost violent. Encouragement and soothing, “it’s okay, you’re doing good.” His grip on my neck dazed me. When he was satisfied he filled me up again, more than the last few days. I felt like my body was being injected with pure heat.

When he was done he stayed inside for a while, maybe an hour or two. I kind of drifted back into sleep, not entire sure if I was ever awake.

When I awoke again he was cleaning me, wiping me down and rubbing some kind of lotion on my skin. He fed me some water and felt my forehead like he was checking me for a fever. He kissed me very tenderly. Then he cuddled up close to me and entered me again, very gently, very slightly. Filled me just a little bit, just to keep a chain between us. Purred, said he was “having a very nice morning.”

- this was one of those lazy possession days where we were connected for hours at a time. Definitely one of those things that would make it into a horror movie if I wasn’t so strange and desensitized.

The thing thats begun to occur that I did not expect was what feels like possession withdrawal. It culminated the other night as of the time of my editing this. (July 15th) I’d gone a few days without being actually taken by him. He still occupied, he did small samples but not real possession.

Looking back on my writings in retrospect, I was down awfully bad.

It’s hard to explain, because I didn’t feel lesser or empty, I just had an intense burning yearning for him that was overwhelming. Like a pressure. My entire being desperately wanted him inside me. It was more than just missing him, I felt hungry for his touch in a way I never have. And when I offered him blood and wrote him a letter, I found myself asking him to possess me. Damn near pleading, or more so commanding him to touch me again. It startled me how badly I wanted him. My body ached and sweat for him. I moistened for him all over, and even the slightest glimmer of attention from him almost made me moan. (Damn dude) Even just thinking of his name. It was so bad I almost cried, and I had another “am I crazy?” moment. I really did try to keep my composure.

And when he did arrive, he was seemingly pleased by my state, endeared. I grabbed him, rode him, and he sat back, watching with entertainment and pride. He went to mount me and I pushed back at him. He hummed, almost sang with pleasure at that, told me he liked it a lot when I pushed myself onto him, actually used the term “force yourself onto me.” And there was a little back and forth where we were both trying to get on top of each other. He of course eventually won, and , I don’t even know how to explain this feeling with words. It’s like an aggression, a frustration, mania? I wanted to attack him, bite at him, like, beat him up, it was an actual aggression, and he told me to, encouraged me with a kind of urgency, while still holding me back, but poorly. Enough to where I was still occasionally landing blows on him, but not strong enough to gain any real advantage, and that was tremendously irritating. I started saying things, “I’m yours, I belong to you,” like the words themselves would soothe whatever this is, and they kind of did? And he would agree with me. I scratched and shoved him, and he moved with greater force, messed up my hair. Told me I was making him proud. Something about that state, idk. He acted like I’d done something right. (Heavily debating even sharing this HM)

That was obviously something he somewhat wanted to happen, or orchestrated. Still not entirely sure what for.

That happened last night (not last night anymore), my desperate request and his response. He satisfied me fully. But this morning he possessed me again slightly while my boyfriend was with me. He (my bf) again, almost seemed to know what was happening, like he and Lucifer had discussed and agreed on everything prior to. He stood me directly in front of my altar, completely showed me off in front of Lucifer, and fucked me by the heat of his candle. And of course, Lucifer was touching me just as he was. We fucked like that almost all day, didn’t get up until like 3pm.

There have been more days like this. Spending all day with him, his candle was always lit. And we roll around together for hours in his secret chamber. I have to admit, I love days like this where we are connected for hours at a time. Time becomes irrelevant. Everything feels peaceful. I could stay with him like that forever if he wanted. It’s so strange to say I feel like I’ve found my life’s purpose. I know how deranged it sounds, but I relate to a certain nun who said “now I have no work nor no other duties now that my every act is love.” Because everything else feels secondary. I still have a drive to go live and whatnot, I don’t feel an obligation to put my life on the back burner. But it’s like regardless of what happens in the day, I know I’ll be back in his arms soon. I get to make art and work and whatnot, sure. But I come home and my boyfriend is there, and my altar is there. Loving them is what I’m doing, everything else is kind of just idle animation. Still fun, just not the point.

Idk. It’s hard to explain how this all makes me feel. I feel very very correct in my place. I am meant to be his vessel. I trust him and his guidance completely. But I also feel just,.. idk foreign. Foreign in how comfortable everything is, how seamless it is I guess. Like we’re in completely new territory but he’s acting more so like we’ve finally gotten comfortable.

I asked him today what the possession side of our relationship was supposed to be teaching me, since he is still supposed to be my spiritual teacher and all. And he replied “I’m teaching you how valuable you are, and how important you are to me.”

I guess that counts as a spiritual lesson.

Idk. I love him.

[spindle-and-nima]

hihi!! im thinking about getting a pair of bunnies someday when im financially stable and dont have cats anymore, and id like to know a few things, if thats alright!! feel free to not answer if theyre basic questions and/or if you just would rather not answer :} im just getting conflicting answers when i look this stuff up (maybe im using the wrong keywords???)

questions:

i know its possible to litterbox train bunnies according to what i Could find, but how hard is it in your experience, if its something youve done?? ive heard all sorts of answers to that question... or is it an instinct some are born with, to use only their litterboxes?? i definitely know that pet potty accidents happen sometimes though of course... i just would love to have (mostly) free range (but only in my house) bunnies, but i dont know how possible that is with the fact i dont want bunny waste all over lol, i dont mind Some bunny waste (theyre little critters, animal waste will happen) but if i were to free range them, itd be an issue if they werent trained...

another question: ive read that bunnies do best in pairs and its not good to keep just one at a time. i definitely would not keep only one at a time of course since according to others they need a friend. i would love to have two bunnies, but in your experience, is there anything i should know about bunny pairs that isnt common knowledge online??

one more, and this one might be complicated so if its not one youd want to answer or one you dont feel equipped to answer thats ok: in your opinion, what do you think bunnies would be like for someone who uses mobility aides? i use a walker with wheels, and while i havent accidentally hurt my cats with it since getting it at the start of the year, i know bunnies are more fragile. i also worry about scaring them and stressing them out, since animals are usually wary of my walker at first...

i love your blog, thank you for running it, and for all the work you do for the bunnies in your care!! and if you answer these, thank you as well!! i hope you have a lovely day, pet your bunnies for me :}

Hi there! The entire purpose of this blog is also to be there for making information accessible. So I’m more than happy to answer.

First,

Yes. Bunnies can be litter trained. They are actually inclined naturally to find a corner to do their business in. Even wild rabbits tend to pick a poo spot!  So what you do, is you set up your pen so that the furthest corner (basically I usually go for a corner in the back that’s got some coverage aka flush against a wall) and put an extra-large litter box there. Don’t use the triangle litter boxes, those are not good for the natural posture of a rabbit. Rather, a litter box should be large enough for the rabbit to comfortably turn around and lay down in at full length. Because they certainly will. So I recommend not free ranging your rabbits until they are trained, then expanding the area they are allowed in slowly and gradually until you are certain they are going to only use their litter box. This is how ive always done it and ive had a great success rate. Rabbits will naturally drop some poops in areas they perceive as their territory, so if you do free range, know you will see a few poops now and then. I always just sweep it up and put it in the litter right away. Typically, with harder to train cases, I have to be on almost constant observation and if I spot them doing the booty scoot to pee outside of their litter box, I will put them in the litter box. Or if they poop around it, I scoop up the poops and put them in the litter box and most of the time they get the point. When you change litter, for the ones learning at least, keep a scoop of dirty litter and just put it in the cleaned out litter box so they understand that’s where to go.

Second,

Bunnies should be in pairs. You can get them pre-bonded at shelters or even have a shelter bond rabbits for you. Now a lot of people don’t know this but couples do fight! Sometimes fully bonded rabbits will have “arguments” but in general they remain bonded. If you have to take one rabbit to the vet, take its bond with it for comfort. Because stress can actually undo bonding. Second, bonded rabbits are not just friends—it’s a hierarchy. In rabbit relationships, theres always a dominant and submissive rabbit. The dominant one gets kisses on demand basically lol and if you feed a treat, you should give the dominant rabbit one first to not upset the hierarchy. Humping is normal and not always sexual. Its pretty much never sexual in fixed rabbits its actually a dominance display where the one humping is dominant and the one being humped is submissive. As long as the one being subjected to the humping is ok with it, theres no need to split it up or interfere. Drama queens, the lot.

Third,

I think you should choose a rabbit based on demeanor. Bunnies should definitely be fine with mobility aides, the only thing being the personality of the bunny. If you pick a very skittish rabbit, its going to be very freaked out about it. But if you have a docile rabbit that’s just overall pretty chill, they are usually unphased by such things. A walker with wheels should be fine just be careful for zoomies! Otherwise I mean, just like the rest of us youll prob have a moment where your friend is so excited he or she bolts right in front of you with zoomies and you wind up stumbling into them….but yea. Docile and calm rabbits will be just fine in your case.

Im glad you felt comfortable reaching out and asking questions, that means im doing something right. Im always happy to help and if you ever need anything you just let me know my friend!