#I need someone to elaborate on this bc I sure as shit can't

[nyan-bynary]

Going into anime tags like: character analysis? Spare some character analysis good sirs? Please???

[meeeeeeri]

Things that really ANNOYED THE FUCK OUTTA ME while watching OUTER BANKS SEASON 3:

First things first: Big John AKA big old crazy dude

Let's just say that besides being a shitty father figure he also is selfish as fuck. He only decides to appear in John B's life whenever he needs him to do something treasure related, like ok big John, you love your son so much *cough cough*

In other hand, he also is willing to do ANTHING to find el Dorado, and by ANYTHING I mean killing people, tell me that's not what a psychopath would do.

And all the fricking screen time dedicated to the relationship between John B and his father???? Like we get that they need to bond again but DO WE HAVE TO WATCH ALL THE PROCESS?

No thank you Netflix, do better next time

I saw a tik tok that went something like this: Who said Ward is a bad person? Big John? cause if we wanna talk about someone BAD let's talk about Big John...

And yeah, that tik tok literally summes up my opinion about this individual.

Me roasting Big John with this post:

2: Rafe and the girl named Sofia who came out of nowhere

Ok. Don't misunderstand me; the idea of introducing a new character who's gonna play the girlfriend or fuckbuddy of Rafe is super super interesting to me BUT

Can you elaborate more their relationship????? Give more CONTEXT????

They could even use her apparition and do a BOMB ASS side story like idk maybe her being more cruel than Rafe or her having some kind of business relationship with Singh and betraying him in the process... WHATEVER

But I'm just saying that that would have been more interesting than the parental issues between Big Dumbass John and John B

A video of me crying while scenes of John B and his dad appeared on my tv non stop:

LOOK AT HIM HE'S SO CUTE LOVE HIM

3: Sarah and Topper

Don't even get me started on this shit.

When I saw that Sarah went back to flirting with Topper I was like WHA- WHE- WHO

But I'm not gonna question her that much because they are supposed to be playing teenagers, and that's what teenagers and (also) some adults do:

STUPID SHIT

And Topper... I really don't know how to feel about him.

He's like a shark who's ready to attack if he sniffs some blood (Sarah and John B breaking up or having relationship turbulences), but I can't even blame him that much because I feel like he really loves Sarah besides everything, and he really demonstrated it this season by helping the pogues out.

What Topper was replaying in his head when Sarah promised him that she would stay:

4: Sarah's thoughts when she was left with no family, no money and nowhere to go (she was homeless for like a day and decided to cope with it by drinking beer from an abandoned beer tap, ok)

Um... When I say I was expecting her to say something philosophical and life changing and SHE DECIDED TO CONCLUDE HER SPEECH WITH: I really don't know if I'm a pogue or a kook...

SIDE EYE

Girl I KNOW you are 17 but GROW THE FUCK UP.

You've been betrayed by your OWN FATHER and SHOT and nearly KILLED by your BROTHER and that's what you're thinking about???

Jesus Christ have mercy on me

All the build up story around pogues and kooks is really interesting (even tho it's like another form of saying rich and poor people) but when characters say shit like that it really makes no sense.

You have no home, no family, you argued with your bf and he left, and your friends are not there at the moment and YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT THAT IRRELEVANT SHIT? Damn

Ok, I think I am done with most of the things I wanted to say. There are MORE for sure, but these are the most important ones.

I have to be honest with you, I still haven't watched the last episode bc I really got tired of their bullshit. I love the show and I really love the characters, but this season just wasn't it. I am gonna try and finish it today with hopes that they will end it in a decent way (I don't think so but whatever).

It's not a secret by the end of this post that I'm a spanish native speaker so, yeah, I tried my best to write down correctly the ideas that I had about the show, so PLEASE don't come at me.

I'm also writing a fanfiction about Rafe, but I'm doing it in spanish because I feel like if I wrote it in english I would fuck it up.

Maybe I will try and start uploading Rafe imagines or smth like that, bc they would be shorter and easier to write for me.

PLEASE if you have any thoughts or a comment that you wanna add after reading my rant, just do it, I'm for sure gonna be answering y'all because I love to talk about the show and the characters.

BYE P4L

[evelina18-6-blog]

(this is so long, i am so sorry)

i understand why the artist was offended because your post made some pretty strong if not aggressive arguments, and i'm sure some assholes took the opportunity to send that person anon hate which probably made it feel more like a personal attack than it actually was, but i am honestly so sick and tired of people using their real life trauma as an excuse for every single thing. i may not have some deep, life altering trauma but i have my own issues and experiences and i too use fiction and art to cope but here we're not just talking about fiction and art, hell we're not talking about fiction at all. the ethics of shipping real life people are already questionable enough and i don't think there's a clear cut and dry answer but taking someone so repulsive, so downright dangerous, as Vargs and not only making cute artworks of him a if he's your casual anime boy, but also shipping him with a person who hated him, is inexcusable. just saying that you don't like or support Vargs is not enough when you have practically dedicated an entire account to making fanart of him. the Mayhem community is already messy enough and by doing that, they downplay what a piece of shit Vargs is and the pain he caused. (no matter how unintentional). also can we talk about Pelle for a moment? claiming to like him and pair him with such a horrible person? using him as a prop and completely ignoring his real life relationships and beliefs? how is that fair? people are already infantalizing him enough because of his mental illness and possible autism. how about realizing that Pelle is not a prop? that he was a person who deserves respect and that drawing him in the embrace of his friends murderer, is not being respectful to say the least? what about Oystein? no one seems to want to address were Olystein fits in this situation at all, why? was he not the person affected the most by Vargs? was he not his victim? putting his friend with his murderer feels like a huge fuck you to him. overall, painting someone in a positive light and later going 'lol im just kidding' is not good enough. Vargs (amongst others..) has spend the majority of his time insulting, belittling, even sexualizing Oystein, in an attempt to ruin his legacy and he has mostly succeeded because he's surrounded by cowards like himself who don't have the balls to stand up and speak the truth. the first thing people come across when researching Mayhem is the same bullshit about what a ''terrible'' person Oystein was and how he ''needed to be stopped''. this is the narrative Vargs has created and if you don't care enough to look deeper, you'll end up believing his lies and blaming a dead person. therefore such artwork, that completely rewrites the history and relationships of these people, can be very dangerous because it can actualy help Vargs into better selling his stupid narrative. i'm not saying that this particular artist is a bad person or that they're lying about their trauma or any bullshit like that, but art affects real life and the moment you post sth online you've opened yourself to criticism. do these Vargs/Pelle fics have more depth than initially presented? maybe. maybe they truly are a great psychological analysis of Vargs (although i don't understand why the hell you'd want to touch that with a ten-foot pole) but you can't blame people for not seeing that. whenever i see fanart of a ship, i don't sit wondering what the artist wants to say with their piece, i either like it bc i like the ship or i don't. if this is your copying mechanism, fine. can't criticize someone's copying mechanisms without sounding like an asshole i guess. but my advice is that maybe people need to take a better look at themselves and see how their interests affect others as well. you can do whatever in your own time but when you post it online it contributes to sth bigger whether you like it or not.

Don't worry about the length of your messages. I like that you elaborate. I agree with everything and thank you for your message. I honestly don't understand when this person says that she is NOT a fan of Varg, or that she doesn't like him and makes fun of him. I haven't seen anything mocking. I've only seen a great idealization of the young Varg, who was a horrible person, more violent than the current Varg. And a certain idealization of the "wonderful" intellect of the current Varg. I'm sorry to say that "the mockery" is poorly done. Like when you have to explain a joke, if no one understand it, it's because it's done poorly. About Pelle, I liked this: "claiming to like him and pair him with such a horrible person? using him as a prop and completely ignoring his real life relationships and beliefs?" Yes, that's why I said Pelle is not a ball that goes from here to there. I also agree that no one seems to think what's going on with Euro in this situation. In my case, it is almost the first thing that shocks me, it is a double offense towards him. That's why I wonder if there is something, deep down, against the Euro. Because romanticizing Varg SO MUCH, yes or yes, for me, brings with it some kind of sympathy for his ideologies, therefore, some kind of resentment towards Euro. When people attack Euro, they generally resort to two things: lies about the mistreatment of Pelle, and his political inclinations, painting him as an authoritarian extremist fanatic. And therefore, Varg as a person who was encouraged to go further and do "something that many would want to do." Varg is a failure who does not know how to value the only good thing in him, his musical talent. He did not know how to value the influence of Euro and the environment in which he found himself. Now he is a clown who needs to resort to ridiculing himself on the internet to stay current, so that his morbid followers consume him "as ironic consumption." It's an internet phenomenon. And he is free only because the Norwegian prison regime is very soft. I think he should be under psychiatric treatment because he can't stop being a bad influence, even on his children, or they should send him to hard labor, so that he can channel his anger through physical labor instead of the internet. Perhaps the girls who draw Varg romantically and the people who are big fans of him beyond his music do not specifically have his same ideologies, but they admire him in some way, and it is clear that his systematically offensive attitudes are not enough to stop them and scare them away I sincerely feel that they see him as a master. I see Varg as the typical cult leader, and I feel cringe at the adoration they profess of him. "i'm not saying that this particular artist is a bad person or that they're lying about their trauma or any bullshit like that, but art affects real life and the moment you post sth online you've opened yourself to criticism." What you said sums it up. I don't doubt that this girl could be harmless in real life, and that she has traumas and that her art and fanfics help her in her introspection. I fully believe her when she says it, but the debate does not end with whether something is therapeutic or not. It is up to her to choose what things to express her art on. She don't lack talent, why do you choose Varg? That's what's shocking, I mean, it's shocking that she brings Pelle into this and twists history to support her capricious ship and celebrate that more and more people join her ship. There you can see that she doesn't do it for herself, she wants more people to romanticize Varg and have the vision of Pelle that she has, which, in my opinion, is a bit humiliating and objectifying.

[vamqiredove]

OKOK @indigoartistqueen i'll ramble and elaborate err i'm keepin it here cause this rlly isn't smthing i want on slaingelo especially bc i get a bit mad in this oops

CAMERAS LIKE THAT ARE USELESS. ALSO THEY MAKE SHIT WORSE IF YOU ARE PARANOID. having them inside your house is unnecessary unless you're convinced someone's living in your house without you knowing. otherwise it does nothing but take up electricity or batteries and money ect ect whatever. If you unnecessarily install cameras you're going to be checking them constantly. and also within the context of just "waah my big strong man is out for a week i'm so scareed i'm going to put cameras inside my house" WHAT IS THAT GOING TO DOOOOOOOOOOO SOMEONE HAS TO /ALREADY BE BROKEN IN TO YOUR HOUSE/ FOR THAT TO BE "USEFUL" AT ALL AND BY THAT POINT IT'S NOT SECURITY WHATTTTTT

like other people said in that post, security like that makes it impossible to get out of your house fast/give first responders a hard time getting in. I have a bar in my window. it's removable from the inside very easily and all it serves to do is keep the window from opening more than a few inches. this mf would install damn prison bars if her husband had to go away for a month.

IF YOU'RE THAT PARANOID ABOUT LOCKS GET A FUCKING DEADBOLT AND/OR CHAINLOCK OH MY GOD. first responders are more likely to know how to get around those than "mobile locks" what the fuck is a mobile lock. OH WAIT !! SHE ALREADY HAS A DEADBOLT AND SHE'S DOUBLING UP WITH THE MOBILE LOCK. HUH ???????????????????????????????????

YOU WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW YOU ARE HOME.... when I'm home alone I actively try to make it look like someone's always awake. do I go over the top locking every door and window in the house and leave the curtains facing the backyard closed and did I once move furniture to block my bedroom door in order to sleep ? yeah sure but I'M MENTALLY ILL. WHAT I'M SCARED OF ISN'T EVEN PEOPLE BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE FFS IT'S MONSTERS THAT AREN'T REAL BUT MY DELUSIONAL BRAIN CONVINCES ME IT IS REAL TO THE POINT OF INSOMNIA IN PARTICULARLY BAD EPISODES. I AM NOT THE AVERAGE WHITE AMERICAN WOMAN FOR I AM NOT EVEN ANY OF THOSE THINGS

literally the only way I can see someone going this far for security in a way that ISN'T just "this is an ad" and/or "i am trying to brew fascism" is if someone fell into the delusion of being gangstalked, and in which case, they probably aren't posting their entire security system online because they'd be convinced their stalkers are watching their every move online and offline lol... it sure as hell wouldn't be framed like this either. also if it was the case she'd still be scared while her husband was home. it wouldn't magically appear when he's done, it would be constant.

doing shit like this isn't normal nor healthy, it's either a sign of going severe into the alt right pipeline and/or severe mental health issues that are going unchecked bc those are absolutely not mutually exclusive.

even the "keeping a flashlight nearby" thing is stupid in the sense that I DO THAT. BECAUSE WE FREQUENTLY GET POWER OUTAGES HERE ???????????????? what's it going to do if there is an intruder are you going to shine it in their fuckin face. what, can't see them thru your aesthetic lighting ?? what's the fuckin whistle going to do ... you've isolated yourself your home alone it's a WHISTLE. at the veyr least get a fucking weapon, HUH ?????????????

honestly I don't even know how coherent any of this is, it pisses me off a lot. I've done a lot of shit to try and feel "safe" and frankly it feels insulting especially given my minor agoraphobia too [ can't leave the house alone, i always need a friend or family w/ me ] especially the weird way this shit is made aesthetic. AGAIN. LIKE THE FUCKIN PURPLE LIGHTING IN THE VIDEO. AND ALSO THE SLEEK TECH.

the aesthetic-ification of that video is probably what REALLY gets me mad about it though.. like it really just makes it feel like an ad playing both on white peoples fears and mentally ill people.

blah blah my experiences aren't universal and my delusional paranoia isn't "that bad" compared to other ppls. whatever. i don't like it either way

[sga-owns-my-soul]

Pllllllsssss elaborate on fixing Rodney/making him worse I'm obsessed

i hope ur ready bc this is Long! (i'm obsessed too tbh)

rodney mckay is an incredibly interesting character. he's loud mouthed and arrogant and a massive dick. but also, so much of that is so clearly a defence mechanism?? we don't know a ton about rodney's childhood but we do know that the few times he was excited about a hobby (like being in beavers or playing piano) he was shot down (being asked to leave or told he was too clinical) we also know that his family life was. Not Great. he says in tao of rodney that his father always sided with his sister and blamed him for the lights being left on (and other things implied) ((there's also the separate issue of them insisting on calling him meredith but that doesn't really tie into this point it's just another reason for why his childhood was garbage)) so you take this child prodigy who is advancing so far beyond his TEACHERS as a kid that he doesn't have a chance of figuring out how to talk to his peers without a proper support system, and the few times he tries hes basically told he's Not Good Enough, and then you add No Emotional Support, and you're bound to get a guy who's Shit at People Skills.

so you take all of this, you add years of peers stealing his work (i'm sure he was taken advantage of SO OFTEN as a baby in the industry) and people attacking his personality and you've got this hurt little kid who's grown into a hostile grump bc it's the only protection he's been able to find. we see this so clearly in 48 hours, rodney is so excited to meet sam and show off his value knowledge to her and he's immediately and repeatedly shot down and each time he grows more hostile. (he's literally trying to save their lives and they banish him for it like yeah he was an asshole but he was TRYING OKAY)

rodney mckay is a hurt man who just needs to be hugged and told he's loved and valued and cared for. I COULD FIX HIM!!!! i could offer him so much love and care and support!!!! this poor baby needs to be wrapped up in a blanket and swaddled and cuddled until his inner child is healed and then get a nice kiss on the forehead and tucked into a warm cozy bed!!!!! he just needs someone to give him a chance and he'll try so hard for you!!!! (see: rodney and his team)

and then, the flip side

this man is a GARBAGE human. he is so fucking arrogant and egotistical and practically the definition of a god complex and he is SO FUCKING HOT. he destroyed 5/8 of a solar system and i would be standing there cheering him on like "babe that's so sexy it wasn't even inhabited so it's fine let's go find more planets for you to blow up with that big sexy brain of yours" BC ITS HOT. rodney is capable of SO MUCH and he would be the hottest fucking crazy mad scientist villain ever. he rewrote the damn timeline, there's nothing that man can't do and i would convince him hes right and perfect and correct and sexy through every terrible horrible awful decision bc i love me a terrible awful man. i would stroke his ego and fuel it so much he would go insane with it and i would encourage him Every Step Of The Way

[grapesodatozier]

"hey boss sorry I’m late I was zoned out in the shower thinking about what dnd 5e class each of the losers would be" -me this morning

lol anyway here’s what I came up with!! would love to hear others’ thoughts on this!! my personal character interpretations are very book heavy with cherry-picked movie influences and a respectable scoop of fanon interpretations I like lol so I think there’s a lot of options here and I think it would be so fun to hear other people’s interpretations of this!!

bill: oath of vengeance paladin whose god is maturin. his favorite spell is compelled duel. no further elaboration needed.

mike: farm boy mike made me consider druid or ranger, but I think his motivations are very strong around maintaining derry’s history, and he’s incredibly dedicated to that, so I think knowledge domain cleric makes most sense to me (his god is also maturin, bike maturin acolyte boyfriends so real <3 )

ben: book ben is soooo fighter. that man threw back an insane amount of alcohol, went back to derry no question, stomped on some alien eggs, and took decades to confess to a cute, corny little 3 line love poem, then respectfully swept his childhood love off her feet. that’s just so fighter to me. like there is nothing more Fighter than starting your story alone in a tavern venting vaguely about your past heroic exploits to the bartender. fighter for sure with some significant levels in artificer for his architecture career

stan: wizardddddd he literally escapes pennywise with the powers of his bird watching guidebook!!!! literally got magic powers from a book in canon!!!!! also he's very happy being an accountant and i feel like math and desk jobs feel very wizard to me lol. also it would be so interesting to explore his feelings about being able to shape reality when he's so attached to maintaining reality. but. he literally changed reality with his book like!!!! so much to think about here.

bev: i kinda want bev to be a rogue, but i think that's just what she initially tries to be. she wants to fly under the radar so bad but she never can. honestly i think she's a barbarian!! it's what she deserves!!! 2017 babygirl kills her dad by bashing him over the head with a toilet cover!!! that's some barbarian shit she has so much anger and rage that she deserves to let out!!!!! also her premonitions about It coming back? danger sense. decades in advance danger sense lmao

eddie: listen. i considered rogue. killing your childhood bully with a broken perrier bottle is some rogue shit. i also considered monk, bc our boy loves to go fast!! but i think the most fitting class for him is ranger. his "super power" is always knowing where to go and where he is. he uses it in the sewers, he uses it to drive around new york city better than anyone else. knowing your terrain that effortlessly is some ranger shit. also he's happiest just chilling on a grassy hill or hanging out in the barrens!! nature baby boy!! also rangers can be a dex class so it still works for him wanting to run and run and run

richie: okay i spent way too much time thinking about richie's bc he's my favorite <3 lol so this is gonna be long. listen we all have biases okay. anyways he's obviously a bard like hello he can change his voice and convince people he's someone else. basically literally casts silvery barbs in book canon. constantly performing. described as having "exhausting charm." support class 100%, while everyone leans on bill he's the one bill leans on. favorite spell is disguise self bc he wants so badly to be someone else. but i don't think he's just a bard. i think he pretends to be just a bard, but such a big part of richie's character is being afraid of things inside himself that he'd like to ignore but can't control. It shows him a werewolf with his name on it which yeah I'm very pro bisexual interpretation of that but more generally is just about feeling like he's got smth uncontrollable and scary that he doesn't understand within him. all of which screams wild magic sorcerer!! so i think he's a wild magic sorcerer who learns bard stuff so he can pretend he's only a bard bc he's scared of his natural magic

okay ty for reading please feel free to share your thoughts if you have them <3

[daz4i]

You should self-ship on main more, I'm 100% here for it. In the interest of fostering that, a few questions to ponder (or like. Elaborate if you've said it somewhere and I just don't recall lol):

Would y'all have the "Oh" moment? Who and how and all that jazz~

Is there cuddling? How's the cuddling?

How would y'all's first date go? Would it be an official date, or would there later be the, "wait we're dating aren't we?" moment?

Who fell first and who fell harder?

What was the pining process like? A long time, or just going for it once someone realizes?

Big romantic gestures or little acts of love?

Asking with Nikolai in mind but feel free to elaborate on others too 👀 And no pressure on anything obviously!

~☄️

I love self-shipping and seeing others do it as well 🥰

oooooo these are so good 🥺🥺🥺 thank you so much 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

1. nah! we're both too stubborn to admit smth like that even to ourselves i think. it's either obsession at first sight or denial forever 👍

2. ofc 😌 it's. messy i think :P going from nothing to the tighest clutching ever like our lives depend on it with limbs entangled in ways that shouldn't be anatomically possible. and then back to nothing after a few minutes. maybe some limbs still tied together like earphones you leave in a purse

3. oh absolutely not knowing it's a date :P if we go by my bsdsona i feel like our dates would be committing crimes anyway, less as a planned thing more in the heat of the moment. in our world tho, i actually can't figure out how we'll start, but it for sure won't be an actual date. i think it'd be funny if it's like going out with 2 friends who are a couple and are trying to set us up together without telling us, so they take us on double dates disguised as casual hangouts. actually that's a good one i decided this is how we'll be in a modern au. but instead of us realizing we're dating someone else will ask us and we will keep saying no, while acting like a couple. keep em on their toes (<- never had The Talk bc what's the point of labels and limits)

4. first? probably me 😩 (i'm like incapable of seeing someone as anything but platonic after a p short time so. it's near-instant or nothing) but i think nikolai would fall harder. like we just saw how he acts with fyodor after having like 2 conversations with him 😭 once i get him to like me i think he'll be ride or die

5. no pining ✨️ we're both direct i think :P just going for it immediately 🔥

6. big romantic gestures! i don't think we'll be very good as a casual domestic couple, there's a reason why i post abt us doing fucked up shit all the time lol. it'll be intense and short (not in a breakup way. if you catch my drift) so it really is all about the big acts 👀

(to get somewhat deep abt that last one. i always think my main f/o at any time is what i need in life during that period. and nikolai embodies fun and intensity and chaos to me, just being interesting and unexpected, bc i am. so bored. which is why we're less of a normal romantic couple and more of a chaotic duo uwu casual small romance may be nice but not right now and not with him)

👁👁 that comment at the end. i take it you have self ships too? 👀 who are your f/os!

[cha0tician]

i know y'all didn't expand those tags. but i am FEELING so ill even elaborate

i want sami to be kicked out or leave voluntarily, unable to live with the idea that he's just being used by roman to beat up his only friend. and the usos to miss him so much they leave right after him.

i want sami to be kicked out and i want jey to attack roman. maybe not that night. not the next time it matters.

i want the boys to stay with roman no matter what

i want roman to lose and the usos to retain and to still keep their loser cousin around

i want the usos to retain and throw roman to the wolves of the locker room that are ready to tear him apart for his reign of terror as soon as he doesn't have the numbers game

i want cody to win undisputed with the help of the locker room that the bloodlines victimized

i want the usos to refuse to step in and help roman at mania following samis exile from the island of relevancy

i want solo to be the only one left on romans side be roman can make him better than his brothers and i want judgement day to try to do to him what they did to dominik

i want solo to be the first one to leave roman to die because sami was the first one to really respect him as a main roster star and not just as another useful set of fists in their corner

i want solo and sami to have a tag team and win a belt from the usos and for them to feud for the other one for months

i want sami and ko to be partners again after one last stunner to sami for stressing ko out like that for months on end

i want roman to lose his belts and lose his shit i want him to go off the deep end and isolate himself and be vulnerable to anyone who tries to manipulate him bc he just needs SOMEONE

i want roman to lose and be infuriated that samis still trying to be his friend because he can't understand what else sami could want from him besides a spot on the island of relevancy

i want roman to follow the usos around looking pitiful and staring off into space and for them to keep hyping him up but he's just checked out for a while

i want roman to come crawling back to sami and sami to be the only one to offer him a hand back up without question because sure it was a mess and dysfunctional but he did give sami a family, and he was under a lot of pressure, and it's okay, i acknowledge you. i SEE you. and i always have.

i want jey to finally kick roman right in the nuts bc he doesnt give a DAMN what the tribal chief says and he never has and he never will no matter what the stipulations make him say

i want jey to challenge roman for his freedom

i want jimmy to try and stay with roman be "i like sami but i love this family" without realizing it would cost him his brothers trust

i want jey to kick them both in the face and leave with sami and while solo lets it happen i want him to stay quietly at romans side

i want jey to be happy. oh my god do i want jey to be happy.

i want roman to lose the weight of his titles and get to dick around with the usos

i want roman to feel relieved when cody pins him and he didnt give up he would NEVER give up but my god is he ever free

i want him and sami to do stupid little dances together and them to be on twice a week every week not to fight or intimidate or plot but to find where they belong now

i want it to be like the fog cleared all at once and he can breathe and be himself and the usos still love him anyway even if he wouldn't give a shit any them if the positions were reversed and they all know it

i want all three of them to tackle roman into a hug when he sits up crying and laughing and sobbing bc where do you go from the top of the mountain

i want sami to hold him in the middle of the ring the way he holds sami and tell him that while roman was using him, he wasn't using roman, and the belts never mattered to him

i want all crimes to be forgiven

and i want the belts to go to anyone but owens be i haven't forgiven him for ezekiel but specifically to cody because he already knows he's the best there ever was

[glitterslag]

Jealous Chrissy headcanons … ? 👀

Hey anon 🥰​

i do touch on this a lil in this blurb, but i'll elaborate a teeny bit more!

Chrissy meets a female friend of Eddie's in the blurb i linked and i think this is the first time chrissy is really confronted with feelings of jealousy. I don't think she's given a ton of thought to Eddie's life outside of school up until that point. I mean, for the last four years Chrissy's whole world has very much been cheer and parties and friends and grades and keeping up appearances. And it was the same for all her former friends. So she's never really thought about the fact that that isn't necessarily a universal thing. And when she starts to realise that Eddie has a whole world outside of school (lets face it, outside of her), all these friends from gigs and his band and the trailer park who have more in common with him than Chrissy believes she has - her first reaction is to feel hurt and insecure.

Although Chris is glad not to be under all the pressure that comes with captaining the cheer team anymore, she does kind of miss the identity that came alongside that role. There was something secure about it - she could hide behind it. When school finishes and she has that identity stripped away, she's suddenly left feeling very naked and not quite sure who she is. So to meet Eddie's friend who's clearly so so sure of who she is - and comfortable in it at that - it makes her feel small in comparison. She's left wondering why Eddie would pick her rather than someone who had more in common with him.

Poor Chrissy. She's so used to contorting herself to fit into what she thinks others' expectations of her are that she can't fathom that Eddie would like her just as she is!!! :((((((

Another thing that sparks Chrissy's jealousy is the simple fact that Amy has known Eddie longer, and seems to know him in a different, maybe more intimate way than she herself does (even if they're just friends). She's grown up in the trailer park too, and she's seen first-hand the shit that goes down in Eddie's home-life, which Chrissy isn't really privy to. Sure, she knows the basics about Eddie's dad, but he's never expanded on it. I think Eddie often deals with his issues by bottling everything up, putting on the whole class clown act to deflect away from anything serious. So at this point in their story arc, Eddie wouldn't really talk to Chrissy about anything like that. I think that during their first year of knowing each other at least, their relationship is a bit one-sided in that sense. Chrissy tells Eddie all her secrets (he's really good at keeping them), but he doesn't really tell her much personal stuff. Sure, he shows her all his favourite music and books and movies, and eventually (once he's sure she won't make fun of them) he shows her all his DnD drawings. But it's not quite the same as opening up emotionally.

Chrissy believes that its bc Eddie thinks she won't understand his life because she grew up rich, but that's not quite true. I think that sadly, Eddie's learnt from a very very young age that it's best not to want anything, not to ask for anything. Because the adults around him as a child weren't capable of meeting his emotional needs. So he learns that asking for support will only lead to people disappointing him and letting him down. :( So he's been dealing with his emotions alone since he can remember. So yeah at first he's not likely to reach out to Chrissy with things like that. And that makes her feel jealous of the people that know more than she does.

Another thing - not super relevant but i just wanna say - i think as a result of eddie's childhood experiences combined with being bullied from middle school onwards, his natural instinct is to put Chrissy's needs above his own. Obviously because he cares about her, but also because he's learnt that if he plays that role then he's useful. He's important. It keeps him safer. Plus, that way he can distract himself from his own emotional needs. I see a lot of headcanons on here about how eddie would be 100% ok with being chrissy's side piece and i don't necessarily think that's out of character, but i do think that's the reason why he'd act like that. If there's one thing Eddie's good at, it's ignoring his own needs.

Sooo, that was why it was really important for me to have him stand up for himself a bit when Chrissy complains about Jason to him in this blurb, and then tries to kiss him ofc. He very easily could've just acquiesced her wants but he decided that nope, he's gonna stand up for himself and maintain some dignity!!

[awesomefringey]

I'm the kind of petty that even watch Ted Lasso solely bc it's slightly related to the Holivia shit show, so watching Louis saying he didn't ñike it feels nice, most time I really don't know what to make of Jason tbh, so you think there's a chance him and O are still together and when the stunt is done they're gonna say they just got back together?

Hey petty nonnie, LOL.

I can't say what's their plan obviously, because they don't seem to use a lot of common sense.

But I always thought Holivia is an elaborate hoax around the Sudeikis-Wilde family who have big investments on the line. Jason isn't just starring in Ted Lasso, he wrote it, he co-created it, he produces it.

Olivia is also financially bound to Warner Brothers, promising them that their risky choice of going with an inexperienced director (but playing it safe by booking Libatique who did the bulk work) won't go in vain and all of the investors will get their share when DWD breaks even.

It's a lot of responsibility, a lot of money. All on one household. Olivia and Jason needed promo. And nobody wants tabloids about a happy family.

And yes, Jason has greatly profited off of the whole tabloid drama created around Holivia. He's received tremendous recognition professionally ever since Holivia started.

Personally as well, when he sold himself as the loving father still pining after his ex, who would just throw away their family to move on with some boy toy only a couple of months after the split. People felt sympathy for him. Worse even, many said they're glad he's got rid of Olivia. I'm not sure that's how they planned it to go.

When he himself started dating someone new (Because he can date younger too! He's a DILF!) that model was seen wearing his Golden Globe hoodie. In Hollywood terms that means they don't have clothes, it's love.

I will never forget how Jason commented on his break up with Olivia, going "I'll have a better understanding of why in a year." (mind he then says "...and then two or five years.") That always kind of lingered with me. That was mid July 2021. So let's see, what we will understand better in four months time.

Because right now, I can't believe this bs is still being dragged out...

[sunlightandsuffering]

mikasa's younger brother is a gang member and she's well aware of it, he reached out to mikasa after a lot of years to ask for help bc he somehow fucked up in his gang and is a wanted member now, some money shit so i think he's got a huge debt or something that's why he needed a place to hide and there's nothing safer than in mikasa's quiet abode by the mountains.

they are fine and all, they reconciled their sibling bond not until the gang leader found out where the young ackerman boy has gone. eren yeager is the gang leader, a devil in flesh and he's not someone you can easily mess with so he seeked out to where the ackerman boy is and he found him living like he ran away from them he beat him up and asked for the debt but he refused but then mikasa entered the house in all her pure and innocent glory, eren yeager was entranced.

he made a deal with the ackerman boy by making his older sister the collateral or the boy's death, he tried to fight for his sister but mikasa knowing that she's the only one who can save his brother agreed and went with eren.

from then on, eren introduced everything sexual to the older ackerman and she enjoyed it of course and the longer they were together the faster the two developed feelings for each other and uh i can't think of more shenanigans but i just wanna share what i daydreamed about while im showering earlier.

-vibrating dildo anon (HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAY TO MY FAVORITE EM WRITER I LOVE U LYS!)

beloved!! OMG HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO U TOO ♥️♥️♥️♥️ U always have the most fun hcs I love this!!!! AHHHHHH so fun!! Okay I'mma give my thoughts!! Bc we do love to elaborate on mobster Eren 🥵🥵🥵

-what if Mikasa has always kinda known Eren, like they went to school together, she knew him in passing, he was always a delinquent even back then, he had the makings of a mobster all over him, as soon as he turned 18 he showed up to class with a whole ass sleeve of tattoos and Mikasa knew he was trouble.

-of course Hayate (sorry i just slapped that name on her bro and I usually go with it 😂) always looked up to Eren as younger kids do, they all thought he was so fucking cool, standing outside at lunchtime smoking up, with all his tattoos. And Mikasa always told him not to interact with the problematic Yeager boy.

-by the time her and Eren both graduate Miaksa breathes a sigh of relief, she thinks it's over, she doesn't need to worry about her little bro and his weird infatuation with Eren Yeager and gang life anymore.

-Unfortunately it's not so easy.

-Eren isn't a bad guy despite all the stuff out there about him being a gang leader and a drug lord, he just needs it to get by. He just has a bit of an edge, and a temper, but he's not an inherently bad person. His dad isn't in the picture anymore and Carla barely makes ends meet working as a nurse in the hospital, it's not enought to support them both and pay the mortgage on the house and the debt his dad left them, so he gets into drugs and gangs to help out.

-But he's not a bad guy, and at high school graduation, where everyone is surprised to see him graduate he approaches Mikasa in the field where everyone is throwing their caps and he warns her.

-He's always had a soft spot for their valedictorian, he doesn't really know why, he just kinda likes her, thinks she's cute, her blemish-free skin, milky and free of tattoos, she's beautiful and innocent and going places in life. Maybe that's why he likes her because she's the opposite of everything she stands for. but he likes her, so despite her never being his biggest fan, actually being a bit disdainful towards him, he warns her.

-"Mikasa, your brother is getting mixed up in some bad stuff, if you don't want it to go further, stop it now. The temptation of crime and gangs won't just end when I leave school. Watch him, make sure he doesn't drop out or in too deep, because after that you can't leave. And there are already eyes on him, they don't let new members go so easily." -Mikasa sort of believes him, and for a while she does try to keep an eye on Hayate, but everything seems okay, he's doing well in school the next year and her parents assure her he's completely fine. All is well. -Until it's not.

-Hayate goes down a dark road, he almost fails out of school several times, graduates by the skin of his teeth and Mikasa coming home from university to help him with his studies, doing some of his work for him. He joins a gang, and then another shortly after he graduates, and just like Eren he now has a full sleeve of tattoos and a back piece that Mikasa doesn't want to know the cost of.

-She knows he's into drugs too, she's seen the bags of white in his bedroom and neither she nor her parents no what to do but watch their child spiral. -They try everything from rehab to calling the cops on him themselves and finally it ends when Hayate runs away and Mikasa regrets not taking Eren's words more seriously.

-It's a few years later when Mikasa finally speaks to her brother again, he calls her crying from an unknown number and the only way she figures out its him is by his sobs of her name, so similar to when he was younger and he would cry for her in his crib, Mika, Mika.

-she finds out he's in deep, owes too much, he got fucked over by an important buyer and now he doesn't have the necessary drugs or the money to pay it all back and he's up shit creek because it all falls to him. -There's already a call out for his life and Mikasa does the only thing she can for her only sibling, she invites him to her place several towns away on her secluded acre of property up in the forest on the mountains. She works from home mostly so she prefers the view of this home to the convenience of living cloer to town.

-It works for a while but her brother can't hide forever and the mob will find him, and of course it's Eren Yeager who does.

-He shows up, greeting Mikasa with a tight smile, "I know he's here." -She tries valiantly to deny it, but her brother comes out when Eren tells her how much he owes. How she'll be on the hook for it if he doesn't pay up.

-"Eren please, they'll kill him, he doesn't have it."

-"I told you Mikasa, I told you to keep an eye on him and that was already a kindness."

-Hayate goes willingly, telling her it's okay she shouldn't pay for his mistakes he'll find some way to pay off his debts.

-Because it doesn't matter that Eren Yeager isn't a bad guy, he's also not a nice one and he's a leader in a gang, he doesn't let people off easy.

-but still, irritatingly, even years later he finds he still has a soft spot for sweet, pure Mikasa Ackerman, beautiful even without makeup standing in the foyer of her home in jeans and a t-shirt her cheeks stained with tears and eyes red-rimmed. He is still very attracted to her, far more than any other girl he's ever been witih. Maybe it's her sweetness, her innocence, how desperate she is to save her brother. But he makes her an offer .

-"I'll settle his debts if I get you Mikasa."

-"What how do you mean?"

-"No!" hayate protests but they both ignore him.

-"As collateral I'll take you, I'll pay out his debts in one large sum and Hayate can work it off, whatever doing less risky things, he can even work in my legit business, no more gang shit. But I want you."

-"how?"

-Eren's eyes spark a mischievous green as he repsonds, "As my wife, in my bed."

-Mikasa agrees on the spot, and she doesn't know if it's the best or worst decision she's ever made.

[feijotommo]

i just posted on twitter but i'll post here too!!

my gmw hc's (political, college, sexuality, gender)

political

maya: she is a communist. she liked the idea when she was young and decided to search on her own bc her teacher is... well... cory. she goes to riots, movements and all that

riley: she is a leftist. also liked the idea when they were younger but they're far from rad, pretty much what you U.S. citizen's would call "a liberal"

zay and lucas: they're democrats, they don't care a lot about politics but they hate trump and republicans in general. also they only pay attention to USA

farkle: he is a eco-socialist. (i may have said it wrong bc english is not my 1st language, i hope you understand) you CANNOT tell me this boy didn't turn out to be all save the turtles and shit after they got older and studied about politics. yeah he was all capitalism and shit but he was also 13 years old, people change and they're *very* smart

smackle: social democrat. don't pay as much attention to politics as maya and farkle but they know stuff, they know a lot of stuff, and nobody changes their opinion

josh: socialist. this boy is 100% socialist you cannot tell me otherwise like cmon, i can't elaborate but i doubt you disagree with me on this

college

maya: she goes to art school and she is a straight A student, she loves history of art and does all the homework

josh: psychology. he always liked to analyse people and understand how the human brain works, he loved college once he befriended his roommate

smackle: computer science in Princeton i dont think i need to give much thought to this

farkle: molecular biology in Princeton again i dont think i need to give much thought to this

(now it gets tricky bc i dont know if other countries have these someone pls tell me)

riley: pedagogy. she loves children and like their father they love teaching so it was perfect for her. also she can always congratulate a kid if they paint a cat purple

lucas: food engineering or some sport. idk if you guys have food engineering but if he was brazilian i could picture him studying it.

zay: agronomy. yes it is bc he is from texas and i judge him bc my state is like texas but better

sexuality/gender

smackle: pan or bi! they're agender and uses they/them pronouns (that's why i referred to them like that earlier in the post lol)

farkle: unlabelled sexuality. he IS enby and nobody can change my mind (i used to hc him as transboy a time ago) and uses he/they pronouns

riley: pan 100% uses she/they but not sure about their gender

maya: bi and cisgender

zay: unlabelled and cisgender

lucas: cishet

josh: identify as straight but make out with guys at parties when he's drunk (tipsy ?) and is cisgender

i will not add auggie and ava bc they were too young for me to form an opinion

if you have other kind of hc's you want me to talk about let me know, i have plenty!

[sotorubio]

How do you feel about the "constantine dad is abusive" plot? I'm kind of disappointed tbh

ooooff okay ummm

definitely agree w u here. it's very disappointing from multiple perspectives. it's giving me very much "arthur punching his dad is symbolic of him turning into his father 😳" except instead of being a fan analysis it's... kinda coming directly from the writers

just generally speaking yes in real life u'll hear abt horrible ppl n then find out they're victims of abuse but there r also ppl who are just like that bc they're Like That. doesn't have to be a trauma behind it. "local bully was bound to end up like this bc he's an abuse victim n those ppl just can't be trusted to be kind n they're dangerous n suspicious n toxic" is not the fresh new unique take druck thinks it is.

also when it comes to constantin's role in the bullying this has two directions. like being a victim of abuse doesn't give u any right to inflict harm on others so this rly can't be used as an "explanation" for his actions. especially bc now we also know some things abt how they bullied ava ("big mama" "fat cow"...) those r not just general things u say to ppl bc ur frustrated w ur own life n want to take it out on someone else (which, just to be clear, isn't any better either) but they're very targeted insults abt ava... smth that in constantin's (& ismail's) eyes made ava lesser than them. so to then try to imply that the reason behind constantin's actions is more abt his inner turmoil n his own terrible life instead of the very clear external bigotry that he has canonically exhibited...... yeah

also this is where i think they kind of backed themselves in a corner w this bc ofc they don't have to do that? if they go the other direction they can still emphasize that constantin is fully responsible for everything n the abuse isn't what caused all that. but then they kind of end up enforcing the thought that this absue victim just happens to also be a bad person guess it runs in the family. (this all also applies to the way he treats ismail n how he's a bad friend, like sometimes ppl r bad friends bc they r Like That, not bc they ~learned it from their parents~ or some shit that would in some ppl's eyes reduce the accountability)

it isn't directly comparable but it all reminds me of the "homophobic bully turns out to be a closeted gay" trope as if the only reason homophobes exist is bc they're actually gay ppl n cishets would never actually bully anyone abt their sexuality. here it's like. yeah the aggressor is a skinny white dude n the victim is a fat black girl but surely the only reason he'd ever bully her is bc he has completely unrelated personal issues that he doesn't know how to handle. obviously there's no other reason he might be picking on her specifically, white guys would normally never do that.

so yeah it's kind of like a lose lose situation now, not many good ways left to handle that storyline anymore. i made a post abt it before the season even started, abt how i wish constantin would rly just be a shitty person. end of. no need to elaborate on it all bc sometimes teenagers rly just r horrible to each other for the hell of it. more often than not there actually rly isn't anything deeper behind it all n for this particular story that would've been much more useful n meaningful.

[theblackberrygirl]

Hahahahha how the turns have tabled I'm in your inbox now >:D

Okay but Peter can totally lift Mjolnir and when he lifts it for the first time he doesn't know what it means and everyone's like O.o

Peter and Nat are both Little Mix fans and will paint each other's nails while blasting Wings or smthing

Karaoke nights at the compound. Discuss

Natasha is really really bad at dancing and she has to go to a fancy party with lots of dancing so Tony teaches her how to waltz and slow dance and such

Peter and Dr. Strange's cloak are besties and the cloak loves him more than Strange

The team watching the baby monitor footage from Peter's suit and teasing him endlessly about the embarrassing shit they found. Nat also takes part, but she keeps everyone from going too far and Tony is absolutely merciless with the teasing

Nat and Tony frequently have nightmares or can't sleep and they'll always meet up in his lab and watch movies with hat cocoa

Clint and Peter are the pranksters of the bunch and constantly mess with everyone else but never prank Nat because she's literally the queen on pranks and if they do, they're gonna end up with a bed full of ants

This is a lot I'm sorry 😅

OH SHIT HOW THE TURN TABLES-

(I’m going to be back in your inbox soon I have an angsty note in my notes app where I’ve been taking out my anger in the form of painful headcanons)

YES I LOVE THIS OMG. Thor goes to leave to get PopTarts or sm and Peters just like “wait mr. Thor you forgot your hammer :)” and hands it to him and everyone just screams.

THEY WOULD and they’d gossip and talk about the rest of the team. Clint’s in the vents painting his own nails and listening >:)

KARAOKE NIGHTS WITH THEM WOULD BE WILDDDD AHHHH

Natasha, Peter, and Steve would do some stupid songs. They’d be dying laughing the entire time bc they’re dorky idiots

Thor wouldn’t really understand but Valkyrie would drag him and Bruce up there for fun. Thor would LOVE it and Bruce, being the awkward baby he is, would just stand behind them like 🧍‍♂️

Pepper probably used to do musical theater in high school and Tony’s a dramatic bitch so they’d steal the night with some great duet lol. A Whole New World from Aladdin maybe?

Ok but this becomes SO much funnier when you combine it with the fact that she did ballet for like at least a decade.

-“Romanoff, I’ve SEEN you do ballet in the gym, how are you this bad?”

-“They are very different styles, Stark. Now shut up before I slice your fingers off.”

-“Yeah but like there has to be SOME overlap, right? You do HAVE a sense of rhythm, I’ve seen it, so why the fuck can you not understand this?”

-“I do ballet by myself, this is very different.”

-“...sure.”

THE CLOAK FAVORTISM PLS- Peter names the cloak Robert

Nat participates but she keeps a REALLY close eye on Peter to see if someone takes it too far. She gives several death glares to anyone who goes too far. Everyone’s absolutely terrified of this tiny little ginger ball of rage so one look is enough to shut them up

UGH THE INSOMNIAC BABES I LOVE THEM. They make cookies at 3am and Tony gets flour everywhere and Nat doesn’t leave a trace (spy tendencies) and it’s so funny to watch. “You spilled more flour.” “How?! It’s still above the bowl!” They always watch a funny movie or something animated (specifically Pixar/Disney movies). They both love Tangled. Tony’s favorite is the Toy Story movies bc even tho the toys aren’t AIs, they remind him of Jarvis and Friday. Nat’s favorite is Inside Out bc it shows the complexities of mental illness and inner emotions (Tony pretends not to see her crying after the Bing Bong scene. He knows she’s probably thinking about her own childhood that she lost)

YES OH MY GOD THEY SO DO. And you KNOW that they’re super elaborate and planned out. Anytime someone wants revenge on them, Clint always gets it bc they don’t DARE fuck with Natasha. Rumor has it that Tony tried once and didn’t leave the Iron Man suit for a week.

I love our headcanon exchange friendship it brings me so much joy. Also I rly needed these bc I’m reading a rly sad fic rn lol

[risaonda]

The fact that you’re continually spreading false info about someone you haven’t had contact with in 5 years is disgusting. You’re welcome to dismiss their apology as insincere, but spreading misinformation is a different beast. You’re lucky they haven’t sued you for libel, considering you have no idea how they are these days.

hey look i actually remembered u shout out 2 tumblr for not getting rid of the number next 2 the inbox on desktop even tho i've seen these on mobile LMAO so here's ur Genuine Response

first of all, point me to the latest instance of me saying literally ANYTHING about them. also elaborate for me what "false info" ur talking about pretty please with a cherry on top <3 because nothing that i've said irt the shit i put up with from them is false just because it upsets u that some random person online that u apparently idolize, based on how u are here in my inbox having a complete fucking meltdown, has hurt people. sorry u are so pressed, this is absolutely not normal. i can't imagine what kind of freak u need to be to go to random strangers' inboxes going "ur lucky ur abuser doesn't sue u for talking about ur abuse" like i think that u should maybe log off or just completely remove urself from this situation which has literally no bearing on u

this entire message is just. idk where to even start. i don't think they're the only one ever saying anything about me, i don't think i've ever said or even implied as much. idk where that thought even came from. their weirdo friends and fans used to come into my inbox all the time, anon and not, like hello?? also i love that this is worded in a way implying u are responding directly to me. like this is a reply to something that i said today. what are these messages in response to beloved bc between u and me, u are the only one that seems to know

my blog is easy to find because i have made sure it is easy to find and i have never made it difficult to find me anywhere. i've literally said so many times in the past that i would so much rather people see my blog than most other bullshit places people go to when it comes to finding information for this specific situation, because i am actually involved and every other place people get information is some stupid drama site full of people who have never even so much as Spoken to them. my blog is literally intentionally easy to find. hello.

"since they're all you fucking talk about" again: WHEN is the last time i actually did talk about them, genuinely, bc i couldn't even tell u. recently i think i've just been talking about movies i'm watching, actually, so i think u are maybe just obsessed with a situation that has literally fuck all to do with u and u are mad as fuck for no recognizable reason whatsoever. like u are creating a problem with me in ur own mind and freaking the fuck out about it. but stay mad i guess dude i literally don't even know u LOL

i haven't lied about their apologies and i don't think i've ever even said they never apologized, at least not as like. a flat point blank statement. "we all saw the screenshots" really got me too because like my god...who do u think POSTED the screenshots. what are u

they have offered completely meaningless "sorry"s in the past that were followed immediately by them continuing the behavior they were apologizing for. now maybe i'm just crazy but i think saying sorry for something and then doing the same thing over and over and over is not really an apology. that's what i mean whenever i criticize the "apologies" they so desperately hang onto in order to avoid any accountability for their actions. like idk how else to say it this really is not a difficult concept to grasp and i cannot believe i even need to say this. i cannot believe this is not the first time i'm even saying this. have u actually looked at anything i've said or are u making this all up as u go and handling ur frustration with that based on how u think everything's gone?

this message is my favorite one bc it really just blows me away. this one makes me convinced that u think i'm someone else instead of like...me. like what are u talking about. when have i ever done any of this. u are insane

"change according to my standards or i'll continue spreading lies about you" when the reality of all of this is i am and have literally only ever been saying "hey i think taking actual accountability for their actions is like. necessary."

if they are trying to do better that means acknowledging they have done things they need to work on and be better about. sorry that my standards aka "stop ur cycle of abuse so as not to hurt more people, be honest about this, and don't continue harming those u already have hurt" are too high, but also i literally don't give a shit or fuck. if that's asking too much then ur not a changed person, full-stop.

i think what is so funny abt people like u is if they have really and truly have changed and they are growing as a person and bettering themself, i think the very LAST thing in the world they would want is some random freak online going after the people they're supposedly trying to repair things with. like literally what are u doing here if not trying to just make my perception of them significantly worse? this is for u

[kewltie]

i can't sleep i can't stop thinking about a Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU for bakudeku :((((

hi anon!!!!

omg that’s hilarious bc i have a painful memory of writing a mr & mrs smith au for my other fandom (oh man i wrote it based on that house fighting scene bc I LOVE MIXING BLOODLUST AND SO MUCH SEXUAL TENSION) so i am waaaaaaaaaay familiar with that kind of au. 

i think bkdk would really and hilariously fit in this ‘verse so well!! i want to keep them a childhood friends man but i don’t think it would work ://// BUT the thought of izuku been a mild manner bookstore owner and everyone to their circle of friends thinking HE’S THE HARMLESS ONE while if katsuki turned out to be a secret assassin would make them be like, “oh figures ofc he would”. like katsuki would work as some hard labor job jack of all trade (doing houses, fixing stuff up, etc with his crew) and it’s kinda boring but make a lot of $$$ but he get his thrill off fucking some shit up by blowing up stuff and killing ppl but he only takes contract for shitty ass ppl that deserve to be kill lolol (like that make it ok but :P).

ANYWAY, so one day someone took out a contract on HIM and that person that order it was HIS OWN BELOVED HUSBAND AND KATSUKI IS SHOOK!!!!!!!! his sweet harmless and fucking sexy hubby wants him dead and katsuki is so fucking confused and LIVID af bc why!!! they’re happy and even have a daughter together (it’s a pet turtle call lord explosion murder and she is the life and heart of their household actually lololol)!!!! anyway katsuki has no intention to die and if izuku wants him dead he is going to pay izuku 1000000000000x for that.

so katsuki and his crew set up to try to kill izuku. they have an elaborate plan and all (it’ll be a car wired with explosive) but katsuki back out of it bc he wants it face to face and make it HURT bc for what izuku did to him he wants izuku to look at him in the eyes before he kill izuku. so he goes in alone and with just a gun and nothing but the hurt and betrayal fueling his bloodthirst. 

it’s izuku’s night to prepare dinner and he’s happily humming his fav song and cooking katsuki’s fav meals and katsuki strolled in with a gun visibily in his hand but izuku back is to him. he presses his front to izuku, wrapping one hand around izuku’s waist and kisses the back of his head. 

izuku laughs, delighted. “kacchan, you’re back home early!” 

“yea,” katsuki says, low and something dark. “i wanted to see you badly. so, so badly.” 

“yea?” izuku asks, and he can hears the obvious swell of happiness in izuku’s voice and that hurts all the more. 

“yea, i want to see you so i can do this,” he says and lifts the run right to izuku’s temple. 

izuku freezes. “I see,” he says with deadly calmness. 

that should have trigger alarm in katsuki but he was too angry and hurt to rationalize it too much ad izuku uses that chance to knock the gun off of katsuki’s hand and spins around with the knife between them. 

AND THAT’S WHEN THE ENTIRE KITCHEN BECAME A BATTLEFIELD B/T THESE TWO FOE/LOVERS. 

anynway i imagine them trading gunfires while talking to each other like, “kacchan those are my fav books!!!!” while katsuki fire on izuku’s bookshelves. “well you should have gotten a better taste then,” he retorted. 

izuku retaliates by grabbing katsuki’s rare katana collection and using it TO SLICE KATSUKI’S FAV COUCH THAT IZUKU ALWAYS HATED and katsuki is howlling in RAGE BC “fuck you deku those katana ARE A COLLECTIBLES AND SHOULDN’T BE USE AT ALL!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO FIND THEM!!!!” 

“I KNOW KACCHAN BC YOU WOULDN’T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT JESUS” 

so their entire fight deteriorate to really low pettiness lol like everything about their marriage that they kinda dont talk about how they hate and nitpick at each other rise and spilled out on this battle. 

“you always have some trip with your crew and you never talk about it to me or even bring me along SO THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE DOING,” izuku snaps. 

“and what about you huh, when did your books filing become hidding secret guns in your book and using it on others yea?” katsuki seethes. 

to maintain their happy marriage these two kept a LOT of secrets from each other bc though they are uh a murderous secret assassins they fucking love each other a ton, afraid the other would hate them for what they really are. 

anyway, their fight boiled down to a stray bullet breaking the aquarium of their duaughter, lord explosion murder, and THEY BOTH SIMULTANEOUSLY FREAK OUT BC THEIR DAUGHTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and called a truce to make sure she’s alright. 

and during that truce as they check her over and make sure she’s alright, they talk and find out about both their secret jobs and katsuki quietly asks, “why do you want me dead? i thought we were happy.” and izuku is like…. “what.” 

so izuku didn’t take out the hit katsuki but someone else did and framed izuku for it and NOW THE MARRIED PAIR TEAM UP TO FUCK SOME REAL SHIT UP AND KILL THE ONE WHO SET THEM UP… also taking their daughter along with them bc they need to keep her safe!!! so there they are on their murder revenge field trip of AWESOME with their turtle daughter, leaving a path of dead bodies left and right. 

during their murder roadtrip they bond EVEN MORE SO with all the truth let out now and talking about why they do what they do (izuku is in a family of assassins and his father is the greatest assassin of them all, KATSUKI do it bc he likes the action and killing bad guys that the law can’t touch) and they go over their previous jobs and learn how “wait, that was you? YOU STOLE MY KILL FUCK YOU DEKU” and “kacchan that hit wasn’t even subtle at all you blew up the entire compound”, bickering endlessly but man finding out your husband is not only everything you thought previously but now he also shared your love for explosions and guns that’s like a match made in heaven. Also it’s kinda funny b/t them detailing a plan to take out a criminal mastermind they fighting over how much they should spend on the food for their daughter. “kacchan we’re in the middle of nowhere ofc they don’t have organic lettuce for lord murder, geez” and katsuki glowered menacingly down at the vegetable section of the grocery mom and pop store. “are you fucking kidding me, deku?! she can’t eat shitty ass food!!!” 

eventually, they found who framed them and set them up against each other (turned out it was someone who have something against izuku’s father) and they team up to destroy him and his criminal empire with their daughter constantly at their side ofc. 

and they live happily ever after. the end. 

….

anon, now you make me can’t stop thinking about this :((((((((((((.