#I need amazon for that ^^
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I've been more seriously considering publishing Home Is Where The Hurt Is lately. I'm in the very early brainstorming stages, so don't pin me on anything.
Some years too late but hey. I never really knew where to start and dismissed publishing a little because to me, it doesn't feel like a book or a novel. It's a series. A combination of short stories, tropes, strung together by a little red string of plot and characters.
But now I'm thinking, why not? Self publishing is easier than ever and it would be a very nice project for 2025 to set up.
I'm trying to get inspiration for a cover rn and looking for an editor (who doesn't automatically reject half of the book because it's just plain glorious violence ^^') but the cover is harder than I thought...
Don't mind me, I'm just thinking out loud here, airing some thoughts, and in the first stages of gauging interest. I know some people have already shared their interest (and I love those, like, 3 people dearly ^^) but I'd like to hear some more thoughts.
I'll keep you all updated where I am in the process and once I'm starting everything.
#publishing is so official... so I was always a little hesitant#If I could i'd just print the book myself (through a service)#but shipping worldwide is.... ex-pen-sive!#I need amazon for that ^^#if you have constructive feedback on the story I'd love to hear it#I'm already making mental notes which parts to edit#atm I'm still in my very lazy what day is it phase#but Monday! Monday i'm gon get productive! Monday!
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I used to date an older guy (like mid 40s) a few years back and I always got stupidly turned on when he fixed stuff around his house?? Like, he just knew hot to do it and did it. No googling, just him and his tools. Feel like it would fit somewhere in your older bf Simon stuff.
god love a fully capable “fuck it i’ll do it” type of man 🫶🏼
you know that your older bf!simon doesn’t believe in hiring tradespeople for a service.
“why would i pay someone to fuck about in my home?”
“they’re not fucking about, si! they’d be fixing the sink”
“i’ll do it”
you have no doubt that simon was more than capable of fixing things around the house but you also wanted him relaxing when he was home.
turns out he couldn’t relax at the thought of another man doing something for you.
so you let him do it, you threw your hands up and waved your white tea towel in defeat as you heard him banging around in the garage for tools.
hearing the faint sounds of grunting and the occasional swear word coming from the bathroom, you thought it might pay to go and see how he was getting on.
fucking hell.
simon was on his back, arms stretched up above him as his hands dwarfed the pipe they were wrapped around. t-shirt riding up, lines of his stomach leading right to his belt, knees bent and boots firmly planted on the floor, you could honestly just-
“oi, you gonna’ stare or help me?”
now how the fuck?
“your heads in the cupboard, how did you know-“
“i always know where you are, pass me the wrench”
crouching down beside him, you handed it over and stayed down there to watch him work. scarred knuckles wrapped around the handle of the tool, other palm flat against the base of the sink so you could see the veins.
he was something else entirely.
“how d’you know how to do all this?”
“taught m’self, come hold this”
you reached over to replace where his palm was so he could have both hands back. “but why? surely other people don’t learn all this?”
“other people don’t care about their sweet’art not having to lift a finger- move your finger for me”
the more you stretched to hold the sink, the more you felt yourself losing traction with it. naturally, simon noticed before you did.
“y’need to get closer, cm’ere”
tools landing to the side of him, two large hands plucked you up till you were dropped in his lap. precarious situation but you couldn’t deny the sink was a lot easier to reach.
you stayed like that, letting simon work in peace as you enjoyed your view. honestly, he could invite you to the end of the world and you’d just be happy to hold his hand.
one hand splayed out on his chest, the other holding the sink, you suddenly felt a tickle forming at the end of your nose. before you knew it, you were pulling your hand back to scratch it- the one holding the sink.
you panicked, realising it could very well land on simon’s head. but it didn’t, it stayed completely still. face screwing up, you leant in again to give the sink a nudge only to find out it was totally fixed.
“what the hell, si? why’d you have me doing all that?”
you saw the smirk on his face as he flashed a look over at you. suddenly, you realised you weren’t the only one enjoying the view.
the hand that didn’t have the wrench came out to give you a pat on the side of your hip.
“c’mon sweet’art, i can’t get anything outta’ this?”
#GOD i need him i neeeeed him#this is self indulgent my bf is a tradie i regularly objectify him when he’s fixing our home#ANYWAY when tf is that ghost mask coming from amazon#WHO SAID THAT?#older bf!simon#simon riley smut#simon ghost riley smut#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley blurb#simon riley drabble#simon ghost riley blurb#simon ghost riley drabble#simon riley x reader
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My outfit 11/11/24
#art#oc#my art#furry#anthro art#furry art#original character#cate#this was so so so nice to wear#i went to class and everything. felt so cool#i really need more skirts besides this basic amazon one
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joked about it earlier but oh my god Zerxus Ilerez as a “collector of antiquities” the tragedy that could be charged with, a fallen man of a fallen era collecting the remmnants that remain of *his* exandria before calamity found it, even a thousand years later, still holding on to fragments of world he left behind through hellfire
#I NEED TO SEE HIM AMAZON LET ME SEE MY DEVIL PALADIN MAN PLEASE#i cannot fucking WAIT to see him next week AUFh#zerxus ilerez#tlovm spoilers#the legend of vox machina#exu calamity#critical role#tlovm season 3#tlovm s3
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my favorite weirdly low tech sci fi thing is the PADD technology in star trek, where everyone has like 30 ipads on their desk at all times bc they seemingly each represent one singular email
#beep boop#of course this is because it was the early 90s and nobody knew for sure what email technology was going to look like in even 10 or 20 years#but i like to think star trek's future is one where we also just decided every word doc needs its own dedicated amazon kindle
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Also I may be treading covered ground but firecracker is AMAZING pick me representation. Those drugs ARE killing her she has an enlarged heart and it will pop supe or not. She’s done all that to win the affection of a perfect representation of conservative governed patriarchy personified in homelander and he even after ALL THAT still hates her. Even when you fit every conformity, beauty standard, blame all the other women for men’s bad actions those men STILL DONT WANT YOU. And it is metaphorically and literally KILLING HER.
#honestly they may as well call her Pearl#it’s iconic really#also I think it’s subtle in the amount that is the boys s4#I think the milk scene at the end of ep6 I think kind of blindsides people unfortunately with it#because people see how weird that scene is and then don’t look at firecracker again without some weird aura?#but they really need to it’s amazing#when she is literally dying at the meeting and he makes her move#because she’s coughing her guts up#honestly it’s amazing#the boys s4 finale#the boys#the boys season 4#the boys s4#the boys amazon#firecracker#homelander
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i find it INCREDIBLY funny that my ref for this is just,, him being lame and fucked the hell up
#wip saturday because i have horrible time management#god i need to ride his face so hard i bleach his beard ginger#my wee little guy from fortnite !!!#forgive me for any mistakes this is my first time drawing this man EVER HELP#invincible#invincible amazon#nolan grayson#omniman#omni man
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billy eats it like a man starved.
he wants it all day in every way.
on your back, from the back, sitting on his face - he doesn’t give a fuck. as long as his face is buried in between your thighs, he is not stopping until you cum hard on his tongue (multiple times may i add).
#billy butcher#billy butcher smut#billy butcher brainrot go brr#billy butcher x reader#the boys#the boys tv#amazon the boys#billy butcher imagine#pookie bear#karl urban#i need to lie down
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Just wrapped on the new Chube lads
Took two days of filming, but it's in the can and headed to your eyeballs soon. Dead chuffed with this one: it's ambitious and creative and cool as hell
This isn't even the best outfit: there's more on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/posts/93358888?pr=true
ALSO - an old character from Season 2 of Philosophy Tube is going to be making a comeback!
#philosophytube#philosophy chube#philosophy fukin chuuube#let's goooooooooo#fun fact that's my actual apron that I just have for baking#Brian got this wild D&G leather blazer dress and I was like 'Lol I'm gonna put a cheap amazon apron over it'#Why does this pic feel like it has John Wick energy?#Wick pic#Welcome to my kitchen Mr Wick would you like ten knives for no reason?#I need no knives: I will cut you with these cheekbones#John Wick: [looks confused and Stoic]#John Wick: [defeats me easily with the paprika]#the knives were a misdirect
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i'm this 🤏 close to taking out a loan to buy an incinerating toilet. i'm not going to. but i'm going to spend a lot of time with a lot of weird tabs open.
#original#the fucking septic filled up again somehow#it went 17 years without needing to call someone in and now it's been what. a year? since the last time.#adding a fucking portable water heater to my amazon wishlist so i can take an outdoor bath without hauling buckets#when this credit card leaves its interest free promo period i am turbo fucked lmao
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need to feel his body
#antony starr#homelander#antonystarr#older man <3#i like older men#older is better#husband#the boys#the boys amazon#the boys series#amazon prime#amazing body#i need him#oldermen
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Wait you guys are actually buying Disney products I thought it was a joke
(READ TAGS FOR FULL CONTEXT Sorry it’s long dies
#Honestly I’m only bothered bc I feel partially responsible (WTF EGOMANIAC OVER HERE)#I know I can’t control other people’s spending habits and my own habits are. Less than ideal !!#But when I wanted to spread my love for Wreck it Ralph I didn’t want people to get that takeaway 😔#IMPORTANT NOTE ‼️It’s okay to express your love for something through buying official things !!! That DOESN’T make you a “bad person” !!!#Still ! I think we have to let ourselves feel bothered by things and we need to be more critical of exploitative companies#Of course I chose to watch inside out 2 with my mom in theaters so I’m not immune lmao. Also using amazon / Etsy … just as a whole#But if you need help finding Disney movies without supporting them please just ask me!! PLEASE don’t use Disney+ if you can avoid it#I know we are all capable of finding our fulfillment from better places. But sometimes it’s hard#Capitalism sucks and yet that’s how we are endlessly pressured to live :(#We’re all at different points in our lives. Sometimes self care involves consumerism#Be hopeful that it someday won’t have to#Txt#again I’m sorry if this comes off as horribly egotistical to even consider being single-handedly responsible for#Social media is bad …. numbers bad…. Distorts reality and your perception of yourself…..#Or as me trying to guilt trip people in any way. Genuinely do what makes you happy but WE CAN BE HAPPIER & HEALTHIER I KNOW WE CAN#Wreck it ralph#Rant#Also sorry I have huge beef with streaming services I don’t mean to enforce that on other people but also. Sharing my opinion
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took a peek at amazon music’s The Boys character playlists (really just Butcher’s and Hughie’s… womp womp)… ohhhh old man Butcher my beloved.
all i can imagine is being at Butcher’s apartment for one reason or another.
☆ maybe the team went out to a bar together, and as everyone turned in for the night, saying their goodbyes, you and butcher were the last ones there. For whatever reason, he refuses to send you off by yourself to your own apartment this late at night and tells you to just come over and spend the night at his, that it’s closer anyway.
you try to ignore the zip up your spine when he leads you into his apartment with a hand on the small of your back. you try to ignore the soft flush of your cheeks when he teases you about snooping while you look through his one (barely filled) bookcase.
“what? you scared I’m gonna find your fuzzy pink handcuffs?” you tease right back, squatting down to flip through the vinyl records he has sitting in a milk crate next to the bookcase.
butcher rolls his eyes with a smirk, “mine ain’t fuzzy… d’you even know what those things are?”
you don’t react, but you do store that in the folder labeled ‘Useful Butcher Information’ that lives in your brain. ignoring his teasing, you let out a soft huff of laughter when you see a record you’ve only seen at your grandparent's house and in the back of a shitty thrift shop uptown.
“exactly how old are you?” you ask, pulling it out and showing him the record in question: Roy Orbison Sings Lonely and Blue (1961).
butcher walks over and takes the record from your hand, switching it for his beer. he had asked you if you wanted one when you two walked through his door, you had declined before, but have taken to stealing sips of his. it’s probably the closest you’ll get to kissing him tonight.
“old enough to know this is real music… not that Taylor Swift shite you force me to listen to in the car.” he snarks, slipping the record out of the sleeve, setting it on his cheap turntable.
you stand back up straight with a scoff, “you can make fun of my ‘brat summer’, but Miss Swift is where I draw the line.” the beginning of the record starts to ring softly through the room…
‘Only the lonely… (dum-dum-dum-dumby-doo-wah)’
“oh… you can’t be serious,” you smile softly and he holds a hand up as if telling you to ‘wait for it’. “…so corny,” you mutter shaking your head, still with that same smile.
butcher takes the beer bottle out of your hand, taking a sip before setting it on one of the shelves, “nope… classic.”
he lets himself be a bit softer around you, even if only for a moment. it’s only when you two are alone, usually late at night, usually after a few drinks that he lets the walls drop… only just a bit.
like now, when he pulls you into the empty space of his living room, placing your hand, the one that isn’t wrapped in his, on his shoulder, his free hand goes to the small of your back.
“so now you wanna dance?” you ask with a bit of snark.
butcher lets out a soft huff of amusement as you two start swaying, “what you lot was doin’ at the bar wasn’t dancin’… you was flailing about.”
“hm… whatever. least we were having fun, i mean… even M.M. got up!”
“‘cause he’s a sucker for ‘Earth, Wind & Fire’.”
“well yeah… who isn’t?”
“me.”
you roll your eyes with a soft sigh, “suuure… stick in the mud.”
you’re both quiet after that, only the sound of old music coming through shitty speakers and gentle steps against his floor fill the room. he dances you through the whole a-side of the album, the hand on your back has snaked around your waist, your head rests against his shoulder, and he holds your intertwined hands closer to his chest.
you take as much of this as you can get from him, knowing these moments are fleeting. there are so many unspoken words between the two of you, you’re too stubborn to make a move, and well… butcher’s too… butcher. he thinks he’s much too undeserving of something as precious as you.
and maybe he’s right. maybe he doesn’t deserve you, but that doesn’t stop him from wanting you, it doesn’t stop you wanting him. so for now… the soft, fleeting, moments are enough.
it’s always strange when those moments end, though. the way you can see his demeanor shift in an instant.
like now, the music stops and he looks away from you when you look up at him. you can see the way his face changes, like he’s snapping out of a trance or he’s caught himself doing something he knows shouldn’t.
butcher pulls away from you, wiping his hands on his pants as if the feeling of you lingering on his skin has to go. he turns to put the record away and turn off the turntable.
the silence lingers for a minute before he speaks up, “think we should turn in. you take my bed.”
you try to protest, “the couch-“
“don’t fight me on it.” the command isn’t harsh, it’s not mean, it’s only a bit stern, but he just wants you to listen to him.
he just wants to do something nice for you.
you nod with a quiet sigh and thank him with a soft smile. you both retire for the night and you both know you’ll be gone in the morning before he wakes up. you both know you won’t make any mention of it when you're both in the office tomorrow.
but you both know that for now, the fact that it happened at all is enough.
(divider by @/plutism)
#butch baby ౨ৎ#billy butcher#billy butcher x reader#billy butcher the boys#billy butcher blurb#billy butcher imagine#billy butcher brainrot go brr#billy butcher x you#butcher fluff#billy butcher fluff#the boys tv#the boys amazon#william butcher#small bit of the dialogue is nicked from satc... mr big i need you....#this? might? be? ass?#idk!#let me know if it's ass!#love you byeeeee
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Lost on You - Part 10
Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x F. Supe!Reader
Summary: 1983 is a big year for you. You’re finally chosen to join the ranks of Payback, led by the most (in)famous supe in the world: Soldier Boy. He’ll never admit that he’s trying his damndest to figure you out. You’ll never admit that he’s actually growing on you. But the problem with this game is deciding who’s the predator, and who is prey.
AN: And we’re back! In today’s episode, we have a very special guest. 😉
Also, just so you guys know, my podcast interview with the Idling in the Impala podcast is now live! For all the timestamps of key moments, fic recs, and SPN writer shoutouts, see this post (you'll find the link to the video there too).
Song Inspo: “Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak
Word Count: 6.5K
Tags/Warnings: 18+ only! Smut, angst, drug use, PTSD, violence, and another big reveal…
🎵 YouTube Playlist || Spotify Playlist
🎙️ Series Masterlist
Part 10: I Need a Hero
Revenge could wait for one more day.
It all can wait, Ben thought. Despite how vehement he was yesterday, today, he was reminded of how good it felt to sleep in a warm bed with a beautiful woman.
He laid there behind you, on his side. He’d woken up to the sound of music somewhere downstairs, maybe in the dining room.
What time is it? It was hard to remember to keep track of that now, even with the digital clock on the nightstand. It was only midnight, but to his body, it felt like morning.
You were dead asleep. Occasionally you let out soft hums, and other semi-arousing sounds. His lips tugged upward.
Still moans in her sleep.
He drew down the comforter and sheets slowly from your back. He was greeted by smooth skin, except where some marks had been made permanent. His fingers traced carefully over a rough, scarred patch of skin above your hip, as if you had been tased there repeatedly.
His jaw clenched. He could still remember the sounds he used to hear—your screams through the walls of the compound. He remembered when you eventually stopped begging for it all to stop.
“You’re saying this is my fucking fault?!” he said. “Yes! It is your fault. Because you’re too much of a mean, callous, arrogant, entitled, selfish, fucking asshole to see that everybody hates you!” you spat.
For so long after that day, he hated you. He told himself that he didn’t give a shit about whatever was happening to you, because you clearly didn’t give a shit about him.
But the long months wore on to longer years, alone in the dark. Too often, your words would rattle through his head, reach through his chest with ragged claws. No matter how much he fought it, all he had time to do when he was alone, was think.
He vacillated between stubborn, angry indignation, and rethinking every interaction he had with you, with Countess, the rest of the team, and beyond. Slowly, he allowed himself to retrace his steps. If only in his mind, he began to regret certain things…at least where it came to you.
Ignoring you was both harder and easier, since he couldn’t see you.
That all changed a few days ago.
Eisenstein returned to his cell, but this time he wasn’t alone. Two guards held you bound and gagged. You were just as shocked to see him as he was you.
It felt like he was suspended in time.
He saw the signs of aging in your face, but it didn’t matter. Even now, you were beautiful.
The spell of it broke when they threw you down onto the metal table usually reserved for him. He saw now that they had you in a straitjacket to keep your hands covered. The anger built inside him, almost incandescent in his veins.
“What the fuck is this?”
The doctor held a glass syringe in his gloved hand. He drew closer to you with slow, measured steps.
A realization soon dawned on Ben, no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it. He saw your terror, the way you wordlessly pleaded with him, asking for help with your eyes.
Part of him still hated you, but he couldn’t take it. He wouldn’t allow this sick bastard to hurt you again. Not right the fuck in front of him.
You were still his.
His hand traveled down your bare shoulder, over the gentle slope of your side, and down the curve of your hip under the covers. You shifted and hummed, edging toward wakefulness. Ben settled in from behind, protectively embracing his body around yours in a perfect fit. He began kissing along your neck, slowly.
“Hmmm I’m sleeping,” you said, keeping your eyes closed. He smirked. His lips became more insistent, along with his hand spanning your thigh.
“Wake up, then,” he said. He teased the shell of your ear with his tongue, dragged your earlobe between his teeth. You shivered.
“Don’t tell me what to do,” you retorted, smiling.
Ben huffed. “Yeah, keep being a fucking brat. That’ll get me to stop.”
His beard rasped against your skin as his lips found a path down the column of your throat. Acquiescing to open your eyes, you sighed, tilting your head back to give him more room. Meanwhile, his cock pressed insistently against your ass.
You smirked and shifted your hips, grinding back against him. “Maybe I like working you up.”
“Oh yeah?” He moved your thigh over his to spread your legs for him. There the warm, blunt tip of his cock pressed at your entrance, nudging you open with shallow thrusts. You moaned in response, reaching back to slip a hand in his hair.
You were a wanton little thing, he thought, even as he reached around to bury his fingers in your pussy. Already finding wetness between your folds, he gathered some of it and rolled your clit smoothly between his fingers. You gasped his name, your hips bearing down against him.
He took the opportunity to sheathe himself all the way inside you, until his hips were snug against your ass. You made a sound of pleasure that had his balls clenching on reflex. Your voice was a curse, even without your powers.
For once, he fucked into you slowly, with long, unhurried strokes that still managed to rock the bed. Ben was surprised the frame and springs hadn’t given up yet.
“You’re fucking mine, you hear me?” he said, close to your ear. He punctuated his words with deeper thrusts. “Say you understand.”
“Yes,” you agreed on a gasp.
“Yes, what?” He laid more tantalizing kisses along your neck and jawline. “Tell me.”
“I’m yours,” you said, in a coarse whisper. Ben claimed your lips in a kiss, before he kept moving inside you in languid strokes.
You were a moaning mess, your eyes squeezed shut. You grabbed at your breasts and kneaded them yourself, rolling and pinching your nipples. He strummed more insistently on your clit, until he felt your inner walls finally start to throb around him.
Your orgasm hit you in a slow, long wave as you pressed your face into your pillow. And you clenched so impossibly tight on his cock, it triggered his release as well. His arm curled around your middle and pressed you tight against him as he uttered a sharp grunt. He finished hot inside you, panting heavily into your neck afterward.
“Well, good morning,” you quipped, despite trying to catch your breath as well.
Ben’s hazy reverie broke into a chuckle. He dropped a lingering kiss onto your shoulder.
“It’s the middle of the night,” he corrected.
You shrugged. “Whatever.”
When he pulled out of you, you shivered a little. He rolled onto his back, and regardless of the mess in the sheets, you turned over to rest your elbow on his pillow, leaning over him.
“I should probably tell you something,” you said.
He eyed you in suspicion. “What now?”
You smiled and laid a hand on his chest, dragging your nails through the fuzz there.
“My family’s from Brooklyn, not a small town in Indiana,” you confessed. "Made it up to make me seem more...down to earth. Doe-eyed and likeable."
Ben’s brows shot up. He took a moment to process that information, then he shook his head.
“Fucking figures.” His arm lowered to curl around your lower back, caging you against him.
“I grew up in a brownstone that we had to share with two other families,” you said.
“So you were broke.”
“Yep. When I was born, my family spent all their savings to contract with Vought, to give me Compound V,” you explained. “Their plan was something like, if I became a famous superhero one day, I’d bring us out of our shitty life.”
Ben sighed, shaking his head. “So they pimped you out to Vought.”
“Essentially,” you said. You paused. He could see it was difficult for you, but you talked more about your life��the expectations from your parents, the training, the grueling schedules and the robbing of your childhood.
“When my mom died, I…I realized just how much they took from me,” you said, gazing up at him. “Isn’t that horrible?”
Again, Ben shook his head. His hand had been caressing up and down your back, but it stopped now. Part of him was still reluctant, but he told you about the biggest lie of his life. That he hadn’t grown up poor or struggling. That his father practically owned half of Pennsylvania, and Ben had been a spoiled rich kid. He’d also gotten kicked out of boarding school after starting a fight.
“My father said I wasn’t worthy of his name,” he said, with a wry turn of his lips. “So I went out, talked to some of his golf buddies in the War department, and got myself into the Vought program. I became Soldier Boy.”
You listened with rapt attention. Not interrupting him, just giving him the time he needed to find his words.
“When I came home after the war, my mother was just as proud as she’d ever been,” he recounted. But he didn’t smile. “My father took a good look at me, maybe for the first time in my life. And you know what he said?”
You gave him a questioning look, silently prodding.
“He said I took a short cut. ‘A real man wouldn’t have cheated,’” he said.
When he eventually met your gaze, you at least didn’t look pitying. Just understanding.
“I guess we both have daddy issues, huh?” you said.
Ben shook his head. Then he eyed you. “You don’t look that surprised by all this.”
You smiled, a little sheepish. You stroked your thumb across his chin.
“I can sense when a man is lying to me, remember?” you said pointedly. “I clocked you a long time ago, pal. Mostly any time you told some fake war story... You didn't fight in the war, did you?”
He frowned in offence, even though you both knew he couldn’t deny it.
"I was there," he said.
You gave him a knowing look. "Ben."
"I fucking would've, all right, but by the time I got there it was pretty much..." He waved a dismissive hand. His brows were crunched along with his worsening frown. You felt his embarrassment, and as a result, his agitation. You were glad to finally get the truth in his own words, but you didn't want to work him up in that way either.
You tried softening him with a kiss to his cheek. You rubbed a soothing hand over his arm.
“So what do you want to do when we get our lives back?” you asked, purposefully changing the subject. “After the whole payback thing.”
Ben sat up with you against the headboard. His upset slowly faded away with your ministrations, your gentle touch, and his expression fell into contemplation.
“I always thought I had time, but uh…I thought I’d eventually settle down. Have a couple of rugrats of my own. Raise a family,” he said. “Thought I could do it better than my old man.”
You tilted your head at him with a certain measure of surprise. Out of everything he might’ve said, that one didn’t occur to you. Although, with his upbringing, you supposed it made sense. You smiled.
“You might have a few of those out there somewhere,” you said.
He chuckled. “I've always thought so.”
He looked at you in a way he hadn’t before, a bit gentler, with something else you couldn’t name. Your face warmed as something fluttered in your lower belly.
“So tell me then. What do you want?” he asked.
Once you worked through that bit of nerves, you thought about his question. It took you longer than you thought it would to come up with an answer, but when you did, it was the most honest thing you could think of.
“I want to be happy.”
He paused, not expecting that answer. Then he nodded, with a short hum.
You sighed. “Okay, if you really want to go after Vought, I think I have an idea of where we should start.”
I can’t believe it. This thing still fits me pretty well, you thought. You twisted in the mirror to examine yourself in your old black and violet supe suit, though you didn't bother with the mask.
Meanwhile, Ben was already with your generous host, sat with widespread legs on the couch while he smoked a large blunt. His smoke coiled out lazily.
“You gotta believe me, I didn’t know what they were planning,” said Arthur Cohen. AKA: The Legend. He had been forced into a chair, though Ben hadn’t bothered tying him up. The man knew better than to make a false move. He was a decade older, and lucky for him, even wiser.
His penthouse apartment in New York looked more or less the same. Hit records and old successful movie posters adorned the walls, like a true has-been.
“Yeah, you said that fifty fucking times already,” Ben snarked. “What you haven’t said, is why.”
“To be honest, I never asked,” Arthur said. His expression soured. “Stillwell and Stan Edgar shivved me out of that decision, those uppity fucks. Then they got me fired on some technicality.”
“Allegations of embezzlement, or so I heard,” you said, reentering the room.
Arthur raised a finger. “Not true. That money was well earned backpay.”
You rolled your eyes.
“You know I know you’re lying, right?” You approached the men and crossed your arms. “What’s the lay of the land now?”
“Well, Stillwell’s the new me. Stan’s the new CEO. They disbanded Payback after you disappeared. The others are either working new gigs or are in early retirement. But I heard Vought’s working up to creating a new team.”
You nodded and shared a glance with Ben. He looked a little too chilled out right now. Apparently, Arthur had the good stuff.
“Before we jump into the frying pan with this, I want to go see my family,” you said. “Would you…want to go with me?”
Ben blew out more smoke, gesturing at Arthur. “I’ll keep this one company until he finds our old team. Make sure he doesn’t fuck off to Rio.”
You felt the sting of disappointment, but you sighed and agreed.
“Just…wait for me to get back before you go anywhere,” you said. You saw Ben prickle a little at being “told” what to do. You lowered down to his lips.
“Please?” you said, plying him with a kiss, and a gentle squeeze of his hand. “I’ll be back soon.”
He tightened his hand on yours. His gaze drew over you, briefly with more clarity through his high.
“Fine,” he said. “Be careful.”
You nodded with a smile, giving him one more kiss goodbye.
Your father was the longer drive north than your brother’s house in Queens, so you headed up to find the former first after borrowing a car from Arthur. According to him, your father had moved upstate to Albany after your “death.”
Now, you understood why.
He lived in a two-story house on a whole acre of land, complete with three cars, a pool, and oh yeah, his new girlfriend. She looked good hanging off his arm in Atlantic City, as you saw from a picture on the wall—after you broke into the house, that is. To be fair, they’d left the sliding glass door open in the backyard.
Your dad was dressed like he just got home from the golf course, walking over from the kitchen to the living room. He dropped his glass of wine in shock when he saw you standing there, admiring the only framed picture of you, your mother, and Chris on one of the display shelves. Glass shattered across the hardwood floor.
“Hey, Dad,” you said. You turned to him, not bothering to hide your disdain.
He gaped for a few seconds as he tried and failed to make his mouth work. He pointed at you with a shaking hand, your name finally falling from his lips.
“It’s a beautiful place,” you said. You gestured widely at your surroundings. “It’s nice to see that you finally got what you wanted.”
He tried to go to you, to embrace you, but you held out a hand. Your lips trembled as you fought the onslaught of your emotions. If he touched you, you might not have been able to control your actions.
“Did you give any of the settlement money to Chris and his family? Or did my death just make you rich,” you asked.
Your father’s eyes closed. He released a heavy sigh before he was able to meet your gaze again.
“He wouldn’t take any of it,” he admitted.
Your tears stung in your eyes as you smiled a little. “Sounds like him.”
“Where have you been?” he asked. “Are you okay? Do you need help?”
Again, he tried to get closer to you, and again, you held him off.
“The only thing I need from you is to keep doing what you’re doing,” you said. “Keep living your life like you no longer have a daughter.”
With that, you stalked out of the house and shot out the door, back to your car, no matter how much he called out after you. You got into the driver’s seat and beat the wheel once, twice, venting your frustrations. But you forced yourself to take in deep breaths to calm yourself. You wiped the tears from your eyes.
He wasn’t worth it.
You wondered if you should go see Chris though. Would it be safe for him and his family? Was Vought watching them as a contingency, if you ever escaped?
You weren’t sure. You rucked through your purse lying in the passenger seat for the weird “cell” phone Arthur had lent you. You wanted to check in with Ben first, before you went anywhere else.
You started to dial, but a gloved hand shot out and injected a needle into your neck. You startled at the sharpness and the feeling of a chemicals rushing through your body. Your eyes darted to the rearview mirror.
All you saw was a blurry, black mask.
Meanwhile, Ben was fucking plastered.
He had been ever since you left yesterday morning. In his unrest, he’d moved on to a handful of whatever opiates Arthur kept in his medicine cabinet.
Christ I’m fucking bored.
He glanced down at the phone in his lap. The one Arthur gave him, along with a list of numbers that had been taped to the fridge. The first number on the list was the cell phone you were carrying. Ben read the rest of them.
Pizza place. Chinese. Swedish massage—hmm, there’s an idea. Handy man. BEST escort service…
Ben rose a brow. An inebriated smile curved his lips.
“What makes it the best escort service?” he asked, and loudly. Enough that Arthur came over from where he’d been making calls in his office, trying to find the rest of his former teammates’ whereabouts.
Arthur raised a brow at him. “You sure that’s a good idea right now?”
Ben shot him a terse warning look. The other man raised his hands.
“Eh, I’m three times divorced. What do I know?” he said, but he sighed and gave Ben a long look. “It just seems to me that you and Sirena got a good thing goin’, that’s all.”
The thought of you managed to cut through the haze of drugs clouding Ben’s mind. He frowned.
“That’s how Missus #1 caught me, with one of my ex-assistants in the jacuzzi,” Arthur said, with a mild grimace on his face. “She got that house in the divorce. Well, that and the kids.”
Ben looked over at him blankly.
Heaving a sigh, Arthur went back to his office.
Ben glanced down at the list of numbers in his hand, and the cell phone in the other. What the fuck was taking you so long then?
He dialed the first number on the list—your number. It rang several times, but you never answered. He called you again, waited a few minutes, then called you a third time. You weren’t answering.
His frown worsened, along with a suspicious prickling up his spine. Fuck...
He'd felt it the moment he let go of your hand, but he'd been too out of his mind to actually listen to his instincts; the same ones that warned him not to let you out of his sight. And more importantly, not to let you go.
He got up from the couch and stormed into Arthur’s office, shoving the door open. Arthur jumped in his seat.
“What? What’s the matter?”
“She’s not picking up the fucking phone,” Ben said. He paused. “Something’s wrong.”
Arthur didn’t ask him the predictable question: how do you know? He just took in the look on the supe’s face and knew it wouldn’t be wise arguing. He tried calling your father's home, but all the man would say was, "She left. She's gone."
Arthur hung up with the man, and for a long moment, he sat pensively while Ben angrily paced the small office, like a tiger confined in its enclosure.
“It’s possible that Vought knows you guys made it back,” Arthur said. At the dark look on Ben’s face, the other man rubbed his chin with a sigh. “Okay. I’ll try to track her down for ya. In the meantime, I’ve got Countess’s address. Maybe she'll even have an idea of where to look for Sirena.”
He slid a piece of paper toward Ben across his desk. He grabbed it, pointing a threatening finger at Arthur.
“Find her.”
You woke with a groan. You knew a drugging when you felt one, and this was it. Someone had given you a powerful sedative.
You were alone in a white padded cell, lying on a cot. It was all too familiar.
Except for the tall figure in black standing in the middle of the room, watching you. You gasped with a jolt, pressing your back against the wall after you sat up. You almost couldn’t believe your eyes.
“Irving?”
Black Noir stepped closer until he was sitting beside you on the cot. Tentatively, he raised a hand up to touch your cheek with gentle, gloved fingers.
Your shock gave way to anger. You slapped his hand away.
“What are you doing?!” you said sharply.
Noir backed off at once, as if you’d struck him a real blow. He got up, went over and grabbed a dry erase board that had been lying against the far wall, along with a marker off the floor. He wrote something down on it, then he showed you.
You shouldn’t have come back to NY.
You frowned, both at what he “said,” and in confusion. Why wouldn’t he just talk to you?
“What did you expect?” you asked incredulously. “For me and Ben just to disappear forever? To let you keep ruining our lives?”
Noir paused at that. He tilted his head with a long look at you. With your abilities, you were able to sense that he was disheartened, and even angry. He erased the board with his arm and wrote something else.
Do you love him?
You blinked at the question.
“Who?” you asked, even though you knew.
Soldier Boy
Emotion rose high in your throat, but you worked past it with a swallow, and a deep breath.
“That’s none of your business,” you said.
Noir just stared at you, his head tilting forward. The longer he stood there, watching you, waiting for an answer, the longer you prickled with unease.
He erased the board and wrote the same question again. He held it out for you to see, shaking it once in emphasis.
Do you love him?
You hesitated, but you didn’t want to lie anymore, even to yourself.
“Yes, I do,” you said. “I know what he’s done, believe me, but he isn’t a monster.”
Noir’s head twitched. You felt his anger intensify. He dropped the board onto the floor, startling you, but all he did next was slowly raise his hands to take off his helmet. He showed you what was left of his mottled, disfigured face—the burnt skin and the divot in his skull that had never fully healed.
Your mouth parted in shock as tears sprung in your eyes. You tried to avert them, but Noir stepped forward and grabbed your jaw, turning your face up to his and forcing you to look. Your lips trembled, but you met his gaze unflinchingly.
When he seemed to be satisfied, he released you and stepped back. He placed his helmet back on.
“I understand why you hate him,” you said at last. “But you made your choice when you let them take me too. You…you changed everything for me.”
You were satisfied to feel a lance of Noir’s guilt. You had scars too, and most of them weren’t physical.
“I’m not going to apologize for my choices now,” you said, with a firm glare. “So unless you’re going to kill me, you can fuck off, before I scramble what’s left of your head.”
Your eyes glowed with your power. You opened your mouth to begin your siren’s song, but Noir turned on his heel and exited the door, leaving you alone in the cell.
A fucking chimp sanctuary. Really? Ben thought as he broke into the boundary of the reserve. About a quarter mile into the tall grass, he found a large, if rundown country style house in the middle of the woods.
“Yes, Big Daddy. I’m almost ready for you. Just let me heat these up…”
Ben raised a brow, but he gritted his teeth and kicked through the front door. There she was, Crimson Countess in all her glory, holding a set of anal beads.
She gasped at the sight of him, but she ignored the “client” on speaker on her landline phone, and dropped the beads so she could aim a fiery blast at the intruder.
Ben jumped out of the way and tossed his shield. It hit her square in the chest and sent her flying back into the wall, destroying a bookshelf and the dining table. He walked over to it with slow, heavy steps.
She raised her head with a groan, but then, her eyes watered with disbelief…and fear, when she looked up at him.
“Ben?” she said. “My God…it’s really you, isn’t it? You... you look the same.”
“You don't,” he remarked. He lowered down to grab her by the collar of her suit and raise her out of the rubble.
“How much did the Russians pay you, Donna?” he asked calmly.
She struggled to escape, her nails scraping at his gloved hand. He tightened his hold.
“They didn’t,” she admitted. Tears leaked from her eyes under her mask.
“They didn’t pay you anything?” he said through clenched teeth. “Then why?”
You know why, came sneaking voice in his mind. He tried to pay it no heed, but Donna sneered at him.
“Because,” she spat. “I fucking hated you. We all did.”
Ben’s lips pulled at a humorless smirk. His chest prickled with heat. “I should’ve known you were a bunch of sniveling, backstabbing, fucking cowards.”
“Kill me then,” she taunted. “Is that gonna make you feel better? Going to make you feel less empty inside?”
Ben’s chest began to get that nuclear glow, but he managed to fight it down, back into embers.
“Not yet,” he said. He drew her in closer. She held onto his wrist, her feet scrambling over the debris on the floor.
“I need to find someone,” he said. “And you’re going to help me.”
Ben and Donna sat across from each other on her living room couch, with the landline sat between them. The phone was on speaker as it rang. The longer it took, the more annoyed he became.
“This better work,” he said. She gave him a flat look.
Finally, a woman answered the phone.
“Good afternoon. Stan Edgar’s office. How may I assist you?”
“Hi Gloria, it’s me, Donna,” she said. “I need to speak with Stan as soon as possible, please.”
“Ooh, I’m afraid he’s in a meeting.”
“Trust me, he’s going to want to take this call.”
“Hmm, I’m afraid his next availability isn’t until next week. And next month if you want an in-person meeting.”
“Just tell him to call me back asap!” She said, hanging up the phone in a huff. Ben gave her an unimpressed look.
“That was your big fucking plan?” he said.
She huffed. “You think breaking into Vought is going to be easy? Let alone finding that weasel. He’s got the best security money can buy, and by the way, finding where they’re keeping your little girlfriend isn’t going to be any easier. They could’ve stashed her literally anywhere by now.”
You think I don’t fucking know that? Ben got up from the couch with an angry breath. He turned away from her and rubbed at his beard in contemplation. He shouldn’t have let you go anywhere alone.
I should’ve been there. The thought gripped him, deep in his gut. Guilt was an unfamiliar, uncomfortable feeling.
“We’re going to need help,” Donna said.
His bad mood took a turn for the worst. He glanced back at her.
“What, the rest of the fucking Scooby gang?” he snarked.
“Or you can try going in alone, guns blazing,” she shrugged. Her sharpened gaze met his. “How fast do you think they’ll kill her, just to spite you?”
Ben’s jaw clenched. Donna leaned back in her seat and crossed her arms.
“Or worse. They’ll put you back in a box and ship you back to the Russians,” she said. Her snide smile had him clenching his teeth. “Either way, you’ll never see her again.”
With everything in his being, Ben wanted to fry this bitch to Kingdom Come.
“Get up,” he ordered. “Pack a bag. We’re leaving.”
Donna’s expression fell. “What?"
"You heard me!" he barked, grabbing her arm to pull Donna to her feet. "Get the fuck up."
She struggled against his grip. "Where’re we going?”
“To find those fucking Twins.”
They took her car, a tiny sedan. Evidently, the end of Payback hadn’t been good for Donna’s career. Arthur had told him that, irony of ironies, she now sang at a Soldier Boy tribute act at Voughtland to pay her bills. And as he’d seen earlier, she needed to pad her income in other ways.
She was driving them up to Vermont. It was going to take days, and Ben was already sick of her.
It was a small blessing when they stopped at a gas station in the nighttime. She gave him her credit card to buy some snacks for the road while she filled up the tank. (He took the keys with him as insurance that she wouldn't bolt with the car.)
He returned with a far bigger bag than she expected. She forgot what a human garbage disposal he could be. He tossed the card back at her.
“Your card’s maxed out, by the way,” he said.
She glared at him, but she endeavored to let it go with a sigh, raising a hand to her temple. How the fuck had this become her life?
To minimize being overheard, she stepped closer to him while the gas pump kept going on her car.
“Gunpowder is the easiest one to find next. Mindstorm’s probably hiding in a hole in the middle of the woods some-goddamn-where,” she said, keeping her voice down. She gave her unwanted companion a sly look. “Though I’m thinking you want Mindstorm to stay wherever he retired.”
It brought up an unsavory memory.
After the team turned on him, Mindstorm had been the one to lock his gaze on Ben. For a moment, his feet had been rooted to the ground while Mindstorm tried to shove him deep into his mind. It had given someone the opening to slip a mask of Novichok over his face. He suspected it had been Countess.
Now, Ben turned to her with a glare at her audacity.
“You know, for a massive cunt, you’ve got some brass balls,” he said dangerously. “How the fuck didn’t I see what a vindictive little snake you were from the beginning?”
Donna scoffed in derision.
“I’m vindictive? Says the cheating, lying, bastard,” she snapped.
“Oh, shut your hole. You knew what I was doing, and you didn’t give a shit,” he said with a glare. He leveled a finger at her. “You used me to get exactly what you fucking wanted. Fame, money, and all the perks that come with it.”
Her lips pursed, like she didn’t want to admit it. But if they were airing out dirty laundry, then she wasn’t pulling any more punches.
“Well, I wasn’t the only one. Was I?” she said. “Anyone who ever smiled at you, fawned over you, or sucked your dick was trying to get something from you. Or, they were scared of you. Because you’re a bully. A fucking monster. And sooner or later, Sirena won’t be able to stomach you anymore.”
The thin leash on his temper finally snapped. He reacted, reaching out to grab her by the throat. He was truly thinking about breaking her neck.
Donna choked for air and gripped his wrist. “Without me, you’ll have no one. Good…fucking…luck finding her.”
Ben was furious, but he battled it down, expelling a breath of frustration.
He released her. She coughed and gasped and stumbled a few feet away from him, glaring at him all the while through her fear.
When she was eventually able to stand again, she and Ben shared a look of mutual loathing, but also, of understanding.
It was an uneasy truce. For now.
You were quickly unraveling alone in the dark.
You felt the phantom cold of your old cell. No matter how you rubbed your arms through the leather of your supe suit, you couldn’t get warm. You released a shaky breath and swiped at your tears.
You missed Ben. He had to know by now that you were in trouble, but you didn’t know if he’d know how to find you. Or worse, if they found him first.
You steeled yourself and tried to calm your panic. You counted to thirty. Your eyes flit to every small detail of your cell that you could name: the small crack in the gray linoleum tile, the line of ants slowly creeping along the corner, the brittle wool blanket you were sitting on, laid over your cot.
When your breathing was steady, you tried to think. You didn’t know where you were, of course, but you could try to sense how big the building was.
You did something you rarely did. You cast your awareness outward as far as you could reach.
There were very few male energies, and you only picked up on a few scattered thoughts.
Until you found one. It felt…strong, but young. A kid?
Jesus Christ, what’re they doing in this place? you thought.
What…who’s there?
You heard the voice in your mind, small and afraid and lonely. Before you could answer him, the door of your cell opened to a few familiar faces.
There was an older man in a lab coat that you recognized, but you couldn’t place his name until you read his monogram. Vogelbaum. Followed by Stan Edgar and Black Noir, who came to stand behind you. You knew that if you made any wrong moves, Noir would kill you this time.
Quickly you read their energies as you observed them.
Vogelbaum gave off mild interest in you, but it felt clinical. Stan felt resigned and calculating as he took you in.
“For what it’s worth, I do wish it hadn’t come to this, Sirena,” Stan said. “We didn’t intend for you to get caught up our deal with Russia.”
He may have been telling the truth, but that didn’t mean you cared.
“You’re in the most secure lab we have,” he said, gesturing to your wall-to-wall cell without windows. “No one knows you’re here, and no one will find you.”
You smiled dryly. “So what do you want from me?”
“I want to know how you and Soldier Boy escaped the facility in Russia,” he said, gathering his hands behind his back.
What he really meant was, How did you escape? So we can make the next cell even more effective.
You leaned forward and spat at his shoes.
Black Noir grabbed you by the back of your neck and yanked you back. Your jaw clenched in anger, but you didn’t struggle. Even if you opened your mouth to sing, Noir would snap your neck before your powers had time to affect him.
Stan remained unaffected by your outburst, though he glanced down at his shoes.
“These are handmade Italian leather,” he remarked.
“Even if you find Ben, you’ll never be able to kill him,” you said tersely.
“We don’t need to kill him. Nor will we need to find him,” Stan said. “He’s already looking for you.”
Your eyes widened. Your heart swelled with both hope and dread, though you tried to hide it.
“We have a plan to neutralize him. Several, in fact,” he added, and spread his hands wide. “Until then…welcome home.”
Smug bastard. You glared back at him.
He left, along with Vogelbaum. Black Noir glanced back at you once, then he was gone.
The lights in your cell turned off, leaving you in darkness. You heaved a breath and couldn’t help the tears that found hot paths down your cheeks. You curled your knees up on the cot and held them to your chest.
You squeezed your eyes shut, as if you could pretend the room wasn’t pitch black. You focused your breathing, in and out, until your heartbeat began to slow down from its panic.
The kid, you remembered.
You licked your dry lips and tried casting your awareness out again. When you found the familiar energy from before, you reached out to him.
Hey, are you there? you prodded.
Who the hell are you?
It’s okay. Don’t be scared, you said, and you gave him your name. Are you locked up here?
Y-Yeah.
I’m sorry to hear that. I am too.
How can you be talking to me…in my head?
Well, it’s complicated, you admitted. It’s a new power I’m trying out, thanks to my time as a human test subject.
Something told you this kid knew the feeling.
What’s your name? you asked.
Um…John. I’m John.
AN: 🤭 Oh, yeah, we're going there.
How did you like getting Ben's perspective on things? And his "forced" team up with Countess to find the rest of the cast of Payback. 😬 What could possibly go wrong?
Next Time:
Ben hated to admit it (so he wouldn’t), but she had a point. It took him a minute to wrangle in his ire, taking deep breaths to try and calm the power inside him. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t.
This time, it actually did.
His hand fell back to his side, letting the younger man breathe freely.
“Let’s go.” Ben turned on his heel and headed out.
“Where, uh…where’re we going?” Charlie asked, rubbing his sore neck.
“Looks like we’re getting the team back together,” Ben said grimly.
He tilted his head.
“Well. What’s left of it.”
▶️ Keep Reading: PART 11
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shocked and appalled to learn there are people seriously insisting the fallout ghoul isn't attractive as if "sarcastic gunslinging cowboy with a southern drawl and tragic backstory" is not a tried and true heartthrob format
"He's radioactive and missing a nose" okay! He's the fastest draw in the irradiated west stacy! He'll tie you up and call you sweetheart what more do you want out of a man!!!
#i don't care if you ship him with anyone i just need us to be honest about the fact that he is hot#that is an objectively hot ghoul#the ghoul#cooper howard#fallout#fallout show#fallout amazon#fallout prime
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That feeling when, after 33 years of Heavily Implied Situationship, a canon romance is established and then imploded in 3 minutes flat as a plot device to set up the final act of a trilogy for which there is as of yet no confirmed third part.
#I want to hate the ending of s2#but I can't because of the way david tennant's voice breaks on the word spend#because of the way michael sheen presses his trembling hand to his mouth after the kiss#but none of that matters if there is no season 3#in the soup#amazon had better meet the striking actors and writers demands#because its important#but also because everyone involved in this needs to answer for their crimes#and confirm s3#gos2 spoilers#gos2#ineffable husbands
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