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hayleybaaby · 7 months ago

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Bringing back surveys!

Y’all remember back in the day, when MySpace bulletins were where we poured our hearts out in survey questions?!? It was totally fun lol I used to do this on my last Tumblr account. I can’t access it anymore, so I’m starting over here 🩷

Tired of those surveys made by high school kids? ‘Have you ever kissed someone? Missed someone? Drank alcohol?’ Here are 40 questions for Grown Ups:

1.What bill do you hate paying the most? it’s a tie between the light bill & land/vehicle taxes smh 🙄

2.Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? honestly y’all it’s been so long I literally do not know 😅😂 hubby & I’ve never been out without children lol y’all gotta think my oldest two existed when I met him, so it was never an alone moment 🙂‍↔️

3. What do you really want to be? I always wanted to be a psychologist, but that’s too many years in school & now I’ve got too many kids lol so it’ll have to be a nurse probably.. I’m really leaning towards Lactation Consultant 🤱🏼

4. How many colleges did you attend? just one, online.

5. Why did you choose the shirt you have on? it’s actually a romper from Temu lol it’s all about comfort as well as accessibility… for a breastfeeding 2.5 year old 🤱🏼

6. Thoughts on gas prices? I don’t have to worry about getting gas cus my husband & I currently share a vehicle 😂😩 it definitely isn’t convenient when all he does is work 12–15hr shifts & only has off on the weekends.. or I can drive him one hour one way (leaving my house, at the latest, by 4am.. with 4 children).

7. First thought when the alarm goes off in the morning? since it’s still summer break for my oldest 2 kiddos, the only alarm I am currently having to hear is Monday — Friday to get up with my husband & make his breakfast n lunch for the day. It’s quite relaxing to know that I then don’t have to rush up two cranky kids at 6am to get them to their school bus (with our van that’s only meant to be on our road as it’s got some issues — now the worst part is that the battery is constantly dying, leaving me unable to get them to the bus stop on time). ⏰ my life is pretty simple tho I just wake up thankful for my husband who provides for us, my blessing of kids, & the fact that we’re never hungry or sick. But I’m not gonna lie, my mental health is a big factor when I wake up. A lot of times I have to forcibly remind myself of those amazing things in my life or I won’t want to move from the bed. Period. Having severe depression, severe anxiety, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, etc isn’t something fun to live with… like I’m forever battling my own brain 24/7.

8. Last thought you have before you go to bed? are my children really happy? Am I doing my best? Then of course I think about my husband & his life as well. Is this what he wanted?!? 4 kids (2 bonus kids for him although he’s never considered them his stepkids) & a wife who solely depend on him whilst he pulls nasty trashcans in the hot sun for up to 15hrs a day with barely any peace at all…

9. Do you miss being a kid? I took being a kid for granted. BiG TiME. I dealt with my mental health issues since I was very young, so I never got to truly enjoy my childhood. The freedom, the peace, the happiness, the absolute zero fkin cares in the world! I wasn’t depended on for anything lol & I had NO BILLS 💸 I literally thought that I knew what sadness n stress was bahaha NOPE 🙂‍↔️ now that I’m an adult, I do wish that I would’ve cherished my childhood & parents more. They weren’t perfect, but they loved me & only wanted what they thought was best for me. I was their main focus besides my sister. They kept the fridge full, lights/internet/Dish network/mortage/any other bills paid, worked, my Mama always cooked, & I had plenty of nice belongings. My Dad kept me with some of the latest technology (although he’s always been anti-Apple & it’s all I’ve ever loved lmao) & my mama always took me to the mall or good stores to buy us nice clothing! 🫶🏻 I was very blessed as a child. 🩷

10. What errand/chore do you despise the most? the worst chore would definitely be the dishes 😂 I don’t get to run many errands cus I mean Rome is constantly working with the vehicle lol. But I hate dishes. Maaan. Not having a dishwasher is some BS 🖕🏻

11. Up early or sleep in? tbh sleeping in is always my favorite 😩💜😅 but I’m forever up early now due to my husband’s job. He’s gone for usually like 15–16hrs; that’s usually plus the 1hr trip to & from. But oftentimes he will work a 15hr shift & be gone even LONGER. His days begin so fkin early & end insanely, miserably late…

12. Found love ? yesss, in a few places. Specifically my beautiful children & hardworking, handsome husband 🥹 we’ve been together for 5 years on April 26th, 2019 & married for 3 as of March 23rd, 2021 💍👩🏼‍🤝‍👨🏾

13. Favorite lunch meat? i love either deli sliced turkey or ham haha & I enjoy some buffalo chicken, too… I used to have a fave brand, but they don’t always have it anymore so I can’t ever get it smfh it’s Sara Lee but now all they ever have is Prima Della or whatever UUUUGGGGHHH.

14. What do you get at Walmart every time? without fail, always fruits 🍎 🍌 🍉 🍓 & so much more lol like diapers, wipes, etc. but my kiddos will go through a large like $5 container of strawberries IN ONE SITTING. 🪑 it’s bs haha they eat an entire bag of oranges in one day as well as an entire thing of bananas. The grapes?!? Those don’t last 24hrs either. I hide the green & red apples in the back, but when they run outta immediate fruit, they go for these n they’re gone within 24hrs as well 🙂‍↔️

15. Beach or lake? the beach 🏖️��🌊 it’s getting closer for our beach trip.. leaving on my birthday on Friday! ♋�� July 12th 🥳 but we also enjoy the lake trips we have with MawMaw (my mother). 🏊🏽‍♀️

16. Is marriage outdated? Most definitely not. 💍 if it isn’t your thing then okay, but I love being my husband’s wife🖤 it’s such a beautiful feeling. March 23rd, 2021–Forever ♾️

17. What famous person would you like to have dinner with? Marilyn Monroe. 🤍 Y’all never said if they’re alive or not lol.

18. Ever crashed your vehicle? yessss 🥺 the most traumatizing experience of my entire adulthood (other than my ex trying to take my life & abusing me, but I meant like I guess technically something that was in MY so-called control). it was my Mazda. I only had a GPS to rely on. It was back in April 2019, a few weeks before I met/began dating my husband. Either way, I was otw to get my iPhone fixed at the only local Apple Store.. my phone had broken the day before. literally over an hour away from where I was living at the time (with my parents in Prospect, VA). I’d just drove over the Chesterfield line when I ran off the road, & instead of past the white line to your right there wasn’t more pavement BUT GRAVEL. Idfk why they do this cus tbh it caused my wreck 😞 I was going probably 60–65mph (basically the speed limit cus I never speed with my kids). Instead of wrecking into a tree head on into the woods directly to my right, I overcorrected & flipped my car 5 TIMES into the median that separated both ways of traffic. I’m blessed cus it could’ve kept going & landed on the opposite side of traffic ☹️ my oldest 2 were my only children at the time. Miranda was 4 years old while Leonardo was only 2ish. I was told by the police & first responders that if I hadn’t properly strapped my kids into their seats, they wouldn’t have made it 💔💔💔 Same for me wearing my seatbelt. They told me that my lil car did her job protecting us & that if it’d had been a Honda, it would’ve balled ALLLL up (I used to drive a Honda before my Mazda, so that was a scary image). I couldn’t imagine man I smacked my head each time we flipped.. if my babies hadn’t been strapped in, omg.. they wouldn’t be alive. & all I could think at the moment in the accident was trying to get back there to my babies cus at this point I’d lost complete control of my vehicle & knew that there wasn’t anything else I could possibly do – when we finally stopped flipping, it was like.. slow mo. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t look in the backseat. I just had to get them out. My driver’s side was crushed in as well as my entire front windshield. My back windshield was completely blown out as well as most of the windows. I. Was. Petrified. I kicked out my passenger’s side door. The silence was deafening. Neither of them screamed. But after the door was ripped opened, I was met with 4 wild eyes. They were definitely terrified of course. My oldest claimed that she blacked out (that’s obviously not how she said it, but that’s what had to have happened cus when I asked her what she remembered she couldn’t tell me at all). My two year old began crying because obviously I’m in a state of real panic & terror. & he’d just been in a tragic accident. I instantly ripped them both outta their car seats. Other people on the road pulled over to help/comfort/figure out what happened. I couldn’t even fkin call 911 because my phone was broken, hence why I was even in the vehicle otw to where I was. I met one of my closest friends at the time (she lives & works in that area; I believe that she’d just gotten off from work at her teaching job). She sat with me after the police & EMS left. I was beyond grateful. We waited for my mother to pick me & the kids up. We couldn’t go anywhere cus after an accident, those car seats are basically useless. My mom & I were currently not on great terms cus we’d been arguing BADLY for several months. But I’ll never forget the fear in her voice & the relief when she finally got to us. Over an hour away, as I stated. I also believe that she was at work at the time it occurred, which was even farther from where I was located cus she worked the opposite way from where we lived. But either way, it was scary & I wish that we’d never had to experience it. Although my oldest two don’t remember, I do. It’s forever in my heart. Still makes me cry to this day! 🥺😪🤧 I posted some images from the wreck in this thread.

20. Strangest place you’ve brushed your teeth? idk, at a campground I guess?!? lol like outside of our tent? 🏕️

21. Somewhere you’ve never been but want to go? there’s quite a few places! I’d love to travel. I want to visit Italy (both of my grandmothers are Italian) & Egypt. I’ve always been fascinated with the pyramids, the beautiful people & culture. Then of course I’d love to take my kids to both Disney World & Disney Land 😀 I’d also LOVE to visit Mexico, as my oldest 2 children are 50% Mexican 🇲🇽 But idk I doubt it’ll ever be more than a fantasy cus my toxic, volatile, extremely abusive ex was deported there after he attempted to kill me (& some other really fking traumatizing things happened, in front of my then newly 3 year old & almost 1 month old). I try my best to educate my babies on their heritage, but I’m the white patent who isn’t super educated other than what she learned in Spanish class in 10th & 12th grade plus the college course I took. I do my own researching of course & I’ve got many Mexican mama friends online, but it’s definitely NOT the same.

22. At this point in your life would you want to start a new career or relationship? I wouldn’t mind a career in a few years. I’ve got too many small children to care for right now. I’m truly more than likely going to pursue a career in nursing! It’s never too late 😃 especially as a recovering addict, I can assist with a lot of that stuff as well. But my true dream would to become a lactation consultant 🤱🏼 as a Mommy who’s been nursing for now about 10 years almost straight (I took off maybe a year because I’d weaned my firstborn son {my 2nd child} a little after 2 years old then fell pregnant with my 3rd child a few months later). Other than that, I’ve forever been producing breast milk 🥛 it’s something I’m insanely educated on & very passionate about 🤍🩷💛

23. How old are you? I’ll be 30 on July 12th! ♋️ 🎂 🎉 🎈 🥳 🎁

24. Do you have a go to person? it’s always my husband & then if not him, my mother. two of my biggest supporters 💜🖤 I also get a lot of love & support from my babies, especially my oldest. She’s always trying to comfort Mama 🥹

25. Are you where you want to be in life? I’m honestly content with my life but could be happier if I was able to help my husband provide for our family. But I’m super happy to be a Mommy. I’m a young Mama, started having kids at 19… I never imagined that for myself tho. My dreams & plans were to attend college & become a psychologist! 👩🏼‍⚕️

26. Growing up what were your favorite cartoons? rugrats, rocket power, hey arnold, pinky & the brain, ahhh monsters, courage the cowardly dog (a top fave), catdog, sssooo much more lol

27. What about you do you think has changed since you were a young kid? Obviously my looks lol & maybe the way I see life now. I have much more to live for now as well 😊

28. Looking back at high school were they the best years of your life? F no lmao I was kinda like the weirdo loner kid who didn’t like nor trust anyone 🤣 I’d been hurt too many times & bullied ALL throughout my entire school education. I began fighting back tho in 8th grade 🤷🏼‍♀️ maybe a lil younger when two boys were picking on me during a test & I’d turned around, snatched one of the loser’s tests & threw it in the trash 🙃 the teacher literally smiled lol. Smh. But either way, I’d gotten into too many fights/trouble (I legit stayed in ISS & OSS plus detentions) my 9th grade year n Prince Edward threatened to expel me – they then “agreed” to suspending me the first 10 days of the 10th grade school year. My mama wasn’t having that 😭🫠 she pulled me from public school & enrolled me in our local dreaded, racist ass private school y’all lemme tell ya 😩😤 I couldn’t stand that place. I’d legit eat lunch in the bathroom. It was depressing. I didn’t really make friends either. I didn’t try to tbh. I begged to return to public school, & my mom made me promise that I’d stay outta trouble or she’d send me right back cus all she wanted was what was best for me! I did my best mostly throughout my 11th grade year. During my senior year, I kept skipping classes to go to work at my daycare job looool 😝 they literally tried to fail me cus I didn’t attend my last 2 blocks of the day (an English class that was combined into 2 blocks due to it being advanced English). I was very capable – I scored a perfect score on my SAT in writing. ✍️ But I wanted to go to work, & I was always depressed at schools. People try to always say (since we’re now all adults), ��Hayley, you were so mean in school!” Naw, y’all bullied tf outta me, causing me severe anxiety & severe depression, which made me misunderstood 🫥 it’s cool tho I’m glad to have graduated cus I mean, I did well in school. I even received an academic jacket for having a certain GPA level in school 🏫 I wish that I’d participated more now that I’m an adult. Screw the jerks. I missed out on both proms as well as refusing to play sports with my schoolmates, & I was a lover of softball 🥎 once I aged outta youth league ball, I played one year for the private school (it was about favoritism & who your parents knew, so I NEVER got played). I’ll never forget when my school ball coach stumbled upon one of my youth league ball games & saw how much the team literally relied on me. My fave base was 2nd base & then I loved to pitch, but they literally put me EVERYWHERE! If they knew that the girl was a hard hitter, I’d be placed in the outfield to ground the ball or catch a popup 🤷🏼‍♀️😁 But I literally played every single base y’all one inning I’m on 1st base then next I’m pitching (I did a lot of pitching btw) then I’m on 3rd base & then next I’m in the outfield 🫠😂😅 I would get legit mad af cus I only wanted to play 2nd base 😒 But it was AMAZING. I loved my last year playing softball for PEFYA!

29. Are there times you still feel like a kid? honestly..? Maybe. I mean. I don’t work. I don’t physically provide for my family. I literally have to rely on my husband’s income. It’s just.. stressful. When my youngest ones are old enough to go to school, I’m going to start working again. I haven’t worked since 2013, exactly 1 month before my oldest was born 👶🏽 it’ll be.. different 😵‍💫👀 but it’s worth it in the end.

30. Did you have a pager or one of those old flip phones? I definitely wasn’t old enough for a pager lol 📟 But I had one of those cute lil badass pink flipphones that stayed charged up for DAYS! I received it for my 12th birthday 🥳 I’ll never forget how I was gifted it.. my dad took my sister n I up the road to check the mail more than likely, & otw back to the house, a phone starts to ring. My dad’s all grinning & excited. He finally hands it to me & tells me that it’s MY phone 📞 I was so hype lol back then those things were THE SHIIII 🔥 I remember when I went over on my texting limit & got in soooo much trouble when I was in 8th grade 😭

31. Was there a hangout spot when you were a teenager? y’all. I’m from Farmville. Our “chill spot” in the early 2010’s was Walmart or the bowling alley 🤷🏼‍♀️🫠 & remember ya gotta be 21 to get in the bar to drink. So, a lot of us chilled at Walmart & would literally walk around it lmfao 🤣💀🤧 you’d think we’d have chilled at the park or maybe even tried to hang on the local university campus (Longwood), but nope. Walmart it was 🤪

32. Were you the type of kid you’d want your children to hang out with? absolutely! I’m loyal AF & always have been 💕 to the point where I’ll genuinely make mistakes trying to defend or help you & instead possibly make the situation worse 😬🥴 I ride for my people.. I don’t have many close people in my life. It’s literally my husband, my 4 kids, & I speak to my parents. I have relatives I keep up with, but I mean, my CIRCLE is my family 🫶🏻 I also always stood up for my friends NO MATTER WHAT. I’d go to war behind them! I hope that my babies have amazing friends whom they are able to remain lifelong friends with. I never was able to have that..

33. Was there a teacher or authority figure that stood out to you? most of them were total assholes 😅😆 but I did have two favorites. My 11th grade history teacher n my government/psychology teacher for 11th n 12th grade I believe.

34. Do you tell stories that start with when I was your age? I definitely do this with my kiddos 😂😂😂 I cannot get over the fact that I’ll be 30 on Friday! It’s unbelievable at times 😱🤯🤬

35. Are you religious? let’s get real right quick. I wasn’t raised in a super religious household. My dad will tell ya he’s a logical man & simply cannot find comfort in stuff like that, which was strange to hear recently from my Dad… cus growing up I always knew that he wasn’t a religious man or anything but didn’t know he thought the EXACT SAME WAY that I do! It’s interesting to hear. My mother says that she does believe in a God, that someone or something is definitely up there & there’s something after this. I truly wish that I could believe that 😞☹️ my life would be so much more positive. Instead, I live in constant fear of death cus I believe once you’re lying in the ground, that’s all. Ain’t nothing after this 😢 i want to spend every waking moment with my loved ones. I have to enjoy the time that we have 😪 I don’t want to think this way, but I’m a very logical person & so it’s hard to believe anything else. My husband was raised Christian but converted to Islam when he was a very young adult ☪️ I love that about him tbh it’s such a beautiful religion in itself. But idk I just don’t have the capacity to truly believe in that stuff.. why are there SO MANY RELIGIONS?!? Which one is real?

36. What’s your favorite subscription to watch?

I’m obsessed with Paramount+ right now. Binging The Challenge’s last few seasons since I got super behind when I moved in with my husband over 5 years ago! I was also trying to catch up on Are You The One? I love my garbage reality love trash TV 💕💕💕 I’m also in love with Discovery+ for the True Crime as well as YouTube Premium, my general go to. For the true crime as well plus music & my sleep sounds. 🎼

37. Are you into politics?

I was very into politics, for many years. Idk, kinda gotten outta them. Everyone’s fake af & it’s terrifying. But I fkin hate Trump. He’s the TERRORIST! He’s a racist bigot who says harmful things. People will literally try to defend this man’s “running” of the country due to gas prices being so low when he was in office in 2020.. cus.. well.. I DUNNO.. the fkin COVID PANDEMIC JUST HIT!?! 🤒 nobody was leaving the damn house! It’s scary. My children are ALL biracial. Oldest 2 are half Mexican while the youngest 2 are half black. They must learn that hatred is completely WRONG. I’ll never support that sh*t. I’ll never forget when I was finally old enough to vote! It was 2012. I’d just turned 18 back in July. Booooy, was I grateful that I had just turned 18 to be able to officially vote in the presidential election! 🗳️ I voted for President Obama, of course. Proudly ☺️

38. Do you own any animals?

Yes, we have a pitbull named Jax & then a so-called Frenchie named Prissy, but the older she’s gotten the more… bully she’s looking 😩😭 I don’t even like thinking about it! Spent all that money to more than likely have gotten straight up ROBBED 💔 we also have outside cats named Ren featuring her baby kittens, Princess, Kiko, Libby, & I can’t recall the other one’s name rn 🐈 I’m not a big fan of animals lately tbh they’re very messy & it’s difficult with 4 children. I’m doing my best, but wooooo 😮‍💨 I miss my ferret. She was amazing in every way & super easy to care for ☹️ I miss my girl.

39. Do you have any children?

Yes! 4 beautiful babies 🫶🏻 Miranda Analena (10 years old), Leonardo Eduardo (7 years old), Zarriah Devonne Lynn (4 years old), & Khaza De’Onte (2.5 years old). 👧🏽🧒🏽👧🏽🧑🏽‍🦱

40. What’s your favorite meal to cook?

I like to make chicken Alfredo or surf n turf 😋 🤤 also tacos n burritos or chicken quesadillas 🌯 the kids would prefer burgers, chicken sandwiches, chicken nuggets, pizza, & fries over a good ass meal tho lmao smfh 😅

#surveys #fun survey #online questionnaire

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twotangledsisters · 9 months ago

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Do you interact with other artists or just people who contact you directly?

I don't really know what you mean by 'interact with other artists'... like, reblog/like art? Or do you mean straight up messaging people to do collabs and stuff?

I might be reading too much into this XD

Either way, right now, I do mostly interact with people who contact me first.

There was a time I used to be super social, reblogging all the art I saw, trying to leave good feedback, like, looking at the piece carefully, looking at the details to really see the stuff people don't notice because they're scrolling through soooo much art nowadays.

I was doing the same with fics, trying to make detailed reviews and just make artists feel seen because I KNOW how much it hurts to spend like eight ours on a drawing and have 3 people like it.

I even tries to do a bunch of fanart for fics I enjoyed! That was great... I really miss that XD

And then I just got a TON of anonymous hate here on tumblr, I was told my fics were bad, my art was bad, and that I should be dead....

And my mental health and my TRUST (that is the best word) in tumblr, in the tangled fandom and in artist communities just has not recovered yet XD

I'm quite a bit more interactive with art on Instagram! When I have some free time I love to scroll and try to leave actual comments instead of just likes because that is so much amazing art on that platform that never gets a single comment and deserves it!

But on tumblr I tend to only rarely enter the dashboard and NEVER do I browse through tags or anything beyond those I follow. It gives me anxiety whenever I try.

I do love whenever I am given the opportunity to interact with another artist, but on tumblr it's just not worth the weight on my mental health.

I hope that all makes sense and wasn't too rambly, I might not have even understood the question? And I'm sorry if it comes off as defensive at all because I do feel super guilty for not giving artists on tumblr the love they deserve, but gotta put the mental health first :D

#ask answered #ramble #rambles

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timehastobecruel · 10 months ago

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Truly: some regrets stay

Hi tumblr I’m back. Did anyone miss me? No, anyway

Summary: Charlie wants to know why you never talk about your life before you died. She regrets it soon after.

Trigger warning: su*c*de, not that much of graphic descriptions. If you struggle with mental health issues don’t do it like me and seek help and actually talk to your therapist.

Song lyrics: “Little Life”, by Cordelia

How would you have me described

“My relationship with my family?”, you asked panicked laughing painfully obvious.

“I think someone called me, gotta go!”, running away the first chance you got, leaving a confused Charly behind, mumbling:

“I just wanted to hear about her relationship with her family, so she maybe could have helped me with mine. She normally is always giving good advices.”

And a knowing Veggy, watching you scramble away. Only sadly smiling, patting her girlfriend’s shoulder. “I don’t think she is ready to talk about her life when she was still alive”, she said.

“Yeah sugar”, Angel meant shrugging. “Some of us have some baggage still from our old little life but hey, who hasn’t?”, setting down his Glas of booze.

“Best thing is not to dig any deeper. Some things are none of our beeswax”, Husk jumped in.

Charly nodded slowly. But deep down she was fixed upon helping her friend even if you insisted that you didn’t want to be redeemed.

With light

The next time the subject arose a new she positively jumped on the good mood her friend seemed to possess. Ready to speak a little bit more about her private life of was where before she came to hell. It happened on day when she was a little bit more wistful than usual sighting smiling at Charly’s interaction with her father.

With words you think I’d like?

“Did you have a good relationship with your father?”, the princess of hell asked. (Name) smiled wistfully. “A good relationship”, she made a gesture like waiving this thought away. “I was practically a daddies girl”, her lips stretching a little bit sweeter. “That was at least what my mother used to say”, she laughed. “Never knew I was actually imprinted on her.” Charly nodded eagerly, trying to subtly letting the conversation flow. “how come so?”, she asked. “Who knows”, the girl shrugged. “‘Guess just to ruffle my feathers”, she paused for a moment. Sighting deeply. “In the end she was right. We grew more together after her death, I guess it’s just naturally.” She couldn’t suppress her gasp.

If I found out that I could fight

She searched every opportunity to get the smaller girl talk. Masking it as hotel games that should make the guests and the staff getting each other to know.

“Why don’t we all talk a little bit about ourself?”; she proposed with sparkling eyes.

Would I take you out tonight?

“Everyone says their name, something that they like, dislike and their favourite color”, she said enthusiastically. “I’ll start”, wiping on the balls of her feet. “I’m Charly and I like rainbows, pink and my girlfriend Vaggy. Oh”, she giggled. “I already spoiled my favourite color. Anyway I don’t like ice confect, it’s too cold on my teeth”, making a funny grimace. Rapidly shrieking: “(Name) your turn!” The sinner shifted uncomfortably, scratching her neck. “My name is (name), I dislike people, human are disgusting little creatures and I don’t like much. My favourite color is lilac”, she said. Making the princess of hell trop her tail a little bit.

But she wouldn’t give up.

A little bit more, a little bit less

But her other questions would be blocked instantly. “(Name) what do you think about outing with us, wouldn’t that be fun?”

You were busy not wanting coming along and allow her to ask more questions. Mentioning that partying was gross, people smelly, loud and drunk.

A little bit harder than I thought they said

Sometimes you would drop something sad. Or laugh a little bit too much about a dark joke of someone. Worrying the princess of hell.

A little bit more, a little bit stressed

Some days more some days less but all in all your development seemed positive to her. You opened up a little bit more. Listening to Angel rumbling about his favourite show, even if she knew for sure that you disliked it. Sharing sarcastic comments with Husker and Veggy, smiling when she told you some stories of heaven.

But I, I think I like this little live

Once you nonchalantly said that you had gotten older than you thought you would when they discussed their age, knowing that sinners couldn’t get older than they were the day they died. It made Husk splutter and curse you out. “You cant say that so casually, kid!”, scolding you like a father would have. It made her uneasy that you smiled through all the contact with him, a melancholic glimmer of yearning in your eyes.

This little live

You worried her more often than she wanted to admit. One of the sinners she couldn’t help but notice to carry some heavy burden.

I think I like this little life

But you weren’t stupid you of course noticed her always watching you attentively with her big apple shaped eyes. Not wanting to worry her any longer you wanted to try to make her stop, wasting her time on you or so you thought.

This silly little life

So you mumbled sadly: “Charly”, eyes glimmering subtly almost spilling your secrets you tried to hide so desperately. “I cannot be redeem even if I wanted to.” Your friend instantly tried to interrupt you but you didn’t let the bubbly girl even get a word out, swiping your tail over her cherry red lips. “No Charles”, you said. “I am not like the other sinners in this hotel. I didn’t kill for noble causes, loved who I wanted to love or question heavens ways, I did way worse things. I committed the one sin that can never be forgiven and the worst part”, you smiled, cheeks suddenly salty. “I liked this little life but I would do it again without hesitation” Charly eyes widened watery as she regained her footing understanding suddenly the reverence. “Oh (Name)”, she whispered. But you only shook your head still a bitter smile stretching your face.

Eyes smiling over candles

Swallowing painful. “I hurt my father. I ruined his life the day I decided to no longer want my own and”, the syllables weren’t easy to bring over your lips. “I knew that”, swallowing again. “I knew it when I stepped into the bathtub fully clothed”, you never wanted to hurt her but you continued with the cure some details. As many as you could bear to share, heart cracking a little bit more behind your rips. “Holding the razor blade”, blinking away tears, that suddenly flooded your eyelids. “Glimmering in the mirror above. I knew what I was doing. I planed it months ahead. Charly”, humming her name like a lullaby.

Mismatched chairs

“It wasn’t an accident when I took my father’s razor, the one he had before that firstly used to cut his beard”, tears now flowing freely over your cheeks. “When I misused them for that what I should have never done. I knew there would be no going back and truth to be told”, a wet laugh bubbled up your throat. “It made it so more assuring. I never wanted to have to look into his eyes and explain to him why I would have done it.”

Arms crossing where those hands go

“I am positive that he made it to heaven while I was rightfully thrown into hell.”

It's loud, but that volume makes my heart glow

“I honestly never knew how I could endure this life for as long as I did.”

And time isn't real as the sun goes

“But why?”, Charly whispered, sympathetic eyes wet with the same substance coating your eyes. “If you liked this life?”, she asked broken. You just shrugged. “I guess I couldn’t love it enough or like I should have.”

Oh, oh, oh

“If you believe it or not. To this time I used to pray to god every night”, you told her, words already spilling from your lips like luxurious wine. Why not revealing more when you were already on it? What harm could it do?

A little bit more, a little bit less

“I seemed to be a little bit sadder than I thought and disgustingly more selfish. Only praying to him when I wanted something from him. Like other sinners”

A little bit harder than I thought, they said

“I wished for his help, to send me a saviour or be my savouring light himself. He just never answered me. What god should that be anyway when he leaves the ones alone that needed him most? Spitting on them as sinners when they already lay on the ground, pleading for help?” Charly cried a little bit more.

A little bit fine, a little bit stressed

She never would have guessed that behind your self made composure would lay so much pain.

A little bit older than I thought I'd get

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry”, she apologised. “I didn’t knew you were this hurt. I am truly sorry”

But, I, I think I like this little life

You only laughed. “It’s alright Charly, it’s alright. It’s just sobering that you cant disagree with my view of god himself” The hell’s princess sobbed even more. “I am not the right one to talk to”, she told you. “You need to see a professional to speak about this, (Name), please let someone help you.” You smiled sadly. “That never helped.” Charly still continued: “Please (Name), please.”

Coming up short

“Don’t worry”, you tried to smooth her. “After all”, whipping away all your tears. “I like this little life.”

Never quite knowing what for

“I truly like this little life.”

Being a lost cause all the same

Assuring her: “You don’t have to worry- I like this little life.”

Hey, hey, hey

“I like this little life.”

But you and I are both (you and I are both)

“Even if I still wear my scars. I slowly but surely heal”, showing the pink stripes on your wrists, angry standing out from the skin.

I look in those eyes and I know

“After all I can walk around in the hotel with short sleeves now”, not knowing who you tried to assure. Her or yourself.

That nothing is sure

“I made process, I swear, Charly, I swear.”

But I don't know if that hurts me anymore

“You don’t have to worry anymore”, you promised.

A little bit more, a little bit less

“I won’t hurt you the way I hurt my family”, hesitating. “The way I ruined the life of others. Passing on my pain on them. I am sorry”, you sobbed.

A little bit harder than I thought they said

“I was wrong, I regret it. Having ended my life.”

A little bit fine, a little bit stressed

“But not because of the reasons you may believe”, whipping away your already dried tears, salty marks on your cheeks.

A little bit older than I thought I'd get

“I don’t regret it because of me. Never because of me. But because of hurting the people surrounding me. Even if they were strangers”; breathing in. “Even if I only allowed them to be strangers.”

But I

Yeah, I

I think I like this little life

This little life

I think I like this little life

This silly little life

After all, you truly had a few regrets. But not for your sake.

#my writing #fanart #hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #angst without a happy ending #dark themes #sadnees #depressing shit

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farmandfungi · 2 years ago

Text

i miss 2008, when i’d log onto this website to connect.

there was activity. there were others. life. ideas. dreams. we just wanted to be adults. now it’s 2023. i’m an adult. i reactivate an account every couple of years throughout the last decade, only when i’ve exhausted keeping myself company.. life grows profoundly lonely. many of us are living productive lives now - just as well as we’ve become isolated agoraphobes. the paradoxes we’ve grown into become deeper and more fragmented with each passing day. optimists call this quality “novel”, lol. pessimists call it hypocrisy. i still have dreams, but the monotony of every day chores, inescapable responsibilities and relationships... they all start to slow a person down. i still have dreams. but now they aren’t just dreams, they’re things i should have accomplished already.

the harder i fight to grow, the more i realize how behind i am. it was this very website that imparted on me, my first social contagion. that disease evolved into something very real that cost me a good decade of my life. i feel like i’m just now picking up where i left off as a wounded teenager. still dealing with the ramifications and long-term effects that came with all the self-loathing, ideational unsurity, and indentity insecurity that this very website perpetuated on a mass, UNIVERSAL scale. and yet for some reason, i still seek comfort here. this is where i came when... as a young person, i first discovered the feeling of being truly alone in this world. finding others brought me solace. to this day, i’m still best friends with the same dude i met on here in 2011. a lot has changed since 2011. i always told myself, when i was young... “i’m going to remember what this is like. i’m not going to grow out of touch, like my mother.” but none of us ever truly realize how hard that actually is to do until it’s too late. time passes fast. and being able to relate to / resonate with times passed could be argued to be immaturity. it’s not necessarily a measure of growth or health.. but.. there’s nuance. there’s compassion. there’s empathy. i think a LOT of us have been lacking in the empathy department lately. it happens. i try to forgive myself, i’ve been trying to get better at forgiving others. less hypocrisy. empathy fatigue is real. that’s a big one i’ve had to reckon with, since my “better” tumblr days. hah. i can’t really say they were better. objectively speaking i’m in a much better place now, mentally and physically. but the loneliness is still there. this is what people mean when they say “it gets better, but it doesn’t”. you find other ways to cope. maybe they’re better. maybe they’re still harmful but in more nuanced and less obvious ways. you take peace in knowing that you aren’t actively trying to destroy yourself anymore. you take peace in knowing yourself. and that’s all the peace you get. hah.

but it’s peace. gotta be grateful for what you got.

#2008

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furiosity-wills-the-cat · 4 years ago

Text

Chara, the fourth Blook cousin:

A crack theory that accidentally become way more serious than it should have because it somehow, despite my best efforts, ended up making sense

Brought to you by my idiot conspiracy brain (affectionate) and by encouragement from my Tumblr followers

Under the cut for the sake of your dashes and sanity

Ok here we go my very elaborate accidental theory, because in order to answer the complex questions simply you must first make simple things more complex or something

First, you need to know that Chara became a Blook cousin by adoption.

All of the Blooks are adopted.

Ghosts are not born into families, they make their own.

Got it? Great, because we’re about to start running

so first, im gonna make surprisingly uncommon claim in this fandom, and I am going to say that undertale ghosts are all dead

I’m taking the tiny details we know about ghosts and sprinting with them to new places

Ghosts also do not have souls I decided

Undertale souls do not work the same as souls in traditional mythology

So every ghost is soulless Unless and Until they become corporeal

Evidence: Monster souls cant exist without bodies, and ghosts are monsters, therefore ghosts cannot have souls without bodies

Further evidence: Asriel doesnt steal blooky’s soul, blooky is unkillable, we have no concrete evidence that blooky has a soul

What about mettaton? He only has a soul after he has completely committed to being corporeal and to a specific body.

Also maddy and mettaton are both only killable while corporeal

Im also connecting the dots we have about souls in a new creative way so let me live for a second

Additionally, i am going to claim that there are a lot more ghosts than just the blooks, some evidence given below

Theres like actual scientific knowlege of ghosts in the undertale verse which seems unlikely if theres literally only three or four

The underground is so much bigger than you think, theres that giant forest in snowdin, a large town in the ruins, the huge city of new home, who knows how much space in the large open areas of waterfall etc. Its really really big okay

Also based off evidence of blooky, we can conclude that ghosts can turn invisible whenever they want to and/or haunt objects to hide

So I personally think that ghosts are, generally speaking, extremely reclusive

And the blooks are just a special exception, a beautiful family, amazing for them

So anyway im going with typical ghost lore for now, for the sake of ease, so im gonna say ghosts generally come from monsters who are particularly restless or unsatisfied when they die

HOWEVER i dont think they remember being monsters or anything before being a ghost. They just kinda fizzle into existance with a fully formed personality and immortality while being unkillable and feeling vaguely uneasy

ALSO i personally think that chara was a ghost for a long time before they became a blook by adoption

Based on game lore, i think ghosts can possess any inanimate object and just kinda wear it? But it takes a lot of strong emotion to become corporeal

And chara is the super weird exception because they were a human not a monster.

They dont have a soul (i headcanon that their soul got destroyed when asriel died)

And they KNOW this, which is a huge part of why they kinda just... give up

Because they lost their ability to fulfill prophecy

Also, without a soul, they lost their ability to reset, so for the first time since falling underground, theyre subject to the relentless march of time

But theyre still weirdly strong and powerful and more emotional

ALSO they DO still remember being a human but they catch on pretty quickly that other ghosts dont have memories and because chara is stupid they just lie to fit in

Theyre too tired to explain themself, they just want to be alone and feel awful

Now back to ghost lore

Emotions are a lot harder for ghosts??? I decided

And they dont know why,, they tend to blame it on the soul thing

But realistically its actually more of the immortality thing making actions not have consequences and/or or not having a body so they cant have a sense of touch or have physical effects of emotion

They all know that ghosts just tend to be way more floaty and bored and numb

And thats part of why the blooks are so special

Maddy’s rage and Mettaton’s yearning and Napstablook’s misery are like... not great all of the time...

but theyre also way way more emotion than most ghosts have,,, they are just a family supporting each other, being as functional as they can,, just an emo(tional) ghost family

most ghosts barely do anything except like stare at walls but the blooks have their snail farm and that helps them have purpose and it is good

And they hold each other accountable and it is nice

So anyway chara just chills and is in a depression coma for a few decades before the blooks find them and are like “our child/baby cousin”

and they raise them for a cool minute

They are all very protective of the new baby emo blook

And chara doesnt get therapy but at the very least they once again have a family, and they decide they want to try to become corporeal eventually just like mtt and maddy

So anyway chara starts hanging out in the ruins a lot more and they finally tell the blooks theyre leaving to go become corporeal in the ruins

This is actually because they are trying to hang out with toriel

because they miss their mom ;;

but chara’s not gonna admit that to anyone, especially not to themself

And because theyre still repressing their emotions constantly and pretending to be fine, they cant become corporeal

And they hang out in the ruins for a long time because they feel guilty lying to everyone about everything

They still feel like its their fault that all the monsters are stuck underground, because they were SUPPOSED to save everyone and they COULDNT and it HURTS

But again, they are doing too much repression to use this guilt to become corporeal,

so instead they just kinda hide and watch toriel from a distance and cry

Blooky visits them the most, thats why blooky is chilling in the ruins so much at the start of the game

Theyre just there to visit their shy baby cousin ;;

Ofc they wont tell frisk about this because chara wants space and privacy and blooky respects that

but maddy and mtt also visit them a lot

Oh also when mtt and maddy start dissapearing, blookys mental health plummets as their family and support system starts to dissolve

Blooky was actually doing extremely well (for a ghost) for a long time, i headcanon,

but theyre doing the worst theyve been in a long long time during the game, because of family issues

So anyway, chara dissapears when frisk shows up, and maddy assumes this is becaude frisk hurt their fragile feelings

Maddy spends hours desperately searching the ruins for chara and cant find them and assumes that they had their heart crushed and went to hide and disappear in a depression coma for another few decades, and thats part of why maddy is so furious with frisk

Like,, to be clear, maddy is still jumping to conclusions and throwing blame around with no proof, but also, its a logical conclusion to come to

And mettaton has already disappeared too and been gone for a while, too, by this point, so it hurts even worse

But anyway, what actually happened to chara is that;

Because chara is a human ghost, not a monster ghost, normal ghost rules dont apply to them

And they can possess living things too they find out

Maybe they knew it a long time ago, maybe its a new discovery, but for whatever reason they end up possessing frisk and theyre like “what the heck”

And frisk still has most of the control

But now chara is like,,, “this is my chance, im a human again, gotta save the world for real,,,”

and they cant explain this to anyone without revealing their past

so they just chill in frisk’s mind while being super crypic and trying to figure out how it works

Pacifist route, this is pretty much exactly what happens

They manage to help frisk save the day

And in my headcanon, the no mercy route is started by frisk who is scared when faced by monsters attacking them

And then chara, who was aready hiding in a semidepression coma for a while, immediately transitions to a panicked “gotta protect this body, gotta protect my chance to be human, i died and threw away my chance to save everyone the first time, i CANNOT lose this chance again”

And so the combination of both frisk and chara is the genocide run

Because frisk kills in self defense, and whenever frisk hesitates, chara jumps in

Also theres leftover feelings from the whole asriel incident

Because again, ghosts come from monsters who died unsatisfied

And chara’s main source of unsatisfaction is how they were trying to get asriel to kill people before he died and then he didnt

So thats a strong strong feeling ruling them

So anyway by the time they both realize how bad its become they figure its too late and also the amount of LOVE has made them numb

And thats when chara who, despite everything, still has idiot hero complex and thinks they need to save the world

So, while panicking, they step in at the very end, and erase the timeline and delete everything

And also to clarify

They DONT HAVE this power at any other point in the game

Because, guess why

They become corporeal

Just like maddy, the no mercy route is the only thing that gives them strong enough emotion to spontaneously become corporeal

So they become corporeal and as soon as they have a soul again and can reset again, they just erase everything

Ok back to fluff

Post pacifist route, they are still a non corporeal ghost

They can still float around and look just like the other blooks

And it takes them a while to open up about things, but they do end up moving back in with blooky so that blooky isnt completely alone

And also they do way better with a family

Also they can float through the mountain and talk to flowey down below and bring him news

And now that they know about him, they can bond with him and explain that they dont have a soul either but that doesnt mean theyre worthless

Oh ALSO

The other dead humans dont have ghosts

BECAUSE

ghosts only come from restless dead MONSTERS

and chara is the weird special exception

Because they were a monster when they died

They became a ghost and asriel didnt because they were way more restless and stressed than asriel was when both of them died

Like sure, asriel felt awful, but chara was the one who was way more like “this is my fault, i CANT die now, the world NEEDS me”

So anyway

charablook the emo tween ghost and asriel flowey the eldrich goat daisy are siblings once more and they hang out and eventually they are okay and have a family again

Thank you for reading, this has been my thoughts on a crack theory that accidentally went too far

This isnt even everything, maybe i’ll make a part two eventually, but i promised to have this post out like two days ago, so i wanted to post SOMTHING

Anyway leave your thoughts if youd like

Im not looking for people to disprove it, i already know its crazy, i dont think it was intentional by the game writers, but i do think its a fun concept

thats the fun of it, so if anyone wants to run with it im all for it lol

Thanks again! Have a nice day!

#no mercy #as a warning tag #chara undertale #napstablook undertale #fic tag #meta #analysis #crack theroy #undertale #i didnt edit this very much #so if there are any major typos or parts that didnt make sense #or were illegible #feel free to let me know so i can clarify

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whumperooni · 3 years ago

Note

I'd love to be mutuals with you but now really sure how to approach you off-anon.

I've been holding off on answering this one because I'm not quite sure how to respond without coming off as rude or bitchy or grouchy or stuck up or just straight up ridiculous

So pretty please take this as a general answer for everyone wanting to be moots and not just you, okay? I promise it's nothing personal (specially since you're a nonny and idk who you are anyways)

tldr; I'm a bad moot and if you wanna be a moot it has to happen naturally

But

I'm a terrible mutual, tbh. My online presence is flaky at best and I rarely look at my dash. I'm happy to chat with my moots if they reach out and I'm happy to interact with them...but I don't really approach them and I go through long periods of time where I miss their content because a) I'm too busy to be on tumblr, b) my fixations have shifted and I don't wanna interact with stuff that's not centered on them, c) I'm feeling particularly tired and/or angry and I'm off tumblr because I know I'm going to lose my temper and lash out at someone.

I try to be nice to people and I try to keep an open mind and I really try to let people do their own thing even if it bothers me. But the thing is?

I'm not a super nice person. I have a minimal tolerance for bullshit and I have a problem with general fandom fuckery. (Like across all fandoms- not just here)

I get angry at fandom and I get angry at my dash and I get angry at myself and, honestly, my presence in fandom is more like a stray cat that wanders in when they're bored or hungry and leaves when I grow bored or irritated by whatever drama is going on that day. I'm selfish and standoffish and, honestly, jealous of a lot of things and people too.

They're not awesome qualities to have in a moot. They're not awesome qualities to have as a person. I try my best to maintain a more positive vibe but, really, it's not always strictly genuine.

And the thing is? It gets tiring trying to pretend that I'm not rolling my eyes at every post on my dash. I'm too old and tired to pretend to like people that get on my nerves. I don't follow those people. I try not to interact with them. I blacklist their tags and I'll block them if they really get under my skin.

I monitor my circle and I do it in a way that's strictly selfish. I refuse to follow someone who sends me into a rant every other day and I'll absolutely dump a mutual if seeing their posts starts to get under my skin. I've done that before and, honestly, it hurt to do that because I did enjoy their content a lot and I thought that we could actually be good friends....I just didn't enjoy them or entertain those daydreams anymore once they decided to dump me like a hot potato.

I've been on all the sides of being a moot- bestie moots, enemies to friends to moots and back to enemies, casual headcanon exchanging moots, the moot that's been dropped because the other found more popular friends + more clout, and the moot that's dropped the other because they started shit talking about things that are Extremely Personal to me and I wasn't about to deal with that.

It sucks being a moot with someone only to find out they've dumped you. And, honestly? That's a veryyyyyyyyy likely possibility when it comes to being moots with me? Which I hate because people don't deserve that and hurt feelings suck and I don't want to upset anyone if I don't have to. But the thing is? I have to monitor my experience on tumblr or I will spiral and become miserable and nuke my chances of being welcome in fandom during an inevitable, public meltdown.

And that means....well that means that things just have to happen naturally?

(God, I'm so sorry I'm rambling but I'm trying so hard to explain myself)

Like. If you come to me and you're like "I wanna be mutuals with you. I wanna be friends" then I'm going to recoil- especially if we've never interacted before. For one, something like that is supremely uncomfortable to me. How can I say no without coming off as a bitch? It feels like a trap- even if it isn't, even if it's purely just enthusiastic and sincere- and I'm a prickly, hermetic person by nature who literally talks to one person irl on a daily basis...who also happens to live with me and is my boyfriend.

I don't seek out friends. I don't seek out relationships. I don't try to make something happen when it comes to people? It just...idk man I have to let it happen naturally or eventually it's gonna blow up in my face because I will feel restless and trapped and resentful. (Even if you literally do nothing wrong. Please understand that I'm a kinda shitty person, I work two jobs and I'm always stressed, and I'm bipolar and unmedicated. Please understand that I try and I'm not using these as excuses but just stating facts- my mental and emotional state are often shit and I lash out at people once my stress becomes too much...which is often these days. That this has happened to me before and I know myself and I'm trying to be truthful and not set up any rosy expectations just to disappoint anyone)

Like...if you still wanna be a moot, all I can say is to just...interact with me? Maybe I'll check out your blog and vibe with what I see????

But there are layers and layers of why I'm Not a good moot and there are layers and layers of reasons I'm not going to follow just anybody just because I'm asked.

I...I don't know. I don't know how to end this and I don't know if this makes any sense at all or if it's too much explanation or not but...

Just...don't have any expectations when it comes to me. I'm making no promises to anyone and I'm trying to be transparent.

I won't be mutuals with someone just because they want me to be. It's gotta happen naturally or it won't happen at all.

And I am sincerely sorry if it causes hurt feelings or if it comes off as rude or mean or bitchy or something. Rejection fucking sucks, you know?

But I have to look out for my mental and emotional health and, unfortunately, that means setting boundaries and limits and monitoring my experience very carefully.

So...yeah.

I'm sorry. I know this is probably super unsatisfying and I'm deeply apologetic over it.

But...yeah. That's that and I'm going to shut up now.

(Sorry)

#uh sorry about this answer #and sorry if it doesn't make sense #please don't hate me #i'm really just trying to be honest

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jbbuckybarnes · 4 years ago

Text

We need to talk...

I knew that this topic of interactions will come up again, because it has never been talked all the way through, so I had this drafted for a while. So much of this old draft still resonated with this permanently unfinished discussion that I just had to edit it and post it, because I feel like it has to be said and put into one post. We can’t keep starting this conversation and then make it so dramatic that there is no conclusion or compromise. The only reason this time is more mellow is because people have better standards for this stuff due to a pandemic going on. This is written for the MCU fandom, but I’ve seen this go down in different fandoms, so here we go:

Things that are NOT at fault for readers not interacting:

The Readers. Should be clear after asking them again and again. And nothing changing. The readers at large are not at fault for a couple people being demanding or hateful. Neither are they at fault for this website and other social medias automatically putting writers at a disadvantage. They do their best with the time they have in their life (just like writers). And after asking them over months to try and reblog more and not much changing, it should be obvious that it isn’t where the problem lies. At least not 95% of it. NOW:

Things that ARE at fault for readers not interacting:

Pushing them, thinking they owe you stuff, while you tear other writers down saying that nobody owes them stuff. That happens time and time again. To me, to friends, to writers I check in with. Don't expect community to come to you when you don't come to them.

Not putting anon asks off when demands and hate get too much. It’s literally THAT easy when people get nasty. It’s sad for the nice anons, but they will understand. Save your mental health! Save the mental health of people reading that hate on their dash. I don’t know how many people constantly answering to hate I have unfollowed and I’m sure people have unfollowed me for doing the same.

Ego and hypocrisy. You can't say numbers aren't a problem and then say they are. In the same post. AND then also deny it later in some of the cases we’ve seen in recent months. Yes, that happened. In several fandoms where this topic comes up semi-regularly. And that might also be the reason people are tired of this stuff and speak out against it.

The fact Tumblr is only used approximately twice a year by most people. And has a shitty tag system. And a shitty algorithm. You are at an automatic disadvantage.

The fact some of you can't understand that 3-5% of your following interacting is a good and normal rate on pretty much all social media. The bigger you get in followers, the bigger the gap gets between followers and interaction (and demand and hate). There are literal statistics on that. 1% interaction at 10k is still good for a platform you have no power over!

The fact some of the people here call anons *haters* for pointing out that you interact w the same 10 people, making that speace seem excluding, when it's literally true what those people say!? Nothing wrong with only support the same 10 people on your blog, but then don't say that you practice what you preach (cause you don’t). You can’t demand more interaction when you don’t interact more yourself. That is how it works, for anyone, not just people of a certain follower count. If I reblog more fics, my blog gets more clout. Logical conclusion. Works for everyone. You have no time for that? Then don’t expect more back. It’s called SOCIAL media for a damn reason.

Telling people asking for Tumblr advice to interact more to make new friends but being the most defensive/indifferent person once they talk to you in DMs. Yes, that keeps happening and I know it from either my own experience or from others sharing their experiences with me. It’s kinda sad. It’s more of a minor factor in people not interacting, but I’ve seen it enough to mention it.

Making shitposts and personal posts all day and then saying you don't have the time in your life to interact w peoples' writings. Like, drabbles exist on almost anyone's masterlist. 5 minute read, easy support for a writer that might be losing motivation. Not every work has to be written like a novel to be great as hell or “quality proven.”

Oh, and there hasn't been a MCU movie in a while, making most of our readership probably currently not care about the fandom as much. Especially after Endgame ended up being a total opinion splitter.

Bonus: The misunderstanding that pushing shy readers to interact does the exact opposite. Not to start about the fact that we are in the middle of a pandemic at the moment. That means they may not have time to read and you may not have time to write. Normal. Logical. The same reason lots of people currently don’t publish. Don’t expect anything predictable and controlable out of current times.

Bonus: Check how you connect interactions to self worth and worth/fun of your writing hobby. Define what success means for you in this space, otherwise you will never be satisfied. It won’t matter if a post has 1k reblogs, you’ll always want more, because you chase an infinite metric.

Bonus: Maybe take a month to concentrate on community, getting outside of your bubble that you deny but very likely have (I’m not excluding myself from this), and actually improve interactions. Some people seem to have forgotten that when you interact with other writers, they probably interact back. Surprise! Your followers already know your tried and true fanfic friends, they want some new stuff without searching for it. Basic Marketing knowledge, know what your audience wants. If you do this for the interactions you gotta look at it from a marketing standpoint and not a pure passion standpoint. Oh: And maybe they find you interacting in the notes of someone else’s post and become an active follower. Win-Win-Win situation.

Bonus: Community is a loop, a net of interactions. Some people here have clique behavior, sound defensive and/or simply don't practice what they preach. That is not me or anyone else hating on specific blogs (I’m also no complete exception), it’s people trying to tell you that you can’t ask for shit you don’t practice yourself. Nothing wrong with supporting your friends only, but then don’t go around expecting new people to find your stuff. It’s literally THAT simple. You can’t have both!

Bonus: Ignoring some of the ride or die readers that are already there. Some of the people on here wish they had that and it’s deadass taken it for granted by some. Meanwhile I'm sitting here with Serotonin levels like christmas when someone I know reblogs my stuff and my fic gets some clout. Imma repeat myself: If you do it for the numbers, you gotta look at it more like marketing and less like pure passion.

And again: You are on a social media platform that will always put you at a disatvantage. That is not the readers' fault. It's how social media works at this point. If you want as much interaction as you can without putting in more interaction work yourself, simply share your works on here, AO3 and Wattpad simultaneously. Problem solved.

Bottomline: If you want more love on your work you gotta go beyond what you currently do, since it’s clearly not working for you. Reblog stuff from people you don't know. I don't give a sh*t if it's a 5k or a 100 follower blog. Hell, there is the whole 366 reblog challenge and some of you deadass went on reblogging the same people when that’s not really what this was made for. I, personally, haven't run out of new people to reblog, so this shouldn't be hard. Actually take time to talk to people in DM's, it takes 10 minutes in the evening to write a few people a message asking how they are or sending a cute gif. If you want stuff, you have to give it. Not leave it. People have come to me before, telling me "the community doesn't owe you stuff", no, they don't, but they do owe if they wanna be owed something back or even demand to be owed something back. Community is about back and forth. You give, you get. It's work, cause it's a big hobby. If you don't have time, that's cool, but then don't be sad about lower interaction. It’s logical that low activity from you leads to low activity from others in the long run, unless you do something worldshakingly new. You don't wanna look beyond a circle of friends or your go-to writers much? That's fine, but don't be upset about barely new people interacting cause they feel excluded or simply don’t find your work because of the same people seeing the same people reblogging the same works. What's not fine is not seeing how readers are NOT THE PROBLEM.

I haven’t talked to a single person about this that DIDN’T find the posts surrounding it demanding and completely ignoring the arguments some others had...repeatedly. Every single time it came up. Not just once but time and time again, whenever this topic comes up. You want interaction? Interact. You don’t want hate? Don’t give it a platform. As harsh as that sounds, I’ve never felt better on this platform since I put anon asks off, even when I miss the nice anons. They probably understand. PS: Again, this was written a while ago and edited to fit into a more general context now. I hope people can discuss this in a civil, non-judgmental way, because that is how I tried to write this. This is not again a specific person or group, it’s pinpointing what I see repeating for two years on this platform now, in all corners. I’d also like to mention that we are still in a pandemic and lives have never looked so vastly different, so you can’t demand anything normal in this very not normal time. Even if you do it all right, your interactions dropped in the pandemic cause people likely stay away form this platform for mental health reasons. There is so many layers to look at, these clearly aren’t all, but I hope it makes some people think about what and when they complain. Numbers will never satisfy you, they will always leave you wanting more if you don’t know why you do what you do and for what. Anyway: Be nice to each other and me in the notes in case this gets shared! No drama please! Ignore any grammar and typo mistakes, lol. Love ya!

#mine #rant #reblog discourse #discourse #long post #I didn't put the read more higher up cause it didn't work #Here we go #I already regret posting this but it has to be said in one clear post instead of a bit everywhere #rebecca talks #pls don't blow this out of proportion #I just wanted to create a list with reasons to NOT push stuff onto readers #check your own doing and your own thoughts first #I'll go hide in my blanket fort now

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nevsluvr · 3 years ago

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I'm gonna miss you :(((

but at the end of the day you have to do what's best for your mental health and if leaving tumblr will help then I completely understand.

i will too :,(

i’m still debating it but i’ve def at least gotta take a week off bc the lack of interaction thing and numbers are really affecting me and it’s not good for my mental health but i rlly need to put myself first, ily baby ty for being understanding<3

#bay<3 #asks🧸

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httpsohnpouts · 4 years ago

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rosie’s 2020 in a nutshell.

2020 has been a really tough and difficult year for us all and in july i decided to finally bite the bullet and start writing again to cure my boredom and to finally put my little creative bursts out there for someone to enjoy. it’s been hard, to say the least, balancing college, my mental health and physical health for that matter, family and home life and then tumblr. but quite frankly, i wouldn’t change it for the world, it’s one of the best decisions i’ve made - i’ve met so so so many great and wonderful people here and i couldnt ever thank them enough for these past five months. so here’s a little shoutout to people who hold a special place in my heart as well as a few of some of my favourite fics —

@heartyyjeno @atbzkingdom @chaoticdeobi @juyeonzz @sunlightwoo @the-romantiques @tbzwurld @uwu0clock @prettyju @hyeyoonwrites @cappujinho @chwe-yeeun @claire @mai @p @fuwa @lsangyeons @mae-gi-writes @prettyskz @honeycobie @honeynyu @sankyeom @moondustaeil @meltingjukyu

ps, im sorry if i missed anyone huhu >< i’m sleep deprived and am not in my right state of mind skdjskjd. i hope you all (including my readers) have a merry christmas and a happy new year. hopefully 2021 has more positivity than this year and that we can go into 2021 wishing all the best. you deserve it. i love you all and am grateful for each and every one of you. (also, special mention to @neoskidz for dealing with my indecisive and impulsive ass for going on hiatus constantly. thankyou for creating such a positive platform for deobis. i cherish you :3)

bea - @chaoticdeobi

my lil beaby. my other half. i’m so happy and grateful to have met you, someone so caring, understanding, thoughtful, trusting and trustworthy, perfect lil bean. i adore you with my whole heart. thankyou for being my lil ray of sunshine. my chaotic sister, thankyou. and ily. mwah :3

sleigh the runway // chanhee

3:12pm // changmin

qiu - @juyeonzz

we haven’t spoken in a hot minute but when we do, it never feels awkward or uncomfortable, it’s like catching up with an old friend. you’re someone ive always looked up to, from the start, you’ve always been someone i can rely on and go to because of your comforting and loving aura. never stop being you🥰

love hotline // younghoon

cover up // eric

ina - @the-romantiques

we met fairly recently but we click really well. you welcomed me and made me feel comfortable, regardless of the awkward beans we are skjdkskd, you’re like my distant older sister. someone who i love dearly and i need to speak to you constantly to know you’ll be there for me, to care for me and support me. i’m really grateful for you. truly

a cup of decency // sunwoo

burried memories // jacob

alesha - @heartyyjeno

my lil buddy. my first tumblr (and deobi) friend. starting from when you first messaged me regarding my eric pfp and we bonded over how sharp his jawline was. and then you forgot who i was 😔🤚🏼 regardless, you’re one of the few people of whom i feel completely safe with, i don’t trust many people and have a hard time opening up, but with you it’s different and i couldnt possibly thank you enough. my lil baby, we protecc and we love 🥰💜

never let you go // changmin

best accident ever // juyeon

dee - @atbzkingdom

mamacita~ bbyg~ i still, to this day, feel guilty for mixing your name up >< but it’s what you signed up for i guess ;) you’re someone i truly felt intimidated by at first, you’re just so talented and loving and sweet and uGh i can’t possibly put into words how much i adore you. even when we talk, i miss you, dang it why you gotta be so darn cute😔🤚🏼 hehe ily. thankyou for being there for me, always.

melodic grandiose // sangyeon

twist of fate // kevin

lisa - @cappujinho

lisa! we don’t talk often, but i feel like we’re fairly similar, we both like our own space and prefer to be left alone but also like that balance of talking to friends and hyping one another up. i appreciate you. quite frankly, i’ve loved and have been reading your works for a couple of years and i didn’t actually think you’d reply to me >< i’m your biggest supporter🥰✨

punch confessions // optional bias

@prettyju

you call me a baby 24/7 but you’re the baby!! you have this comforting and supportive aura around you, your heart is too big for your body, like when you feel sad when i don’t sleep enough, it means a lot to know you care about me as much as i care about you. you’re truly irreplaceable. ily lots🥰

riane - @honeycobie

last, but definitely not least. my baby. my actual baby. i would die for you - quite literally. i’m so happy to have met you, to have gotten to know you. you’re my safe space when i need to relax, you’re so easy to talk to and to get along with and sometimes i forget i’m older because you’re so wise and intelligent and just absolutely magnificent. you know ily right? you should! because i absolutely do. never forget that😙💜

heal // sunwoo (ps, i will never get over the HURT i felt reading this story. literal tears, cried for a solid half an hour)

convenience store // haknyeon

belle - @sankyeom

my precious belle. did i tell you that whenever i think of you, i think of a fairy?? we talk from time to time and quite frankly, talking to you feels like a breath of fresh air after spending hours couped up in a stuffy room. i always enjoy talking to you, reading your work and overall just being able to know you’re doing okay makes me happy. continue being awesome. ily🥰❤️

batter up! // eric

let’s play pretend // hyunjae

#rosie.rants #rosie’s 2020 wrapped!#my lovelies #moots ♡

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cloudy-leonhart · 4 years ago

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Hiii Honey🥺Imysm and hope you’re doing well! I can’t say I’ve given up on writing AOT but I gotta find motivation again😅boy idk if it’s because I find most of my fics on ao3 than here but hey, I hope you’re doing well! For me I’m getting my writing ideas/stuff together and hopefully find a consistency again :) Rewatching the show is my plan, I miss getting emotional over them

I’ve already replied to your other ask but tell me about your day! And also since we’re both rarely active on here, if you wanna exchange other social contacts in DM’s we totally can! Just in case if anything happens or if you wanna keep in touch and talk more since I’m trying to prepare myself to post again on here, hence why I’m not that active lol. I kinda miss reading/writing Bert/AOT content since I’ve gotten into other fandoms so that might be a sign I’ll get back into it at LEAST to finish my milestone event XD I hope to start posting other content outside of AOT too! :)

(Also I just read your bio and I’m dying Canadian juice is a thing?? I’ve never tried Canadian juice but that probably sounds worse than when you could just have a bubly or better yet juice elsewhere haha)

Lots of hugs,

Kristy <3

aaahh— hi kris-bee 🥺 I’m on right now because I’m practicing writing better- I’m glad you’re doing well! I miss you lots and I know how you feel about the aot fics, I’ve been more busier since my family’s aching to go enjoy the summer haha!!

With the socials exhanging, I don’t think I do well since I only have a discord :p yes yes I know I’m a grandma when it comes to social media but I don’t really see a point besides text ur friends :3 I’ve been into playing more video games lately so I too haven’t had some time to write out fics- (apologies to my drafts and requests because they’re collecting dust :(( )

There’s not really a Canadian juice lol- that’s what me and my friends call made-in-Canada juice lol, I’m pretty sure they taste the same in the US?? I just know the Filipino-made juice is sweeter- and that mangos there are way better than Canadian ones :p

Other than that, I might take a break on tumblr for a bit? My mental health hasn’t been the best, but I’m still deciding whether or not I just need a break or if I need to take time off the internet all in all, I’m happy you came to me to talk! I hope we talk more soon!!!

hugs and kithes <33

#honey’s rambling..#the bertholdt kinnies <3 #kris-bee 💕#honey’s asks! <3

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froginthemachine · 4 years ago

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I have very few followers (at least, very few who aren't bots but I'm too lazy to sift through them) so I don't imagine anyone will read this.

I'm having a lot of issues, and I just need to yell out into the vast void of Tumblr so at least my voice is floating around somewhere.

I've been dealing with what is likely untreated ADHD. I talked to my therapist about what I've been feeling and she says I should definitely get tested for it because it's greatly affecting my daily life. I didn't really want to admit it, because I was always the good quiet child who did well in school. I was an unhappy child but, as most "burnt out gifted kids" will tell you, my mental health wasn't addressed because I wasn't causing problems or inconveniencing anyone.

Over the past couple years I've had some issues with my brain's function that just seemed to get worse, and I really brushed it off and attributed it to other things - maybe my anxiety getting worse and manifesting itself in weird ways, being in the wrong environment, and of course, being stuck inside for a year.

But I moved back down to Georgia in March for school and was finally in the environment I wanted to be in - living alone, independent from my parents, hanging out with my friends again, and working on 3D animation projects which I am super passionate about.

Did my problems get better? Nope! In fact, I found it so hard to concentrate during classes, to sit still at my computer and do work, and even just to do basic daily tasks, even though I eliminate distractions the best I can. I think it wasn't caught earlier by my mental health professionals because I described these things as "racing thoughts" like it was anxiety, but it's more like an overwhelming amount of thoughts about anything and everything.

The best way I can describe it is like when your computer is being slow and you open task manager and there's a bunch of shit running in the background. Only I can't click "end task", I can't just turn off the many thoughts I'm having.

It's to the point where I lose my train of thought so easily while talking to someone. I have to work so hard to concentrate on what others are saying, because if I allow even one other thought to interrupt, I won't process a single word they've said.

I'll get undressed and turn on the shower. While the water warms up I figure I'll put my laundry in the washer. I notice a pan on the stove, and if I don't put it in the sink now I'll forget to wash it next time I do dishes. I notice there is no sponge next to the sink because I threw the old grimey one out. But I'm out of sponges so I have to add that to my grocery list. I look through my fridge and cupboards to see what else I'm low on to add to my list. I go back to my room to check the wall of post-it note reminders to see if I had written anything else to add to my list. I notice a deadline I'm about to miss, and then I hear the shower still running so I turn it off because I'm wasting water. I quickly turn on my computer and finish the thing I had to do before the deadline. I keep interrupting myself with more things and then an hour later I'm still naked, in bed on my phone. Why am I naked? Oh yeah I was gonna take a shower an hour ago.

Its a big fuckin "if you give a mouse a cookie" chain for each task during the day. I'm exhausted. My brain going so hard at all times really drains my energy physically, as dumb as that may sound. A few hours after waking up from a good night's sleep, I have to lay down for a long nap or else I will be miserable all day.

I put off my work and then go into turbo mode 1 or 2 days a week and get it done super quick. But my work quality is definitely suffering.

I just want to be able to do the things I gotta do and want to do without it being so mentally taxing. When I tell someone these things and they don't really relate, I feel jealous of their normalcy and ability to just... function as they should? It's fucking up my school, work, and social life. Hell, it makes it had to sleep because my brain won't turn off. I go to bed, physically very tired and ready to sleep. But I'll be up tossing and turning until I can't stand all the noise in my head and go on my phone, then try again at sleeping, then get up and do something else, and eventually I've been up for so long that I get really hungry and then I'm having a 2am snack but I need to be up for my 8am class and I thought I would be fine because I went to bed at 10 but no I'm a fucking disaster!

I see my psychiatrist in a month, but that still feels like forever away. My Lexapro isn't working because it's trying to treat something that isn't an issue for me. All it's done is make me unable to cry and unable to get a boner. It mellowed out the low moods at one point when I did actually have depression, but it hasn't been an issue for a long time and now it's just mellowing out the highs when I get them. I notice when I miss a few doses I feel all my emotions more strongly, especially the happy ones. I cry over listening to good music. I can whack it again :') but I get unpleasant withdrawal symptoms, so for now I'll stay on it until my psychiatrist tells me otherwise.

I've written a whole essay at this point but it feels better to just have it written down in words. It's made these feelings more concrete; I have a way to describe what I'm feeling. I know I won't feel so dysfunctional forever, and things are going to get better. I just feel so frustrated and powerless right now. If anyone reads this, thank you for listening and making me feel heard.

#mental health #adhd #anxiety #depression #lexapro #i got issues #things are looking up #I'll get there #with some patience ofc

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emepe · 4 years ago

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Hey M :)

It feels like it’s been so long since I last talked to you. Hopefully you’re feeling a lot better than the last time but please take it easy. Stay hydrated, get lots of rest, maybe some vitamin D too since it helps boost your immune system. Oh also no energy drinks because those mf’s cause heart palpitations.

It feels so surreal that AoT has finally come to an end. Of course there were some things I felt could have been changed/didn’t like. But overall, I liked chapter 139. Not to be an asshole to farmer Kun, but if I was a queen you bet that I’d have a harem with him, Armin, and Jean.

Sorry for getting off track, but I definitely gotta give it to the author for investing 11 years of his life to give us a story like this. I just hope his mental health is ok because even if you didn’t like the ending, it’s no good reason to send the man death threats.

How have you been so far? So far I’m doing ok. Kinda drowning in a large amount of homework and it’s hard to play catch up with the quarter system at uni. But I’m definitely looking forward to summer. I’ve been asking a lot of people on tumblr for writing advice and spitballing ideas and y’all are so nice. Like you guys reply to me even if I’m saying something so boring like how’s your day going. You’re one of writers who inspire me to get back into writing fanfiction actually. So please give me any tips if you have any 🥺

Just wanted to let you know I love and appreciate you, M 💕💕

-💫

Hi, bub! 🥺❤ I've missed you!

My physical health is no longer in shambles, thank you for asking, although I can't say much for the other part. Don't want to be depressing or anything, just being honest 🧍🏻‍♀️ I've gone through some very lousy days and I've set myself on survival mode.

I get you on feeling like aot ending is surreal. I remember getting into it when I was 16(?) and now I'm 22 so 😳. I totally agree with you on not attacking the creator. Whether you liked the ending or not, you have to recognize that it's a lot of pressure to satisfy everyone's "needs" regarding the story and burnout is real. One of my mutuals mentioned that he just wasn't in love with his work anymore and after reading that I thought "yikes... but yeah, it makes sense". Oh well, nobody truly knows except for Isayama himself. Maybe if he'd had some more time to branch out alternative endings and pinpoint a few more details that his readers needed closure on, it would've been better... or not. I'm sure there would still be people who'd be left unsatisfied—as per usual.

I'm glad you're doing okay and that you're using the idea of summer vacation to push through 🥺 Having something to look forward to always helps so just hang in there! I can't say the same for me because I'll be picking up classes in the summer to make up for taking last semester off (because of covid and money issues) 😭

Also thank you for saying that. I got into writing fanfiction because of another writer, and to have someone send that energy my way feels so nice 🥺❤ And you never bore me; stop by as much as you want to! As for writing advice, I don't have much but at the top of my head...

Read. It's the best way to expand your vocabulary, get new ideas, and inspiration.

Don't compare your writing to other people's. I think it's okay to take notes from works you enjoy to improve your own (so for example if you like the way a certain writer describes things or emotions, incorporate that into your work), but don't acquire the whole I'll-never-be-as-good mentality.

Write only what and when you feel like it. If you're not motivated in the moment to work on a specific piece or write at all, you're only going to get frustrated and the result won't be as good as it would've been if you were actually in the mood to do it. So if you want to set aside one piece for a different one or take a break from writing altogether, that's completely fine.

Music. I feel like depending on the story you want to write, having a playlist that fits the overall tone of it (or a specific scene) will help you feel inspired and—again—set the mood for you to develop your ideas.

If you're not too sure if your ideas are good but you still have that itch to work on them, do it! It's better to materialize the ideas you have instead of having them rot in the back of your mind. You have to start from somewhere and even if it doesn't turn out like you expected, at least you'll have something to learn from that experience.

#asks #💫 anon #writing tips

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misterbitches · 4 years ago

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Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas.

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL.

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers!

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die.

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more. i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done)

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom.

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through.

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao. basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman. anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord.

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop.

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t. beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are.

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid.

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc.

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me)

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex)

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

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toasty-coconut · 5 years ago

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You know, I realize I’ve been away from this blog for so long that I should probably give a life update?? If you’re curious about what my life has been like for the past 3 years, read on haha

I’ll just bullet point them...

Last I was really here on a personal level I lost my 15 year old cousin. I don’t really wanna get into the details of it since I’ve discussed it in the past. But it was a horrible accident that resulted in a HUGE and very tiring law suit that my family fortunately won. It’s an event that really changed the course of my life and my outlook on pretty much everything. It’s something I think about daily.

I graduated from college!! It took me 7 years to do it and nearly flunking out, but I did it and I’ve never been prouder of myself! >w< I have a degree in English and I couldn’t be happier! My graduation day was the proudest moment of my life!!

I work as an editor for an online magazine and it’s actually the worst thing ever lol I don’t wanna get too public about it, but I’ve been working there for 2 years now and my boss is literally the scum of the earth. I’ve been through probably 10 different rotations of coworkers and none of the people who were there when I started work there anymore lol The longest I’ve had a coworker for is 7 months. But hey, it’s a job, right?

I don’t speak to my mother anymore. Again, won’t get into too much detail, but we had a violent incident involving her take place a year and a half ago. The cops needed to be called and my sister and I were basically told we’re allowed to have a restraining order if we want (we chose not to because legal matters are... complicated). She’s SEVERELY mentally ill and being around her was doing more harm than good. We’ve tried to sort it out in therapy many times over, but she won’t give. A very recent incident involving her blowing up on Facebook has left us cut off from her entirely, pretty much.

I have my own apartment and I live with my two best friends! :D One of whom is my childhood best friend @kasuria and the other is my other best friend who I actually met here on Tumblr years ago @noodlerama! I’m so happy living with them. Getting to see them every day of my life is like a dream come true T AT Some people move in with their romantic S/Os, well I’ve got my best friend S/Os and I couldn’t ask for anything more!

My puppy Molly unfortunately passed away suddenly last June due to health complications :( She was 12 years old, which is a good age, but man I miss her so much. My mother didn’t even have the decency to tell my sisters and I that she was sick. We got the text 15 minutes before she died that she wasn’t doing well, so we didn’t get the chance to say goodbye and my mom buried her before we could come over so that we couldn’t see her. It’s something I’m still grappling with. Losing her was very hard on me and I miss her CONSTANTLY. I don’t think I’ll ever really be able to “move on” fully until I have a dog of my own. I just miss her so much.

But, on a happier note, Kelly, Dimitri, and I got a kitten last year! ; ^; She’s a black and white short hair named Mochi! She’s a little ball of energy who I adore to death. I’ve never had a cat before and never considered myself to be a cat person, but I just love her so much. She’s perfect in every way. She’s super friendly and affectionate. I just really love animals. I’m actually on a breeder’s list to get an Akita (Japanese) eventually, but I want to be a little more steady financially before I fully invest. Maybe next year?

I’ve picked up drawing again! I used to draw all the time, but lost confidence in high school and stopped. But then I decided... why not try again? And I’m really happy I did! It’s been so much fun and I’m learning all the time! I finally get to draw my OCs for real ; ^; I’m also still writing avidly! Especially lately! I’m pretty close to finishing the next PDTL chapter... I just have to... do it lol

Fandom-wise, you can probably tell I’m VERY into Little Witch Academia at the moment. I watched the show when it aired, but my love for it was reignited recently for no real reason lol I just adore Akko Kagari with all my heart... BUT Pokemon will always be my forever girl. I love Pokeani so much and have been watching the new series every week! I love Goh and Ash ;A; They’re such good boys! And I’m still super into Love Live! I actually got to see Aqours perform in LA a few years ago, and also got to see Guilty Kiss with all of my friends in NYC this past fall! It was so much fuuunnnn.

My OCs are still my life. Kelly and I have been working super hard on updating profiles and stuff. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of these kiddos. If you haven’t seen our pokeani OCs, please check out our blog @pkmn-downtheline!

Like everyone else I am... in quarantine right now and... dealing lol It’s not great, but I’m sort of an introvert by nature anyways, so it could be worse, I guess? I miss going out, seeing my friends, conventions, and everything, though... It sucks and I want this to be over. But I understand we gotta do this till COVID passes. But uugghhh I’m tired lol

That’s basically it! My life has had a LOT of crazy ups and downs over the past few years, but I’m still pushing through and moving forward. I just wanna take things one day at a time. But I’m here more once again and it’s been nice! Tumblr really is a good platform, even if it is a little broken lol

#Life update I guess?#Caroline Rambles

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welcometotheshitshxw · 6 years ago

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Morning Coffee (Bucky Barnes x reader)

A/N: Hi guys! So this is my first imagine/ oneshot on Tumblr, so it’s probably not that good. I had some major Bucky Barnes feels so... I guess here it is? Anyway, please leave some feed back, any constructive criticism is appreciated!

James Buchanan Barnes was not a man who you wanted to mess with; he was strong, confident and had no regard for his personal safety. If you upset him, you would leave crawling… back to the other half of your body. He was intimidating to say the least, with a height and width that barely allowed him through doorways, and an arm made entirely of quality vibranium straight from the mountains of Wakanda. That being said, he was also not the type of person who you would expect to see sitting in Grandma Aggie’s Tea Shop at 8 in the morning on a Saturday, dressed fully in tactical gear and covered from head to toe in a mixture of blood and dirt.

He looked awfully out of place at the small circular table, the little wooden chair creaking under him as it struggled to hold his weight, but he didn’t care. Though, inside he was grateful the customers hadn’t started to arrive yet, the last thing he needed was a newspaper article about his appearances in public. His mind was spinning a mile a minute as his flesh-hand picked at a loose thread on the lace tablecloth in front of him- the last mission hadn’t exactly gone to plan, and he was left with the task of ‘cleaning up’. It had taken a toll on his mind and he needed a distraction, so he went to the one person who he knew would help ease his thoughts.

He had no clue how she would react to seeing him like this, and the thought of placing all his burden onto her made him cringe, but he had to see her, or he would snap. Bucky was playing a dangerous game with his mental health lately and the super-soldier was beginning to fall back into his old habits of shutting himself away again. The others on the team wouldn’t understand, and he couldn’t make them worry about him too- especially not Steve. The world knew how much the superhero could worry about his best friend, and that wasn’t something Bucky wanted to add to his already full plate. As soon as Stark had finished the debrief, he had taken off from the compound and headed straight to the little café.

He knew she had just started her shift, but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to care. All he needed was to see her – to feel her – he needed her to hold onto, she was real and stable and everything he was missing in that moment. Just the simple thought of her had his heart beating painfully in his chest, every inch of his body yearning for her, but he didn’t dare move from his spot in the corner of the room. He couldn’t jeopardise her job- that would be too selfish of him, coming to see her was already pushing the limits and God did he know it. His thoughts of her began to swirl back into the memories of the mission; she was the sun that threatened to peak out from behind the rain clouds, casting a painful glow of happiness among the looming darkness. She was his beacon of hope, her radiating smile and honest eyes the only things holding him together.

Her voice was like music to his ears as it flooded into the small room; she was chatting to someone in the back, carrying saltshakers and napkins to lay the tables with. She hadn’t noticed Bucky yet- otherwise she would have dropped everything at the sight of him, he was sure of it. He watched as she set the tables up for customers that would be arriving later, delicate hands arranging things expertly around the small, circular tables. It was funny how her movements were so precise- they were just like his, except she wasn’t trained to kill. Those hands moved in a way that was so painstakingly like how he would move, and yet they were nothing alike. Never in her life would she have to kill, to take a life and be the reason someone was grieving; she was innocent and pure. Nothing like him- he didn’t deserve her.

He zoned out again, images of the people he killed flooding his mind, the words of HYDRA forever engraved into the surface of his brain. Their screams taunted him, their looks of terror and pleas of mercy leaving his breathing shallow. His metal hand that had been resting on his lap clenched painfully into a fist, the whirling of the plates in his arm echoing around the small café. The sound was loud enough to catch her attention, eyes shifting over to where he sat. A small gasp escaped her as she took in his appearance. He looked awful. She had seen him after missions countless times, but never had he looked that broken and distraught. Those gorgeous blue eyes of his that she loved more than anything glistened with unshed tears, his jaw locked so hard that she could see the vein in his neck popping out even from the distance she was standing at.

Her hands began to tremble at her sides, but not from fear of him- no, it was fear for him. She couldn’t imagine what had been through in the last three days that he had been gone, but whatever it was had left him considerably shaken up. It pained her to see him so vulnerable and she cursed whoever made him feel like that. The young waitress knew the only thing she could do in that moment was distract him from the malice spinning through his brain- she wasn’t going to let him suffer like that again.

“Bucky? Babe, what are you doing here?” her voice was hesitant as she approached him, she didn’t want to scare him with her sudden appearance, but she had to get closer.

He didn’t even seem to notice her though; his posture hadn’t changed a fraction and his tearful eyes continued to stare off into the distance. For a second, she thought he had stopped breathing he was so still, but she could hear the rapid pants that had taken over his regular steady rhythm as she crouched down next to his chair. Her heart broke for him as a single tear escaped down his cheek- she knew being this close was risky in his current state, but she couldn’t leave him like this, especially not in public.

“Buck? It’s me, (y/n).” she tried her best to coax him out of his trance, but his eyes stayed glued to where she once stood.

(Y/n) knew she didn’t have many options left- it was clear he couldn’t hear her, or if he did, he couldn’t focus on her. She weighed out her remaining choices and settled on the one that she knew would always work- whenever Bucky was upset, all he needed was to be near her. Her embrace was enough to ease the tension in his muscles; it was his escape from reality that reminded him that it was okay to feel, to have emotions. A single touch from (y/n) could make him forget all the things that had been bothering him before, and now that he she was his, he couldn’t get enough of her. The super-soldier hadn’t even realised how touch deprived he had been in the years before he met her, and now he craved her touch every second of the day.

The young waitress took in his appearance once again, only to notice that the single drop that had cascaded down his cheek earlier had turned into a steady flow of salty tears that trekked their way down his face, clearing away the grime that coated his skin in the process. Seeing him like that made her own eyes fill up and she had to blink to clear away the wall of moisture that threatened to spill past her lashes. (Y/n) let out a small sniffle as she raised a gentle hand towards the soldier’s face; her fingers still trembled even as they worked to wipe away the tears leaking from his eyes, each touch shooting tingles up her arm and down her spine. Oh, how much she had missed him.

As her fingers worked to gently caress away any stray tears, Bucky found himself slowly slipping back into reality. His fist gradually unclenched with a loud metallic whine and he let his muscles relax back into the chair he was sat on. He let himself blink a few times so that his eyes could focus in on the room around him before he turned his gaze to the woman crouched next to him. The worry in her eyes made his insides churn in guilt- he made her feel like that.

“Hi doll. Sorry for barging in.” His voice was raspy, and his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but she knew he was almost back to his normal self, even if the doubt of himself was still lingering behind his baby blues.

“You say that like you’re not welcome here- how many times have I gotta tell you Buck? I don’t care if I’m working, you can come visit any time. Anyway, want something to eat? You must be starving after that mission.” she didn’t pressure him, demand him to do things, everything was at his own pace- he didn’t know what he did to deserve someone so good in his life, but he wasn’t about to let go anytime soon.

She knew he would talk about what happened eventually, and until then, she would wait and be nothing but supportive of him. (Y/n) chose to ignore the look in his eyes for a second; he didn’t need her lecturing him on self-worth after everything that he had gone through in the last few days. Of course, later that afternoon, she would let him know just how stupid he was for thinking she wouldn’t want him there, but for now, she had more important things at hand…

“You got pancakes?”

And a hungry super-soldier was one of them.

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #winter soldier #bucky imagine #bucky barnes x reader

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