#I miss these weirdos so ficking much

[frogsandmagic]

Misfits and magic season 2??? Fuck yeah!!!??!!

[isolated-loser]

Log 0009.5-ish

 Some shit, I blogged about on my main blog, but should have beeen here.

 15/12/2018~

Why the fuck I’m I like this…

I’m kinda like really sad, right now. Cuss like this dude I’ve played D&D with the last few week, is going back to college out of state, the week after next. And like, he’s really cool, and I’ll like miss him… It’s really weird, feeling like this. I’m not used to, like, giving a shit about other people. Like, I… 

Like, he might come back over the summer… Which is like, 5 month from now, so it really isn’t that long, but I don’t really know if he is. I, like, want to like give him my discord, but I’m scared that it be like weird, or come off like I want to fuck him. Like, I’m kinda in to him like that, but like I really, really, like him as a person, like, I legit want to be his friend. I don’t know how he feels about me, if it’s like oh she chill, or she kinda annoying, or I’d hit that, or whatever the fuck. 

And, like, I don’t know if he’s judging m person by my D&D character, cuss my D&D character has got a lot of issues, cuss back-story. Also, like, I have seen body language cues that would say he found me attractive, but I don’t know if it’s wishful thinking, misinterpretation, or like actual cues. Cuss, I’m so fucked up in the head that the thought of someone actually finding me attractive feels im-fuck-possible, ridiculous, and laughable… And like are D&D characters have been having a borderline romance, which only adds to my fucking confusion, and add to the likely hood of it being seen as a sexual pass. And, I don’t know if I’m acting weird, well, I know I’m acting weird, cuss I’m a fucking weirdo, but I don’t know if it’s the, oh there just a bit eccentric weird, or the their fucking psychotic weird.

I feel, like, I’m thinking about it too much. Cuss, humans be like “Oh, hi fellow human, who dose human things.” And other humans be like, “Hello other human, I do, do human things, as I see you do as well. Let’s be comrades.”

And I’m fucking here so socially inept; I can’t tell if giving a fellow human contact info, would make them uncomfortable. Like, it’s not weird to give a person you want to keep in touch with contact information. But I don’t want to make them feel obligated, or uncomfortable, in any why. I don’t know how to do this. Or if I even should.

Fuck me sideways, and throw me down a flight of stairs.

                      1/2/2019~

(Note: I’m talking about crush-kun)

I Don’t Know Why I Care.

I’m, so, used to being able to, flip on and off caring about other persons. But this One Motherfucker, I don’t even hardly know them. The fuck, can’t I stop thinking about them. Theirs nothing special about them. I can’t get them out of my brain for more then 20 minutes, it’s infuriating. Why the actual fuck has my brain singled them out. I’ve tried to not give a fuck, but it’s not working.

I keep thinking and wonder about them, how they view me, how they view the world. But I don’t want to care, I try not to care. Anyone else, gone, stopped, no longer from my head.

But this bitch, I just can’t seem to stop. I can think of no reason why. Do I find the attractive? Yes, but I find many, others more so. Are they friendly? Yes, but again others are more so. Do they have any special traits? None, I find particularly interesting.

But, here, my head is fixated on them. Why? I do not know. Their so normal, nondescript. Why are they immune to my apathy. Taking my time, my constriction. I don’t really know them. Why the fuck, can’t I stop thing about them? I doesn’t really matter, but fuck, could I get a day, without this constant thought, of a person I don’t know…

 1/25/2019~

Idk motherfuckers

I’m really fucking drunk right now. I keep thinking about the weirdest shit. It has no point. So fuxking what I don’t feel human, so fucking what I never have felt human. And thinking about it isn’t going to fix it. Broken or not I can’t change it. I’m hollow and don’t quite fit the mold. Off, not quite right, close but not enough. I never will be. And? Why worry? I don’t know what i could be if not human. Like… I really don’t. I must be so mentally fuuxking ill I can’t feel human. It’s hulareus like you’re so broken that you can feel you’re own sp-E-sh-E-s. Like, my gods that fucking funny. I really can’t comp-re-hin-d. I’ve downed a good half a bottle of vodka, a big bottle, btw. Idk. Why do I keep going? I really don’t know the high light of my pahatic life is d&d at my local game store on thersadays. Most reasontly my charter, Ralffy, in a panic ate a magic mushroom and downed a heath posing. Which closed an effect of wild magic, which made Mr and any one with in 90 feet of me susceptibility to pearsing damige. That was at the end of the she seshinion. Gods it was fun. I need to switch over to a dive ri nt campaign cuss my favorite peapele are in it. Thoughs people are so ficking cool! I think think that even see my as a friend. Which makes my want to cry. Why any one would want to be friends with me escapes my concasnis intitly. I have so few skill, no money, I’m a fu k weirdo, and I’m not vary nice to look at. I really don’t get toii.But I get you’re not suposted to loo lok a give horse in the high the month. I need to stop,so I we