#I miss my spouse tumblr dot com

[saltyfilmmajor]

Trying desperately to remember not to trust anything about my life past 9 pm

[creaturesgrin]

Hi everyone! I'm starting up writing commissions!

graphic design is my passion

Lol anyway hi! I'm Thorn! And I'm starting up commissions because, well, the job market is terrible. I've gotten no emails, calls, or anything of the like. </3 But, alas, I need a way to make money. Be productive. Provide for myself, my spouse, and our daughter dog. That's why I've started these. I still have a roof over my head provided by my parents. But, I have to get everything else myself. Like if I need shampoo, I have to pay for it with my own money. Spouse currently only makes $80 once every 2 weeks cleaning a family friend's house.

You can give me the details via my email. If you want a commission, just ask me for it either in an ask (not on anon) or via messages. The number of slots available will be at the end of my pinned.

These visuals provide everything about the comfort character letters.

Another thing to add, as I wasn't thinking about it at the time: I don't do pr0ship stuff. So, no incest or weird age gaps. If you're an adult asking for something romantic from a character that is a minor, I will refund and pepper spray you.

If you have any questions, please ask!

Here is my Ko-Fi! I would prefer if you did the money up front after you've established what you want in the letter. :)

Transcription for the visuals underneath the cut:

Writing Commissions by Thorn!

$5 for 500 word letters from your comfort characters or f/o.

I'll be sending these via emails.

I'll only have 3 slots open at a time.

Payments will be taken on my Ko-Fi. (linked below.)

Letters can be romantic, familial, or platonic.

No NSFW. I don't trust people not to lie to me about their ages.

What I'll Need...:

Your name, age, pronouns, any alias that you use, and your email address.

Who you want the letter to be from.

The type of letter you want. (romantic, familial, platonic, etc.)

How you want the character to act in the letter. (comfort, missing you, etc.)

Any event or detail. The more you provide, the more I can work with and give you the best I can.

Will NOT Do:

NSFW, as stated previously. I do not trust people not to lie to me.

Anything that would erase something huge about a character's person. (Like a love letter to a lesbian, if you're a man. *punch emoji*) *

Anything else that would get me canceled on Twitter or Tumblr Dot Com. Ya boi needs to make money somehow.

* these letters ARE trans inclusive. I know how easily tumblrinas can misconstrue things.

Fandoms I'm Familiar With:

Pokemon

Animal Crossing

Fallout

The Elder Scrolls

Soul Calibur

Ooblets

Team Fortress 2

Alan Wake

Overwatch

Stardew Valley

Evil West

DC Comics

The Dark Crystal

Monster High

Other:

I work on weekdays. If you commission something on a Friday, chances are you'll get it on Tuesday or Wednesday. (If you're the first slot, anyway.)

If you want an example of my work, just drop me a DM here on Tumblr! I'll provide a romantic, familial, or platonic one. You choose!

Please be clear on what you want. And don't be a dick. Please.

I do this as a form of income, considering the job market right now is terrible.

[lastgunfighterballad]

Do you think masturbation is healthy and normal?

I think it’s perfectly normal and healthy to do it, if you want to. I think it’s perfectly normal and healthy not to, if you don’t want to.

As this is Tumblr dot com and I’m sure someone will question my faith due to my answer, I spoke to a friend about a sermon that she heard when living in Australia, about masturbation. The Rev handed out pieces of paper and pens to each person there and told them he was going to ask a series of questions, and they were to write their answer down, without looking at anyone else’s. He then asked if they thought masturbation in general is okay or not. He then asked them if they think it is okay to masturbate alone. Then about masturbating when with a spouse. And finally, he asked if they thought that it was okay for a widower, who had no intention of remarrying, to masturbate. He proceeded to tell them that he was sure the answers were varying, everyone has different moral compasses. We are given choices in life. “Sin” merely means “missing the mark”. All of us fall short of the glory of God, because we all sin. Every single one of us. That’s not to mean that we aren’t to strive to live our lives the way God intended for us to live, but that we still have choices and it’s okay to make a choice for yourself. It is not okay to judge others for the choices they make. Even if you disagree or find their choice frustrating, you should love them and pray for them instead. You don’t change the world by judging the people in it, think what a difference it could make if you prayed for people as much as you judged them. When it comes to masturbation, ask yourself the questions, think about it, and the answers you have on your piece of paper is the way you should live your life. And don’t worry so much about what other people do with their own uglies.

[notconsolation]

could you answer....every number that isnt a prime number?

WHELP OKAY you masochist

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

I will answer this with respect to the water closet, which is the only closet I have ever had that has doors. In that case: open, because my cat likes to wander in and sit on the sink around midnight

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?

No, but I do have a license plate that did not begin its life as mine

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?

Nope

8: Do you have freckles?

In the summer, yes, I live for them.

9: Do you always smile for pictures?

No

10: What is your biggest pet peeve?

people who try to offer help and solutions after I’ve specifically said i just need to rant at them. i get the impulse but i literally told you not to. please. please don’t.

12: Have you ever peed in the woods?

Is this Hozier’s kink

14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?

Depends on your definition of dancing

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?

Nahhhh man

16: How many people have you slept with this week?

None but I’m going out tomorrow night so there’s time yet (there’s not time yet)

18: What is your Song of the week?

Hard Times (paramore)

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?

Why is this a question???

20: Do you still watch cartoons?

Rick and Morty

21: Whats your least favorite movie?

I want to say the Happening, but I love to hate it so….

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

I SEE THROUGH YOUR ASK MEMES. THE TREASURE IS MINE, CONTESSA VAN NEURENSTEIN, AND YOUE EVIL CRONIES HAVE NO CHANCE

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

Sadness

25: What is your favorite food?

good god. sorrel today, nutella tomorrow and sashimi the day after that

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?

Princess Bride, singing in the rain, star wars original trilogy, lord of the rings trilogy, these are all i can think of right now

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?

Don’t know his name

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

I was very briefly a Pfadfinder, which is sort of equivalent? Just long enough to sail from Estonia to Latvia on a pirate style ship

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?

Ooh well I have friend in New York that I wrote a postcard to a few months ago if that counts

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?

Can’t drive

33: Ever ran out of gas?

Can.t. vroom,, vroom

34: Favorite kind of sandwich?

rucola anything with rucola

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?

Coffee. Whole coffee beans.

36: What is your usual bedtime?

Well I spend a lot of the day in bed sometimes so this is hard to gauge

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?

Ehhh I think a witch? But also there was a memorable time when I dressed up as a very effeminate Italian man with mascara for chest hair and toilet paper tied around my neck as a mini scarf

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?

Tiger

40: Are you horny?

*checks the direction of the wind* face southwest and try again

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?

Wtf are Lincoln logs

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman?

Linoleum laminate

45: Ever watch soap operas?

TelenovNo

46: Are you afraid of heights?

Nope, I embrace the vertigo. I do however hate hate hatehatehate going up or down steep hills in cars

48: Do you sing in the shower?

Beat iitttt beat it (no I don’t actually)

49: Do you dance in the car?

hOW?!?!

50: Ever used a gun?

No.

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Well I mean do ultrasounds count

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Yes but I don’t hate all of them

54: Ever eat a pierogi?

Da

55: Favorite type of fruit pie?

I’m gonna go ahead and count Apfelstrudel as fruit pie. Can’t actually think of any other fruit pie I’ve ever had though

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Something in the circus. I didn’t much care what.

57: Do you believe in ghosts?

Nope sorry I kind of wish I did

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Not exactly but I have sometimes had dreams that are just normal regular days and I wake up and go about my day until I remember the dream but I’m not sure if it actually was just a day that week or a dream and that feels a little like deja vu but I realize now that I’m talking about it that it’s actually completely different whoops

60: Wear slippers?

Barefoot and wild is how you’ll find me

62: What do you wear to bed?

Whatever t shirt/tank top I have around and some underwear. But um a lot of the time….. nothing

63: First concert?

Coldplay

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Never been to any of them but I recently found out that Walmart owns asda, which I go to sometimes, so I guess Walmart?

65: Nike or Adidas?

I have an old adidas hat but I don’t know what that means

66: Cheetos Or Fritos?

Chester is a sad mascot, children clap your hands and believe to make him happy again

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?

Tres non

69: Ever take dance lessons?

Tres tres non

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

@joncantsleep what do you feel like doing

72: Ever won a spelling bee?

This is a PSA for those of you who don’t know: spelling bees don’t actually happen outside of North America. German is a very spelling-friendly language, too

74: Own any record albums?

Sadly, no. Lots of cds though

75: Own a record player?

Nope

76: Regularly burn incense?

no, but my mother does, so it does feel like home when i smell it

77: Ever been in love?

              Mutuals

78: Who would you like to see in concert?

21p at! the chemical badland disco!!! but honestly so many people. top of the list are Hozier and TOP

80: Hot tea or cold tea?

hot, you philistine

81: Tea or coffee?

“coffee” she whispers in the dead of night, when the brits around can’t hear her

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?

neither? but i like cinnamon

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

there are? people who can?t do this??

85: Are you patient?

I’ll wait and see

86: DJ or band, at a wedding?

band. my own. mango headache.

87: Ever won a contest?

I think possibly some writing ones? i got language awards all through high school but i don’t think that was a competition

88: Ever have plastic surgery?

No I’m okay with the form of carbon that currently makes up my face for the most part

90: Can you knit or crochet?

no, i would be of little to no use as a wife in the 1600s scottish highlands

91: Best room for a fireplace?

a cold one

92: Do you want to get married?

well Jon and I are already married but face to face nope relationships are Not. My. Thing.

93: If married, how long have you been married?

O feel like a bad wife but i don’t know our anniversary help please

94: Who was your HS crush?

a teacher. don’t tell. tumblr dot com i am trusting you to keep my secrets

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?

I was about to say I grew out of that but I don’t think I ever did it much as a child in the first place

96: Do you have kids?

Hard limit reached

98: Whats your favorite color?

I like grey-blue

99: Do you miss anyone right now?

My cat

[analvelocity]

ANSWER_THEM_ALL

Alllllll righty then.

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? Yes.2. You talked to an ex today, correct? No.3. Have you taken someones virginity? Yes.4. Is trust a big issue for you? Probably the biggest.5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Yes!6. What are you excited for? Next Friday... hoo boy, next Friday.7. What happened tonight? Discovered some things about myself and what I like that I definitely hadn’t realized before... the night’s still young too.8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? Depends on what they’re like when they’re drunk, honestly. But I’m happy to go into parent mode if necessary.9. Is confidence cute? Absolutely.10. What is the last beverage you had? Vanilla Coke.11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Maybe two or three.12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? It’s pretty much all I wear other than suit trousers or chinos.13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Hang out, play Overwatch/Witcher 3 and talk about sex it seems.14. What are you going to spend money on next? Rent and bills, probably.15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? No.16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Definitely. Especially in my current emotional situation and the industry where I work, a single week is an eternity to play with.17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Probably Dany.18. The last time you felt broken? Earlier this week.19. Have you had sex today? No!20. Are you starting to realize anything? Yes!21. Are you in a good mood? It certainly isn’t bad!22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? I feel like that’s just asking for trouble.23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? No. I’m green, he’s more of a hazel/brown.24. What do you want right this second? She knows.25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I’d live with it. She’s waaaay too cool for me anyway.26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yes.27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? No.28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? A joke about a C-3PO buttplug on Tumblr dot com.29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? ...kinda?30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Depends. If they knew what they were doing and could have prevented it, I am less inclined to give it to them. But I’m not unforgiving.31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? He’s my bro 4 lyf dawg.32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Probably, like I told her direct superior at a work party so y’know. Never said it to her directly, but I have asked her out before.33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha absolutely not.34. Listening to? A playlist of songs I’ve written scenes for in my various stories that I made in Spotify a few months ago. Current song - A Strangely Isolated Place by Ulrich Schnauss.35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Not really. I do draw in pencil though.36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? Yes.37. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. The three people I’ve ever truly loved were not people I was even interested in when we first met.38. Who did you last call? My mum - mother’s day is tomorrow and I gotta be places.39. Who was the last person you danced with? My crush. That night is largely why she’s my crush.40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because it was fun and the mood was right.41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Honestly dunno.42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? Nah, but i probs will tomorrow.43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Of course, who hasn’t?44. Do you tan in the nude? Tanning is not something I really do - I am a white boi 4 life yo.45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? No.46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Yes.47. Who was the last person to call you? Either my mum or my personal trainer.48. Do you sing in the shower? Sometimes! Not often.49. Do you dance in the car? Yes.50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Yes!51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Two weeks ago for work... by my crush.52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Yes, but that’s part of the appeal. The Producers (both versions) are pure kino though.53. Is Christmas stressful? I fucking love getting into the Christmas spirit, I am a fucking yuletide machine come late December.54. Ever eat a pierogi? What the fuck is a pierogi55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple and Cinnamon.56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? An inventor, author or journalist. I still have the author dream, but I swapped out journalism with advertising after I started learning both at Uni.57. Do you believe in ghosts? Nah.58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? All the goddamn time. Sometimes I seriously think I have an oracle’s premonition.59. Take a vitamin daily? I take magnesium pills but otherwise the vitamins I get are from smoothies I blend at work.60. Wear slippers? Nah.61. Wear a bath robe? Nope.62. What do you wear to bed? An assortment of old high school sport/band gear, my Year 12 jersey or a heavy jumper I nicked from a landscape gardening tutor at CIT.63. First concert? Radiohead - The King of Limbs Live in Sydney in 2012. No other concert since has compared, it essentially ruined the live music experience for me.64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Kmart and Target are different beasts in Australia but I’ve been into a Walmart once and I’m gonna have to go with that.65. Nike or Adidas? I guess Nike, not for the clothes but because the Knight family founding Laika has been the best thing to happen in animation since the Disney Renaissance.66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Miss me with both. Cheetos if I have to pick.67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts.68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I can’t stand her music but I’ll pick 22 because it’s catchy and she looks super hot in the music video.69. Ever take dance lessons? I actually want to, but no.70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? For some reason I guess I’ve always pictured her as a musician or doctor.71. Can you curl your tongue? Yes.72. Ever won a spelling bee? I won enough as a kid that I got banned from them.73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes.74. What is your favorite book? 1984 changed my life. To Kill A Mockingbird and Mister Monday are runners-up because they had me reading the whole thing in a single sitting.75. Do you study better with or without music? With. 76. Regularly burn incense? Not regularly, but I do.77. Ever been in love? Yep.78. Who would you like to see in concert? Daft Punk.79. What was the last concert you saw? Some indie band I can’t remember the name of. Umm, Hey Geronimo or something? I saw it because I was doing promo stuff.80. Hot tea or cold tea? I do like a good iced tea.81. Tea or coffee? Tea.82. Favorite type of cookie? Can’t go wrong with chocolate chip.83. Can you swim well? I’m decent.84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes.85. Are you patient? Being as patient as I am is a curse. My life is a quagmire of diminishing returns.86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Depends on who I’ve wed and the vibe. I think, generally, a band sounds nice.87. Ever won a contest? Yep!88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nope!89. Which are better black or green olives? I can’t really tell the difference.90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Never had a problem with it. In fact, I encourage the idea of sex before marriage because locking yourself in with someone who is sexually incompatible with you sounds like the worst.91. Best room for a fireplace? Bedroom, but the living room makes more sense.92. Do you want to get married? Someday. I won’t be thinking about it until at least my 30s though.

[saltyfilmmajor]

I miss my spouse tumblr dot com