#I miss having someone always ready to help tackle the brain demons

[kiradical]

How do I like… ultra block someone so I can’t go back and look at their account and make myself sad and anxious and worried I fucked up?

That should be an option. Like nuke em. They can still be there but they are in a box where I can’t find them and take them out and look at em.

Fuck. I’m going to bed before this gets fucking worse and I do something I’ll regret.

[amor-immortalem]

I Could Care Less (About You)

Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

A/N: I wanted to write something around the time when Arella first got to the devildom. We all know Mammon didn't like the MC very much. It's my own thoughts that he was especially mean in those first few weeks up until they made the pact and I kind of wanted to explore that in terms of his and Arella's relationship.

It all started with small acts of kindness. Taking the fall for him when items would go missing so he wouldn’t get strung up from the ceiling, saving a plate for him when he was late for dinner, letting him copy her homework when he didn’t finish his in time. Mammon can’t understand it. He and this human hardly know anything about each other but here she is, doing little things that would make his life just a little bit easier. Hell, he’d even stolen multiple objects of value from Arella and yet she never ratted him out to his brother despite knowing damn well who did it. She just let it slide.

If he’s being honest, it scares him. Did she like him that much or could she possibly want from something from him? Mammon was sure she was gearing up to ask for a favor from him. He decided whatever it was he wouldn’t do it. He may have had the task of looking after this human forced upon him by Lucifer but he wasn’t about to sit back and comply with it.

The demon made sure to let the human know what an inconvenience she was to him almost every day- most typically whenever he had to cancel his own plans to escort her around town. She took it like a champ though, never seeming to let it bother her. She was so kind it was almost annoying. Maybe it really didn’t bother her. That must be the only reason she’s pestering him now. He did have to give her credit for her persistence though.

“Come on, Mammon! Lucifer left me in charge of the grocery shopping and I can’t go out alone or I’ll get eaten.” Arella said as she trailed after the Avatar of Greed. Having only been here in the Devildom for only a handful of weeks, she was still actually afraid that a lower demon might make a snack out of her.

“Ask one of my brothers ta take ya. I got plans and you’re not ruinin’ ‘em this time.”

Had any of the other brothers been home, Arella gladly would have asked one of them, but they weren’t- not even Mr. Shut-In himself! It was just her and her insensitive guardian demon.

“They’re not home, you know that.”

“I don’t give a shit, human! You got a phone. Just text ‘em. Now scram! I got a poker game ta get to and you’re holdin’ me up.”

“B-but-”

“Diavolo almighty,” Mammon groans as he turns to her, “I guess ya didn’t hear me clear enough the first time so I’ll say it again nice’ an’ slow for ya so try to keep up, ‘kay? I do not care about you. I hate the fact that I have to babysit ya. You could get eaten and I couldn’t care less. Infact, my life would be considerably easier if ya weren’t around. Got it?”

“O-Okay,” Arella squeaked under the intensity of the white-haired demon’s gaze. “Understandable, have a good night then.... hope you win a lot.”

“Whatever,” Mammon huffs with a roll of the eyes. “I don’t need your well wishes.” With that, Mammon turns and heads out the door.

As she watched him go, Arella bit her lip to hold back the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. Once she was sure the demon was gone, the human sank down to floor, quiet sobs shaking her small frame. All she wanted was just an hour or two out of his time and he wouldn’t even give her that. She had never felt so resented before in all her 21 years of life- not even when her mother was alive had it ever been this bad. Now, as she wiped at her eyes, it really set in that she was left with no other option but to do this alone- gods forbid she ask one of the others for help and then it somehow get back to Lucifer that Mammon wasn’t doing his job. She would never hear the end of it from the greedy demon.

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The trip to and from the store had gone smooth enough. No demons had really bothered to pay her any mind, not even when she slipped off one of the higher shelves and smacked her head on the shopping cart resulting in the ugly bruise that had formed on the outer edge of her right eye. Bruises were something Arella was used to covering up, so it would be a simple enough task. She only had a little way left to go before she made it back to the House of Lamentation, but nothing can ever be easy for Arella.

Standing at the gates, blocking her path, was a small pack of demons. She had seen them eyeing her up in the halls at RAD during the passing periods. As they turned to her, Arella panicked- her heart rate skyrocketing as her body screamed at her to run. She wanted to but her feet wouldn’t move. It wasn’t until her brain processed that they were moving did her body actually turn to run. By then it was too late, they were upon her in seconds, knocking her to the ground with a tackle as she struggled and let out a scream.”

“Lookit you,” the one she presumed to be the leader smiled as he brushed some of the hair away from her face. “You sure do look tasty. I wonder where we should start first with you... dark or light meat?” He took a hold of her wrist, pulling it toward his mouth. He was about to bite down when...

“Hey! The fuck do the five of ya think you’re doing?!” The Avatar of Greed snarls as he watches the scene unfold in front of him. He had been in a good night after having won nearly all the games he’d played tonight before decided to call it quits- now it was soured. “Ya know what? I’m feelin’ generous tonight, so I’ll give y’all five seconds to get off that stupid human before I gut ya and string ya up by your entrails.”

He only needed until the count of one and a change into his demon form before the pack of demons made the right choice and booked it. The Avatar of Greed let out an irritated sigh as he walked over to Arella and hoisted her up by the arm.

“You’re fucking lucky, ya know that, girly? If I didn’t come home when I did, you’d be dead right now. How are you that damn stupid, huh?”

“’m sorry, I-,” Her voice was small and a little bit slurred as she tried to get her footing.

“I don’t wanna hear any excuses, right now. Just get inside the house go lay down or somethin’- whatever it is that you humans do ta calm down.” He gave her a bit of a rough shove and she scrambled for the doors while he gathered up the bags she had dropped and brought them inside the house.

Arella made a beeline for her room and curled up under the covers. Her headache from the fall earlier was even worse and now her arm was hurting from the strength of Mammon’s grip when he pulled her up from the ground.

“I want to go home....” she sniffled quietly into her pillow. “I should have never done this.”

The human thought she’d find a place for herself on this exchange programme but now she thinks this was all a big mistake. She had no idea what exactly she was signing up for only that something in the back of her mind yelling at her to do so. These last few weeks had done nothing but to serve her late mother’s words as true: that she was trash and so deserved to be treated as such.

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Out in the kitchen, Mammon is unloading and putting away the groceries that weren’t crushed or broken after the incident outside when he came across a bag filled exclusively with cup noodles. There had to have been at least twenty of them that she had managed to cram into the bag- all in his favorite flavor no less. A look of surprise crossed his face. He had only mentioned this in passing to her once before and he wondered how she managed to get her hands on them as this specific flavor was kept on the top shelf of that section. Not something that would be a problem for someone as tall as himself but for her? She was 4’11”! She would have had to scale the shelfs just to have even the smallest chance of reaching them.

Setting the package of cup noodles he was holding down, Mammon looked to Arella’s door before looking back to the noodles. Again, those questions rang in his head. Just what was her deal? He thinks, she’s always doin’ all these favors for me and never asks for anything in return from me. Well, no I can’t say that... She did ask one thing of me and that was ta go grocery shoppin’ with her because she was afraid ta go alone- for me ta do the one job Lucifer assigned me and I essentially told her ta fuck off. The demon thinks back to their earlier exchange- how he could see the fear in her eyes and the tears that were starting to form right before he left. Great.... Now I feel guilty... I should probably go apologize and see if I can get her to stay quiet ‘bout this whole thing...

Knocking on the door- something the demon hardly ever did- Mammon waited for a response. When he didn’t get one, he just let himself in. “Arella I-!” He stopped as there was there was a noticeable flinch from under the covers.

“I’m sorry!” She squeaked out, “Don’t hurt me.”

He raised an eyebrow at her response. Did she really think he was going to hurt her somehow? Well, all things considered, the demon can’t say he’s really all that surprised. He grabs the ends of the duvet and yanks it off of her, watching as Arella curls up and raises her arms to shield her head as if readying herself for blows that would never come.

Mammon knows that response all too intimately from the times where Lucifer would beat the ever-loving fuck out of him for indulging in his sin.

“Hey, calm down, okay. I ain’t gonna lay a hand on ya like that. Not only would Lucifer have my head, but I ain’t about beatin’ up on girls anyway.” He kneels down at the side of her bed and is horrified to see an ugly bruise marring the skin beside her eye. She does eventually calm down and pulls her arms away from her head after a few minutes of nothing happening. “Atta girl, now look at me,”

When Arella does open her pupils are dilated and now the demon is a little concerned. Humans’ pupils aren’t supposed to be that dilated, are they? That would mean... Mammon fishes his D.D.D. out of his pocket and shines the flashlight right in her eyes.

“What the fuck, Mammon!” Arella recoils as she hides her face once more and Mammon turns the flashlight off. “You’re such an ass!”

“I knew it.” He tsks, “When did you hit your head? Was it when those idiots tackled you to the ground or did you fall off one of the selves at the store?”

“I didn’t hit my head!” The human retorts, “I’m fine, my head just hurts.”

“Ya got a concussion, ya dumb human! Now out with it. Ya very obviously fell and I wanna know when it happened and how high you fell from!” For someone who couldn’t care less about her, he’s surprisingly concerned right now. If she slipped off one of the shelves at the store, he would be in hot water with Lucifer.

“I said I’m fine!” Arella abruptly stood up, swaying as she did, glaring daggers at the white-haired demon who looked up at her with a look of shock. Where did his docile little human go? “And what do you care anyway!? You said it yourself: You hate me and I’m just an inconvenience to you!”

“Now hold on a tick, I never said that exactly. You’re puttin’ words in my mouth. And you’re gonna fall standin’ on the bed like that. You’re already wobblin’.” he may not have said the part about hating her outright but at the very least he heavily implied it.

“Just get out of my ro-” She let out a yelp as she went toppling forward and the demon rushed to catch her. She landed slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

“See I told ya you were gonna fall.” He huffed as he readjusted her while she pounded her fists against his back, struggling against his hold on her as he headed back out to the kitchen.

“Mammon, you put me down this instant! I’m not a sack of flour!”

“Stop being a brat and let me help ya!” The Avatar of Greed says as he places her on the island counter top. “Now stay there while I get you some ice for that bruise and some medicine for that headache of yours.”

Arella just sits there in shock of what he said. He wanted to... help her? That was new. She’s drawn out of her thoughts a few minutes later when she feels of bag of ice being pressed against the bruise. She let out a hiss as she tries to move away from it but it’s then that she notices his hand holding the other side of her face so she can’t move all that much.

“Quit squirming, will ya. It’s just a bag of ice.” He looks into her eyes before shifting the bag of ice over and running his thumb over the outside of her eye socket. “Doesn’t feel like anything’s busted in there. Ya got off lucky, kid... here take these.” he has a pill in his hand

“I’m not a kid,” Arella puffs her cheeks out in a pout. “Why’re you doing this when you said earlier that you didn’t care about me...?” she takes the medicine with a swig of water.

“Don’t get it twisted. I’m only doing this because if Lucifer finds out that you went to the store without me, I’ll be hanging from my toes for the next of the week. I’d rather not have a concussion of my own from getting dropped on my head when he decides I learned my lesson.”

“I won’t tell him if you don’t...” she says softly, “You don’t have to be nice to me. I know I don’t deserve it...”

“Huh?”

“N-nothing.”

“Now hold on there,” The demon says as he moves the bag back to where it was before, “You’re not gonna speed past that and act like ya didn’t just say what ya just said.”

“It’s nothing really,” Arella eyes dart around looking everywhere but Mammon’s. “Let’s just change the subject.”

“Alright, you can answer my earlier question then. How did you fall?”

“I slipped while climbing down from one of the shelving units at the store.... and smacked my head on the shopping cart.”

“No offense, but you’re kinda dumb. You were tryin’ ta get those noodles down, weren’t ya? You could have just grabbed whatever was at eye level or in your reach. You would have been an easy meal for a demon if you had passed out.”

“I know,” She sighed. “But that flavor is your favorite and I got everybody else’s favorites. It wouldn’t have been fair to not get yours.”

“It ain’t worth a concussion, short stack.” Once he’s sure she won’t move away, he lowers his hand from the side that isn’t icing the bruise and places it over hers. “Thanks though. And... I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I didn’t think you’d actually go out and try to get yourself eaten because I said I wouldn’t care.”

“I mean, that wasn’t my goal,” She sighed. “But I guess that’s the mess I got myself into huh?”

“Ya wouldn’t have if I would have done my job and gone with ya...” He scoots her over and then hops up on the island counter next to her. “I don’t get you, ya know...”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re too nice to me. I’ve been a jackass ta ya but you never seem to let it bother ya. You’re always coverin’ for me when I steal things from the house ta sell and you never said anything after I stole that necklace and other things from you. You save my plate at dinner when I don’t make it right away and you’ve lied right ta Lucifer’s face on multiple accounts for me... why? Why do you do these things?”

“I just wanted you to be nice to me. I know I just kind of got forced on you...  I thought maybe if I extended the olive branch first, we could be at least somewhat civil with each other... but no matter what I did, it didn’t change the way you treated me so I just kept pushing harder and harder to see if maybe...”

“I get what you’re sayin’...” he hummed. “Let’s start over then... I’ll look out for ya for the rest of the year if you’ll forgive me... It would be ta both of our benefit.”

She nodded as he hopped down from the counter. “Alright, let’s go then.”

“Go? Go where?”

“Back ta the store, some of the stuff ya bought got damaged when those demons attacked ya.”

“Oh... Alright... This isn’t some kind of trick, is it? You’re not going to ditch me, are you?”

“Nah, I won’t. And if anybody wants to eat ya, they’ll have to go through me, first. Got it?” he says as holds his hand out to her. She hesitantly took it and he tugged her along after him as they headed out. She hopes that maybe they could even become friends at some point. That maybe- just maybe- this is a turning point for them.

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[gummygowon]

wake up loser | jeon jungkook

word count: 1.6k

genre: fluff

best friends to lovers!

warnings: none

a/n: i wrote this oneshot a long time ago and i didn’t really know much about jungkook’s personality and i wrote this for my friend so please don’t burn me if this jungkook actually doesn’t match up with the real jk’s personality. 

clink! clink! clink!

the annoying sound wouldn't stop no matter how hard you shoved the pillows into your ears. at first you thought it was something in your dream that was making that sound but as you slowly began to wake up the clinking never came to a stop.

you mumbled a curse under your breath as you got up to look out your window. usually if you heard a weird sound coming from outside your room you would be shitting yourself but you were too tired and angry to be scared. whatever demon that was outside was about to get their ass kicked back to hell.

you pushed your window curtains to the side a little too roughly and rubbed the fatigue away from your eyes. "jungkook?"

you immediately flung your window open. he was standing on your driveway with a handful of pebbles in his palm. it was a miracle he didn't shatter your window.

"oh my god finally." your best friend rolled his eyes. "you're such a pain in the ass to wake up."

"jungkook, what the fuck do you want." you grumbled. you tried your best to not wake up the whole goddamn neighborhood since it was who knows how late it was in the night or fuck, how early it was in the morning.

"just come down. i wanna show you something."

it was summer now which meant that you were back at your parents for the time being. you missed your family greatly but now you just wanna escape back into your dorm. your mom's usual nagging was getting to you and you needed a break even if it was just for a day.

but being back at your parent's house meant that you would see your childhood best friend, jeon jungkook.

you guys would do everything with each other when you were younger. hanging out at the community pool or even playing tag with the other neighborhood kids. oh how you wished to be a child again.

but, now you were an adult going to college and partying and doing other adult stuff. you kept in touch with jungkook but not as often as you wanted. the both of you guys were incredibly busy with school and work so a long phone call every weekend would have to do until now.

if jungkook had waited like four more hours you would sprung out of your bed so fast to hang out with him. but you were rudely awakened from your slumber and sleep was hard to come across in college so you had to take advantage now.

"why? it's literally so early." you whined.

"my mom made strawberry milk yesterday and i have some left over." he bribed.

"oh, say less." any anger or fatigue left your body as soon as he mentioned strawberry milk. jungkook's mom made the world's best strawberry milk and it was a shame that not everyone could try her delicious beverage.

you quickly got ready and grabbed a hoodie from your pile of clothes that were sitting on a chair. you didn't even dare to change out of your pajamas. the warmth that it provided was too good to be substituted for a wack ass pair of cold jeans.

you slipped out our window as if it wasn't your first time sneaking out. you were an adult now, your parents shouldn't really care about why you weren't home in the morning.

when you jumped down from your window, you swatted the tiny dust particles off yourself before turning to jungkook. "well, where we going captain?"

"this way, m'lady." he stuck out his arm for you to loop through, which you gladly did.

you've always this tiny crush on jungkook. it was bound to happen at some point but you never did anything about it and secretly hoped it went away. but your crush on him became even bigger during your senior prom when your trashy ex dumped you right there and then proceeded to start grinding up on one of your "friends."

jungkook was there for you throughout the whole thing. you were balling on his blazer and apologized many times and try to pull your head away to stop your runny makeup from ruining his jacket but he pulled you in closer to him and told you it was fine. he didn't really care if his prom outfit was ruined, all he cared about was you. the prom was ass anyways.

in an effort to make you feel better, he took you to in-n-out. the two of you guys ate your burgers while singing karaoke in his mom's old mini van. without jungkook, you were sure prom would've been a complete disaster. well, it definitely was but he made it better.

since then, you had your fair shares of hook ups and dates while in college. no one had met your incredibly high standards. in other words, no one was jeon jungkook but you would never admit it out loud.

you didn't want to ruin your friendship with him over your dumb feelings for him. plus, you didn't know what he was up to in his own love life. it's been awhile since the two of you actually sat down in person and properly caught up.

after walking in what seemed like fifteen minutes, you guys had arrived at this old park you guys used to hangout while growing up.

"oh man, i haven't been in here forever." you gasped, a big grin spreading across your face. memories flooded your brain.

jungkook looked over to you and couldn't help but smile too since you were so excited.

you let go of his arm and started running towards the tiny hill. "race you."

"hey! you got a head start." jungkook whined as he dashed towards you.

you actually ended up winning the race surprisingly but since jungkook was a sore loser he tackled you to the floor.

"you cheated!" he shouted as he tickled you.

"no-stop please- i did not." you argued between in laughs.

you managed to wrestle jungkook and ended up straddling him with his arms pinned down by you. he made eye contact with you and you could feel you heart do twenty somersaults.

if you guys were kids, it wouldn't be awkward but since you guys were almost twenty years old and since someone had a little crush, there definitely was tension.

you awkwardly coughed to get rid of the silence. "i win though." you fought back as you slid off him.

"yeah, sure. whatever works for you." he chuckled.

"it's not my fault ,you're so slow jk."

he put a hand over his chest, pretending to be hurt. "how dare you say such things about me."

you rolled your eyes at his playfulness and shoved him lightly, "shut up."

the two of you guys fell into silence as you surveyed the world in front of you. a lot has changed but jungkook didn't change one bit.

"so, how's life?" you asked, breaking the peaceful silence. if nothing was going to happen, you were going to fall asleep.

"i thought you wanted me to shut up?" he fired right back.

you threw your hands up in the air, "just answer the question or i'm walking back home."

"alright, alright. i will."

for the next hour or so, the two of you caught up on everything. from friends to school life to the latest work drama. jeez, there was so much to talk about that you guys couldn't cover in your monthly phone calls. it was nice to catch up with him though. you missed him a lot. talking through screens wasn't the same as being next him.

the sun was about halfway in the sky and the clouds were painted a dusty pink. jungkook had whipped out the infamous strawberry milk, much to your delight and you guys sipped in silence with the occasional moment of bringing up old memories.

you were sipping your drink while deep in your thoughts. a surge of confidence came and it dared you to confess your true feelings to your best friend. you don't know where it came from but you weren't no pussy. you stared at the pink sky and a smile formed on you lips as you thought about the what if's with him.

you could feel jungkook's stare on you so, you turned to look at him. "what?"

he had this lovestruck look on his face. a look you've never really seen out of all the years you've known him.

now, jungkook also had a fat crush on you but was too scared to make a move. he thought he lost you when you got a boyfriend in high school but look at how that turned out. he was secretly happy that the two of you didn't work out but he would never confess that to you.

i swear there was something in the air because jungkook also had a surge of confidence that dared him to confess too. the timing was perfect. actually, everything was perfect. the sky was a pretty pink, you were happy which made him even happier.

his mind couldn't stop thinking about how cute you looked in your pajamas and messy bun. he was grateful that you could be comfortable with him and that you didn't care what you looked like in front of him. to him you were just right.

"i love you." he confessed. jungkook was practically sweating as soon as those words left his mouth. he didn't actually mean to confess like that or did he? "i mean-"

"just kiss me, you loser." you cut in.

jungkook smiled before pulling you in.

you tasted like mint toothpaste and strawberries.

[therainroguefanfiction]

🏈 Goals; Satan (Sportember #011)

📑 Table of Contents | ⚾ Challenge Post

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friendship

Word Count: 3,608

Pairing: Reader x Satan

World: Obey Me!

Prompt: Goals

Sport: American Football

━━━━━━༻🎾_🏀_🏐༺━━━━━━

You never had any goals in life, jumping blindly from hobby to hobby every few weeks. While you did enjoy most of them, you had no desire to continue once you started to get bored and you got bored easily. When you were first brought to the Devildom, you felt excited because it was a rich new world with various new hobbies to experience. Would you finally find something you could dedicate your energy to? At first, it was no different from the human world.

You’d pick up a new hobby and dedicate yourself to learning all about it only to grow bored and drop it within two weeks. The only constant in your life was Satan, whom you had grown very close to over the months that you had spent there. He didn’t particularly approve of your flippant approach to life, especially when some of those hobbies turned out to be dangerous, but he still supported your decisions. He also made sure to stick close by you, intimidating any demon that got too close to you.

Nearly two years had passed since you first arrived at the Devildom and you had discovered Demonball, a sport played by the Devildom Demonball League, or DDL. It was basically like American football from the human world with most of the same rules, but it was far more violent and could almost be considered a free-for-all event. As soon as you saw an commercial for it between the movie Levi was forcing you and his brothers to watch, you were quite intrigued. Satan, who was very observant with you, noticed the spark within your eyes upon seeing this commercial and he was not happy about it.

You knew your over-protective boyfriend wouldn’t approve and, thus, wouldn’t you in your goal to become part of the DDL, so you went to the next best option – Asmodeus. Not only did the avatar of lust have a long list of contacts, but he also never passed up the opportunity to try and get under Satan’s skin.

“Hey, Asmo. Got a minute?”

The sandy-haired demon glanced up from the magazine he was reading, sending you a flirty smile as he shifted in his chair, crossing one leg over the other. “For you? Always! What can I help you with, darling?”

You glanced around the living room and, even though it was empty, you still sat on the coffee table across from him, lowering your voice. “I need your help.”

His eyes shimmered with curiosity as he leaned forward. “Oh? Are you trying to hide something from dear Satan?”

With a nod, you explained the situation. “I really want to join the DDL. It looks super fun and I think it might be the one for me, ya know?”

Asmo’s brow quirked in surprise. “You do understand how dangerous the DDL is, yes? You’ll be the number one target simply because you’re human. Powers are allowed during games.

The determination within your eyes did not falter. If anything, you seemed even more excited. “I know! But I’m positive that if I don’t at least try, I’ll spend the rest of my life obsessing over it and wondering what if. No matter the consequence, I have to try!”

In all of the time that he had known you, he had never witnessed you getting so excited, so determined over anything. Though it worried him, he decided he would help you out. “Alright, then. I know someone in the league, so I’ll give them a call and see if I can’t persuade him to give you a shot.”

“Yes!” You threw your arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ll repay you for this, I promise.”

Asmo giggled as he returned the hug, eyes closed as he smiled brightly. “You could always pay me back by dating me instead of Satan~”

“Not a chance,” you responded without hesitation, not losing an ounce of your excitement.

He pouted. “Doesn’t hurt to try.”

━━━━━━༻🎾_🏀_🏐༺━━━━━━

After meeting up with Alibaba, the coach for the Devilslayers, and taking a series of tests that he had set up for you, he was genuinely surprised by how tough you were. Most of the team was impressed, as well, looking forward to working with you. Your first official game was set for one month from the time you joined the team and you spent that time training hard to be ready, but Satan was quickly growing suspicious because of the various bruises and injuries you kept returning home with. While Asmo was helping you out quite a bit, the two of you were quickly running out of excuses and your little white lies were catching up to you.

You slowly turned the handle of your bedroom door, wincing every time you made the slightest of noise. Once safely inside the room, the door closed and locked behind you, you released the breath you had been holding only to wince at the burning in your ribs. You had taken a particularly brutal tackle during practice, leaving your ribs bruised and sore, but thankfully unbroken.

When you turned around, you nearly jumped out of your skin, hand shooting to your racing heart. “Satan! What are yo -”

His green eyes bore into your own as he sat in the chair, legs crossed and a glass of iced coffee in his hand. There was clear annoyance lingering in his eyes, though his tone remained neutral. “It’s nearly two in the morning, Y/N. Where have you been?”

You chewed on your bottom lip nervously, willing your heart to slow its pace. A dozen or so excuses danced around your brain, but you couldn’t bring yourself to voice any of them. Your first official match was taking place in two days and you really wanted him to be there in support of you, just as he always had been in the past. Taking a deep breath, you met his green eyes with determination, making his brow quirk. “I joined the Devilslayers, a team within the DDL.”

“You what?” His eyes flashed as he stood up, nearly slamming the glass onto the table.

You tried not to wince. “Listen, Satan. I know you’re mad, but -”

“Oh, no. I’m not mad, darling. I’m livid.” He hissed, an angry aura surrounding his body. “You’ve been lying to me for weeks. Going behind my back!”

“I didn’t lie, I just -”

“Do you have any idea how dangerous the DDL is?” He took a menacing step forward, shoulders tense as he tried to keep his anger under control. “No, of course you don’t because you’re just a silly little human!”

You bristled at the underlying insult, narrowing your eyes at him. “Just a silly little – If that’s how you really feel, then maybe you should be dating a jerk of a demon instead!”

Hurt flashed through his emerald eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it came, replaced by a cold hardness that you had never seen from him before. Without a word, he brushed past you and out of the room, the door slamming so hard that it made the walls rattle.

You slid down to the floor, heart clenching painfully as you hung your head. Had your relationship just come to an end?

Knock, knock.

“Y/N?” Asmo’s concerned voice traveled through the door, muffled by the wood. “Is everything alright?”

Your shoulders shook, lips forming the letters, but no sound escaped you. ‘No.’

“I’m coming in, hun!” The door clicked as he turned the handle, pushing you out of the way in the process. Upon seeing your current state, he rushed over to you, throwing his arms around your body. He was tempted to ask what had happened but after seeing how pissed off Satan had been when he left the room only moments before, Asmo could pretty much guess what had occurred.

“It’s not fair,” you muttered softly, hands balling into fists. “I finally find a goal to chase after and he…” You frowned, resting your forehead against his shoulder.

“Oh, hun.” Asmo’s arms tightened around you, quietly shushing you as he rubbed your back in comfort. He honestly felt quite torn because, while his actions had brought you such happiness, they had also brought a deep pain and had ultimately led to the discourse between you and Satan. Asmodeus wasn’t sure how to fix things.

“Hey, Asmo?”

“Yes, hun?”

“Will you… will you come and support me at the game?”

“Of course, I will!” He promised softly, glancing at the clock. “You should try to get some rest, it’s late.”

“Yeah… I’ll try.”

━━━━━━༻🎾_🏀_🏐༺━━━━━━

You pulled the black and red jersey over your head, the number 88 printed on the back in a bold, white font. A painful cramp had formed within your stomach because of your nerves and you were starting to doubt yourself, wondering if you had made a mistake. Not only did you not get any sleep these past two nights, but you also missed Satan dearly. You missed the warmth of his body when he held you and the way he softly mumbled in his sleep about the book he had read that day.

What was the point of trying to win the Super Cup if he wasn’t there to cheer you on? To be proud of you for helping your team to win?

“Y/N! Let’s go!” The captain, a male demon named Albatroz, poked his head into the locker room, cat-like eyes landing on you. “The game’s about to begin!”

“Right, coming!” You slammed the locker closed and jogged over to him, following him out of the stadium where the rest of the team was gathered. The stadium was packed with spectators, excited to see the first human in the history of the DDL. All eyes were on you and you could feel it.

“Gather ’round!” Coach Alibaba barked, his golden eyes scanning the group. “Now, listen up! The Demonic Bats are going to be aiming for Y/N, thinking they’re just a weak human being.” He smirked at you, showing off a set of shark-like teeth. “We’re going to use this to our advantage. Zemu, you’re going to be watching their back and keeping the opposite powers at bay.”

Zemu perked up, offering him a salute as she grinned, her bright red afro shaking with the movement. “You can count on me, coach!”

He nodded in approval. “This is the first game of the tournament and everyone is already counting us out. It’s time for the Devilslayers to return to the top and regain their former glory! Now get out there and show them what we can do!”

“Yes, coach!” The team chorused, putting on their helmets before filing out onto the rocky field.

A hand was pressed between your shoulder blades and Kumara muttered something in a language you couldn’t understand. This caused a red glow to encase your body from head to toe, a tingling sensation spreading quickly through your limbs before fading away. “It won’t really protect you from the higher ranking demons on the team, but it’ll help absorb some of the damage.”

“Thank you.”

The brunette nodded, his bangs shifting to cover his eyes.

Albatoz glanced at you when you stopped at his side. “The most important thing is that you avoid as much contact as possible. Most of the Demonic Bat’s powers are ineffective or weak if they can’t make physical contact.” His eyes shifted to the opposite end of the field, eyes narrowed at the captain. “Above all us, avoid #00 at all costs. He will use his full power to try and kill you and none of us are strong enough to stop him.”

‘Well, that’s reassuring…’ You swallowed the lump that had formed in your throat. “Understood, captain!”

You didn’t have time to catch your breath as the two teams lined up, everyone taking up their positions. The captains faced one another, tension building as they waited for the whistle to blow and the game to begin. The stadium was dead silent, sweat rolling down your cheek. For a moment, you wondered if this game would, quite literally, be the end of you, but you didn’t have time to dwell on that thought for too long, the shrill sound of the whistle ringing out across the stadium

Everything moved so quickly, bodies slamming into one another like male lions fighting for control of the pride, and the game wore on and on, well into overtime as neither team could score more than once in a row. The Devilslayers were currently in the lead.

You were hyper aware of everyone around you, dodging the hands that tried to grab you as you took off running, blood pumping loudly in your ears. A light shock went through your skull, a sign from your captain, so you twisted your body, pausing for a few seconds.

You waited for the demons to dive toward you before pushing off the ground, flying across to the other side of the field where the ball was soaring toward. You thrusted your arms out, fingers just barely making contact with the ball, but it was enough to knock it back up inside the air, keeping it in play.

Your foot slid across the red dirt and you ground your teeth together, your palm slapping the ground to keep your body up and help to regain your balance. Using the momentum, you pushed yourself forward, stumbling a couple times before finally getting your footing. The demons were back behind you, angry at the fake out you had pulled upon them.

You were tired, the whole team was, but none of you wanted to give up. The win was right there, dangling in front of you like a piece of meat just begging to be eaten. If you could score a touchdown, the Devilslayers would win the first game of the tournament and advance. You wanted that more than anything else in that moment.

You pushed yourself harder, willing your legs to run faster, but you had to slow down when the ball started to drop back to the ground. ‘The end zone is right there, but…’ you glanced over your shoulders, noticing how the demons were quickly closing the distance, their long limbs nearly in range to grab you. ‘Let them come, I can do this!’

The ball fell into your hands and you picked up speed again, barely dodging #12 as his fingers brushed against the back of your jersey. He cursed loudly when he fell to the ground, but he thrusted his hand forward to create a large gust of wind that propelled his teammate forward. You felt a hand on your back, followed by an intense shock that shot through your body, making you cry out in pain. Your legs were shaking, but you couldn’t, you wouldn’t stop because the end zone was right in front of you.

Blood pumped loudly within your ears, your heavy breathing muffling the sounds of the roaring crowd. His fingers curled around the fabric of your jersey and the shock became more intense. Your vision was growing blurry, muscles twitching against your will as you fought against the demon’s power and grip, but he was much stronger than you, yanking your upper body backward.

Your back slammed against the hard ground which cracked under the force, your ribs snapping and helmet flying off. A sharp intake of air was all that you could manage throughout the pain flooding your system. The demon straightened up beside you, his body casting a shadow over your face as he smirked down at you, his hand held out. Electricity crackled around his fingers, a smirk on his lips.

Your eyes slid down to his jersey, feeling panic gripping your heart. #00.

The shrill sound of the whistle being blow echoed throughout the stadium, mingling with the whoops and cries of the crowd. A deep voice boomed loudly, easily overtaking the other sounds. “Touchdown!!”

The crowd grew louder at the declaration and the demon’s eyes widened, snapping to the end zone where your foot was just barely over the line, the ball clutched tightly underneath your arm. When he looked back down at you, you sent him a pained grin, but that only further aggravated him, the electricity growing stronger.

“Filthy human!” He snarled, preparing to slam his hand against your chest, but a blur of black and yellow slammed into him before he could make contact, sending him flying back a few feet.

“If you’re so pathetic that you can’t even handle it when someone is better than you, then perhaps you should find a new career.” Satan snarled, emerald eyes narrowed at the older demon. His tail, usually wrapped around his right leg, was now twitching back and forth behind him, as if looking for something to strike at.

The other demon’s crimson eyes also narrowed, lip curling back in disgust. “It’s the rules of the game, no holds barred. That filthy human should have considered that before trying to play with us.” He spat angrily, straightening his back. “That human should be punished for thinking that they are on the same level as us. The insolence!”

“Oh, they will be.” Satan glanced over his shoulder at you, making you swallow hard at the rage that swirled within the depths of his eyes. “This human belongs to me and I will be the only one to punish them for their transgressions.” In the blink of an eye, Satan was directly in front of the older demon, his hand tightly gripping the man’s throat, green nails digging into the skin as he lifted him off of the ground. “Touch them again, and I will rain down a fury like you have never before witnessed. Do you understand?”

You forced yourself up into a sitting position, teeth clenched against the pain in your ribs. Kumara and Zemu rushed over to check on you, but as soon as they reached out, Satan’s eyes snapped to them in warning, making them freeze on the spot. Releasing a slow, shaky breath, you grabbed onto Kumara’s shoulder and he helped you to your feet, glancing nervously at the avatar of wrath.

“Knock it off, Satan.” You met his heated gaze, trying to ignore the chill that shot down your spine. “They are just trying to check on me.”

“Excuse me?” He released the other demon, eyes flashing as he turned his body toward you, his tail whipping through the air.

“Please,” you begged him with your eyes, hoping to convey how important the team had become to you.

The coach cleared his throat as he approached the group, giving Satan a weary look before addressing you. “You did a good job, kid, but I’m pulling you out of tomorrow’s game.”

“What? No, I -” you stepped forward on shaky legs, pain shooting through your side. Your eyes narrowed at the ground in frustration. “Coach, please -”

He smiled warmly, bringing his large hand to rest upon your head. “You scored the winning touchdown, kid, and showed the whole Devildom that humans can keep up with us demons. Now you need to take the time to heal up.” Albatoz winked, mouthing the next words so the blonde wouldn’t notice. “‘Heal up quickly and come back.’”

Reluctantly, you nodded, sending the man a smile. “Yes, coach!”

“Now, go see the medic.”

You nodded, turning away from him before limping toward the stadium entrance, but Satan stopped you. Despite how angry he felt, he was gentle with you when his arms slid beneath your body, holding you protectively to his chest. You glanced up at him through your lashes as he carried you into the stadium, taking in the tight line that his lips formed and the emotions swirling within his green eyes.

“What are you doing here?” You questioned, softly. “I figured you wouldn’t come to the game.”

He huffed. “Someone had to make sure you stayed alive.”

“I brought Asmo.”

His eyes flickered to yours. “He was too busy flirting to even notice what was going on within the game.”

Your eye twitched. ‘Damn it, Asmo!’

Satan stopped in front of the medic’s room, his eyes closed as he took a deep breath. “You… did well, Y/N. I’m proud of you.”

The declaration sent heat flooding to your face, eyes widening. “Satan…”

His eyes met yours, shimmering with love and apology. “I shouldn’t have said that to you. I was just so frustrated that you wouldn’t listen.” He sighed, his grip tightening. “But that’s no excuse. I’m sorry.”

You reached up to rest your hand against the back of his neck, fingers sliding through the silky blonde locks. “I really missed you.”

His tail reached out to you, wrapping softly around the wrist of your free hand and you giggled, running your fingertips across smooth lime green scales. His body relaxed under your touch, his voice soft as he brought his forehead against yours. “I missed you, too. So much.”

You pecked his lips, smiling at his groan when you pulled away before he could deepen it. “Are we… still broken up?”

“We were never broken up.”

“We weren’t?” You tilted your head, a confused expression upon your face and Satan chuckled, nuzzling his face into your neck.

When he spoke, his voice was husky, breath warm across your skin. “Do you really think you can get away from me so easily? You are my human, after all.”

You smiled warmly, fingers curling around his tail. “And you are my demon~ My beautiful avatar of wrath.”

━━━━━━༻🎾_🏀_🏐༺━━━━━━

[flightofaqrow]

no more bottles

qrow + Ruby ( @silveredruby​ )

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“Ruby, this isn’t…”

“I know what it isn’t. However I’m not gonna sit here and let you talk like that. It’s not healthy for you and no, that doesn’t mean bottle up all your feelings and don’t talk to anyone either. You can talk to us about how you feel, okay? The second you start making bold statements about how you’re the worst, everything is your fault, so on and so forth? You’re getting a metaphorical spritz bottle in the face. Biting that kind of thinking in the butt right away. Yang and I are here for you.”

“wow, Pipsqueak. all i said was bad influence. what’s all this about being the worst and everything being my fault? maybe you should be tellin’ me how you feel?”

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“Hmmph. If someone was a terrible influence, then I guess I’m a terrible person.”

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“Ruby, this isn’t…”

he lets out the absolute deepest of sighs.

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“I know what it isn’t. However I’m not gonna sit here and let you talk like that. It’s not healthy for you and no, that doesn’t mean bottle up all your feelings and don’t talk to anyone either. I will call Yang and the legion of positivity. I have them on group speed dial and I will use it mister.”

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“…”

qrow is frozen. paralyzed. smushed between so many threats from so many angles he cannot even move. 

what can he even say to that?

this is, however, effectively just bottling it up anyway. perhaps, even, repressing it beneath the sudden flood of affection in his chest. (and a little bit of fear. there is always a little bit when Ruby gets her serious face on. he can never tell what’s coming next at that point.)

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It seemed Qrow was either trapped in his own thoughts about his next strategy, or may have been intimidated by his niece’s game face. Regardless, said young Huntress wasn’t here for that. Nothing would bring a Grimm quicker than self grown negativity.

Ruby continued while looking a bit less threatening. “You can talk to us about how you feel, okay? The second you start making bold statements about how you’re the worst, everything is your fault, so on and so forth? You’re getting a metaphorical spritz bottle in the face. Biting that kind of thinking in the butt right away. Yang and I are here for you.”

A smile came across her face. “Besides, you’re stuck with us for life.”

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“wow, Pipsqueak. all i said was bad influence. what’s all this about being the worst and everything being my fault? maybe you should be tellin’ me how you feel?”

is he being dismissive? absolutely. does it still feel kinda good to laugh at his own insecurities when presented so hyperbolic by his adorable niece instead of sounding too true from his own brain? also absolutely.

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“Uh huh, and I know where that goes! I hear way more than you think I do, Mr. Bad Influence and My Semblance is Bad for Everyone.”

She also knew he was deflecting, but at least his mood improved a little. That in itself was progress. “If we wanna talk about how I feel, I feel you’re way too hard on yourself and need to give yourself a bit more positive credit. It makes me sad when I hear you’re beating yourself up so much and I know I’m not the only one.”

“Now, again this isn’t about me, this is about you.” Ruby continued while pointedly poking him in the chest. Your family loves you, and we’re going to help you get through all this, but no more bottling things up and making yourself out to be the bad guy. There are actual bad guys out there, and you aren’t one of them, okay?”

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“Geez, okay, okay. slow it down, kiddo.” seriously, it’s overwhelming. Ruby always did want to tackle every problem head on and save the world in one fell swoop.

hands raise, defensive, not stopping her, but asking for space. trying not to bottle things up doesn’t mean he can suddenly pour his entire soul out. “I hear what you’re sayin’. …but one thing at a time, alright? this… this isn’t easy.”

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She was about to go through another round of lecturing, but the surrendering body language of her uncle got her to take pause. Ruby briefly looked away for a moment, letting the momentum stop. Perhaps she had been a bit too much.

“Yeah, I know… it’s just…” Her gaze returned back to Qrow. “I don’t want to lose anyone else, or have you just up and disappear. I’m always worried about that.”

Ruby had always been worried about that. Ever since she really understood how dangerous his work was.

“Can you promise me you’ll work on it though? And I won’t be so aggressively on your case? Well I’ll work on that, it’s kind of a force of habit…”

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qrow can breathe again, but at the cost of Ruby looking so very sad. her eyes were always meant to shine, but not like that. not from the shimmering of tears. he wishes he could say he’s never just disappeared, not without telling her and not without coming back, but there’s a time or few he got too caught up in himself or his work. it would be a lie.

one of those many things he’s trying to be better about. but he also knows that kind of loaded statement isn’t just about him.

“Ruby…” hands pull from being out at his sides to hold onto her shoulders, “i’m right here, huh? i’m not gonna disappear that easy, come on now.”

one touch leaves her to run through his hair and scratch at the back of his neck, “i promise. i’ll work on it. i am workin’ on it. talkin’ about not feeling right is the first step, right? lemme,” he sighs, trying to let his chest release all the demons which dwelled there, little by little, “lemme get used to that much to start. then we can worry about …how to change it.”

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Ruby didn’t realize her expression had taken on such a sombre tone. Shifting to a smile, she looked back at Qrow as he spoke. There was an effort being made and she could be happy with that.

“Right… well we won’t let you disappear either.” She reassured. “I’ll hold you to that promise. Talking is good… I get sarcastic deflection every now and then but there’s a time for talking. I’ll work on not jumping on you. I’ll try really hard.”

There had been many vacancies made in her life, and Ruby felt like there wasn’t much of anything she could do, despite some of her best efforts. Her first ones were far out of her hands, but recently they were. They slipped through her fingers, she never felt she was good enough. At least, not yet.

Her eyes began to betray her smile as a single tear fell. Ruby was quick to react, grabbing a corner of her cloak and bringing it to her face.

“Geez, talk about getting stuff in your eye huh?”

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“yeah, yeah. i already promised.” this is about all the calling out he can handle for one night, even if it is from Ruby, and he trusts her best of intentions.

it really is incredible how she can look like the wisest soul in one instant, and then go right back to being in the single digit years and ready to bust out in the waterworks. not that those had been her happiest years…

both qrow’s brow and the corner of his mouth pop up in a smirk, “somethin’ in your eye, huh? here lemme help with that.”

he grabbed the unclaimed parts of her cape’s hem and pulled it around, burying her whole face in it and fluffing-fabric covered hands around her cheeks, eyes, and hair.

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Moods were beginning to settle and the tension was starting to give way. There wasn’t more to say on the subject, they were both going to try and that was that. Ruby had looked away for one second, confused by what Qrow meant by ‘helping’. Unfortunately this was one time where her ability to react quickly was not at the forefront of her mind.

All Ruby saw was darkened red, and felt the onslaught of her uncle messing with her hair in a firm but gentle grip. Everything was muffled chaos as her arms tried to find a weakness in the fabric barriers around her face. Qrow was met with tugging, flailing hands and muffled cries and giggles.

After a minute or so of the playful pranking, Ruby wrestled part of her face free. “Qrow! That’s cheating! Against cloak code rules!”

Her lack of long arms and Qrow’s cloak being tattered and short did not make this an even playing field.

“Well I see someone is feeling a bit better.”

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“hey, i invented the cloak code! i can bend the rules if i want to.”

it dawns on him that he’d gone from incomprehensible sulking to laughing at his niece in less than an hour. Ruby did tend to have that effect on him. Yet she had gone from a burst of sunshine to wiping away tears. he eases up on his ruffling, but leaves his hands on the sides of her sweet face, “i am. thanks, Kiddo. but what about you, huh? sounded like you maybe had more on your mind.”

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“And you keep saying you aren’t that old.” She sassed, sticking out her tongue at him followed with a smile. Ruby was now free from her fabric prison, but Qrow still had a gentle hold of her.

“I mean… when don’t I have something on my mind? Honestly I’ve kind of forgotten the initial thought. Just… too much in a short time. I almost miss worrying about the stupid cliche stuff. You know the ones movies tend to exaggerate in all those high school drama’s and terribly written romance movies? Never thought I’d say that.”

Those movies were never watched because they were good. Ruby and Yang dared each other to watch those awful pieces of film and see how long the other could last. Truly she missed those days.

“I’m getting by as much as a teenager can.” Concluded the girl with a stiffened nod, realizing she couldn’t do that too well. “… are you gonna give me my face back?”

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playful glee pinches red eyes into a daring glint in return taunt to Ruby’s tongue, “don’t have to be old to be an authority.”

his niece looks almost like a little chipmunk, spilling thoughts she’d been holding in under puffed up, scrunched up cheeks, releasing as he squeezes. he remembers having that exact conversation with one of his own mentors once upon a time. ‘it’s all one big mess, ain’t it? …things used t’be so much simpler.’

“yeah, kiddo. i do know,” a scratched mumble of understanding tumbles from tight lips as he releases her upon request. he wishes he could give more than just her face back. he wishes he could have bought her more time before her whole life became not only more complex, but immediately came crashing down around them. literally, in the case of beacon.

he can feel his frown, his eyes, his mouth, his mind sinking, down, down, down into and past the floor, right back into familiar spirals. he can’t allow it, he won’t, not after Ruby worked so hard to uplift him. the best he knows to wrestle something he can’t drown with a bottle is to throw it into a task, “…anythin’ i can do to buy ya some good ol’ quiet comic time?”

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“Buy an eighth day of the week? Don’t tell anyone about it?”

A wistful need veiled in a joke. If this ever ended, Ruby was going to do her best to not complain about anything ever again. Perhaps yelling at appliances that didn’t want to would would be an exception.

“Really though…” She pondered a moment, deciding on something simple. “I can’t remember the last time we had a sit down with burgers and fries. No idea where to get that in Mistral though.”

It was time to enjoy those simple things while they all could. The small breaks in trying to save the world. No one knew what they were doing either. It was a secret to be kept, and only to be given to the most trusted. Figuring out who to trust was dangerous.

Not something fit to be in the hands of someone so young.

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qrow chuckles light once more, “can’t say oz gave me any time magic t’promise somethin’ like that.” hands tuck into pockets, willing to dig up whatever he could to try. though, checking that his wallet still sat in place there and ruffling fingers discreetly through to make sure he had some cash on hand made for the extent of the list.

“now burgers, i can handle.” maybe. to Ruby’s standards, anyway. sometimes the simplest things became easier for bad luck to screw up. let his be the burnt patty or soggy fries, if it must. let her have this.

he’ll try. he’ll keep trying. if only to see her smile through all the responsibility he never could save her from.

“and i know a place we can sneak out to. just you and me. if we’re quick about it…”

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(part 2, basically)

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Is she judging the thighs? The self deprecation? Potential skirt wearing? Who knows? Only she does. One thing for sure though, she did in fact forget breakfast this morning.

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“don’t give me that face. it’s called learnin’ to laugh at my insecurities!”

he’s still trying. unlearning a lifetime of self-talk is hard, Ruby.

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Ruby gave him a stern look, complete with a long ‘hmm’ before relaxing her expression. Qrow was trying, and she couldn’t invalidate the effort. After all she did promise to not be so… aggressive.

“Alright, you get a pass this time. If you haven’t denounced any compliments today.”

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if Ruby weren’t a huntress, qrow wonders if she could be a therapist. she’s sure got some behavioral conditioning down pat. he hasn’t been this wrapped around her finger since she was four and learned what the word scythe meant.

“haven’t gotten any. tell you what, kiddo. why don’t you toss one my way? for practice.”

go easy on him, fam. or he might just fall apart instead of shoot it down.

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For practice huh? Ruby could do that. Granted she couldn’t be sure if Qrow was being entirely truthful, but her uncle was also never in a position of lying to her either. If he did it was always some alternative truth. Regardless, she was given an excuse to make her uncle happy.

Not overdoing it was the difficult part. Ruby could go on hour long tangents if people let her. “Well, you’re looking brighter than normal. A bit better rested and some of the gloom has gone away a bit. Maybe it’s the new vest, mister-fancy-filigree-pattern.”

A bit of cheeky humor always made things easier to digest.

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ugh. she hardly even has to say anything when she looks at him with the eyes. the adoring eyes. maintaining eye contact becomes test one already. why does this feel like he’s been transported to finals week at beacon?

he preens somewhat, smoothing down the sleeves she comments on, “yeah, well, it’s atlas. the stylists insisted on a little bit ‘a fancy. helps the image, i guess.”

oh no, that was deflection, wasn’t it? the truth, but still the wrong answer. he can see it already in the threatening scrunch of Ruby’s nose. get up, dust off, try again. it’s what being a joke has taught him in life.

“but, uh. thanks. i think i pull it off pretty alright. an’ i have been sleepin’ better. it helps.”

[svnkixs-blog]

TWENTY EIGHTEEN

As 2017 slowly closes its curtains, a New Year begins to get ready for its time to shine. 365 days and this roller coaster ride finally pulls its brakes and comes to a stop. This year was an eye-opening one, for sure. So much I have seen, heard, tasted, experienced, felt, embraced, tackled, and still I feel so unsatisfied. I had thought I would have everything all figured out for the upcoming year after this one, but no, how wrong I was. Waking up on the last day of 2017, I realized that there was so much that I have on my shoulders to carry into the New Year. Baggage ― fear, regrets, guilt, hatred, sorrow, pain ― that I have yet to put down, accumulated since years ago because of the fear of emptiness without them. Looking back, I think it’s time to put them down and finally give myself the pat on the back that I have well-deserved. Have I even done things worth that pat thought, I ask? Yes. I have. For just being here to type this out and come to a conclusion ― an understanding with myself ― that I can’t and would never be perfect. For just being alive. For just being able to smile from ear-to-ear. For just being positive. For just, being ME. This year, looking back, has given me lots of firsts to carry until my golden days. From 2017 I carry, stories I’ll tell my children and their children. It truly starts here, my life. The moment of truth, if I would even be strong enough to handle being away from the strongest pillars of my life ― my parents. And even the loss of a love I thought I would never experience, not now at least. Something I would never forget and I guess, even more of an eye-opening experience to what life is all about. There is more to this round globe we call Earth; home. It may revolve the Sun but our lives revolve around many things, and coming to the end of 2017, it’s about time not only me but everyone realize that we aren’t the only ones on the planet trying to live. And so, here I write, my game plan for 2018. I should have done this long ago but I guess it’s never too late to try something new, for a better New Year.

 1.       Awaken the Tiger

So many good things, so many new experiences, and what do I do when I meet them? Run. Hide. Shy away. I guess that’s why I am not satisfied with the year. I could have done so much more but I held back. I could have made new friends if only I tried harder but no, I choose to not give people a chance. The fear of rejection and failure was too much for me to handle that I just choose to not want to go through that. But then again, rejection and failure are a part of my own growth and it’s unavoidable. I go on and on about people who do not take risks in life, just choosing to stay put and miss out, but I was the one doing the same. I need to show that I am more than just all positive and smiles. I need to also show I’m a fighter; a risk taker. Throw me a punch or two, and I may or may not go down but definitely I will not back down without a fight. I’ll swing as hard and deliver my strongest blow. Feeding my fears to my Tiger. Be Courageous.

2.       Strive for the best. Double the effort

I’ve been slacking all this time. It’s now or never. I have to put in my all for Degree. I am here because of my parents’ strong prayers and blessings. I cannot disappoint them. I need to live up to my family name and be the best that I can be. I always thought being pretty is everything but it seems now brains are sexier. Saying no to procrastination and working my butt off this Degree to grab that scholarship should be top on my list this year (and until I graduate). It doesn’t matter if people around me are better, as long as I am better than the past me. Compete with yourself and you’ll get yourself a healthy competition that is equally motivating if not as challenging. There is so much I can improve and work in my education. I was already shown the ropes these past months, now it’s my turn to take the wheel and steer myself towards success. Average shall no longer be enough for me. No more ‘tidak apa’ and start your engine, Sonia. With Ganesha and Mummy and Daddy, you can.

 3.       Less is more

Lead life simple. I have learned a new term in 2017 ― minimalism/simplicity. The feeling of satisfaction and peace when I see pictures on Tumblr with these tags are the feelings I want to carry throughout my living days. I am not the neatest but that sure will be an improvement this time round. Not just in terms of decoration but also lifestyle in general. Living to the fullest with less should be the way to go. I must not think that I need every single item I find pretty and cool to be able to feel that I’m happy. It would be a good start to getting my shopping demon in control. Don’t go crazy just because the word SALE is everywhere in the malls. I don’t need unnecessary pieces of clothes because I already have more than enough. Focus on what is more important and learn how to save. Money should not be spent like water. Perhaps, I can also work on my style and pick up a more aesthetic look with minimal colors and pieces. A single color scheme would do. Back to Basics. Buy only if I am going to wear it more than once. Don’t hoard either. Learn to let go, whether it be books or clothes. They can’t forever stay in the closet or shelf just because they look pretty and you don’t want to give them away. Even meals should be considered. I may be small and in need of gaining weight, but that does not mean fast food every weekend and going out to town just for a single meal. Just eat what you have and always finish meals. Some people can’t afford a single meal.

 4.       Positive vibes only 

I am known to be very positive. But know that there are times you can feel blue. Not every day is a good day. So this time I need to remind myself that if you need to cry, then cry. Need to be angry, project it well and get rid of it. But never even lose that positive spirit, because it is a charm. Always see things in its positive light and hope for nothing but the best. This world is gloomy and cruel and dark enough. Hopefully, in this New Year, I can inspire and motivate. Use my charms and good qualities to greater use. Lend out a helping hand and give my shoulder for people who need them. Jonghyun was enough. I may have not been there to cheer him on and definitely not save him from what has happened but perhaps, I could be someone’s saviour. Nothing much, all I need to learn is understanding. Stop judging people too much too if you don’t wish people to do the same. Always see that there’s more than meets the eye. Not everyone is going to be all happy and bright around me but that should not be an obstacle. Just try. 

5.       Live! Fight! Earn! Conquer!

Passion. This should be my keyword of 2018. In everything I do. Love, studies, hobbies, friendships. Live passionately and see how much life can improve. There are going to be days when you’re just done and all you want to do is sleep forever. Find something ― any form of motivation ― to keep fighting on. To live for. If not for yourself, for someone worth-while. Depression and stress should be handled well. Never give up because know that there are people who will be hurting if you try doing anything reckless. Faith is the most important during times like this. Never expect things in return either. Just do what makes me happy and live to my heart’s content. Don’t think people’s affection is everything. Most important is respect. As a woman, that should be top of the list. With all the issues surrounding women these days, it should be as clear as day that respect is the way to go now. Therefore, fight and earn respect from people around you. Make people remember my presence. Boys will always be boys, so work on yourself first before trying to impress someone. I have a long way to go, that’s the whole point. I have all my life to find a man. But before that, be a man to yourself. Fight my own battles and lick my own battle wounds. Man up! Make first moves and live without regrets. Just LIVE.

With that being said, may 2018 be a great year and welcome all the goodness into your lives. Embrace the moments and cherish them. Do what makes you smile and try new things. Make memories and create stories. Live to the fullest. You’ll be fine. I mean, how bad can it be right? Happy New Year!