#I might've done it in pester-format. which i hate. but still.

[turgidtangentimagines]

Fuckin. Sollux talking to a human about code. bonding over java or c# or something.

I made this into a semi-pesterlog situation because I was thinking back to a time sollux could talk to humans and, well, see code and alll the way back on the meteor seemed the most plausible and probable to me. Kinda came out a little less bond-y and a little more first-meeting sort of thing but i think it’s still pretty solid.

Also- I know nothing of those two code languages- I am most familiar with javascript. And then there’s this whole sburb situation… soo… yeah, bare with me.

If you just move that function here… and make that server call there… then you might just be able to shrink down this massive ui system. You’ve just. You gotta get this game running on your phone. You have to stop being so tethered to the portal system just to be sure your client player won’t die on you. 

There’s just been too much of that recently, death. And simultaneously the lack of death. This game- it’s just too strange. Between John’s ordeal with Terezi and the Davesprite-dead-timeline situation, you’ve been a little on edge to say the least. Between these trolls and this game, death could be lurking around any corner. Hopefully, with any luck at all, this app would keep it off your friends’ doorsteps.

With a jolt- pesterchum pings with the presumption that you’ll answer its chattery call. All it really does is make you aware of the trail of semi-colons you’ve left on the end of your code, nulling your command- and annoying you to no end. Finicky, finicky language. Being this drowsy isn’t exactly the most conducive thing to coding, but maybe you can get some muse flowing by trolling one of these dorks back. They never really seemed to expect that from you- the push-back. Your friends, even back on earth, seemed to humor and then evade their jests, your technique was simply to ignore their trolling till they were idle an ample about of time, say your piece, and- goddamnit.

–[[TA] TwinArmageddons began trolling [PC] PesterChum at 04:12]–

TA: hey. a22hole. what the hell are you doiing?

A quick Alt + tab and you’re back to your code. It’s important that you stay on- goddamned pop-up notifications.

TA: ye2. we’re talkiing. iit'2 happeniing.

TA: ii’ll a2k agaiin.

TA: what’re you doiing, a22hole?

Ctrl + Alt+ Delete, annd… he’s gone again. Guess you’re just going to have to lay off pestering your chums for a- oh god-with the phone-and the vibrating on ya leg-

PC: What do you want, I’m very busy.

TA: obviiou2ly.

TA: ii repeat a 2econd tiime:

TA: what are you doiing?

You put the phone down a moment to think. Only one other troll thus far had been so annoyingly hard to ignore, and even then it was because of your own need to communicate and not the fault of any of the technology around you. There were a few ways this could be happening, most of which are coincidental, but if you humor this troll for a few moments perhaps they’ll show their cards long enough to discern if there are any flaws in your impenetrable wall of troll ignorance. That, or, you’re so tired that that wall crumbled the 6 hours ago when you were supposed to be asleep. Whatever. You were coding on fumes anyway. Might as well look at something that’s not the editor for a min- aannd that dude isn’t shutting up.

TA: 2eriiou2ly, ii’m 2en2iing all 2ort2 of doomed tiimeliine2 waftiing through the viiewport2 and the wor2t ii2 comiing from none other than your2elf.

TA: miight a2 well 2ee what 2hiit your 2peciie2 ii2 gettiing iinto.

PC: Alright.

PC: I’m reconfiguring a copy of the game to allow me to run my client’s client editor on my phone in real time while continuing to run the game from my computer for my server player.

PC: Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.

PC: Except not.

PC: This is tedious.

PC: It’s like it was coded with the game equivalent of Dreamweaver.

A lapse in your conversation allows you a chance to delete all of those semicolons. Just how out of it were you, you must’ve added like 100 lines worth- ping!

TA: oh my gog. you’re fuckiing iin2ane.

PC: ???

TA: what the 2hiit do you thiink you’re doiing- diid you even code your game?

TA: no, you diidn’t.

TA: you’re readiing off gog know2 what developed by one of your iinferiior human grub de2iigner2 who couldn’t code the wiide 2iide of a moobea2t contaiinment faciiliity.

TA: 2top fuckiing wiith your game'2 code before you doom a miilliion tiimeliine2 iin the mo2t excruciiatiing way po22iible.

Okay, there was a lot you could take in life, insults normally being one of them. But an insult to your skill is simply a challenge in your book.

PC: I can read it.

PC: I can code it.

PC: And it’s happening.

You press the power button on your phone, but it just glitches right back to the conversation as soon as ya do. Fuckin glitchy ass last-gen smartphones, hardly able to run pesterchum anyway.

TA: okay look, ii diidn’t even want two troll you 2hiit2- ii ju2t wanted two leave you alone becau2e ii thought your 2peciie2 wa2 2tupiid enough two fiizzle out by iit2elf- but thii2 cro22e2 a liine.

TA: ii’ve 2uddenly caught a ca2e of giiviing a fuck.

Yeesh, this guy crosses all sort of lines. First with the technological illiteracy comments and now with the whole slandering your specie- man this guy gets wordy when he’s spooked.

TA: the game2 code ii2 not two be tampered wiith, iif runniing iit off of tho2e two 2hiitty human game grub2 de2troyed your uniiver2e- what the hell do you thiink you’d do ju2t fuckiing wiith iit for conveniience?

PC: Gain any semblance of agency I have left in this hellscape of a game.

PC: Keep my friends alive, and not be bogged down by all the shit of the universe while doing it.

PC: etc.

TA: …

TA: look.

TA: ii don’t know what iit ii2 about the code you’re wriitiing but ii know for a fact that nothiing good come2 of iit waay more than anythiing you’re actually tryiing two do doe2.

TA: ju2t. plea2e. don’t run that code.

TA: you’ll do more harm than good

TA: then your friiend2 wiill diie

TA: and then on top of that KK wiill nag me about iit.

At this point, this dude’s just becoming a drag. A pause and you come to realize that you are waay too tired to comb through this heap of code. You need some sort of break, a reprieve from thinking like a computer and a moment to think like a human being. Preferably a human who wasn’t coding or talking right now and slept for the next week. You gotta get this guy off your back, and only one way comes to your sleep-deprived mind.

PC: Fine then.

TA: what.

TA: really?

TA: you’re giiviing iit up that ea2iily?

PC: No.

TA: waiit. then what’re you doiing?

PC: Look.

PC: Dude.

PC: It’s waaay past midnight.

PC: I’m going to level with you:

PC: My code right now?

PC: Probably not my best work.

TA: no 2hiit.

PC: Not done.

PC: So this is either going one of two ways: you withdraw from this pestering- by force or by your own will- and I test my code like any developer would. Or- you actually help me, we test it, and I go the fuck to sleep.

PC: Your call.

You hold the phone like you’re waiting for a reply when in actuality you’ve closed your eyes and can feel the sweet sweet relief of no blue light forcing your eyes into a semi-alert hell. Your phone almost jiggles out of your hand with enough force to actually wake you up a little bit. You reluctantly open your eyes to see more dijon text in dual i’s.

TA: iin a biilliion alternate uniiver2e2 ii 2aiid fuck iit and let you run a code that'2 bugged two 2hiit whiile your 2e22iion cra2hed and burned.

TA: two be hone2t, kiinda wii2hiing thii2 wa2 one of tho2e, becau2e you’ve been nothiing but a paiin about liittle more than an alpha te2t for an acce22ory app.

TA: that you don’t even fuckiing need.

TA: you’re ju2t codiing for the 2hiit of iit.

TA: ju2t. what the hell.

PC: Well?

PC: What’s your answer troll dude, gonna help me debug this shit?

PC: Hack a game that’s fucked up our lives for just the slightest bit more control over it?

PC: Eh?

PC:…

PC: Yeah, that’s about as enticing as I can make that sound right now.

TA:…

TA: you know what?

TA: 2ure. you iin2ane apebea2t.

PC:…

PC: Call me y/n.

TA:…

TA: Sollux.

TA: Sollux Captor.