#I meant to reply privately but ok tumblr! lol

[catbreon-draws]

Hii! I thought your pokefusion Taffy was really cute and looked fun to draw! Sorry if it's weird to ask this but I wanted to make sure before doing it, but could I draw a lil fanart of them for you? c:

Ohmygosh I’d love that so much, thank you for asking!!! I have no problem with fanart <3333

[zukkacore]

Hi wait okay sorry this is so cringe of me but also I’m sleepy enough rn that I can Be Free.

First off just wanted to say 1) Genuinely I love every time you Go Off and I see multiple paragraphs/thoughts from you THEY ALWAYS!!! HIT!!! YOUR IDEAS AND THOUGHTS ARE BRILLIANT!!!!!

Secondly 2) Is. Is that moot me. I have to ask bc on first read my brain said “Wow oh my god I would be soooo honored if I got that reply (especially from a writer like Janelle)” and then immediately afterwards my thought was “Wait that sounds familiar actually actually he did. They did say that to me”. If you weren’t referencing me that’s totally cool and fine I Am Cringe and Free but like. Brain Latch On and wouldn’t let go until I at least asked.

(Also also feel no obligation to like. Actually answer this publicly if you don’t want it on your blog or something? I dunno even after all these years and studying I still don’t understand tumblr etiquette)

Hi yes that was you! You’re literally the sweetest ever, thats means so much. for the record I love talking to you as well it’s literally so fun when we have our exchanges back and forth etc etc. and I meant it when I said it (like. Not literally framing the comment lol but like. Emotionally that’s how I felt abt it) bc I hadn’t written anything for ppl to actually read in like 4 years so it did mean like. A TON to me you have no idea

Also don’t worry abt etiquette im the same way idk what the rules are at all lol. I always feel like im being way too embarrassing n earnest or overly familiar but i also when i get ppl messaging me i always think it’s like. Rly sweet and exciting & im usually rly grateful it’s an excuse to interact and connect so i think im just hard on myself. Honestly I was gonna say the reverse like. I really did kinda waffle abt answering publicly but I prommy answering privately doesn’t mean anything bad i think i just sometimes worry when ppl are nice to me and i post it it’s like. Self congratulatory or something. But I talked myself into it being ok. Thank you so much!

[kys0g0i]

[Prinxiety] Closer

Or at least, mainly Prinxiety

Pairing(s)?: romantic Prinxiety, romantic Moceit, romantic Intrulogical

Started: August 11th, 2019, 1:48 AM

Finished: August 18th, 2019, 9:18 AM

Word Count: 1146 Words

Summary: Everyone needs a bit of love sometimes.

Warnings: Touch starved, a bit of swearing

— — —

Virgil didn’t want affection or love.

He didn’t yearn for it each and every night.

He didn’t wish someone would come and cuddle up to him as Patton would whenever Deceit tried to convince himself that others found his scaly side disgusting and monstrous.

He didn’t want someone to hold his hand and help ground him as Logan did for Remus whenever he got a bit too carried away.

He didn’t need someone to cheer him up and drag him away from his room to socialize like Remus did whenever Logan started to overwork

He didn’t want someone to tell him everything would be alright like Deceit told Patton whenever it was a sadder day for the moral side.

That’s what the anxiety-filled side lead everyone to believe, that is.

But oh, how they couldn’t be more wrong. Virgil couldn’t blame the three light sides for thinking that for multiple reasons. It was his fault for being so defensive and closed off before he had first been accepted into the group, giving off the vibe that you shouldn’t even so much as think of touching him. He hadn’t meant to, it was just an act so he could do his job better, but still, what could he do about it now? What’s done is done.

Currently, Virgil was sitting on the couch of the main room, arms curled around himself in a hug as he stared at the screen in front of him. It was movie night, the best night of the week. Or, at least, it used to be for the anxious side, until his touch starvation decided to be a bitch and ruin everything. They were all watching The Princess and The Frog, as per Deceit’s suggestion and Roman’s support of the pick. It was a good movie, Virgil would admit, but he could barely focus on it with everything going on around him.

Remus and Logan were sitting next to each another on the opposite side of the couch, their hands interlocked and shoulders pressed against each another’s. It was barely noticeable, and Virgil probably wouldn’t even be thinking too much about it if it weren’t for the situation he was in.

But Deceit and Patton?

He could barely tear his eyes that were ridden with a need for affection away from them.

Patton was snuggled up to a perfectly content Deceit, soundly sleeping as the snake side played with his hair. The father figure had his freckled arms wrapped Deceit’s waist, his hands curled into the fabric of his clothes as his head rested on his boyfriend’s lap. Though his one hand was already taken by Patton’s head of short curly hair, it didn’t stop his other ungloved hand from tracing circles into his lover’s back.

It was almost too much for Virgil to handle. He wanted to scream and shout that he was here. That he wanted attention and affection too. But he wouldn’t. His pride forbid him from doing so, even though not too far away from him, sat Roman, his hand just inches away from his own. His heart quickened. He didn’t just want anyone’s love, he wanted Princy’s. Maybe that’s what kept him from reaching out to anyone, figuratively and physically.

The younger side couldn’t even remember the last time someone had given him a hug or held his hand, or anything of the sort when he wasn’t having a panic attack. The anxious side could barely begin to start to remember what it had felt like. He craved it so much, it hurt.

He wanted to be hugged. He wanted any kind of physical contact. Virgil wanted it so bad that he felt like his head was spinning just looking at others get what he oh so longed for.

After a few moments of staring longingly at Deceit and Patton, the darker side felt his back pocket buzz. Silently pulling out his phone, he forced his gaze away from the couple, expecting to see a Tumblr notification, but instead, found a text from... Roman..? Why was he texting him? He was literally less than three feet away from him. Unlocking the purple cased phone, Virgil looked to his private messages with the prince sitting beside him.

prince ramen🍜👑: Hey, Dr. Gloom, are you ok? You’re staring over at Padre and Snakey McSnakerson like they offended your entire family before murdering them right in front of you lol

Was it really that obvious he was that upset? And was he really shooting that type of look at them? He hadn’t meant to. He was just so, well, starved of touch. It must be affecting him more then he thought. Taking a quiet deep breath, he replied, making their conversation continue.

😈Stormy Night🌩: oops, yeah i’m good.

😈Stormy Night🌩: just a bit jealous i guess, haha. why did you text me btw, i’m right beside you

prince ramen🍜👑: Jealous? Of what? And because I don’t want to disturb anyone with talking.

😈Stormy Night🌩: it’s nothing.

prince ramen🍜👑: If it was nothing, you wouldn’t be jealous, Emo Nightmare.

😈Stormy Night🌩: listen, just drop it, okay? it’s not important.

Without waiting for a reply, Virgil put his phone down, using all his willpower to stare at the screen and not at Remus’ and Logan’s interlocked hands. He brought his knees to his head, resting his head on as well as wrapping his arms around them so he could curl into a small ball. If only hugging himself would work to satisfy his need for physical contact.

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his arm. It sent a wave of warmth through his entire body. The anxious side turned his head to see Roman sitting beside him, giving him a concerned look. “Are you okay?” He asked again in a hushed tone, his voice unusually soft and gentle. Virgil hesitated, before shaking his head. “...No. No, I’m not.” He replied, equally as quiet.

For a few moments, the two simply stared into one another’s eyes. And just like that, Anxiety knew Creativity understood what he wanted.

“Lonely?” The prince asked.

Virgil nodded.

“...do you want to cuddle?” He suggested. Virgil nodded again, moving to press against him, even more warmth flooding his senses. Roman wrapped his arms around the younger side, pulling him in close and laying his head on his chest.

Virgil’s head on Roman’s chest,

His arms wrapped around him,

The sound of Roman’s heartbeat...

God, how he needed that.

Soon, Virgil fell asleep to that sound, a content smile on his face. He had a feeling he would never, ever have to go another day without a hug or a simple hand to hold if he ever wanted it. Roman smiled down at him, pressing a kiss to the top of the smaller, sleeping side’s forehead. “Sleep well, my dark and stormy knight.” He whispered. “..I love you.”

[khiphop-stories]

Umbrella - Chapter XVII

You can read all previous chapters here.

NOT A NEW CHAPTER! Reposting this because tumblr took it down and I have no idea why lol. Hope you enjoy it! 

Lesson Seventeen: Leap Of Faith

[Christian Yu, DPR Live]

“Jenn…” He called out for you and reached out his arm into your direction.

You swirled around and walked towards him. “Something’s clearly wrong with your perception,” you commented, earning a confused look from him which was mixed with a hint of panic.

“What…?” With furrowed eyes he stared at you puzzled. At that moment his heart stopped beating. Were you mad at him?

“You said you broke up with her on good terms? That girl was about to tear your head off!” You let out a chuckle as a smile appeared onto your lips. Hearing the sound of your sweet laughter, Christian was able to relax his tensed muscles. He was relieved that you weren’t mad at him and at the same time he wondered how much of the conversation you had heard. The question lingered on the tip of his tongue, but he was too afraid to ask. So instead he just stared at you silently, his face covered in guilt.

“Christian,” you called his name firmly.

“Hm?”

“I’ve made up my mind. I do want to try this…but maybe you’re the one who’s not ready yet.” With each word your voice became softer until it was only a mere whisper, the confidence with which you spoke slowly leaving you.

“We’ve only been dating for a few hours and you already want to break up with me?” It was his turn to crack a joke, because he didn’t want you to see how much your words had affected him.

You rolled your eyes at him while letting out a little chuckle. “That’s a new record, huh?”

“When we were in London,” he said out of the blue, earning a confused look from you, “I was a mess. Not because of the break up, but because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. For the first time when I was abroad, all I wanted to do was to go back to Korea. I just wanted to be with you.”

You turned your eyes away with shyness, a smile spread across your face. “You always know the right thing to say.”

“I mean it.” He looked you straight in the eye. His expression was soft and genuine. There were no signs of deception on his face.

“About Hyeri—“

“I don’t need to know.” you hurriedly cut him off, shaking your head at him.

The sad expression on her face flashed in front of your eyes again. You felt an itch in your heart. With just one look at her you saw the agony and remorse in her pretty eyes when she was passing by. The emotions she had been able to conceal from the world all this time. It didn’t take a genius to grasp that the conversation they just had was private, intimate. You didn’t want to dig around in someone else’s story and pain.

Christian’s brows rose up high, you reaction confusing him as it wasn’t what he expected.

“You don’t know everything about me either. That’s the point of dating, isn’t it? Getting to know each other little by little.” You tilted your head at him and released a smile. He didn’t respond. Instead he just stared at you in silence.

“What?” You chuckled as you shifted in your position awkwardly. His gaze was slowly creeping you out.

“I‘m falling really hard for you right now,“ he blurted out without thinking and you saw the slight blush on his cheeks when he realized he spoke his thought out loud; one that was only meant to be heard by him.

Rolling your eyes at him, you let out a soft giggle. “Let’s head back.” With a smile on your lips you held out your hand for him. He laced his fingers with yours and led you through the crowd, holding you close to him.

~*~

“Morning, pretty,” Christian tore the curtains wide open with full force, allowing the room to be flooded with sunlight.

“Ugh!” You groaned out loud, blinded by the brightness of the sun. You immediately turned your body away from the window and buried your head into the pillow next to you. It was only then that you realized you weren’t in your own bed. The pillow smelt different. It was an aquatic fragrance mixed with a woody, exotic nuance. Your nose was all too familiar with this scent.

You were at Christian’s, though you had no idea what you were doing in his room or how you even got here. The last memory you had from yesterday was  of Christian and Scott battling each other on the dance floor. But everything after that was a blur.

“Oh god. My head is throbbing!” You whined with your eyes still tightly shut close. You felt the bed shift with Christian’s weight who gently turned you over. He broke out into roaring laughter when he saw how awful you looked. Your hair was a mess, your make up smudged and your face was puffed due to the excessive alcohol intake last night.

“Stop laughing!” You tried to push him away, though it wasn’t very effective. You didn’t have any strength left in your arms. He didn’t even budge.

“I did try to stop you,” he said teasingly, yet his voice was soft at the same time, coated with a trace of concern. Reaching out his arm, he gently tucked a strand of hair behind your ears.

By now you had finally managed to force your eyes open. You pushed yourself into a sitting position, staring at his handsome face. With a smile spread across his dry lips, he handed you a glass of water. You took a big sip, before placing the glass down onto the nightstand next to his bed.  Leaning your heavy head against his shoulders, you let out a long sigh, regretting the choices you had made yesterday.

“Go take a shower, then we can have breakfa— I mean lunch,” he corrected himself with a chuckle.

“Can’t we just eat first? I don’t have strength to shower,” you tried to negotiate.

“Jenn,” he looked at you with a serious expression on his face. “You smell horrible,” he laughed.

“I do not!” You took your hair into your hands and guided them to your nose, sniffing at them. It was a weird smell. A mixture of alcohol, cigarettes and sweat.

“Oh crap, I do smell,” you gave him an apologetic look. “You should have made me shower yesterday. How were you even able to sleep next to me?”

“I tried to! But I didn’t want to leave you alone in the shower. You could have slipped and fallen.”

“You should have jumped into the shower with me then,” you said teasingly, wriggling your eyebrows at him in a suggestive manner.

“I’m not gonna lie that thought did cross my mind, but then you passed out on the bed,” he broke out into laughter.

~*~

“That was so refreshing!” You sighed in content as you walked into the kitchen where the smell of eggs and bacon embraced your nose.

You eyed the three empty plates on the table, before walking to the cupboard to get cutlery. You opened the cupboard, before turning to Christian. “Is Dabin home? I haven’t seen him.”

“He’ll come out once he smells food,” he laughed and as though Dabin had heard his cue, he came walking inside the kitchen just in time. His eyes were still half-closed and he was hiding a long yawn behind his hand.

“If Rome’s gonna cook whenever you’re here Jenn, you should just start living here forever,” he greeted you playfully. His eyes lightened up when he saw the food on the table.

“Jealous?” You poked out your tongue at him.

“Of course! He never cooks for me,” the playfulness was evident in his tone.

“You know…you could maybe try cooking yourself,” you laughed at him and took a seat on one of the free chairs, after you had put down the silverware on the table.

“Nah, ain’t nobody got time for that,” he told you jokingly as he walked over to the fridge and took out a bottle of juice. Opening the cap, he poured the content down. You had watched him with your head tilted and a smirk on your lips.

“What?” Dabin gave you a weird look.

You exchanged knowing glances with Christian, before you let out a warm and hearty laugh. “Is that a hickey I see on your neck?” You stuck out your tongue at him teasingly as you pointed your finger to your own neck.

“What?” He almost choked on his juice and his eyes grew double the size. His hand automatically moved up to his neck, touching the spot you were pointing at.

“Somebody got lucky last night,” Christian snickered.

“I…I have no idea how I got this….” He stuttered in a daze with his hand still resting on his neck.

“You really can’t remember?” You looked at him in disbelief.

He remained silent for a moment, trying to revisit the past night. But he couldn’t find his memory. It was wiped clean.

“You both are the worst drinkers, really. You really don’t know your limits,” Christian shook his head with a laugh.

“What happened?” Dabin turned his attention to his roommate.

“I don’t know. I couldn’t find you when we left. The last time I saw you, you were with a girl,” he shrugged his shoulders.

“Did I leave with her??” Dabin eyes trailed back and forth the two of you.

“I don’t know, mate. You need to ask Scott or the other guys. We left pretty early, because I had to take Jenn’s drunk ass home,” Christian explained, giving you a little smirk.

“Hey, I wasn’t that drunk,” you defended yourself.

“You tried to hit on me with cheesy pick up lines. You became really really touchy...not just with me. If Cream didn’t stop you, you would have walked into the men’s room. And we almost got thrown out by the taxi driver, because you were talking dirty and trying to undress me.” He listed a couple of stupid things you did last night and you felt yourself drowning in embarrassment.

“Ok…maybe I was that drunk,” you mumbled under your breath, looking away embarrassed.

“Yes, Babe. You were that drunk.”

“OH MY GOD SHE TEXTED ME.” Dabin interrupted the two of you and rushed over to you with his phone.

“Hey, just wanted to check on you. Feeling better?” The text read.

“What do I reply?” He panicked.

Both you and Christian broke out into rumbling laughter, seeing him lose his cool.

“Wow…are you really the same guy who wrote ‘Cheese & Wine’?” You continued teasing him, because you were enjoying his state of helplessness a little bit too much.

“To be honest, it’s supposed to be a secret, but he has a ghostwriter,” Christian told you jokingly.

You took the phone from his hands and started typing something. Dabin stood frozen, his eyes following your movements.

“You have a date with her on Friday,” you flashed a grin at him and returned his phone.

“What?” His jaw dropped open. He took the phone back into his possession and read the conversation.

“Just woke up. Definitely feeling better. How about u?”

“I wasn’t the one who got wasted haha. Thanks again for taking the shots on my stead. I suck at those games. As promised, I’ll treat you to a meal :)”

“How about Friday?”

“Sounds good.”

~*~

[Time Leap]

“Valentine’s Day is coming up,” you casually remarked as you absent-mindedly stared out of the window. The streets were busier than usual and wherever you looked the colors red and pink dominated. Almost every store offered discounts for couples and the shop windows were decorated with shape of hearts and roses.

“I know,” he replied in a sing-song tone. “Don’t worry, I didn’t forget it,” Christian chuckled thinking you were concerned that he might have forgotten about it in the midst of being busy with work. Although you lived right across the hallway, you barely got to see his face the past few weeks. He had been working on too many projects, struggling to meet the deadlines. He was either on set shooting something, in the office editing or in a meeting. You knew he tried his best to make time for you despite his busy schedule. It just didn’t always work out.

However, your intention wasn’t to remind him of Valentine’s Day. You never made a big deal out of it. To you was just another commercial holiday that tricked you into buying a bunch of unnecessary things. But knowing him he was probably planning something special for the two of you. Christian was a romantic and rather impulsive too, so it was easy for him to get carried and perhaps spend a little too much money.

“Let’s set some rules.”

Christian turned his head to you, looking at you as though you had just said the most ridiculous thing in the world.

“No expensive gifts, no fancy restaurant, no cheesy Valentine’s card.”

“So I’m basically not allowed to do anything,” he let out a chuckle as he shook his head in disbelief. He turned his eyes back onto the road in front of him. He sat silently while his brain worked at full speed, trying to come up with an idea.

“How about chocolate?”

“Chocolate is fine,” you smiled at him. “But I’m talking about the $1 chocolate bar from the grocery store, not some posh box of chocolates.”

“This is so unfair!” He began whining.

“I don’t want you to be pressured to spend so much money on me because of social obligation.”

“I’m not pressured,” he shook his head. “I like doing this. I want to spoil my girl.”

“Still-”

“What do you consider expensive?”

“Anything over 20 bucks,” you replied after a short pause.

“I’m just allowed to spend 20?” His pitch rose by an octave filled with disbelief.

“Yup.”

“You can't be serious. That’s impossible, Babe!”

“Well, take it as a challenge then,” you stuck out your tongue at him, a smirk covering your face. You knew he was gonna fall for it. Christian was a very competitive person. He liked to prove others wrong, be it in his professional life or his personal.

“Challenge accepted,” he turned his head to you, giving you the most confident look. “It’s gonna be the best Valentine’s Day you’ve ever experienced!”

No cliffhanger this time haha and you can probably guess when I’ll post the next update, right? You all were probably expecting some juicy details about Christian’s past, but nope, I’m not gonna reveal it just yet :P You have to suffer a little bit more lol. Don’t forget to let me know about your thoughts! <3

[hermannsthumb]

ok trying this again lol hopefully tumblr doesn't eat my message but i saw where you reblogged that halloween prompts last night and wanted to request "strangers who hooked up at a party while in costume but tbh i might be in love with you so i’m gonna walk this earth looking for the right woodland nymph" for newmann. the thought of hermann dressed as a woodland nymph is CUTE!! thank you, maria

from list of halloween prompts here

HEHE this one took me a while bc i’ve been slammed with a cold the past few days thats made me want to do nothing but like. lie in bed. HERE YOU GO ENJOY

———————————————

“Sexy fairy, huh?” Newt says.

The dude leaning against the wall lowers his drink and frowns. “Pardon?”

“Shit,” Newt says. “Hang on. Sorry.” He pulls out his plastic fangs and works his jaw a few times, then settles right back into his most charming smile. “I said sexy fairy, huh?”

“Oh,” the dude says. He looks down at himself–the illfitting white tunic, the tacky fake vines glued to it, his sandals (socks with sandals, actually, wow)–and gives a self-conscious tug at the equally tacky flower crown atop his head. He’s a real hottie. Big brown eyes, dark eyelashes, cheekbones–definitely Newt’s type. He’s surprised that no one else dove in to chat him up first. “I think it’s meant to be a nymph, actually. I bought it at the costume shop on the way here.”

He’s all posh and English. Newt wasn’t expecting that, but he thinks he can dig it. He leers. “So the sexy is all you, then?”

The nymph’s frown only deepens. “What do you mean?”

“I mean–” Newt sighs. “I was calling you sexy.”

“Oh,” the nymph says again. “Er. Thank you.”

They slip into uncomfortable silence. (Way to go, Newt. Struck out already.) “Are you here alone?” Newt tries again.

It’s the wrong thing to ask: the nymph makes a face and takes a long sip of his drink. (Purple, with weird foam on top, probably whatever’s sitting in the punchbowl marked Witch’s Brew.) “Yes,” he says. “I came with my date, but he–ah–”

His eyes drift to a guy in a semi-matching costume on the dance floor, who’s currently bumping up against some hunk dressed as a sexy pirate.“Ditched you?” Newt says.

The nymph makes a non-committed sound. His hand tightens around the head of his cane (which he’s also wound fake vines around–Newt appreciates the creativity). “I didn’t want to dance,” he says, and then it’s his turn to sigh. “We only met a week ago, on some moronic–dating app my sister insisted I try. I should’ve known he’d…”

That won’t do; Newt was trying to get the guy’s number, not send him spiraling into moodiness. “Hey, I’m here alone, too,” Newt says. “All alone.” He doesn’t even know the host–it’s one of Tendo’s exes, he thinks, who he may or may not have gotten sushi with one time years ago but never bothered unfriending on Facebook.

“Mm,” the nymph says. He gives Newt a long once-over. Newt wishes that he’d planned better, and worn something a little sexier than just standard vampire. (Like sexy pirate; the guy the nymph’s date latched onto instead had the right idea.) As is, he’s probably only passably sexy: his pants are tight enough, and his shirt is open enough, and he has enough glitter in his hair (because it’s fun) to light up like a fucking disco ball in the light. “I suppose you’re going to ask me for my mobile number now. Or offer to get me a drink, despite the fact that I clearly already have one.”

Newt grins goofily. “That was the plan.”

He get another long, considering stare. Then the nymph sets his drink down and clasps his free hand around Newt’s wrist. “Follow me,” he says.

“Cool,” Newt says. “Uh, are we going to the kitchen? I think it’s–”

They’re not going to the kitchen: they’re going to an empty broom closet. Newt can appreciate a forward-thinking man who knows what he wants.

“You ought to know,” the nymph gasps, tangling his fingers in Newt’s hair, “I don’t really do these sorts of things.”

“Really?” Newt says. He grins up at him, face inches from the guy’s stupid tighty-whiteys. “’Cause I do. You want me to put my fangs back in?”

“No. Ah–!”

***************************

Newt wakes up with a hangover (predictable), his phone buzzing off the side table with his alarm (annoying), and the strangest sensation that he met the love of his life last night (unexpected). The sensation is only amplified when he picks up his phone and sees that he’s, apparently, sent no less than five texts to his dad about it (his fucking dad, of all people, Newt needs some friends), but it quickly turns to dread when he sees the mess that is his poor forearm.

(“I’ve got a spot right here,” Newt slurred. After mutually-reciprocated hijinks in the closet, he and the nymph–who had told him his name at one point, Newt was sure, he just totally forgot–proceeded to get totally smashed off whatever the fuck Witch’s Brew was and then make out in the corner until Newt finally reminded him that he still wanted his phone number. The nymph was game. He was less game when Newt showed him where to write it in bold black Magic Marker one he rucked up his sleeve: his right forearm, between his jellyfish tattoo and his Godzilla tattoo, on a small patch of empty, freckled skin.

“Cute,” the nymph said, wryly.

He said it in a way that made it clear he didn’t think Newt’s tats were actually very cute. “I like them,” Newt said.

“Can’t I just–” the nymph was struggling with the marker, “–put it right in your, ah, phone?”

“This is more fun,” Newt said.”)

The number is nothing more than a smeary mess now–probably casualty to the massive rainstorm raging outside that, if Newt’s soaked pile of clothing on the floor means anything, has been raging since he stumbled home last night. 

He can’t even remember the guy’s name.

SOS, he ends up texting Tendo after a healthy amount of coffee and Tylenol. hooked up with super hot guy at a party last night and have no fucking clue how to see him again and i think i might be in love. help

you’re almost forty, Tendo replies, which is no help and isn’t at all the sick burn Tendo probably thought it was.

Newt resorts to stalking Tendo’s ex’s Facebook page instead. For anything, really. There are only a few photos up from the party last night (so far, anyway), and most of them are focused on the dance floor and the guy’s friends. Newt clicks through obsessively anyway. The ornate Jack-O-Lanterns that’d been on the front porch, Tendo’s ex and some chick in zombie makeup, the punchbowl of foaming purple Witch’s Brew, and–finally, in the very back corner of a shot–Newt standing with his mystery man. Tacky crown and all. He exists, at least, not some extremely specific hallucination on Newt’s part, even though a reverse image search turns up with absolutely nothing but links to buy his costume. 

He has better luck with a blurry photo of his mystery guy’s (deadbeat) date laughing in the kitchen under the bright orange string lights: Tendo’s ex actually tagged him. Probably because he wasn’t totally crashing the party after seeing a post about it like Newt was. Newt’s luck pretty much stops there; not only does the guy make no mention of the nymph Newt spent the night with when Newt stalks his page, but he hasn’t updated his status in literally six months, and none of his friends (because Newt combs through his friends list, too) look remotely like Newt’s mystery man.

So. Newt sends him a friend request.

He accepts it in the amount of time it takes Newt to take to feed his fish, heat up a tiny bowl of spaghetti-o’s, and regret sending it in the first place; he almost spills the bowl over his laptop in his hurry to send a message. Hey, weird question, but who’d you bring to that party last night?

lol why?

“I’m in love with him” is definitely a little forward, so Newt makes up a fast, and hopefully at least mildly believable, lie. He has my umbrella.

Typing for a while. tbh idrk him, we met online. his name was hermann

Then: i think hes a teacher or something

who are you anyway? comes a second later.

Hermann. Newt likes it. It also rings a very, very vague bell. cool thanks! Newt sends back, and then quickly unfriends the guy. Anyone who could possibly ditch a guy as hot and funny and, overall, perfect as Hermann (as Newt remembers him, anyway) is not worth Newt’s time.

exciting update, he texts Tendo. his name is Hermann!

Newt has a lecture to teach at six, three hours from now, so in lieu of actually preparing for it, he decides to be a creepy stalker instead. Hermann’s date said he was a teacher: none of the local public schools have a Hermann (or a Herman, for that matter) on any of their staff pages, K all the way up to Twelve, nor do the private schools. He has better luck when he pokes through staff directories for nearby universities instead: this gives him two Hermans and one Hermann, but neither of their provided pictures look remotely like Newt’s Hermann. Not even when Newt squints.

He spares another miserable glance at the smeary ink on his arm before shutting his laptop. Maybe it’s just not meant to be.

He’s walking to campus from his bus stop the following week–the day before Halloween–when the most fucking unbelievable thing in the world happens.

He sees Hermann.

Just sitting outside the campus coffee shop at a little table, sipping a paper travel mug dotted with little orange pumpkins. Reading over some notes. Newt’s sure it’s Hermann: it’s Hermann’s big brown eyes, Hermann’s long eyelashes, Hermann’s sharp cheekbones, Hermann’s cane propped against the brick wall next to him. Newt’d recognize him even with the stupid nymph costume swapped for more sensible sweatervest and tweed. “Hermann!” he shouts excitedly, waving both arms. “Dude!”

Hermann looks up. He drops his coffee.

He’s completely speechless when Newt finally manages to book it across the street (dodging traffic, including the bus he came in on) and collapse, panting, into the empty seat across from him. “I can’t believe it’s you!” Newt says. “Holy shit, dude! I’ve been trying like crazy to track you down. I lost your number, so I had to message your shitty boyfriend–”

“Not my boyfriend,” Hermann says, faintly.

“Right, your shitty date,” Newt corrects. “You look so good. I almost didn’t recognize you without all the leaves. I’m so glad I found you. What are you doing here, anyway?”

Hermann blinks a few times. Registering it all. “I work–” He says, and gestures to the stairs that lead up to the main part of campus. “Er, here. Physics. I teach physics.”

That explains why Newt couldn’t find him on any faculty pages–he just assumed that Hermann couldn’t possibly be working at the same university as him and didn’t bother checking. He though he would’ve remembered seeing a face like that around. Physics, though, makes sense–it’s not like they’d be in the same building. “I do too!” Newt says. He leans in, beaming away. “Well, not physics, biology. I can’t remember if I told you my name or not. It’s Newt. Dr. Geiszler, if you wanna be serious, but I’m pretty sure we’re way beyond that at this point.”

“Ah,” Hermann says. “No, you didn’t say your name.” He blinks a few more times before finally seeming to get over his shock, and it’s replaced with mild amusement instead. A small smile. “You’re a doctor?”

“Are you that shocked?”

“You’re not very–” Hermann does a very bad job of disguising his laugh as a cough. “Professional. You know–at the, ah, party, you really should’ve just let me–”

“I know,” Newt says, and Hermann’s smile grows.

“Writing it on your arm was a terrible idea,” Hermann says. “I was horribly offended, you know, when you didn’t call the next day.”

Newt fishes his phone out of his pocket, unlocks it, and offers it out to Hermann with a grin. “Looks like I won’t be making the same mistake twice, then.”

[bisexual-ashe]

If you get this, answer with 3 random facts about yourself and send it to the last 7 blogs in your notifications, anonymously or not! Let’s get to know the person behind the blog 🍀

ohhhh lord i am so awkward when it comes to these sorts of things, but at the same time i am low-key thrilled?? sgshshdgh people have been noticing me and im flattered ahahaha

ok! three random facts!

1. i rp! i actually used to have a blog here on tumblr, but poor mental health meant i ended up hiatusing it, so it kinda... died. i'm still active on feralfront, however and mostly do the odd private thread here and there! i currently have a few threads going and most of them are crack threads, involving connor cos he's my main muse, but i've not replied in so long hhhhhh

2. i am both very small and very pretty. basically the opposite of masculine LOL but tbh, i quite like being a tiny pretty boy shdhdhj even if i do long for more height and facial hair

3. im surprisingly really good at art?? but i hate art thanks to my gcse art course, so i just stick to writing instead haha but yee! im not too shabby at drawing portraits of animals!

[ruthlessnessisyourdesire-archive]

rp guidelines.

Mun is Ash. She/Her. 21+. Ruthless Drama King keeps me prisoner. 

This blog is 21+ Nsfw/smut will not be written with those under 21 years old. I will not write with minors. 

I know there are a lot of rules here now but incidents, past stuff in rp scene kind of made it mandatory for myself to put down. Common sense lacks in some too so sorry it’s so long but ya know. Gotta do what we rpers gotta do. <3

tw: potential for triggering content & subject matter due to crime scene investigations/forensic profiling. strong language expected. he is simply a problematic aggressive character in most verses.

no godmodding. unspoken rule but please do not control my character under any circumstances. if you continue to break this rule however I may have to cancel our thread. only in extreme cases.

Don’t have personal triggers but I will not write my muse forcing themselves on any other muse.

any personal triggers you are uncomfortable with I will not write and vice versa.

multiverse/oc friendly. au friendly: discussion on AU’s are love. same char different mun friendly. duplicates are always welcome. personally I love OC’s and this boy cannot get enough interaction from them ever. just so you know. 

Do not screenshot my posts: ooc, threads etc. It is MY content. I should not have to add this but yes this has happened without my knowledge - at first. 

Unfollowing: If there is something you disagree with, do not favor about my writing, portrayal, muse(s) or views the button is always there. Please soft block to unfollow. I will do the same and quietly if it calls for it. 

PSA: Don’t call 60 Connor. He is not Connor. He is his own person. This sort of trumps the significance I have built for him as an individual entity in my characterization/ headcanons/ personal iteration in a fandom where he is overlooked. Also if you do refer to him as such verbally to his face you consent to the wrath and animosity he will bestow upon you be it verbal or potentially physical. Trust me 60 is not fond of being mistaken for his predecessor. (It’s a pet peeve and I’m sorry lol but they’re two separate people. I mean I write Connor too so bear with me.)

plots are love. let's discuss story, char relationships, just anything really. down for plotted, random prompts and memes. my dm’s are always open. if I don’t respond straight away I’m either not on at the moment or I’m just swamped in drafts. I still want you to drop in tho.

replies may take a bit. this is a hobby. if I take a while it doesn’t mean I don’t want to rp. sometimes I forget, tumblr eats my notifs or I haven’t thought up a decent reply as of yet. please be patient. I always offer the same to my rp partners. also I do get swamped in drafts and asks so this does contribute to my reply speed. TLDR: I am slow af but I want to write with you.

want to drop a thread? we all lose muse, get too busy, overwhelmed at times. it is perfectly OK. when I do thread purges I will always post an update and @ those I am keeping threads with. the number of follows I have it is just easier for me to do it this way.

shipping: will ship with chars but there are some I may turn down depending on personal preference. typically ships with another RK800/RK900 are a no. sibling, platonic, enemies is where I go. some exceptions may apply depending on verse type but his exclusive and only RK800 ship is with @rob0badge . 60 also would like platonic, friend and enemy ships to counter his romantic ships. any and all are appreciated. 

open to smut threads. 21+ very explicit at times depending on verse. 60 is ruthless. fair warning. also smut is not a requirement for romantic ships. if you’re not down for that then 60 is all about the respect of his partner’s wishes.

multiship friendly: winning rk800-60's affection is not easy in the long run. remember he is not easy to get along with. 

Shipping Additions: I WILL NOT ship cross unless it is plotted mutually between all parties. even then I will be selective about it. please respect this. multiverse is a thing and that is what my blog is. it will just be ignored. 

Content Trigger: 60 is very much ruthless despite his fall into deviancy. if you are uncomfortable with intense personalities this may not be the rp blog for you. certain themes will be highly thematic, problematic and even controversial at times. all of these will be tagged accordingly and put under read more for my followers/mutuals. he will be aggressive and hateful depending on circumstances. he is not very nice. however, the mun does not reflect this characterization and is extremely nice to followers. 60 may not share that affinity but the mun has no malicious intent. Only this ruthless boy does.

threads containing 18/21+ material always go under read more. please adhere to all warnings. some subject matter may be unsettling. remember any dark or triggering themes are NOT condoned by me irl. it just needs to be said.

Interactions: non-rp blogs, personals or those not part of current threads: DO NOT REBLOG. this is becoming a problem lately and I really don’t want to be that person but please follow this rule.If you continue to do so you will be BLOCKED. You can like my posts just fine however. In fact it’s welcome! I like to see others enjoying what I write for the ruthless king.

DBH VERSE REQUIRED: It just works better to be able to write adequately and since my muse is from this universe it’s a given. I rarely do crossovers as I feel some just do not work or fit my muse. If I do they are with main mutuals depending on fandom or personal preference.

Mutual Exclusive/RP Blogs Only: This blog is now private. If you follow me and I do the same back it means I want to interact. Otherwise assume I won’t be following back if I haven’t in a week. I have had some odd things come 60′s way and it is why this blog is locked down now.

Follows: If I follow back it means I want to interact with you. If you're a mutual and you still have not interacted with me after several weeks I WILL unfollow. This is nothing against anyone or meant to be unfair/mean spirited. The blog is an rp blog so of course I want to interact with you all. Also I do not just give free follows since this is not a personal blog. 

I would love to follow back depending but if I see no rules or somewhere that states 21 and above for the mun on your blog I won’t. I interact solely with those 21+. I myself am 28 years old. Respect this and don’t lie about your age to me. I have had people lie to me in the past and they’ve been dropped faster then you can shout “Deviant Spotted!”

I reserve the right to unfollow anyone for whatever reason including but not limited to rp politics. Ya gurl not here for rp snobbery or assumptions made. If I become uncomfortable I will soft block to unfollow quietly. I also practice block back. Meaning if I’m hardblocked (which is in anyone’s right who is uncomfortable with my content) I will hardblock back. It’s only fair and honestly it’s a lovely page taken out of one of my waifu’s books.

OOC: If you post a crap ton of ooc posts (I mean plz it’s your blog and your content is yours so go for it) I may unfollow if I cannot blacklist them properly. I mean things that aren’t rp related. This is only in extreme cases. My blog has overwhelmed me so the dash being flooded is something I want to clean up.

Replies: As I have stated in updates on this blog I am super busy and backed up. My reply speed is slower due to lots of drafts and asks. You can remind me but please don’t come at me or try to push me. Muse can be fickle. Some days I have it for a specific verse, others I have it for shorter convos or text threads. I aim to reply to everyone but keep in mind running this blog is not easy and I want it be fun for me. It’s a hobby.  When I have to worry and hide from people this is no longer that. If it continues I will drop the thread completely. Only in extreme cases. 

Pressuring: Do not come into my inbox on anon passive aggressively asking when I will reply to threads. If you honestly want to remind me like a normal person my dms are open to mutuals only. Do not guilt me into rping. If you pressure and attempt manipulating me you will be blocked. This has happened and I will not put up with it. 

Please reblog any memes/prompts from the source and not this blog. I am not an rp source or creator of these. If you continue to do this and just harvest my blog for memes without even interacting I will unfollow/block. If you reblog send me one then. If not well do not do it. non-mutuals do not reblog anything at all from this blog. Also I  have to mention some people have used me as a source WITHOUT reblogging from me. Meaning they see the meme and reblog it for themselves as a means of bypassing sending in anything. If we’re mutuals why are you doing this? It will just make me think you do not want to interact.

Asks: Do not reblog asks. Please if you wish to continue make a new post and link back to ask. It just makes my dash a little cleaner and I want to avoid extra asks in the inbox continuing it when we can turn them into convo threads. So please don’t keep sending asks to continue a plot line. Thread it.

IMPORTANT NOTE ABOUT HATE & ASSUMPTIONS: If I discover you sending hate on anon to anybody you’re gone. If you send hate to people about what they ship, especially to female muns/muses, you’re gone. I will not tolerate hate of any kind and if I see you talking negatively about any female muse I will soft block you quietly. I just do not want to interact with you. People who assume generalized posts are about them when I follow you will be softblocked as well. Honestly it’s a given that if I’m following it’s not directed at you. I will not put up with assumptions or continue to view it on my dash. Unfollow me, softblock me, etc. It’s not difficult. My comfort levels are important to me as well as yours should be.

I will not  interact with egoists. If I see anything that wigs me out I will just softblock quietly. Elitists go home. I don’t want you here. 

I will never rush or be pushy at my partners. I’m so chill about threads. please take your time. let’s never take the fun out of it. never think you’re taking too long or bothering me. DM’s are open to my mutuals only.

I do not do passwords or send messages of any kind. If I am following you rest assured that I have read your rules. I do this automatically when someone follows me and vice versa since I expect the same. If I’m liking update posts you can consider that me seeing it as well. 

unfollowing/refollowing: Don’t do it on my blog. If you follow and then unfollow but for some reason come back to follow you get blocked from my side. I don’t need the bs or the attention seeking.

Duplicates are amazing but I will be selective who I follow back and interact with. Nothing personal but I have been the victim of theft in the past. It’s an unfortunate thing but my characterization and headcanons for 60 are my own. I have been writing this boy forever even long before I made this blog. I’m highly protective of my ruthless king. He is my baby after all.

softblocks: I remove people by doing this. It could be for any reason to be honest. We never interact, you keep dropping our stuff, show no interest, I don’t see us interacting after all or any number of reasons to make my dash more comfortable. Do not ask me why I did it. That’s my comfort. No hard feelings. Just move on. I don’t have to cater to you. If you don’t like my methods use the unfollow button and leave my blog. Simple enough.

hardbocking/blacklisting: Yes I have done it. Am I going to blatantly broadcast it for all to see? Nope. I am not obligated to explain why I blocked you. Most times you have broken my rules despite me reminding to read them. Other times there are people I just do not want to see and that is my right not to see them. Same goes for you. Block me if you do not like what you see. I will not censor myself, my writing or who I interact with.

ostracizing people in the rpc: If you don’t like who I am interacting with use your blacklist function. NEVER tell me not to interact with them. If I find out you practice this exclusion tactic on others in the rpc I will purge you off my blog no questions or explanation needed. I totally get it. There are people I don’t like. No one is going to like everyone but do you see me telling others NOT to write with them? Hell no because I know for a fact they have done it to me and others love to listen without all sides to a story.

I also drop people who vague in public servers because it’s straight up childish behavior. I also will not follow or interact with anyone who guilt trips, suicide baits or lies with a pity party song and dance. When you’re found out to be lying or telling other people not to interact with somebody in this RPC I want nothing to do with you. Move on. That’s it. 

Drop a like if you made it this far. Whew! No passwords needed. Even if you don’t drop a like it won’t prevent me interacting it’s just nice to see. 

[yawningpolarbear]

Long story for my future kid but a long post to Tumblr for now

May nagtanong sakin “Grabe ren! Bakit ikaw pa kasi yung nag eeffort?” Natigilan ako. Ewan. Siguro sa way ng pagkakasabi na para bang maling mali yung ginawa ko. Mali ba ako to exert effort for someone I like? A lot of people say and I would often agree that my strong demeanor and intimidating aura is just a facade. Sobrang hirap ko iapproach lalo na in person kasi feeling ng tao masyado akong mataray. And it’s true. I don’t talk much to people that I barely know. I only have a few friends and I’m not very outgoing. Pero sa totoo lang, madali lang naman ako makasama lalo na kung in sync yung vibes natin. You’re not a dear person to me if di mo naranasan masungitan ko. And if super close na tayo, I’ll always make you laugh. I always joke, tho most of the time corny lol.

So bakit nga ba ako nag eeffort? Well, I guess it all boils down to this. When I like someone, I’m not afraid to show it. So I replied “I’m really interested to get to know him more so I’ll always make time. But if he doesn’t feel the same way, I don’t push it. I would hate wasting both of our times.” Pero masakit yun diba? Lalo na kung naattach ka na talaga. How do you really cut ties with someone who is already dear to you? To someone you already opened your heart to. Ang sagot dyan ‘putangina syempre masakit haha. Kahit gaano ko pa isipin na okay lang, that I’ll find someone else as long as I have me. Masakit pa rin lalo na kung naattach ka na.’ Mapapa asdfghjkl ka sa sakit. If that’s even a thing. Kasi you’ll never find the right words to describe the pain. Kung gaano mo inopen yung sarili mo sa isang tao, ganun din kasakit yung dating nung pain. Minsan mas mahigit pa.

How do we move on? Pano ba mawawala yung sakit? ‘Ewan. Siguro you just let yourself feel things. Sabihin mo na lahat para wala kang pagsisihan. Iiyak mo lang kung naiiyak. At some point, mapapagod ka rin.’ Hindi ba ganun naman yung usual na payo. Totoo naman. Wag mo itago. Hayaan mong maramdaman mo yung sakit. Kapalit yan ng saya na naramdaman mo kasama sya.

Pero kung gusto mo, dapat ipaglaban mo diba? Bat ka susuko agad kung di ka gusto? ‘The mere fact that I put myself out there. I opened up and showed him my vulnerable side. Isn’t that effort enough? Dapat ba durugin ko na yung sarili ko sa harap nya para lang magustuhan nya ko. The best love for me is not ‘not giving up on someone’ but rather ‘not giving up on yourself’. Di mo sya magagawang mahalin ng buo kung ikaw mismo hindi buo. Isa pa, iba’t ibang klase tayo ng pagpapakita ng love. Maybe the kind of love that I can give is not the one that he wants or needs. Darating din yung para satin.’ Asdfghjkl ang daling sabihin noh. Pero sa totoo lang, kahit anong payo mo sa sarili mo. Kung di ka pa ready, di ka pa ready. The healing process takes time. May iba saglit lang. Yung iba, sobrang tagal. Pero never ka makakausad kung di mo tutulungan yung sarili mo.

Oo masakit talaga. Para kang umabot sa mataas na level sa favorite game mo. Tas na uninstall mo yung app, so start over ka ulit. Minsan yung iba uulitin yung laro, yung iba naman hahanap nalang ng ibang games na lalaruin. Tatawanan at dadamayan ka ng mga friends mo. Sasabihin nila ‘I told you so’ or ‘Ang tanga mo kasi, sayang lang effort mo’. But was it really? Sayang ba talaga? Pouring your heart out over someone and getting nothing in return? Never ako nasayangan sa lahat. If I can do it all over again, I would do it. Maybe a different kind of approach. Pero uulitin ko pa rin, if that’s what it takes to be with that person. ‘Cause for once in your life, that person made you happy and made you feel more alive.

I remembered back in high school. I rejected boys who courted me ‘cos I was too focused on my acads and making my parents proud. And kpop already made me happy. But in 4th year high school, napatabi ako sa classmate kong super quiet, di nakikipag usap gaano sa girls and laro lang ang hilig. So mejo madaldal ako na katabi and bothered ako palagi dahil di sya nag aayos sa klase. Lagi ko sya pinapagalitan. I forced him to do schoolworks. Sometimes I can be very bossy. Until one day, we started going to the canteen together. Talk about lots of stuff. I even got into clash of clans because of him. Yun yung usong laro that time. Then we started talking online. That’s when I realized I was starting to like the guy. He was my prom date. He made me smile a lot of times. But we had to go our separate ways when we graduated. I studied in Manila and he stayed in town. We were too young back then. Marami pang pwedeng mangyari saming dalawa. I guess I liked him but not enough to commit. I wanted to focus on my acads. But heck, I still cried. Up until now, we’re not on talking terms. I wanted us to end in good terms pero minsan hindi mo mapipilit yun. Puppy love. That’s what I’ll call it

So in college, I focused on studying or so I say. Hahaha I stayed in a dorm near my school. 8am-6pm class everyday. Grabeng 1st term sched yan. With breaks in between naman, so I can steal a quick nap sa dorm. Minsan nagigising at nakakapasok sa noon class, minsan hindi so gigising nalang para mag dinner haha. I joined pep. So may 6-9pm training everyday. Imagine 8am class until 6pm tas training hanggang 9pm. Sobrang pagod. Then I met someone. He was my senior. Became friends and all that. Then I developed a small crush. Hanggang sa narecruit nya ako sa squad nila. LoL lang nilalaro ko dati with my high school friends. Sobrang butaw pa hahaha. Pero inaya ako ni crush mag dota2 eh, turuan nya daw ako. So sakin, ok lang naman hahaha. Minsan natatanga talaga ako kapag crush. So after training, deretso computer shop para maglaro hanggang 4 or 5am. Grabe until now, di ko alam pano ko nasurvive yun hahaha. The best thing about it all is after maglaro, nap lang saglit minsan wala pa. Pero nakakapasok pa rin ako sa morning class ko. Hayup! Life hack. The only decent sleep I get is my 3hr lunch break (if you can even call it decent). Tas noon class, training, tas laro ulit with crush and newfound friends. I was giddy. Minsan hinahatid pa nila ako sa dorm after laro. Bat ko ba nagustuhan yun? Di ko na rin maalala. I admired him kung paano sya magmahal and loyal dun sa ex nya. Mejo tanga ren haha. Or maybe I was craving for the kind of affection he can give. Napaisip pa ako sana ako nalang nagustuhan nya. Juice ko po. I was 17 and naive. Grabe mga efforts ko para sakanya. Tulog yun. Tulog yung nawala sakin grabe. For someone who loves to sleep and can sleep anywhere (which is highly dangerous dahil ilang beses ka ng lumagpas sa destinasyon mo kakatulog sa PUVs ren), I sure did miss a lot of sleep because of him. Bat naman hindi? Kung gusto mo makasama crush mo diba? Minsan kung hindi naglalaro gabi gabi. Magkatext kami and as a good friend and listener. Papakinggan ko yung mga rants nya sa babaeng gusto nya. I’ll always reply with ‘okay lang yan kuya’. Hahahaha may lahi talaga akong tanga grabe. Pero ang mahalaga, nakamove past ako dun sa stage na yun. From a crush/potential someone, he became a kuya nalang talaga. Maybe it was just Infatuation. That’s what I’ll call it.

That happened because I met someone again. And that one is my ex. He was part of the squad. Sya yung carry namin. Tanginang plot twist yan. Sumali ka sa squad nung crush mo para mapalapit sakanya only to end up with his friend. Grabeng buhay to. Dami surprises hahaha. I was the only girl in the team. Mababait naman sila and I felt secure and comfortable with them. Hinahatid pa nila ako after game kahit madaling araw na at papalabas naman na yung araw. So pano nangyari? Hindi naman kagwapuhan. Actually lahat ng nagustuhan ko, hindi naman pogi to the point na mapapalingon ka. Siguro may itsura ganun haha. Basta importante mabango at malinis tignan at malinis talaga. And has good heart and personality. Not really the one who go for the looks. So from a kuya to a potential lover. How did it happen? Dahil lang sa langyang screwdriver. Di kami gaano nag uusap nun kahit sa personal. Small talk lang ganun. Papawards ganun. Haha charot. So ayun, one day nagchat sya naghahanap ng screwdriver. Lahat pala ng taga taft tinanong nya. So I simply replied with ‘sorry kuya, wala po’. Wow ang galang diba haha. From that small convo, napunta sa di ko na alam haha. I remembered he had a hard time passing his business mathematics subject which was really true. Mejo shunga sya sa math. Scratch that, sobra pala. And aminado naman sya. So I offered to tutor/teach him. Not bragging, but I’m good at math. I won awards back in elem and hs lol. Sobrang nerd ko dati fota. Then one day nagkaaminan kami. From friends we turned into something more. I’m really a very private person. Gusto ko pati sa relationship, private. So we kept things to ourselves. Kasi masyado malaki yung social circle namin given that we belong to the same college org. Less people know, less issue diba? So naging mag SO kami. So I said ‘hala oo, secret on tayo’. Tinawanan nya ako wow. It’s a foreign word for a gh kid pala. Tangina ganun yung term samin nung high school eh. Secret on. So what he meant was ‘significant other’. And there it was, we became each other’s SOs. What did I like about him? He’s certainly not my type. Matangkad lang sya ng onti sakin. Ok fine may biceps. Pero siguro, his greatest asset was his mind. His perspective in life and how he taught me a lot of things. I was 17 and he was 20. He was matured, that’s one. And he taught me how to be mature without spoiling my youth, that’s another. He owned almost 3 years of my life. And I have no regrets. Sobrang dami kong nirisk to be with him. My parents didn’t want me to engage in any romantic relationship while I was still studying. But I defied and kept us a secret. Eventually naging legal sa close college friends namin because I fucking confessed when I was drunk. Oh how I would love to zip this mouth when I drink. *facepalm* First gift I received from him was a very cute courier sa dota 2 hehe. I’m very forgetful so my very first gift? Di ko na maalala hehe. I cleaned his condo. Gave him cake with a little corny joke on the side. Steam wallet codes. I remembered gifting Overwatch for his bday. Electric cooker because he loves to cook. And yes, I moved at the condo in front of his building. When I lost my phone at bts concert, nakikitext ako sa pinsan ko. Grabeng effort yan. Haha lintek. He made sure I feel loved too. But like all things, our relationship has come to an end. Do I have regrets? Wala. We had a beautiful one. And I’ll always treasure it. We were never official yknow. No label. What we had was commitment. Now ask me again, do I have regrets? Maybe meron. The fact that I wasn’t able to introduce him to my parents. But that experience taught me a lot. I became more open to my parents. We officially ended weeks before graduation and while my parents were happy for me on that special day. I was faking a smile and crying inside. That was the last time I saw him. He’s happy with someone now. And I am happy too. Akala ko di ako makakausad pero I did. You just never forget your first but you don’t go back haha. First love. That’s what I’ll call it.

Sobrang broken ko nun akala ko di na ako makakausad. I fucking failed my first civil service exam. March 17. I remember taking it at Marikina High School. Di ko alam pano pumunta dun. At di ko alam pano ako nakarating. I was like a walking zombie. I took the exam lightly and slept. Like who does that on an official government exam? The results came out and I saw the disappointment in my parents’ eyes. Their so-called honor student and daughter failed. Dun ko narealize kung gaano ko tinatapon yung buhay ko para lang sa isang tao. I cried again not for him but for myself. Then I swore to myself that was the last time. So I used this app, bumble. Not to spite my ex but to help myself. I wanted to talk to someone. I remembered una kong bungad ‘pano ba maka move on?’ Hahaha and while I get some funny answers, I was able to get decent ones. May naging friends ako. Like friends talaga, no romance involved. I open it from time to time. When I feel bored or want kausap. I went on a date once. But we never really clicked. Because I believe he was more into the physical stuff and I wasn’t up for it. Then I talked with a lot of people some more. Pero wala talagang constant. Like after the hi’s and hello’s. No one sparked my interest. Maliban of course dun sa mga naging friends ko na nakakausap ko from time to time. I flirted with some only thru chats. But I eventually grew tired of it. Realized I wasn’t up for it and I’d rather be by myself. Sayang sa oras eh. Distraction. That’s what I’ll call it.

Until I met someone again. Hay nako ren hahaha. Met him on this app. At first, it was a small talk. Like all the others. Bored ako eh. And it felt harmless at that time. But we just never run out of topic and I don’t feel bored when I talk to him. In fact, hinahanap ko na sya. Which is bad I know. I laughed at his silliness and admired his wit and determination. Connection. That’s what we had. Or maybe for me. We went on dates. And it was good. But that harmless became not so harmless anymore when I felt something stir within me. Narealize ko na it’s another heartbreak waiting to happen if I continue with it. And I don’t wanna risk getting myself hurt again after I fixed myself. Hindi nakakaganda yung puro iyak. If I’m gonna risk something for someone, I want to know if he’s willing to risk for me too. Mahirap pag puro puso lang. But he chose to walk away. And that’s sign enough. Kung mas pinatagal ko pa yun, siguro baka mas lalo akong nahulog to the point na hindi na ako makakaalis pa. Di ko rin alam pano ko sya nagustuhan. It all sank in when I realized I’m always making time for him. Turned down dates with others and would rather spend time with him. Travelled a long way to go to him. My friend thinks it’s too much. Even I think it’s silly. Pero ganun naman talaga. We do crazy things for the people we like. I knew it was love when he helped me bring out the best in me. For once, I was inspired again. I took the civil service exam for the second time and I passed it. August 4. I took it somewhere in QC. Ganun pala when you’re happy, you bring out happy results too. But I wasn’t enough for him. And maybe he wasn’t enough for me to take the risk alone. Para kaming parallel lines. Never magtatagpo so useless pa na pilitin. Do I have regrets? Siguro. If I can do it all over again, I would do things differently. Then if di talaga, baka hindi talaga para sakin. Napakabullshit lang talaga nung ‘bat ka masasaktan kung never naman naging kayo’ hahahaha. It’s almost 2020. Let people feel things. Nasasaktan ka kasi nagbigay ka. That’s the way of life. Kaya ang sarap nalang talaga minsan maging halaman. Pero that’s the beauty of love and life. Hindi pwede puro saya lang. Hindi rin pwede puro lungkot lang. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin alam what to call what happened with us. Siguro I, for I don’t know lol hahahahaha tangina ako lang natatawa sa inside joke ko. We decided to remain friends but we both know that’s pure shit. We don’t talk anymore. And sometimes it’s better to stay that way. Minsan mapapatanong ka nalang bakit ka makakatagpo ng taong di naman para sayo. Siguro in time mahahanap mo yung sagot. Or may taong magbibigay sayo ng sagot. Hangga’t di ko alam yung sagot kung bakit nag end or bat hindi kami. I’d rather not settle for the what ifs. Masasaktan ka lang kung lagi mo tatanungin yung sarili mo ng what if haha. Strange love. That’s what I’ll call it.

Sa ngayon, I’m happy by myself. At least I’m trying to be. Happiness is a choice. Always strive for it. See the good in things. And if you found your person, you do something with it. If you really want someone in your life, you put effort. And if he/she doesn’t match your efforts, maybe it’s their answer to your feelings. Every heartbreak I’ve experienced just taught me to be stronger than before. Strong enough to pursue what I really like and who I really love but also strong enough to let go if it’s really not for me. In the future, I’ll tell my kids my heartbreak stories but for now this stays in tumblr. When I find their father, maybe in a diner, in another table at a coffee shop, sitting beside me in the train, while he’s dog walking in the park or even at the bar. Heck, I don’t know. All I know is when I find him, I’ll know he’s the one. And by that time, I’ll know what it is. Bliss. That’s what I’ll call it.

All these efforts that I can give, I’m putting it all to myself for now. I will never stop loving myself. So even if others won’t, I’ll always have me. Kahit gaano ka pa nasaktan, never stop believing in love. Let it counter hate. Di ko alam kung anong future ang nag aantay sakin. But I’m sure I can do something about it. Kasi tayo naman gumagawa ng destiny natin. Don’t just wish. Do it. But don’t push things too hard. You might break it. Let’s leave it to the natural course of the universe. Kung ano yung para sayo, para sayo. Faith. That’s what I’ll call it.

- ren

[craniumaniac-moved]

❤  T H A N K   Y O U  !!

so, yesterday i reblogged this meme and posted this heart for it. i expected comments from maybe about 10 of you guys. i got wonderful words from 20+ of you. it honestly made me OVERWHELMINGLY HAPPY and continues to do so when i look at all the things you all said. i originally planned to go through and comment nice things on all your heart posts if you were doing the meme, too, but nah. i’m responding to each of you in one big post. it meant a lot especially because of how i’ve been in such an annoying rut like the past month, but i think i’m going to be able to come out of it once guzma feels like he can get out of bed. these kind words all definitely helped. long post below the cut!

@tender--age--in--plume:

Kisses his nose. "Love ya, G."

( kaycie is one of the sweetest and most tender people i know and i am so glad i get to be her friend and talk to her all the tiiime~~~~ )

Kisses her nose in return, then goes for a quick peck of the lips to one-up her. “Love ya, too, P.”

RIGHT BACK ATCHA FRIEND i love talking all the time too and i love our headcanoning and i love our rps especially our private ones i wish we could keep up ones like those on tumblr LOL but heck yes A+ plumes

@resfebxr:

/I love how you portray your Guzma! I'm very excited to roleplay with you one day if you're ever up for it!

THANK YOU!!! i am up for it yo! gimme an IM!

@ask-yomonsterboy:

Snake drops a chocolate bar on Guzma

That is a sign of respect from the snake. And the Snake mun Loves Kaycie too, she gets a Chocolate bar too.

Cranium immediately wolfs down the chocolate bar. “Thanks, fam.”

i too share wolf down this chocolate bar. thank you friend <3 you’re amazing

@r4gn0r0k:

we don't talk or anything, but I adore checking out your rps from time to time, your Guzma is so well done it blows me away

blows you away???? aHHH i am keeping this compliment in my heart forever thank you so mucH

@thebrokenbeasts:

*KICKS DOWN DOOR* I know I usually don't approach because nerves, but there is SO MUCH I could say about how lovely you and Guz are~ Never feel unloved fam!

lmao well actually you approach more often than most to tell me wonderful nice things!! i could say SO MUCH about you and jelly too. you are such a real sweetheart and then jelly is such a cool, interesting, and creative OC omg i can’t wait until my dumb ass can continue our rp IT GONNA BE INTENSE

@birthchrist:

ONE OF MY BESTEST FRIENDS!!!! I LOVE KAYCIE SM you are so fucking smart and sweet and it feels like I have known you FOREVER (which might as well be true in internet years) and seeing you on my dash makes me so happy

literally same like i feel like i would just be repeating what you just said, and what i said on your heart meme, and what we’ve both said 5000 times before if i said how i felt about you here LOL but all in all YOU’RE ONE OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE I LIKE THAT WE DON’T HAVE TO TALK EVERY DAY TO STILL FEEL LIKE BEST FRIENDS. I FEEL LIKE THAT’S AN INDICATOR OF REAL BEST FRIENDSHIP.

@moonkxssed:

//I know we haven't interacted but I just LOVE seeing you on my dash. Your Guzma is so developed and I can see you put so much effort in your headcanons ^v^ I'd love to interact one day!!

ahhh!! if that’s what you think we really need to interact sometime friend!! come into my IMs whenever you wanna, if you wanna plot something, or you could just make a random starter. i’m so down for rps with moons bc i’ve hardly had ANY and yours is choice

@igxttabakeanothaxne:

I KNOW WE HAVEN'T TALKED MUCH BUT YOU ARE SUPER RAD AND I LOVE YOUR GUZMA WE GOTTA TALK MORE

YES WE DO GOTTA TALK MORE AND THE BOSS MAN NEEDS MORE INTERACTION WITH THIS GRUNT. COME AT ME BRO OK

@ardent-lux:

(We haven't interacted much, but I enjoy seeing you on the dash after all this time. I freaking adore your portrayal of ya boi and you seem like a cool person. Don't feel disheartened about your blog, because you do a hella good job with it.)

one of my earlier rps on this blog was with your muse and that feels really frickin special to me yo! especially because you’re still around of course. thank you so much pal. we can always interact again!

@denkinokikai:

even though soph tends to be a little :||| when it comes to guzma, i personally really enjoy your portrayal a lot and i'd totally be up for having our muses interact more if you're cool with that!

i love that soph is :||| when it comes to guzma it’s WONDERFUL and totally ic tbh haha, i would not have expected him to ever like him! initially, at least. i’m sorry that guzma’s an ass to him before post-game.... seriously guzma wtf chill this is a child. I, HOWEVER, LOVE YOUR SOPHY AND I AM TOTALLY DOWN FOR US INTERACTING MORE!! i love the little things we’ve done so far <3

@tabithq:

Your Guzma is just so great, I love reading your threads!

that makes me so happy!! i of course love your tabitha, too. so many times i have caught your interactions and dash commentary on my dash and just smiled because i really love how you’ve brought the character to life.

@alolatahilillie:

((I love your characterization and your writing is really, really good as well!))

SAME GOES FOR YOU PAL!!!!!!!!!! i love your muses, your portrayal of them and your headcanons and just.. everything. we definitely NEED to have more interactions!

@curiousobjecthead:

[ i really admire you and would love to get you know better. also your guzma is super dupper good yo. also since it's not a good day, please take care!! ]

FRICK this is so nice. i would love to get to know you better too! i remember way back when we would talk on skype pretty regularly. let’s start that up again on discord if ya want! thank you so much yo

@hughhyuuhue:

{ WHAT AN AMAZING GUZMA? ? ? AND AN AMAZING PERSON?! I MISS TALKING TO YOU ALL THE DARN TIME LMFAO. FUCKIN' KEEP ROCKIN' THIS MUSE! }

THANK YOU THANK YOU x100000 I LOVE YOUR PLUMES AND SO DOES GUZMA OF COURSE AND I AM EXCITED TO SEE WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR HUGH

@specialagent-foxymulder:

I don't think you follow any of my RP blogs but I seriously admire your characterization and writing from afar ♡

ahhh this means a lot <3 thank you!! sadly if i’m unfamiliar with a fandom i won’t follow a blog, totally nothing personal, you seem wonderful! x-files is on my list to watch more of though so maybe sometime soon!!

@sterlingsilverchampion:

SHOVES A LOT OF DURANT AND ARMALDO AT THIS BUG BOY because he's absolutely fantastic!!!

MANIACAL LAUGHTER COMING FROM GUZMA AT THE SUDDEN ONSLAUGHT OF STEEL/BUG POKEMON!!! thank you thank you thank you i always love seeing your steven on my dash and when we talk it’s always a fun convo and ALSO i have to admit i wrote a reply to that starter you made 1000 years ago and i haven’t posted it bc i am.... IDK I’M DUMB. I’M AFRAID IT’S DUMB. I’LL EDIT IT AND POST IT SOON I SWEAR LOL.... 

@poisontrainercharlotte:

You're one of the best guzma blogs and straight up one of the best skull blogs on Tumblr I love how much character and soul you give him it's great

hhhhHHH thank you so much, you are always so sweet and i love seeing charlotte on my dash. the times we interacted were fun, too. maybe we can do it again soon! guzma can never say no to baked goods

@sunlcved:

[ooc; alright REAL TALK i used to follow you in the ow fandom and tagged along into the pokemon fandom w/ you BECAUSE FUCK YOUR GUZMA IS BOSS AF. i always love reading your threads because i personally just love seeing him on my dash!! keep up the good work!!! ♥]

AHH WTF I WAS UNAWARE OF THIS UNTIL NOW. that you came over here bc of me i mean. wtf!! that makes me feel so special lol WHY HAVE WE BARELY INTERACTED?! i mean i know the other night we planned to interact soon and i told you to take your time so STILL TAKE YOUR TIME but dang i am excited!! you have a choice nanu :^)))

@deriision:

I loved Guzma before, and I love him more because of your portrayal. You give him so much life, and more than what some of the fandom thinks of him. Guzma is a fave boi for sure, because wowie you made him one of the greats.

every time someone tells me i made them love guzma more or even like him at all, it makes my heart soar!!! thank you!! i work so hard to give him life and make him more than what a lot of the fandom thinks of him as and i am so happy you can notice it <333 your oc, while we’re at it, is hecking cool af ???? and i love your art like.... hnng 

@pkmncontestsorbust:

[[ I know we don't interact but you!! Are such a great writer!! And your Guzma is A++!! Also eff u u and tender made me ship guzmeria!! Fuck!! ]]

we should definitely CHANGE THAT and interact sometime yo!! thank you!! tbh i like to peek at your rps with tender sometimes. GUZMERIA CLAIMS ANOTHER <3 (lol tender it doesn’t let me re-tag you so i hope you see this)

@pxgtails:

a lot of times i'll think about guzma and then a while later i'll be like 'oh wait that wasn't canon was it that was a kaycie headcanon' and it sounds weird but basically what i'm going for is your guzma IS guzma as far as i'm concerned lfhdkhfslfsdklj i love your characterization i greatly admire the events you run and all around just!!! keep it up!!!!! fingerguns

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN i have that happen all the time with other muses and my own as well lol... aND IT MEANS SO MUCH THAT YOU’VE TOLD ME THAT! like holy fuck!! it really makes me feel like i’ve done my job as a writer for this boi. i’ve told you before i love how much work you put into kris, too. you are like one of the most memorable blogs in this fandom to me because you were around way back when i started my morty blog. also, fun fact, you are actually my very first follower on this blog lol! i took note of that just a couple days ago. thank you for being overall great :^)

@askteamstonehearts:

{aghostlyrose} we've only done a few short threads but you've always been so kind to me! Most people who play canon characters aren't very tolerant of OCs but you made me feel really welcome in the trainer fandom 💜]

AWH SHUCKS!!! i hope to see aghostlyrose make a comeback soon! if you do then of course i would love to start another thread~~ you rock, yo. i mean, interactions with you are like one of the earliest i can remember having on this blog. you got a real special spot in my heart <3

@whxt-trial:

((We don't talk or interact much but your Guzma is amazing and perfect and​ you are a total sweetheart. Plus you contribute so much to the community with all of your events. Top-notch writing, perfect mun, and well-developed muse. What's not to love?))

heck i think your muses are amazing and perfect and you are a total sweetheart too! even if we don’t talk or interact a bunch, i still LOVE IT when we do!! in fact, if i had to make a list of people in this fandom i considered good friends you’d be on the list tbh >u< thank you!

AND THAT’S A WRAP!

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN! SO MUCH!!