#I mean maybe it is a defining factor of 9 to think wah im unworthy of love and i'm an 8w9 so i cant truly relate

[subconsciousmysteries]

9s

You want to embody Right Action at 3, the center of efficiency and shining like a star. You want to pour out all your energy into a right and just cause.

But you are pulled back by 6 Doubt about what Right Action even is.

9 Laziness stems from the fact that the 9 cannot make a decision, thanks to 9 -> 6 disintegration. Yet, aspiring to 9 -> 3 integration, the 9 still feels compelled to act efficiently, in spite of all their Doubt about what cause to even act on. So you get a person who is desperate to act, yet never sure enough of anything they're acting upon...

The 9 is a conflicted person who must act and do (9 -> 3), yet at the same time cannot decide on how it is best to act and what it is best to do (9 -> 6). So what does she do? How does she cope with this conflict? She seeks other people with stronger convictions than her, who will give her a satisfying job to do. Who will give her a place, an identity, an identity that she is not convicted enough to find herself. This is how 9s fall into a pattern of 9 -> 3 false security. They find themselves acting, acting, acting... never for themselves, though. They convince themselves, unconsciously, that their identity lies in another. It could be a lover, a boss.

But then the 9 resents these people she follows beneath, whilst also trying to fall asleep to this anger and resentment and delude herself that she loves them, so that she can continue using them to quell her Doubts about living for her own cause, her own agenda. She feels angry with these people she merges with, for not being powerful enough to fill the void caused by her own inaction. She recognizes, on an unconscious level, that she cannot find happiness through following the agendas of external people. Her 6 doubt scrutinizes these people she follows as much as it scrutinizes any action she tries to take herself. There is no true escape from the inertia and the miserable inaction.

So, the 9 looks connected to people, and she feels connected in her body, yet on a mental level she always feels detached and separate from those she is "connected" to.

Hence, all the sad songs from 9 women like Lana Del Rey and Mazzy Star, about feeling tragically separate from everyone. 9s are depressed about not feeling connected, because they try so hard to surrender their instincts in the name of connections, and yet it never achieves them the satisfying connection they want. You try so hard to surrender, you try so hard to melt yourself into another, and yet you never can. Your brain picks it all apart (9 -> 6) and doesn't allow you to lose your soul like you so desperately want to.

The 9 can only begin to feel happy when they do the hard work to develop solid, objective worldviews that they can believe in. I believe that 9s find fulfilment the same way all types do... by jumping into their disintegration type fearlessly instead of fearing it and trying to fall asleep to it. All types have a dynamic where they fall into their disintegration type under stress, whilst trying to blind themselves to how they are entrapped by this type.

8s have become such a meme in the community that nobody thinks deeply about their psychology, people only think about how memeworthy they are. 8s try to fall asleep to 5's concerns of helplessness, need for emotionally detaching... all the time. They fall asleep to 5 by acting more extremely. The harder 8s disintegrate to 5, aka the more 5 nags at them, the more that 8s resist this disintegration by acting extremely. When 8s are like "I just wanna feel something" and do crazier and stupider and more excess things just to feel something, they are resisting their 5 disintegration. 8s will continue to seek excess to shut up their inner 5 child, until they consciously break this cycle by diving into the 5 hole.

9s are the most blatantly obvious "falling asleep to stress" type. The harder their 6 nags them with doubts, fears and concerns about everything they are doing, the more the 9s try to come up with excuses to justify continuing to act in the same direction they are going, attempting to shut the inner 6 child up. This dynamic is what causes "Inertia", that little buzzword always attributed to 9. 9s find the answers they are seeking externally through listening to their inner 6 child, instead of trying to fall asleep to it and shut it up.

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Everybody seems so far away from me. Everybody just want to be free.

Have a 9 song for good fortune. 💕💕