#I mean like I'm already into myself that'd just make it worse which in turn makes it better

[sig-got-a-gun]

what if I went into a machinery field so i became a hot buff sweaty butch like in the movies

[misc-obeyme]

Thinking about Lucifer knowing Spanish, and I love the idea that he picked it up on his own (HELP, IMAGINE HE LEARNED IT SUPER FAST BEFORE THE EXCHANGE STARTED ONCE HE SAW MY FILE, THAT'D ALSO BE FUNNY). But if Lucifer ever scolded me in Spanish, I'd fr burst into tears and turn into the biggest goody two shoes 💀 (for at least a few days). Like I already hate being lectured, but something about it being in Spanish just 😭 it feels sooo much worse (maybe because there's so much emotion in the language? Dialect? Very big disappointed mom vibes.)

also IT AIN'T GONNA BE ME CONFESSING, THAT'S FOR SURE. Or if I did, it'd be in the most round about way or by accident (catch me pulling a Mammon like in that car ride drabble.). I am saying it in EVERY WHICH WAY except saying 'ily' outright.

It wasn't my day for dinner but you came home sad, and suddenly I'm cooking and it's your favorite dish? Psh, don't mean nothing, I was craving it too. I found a super shiny coin and gifted it to you? I have plentyyy (don't think about the fact I keep shiny coins from the current year in my bag for good luck, and it's the first one I've found all year). I'm spending my last pieces of grimm to buy us a treat to share bc we passed our exam? Well, it'd be wrong if I only got myself one... (true story, spent my last $10 on chipotle kids meals for me and my friend/coworker so we could eat because we were both broke and had two days left to payday)

Mammon will need to grab me by the shoulders and shake me because I would not believe he's into me. I'd come up with an excuse for any evidence that he is into me 💀 He could be like "GET IT THROUGH THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS THAT I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU!" and I'd be like "you wot? you're joking right?"

like I said, I'm denying it to hell and back because it's scary af !! I've only been in love 2.5 times, and the first time I was brushing off my feelings and making excuses. And then one day I had the "Oh. Oh... Aw, fuck." moment and became a mess around them. I've always been wary of romance (my only relationship ended up toxic, and I became more wary lol)

But the same thing happened with Mammon becoming my fave 😭 I was thinking about other characters (along with Mammon) like Levi, Beel, and Dia. But then everything about Mammon made me fall a little more without realizing, even while I was trying to deny it. I'd get asked my fave character, and I couldn't choose, but Mammon was always an option. And one day I had the "Aw, shit" moment. He won me over with his dumbass ways, heart of gold, and terrible bandaging skills.

*head in hands* THIS MAN MAKES ME WRITE ESSAYS BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH WORDS TO EXPRESS HOW I FEEL AAAA

anyway I am excited for the new lessons !! my cards are powered UP ! also I got a sketch and lineart update on one of my comms and 😭🫶 literally wanted to jump around at work because it's so perfect and cute (it's me and Mammon cuddling in bed AND RHEY PUT HIM IN A TANK TOP SND YOU CSN SEE HIS MUSCLRS AKDKD)

anyway. I am. so Normal about this. aha... OKAY I AM SENDING GOOD VIBES, AND HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY DAY AND FIND $10 ON THE GROUND TOMORROW (ALSO APPLIES TO ANYONE READING THIS) OKAY BYEEE

- ✨ anon

Disappointed mom vibes lolol. I think that would suit Lucifer really well, actually. He has those vibes anyway, make him lecture in Spanish and it's just even better~

Er. Well. I like when strict characters start scolding people, so perhaps my opinion is invalid in this case. I just find it very funny and it makes me want to tease them so bad.

Anyway, here's my opinion on romance: yes, it's scary af. But it's worth the risk.

Any time you enter into a relationship with someone, especially if there are intense feelings involved, you're taking a risk. No matter what, even in friendship and other such types of relationships. The way to get close to someone is to be vulnerable with them. And there's always the chance that the person you're being vulnerable with will take that as an opportunity to hurt you. But not everybody will. And you'll miss out on the people who won't if you just... don't even try, you know what I mean?

Ehhhh sorry to get all deep on you like that, but I've seen this kinda thing plenty of times in my life. I'm that person everybody tells all their relationship woes to and then I give them advice that they never take. And then it always turns out that I was right all along lol.

I also kinda think it's okay to fall in love with someone but never act on it. Sometimes it feels like I fall in love with everyone I meet. But sometimes you legit fall in love with someone who just... isn't the right one for you. And you know it, so there's no point in trying to pursue anything. And the feelings fade as that person moves on with their life and it just becomes a fond memory.

For what it's worth, I don't think Mammon would ever give up on you. He's not as dumb as everyone makes him out to be. He's actually quite emotionally intelligent. As soon as he finally figured out his own feelings and was able to accept them, he would clock onto yours. And if someone straight up told him (such as one of his brothers), I think he'd keep reaching out to you, keep trying for you, keep doing his best to make it so you're comfortable enough with him to be honest about how you feel~

Anyway, this is just me being a hopeless romantic lol!

Welcome to the Writing Essays About Fictional Characters You Love Club! lol honestly I get so embarrassed about how much I have to say sometimes...

I'm also excited about new lessons! And your commission sounds amazing already!

Sending the good vibes right back to you! May we all find $10 on the ground!!

[sichore]

I've still been writing, mostly sharing stuff privately, but my work connection is balls, so this one's gonna go here.

Jimi and Pickles talk gender. It's totally dildos. (Warning: some internalized homophobia and other unpleasant stuff)

Jimi chuckles, more than a little awkwardly. "Well, if it makes it any easier, just… think of me as another dude."

"Then that'd be gay."

She expects that answer, and laughs again, more weakly this time as a knot of anxiety forms in her gut. "Yeah, well… stuff with me is always kinda fruity, so…"

Her hands twist into her shirt, but thankfully, Pickles doesn't seem to be suffering from self-consciousness. She just feels him shift against her hair, cheek turning a bit towards her. "Meaning…?"

Yeah, she's definitely ruined her high. Jimi waves her hands uselessly. "No, no, it's fine, we don't have to get into it. We're having a good time!"

"Nah, it's fine," Pickles drawls, shrugging. She sees him gesture towards the ceiling in her peripheral vision. "This is a safe place, right? We're one with da air an' earth and Appalachian Demonsbane with Memphis Blackwater right now. 

So, go on. Yer kind of a fruit, huh?"

"... Well." Her hands keep twisting on top of her belly, growing damp and clammy. She wants to sit up, maybe go grab the snacks they're going to be wanting, but the floor feels really good against her back. She feels tiny laying there, and her living room feels massive now. Like she may as well be laying on a rock in the primordial ocean, once again assailed by the thoughts of her meager, mortal shell and the mortifying concept of being perceived.

Only Pickles the Drummer is here, too. She's already shared the best of her stash with him, a guy who's richer than God, yet was persistent on sticking around and getting in her business (which, well, he hired her for), who was also here laying on her living room floor and contemplating the universe with her.

Fuck it.

"I don't really think of myself as a woman," she blurts out in a rush, pauses, then takes a deep breath. She's too grown to be flustered about this after so long. "I haven't in a long time, but I don't really know what I am. I'm not a wife, or a mom, and a woman doesn't have to be that, but I'm also not – not wifed up, or all that pretty. But my tits are too big to not be a woman, right? So – I don't know! I'm just some guy. Some dude. But not a man. But I don't feel… womanly."

She pauses. Pickles hasn't responded, and maybe he's falling asleep. Whatever. May as well keep going. He probably won't remember any of this, anyway. As good a time as ever to get decades' worth of discontent off her chest. "It doesn't really matter, though, since I have work to do. I just gotta paint, and I'm – no one really sees me, anyway uh, outside of you guys. So it doesn't… have to matter? I'm just like y'all. But not manly. Or rich. Or white."

Jimi's vision blurs suddenly, so she takes off her glasses and sets them far to her side, pressing the heels of her palm against her eyes. What were they even saying? It's not like Pickles can relate – sure, there was that bit in the 80s, but things were different then. And then it got a lot worse. And he has money and influence and can just be without worrying about whether or not it'd get him fired. He has protection.

He doesn't get it. He can't. He can't possibly relate to growing up in Virginia, surrounded by woods and whispers, where the only thing that mattered was being a good, quiet child. 

He can't relate to growing up in Tennessee, only experiencing the world through MTV because Mom kept them in the bumfuck countryside, and her classmates were mainly white farm kids. He couldn't understand how Jimi never knew if she loved Janet or wanted to be her, or Michael, or Tina. Or Prince. How everything flipped one day and they wanted to be called Jimi, not Jamila. 

How once she graduated and huge shirts and baggy jeans were all the rage, they felt so comfortable and right, but she still wore her Poetic Justice box braids and cute crop tops because it was also the thing to do.

What did it matter even when she was dating, when her partner realized she was a woman, and that kissing her girlfriend also felt nice? Jimi didn't stay. Jimi couldn't decide. Jimi broke down, did her big chop, and wasted away for a decade that sped by in a blur of acrylic paints and droning office printers. Her personal life was nonexistent, and in the real world, it didn't matter how dark or light or fit or fat she was; they would never see women like her as such no matter what she did. Easier to just not be one.

What did it even matter, when Jimi was alone and just needed to pay rent?

Why was she even saying this now?

"Sorry, it doesn't matter. You can just call me Jimi. Or whatever. It doesn't really change anything. Still, you can just – see me as a dude. Or some chick. Whatever. "

There's a pregnant silence. Jimi closes her eyes, wanting to sink into the ground and just return to the earth, for fucking up this interaction with her very wealthy benefactor. Way to fucking go, girl.

She's certain Pickles is asleep, blissfully unaware and uncaring that it was okay to share feelings and emotions and all, even if that's some gay shit. Or that Jimi just barrelled over and fucked up the pleasant vibe they had going before she got all up in her own crap.

So when he speaks again, she jumps, startled out of her own spiral.

"Yanno, everyone was calling me a chick during Snakes n' Barrels," Pickles begins, softer than she's ever heard him speak. "The whole glam rock thing wasnt manly and all that other crap. I didn't really care. I had all the sex and money and blow I could ever want, and, shit. You couldn't find none'a that in Tomahawk. L.A. was… somethin' else."

Pickles shifts, sighs. Jimi can't tell if he's wistful or not; times were wild, back then. He continues. "Felt like you could do anything there, be anything. So I did. I was whatever I fuckin' wanted, and it was great. Between the blackouts, at least. And when I wanted somethin' else, somethin' heavier… I felt like I had to leave that behind."

He shrugs again. "All that gay shit wasn't metal, y'know? An' it worked. Dethklok happened, and I got everything I ever wanted, more than I ever did back then. I just stopped thinking about it."

Jimi chews her bottom lip during the second pause, then ventures: "You didn't stop thinking about it, did you?" She feels Pickles shake his head. Jimi tilts her face towards him, though she can't see much beyond her own curls and his bright dreads. Mainly the tip of his nose. "Is that why you did the reunion?"

"Part of it," Pickles snorts. "I wanted to step back into that old skin, see how it felt. And… it didn't feel much different. Nothing really changed, 'cept I don't got guys suckin' my dick nearly as often."

That checks out. Jimi's sometimes wondered how different things would be if Dethklok was out about that kind of thing, if they were like that. How that would change… everything. The rumors were vicious, but the devastation that could easily ensue if anything true came out would be more than her soft heart could handle. It'd probably get a lot worse before anything got better. Hadn't it always been safer to just keep it on the down low?

"So, yer not alone in that. I'm just Pickles. That's all I can be. I'm too old to be anything else."

"... You're not that old. Neither of us are." Jimi returns her gaze to the ceiling, which still undulates, moving further away, then closer. Guess her high is still going. "You've aged good, though."

"Aww, geez, yer makin' me blush!"

Jimi feels the smile in his voice, can picture the lopsided grin and twinkle in those mischievous green eyes. She smiles, too. 

"So, you still wanna be called Jimi?"

"Yeah. Jamila's for people who don't know me like that, or family. It depends. There's nothing else I'd wanna be called."

"But dood's fine?"

"Yeah, dude is pretty whatever to me."

"Mmm, what about honey? Babe?"

"What–" Jimi's heart lurches to her throat. She laughs it off. "That's so unprofessional!"

"Aw, c'mahn! We're cool, right? What about me, huh?" Pickles rolls to his side, propping himself up on an arm so he can look down at her with glittering eyes. "Got any for me?"

"Douchebag." Pickles tosses his head back, laughing. "I dunno, sugah?"

"Ooh, I like that. Real country."

"And really inappropriate for this arrangement." But Pickles is grinning down at her, and Jimi's cheeks hurt, and she wonders if she'll reconsider.

[lemonyko0]

Peer Pressure - jjk

jungkook is tired of being teased for being a "virgin" by his friends, so he comes up with a plan to have his best friend paint his neck with hickeys.

» genre: smut, some fluff, best friends au <3

» words: 3.4k

Peer Pressure - jjk

jungkook’s pov

peer pressure is a bitch. the overwhelming weight of expectations and the lack of praise i've experienced the past four years has finally caught up to me. i feel stupid and emasculated, what am i lacking? why haven't i had a girlfriend yet? do i even need one? why does all of this come so easily to other people but never to me?

i thought i'd surely get over it after my best friend taehyung and his girlfriend broke up, meaning i wouldn't have their relationship shoved down my throat and i would no longer be constantly sexiled to my other friends house.

however, after being dumped by his girlfriend, taehyung decided to move on by pretty much hooking up with any girl that'd give him an ounce of their attention.

he would continuously show me screenshots and chats of him sexting these girls, and i tried my best to make fun of him too but when you get called a virgin there's really no one-upping that according to the rules of men.

this is when an idea popped into my head, how do i get my friends off my back without sacrificing myself or hurting someone else?

and that's when i reached for my phone, and pulling up the only non-familiar girl in my contacts.

moments later y/n waltz's right into my living room. i nervously examine her behavior, terrified that the voice in the back of my mind is right in that she totally knows and will totally freak out.

but thankfully her behavior is a complete contrast, and simultaneously totally normal. flopping herself on the couch next to me with a content hum.

i decide its best to act normal for as long as possible and tease her, “you know you have horrible posture?”

she side-eyes me, “you know you have horrible manners?” she giggles and rises from the couch, heading straight towards my room which she knows so well by now. after several late night two player gaming sessions we’ve gotten awfully comfortable on my bed, but never like that, rest assured we stayed platonic.

i follow behind her as she ascends up the stairs, “inviting yourself into my bedroom y/n? you wouldn’t like it if i did that to you-“

“of course not. what's the worse that would be in your room? scared you left your undies on the floor?” she laughs, “that stuff doesn't phase me.”

“i just don't see why you’d be embarrassed if it was the other way around, i mean, i've already seen everything embarrassing.”

she stops halfway to the stairs and turns to glare at me, “no you have not.” she states while crossing her arms, “you don’t know the half of it jungkook.”

i raise my eyebrows in amusement, “oh so you’re dirtier than you were last year y/n?”

“jeon jungkook! shut up!” she shouts and runs up the stairs.

i follow her while quietly laughing. as soon as she enters she dramatically falls to the bed with a sigh, mumbling something about how i woke her from a nap and she's not 100% awake yet, but truth be told i wasn't exactly listening as she stretched and rolled around my bed like a cat, her sweatshirt riding up and her skin practically begging to be gazed at. i could only spare a moment for her upper body though as the way her leggings lined her body so gorgeously was most distracting, i never really comprehended how pretty she truly was, i had only viewed y/n as a friend, and was committed to keeping it that way for so long.

after one long, final yawn, she reached out for my ps5 controller. i swiftly snap out of my daze and grab at her hand, “h-hey wait, c-can we talk?”

her eyes widen in surprise but she's immediately compassionate, patting the spot next to her as she crosses her legs facing me, offering her full attention.

“are you okay?” she whispers like it's a secret, causing me to grin.

“yeah, i’m fine.” i reply without much thought, before remembering why i'm here in the first place. “actually, no.” i clear my throat nervously, “taehyung has been giving me a really hard time recently over being, uh, inexperienced, and i wanted to show him that i wasn’t, whether it was true or not, just to get him off my back.”

slowly connecting the dots her head raises to meet my eyes, “i-is there something you’re asking me to do jungkook?”

“n-nothing weird! and you can say no, but i was thinking, if i could take a photo of me with hickeys, then he would get off my case. i wouldn’t tell him who made them or what we did, but he’d leave me alone.”

y/n sits back and grabs a pillow, gently placing it in her lap, “that’s actually, extremely clever jungkook.”

i was taken aback, “really? can you be the one to make them?”

“what!” she slings the pillow across my chest and it sends me back.

i groan, “what the hell y/n-“

“you want me to give you hickeys?!” she yells crawling over to me. her small body hovers above me and she slaps my chest, “you’re crazy! friends don’t do that jungkook! is this some weird plot for you to get with me?! i dont-“

i grab her wrists, afraid she’ll hit me again, “no! no, i promise it’s not.”

she pins her bottom lip between her teeth and leans back, eyes searching around the room. “you just want me to give you hickeys so you can show taehyung?”

my grip on her wrists loosen, “yeah, that’s it.”

“god you’re fucking weird.” she mumbles.

i chuckle, “a yes or no would do y/n, i could ask someone else-“

“no, it’s fine. i’ll do it.” she patters.

i give her a cocky smile and sit up, “jealous i’d ask someone else?”

“i’ll hit you again.” she hisses.

i laugh and tickle under her chin, “aw you’re so cute-“

she slaps my hand away, “if i don't do it who else will? i’m the only female friend you have, jungkook,” she leans in close to my ear, “you’ve never been able to talk to girls.”

i'm left awestruck by her words, and the way she effortlessly takes control of the situation. after whispering so close to me she easily slips herself into my lap, legs draped over either side of my thighs and she gently grabs the back of my neck and begins kissing and sucking at my skin.

i let out a very audible gasp in response, and instantly scrunch my face, wishing i could mentally hit myself for slipping up.

she continues to move around my neck, marking me up entirely. my hands instinctively grab then rest at her waist as one of her hands lightly plays with my hair, and i think she must be doing this mindlessly, instinctively.

this piqued my curiosity, “h-have you done this before?” i ask, coming out almost breathlessly.

“shut up.” she retorts. “just try to control yourself.” she replies as if she’s fully aware of how much this is affecting me. i shouldn’t have agreed to this, especially after thinking of her differently only moments ago.

my body begins to grow in heat and i let my eyes flutter shut and my head lull back into her hand, letting her guide me entirely, however she wants me.

i can't help but be entirely caught up in what she’s doing. i finally begin to understand why taehyung insists on having this moment as often as he can, and before i realize it to prevent it, i’m hard. that’s what she meant when she said ‘control yourself’

she pulls away and admires her work. running two fingers along the trail of red and purple on my skin with a small smirk playing on her face. she’s so close, i want to kiss her.

she smiles proudly, “it looks great. he’ll totally believe you-“

“kiss me.”

your pov

“k-kiss you?” my heart races and i lock eyes with jungkook. his eyes are full of emotion, like he’s going to explode if he doesn’t find a way to release it.

i realize i’ve been staring at him way too long, his hand has made its way along my back and into my hair, grabbing the back of my head before leaning me towards him again.

i don’t stop what he’s doing and i don’t know why. i’ve never thought of jungkook as more than my funny little best friend.

but now i’m on his bed with hickeys on his neck and his lips on mine.

he pecks my lips hesistantly, in total contrast to the way he grabbed me seconds ago. undoubtedly scared i'll pull away. call it curiosity, but i want this kiss too.

i use the hand resting lazily around his shoulder to grab at his head and pull him towards me, really capturing his lips this time, and he replies with a hushed hum.

the heat quickly rises in us both, and our bodies start to move more and more in sync. jungkook surprises me by biting at my lip, silently telling me to open my mouth. he takes control and pulls my hip down to sit fully on his lap. when i do i feel how hard he’s gotten, causing me to gasp at the feeling of him poking at my heat.

he smiles shyly at my reaction and pulls away, not opening his eyes to whisper, “you did that to me y/n. you’ve got me so fucking hard in my pants it hurts.” he’s practically morning in my ear, “please help me y/n, i need you.”

he doesn't wait for a reply or reaction and instead takes his turn kissing my neck. i accidentally let out a moan when he finds a particularly sensitive spot and he hums, “you sound so pretty, please don’t hold back.” i whine a yes and he goes back to work, relentlessly biting and sucking at my neck. i see how this got him so worked up. i feel like i’m becoming a puddle in his arms and all i can think about is him.

jungkook leans me backwards until my back hits the bed and he’s above me, in between my legs, lips working their way to my collarbones as his hands tug at the end of my sweatshirt. “can i take this off?” i mindlessly nod my head but he doesn’t take that as an answer, “tell me please.”

i whisper a breathless “yes,” and he gets the sweatshirt past my stomach before my hands fly up to my chest.

jungkook stops what he’s doing and looks at me worriedly. “i-i’m not wearing a bra,” i speak shyly.

he grins with pink cheeks, “that’s okay with me if that’s okay with you.”

i open my mouth but don’t know what to say. it was easier when i wasn’t thinking. but i like this. i don’t want to stop. i look at him and nod, he’s eager to continue but i grab his wrist, “you first jungkook.”

he chuckles but sits up on the bed before pulling his shirt up and over his chest, tossing it across the room. graciously letting me checkout how hot he looks from this angle. shirtless jungkook with a huge bulge in his grey sweatpants, i could get used to this view. “it’s not fair for me to be the only one half naked.” he tells me.

i bite my lip and sit up, just as he did. i slowly pull my sweatshirt up, i feel the cold air slowly creep onto my stomach, then my breast.

jungkook doesn’t waste much time before his lips find mine again, excitedly. his hands grip at my boobs, i do as i was told, and let my moans escape between our kisses.

i push the kiss back, gripping his shoulders and flipping us around, putting me back on top and his hands grab at my ass through my leggings. i slowly grind myself against his sweatpants causing a groan of satisfaction from jungkook. “p-please stop playing.” he lets out.

i smirk, “you have no patience jungkookie~” he shakes his head and runs his thumbs over the waistband of my leggings. i sit up and let him pull them down to my knees, i grab at the ends and pull them off completely, exposing my black laced panties to him.

“you’ve always looked so good in black y/n.” he praises.

“it’s you’re turn now.” i crawl out of his lap and lay back down on the bed to watch the show.

the same stupid smirk plays on his face as he stares at me while pulling them down, almost teasingly. “you know, we’ll never get to do anything if you keep at that pace.”

he bites the inside of his cheek and looks at me challengingly, “you want it quicker y/n? fuck, all you had to do was tell me.”

he eagerly rejoins me on the bed, much lower than he was before. he begins kissing the insides of my thigh, getting closer and closer to where i want him, but he simply dances around my legs. “please jungkook.” i whine.

“beg for it.” he simply says, wearing a cocky grin while working his hand up to tease at my entrance, i try to grind my hips against his hand but he holds me down tighter, “hold still, i’ll get there.”

i whine but he let’s in, coming back up to me to give me one last kiss, he pulls away and asks, “are you sure about this y/n.”

i nod and pull him back towards me for another kiss. as i’m distracted, lost in his lips, he strips us both of anything else we have on, pulling a condom on and lining himself up.

jungkook pulls away a last time, “grab onto my wrist, if it hurts just squeeze, if you want me to pull out i will okay?”

i nod my head, eyes sparkling with excitement and adoration. nothing about this was expected, but his kindness is what's really throwing me off. if only he had the confidence and drive, he'd be a total womanizer.

he bites at his lip, lining himself up and slowly pushing. i grasp his wrist again, the heat in me begging for a release but deep down i know i’m still scared.

he's trying his hardest to pay attention to me but i can tell he's losing himself, yearning to bask in the feeling he's experiencing.

it isn’t until he moves past halfway that the pain starts to set in. i suck in a breath of air and give him a light squeeze and he stops, “i know it hurts, just breathe, i’m right here.”

i nod my head and ease my grip, he continues after a moment and a few kisses, and the ache began to subside as the want for him inside me grew.

just when i think i can't possibly take anymore he bottoms out, letting a few vulgar words slip out at the feeling of being completely inside of me. he leans down and gives me a peck, “you’re doing so well pretty, how are you feeling?”

the tearing feeling faded into a dull pain, making it bearable. i let go of his wrist and give him the okay to begin thrusting.

he takes it slow at first, overly cautious of me and terrified of causing me pain. “f-faster please, jungkook.” he was all too excited to oblige, picking up a steady fast pace, but still being careful to not overdo it.

i don’t hold back my moans, feeling him pull out almost completely with every thrust, not to mention how hot he looks so turned on. his dark locks sticking to his forehead and his face reads pure bliss. “fuck,” he lets out breathlessly, “you’re so tight, so wet.” i whine in response and arch my back to feel him better, causing us both to moan out.

he leans down to my collarbones and starts to make marks there, my hand goes up to slide across his built back and up into his hair, tugging at it in between my fingers.

i feel one of his hands trace lightly around my hips, ghosting over my stomach and lower to my clit experimentally. i moan the second his thumb comes in contact with my sweet spot as a sign he's found it. he takes the hint and starts to rub me while picking up his pace, “f-fuck jungkook! just like that.” i mewl, his actions causing me to unconsciously tighten around him.

“shit y/n, keep doing that.” he tells me groaning into my ear.

i can only whine in reply. my stomach feels as if it’s going to snap any minute now if he keeps this up, “jungkook, i-i’m gonna come-"

“fuck, come please baby.” he orders, lifting my thighs he starts pounding into me. i let out a string of moans before grabbing onto his arm as i finish hard, having this built up tension for so long.

this sends jungkook off, brows scrunching as he fills the room with his noises, trying his damnedest to last as long as he can but he knows he's a goner after watching me come. he fills up the condom as he finishes slows his pace to ride out the high.

he falls against my chest, completely exhausted and blissed out. i'm also too high to care, and take to massaging his head that's rested against my shoulder.

we stay like that for a while, and i'm almost worried he's fallen asleep until he groans and picks himself off groggily.

he climbs out of the bed and disappears into the bathroom for a moment, dampening a hand towel before tossing it my way as he cleans himself.

i use this time to grab my underwear and his shirt, not knowing where mine even was, and slipping back into his bed, in dire need of cuddles at this stage.

he saunters back into the bedroom and grabs a new pair of underwear from his drawer, “jungkook~” i whine out. he mumbles a “what” as he’s still looking around in his drawers, i stick my arms into air, “come cuddle.” i say with a pout.

he smiles and slips some pants on before walking over to me and right into my arms.

he lets me cuddle up into his bare chest, holding me tightly against him. after a moment of warmth and silence, i feel him staring down at me. i glance up at him with a childish grin, he speaks with eyes glazed, “would it be inappropriate to kiss you now?”

i chuckle and lean in, locking our lips again for a softer kiss. it lasts longer than expected, neither of us wanting to pull away, feeling as if we couldn't get enough of this new emotion. we were oblivious to everything around us, including taehyung’s footsteps leading up to the door.

he barges in without hesitation, no one ever had to knock on jungkook’s door before, what would he be doing?

taehyung was not prepared for his virgin friend to be half naked in bed, kissing his best friend.

“jeon jungkook! you ignore every text and call of mine for over an hour! better be a good reason-“ taehyung shouts as he opens the door, not realizing he’s the one interrupting.

his eyes land on us and he stands stunned.

an awkward silence falls throughout the room. “dude.” jungkook says, trying to get him out of his trance, to no avail. taehyung stands in the doorway like a babbling idiot.

i grab an extra pillow and chuck it at him, “kim taehyung! leave!”

he shields himself from it and shakes his head, “i-i’m sorry! i’m so sorry, i’ll go, call me later jungkook!” he shouts, flying out of the house.

i chuckle and turn to jungkook, “you got what you wanted.”

he laughs with me, “and a little more.”

* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚* ੈ✩‧₊˚

thank you for reading!! this was one of my first oneshots and i edited the best i could but it's still a little rough, i promise i have much better ones now </3 hope u enjoyed and have a good day! - ara :)

masterlist | taglist

[heffrondriving]

how about this big brain idea : kendall has two hands? so jo on the right and carlos to the left.

they are dating one another. sorry i don't make the rules around here. just kendall with both his girlfriend and boyfriend.

that's it. that's all i have. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧

okay why was i momentarily concerned when i first read the phrase "kendall has two hands" gjfjfjk i need to throw my rotted brain in the garbage disposal i think (눈_눈)

OMG YES FR BC I HONESTLY THOUGHT OF THAT TOO!!!!! the only thing that held me back from fully selling myself into it is that i'm not really sure i could see carlos and jo together romantically??? yes even with my foolish penchant for the rarest of pairs ever to rarepair in this dangt fandom *cries over the four i'm singlehandedly carrying rn* idk but they are just like. sibling-vibes Besties to me or smth. is that a hot take or ;/ but alternatively if you mean another ot3 scenario where kendall is a shared boyfriend between jo and carlos then yo that'd be pretty sick actually THE ULTIMATE KENDALL KNIGHT BISEXUAL EXPERIENCE SIGN ME TF UP!!! 💗💜💙 IMAGINE HOW CHAOTIC THAT IS.....THE INSANE POTENTIAL.…..I'M THINKING BIG TIME CRUSH OR BIG TIME RESCUE BUT EVEN WORSE BC THE SINGLE FUNCTIONAL BRAINCELL IS ALSO SHARED BETWEEN THE TRIO AJAJAJAJ

and now presenting a Dumb Thing i slammed out in five minutes smack dab in the middle of office hours entitled...

̥۪͙۪˚┊ ❛ SHARING IS CARING ❜ ┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌

Jo: Hey, it's my turn with Kendall now!

Carlos: What?! Unfairrr you already had him for like fifteen minutes longer yesterday!

Jo: Well duh, we were watching a movie, Los. What do you want us to do, not finish the ending?

Carlos: Hmph, I guess not...but you never even thought to invite me to your supertastic sleepover or whatever...

Jo: It was Stephanie's new Gore Galore of the Graveyard Ghoul movie, which means you'd get awful nightmares if you watched it aaand probably use that as an excuse to solo-cuddle Kendall and hog him for the rest of the night, which would actually be unfair.

Carlos: What??? N-noooo pssshh I haha, I wouldn't...do...such an evil scheme...*nervously slaps at helmet*

Jo: Anyway, we're even because you totally snuck in way more kisses anyway—and I would know because Kendall's breath smelled like corndogs all day.

Carlos: You don't hear me complaining when Ken-ken's breath has an oniony stink to it!

Jo: *gasps scandalously*

Carlos: Yeah, like that. Wait—what are you—

Jo: *smiles sweetly as she grabs Carlos's arm and easily judo-slams him onto the carpet*

Kendall: h e l p

SJKDSJK THIS IS PURE CRACK IDFK WHAT I'M WRITING ANYMORE I'M SO SORRY EVERYONE HAD TO WITNESS THIS UTTER DEGENERACY 💀 though srs if i end up writing this ot3 fic i'm entirely blaming it on you maddy hehe (๏็ટૄ◟๏็ ) but i have to actually write first in order to accomplish that miracle,,, more at eleven folks *sobs shakes screams at exponential piles of unfinished wip drafts i'm miserably drowning under*

[rogue-durin-16]

THE HEIR'S CURSE (Part II/?)

Request: I have this idea of the reader being a princess and having to marry fili cuz hes the heir and she likes him but she ends up falling for his brother? Maybe with some angst? You can choose the end 😆

Pairing: Fíli x Reader, eventually Kíli x Reader

Genre: angst w/ fluffy moments

Tags:

Requested by: @crispykittywitch

The heir's curse: ———

Permanent taglist: @queenofmankind @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722 @thebutchersdaughtersblog

Warnings:

A/N: this is a mess at so many levels but hey I did proofreading this time, so enjoy a not-so-badly written part <3

Part I

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

"Princess Y/n and prince Fíli!" A thunderous voice announced as Fíli and I stepped into the enormous halls with all eyes on us.

"Don't stop until we reach the dining table." The golden haired dwarf subtly muttered, strolling through the crowd with my hand holding onto his forearm.

"I wasn't planning on it." I replied, presenting a smile to the dwarven kin of Erebor and occasionally bowing. "Honestly," once in our destination, we spotted Kíli, who joyfully waved at us, and sat down by his side, "I don't see how we'll be able to leave."

"I'll think about something." Right after he assured me that, I felt a tap on my shoulder and, given that Fíli spun his head, I figured his attention was requested too. "Ma'am."

"Mother." We said these words simultaneously.

"My dears, you forgot about the opening dance." Fíli and I shared an equally horrified look. "Given that you are the center of the celebration, the tradition requires you to—"

"We did not forget, ma'am." He spared her a polite smile before continuing, "but I'm in fact a terrible dancer and–"

"A liar, that's what you are." Though the blond one had his back facing his brother, I was sure Kíli could feel the murderous energy he triggered in his brother. "He's a great dancer," his brown eyes traveled from me to my mother and viceversa, his grin growing wider at my horrified look. "he's just shy sometimes," to take the tease to a whole other level, he nudged his brother's back way stronger than necessary. "right Fí?"

Before the older prince attempted to murder his own brother in front of his future mother-in-law, I jolted up and pulled his hand, dragging him to the improvised dancehall.

I spun around to stand face-to-face with him, which made my dress's skirt fly, drawing a beautiful fan around my legs before abruptly coming to a stop. "Tell me you're actually a good dancer." I begged in low voice.

"Well–" Before he could let out another word, the music started playing.

Oh boy, was he a good dancer.

I barely had to move by myself, he did all the work; spinning me, sweeping me off my feet, guiding my feet and leading me by my hands, and I was sure he was making it look finesse and effortless.

At some point the melody changed to something more lighthearted and less regal, and we started to actually have fun while we danced. We laughed, exaggerated the moves, made faces; we even intentionally bumped each other attempting to make the other lose their balance.

The latter resulted on me tripping and Fíli's arms steadying me against his chest with a smug smile that turned into a chuckle when I smacked his chest.

The party began to be enjoyable, and since I didn't know how long would that last, I was resolved to make the best of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

FÍLI'S P. O. V.

I finally managed to get rid of the nosy dwarves that had been interrogating me for the last ten minutes and made my way to my intended, who I found sat across the hall, by the table which was basically deserted aside from a couple of blackout drunk dwarves.

Seeing them made me realize how long the party had gone on already —probably around half a day, maybe more.

"I'm so sorry." I halfheartedly apologized to a very tired-looking Y/n, who vaguely dismissed me with a shake of her head. "I really hoped I would have you out of here by now."

"It's alright." She gave me a small smile whilst getting up and grasped both my hands, taking a look around us. "Plus, it was expected that your uncle and my mother would have us stay for as long as possible."

"At least they could let us be together." I grumbled, looking over my shoulders to make sure no one attempted to disturb our brief break. "Since the dance I barely spent three minutes with you."

"Royal duties suck." She whispered under her breath, only loud enough for my ears to caught on it. "Do you think it's their way to stop us from fleeing the celebration?"

"Could be." Both of our eyes were directed to our previously mentioned relatives and arrangers of the union, who were now chatting. "It's a good strategy."

"I hate that it's actually working." letting go of one of her hands to stroke my mustache whilst trying to find a way to escape the party. "Where did your mind go now?" Just when I was about to reply, her eyes fixed on something behind me, or rather someone. "Oh shit."

I peeked over my shoulder to see Balin approaching us side by side with one of Y/n's direct relatives. "C'mon now..."

"I think the break is over." Her eyes didn't leave the now expected intruders, nor did mine.

"Y/n!" She put up her best smile once more and let go of my hand to walk towards them. "let me introduce you to my cousin Balin."

"I didn't have the chance to congratulate you, lass." I heard the old dwarf's words getting lost in the loud noise of the crowded halls as I walked away in search of Kíli.

KÍLI'S P. O. V.

I made a beeline to Y/n practically jogging and, in the blink of an eye, I had her hand in mine and was pulling her away from the people and out of the halls. I heard her little squeal of surprise followed by Balin yelling my name, but I didn't stop until we were far enough from the entrance to avoid the guests' eyes.

"Did you just steal me away?" She rhetorically inquired, looking at me quite puzzled as I checked no one came after us. "Not that I'm complaining, but what was that?"

"Fíli begged me to drag you out of the party."

"You took it to the T." She teased with her arms folded over her chest.

"It worked, didn't it?" She silently agreed and I beamed proudly. "I'm your hero, huh?"

Y/n snorted. "Am I not the one supposed to say that?"

"I did it so you didn't have to." I extended my arm in a way that was prompting Y/n to walk into another corridor. "I'm going to escort you to your chambers, to make sure you don't fall asleep on your way there."

She gave me an eye roll followed by a breathy laugh, and we began our late night trip to her room. I hadn't told her we were taking the long way, but I figured she would catch on that by herself since Fíli had given her a tour a day before.

We were halfway through, walking in silence after some chitchat and bickering, when I detected a restrained yawn through my side view. "In a scale of one to ten, how tired are you?" I questioned.

"A ten and a half maybe?" She half smiled and I couldn't help but chuckle. "Dwarven celebrations exhaust me."

"They exhaust anyone who's not drinking." I pointed out, having my eyes wander around, stopping on anything and everything in our walk, but on her . "Fíli is not a fan either, but he knows this one was necessary."

"Is it, though?" She inquired with her brows raised and her face slightly turned to stare at me.

"Well, I suppose it is. it's your welcoming to Erebor," I obliged myself to look at her, just for an instant, and then averting my gaze once more as I said my next words. "And it's also meant to celebrate that my brother would soon join you in marriage."

"Ugh, please," she leaned her head back, spitting a mix of a groan and a whine up to the air "do not remind me of that."

"Why?" I stopped dead in my tracks, and caused her to do so, too. "Are you displeased with my brother?"

"No!" her eyes widened as she vehemently shook her head no. "Not at all, he's caring, good at heart and fun to be around," she walked to the outer side of the terrace we had been walking through and rested her elbows on the edge. "but things feel rushed and... Rather forced."

"If it's because of the party," I followed her steps and installed myself besides her, "It doesn't mean much, feel no pressure." Now the tables had turned; my eyes observed her form and hers were focused on what was before us. "If you ever wish to break the arrangement, it will be done, Fíli would say so too."

Her lips pursed into a thin line "I always thought that when I married, it would be for love and not for my Kingdom." I then looked down wondering what should I say to her. "I may sound selfish but... That should be my sister's duty. She's the heiress, for better or worse, and I'm just—"

My mouth moved before I could think my words. "A younger sister who wasn't supposed to carry the weight of a union?"

Silence.

"At least he's handsome." we both shared a look before snorting at the comment. "I think I like him, but I don't love him, and I can't tell if I ever will." She opened her mouth like a fish out of water "Mahal, can you imagine how that'd be?"

I heard the fear in her last sentences, even if she hadn't explicitly stated that she dreaded the mere idea of not being able to love her husband-to-be.

"You'll come to love him." I tried to reassure her.

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"I hope you're right." Another yawn escaped her lips, making her eyes squint. "I'm really tired, so I will leave you now."

"Do you know how to reach your chambers?" She nodded and so did I, in response. "Sleep well, my lady."

"Don't call me that."

"Alright, my princess." she glared at me and a mischievous grin twitched the corners of my lips, my brows wiggling at her in a taunting manner.

"That didn't sound as smooth as you think." My gesture eased her gaze and triggered a small smile out of amusement. "You're so cheeky."

"That's what ladies love about me." A wink directed at Y/n accompanied my sentence, though my eyes soon drifted away from hers to lose in the vastness of the landscape once more.

What a pity that it wasn't as mesmerizing as the princess besides me.

"Thank you for the walk, Kíli." she got a grip on my forearm and planted a slow, careful, chaste kiss on my cheek.

Despite being merely a platonic gesture, I felt my heart speeding up.

My first instinct was to spin my head and try to capture her lips. Due to my quicktemper, I almost couldn't stop myself, but I succeeded just when our lips were mere inches apart.

Her grip tightened and her eyes went from my eyes, to my lips, and back.

"Goodnight, Kíli." she murmured under her breath, slowly loosening the grip and letting her hand fall down my arm, stopping to ghost over my fingers, but quickly retrieving.

I stood there alone for a moment, and I found myself lightly caressing the cheek Y/n had placed a kiss on with my fingertips.

My heart sped up again.

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 11

Horse On First

A half-elf conwoman (and the moth tasked with keeping her out of trouble) travel the Jewel in search of, uh, whatever a fashionable accessory is pointing them at. [Campaign log]

Last time, our heroes made contact with the Deathseekers, and opted to accompany them back to Barley to take care of some unfinished business. While the high-level adventurers take care of the dragon, the party goes to deliver a book and pick up some clothes from the tailor. No drama here, probably!

In the morning, the party is woken by a visitor to the inn. Looseleaf... acquires a new bit of background thanks to an excellent History roll.

The maid is here to retrieve the party, as the Deathseekers are about to set out. One thing that's somewhat surprising is that the deathseekers aren't riding giraffes, like normal people- they're riding these weird, hulked-out short-necked hornless giraffes that- and there must be some mistake here- are apparently called "whoreses"? It's weird. The best their Nature rolls can get is that they sort of resemble an exotic striped creature called a "zebra", maybe.

Lady Greatholder is there, with two of her maids- one of whom is an elf, who's staring at Oyobi in undisguised horror. To non-elven eyes, Oyobi might look normal, dressed sort of sporty, even- but to an elf's keen sense of propriety, she might as well be wearing an ahegao t-shirt and hammer pants.

Traveling conversation is light.

Looseleaf: "What are these things, anyways? They look like recolored zebras." Benedict I. (GM): You must've misheard something, because Doon says "What, you've never seen a whores before?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...pardon me?" Looseleaf: "Is this- this is a pun, right? Like, I'm supposed to ask why you call them whores, and you'll answer, 'because we're riding them'? Is that the joke?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: Oh, god, this is an elaborate gaslighting prank. They are going to try to convince Saelhen to call this thing a whore, and then they will laugh, and she cannot even blame them, because that would be hilarious if she did it, probably. Benedict I. (GM): "Is there something wrong with the whoreses, ma'am?" the human girl asks. Looseleaf: "No, like, you're calling these animals whores, and despite the fact that I wasn't allowed to look at those magazines when I was younger, I'm relatively sure that the Common word 'whore' refers to a lady of ill repute of a brothel- I'm making this worse, aren't I." "I didn't learn the wrong word did I. Oh gods I totally learned the wrong word didn't I. The books that taught me Common were messing with me weren't they." Benedict I. (GM): Lady Greatholder and Doon absolutely lose their shit, as does Oyobi, who's been grinning ear to ear this whole time. Kevin speaks up. "Ah, no, it's- H-O-R-S-E. Hor-suh." "They're from up north." Saelhen du Fishercrown: Saelhen covers her faint smile (read: shit-eating grin). "How novel." Looseleaf: Looseleaf emits a quiet buzzing sound not unlike the sound previously emitted by John Human. This is moth for 'quiet screaming'.

The party doesn't really withhold any details about Arnie and the tower- they just make an appeal for Arnie to be treated with as much mercy as they can muster. Doon implies that he was in a similar place when Lady Greatholder found him, so she reluctantly agrees to stay the hand of JUSTICE.

On arriving in Barley, the Deathseekers go over their plan, in the broad strokes: they're going to post up in the tower, and lay a trap for the dragon using Arnie as bait. By Arnie's reckoning, it'll take a little over a week before the dragon's next visit, so the party has some time to kill in town.

Their first order of business is to visit Chitch, a local lizardfolk farmer who was kidnapped by Lumiere:

Chitch seems surprised that they didn't get kidnapped or tortured- and even more surprised when they claim to have information on his missing daughter's whereabouts.

They hand him CHOSS BOOK, the diary of the girl who was raised in Lumiere's tower as his apprentice. He starts reading it, and his tears of joyful disbelief turn to anger as he reads through the contents- which describe an evil torture wizard raising his daughter as his own, and using her as a test subject.

When he's about halfway through, he puts it down, grabs his pitchfork, and starts strapping on his armor- intent on heading for the tower to kill Lumiere. The party has to hastily explain the situation and exhort him to finish reading the diary, please- Lumiere is already dead, and Choss is safe in Wheat.

Chitch thanks them for the information, and presents them with a reward- apparently, before fleeing to Barley to settle down with his infant daughter, he was a lieutenant commander in the fleet of one Umidono Kaiden, an elven naval commander attempting to take control of the lawless Cutthroat Isles. He gives them his jeweled badge, which could sell for a decent chunk of cash or potentially be useful if they ever need to deal with Kaiden in the future. Orluthe is the one to pocket it, as the rest of the party hems and haws over accepting such a gift.

SNext, they head to visit Kensa Kanthalga to pick up Saelhen's torn kimono- and after a lot of paranoid second-guessing re: heading directly for the Kanthalga house via the grass, go through the Temple of Diamode in front of it first, to update Malath on the situation.

They find her continuing to train the town militia in spearwork, in preparation for what she assumes is an impending assault from Wheat.

They... do not mention Arnie, because mentioning the culprit is Arnie could potentially fan the flames with Wheat. Instead, they mention that the murder weapon was found there, as was evidence of a dragon. Malath seems skeptical that a dragon would stealthily kill with a tiny weapon, and somewhat perturbed that Deathseekers are in town, but agrees to notify the town that the Deathseekers are at the tower handling the dragon issue, so no one does anything dangerous like going over there.

(Incidentally, Vayen has vanished, and Looseleaf's bugged medical kit has indicated that he's gone over to the tower. Hm.)

So, they pass through the temple and visit Kensa in her home. Kensa answers the door, wearing...

...ah.

See, Kensa assumed that after they went to the torture tower and didn't come back for several days, that they were dead or torture-enslaved- and like, the dead or torture-enslaved don't need a stylish kimono, right?

So she is suitably mortified when Saelhen shows up at her door, not dead in the slightest.

Benedict I. (GM): Kensa's down pretty quick, wearing the pink dress from before (if somewhat more disheveled), holding a folded kimono. To her credit, it looks very well-repaired- you can't even tell it was damaged. "I- my apologies! Here you are, ma'am!" Saelhen du Fishercrown: Saelhen takes it. "While I have you here, would you like to hear a secret about this dress?" Kensa Kanthalga: "I- er, of course! Thank you!" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "When I was of an age comparable to yours..." She leans in conspiratorially. "I hated this thing. I fell down in it in front of a ballroom full of people and I very honestly wanted to take a scissor to it." Kensa Kanthalga: "N-no way...!" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "I keep it because it was a gift and because I sometimes need it. But if it gives you pleasure to wear it, then it is accomplishing far more with you than it ever did for me." Kensa Kanthalga: Her eyes widen. "R-really?!" Saelhen du Fishercrown:"I do still need it, to be clear. I, ah, don't mean to get your hopes up." Kensa Kanthalga: "...Oh." "No, of course..." You totally got her hopes up. Looseleaf: Not only did you get her hopes up, you even got Looseleaf's hopes up. Saelhen du Fishercrown: To be fair, "prove that elves can be assholes too" is right there on her character sheet.

And as far as payment- Saelhen just implied that Kensa would be allowed to cut out a swatch or two of the silk during repairs, which Kensa immediately jumped on without discussing further payment. Except...

Then Saelhen... gives Kensa some advice.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Now, in your shoes, considering that I might have been still alive, what I would have done was this: cut out squares, maybe handkerchief-sized, here and here. 'One or two,' as I specified." The places Saelhen indicated on the kimono are... not great places for there to be handkerchief-sized holes. They would render it pretty much unwearable. "I didn't ever specify where the swatches should be cut out, true. And so you could certainly chalk up the issue to youthful enthusiasm and indiscretion." "A lady like myself could never do something so crass as ask you to pay for a dress you'd taken time out of your busy schedule to repair, working to the bone over long hours. And I certainly wouldn't have had use for something I couldn't wear or repair myself." Kensa Kanthalga: "I- wh...?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "And so you would have had the swatches -- and, shortly, the entire dress with it." Benedict I. (GM): She is so confused. Is this lady trying to give her advice on how to grift her??? "That's- but that'd be...!" "I couldn't do that!" Looseleaf: oh my god is saelhen trying to recruit an apprentice is THAT what this is, Looseleaf thinks Saelhen du Fishercrown: "You could, dear."

Saelhen is trying to recruit an apprentice conwoman.

Saelhen retreats, at this point- they'll be staying for a week or so! There's time to lay groundwork!

Next time: some downtime in Barley, before the night of the dragon fight and the execution of Saelhen's master plan.

[punkscowardschampions]

America & Libi

America: This is gonna sound thirsty as hell cos it is 👌 America: your boyfriend's friend, Sean America: do I have a shot? Libi: 😂 Thirst away, I know he would be SO flattered Libi: Bobby isn't MY boyfriend, but that's by the by and so not why you're in my inbox right now Libi: well, he isn't dating anyone, that I know of, I'll ask Bobby to confirm but I'm like 99% sure Libi: and of course he thinks you're cool, you guys would be a sweet match America: He ISN'T? I thought - never.mind 🤫 America: anywayyy America: did he say I was cool? LOL yeah I really feel it now Libi: Everyone says that, don't worry Libi: we're just best friends Libi: Awh, don't be silly! I'm not going to go tell him word for word Libi: like that's not an exact quote but I know the few times we've hung out all together he's had a good time, specifically hanging out with you America: if you're gay I'm like really sorry for getting your hopes up with my thirsty opener! America: Sean does not deserve that quick of a U-turn from me Libi: Not, so you're totally cool and not on the gay girl shit-list Libi: not for this anyway, I don't know who is, officially Libi: He talked about your party for AGES after Libi: even though that got cut short 😕 did you get in so much trouble? America: The reaction from my sister alone would be reason to do it but I don't think I can commit that hard to you & that idea America: maybe if Sean says no America: I hope he didn't say anything about that part of the party when he was talking about it or I'll have to go crawl in a hole America: or bury my mam's boyfriend in one America: did you get to have any fun? I literally don't remember seeing you when we left your house Libi: Well, she is my biggest fan Libi: who's 💔 is theoretically worse, hers or mine rn? Libi: Just what we were all thinking Libi: which was that we thought that guy might keel over if he didn't 🤐 sooner rather than later Libi: so I'm glad you're already making funeral plans though not because that must suck Libi: no, we had a good time, lost in the crowd seems like the answer America: Jake is the only one with any power to 💖✂ her, don't worry, & she's my biggest fan for pointing out on the regs he's a waste of unblemished skin America: we were making all kinds of plans before she got 🍆💫 America: guess I'm on my own with keeping the good times coming ➜ Libi: 🤨 I'm not sure I've heard him say anything interesting before Libi: It's usually a lot of posing and preening, right Libi: but who am I to judge America: 🤣 I'm on the classroom floor rolling America: neither of them are looking for intellectual stimulation from each other Libi: 😅 Apologies to your teacher Libi: I'll pretend my 😳 is paint America: Miss visibly wants to get me diagnosed with something, it's a long-running thing we have going Libi: Like it makes them any more equipped to deal when they have a name for something Libi: must be a funding issue Libi: but that's a rant for another day 🤓 America: Sean is gonna have his work cut out now America: get your not boyfriend to tell him, game on, but he's in competition with you Libi: I'll go easy on him 😉 Libi: oh, and he is 100% single and 100% tried to read that message so America: misbehaviour puts him back in the 🏃 Libi: Damn Libi: Would helping you have a meet-cute with him bizarrely help my case? America: how cute? sharing in my sister's delusions is a turn off Libi: I don't think he's that kind of guy Libi: BUT it would not be weird for me to bring you along to hang with my not boyfriend and it wouldn't be any weirder if he asked Sean, casually America: which means what I've been thinking about him is right America: & you don't have to be disqualified for trying to drag me into some fake paradise where everyone is in love with themselves Libi: I mean, like all boys Libi: or most, I would be asked to ** in Libi: he talks a bigger game than he has, but I mean that in the best possible way, honestly Libi: he's nicer than he can sometimes sound, you know what I mean? America: me too, I hope Libi: You sound nice Libi: thirst and all America: I scared you away before, couldn't let that happen before I got what I wanted from you Libi: No, that was your mum's fella Libi: I promise Libi: I'm just not a party pro America: that's what I mean, before at your 🏠 I could tell you two were out of your depth Libi: I hope you didn't take it as a personal, you and your party thing though America: it wasn't my party Libi: Sorry, no doubt she'd be 😤 over my lack of distinction there Libi: you know what I mean America: I'm just a guest that she didn't really want there, like you Libi: I don't get the whole sibling thing Libi: only child perk and curse, I guess Libi: but I'm not anti-party or anti-you, for the record Libi: just less initiated America: & I'm not anti-anyone cos Chi is, putting that on the record while we're stating facts Libi: Fair enough 🤝 Libi: I don't take it personally from her, also btw Libi: how she has been about Bobs, moreso but that's not on you so like ❌ America: she acts like she burst out of her crib knowing how to do a smoky eye & what shots she liked best America: you've got time to get initiated if you want to America: & yeah, I know she's a dick about anyone not in her ⬛ of perceived coolness Libi: I've got very little shame in how far away from a smoky eye I was as a kid 😂 Libi: She's not the only one Libi: ⬛ are boring Libi: more boring than I probably seemed that night Libi: 🤞 America: I thought you were just 😍💖 America: that's a lot of people in my life right now though so that's probably why Libi: Oh God, you do not need to tell me Libi: I feel like EVERYONE is suddenly, it's wild America: & now me jumping into your inbox America: what's in the water? Libi: I'm sure the Bio teachers are screaming hormones right now Libi: 😬 gross but true America: Whatever the reason, I didn't mean to contribute to the 💖💣 in your face Libi: You're so beyond fine Libi: not anti-love Libi: or a nun America: you'd be in luck if you were, we aren't calling this love Libi: 😍💖? Libi: Gotcha America: interest America: the 1st I've broadcast Libi: Worth pursuing Libi: I hope I've helped confirm, anyway America: maybe we'll end up just friends like you & Bobby or < America: but I think he's worth pursuing Libi: no harming in 👀 or trying, right America: for the right people Libi: I'll drink to that Libi: not right RIGHT now though because that is paintbrush water and I've made that mistake before 🤢 America: vivid flashbacks to your pre-party drinking face America: shock & disgust Libi: Oh nooooooo 😭 Libi: really sold myself as life of the 🥳 Libi: 😂🙄 America: It wasn't any different for me, if you'd be there to see it Libi: No one is doing it for the taste yet are they Libi: I refuse to believe America: I don't think anyone's doing it for the taste ever America: wine or whiskey snobs only wanna show off America: & that's grown adults Libi: My granddad would be so offended 😅 America: If he wants to try & change my mind, I'll come over Libi: Sounds fun Libi: but also like a potential way for him to lose his license so maybe we'll keep it between us America: Why can't he use his words without bringing the 🍷🥃? America: it's like those people who are all about how 🌶🌶🌶 or rare something is America: you wish you were 💪 we understand Libi: I didn't know you just wanted a debate but that's cool too Libi: come over any time, like America: it's off the table at my house America: he'll start blowing a whistle & stop all verbal communication soon America: not a nun either so I assume I won't be into it Libi: Yikes, he should try getting a 🐶 or two Libi: even then, probably be disappointed, soz America: I'll pitch the idea as long as it ends in disappointment Libi: if he doesn't love puppies you know he's not the one America: I know that about him already America: What's Sean's stance? Libi: Good question Libi: I shall 💬 America: don't lie to score points yourself, I'll find out Libi: [so many dog pictures which clearly aren't just her and Killer but her and Twix and Bobby too] Libi: ➕ America: OMG Libi: Yeah 😎 Libi: they're old ladies now but they were puppies once [a throwback we just have] America: Miss is gonna live for this U-turn from 🤣 to 🥺 America: name that personality disorder, bitch Libi: Looking like a poor taste budget horror Libi: LOVE that America: get my good side with that 📹 of yours Libi: but every personality Libi: Got this 🎬 America: every personality's best bits Libi: I wish I could fix everything in post Libi: life would be so ✨ America: edit out Gary America: make Chi less of a cow America: make my other sister reappear Libi: So wild to me how your sister used to be 'round my grandma's at the same time I was and I really can only just remember those days Libi: what is she up to now? America: 😍💖 Libi: Ah Libi: of course Libi: like everyone else in the world America: but you know, with a rented flat & office job Libi: The grown-ups version Libi: I feel you America: I don't know what the fuck we're calling what my mam is playing at America: but yeah, give my sister more grown up points than that Libi: How long has he been on the scene, Gary? America: too long LOL America: but that'd be 1 date in his case Libi: I can't imagine how awkward that must be when it's your mum and your house Libi: it's bad enough when a friend or an auntie or something dates a dickhead America: she's dated fuckwits for as long as she's dated America: but they don't usually see a month in Libi: I'll 🤞 he's gone sooner rather than later America: Thanks Libi: You're okay, right? Libi: That might be weird to ask America: I guarantee it's weirder to answer Libi: You don't have to, that was out of line Libi: but if you wanted to, I wanted to give you the chance, even though all I can do is listen Libi: but we can as easily leave it America: I'm 👌 in the sense that he's probably not gonna murder us all in our beds Libi: That's always something America: but if your grandad decides to leave your nan, I'm down to move in & have nightly debates Libi: It's been nearly 60 years so Libi: he's either overdue or change or you're out of luck Libi: but you're still invited to come crash when you need America: unless Sean makes me a better offer, you win Libi: Of course, of course America: unlikely, I can't really open with please rescue me Libi: Might be a bit strong Libi: but the spare room doesn't come with any of those connotations America: Can I have the dog too? Libi: She'll have to decide for herself, it would be rude for me to Libi: but she's pretty chill as long as you give her treats or attention so it's likely America: What's her name? Libi: Killer Libi: I did not name her America: 😶 I don't really get to say anyone's got a shit name anyway Libi: What's in a name, the English teachers will chime in America: music teacher would probably say a lot Libi: **harmonize it, please America: [does as if we're not fully in class rn] Libi: Brava! ��� Libi: so much better than whatever 'painting' I've managed this lesson, whoops America: that'll be my L to take for not shutting up America: sorry to your 🎨 Libi: We'll all survive, even if this not-masterpiece does not 🗑 Libi: painting is not my thing anyway America: I never got prime fridge real estate America: as an only child, you would Libi: Only child, technically, but my grandparents have ALL the grandkids, so it didn't always work out like that America: my nan has the same favourite as my mam so 🤷 America: consistency 🎊🎉 Libi: I don't need 3 guesses Libi: why is it Libi: is she most like them or what America: 👼 America: blue eyed, blonde haired fucking wonder America: my entire family IS that shallow Libi: Well I can say blue eyes are overrated and you can say blonde hair is America: skipping over the 🚩 of taking German when my family are basically neo-Nazis Libi: will have to get you out of my DMs stealth if that one rings true Libi: no negotiating America: I don't want to do the cliché plea of how different I am but like, in this instance, it holds up Libi: I'll hear it America: how does a girl prove she's not a Nazi around here? 💭 Libi: 😂 Can you prove/disprove a negative is a big 💭 Libi: too big for before lunch, I think America: Gary's existence proves a negative Libi: 📢🔥 Libi: He felt that America: 💖✂ Libi: If that's the order of the day, I'm not mad Libi: have played cupid once here so America: What about you? Libi: What about me? America: There's absolutely no 😍💖? Libi: Oh, nah Libi: not right now 🤷 America: Then you probably can't answer my kissing questions America: I think that practising on my hand has to be movie propaganda but pretending it'll be perfect & I won't 🤤 all over anyone has to be too Libi: I could try Libi: I've had some but maybe not recently enough to experience counts? America: this close to picking up a 🎸 & opening the floor for them but my sister would KILL me Libi: and Miss would fully be staging an intervention before you could get any decent ones America: even though she's literally a teacher & I'm asking to be taught something Libi: The hypocrisy 😏 Libi: I think the less you think about it the easier it is Libi: which is such non-advice I know America: 👌 have a drink & just do it Libi: lowkey, yeah Libi: nerves never help a performance, right Libi: sure your teacher would have to agree on that one America: Did I agree to putting on a show for him? 👌 I see how it is Libi: 😲 Libi: not what I meant America: No? Libi: I mean, do what you wanna Libi: but not sure he warrants that much effort yet America: 🤣 America: I hope he didn't feel that 💖✂ Libi: It's not shade so it's okay Libi: I covered that he's nice before I went there 🙃 America: Did he go out with Michelle? Libi: Our sources say yes Libi: couple of months America: A couple of months seriously or casually? You were there Libi: I think he thought it was more serious than it was Libi: but I don't think he's looking for that America: & they're 100% over, no hang ups Libi: Totally America: cos she seems cool, I'm not trying to start something Libi: She's chill Libi: he's a free agent Libi: and he's interested too, for sure America: the interrogation can stop 🎊🎉 it's not making me look very chill Libi: I'll never tell Libi: plus you've distracted me from a boring lesson so it's okay Libi: a favour, really America: I can tell you're an only child America: my sisters would use anything I said or did or almost said or did against me if they can Libi: Damn, should I be keeping these in my backpocket? America: realistically Libi: SO bad at this Libi: I'm a slightly better friend 🤞 America: Being somewhere in the middle of a total dick & and a good friend, I'm not the right person to help you get better at either America: partying though America: if you ever want Libi: It would be useful Libi: not gonna lie Libi: as you got what you wanted, like America: I'll knock for you Libi: 👍 Bobby can come too, right? America: yeah, he can join in too America: I won't insist that he kisses me but pitch the idea Libi: I'll 🏏 America: There's always something going on, even with my house being not enough like a morgue but simultaneously too much like a morgue Libi: Halloween isn't the only time for costume parties 👻🧛👽🤖 America: I knew I fucked with you Libi: 😏 Libi: people who think costume parties suck have 0 imagination America: or only wanna look a certain way Libi: that too Libi: heaven forbid you have fun and don't just sit there 😘 America: if Chi didn't feel that, I'll be the one 💖✂ Libi: you can always say it yourself and take credit Libi: on me America: ghost writer, there's a costume in that America: she doesn't just sit there honestly, but it's not about having fun, she'll do fucking anything but it's to keep everyone looking at her Libi: I guess that accounts for some of it Libi: Middle child syndrome is a costume too Libi: if a little abstract America: Favourite child too, but she's got too much wear out of that one as is Libi: No repeats America: worse crimes have been committed than tiara recycling Libi: Maybe Libi: but it's close America: you've got jokes America: I don't think you really need me to teach you anything to be fun at 🥳 America: I predict some kind of 📹 prank is about to happen to me Libi: If youtube pranks are still fun and cool, I'm gonna have to ❌ that because yikes Libi: I just, there's a lot of it that everyone else does that I don't see the point to Libi: for me, anyway America: You don't have to do things that everyone else is doing Libi: Technically Libi: I don't think everyone else is the PSA enabler friend/peer pressure pusher or anything Libi: but it does other you if you don't join in, to a degree, with a lot of it America: 👌 so when we get to your limit, stop me Libi: Okay Libi: but don't go easy just because this all makes me sound about 7 America: Miss wouldn't have oppositional defiant disorder on her diagnosis checklist if I went easy on anyone Libi: 😂 Libi: She's really gone through psychology today yeah America: she's clearly so bored America: & wishing she had talent to scout America: I literally can't have that cos I don't see teachers as authority figures in the first place Libi: Delusions of grandeur ✔ for her America: 🤣 America: sorry you can't control me bitch, call Gary & compare notes Libi: Maybe Gary should bring in his CV America: we'd both love to see more of each other Libi: Of course Libi: and he's the ideal candidate for hapless teacher #46 who can't control their class America: if he ended up 🤯 my mam would 😍😗 the little neck stump America: she's that far gone Libi: Again, I only have experience by-proxy Libi: but that usually ends up 🤯 everything else Libi: so I 👂 America: You heard right in my experience America: my da's got enough left of him to sign a cheque, I picture him like that Adam's family hand Libi: [does the clicks in a boomerang type thing] America: nailed it! Libi: You know Libi: didn't want to be the girl who makes everything about her dead parents Libi: but arguably I'm the proof of everything going 🤯 so I do know a little bit about it America: Shit sorry! I forgot Libi: Don't be Libi: it's good it's not like, forefront of the facts you can recall on me, if anything America: I know what you mean, from a family of attention seeking whores isn't how I like to advertise myself Libi: I'm sure I could make a claim for that title too according to the masses Libi: but neither of us need to 📢 America: send my apologies to Sean if that's what he was expecting America: I do need attention but it doesn't have to be sexual specifically, as Miss can testify Libi: I should HOPE she can America: She plays hard to get, for all her therapizing Libi: She in the 🏃? America: only in the fantasy land she's created Libi: Bless her Libi: any way to kill the day is this place's motto, I think America: 🎼 school song if I do some more harmonising 🎹 Libi: 🌹👏 America: Due credit to you & your ideas America: I couldn't be happier it's not a 😍💖 song Libi: Likewise Libi: so it's worth it and you're welcome Libi: I can give Sean your number, I presume? America: & any screenshots you've taken as mean girl practice Libi: Only the worst bits, obvs Libi: 😘 America: my ugliest sides 👺👺 America: Still not a nazi btw, I just realised the 👃 and brows are a bit anti-Jewish propaganda Libi: 🤔 What if you realizing that is racist though? Libi: conundrum America: well fuck Libi: Hypothetically though Libi: goes a bit beyond mean girl territory to accuse you of racism/fascism America: slightly yeah Libi: thus I would NEVER Libi: 😎 only America: you've seen Gary so you know my hatred isn't rooted in anything racist there America: 🎊🎉 Libi: Can back you up there Libi: nothing but warranted and fair America: Thanks Libi: Has he 💬 yet or is he playing it cool? America: Cool or his teacher is a dick 📴 America: hopefully he's not in a lesson with my sister, that'll turn him off Libi: Not ideal Libi: She's probably changed all her classes to match Jake's, right? America: 🤮 Libi: Too real America: the upside of Gary's regime is that I don't have to see Jake at my house on the regs Libi: Upside? Libi: That's the WHOLE appeal America: 👏 You're not one of the 'everybody' Chi thinks is obsessed with him 🎊🎉 Libi: I don't even know him, in reality Libi: so I probably shouldn't 💬 on him but the only times I've heard him speaking he's been being dismissive or rude so Libi: meh America: Nobody knows him in reality, they live a bubble 🏰👑 America: but when you party, you'll get to know him America: what a fuckwit he happily presents himself as Libi: 😰 Libi: as long as that's in the bottom 3 of the experience, not top, then it won't put me off the 🥳 as a whole America: don't worry, you're too pretty to have to hear the full 💯 Libi: ❓❓❓ America: I just mean, he'll frame it like a compliment for you, so it'll be easier to take or brush off Libi: Compliments don't mean much when they come from an arsehole Libi: 🤷 America: I know Chi didn't feel that Libi: We've all got our taste, I guess Libi: or lackthereof Libi: I'm making myself sound more and more like a nun by the minute America: Not gonna insist that you prove you're not Libi: 🤞 it'll become clear Libi: obvious lack of habit aside America: Excellent wordplay Libi: Do my best Libi: though as it's art, not english, probably not appreciated by anyone but you rn America: Graffiti is words a lot of the time & that's art Libi: That's a good point Libi: I'll have to see if he goes for it America: Good luck Libi: Do you like high school so far? America: maybe that's supposed to be a weirder question than if I'm okay, but I lowkey do like it Libi: Me too 🙃 Libi: Primary was really boring by the end America: I thought everyone would treat me like a giant baby but I've made so many cool older friends already America: & I refuse to give my sister credit for them ALL Libi: Yeah, I thought the same thing Libi: apart from the usual dickheads being like that to everyone whatever the reason, everyone's been pretty chill Libi: and it's nice that we have SOME say over what we take now, instead of just doing a bit of everything America: My even older sister, from your flashbacks, made this place seem really different America: in a bad way Libi: SAME Libi: not your older sister, that would be random Libi: my aunties and stuff made it sound like literal HELL though America: She is a LOL random type, honestly, I'd believe it Libi: 😂 Libi: No DM slides from either sister, we're 👌 America: that'll happen when she finds out you pimped me to Sean Libi: 😬 Libi: well when you put it like THAT America: jk she hasn't threatened anyone on my behalf since everyone was over my OUTRAGEOUS lies about who my da was & I got doxxed to prove how 🥱 he is America: Primary really did get boring by the end Libi: Like I said, no imagination America: what was your favourite lie of mine? Everyone's got one Libi: 🤔 Libi: Long haul lorry driver Libi: because it seemed the most realistic so everyone thought that one was true America: I tripped myself up when I added he witnessed that 🚽 murder Libi: Right Libi: and then suddenly it was all along route 66 Libi: 👎 America: it was a better naming story than my mam's real reasons, I stand by that Libi: Was she a big traveller or wishes she was? America: this would be the PERFECT time for an elaborate lie Libi: Feel free America: you're expecting it now Libi: Suppose that does take away most of the fun Libi: Everyone thought I made up all the stuff about my parents too America: Why didn't you? Libi: That's the thing, probably would've been more comfortable for everyone if I did, honestly Libi: guess the details made it seem unbelievable enough but it just didn't cross my mind, really Libi: I was just wanting to 💬 about them all the time when I was little America: I remember that! Not saying you inspired me to become a pathological liar with how cool it all sounded though America: I probably wouldn't even if Chi hadn't be so mad you gatecrashed her birthday party Libi: 😏 See, can't say I couldn't hang America: she'll still try to but she's said worse Libi: To be expected America: like a text from Sean Libi: Let's not get it twisted though Libi: not excited for it America: 😐 is me Libi: What emoji can I be/ America: 🥳 when I'm done with you, bitch Libi: 😂 I accept America: ask your not boyfriend when he's down & slide into my dms Libi: I will Libi: You can hit up Sean and ask him when he hits you up, finally Libi: I think he's gonna hit you up just after lunch Libi: to show he's casual America: 🐁🐈 America: I'll resist the urge to throw myself at him before then America: to show I understand how this all works Libi: Very mature Libi: or actually, not, but we have to get down to boy's levels America: he's about at our level right now, I think that's how the age gap works Libi: That's fair Libi: there's a lot of lads who still think we're diseased or are more interested in whatever game they are rn America: yeah, I don't know how much he knew about me before we met but there's no escaping that we only just got here America: an age based lie isn't happening Libi: No, that's not working Libi: I don't think you need to lie though Libi: he clearly wants to get to know you more too or I'd be awkwardly letting you down right now, right America: unless you're either too nice to do it or mean enough to want to see me make a twat of myself Libi: 🧐 Libi: Have to see, but I am neither, for the record America: catch me on the rebound 🕷🕸 Libi: All part of the plan America: I'll partner up with you in PE, give you a chance to make your move America: the seating plan'll fuck you over for the rest America: really would look like a nazi if I force Bekah to give up her seat for me like I'm your new BFFL America: 💖💣 Libi: Maybe we don't bring up the 2nd N word around her, like Libi: otherwise she's gonna be cool America: 👌 I'll 🤫 America: no casual German dropped into the conversation Libi: You wanna sit next to each other in German though Libi: the boy I sat next to is 🥱😴 America: The boy I sit next to did fall asleep recently so yeah America: I need to know if I'm 🥱 or he's 😴 & it's not about me Libi: 👋 It's a date Libi: 😘 jk America: they do like it when we roleplay America: 💐🕯🍷

[epajournal]

Anonymous9837 Not seeing new messages? Click here to correct.

Anonymous9837:

22:17

While an IMALIVE Volunteer is joining this chat, please take a moment to read this disclaimer. If your chat disconnects unexpectedly, it may be caused by wifi network connection issues, so please log back in and start a new chat. IMALIVE chat is for those who are thinking about suicide or are in distress. If you are having trouble seeing new messages or typing, please select - Click here to refresh - on top of the chat window. If you or someone you know is currently in the state of medical emergency, please dial 911 or your local emergency number for an ambulance. The volunteer will not be able to locate you without your help. If you wish to speak to someone on the phone right now, you can also call 1-800-SUICIDE(784-2433) or visit befrienders.org to find your local hotline. Please stay online while the next available volunteer is connecting to the chat....

Alex:

22:18

IMALIVE Volunteer joined the chat.

Alex:

22:18

Hi, my name is Alex. May I ask your name?

Anonymous9837:

22:18

Hey there. I guess Elise, that's my real name.

Anonymous9837:

22:18

I don't know, I feel silly doing this at all. I guess first, how are you?

Alex:

22:19

It sounds like you're worried about being judged

Anonymous9837:

22:19

Well, I'm mostly worried about being whiny, honestly.

Anonymous9837:

22:19

Like... I don't know, I'm not in an immediate place where I'm going to hurt myself, honestly

Alex:

22:19

Why don't we start with what brought you here today

Anonymous9837:

22:20

I just know if I don't talk about it or at least let someone know I'm having bad thoughts that it'll swell into a pretty crappy place later.

Anonymous9837:

22:20

Well, I guess just... My life's in a real weird place. I'm on medication but I've been off it for a few days, back on it again. I've been in therapy for close to a year but my life just seems to be getting worse.

Anonymous9837:

22:20

I think I need to get a new therapist or something, or at least talk to her about improving our sessions. But it's tough.

Anonymous9837:

22:21

I also know that we're at a place where it's like... There's not too much more she can do for me in a lot of ways.

Anonymous9837:

22:21

And I guess that's scary.

Alex:

22:22

It can be very discouraging when you feel the help you're getting isn't helping. It sounds like this is adding extra stress to your life at a very bad time

Anonymous9837:

22:23

I wish I had something that was more unknown to me or had some big revelation about why I'm all dysfunctional, but. I don't. I feel like a car that's been taken apart and clearly you can see things aren't working right, but somehow you can't get the pieces to fit back together right. There's not much more to do than just trash it, you know?

Anonymous9837:

22:23

And yeah, it's demotivating. It took me a long time to go to therapy again, I mean I went through a bunch of therapy as a kid and none of it was too much help. I took a chance with it again recently and it's just been...

Anonymous9837:

22:24

I guess a lot of it has been useful, at the very least I can say I'm working on it, but I just want to be... Not even "fine", but just better.

Anonymous9837:

22:25

It's hard to imagine a year ago that I was nearly a functioning person, but. I guess it's a real shaky support that keeps that facade going, things were clearly going wrong.

Anonymous9837:

22:25

Sorry, I feel weird not asking again, how are you?

Alex:

22:26

No need to feel weird. We are here to work with you and focus on how you are doing

Anonymous9837:

22:26

Well, thank you.

Anonymous9837:

22:27

I'm in my late twenties and live with my mom and brother... Our house isn't big enough for everyone so we ended up with me in the basement, but in the last few months I finally decided I couldn't take it anymore and moved upstairs, even though that means not having a room and sleeping in the living room.

Anonymous9837:

22:29

And it's been a rough adjustment. I can't get myself to take care of my messes easily as it is, so combine having a small house where I don't have a room, things build up, people get upset. I've been out of work since last July, I had some financial fortune to get by but I fucked that up pretty badly and I'm broke again, but I just... There's no way I can hold a job. My therapist and I are working on SSI but it just... takes a while, and it makes me feel like I'm a brat.

Anonymous9837:

22:30

My mom's disabled, physically, so it's like. I feel like I'm making an excuse for myself when I should just be having a job. I've worked before for years, but I just can't. I mean I can barely keep myself showered, or bother to eat, even though I'm a fat sunnovabitch because I rarely leave my house.

Anonymous9837:

22:30

So it's just... Things get tense. I don't want to be a burden on anyone.

Anonymous9837:

22:31

The answer seems to be that it'd be easiest if I weren't here, but aside from it being a scary idea, I know that'd be a lot of shit my family would have to go through.

Anonymous9837:

22:31

But I still think about it a lot, and it's upsetting.

Anonymous9837:

22:32

I just want to be left alone, honestly. I feel like most of my life I haven't had any chance to just "be". I want to exist but just barely, I guess.

Anonymous9837:

22:33

I've been working on it, it doesn't look like it, but I have been. I'm just not well, physically and psychologically. Today I started an herb garden, I'm raising them from seeds, hopefully they work.

Anonymous9837:

22:34

I try to take my dog out, I got a FitBit so I can be mindful of my movement. But as soon as I do these things, people think I'm shirking important things, but... I need to do anything I can now, because otherwise I just do nothing.

Alex:

22:34

You sound very invested in your recovery. It can be tough feeling like a burden on people, but it sounds like you have a family that you care about and that cares about you. So it sounds like at some point in the past you felt you were doing better, but you now feel yourself spiraling in a downward direction. You're not sure if it's the move to a less private living situation, or the medication or if you should try seeing a new professional and it sounds like all these factors are really overwhelming you

Anonymous9837:

22:35

I fantasize about running away a lot. But I have a dog who I feel like I need to be there for even though my family would take care of her, and I have a 20 year-old cat... And I don't want to ditch him.

Anonymous9837:

22:35

Yeah, that all sounds fair. I mean, it's a long history of dysfunction, I can't even tell you my family history and growing up.

Anonymous9837:

22:36

I guess the one good thing about therapy is I'm finally so tired of mourning my past because I just can't be bothered to talk about it anymore, which is saying something, because it's been the only thing I can discuss with any passion for a while.

Anonymous9837:

22:37

But now I'm just like, "here I am," and it's crappy. Like, that's done. There's nothing I can do that I haven't already to try and compartmentalize and digest it better. But I'm still messed up and now I'm an adult and nobody can fix it for me.

Anonymous9837:

22:38

Some days I feel okay. But I just... I'm tired all the time and I don't care about anything, the only thing that I actually feel emotionally responsive to is when I'm upsetting people.

Anonymous9837:

22:39

I tried to move into my dad's a number of years ago after he told me there'd "always be a place" for me with him, and he knows things have been awful, and he's a lot to blame for it. But when I did, he suddenly didn't have room, which sucked. It kind of felt like I finally went to make a huge change in my life even though I was scared and ultimately was told, "nah." Like... Idk.

Anonymous9837:

22:39

I just keep thinking I need to get out of here, and the only feasible way I can imagine that is to not exist anymore.

Anonymous9837:

22:39

But that's a whole mess to itself.

Anonymous9837:

22:40

It's a good thing I'm anxious about what happens after you die, though. A lot of the time that's the only thing that keeps me here-- I guess that's true for a lot of people, but still.

Alex:

22:41

There really is no easy fix, which can make things seem hopeless. Elise, have you been thinking about suicide?

Anonymous9837:

22:41

Oh sure, but that's nothing new. I think about it pretty constantly, but I'm not going to enact it.

Anonymous9837:

22:42

I walked in on my mom readying to kill herself when I was thirteen and decided I didn't want to do that to anybody.

Anonymous9837:

22:42

But it's still a thought, and it's one of those things where it's just... Super depressing to realize that's what you'd kind of like to do.

Alex:

22:43

But you haven't thought about how and when you want to kill yourself and you're able to stay safe while we continue to chat?

Anonymous9837:

22:44

Yeah, I'm okay. That's why I'm talking now, so I don't have more of these thoughts later. I took an Ativan recently and I'm getting pretty calmed down in addition to that. I'm not in any danger to myself now, but. It's preventative, I guess.

Anonymous9837:

22:45

I've never really thought /how/ I'd kill myself, they all seem pretty creepy. More of what would happen after, which I guess is less dangerous.

Anonymous9837:

22:45

(my ativan is prescription, btw, I don't use it often but I do have it officially for when I need it)

Anonymous9837:

22:46

I just kind of needed someone to talk to so it didn't stay in my head and chest and get into Bad Territory.

Anonymous9837:

22:46

I just hope I'll be Okay someday. I keep thinking I'm about to get to the final corner of this maze but it just keeps goddamn turning.

Alex:

22:47

Ok. Well Elise, what else do you think would help you right now? It sounds like having someone to talk to has helped with the stress a bit

Anonymous9837:

22:47

And it's tough, too, because you can't see all the progress you've made in these situations. But that's the depression talking.

Anonymous9837:

22:47

and yeah, it has, I'm getting pretty relaxed again already, so thank you for that.

Anonymous9837:

22:48

I think I need to contact my therapist and discuss making our appointments more constructive, and contact my doctor to start finding a psychiatrist I like. My recent one retired.

Anonymous9837:

22:48

Which sucks, I really liked her.

Anonymous9837:

22:48

I need to keep on my SSI application... And just keep working through my list of to-do's, since every one of those I complete makes me feel like I'm doing a little bit better.

Anonymous9837:

22:49

I guess for right now I should get something to eat or drink and do little things, maybe just fold my clothes while I watch a movie, and probably write in my journal.

Anonymous9837:

22:50

And maybe tonight I'll go for a drive for some privacy and have a good cry-- I've been needing to do that for a while now.

Alex:

22:51

It sounds like feeling like you are making steps toward your recovery is important to you. You have a very well built plan of next steps to take.

Anonymous9837:

22:52

Thanks, I guess it's a matter of me actually doing them, haha. My mom actually is out here trying to get me to talk to her and... I think I should, I don't mean to cut off from you so quickly, but I'm calmed down and I know there are people out there in actual danger.

Alex:

22:52

Would you like someone from the IMAlive Team to follow up with you? That follow-up would be via email, a few days after this chat.

Anonymous9837:

22:53

Mm... I think I'm okay, actually-- Or, would that be just a check-in, I guess?

Anonymous9837:

22:53

Sure, you can contact me at *********@gmail.com, I guess.

Anonymous9837:

22:54

Gives me something to keep working on myself for so I can reply with positive news, haha.

Anonymous9837:

22:54

Hopefully!

Alex:

22:54

A check-in. Ok Elise a member of IMAlive will follow up with you. In the meantime, be good to yourself smiley

Anonymous9837:

22:55

Thanks so much, I really appreciate you listening to me.

🙂

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Diagnostics End Chat

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Janis & Jimmy

Janis: 💀👑 having a party Jimmy: Where's my handwritten 💌? Jimmy: bit rude Janis: not enough 🩸 Janis: 💔 Janis: [pic of jelly shots and other basic party tings taking up cali's fridge] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: if you ain't fucked with them, I'm dumping you Janis: it's like you don't know me at all 😱😏 Jimmy: Oi, it's a secret, that Janis: not tweeted it yet, we're safe Jimmy: tah, Judy Jimmy: what's the 👗👠 then? Janis: 🤔 Janis: it's either taking their 'style', lack of a better word, and doing it better, 'cos duh Janis: OR doing the anti-them so hard she'll be 😡 the second we walk in Jimmy: so do you want me in 👗👠 or looking like I slept in the park with nowt but a 🔪 and an empty wallet? Janis: both hot 🔥 Janis: probably hates poors slightly more than crossdressers 💙 Jimmy: have I got time to get a vote labour face tattoo? Janis: only if it's misspelled 💘 Jimmy: Duh Jimmy: trying to work out what 🎨 I could get to show I hate lawyers Jimmy: no win no fee finger tats? Janis: 😂 Janis: full of the 🥇💡s today Jimmy: downside being Ian might reckon it's 🥇💡 an' all, I'd have to ❌ 'em out or cover 'em up with something that'll get him fuming before he realises Jimmy: or put the 👗👠 on as well as Janis: that'll do it Janis: dress on a lad is still a dress on a lad, even if it's red Jimmy: getting into a 🥊 with him would only help the cause, nowt more common than a black eye and chipped tooth Janis: not had enough time for my fake pillow baby to be showing, WELL gutted 😭 Jimmy: can make the announcement on the night 🍾 be a lovely surprise for her Janis: godmother, anyone? 🙊 Jimmy: only right after we conceived it in her bunk 💕 Janis: solid HILARIOUS lad speech story, hun 👌 Jimmy: especially when I add in that I ain't sure and it could've been her desk in computer science 😘 Jimmy: oh the #bants Janis: me, tryna remember that time 💭👀 Jimmy: you and sir both Jimmy: draw the line at fake naming it after her though, what's her dad called? Janis: who knows Janis: Mike, John, Peter, Paul etc etc Jimmy: UGH fine we'll call the kid Jeremy Janis: gonna start doing #babytaylor updates around the 🕞 Jimmy: same Janis: graphic details of the abortion, good times, like Jimmy: but the #datenight in hell after is gonna be 🔥 soooooooooo Janis: 💁 #hatersgonnahate #dontmumshameme #howtolosethepregnancypounds Jimmy: 😏 Janis: she lives ages from both of us so where do you wanna meet? Jimmy: middle? Janis: his MIND 🤤 Jimmy: it don't matter to me actually now your ankle's loads better and I ain't gotta carry you the whole way Janis: said as if that were my preference, ever Janis: or that I'm well fat Jimmy: you were warned I'm 👴 and on death's door, mate Jimmy: I've had my 😭 about it but crack on with yours Janis: what else can be said about your stamina at this point, eh Janis: my cross to bear Jimmy: nowt 'cause I can't be all ears for your fake complaints after being deafened by your real praise Janis: if you're so gutted, I can promise you'll never 🔊 it again Jimmy: can you? doubt that Janis: see how easy Jimmy: alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: come here then Janis: where? Jimmy: where am I round the 🕞 Janis: UGH, don't remind me Janis: my biggest fake complaint 🥺 Jimmy: baby Janis: NEVER see you Jimmy: but I'm ALWAYS 💭💕 about you Janis: that'll be why Mia don't tip 💅 Jimmy: yeah that's TOTALLY the reason Janis: if you're THAT distracted how can you possibly remember how to make a decent latte?! Janis: if you're THAT distracted how can you possibly remember how to make a decent latte?! Jimmy: 1. there's no such thing as a decent latte 2. I could have you up on the counter and still make whatever ☕ dickheads want Janis: 1. okay got me there 2. not gonna have me there 'cos I'm nowhere near town so 💔 Jimmy: like I said ALWAYS 💭💕 Jimmy: and always fucking here 🕞 Janis: you're saying got time for that bus journey but how do I know it'd be worth it? Jimmy: I didn't promise to go mute on you for a start Janis: yeah? Jimmy: got loads to say, me Jimmy: [🔥 sext because why not] Janis: it's like that then Jimmy: it's however you like, you know that Janis: okay Janis: I want to see you Jimmy: okay Jimmy: I want you here Janis: I feel it Jimmy: I can promise you will Janis: you haven't forgotten just how long this bus ride takes, have you? Jimmy: no Janis: so you're being mean to me on purpose Jimmy: you started it by taking the piss out of my stamina Jimmy: this is just me showing you how much I've got Janis: but I'm already so Jimmy: and what I'm sitting here dead unfazed, do you reckon? Janis: I don't Janis: I think about you too, for real Jimmy: do you? Janis: yeah Janis: if I was good with words I could tell you about it but Jimmy: it's alright, you can show me Janis: when I'm with you, yeah Janis: what about all the times I'm not? Jimmy: you're decent enough at leaving reminders, I think I'll live Janis: you might Jimmy: how full's your 🚍 gonna be? Janis: this time? Janis: 👻town Jimmy: nowt to worry about then, is there? Janis: ? Jimmy: a 💣 could go off and who's about to see or hear it Jimmy: just us Janis: and the driver Jimmy: he'll be chatting to his mate or missus like the one before Jimmy: and you're gonna be 🔇 so you said Janis: 🤏 rude I'm now not that distracting at all, apparently but Janis: okay Jimmy: if he's that into it he can be our 3rd Janis: I'd ask but 😶 Jimmy: it'll go without saying, don't worry Janis: go on then Janis: you have to fill in the silence and tell me what you really think about me 💭💕 Jimmy: [a voice memo to make it even more of a #mood and to make me lol cos do you ever do any work boy] Janis: has anyone ever told you your voice isn't a total turn-off Jimmy: it ain't a compliment that usually gets chucked at me Janis: they're stupid then Janis: more than I reckoned Jimmy: don't talk to them, do I? Jimmy: just you Janis: oh yeah, suppose not Janis: count myself 🍀 Jimmy: dunno about that but you're alright to 🗨 to Janis: known worse, like Jimmy: tah very much Janis: you don't like compliments Jimmy: I never said that Jimmy: I don't know how to take 'em Jimmy: same as you Janis: it's when it's Janis: if you just said the same shit everyone says, it wouldn't even register Janis: but you ain't ever that predictable Jimmy: you're not a lass that's gonna get bog standard bollocks out of me Jimmy: 🥇 muse Janis: I can handle that Janis: you're pretty talented Jimmy: if you're the masterpiece, how could I fuck that up? Jimmy: barely have to do owt for it to be art Janis: be surprised how a lad can, 'cept not at all Jimmy: letdowns don't surprise me, whoever they're off 🌧 remember Jimmy: have had and have done loads, it's why the 😒 face fits Janis: you're far from a letdown to me, where it counts, like Janis: have that for free Jimmy: don't count for much when it's been days Jimmy: even Ian can manage to keep a lass about for that long sometimes Jimmy: but alright Janis: well it's all I've got Janis: and as I said, had worse Janis: you're free to disappoint me any time Jimmy: yeah, me an' all, but no need for me to chuck all the comparisons to my shit ex at you and pretend it'll do for a compliment Jimmy: or pretend that I wanna disappoint you Janis: It don't matter, we know it's inevitable but we also know we don't need to think about that right now Jimmy: it matters a bit Janis: not enough that we can do fuck all about it Jimmy: I just Janis: me too Jimmy: it ain't fair that you can 🧠📖 Janis: can't really Janis: could've agreed to anything there but fuck it, why not Jimmy: that's why I like you Janis: obviously Janis: whole plan hinges on it Jimmy: nowt to do with how fit and mysterious you are Janis: 🤏 tah Jimmy: Oi, I've been telling you how fit you are from day one Janis: don't stop Jimmy: not til it actually 💀💀💀s me Jimmy: how ain't there bollocks rumours about you being a model or an actress an' all? Janis: that'd be 😤💚 not 🤤💖 Janis: anyway, the school trip before the last, some scout came up to me and I thought the gals might actually murder her, or drown her with their 😭😭😭😭😭 Jimmy: right, it's different for lasses, so I've heard off you loads of times now Janis: and lads lack the imagination, not the kind of model or actress they're arsed about Jimmy: and that were why you didn't wanna do it then? Janis: didn't really have a chance, Lucas told her it was highly inappropriate to approach a child on a school trip, code for 'hands-off she's mine' 🙄 Jimmy: I get it, you can only find out who people are when I read their tits and tell you Janis: obviously Janis: got the card if you really wanna kickstart your career Jimmy: I just dunno why you don't, it'd be 💰💰 and a 💀👑 fuck you Janis: yeah but it's complicated Jimmy: which bit? the walk or the pout? Janis: very funny, dickhead Janis: 🥇 muse, so I've been told Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: why wouldn't you wanna get the fuck out of here? Janis: there's no guarantee that would happen Janis: might never get booked, or whatever the fuck they call it Jimmy: alright, you're scared of looking a twat Jimmy: but you're never getting booked if your name ain't down Jimmy: don't tell anyone you 🖋🩸 if nowt happens Janis: we've got well distracted from the point here anyway Jimmy: the new point is, stop being a selfish prick and think how 🥇 it'd make me look to have a model girlfriend, tah very much Janis: 🙄😏 you're the fucking worst Jimmy: kindly crack on 'cause I ain't gonna be about forever, like Janis: 👴 Jimmy: ✈👋 or ⚰🌹 either'll do Janis: know which one you meant Jimmy: it weren't me saying you can't 🧠📖 Janis: no brain to pick, you 💘 Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: yeah alright, that lass who tried to snatch you off the school trip'd know more than me but I still reckon you'd be good Janis: shh Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: meant to be you on mute though Janis: my point about the point exactly Janis: make it hard for me to speak in a fun way, dickhead Jimmy: [giving her pics because she gave him that glorious dressing room selfie and we know he looks good whenever even when he's supposed to be working lol] Janis: Jesus, boy Janis: how do you just look like that Jimmy: #notamodelbutmyfakegirfriendis Janis: definitely not doing it so you have a 🔥 # Jimmy: but LITERALLY what other reason is there???!! 😱😱 #s are EVERYTHING babe Janis: I know, hardest decision I've ever had to make Jimmy: I'm leaving now, I just think Jimmy: you're so Jimmy: *it Janis: I reckon you are too Janis: like Janis: normal lads don't look like you do Jimmy: I can't fake that hard it being a northern thing Jimmy: 💔 if that means my parents weren't shit at everything Janis: same but that ain't news to me Janis: people LOVE being vocal about how fit my mum is Jimmy: bit rude of everyone to fake Grace being your twin when she's really adopted 🎻 Janis: she looks like my dad's mum and she's devastated, is a gutting comparison however you slice it Jimmy: I should've done more 🎻🎻 Jimmy: I get it, I look like Ian so every other dickhead reckons Janis: 🤏 rude of you to say he weren't fit but I'll allow it Jimmy: 🤏💔 he's my biological father 🤞 the other two can still cut and run Janis: seen your socials that ain't got me in, the kid looks like a small clone of you so 🌧 Jimmy: 💰 on my sister then Janis: usually the middle child Jimmy: she's got his 😡 and it can't be nurture as he don't fucking do none so Jimmy: that's all of us fucked Janis: shit, ain't it Janis: couple my sisters escaped having the same dad but my ma's got terrible taste so theirs weren't no better 💔 Jimmy: how many do you have? Janis: 4 sisters and a brother Jimmy: bet he were 💔 growing up Janis: yeah we made him well gay Jimmy: don't @iantaylor8 Janis: he ain't about to gay bash so it's alright Janis: about to have a gaybie though so pop off on that one Jimmy: he'd be well chuffed to hear he can still have grandkids to bully even though he reckons we're all gay Janis: weird flex on your nature and nurture there, mate Jimmy: duh it's MY fault not his Jimmy: couldn't keep my ex from sleeping with half the north 'cause I obvs weren't and turned them onto a gay lifestyle while I wasn't at it 🙄 Jimmy: #myinfluence Janis: Is Bill your dad? Janis: the drama, the top class storytelling 👌👏 Jimmy: 🤞 you've still got that quill you borrowed Janis: if you fancy it, I'll come about and loudly let him know how gay you ain't Jimmy: he'd have to be about for that plan to work Jimmy: if we held our breath we wouldn't need the 💀💀💀 pact Janis: probably can't turn up at his workplace, yeah, bit weird Jimmy: ☕ delivery Jimmy: just brought my muse so I can do top latte art Janis: unrelated but where is the nearest storage cupboard, tah Jimmy: nowt to see here but everything to hear soz Jimmy: you'd have to break your vow of silence any road, can't have that Janis: not a nun, not an eternal vow Janis: just 'til you admit you like hearing it Jimmy: don't need to tell me on either count Jimmy: and I never denied that I like hearing you Janis: you were taking the piss Janis: so now you're gonna have to be well nice before I even consider it Janis: which is very 💔 for me 'cos I like making noise for you Jimmy: I've been SO nice since Janis: could you be nicer? 🤔 Jimmy: you tell me Jimmy: how can I? Janis: tell me what we're going to do at this party Jimmy: whose house is it at? Janis: #2 Jimmy: we'll find her fave bathroom then, she's bound to spend more time there than owt else Jimmy: ruin it for her Janis: anything that keeps her off the 🚽 is a 🏆 for us Jimmy: we can work out where her 🛏 is after Janis: probably four-poster Jimmy: probably be pretty hard to break Jimmy: but I'm up for the challenge if you are Janis: of course Janis: who am I? Jimmy: you're Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you're fucking Janis: so good Jimmy: you Janis: you you you Jimmy: if it's owt to do with me it'll be 'cause you've inspired me Janis: I'll take that Jimmy: do Jimmy: it's right Janis: I'm already bored of being on this bus Jimmy: it takes the piss but I need to see you Janis: I want it too Janis: takes the piss I live in the middle of nowhere Jimmy: I'll move you in when Jeremy's born, you're alright Janis: #1 dad Janis: get your own mug Jimmy: *🏆 Janis: bit demanding, babe Jimmy: what kind of dad can I be if I don't have nowt to put my 🥃 in? Jimmy: size matters, babe Janis: 😏 Janis: join you once he thing is out Janis: only 🍷🍷 Jimmy: @ Helena for 💊 Jimmy: your back will be killing you Janis: if he's got a head size of yours, I'll 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I'll 🔪 it out for you, what could be more #goals? Janis: basically a doctor 😍 Jimmy: wasted on just giving 🧽 baths, me Janis: not quite bubbles and 🍾 but Jimmy: when we get to the party, you can have that Janis: we can? Jimmy: if you want Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: one you never answer Jimmy: one you know the answer to Janis: no Jimmy: yeah Janis: 😡 Jimmy: I want you, dickhead Jimmy: I've said it before Janis: not a 🚨⛓ to wanna hear it Jimmy: 💔 love a crime, keeps me in a job Janis: I'll commit another, hang on Jimmy: 😍 Janis: pretty sure how you're tryna make me feel in public is illegal Jimmy: 🚔'd quicker than the 🚍 Jimmy: and hang on, isn't it working? Janis: if only Janis: it's not not working, but it'd work better if you were here Jimmy: brb just gotta change uniforms 👮🚔🚨 Jimmy: be with you in a sec Janis: love a chase scene Jimmy: 💕 Janis: reckon this driver is a new boy too Janis: going well slow Jimmy: Oi don't lump me in with him Janis: you can still be 🍦 of the month, it's okay Jimmy: is it? first my stamina gets slagged off now it's my tempo Jimmy: gonna need a complaints 🗑 if you keep on Janis: babe Jimmy: soz I didn't ask you to fake 👰💍🤵 or 🤰 on day one, like Jimmy: dead slow, me 👻💔 Janis: like, do you even fake like me, OMG Jimmy: busted Jimmy: reckon you're a bit of a dickhead tbh Janis: 😱😱😱 Janis: brb, throwing myself under this bus Janis: probably going too slow to kill me, THANKS Jimmy: see, what's to like, can't even stick to the plan, you Janis: nu-uh Janis: 'cos I'm NOT dying, but you'll show and think I have and go and off yourself Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: don't you 🤏 at me Janis: cheek Jimmy: keeping 🔇 is one thing but denying you're dying right now is Jimmy: I know you are Jimmy: me an' all Janis: it's very inconvenient Janis: wanting you this much Jimmy: weren't part of the plan Janis: exactly Jimmy: but Janis: too late to stop ourselves now Jimmy: not if you want to Janis: I don't Janis: you know that Jimmy: Alright Janis: it is alright, ain't it Jimmy: with me Janis: you're hot, I'm hot, why wouldn't we Jimmy: I'm not gonna give you a list of why it's a 🥉💡 to do this Janis: we'll survive Jimmy: I don't care if I don't Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me Janis: hot Jimmy: I am, you are, you just said Janis: but seriously Janis: you are so Jimmy: I get it, you're taking 💀💀💀 me seriously an' all Jimmy: right now Janis: you have no idea Janis: if I was even as half as good with words Janis: you might feel a fraction of how I'm feeling Jimmy: I do though, you're doing a decent job of telling me Jimmy: and making me feel like I Jimmy: could just Janis: just Jimmy: 💀💀💀 here in front of everyone Janis: oh Jimmy: inconvenient, I think that were what you said Janis: on the counter, that's what you said Janis: what I'm 💭 Jimmy: I'm not closing up but when I am next Janis: promise Jimmy: are you asking me if I do or telling me you do? Janis: asking you to Jimmy: I wouldn't have said it else Jimmy: but okay Janis: your fake manager better not show up Jimmy: he gets us to so he don't have to Jimmy: 👻🥊 Janis: just saying, some prior warning if you wanna third Janis: no 💌 for you Jimmy: I'm alright with leaving the rest of the dickheads out Janis: good to know Janis: 'cos I don't really rate anyone else right now so Jimmy: I've never rated anyone 🥇 as you Janis: you don't need to chat me up Janis: I'm there already Jimmy: it's just a bit of honesty Jimmy: nowt to worry about Janis: you mean it? Jimmy: Why would I have bothered to say it if it weren't? Janis: I dunno Jimmy: the answer is that I wouldn't Janis: alright, I believe you Jimmy: 👍 Janis: me too Jimmy: ? Janis: I ain't rated anyone else this hard either Jimmy: it's the accent Janis: maybe Jimmy: when you're going all about modelling you'll hear some right ones Janis: obvs Janis: let you know your final ranking then, like Jimmy: Tah Janis: all the male models will be gay Jimmy: chuck them my number Jimmy: Ian will be well chuffed Janis: can't have that Jimmy: Oi, just 'cause you're the first I've fake dated no need to make sure you're the only Janis: you wanna real date them, don't lie Janis: make you look well 🥇 Jimmy: it weren't enough for you to make your brother gay, I'm next now Janis: yeah, my agenda Janis: if you spread that around, I'll 🥊 you Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll delete the tweet Janis: dick Janis: 😏 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: how old was you, when you got with your ex Jimmy: why? Jimmy: if you're undercover 👮 an' all, I might believe we're #fated Janis: 💔 now I'm #gutted Janis: dunno, just asking Jimmy: 🎻🎻😭 dunno what we're pissing about at if we're not 🖋 in the 💫 Janis: I'll turn 'round, you're right Janis: been fun Jimmy: 👋 Jimmy: good luck getting that pout and walk sorted out Janis: good luck getting a new muse Jimmy: probably just give up 🎨 nbd Janis: yeah right Janis: it's your 💘 and life Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: come be my personal 📸 and I'll think about it Jimmy: no expert but I don't reckon that's how it works Janis: then I don't wanna Jimmy: you don't need me to hold your hand Jimmy: 🏆💪 you Janis: don't like having my photo taken Jimmy: fake it then Jimmy: you've had loads of practice Janis: true Jimmy: I'll take more, you won't give a shit about 📸 by the time I've been dumped Janis: like it when you do Janis: maybe it's your process Jimmy: I'm sure any photographer'd be chuffed to have a crack at doing the same for you Jimmy: won't be as fit and mysterious as me but Jimmy: you'll live Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 🥇💡 to keep the pull out and pray method in mind, take a bit of the homeland with you Janis: ha ha ha Janis: shut up now Jimmy: not having my fake baby raised by other photographers Janis: doubt I fancy explaining that sentence to anyone else Jimmy: you don't fancy it, nowt of Jimmy: so alright, I'll leave it out Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: it's all bullshit Janis: nothing real about it Jimmy: the 💰💰 is Jimmy: and ✈🌏 Janis: I'm not a Hadid Jimmy: I dunno who that is Janis: it'd be less 🤩 and more, local ads and old lady catalogs Jimmy: and what? Janis: ❌💰💰✈🌏 Janis: ✔ 🚌🚍 Jimmy: ✔🐕🏃 then Janis: so soz it ain't as glamorous Jimmy: I doubt standing about in 👙👗👠 waiting for 📸 is Janis: yeah Janis: stupid Jimmy: like the lasses who'd be 😤💚 or 😭💔 Janis: literal Janis: must not know you can't ask the photographer to facetune you just how you like Janis: the breakdowns they'd have with the proofs would be worth it Jimmy: the Q&A they'd die for but'll never get 'cause you're out Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: hmm Janis: could fake that Jimmy: a career? yeah works for Mia's dad Janis: 😂 Janis: my 🥇 inspo forever Jimmy: obvs Janis: sorted then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: be selling skinny tea on the socials in no time Jimmy: I'm not even gonna ask what the fuck that is Janis: laxatives Janis: 😋 Jimmy: 💀👑 would have to be fake nice to you for the discount Jimmy: not gonna put them on daddy's 💳 Janis: he's all about triggering that gag reflex Jimmy: my 🥇 inspo forever Janis: 😏 Janis: nice Jimmy: I am yeah Jimmy: SUCH a good lad Janis: not gonna disagree Jimmy: but you LOVE disagreeing with me, Judith Janis: maybe I LOVE making you feel like a lad more Jimmy: there's nowt you 💕 more than a challenge, I get it Janis: 'course Janis: far as you know Jimmy: #thickandnorthern Janis: #fitandmysterious Jimmy: don't remind me Janis: what else do you have to think about that's more fun than me? Jimmy: tip jar Janis: 💔😭 damn, can't compete Jimmy: gonna fare piss poor in this fake divorce now you've ❌💰💰✈🌏 Jimmy: gotta do something Janis: never would've got a penny out of me Janis: not a mug Jimmy: with Mia's dad having to choose sides it'll be 💔😭 all round Janis: how it's meant to be, isn't it Janis: get the best #drama out of the break-up Janis: Bill'll be happy, at least Jimmy: he'll be LIVING Jimmy: #ghostbants Janis: wow Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: am I ready to be a dad or what? Janis: you've got the jokes and the fashion, babe Jimmy: working on the body obvs 🍻🥔🥧 Janis: can't wait to be disgusted by you 💘 Jimmy: helping you fake your morning sickness is just the kind of lad I am Janis: don't need 💀👑 tips Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 for her Janis: good thing she's got the gals to look up to her Janis: not #2 she's clearly better at it, but the other ones Jimmy: I hope she goes live the day she does her in for surpassing her at starvation Jimmy: always need 💀💀💀 tips Jimmy: 🤞🥇💡 Janis: not gonna be as good as ours Jimmy: no need for us to make it look like an accident Jimmy: I know what I want Jimmy: not a tease like those pair Janis: if you were gonna lead me on that much Jimmy: you'd actually have to fake it Jimmy: can't have that Janis: shut up Janis: I'm 🥇 Jimmy: but still ain't been scouted as an actress have you, mate? Jimmy: says it all Janis: 'cos no one knows I'm in character Janis: called method acting, look it up dickhead Jimmy: you know I can't read Jimmy: bit bloody insensitive that you keep bringing it up Janis: 💁 Jimmy: be about right Janis: you started it Jimmy: bollocks Janis: you did too Jimmy: I never Janis: 😒 Jimmy: Oi don't be copying me Jimmy: [a 😒 selfie cos he's a nerd] Janis: oi yourself when you know that's a #kinkunlocked Janis: very rude Jimmy: or very nice Janis: you reckon? Jimmy: you don't? Jimmy: could just leave you with your 💭 Janis: subtle hint Jimmy: I know 🏆 Janis: dunno how good a photo you reckon I can take on this bus but Janis: challenge accepted Jimmy: you said you were 🥇 Janis: not at Jimmy: I rate you Janis: only 'cos I know you've got no mates to send 'em to Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: that why you're always trying to set me up on playdates? Janis: 1. when? 2. 'cos I want any nudes I do to get better views? yeah, obvs Jimmy: any teacher or coworker for a start Janis: that's you, you're insatiable Jimmy: tweet that and keep your nudes out of it Janis: blame me for your 😍 Janis: psh Jimmy: it's your fault Janis: nah Jimmy: yeah Janis: shh Jimmy: I can't 🔊 me Janis: I can Janis: call it your literary voice Jimmy: I still don't believe you can Janis: why not? Jimmy: experience Janis: what does that mean Jimmy: it means you never 🤐 Janis: 😑 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: you're a twat Jimmy: yeah Janis: literally not talking to you ever again Jimmy: sounds fake that does Janis: you'll see Jimmy: I don't want to Janis: well Jimmy: well you're still 🗨 Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: bye Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: yeah, party Jimmy: funny Janis: is it? Jimmy: what are you gonna do, get straight back on that 🚍 when you come off? Janis: I've got shit I can do, tah for the concern Jimmy: alright Janis: bit of a pisstake, actually Jimmy: what? Janis: you've dragged me out Jimmy: done nowt of the sort Janis: yes you have Jimmy: never made you do owt, real or fake Janis: you know what I mean Jimmy: I know you're being a dickhead Janis: then stop replying if that's what you reckon Jimmy: it ain't me who don't wanna talk Jimmy: that's your party trick Janis: it's me who talks too much Janis: can't have it both ways Jimmy: I didn't say I wanted it a different way Janis: stop being a headfuck Jimmy: stop taking what I say wrong Janis: if I could, I would Jimmy: why can't you? Janis: it's me, not you Janis: you just said it Jimmy: no need to make it sound like the start of a breakup Janis: how would you like me to say it Jimmy: just listen to me, how about that? Jimmy: I like how much you talk Jimmy: I like talking to you Janis: but then I don't know what to say back Janis: it's compliments Jimmy: I don't mind not having any back Jimmy: silence is alright an' all as long as it's not a 💔 one Janis: it's not fair Janis: you should feel uncomfortable and all, like Jimmy: I don't feel anything 👻 perks Janis: yeah Jimmy: I'll stop if it makes you feel better Jimmy: signing only or something Janis: I don't feel anything either, that's what you don't get Jimmy: fuming is a feeling, girl Janis: so's 😒 Janis: but we both know, not really Jimmy: we both know that's just my face Janis: sure Jimmy: go on Janis: you clearly feel shit Janis: and it ain't just me that don't like talking about it, that's as obvious Jimmy: What are you the 💕😭😒 👮? Janis: 🙄 just don't chat shit about my party trick when you're doing the same Jimmy: how am I? Jimmy: I've said loads to you Janis: I've said shit to you too Janis: I'm talking about now Jimmy: what about now? Janis: you're being weird Jimmy: what does that mean? Janis: dunno Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: let's leave it Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I dunno about any of this, alright Jimmy: and I do? Janis: more than me Jimmy: how'd you work that out? Janis: you've done it before Jimmy: no I've not Janis: real is more of a challenge, if anything, not less, so Jimmy: weren't disputing that Janis: so you have Jimmy: no I've not Jimmy: it weren't the same Janis: obviously not Janis: not at the core Janis: but there's still shit you can use Jimmy: oh yeah, hang on I'll crack on and❌ out whatever I can't then it'll be piss easy Janis: I'm not saying that it weren't real with your ex, you don't need to get defensive Jimmy: you're being a massive twat Janis: not trying to Jimmy: leave it, like you said Janis: alright then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Why would you say that? Janis: what part? Jimmy: that there's shit I can use Janis: not like a bad thing Janis: just pointing out it's harder for me Jimmy: how isn't it a bad thing to reckon I can just swap out one lass for another? Janis: if this was real, maybe Janis: just meant experience, like Jimmy: right Janis: I didn't mean it as a diss Jimmy: I'll dry my eyes then, tah for clearing that up Janis: yeah, yeah 😏 Jimmy: ✔ Janis: harsh Jimmy: if this were real, might be Janis: okay Janis: got it Jimmy: I don't reckon you do Janis: you never do Jimmy: alright, it's my fault Jimmy: that sounds real enough Janis: yeah, exactly what I was after Janis: cheers and tah Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: don't you know that and all Jimmy: just asking for the fun of it, me Janis: letdown all 'round then Jimmy: it's been said Janis: not by me Jimmy: ⬆ there Janis: that was the first time Janis: 😭 accordingly Jimmy: I will do Janis: hmm Janis: wasn't very believable tbh babe Jimmy: I'll send you the video when I'm on my next break Janis: cool Jimmy: I'll try and look it 💔😎🚬 Janis: it's your whole brand so Jimmy: won't have to try very hard then Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 🎬🏆🥇 Janis: post you your oscar Jimmy: bring it to the party Jimmy: save yourself the postage Janis: oh yeah Janis: 👍 one Jimmy: full of top quality 💡 me Janis: reason I keep you about Jimmy: duh Jimmy: see you there then Janis: alright Janis: in a bit Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [better skip to this party when you don't come around gal] Jimmy: [such fun] Jimmy: Oi, where am I headed? Jimmy: [after a bit when she has not replied] Jimmy: very helpful, you Jimmy: are we going to this party or what, dickhead? Jimmy: [after another bit] Jimmy: no? alright then Janis: [I'm thinking this is hours later, so the party is over] Janis: had to go somewhere Janis: say I'm at yours if anyone gives a shit Jimmy: tah for telling me when I could have done something to keep us #goals Jimmy: oh hang on, nah, you didn't Janis: sorry Janis: I'm busy Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: literally always Janis: this is different Jimmy: I don't care Jimmy: I didn't ask Jimmy: it's nowt to do with me, what's to do with me is that you didn't bother to tell me you weren't coming Janis: alright Janis: sorry again Jimmy: now you need me to cover for you, yeah Janis: don't if you can't be bothered Jimmy: I do what I say I'm gonna do Jimmy: you can piss off Janis: yeah well you ain't promised so do what you want Jimmy: I don't need to, it ain't that #deep Jimmy: we have a deal and I pull my weight with it Janis: I'm not wasting battery saying it again Jimmy: you heard me say piss off then Jimmy: on you go Janis: bye, Jimmy Jimmy: 👋 Janis: [that's that on that]

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & Nancy

Ava: Has he told you? Nancy: Yeah Ava: How are you holding up? Nancy: better than he is Ava: Not saying much but Ava: that's something Nancy: how are you holding up then? Ava: It's been, a rollercoaster implies that it's in any way on the rails so not that, something as up and down and side to side Ava: tornado, perhaps Ava: but it's far from about me so I'm just here, you know Nancy: I know what you mean Ava: It's more to do with you than me Ava: so, what did he say exactly? Nancy: You know what he's like, just coming out with it Nancy: there's nothing for me to argue with Nancy: maybe if I had a clue then but now Ava: Yeah Ava: but none of us did Ava: I think mum was probably right, even if that's fucked Ava: taking it to the police wouldn't have done anything Nancy: She'd had talked her way out of it, his word against hers and he doesn't come across well when he's upset Ava: Exactly Ava: it's one of those legal grey areas Ava: morally black but you know Ava: can't get charged for that Nancy: I feel like shit, if I hadn't left it wouldn't have been her and none of this would be happening Ava: I know, but you have to try not to think like that Ava: she picked him, really Ava: he was angry and upset, with you, yeah, but Rio too and you know, everyone and everything Ava: but I don't think he would have pursued her, if he were in any state Ava: and she had her problems with you, but I don't think that's solely why she did it either Nancy: I know but he could've used any girl in Chelsea to get back at Rio, it was her because of me, that's all my thoughts keep coming back to Nancy: and no other girl would've used him like that for any reason Ava: We all let each other down Ava: sometimes you have to do what you have to do Ava: and then sometimes bad shit happens because of that Ava: Chloe wouldn't have felt the need to drop this if I weren't with James Ava: we could all just keep on not knowing Nancy: It's not your fault, Av, she hated you cos she hated me first Nancy: it's not like she's heartbroken over James Ava: Still, it wouldn't have happened, you were never going to be dating him Ava: but none of us can live beholden to her and the things she has over us, we shouldn't Ava: at least now, we aren't, she's played all her cards Nancy: Did Buster tell you she's already engaged? Ava: I heard Ava: I looked on Gen's profile and he's like her dad's age Ava: and really stereotypically Italian Nancy: Gross Nancy: I swear to god, she's not a real person Nancy: who does any of this? Ava: I think she does her hardest not to be Ava: fuck everyone else Ava: her parents are just Ava: at a total loss Ava: we say ours are ashamed of us but this is so real Ava: they've had more to do with James than her for years now Nancy: At least he's got their support Ava: I think they're just as scared that they'll lose contact as he is Nancy: Yeah, of course Ava: Did he say if he'd told Ri yet? Nancy: I asked, when I was at my angriest, before I really understood what the circumstances were Nancy: He wouldn't talk about her which either means he has and it didn't go well, or he's still working up to it Ava: She's going to know something is wrong, he can't hide anything from her Ava: and the test takes as long as it takes, I know he was waiting for that but I don't know how Nancy: Right now, I'm selfishly glad that she knows we barely talk so she won't ask me Ava: That's going to be Ava: not fun Ava: never mind how pregnant she is Nancy: Oh god, don't Nancy: I was going to come back for a while but maybe that'll make it worse Nancy: Like he'll think I'm just there to oversee his downfall or something Ava: You don't think that will happen, do you? Nancy: I don't think she'll leave him Nancy: But the old wounds this is gonna open up, even though nobody's disputing he didn't actually consent, when they're still dealing with everything that happened with Venus Nancy: add her hormones in and his way of reacting to literally anything Ava: Fucking hell Ava: you should come back, if you want to though Ava: regardless Nancy: Ri might need me Nancy: not that she'll admit it, obviously Ava: 'course Ava: I don't think it would hurt Nancy: I'm a crap babysitter but I'm a great person to vent at about him so Nancy: if I slag him off enough she'll start leaping to his defence automatically Ava: An evil-good plan Nancy: something good needs to come out of all the evil Ava: We can but try Nancy: Yeah Nancy: I know I need to Ava: Does feel better than doing nothing Ava: only a bit but Ava: still Nancy: I wish there was more I could really do, but it all just feels too late Nancy: inventing a time machine feels very above my capabilities, if I'm honest Nancy: Feel free to tell James I'm here if he ever wants someone to talk to about his monster of an ex Ava: I will Ava: you might have to open a hotline, by the sounds of it Nancy: That'd be a decent earner while I'm back Ava: Time is money, like Nancy: exactly Ava: Wonder what the wedding will be like Nancy: what I remember hearing about hers and James' sounded awful Nancy: but of course this one will have to be more stereotypically Italian Ava: fucked herself on flower girls too Nancy: unless he's got a big family she can insert herself into Ava: Heaven help him Ava: or she's already knocked up, the only way she does it is with a gun to her head and the groom's Nancy: has anyone checked he can speak enough English to know what's going on, like? Ava: I don't know if we've got the welfare team on that Ava: he looks pretty pleased with himself Ava: the pictures would really confirm your homosexuality for you tbh Nancy: Well that's disgusting Ava: If he was the teenaged pool boy, be all over that, obviously Ava: can only hope she's met her match this time Nancy: Even if she hasn't, like you said, there's no more she can do to any of us Nancy: And she'd never get the kids back if she wanted to try that as a last resort Ava: Not putting anything past her obviously Ava: but yeah, I can't see her trying and failing at that any time soon Ava: it's a small mercy Ava: she was no mother Nancy: Imagine having her as yours, oh my god Nancy: it makes me wanna hug mum Ava: Let's not get too crazy Nancy: the urge will have passed by mid-flight, don't worry Ava: Unless you have too many complementaries, of course Nancy: well yeah Ava: No one would blame you on that score Nancy: it doesn't help though Ava: The drink or the lack of blame? Nancy: Both Ava: Yeah Ava: not much in the party mood myself Ava: pity or otherwise Ava: though being forced to 'focus on my schoolwork' like that's remotely important right now is getting me close Nancy: Is there a brochure for the planet mum and dad live on cos I'm really intrigued by it? Ava: They really think they can keep me out of it Ava: Like I'm not the one who did the DNA test, like I'm not the one who got James and Buster to talk Ava: sure, I'll forget about that and write my politics essay, hold on 🙄 Nancy: I'll do your essay as long as you leave enough time for a thorough spell check Ava: You really wanna keep busy, yeah Nancy: Yeah Ava: You are allowed to be angry with him Ava: you know Ava: because he was a victim too doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel that Ava: even if it means you don't direct it at him, you don't have to try and repress it Nancy: I am angry at him, but I'm also so tired of being Ava: Damn genetics Nancy: He can't forgive me for going and I can't keep defending why I had to Nancy: cos he'll never accept that it's not entirely my fault, that I needed him to help me and he wouldn't Ava: He does though Ava: he's told me Ava: like you said, it's too late Nancy: He'll never tell me, so we'll only ever talk when he has good or bad news to give me Ava: Yeah Ava: it's because it doesn't change it Ava: like you said, no time machine Ava: getting him to admit that he wasn't there doesn't change that he wasn't, even if you want to hear it Ava: just like you explaining why you had to leave doesn't mean you stayed Ava: it's all just words, you know Nancy: Then how can we ever? Ava: Maybe you can't Ava: because that isn't a truce Ava: if neither of you is willing to leave your post there is no middle ground Ava: you actually have to be ready and willing to drop defending yourself and blaming each other Ava: and neither of you is, so Ava: that's that Ava: you can't make yourself give it up, clearly Nancy: It's so unfair Nancy: that everything turned out like this Ava: It just is Ava: you have to get to a place where you can just say that's what happened Ava: not attribute why's and who's to it, see it entirely objectively Nancy: maybe if I fly to Tuscany first and murder her Ava: Maybe Ava: you'll still hate yourself though Nancy: Thanks for the reminder Ava: Like you forgot Nancy: my phone alarm is set for hourly bursts of self-loathing, of course Ava: That'll be why you're tired Ava: can't even put that on him, eh Ava: unlucky, like Nancy: I'll have the luck of the Irish and all that good craic to fall back on soon enough, like Ava: 'Course Ava: be a blast Nancy: It always is Ava: It's been a while Ava: things might have changed Nancy: This family would have to catch some kind of break first Ava: Naturally, when I finish this essay, it'll all be worth it Nancy: Just make sure it's worth sticking on the fridge Ava: 'Cos that wouldn't fuck with the aesthetics Nancy: It's no finger-painting, sure Nancy: But if anyone needs the reminder that you're not a toddler it's mum and dad Ava: Really surprising they're not more elated to gain a ready-made grandkid Nancy: If the mother was anyone else, they'd be jumping for joy, no doubt Ava: Unless that mother was me Ava: of course Nancy: James has probably been well and truly scared off Ava: I reckon she's a pretty strong contraceptive Nancy: I'm in no danger but if you put me in a room with her I'd take the pill Ava: 💀 cyanide Nancy: or whichever colour gets you out of the Matrix Nancy: bye babe Ava: Careful Ava: that's what 'woke' lady and minority haters call themselves Ava: don't wanna get in that camp Nancy: is it? Ava: yeah, they're 'red pilled' 'cos they know 'the truth' Ava: the truth that feminism is a lie and all women are evil bitches, like Nancy: Oh great Ava: You accidentally been making loads of enemies over there? Ava: Whoopsie Nancy: I'll say that's the reason now Ava: Go the whole hog and call yourself an incel Ava: when any of the fam asks you how your love life is going Nancy: 😂 Nancy: Don't make me laugh though, my head is killing me Ava: I feel you Ava: the only pills I've been popping are paracetamols Nancy: Nurofen express 💚 Nancy: my actual true love Ava: so rock and roll Ava: shame even by American standards, that's no bitch's name Nancy: Read it in your best impression of the accent if you wanna swoon though, obviously Ava: It clearly does it for you, like Nancy: It's a very diverse place, thank god Ava: Sure babe Ava: the fashion industry is known for it 😏 Nancy: 🙄 Ava: Thanks for not trying to deny it Nancy: I'm not their spokesperson, pros or cons Ava: Not part of the job description of photographer or girlfriend then? Nancy: No Ava: Phew Nancy: Find a way to include it in your Politics essay Ava: Alright, mother Nancy: Never call me that again, please Nancy: if I didn't have a headache before Ava: Yeah, we didn't reckon you'd be next Nancy: Weird that you've discussed it, but okay Ava: The heat needs to be taken off somewhere, like Ava: What about Billie and her fella, do you reckon they'll go for 👶👶? Nancy: No Nancy: they barely see each other at the moment Ava: I won't put my money there then Nancy: You'd be better off keeping it on Buster Ava: I think he's disqualified by default Ava: obviously Ava: don't need no 🔮 Nancy: This one better not be born early cos of the drama Ava: She's getting out of the danger danger zone at least but still Ava: having babies is like what they were born to do Ava: missed those genetics, clearly Nancy: Lord Ava: 😂 You're so squeamish Nancy: I don't like babies, excuse me Ava: I didn't mention anything about the miracle of childbirth even Nancy: thankfully Nancy: cos it's not a miracle, it's a 🤞 & pray for the best kind of situation Nancy: you might tear open or get cut open and you get off lightly if you only 💩 or 🤢 everywhere Ava: 🙄🙄 the dramatics Ava: I've had worse nights out Ava: and I didn't get a cute kid at the end of it so 🤷 Nancy: it's not me that you need to convince so Ava: I don't think I know anyone else so definitely anti-child Nancy: I've got nothing against children, I just don't want any Ava: uhuh Nancy: It's only considered weird cos this family is so obsessed with having as many as possible Ava: Nah, it's not that Nancy: Like I said, reserve the soapbox for someone who wants to hear the pros and cons Ava: Okay Nancy: Okay, I've got loads to finish up before I can leave Ava: 'course you do Ava: I'll let you go then Nancy: I'll talk to you soon Nancy: without time zones to factor in Ava: Cool Ava: no worries Nancy: Let me know if you wanna meet up, who knows where mum and dad will decide to base themselves and when Ava: Regardless, I don't have time to come over there so I won't Nancy: Yeah, exactly Ava: Focus on what you need to do Ava: I was just checking you were okay Nancy: And I wanna check in on you too, so let me know, okay? Nancy: It's the shortest flight ever Ava: Seriously, there's no need Nancy: Alright Ava: Just focus on helping Ri, if that's what you're going to do Nancy: I'll do my best Ava: 👍 Nancy: Later then Ava: Bye Nancy: 🧡 Ava: Is Billie coming over too? Nancy: I don't know Nancy: I'll ask her when she gets home Ava: She should Nancy: I'll do my best with that too Ava: Alright Ava: that's all then Nancy: Okay, bye

[punkscowardschampions]

Nancy & Rio

Nancy: Not to be weird, because I obviously don't mind if so, but are you wearing my clothes in your latest insta pics or have I lost my mind? Rio: Oh my God, sorry! Shoulda said before putting that up Rio: casual single white female situation Rio: I was in London and I had to stop by yours to avoid a real walk of shame... whole 'nother story, assumed it'd be alright 'cos you know, you weren't using 'em? Shipped back fully dry cleaned, swear down Rio: Not to drop him in it but shamelessly will, Buster said it'd probably be alright too lol Nancy: Well we have the brunette and redhead thing going on, already. Just don't murder me like Nancy: It's more than okay. They look great on you and they are just sitting there Nancy: Keep them if you want Nancy: I'd rather you than one of Buster's 'guests' Nancy: Did you talk to him? Rio: Last time I check, no feelings of murderous jealousy towards you Rio: Even if you do have a killer clothes collection Rio: You're too sweet! I'm nowhere near statuesque enough to rock it for serious but it was fun playing dressup, not gonna lie Rio: A little bit, yeah, as much as you can with him Rio: Has he reached out to you yet? Nancy: We should go shopping then. I'm not flooded with other offers or compliments right now Nancy: He did try but I didn't answer the call. I didn't know what to say, you know Nancy: Do I want to know what he said about me, if anything? Rio: Absolutely, always up for a style update Rio: and I promise to stay away for the red box dye Rio: Rihanna 2010 I ain't Rio: That's fair, I remember he mentioned that too Rio: He said a lot of things, some of 'em stupid which don't bear repeating but I could tell he was worried about you, checking you were okay, like Nancy: Oh god Nancy: I should've answered I just couldn't Nancy: I've already broken my own heart there's no handling if he decided to do it for me too Nancy: It was like I already hear what he was going to say Rio: No one is judgding you for not Rio: He's been guility of being unavailable for less Rio: You're more than entitled to take your time with this Rio: Let him cool down too, I put him right where I could but Rio: He's stubborn Nancy: And he thinks I'm as cringey as everyone at school does, right? Nancy: I knew it Nancy: I can't blame him really Rio: But that's nothing you don't know, you feel the embarrassment, I don't get why people think they're being clever pointing out as if its not your first hand experience Rio: He asked if you were coming back Rio: which he clearly wants, even if he's not gonna outright say that Nancy: I thought he might be on my side since he always goes after what he wants Nancy: Maybe he is though, if he does want me home Rio: Yeah, there's definitely hypocrisy otherwise Rio: I'm not gonna commit him to either side from a conversation relayed but I don't think talking to him soon will make it any worse Rio: Hoping he said all the dumb shit he needed to me instead, like Nancy: Was he such a prick to you? I'm sorry Nancy: I can't go back until those girls are far away at uni Nancy: Do you think we could convince him to come here? Team effort to get a visit? Rio: Not all bad Rio: and nothing I can't handle Rio: Yeah, reckon I might've met some of them last night Rio: and I feel you Rio: Worth a shot, I threw it out there that maybe if he came it'd make your 'rents coming less of a shitshow Rio: try and hold him to it Nancy: The ringleader is Chloe, with an accent over the e. You'd remember her if you did Nancy: It wouldn't surprise me if she was still hanging around him and his friends, she always did fancy him Nancy: Okay. I'll try Rio: Oh my God, her?! Rio: If she gave me daggers any harder I woulda been bleeding Rio: Such an unlikely candidate, no offence Chlo hun but total Rio: always the girls with the least going for them, honestly Nancy: That's her specialty Nancy: What's it say about me that I used to think we were actually friends once Rio: She looks like she can play nice when she wants to Rio: with your Brother, like you said Rio: Ugh Nancy: Yeah. She didn't want to play nice after I came out but she did a convincing enough job before Rio: Bet she thought you were in love with her and everything? Rio: What a cliche mean girl Nancy: Oh she went one better and told everyone I made a move of her, which even I wouldn't Rio: Oh, don't flatter yourself Rio: What a cow! Yeah, she's not changed at all then, obviously I avoided her best I could but she was way too happy about my drama Nancy: Like I know what I did with Sian was bad but Nancy: Please, I do have some standards Nancy: What happened with you? I didn't even ask. What a cow I am Rio: Yeah, she's not a catch, whatever way you're swinging, sorry to be a bitch but you were first gurl and that's always gonna be a turn-off Rio: Oh nah, nothing major, well, it was very dramatic but over it whilst it was happening so I'm not bothered Rio: Curtis went with me and then decided to get all huffy and try and make me leave early 'cos I was 'dancing too sexy' or whatever Rio: when I wouldn't he literally left me there, considering he drove us over, he had the hotel key Rio: Cue mad rush trying to find a place to crash and a way back Rio: Safe to say he's chucked Nancy: Oh my god! There's no words for how out of order that is. What an utter prick! Nancy: Buster better have offered you my bed Nancy: I'll kill him if he never Rio: Oh yeah, he did Rio: Offered to pay the way back but I thought that was too far Rio: Between taking your bed and clothes, like, need to at least try and sort half of it myself, like! Nancy: At least he's not a total prick himself ALL the time Nancy: Remembering some of how he was raised now Nancy: Are you in London rn still? Rio: Yeah, I'd say we can give him that Rio: Will go to his head but what you gonna do Rio: I am Rio: Toying with staying for a bit but I'll defs get in more shit for doing that for going with Curtis in the first place so Rio: Should probs get the soonest flight back now Nancy: My bed and wardrobe are yours if you are staying Nancy: Did you see my mum and dad? Nancy: While we're mentioning being in lots of shit, like Rio: I appreciate it, Nance Rio: I did my best to avoid then, and succeeded, thankfully, not really the vibe I'm looking to give out to the olders like Rio: Buster didn't seem keen to talk to them either, so they may very well be on the warpath towards Dubo and you...Soz to confirm Nancy: Care to teach me some of your ways before they end my life? I'd REALLY appreciate it tbh Nancy: Fantastic. That sounds accurate Rio: Umm, get them drunk and they'll be sleeping as you sneak about like Anne Frank? Rio: ORRRRR, whilst they're mid-air, come back to London, ha Nancy: Get mum REALLY angry Nancy: Nice subtle nod to my gayness with the Anne Frank ref though Nancy: And you're definitely onto something with getting dad a drink Rio: Say you're coming to rescue me, I can be FAR more dramatic about this breakup than I'm really feeling Rio: edge of fucking tower bridge like Rio: of course, all bisexuals are upheld in the highest esteem in my household Rio: especially brave little jewish girls Nancy: Good plan, if I can be this dramatic about a non-break up then we can make this believable I'm sure Nancy: Take the heroics from my brother too, always great Nancy: I see the bed and clothes gesture and I raise you Rio: Everyone loves a bit of sibling rivalry put to use Rio: get us both off the hook in one fell swoop Rio: Only flaw in the plan is Chloe with the accent Rio: Going to have to work on that so she's outta the way by the time you get here Nancy: I'd suggest taking her to the bridge and pushing her off but I don't need to go to prison Rio: If you thought the gay jokes were bad now Nancy: Exactly Nancy: And nobody needs a rebound that badly, least of all me Rio: They say some people go to Prison for the roof over their head and three meals a day Rio: wonder if anyone has ever gone in purely for the pussay Nancy: As a vegetarian I feel I'd have to Nancy: If only casual sex was my thing. Wouldn't have got here Rio: Yeah, it ain't for everyone Rio: at least you didn't get to fuck her, THEN catch feelings Rio: that'd be even shittier like and what happens to so many girls in our year when they do the 'casual' thing Rio: no wonder they're being salty little bitches about it Nancy: But that way it wouldn't have been all in my head Nancy: Maybe they have a point, I don't know Rio: It wouldn't make this bit any easier Rio: the actual heartbreak shit Rio: the people being cunts, less so Rio: but they'll find any reason, someone else will be the target next week, like Nancy: I know you're right Nancy: And I don't want her life ruined so Rio: Yeah, but you gotta think about you and your life too Rio: She's fine Nancy: Don't rub it in, please Nancy: I feel like my life's over Rio: I know sweets Rio: but it ain't Rio: you'll just keep going Nancy: I know I will, but I don't want to. Like I know she couldn't love me but I still want her too Nancy: It hurts Rio: Its going to Rio: for a while yet Rio: revel in it Rio: how unfair it feels Rio: 'cos its not a sexuality thing, if you were straight or she was gay or whatever the fuck, when you feel like you love someone and they just don't back Rio: that's gonna hurt regardless of the how you got there Rio: its not just because she was a teacher, everyone's been there, like Rio: Promise Nancy: I wish everyone saw this how you do Nancy: You're the best Nancy: June too but he doesn't get this bit yet Nancy: Though he can appreciate the wonders this will do for my art Rio: Gotta suffer, might as well get paid for it Rio: or A's Rio: at the very least Rio: I don't know, Junior is so guarded, I wonder if he ever will, not that I wish that bit on him but you've gotta go through it so its better to get it over with really Nancy: Especially because my Irish grades are gonna take a dive Nancy: I think he will Nancy: He just needs the right one to fall for Nancy: I appreciate how that sounds coming from me rn but Rio: Oh the awkwardness of that first lesson back is gonna be Rio: I'll deffo come Home by then Rio: I hope so, I know he's not happy hiding who he is, so I don't think he's content being alone forever, like, either Nancy: Oh god please do. I'll need all the help I can get Nancy: He won't be. He's a catch. I keep telling him Rio: Pretty sure push it any harder and I'm being dragged back by my hair lmao Rio: Totally, he just needs to get a lil confidence Rio: Not a complete personality change but just enough to give him that push Nancy: We're working on it Rio: Yay! Shame we can't be real speedy about it, get him getting a man to distract all the attention from you like Nancy: That's okay I wouldn't wish it on him Nancy: I can handle it. Sort of Rio: Yeah you can Rio: You've got this Nancy: So our brother keeps saying. But he makes it we because he's everything Nancy: *your Rio: Y'all are cuties Nancy: If you could use your influence on my brother to make him bearable I'll be your best friend Rio: I definitely cannot make promises there Rio: He goes out of his way to be un Rio: but he's alright really, I think lol Nancy: I'll have to take your word on that Nancy: Until I talk to him myself Rio: Let me know how it all works out like Nancy: Definitely