#I mean let's be honest. Doc probably HAS but... you know... ehhh.... ANYWAY

[uupiic]

an oldie, but...

[raineydaywrites]

Nesting, Chapter 9

link to ao3 in the reblog

Fic Summary: Taako and Lup are determined to kick ass at going to university, even though their childhood education was anything but traditional.Then, Taako finds himself in a situation that threatens to undermine all their hard work.But there's plenty of university students that have kids! Really, this is just another chance to show how much better they are at everything they do- they can definitely manage to graduate and raise a kid at the same time.

Chapter Summary: This chapter has it all! Panic attacks, Magnus cameo, baby clothes, crushes, siblings messing with each other! Also, yeah, this definitely moving into some solid Lupcretia.

Miscarriage. How had that never occurred to him? He should have thought about that.

It wasn't likely, he tried to remind himself. It probably wasn't going to happen.

He should focus on other things instead. Like school work. The rest of his life wasn't going away just because his mind decided to go crazy over something that wasn't even happening.

Despite the rationality of his thoughts, Taako couldn't bring himself to actually follow through on them. His mind kept spiraling. He couldn't stand the thought of losing the thing now. He'd finally let himself actually want it!

He was so deep in thought that he forgot himself and where he was- namely, in public- for a little bit. It took the realization that someone was speaking to him to bring himself back.

"Hey, buddy? You okay?"

Taako startled backwards away from the stranger speaking to him, but he was already in the corner of the tiny booth in the coffee shop, so there wasn't really anywhere to go.

"Fine," he managed, watching the human in front of him carefully.

The guy was about the same height as he was, but he was a lot broader. Clearly more of a physical type of a guy than a magic user or anything else. He had reddish hair and big, worried eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asked, as those worried eyes looked Taako over. "You seemed kind of out of it there."

"I'm good, homie." Taako waved a hand dismissively, despite the way that his mind was screaming and his fingers were trembling.

And oh. Great. He wasn't sure if it was the anxiety or the morning sickness or some dreadful combination of both, but his stomach had started churning too.

"Did you come here with anybody? Can I... help you somehow?" the guy asked, looking around worriedly as if someone would pop up to relieve him of this duty he'd taken on himself for no apparent reason.

"Nah, man, you're good," Taako insisted. This guy needed to fuck off before Taako puked on him.

"Hey, just breathe, okay?" the guy said, and oh. When had he started to have trouble with that? Taako wasn't sure, but he was definitely breathing too fast now, the oxygen not quite getting through to his brain like it was supposed to.

He did so, because even if this guy was intruding on his personal shit, he wasn't wrong about the breathing thing.

"You wanna get out of here? Go somewhere quieter?" the guy asked, watching Taako carefully.

Taako nodded, because he did. Started to gather his shit, kept dropping stuff, godsdamn he was too clumsy. He had to get that under control before the baby got here- if he didn't fuck it up first.

The guy leaned over and started to help, holding Taako's things with steady hands.

"Thanks," Taako choked out.

"No problem," the guy smiled. "Is it okay if I touch you? Just to help you get somewhere else."

Taako shrugged, and the guy lifted one arm protectively over Taako's shoulder, but didn't let it drop to actually touch him. He led Taako carefully away from the cafe, finding an empty room and ushering them both inside.

Taako planned to say something, but before he could, his stomach started protesting again, and he was very glad to see that the room had a trash can nearby.

"Ew," the man who'd helped him muttered, seemingly torn between stepping closer to help and leaving.

Taako snorted, amused by the reaction. He seemed a decent guy, but Taako could hardly blame him for being grossed out.

"It's chill, my dude. You don't gotta do anything," Taako said, leaning back against the wall.

"Okay," the guy said, offering a sympathetic smile. "You still gonna try to say you're fine? Cause that must have been a hell of panic attack to make you puke."

"Nah, not really," Taako deflected. "I mean, yeah, unpleasant, but actually, this," he gestured to trash and wrinkled his nose, "was just morning sickness. Not nerves. Thanks, though, for checking and whatever."

"Oh. Uh, are you feeling better now, though? On both fronts? If you need to vent, dude, I'm cool with that. No pressure or anything. Just maybe easier to vent to a stranger, ya know?" the guy asked. "Or I could... get you some... water?" He sounded painfully unsure of what to do, in a way that was endearing, not that Taako would let it show.

It was awful sweet of him to offer, and he might have a point. If it didn't work, not like Taako ever had to see the dude again.

Still, he only shrugged in response, not loving the idea of opening up to a stranger- especially considering the guy had already seen him so vulnerable already.

"I'll get you that water," the guy said, hurrying out of the room.

Taako watched him go, not really expecting him to come back again. The guy had been nice and helped him out, and he'd repaid the kindness by being surly, so he could hardly blame him. Not like it mattered anyway. Taako didn't need some stranger poking his nose in his business.

Still, it was harder to hold off the nerves without the presence of another person. He wished he'd asked the doc more about any signs that anything had gone wrong. Better to know that as soon as it started right? If he noticed fast enough, maybe they could do something to save the thing.

Unless there was no chance of saving it. Then maybe it would be better to live in blissful ignorance for a while.

Taako realized that he'd pulled his knees up to his chest and reminded himself to breathe. This was hormones and senseless worries, nothing more. He was fucking up his bad bitch image by having anxiety and he needed to stop it.

The door opened back up, and the guy came back. He had a bottle of water in his hands, and he handed it to Taako.

"Drink that. And breathe, okay?" he said.

"How do you know what to do?" Taako asked. He’d meant for it to sound more like doubt in the guy’s skills then it did, but he figured the point would still get across.

“My sister gets panic attacks a lot! I help her sometimes!” The guy apparently didn’t get the point, as he spoke with pride and smiled widely at Taako.

Well, it was whatever. If the guy took it as genuine gratitude, more power to him. Didn’t hurt Taako.

He stood up again after a moment, still feeling a little shaky but back to himself for the most part.

“Hey, homie, thanks or whatever, but I’m good and I’m out, ‘kay?” Taako said, gathering his things.

“Uh, yeah, okay,” the guy said, still watching Taako carefully as he left the room. Taako decided to believe that he was watching his ass, instead of admitting that the guy was probably worried something would happen.

Didn’t need to be that honest with himself, after all.

“My name’s Magnus! Magnus Burnsides! I’m-“ the guy called.

“Yeah, uh, hail and well met,” Taako said, closing the door behind him.

-

He didn’t tell Lup about the incident. Why should he? What good would it do? It happened and it sucked, but she couldn’t do anything about it.

He just had to accept that things were going to suck for a while. He couldn’t do anything to change that at the moment or for the foreseeable future so he just had to deal.

When he got back to the apartment, Lup was there, digging through some bags from the store.

“Groceries?” Taako assumed, glancing into them as he passed by, prepared to help her put them away.

“Yep,” Lup agreed, but she quickly shoved one bag behind her back, refusing to let him see into it.

Taako raised an eyebrow at that, but he didn’t press it. He'd figure out what was in there sooner or later, and it would be better if Lup let her guard down first, instead of just trying to grab it out of her hands. His center of balance had been off lately, and she’d have a definite advantage at keeping shit away from him. Not about to embarrass himself like that.

As they finished up with the groceries, Lup pulled the secret bag back out.

"I was gonna wait to do anything like this, but I saw this and couldn't fucking resist," she said, reaching into the bag and pulling out a small scrap of fabric something- oh. A baby clothing- a onesie or whatever it's called. It read "My Aunt is like my Dad, but Cooler."

"You shouldn't have," Taako started. "Parasite's not gonna go out wearing such an obvious lie."

Lup scoffed, a bit of relief slipping into her expression at the fact that he didn't freak out about it.

"You really think you're gonna be able to keep up with me on the cool factor when you've got a sticky monster crawling on you and keeping you up all night? I'd love to see that," she said, setting the onesie down on the counter, and pulling out some very small socks.

"Oh my gods, those are tiny," Taako said, immediately, momentarily disregarding the first part of her comment in favor of grabbing the socks and staring, because how. How could any person be little enough to need those?

"I know!" Lup shouted. "Get this, apparently a ton of newborns are so small, these are literally too big at first."

"How?" Taako demanded. "Also- the little thing is going to be messy, yeah, but also adorable, natch, so it'll even out."

"Ehhh," Lup made a skeptical face at him. "Maybe when they're bigger, sure. But newborns are kinda ugly, not gonna lie. You can't say it, because it's rude, but they are. All scrunched up and red and shit, and they can't smile or anything either. So as long as it's this little, it's gonna be accurate."

Taako just flipped her off, digging into the bag and seeing a few other pieces of tiny, tiny clothing. Lup hadn't gotten much, and the rest was pretty plain, but it was blowing his mind how little all of it was.

He supposed that they had to be pretty little, to actually get born without killing their parent, but it was still hard to imagine.

He scooped the clothes up into his arms to put them away when it occurred to him that he had no idea where to put any of this.

"We're gonna have to move, aren't we?" He groaned.

"Yeah, probably," Lup agreed. "But that's way too far away too worry about. Just stuff it in your room for now."

Taako grumbled under his breath, but figured she had a point. Their lease wouldn't run out for months and the little guy was even further away. Still wouldn't be fun trying to move later on, because by then he'd probably have a lot more trouble with the whole 'moving around' thing.

He hadn't started to show at all yet, which was apparently normal, even if it seemed kind of weird to him. His whole fucking life had changed since he found out he was pregnant, and yet, there was still nothing to show for it. He didn't mind not being huge and awkward already, but something this big seemed like it should be noticeable.

But once it was noticeable, then he'd have to deal with reactions. Everybody he knew would be able to see it. And they'd have questions, or want to talk about it out of politeness or whatever. And strangers would be able to tell even. And they would think- who even knew what? It was going to be another layer on the bullshit sandwich.

He could handle it though. He could handle a lot of bullshit, and it had to happen for the kid to get here. And when the kid got here, that crap would be over with, and he'd have his baby. And that would be good. Probably. He hoped.

-

Lucretia figured that it might be best if she kept working with the twins on the paperwork for the child support. Now that she knew that Sebastian didn't plan on skipping out completely, it was less necessary that she play a role in the process, but it still might be the wisest decision. She had a rapport with the twins that Sebastian was lacking, and, despite everything, she actually liked seeing them. So it wouldn't be a hardship to work through this with them and relay the relevant information to her brother later.

Today, for the first time, Lucretia had been invited over to the twins' place. Lup had texted her the address of their apartment, and Lucretia was curiously looking around as she made her way over.

The place wasn't far from where the actual IPRE classes took place, which wasn't surprising. Still, it was an area that Lucretia wasn't very familiar with, and she was careful to keep track of where she was so she wouldn't find herself hopelessly lost.

It was a nice area, if definitely designed for college age kids. Lucretia and Sebastian still lived with their parents, in a completely separate part of town, and that might make it difficult for them to see the baby very often. If Seb even wanted to, and if Taako and Lup even let them.

Lucretia knew that she wanted to, at least. And she thought- hoped- she'd have a decent chance of being allowed that.

It was strange, thinking of her brother as a parent. And Seb's attitude wasn't doing anything to help that. But even if her brother never actually acted as a dad to this child, Lucretia still found herself thinking of them as family. It was irrational, maybe. There was nothing tying them other than blood, and it wasn't even a direct connection. But she couldn't shake it regardless.

The baby was her brother's kid, which meant that they were family. Family- family was important. It wasn't fair to take away the kid's only chance of accessing that part of their family just because Seb was an immature dick. And- it wasn't fair to her, either, that she cared about the baby already and she could have lost any chance of seeing them because of her brother's irresponsibility.

As she got closer to the twins' apartment, Lucretia forced herself to focus on the numbers of each address, rather than let her mind run wild.

She found the right building, and made her way inside and up to the twins' unit quickly, pausing only briefly when she arrived at the door.

It was quickly answered by Lup, who smiled brightly and grabbed Lucretia's hand to pull her inside.

Taako was in the kitchen, cooking something that smelled really good. He waved as Lup pulled Lucretia behind her into the kitchen and shoved her towards a chair, before joining her brother.

"What'd you bring us?" Lup asked, indicating the envelope Lucretia had been fiddling since she'd arrived.

"A gift," Lucretia said, pushing the envelope over.

Both twins looked at the envelope curiously, almost eerie in the similarity of their expressions, but Taako was the one to grab the envelope from the counter.

He opened it, pulling out the money inside.

"My favorite kind of gift," he said, grinning.

"Nice!" Lup agreed, looking over at Taako excitedly.

"What's the occasion?" Taako asked, pocketing the money and resuming his cooking.

"It's from Seb. You could call it the first support payment, I suppose," Lucretia explained.

"Why's he suddenly being nice?" Taako asked, turning to face Lucretia as he spoke. "He doesn't have to fork anything over yet. What's in it for him?"

"This counts for some of the support he owes during the pre-natal period. Seb decided he'd rather make a bunch of small payments than a couple big ones later on," Lucretia said. "Figured it would be easiest for everyone. He doesn't have to save up so much, you guys get cash faster."

"Best for everyone, huh?" Lup said, a little skeptically.

"Yes," Lucretia responded, exasperated. "He's not a monster, you know. If it's good for him and good for you, then he's not going to go out of his way to make things harder just to spite you guys."

Taako and Lup exchanged a quick look at her words, and Lucretia got the feeling that they were having a whole conversation without her.

"Still an ass, though," Lup muttered, finally.

"Never said he wasn't," Lucretia said, a peace offering.

The kitchen fell into silence for a moment- not quite awkward but not entirely comfortable either. Lucretia found herself tapping her fingers against the counter nervously, wishing she had a notebook to doodle in.

"Hey, now that we have more cash, we can go supplies shopping," Lup said, breaking the silence.

"Oh, hell yeah!" Taako immediately perked up at her words, excitement breaking across his features. "Time to make a bombass nursery!"

The juxtaposition of the words made Lucretia grin in amusement. But she was glad that the twins were getting excited about this. She wanted her nibling to have a good family and childhood, and it was something of a relief to see the obvious affection they twins had for them already. She liked Taako and Lup, but they didn't exactly give off mature or parental vibes. Lucretia hadn't been worried about it, exactly, but she liked the reassurance that they cared anyway.

"You know any good baby stores, Luce?" Taako asked.

Lucretia hadn't been expecting the question, but she responded eagerly.

"I do! I actually helped out on a ranking of local baby-centered supplies shops only a few months ago, so I can look over my notes from that and give recommendations."

"Ranking? For what?" Lup asked.

"I'm a writer. I do some work for a local media group. I haven't done many reviews in a while, not since I was a junior writer, but a friend asked for some help on that project," Lucretia explained, sheepish at forgetting to give context.

"Wait, how old are you? If you're already a senior writer, or whatever?" Lup asked, tilting her head curiously.

"I'm not a senior writer, just not a junior writer anymore. I've been working for them since I was sixteen and I'm nineteen now," Lucretia explained, letting a little pride slip into her voice. She was a good writer, and she knew it. She'd gotten the job as part of the youth outreach and education program, but most of the teens employed through that program were temporary hires. She was one of the few who proved herself enough to stay on longer.

"Damn, that's pretty good for a baby!" Taako said, raising a hand for a high five that Lucretia returned with a giggle.

"Thanks. But I'm not a baby, and you probably don't want to call me one," she said.

"You're nineteen. I hadn't lost all my milk teeth by nineteen. You're a baby," Taako said.

"Okay, I guess, but if I'm a baby and my brother is a year younger than me, what does that make you?" Lucretia responded.

Taako and Lup both made disgusted faces at the words, which made Lucretia laugh.

"Okay, shit, you're an adult, just don't ever remind me of that again!" Taako said, mock gagging. "I'm never fucking dating a human again, gods."

"Deal," Lucretia said, still laughing a little.

"And here I was trying to be nice," Taako said, face relaxing out of the disgust. "You're an ass too, huh? Just a sneaky one."

"Takes one to know one," Lucretia said, dry. "How'd you think I had you two figured out so fast?"

"Hey, non-assholes are boring anyway," Lup shrugged. "This way, we can actually be friends."

Lucretia smiled at the suggestion that they were friends. She wasn't a complete loner, but she hadn't made very many friendships here so far. She was glad to have more among that number.

Still, amongst the happiness was the slightest twinge of discomfort at the words. She wasn't quite sure why, and mentally prodded at the feeling, reminding herself that this was a good thing. She liked the twins and she liked spending time with them. Yes, it may be a little awkward and complicated because of the situation with Seb, but overall this was good.

The twins finished cooked, and started to plate their food. Lucretia was surprised when they made up a third plate for her, and took it from Lup gratefully.

"Thank you. This smells wonderful," Lucretia said.

"Natch! We're fucking awesome cooks," Lup boasted, and Lucretia believed it, as she took a bite and had to hold herself back from eating it too quickly.

"You certainly are," Lucretia agreed, between mouthfuls.

Taako and Lup both preened under the praise, but Lucretia only had eyes for Lup's happy expression.

Oh.

Shit.

Lucretia almost choked on her next bite as it hit her. She had a crush on Lup. And she couldn't do anything about it, because she couldn't take the risk of making things awkward with one of her nibling's only family members. Because it would be awkward, because no way would Lup feel the same. Not only was she absolutely gorgeous and amazing, but this whole conversation had proved that Lup saw her as a child and a friend, not a potential partner.

She willed herself to calm down and not react. She didn't need to say or do anything about this. It would pass as long as she reminded herself that it wasn't going anywhere. It would be fine.

"I'll make sure to send you my notes," Lucretia said, turning to Taako and changing the subject. "On the baby stores."

"Nah, actually, you should just come with," Taako responded. "I'm sure you write great and all, but I don't feel like reading all that when you can just tell us."

"I- are you sure?" Lucretia asked. "I don't mind- but it's not my apartment or my baby. I don't want to intrude."

"That's even better. You can be a neutral opinion when me and Lulu start bitching over what to get," Taako said, grinning mischievously at Lup as he said it.

"Then, yes, I suppose I can come," Lucretia agreed, trying not to think about the fact that she was agreeing to spend hours shopping for cute and domestic things with the girl she'd just realized she had a crush on. Taako would be there, and none of this was her stuff, so it would be fine.

"Nice. Me or Lu will text you with the deets, okay?" Taako said, still looking at Lup as he said it. Then- "Ow!" - the look turned into a scowl.

"Whoops! I gotta be more careful where I swing my legs, sorry 'Ko."