#I mean it. there’s nüt in here

[bigfatpapas]

Ichiban’s hot salami juice Ichiban x reader

CHAPTER 1

It was a rainy day in Ijincho today. Ichiban Kasuga, a young sexy 42 year old man was tasked with making dinner for him and his housemates tonight. He had been looking around the internet for tasty recipes, and while the world wide web was all still quite new to him, he had found something he was willing to try out. “Hot Ham Water'' was what the writer on the food blog called it; “watery, but with a smack of ham to it” was its description.

“Hot damn! That sounds fucking tasty!” Ichiban said to himself, “But a cool hero guy like me never steals! I should put my own spin on it!”

So off to the Lidl he went, to buy some salami.

He scoured the supermarket for the meats, scanning over every inch of the refrigerated areas, looking for that tasty sausage. The smells of all the cold cuts filled his nose, but not the one he was looking for… “Is everyone planning to make salami juice tonight?!?!” he thought to himself. Damn shawty, he’s gonna have to ask one of the store clerks if there was still some tasty saalami left in the store. After walking around the store for a bit he finally found someone with the lidl uniform in the nuts aisle.

(switch to Y/n perspective now)

It was just a regular work day for y/n, they were restocking all the peenuds in the nüts isle until a handsome sexy awesome cool stranger with NICE hair and a hot body approached them. "Oh hhfuck hhnnhgg oh god he is hot" y/n thot to themself.

“Hehehehe hi” the customer said “I need help.”

“What do you need help with, sex- I mean sir”

“OH well yeah! okay! yeah I need some salamii really really bad because I am making hot slami juice tonight for me and my friends!”

“Oh damn shawty- I MEAN sir. Have you checked the cold hot meat isle?”

“Yes I looked and aaaaaaaaaaaaaall of the ssalami was gone, there was NOTHING left”

“Oh no sir I’m so so so so so sorry sir,,,, :’( I can check in the back for you if you want ;)”

“thanks”.

Y/n walks away to the back of the lidl to the warehouse. They go on an epic journey through all of the different products, to find the salahami for that big secy man with the hair. After about 73 hours of walking through the warehouse they finally, FINALLY find it: one last package of spicy salahmi.

“Fiiiiiinally” y/n thought, “I can finally give mister sexy his sausage”

There was, however, one little problem. The salami was really high up! y/n looked around for a stepladder somewhere until they remembered their stupid smelly manager ate all of them…. ugh that stupid mr Aoki… Anyway what were they going to do now? They weren’t nearly tall enough to grab it, if only they were as tall as the handso- “OH! I could just ask him!!”

(Ichiban pov)

Ichiban had been waiting for days in the nuts isle for the lidl employee to return, and was starting to get a little tired of waiting. “Damn my hot sallawi water is already 69 hours too late…” he thought to himself until he sudenly heard some footsteps approaching.

“Hi goodmorning neighbor” said the blonde woman.

“Hello Miss Hamako!” Ichi returned to her until he suddenly heard footsteps approaching.

“oh good, you’re still here. I found the salamoni” said the Lidl employee. “But it’s up really high… you’re tall so maybe you can help? teehee uh cough”

“Oh FINALLY some FUCKING sallamimi in this bitch!” said Ichiban, before setting off on a long journey through the warehouse with the employee.

TO BE CONTINUED~