#I mean falling from the sky in a fiery glory was certainly something

[ryuki-blogs]

Grabbing references for Astro from the second Cyberverse special I noticed it's one of the most replayed parts of the video

So either this is where everyone comes to grab their references too or people just enjoy his death scene so much :'D

[hornime]

saeko, an angel

you’ll let yourself believe a vain and untrue fairytale that humans can fly among the angels if it means that you can be in her presence for a moment longer.

warnings: gay lol

w/c: 2k

a/n: i’m so in love with her. also this is sfw which goes to show how much i am in love with her.

you crack your eyes open, a bright white light blinding you and forcing you to close them again, the burn settling into your pupils. you wait a minute, letting the red behind your closed eyelids warm to a fiery orange, before trying again, squinting as you let your eyes slowly adjust to the morning sun. and then you see her, through the blurry haze of dawn.

an angel.

you silently blink early tears away, too afraid of moving or making a noise and scaring the divine being away. as bubbles of light start sharpening into crisp clarity, you realize where you are: a hotel bed, with clean white curtains and walls framing a heavenly scene. and you realize what you’re seeing: saeko. so yeah, close enough, you think. an angel.

you remain immobile: your hands are tucked under the pillow and quickly going numb at the uncomfortable position, and the kink in your neck is demanding more and more of your attention as your nerves realize that you’re awake, naturally refusing to give you a mere minute of painlessness. but the aches in your joints and throbbing behind your eyes become secondary as you become transfixed on her, her. her, silently sitting on the edge of the bed and playing with the linen beneath her with the tips of her fingers, only half of her face towards you. she hasn’t noticed that you’re awake yet, a serene smile gracing her face as she remembers a joke, something between her and herself. saeko, an angel.

it’s funny, you think, how mom always told me that mornings were times of clarity, times when things make sense. you remember a story she’d tell you when you were little.

“there’s something about the time when half the world is sleeping and the other half wishes they were sleeping,” she used to say, “that makes things make sense. everyone’s too groggy to start thinking their thoughts for the day. so the universe has all of these thought bubbles in the air, floating around, waiting for someone to just pluck it out of the air.”

“like a ballon?” you’d ask.

“yes,” she’d chuckle. “like a balloon. and you can just pluck it out of the air! sometimes, when the universe needs you to realize something, all those thought balloons will come rushing towards you, and they’ll form a big,” she’d spread her arms for emphasis, “big, big cloud of thoughts. and suddenly, everything would make sense. and you’d get the courage to do something that you’ve been wanting to for a while.”

you used to laugh at that story, imagining someone with a giant thought bubble sneaking out of their ears, carrying them up, up into the air. what could someone even be thinking about, you’d wonder, that would make their bubble so big? you couldn’t fathom contemplating something so large and important that you’d worry it could whisk you away into the atmosphere.

but now, laying here in silence, mom’s words were resurfacing to the flesh of your chest, warming it with something that had been burning there for a while, burning with what the universe had been wanting you to realize for quite some time now. 

you were just scratching the surface of what that was threatened to make you weightless, the strings of balloons tugging restlessly at your arms and legs, wishing you’d just let them fly already. wishing you’d just let yourself fly.

you don’t even realize your eyes are closing until you glance back up again, at the angel perched next to you, wingless yet still able to show you the wonders of the sky. saeko, an angel.

you study her for who-knows-how-long, noting the sheer beauty before you, so delicate yet strong you worry it’ll break itself or break you from the weight of its magnificence. she doesn’t even know, you register, she doesn’t even know that each moment around her is a blessing.

and you know for a fact that each moment is a blessing, because angels are blessings, and she’s an angel. somewhere in the murky depths of moral ambiguity, between drops of bitter vodka from a teenage birthday party and stolen quarters from the mall fountain, there is a glow of truth and irrefutable certitude: that she is an angel. saeko, an angel. 

and you, blessed.

wisps of blonde hair curl from her forehead to her jaw, whispering words in gold that you can only partially translate into a hymn of some kind, its rhythm vibrating along the headboard of the bed and prodding at your ears. you wish to brush them behind her ears, so cliche, she’d say, just so you can see more of that heavenly face. god, you groan internally, why’d you make her so fucking perfect? how’s that fair to any of us mortals? how’s that fair to me?

you trail your eyes down the bridge of her nose, slanted perfectly. you’ve never really thought about what the perfect nose bridge would be, but you know without a doubt that she has it. of course she does. saeko’s perfect. saeko, an angel.

and before you can help yourself, you’re tracing the curve of her lips, plump and pink and oh-so-kissable. you’d drown in those lips if you tried: visions of how they stretch into cheeky grins and purse into pouts could flood your mind if you let them. and you don’t let them, at least not as often anymore, especially since her lips can be really distracting, and last time you thought about them you were driving, and saeko shrieked in laughter when you called her telling her the reason there’s a new dent on the side of the car. 

“we can’t both be bad drivers!” she’d giggled. “that’s feeding into the gay stereotype!”

“it’s not my fault,” you’d grumbled, “that i can only concentrate on one thing when i’m behind the wheel.”

“that ‘thing’ should be the road! not my lips!”

“yeah, i know! but ‘i kissed a girl’ was on the radio and then i thought about kissing a girl and that girl was you and then one thing led to another and...”

the corners of your lips turn up at the memory. although you had been pretty pissed about having to pay for a repair, saeko proceeded to try and fix the dent herself with a plunger since she has a vendetta against auto shops because “they’ll take advantage of pretty things like you” and “motorcycles aren’t that different from cars anyway, so its fine.” and she was sure to give you some quality time with the lips that you’d been so distracted by, so even the fact that your insurance company had upped your rates hadn’t bothered you too much.

the strings of your thought balloons dangle in the air, glowing in the sunlight streaming through the window. you wonder how saeko hasn’t seen them yet. she must really be lost in thought.

your gaze remains steady on her face, her glory, her beauty. i’m lucky, you decide. so so lucky. you can feel your limbs be lifted slowly into the air. the balloons are getting restless.

you’re almost taken aback when you feel something wet roll down your cheek. are you... crying? seriously? you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to get a hold of your emotions. when’s even the last time i felt this in lo—

“hey.” saeko’s soft voice makes you crack open your eyelids as she runs a hand along your hair. “are you okay? you’re crying.”

you smoosh your face further into the pillow. “i don’t know,” you mumble through the comforter.

she repositions herself on the bed so that she’s sitting criss-cross towards you, leaning forward to bring her face closer to yours. “are you on your period?”

“no,” you respond immediately. you nuzzle further into the sheets, but poke your head out again. “wait, i’m not sure. what day is it?”

“the 21st.”

“oh,” you roll over onto your back, stretching your arms out hoping that she’ll hug you. “then maybe.”

saeko obliges to your silent request, crawling her way over and straddling the blanket over your legs before resting the top half of her body on yours. “i knew it,” she whispers into your neck.

you don’t dare look her in the eyes. you know that mortals will disintegrate if they look directly at an angel. you read that in a percy jackson book or something.

but the thought balloons are yanking at your arms, forcing your fingers to run down her spine and through her hair. i must be insane, you think. i’m insane to think that i’ll ever be enough for her. 

she’s an angel, you remind yourself to no avail. wingless, but can still fly. and you are nothing but a human, rooted to the ground by gravity and inevitable death. you’d be a fool to think that you’d ever be enough; after all, what bird would choose to stay on the ground when it can explore a limitless sky?

but you are a fool. you know that now, even if you were in denial before. you’ll let your delicate and fragile thought bubbles carry you into the air and bask in the temporary feelings of freedom before they pop and you crash and burn through the atmosphere. you’ll let yourself believe a vain and untrue fairytale that humans can fly among the angels if it means that you can be in her presence for a moment longer.

you most certainly are a fool, because you let your thought bubbles wrap their strings around you like a harness, pull themselves taut, and prepare yourself to jump out into the morning heavens, putting your trust into the wind to carry you alongside her. your toes are dangling across the edge, the open beyond becoming more and more appealing than the safety of the hotel room. you know that there is no do-over once you take the leap, once you try to fly. you’ll either get to fly beside her or you’ll fall to the ground and face an untimely end. but fuck if you aren’t daring, yearning, stupid enough to jump. 

you swallow. there really is no going back from this.

“saeko?” you let the words carry through the stagnant air of the room, filled with the lemony scent of an air freshener and saeko’s shampoo.

“hm?”

“i—” the wind whips widely at your back and at your balloons, sending them into all directions as they maintain their hold on you. it’s compelling you to fall, to throw caution into it and hold tightly to your faith and let go of your tether. you must be crazy because you’ve already made up your mind. this decision shouldn’t be that easy, but you are scarily sure. 

the earth’s roots are retreating back into the grass and your body is free for the first time. you can’t tell if the air will catch you, but it doesn’t matter anymore. you’ll be the first human to fly, even if it kills you. it probably will.

“i love you.” your feet leave ground and find nothing below them. the helium in your balloons is straining against your weight. your breath hitches—maybe this is how your life ends. maybe this is how the illusion that you’d created for yourself, a love between a human and an angel, disappears: shattered like bones on concrete.

you open your eyes. you hadn’t even realized you closed them. they meet a sky of warm brown, glinting with the promise of flight. the brightness of her smile makes the light of the sun pale in comparison, the same sun she’s gotten closer to than you ever will. her nose is dotted with freckles, mirroring the constellations that you’re sure she’s flown through countless times. you can practically see her wings, her halo. your confession, one you thought would land heavily in the space between you, feels like its expanding into something light. something... weightless.

the air seems to grow solid beneath you. it’s like you’ve realized you can fly. you’re starting to think you can.

“i love you, too.” 

she loves you. saeko loves you. 

saeko, an angel.

[razieltwelve]

Hi, would you mind giving an update on the status of the Fracture Chronicles series? I read and quite enjoyed the first book, but there doesn't seem to have been anything else in that setting for a good while.

I’ll start off by saying that Beneath a Shattered Sky is one of my favourites. I enjoyed writing the book immensely, and I still think that the opening sequence is one of the best in any of the books I’ve written (I’ll post a bit of it below). 

Unfortunately, the book absolutely flopped. I’m talking about major, major under performance. It just didn’t sell well at all. As much as I enjoyed writing it, I can’t really justify spending several months on something that doesn’t sell very well at all.

I might come back to it later, but at the moment it’s on the back burner. Maybe I can figure out what went wrong, but I can’t really pinpoint where exactly everything went off the rails. I think it’s definitely good from a technical perspective, and I think the characters, plot, and setting are all interesting too. It’s a bit of a head scratcher. Oh well. You can’t win them all.

Anyway, here’s a bit of the opening sequence.

X     X     X

Once upon a time, when Jared had been a boy, he had dreamed of taking his place amongst his town’s guards. Yes, he would take his shield and his spear and stand boldly at the very edge of the barrier that protected his town, his gaze stern and unyielding, ready to face whatever nightmarish abomination threatened his people. He would, of course, cut quite the heroic figure with his shield held just so and his spear draped over his shoulder as he gazed off into the distance in truly epic and inspiring fashion. The monsters would fear him, the ladies would love him, and he would be the greatest damn hero in the history of forever, someone even the Ancients would have cowered from in a mix of awe and terror.

Things hadn’t quite worked out that way.

Now that he was older, he hated guard duty. It was boring. Hardly anyone visited the town. And why would they? It was a small, out-of-the-way town on a blighted plain of ash and dust that was cursed with frequent tears in the fabric of reality that spat out freakish monsters from dozens of different worlds on a regular basis. Sure, they weren’t the only place with that problem, far from it. There was a reason that their world was called Fracture. It had a lot to do with the fact that the Ancients had been a bunch of largely insane idiots who’d decided that tearing apart the barriers between their world and the rest of them was a good idea since it let them kill their enemies – namely, each other – slightly more efficiently.

If he could, he’d march right up to the Ancients and punch every single one of them in the face. Of course, he couldn’t do that because all the Ancients were dead. They’d been dead for more than two thousand years. No one knew exactly how long it had been because civilisation had sort of collapsed after the Ancients had decided that killing each other with all the power available in one world wasn’t enough. They had to kill each other using the power of countless other worlds too. Wonderful. And from what Jared had seen of the relics the Ancients had left behind, they had been ridiculously powerful. Unfortunately, that power had not been tempered by anything even remotely approaching wisdom or common sense.

According to the Ancients, if a weapon wasn’t capable of obliterating a city or boiling an ocean, it was clearly not powerful enough.

If anyone wanted to visit the town, they wouldn’t arrive on foot. That would mean enduring weeks of travel across the blighted plain while under constant attack from whatever bizarre and most likely murderous creatures the cracks in reality vomited up. More often than not that meant either some kind of giant, freaky thing that loved fire way too much or some kind of creepy thing that was a little too fond of shadows, darkness, and eating people’s souls. A particularly unlucky traveller might even run into both at the same time.

As for putting his spear to work – forget about it. Oh, Jared knew how to use a spear, and he was quite confident that he could spear someone if he really had to. He’d certainly done it in the past. But if something broke through the barrier around the town, well, he wasn’t a naïve kid dreaming of glory and fame anymore. He was a middle-aged man with a wife and four children that he loved very much, and he’d seen enough of the world to know his place in it. There was a food chain, and people like him were not at the top, not even close. Anything strong enough to break through the barrier would absolutely murder him with about as much effort as it took for him to step on a bug, maybe even less.

So as much as he hated how boring guard duty could be, it was still better than having something interesting happen. Interesting meant fire, blood, teeth, and almost certain death. Boring meant he got to go home to his family. Boring meant another chance to tell his children stories about his travels and the things he’d seen. Boring meant another chance to trip over his dog and fall asleep with his wife in his arms. And it wasn’t like guard duty didn’t have some perks. It was almost like having a day off since nothing ever happened, and it was much less tiring than the work he normally put in as the town’s leading blacksmith.

Unfortunately for Jared, today would not be a boring day. Fortunately for Jared, it would also not be a day in which he ended up in the gullet of some otherworldly monster with outlandishly large teeth and a taste for human flesh.

Movement along the rough road that led into town caught his eye. He leaned forward and squinted through the barrier. It was mostly transparent unless something was trying to break in. Had it been completely visible, it would have looked like a large dome of glowing, multi-coloured energy set over the town. It extended underground too, which had cost the town a very tidy sum, but it was better than having some kind of fiery hell beast burrow its way under the barrier and then burst out of the ground in the middle of the night. He’d seen more than one settlement that had fallen that way. Saving money was nice, but being alive was better.

He walked forward, and the barrier flickered to life as he lifted one hand and touched it. He only had a vague idea of how it worked – only barrier mages really knew – but the fact that it worked was enough for him. Without it, the town would be lucky to last a week. Yet even after all of these years, he was still amazed by how much a properly made barrier could do. The town’s barrier purified air and water before letting them through, and it even let in some otherworldly energy from the cracks in reality nearby to help power the town’s mages and artefacts. But if something tried to force its way through, the barrier would stop whatever it was dead in its tracks. And if that something kept trying to break in, then the barrier would do a lot more than just stop it. Jared grinned. The barrier would fry the damn thing.

He turned his attention back to the road and frowned. What was that thing? It was a little over five feet tall, and it looked like a big bundle of rags covered in ash and dried blood of various colours. His hand tightened around his spear. It could be a monster from one of the chaos worlds. Those things could be damn tenacious although it had been years since one of them had tried to breach the barrier alone. They weren’t the smartest critters around, but they’d learned the hard way to avoid the barrier, no matter how many nice, squishy people there were inside it to eat. Perhaps he should call one of the others or even the town headman. They might know what that thing was. He took a step back and then stopped. No. It was only one monster, and it couldn’t be that powerful. The really powerful ones had an aura about them, a presence that drove people mad with fear and horror. The barrier would have no problems keeping something this small out, so there was no need to trouble anyone else. It might not even come any closer.  

But the thing continued to shamble toward the town. It tripped over a few times, but it dragged itself back to its feet each time and continued to stagger forward, one step at a time. Jared winced. What kind of monster was this? He’d seen some less than terrifying ones in the past, but this one just looked pathetic. Perhaps it had been wounded by another monster? It wouldn’t surprise him one bit if the various otherworldly monsters outside the barrier spent as much time trying to kill each other as they spent trying to kill anyone stupid enough to make the journey across the blighted plain on foot.

About twenty yards from the barrier, the thing perked up, as if noticing the town for the first time. It threw its arms into the air and broke into a ragged run –

WHAM.

The little monster ran straight into the barrier. The magic of the barrier activated in a brilliant flash of multi-coloured light that rippled through the air in front of Jared. The monster bounced off the barrier like a child’s ball bouncing off a wall and then rolled across the ground, clutching at what he supposed was its head while making one of the most soul-chilling sounds he’d heard in some time.

“ARRRGHHHHHH!”

Jared gulped and took an involuntary step back. What an awful, awful sound. Then his brows furrowed. A small monster like the one in front of him should have been severely wounded – even killed – from running into a barrier like that. He gasped. Was it a flesh-wearing demon? He’d heard of those during his travels although he’d been lucky enough to avoid meeting any. Apparently, they came from the dark worlds, places of shadow and evil, and they wore the flesh of the people they killed and used it to slip through poorly made barriers. He swallowed thickly and readied his spear. The town’s barrier was well made, and they’d had it reinforced by one of the greatest barrier mages in the world. It should be able to keep out anything, even a flesh-wearing demon. But maybe he should call the others. If it somehow got through –

“What the hell?” The words were a vicious snarl. “Damn it! Ouch! I think I fractured my skull!” There was some frantic scrabbling from the monster on the ground as it rolled back and forth. “What kind of town this small has a barrier that strong?”

Jared’s grip on his spear loosened ever so slightly as he leaned forward to get a closer look. Was that… thing… human? It had to be. He’d heard of monsters that could impersonate people, but what kind of monster would talk like that if it wanted to trick its way into the town? If it wanted to sneak in, it would be more enticing and articulate. Wait. He paused. What if it was a monster, and it knew that he would think that no monster would ever act like that? It would be the perfect plan. He backed away as the monster got to its feet and inched forward slowly with one arm held up in front of it. Light flared again as the monster touched the barrier with one small hand, but that was all. There was no sizzling. It was human.

“You!” the apparently human thing barked. It sounded like a young woman. There was some more shuffling, and some of the bloody rags around its head loosened. Piercing brown eyes burned into Jared. He shuddered. It was almost as bad as looking into the eyes of a real monster. “Let me in!”

He stumbled back. The sheer amount of murderous fury and bloodlust rolling off the thing in front of him could not possibly be human. “No!”

“What?” the maybe a monster and maybe a human shot back. “Are you really going to leave a traveller trapped outside your barrier?”

Jared took a deep breath. He was certain now. This thing had to be a monster. “I’m wise to your tricks, otherworldly scum! I’m not letting you through the barrier, so turn around and return to whatever hellish nightmare of a world you came from.”

The monster twitched and shrugged off more of the bloodied rags before shaking loose most of the ash and wiping away what seemed to be weeks of dirt and grime. Underneath it all was a teenage girl dressed in what had probably once been a white tunic and trousers with a red sash around her waist. Honestly, it was hard to be sure since both the girl and her clothing were absolutely covered in dirt, grime, and things he’d prefer not to think about. He pursed his lips. There was something vaguely familiar about that outfit, something important. The girl herself was petite, perhaps an inch or two over five feet tall, with almond skin and shoulder-length hair. Her hair was probably black, or close to it, but it was hard to tell since it was covered in what he strongly suspected were monster entrails.

“You’re… human?”

“Of course, I’m human!” the girl growled. And despite her small stature, it was a scary growl. Maybe she was half monster? “Now, let me in.”

“Um…”

The girl’s eyes narrowed, and she drew one arm back. Jared gaped in disbelief as innate energy surged through her body. Innate energy was something that everything and everyone native to Fracture possessed. It permeated the ground, the sky, and the ocean. It was what powered the town’s barrier, and it was what allowed some people to stand toe to toe against even the most vicious otherworldly monsters. And this girl appeared to have more of it than anyone in the town, a lot more. It thundered through her body too fast for Jared to keep track of, and then her fist blurred forward.

The girl’s fist hit the barrier. Hard. The ground at the edge of the barrier cracked, and the barrier itself made a sound like a bell being struck. Radiance rippled outward from the point of the blow, and Jared had to cover his eyes. The harder something hit the barrier, the more of the barrier became visible. The barrier was now clearly visible for dozens of yards. He gulped and peered over the edge of his shield as the light receded. The barrier was still intact.

“Let me in right now.” The girl’s eyes gleamed with something that was almost madness. “Or I swear, by the Temple, Relic, and the Ancients, I am going to bust my way in.”

It was the mention of the Temple that did it. Now he knew where he’d seen that uniform before. In his younger days, he’d spent a few years working as a guard on one of the great merchant sky-ships that sailed the skies of Fracture. That was how people usually reached the town – they caught a ride on one of the merchant sky-ships that passed every couple of months. He’d gotten a chance to visit Relic, the oldest and mightiest city in the world. It was where the first barrier had been created, putting an end to countless years of suffering and woe in which the people of Fracture had been nothing but prey to the hordes of otherworldly monsters that had arrived courtesy of the Ancients’ idiocy. Life was still far from easy, of course, but barriers had changed everything. They didn’t have to run and hide all the time. They had villages and towns again, even cities, marvellous cities.

In Relic, the Temple had taught people how to use innate energy to fight the monsters that came from other worlds. Everyone used innate energy instinctively to improve their strength and speed, but the warriors at the Temple were on another level entirely. They used innate magic, which involved the precise manipulation and control of innate energy. He’d seen one of them tear apart a monster over a dozen feet tall with nothing more than his bare hands, and the warrior hadn’t even looked like he was trying. That warrior had been dressed a lot like this girl.

“Why are you here?” Jared asked. If he were right, a spear wouldn’t be much use against her if she got through the barrier. “Did the Temple in Relic send you? Do you have any identification?”

The girl took a deep, deep breath and seemed to calm down a little. She rummaged through a battered pack and held up a scroll that identified her as a graduate of Relic’s Temple. “I’m supposed to meet someone here, a powerful barrier mage named Matilda.”

“Oh.” Jared shrugged. “She’s not here right now.”

“What?” The girl twitched again. That could not be healthy. Jared’s brother had done that a lot before having to spend a week in bed because of stress. “Really? She’s not here?” The girl gave a short burst of hysterical laughter. Her hands made choking motions in the air in front of her. “I’ve been attacked by soul-stealing demons. I was almost eaten by this big… I don’t know… thing that had fire for hair and puked lava. I’ve killed so many monsters in so many ways that I can’t even remember what it’s like to not be covered in their blood, brains, and entrails. And then I got caught in a sandstorm. I have sand in places that sand was never meant to be.”

The girl flopped onto her back as her laughter went from hysterical to completely demented. “I was told she would be in this town for at least another two days. I’m sure I got the dates right.” She dug through her pack and pulled out what appeared to be a battered calendar. “But… I’m not sure anymore. I was out there for so long, and I might have hallucinated a few days away here and there.” Her stomach gave a loud, ominous rumble. “There was this thing… with poison… and… and I haven’t eaten in three days.”

Jared cringed. This girl – this warrior – had fought her way through only the gods knew what before reaching the town, and she’d gone three days without food. Whatever worry he felt was swiftly being replaced by pity. He had a daughter himself, and he sincerely hoped that she never, ever had to go through what this girl had. At least, he could give her some good news.

“Well, you haven’t exactly missed her.” Jared tried to smile in what he hoped was a reassuring manner. “She’s not gone. I mean she’s not here right now, but she will be back tomorrow.”

The girl stopped laughing and sat up. The hopeful expression on her face made him think of a puppy about to be fed. It was adorable. “Really?”

“Yes. She and her crew are culling some of the more dangerous monsters nearby and checking the ley lines around here. They said they’d be back sometime tomorrow.”

“Yes!” the girl cried as she leapt back to her feet and punched the air. “Finally, I… ugh…” She flopped back onto the ground. “I’m too hungry to go on.” She reached up with one arm before falling still. Her eyes fluttered shut.

Jared blinked. “Hey! Hey! Come on, I’ll let you in.” The girl didn’t move. “Damn it.” He hurried over to the pillar nearby. It was one of a dozen that served as main anchors for the barrier. He reached for the elaborate set of metal dials on the side of the pillar and used a pulse of his innate energy to activate them. He wasn’t entirely sure how it all worked, but he did know how to open or close a hole in the barrier. He opened a small hole in the barrier and gave the girl a gentle poke with the blunt end of his spear. She groaned but made no move to stand up. Jared made a face. He didn’t want to touch her since she was covered in monster guts, but now that he knew she wasn’t a monster, he couldn’t leave her out there.

Grimacing the whole time, Jared grabbed her and dragged her inside the barrier before closing it behind them.

“Come on,” Jared said. “Get up. You made it this far. Get up.”

The girl opened her eyes and dug through her pockets before offering him a handful of silver and copper coins. “Food… food… please…”

Jared sighed. “Fine. Just… stay here.”

The girl’s only response was to gurgle.

[agrestenoir]

the cause and effect of cataclysm

i.

When it happens, it’s an accident.

There’s a battle, like how all stories start, with an akuma who could make mirages, things that didn’t exist, and you can’t notice till you’re right next to them and that far-flung hope you thought you saw is nothing more than a trick of light. Chat Noir can hear the echo of Lucky Charm! nearby, so he knows he’s close. He thinks he sees the akuma, standing tall on the rooftop overlooking the city square, and so he summons Cataclysm! to cut them down. It’s not until he’s touching the mirage, hands deep in Ladybug’s chest, that he realizes his mistake.

This is not an akuma. This is his partner.

He just Cataclysm!ed Ladybug.

ii.

Cataclysm was never meant to be used on a person.

Having the power of destruction and chaos at the tips of his fingers comes with a whole slew of rules and regulations, and the thought of using that power on someone else—to hurt them, to lose them—is unfathomable. Plagg has certainly never mentioned it either. He’s watched Cataclysm at work before though, seen the waste and decay like a river without a dam, and he wonders what would happen if… if… if…

Well, he’s never reached an answer before. 

(He has an inkling of what happens though. He’s a ticking bomb of death and destruction. It’s only a matter of time before he explodes.)

iii. 

Ladybug doesn’t scream.

She just stares at his hand pressed against her chest, claws digging into the skin above her heart, like she can’t believe this is happening. Blue eyes, as wide and open as the sky on a sunny morning, are locked as the inky blackness spreads out across her torso, down her legs, and over her arms. She opens her mouth, half-finished words falling from her lips, but they’re lost in the shock that fills the space between them.

Chat Noir is scared. Ladybug still doesn’t scream. 

But… But then there’s a shriek, a wailing cry that fills the air, and it echoes past chimneys and rooftops and superheroes and supervillains.

Ladybug’s lips haven’t moved.

And then Chat Noir stares at his hand, at the chaos spreading, at the red and black-spotted suit cracking beneath his hands, at the swirls of red which fade away into nothingness like smoke to a fire, at the brilliant, fiery earrings Ladybug wears as they blink into darkness as if someone has turned off the lights.

His Cataclysm! hasn’t killed Ladybug. It’s killed her kwami.

iv.

Life is a product of both good luck and bad.

The way the world works is that you can’t have one without the other. Luck—both good and bad—make things happen. They’re pulling the strings to cause the vagaries of fate and destiny, bringing a storm when the ebb of the tide seems too calm on sunny day. They chase each other over lands and oceans as calamity and tranquility follow in their wake. 

In Taoism, Yin Yang is the concept of duality forming a whole: night and day, good and bad, life and death. You can’t have one without the other, and it’s likely the two sides will never survive on their own. They are in perpetual balance with each other—neither absolute nor static, through the ups and downs and verse the battles of outside influences. 

They’re sun and moon, light and dark, creation and destruction. It’s imperative for everything that they always stay together because you can’t have one without the other.

You know how it is. If you split a whole then they need to find a new balance, no matter what it takes. But if you destroy a whole, then the pieces are lost, forever searching, and nothing will be able to stop them. 

What’s destruction without creation? What’s death without life? What’s chaos without control?

Nothing, Chat Noir realizes too late, nothing at all.

v.

With the death of Tikki, the holder of the Miraculous of Creation, destruction and chaos is free to spread, and Adrien can’t control it. What’s already been unleashed can’t be stopped by itself. The waters cannot hold a hand to the flood and command it to halt!. It’s why he has Ladybug, to reign him in when he’s lost to the darkness, but without Ladybug, the girl behind the mask has no control over the part of him that is Chat Noir, and it just… keeps going. 

Ladybug’s suit cracks and crumbles into dust, lost in the breeze of the early morning, disappearing into the air as if it has never existed in the first place. Sweet, gentle Marinette stands in the place his partner once occupied. Inside, Adrien’s heart bangs wildly against his ribs, trapped in a cage of blood and bone, desperate to be heard. (Of course, it’s her, a small part of him thinks, who else could Ladybug have been?) 

But he can’t talk, he can’t move, he’s only lost to the call of Cataclysm! and the screams of Plagg in his ears. Plagg has lost all sense of control over his power, of everything that makes him Chat Noir, and he’s leaking. The chaos is spreading. Death is imminent.

It covers the rooftop they’re standing on, inky veins slithering down brick walls and wrapping around chimneys like vines, searching and searching for something it needs. It stops when it reaches the pavement, spreading out into the streets, and wraps around the nearest people it can find. 

It crawls over their legs like rope, digging into their skin and sucking the very life from their body. They don’t even have a chance to scream. They drop to the ground, the very Earth they were born from, cold and quiet and still—dead in all the ways that matter.

Cataclysm doesn’t care. It keeps spreading.

vi.

Plagg is still screaming in his ear, like someone has torn a piece of him away, and in a way, Adrien guesses that’s what it feels like. Tikki was Plagg’s other half, after all, and to lose half of yourself is to lose everything. 

Adrien can only sob, cry out in agony, because he’s hurting people, killing them, and he can’t stop it. He can feel each life he snuffs out like a candle, feel the last beat of their racing hearts, and the panic that’s their last, dying thought. Even if he somehow makes it out of this, he’ll always remember what death feels like.

vii.

Somewhere in the middle of the chaos, of Paris dying beneath his fingertips, he makes out the sight of Marinette’s glittering blue eyes full of tears. She’s whispering words in his ear like he can hear them, like they’re supposed to matter, like he feel her hot breath tickling his cheek or her warm hands cupping his face, but he can’t he can’t he can’t he can’t. 

Adrien was lost the moment Chat Noir took over.

Cataclysm! continues its trek over the city. People die, buildings crumble, and Paris screams.

viii.

Guess I’m fresh outta luck.

The thought makes him cry harder, shoulders shaking, hands still pressed into the ground. It’s a joke he tells Ladybug on a regular basis, earning him a chuckle or a snort, but no matter how much it makes them smile, they both know it’s not true. Because he’s the epitome of bad luck and she’s the manifestation of good luck. Whether good or bad, luck is still luck. Having none of it would be the worst punishment imaginable.

A luckless life isn’t really a life at all, Adrien reckons, not one worth living anyway.

But…

But then it hits him: luck.

Ladybug had called for a Lucky Charm! before Cataclysm! had hit her.

Which means, somewhere in the world, there’s one last remnant of good luck. With that, there’s a chance.

“L-Lucky C-Charm,” he manages to get out between the harsh gasps and sobs, staring into Marinette’s eyes with a desperation he’d never be able to describe.

After a moment, she nods. She understands.

(Of course she does. She’s his partner for a reason.) 

Miraculous Ladybug! always heals, even the effects of Cataclysm!.

ix.

Marinette finds it.

Miraculous Ladybug! falls from her lips, reverberating through the still and silent streets, and Chat Noir feels Plagg come back, awake and present at the back of his mind, and his sobs of terror turn to relief.

Cataclysm’s veins retreat as quick as they’d attacked, following their paths back to his hands, and soon the chaos is a memory buried deep in the darkness of his Miraculous. People stand up, looking around wildly for some explanation. The builds shoot up as easily as they’d come down, and there’s not a bit of debris or dust to mark they’d even fallen.

Ladybug stands before him in all her glory—her Miraculous back, suit restored, and Tikki—alive and whole—with her.

“I’ll be back,” she tells him with a soft hand on his shoulder. There’s still an akuma, the day till needs to be saved, and Ladybug has a job to do.

Still shaking, propped up on trembling hands and knees, Chat Noir manages a sharp nod. When she leaves, he doesn’t move.

He can still hear the screams.

x.

Later that night, they’re curled up atop the Eiffel Tower, together and touching and alive and breathing.

Paris has forgotten. 

They have not. 

(They never will.)