#I managed one semester of fencing and got bored

[cultivating-wildflowers]

had a realization way past my bedtime last night that I was the only child in my family of four kids who ever went to summer camp alone (multiple times, too!) AND I'm the only child my parents shipped off to stay with out-of-state relatives (for like three months at that) and ok, maybe I was kind of annoying as a child but this is starting to feel like an attack

[echodrops]

The Promises I’m Making (2022 Edition)

So 2021. Yeah. I wish I could say “I’m glad that’s over,” but last year I tried that with 2020 and I think I cursed myself, so this year, I’m just going to say “Whatever 2022 has in store, I am going to do my best to meet it with my chin up!”

I can’t believe it, but it’s been 15 years since I started doing this 50 promises thing for New Year’s resolutions. I’m still cutting myself some slack because of all this craziness, so a lot of this year’s promises are rolled over from ones I wasn’t able to finish last year... Maybe this will finally be the year that I can keep every promise? I’m going to do my best!

2022 Promises

1) Get the Utah house chimney repaired before it falls down.

2) Get both bedroom floors sanded in the Utah house upstairs.

3) Get the Utah house sprinklers up and working ALL the way for this summer.

4) Actually get the back fence fixed up and the greenery back there trimmed and managed.

4) Get an official exercise routine including walking/jogging, please. 

5) Related to that, lose at least 20 pounds. 2020-2021 was not kind to me and the stress eating was real.

6) Successfully set up and use the Roomba my family got for me to hopefully cut down on allergies.

7) Keep up with the specialist appointments that my doctor is making for me. No more getting confused on dates and missing...

8) Go see the dentist again because I think I broke/chipped one of my old fillings and it is not feeling good.

9) Finish all the books I received as gifts from 2020 through 2021. It’s rude not to finish books people gave you out of love.

10) Organize my documents (especially student papers)—my desktop and documents folders give me nightmares just looking at them. 

11) Get my new SSD hard drive fully installed and working before going back to work.

12) Get a decent paper shredder to shred old mail. 

13) Get the fucking post office to STOP delivering other people’s mail to my house. 90% of the mail that comes to the mailbox isn’t even for me and it is driving me C R A Z Y.

14) Get the Texas house dishwasher fixed… I’m so tired of washing dishes by hand... How do people do this, oof.

15) Get a plumber to stop the dripping spare bathroom faucet and also check behind the wall in the side bathroom... This is gonna be expensive, ugh.

16) Talk to an HR rep about my retirement savings so that I can consolidate my retirement accounts. I have been putting this off for like five years now.

17) Do at least one artwork to actually use that new paint program I bought. 

18) Pay my credit debt down by at least $2000. I’m still paying off the hell year but I hope I can make progress on this.

19) Be a super prepared boss and be ahead of the game on all major requirements for the semester, rather than feeling like I’m playing catch-up all the time.

20) See a groove-billed ani. This will be the year!

21) Make it to 3500 followers on tumblr. You should follow me. I’m awesome. :D

22) Update HaaH at least once. I will do this, no matter what.

23) Finish streaming all the new Marvel stuff with Kacchan.

24) Save up to finally buy one of those Ember heated tea mugs. 

25) Do a better job of working with and representing the other disciplines in my department. I’m really good at advocating for English, but Communication and the foreign languages under my department need more support, and I need to step up for them.

26) Use the sugar scrub Echo. Just use it. Pamperrrrrr yourself for once...

27) Help my parents save money on their bills by consolidating their services and making some calls to retention of these companies for them. 

28) Bird watch in at least three brand new locations this year. I have a tendency to just go back to the places I know, and I’m probably missing some really great birding sites.

29) Keep up my medicine prescriptions successfully without letting them lapse.

30) Play with my dog and cat more often. They’re bored because I’m working too much, I know.

31) Call an exterminator to finally get the ants that keep coming in from somewhere actually dealt with, instead of just spraying them with bug spray even other week and calling it good.

32) This is super nerdy, but my bro got me the FFXIV cookbook and made me promise to actually use it, so I guess I’d better at least try to make something from it.

33) Speaking of FFXIV: This year, I’ll obtain every in-game orchestrion roll. I’m already 80% of the way there.

34) Get a new rose bush for the front of the Texas house and keep it alive.

35) Get King’s prescriptions moved to the closer vet so I don’t have to keep driving two hours away each month to get his medicine.

36) Buy the Noragami volumes I am missing from my collection and do a full re-read of the series so that I can write meta about it again. Right now it just feels like there are so many things I can’t properly remember...

37) Go to Zion National Park with Derby.

38) Go horseback riding on the island. I’ve never ridden on a beach before!

39) Eat healthier. Maybe cutting out snacks is too much to ask, but at least replace some average meals with salads, etc. and overall make an effort to actually eat better. Sometimes the fact that I feel garbage is my own fault.

40) Related to feeling like garbage: NO MORE WORKING AFTER 9PM. If it’s a real emergency, okay, but otherwise, it is time to set a boundary about working from home after hours.

41) Get a new office chair, an actual nice one, and some plastic to go under the chair to make it easier to move around.

42) Finish decorating the main office. I’ll feel better if my workplace reflects the level of professionalism and school spirit that I envisioned it having this year.

43) Ensure our department successfully meets all its IEP goals this year.

44) Try to be more comprehensive with giving feedback to students. I’m always good at providing detailed comments on essays, but I’d like to spend more time commenting on smaller assignments too this year.

45) Write an FFXIV fic. Even if it’s just a one-shot, write something for this series. I need to express my love...

46) Be more proactive about the cleaning. No more accidentally forgetting to take the trash can out to the curb. At least once a month do a full dust and vacuum of the house, not just the one room I spend the most time in (my office lol).

47) Participate in NaNoWriMo. Even if I don’t finish, just participating again will feel great.

48) Get a screen door put on the side door of the Texas house. This really needs to happen and I can’t believe I just remembered.

49) Don’t forget anyone’s birthday or any other holidays this year. (I forgot a close friend’s birthday last year due to being stressed with work and I’m still upset with myself over it.)

50) I will keep my promises! 

Good luck, 2022′s Echo!

[cherrywoes]

— 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊.

— 𝓭𝓾𝓵𝓬𝓮 𝓹𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓬𝓾𝓵𝓾𝓶.

"SO, WHAT DO YOU think?" Your friend's voice was drowned out by the music blasting from the speakers. Neon lights pulsed to the bass of Chase Atlantic's "Swim", a song that had been put into your playlist only recently. "Cool, right?"

You reached up and adjusted the neck of your shirt. "Yeah, a bit cold though—are all strip clubs like this?"

When you had accepted the job to make some extra cash to squeeze you through the last semester of college, it had been a no brainer. The Valeria was one of the most prominent clubs in Eden, frequented by both angels and demons alike, contrary to what your adopted parents had told you when you were nineteen. You lucked out with your best friend being the owner of the establishment.

"Yeah, the cold keeps people from getting sleepy and wanting to go home which, in turn, encourages them to spend more money." Kiyoko shrugged and you laughed at her nonchalant tone. "Anyway, the girls are rehearsing before the night starts. There's a fight club down the street and a lot of the fighters like to pop in when their adrenaline's high."

"I bet it doesn't hurt that some of them won cash," you joked lightly. "Devils or angels?"

"Both. Just keep an eye out for our regulars. Lev will point them out to you." Kiyoko pointed to the desk manager who, even from your distance, seemed to be a lanky giant. He waved when you looked over. "He's harmless. A bit tone deaf, but harmless. If you ever need help just go to him."

"Gotcha." You waved back tentatively and looked to the stage where girls were practicing and laughing. "So, do I go over there or…?"

Kiyoko shook her head and pointed to the bar. "No, I'm starting you off at the bar. You were a pretty good bartender from what I remember so you can do what you're familiar with."

Your relief was palpable. "Thanks, Kiyoko. I don't think dancing is what I'm good at anyway."

"You're welcome. Let me know if you want to back out, okay?" She crossed her arms. "A lot of the customers can be a bit… much."

"It's okay, I've dealt with rude customers before," you reassured her. "I'll just be making drinks right?"

"Yeah, but the uniform is pretty revealing. Just be careful."

Kiyoko wasn't lying. When she finally left you to get ready, you discovered the level of skimpiness with your own eyes.

It was, in a sense, just a plain black bikini with a crystal body harness for taste. That might not have been so bad if it hadn't been made deliberately a size too small and threatened to show your assets if you even breathed wrong. While the body harness was flattering to your curves, you couldn't help but be nervous by the amount of skin you were showing.

Paired with black strappy heels, you looked like you had stepped right out of a Maxim magazine. That was probably what Kiyoko had intended.

With a sigh, you exited the bathroom and headed towards the bar. Lev flagged you down before you could get there, though, and curious, you approached him, an unintentional sway in your step from the heels.

"Hey, [Name]! I'm Lev, nice to meet you." He offered his hand and you shook it, afraid to be seen as rude if you didn't. "Kiyoko forgot to give you your ID so I dug one out from the storage room. Don't lose it."

He handed you a lanyard with a plastic card on it. It was a generic identification card with nothing special about it, except your name taped to the top part on a sticker.

"Thanks." Lev smiled at you and you couldn't help but notice the peculiar color of his eyes and hair. "If it's okay to ask, Lev, are you…?"

"Human? Nope." He snickered at the look on your face. "Don't look so scared, it's fine. I'm a devil. Kiyoko recruited me when fighting didn't pan out for me."

"So that's common among your… kind?" This was all so new to you. You reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. Lev tracked the movement idly, as if he couldn't help it. "Fighting, I mean."

"Yeah. Devils are notorious for their high tempers," he explained. "Fighting usually helps that. Or sex, but that's a personal preference. You might get propositioned a few times but that's normal."

"I see." You rubbed your elbows and rocked back on your heels. "Is there anything I should be worried about?"

"Not really. Just stay away from the Aoba Johsai devils if you can. They're pretty obvious and travel in a tight knit group. The only trustworthy person in it is Iwaizumi Hajime, I'd say, so you can serve him." Lev shrugged. "Though he's not coming in on your shift. There's a lot of fights going on tonight."

"Okay. Thanks, Lev."

"No problem."

Your first night as bartender went without a hitch, unless you counted the few guys who hit on you every chance they got. It wasn't rowdy, which you assumed was from the fights going on, and you managed to clock out with a decent paycheck and a tiredness that was seeping into your bones.

As you walked out the front doors, waving goodbye to Lev—he seemed nice enough, regardless, and you needed new friends in Eden now that you were taking online classes—you stepped out into what you could only guess was the line to the fight club.

It ran almost two blocks, people wearing unusual chic clothes to watch someone's face get beaten in. The line consisted primarily of girls, you noticed, and adjusted the straps of your gym bag on your shoulder.

You prepared to turn on your heel and head to your apartment in North Eden, where the humans lived, when something told you to turn around and check out the fight club. It wasn't as if you had anything to do at the moment, and your classes had been delayed for next week due to the school's security issues. You would be bored out of your mind at home, you knew, but you side eyed the line and the multiple people lining it.

Maybe not…

"You must be [Name]."

You jumped in fright when the doors opened behind you. Reflexively, you made a first, but when you saw the familiar face of the girl who had been on stage, you sighed in relief. "Sorry. I'm just jumpy."

"That's fine." She smiled to reveal perfect white teeth. Her hair made you sick with envy; long, auburn curls that dangled down to her hips in thick ringlets. "I'm Lulu. I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself inside."

"No, no it's okay. You were practicing." You smiled in return. Then, you pointed to the line of people. "Are they always this long?"

"To Yulara?" Lulu inquired. "Yeah. The lines depend on the fighters. They have an elite lineup tonight. Why? Did you want to go?"

She took the sheepish expression that crawled over your face as an affirmative.

"Alright. Come on." Lulu linked her arm through yours and, with little difficulty, began skipping through the line. People parted like the dead sea for her and you were just dragged along for the ride. "I'll get you in. Consider it a welcome gift!"

"Are you sure we should be skipping these people?"

"Of course. We work at Valeria; we have VIP passes," Lulu replied cheerfully. At the front of the line was a bouncer dutifully checking people in and stamping their wrists with ultraviolet ink. "Hey, Aone! This is [Name]. She's new and wanted to see the fights."

You expected him to be suspicious of you. He was quite intimidating, eyes narrowed and his height did nothing but terrify you. Instead, with a quick movement, he marked your wrist and sent you inside.

Lulu grinned. "Thanks, Aone. I'll see you when I get home."

Bewildered, you glanced between her and the now blushing male, then back to Lulu. She shrugged and put a finger over her lips. You mimed zipping yours in response.

Lulu escorted you down a flight of stairs that led into a wide open room filled with people. In the center was a circle of wire and fence, keeping what looked like a pit closed off. You could only guess that's where there were people fighting.

"This is where I leave you." She patted your back. "Have fun! Don't drink the wine though, people always roofie it before the fights start."

"Oh. Okay." You smiled. "Thanks again."

"No problem." With a wave she retreated back up the stairs.

You took a deep breath and looked back towards the ring, your curiosity taking over. Clutching your gym bag, you began to pave your way through the crowd, unaware of the familiar face flashing across an LED screen over the door.

MASTERLIST.

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@dancing-in-the-rain54 • n/a

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[whumphoarder]

Long Distance Dadding

Summary: Peter gets sick while babysitting Morgan at the lake house and Tony is a Worried Dad™ about it.

Word count: 5,172

Genre: Sickfic, whump, hurt/comfort, fluff & angst

A/N: Mega thanks to @xxx-cat-xxx and @sallyidss or beta reading and ideas <3

(This story is set about a year and a half after the snap's reversal. Peter is 18 and in college and Morgan is 6)

Link to read on Ao3

The trouble with saving the world from the largest global disaster to date, Tony finds, is that no one ever shuts up about it.

“Okay, not to sound like an ass or anything...” Tony begins, already eliciting an eye-roll from his wife, “but I’ve already been given a Nobel Peace Prize, the Congressional Medal of Honor, three Victoria Crosses—British, Australian, and Canadian—a Russian Gold Star, a Chinese Hero's Medal, the Gold Cross of Zimbabwe, and about twelve other various countries’ awards. Why do I need to go to Morocco of all places now?”

“Because they built you a monument, Tony,” Pepper explains for the third time, her tone a bit exasperated. “There’s a two-hundred foot tall statue of you in their capital city, waiting to be ceremoniously revealed.”

Raising his hands to chest height, Tony wiggles his fingers—both the flesh and prosthetic ones—in a jazz hand gesture. “Oooh...a statue,” he mocks. “I’m titillated.”

Pepper snorts. “You’d better have mustered up some titillation by the time you shake hands with the Moroccan Prime Minister this weekend.”

“This weekend?” Tony balks. “We can’t go this weekend. Morgan’s got her… uh…”—he flaps his hand, trying to recall just what tedious elementary school obligation the first-grader has coming up next—“her snowman... ball… thingy.”

Pepper raises an eyebrow in amusement. “You mean the ‘Seasonal Snowflake Sing-along’?”

His face lights up and he snaps his fingers in recognition. “That’s the one!”

“Well, you’re in luck,” she laughs sardonically. “Earlier today, Morgan’s teacher called to let me know that our daughter has flat-out refused to participate this year. Something about itchy costumes, boring songs, and ‘child talent exploitation’—did you teach her that term by the way? Because I certainly didn’t and Ms. Sanchez was pretty ruffled about it.”

Tony has to bite the inside of his mouth to keep the grin from spreading across his lips. He shrugs innocently. “You know, it’s important to start building a child’s vocabulary as early as possible. All the experts agree.”

Pepper heaves out a deep sigh, but Tony can see the smile in her eyes. She leans in and pecks his cheek with a kiss. “Go pack for Morocco, Tony. Peter already agreed to babysit. And besides”—she whispers the next part in his ear, her fingers trailing over the collar of his shirt—“I don’t know about you, but I think we could do with a weekend to ourselves…”

“Well…” Tony clears his throat, feeling himself melting under her touch. “You always did know how to make a compelling argument, Ms. Potts.”

X

“So, Morocco, huh?” Peter says with a grin as he loads his duffle bag into the backseat of the car. Tony’s parked in the loading zone just outside of Peter’s residence hall at MIT that Thursday evening. “What’s going on over there?”

“Just another stupid award ceremony,” Tony grumbles. He moves back around to the driver’s side. “Gonna cut a big red ribbon, shake metal hands with some dignitaries, attend a couple of fancy banquets, yada yada…”

Breathing out a short laugh, Peter plops down into the passenger seat. He looks a bit haggard, though Tony can’t blame him; the first semester of college is always rough. Hopefully the long-weekend away will help.

Throughout the four-hour drive to the lake house, they chat about Peter’s classes (“You know, they told us in high school that college was going to be so much stricter, Mr. Stark, but there was literally a kid in my English class who started making grilled cheese sandwiches on a hotplate and selling them during the lecture and the professor bought one”), the new people he’s been meeting (“Pretty sure my roommate is in a cult, actually...”), and extracurricular activities (“Did you know if you take fencing, archery, pistol shooting, and sailing, you can become a certified pirate?”). Eventually, they run out of things to catch up on and Peter starts looking drowsy, so Tony turns on the radio for some background music and they continue on like that for a while.

Three hours in, Tony’s forced to stop for gas. Peter is sleeping soundly, curled up in his hoodie for the whole time it takes to fill the car. For a moment, Tony’s tempted to just let him be, but given that this will likely be their last opportunity for a break until they’re home he ultimately decides against it.

“Hey Pete?” Tony says, shaking the kid’s shoulder a bit to rouse him. “Did you wanna stretch your legs or anything?”

Peter blinks awake and shifts to sit up straighter with a small groan. “How far are we?” he mutters.

“Another hour at least, but I thought we might get some late dinner too,” Tony replies. “There’s an Arby’s right across the street.”

Peter’s face screws up into a grimace. “Ugh, Arby’s is the worst. It’s like, a wad of salty meat on a bun.”

“But with sauce,” Tony points out. Seeing Peter’s expression doesn’t change, he amends, “Alright no Arby’s. McDonald’s? They’ve got a new McFlurry flavor for the holidays I think.”

Peter gives a tired shrug, then curls back up against the window. “You can just get something for yourself. I’m not very hungry.”

Tony eyes him suspiciously. “Who are you and what have you done to Peter?”

“Hilarious, Mr. Stark,” Peter deadpans. Then, after a moment, he admits, “My stomach’s kinda hurting.”

Tony’s brow furrows. “Yeah?”

Rubbing at his gut one-handedly, Peter nods. “Yeah, since lunch. Probably shouldn’t have tried convenience store sushi...”

Tony snorts a bit. “Well, they do say a key part of college is experimentation and learning from your mistakes.”

Peter huffs out a laugh. “Awesome. Maybe I’ll join Martin’s cult next.”

X

They make it the rest of the way to the lake house without incident. Morgan’s already asleep, so Peter hangs out in the kitchen chatting with Tony and Pepper for a bit before turning in to the guest bedroom for the night.

Peter seems fine the next morning, if a little groggy. Their flight to Morocco leaves at 6:30, but both kids are up at stupid o’clock in the morning to send them off.

“You’re sure you don’t wanna go to your concert thing tonight?” Tony tries one last time as he encircles Morgan in both his flesh and prosthetic arms for a goodbye hug.

She shakes her head firmly. “Every time we practice Jingle Bells, Keegan makes farting noises with his mouth and the vein in Ms. Sanchez’s neck gets really big and red,” she says. “Peter’s more fun.”

“Yeah, probably,” Tony agrees. He pecks her on the cheek before turning to Peter, who’s blinking tiredly and sipping at a mug of coffee as he leans against the kitchen island. “Now, are you sure you’re up for a whole weekend of this?” He gestures to the energetic six-year-old in front of him.

“I think we’ll manage,” Peter says with a small smile. “If she gets too crazy, I’ll just web her to the wall.”

“Hey!” Morgan complains, and Peter sticks his tongue out at her in return.

Tony chuckles. “Sure, do what you gotta do,” he allows. “Just don’t get it in her hair—hate to have to cut it off. The Valentine’s Day sing-along is up next.”

“Uuuuggghh,” Morgan groans dramatically.

X

Despite all of Tony’s protests, he has to admit that Morocco is pretty gorgeous. There are definitely worse places to be honored with a gigantic statue.

“I’m just saying, I think the chin was too big,” Tony complains as they make their way back to their hotel room following the ceremony that evening.

Huffing out a little laugh, Pepper shakes her head. “I’m sure they did their best, Tony.”

“But of all the things to get wrong, why’d it have to be the chin?” he goes on, though there’s no real heat there. “I mean, c’mon, this whole thing is about the defeat of Mr. Purple Ballsack Face—they could have a bit more sensitivity…”

While Pepper heads off to the shower, Tony glances at his watch. It’s just after one a.m. Moroccan time, meaning Peter and Morgan are probably finishing up dinner back at home. He figures that’s as good a time as any to check in, so he calls Peter’s phone.

Four rings later, a small voice that definitely doesn’t belong to the teenager answers the call. “Hello?”

Tony frowns. “Morgan?”

“Oh! Hi Daddy,” Morgan greets, her tone going much brighter. “How’s your trip going? Do you like maracas?”

Tony chuckles a bit. “Sweetheart, I keep telling you, Mommy and I are in Morocco. A maraca is a musical instrument that you shake to make noise.”

“Can you buy me one?”

“One of what?”

She giggles. “A maraca!”

“No, honey, listen to me.” Tony runs a hand over his face. Maybe Pepper was right about the whole needing a vacation thing after all. “Maracas are not Moroccan. They don’t make them here. It’s a totally different thing.”

“Oh.” There’s a beat. “Can you buy me one anyway?”

“I don’t know—we’ll see,” Tony says, shaking his head slowly. “Hey, can I talk to Peter for a sec?”

“Uh…” Morgan hesitates. “Peter can’t come to the phone right now.”

Tony frowns. “Why’s that?”

“He’s throwing up,” she says simply.

“Morgan!” he hears Peter groan irritably in the background.

“What?” she demands, speaking away from the phone now. “You told me to talk to him for you, so I am.”

“But you weren’t supposed to tell—” Peter’s voice is cut off by the sound of retching, followed by the faint sound of liquid splashing.

Tony pinches the bridge of his nose. “Why is Peter throwing up?”

“He’s sick,” Morgan reports. “We were playing before, but then he said he didn’t feel good and his stomach hurt so we were just watching Wreck-It Ralph for a while. Then I said I wanted taquitos for dinner and he threw up on my Elsa blanket. It was really gross. But he said he was sorry, so I told him it was okay.” She pauses her rambling for a second. “We can wash it, right Daddy? Like that time I spilled all the yogurt on it?”

“Yeah, I’m sure the blanket will be fine,” Tony says absently. He’s already scrolling through his calendar app to figure out just how many Moroccan obligations they have left to attend. “Can you give the phone to Peter now, please?” he requests. “And then go to the kitchen and see if you can find him a can of Sprite, okay? Maybe some crackers too.”

“Yeah, okay,” Morgan agrees.

He hears shuffling over the line, which he assumes is the phone being passed between them, immediately followed by the sound of Morgan’s footsteps hurrying out of the room. A second later, Peter’s voice croaks, “Sorry, ’m fine, Mr. Stark. And Morgan was watching another movie. Got everything…“—he swallows hard—“handled.”

Tony rolls his eyes. “Very convincing. I’m sure Elsa agrees.”

“Elsa had it coming, honestly,” Peter grouses. “Those songs always get stuck... stuck in my—” He burps sickly, and then Tony hears the phone clatter onto the tile followed by more muffled retching and splashing noises.

Tony sighs deeply, running a hand over his face. So much for vacation. He fires off a quick text to Happy: Hey, you busy tonight?

As Peter continues to retch, three dots appear on the screen indicating Happy is typing. Are you in a foreign prison again?

For the last time, Slovakia was not my fault, Tony retorts.

A second later Happy texts: Keep telling yourself that.

Tony hears the toilet flush and the sound of the phone being picked up again. Peter’s voice, shakier now, comes back over the line, “Uh… you still there?”

“Of course. Wouldn’t miss it,” Tony says briskly. “Bathrooms have the best acoustics, you know.”

“That’s really gross...” Peter mutters.

“I don’t think you’re in a position to talk about gross right now, puke-boy,” Tony retorts as he fires off another text to Happy: Got a situation. How soon can you get to the lake house?

Happy’s reply comes a few seconds later: I’m watching Iron Chef America and doing laundry, Tony. It’s my day off.

Tony counters with, The kids are home alone and Peter just decided to reenact The Exorcist

The three dots appear, then disappear. Then they appear again a moment later, followed by a message: I can be there in 2 hours

You’re the best, boo <3, Tony shoots back. To Peter he informs, “Happy’s on his way.”

“He doesn’t have to,” Peter protests. “It’s just food poisoning or something…”

Tony scoffs. “Well, either way, someone who isn’t busy puking should probably be keeping an eye on the little troublemaker.” He pauses for a beat. “And Morgan too.”

Peter just groans.

In the background, Tony hears the telltale pattering of small feet on the tile. “I couldn’t reach the crackers, so I got you Doritos!” she announces.

Peter’s voice is hesitant. “Oh. Uh… thanks.”

There’s the sound of a crinkling bag moving closer to the phone. “They’re Cool Ranch flavor!”

Immediately, Peter starts gagging again.

Tony heaves out a sigh. It’s gonna be a long night.

X

After filling his wife in on the developments back on the home front (and being assured by Happy that he was keeping tabs on the situation as he made his way to the lake house), both Tony and Pepper decide they should try to get some shut-eye before their packed day tomorrow.

Pepper falls asleep straight away, clearly exhausted from their full day of travel and social obligations, but Tony finds himself tossing and turning on the overly-soft hotel mattress. It’s not until Happy texts that he’s safely arrived at the lake house to assume his uncle duties that Tony finally manages to drift off.

It doesn’t last long.

It’s barely 4:30 in the morning when Tony’s roused from his sleep by his phone vibrating under the pillow. He pulls the device out to see a message from Happy:

Kid’s had his appendix out already, right?

Being mindful of his sleeping wife beside him, Tony holds the phone just inside the duvet to shield the glowing screen from waking her. Yeah, before the snap, when he was 16, he replies, his mind going back to Halloween night seven years ago. A frantic and babbling Ned somehow managed to hack into Karen’s communication systems to inform Tony that Peter was more or less dying on the bathroom floor. An emergency surgery later, Peter’s been one appendix lighter ever since.

Why? Tony adds. Is it that bad?

Nah, just checking, Happy says. He says he’s alright but he’s running a fever and his stomach’s hurting a lot

Tony frowns. How high’s the fever?

Not very high. 100.9. It’s probably just a bug then

Yeah, probably, Tony agrees, despite the nagging worry in his gut. How’s Morgan taking it?

Just put her to bed, Happy reports. She kept trying to bring Peter juice pops until he finally ate one. Puked it up again ten minutes later. Don’t think nursing is her calling in life

Tony huffs out a short laugh as he types: Nope

Happy follows up with: Alright, I think I’ll try to get Sir Barfs-a-lot to bed now

Godspeed, Hap, Tony replies.

Then he slides the phone back under his pillow, pulls the covers up around his chin, and doesn’t sleep a wink.

X

“Look, I don’t like this situation any more than you do, but we can’t just bail on six dignitaries, Tony,” Pepper says in exasperation. She’s standing in front of the bathroom vanity, door ajar as she finishes straightening her hair. “We have two meetings this morning and a luncheon scheduled with the royal family at two.”

Tony runs a hand through his hair. “I know, I know…” he sighs. “I’m probably overreacting, it’s just…” he trails off.

It’s eight o’clock now, meaning the time is currently two a.m. back in New York. According to Happy’s last text, Peter managed to make it to bed around midnight and though he was still in a fair amount of pain, he hadn’t vomited for a few hours. Objectively, Happy did seem to have everything pretty well handled, but Tony still can’t shake the feeling that this might be something more than a virus.

Returning the sigh, Pepper unplugs the flat iron and sets it on the counter before walking over. “It’s just that your kid is sick, so you’re gonna be a worried dad about it anyway,” she concludes for him. “Am I right?”

“Guilty.” Tony gives her a sheepish smile. “Guess I’m getting soft in my old age...”

Pepper wraps her arms around him, pulling him close, and plants a gentle kiss to his lips. “Yeah, you are,” she agrees. “But don’t change. It’s a good look on you.”

They kiss for another few seconds before Pepper pulls back. “Well, the good news is, I’ve gotten quite good over the years at attending social obligations in your stead.” She gives his shoulders a squeeze. “You go do what you gotta do.”

X

With Pepper’s blessing, Tony leaves the jet and most of his luggage at the hotel with her, opting to just fly home in the Iron Man suit instead. It’s partly to ensure Pepper has a ride home in place, and partly so that he can shave an hour or two off the flight time. Even then, it’ll be a good five hours before he’s back, which gives him more than enough time to stress.

Sometime around the half-way point, Tony is soaring over the Atlantic when FRIDAY interrupts his thoughts. “Boss, you have an incoming call from Happy Hogan.”

“Put him through,” Tony says immediately.

A second later, Happy’s gruff voice comes over the speakers. “Got any extra sheets somewhere?” he says by way of greeting.

Tony grimaces. “So it’s one of those nights, huh?”

“Oh yeah, we’re having a blast,” Happy grumbles tiredly. His voice has a slight echo to it, indicating he’s in the bathroom. “Kid’s also wearing a pair of your pajamas now—hope you’re not too attached because the way this night’s been going, I foresee more casualties.”

Worriedly, Tony diverts more power to his thrusters. “The linen closet is in the hall by the master bedroom—should be some extra sheets in there,” he informs. “How’s his fever?”

“Holding steady around 101. He looks pretty miserable though.”

“Can I talk to him?”

“Hang on.”

There’s some movement and a few muffled words from Happy’s end before Peter’s voice rasps out a very pathetic sounding, “Yeah?”

Tony winces in sympathy. “Yikes, kid...” he says as lightly as he can manage.

“I threw up in bed,” Peter admits, his voice thick. “’m really sorry. I was tryin’ to get up, but moving made my stomach hurt more and then I just…” He trials off, sniffling slightly. “And now Happy says you’re flying home early and, and... I’m just really, really sorry.”

“Hey, hey,” Tony interrupts over the kid’s emotional rambling. “It happens, no big deal, okay? And honestly, Pepper’s much better at the whole decorum thing than I am, so the Moroccan royal family is better off with her anyway.”

A small, dismayed noise issues from Peter’s throat. “The royal family?” he whines. “Mr. Stark…”

“It’s just fancy tea with old people,” Tony assures. “Boring as hell, I promise. You’re doing me a favor.”

“God. I’ve gotta be the worst babysitter ever,” Peter moans sadly. “Zero stars on Yelp. You should give Happy my fifteen bucks an hour...”

Tony huffs out a single laugh. “Don’t worry, we’ll get him a nice fruit basket when this is over. Chocolate covered strawberries and all that.”

Over the line, Tony can hear heavy footsteps on the tile. “Sheets are changed,” Happy says, his voice muffled.

“Thanks,” Peter croaks back. Into the phone, he says, “Um, I’m gonna go back to bed now.”

Tony hums in affirmation. “That’s good. Try and sleep, alright?”

“‘Kay,” Peter says. Then, in a very small voice, he adds, “Uh...I’m really glad you’re coming home, Mr. Stark.”

Tony’s heart aches. “Yeah. I am too, kid,” he says softly.

X

By the time Tony’s boots touch down in the yard, the sun has just come up over the lake house, clearing the early morning fog. He retracts his armor and heads into the house, legs wobbly from the lengthy flight.

He finds Morgan and Happy sitting at the kitchen table, eating breakfast. The six-year-old immediately jumps up to greet him.

“Daddy!” she exclaims, racing over. Tony stoops down and wraps his arms around her, pulling her into a hug.

“Hey pumpkin,” he greets, planting a kiss on her forehead. “You’re up early.”

She shrugs. “I didn’t wanna sleep anymore. I wanted to see if Peter was better.”

“Is he?” Tony asks.

Morgan shrugs again. “I dunno, he was sleeping and Uncle Happy said I couldn’t wake him up ‘cus he’s sick. So we were gonna make pancakes, but Uncle Happy couldn’t find the pancake flipper,” she says with a pout. “So he was gonna use a fork. But then he dropped the eggs on the floor and they got broken and he said a bad word and now we’re eating cereal instead.”

His eyes flick up to Happy, who’s finishing off a bowl of raisin bran and looking at least as exhausted as Tony feels.

Since Peter is still sleeping, Happy and Morgan head out to feed Gerald and run some errands while Tony heads to his own room for a quick shower and change of clothes. Once he’s done, he pours himself a cup of coffee and heads to the guest room where he finds Peter curled up in bed, a lined trash can beside him.

“Aw, kid…” Tony breathes out as he approaches the bed. Even in his sleep, Peter’s brow is beaded with sweat and his face is pinched in pain.

He straightens out the kid’s covers and watches him for a few moments, taking in the rise and fall of his chest and his fever-flushed cheeks before sinking down into an armchair beside the bed.

Only a few minutes into his silent vigil, the combination of jet lag and sleepless nights catches up with him and Tony finds himself nodding off.

X

It’s the sound of whimpering that pulls Tony from his sleep thirty minutes later. His eyelids flutter open to see Peter curled up on the bed, arms circled around his stomach and eyes red and wet with tears.

“Whoa, whoa, hey,” Tony says in alarm. He quickly moves over to sit on the edge of Peter’s mattress, a hand on the kid’s shoulder, but the movement of the bed only makes Peter moan. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Stomach r-really hurts,” Peter manages to choke out. “‘S like, stabbing me.”

A fresh wave of worry washes over Tony. “Where does it hurt?” he asks. Cautiously, Peter hovers a hand over his lower right side, causing Tony’s eyes to widen. “Kid...” he begins.

“But-But it can’t be that!” Peter protests. “I already had it out. It’s gone, it’s—” He cuts himself off with a groan, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Does it feel like it though?” Tony presses. “Like your appendix did?”

Without opening his eyes, Peter nods hesitantly. “Yeah, exactly like that. But it can’t be,” he insists, sounding like he’s trying to convince himself as much as his mentor. “It’s gone.”

“True, but you’ve got plenty of other organs in there that could be going haywire,” Tony points out. He makes a beckoning gesture at Peter’s stomach. “Let me see.”

Reluctantly, Peter lifts the hem of his shirt up to expose his abdomen. His lower belly appears slightly swollen and the skin is flushed a light pink. As carefully as he can manage, Tony presses his fingertips to a spot about four inches down diagonally to the right of the kid’s navel.

Peter instantly gasps. He clamps a hand around Tony’s wrist, startling him. “Stop, stop, please,” he begs.

“Okay, okay,” Tony says, quickly releasing the pressure. But rather than relieving the pain, Peter cries out and curls even more into himself.

“That’s it—we’re going to the hospital,” Tony decides, already pulling out his phone to fire off a text to Happy. “Appendix or not, this is obviously something.”

Tellingly, Peter doesn’t argue. He just squeezes his eyes shut and gives a teary nod.

It takes a few minutes just to get the kid to uncurl enough to sit up, and then once he is up, he’s so nauseous that it’s another several minutes of hanging over the trash can and swallowing convulsively before he manages to get to his feet. The walk to the car is slow and shaky, with Tony bearing most of his weight. Thankfully, they’re less than half an hour from the lake house to the nearest SHIELD base, and they are equipped with a full Medical facility—something that definitely factored into Tony’s decision to purchase this particular property.

(Retired or not, he’s still a goddamn worrywart.)

Peter is lying curled up in the backseat, and Tony keeps stealing glances at him through the rearview mirror. The kid whimpers quietly with each bump in the road and every turn elicits a low moan.

“Almost there, kiddo,” Tony promises him. “Just fifteen more minutes.”

But only three minutes later, he hears Peter inhale a sharp breath, then suddenly go quiet.

“Pete? Still with me?” Tony asks worriedly, glancing up at the mirror. He’s half-expecting to see that the kid’s passed out, but instead finds Peter looking infinitely less tense than he did a moment ago.

“Yeah,” Peter breathes out. “It just hurt really bad for a second, but then it stopped hurting? Not all the way, but it’s a lot better now. Like, a lot better.”

Tony’s heart drops as one thought screams in his mind: something fucking ruptured.  

“That’s, uh… that’s good Peter,” he says shakily as he presses the gas pedal to the floor. “Just hang in there, okay?”

X

A gurney is waiting for Peter outside when they pull into the SHIELD base and he is immediately rushed to an examination room. But when the test results are inconclusive and his fever spikes to nearly 104, the doctors decide that exploratory surgery is their best bet to figure out what’s going on.

Tony spends most of the next three hours in the waiting room on his phone. First, he manages to get a hold of May in the middle of her shift. He gives her the lowdown while simultaneously sending a wildly expensive Uber to pick her up and drive her to the base.

Next, he calls Happy, who is currently at an indoor butterfly farm with his awe-struck niece. “Fucking knew something was wrong,” Happy sighs in response when Tony tells him.

Morgan talks to him for a few minutes, expressing both her heartfelt concern for Peter and the overwhelming joy she experienced when a very pretty purple butterfly landed on her arm a few minutes ago.

Tony can’t help but love her for it. Morgan might come across calloused or unfazed at times, but between the blip’s reversal, the defeat of Thanos, and seeing her dad’s long and arduous recovery process following the loss of his arm, she’s lived through more trauma in her six years than most people do in several decades. He’s glad that she’s usually able to find happiness regardless.

It’s around that time that Tony’s adrenaline fades enough for him to realize just how much his wrist is aching from where Peter grabbed it and rolls up his sleeve to reveal purple bruises. He’s pretty sure nothing is broken, but quietly gets an ice pack from the nurse anyway to press to the injury, sick at the thought of how much Peter had to be hurting to do that.

Tony calls Pepper—who has just finished up her royal luncheon—and finally lets himself fluster out properly.

She manages to talk him down from the panic attack that’s threatening to overtake him just in time for the doors leading back into the OR to swing open and Bruce to emerge.

“I’ll call you back, Pep,” Tony ends the call abruptly. Then hurries over to his friend, stomach in knots. “How’d it go? Is he alright?” he asks anxiously.

Holding up a hand, Bruce clears his throat, a little awkwardly. “Okay, first of all, I’d just like to say that the surgeons are just finishing up and Peter is, for the most part, fine.”

Tony instantly breathes out a huge sigh of relief. “Thank god…”

“But, uh, for the second thing...” Bruce goes on, gesturing to one of the waiting room chairs. “You might want to sit down.”

X

“It grew back?!” Peter balks at them.

It’s been about five hours since his surgery now and the kid is finally lucid enough to take part in the absurd medical conversation surrounding his unprecedented case. Bruce, Tony, and May attempted to explain the situation earlier, but Peter hadn’t been able to keep up and ended up nodding off straight into his jello cup, so they’re on round two now.

“Well… sort of,” Bruce explains, adjusting his glasses. “When you got un-blipped, your cells were reconstructed, same as everyone else who came back. But since your mutated DNA regenerates your cells at an expedited rate, they somehow took that process a step further and managed to restore your body to, uh…” He flaps a hand, searching for the correct term.

“...to factory settings,” Tony finishes for him. He huffs humorously. “Congrats, kid. You’ve gotta be the only person in history to have their appendix burst twice.”

Peter groans. “Awesome. Parker Luck strikes again...”

May tuts and hits his shoulder playfully.

“You’ll be on heavy antibiotics for a while,” Bruce continues. “Luckily, the rupture occurred very close to the time of your surgery, so peritonitis didn’t have time to set in yet. The surgeons flushed out your abdominal cavity as best they could and hopefully the combination of the medication and your enhanced healing will be enough to prevent another infection.”

“So don’t jinx it,” May concludes firmly. She ruffles her nephew’s curls.

Morgan and Happy appear in the doorway a few moments later. Tony gets up, ready to remind the little girl that she needs to be gentle with Peter since he’s still recovering, but it seems as though Happy’s already given her that talk because rather than bounding over, she tiptoes into the room, arms held behind her back.

“Hi Peter,” Morgan greets. “Does your tummy feel better now?”

“Yeah, a lot,” Peter assures her with a small smile. “Thanks.”

“Good.” From behind her back, she produces a colorful wooden instrument and shakes it. “Uncle Happy and I bought you a Morocco!”

Running a hand over his face, Tony lets out a long sigh.

God, he loves these kids.

Link to all my fics!

If you're interested in reading the full story of the first time Peter's appendix ruptured, check out my previous work: Ned the Dumbwaiter

Or, for more sick Peter at the lake house with Tony and Morgan, try: Dad Level: 3000

Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated <33

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Brooklyn’s Sweetheart Chapter 2: Diamonds Are Forever, Those Boys Ain’t

Pairing: Stucky x Reader

Chapter Summary: They say diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but can diamonds keep her company all summer at Martha’s Vineyard? She didn’t think so. 

Word Count: 4,336

Warnings: Language, drinking, eventual smut

Masterlist / AO3

The next morning, Y/N sat at the kitchen table, eating the Eggs Benedict their chef, Rita, had made, when her father walked in.

Obadiah sat down at the kitchen table and stared at his daughter. “Good morning.”

“Morning, Daddy,” she greeted him, her voice light.

“What do you want?”

It was his way of apologizing for the night before. They’d been through this enough times that it was now a routine.

When he yelled at her during her celebratory end-of-eighth-grade-sleepover, she got a brand-new MacBook out of it. When he screamed at her homecoming date in sophomore year, he gave her a St. Bernard puppy. When he cursed out her coach at her state qualifiers swim meet the year before, he bought her a white gold and diamond tennis bracelet. 

She wore the bracelet now, and the dog, a Sweet Good Boy named Hermes, sat at her feet, looking warily up at her father. Hermes and Obadiah had quite the hateful relationship.

Hermes was just a good judge of character.

“I want Steve and Bucky to come with me this summer.”

She had thought about it all last night, knowing her father would come to her this morning with a peace offering—more like a way of buying her forgiveness. And she knew what she wanted, which was to spend the summer with her two closest friends since childhood.

Every summer, her father sent her off to their vacation houses. The cabin in the Adirondacks, the beach house in the Hamptons, the cottage at Martha’s Vineyard. Each time, she was accompanied by a small entourage—people to keep her safe and to keep her from being bored, because of course her parents weren’t about to spend the entire summer with their daughter.

Steve and Bucky had gone with her on several of these trips but had made no plans to be with her for this summer, which was outrageous to her because they were the perfect pair to keep her both safe and entertained. 

She was headed to the cottage in a week and she wanted her favorite boys to be there, no matter if one was not speaking to her and the other had forced a very interesting kiss on her the night before.

So maybe the kiss she shared with Bucky had prompted this whole idea, but she sure as hell couldn’t ask her father for only Bucky to come. That would be suspicious. And she did miss Steve, so she hoped this would give her the chance to smooth things over with him.

Even if he was a big dumb blond hunk of meat.

“That’s all you want?” her father asked suspiciously, expecting the other shoe to drop.

“Yes,” she nodded. 

“Really?” he stole a piece of toast from her plate, and she glared at him. As he chewed, he said, “You know, diamonds are forever, those boys ain’t.”

Simpering, she quipped, “Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend hasn’t met Steve and Bucky.” Then, “A new Balenciaga bag would sweeten the deal. But mostly I just want them with me for the whole summer.”

“Sure thing, sweetie, whatever you want.”

As their weekly mob meeting later that night finished up, Obadiah broke the news to Steve and Bucky. It worked out well for Obadiah. He hadn’t known who he was going to send with his daughter to protect her until she made the decision for him. Stark had taken an interest in the Rogers kid for some reason, had big plans for him over the summer, but he had managed to talk Stark into letting him go at least for a little while.

 “You two will be accompanying Y/N this summer,” Obadiah said with an air of finality, “Your job is to keep her safe and happy.”

That had always been their job. To anybody remotely concerned, that was Bucky’s and Steve’s sole purpose for being alive.

They hadn’t been doing that good of a job of it for the last few months—at least not the “keeping her happy” part.

The boys didn’t argue—not to Obadiah’s face. They didn’t have a death wish. 

“You’re leaving in a week for Martha’s Vineyard.”

Tony sent them a look that told them he approved of this and they had no choice in the matter, before he exited behind Obadiah.

Sam waggled his eyebrows at them. “Make sure to pack your swim trunks, boys. Oh, and you’ll have to find a guard-dog-friendly beach. Pets allowed, and all that.” He snickered as Bucky flipped him off before he exited the room. 

As the last two in the meeting room, Bucky and Steve looked at each other. Bucky’s gaze was pleading—Steve had barely spoken to him the entire day, and when he had, it had been clipped statements that simmered with an angry undertone. Steve’s gaze now was even angrier.

“What the fuck, Bucky?”

That was all Steve said before leaving.

Bucky had no idea why Steve was so mad—aside from the obvious fact that he kissed Y/N. Even then, Bucky thought it was hypocritical of Steve to be mad over such a thing considering he had also kissed Y/N last year. Bucky had told Steve as much earlier, and Steve only responded by getting even angrier.

Bucky made his way into the kitchen, where everyone was gathered for the big family dinner they always had every Sunday, right after the official weekly meeting. Tonight, Tony’s chefs had prepared a variety of Indian cuisine for them.

He spotted Y/N on the other side of the kitchen. She had just come in from the backyard with Peter Parker, Tony’s boy, and she was barefoot. Bucky started to make his way over to her but Steve got there before he did. Peter scurried away when Steve made eye contact with him.

“So,” Steve said, sidling up to her right by the kitchen table, effectively trapping her between him and the table. “Martha’s Vineyard, huh?” His voice was hard, slightly annoyed.

She looked up at him with that sweet smile. Her lips were glossy with lip balm and she smelled like the sun. “Yeah, I thought it would be fun. Are you excited?” 

He sighed her name, exasperated.

“Hey,” she said before he could say anything else, “I’m wearing the necklace you got me. Thank you, it’s perfect. I love it.” She hooked her thumb around the chain and showed him the gift he got for her birthday. It was a silver locket, an engraving of the sun on the front.

His eyes softened when he saw that, and he smiled at her genuinely for the first time in a year. “I’m glad you like it.”

“I’m not sure what pictures I should put in it, yet,” she said, fingers opening and closing the latch of the locket with a little snap. “Maybe we’ll take some good photos at Martha’s Vineyard.”

He hesitated before asking, “Why did you want us there this summer?”

“I miss you guys,” she answered earnestly. “You never spend time with me anymore. And next semester, I’ll probably be at NYU, maybe. And then I’ll never be around and I’ll never see either of you.”

“Sweetheart—”

“I just want one summer with you guys. Is that too much to ask for?” Her puppy dog eyes hit him in just the right spot.

“No,” he sighed, giving her a small smile, “No, it’s not too much… It’ll be fun. We’re excited.”

Y/N parted from him then, squeezing past him to make her way into the living room to talk to Wanda and Pietro Maximoff before dinner started.

Bucky came over to Steve and Steve sighed. “I couldn’t stay mad at her.”

“You don’t really have a reason to be mad at her,” Bucky pointed out, “Not really.”

“I know…” he turned to Bucky, eyeing him. “Do I have a reason to be mad at you, Buck?”

Bucky shrugged. “I told you, the kiss was an accident. Doesn’t mean anything.”

 “Yeah… Okay… Sorry for bein’ an ass.”

“S’okay,” Bucky clapped him on the back. “I’m used to it by now.”

Steve laughed and punched at Bucky’s shoulder, and then dinner was called.

A week later, Steve and Bucky were packing their suitcases into the SUV for them to get ready to go on the six-hour trip to Martha’s Vineyard. They had gotten a late start and probably wouldn’t be there until it was dark. 

Steve drove and Bucky rode shotgun, dictating the music the entire drive—much to Steve’s and Y/N’s chagrin. She sat in the back with Hermes and chattered with them both about nothing for the first half of the drive.

They were already behind schedule, and it was only made worse when Bucky and Y/N demanded they stop for a bathroom break about three times each—Steve was seething by the last time. He calmed down when she came back from the gas station convenience store with a bag of M&M’s for him—his favorite candy.

They had stopped for a late lunch at a pizza place in Boston—and had gone 40 minutes out of their way for it. Between the three of them, they had devoured three pizzas and a whole basket of garlic knots. It had sent Y/N into a food-induced stupor. By the time they were pulling up to the Stanes’ cottage, she was fast asleep, using the dog as a pillow.

He and Steve carried all the luggage in before they contemplated waking her up. 

“Let her sleep,” Bucky said, “She’ll probably be out for the rest of the night.”

“I’ll carry her in,” Steve said as Hermes jumped out, “Can you get the dog?”

Bucky obliged. He let the dog go into the fenced-in backyard.

The cottage at Martha’s Vineyard wasn’t so much a cottage as a 6-bedroom converted-barn-turned-luxury-mansion overlooking the water, complete with a big fancy backyard and a pool and access to the beachside and a private dock. Bucky was always blown away every time they visited and this time was no different.

He stood in the backyard admiring the black waters while Hermes did his business.

“I set her on the couch,” Steve said, startling Bucky.

Bucky looked back to see Steve on the porch, taking a seat on the porch swing that faced the ocean. He walked over, taking a seat next to him. Their arms brushed together as they settled in.

“Here,” Steve said, handing him a bottle of whiskey. “They’ve got this place stocked with liquor but no food. We’ll have to make a grocery run tomorrow.”

Bucky grunted in response as he took a long drink. It had been a long day, and truthfully, all he could think of doing right now was going to bed. Instead, he stayed up with Steve, ready to relax on their vacation after the last stressful few months. 

Tony had taken Steve under his wing, mentoring him into a more important place in the mob. It was the start of something big, Steve kept saying. Bucky was excited for his friend, if not a little jealous. But Steve deserved it, he knew; Steve was always the more determined of the two of them, always the more ruthless one.

So tonight, Bucky welcomed the respite. As they chatted and ribbed each other over the bottle of whiskey, it was like nothing had changed.

The conversation had turned to Steve and Peggy, and Steve was saying, “Yeah, Peg’s great, but I dunno. She doesn’t really get it.”

“Get what?” But Bucky had a feeling he knew what Steve was talking about. He took another swig of whiskey before passing the bottle to Steve.

“The mob, the life we live. She doesn’t know the half of it, and if she did… She wouldn’t stick with me through it.”

“You need someone who already knows our life, Stevie. Someone who understands.”

Steve was quiet for a moment before saying, “Someone like Y/N?”

Bucky stiffened. That hadn’t been what he was going for, but Y/N was on the back of his mind when he said it. She had been on his mind since last week. He laughed it off. “C’mon, Stevie, you think Stane would let you have her?”

“Stane’s been thinking of who to marry her off to,” Steve said after a long drink. “Only reason he’s letting her go to NYU is ‘cause he hasn’t had any good contenders yet.”

“And you think you’re gonna put in an offer?”

Steve scoffed. “No. I’m dating Peggy, Buck. C’mon.”

“But if you weren’t?”

Steve looked beside him to find Bucky already staring at him intently. They made eye contact, the air between them tense. Finally, Steve shrugged. “I’m not sure, Buck. Maybe I should be askin’ you the same thing.”

“Does it look like I’m ready to settle down and take a bride?” he asked, giving Steve and incredulous look. Steve laughed and looked down at his lap, shaking his head, doing that bashful thing even when Bucky knew he wasn’t bashful at all. “Besides, I wouldn’t do that to her.”

Steve knew what he meant. Tying her to the mob, for as long as they both shall live. Mob wives were much more involved than the children of the mob, and they both knew Y/N was too sweet and innocent for that.

Steve’s smile fell away and he nodded, thinking it over. “Yeah. I wouldn’t want to either.”

They had both had quite a bit of whiskey by now, and Bucky was feeling brave. “Tell me about when you kissed her, Stevie.”

Steve’s eyes widened and he looked at Bucky with a shocked expression. “You know about that?”

“Yeah, she told me the other night,” Bucky answered, taking the bottle from Steve as he was about to take a drink. “’Fess up, punk. Don’t avoid the question.”

He let out a long sigh, his shoulders drooping, hands braced on his knees. “Fine. But you can’t tell anyone.”

“Who the fuck would I tell?”

Steve swatted at his knee. “I don’t fucking know, just keep your mouth shut about it. Got it?” When Bucky nodded, Steve continued. “It was the end of last summer when we were all in Southampton. She snuck out with some of her friends to a party one night, and I caught her coming back late. I was just startin’ to lay into her about it when she started crying—and not her usual crying when she’s bein’ a brat, you know?”

Bucky knew. She got real teary eyed sometimes when they caught her doing something she shouldn’t have been, specifically when Steve started yelling at her. But usually she took his scolding with a stiff upper lip, unless he was being really unfair.

“She starts sobbing, and I can tell something’s really wrong. So I hug her and coddle her and eventually she tells me that some guys at the party were makin’ fun of her because she’s a virgin.” Steve clenched his jaw, remembering the way she blushed when she told him, the way she looked down and whispered it like she was ashamed of it. “And so I’m trying to tell her there’s nothing wrong with that, and she tells me she’s never even kissed anyone, and how is any guy ever gonna like her if she doesn’t even have any experience.”

“So you kissed her?” Bucky asked, remembering Y/N had said that he had offered.

Steve shook his head, laughing a little. “I don’t know what came over me. She was just so sad, and you know I have a soft spot for girls when they cry.”

Bucky knew very well about Steve’s weakness for people when they cried—not just girls. He and Steve had experimented in bed plenty of times and if there was one thing they had found out, it was that Steve loved it when Bucky cried. It really got him going for some reason.

“I wouldn’t call it a soft spot…” Bucky muttered, earning a punch on the arm. Steve still laughed about it good-naturedly.

“She was lookin’ up at me, all doe-eyed, and red, and sad. Kinda like how you used to look at me, Buck.”

Bucky looks at him, surprised, and memories of their times together flash through Bucky’s mind. They were each other’s firsts, stumbling their way through puberty and coming-of-age and the discovery of teenaged sexuality together. It wasn’t until after he experimented thoroughly with Steve in many different ways that he became the Lothario he is today. He feels his cheeks heat up at the images his brain conjures of them together in bed, touching and kissing, dry-humping each other until Bucky came in his pants.

“Yeah, like that,” Steve said, looking at him with a fond smile, something dark gleaming in his eyes. And truly, Steve thinks Bucky looks wonderful right now, all flushed and shocked and exactly like he did when Steve fucked him for the first time when they were 16.

So maybe Steve has a type for innocent young things who blush a lot. That’s why he was trying to stay away from Y/N. Maybe that’s why Steve had always felt like Peggy was wrong for him but staying with Peggy was such a great distraction for now.

“So I couldn’t help myself,” Steve shrugged. “I asked. I didn’t just force myself on her.” Part of Bucky feels sheepish at that, because that was exactly how he kissed her the night of her birthday, forcefully, predatorily. The other part remembers how nice it was every time Steve forced himself on Bucky in the heat of the moment. “I asked if she wanted me to kiss her just to see how it felt. And she said yes. So I kissed her.”

“Did you like it?” Bucky asked. He couldn’t help it.

The blush on Steve’s cheeks surprised Bucky. “Yeah, I guess I did. But don’t you ever tell anyone that.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. As if he would. “If you liked it, why’d you ignore her afterwards?”

“What? I didn’t!”

“Don’t bullshit me, Steve. You can’t bullshit me, I see right through you, pal.”

 Steve looked down. The red hadn’t faded from his cheeks. “I dunno. I liked it too much, maybe. Stane would kill me if anything happened between us.”

Bucky got it, then. Steve liked it, and he needed to put distance between them to stop himself from taking things further.

“And then I found Peggy, and I just got too busy with Tony. So Y/N and I stopped talking as much.”

Bucky thought about this, but in his tipsiness, his dazed mind kept wandering back to how he kissed her. He kissed her like Steve used to kiss him, and he wondered if Steve kissed her the same way.

“How was it, Stevie?” he asked, a question that had been on his mind for a week now. “How was the kiss?”

Steve smirked knowingly. “Nothing like how I used to kiss you, that’s for sure.”

Bucky remembered their first few times together, sweet and tentative, innocent explorations. Steve had kissed him kindly then, but they had both quickly found out they liked it when Steve took charge. When Steve was rough with him, showed him no mercy.

But Bucky only liked it when Steve did that to him. None of the other men or women he had been with were the same in that regard. He only trusted Steve to take that power away from him, knowing Steve would never hurt him.

He supposed Steve liked the control aspect of it. As for Bucky, he needed that control whenever he was with anybody else.

“Guys?” they heard from the doorway after a brief silence. Hermes, who had been lying at their feet dozing, immediately got up and trotted over to where Y/N was standing, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“Hey, sweetie,” Steve said, “You just wake up?”

She nodded and padded over to them, Hermes following her loyally. Her feet were bare and she was still wearing her clothes from earlier, leggings and an oversized sweatshirt with her high school’s mascot on the front. Bucky thought the sweatshirt had belonged to Steve once, or maybe him—or maybe both, he couldn’t recall.

She took a seat between them and slumped down onto Bucky’s shoulder. “I’m tired,” There was a little pout on her lips, puffy and sleep-swollen.

“Then go back to bed,” Bucky told her, draping his right arm around the back of the bench, letting her rest her head on his chest.

“Can’t fall back asleep.”

“Are you hungry?” Steve asked, ever the doting mother hen. “There’s not food in the kitchen, but maybe we could go pick something up.”

She shook her head. “I’m still full from the pizza.” 

“Well, we’ll go for an early breakfast tomorrow,” Steve said, “Any place you want.”

“Okay, Stevie,” she said, smiling up at him sleepily. 

Steve couldn’t help himself when he swung an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to rest on his chest instead. She went willingly, cuddling into him. Bucky sent him a look, and Steve raised an eyebrow back—a little like a challenge, one that Bucky did not accept. Instead, he yielded to Steve, resting his right hand lightly on Steve’s shoulder, feeling the need to be close. Her legs came up to rest on Bucky’s lap and she just sat there with them, enjoying the night. 

Just like old times.

“Are you guys staying with me for the whole summer?” she asked, her voice muffled into Steve’s unusually large peck.

“I dunno, doll, is that what you asked your dad for?” Steve asked knowingly.

She shrugged and buried her face deeper. “Maybe. Doesn’t mean he’ll keep his word.”

“We’re here until further notice,” Bucky said. “Steve might get called away occasionally.”

“Because of Tony?” she asked, her voice small.

“Yeah,” Steve said, pressing his lips to the crown of her head in a kiss, “But you don’t need to worry your pretty head about that.”

“Okay.”

“Now, doll,” Bucky started, placing his left hand on her calf. She glanced at him from Steve’s chest. “Are you gonna behave with us this summer?”

She blushed, but a smirk fell across her face. “Of course I will, Bucky,” she said in a tone that implied the exact opposite.

His hand slid up to her knee. “Not gonna go getting into any trouble with all the teenage hooligans on the island?”

She rolled her eyes. “Why would I want to get in trouble with them when I could get in trouble with you guys, instead?”

Steve’s arm tightened around her shoulders in a way that was just a little bit threatening. “Now, Y/N, listen to me,” he said, using his serious voice, “Your dad wanted us to keep you safe. You’re not gonna go around making trouble for us. Got it?”

“I guess,” she whined. Steve didn’t like that.

His hand came up and cupped her jaw, tilting her head up forcefully so she looked at him. “Don’t be a brat,” he said, a warning in his tone, “You’re gonna be a good girl for us or there’ll be consequences.”

“Steve,” she pouted, the whine still in her voice.

He grit his teeth, and his fingers squeezed her jaw just hard enough for her to get the message. “No complaining, baby girl. Now you say ‘Yes, Steve’, so I know you understand.”

“…Yes, Steve.”

He let her go, and she tried to pull away from him but his arm around her shoulders anchored her against him. Bucky’s hand moved from Steve’s shoulder to her head, stroking his fingers through her soft hair to sooth and reassure her.

They were all silent then, like they often were after Steve scolded her. It was a familiar dance for them. When she got bratty or if she did something wrong, Steve would reprimand her sternly, while Bucky sat by and watched. Then, both Bucky and Steve would calm her down so she knew they forgave her. It worked to correct her misbehavior every time, but it took all three of them.

With Steve rocking them gently on the porch swing and Bucky running his fingers through her hair, it didn’t take long to lull her back to sleep.

Steve carried her upstairs to put her to bed, and Bucky followed, turning down the covers and tucking her in. Hermes curled up on the bed at her feet, settling down and dozing off right next to her. 

Steve had already placed their luggage in the rooms they would be staying in, all their rooms side by side in the same hall.

Bucky followed Steve to their respective bedrooms, and they lingered in the doorways.

“Do you think I was too hard on her?” Steve asked. They spoke quietly in the mellow darkness of the night. Bucky could hear the waves crashing on the beach out back.

“Nah,” Bucky reassured him, “She can take it. Plus, it’d be nice if she didn’t act up during this trip.” He could hope she wouldn’t, at least.

Steve nodded. “She gets so ballsy on these vacations when her dad’s not here.”

“Well,” Bucky said, clapping him on the shoulder, “If she gets like that this summer, you’re here to put her in her place.”

Steve looked at him, dark eyes glinting. “Damn right,” he said, voice low. Bucky couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but Steve’s tone of voice sent a shudder through him. “We should get to bed,” Steve said finally, breaking up the tense atmosphere. “I’m waking you both up early tomorrow.”

Bucky groaned, “Ugh, c’mon Stevie. Let us sleep in.”

Steve grinned, “No chance, Buck. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” Bucky said, his voice soft as he watched Steve retreat into his bedroom, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

He let out a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his face. It was going to be a long, intense summer, he could already tell.

[goodwriterwithbadhabits]

March 29th

Master List

~~

There’s something spectacular about the last day of any school term. It’s the magic of knowing, the next time you set foot on this campus, you’ll be older. It’s the sadness of saying goodbye to the teacher you used to have and preparing for the ones you’ll have next year. 

Today was different. It was the last day, but this time, you would never be coming back here. Tomorrow night you would graduate, and then you’d be off, off in the world being adults. So today, the seniors were given the chance to just vibe, wander the campus, reminisce as they prepared themselves for the following day. 

“Hey, Y/n, remember this?” Jeongin giggles, pointing to a chunk of the wooden bench that had been knocked off. 

“I’m late, I’m late” You were gasping for air, dodging around other students, trying to get to the main office. You weren’t doing any parkour or anything, but you were bouncing off benches and sprinting along curbs. “Excuse me!” You called, brushing past a large group of men. You boosted yourself on the wooden bench next to them, but just before you could jump off the end, there was a loud crack and you were suddenly falling. As if in slow motion you turned, aiming to land on your back, but you never hit the ground.

You were in someone’s arms, staring up at a very cute boy who had stopped you from crashing onto the ground. He offered you a grin, carefully setting your feet back on the ground. 

“Are you okay?” You nod quickly, picking up the lunch box you had dropped. 

“I’m sorry, thank you. I have to go.” You turned to begin sprinting away. 

“His name’s Jeongin.” Someone called, and you turned back slightly to offer him a smile. 

“Thank you Jeongin, I’m Y/n” 

“Of course I remember breaking this stupid bench.” You huff, kicking the old seat. “Freshman year, I was late for my doctor’s appointment.” 

“Hey don’t be mean to the bench, this is where we met. When I heroically saved your life.” He posed for emphasis, foot resting on the bench and hands on his hips. Your face erupted into a grin as giggles escaped you. 

“Ah yes,” You began, pressing a dramatic hand to your forehead, “My hero.” You collapsed backward, falling towards him, and weren’t remotely shocked when he caught you. 

“Jeonginnnie! Y/n!” Someone called. You looked up to find Felix and Jisung jogging towards you. 

“Hey you, finished bothering Mr. Pips?” You greet, standing up straight, with Jeongin’s arms still around you. 

“Sadly, he’s got a meeting, had to run off before Jisung could declare his love.” Felix teased. 

“So what are you two doing?” Jisung pouts, dropping onto the bench. “Hey isn’t this the bench you broke?” You nod, kinda proud. 

“Yeah. We were just talking about that.” 

“My favorite thing you two have ever done was the escape on prom night junior year.” Felix recalls, sitting on the back of the bench. 

“This is straight-up lame.” You groaned, picking at the flowery lace on the edge of your dress. Your shoulders were cold, your legs were cold, and your feet hurt from these stupid shoes. Jeongin seemed just as bored sitting next to you, and Felix was sitting with Hyunjin and Jisung a few tables away. Seungmin was nowhere to be found but something told you he was at the snack table loading his pockets. 

“The music here sucks,” Jeongin whined, peeling off his jacket and draping it over your shoulders. “We should leave.” 

“They’d never let us go, didn’t you hear? Everyone has to have their parents pick them up, cause of the murder last week.” You sigh, “Stupid rule. It’s not like the killer’s going after high schoolers.” 

“What if we snuck out?” Jeongin offered, pointing to a darkened section of a fence where no one was watching. “Hyunjin’s car is right over there, past the fence.” 

“But then we’d have to get Hyunjin to sneak out with us.” You reasoned. “And get me over the fence in heels and a skirt.” 

“We take the shoes off, and when you get to the top, I’ll be the only one on the other side to catch you.” 

“And then once we’re all over we sprint to Jinnie’s car.” He nods at the plan. “Where are we gonna go though? Our parents aren’t expecting us home till just past 2 am.”

“Let’s go to Chan’s” Seungmin’s voice made you jump, and you turned to find him on the other side of the table. “I was eavesdropping, cookie?” He pulled a bag from his coat pocket, offering you one. 

“No thanks, do you think Chan will let us come over?” 

“I was already going, he was gonna pretend to be my dad and come get me at midnight.” He shrugged.

“Alright.” Jeongin nods, “Let's get those three in on it.” 

Less than twenty minutes later and you found yourself perched on the top of the fence, waiting for Jeongin to give you the clear to jump down. 

“Alright babe, come on.” 

“You sure?”

“Now’s not the time, Y/n, Hurry.” Hyunjin huffs, jiggling the fence slightly.

“Shut up, Hyunjin.” Felix hisses. 

“No worries babe, I’ve got you.” You swallow the lump in your throat, and swing your other leg over the top, before dropping down.

“I was surprised you actually caught me.” You giggle, all of you laughing at the memory. “Weird to think no one heard us, we weren’t quiet.” 

“I’m pretty sure Seungmin bribed the security guards.” Felix reasons. 

“Who did I bribe?” Seungmin’s voice makes you jump, finding him walking towards you looking like a runway model. 

“Why are you dressed like you just walked out of a catalog, I thought we still had to wear our uniforms today?” Jisung wonders, tugging on Seungmin’s beige trench coat.

“I did just walk out of a catalog, dad had me doing a photoshoot, I wanted to clean out my locker before school ended for the day. Now answer my question.”

“The security guards at Junior prom, when we snuck out.” You answered, stepping away from Jeongin, “Hey we should probably all go clean out our lockers.” You realized, grabbing Jeongin’s hand. “Come on you two, lord knows Felix needs extra time to clean up his disaster.”

“Hey, it's not that bad.” He cries, jumping off the bench. “I’ve just got some extra papers.” 

“Yeah okay.” Jisung scoffs, “You kept every paper from this semester. It’s like a tornado in there.”

“Your’s isn’t much better, Jisungie.” You tease, trailing your hand over the lockers as you walk down the hall. 

“Speaking of absolute messes, where’s Hyunjin?” Seungmin asks, glancing up and down the mostly empty halls.

“Who knows, probably making out with someone in a bathroom.” Felix laughs, “I know I saw him walk into the science wing with some girl earlier.” “You’re so mean to him. Let him live his hoe life.” You defend your friend. A locker in front of you bursts open, making you shriek and jump back, partially falling on Jeongin as Hyunjin bursts out of the compartment.

“Exactly, let me live.” He cries, bursting into laughter at his scared friends. You were practically in Jeongin’s arms, and Jisung was on the floor staring up at his friend. 

“You’re a monster.” He gasps, trying to calm his breathing.

“It was so funny, you should have seen your faces.” Hyunjin cackles, earning a slap on the arm from Seungmin. “Oh my gosh, where’d Felix go?”

“Hey,” Jeongin whispers, “We gotta stop meeting like this.” He jokes as you detach yourself from him. 

“What can I say, I keep falling for you.” You tease back, kissing his cheek as he blushes. 

“With any luck, I’ll always be there to catch you.” He flirts back, making you giggle. 

“I found him!” Jisung shouts, and you look over to find him pointing up at Felix, who had somehow managed to climb onto the lockers in fear. 

“Something tells me that this isn’t the end of these idiots antics.” You sigh. 

“Hey, at least we have each other.” Jeongin grins, nudging your shoulder. 

“Thank god for that.” You grin back, leaning up to press a quick kiss to his lips. “Otherwise I’d go crazy.” 

“I’m already crazy.” Jeongin begins, resting a hand on your cheek as he pulled you closer, “Crazy for you.” 

You were too focused on Jeongin’s gentle kiss to register the groans from the boys as they echoed down the hall.

[thorne93]

Stan Lee University

Prompt: What would the Avengers be like in college, more importantly, what would they be like if Y/N existed around them?

Word Count: 2559

Warnings: drama, language, betrayal 

Notes: This is based on a HC from @carryonmyswansong. They helped brainstorm and write part of this series. In this AU, no one will have powers, everyone is a normal human. Beta’d by @carryonmyswansong

~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s Monday.

It’s busy.

It’s hectic.

It’s nerve wracking.

It’s college.

Your junior year to be exact, the beginning of fall semester. You shouldn’t be daunted by this though, you were only nineteen, whereas most of your peers were twenty-one. Thanks to your desire to learn, and some strings pulled at your small-town high school, you’d had advanced through the grades, and when the seniors graduated at eighteen, so did you at sixteen.

From there, you joined them at college. A lot of people have to deal with saying goodbye to their friends in high school. Friends that most of the time were people they literally grew up with. But in your case, in your small city, pretty much everyone you ran around with in high school came to the same college.

It was a quaint, small college with roughly twelve-hundred enrolled students on a rather green campus, and sixteen of your friends had come over to join you.

Now, all you had to do was get to your morning class -- Physics 3000.

You skated into the classroom and located Tony and Bruce quickly, already sitting on one side of the four-chaired black top lab tables.

“Hey, hey!” Tony greeted happily. He stood up to give you a quick hug before you slid into your seat, five minutes to spare before class.

“Hey, thought I’d never make it here. Four freshman needed help, decided to pick me to be their tour guide,” you explained.

“You could’ve said no,” Bruce retorted.

“Yeah, I’m not sure I know that word,” you teased with a half smile.

Tony and Bruce were very good friends of yours. The three of you shared a strong love of science, known each other since freshman year of high school… well, your freshman year. Tony was double majoring in engineering and computer science. Bruce decided to double major in chemistry and biology, while minoring in engineering.

Meanwhile, you were a psychology major - pre med. Everyone called you crazy for wanting to do pre-med, and especially for putting time into a major like psychology. Nearly everyone said it would just be easier to major in chemistry, and minor in psychology, since you had to have so many chem courses for pre-med. But you didn’t want that. Psychology was your life, it was your driving force. Nothing got you more excited than the idea of finding out what makes people tick.

Just then, a student sat down beside you. You’d never seen him before, and on this campus, with this population size, that was nearly impossible. He began pulling out his notebooks while you and The Science Bros (the nickname nearly everyone had given Tony and Bruce long ago) stared at him. The three of you shared a quick look before the new student glanced up at you all.

“Uh, hi,” he greeted with confusion, his eyes touching on all of you. “I’m sorry, do I have something on my face or…?”

“Sorry,” you began, blinking quickly. “We’ve just never seen you before,” you remarked, taking in his appearance. He had dark, short hair. He was tall. Blue eyes that seem to cut anything they looked at. His presence alone was intimidating, even before he opened his mouth.

“That’s probably because I just transferred over. Went to Bransford University before this,” he explained matter-of-factly. Bransford was a huge college about two hours east of your university.

“Oh, why the switch?” you inquired, leaning a little more towards him, your body involuntarily shivering at his voice, and his piercing eyes.

“Wanted a smaller school,” he answered. “Got tired of the faculty treating us like cattle at BU.” He scoffed slightly and rolled his eyes. “Anyway, I’m Stephen.” He held out his hand and you took it, giving your name. After that, the others introduced themselves.

“Nice to meet you,” you said.

“Yeah, you too.”

“Good morning, everyone,” the professor said, standing up in front of the class. “Say hello to everyone at your table. They will be your new lecture and lab partners for the rest of the semester.”

Stephen looked back to you briefly, his expression unreadable until he put his eyes back on the professor. He tried to hide it, but you saw a small smirk on his face and you were curious if he had felt a spark like you did.

---------------------------

As soon as lecture let out, Stephen went on his own way while you and the science bros began making your way to your next class. Tony had some robotics engineering class, while Bruce had biochem coming up. As for you, it was off to Ethics in Mental Health.

The three of you diverged around the middle of campus, where Tony had to go to the business building, Bruce to the science, and you to the social science building. It was there, that your best friend had started walking across the courtyard and you nearly exploded from excitement.

“Clint!” you called, waving at him to get his attention before running full force at him. You slammed into him, wrapping your entire body around him. Your legs went around his waist, your arms around his neck, while he wrapped you in a tight embrace, spinning you around before sitting you down.

“Hey! How was your first class? I’m headed to mine now,” he informed.

“Interesting. We’re going to go into centrifugal force first, and I’m really excited because--”

Clint held up his hand. “Too many big words for this early in the morning,” he remarked.

You laughed at him. “It’s like… ten-thirty in the morning, Clint,” you teased, nudging his elbow.

“I’m not changing what I said,” he confidently responded. “Where are you off to?”

“Ethics in mental health.”

He nodded. “Yeah, you really need that class. Bad.”

You punched him playfully. “Hey, fuck off, Barton.”

“See! You just hit me. That needs anger management. When you’re a psychiatrist you can’t just go off the handle like that, Y/N. You need to reel it in,” he said, laying into you, teasing you.

“Oh, don’t worry, if anyone gives me a hard time, I’ll just lobotomize them.”

“You’re a scary person.”

“It’s always the most unassuming,” you said with a shrug before bidding him a goodbye and skipping off to class where you ran into Wanda. She was another psych major, but she wasn’t pre-med. She planned on getting her Masters in counseling. She wasn’t sure if she was going for children, marriage, school, or general. She was still on the fence and constantly grilled you about how you just knew you wanted to be a psychiatrist, when she was always so uncertain.

“Hey,” you greeted with a smile as you plopped beside her in the medium sized lecture hall.

“Hey. You ready for this?”

“Of course,” you said confidently. You pulled out your folder. “Already printed the syllabus, the schedule, and the first homework assignments. I do have some questions about it though…”

“Oh my god,” she groaned. “You’re the biggest nerd on campus, you realize this, right? Why are you like this? Why can’t you just let the professor hand you this crap? They all do it every time.”

“They don’t always do it,” you corrected. “I’ve had several not do it, and then I’m stuck without a plan. And you know how much I hate being without a plan.”

“Don’t we all?” she muttered, but it was so low you missed it.

--------------------

After your psych class you had a sociology class, where you met up with Scott and Sam. Scott was a total goofball, but you loved him. He was constantly cracking jokes, and while he seemed like an idiot and not serious about his work, he rivaled Tony and Bruce in his intelligence and skill. His area of expertise and interest lied in microbiology. Whenever you, or anyone else asked about it, he always said he loved small things. He just thought things on a microscopic level had the capability to kill, and he found it fascinating. It sort of creeped everyone out, but hey, he was a good guy so who cared?

Sam, on the other hand, was in aerodynamics. He majored in the aerospace program, with a minor in robotics. Sam was the chillest dude around, and you adored him. He was a wise cracker, but just like Scott, he wasn’t one to be underestimated.

“Hey boys!” you said happily as you sat with them in a small room.

“How are you so cheery?” Sam asked, not moving anything except an eyebrow and his eyes to glance at you. “It’s almost the end of the day and after all my classes I’m already ready to leave.”

“Because I’m doing what I love?” you asked as if it were obvious. “Come on, you aren’t thrilled knowing we’re about to embark on some sociology?”

“Aren’t you a psychology student? Why do you care about this?” Scott asked, gesturing to the front of the class before crossing his arms again.

You shrugged. “I can still appreciate a sociologists point of view. Without knowing how society affects my future patients, I can’t properly treat them.”

“Does every class get you excited or is it just the boring ones?” Scott wondered.

You laughed. “I love all knowledge, Scott,” you reminded sweetly.

“Oh yeah, I forgot she’s Einstein-incarnate,” Sam said, thrusting a thumb at you and rolling his eyes.

You giggled and blushed before the class started.

---------------------

And thus ended your first day of classes. It was a lot to keep track of, but you would spend all night in your dorm alone creating a nice color coded schedule and reading over the syllabus for each class twice. Towards the end of the night, you thought you’d head out to grab a coffee and a late night meal when you ran into another friendly face.

He came out of his room just as you were locking your room behind you.

“Oh, hey, Steve. I didn’t know you were across from me this year,” you said, glancing over your shoulder at the tall muscular blonde.

Steve was a really great guy. He was the football captain back in high school, but he wasn’t the typical stereotype. He was actually like the perfect, all-american kid. He kept up his grades, he was really sweet to everyone. He never acted better than anyone else, and he was a great leader. He got a full ride football scholarship at college and he was a great student here as well. Lots of people thought he would go into sport science, but he actually chose business. He claimed that his body would deteriorate one day, especially if he went pro; but with business, he had a real career to fall back on, one he could retire with, and one that wouldn’t cause physical damage down the line.

Steve and you weren’t close, well, not exactly. You dated his best friend… a lot… on and off… since freshman year of high school.

Freshman year you met Bucky, who was just a sweetheart. He was a bit of a flirt, but he was a nerd like you, but hid it, for fear of being made fun of. So he put on this air of being a total player. He had a prosthetic left arm, something he got from a bad accident when he was a kid. Steve was there, saw the whole thing, seeing as they were neighbors. They grew up together, like brothers. Neighbors until they moved out and came to college, but here they had different housing.

The prosthetic arm had left Bucky a little insecure which is why he always tried a little harder at everything he did. He felt he had to prove himself constantly.

As for you, you had no problem with his arm. You honestly never noticed it. Hell your best friend was technically deaf. Without his hearing aids, he couldn’t hear jackshit. You’d picked up a good bit of sign language to make it easier for Clint.

But you and Bucky… god… it was complicated. You dated throughout most of freshman year, broke up in the summer, got back together in the winter of sophomore year, then broke up again before the end of the sophomore year… The cycle went on like that for several years. Each time you dated got shorter and shorter, and it seemed you had more dates in between your time with Bucky.

The first time you broke up, you didn’t see anyone at all. You got back together with Bucky, and that was that. But then you broke up a second time, and then you started dating another kid in your class. That didn’t last long, he was just more of someone to hang out and study with.

You lost your virginity to Bucky junior year of high school, and he to you. You would’ve thought that would’ve helped things, maybe make you closer. And it did, for a while. But eventually, you broke up again.

Throughout college, it was basically a friends-with-exclusive benefits when you two got together. There was no real relationship. It was pretty much physical except for the occasional movie or dinner date, but the romantic connection seemed to die a long time ago for you.

The two of you had broken up yet again earlier this year, early June. You started dating in the end of April, but by the beginning of June you were restless. You wanted a real relationship, not just random, casual sex with meaningless hangout sessions.

Bucky was still a really good guy, and you two were still friends. The breakups never affected that and most of the time it was as simple as a text stating, “I’m ready to take a break.” Sometimes he initiated them, sometimes you did. Most of the time it was either life was too busy for the whole FWB thing, or one of you was interested in someone else.

But, it was because of your odd relationship with Bucky that you weren’t exactly close with Steve. Steve thought it was weird that you two couldn’t just decide to be together or not. He didn’t want to get close to you in case one of these times the breakup wasn’t so amicable. He didn’t want to feel like he was caught between you two or something, so he just stayed close to Bucky and polite to you.

“Oh, yeah, moved in about a week ago,” he informed. “I don’t think I was here when you moved in so…” he explained with a casual shrug.

“Oh, gotcha. Okay, cool. Well it’ll be nice to have you across the hall!” you exclaimed. “Did you have a good first day?”

“Uh, as good as it can be. A little stressful, but I’m sure nothing like what you’re dealing with,” he offered.

“Oh, that’s no big deal,” you waved off. “Just classes. I’ve done tons of them before, they won’t be any different now.”

“That’s true. Well, hey, I’m off to go meet someone. I’ll see you around, okay?” he kindly said and you nodded, waving a goodbye to him. He went right down the hallway while you went left.

All in all, you had a rather happy good first day. Now it was time to celebrate with some food and time to think about the handsome lab partner you’d met earlier today.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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@alyssaj23

@sea040561

@princess76179

@thisismysecrethappyplace

@sarahp879

@malfoysqueen14

@ellallheart

@breezy1415

@marvelmayo

Steve Rogers

@nedthegay

@camigt1999

@lostinspace33

@alwayshave-faith

@elleatrixlestrange

@ultrarebelheart

@lenawiinchester

@esoltis280

@patzammit

Bucky Barnes

@nedthegay

@lostinspace33

@alwayshave-faith

@elleatrixlestrange

@ultrarebelheart

@lenawiinchester

@its-not-a-tulpa

@esoltis280

@thirstresponsibly

@valecitainwonderland

@buckybarnesappreciationsociety

@howling-at-that-moon @sneakygitsune @whiw0lf

Loki Odinson

@lostinspace33

@ultrarebelheart

@lenawiinchester

@esoltis280

@tngrayson

@wangdeasang

@harrymewmew

@jayfantasyatyourservice

[ohnominamino]

Monster Tag

Looking forward to reading the new chapter of Taking Chances! ♥ :D Also, I’m just going to submit this [Yomi-centric] Friday request while it's on halt, else I'll forget to! Perhaps on their way to visit Kurama, Shura deliberately wanders off, encounters the reader, and takes a shine to said reader. After Shura’s constant need to bring up the encounter, Yomi becomes intrigued. I’m sorry if this is too vague or particular; I wanted to give an idea with some flexibility when you’re free to write! - woodlandcrowns

Thank you for the prompt! I really enjoyed it, although I don’t think it went quite in the direction you might’ve wanted, but I hope it’ll be a good start!

~ * ~

Shura hated his father’s business trips to the human world. They bored him out of his small mind. There was nothing to do there and everything reeked-- of humans, he guessed, but he didn’t actually know which scent belonged to them or their strange furry beasts or their weird trees. He had a bad habit of stirring up mischief whenever he got dragged along. He’d gotten scolded more times than he could count.

Not that it mattered. He still did what he wanted to do.

“Can I go to the park by Kurama’s house?” He asked.

Yomi gave a nod, warning him, “Don’t cause any trouble. I’ll pick you up when I’ve finished my meeting.”

He didn’t go to the park.

Instead, he took a stroll around the neighborhood. His father had taught him how to disguise his demon features, appearing to anyone who passed him to be a normal little boy. He was, in a way. He was curious. He liked to play. He stopped at the chain link fence surrounding a… what was it called? School? The children were outside on the sandy spanse of land, running around and screaming, “Monster! It’s going to eat us!”

Shura’s eyes scanned the space for another demon, but he didn’t see or sense anything. There was just an adult chasing them around. When she managed to grab one of the children, she only pretended to eat them.

It was a stupid game, he thought.

He wanted to join.

Scaling the fence with speed, he leapt down on the other side and rushed into the fold. He joined the children’s taunts and laughter, running and hiding with them. The monster, he found out, was called Miss [Name]. One boy explained to Shura that she was the teacher. She always played with them, he said, and taught them a lot of things.   

When a bell rang and summoned the children and Miss [Name] back into the school, Shura slipped away. He walked to the park he’d said he was going to visit, and there is where Yomi found him, pensive and sat on a swing.   

“Something bothering you, Shura?”

He surprised his father by answering, “I want to go to school.”

~ * ~

Shura pestered his father every day for a month until he caved. He discussed the issue with Kurama, who naturally supported Shura’s partial integration into the Human World. He let Yomi borrow his address as their “home” and escorted him to register with the office; Kurama claimed to be an uncle, assisting his blind family member to fill out paperwork. Shura was kept busy looking at colorful books the secretary passed to him.

Invited to meet the principal, and after a brief exchange of introductions, Yomi said buntly, “My son would like to be in Miss [Name]’s class.”

“Miss [Name] teaches Grade 1. How old is your son?”

“How old are Grade 1 students?”

“6 or 7 years.”

Shura’s real age was irrelevant, Yomi decided. “Shura is 6.”

“Do you have a copy of his birth certificate?”

Kurama coughed, “I’ll help my brother find it later today and pass it to the office.”

“Very well. Ms. Harada, the secretary, will give you a list of what paperwork we need. We’ll ask you to pay the first semester’s tuition when you bring those things in.”

“We understand.”

The principal’s stern demeanor changed when she addressed Shura next, “I hope you’ll enjoy your time at our school, Shura. We’re looking forward to having you.”

“When can I play?”

“Soon!”

~ * ~

And that’s how Yomi became the father of an elementary school student.

[strngrthngz-blog]

Muse

Jonathan Byers x Fem!Reader

Request: Could I request a Jonathan Byers imagine with a fem reader? Maybe an angst or fluff (or both?)!

Summary: When your seat is taken and you’re forced to sit next to Jonathan, he suddenly finds his new muse. 

A/N: I loved writing this so much! I really hope you guys enjoy reading it.  This is my second fic, and I’m really looking forward to some feedback so i can make these as good as I can and you guys will want to keep reading.  Thank you! Love u all lots!

Warnings: underage drinking

Words: 2.4k

You didn’t think that being 5 minutes late to class a month into the semester would mean you’d lose your seat, but it did. You roll your eyes and look around the room, noticing the only seat available is the one next to Jonathan Byers, no one seemed to have wanted to sit next to him, but you flashed him the biggest smile and made your way over.

He wasn’t creepy to you, you knew that what his family had gone through was horrible and strange. He was just a loner, trying to get through high school without bothering anyone.

Jonathan saw you walking towards him, making his heart beat faster. You had always been nice to him but kept your distance, only saying hi when the situation forced you to. You sat down in the desk next to his, smile still on your face.

“Hey!” You said to him before turning back to the front of the class as the teacher began to speak again.

“H-hey” he managed to stutter out, but you were already paying attention to something else. 

You had yet another group assignment due by the end of the class. Your teacher was always too lazy to grade 50 papers so he usually let you work with a partner.

You looked around trying to figure out who you’d pair up with since your friends were on the other side of the room but stopped in your tracks when you saw Jonathan already starting on it.

“You do know it’s a group assignment, right? 2 or more people?” You looked at him and chuckled.

“Oh, yeah, I just assumed everyone else would be partnered up already.” He said not looking up from his desk and playing with the corner of the notebook

“I’m not. Can we work together?” You asked and moved your desk towards his before even getting an answer.

“S-sure, yeah.” He looked up at you, eyebrows slightly furrowed but you just flashed him another smile. He looked away and let the blush that creeped on his face fade before looking back.

“So, I definitely think that we should start off by reading this section.” You said pointing your finger at a page in the book. He just nodded, not trusting his voice.

He stared at the side of your face as you looked down at the book, concentrated on writing down notes. He felt himself feel warm all over. He had always thought you were beautiful but he had never seen you so close. The way your eyelashes fluttered every time you blinked and the little freckles and moles that cluttered your face and neck. He wished he could take a picture. Not wanting the sight in front of him to ever change.

 From that day forward you sat next to him in class every day. You guys would talk and work on your assignments, always getting an A and always having fun making him blush and pushing his buttons.

And from that day forward, he spent his time taking pictures of you whenever he could. He couldn’t help it, finding you to be his muse.

Everything you did was beautiful to him. The way you’d scrunch your eyebrows and stick your tongue out slightly when you couldn’t get your locker to open

Snap

The way you’d smile brightly walking down the hallway while waving and greeting your friends.

Snap

The way you’d lean against the chain link fence on the track, bored out of your mind during P.E.

Snap

Even the way you looked, running past everyone at the party. Embarrassed and sad after getting into a fight with your friend that ended in you being drenched by her drink.

Snap

He followed you outside, unsure of what he was even doing. But considering the fact he had even shown up to the party in the first place, it was safe to say he was feeling bold and the two drinks he had at the beginning of the night still ran their course through him.

You were sat outside on the porch, on the other side of you was someone leaning over the railing throwing up their guts.

“Hey.” You looked up to see Jonathan’s eyes on you. You couldn’t help but let the tears fall.

“Hey.” You said quietly, flashing him a small smile. He was amazed at the fact that you still had that beautiful smile on your face even though the tears were freely falling.

He moved over to sit next to you, unsure of what to do but wanting to comfort you.

“Are you okay?” He finally asked. You looked up at him and slightly nodded, leaning your head on his shoulder for support.

“Yeah. I’m just kinda sad… I think I’m gonna head home.” You said playing with the hem of your skirt.

“I can drive you if you want?” He offered with a smile.

“That would be great actually.” You said as you moved to get up. Jonathan got up quicker and offered you his hand, helping you the rest of the way up. Not letting go of your hand even on the walk to his car.  

 You couldn’t help but blush, he seemed so confident at the moment, you were definitely attracted to this side of him. Not saying you weren’t usually attracted to him.

You had a thing for Byers, he was sweet, smart, soft and caring. You noticed him from the first day of class that year, sitting in the back corner, looking out the window with his camera hanging around his neck. The camera that would never leave his side, even now.

He had opened the door for you and walked quickly to the other side of the car. You got comfortable in the passenger seat, feeling your head starting to hurt a little.

He sat down in the driver’s side and took the camera off from around his neck, placing it gently between you.

You looked at him, getting his attention.

“You know, I always see you with that camera but I’ve never seen any of your pictures.” You said, taking off your jacket and throwing it into the back seat. You picked up the camera from where it was placed and looked at it.

“One day.” He said before smiling at you. You couldn’t help but look away, the blush on your face deepening.

He decided to take you in, not letting himself miss an opportunity to look at you. He trailed down from your face to your now bare arms and even let himself go further, catching a glimpse of your legs. He looked back at the road, as a blush and a smile snuck onto his face.

You snuck glances at Jonathan. The street lights that flashed by caressed his face. You knew that the drinks you had at the party were making you see and feel things that you had thought you kept away in the back of your mind. You didn’t want to look away, thinking that he looked so mesmerizing. You wanted to look at him forever.

You held the camera in your hand and turned, fully facing Jonathan. 

Snap 

He looked at you, confused and a bit embarrassed.

“Sorry, you just look really good right now.” You said with a giggle. 

“You have to give me a copy of that.” You continued as you put the camera back where it previously was.

Jonathan felt his face heat up, he didn’t know how to react, so he just nodded. He felt his heartbeat skip when he thought about what you had said. He was happy and a bit confused but mostly, he was nervous.

Did you really think that? Or were you just saying it because you were drunk. It occurred to him that it actually didn’t matter, that regardless of your state, you had said it. And he would never forget it.

You guided Jonathan on the way to your house, telling him to turn left and right and making sure he got off at the second turn of the roundabout. You finally arrived home and turned to him as he shut the engine off.

“Thank you.” You folded your hands on your lap and were twiddling your thumbs.

“Of course, I wasn’t going to leave you alone outside of that party.” You smiled up at him and placed your hand on his.

“I’ll see you at school.” You went to open the car door.

“Wait, your jacket!” He said before reaching over and grabbing in the dark for your jacket. You looked over your seat to look as he picked it up, noticing a few papers sprawled across the floor. You reached over and picked them up. You sat back facing forward in your seat. 

Jonathan already knew what you had picked up and mentally cursed at himself. All the confidence he felt that night flying out the window as he retreated into his usual self.

“Wow.” Was all you said as you flipped through photos of yourself. Shocked that he had so many, shocked that he had bothered to take pictures of you in the first place.

You were flattered, but confused as to why. Why had he been taking pictures of you? You didn’t even think you were that pretty. But these pictures were something. You couldn’t deny they were good, Jonathan had gotten the lighting and somehow your positions perfectly.

“Look I’m really sorry, I don’t want you thinking I’m a creep I swear these weren’t taken for some weir-“ he stopped talking when you turned your face to look at him, setting the photos down.

“They’re really nice. Thank you.” He was confused to say the least, you didn’t hit him, you didn’t yell, you weren’t angry.

“Y-you’re welcome…” He said more as a question than a statement.

“I gotta head inside, I think my mom is looking at us through the window.” He looked at your house and sure enough was met with an older woman looking out the window.

“Yeah, yeah of course, I’ll see you later.” You nodded at him and put your jacket on while walking out of the car.

Jonathan didn’t leave until you walked into your house.

He couldn’t wait to go home. He wanted to lay in bed, confused by the events of the night. And even more confused by your reaction. He hated himself for taking those pictures. He was sure he had creeped you out and you were just being nice to get out of the car. He felt as if he’d never been more embarrassed in his life.

When he finally got home he quickly changed and got into bed. Lying face down on his bed and wishing the ground would swallow him up.

It had been two days before he finally saw you in school. You were sitting in your desk, next to his, when he walked into class. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t face you and he definitely couldn’t be forced to work on an assignment with you. He quickly turned and walked out of the class, opting to just not go.

He made his way to the school’s darkroom. Hoping to keep his mind off you as he developed the new pictures he had taken. Only containing two of you, the rest were for his class project.

He looked through the film trying to see how they had come out before he developed them. He couldn’t clearly see what was on the last one, and he had no recollection of taking it.

When he finally finished developing the prints he looked at the unfamiliar one. It was the one you had taken of him. He stared at it, looking at the way the light casted over his face, remembering everything that had happened that night. Feeling the happiness and confidence he had felt but quickly remembering the embarrassment too.

He put the picture down and continued to finish up the rest of his work when he heard the door open. He quickly turned to the person.

“Hey, you can’t let light- oh” He was surprised to say the least. You quickly walked into the room and shut the door behind you.

“Why didn’t you go to class today?” You asked him, stepping closer, holding your books tighter to your chest.

“How did you find me?” He asked back and moved to the other side of the small room.

“I asked first.” You didn’t step forward, letting him be as comfortable as he could during the situation.

Jonathan hesitated, opening and closing his mouth before finally answering.

“I couldn’t see you.”

“Is this because of the pictures?”

Jonathan sadly looked at you, not wanting to have this conversation.

“Jonathan, I was being honest when I said they were nice. I didn’t find it creepy… I was honestly just shocked because, why me?” You laughed humorlessly, and so did he.

Jonathan took a step forward and so did you, meeting in the middle. He gained the same confidence he had the night of the party, placing his hand on your cheek.

“Why wouldn’t it be you? You’re beautiful, inside and out. I’ve thought that since the first day we spoke. You’ve been my muse since then. Everything you do is mesmerizing.” He took a deep breathe, having said everything so quickly.

 You didn’t know what to say. No one had ever felt this way about you, you had never felt this way about anyone. You set your books down on the table next to you and threw yourself into his chest, wrapping your arms around him. He smiled into your hair, taking a deep breath and inhaling your scent. He wanted to make sure this was real, that you were really there and it wasn’t some messed up hallucination his mind had made up.

You looked up at him, close as you’ve ever been and smiled at him.

“I really, really like you, and I really, really liked the pictures you took of me.” You said and laughed, nervously waiting for Jonathan’s reaction to your confessions. His eyes widened and he cupped your cheeks like he had before, this time leaning in and kissing you on the lips.

You two had spent many more days in the darkroom, kissing and whispering sweet nothings to each other while waiting for the pictures he had taken of you to develop.

[patchwork-panda]

If A Moment Is All We Are (35/?)

AO3 link: here

“He what?!”

“Yeah, it was his last day today,” the man continued, seemingly oblivious to my shock. “He was one of several professors set to be let go at the end of the semester. Now that exams are just about over, the department heads must’ve figured it was as good a time as any.”

“But why?” I asked, letting the elevator doors close without getting in.

I heard a short series of pings as it left without me.

“Letting go of so many people all at once—and right around exam season—it’s kind of strange.”

“No, it’s not,” the man said, swiveling back around to face his laptop. “I might just be a lowly building manager, but even I know that this department’s been in trouble for a while now.”

I saw him open up a tab on his web browser and scroll through the homepage of a department store. He leaned back in his chair and kept talking, his voice amiable.

Looks like he’s just bored and feels like gossiping...

“Yeah, it started with the teaching aides,” he said, clicking on a warm-looking black jacket. “They got axed at the beginning of last month. Then they got rid of a couple of associate professors. When we got the most recent email, I knew it was just a matter of time before they either dissolved the department or combined it with another one.”

He clicked on another jacket, a red one this time.

“Today’s my last day too. I’m just here killing time until Professor Shu finishes packing up so I can lock up. His students are planning a going away party for him before he transfers to Tokyo.”

“I... I see...”

I gripped the strap of my bag tightly and bowed slightly, though the man did not see.

“Thank you for telling me all that. I’ll go send those emails now.”

“Have a good one,” he drawled, not bothering to wave me off.

***

Budgeting problems, huh?

I rolled my chair back with a sigh.

Since the history department library was really close by, I decided to drop by so I could look into the building manager’s claims. Luckily, there were still a few students milling about and I managed to tag after a group of chattering girls around my age as they let themselves into the gleaming white building.

It didn’t take long for me to find the documents and articles I was looking for and as I clicked print and made my way across the room to retrieve them, I couldn’t help but feel a familiar twist of unease deep in my gut.

So, Professor Matsuyama had been let go.

Apparently, the university hadn’t been doing so well financially in the last few years. The history department, despite being one of the university’s oldest and most expansive, was no exception. With research grants drying up and research proposals themselves failing to gain much interest, either nationally or internationally, they were getting short on money. Throw in the fact that student interest in this department had been shrinking for years, it made perfect sense to downsize the whole department to keep the university afloat.

I plucked the documents from the printer and tucked them into my bag next to the old globe.

There was a good reason I hadn’t been able to find much information on Professor Matsuyama when I first started the case. His studies were particularly obscure. Even branching out into other areas hadn’t seemed to help and from the look of things, he hadn’t produced many research papers compared to his peers within the last few years.

It was almost as if he were distracted by something else...

I kept my bag open and stared at the globe nestled safely inside.

There was something disturbingly familiar about Professor Matsuyama’s behavior from what I’d seen of it so far.

First, there was the fact that he’d been acting strangely, according to Nomura’s first-hand report. Then, there was the resemblance to Dazai, to the look in my bandaged mentor’s deep, brown eyes...

I touched my fingertips to my own eyes, recalling the blood-stained ghoul that used to stare at me from those longest and coldest of nights.

“Just go, huh?”

I didn’t even have to close my eyes to see Dazai standing there in the middle of the hallway, his half-bandaged hands tucked into the pockets of his tanned trench coat, his softly curled bangs falling just so into his brown eyes as he tilted his head to the side.

“Come on, please...?” he whispered, his eyes growing dark. “If this works, I won’t ask you for anything else ever again. I promise.”

And finally, there was the fact that the professor had been let go and was now giving away his belongings, and to a complete stranger like me, no less.

Suddenly, I was back in the graveyard, watching Professor Matsuyama lay the flowers at Kei’s grave. I could still see him standing there, trailing his fingers along the headstone as he spoke.

“I’ll be seeing you...”

A chill went up my spine as I stared at the globe in my bag.

He wouldn’t...

Thinking quickly, I buckled down the top of my messenger bag and rushed outside, my phone already in my hand.

“Come on, pick up,” I whispered, my pulse quickening as I waited and waited as the dial tone droned on.

Finally, there was a click.

“Hello?”

“Nomura-san?” I exclaimed, feeling a brief rush of relief. “It’s Kusunoki from the Agency. I have a question: do you—”

A raucous peal of laughter burst from the other end of the line. Wincing, I held the phone away from my ear as the laughter subsided and Nomura’s voice became audible once more.

“Ah, sorry about that, Kusunoki-san!” he said, his words ending on a slight laugh. “I’m actually out at dinner with the Professor and his wife right now. What’s going on?”

He’s with the professor and his wife?

My feet slowed from a brisk jog to a walk.

“Oh, you’re all there?”

“Yeah,” Nomura said, this time sounding a little confused. “What’s going on? Is this about the case?”

“Oh, uh, sorta,” I lied, stopping in my tracks entirely.

I stared ahead of me at the central clearing on campus as the sun slowly dipped down further towards the horizon.

Sounds like they’re out having a nice time. Probably a going away party for Professor Matsuyama.

“D-don’t worry about it. We can talk about it tomorrow.”

“You sure?” Nomura asked, a note of concern creeping into his voice. “Because if it’s important...”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I said, smiling a little in spite of the ongoing churning in my gut. “You guys have a nice time, okay?”

“We will, thanks!”

I hung up.

Tucking my phone back into my bag, I looked up at the trees, whose leaves were beginning to change from bright green to deep gold in the light of the setting sun.

Maybe Professor Matsuyama did just want to give me a thank you present, just for listening to him talk. Maybe I was just being paranoid and worried for nothing...

But maybe...

I gripped my bag tightly and set off for the Agency, a cold wind starting to blow throughout the tree-lined path. I buttoned up my jacket and walked to the bus stop, Professor Matsuyama’s words once again echoing in my ears as I went.

“I’ll be seeing you...”

Maybe I was right and the professor really was planning to kill himself...

***

The trees swayed above me in an unseen wind.

I pulled my jacket a little tighter against my body, my shoes clicking hollowly against the cobblestones as I followed the winding path ahead, out through the trees

All around me was the sound of softly rustling leaves, patterns of shadow and light dancing along the ground.

The path ahead stretched, long and winding, out beyond the tunnel of trees and as I walked past the wooded part of the campus at last to a field of beautiful white flowers.

They were chrysanthemums, bold and stark-white, stretching as far as the eye could see. I gazed out across the fields and towards the water as a foghorn sounded in the distance.

Yokohama Bay...

I went towards it.

Suddenly, a figure appeared on the path ahead of me, a tall, dark figure with softly curled hair and a slightly stooped posture. He strode up the path, towards the hill in the distance, a hill with a single large tree and a lone grave resting beneath.

He clutched a bouquet of white chrysanthemums in one hand and as he turned back to the bay to look at the sea, I saw the shine of thick, round glasses sitting upon his narrow nose.

My eyes widened.

“Professor Matsuyama?”

He kept going, deaf, it seemed, to my call.

Picking up the pace, I began walking a little faster.

“Professor Matsuyama, wait!”

But he didn’t respond. He just kept walking towards the tree on the hill.

One by one, the chrysanthemums in his hand began to wilt...

Panicked, I pelted forward in a full sprint.

“Please, wait!!”

I chased him, down the winding path through the cemetery, past the fences and endless rows of headstones. All around us, the field of chrysanthemums began to wilt and fade away, but the man on the path ahead just seemed to be getting further and further away...

Finally, spurred onward by a desperate burst of speed, I caught up to him.

I reached out.

“Gotcha!”

But the moment my fingers grasped on to the end of his tawny, weathered blazer, it lengthened and began to unfurl like a flag. I let go just in time to watch it transform from the professor’s old blazer into an elegant, sand-colored trench coat.

I took a step back as the man before me turned, the bandages around his neck slowly unraveling in the breeze.

“Dazai...”

At once, a howling wind tore through the cemetery. White chrysanthemum petals scattered through the air as the bandaged detective slowly rotated on the spot and turned towards me. His bandaged forearms were shoved deep into his pockets and his sand-colored trench coat billowed all around him in the sudden storm.

High in the sky above us, an enormous, bright, full moon shone down on the two of us, illuminating our bodies in a harsh, pale glow like a distant spotlight.

Dazai smiled, his bright brown eyes twinkling like stars in the cold, spring night.

As the grave of S. Oda loomed large in the background behind him, the handsome brunette slowly reached out his hand and beckoned to me with one outstretched finger.

“Kyou...”

A single bandage unraveled from around his wrist and as I looked up into Dazai’s beautiful, hauntingly dark eyes, I could see my own reflection staring back.

“My sweet Camellia blossom...”

Tracks of red marked my cheeks, leaking from the corners of my eyes.

I reached out to take his hand.

“I promise...”

Dazai’s fingers wrapped tightly around mine and I went to him as his smile stretched wide.

“I won’t tell Kunikida-kun a thing.”

***

“Kusunoki-kun.”

I felt my head dipping lower and lower towards my chest.

Someone was calling my name...

“Kusunoki!”

I snapped awake and jerked to my left to see a very stern Kunikida sitting at my side, his beautiful gray-green eyes more slate than sage.

He wasn’t smiling.

“The meditation session is over,” he said quietly, his blonde brows knitting together as he studied me.

His voice was low, but relatively even.

“Are you ready to begin today’s session?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled, my cheeks coloring in embarrassment. “I am.”

I couldn’t look him in the eye as he slowly got to his feet and dusted himself off.

“Sorry...”

“It’s no big deal,” Kunikida replied, heading for the corner with the training dummies. “So long as you got something out of it, it’s alright.”

I felt my cheeks flush darker with shame as I heard his footsteps retreating further and further away.

Kunikida-san...

He’d been a little off all morning. At first, I hadn’t noticed, having not slept very well after being awoken by that nightmare. But when I’d approached the tall, blonde detective from down the hall earlier, arriving just as he was opening the door, I couldn’t help but see that his shoulders were just a little bit stiff, his bow just a little bit more curt.

He hadn’t smiled once this whole time and the contrast in his mannerisms from the last training session was nothing short of jarring.

Was he upset at me for falling asleep earlier...?

Or...

Chewing on the inside of my lip, I watched as Kunikida silently crossed the room, his back rigid and his aura so deadly serious that I half wondered if he was actually thinking about a murder investigation. He paused before the collection of training dummies with his arms crossed, his frown deepening as he considered them.

Was it possible that there was something else bothering him?

Something that a certain bandaged maniac might have told him about while they were alone in the break room yesterday...?

“Kusunoki-kun...?”

Kunikida’s voice was quiet and unusually hesitant. He didn’t look away from the training dummies even though it was very clear he was speaking to me.

My stomach began to tighten into a knot.

“Mind if I ask you something?” he inquired, tapping his chin. “It’s a question I’d like you to answer before we get started today...”

I froze.

It’s not what you think.

My heart beat wildly in my chest as Kunikida trailed off, seemingly pondering the right way to word his question.

Whatever Dazai told you in the break room yesterday is not the whole truth. I can explain...!

But I actually couldn’t. My mouth was so dry that I couldn’t get it to form any words. I swallowed thickly, trying in vain to say the things I needed to say.

“I was wondering,” Kunikida said slowly, finally turning around.

His gray-green eyes found mine.

“How do you feel about learning how to do a simple throw?”

I stopped trying to talk at once. A single strained syllable slowly made its way out of my throat.

“...Huh?”

“I know it’s only your third day of training,” Kunikida continued, sounding slightly apologetic as he spoke. “But you’ve clearly been working very hard and it seems to me like you’re really getting the hang of this.”

His expression softened.

“I don’t want to push you into doing anything you’re uncomfortable with, but if you feel like you’re ready to learn some new techniques today, I’d be happy to show you a few.”

He coughed a little and looked away.

“What do you think?”

I brought my hands to my lips.

“Kunikida-san...”

I was an idiot. Kunikida wasn’t mad at me. In fact, he wasn’t even thinking about yesterday’s incident at all. He was just worried about the lessons proceeding too quickly for me.

The only person who was worried about yesterday was me...

I felt my shoulders sag in obvious relief.

What was I thinking? That Kunikida—the man who had saved me over and over and over again—a man who possessed such strength and dignity and character—could possibly feel something as petty as jealousy or doubt over a couple of hushed conversations held in private with his partner? Even if that partner was someone like Dazai?

Kunikida would never take out his feelings of hurt on me.

He wasn’t that kind of man.

I wouldn’t have fallen for him if he was.

As I looked at him standing there before me, his hands tucked deep into the sleeves of his white martial arts gi, his beautiful gray-green eyes patient and kind, I realized just how badly I wanted to please him. To do something that might make him see me the way I saw him.

Something that would blow all doubt between us completely out of the water.

I took in a deep breath and smiled.

“I’ll do it,” I said. “Teach me how to throw.”

Kunikida looked slightly taken aback.

“Are you sure...?” he asked, sounding just a touch doubtful. “This isn’t going to be like anything you’ve done before. It’s much more difficult than the previous techniques you’ve learned and requires far more concentration and skill—”

“Kunikida-san.”

I felt my hands clench as a strange sort of determination began to well up from deep within my gut.

“I want to do this,” I heard myself say.

I want to do this for you.

Kunikida grew quiet. I saw his eyes searching mine, for traces of uncertainty, for any reason to take it all back. But when he found none, he just nodded, a slight set to his jaw as he smiled back. He turned back towards the collection of training dummies and continued the selection process.

I can’t believe I got so worked up over all that.

I stood there, watching in silence as Kunikida picked out a large, black cloth-covered dummy from somewhere in the back and began dragging it over.

I can’t believe I got so worked up over that thing that happened yesterday, over the dream that I had, over Dazai...!

But as Kunikida left the set of mannequins in the corner behind and brought the black-cloth dummy closer and closer towards me, I felt that horrible, nagging sensation of doubt gnawing at my gut once more.

Even if Kunikida might not be fully aware of it, he had plenty of good reasons to doubt, to be irritated with, or at the very least, disappointed in me.

It was more than just the conversation that happened in the break room yesterday. There were so many things I was hiding from him...!

For one, there was the fact that I had a not-so-secret crush on him. Kunikida might not have figured it out, but Dazai definitely knew and Yosano and maybe even Kyouka had probably guessed. I still hadn’t deleted those photos of Kunikida’s notebook that Dazai had sent me way back when and I still liked going through them once in a while, just so I could keep the vision of what I was aiming for fresh in my mind.

I felt a sinking in my gut as my brain continued listing the things I was hiding from Kunikida even as I tried to get it to stop.

I hadn’t talked to him once about my current case (even though I’d consulted Dazai). He probably didn’t know about the new upgrade in my Ability (even though Edogawa did). And worst of all...

I tried not to flinch as Kunikida slammed the training dummy down on the ground in front of me.

Dazai must have guessed, even though I hadn’t said the words out loud.

The dummy’s legs buckled a little from the force of the impact and I watched nervously, chewing on my lip in silence as Kunikida straightened it back up so that it was standing a little more upright.

That I’d tried to kill myself before.

And that this was the reason why the case of Professor Matsuyama... and why my conversation with Dazai... was bothering me so much...

I let my eyes settle on Kunikida as he got into position beside the dummy and began to speak.

“This training dummy was specifically designed as an opponent for judo and mixed martial arts,” Kunikida said, patting the dummy firmly on the shoulder. “It has all the same basic body parts as an actual human being but only weighs about as much as the average set of couch cushions. Perfect for practicing throwing when you’re not yet ready for a real opponent.”

I nodded, turning my attention to the dummy.

Unlike the roly-poly toy and the wing-chun dummy from our previous training sessions, this one actually looked a little like a real person. It was roughly my height, had an entire faceless head and body and limbs and seemed to be made of the kind of textured black fabric that punching bags were made of.

I watched as Kunikida grabbed one of its two arms—hand-less arms that jutted straight ahead at me like a zombie’s—and shook it a little so that it wobbled slightly on the log-like stumps that served as a pair of legs.

“I’m going to start you off with the basics,” he said, walking towards the dummy so that he was now standing between it and me. “Throwing is actually quite simple if you’re doing it correctly. What you want to do is to use your opponent’s weight or momentum against them and you can do this using simple physics.”

He pushed back on the dummy’s shoulder, making it teeter dangerously on its stumpy legs.

“The key is leverage. If you apply a certain amount of force to the upper body—”

He pushed on the dummy’s shoulder a little bit more.

“—and create another point of contact somewhere on the lower body, especially below the knees—”

I watched as he placed one long leg behind both of the dummy’s and in one swift movement, pushed the dummy backwards so that it tripped over his extended leg. It hit the ground with a soft “thwump.”

“You can knock over any opponent, even if they’re bigger or heavier than you,” Kunikida said, immediately reaching for the dummy so he could prop it back up.

I nodded, suddenly understanding why the dummy had looked so scuffed up in so many places.

“Overall, it’s a pretty versatile technique, with multiple variations. For example...”

I watched as Kunikida tucked his hand towards his chest, placing his folded arm against where the dummy’s collarbone would be.

“You can use your whole forearm or even your elbow,” he said, demonstrating by pushing slightly against the mannequin so that it wobbled on its footless legs once again.

“To push your opponent off balance. You can even grab them by the neck—”

I couldn’t help grimacing as Kunikida seized the training dummy by its short, fat neck and squeezed.

“—and twist your body to hurl them to the floor, if you so wish,” he said, already starting the movement.

“Like this.”

He twisted sharply to the side and I winced noticeably as Kunikida slammed the dummy to the ground. Its lifeless cloth body lay there on the tatami like that of an actual corpse’s and as I glanced from it to my mentor, I was abruptly reminded of the man he’d punched during our first case together. Suddenly realizing how the whole thing must’ve looked, Kunikida coughed a little and started picking the mannequin back up.

I bit my lip.

How bad is it that I found that both terrifying and kind of hot at the same time...?

“A-anyway,” Kunikida stammered, the tips of his ears now tinged slightly pink, “I want you to remember that you’ll need at least two points of contact if you want to throw an opponent. One who isn’t running towards you. If someone is running after you, all you have to do is find a way to trip them. Then, you’ll be using their own momentum against them to deal the necessary damage, like you did with the bomber on your last case.”

He set the dummy upright again and turned to me.

“You got that?”

I nodded.

“Good. Any questions?”

I shook my head.

Kunikida nodded back.

“In that case,” he said, “I want you to try throwing that dummy. Start with the most basic of the take-downs, which would be the first one I showed you. Then, when it looks like you’ve got the hang of it, you should try doing some of the variations. Ready?”

I nodded again and grabbed the dummy by the shoulder, rocking it a little so that I could test its weight. I’d never thrown anyone in my life before and I was starting to wonder if I’d bitten off more than I could chew. But I could feel Kunikida’s eyes on me from across the room, so I gritted my teeth, squeezed the dummy tightly and prepared to push.

“Hold on, Kusunoki.”

I froze as Kunikida came towards me.

“Make sure you’re both pushing and tripping at the same time,” Kunikida said gently, taking his hands out from inside the sleeves. “If you only do one or the other, your opponent will only stumble, not necessarily fall.”

“So, like this?” I asked, hooking my leg around the dummy’s and pushing on the shoulder just a little more.

Despite the fact that the dummy wasn’t that heavy, it wasn’t that easy to throw. It must’ve had weights in its legs or something...

“More.”

“Like this?”

I pushed the dummy backwards and watched as it teetered a little on its weighted legs.

“...Like this.”

And before I knew what was happening, Kunikida stepped up behind me, placed his hand over mine and helped me push.

I felt a fierce blush streak across my face as the dummy rolled over my leg. As it hit the ground at last with a solid “thump,” I turned to look over my shoulder at Kunikida, whose face was so close to mine that I could see the beads of sweat forming on his nose.

I thought my heart would stop.

“And now you’ve done your first throw,” Kunikida declared, the tiniest of smiles tugging at the corners of his lips. “How does it feel?”

Uh...

I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t stop staring at his lips.

Kunikida frowned.

“Kusunoki?”

His gray-green eyes flicked from my face to my hand. His mouth fell open.

“Sh—”

He backed away from me, his eyes averted, his face bright pink.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, taking yet another step away.

The color began to fade from his cheeks and I thought I saw him biting his lip as he stared at the floor. His hands clenched into fists for a moment before he stuck them back into his pockets and turned away from me.

“Please continue throwing the dummy,” he said, addressing me but facing the wall. “I’d like you to do that basic take-down at least nine more times. Then, when it looks like you’re ready, switch it up and use a variation. You’ll need to do each variation ten times before you move on to the next.”

I felt something constrict in my chest.

“Kunikida-san?”

Something was wrong. What just happened?

“You got that?” he asked, “Kusunoki-kun?”

He didn’t... drop the honorific this time.

Without warning, the slow, uncomfortable gnawing in my gut returned.

I bit my lip and looked away.

“Yes, sir.”

I returned my attention to the dummy and began practicing, my grip tightening on the dummy’s shoulder as I watched Kunikida walking further and further away.

Kunikida-san...

I hooked my leg around the dummy’s as Kunikida stopped and took up a position by the wall.

Why are you standing so far away?

I pushed against the dummy’s shoulder, exactly the way my tall, handsome mentor had shown me just moments before. My hand felt strangely cold without his touch...

Is there a reason you can’t stay close to me the way you did during the last two training sessions?

The dummy rolled over my leg and fell backwards through the air.

And does the reason have anything to do with Dazai?

The sound of the dummy hitting the floor reverberated throughout the silent room.

Kunikida did not look back up.

I sighed and bent to retrieve the dummy.

“Kusunoki-kun.”

I glanced up. Something small and hopeful fluttered in my chest. The dummy slipped out of my hands as I saw Kunikida’s gray-green eyes venture towards mine at last.

“Yes?”

He looked at the dummy and then back to me.

“That was fine. Eight more times, please.”

My heart sank.

“Okay...”

And with that, the training session slowly dragged on. Even though Kunikida had made it sound like he was going to be keeping an eye on me (both to correct my technique and to prevent me from getting hurt), I couldn’t help but feel that my mentor now seemed oddly distracted. Was he afraid of getting too close to me because he was afraid of activating my Ability?

No, that couldn’t be it...

I felled the dummy one more time as Kunikida pulled his little green notebook out from the folds of his gi and started writing something down.

We’d talked about it at the first training session already and so far I’d been able to control “The Story of Your Life” every time. Including this one.

I hadn’t felt so much as a tug.

I picked up the dummy and set it back on its softly weighted legs.

So if that wasn’t it, then what was it?

I turned and looked over my shoulder at the tall, blonde detective.

Would it really be so foolish of me to ask?

“H-hey... Kunikida-san?”

I managed to force the tiniest of smiles onto my face as my mentor put down his notebook and looked at me at last. My nerves were threatening to get the better of me.

“Is... everything okay?”

Kunikida’s eyebrows furrowed together. He blinked at me, looking slightly confused.

“Yes, of course,” he said, though the set of his jaw told me otherwise. “Why do you ask, Kusunoki-kun?”

I chewed on my lip, studying him.

“Well, it’s just...”

“Yes?” he asked, slowly closing his notebook. “What is it?”

“I... I wanted to know...”

“Don’t worry...”

I flinched as a distant voice called out from within my memories.

“I won’t tell Kunikida-kun a thing...”

I faltered.

I can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to ask him about Dazai...

I cleared my throat and changed my question.

“I wanted to know if you could teach me how to throw a real person today.”

Kunikida’s mouth dropped open.

“You what?”

“Yeah,” I said, positioning myself so that I could grab onto the dummy one more time. “Kunikida-san’s instructions were really easy to understand. In fact, I think I’m really getting the hang of it!”

Taking advantage of the fact that Kunikida was now looking at me once again, I pushed the dummy and threw it over my leg. It hit the ground with a soft smack and I turned to Kunikida and smiled.

“See?” I panted, grabbing the dummy by one of its stiff cloth arms and pulling it back to its weighted feet.

“Piece of cake.”

“I don’t know,” Kunikida said slowly, his eyebrows drawing together. “It’s a pretty big leap, going from training dummy to actual human being. If you lose focus or momentum and you’re not able to do it right, you could get seriously hurt.”

I tried not to balk.

Could he tell that I was getting tired, that the lack of sleep and continual exercise was slowly starting to take its toll?

No.

Even if that was the case, now that I’d said the words aloud, I really did want to learn how to do a real, proper throw, on an actual human being. And I didn’t care how hard I had to push myself to do it.

If it could cheer Kunikida-san up, and dispel whatever worries he was dealing with right now, even if it was just for a short time, then it would be worth every bruise.

“Kunikida-san...”

I want you to look at me with those eyes again.

“I really want to try this.”

I want to see you smile.

“If I don’t keep working hard and pushing myself,” I said, taking a step forward, “how will I ever improve?”

I just want to get a little closer to you...

“Come on, Kunikida-san.”

I sounded like I was practically begging.

“Please?”

What would it take for me to feel your touch just one more time?

Kunikida grew quiet.

I watched him open his notebook back up, flip through the pages and skim through its contents. His lips thinned into a line and he looked like he was thinking very, very hard...

“Okay,” he said at last, closing the notebook. “I’ll teach you how to throw a person.”

“Really?”

My heart pounded in my chest. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was excited or nervous or both. Probably both. The fact that Kunikida was looking at me again might also be part of it.

“But only under three conditions,” he said. “It’s really important that we do this safely. One.”

He raised a finger into the air.

“You have to tell me if you’re getting tired or if it’s getting to be too much for you. I want you to be aware of your own limits and not go past them. Two.”

He ticked off the count on another finger.

“If things start to go south, I am going to put a stop to things immediately. It’s quite possible that everything will go okay but if things get rough...”

He frowned, his eyes steely behind his rectangular glasses.

“I don’t want to see you taking a trip to Yosano-sensei’s operating room because of this. I think you’ve had enough of that for now.”

I audibly gulped.

Yeah, definitely.

“Three...”

Kunikida took his notebook and set it on the ground. He came forward.

“I want you to use me as your training dummy.”

My pulse stuttered in my chest.

“Huh?”

“It’s safer that way,” Kunikida explained. “I know how to fall correctly, which means I won’t be easily injured during a practice take-down. Furthermore, if you are to make a mistake—and I’m not saying you will, but if it does happen...”

His gray-green eyes softened a little as he looked at me.

“I’ll be able to catch you and keep you from getting hurt.”

“Kunikida-san...”

Of course.

I felt a familiar squeeze of affection deep inside my chest.

Of course his first priority would be my safety.

Even when I was doing my best to work hard and become the kind of woman he dreamed of, he was still thinking of how to keep his kohai from coming to any harm.

This...

“Okay,” I said.

Kunikida nodded and went to the corner for the foam training mats.

This is why I fell for you.

I followed him.

You’re so gentle.

“Let me help.”

As I grabbed the other end of the training mat and helped him move it a little further towards the center of the room, Kunikida’s eyes flicked up towards mine and I thought I saw a shadow of the smile he’d worn yesterday when he’d been so happy to see my progress.

“You know, I’m kind of surprised,” he said, his deep voice pleasant and conversational as he thought aloud. “I didn’t realize you were so interested in this kind of thing. Did something happen to make you want to learn more quickly?”

“Not really,” I admitted, unable to look directly at him. “I just thought it would be a good idea.”

Kunikida nodded and we tossed the first of the foam mats onto the ground.

“I see. Well, whatever the reason, it’s good to see a student with such initiative. To be honest with you, I’m still a little unsure about this. There generally aren’t that many opportunities to use this particular technique in a real fight but...”

I trailed behind him as he went back for yet another mat.

“Who knows.”

And as I got on the other side of the stacked mats and helped him lift one off, he smiled. I nearly dropped the mat in shock.

“You’ve surprised me before. Maybe you’ll do it again.”

Heat rushed into my face.

I’d let Dr. Yosano chop me up a dozen times in a row if that was the price I had to pay to see Kunikida smiling like this more often.

Cheeks burning softly, I smiled back and looked away, the undisguised warmth in Kunikida’s expression making me go weak in the knees.

Hmm...

I stumbled a little on the way to the area where we were laying down the mats.

Then again, it might be the sleep deprivation, after all. I’ll have to be careful.

When all the training mats were laid out at last, Kunikida stood before me, his arms loose at his sides and began his final lecture of the day.

“Alright, Kusunoki, listen up. What we’re going to be doing is exactly what you’ve been practicing with the dummy all morning. We’ve got a little less than fifteen minutes left on the clock,” he said, checking his watch, “which means we’ll probably get maybe five throws in at the very most.”

He glanced behind him at the training mats, already mentally calculating where he should land. His eyes met mine.

“If you’re ready to start practicing, grab my shoulder the way you grabbed the dummy’s. Remember, I’ll be okay. You just focus on keeping yourself safe. Besides.”

His gray-green eyes flicked away for a moment. His cheeks were dusted pink.

“I’d rather be the one taking a trip to Yosano-sensei’s operating room if it comes down to it...”

“Kunikida-san...”

My heart twinged.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d think there was a chance he might return my feelings...!

Nervously, I took hold of his shoulder and got into a proper fighting stance. I nodded.

“Okay.”

I gritted my teeth and hooked my leg around his. I pushed.

“Sorry about this.”

It took only a second. Kunikida fell backwards, exactly the way the dummy had around my leg. A sharp crack reverberated throughout the room as he hit the mats below, his limbs sprawling out as his body bounced slightly against the foam.

I gasped and immediately dropped down to my knees.

“Kunikida-san?!”

I reached out to check him for signs of injury.

He looked like he was shaking...!

“Are you alright?!” I exclaimed, turning him over in a panic.

But to my surprise, Kunikida was actually laughing.

I stared.

“What the—?”

“Not bad, Kusunoki, not bad!” Kunikida chuckled, waving me off and getting to his feet. “Pretty good for your first time”

“You’re—you’re okay?” I stammered, my hands raised, my eyes automatically darting about for any sign of injury.

“Fine, thanks,” Kunikida said, his voice warm. “I told you: I know how to break my fall. Now then, let’s try to improve your technique. Like I said before, that was pretty good but remember that I’m bigger and heavier than the average ruffian, so you’ll need to make some adjustments for an opponent like me...”

The next ten minutes passed in a blur.

Kunikida was right. Throwing a real person was much more difficult than throwing a mannequin, but as I made improvements in my technique, I watched the smile on Kunikida’s face grow bigger and bigger. By the time I’d thrown him for the fifth time, he was practically glowing with pride.

“That was your best one, yet,” Kunikida declared, picking himself up off the floor. “I don’t know how you’re doing it, but you’re getting this even quicker than Atsushi did.”

“R-really?” I gasped, wiping the sweat off my brow. “I am?!”

“Yeah, you are.”

But as I reached out to him and felt his hand close around mine, I thought I felt the room shift a little around me. But it wasn’t my Ability activating...

Kunikida’s grin slipped off of his face as he saw me take an extra step back, stumbling a little as I pulled him to his feet.

“Kusunoki-kun... are you okay?”

“Y-yeah, fine,” I mumbled, shaking myself off a little. “Don’t worry about it, it’s nothing.”

“Hmm...”

As I struggled to regain my composure, Kunikida lifted his wrist up so that he could check his watch.

“Ah. Looks like we’ve got exactly two minutes left. Maybe we should stop here for today, seeing as how you figured out the basic technique already.”

“Two minutes?” I repeated, glancing at the clock. “That means we have time for one more, right?”

“Well, sure, but—”

“One more time?” I insisted, ignoring the way my arms ached.

I want those last two minutes with you.

I took a step towards him, my hands clasped in front of my chest.

“Please?”

Kunikida studied me. My face, already warm from exercise, heated up just a little more as I felt those beautiful sage-colored eyes sweep over me. Finally, he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Alright,” he relented, dropping his arm so that he was once again in position. “But make sure not to lose concentration—”

“No problem.”

And without missing a beat, I grabbed onto the fabric of Kunikida’s gi one last time and hooked one leg behind his knee...

“Huh?”

I heard my voice floating in the air, as if it didn’t belong to me.

That’s weird...

Kunikida’s eyes widened in alarm.

“Kusunoki!!”

There was a rush of wind.

Why are my legs being swept out from under me instead of his...?

A sound like a thunderclap rang out throughout the training room. I felt my eyes squeezing shut on their own as all the air in my lungs was forced out all at once.

“O-ow...”

I was lying on top of something—something warm.

It felt way too firm to be just the foam training mats on their own...

I opened my eyes with a sharp gasp.

“Kunikida-san!!”

“Kusunoki-kun.”

He groaned slightly as he opened his eyes. His glasses had been knocked askew and he was clutching me to his chest, his arms wound so tight around my body that I could barely breathe.

He... he saved me again. Just like he said he would.

I thought I could feel tears starting in the corners of my eyes as I looked into his handsome face.

He braced my fall so that I wouldn’t get hurt.

“Kunikida-san, are you okay?”

He winced a little but nodded all the same. “I’m fine,” he whispered, his voice laced with pain. “How about you?”

“I... I’m okay...”

I swallowed thickly.

“Thanks to you. I’m so sorry, Kunikida-san. I don’t know what came over me—”

“No, I’m sorry,” Kunikida replied, his arms loosening around me at last now that he was sure I was uninjured.

I scrambled off of him and tried to help him up.

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about,” I mumbled, the guilt sitting heavy in my stomach like a rock. “I was the one who pushed for this, I—”

“No, I should’ve known better than to agree,” Kunikida sighed, his voice quiet.

He sat up. His gray-green eyes met mine.

“You were tired, weren’t you?”

I stiffened.

“I...”

“How many times,” Kunikida growled, the low rumble of his voice sounding more and more like thunder in the distance with every word. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop pushing yourself past your limits?! You know how dangerous this could be, we just went over this!”

An involuntary quiver went through my lip. I bit into it to stop it from wobbling but it was too late. I was already on the verge of tears.

“I’m sorry...”

“I don’t want you to apologize to me!” Kunikida snapped, his eyes flashing. “I want you to take better care of yourself! What is it going to take to get through to you?!”

Oh God...

Two fat, thick tears dripped out of the corners of my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

Kunikida froze.

“Shit...”

He covered his face with one large hand.

“Go see Yosano-sensei upstairs to make sure you’re not injured,” he said quietly.

He let his face drop further into that hand and rested his folded arms on his knees.

“I’ll finish cleaning up down here. We’re done for today.”

My chest hurts...

I could hear my own voice breaking as I spoke.

“K-Kunikida-san.”

“I said we’re done.”

There was no room for argument in his tone.

Tired, sad and defeated, I wiped the tears from my eyes and turned to go.

Idiot. Fucking idiot.

I grabbed my things from the corner of the room, swinging my backpack over my shoulder, barely feeling the impact as it landed on the biggest bruise on my back. I could barely see the scuff marks on my track pants through the tears.

You’ll never be Kunikida’s ideal woman now...

I put my hand on the doorknob and turned it.

“Kusunoki.”

I stopped.

Turning slightly so that I could look over my shoulder, I saw Kunikida, still sitting there on the training mats, looking like he hadn’t moved a muscle since I’d left his side of the training room. He was still covering his face with his hand.

“Yesterday,” he started, his voice heavy with regret, “at the break room. How much did you—?”

My heart stopped.

He sighed again.

“N-never mind.”

He turned further away.

“Forget I said anything.”

My fingers tightened over the doorknob.

“Kunikida-san?”

“Don’t worry about it, Kusunoki,” he mumbled, taking his hand off his face at last, though the expression on his face was still out of view. “Just go upstairs and see Yosano-sensei. I’ll be up shortly.”

I felt my grip loosen slightly on the doorknob.

“Okay...”

And with that, I opened the squeaking door to the training room and left Kunikida behind.

***

“Okay, now look to your left.”

I tried not to squint as I followed the beam of light from Yosano’s flashlight towards her left shoulder.

“Right.”

I chased after the beam of light with my eyes once again.

“And back.”

I obeyed.

“Alright.”

Yosano clicked the tiny, handheld device off and stuck it back inside her lab coat pocket.

“Good news,” the good doctor concluded, picking up the clipboard from off the counter and scribbling down some notes. “It looks like you don’t have a concussion. You’re lucky I was in early today.”

She frowned.

“Well, maybe not lucky,” she chuckled. “I’m absolutely certain Kunikida knew about my schedule before you even started your little training sessions together. I’m not even a little bit surprised he was so careful, considering who it is he was training...”

“Yosano-sensei...”

She lowered her clipboard and glanced over it at me.

“Will you be seeing Kunikida-san after this?” I asked, staring down at my legs, noting how thin they looked as they dangled over the side of the cot.

When she’d realized that none of my bones were broken, seeing as how I was able to get up the stairs all on my own, Yosano had allowed me to change from my track clothes to my regular office wear, provided I do it in her presence. Luckily, she’d concluded that I barely had any scrapes or bruises from my training session this morning.

Which was more than what I could say about Kunikida...

“Kunikida-san, he...”

I felt my lip quivering again as I stared at the single yellowed bruise above my knee, one I’d gotten while bumping into a chair a week ago.

“He didn’t look so good when I left,” I mumbled. “He took... all the damage from that fall. I’m worried that he’s hurt...”

Yosano put the clipboard down.

“Did you tell him that?” she asked quietly.

I shook my head.

She wheeled her chair a little closer.

“Did you say... anything... to him earlier?”

I nodded, but only slightly.

“I told him sorry. And he...”

I could feel the tell-tale prickling of tears gathering in my eyes again and I brought my hands up to my face just in time to stifle the oncoming sob.

“Oh, Kyou-chan... Come here...”

I felt her sit down next to me on the cot. With one gentle touch, Yosano pulled my body towards hers and laid my head on her shoulder, rubbing my back soothingly as I sniffled and made a mess into my hands.

“I’m sure Kunikida is fine. He’s had much worse, trust me.”

She sighed.

“But... he really isn’t good with this sort of thing, is he?” she remarked dully, continuing to rub small circles between my shoulders as I hiccuped softly into my hands.

“Remember what I told you yesterday in the break room?”

I nodded.

“Well, I’m taking that remark back.”

I stopped sniffling into my hands and took the box of tissues from her so that I could wipe my face.

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.

“You know how I said it ‘wasn’t my place’ to comment on your confessing?” Yosano said, “well, I’m taking that back. You need to say something to him.”

I stopped crying at once and Yosano made a face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I can’t just—” I protested. “I’m not anywhere near his—”

“I know what you’re about to say,” Yosano interrupted, “and I don’t want to hear it. Look, we all know about that damned notebook of his.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Dazai has been making jokes about Kunikida’s ‘ideal woman’ ever since he got wind of it. Even Atsushi finds that list terrifying and you know that poor boy is too forgiving for his own good.”

I blinked at her.

“What are you saying, Yosano-sensei?”

“I’m saying,” she continued, a hard edge creeping into her voice, “that you need to forget about all your damned insecurities and go talk to the man you’ve been crushing on ever since he saved you from that blasted art gallery. Or...”

Her voice dropped to a deadly whisper and for one brief, terrifying moment, I saw a familiar manic gleam emerging in the depths of her bright purple eyes. My blood ran cold the instant I realized the shine was a reflection of her cleaver on the counter nearby.

She grinned.

“I think you know what I’m getting at.”

And with that, she slapped me on the back, so hard that I was nearly knocked off the cot we were sitting on and onto the floor.

“Alright, you get a clean bill of health from me,” Dr. Yosano declared, getting up off the cot and returning to her tiny infirmary desk. “Tell Kunikida for me that if he wants to come see me for treatment, I’d be happy to admit him no matter how minor those injuries may be.”

Shivering a little at the look in her eyes, I nodded and exited the infirmary.

“Oh, Kusunoki-san!”

Atsushi’s gold-tinted eyes darted from me to the sign on the door above me as he passed me in the hallway. He gulped loudly and a shaky smile emerged on his face.

“H-how are you feeling?”

“Good morning, Atsushi-kun,” I said quietly. “I’m actually perfectly fine. Thank you for asking.”

“Are you sure?” Atsushi inquired, once again glancing at the infirmary sign above my head. “You look kind of... down.”

I nodded.

“Yeah. Don’t worry about it. You’re not with Kyouka-chan today?”

He shook his head and we continued down the hallway together.

“She’s got an early errand to run outside the office today,” Atsushi responded. “But she did want me to tell you that she’s free this weekend if you want to learn how to make some bento basics. In fact, you should come to our place for it. I think it would be nice to have company over.”

“Thanks, Atsushi-kun,” I said, feeling touched that he and Kyouka had remembered. “I think I’ll take you up on that...”

Atsushi smiled and nodded. He opened the door to the office to let me through.

“Any time!”

A bento box...

I stopped by Kunikida’s empty desk and thought to myself as I stared at it.

If I could find out what Kunikida’s favorite foods might be, maybe I could make him something to eat? As both an apology and a thank you for all the hard work he’s been doing for me.

I bit my lip.

Yosano said to talk to him but I had no idea where he was. He wasn’t outside the infirmary and he wasn’t here either. There was no way he was still in the training room, right? It was at least a quarter past eight...

“Ku-su-no-ki-kuuuuun~~!”

I turned to my right just as a happily smiling Dazai appeared at my side.

“Watcha lookin’ at?” he chirped, looking from me to Kunikida’s desk. “Oh, are you looking for Kunikiiida-kun? You just missed him. He actually dropped by to get some things earlier before he left for a big case.”

His grin widened.

“And if you were wondering, he was physically well enough to punch me in the stomach for showing up late to work again. Pity that didn’t kill me.”

I whirled.

“How did you—?!”

“Like I said,” Dazai drawled, fishing a piece of paper out of the nearest fax machine and dangling it in front of me with one half-bandaged hand. “No need to worry your pretty little head about the details, Kusunoki-kun, you just concentrate on what you need to do for the day.”

He winked.

“It’s what Kunikiiida-kun would want after all. As for me, I just want to see you happy, that’s all! Which is why I brought you a little present to cheer you up!”

“A present?” I asked, taking the piece of paper from him. “What is this?”

My eyes instantly widened as I glanced at the header:

“From the case file involving Matsuoka Kei.”

“It’s the other half of the suicide note you were investigating for your case,” Dazai declared. “The police department faxed it over while you were still in the infirmary.”

He beamed at me.

“Ta-daaa!”

[fourtrisheafanfic]

GoT Fanfic: White as Snow (Part III)

GoT fanfic: White as Snow (Part III)

Tumblr - JONERYS Appreciation Week

Day 4 Prompt: ANGST

 Four Part Short Story Fanfic

Ratings: Mature (Part III)

 Read Part I HERE (link)

Read Part II HERE (link)

Summary: A modern Cinderella Story of a child whose world is turned upside down after the death of a parent. This child made to feel inferior, and in servitude to their own family. Will the love of another help pull them out of their darkness.

PART III: Holiday Cheer

++o+ Age 19 +o++

“Shit! I am so late for practice,” Jon mutters grumpily as he runs through Greenwich Village towards campus. His shift at the diner went long, they are understaffed during the summer before the fall semester starts. Many of the out of state students that work at the diner with Jon haven’t returned to the city yet.

His large fencing bag thrown over his shoulder is not helping him navigate the streets of New York City. Feeling his cell phone vibrating in his pocket he pulls it out to read the incoming text. Smiling when he sees it is Arya. Since he moved out of Catelyn’s home in upstate NY over a year ago he doesn’t get to see Arya, Bran and Rickon as much as he would like. He’s missed seeing Arya at all this summer since she is spending it in Chicago for her high school internship. Her internship at Targaryen Enterprises headquarters.

He’s late, but he still stops on the sidewalk to read her text. Frowning as he reads, he immediately knows that he will not be doing what his sister asks. Arya’s flight arrives late tonight, and she really wants him to come to family dinner tomorrow night. “Our flight lands at 10 PM, so too late to stop by tonight. Please come to dinner tomorrow.”

The moment Jon read our flight, he knew that Dany would be flying with Arya. Which makes sense as Dany has been dating Robb for a few months now, and has been watching over Arya this summer.

Dany and Robb, the perfect couple. Jon rolls his eyes while texting Arya with a quick no and a lame excuse about having plans.

For a moment, when his guard is down he thinks about Dany. It’s been over a year since he saw her at Robb’s graduation party. He was so angry that day, and the weeks following. She wrote him twice that week, asking him to please just talk to her. He deleted the messages without answering. He just wasn’t ready.

And then shortly after he found out that Robb and Dany had started dating that summer. According to Arya, both Catelyn and Mr. Targaryen had pushed the pair together.

Stop it, Jon. Forget her. She was never yours. Never. He scolds himself before thinking about something else.

Moments later when his phone buzzes again he knows it will most likely be a snide comment from Arya, she hates when he turns her down for family gatherings. Often telling him that she doesn’t care what her mom thinks, he is her brother and he has every right to visit his family.

Surprised to see a text from his fencing coach, pointing out that Jon is already seven minutes late for warm up, but he will avoid running laps if he stops by Starbucks to bring him a strong coffee. Jon laughs, that would be a small price to pay to avoid extra running.

Ducking into the closest Starbucks he orders and then waits for his name to be called. Leaning against the counter and looking around he is surprised to see Robb walking out of the restroom and slipping into the back booth. Jon begins to walk over to say hello to his brother, he hasn’t seen him often in the last year and neither one ever mentioned Dany to the other. Jon always wondering if she had told Robb anything about their past.

Just as Jon gets close enough to say hi he sees that Robb had his arms wrapped around some brunette as he sucks her face off while his hand is under her shirt. She whimpers his name.

Jon’s stomach drops, how dare Robb disrespect Dany this way?! Cheating on her, with some tramp. Instantly seeing red Jon grabs Robb by the shoulder and pulls him out of the booth before yelling at him.

“What the hell, Robb? You are cheating on Daenerys! She is gone for the summer so you set up some chick on the side?!” Jon growls at his brother, furious he would hurt her this way.

The brunette in the booth gasps in shock, and then demands to know who the hell Daenerys is.

“Jeez, Jon! Just stop, you don’t understand! Let me explain, I am not cheating on Daenerys! She is one of my closest friends, I’d never hurt her that way,” Robb says calmly. “Just have a seat, I can explain.”

Jon breathes in and out, listening to what Robb has to say and how calm he sounds. Jon slides into the both across from Robb and the brunette who seems upset as well.

“Jon this is my girlfriend, Talisa. Talisa this is my brother, Jon,” Robb says as Jon and Talisa nod hello.

Turning to Talisa first, Robb assures her that he doesn’t have some secret girlfriend. Jon shifts uncomfortably seeing how comfortable and intimate their body language is. It would be obvious to anyone that these two are madly in love with each other.

Turning to his brother with a confused look, “I always thought you and Daenerys were close friends? I just assumed she would have told you that our ‘dating relationship’ was just an act to get my mom and her father off our backs.”

Jon’s mouth falls open, all this time…he was agonizing over a fake relationship? Holy shit he scowls, he had no idea.

“She and I lost touch after high school, so no. I’m really sorry – I just saw you and thought you were screwing around behind her back,” Jon apologizes, suddenly feeling really stupid.

“Yeah, I gathered that,” Robb says as he and Talisa laugh, all of the tension forgotten.

“It was just easier for us to pretend to ‘date’ then to keep having our parents plan meetups for us. I know it helped me a lot to have Catelyn off my back. And being away at college, it was so easy to pretend,” he explains to Jon and Talisa. “And then I met Talisa at the start of the summer, and I just couldn’t pretend anymore. So Dany and I agreed to fake-breakup, but again not call attention to it.”

Jon nods, his mind racing. He has so many questions he wants to ask, about Dany. But he knows he shouldn’t. It is too late for them.

Besides, he is with Ygritte now. Jon has no right to ask about Dany.

That chapter in his life is over.

+++o+++

“Jon, put your books away! I am here, and your roommates are out,” Ygritte demands while aggressively kissing his neck as he sits in front of his laptop. “I need you to fuck me, and now.” She laughs.

“Ygritte, please. I told you that this paper is due tomorrow morning, I need to get it done,” Jon sighs, frustrated already with the pressure of his school work.

“Ohhh, excuse me fancy college boy. I guess a simpleton like me wouldn’t be able to understand how important your book report on…” Ygritte looks over his should to read his screen. “On Global and Urban Education. God, you are so boring Jon Snow. I can’t believe you want to be a teacher.”

Jon smiles at her, “Well, you always told me you hated school growing up. Maybe one day I will be the cool teacher that helps kids enjoy learning.”

Ygritte rolls her eyes playfully and kisses him, slipping her hand around his body to rub his cock over his sweatpants. Jon closes his eyes to enjoy her hands on his dick.

Yes, Ygritte knows exactly how to touch him, how to lure him into bed. She is five years older than him, they met at his job during his freshman year. He is a server at the diner, she is one of the managers.

Never having gone to college, she is generally frustrated with all of the students that work for her. Ygritte seems to have a chip on her shoulder about it.

Jon gives in, he knows it will turn into a big fight if he doesn’t give her what she wants. Of course he enjoys sex with his girlfriend, but sometimes the pressure of school, fencing and his part-time job stress him out. His course load sophomore year is pretty heavy.

After a very satisfying fuck, Ygritte’s words, she slips her tank top on and falls asleep in his bed. Jon looks at his laptop across the room and knows he needs to get that paper done. Glancing at his cell phone he decides that he is better off sleeping for a couple of hours and then getting up early.

Setting his alarm for 4 AM while lying down, he feels a sadness wash over him. Even with Ygritte sleeping beside him, he feels alone.

+++o+++

“Daenerys, did you hear me? Please respond when I speak to you!” her father snapped, the stress in his voice was evident.

“Yes, father. I’m just in shock,” Dany whispered, her mind reeling having just found out her brother, Viserys, had seriously overdosed while in Amsterdam on business.

“Damned it, pull it together. I already have one screw of up a child. I do not need two,” Aerys snapped at his only daughter. Furious he has to deal with this. Of course he loves his only son, his heir. But at the same time, all this boy did was screw up after screw up.

This was the second overdose in two years, and Viserys had already done a stint in rehab recently.

“I know you have school, and you need to get your degree. But I have to fly to Amsterdam to clean up this mess! I need you to step up with the company. Do you understand?” he finishes, looking to his only daughter.

“Yes, father. Of course,” she assures him.

“The most important thing, no one is to know about this. I already have a man out there that is paying off the local police to keep this under wraps,” he scowls. “I still need to go out there and check him into rehab.”

Dany has heard it all before. What a disgrace and financial hit to the family empire it would be if word got out that her brother was an addict.

Sometimes she wonders if things would have turned out differently if father hadn’t sent his precious heir to boarding school at such a young age. What would it have been like to be raised side by side with her brother? Maybe we would have had what Arya has with Jon.

Forget it, stop thinking about Jon Snow. He stopped caring about you a long time ago.

As her father storms out, in a hurry to get the airport, she realizes he didn’t even say goodbye. He only summoned her to bark orders at her while warning to keep her mouth shut.

Dany allows herself a few moments to feel sad and alone. And then she lets it go.

She has much to do.

++o+ Age 20 +o++

Christmas of Dany’s sophomore year her father surprises her with a trip to Manhattan for the holidays. It is a four day trip full of spa time, shopping, the finest restaurants, and even a Broadway show. Aerys still has work to attend to, so Dany spends quite a bit of time alone. She is used to it.

“Danny, I know we have the Christmas Eve tradition of last minute shopping, but I have a couple of calls I need to take. Since we are in town, and the Stark family is celebrating Christmas in the city this year, why don’t you accompany them for ice skating today?” her father asks, although he isn’t really asking. He is telling her what he expects.

Normally Dany has no qualms about spending time with the Starks. Well, most of them. She still can’t stand Catelyn Stark for the way she treated Jon all those years.

“Father, you know that Robb has a new girlfriend now,” Dany says quietly as she catches Aerys rolling his eyes. “I just want to make sure you understand that Robb Stark and I are over, we both agree we are better off as friends.”

“Yes, yes…that is fine. You can do whatever you want in the love department. I am late dear, I need to go. And remember, you will be having lunch with all of the Starks and then enjoying the day with them.”

Danny nods, remembering her father’s past obsession with her love life. He was so worried she would do something to embarrass him.

Her father has had nothing to worry about. Aside from her fake relationship with Robb Stark, there has been no special man in her life. Between her studies and getting more involved in her family’s business she has lacked the time and desire to date anyone new.

+++o+++

Sitting at lunch later, Danny laughs as Arya and Sansa bicker about their short trip to California during winter break. When entering the restaurant, Dany had felt a huge sense of relief that Jon was not there. Immediately followed by sadness. It has been a little over a year and a half since she last saw Jon. Truth be told, she still missed him.

And if she is honest, she still loves him.

“Mother, was Jon invited today? I hope so, I don’t want to be cross with you,” Arya asks her mother from across the table.

Catelyn Start huffs at her youngest daughter, “Yes, I sent him an email. He isn’t even in town this week.”

Sansa and Robb laugh and smile at each other, Dany can’t help but feel that she is missing the joke.

“Where is Jon? Out of town you said?” Dany finally asks, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“Oh yeah, our brother the lover-boy, drove to Pittsburgh to meet his girlfriend’s family. Things are getting really serious between those two,” Robb says absentmindedly while looking over the menu at the same time.

Dany feels as though she has been kicked in the stomach. She doesn’t know why, did she think that Jon would be sitting in the NYU library pining for her?

Jon isn’t a complete idiot like she is. Dany’s face flushes, picturing a nervous Jon meeting his love’s parents for the first time. He probably got the mother flowers, or something equally endearing.

“Well, if you ask me, I can only imagine what Ygritte’s family is like. Since that woman seems to have been raised by wolves,” Sansa snickers. “Or dogs may be a more accurate description!”

“Oh Dany, it was so funny. Jon actually brought Ygritte to dinner at the house. It was the same night that Robb invited Talisa. Mother was beside herself, two girlfriends to entertain,” Arya could barely get the words out she was laughing so hard.

Dany politely nodded for her to continue with her story, as her heart was being stomped on.

Sansa takes over, Arya agreeing that she tells it better. “Let’s just say Jon’s girlfriend is really “interesting” – she is quite crass and foul mouthed. She didn’t make it through the meal before Catelyn demanded that Jon get her out of the house.”

The younger children laugh at Sansa’s story, while Robb frowns at his sister.

“Sansa, that wasn’t nice. I think Jon has really fallen in love with her. You need to try harder to like her,” Robb says.

His words like a knife in Dany’s heart. Jon is in love. With someone else.

And then she painfully remembers, he never once told her that he loved her.

Because he never did. Why would he love you? No one loves you.

A realization hits Dany, since the day Jon stormed off, unwilling to even listen to her try to explain, she has been pining for him. So many boys have asked her out, they have even asked Robb to set them up on a date with her.

She always said no. What a fool she is, waiting for some boy that obviously doesn’t care about her at all.

Turning to Robb, “Hey, Drogo, the president of your fraternity, he’s a senior right?” Dany asks. Drogo had tried to get Rob to set him up with her a couple of times. Dany had declined at the time.

“He sure is! He still has a crush on you by the way, he asks me about you all the time,” Robb tells her. “Why do you ask?”

“Can you give him my cell number, I’d like to go on a date with Drogo and see where it goes,” Dany says confidently.

She is done being a fool, while everyone else around her lives their lives.

After lunch she accompanies the Starks to the ice skating rink at Rockefeller Center. She is a really graceful skater and helps the three youngest with their technique. Arya takes the cutest picture with Dany while on the ice.

Dany smiles at the end of the day, she actually had a really nice time with their family. She was also glad she didn’t have to sit in an empty hotel room all day.

+++o+++

“Fuck, this is truly the worst Christmas ever,” Jon groans while staring into the rearview mirror of his rental car. Jon is parked in a Pittsburg Walmart parking lot, alone, on Christmas Eve.

He can’t believe Ygritte actually hit him this time. She technically hit him three times! He checks his swollen cheek, furious with her. But also furious with himself. He has been putting up with this toxic relationship for so long.

He doesn’t even recognize himself.

They had another terrible fight, she actually believed that he was planning to propose to her this Christmas. She expected him to ask her father for his permission to ask her to marry him. Jon actually thought she was joking when she brought it up, and laughed.

She exploded. She is always threatening him with physical violence. Usually something to do with removal or injury to his balls.

This time she threatened to use her hunting arrows to castrate him! Jon had enough.

He broke up with her, on Christmas Eve. That did not go over well, and he has the swollen jaw and cheek to prove it.

Checking his cell phone to make sure his outgoing message went out, he gave the owner of the diner his notice. There is no way he could continue working there with Ygritte as his boss. No job was worth that torture.

It is then that he gets a Happy Christmas Eve email from Arya. She sent an email telling him that they all miss him and also attached some photos of Christmas Eve day in the city. Feeling a pang in his heart, Jon realizes how much he misses his family. All of them, even Sansa. Jon waits patiently as each photo attachment downloads, and then he sees it.

A photo of Dany with Arya, Bran and Rickon on the rink at Rockefeller Station. Dany looks so happy in the photo, with a huge smile and bright eyes filled with laughter. She is actually using her small frame to keep his younger brothers steady, who Jon knows are both terrible skaters.

From the end of her email, Arya explains that Dany joined the group for lunch and then skating while Mr. Targaryen was working. Arya also mentioning that Dany “finally” asked about him. Jon feels his stomach drop, even picturing her brings up emotions he doesn’t know will ever go away. His sister didn’t go into any more detail.

Which is probably for the best. It doesn’t matter, Jon made his choices and has his own life. He can’t turn back time and take back the way he treated her the day of Robb’s graduation. He can’t answer her emails that she sent just days later when he was still so upset with her.

As much as he wishes he could.

He made his choices and now he has to live with them.

Jon turns on the car and hopes he can find some kind of motel. He wants to get back to New York as soon as possible.

+++o+++

“Hey! It’s me!” Jon announces letting himself into the Stark family home.  Only because he knows that Catelyn went skiing in Colorado for the holiday. He would never enter without knocking if his stepmother was home.

Jon is excited to spend some time with his siblings without Catelyn around. Sansa is a senior in high school this year, and she is spending the night at her best friend that is having a New Year’s Eve party. And then Robb and Jon were invited to a huge party at the country club that one of their old high school friends is hosting. Jon should say that Robb was invited, and asked if Jon could tag along with him and Talisa.

“Jon! You actually made it home, I missed you,” Arya squealed while jumping into his arms.

“Of course, I mainly came to see all of you. I’ve missed you guys,” Jon says while greeting each of his siblings.

It is only then he realizes there is a very tall, buff man in the room. For a moment Jon wonders if Sansa has a boyfriend he doesn’t know about. Which freaks him out as this guy looks like he is in his twenties and Sansa only recently turned seventeen.

“Sorry, Jon, this is Drogo. Drogo, this is my brother Jon. Jon is a sophomore at NYU,” Robb says as Jon and Drogo shake hands. Drogo towers over Jon. “And Drogo is a senior and president of my fraternity at Brown.”

“Nice to meet you, so you are here for the party?” Jon asks while setting his bag on the floor before they all enter the kitchen.

“Yes and no,” Drogo smiles confidently. “The party host is also one of our fraternity brothers, but the main reason I came out here is that the girl I just started dating is going to be at this party.”

Drogo takes a drink from his beer. “The things we do for women, right?”

Jon smiles while pouring himself a glass of water.

“Crap! Jon, we set Drogo up in your bedroom and he’s slept here the last week. Um, I can have you stay in my room and Talisa and I will crash in mom’s room,” Robb looks at the little kids and swears them to secrecy.

“Robb, I meant to tell you – I got a suite at the country club where the party is for tonight,” Drogo says with a smirk.

“Oh, you did? Are you expecting a special evening,” Robb teases while ushering the younger siblings, and even Sansa out of the kitchen.

“Hey, Daenerys and I have been on three dates already. I do think tonight will be the night. She seems down,” Drogo says confidently. “You know that no woman can resist this hotness!”

Robb laughs while Drogo flexes his muscles, neither noticing the look of horror on Jon’s face.

Jon confirms he can have his room back and goes upstairs to wash his sheets. He wonder if Drogo has had Dany over to the house this last week. Have they fooled around in his old room?

For fuck’s sake. Jon just can’t catch a break.

He also knows there is no way in hell he is going to that party now.

+++o+++

As Dany drinks her fourth glass of champagne she laughs loudly at Talisa’s intimation of Catelyn Stark.

“I blame you, Daenerys! Since your fake-relationship with Robb, no one will ever compare to you!” Talisa scowls playfully as Dany bursts into a fit of giggles again.

Robb and Drogo are playing a drinking game with some of their other fraternity brothers that made the trip for the party.

“So, how are things going with Drogo? That is one sexy beast of a man, not that I would look at anyone other than Robb. Obviously,” she laughs.

“Obviously,” Dany smiles back. “I think well, when Robb texted him about me on Christmas Day, Drogo drove out here the very next morning and has been taking me out on dates all this week.”

“And?” Talisa pushes.

Dany blushes, remembering some of their heavier make out sessions. Drogo is a very sensual and experienced man, that much is obvious.

“Well, he did get us a suite for tonight,” Dany whispers so only Talisa can here. “I did tell him, I am just not sure of I am ready for sex.”

“What’s holding you back? If you don’t mind me asking,” Talisa says with curiosity.

“Honestly, I guess I’m nervous. I just always imagined my first time would be…different.” Dany says sadly, Jon’s face popping in her head. “I should say with someone that I love.”

“I didn’t know you were still a virgin. That is great Dany. You shouldn’t rush,” Talisa pauses to sip her champagne. “Even if a man gets a suite, doesn’t mean you are obligated to screw him.”

Robb stumbles over to steal a kiss from Talisa. Asking for his phone out of her purse and then scowling when he checks the messages.

“What a shock. Jon sent me a text. He decided to skip this party after all,” Robb groans. “I wonder if he is planning to drive into the city to see Ygritte?”

“That’s too bad! I was looking forward to getting to know your brother better at the party,” Talisa frowns while rubbing Robb’s back.

Dany’s eyes widen, feeling conflicted. There is a part of her that is desperate to see Jon. And then a bigger part of her that knows seeing him will only bring her pain.

As the evening continues, Dany pushes all thoughts of Jon Snow away.

“Are you having a good time, gorgeous?” Drogo croons in her ear as his hand rests on her ass. “Can I get you anything?”

Dany smiles, and nods. She doesn’t know what she wants, aside from another glass of champagne at the moment.

+++o+++

Dany makes a fist, digging her nails into the palm of her hands. She never imagined this would hurt so damned much. It is their second time that night and she is so sore.

“Drogo, please. Be gentle, I'm still sore from earlier,” Dany reminds him, gasping sharply with each of his thrusts.

“Oh Fuck, I’m sorry. You are just driving me crazy, I’ve wanted you so badly and for so long,” he moans while slowing his pace.

She lets out a sigh of relief as he slows down and is gentler.

She told him she was still a virgin, and after she convinced him that she was not kidding, Drogo was a man on a mission.

Before they had sex, both agreed to be in a committed relationship. Biting her lip as they have sex, she wonders if she will feel different tomorrow. Feel different now that she is no longer a virgin.

After he comes into the condom and they clean up, he promises her that once she gets used to it – it will be so good for her during intercourse.

Drogo was a courteous lover, getting Dany to climax with his talented fingers before they had sex.

Once Dany hears that Drogo is sound asleep she allows her mind to wander. Tears of sadness spring into her eyes. Dany hates herself for feeling this way. So pathetic.

Why can’t she just be happy?

She sat up with her hair disheveled and the sheets tangled around her. Her new boyfriend slept beside her, yet she was alone.

+++o+ End of Part III of IV +o+++

Author’s Note: The prompt for today’s JONERYS APPRECIATION WEEK was ANGST. This was a hard chapter for me to write as I tend to lean towards happy and sappy. But I wanted to push myself. Tomorrow’s prompt (day 5) is SMUT!!!!  Tomorrow’s Part IV will deliver the jonerys we all want. Hang in there please! xoxo

[satisfractions]

cold // jimin

word count // 7.5k

genre // fluff, angst

summary //  in which busboy!jimin meets server!reader and shows them how to feel human again

a/n // so... this was supposed to be uploaded like a week ago but i kept changing the story around but! it’s here :D.  next imagine will be a yoongi request i got a week ago so look out for that and yeah

It was winter again.  

To the rest of the city they noticed this in the change of the weather.  Slowly the hot and rather humid air would begin to cool off.  It would feel nice at first in contrast to the height of summer when the entire city would be a roasting valley of hell.  Then it would become much cooler, and eventually freezing on some days.  People would begin to trade their tank tops and shorts in for jackets and coats, covering themselves completely so none of their body would be subject to the icy wind.  

No matter how many layers of clothing people put on, each day surprised them with a new weather condition.  One day it would be powerful winds that would cause some children to fall and tumble.  Adults would find themselves struggling to breathe if they faced it head on, trying not to be pushed back to where they started.  The next day the air would feel like piranhas as it slowly bit at your skin, tearing away layer and layer.  The coldness would usually be dry as noticeable by the hundreds of people who could be seen with chapped lips.  But on some days, it would be humid like the summer, which made choosing outfits very hard.

No matter what the weather was like, at the end of the day it was expected for the body to be numb from the cold.  Most people after they came home would spend the rest of their night heating up.  Whether that be with a boiling shower or with dozens of blankets.  Only to go out the next day and repeat everything again.  

Above the people the clouds would form together and create masses of grey smothering clouds that blocked any hope of sunlight from coming in.  With time, they would grow heavy and snow would fall, covering everything in its path.  Cars, buildings, and people would be seen with at least a couple of layers of the icy slush.  No matter how much they shook it off or scraped it away, the snow would come back quickly, piling higher and higher.  

On certain days, it seemed like the whole city was made from smoke.  The fog would be so thick that you wouldn’t be able to see the next street down.  Structures and buildings would seem to disappear and at times it would seem like nothing was there.  The haze would collect around trees, creating something reminiscent of what was there during summer time.  The branches were covered in ice during the morning and slick in the afternoons after the sun would peak through for an hour or so.  

Locals would also notice the streets starting to clear up.  The number of tourists would slowly dwindle until around Christmas time when it would shoot up but quickly fall within the week after New Year’s.  Then it would stay at a relatively low number until the sun started to come out again, warming up the city.  But for the six months of winter the city was quiet, at least quiet for the locals.  They enjoyed it this way; less people to push past, less people that stopped them to ask for directions, and less people crowding their home.  

Although the city maintained some of its liveliness as there were still masses of people that contributed to the cultural hearth, it was much greyer during the winter.  The people themselves continued their ways of life which brought some splashes of colour to the city.  Their daily interactions warmed themselves and those surrounding them.  But nothing that would amount to changing the city in the winter.  The city itself always remained… bleak and somewhat boring during the winter.  

The locals didn’t mind, though, it was a nice change of scenery from the summer facade that everyone thought of when they thought of the city.  It was a different atmosphere that felt wrong to any outsiders who overstayed their welcome into the city but to the locals it was sometimes the only time of year they longed for.  They would bare the numbing cold if it meant seeing the true colour of the city come to life.  

Again, that is how only the rest of the city saw the comings of winter.  You saw the same signs as well, growing more and more excited as the days grew shorter.  When you found yourself needing a jacket to get to work you told yourself it would only be a couple more weeks.  You knew the cold came quickly and rather hard and you knew the patterns of the customers during the winter.

Every year the rooftop would be closed once it got too cold for the customers to be seated up there.  During the summer people would reserve their tables weeks in advance but in the winter, it was abandoned.  Any customers who wanted to be seated up there weren’t allowed due to health regulations and the plain fact that after 30 minutes they would be trudging down the same stairs that brought them up to complain.  So, when the weather got too cold, a sign was placed at the bottom of the stairs prohibiting customers to be seated on the roof.

For the customers, the sign was always a bit saddening as the rooftop was something your restaurant was always complimented on.  You couldn’t count over the years how many would come in excited only to be met with a rather disappointing sign.  For you, however, it was like an early Christmas.  

The first year you worked as a server you hadn’t paid any attention to the sign.  You barely enjoyed your job in the first place and all the sign told you was that you didn’t serve as many tables.  Which meant less customers that complained, less food that was prepared incorrectly, less plates that were dropped.  Besides the acknowledgement of having to do less work you didn’t think a second thought of it.  In fact, until the beginning of December, months after the rooftop seating was closed, you completely forgot about it.  

You were still in your first year of college when you started working.  With bills starting to pile up and notices about loans coming into your mailbox every week you realized it was time to stop putting off working.  Although you had worked at a couple of jobs before, they were in your old town.  The jobs that they offered to people your age paid relatively well but they required much more than anything you had applied for before.  

But you still applied and surprisingly, within a month you were offered a couple of interviews.  The only job you actually landed was one at the restaurant you were working at currently.  To say it was fancy was a severe understatement and although it paid a considerable amount more than the others you were looking at or any of your previous jobs; it was still back breaking work.  

You thought that with college your social life would become nothing but you managed to keep some of it through the endless papers and grades.  Now, you were lucky to have a couple of hours off between school and serving.  The break time you did have, whether it be during school, during work, or before you went to sleep, you studied since you were limited on time to prepare for tests anyways.  

You thought you could handle it at first, and you did.  From when you started to the end of summer break you handled working beautifully.  Although you felt yourself becoming more exhausted each day you pushed it off and told yourself it would be worth it after college.  That’s what got you through the last semester of first year and the summer.  And you believed that’s what would get you through the next years of college, well that and the extra pocket money.

Second year started and you were feeling fine, for the first week or so.  But after that you found yourself slowly becoming more tired.  Each day that passed by strung you along, to school and then to work and back to your house for sleep that never was enough.  And that’s all it was.  The free time you once devoted to studying was filled up with work and though you found some satisfaction from the money, it wasn’t the same.  Now you felt like a robot.  You couldn’t remember the last time you were with friends or with family.  You talked with the customers, and sometimes your coworkers during breaks, but they never held any meaning for you.  You felt yourself slowly deteriorating.  

But to others, they couldn’t tell the difference.  You had always been silent in school and during work you kept a smile on your face for the customers.  It was your job to.  So, when one of your coworkers, Jimin, found you crying and holding your bag in the staff room, he was shocked.  At first, he didn’t say anything but then he quietly walked over to you, setting down your bag and leading you out of the staff room.  At the moment, you couldn’t focus on anything but your emotions so you didn’t realize he was leading you out of the staff room until you were at the foot of the stairs.  Jimin had moved the sign out of the way and motioned for you to go up the stairs with a small smile.  Although you didn’t exactly want to be in the cold, you also didn’t want any other staff members to find you in the same state that the he had.  So, you went up.

You could feel the air becoming colder with each step but you continued upwards.  There was no sound between the two of you, only the wood panel creaking and the kitchen below could be heard.  This continued until you reached the top of the staircase, only a door between you and the rooftop.  You wiped some of the tears away before opening it, immediately tensing at the cold.  It was frigid against your bare arms and face, biting at your skin.  But you didn’t stop, somehow you felt the cold welcome you onto the rooftop.  You felt it take your hand to lead you out to the side, where below you could see various people walking through the newly formed slush.  

You heard the door close followed by footsteps coming closer to you.  Jimin took one of your hands and helped you sit down on the side, only protected by the fence.  You didn’t pay attention to the cold and somewhat damp surface of the rooftop and instead looked out over the city with him.  The restaurant wasn’t the highest building in the city but it still rose above most of its surroundings; allowing you to watch the city’s movements like you never had before.  You never came up here unless you had tables, which was rare as most of the senior staff liked to work up here.  When you would find yourself up here you were too busy with your tables to notice the beauty that the rooftop allowed you to see.  

You let your mind drift as you clung onto the rail with one hand, the other still holding Jimin’s.  You thought that once the both of you sat he would let go but he held tight, without saying any words.  He was looking out as well but you couldn’t tell what he was looking for.  His eyes were too high for the city but were low enough that he wasn’t looking directly at the sky.  They were searching for something beyond the city.  You found yourself instead of watching the city with him, looking at him.  

Jimin had been working for longer than you since he was already there when you arrived.  But other than that, he was a mystery.  You never felt curious because he was just another one of your coworkers, you didn’t have enough time for friends outside of work so there was no reason to get to know him better.  Although the two of you never had any true discussions, the both of you were a good team.  He was your assigned busboy and you, the server.  You made sure to do your part in serving the food and he made sure to do his part after the customers left.  When it was needed, you helped each other do the other’s work.  And that’s all your relationship was.  

But here, with the two of you sitting on top of the rooftop.  Your legs crossed against the rail, his dangling over the city below.  Him watching something, not saying anything to you but just being there beside you.  So, you wouldn’t feel alone on the abandoned rooftop.  Here is where you found yourself staring at him.

His face was unfamiliar in the moment.  Usually his mouth was upturned with whatever smile he wore for that day, whether it be a small one or a large grin.  When he greeted the customers as they were leaving it was always the latter, resulting in his cheeks puffing up and his eyes completely closing for a second.  When he wasn’t smiling like that his eyes were still bright and shiny, they welcomed whoever he was talking to.  It wasn’t a surprise when the customers, as they were leaving, would add to their tip after talking to him.  The way he carried himself around the restaurant, it was charming to say the least.  

But now, in this moment that had all vanished.  He wasn’t grinning or even smiling.  His face wasn’t one of anger or sadness either, he looked peaceful.  His body was loose and he didn’t look concerned about his appearance.  His eyes and cheeks were dropped as they weren’t being pushed up by his mouth.  The way he watched the city, you were jealous in some ways.  Although you could appreciate the beauty of the place you had spent the last year in, it was obvious that he felt totally at home.  On the rooftop, in the middle of a sea of buildings and people.  You realized that this was the first time you had seen him relaxed.

You didn’t want to ruin the moment between the two of you but you found yourself wanting to ask him why he brought you up here.  But instead of saying anything, you continued to look at him.  Eventually he caught on to what you were doing and sent a smile your way.

“Are you going to stare at me for the rest of your lunch break?” He asked.  He was turned towards you now but had let go in the process of moving his body.  

You shook your head, feeling your cheeks warming up realizing you had been caught staring at him.  “No, sorry.”

You both didn’t say anything for a moment and you were about to turn back to the city so you would stop staring at Jimin, and stop embarrassing yourself.  But when you moved your head he cleared his throat.  

“During the winter-” He moved so his arms were around his knees, his head resting on them. “-I come up here, just to sit whenever I have a break.”

“Why?” You asked.  You looked down at the railing and played with the metal rings.  It had been such a long time since you’ve talked with anyone for longer than a quick “hello”, especially in person.  You thought you had been alright without it, and for the most part you had been.  But having the start of this conversation with Jimin made you want to start crying again.  You hadn’t realized how much you missed… society.  

“To think mostly.  Plus, it’s way too hot and loud in the kitchen downstairs,” He grinned as he said this and you laughed a little.  You noticed that this smile wasn’t like his other ones that he wore downstairs.  The ones downstairs seemed like they were natural but now you realized that this was a true smile from him.

“Why did you bring me up here?” You finally asked the question you had been wondering since you opened the rooftop door.  Jimin tilted his head slightly and looked towards the city, thinking of an answer.  

“Well, I did find you crying,” He said, making your cheeks flush.  You had completely forgotten about what state you were in 20 minutes ago.  Although the tears were still dried on your face your mood had vastly improved.  “You looked like you needed to be somewhere like here for a little bit and besides, it’s always nice to talk to someone.  Only if you want to though.”

You nodded and looked up towards the taller buildings in the distance.  Before he brought you up to the rooftop, you know that you would have turned down the invitation to talk to anyone about your problems.  You had always been like but the solitude from your friends, and even your family, greatened the feeling.  But now, when you were sitting with him and watching stories in the city unfold before your eyes like you had never seen before.  You realized it was time to talk to someone.  If not, then your mentality would worsen.  

“I feel like a machine.  I go to school, I work, I sleep and then I repeat the same schedule every single day,” You sighed, leaning against the railing.  You paused but Jimin didn’t say anything, waiting for you to continue.  “I know that in the future I’ll be grateful that I won’t have a mountain of loans to pay off but… is it worth it?  I don’t think I feel human anymore.”

With that you pushed your arms and legs through the holes of the railing, letting most of your body dangle onto the street below.  You didn’t want to feel anxious when Jimin didn’t respond, but you couldn’t help yourself.  You forced yourself to keep looking at the city as you knew you would break down again if you saw him leaving, which is what you thought what would happen.  But he stayed.  He moved closer to you and you tensed when you felt his hand on your back.  You relaxed when you realized he was just tracing circles on your back, offering you a silent comfort.  

“Do you want to know what I think?” Jimin asked, breaking the small silence that was created.  You looked up at him, waiting for him to speak his thoughts.  “I think that it’s smart of you to look towards the future.  And maybe in 10 years you will be thankful that you started working now.”

You nodded and were about to reply when he cut you off.  “But, if you’re asking yourself ‘Is it worth it?’ then it might not be.”

“I mean it’s worth it some of the time because I have money I can spend but it’s just gotten so much harder,” You sighed.  

“What has?”  

“I guess just… life.  School and work don’t cause this much stress individually.  But when they’re together… I feel like I’m at my breaking point.”

“Limit yourself then.”  At this you looked up in confusion and he continued.  “Don’t work as much and try to cut down on school.  It may take harder to reach your financial goals but I think your mental health is worth it, don’t you think?”

His smile was back as he looked down at you.  You returned it and nodded slightly, thinking about what he said.  “Yeah, you’re right.  I’ll talk to one of the managers about my schedule this week.”

“Good, it’s important to look after yourself.  Or I’ll have to drag you out here again.” He bumped you with his shoulder and you giggled a little.  You reached up and rubbed your face, wiping away the dried tears that were still there.  Your cheeks immediately heated up which was a nice contrast of the still icy air.  You knew there was a likely chance of waking up with a cold tomorrow but in the moment, you didn’t care.  It had been a long time since you took time for yourself and you weren’t about to cut that short.

Jimin shifted beside you and his hand left your back.  You quickly looked over at him to see him getting ready to stand up.  “You’re not leaving me, are you?”

His body tensed slightly at your question and he paused before shaking his head.  “I figured you wanted to be alone, do you not?”

When you shook your head he sat back down, this time closer to you.  You scooted in as well, leaning against his body.  He didn’t tense when as you rested against his side, instead lifting his arm back over your shoulder so you would be more comfortable.  It was warm and comforting against the air.  Everything was warm about him.  Jimin was someone who was inviting to everyone else, he was as radiant as the sun, he was something you realized you needed.  

The two of you sat there, watching everything and nothing at the same time.  Nothing was said between you both, only sounds of the city wandered through the silence that had been created.  There wasn’t anything else needed to be said at the time.  So, you let your mind wander and drift as you saw Jimin previously do.  When you looked up at the sky, you found some serenity hiding in your despair.  

And that’s how you spent every break during the winter.  Jimin’s break schedule followed yours so whenever you went up the stairs, you knew you would find him.  And you would join him, in the freezing cold.  Sometimes the two of you would talk.  At first most of the conversations boiled down to you talking about your problems that you’ve dealt with and continue to deal with.  Eventually Jimin started to open up about his life but he still kept most of his problems to himself, not wanting to burden you.  But it didn’t matter to him, he was happy to be there and to help you through yours.  

The times when you didn’t have any words to speak, you both would just sit.  Eating your lunch in silence or viewing the changes in the scenery.  New buildings would be put up, old ones were knocked down, billboards constantly changed, and the people were always fun to watch.  The two of you would laugh at the random oddities you saw and make jokes about them for weeks on end.

During those breaks, no matter how long or short they were, you found yourself warm afterwards.  At first the air would hit you and although you had been outside during the dropped temperature before, you would always be surprised at first.  But slowly, from sitting next to Jimin and talking to him, you would always find yourself warmed up by the time the two of you went back inside.  

Eventually the sign would be taken down in late spring, long waiting guests excited to go up and view the rooftop would be walking on the stairs that your friendship with Jimin began on.  That day was always heartbreaking each year, though you always knew it would come.  Which is why you cherished your moments together.  When the sign was taken down the two of you wouldn’t meet anymore on the rooftop, instead opting for the back of the kitchen.  Although the kitchen never felt right in terms of atmosphere, you ignored it and focused on Jimin instead.  

After work you would both wait for each other to be finished.  He would almost always walk you home, unless you insisted.  Then he would reluctantly agree, only if you agreed to text him when you got home so he knew you were safe.  On your walks, you would talk about your personal lives, focusing on the good things more so than the bad elements that you always talked about on the rooftop.  You slowly found yourself feeling more human after talking to him for so long.

With the both of you becoming closer it wasn’t a surprise when Jimin surprised you on the rooftop.  Earlier in the day he had left a note in your locker telling you to meet him on the rooftop after work, instead of outside where he would then walk you home.  You found the note at the beginning of your lunch break but when you asked him about it he feigned innocence but hinted that it would be a “very good idea” for you to go to the rooftop after work.  

When you finally got off of work as expected, Jimin wasn’t waiting for you by the front door of the restaurant.  So, you made your way to the stairs and climbed them, recalling the past when you first walked up those stairs.  A faint smile made its way onto your lips as you neared the top door.  

As expected, the cold air immediately made you shiver but you pushed forward into the night.  The sun had set a while ago so the stars were already shining brightly over you.  You smiled up at them and looked over to your usual sitting spot to see Jimin sitting on a blanket with a box next to him.  You made your way over to him and he immediately rose, taking your hand to help you sit down.  

“So… what brings you up here?” Jimin asked, facing the city.  You looked over at him confused before seeing the small smile he was trying to hide.  You giggled and bumped his shoulder with your own making him turn towards you in mock hurt.  “What was that for?”

“For trying to act like you don’t know anything,” You said, pointing a finger at his chest.  He laughed a little, tilting his head back and closing his eyes.  You saw how his eyes crinkle and his nose scrunched up.  He ran one hand through his hair, and kept the other on his chest, clutching his shirt.  You lived for moments like these, when he was totally undone in front of you.  You couldn’t help but stare at him, in awe at his beauty.

When he was done laughing he reached behind himself to present you with the box you had seen earlier.  But now, looking at it closely you saw it was one of the takeout bags from the kitchen downstairs.

“What’s this?” You asked, gesturing to the bag.

“This is dinner, for us.” He grinned but quickly changed his face to look like he was thinking.  “But since you’re so mean for hitting me, I don’t know if I should let you have any.”

As he said this he pulled out some containers and started to open them, showing you that he had brought your favourites from the restaurant.  Although you couldn’t afford to eat there every night, or even once a month, you still enjoyed when you had the delicious food.  Your mouth watered at the sight of all the food.

“Park Jimin!  How did you even afford all of this?” You said, eyeing the food.  You looked up at him for an answer but he only gave you his mischievous smile in return.  

“I can’t,” He said with a laugh.  “I convinced the chefs to give me some of the leftovers instead of hogging it to themselves.”

You nodded, knowing how much convincing the chefs would need before handing over their food they saved for after hours.  The two of you dug in, picking up different boxes and savouring the taste.  You both moaned with each bite, giggling afterwards at your slight innuendos.  

“Hey Jimin,” You said, licking the last bit of parfait from your spoon.  You both had moved from sitting across from each other to laying down, with your head resting on his chest.  His hands gently played with your hair while you finished the last bit of food that he insisted on you having.  

“Hm?” He replied.  

“How come we’ve been on the ground eating all of this food when there’s a bunch of tables and chairs all around us?” You asked.  It was true, all of the furniture that was on the rooftop during the summer stayed there, through fall and winter into spring.  All of it was in place as well, ready for use at any moment.  You craned your neck to look up at him after you asked the question and he only laughed in return, stopping his hair playing in the process.  He tilted his head back and you saw his eyes close, his hair bouncing softly.  His chest vibrated under your head and you found yourself smiling up at him.  

“You and I both know that those chairs are for a bunch of rich grandparents who bring their babies to a five-star restaurant.” He looked down at you.  “Not for some 20-year olds who prefer being in the freezing cold than a slightly warm kitchen.”

“Slightly warm?” You teased, knowing he hated the roasting kitchen and took every chance he got to stay away from the inferno.  

“Yes… slightly, extremely-way-too-freaking-hot, but still slightly, warm,” He huffed and you giggled at his response.  

You had finished the rest of the food and the empty cartons laid evidence to the feast you both just had. You moved your head back to resting on his chest and looked up at the sky, knowing he was doing the same thing.  His fingers resumed their position on your scalp and you closed your eyes, thinking about nothing other than his warm touch.  

“I was wondering-” You opened up your eyes at the sound of his voice but kept your stare at the sky.  “Would you like to go somewhere else?”

“What?” You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.  

“Do you want to, maybe, go somewhere else besides the rooftop one of these nights,” He said, this time his voice a little quieter and softer.  His fingers slowed, and you could barely hear his voice at the end.  

“Have you finally gotten too cold?” You joked, looking up at him.  You expected to see his teeth slightly chattering or his body shivering even a little but all you saw was his face red, redder than it normally was in the cold.  Even under the shadows of the buildings you could see the colour clearly.  You sat up slightly and looked at him with concern, hovering your body over his.  “Jimin, your face is red?  Are you okay?  Do you need to go inside?”

“Uh no… I mean yes I am okay but no I don’t need to go inside.” Jimin covered his mouth as he gave out a slight cough.  After seeing the hesitation in your face, he shook his head and smiled up at you.  “I’m fine, I’m fine.  Don’t worry about me.”

“Then why do you want to go somewhere else?” At this point you had gotten all the way up and sat next to him, cross legged.  He looked away from you, playing with his hands, his face becoming redder with each second passing.  You poked at his side.  “Jimin?”

“I was-” He coughed again.  “-I was, uh, wondering if you wanted to maybe go somewhere else… like go out somewhere else.”

You watched as his face bloomed with red and his shoulders scrunching up slightly after saying that.  A small smile crept onto your face, eventually being replaced by a large grin and you covered your mouth to keep from giggling at his embarrassment once you realized what he was asking.  You watched as he bit his lip and closed his eyes, tightly.  You figured he was nervous so it wasn’t long before you lunged down onto him, taking him by surprise.  

“Wha-” Was all he said as you hugged him.  Slowly he brought his arms around you, softly hugging your body.  

“You know the answer is yes.” Your voice was muffled into his jacket and you felt his body freeze after you said that.  You pulled up from him to see him looking at you, wide eyed in astonishment.  

“Really?” He sputtered, in awe.  

“Of course,” You laughed, poking his side.  His surprised expression changed into one of excitement as he quickly sat up, pulling you into his embrace.  You wrapped your arms around him, sighing at the warmth.  He swayed with happiness and you giggled, you being muffled again by his jacket.  

And you stayed like that for quite some time.  The both of you enjoying each other’s warmth, sitting under the sky in the heart of the city.  The night grew colder but neither you nor Jimin could find the time to care, each of you too elated with how the night had gone to pay any attention to anything but each other.  

The next year repeated the same way, both of you would begin to become excited for the sign to be placed at the bottom of the stairs.  Although like Jimin had said, you went to an assortment of places for dates, you both always found your way back to the rooftop.  And when it finally became cold enough, you and Jimin would race up the stairs as soon as your break started.  You would sit, talk, and repeat the tradition that had happened for the last 4 years.  

Now, it was five years after you had started working, four after you had started talking to Jimin, and one after you both had started dating.  It was December.  The rooftop had been open for you and Jimin since October and the months you had spent up here felt like days.  Just as quickly as life in the city went by, your time with Jimin felt like nothing.  But you took what you got because you’d rather sit out here for seconds with Jimin than be alone in the city for hours.  

And that’s where you were.  Sitting, on the rooftop, with Jimin during the last break of the day.  The both of you worked full days and by the time you came up to the rooftop for your last break, the sky was dark and the air was much colder than in the day.  The rooftop had lights but they stayed off during the winter so the only thing illuminated your place was the stars in the city and in the sky.  You both would always be able to watch as the city dulled as the night went on.  It seemed to become colder all around you but you never felt warmer sitting next to Jimin.  

Today he hadn’t said too much, to you or to anyone else.  You had noticed his change in mood recently, starting back a couple of months.  He still maintained his charm around customers but he didn’t chat as much or stay as long as he normally did.  You figured he must be tired so you didn’t press the matter when he mumbled short answers as you tried to make conversation.  You knew he enjoyed having silence during his break because he didn’t get much during work hours.  

He was leaning against your shoulder, his head tilted under yours.  Both of his arms had snaked around yours and he held tight.  You knew he was looking out but you could feel his eyes watching the city rather than wandering like they usually did.  You didn’t want to break the silence but you wanted to know what was wrong.  Although he was hesitant to tell you about his problems, he was never this quiet about anything.  You could tell something serious was bothering him.  

“I’m leaving.”

His words broke the silence, cutting through the settled air sending a wave of emotions towards you.  He shifted as he said this, holding your arm tighter, and pulling himself closer to you.  Your body tensed and you felt your mouth go dry at his words.  You didn’t turn towards him, you were afraid to.  So, you kept looking out over the city as if his words were something you imagined.  

But Jimin repeated them, this time louder.  His head lifted from your shoulder and you could feel him staring at you.  His grip on your arm loosened but he remained just as close.  “Didn’t you hear me?”

You didn’t know what to say so you just nodded, feeling sick to your stomach.  Your eyes drifted from the sky to him, turning your head so you could see him completely now.  He looked almost the same from the first day you were up here.  His eyes always searching, his body relaxed.  But you could feel energy radiating off of Jimin like you never felt before.  The corners of his mouth were upturned and his eyes weren’t searching as much as they had been for the past years of sitting on the rooftop.  

“Why?” You asked, it was time for him to be silent.  It wasn’t a silence of sadness, though, you could see that.  He turned towards you and smiled softly, noticing that you looked upset.  

“I was scouted,” He said.  “I finally have a chance to do something with my life.”

Jimin said the last part with a laugh and you couldn’t help but smile.  Ever since the two of you began talking you knew about his dream to do something with dance.  That’s why he moved to the city, to be become closer to somebody who could make that happen.  It’s all he ever wanted to do and you knew in your heart he would be able to show everyone his talent.  But happiness always came with a price, even if it was Jimin’s.  You felt proud and happy for him but you couldn’t help your smile becoming a frown, knowing what you knew.  

“What’s wrong?” He asked.  You tried to look down but he lifted your chin so your eyes met his.  You bit your lip to keep from making any sound but you felt tears starting to form in the corners of your eyes.  They stayed in your eyes, making you blink to be able to see, instead of falling down.  The happiness that once graced his face was replaced with a look of concern.  His eyebrows furrowed, his eyes worried.  He held your face in his hands, his eyes darting from side to side wondering why your sudden change of mood.  

“You’re leaving,” You said, stating the obvious.  Your voice cracked a little at the end, finally understanding that this was real and happening.  Jimin’s eyes went wide and he let out a small laugh, smiling down at you.  

“Of course I am,” He said, wiping away the tears that continued to form.  You couldn’t help the small whimper coming out of your mouth as you became more emotional.  “What’s so wrong about that?”

“What happens when you go?” You asked.  He pulled back slightly, raising an eyebrow.  

“What do you mean-” Jimin stopped wiping away tears, returning his hands to their holding position.  “-I’ll be gone and I’ll be dancing somewhere.”

You shook your head slightly and closed your eyes.  “No, I mean.  What happens to me?”

You felt his hands drop from your face and you opened your eyes to see that his expression had changed.  Before he was concerned but now you could see him becoming more so confused and exasperated.  

“I would assume you’ll continue to live your life,” He said, his words upturned at the end as if he were asking a question.  

“Who will I talk to?”

Your question left him startled to say the least.  He sat still, his hands still holding your face but they were completely frozen.  His eyes were wider now and his lips parted, small breaths coming from them.  You felt as though the entire city shut down in that moment, there were no sounds coming from anywhere.  The air seemed to still around the both of you and you forced yourself to continue to look at him.  Your eyes searching his for something of an answer.  But Jimin gave none.  

Instead his hands dropped, your face becoming cold the second they left.  Jimin didn’t say anything and moved beside you.  Less than 10 minutes ago he was sat, curled by your side.  But now he was standing up, not facing you.  Jimin stood there, looking out at the city over the railing while you sat below watching him.  His hands gripping the railing hard enough for his knuckles to start turning white.  

Suddenly he started to walk away.  His footsteps echoed on the silent rooftop and you stared, your mouth and eyes wide in shock.  You struggled to find the right words to say, any words to say, so you just sat there.  He was halfway to the door before you quickly scrambled to get on your feet, following after him.  

“Wait!” You called.  Jimin paused but didn’t turn around.  You caught up to him, now standing behind him.  “Jimin, what’s wrong?”

“Is that all I am?” His words were harsh as he spat them at you.  He still didn’t turn around but you could feel the anger that was now coming from him.

“What?” You gasped, confused.  

“Is that all I am to you?  Somebody to talk to when you’re upset?” His words were again sharp, piercing through the tense air.  Your face fell and you reached forward to put your hand on his shoulder.  But as soon as you touched him he shook it off, instead turning around to face you.  

The corners of his mouth were turned down and his eyebrows narrowed.  His jaw was clenched and you could see his muscles tensed underneath his uniform.  But his eyes didn’t show anger the way the rest of his body did.  You could tell he was more hurt and frustrated than angry.    

“Is that all you think of me as?” Jimin gestured to himself.  “We’re in a freaking relationship and all I am is somebody to talk to?”

You opened your mouth but nothing came out.  You stared at him and you felt the distance between the two of you grow larger, as if you both were miles apart.  The air was freezing at this point and you tried not to shiver.  You watched as his eyes turned from ones of pleading to ones of understanding as he straightened slightly.  His shoulders relaxed and the desperate frown was replaced with a neutral line.    

“Jimin-” You started, reaching forward again.  But like before, he shook his head and backed away.  You froze, your hand wavering slightly in the air as you looked at him with wide eyes.  You felt them filled with tears as he looked at you

“No.” Jimin’s voice cracked and he wrapped his arms around his body.  

“Jimin please,” You took a small step towards him.  “I do think of you more than that, please you have to believe me.  I love you.”

At that his body tightened, his hands clenching the sides of his jacket.  His head shot up and he looked at you with rage.  “If you really loved me you would want me to do this.”  

His voice was thunderous and full of venom as he spat the words at you, breaking all silence in the city.  You were sure that people in the streets below heard you, and most likely people inside the restaurant as well.  His breathing was heavy and he bit his lip, trying to control the sobs that so desperately wanted to escape him.  He looked at you for a moment but then slowly turned his gaze towards the ground at his feet.  

“If you really loved me you would want me to be happy, like I always wanted for you.”

After that a heavy silence fell on the two of you.  His hands were no longer clenched and instead he looked at you passively, almost with no emotion.  You watched as he raised his head to look up at the sky before shaking it and turning from you.  This time you watched him go.  You didn’t run after him, you didn’t stop him from leaving.  

Instead you stood there, silent tears running down your face.  You kept looking at the door, hoping and waiting for him to come back.  But you knew he wouldn’t.  And you couldn’t bring yourself to be selfish enough to pull him back.  Back onto the rooftop that you had grown to love.  Where you once felt warm and safe.  Now there was nothing like that.  

You brought yourself to turn from the door and towards the city, you had grown to know and love.  Slowly, you walked forward, until you were standing at the edge.  The ground was cold and hard when you sat down, pulling your limbs through the metal fencing.  You sat there for some time, under the stars, in the darkest point of night.  You didn’t watch the city and you didn’t watch the sky, only looking somewhere in between.  And for once you thought you knew where Jimin was looking, the first time he pulled you up here.  But Jimin wasn’t here anymore.  Any warmth that he had once comforted you with was instead replaced by the cold hands of the wind.  But you didn’t shiver.  Instead you sat, silent and unmoving, on that damn rooftop that had grown so cold.

[mysidewriting]

Through the Storm

Note: I coded through this chapter super fast and barely read through it (not feeling so great, way too long of a week[lol jk i mean semester]) so if you see any nasty mistakes either with formatting or wording or whatever else - please let me know! I would really appreciate it! c:

From the start–>Previous chapter

Chapter Eight

Gladion had taken it upon himself to find out more about the charizard attacks. Saying he had the time and resources to take on a personal project. I felt a little better about the whole ordeal knowing that he was looking into it.

I’d taken a couple recovery days after the traumatic experience to let my mind and nerves settle out before I really got down to my tasks in Johto. I spent a lot of time on the hard motel bed with my Pokémon surrounding me and talking to various people over the phone.

Lillie had asked me to stay longer, she didn’t think I was ready to go on to a new region alone after seeing something so horrible. But the tickets taking me to new regions were prepaid and predetermined so I had to use them. I would otherwise have to spend extra money and I had no interest in wasting anything. So instead we just spent plenty of time on the phone talking things out.

As much as I didn’t want to admit it though, I was glad to leave Kanto after that. I had a feeling that staying around would only make me feel worse and more stressed. I had so much more stuff to do and focus on in Johto now that I could get over things much easier than I would have in Kanto.

My, what I liked to call, first steps into the region were in Goldenrod city. One of the largest towns in Johto. It wasn’t as crowded as Celadon but had a similar vibe. I once again found myself not loving or hating it but I certainly didn’t want to stay at the motel any longer.

I wandered aimlessly in the area around Goldenrod, getting an idea of what type of Pokémon resided in the grass. A lot of the creatures I happened upon were totally foreign and new to me. I wasn’t due for working with the professor for a week and the amount of time between here and then was intimidating. Aside from meeting and catching new Pokémon, I wasn’t sure what to do.

The champion of this region, Gold, was much busier and more elusive than Red had been. I doubted I’d even see the man unless I absolutely had too. It was disappointing to think that I wouldn’t meet him as it likely meant I wouldn’t meet all that many people in this region in general.

After exploring both north and south of Goldenrod I returned to the motel and grabbed a map of the region from the front desk as well as one of those cheesy tour guide pamphlets. I’d stay one more night in this town before finding somewhere else to go. Back in the room I flopped onto that hard bed and called my mom. She barely picked up in time and was surprise to hear it was me calling. I told her I was in Johto now and wasn’t sure what to do with my time. She laughed at that.

“Are you kidding, hon? There’s so much to do in Johto! Go explore! Learn about the history! It’s beautiful there.” She claimed.

She told me some places to visit, including Ecrueteak City, The Ruins of Alph, Lake of Rage, and Ilex Forest. She recommended I bring a camera with me and begged I showed her pictures. She had apparently went to hangout in Johto very frequently when she was younger. She thought Kanto was the boring place… it made sense that she would think so, the reason I enjoyed myself so much there was because of Lillie, Red, and Green - not anything to do with the actual region.

I asked about Dad and she sounded frustrated as she explained the divorce progress had slowed exponentially. Dad wouldn’t do anything about the paperwork so she was trying her best to get things moving on his side. I apologized and wished her the best, she claimed she still wasn’t upset and thought she never really would be as upset as she thought. It’s not like it was bad to be so positive and strong in the situation, just strange.

She had to go after another twenty minutes of just chatting about random things together. We made a quick promise with each other to talk more frequently now that I wasn’t constantly with friends and I was happy to think I’d talk with her more.

Between the shit I’d seen last night, the fact that my parents were divorcing, and that I was now away from all my friends for 5 months straight, I was surprised I hadn’t broken down yet. I flipped onto my back and stared up at the popcorn textured ceiling, trying to continue staying calm as the weight of my stressors crashed on top of me. My eyes filled with tears and I blinked them away, repeating this process until Kai and Null popped out of their balls and poked and prodded at me until I moved.

I laughed as the two Pokémon hopped between each other and nipped and yanked on my clothes until I was on my feet. Null’s cold metal mask pressed against my back as it shoved me towards the door again, I yelped and attempted to stop before I was forced out into the hallway. My own struggle did not work though, as the two beasts cooperated to get me back out into the city.

Night had fallen, a full moon arching high into the starless sky. I stared up at the celestial giant, thinking of Cecil who I had sent to the pokepelago with my other new friends from Kanto. Null and Kai stood on either side of me, gaze up to the sky as well. I sucked in a deep breath of the night air, clouded by the smell of the town. I headed towards the south, waving for my two Pokémon to follow after me as I worked my way out of the city.

Just south of Goldenrod was a daycare for Pokémon. An old couple was outside watering plants around the yard, a small group of mareep bounded around the two calling out their sweet cries. I smiled as I watched the old couple giggle and play with the electric Pokémon. Kai was running up and down the fence, making whimpering noises, clearly interested in playing as well.

I had her continue to follow after me as I walked down further along the path, gaze out on the water bordering the trail. The moon reflected beautifully across the rippling surface, a distorted mirror of the real image. Johto had to be known for its scenery, it felt like I was walking through a painting.

I pulled out my phone and started snapping pictures with my mother in mind. There was just enough light from the moon that most images came out beautifully lit with a perfect contrast of shadow. I focused a lot of effort into taking high quality pictures. I could make a scrapbook for mom out of these if I get enough good shots around the region. I grinned at the thought, that was something to fill my time before meeting professor Elm next week.

The trail became heavily wooded as I continued. Tall pines and oaks stretched towards the black sky, their leaves shaking in the gentle rolling breeze that blew off the water nearby. A sign thickly covered in moss told me I was entering Ilex woods and a pinch of excitement sparked in my heart. This was one the places Mom had told me to visit just a little while ago. I understood why she had been so excited for me to see it, the forest was absolutely gorgeous.

Kai and Null burst through the underbrush, excited to see the towering trees as well. There was nothing like this back in Alola, the closest to it being a rainforest, so it had to be absolutely stunning to them. I was thankful I’d decided to bring the two along and felt slightly remorseful for not bringing everyone with. Nimbus, my Decidueye would freak out if he saw all this vegetation.

The deeper I went the less the moon broke through the tree tops. Yet it didn’t grow any darker in the woods. Small spores floated through the air, reflecting their own bioluminescent light onto the dark trunks of the trees. Kai attempted to catch the floating specks in her mouth but Null stopped her, likely aware of the poisonous properties that could be found in the spores. I told both of them to be careful and try to not disturb any sleeping Pokémon and I attempted to frame a picture of the gravel path twisting though the magical looking woods.

A ruckus of shouts and chatters erupted from the bushes next to me. I span fast and was surprised to see neither of my Pokémon purposefully disobeying my orders. Null and Kai stood behind me, attention locked on the bush as well.

Suddenly about ten eevee exploded from the leafage, young ones - babies. They scattered around me and charged deeper into the woods with loud squeaks of fear. Overhead I heard heavy flaps of wings and a ‘hoo’ very similar to Nimbus’s cry. A darker shadow in the shape of a bird flew off in the same direction as the eevee, clasped in its shadowed claws was another small, silver creature.

“Kai! Stop that Pokémon!” I shouted, quickly jumping to my feet and chasing after the fleeing bird and eevee. Null and Kai’s paws pounded behind me as I ran, Kai jumped at my back and used that extra height to jump further upwards towards the bird. Her jaws clamped around the beasts talon, the one not holding its prey, and a spine chilling screech shattered my ear drums.

Kai fell back towards the ground, somehow managing to land on its paws effortlessly. The silver creature flew out of the bird’s grasp and plummeted towards the ground, its captor suddenly changing direction and fleeing the woods quickly. I rushed to catch the falling critter and it landed safely in my arms. A tiny pile of silver and white fur curled up against my chest, a long ear twitching and its small body trembling.

Kai limped towards me and I realized that her fall hadn’t been so graceful and effortless as her paw was injured. Yet the Pokémon sat at my feet and sniffed curiously at the baby cradled in my arms. I pat her head, careful to not drop the Pokémon I was holding. “Thank you, Kai. Let’s get you to a Pokémon center asap.”

She grumbled reassuringly and her ears twitched. Looking towards the path as a few of the startled eevee returned, wide brown eyes staring up at me. One of them, slightly larger than the others cooed and the bundle of fur in my arms stirred.

It’s head appeared, unfurling from the ball it had curled up in in defense. An eevee? A silver eevee? It made sense that it had been the first to be snapped up, its color was so much brighter than the rest. “Hello there.” I said with a small smirk in direction of the Pokémon. It looked up to me, those gray eyes huge and confused.

“You’re okay now! Kai saved you.” I said, directing my hands so the baby could see my lycanroc. She licked the small eevee after yipping quietly.

Eevee cried out, the sound joyful and adorable. I set the small fox-like baby down on the ground and pat its head, a smile burst across the critters face and I struggled to wave my goodbye. I couldn’t let Kai sit in pain any longer and the other small eevee were already hopping over, excited to see the almost lost one.

So I forced my goodbye and wished the eevee clan good luck before recalling both Kai and Null to their balls and heading towards town once again. I can’t believe that was a shiny! I hope it’s okay, I hope that bird doesn’t come back for it…

The door of the pokecenter dinged and I quickly brought Kai’s ball to the counter for it to heal. I explained what had happened and the nurse nodded, saying it would be about twenty minutes.

She leaned over the counter then, “oh, does your eevee need a rest too?” She questioned and I looked down fast, shocked to see the eevee standing near my feet. Its gaze locked on mine with an eager smile.

I grinned. “Do you want to come with me, eevee?”

It hopped in place. Of course it wanted to come with me, wasn’t that how all stories like this ended? Someone saves the struggling Pokémon and it decided last minute that it didn’t want to go back home after being saved. I offered up a pokeball and the eevee willingly went in, putting up no fight against the capture.

“Yes.” I told the nurse, “I’d like to have my eevee healed.”

Clearly the answer to why Hau kept calling me would come if I actually picked up the phone. But I had no interest in hearing his overly energetic voice while I was in the middle of work. Yet no matter how many times I forced his call to go to voicemail, my phone kept ringing. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and I ran back to my room to drop the thing on my desk.

Whatever the hell it is, it can wait.

Back at the conservation deck one of the employees was trying to feed a stubborn stufful that struggled to eat by it’s self. It’d been abandoned by its mother for having a deformed ear, or so we supposed, and couldn’t eat unless it was hand fed a certain way. After watching the failed attempts of the man I offered to take over and he gave it up fairly easily. The stufful had no issues with me for some reason and the food was gone within a few minutes. I brought the stufful back to its little dug out on the opposite side of the deck and let it down next to another Pokémon of the same species.

“You must have a magic touch, sir. I’ve never been able to get that guy to eat.”

I glanced at the employee who had spoken and simply shrugged in response, “there’s a trick to it.” I muttered and gave the man a quick nod before moving onto the bigger issues.

Some of the researches who had worked on the mareanie population project were testing their hypothesis on regrowth. Wild Pokémon we’re currently residing in the biggest pool on the floor and required a lot of special attention to assure their and the faculties safety. I hovered near the edge of the pool, watching the strange aquatic creatures react to the stimuli the researchers provided.

I couldn’t focus on anything beyond these simple tasks. There were far more important things I could have been doing with my required hours on the deck, like restoring the damaged areas from the most recent turtonator incident… or testing new diets for the sick pokemon in the quarantine section. But all those tasks would call for actual focus and thought which was something I couldn’t put into work at the moment.

My mind was stuck in thoughts about my own project. Trying to figure out who and why someone was sending these charizards to attack champions. Tracking what patterns there were in the research to figure out if Moon or the champion of Johto were in trouble next. There was barely any information available, I would have to call police departments and possibly the already attacked champions in order to pull more out of what I had. That would have been a far more useful way to spend my time than just standing near a pool of wild Pokémon to prevent safety issues.

One of the mareanie floated over near the edge I stood by, its lazy yellow eyes peering up at me from below the clear water. I stared back at it, chewing on my bottom lip as I tried to think of a way to get that Sinnoh woman’s contact information. Its small toothy grin grew as it watched me and I cringed, I really didn’t like the look of these Pokémon. They reminded me of team skull for some reason, specifically of Plumeria.

In fact, one of the grunts who couldn’t seem to leave me alone even after two years had said she had a toxapex now… that had to have been why I was unconsciously relating the two.

“President Gladion.” I glanced over my shoulder to see one of the receptionists standing on the walkway and waiting patiently for me. I nodded, encouraging her to continue. “Someone is here to see you.”

Who the hell…?

My arms crossed my chest and I looked away. “Tell them I’m busy.” I stated flatly.

“I tried that already, sir. He refuses to leave until he sees you.” She replied, her tone of voice giving away her stress.

My face scrunched, “who is it?” I couldn’t think of anyone who needed to see me that urgently right now.

“Please just come with me, sir.” She said, and turned to head towards the elevator.

I hopped back up onto the walkway and quickly followed after her, fumbling to take off my lab coat and hang it up before riding the elevator down with the receptionist.

A primarina and alolan raichu were in the middle of the entranceway, both suited for battle. I understood why the woman had been so urgent and stressed to bring me down, though my annoyance to see those specific Pokémon here was extreme. I slowly approached the familiar beasts, hands stuffed in my jeans pockets.

“Hau, what the hell are you doing.” I snapped, shooting him a glare as he appeared from behind his primarina.

The guy’s hair was a mess, down from its normal ponytail and more frazzled than the expression on his face. It looked like he’d ran all the way here even though that wasn’t possible considering Aether was just an over glorified boat.

“Why didn’t you answer my calls!” He shouted in response, his arms flailing in exasperation. “I need your help with something!”

“This isn’t the way to ask for my help, Hau.” I growled, crossing my arms over my chest. “Put your pokemon away and stop scaring the shit out of my employees.”

He groaned, over animated as always as he recalled both his Pokémon to their respective balls. Now that there wasn’t a barrier of battle ready beasts between us he quickly closed the distance and grabbed my arms attempting to yank me towards the exit.

I pulled my arms away, taking a few steps back. “What do you need, Hau? Use your damn words.” I rooted my feet.

His eyes rolled, “We don’t have time!” He whined, groaning again as I didn’t move. “It has to do with Moon, there! Now will you come with me already?”

My face fell, what could he mean… Moon is in Johto… I swore. Or he’s just saying shit to get me to come with him… What did it even matter, there was no point in risking it. “Let me go get Silvally. Then we can go.”

“Thank you!” He shouted as I quickly went to grab my Pokémon.

Hau brought me to Melemele island, shoring near professor Kukui’s ramshackle of a lab. He gave me no chance to ask what was going on and charged quickly towards a small house resting farther off the coast. My eyes rolled as I followed after him, purposefully moving much slower in order to make the anxious kid wait a bit longer. The closer I got, though, the louder a distinctly and cringe worthy familiar voice was audible to me.

I nearly turned tides and hiked it back to Aether when I saw the man standing near the house Hau had ran too. Tall and swimming in oversized clothes, a messy top of white hair and a red x taped across the old skull logo on the back of the man’s sweater. Hau yelled after me as I started heading down the path to the city and I cringed as Guzma echoed Hau’s call.

“Boy, is that really you?” Guzma said with a sly grin as I approached the two, a scowl across my own face.

The last person I wanted to see after ditching skull was the man who had started it himself. He’d never been personally rude to me but there were so many negative memories and thoughts that lingered around his crazed face.

I shoved my hands into my pockets and refused to make direct eye contact with him. He chuckled, “Wow, look how much older ya are, kid. Finally got that mop of yours styled, eh?”

“Why did you bring me here, Hau?” I hissed towards him, feeling no guilt about directing the excess irritation his way.

Hau bounced in place, his face contorted in worry. “He won’t leave.” He stage whispered.

“What?” I snapped

Guzma exploded into laughter and both Hau and I jumped back in surprise. A loud bang cut the chortle short and all three of us turned to look at the woman who had stepped out onto the porch. Her eyes were bagged and the creases in her skin gave away not only her age but also the stress she was undergoing.

Something about her was painstakingly familiar but I just couldn’t place why I felt that way. I knew I’d never seen the woman in my life and I didn’t leave Aether frequently enough for it to be due to just general proximity to each other. The name was resting on the tip of my tongue but I just couldn’t figure it out.

Suddenly the front of my shirt was clenched in Guzma’s shaking fist, his face inches from mine as he spat at me, “Where’s that bitch of a mother of yours at, kid? I have a couple words to speak at 'er.”

I shoved the man, stumbling as he released me and pushed me back as well. I conspicuously released Silvally, the beast appearing behind me and roaring upon seeing Guzma. “You have no business with Lusamine, Guzma.” I snapped at him, readying myself as the man reached for his own pokeballs.

“Oh believe me, I do.” He retorted, his voice oddly calm.

“Stop!” The woman on the porch shouted. I froze, the muscles in my body locking as it finally clicked in my head who this person was. Shit, she’s going to hate me. “Enough about bitchy mothers. Guzma, you need to leave my property before I call the police.”

Hau started bouncing in place again, he grabbed my shoulder and if I hadn’t been under the gaze of this woman specifically I probably would have slapped him away. “I’m so sorry, Auntie! I tried to get him to leave before, and then I got Gladion thinking that would work… but it’s not working.” Auntie? Seriously?

“This isn’t your fault, Hau.” The woman stepped down the porch steps, now on equal ground I was surprised to see how short she was. Apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree then. “I know your mom too, Guzma, and I know she’s waiting anxiously for you to go see her.”

He scoffed in response. “You don’t know anythin’ about my home life, chick. I just need you to understand the bullshit your daughter put me through.”

His hand rose and I motioned for Silvally to pin the man to the ground before his muscles could even receive the impulse to strike the woman. Now, splayed across the ground under the weight of my seven foot friend, he looked far less intimidating. I bared over him, a steady glare on his shocked face.

“Leave and do not come back to this house.” I snapped, silvally hung its head closer to Guzma, a growl rumbling from its chest and it’s cheek plate glowing red as fire built up inside its mouth. “Never ever come back here.”

Guzma stared at the beast looking over him, actually scared for his life. His gaze met mine. “Damn kid, when did your balls drop?”

He left, head hanging low in embarrassment as he did so. After his figure had retreated far beyond the horizon I released a heavy breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. The tension in my arms and legs slowly dispersing as I looked to the now giddy Hau repeatedly thanking me for taking care of that mess.

My eyes narrowed as I spoke up, trying to keep my voice at a volume so only he could hear me. “Don’t involve me with any other ex-skulls. I already have enough to deal with.”

His head cocked to the side, strikingly similar to a growlithe. “But you’re an ex-skull too.”

My eyes rolled and I nearly retorted that my situation was far different than any of the other former team members, but the owner of the house cut me off. “Thank you, both of you.” She said, “He’s been rather bothersome lately.”

Hau grinned, “No problem at all, Ms. Hillel.”

I fumbled over my words, way too worried about striking a decent impression on Moon’s mother than I should have been. “Anytime.” Shit, why would you say that? It makes it sound like it’ll happen again!

She turned to me and held out a hand, “I’m sorry, I don’t know your name!”

I shook her hand, the acids in my stomach churning and swishing around in nerves. “I’m Gladion, current head of the Aether Foundation.”

“Oh!” She called, throwing a hand up in the air. “I know you then, Moon has told me plenty about you!”

That stomach acid was suddenly in my throat and I struggled to swallow it down. Hau snickered quietly next to me and I figured he was laughing at the color rising to my cheeks. “D-did she?” Why are you stuttering, idiot.

“Yes, of course!” A smile broke out across her face. Her posture shifted and suddenly she was inviting both Hau and I inside for a drink. Hau rushed in, clearly unfazed.

I probably would have denied the offer if he hadn’t already accepted it for both of us. Moon’s mom walked into the house and I followed behind slowly, nerves making every step feel like an earthquake as I entered the doorway.

Quaint was the only way I could describe the still new looking house. A lot of effort had been put into making the building feel like a home, plants stood in almost every corner and piles of blankets mounded on the couches in the living room. A collage of framed family pictures hung on the far wall of the room and I desperately wanted to go look, but I felt intrusive just wandering Moon’s house - even if her mother had invited me in. A plump Kantonian meowth was sprawled across the back of one of the couches and watched lazily, stretching and yawning, as I walked by. Everything about the place just felt warm, it was such a nice vibe. Something I’ve never felt.

Hau had disappeared down the one hallway in the house and it seemed Moon’s mom was bringing me that way as well. It was the first time ever that I felt envious of Hau… he felt so welcome in this house that he had abandoned all manners… not that he ever had any… he was just so comfortable, clearly had been here many many times.

The kitchen that I was led to was charming, well-used despite that the house had only stood for two years. The air was rich with the scent of sweets and home cooked meals. The wooden counter top dented and stained from many uses. Hau was seated at that countertop, pouring himself a glass of lemonade and humming.

Moon’s mother handed me a glass. “Would you like lemonade? Or something else?” She asked with an overtly kind smile on her face.

“Lemonade is fine.” I said with a forced smile back to her, hoping that it didn’t look to fake or dishonest. I let Hau fill up the glass and took a seat at the counter as well, feeling like a magikarp out of water in the middle of the room.

There was a stack of photos on the counter and I could just barely see that the top picture was of Moon. I so desperately wanted to leaf through the pictures but couldn’t bring myself to do anything other than move the cup of lemonade to my lips and back down.

Hau must have noticed them at the same time I did as he was suddenly boasting to the woman pulling out a cookie jar. “Are those pictures of Moon?! Can I see?”

“Those are photos from Oak actually!” She sat on the other side of the counter, snaking on a chocolate chip cookie. “I guess he took and collected some pictures of her while she was in Kanto and sent those to me! So sweet. Feel free to look through them!” She pushed the jar of homemade cookies our way. Hau dug his hand in and took out three cookies.

He half whispered to me, “these are the best cookies.”

My jaw clenched and I pulled one out for myself, figuring it was only polite to accept the offer. Shit these are good. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a homemade cookie… at least not one this good. There were a few lame attempts at cookie baking by the skull grunts but those always came out black and brick like at the best.

Hau placed the pictures between us, flipping through varying shots of Moon grinning at the camera. One specific picture resulted in Hau letting out a loud 'whoa!’ and Moon’s mom grinning.

The picture was framed behind Moon, her hood pulled up and hiding her face. She was on the back of a lapras and spread in front of her was a huge blue bird. The articuno she had been talking about a week or so ago.

“Isn’t that an awesome shot?” Ms. Hillel said, “I guess Lillie took that one.”

Hau’s eyes lit up, his already beaming smile somehow growing larger at the mention of my younger sister. “Lillie is so good with cameras!”

I continued flipping through, covering the grin that spread across my mouth as I saw another picture of Moon in those ice caves, she was standing with Lillie and both were making stupid faces towards the camera. I was just happy to see Moon still using my old beat up sweater, after two years of her trying to give it back.

Hau stayed at Moon’s mother’s house for another hour and a half and I stuck around with him if only because I didn’t want to be rude. I busied myself with inspecting the Kantonian meowth and trying to keep up with conversations between the two people in the house.

Eventually we left and both Hau and I walked through Hau'oli City to the marina. The sun was falling and I felt horrible for missing out on work for most of the day. I’d be lucky to get even forty minutes of sleep tonight with the amount of work I’d have to make up. I rubbed at my eyes, internally cringing at the thought of staying up long enough to see the sun rise. The only bright side was that I could maybe talk with Moon again, it’d been a few days and when we did talk it was short and quick… business related and nothing beyond.

Hau’s elbow was suddenly in my ribs and I flinched, putting more space between the two of us and shooting him a glare.

“Moon’s mom is pretty cool, isn’t she? I love hanging out with her!” He said, grinning.

I only nodded in response, not wanting to facilitate the conversation. As much as I hated the idea of going back to Aether for work, it was far superior to being alone with the human ball of energy. I could handle him in a group setting, or through text or call when necessary, but anything beyond that was just a bit too much for me.

“Have you talked to Moon, recently? I haven’t heard from her…” He looked down, “but I guess I haven’t reached out to her recently so that’s probably why.”

“Yes, I’ve talked to her. I’m sure she’ll be responsive if you message her.” I muttered, stuffing my hands in my pockets. Why even answer that question?

“What about Lillie? Have you talked to her?” Hau prodded.

I sighed, “Infrequently, yes.”

“We talk every day.” He said, gaze to the sky and his arms folded behind his head. “I hope you don’t mind if I date your sister.”

I stopped. “What?”

Hau’s grin turned nervous, “I have a thing for Lillie and I think I’m going to ask her out soon!”

My eyes rolled, “okay, great for you.”

“That’s all you have to say to that? 'Great for you’?” He huffed, “can’t you like… approve it?”

I grimaced and turned to face him, my arms crossing my chest. “First, asking for 'approval’ is a marriage thing and I’m not her dad. Second, how do you even know she’d date you anyway?”

He flinched as I spoke but retaliated fairly quickly, “I think she likes me back!” His confidence was surprising.

I hesitated, still not sure exactly what he wanted from me. So I shrugged and just said, “Go ahead and date my sister. You’re not total shit so I don’t care.”

He blanked, clearly confused by my choice of words. While he was stunned I gave him a curt nod and turned heel towards the marina, ready to be back at Aether already. I can’t imagine those two actually dating, but I guess I haven’t actually talked to Lillie for a while. She could be head over heels for Hau and I wouldn’t know anything about it. Maybe it was time to attempt to make amends with Lillie. Whatever it was that was still bothering her… whether it be stuff with mom, or anything else. I was kind of tired of the bickering.

She couldn’t be that mad if she was still talking to me though, and calling me stupid names…

Hau shouted my name and caught up with me, I sighed. “What now? I need to get back to work.” I snapped as I span to face him.

“Did you ask Moon out yet? She’s like my cousin you know, so I approve of it!” He beamed at me.

I stared blankly at him, grateful that my face wasn’t growing red from his question. I considered responding… but just turned and left instead. What I do and when I do it is none of his business anyway.

Work had me glued to my desk until around 3 am and even after that I tried to factor in time for the champion attack research. I was hitting nothing but walls with that and would need to actually make calls soon if I planned on making progress.

I let my head drop to the desk, the single moment of rest enough for my exhausted eyes to droop and the wave of sleep start to yank my consciousness away. The cold wooden desk was uncomfortable but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I struggled to remember the last time I’d slept in my own bed. I’d spent the last two weeks’ worth of nights on the couch in the office - sleeping long enough to function for at least half the day. My phone, resting on the edge of the desk and charging, started vibrating. The sound of it amplified against the hardwood that my ear was also resting on. I flinched and sat upright with a groan, reaching for the shaking plastic.

“Oy.” I grumbled as I answered the call, fighting back the yawn that was pushing up my throat.

“Goodnight!” Moon’s giggle over the line brought some energy into me. “You sound half asleep… go rest, dork.” I grinned, glad she had called out of nowhere.

“Nah, I can sleep when I’m dead.” I intended to joke but my voice was far to steady for it to sound like a joke.

“Stop. How are you supposed to be the president of a huge environmental organization if you don’t even get good sleep?” She asked.

“Well clearly exactly the way I’m doing it now. Considering Aether is fine.” I replied, resting my head back on the desk and letting my eyes close.

“But are you fine?”

I scoffed, “same as always, Moon.” Fine, fine, fine.

“I wish you wouldn’t do this to yourself.” She said with a heavy sigh, “you’ll get sick or something.”

“If I went to bed at a decent time I wouldn’t be talking to you right now, or hardly ever.” The overhead lights flicked on, startling me and making my bagged eyes burn with the sudden flash of brightness. I glanced to the doorway to see Wicke.

I held up a finger, signaling for her to wait. Then pointing to my phone. “Aw do you stay up just to talk to me?” Moon’s voice was oozing sarcasm, she knew I stayed up for work. But she’s not entirely wrong. I was always hoping to get a chance to hear her voice when I was up this late.

“Maybe that’s part of it.” I said, surprised I could hint at anything without wimping out.

I met Wicke’s gaze as Moon suddenly went silent on the other end. Cocking an eyebrow to encourage the woman to talk.

“Oh, sir, I’m sorry to interrupt. I wanted to inform you about the current progress reports and suggestions, but we can hold them off until tomorrow if you so please.” She said, eyes switching to look at the phone against my ear and a small smile appearing on her face.

Progress reports… that’d take an hour and a half to go through at the least. I had plenty stacked on my plate for the next day already, meaning that would likely be shoved off until later in the night tomorrow as well… forcing another long and grueling day… but I didn’t want to hang up on Moon, I wanted to actually talk with her tonight. A frown depend across my face, but that needs to get done and sent back asap.

“Did I tell you about my new Pokémon?” Moon’s voice said over the speaker near my ear. “I can’t remember if I did.”

My gaze hit the floor. “We’ll do it tomorrow.” Wicke said with a reassuring smile and an understanding wink. “Have a good night, sir.”

I was thankful she made the decision herself. “Thanks, Wicke.” I replied with a smirk as she ducked back out of the room. The lights stayed on but I didn’t much mind, it provoked me to actually go to my own room. “No you didn’t tell me about your new Pokémon.” I replied to Moon, stretching my free hand over my head until my shoulder cracked.

Moon talked about her little adventures in Johto so far, going on without needing much input from me. I spaced out more than I would like to admit but her voice, rising and falling with the emotions and reactions to her own stories, was so soothing to me. I eventually wandered back to my room, the small space feeling foreign after so many days away from it. Silvally had somehow made its way into the room and was sleeping in the corner. It’s large body squished between the wall and dresser and the position looked so awkward and uncomfortable that it made me laugh. Moon, startled to hear the noise, begged for a picture once I explained the beast’s unappealing choice for a sleeping spot.

I’d made the mistake of laying on my bed while we were still talking. The feeling of the soft mattress and the kinks in my neck and spine evening out made it hard to focus on Moon. She kept calling my name, bringing me back from the first stage of sleep repeatedly.

“Gladion!” She called again with an underlying laugh that struck me as slightly annoyed.

“Hmm, sorry.” I muttered, I sat up a bit hoping it would clear the sticky webs of sleep from my head.

“Sleep already, dork. We can talk next time your free.” My tired mind formed an image of her smiling as she said that, her ocean blue eyes rolling. I wasn’t sure why everyone was using strange terms in reference to me… Lilly with bub and Hau with… Arceus, I don’t even want to think about it… It was aggravating. Moon, though, calling me a dork whenever I did something she didn’t approve of… just the way she said it every time made my heart pick up pace just a little bit and caused a small grin to twist my lips.

“So tomorrow at four in the morning?” I forced a laugh, the sound breathy.

“Or when you take a break at work or something!” She sighed, “You know, I don’t understand why you’re so so busy with work all of a sudden. Before I left for my trip you had plenty of time to do things and talk almost whenever.”

“I took on more jobs. That’s why.”

“So what, you wrote yourself onto so many more experiments that you’re working yourself to the bone? It’s not healthy!” She sighed, “You need to stop with some of them.”

“I’m not signing off research projects. The whole team would be upset to see the president of Aether giving up on them.” I said through a yawn.

“You won’t be of any help if you end up sick though!” She said, sounding exasperated. I was surprised to hear her so upset about it. She’d said something about my lack of sleep and completely shot sleeping schedule almost every time we talked lately, but I didn’t think much about it… other than that it was sweet she was worrying about something so trivial.

“Why are you so worried about my sleep?” I asked, genuinely confused.

“Do I need to say it again? Didn’t I just tell you like two weeks ago?” She said, her words causing even more confusion.

“What? You never told me why…?”

“Because I care about you! I don’t want you working yourself to death or sick.” She said, her voice almost a shout. “Please try to get more sleep, even if it means we can’t talk for a while. Finish your infinitive amount of projects and sleep like a normal person again.”

I flushed, rubbing my warm cheeks as I formed my response to her. She did say that over text, after bombarding me with questions over getting drunk. It took a moment of me regaining my composure to actually speak, “The extra work fills the time until I can talk to you. It’s fine. I’ll figure out sleep at some point.”

She paused for a moment too. The acids in my stomach were churning and bubbling, she’s going to figure out how I feel about her if I keep dropping hints like this. I wasn’t sure if I wanted her to know yet… “Is that really how you see it?” She barely rose above a whisper.

“It is.” I muttered.

I waited for her to question why it was so important we talked. Waited for her to ask why I took on extra work just to fill my time. I waited for any sign of her understanding what was going on in my head and heart for the past year and a half, but she said nothing. I felt a strange mix of relief and disappointment over her not acknowledging those things. “Ok… well please plan some time for you too, Gladion. Time to rest.”

“I’ll try.” I laid back down, letting my eyes close.

“I have to go check on the eggs in Elm’s lab before I can go to bed. So I’m going to go do that now.” She muttered, sounding distracted - like her mind was focused on things other than what was coming out of her mouth. “Goodnight, Gladion.”

“Goodnight, Moon.” I muttered just before she ended the call. The length of time I was on the line flashed on my screen momentarily - well over an hour. I shoved the device onto the side table and pulled the lamp’s light out.

She’s going to figure it out. She has too…

Note: So I hope the length makes up for the fact that most of this chapter is just 'almost filler’/some fluff. Everything here matters, it just isnt AS important as other things. Oops~ Anyway, hope you enjoy! Thanks as always c:

[maybeilltellyousometime]

writing for me

it’s been a long time since i’ve written and i always get so mad at myself when i finally sit down to clear my head and i see how long i take to write. i have all these plans to write letters to viv because, let’s face it, i’m pretty fucking morbid since my mother died. things i want to tell her, things i want to advise her on, things i wish i got to discuss with my own mother in case i die soon. maybe at least getting one long letter to my daughter down on paper will be my new years resolution. if i die soon, someone send her this link. best intentions and all that... viv, in summary: high school is complete bullshit and so are most of the fuckheads that attend, save money and take a class on managing your finances, don’t ever fucking allow someone to make you feel like you aren’t good enough because you are. a thousand times, you are, and i love you more than i have ever loved anything in the world. you saved my life. listen to music that makes you feel something. find a good therapist. i will see you again in another realm, i promise.

i sat down today when i should be cleaning the bathroom with a glass of wine because it’s january and i’m listening to band of horses and bon iver again. skinny love will forever stir feelings inside me. it was my go-to break up song. the one that i liked to play over and over again to remind myself that i just clearly wasn’t enough for whatever asshole made me feel that way. i wasn’t enough to make them stay, i wasn’t enough to make them love me. i was crazy and drunk and i always made too many mistakes. the love was skinny on all accounts.

it’s completely weird to be married to someone and have a heart so fucking full of love. nothing is ever perfect, the past few months have been hard, but i never feel as bad as i used to. i’m grateful for my husband and daughter. i don’t think they’ll ever fully understand how much they saved me. my delusional thinking kicks in all the time though and i wonder if all this happiness is just inside of me. what if one day dave tells me he’s unhappy and wants a divorce? i should call my therapist soon.

i’m entering my second semester of pre-reqs for nursing and it’s so hard to continue to struggle through this financially and watch dave work his ass off all the time for us. but it gives me some meaning. something just for me. i appreciate that he is so supportive when it seems like no one else is. fuck it. we’ll get through this and be in a better place one day and we will know that we worked hard for everything.

i cut ties with my brother in october and part of me is sad about it and hopes one day we will reconcile, but a larger part is just grateful that the obligation to mend the fucking fence, fix what’s broken and constantly make an effort is over. i’m realizing that he was right in some of the terrible things he said to me. the past is the past. our relationship is toxic. we do nothing positive for each other and he will never acknowledge that my life got fucked up because i tried to make sure his didn’t. i don’t ever blame him for it, but it’s like he just does not give a fuck about what i went though and he never will. he likes to paint a picture of me as a drunk xanax popping housewife who sits here and obsesses over him. i think he’s a selfish, narcissistic asshole. it’s sad how little we know each other anymore but i’ve realized that people show you how they feel about you. and he has shown me. clearly. it’s painful, but somehow so fucking freeing to literally let it fucking go.

christmas and the new year were hard. we’ve been sick for almost 20 days.my bff kath came to visit and as usual we were kinda broke and sick and boring but she never seems to mind and i spent the first few hours of 2019 in my pajamas drinking wine and connecting with her in the middle of the night. spend time and energy on the people who spend time and energy on you. she’s remarkable and i am so happy she walked into my shitty job at the chamber years ago.

viv started dance school last night and i have no idea how we are going to afford it, but also, fuck that too. it was my goal for the new year to get her involved in something. she did really well and enjoyed it. and it’s adorable. so it’s happening.

once again i am missing my mom today. i always do when things get hard or when viv hits another milestone. i’m waiting for the day the grief gets a little lighter to carry.

settling into a nice place of not giving a fuck at this point in my life. we’re just going to hang on to the handles inside this crazy train. shit gets bad and then it gets worse but we haven’t died yet and there are some moments of pure happiness. i guess that’s the best i could ever ask for.

plotting and fucking scheming on how to get home this summer. maybe for once, something will work out. i’m a realist though so...i’m not getting my hopes up until i’m eating pizza on the beach.

“This is not the sound of a new man Or a crispy realization It's the sound of me unlocking and you lift away Your love will be Safe with me”

Re: Stacks- Bon Iver

[midsummernightsread]

2017 was a year to be reckon with. Beyond the obvious, political environment, on a personal level, on all levels, this year was one that I would prefer to use as a learning lesson. So, just as warning, this will be a long post.

BOOKS, BOOKS & MORE BOOKS

I reached my Goodreads goal of 200 books this year 😀 Super excited about that because not only did I not reach it last year but I hit constant book walls this year. Between books that couldn’t keep my interest, books that did not live up to the hype and my own expectations and finally books that were poorly written, my book year has been full of highs and lows.

However, I did hit some fantastic reads, some good reads and some pretty covers, that I want to share.

Fantastic Reads

Crown Books for Young Readers Published Sept. 12, 2017 384 Pages

Algonquin Young Readers Published Sept. 19, 2017 272 Pages

HarperCollins Published July 25, 2017 288 Pages

Why were these books fantastic reads? They were engaging, diverse, honest and creative. The plot kept me on my toes, the characters had development and growth. The world, in which the story is set, felt real like opening my front door. Some of these reads fed my love of history and mythology, while other fed my love for a sappy love story. Either way, my fantastic reads of 2017 are highly recommended.

Good Reads

Dutton Books for Young Readers Published Sept. 26, 2017

Kodansha Comics Published Oct. 25, 2016 304 Pages

Why were these books good reads? They didn’t hit all of my points previously mentioned in Fantastic reads. But they did keep me engaged for most of the book and I loved the character. Also these good reads, have a very strong foundation and although not 5 Pickles perfect, I am happy to have read them and read the next book in their series if it applies.

Pretty Covers

Algonquin Young Readers Published Sept. 19, 2017 272 Pages

Flatiron Books TBP Jan. 30, 2018 368 Pages

What’s a year in review, if I don’t display some gorgeous covers. Some of these books I have read, while others I have not been able to get to yet. But aren’t they just beautiful to look at!

WHAT TANYA HAS BEEN UP TO THIS YEAR

So as mentioned this year has been a unexpected force that put a lot of things in perspective. Firstly, I was able to visit my husband in Japan for two weeks and I was able to go to Dominican Republic this year as well. Both were amazing and it made me realize how attainable traveling can be, if you put your money in order. Because of these adventures, I have the wanderlust bug and actively planning a bunch of trips for 2018.

On a emotional level, I have been a mess. I have been missing my husband dearly and the toll of living on the other side of the world was heavy. It’s still heavy but it is much more manageable. We made celebrated two anniversaries this year. 6 years when we started dating or when I stopped being a butt and said sure (October 3rd) and 4 years when we said I do (December 6th). I tend to get a bit emotional when its comes to my Husband because when we met when I was emotionally and spiritually in bad shape. He stuck around even when I didn’t want him to. He means a lot to me and I can’t wait until his deployment is over and he is home for good.

On another note, school has been kicking my butt and the back and forth of if I should even keep going with my masters degree has been a unanswered question for months now. I am leaning towards banging out this final year (InshaAllah) but I am just not into this classes like I thought I would be. But I did better this semester, so hopefully I can keep that going.

I struggled a lot with past Tanya and current Tanya. Past Tanya was getting bored and tired of being in the past and wanted to explore some newfound freedoms, while current Tanya is not for that mess. But because of certain life changing decisions it was hard to stop those thoughts and move forward with the obvious right and better choice. Past Tanya has taken a step back and I pray that it will be for good. Because when I say she was a mess…smh just so messy.

I learned that self-care is needed not every once in a while but all the time and that it can take different forms. For me going to the library or bookstore, taking a bath and disconnecting from social media, have been the best methods I have learned and used a lot this year. I am still growing in this area because me and emotions aren’t the best of friends but I am proud of myself. I had less panic attacks than I did in 2016, so that counts right? Lol

On a second note, I saw my first ballet, went to a Harry Potter experience, watch old anime in a movie theater, met new people, started wearing lipstick, won a few arc giveaways and a bunch of other stuff. Although this year had some downs, the highs were highs but most importantly I lived and got to thank God for that everyday.

Social Media

As of today I have the following followers on each channel I run:

Instagram: viewsfromthe_desktop : 78 Followers

WordPress: motif by Tanya : 122 Subscribers 

Twitter: @motifink 408 Followers 

I have been participating in various twitter chats and hash tags. Social media is taking a lot of my time and I had made it my mission that every month, I will take a week vacation from it. However, despite the overload, I have been putting myself and Motif by Tanya out there and it is visible in the increase of followers. I even began writing monthly updates and topic specific blogs. During this year (2017) I forgot how much I enjoy writing and started making time for it despite my growing responsibilities. I love this renewal and in 2018, I tend to work on my writing more.

What Tanya Wants 2018

There are several goals I am reaching for this year, book related and in real life.

Book Goals:

Start posting regularly for Quick Five© interviews

Begin posting The Frustrated Reader© monthly

Clear out my arc queue on Netgalley

Attend book conventions and festivals

Book Con

Bronx Festival

Y’all Fest

Book Expo

Novateen Book Fest

Well Read Black Girl Fest

Begin posting on either Amazon or Goodreads

Start a YouTube channel

Travel Goals:

Baltimore

Bday Cruise

Seattle

Paris

Chicago

Personal Goals:

Pray 5 daily prayers on time

Quran reading

Learn Arabic

Start rockclimbing again

Learn to fence

Learn to bake bread and make a pie from scratch

Volunteer

Learn to drift & drive a stick

Professional Goals:

Begin freelance writing

Move up in my current company

Own a business

What Tanya Wants New Releases: January 2017

Now what can be a end of the year, beginning of the year wrap up without my anticipated reads for January 2017 🙂

I do plan on participating in #unreadshelfproject2018 but with so many new reads I am waiting for this year, I am going to modify my goal. For every 3 tbr books, physical and digital, that I have, I will read one of wants. Sounds fair right 🙂

In Conclusion:

I know that this was a long post and it could have been several posts spaced out during the week but it was great therapy. What is that saying, speak it into existence? Not only am I doing that but praying first and foremost. Is this considered a new year’s resolution? Naw not really. Motif by Tanya is a book review and author interview website but it is also my baby that I put a lot of time in. It’s time to make her stand out and if that means showing a little bit more of me every so so then so be it.

Peace and Blessings, Ya’ll ❤

Year in Review: 2017 2017 was a year to be reckon with. Beyond the obvious, political environment, on a personal level, on all levels, this year was one that I would prefer to use as a learning lesson.

[jimdsmith34]

Betches Love This College: University of Southern California

The land of beautiful people, beautiful weather, and a beautiful fucking campus, the University of Southern California is probs the most collectively beautiful school in the country. And if you dont believe that sweeping generalization, which you obvi should, trust the movies. USCs movie-like campus has been featured in , , (2, ugh), and was even Harvard in . What, like its hard?

In the heart of Los Angeles, its no surprise that USC is in a shit ton of movies and TV shows. Its also no surprise that USC is on the top of thousands of graduating seniors wish lists every year. A weirdly perfect mix of academics and partying, USC is the place that all the pretty, popular, and annoyingly smart kids from your high school wanted to go (or actually went if they could afford it).

The People

Greeks: Even though the USC administration has really fucked up with the Greek system in recent years, rushing a fraternity and joining a sorority are def the pinnacle moments of freshman year. And once you go Greek, you never go back (even if your fraternity is kicked off the row, looking at you SAE). After a record number of freshmen hospitalizations due to alcohol poisoning on the row this decade, the administration started freaking the fuck out and made the row dry. Right. Well, Los Angeles is in a fucking drought, President Nikias. Banning alcohol is not only inhumane, its fucking immoral for the environment.

USC is honestly too big of a school to claim that everyone goes Greek. But everyone you want to know is Greek, and every great party is Greek. So like, you decide.

GDIs: …but dont even get the God Damn Independents (GDIs) started on the assholes in the Greek system. Theres a super divisive shift between the non-Greeks and the Greeks, especially at the start of freshman year. Super eager freshmen girls obvi need to wear their American Apparel sorority tanks to class every day of syllabus week. Bros make it known that theyre in a fraternity with their hazing ritualsseriously, Sigma Chi? Not letting your pledges talk for the first week of classes? Fucking weird. And the geeds watch this all with amazed, nerdy, and judgmental looks. Which tbh, the judgment kind of makes sense, seeing as one fraternity manages to spend over $50,000 in one night on its Frost party every year. And that budget doesnt even count the money that its fraternity members spend on snow in the form of nose candy. So to GDIs, fraternity and sorority assholes are the worst. Got it.

Athletes: If youre an athlete at USC, youre probably from California, and youre probably the best of the best. And if you play water polo, volleyball or beach volleyball, youre probably going to win a national championship. Or maybe youll go to the Olympics one year, because USC has had more Olympians than any other school. So casual.

The athletes all hang out in the same area of campusthe John McKay center, a state-of-the-art athletic facility that is literally more like a med spa than a collegiate training facility. With a collective five percent body fat, these athletes all mingle and date and intimidate the rest of the student body.

The super fucking rich kids: Every school has rich kids, obvi. But at USC, you get the rich kids from Hollywoods elite and Silicon Valley. There is no shortage of Louis Vuitton-carrying, Range Rover-driving betches around campus. And many of these betches have private planes, too, which is like a super casual way to get to Vegas for a weekend. And since its only four hours away by car (30 minutes by jet), even the non-elite rich kids love going to Vegas and spending thousands on bottle service at a club watching Calvin Harris fantasize about Taylor Swift onstage.

Everyone else: USC is a super fucking diverse school. For a decade, it had more international students than any other collegerecently beat out by NYUand also boasts a 40 percent out-of-state rate. Its a private school with a rich alumni base, so scholarships and generous financial aid packages are a regular occurrence. But if youre paying full tuition, youre paying a lot of fucking money: roughly $70,000 in cost of attendance per year. So you better be ready to study alongside your partying, or your ass is going back to Santa Monica Community College.

Famous alumni: Even though they dont actually go to USC currently, theyre notable enough to make this list. Will Ferrell is infamous in USC folklore for flooding the basement of his fraternity at USC and making pledges row him around in a rowboat (and then yelling Mayday as he sent the pledges into the water). Sophia Bush went there. All of the Schwarzenneger kids have graduated from thereat least the legitimate ones. The guy who created the Star Wars saga, George Lucas, went there. So, yeah the alumni are kind of sick.

Where to live

Freshmen: New. North. Though the USC administration is again trying to ruin the lives of all USC students (something about academic integrity and climibing the rankings and other bullshit), the New/North dorms are still the place to be. Two dorms merged togetherNew and Northits basically a year-long party. And its completely common to wake up to a very angry email on Monday mornings from the RAs complaining about couches from the dorms being thrown out the windows, again. Dont ask. But just be prepared to pay extensive damages as an entire dorm, mostly because drunk frat boys come home and throw shit down the hallways.

Everyone else: Sophomores get merged into the upperclassmen category after freshman year. USC typically only has room for freshmen on campus, so everyone else moves off campus. Those who are Greek will likely move into their sorority and fraternity houses, and all the other fun people will move into the New Mansion, West 27th, or Gateway apartment buildings. Rent is high everywhere because its fucking Los Angeles, even if it is in the middle of south central.

What to do

Football gamedays are literally a weekly holiday at USC. Get ready to wake the fuck up to the fight song being blared through your sorority house as betches sneak mimosas into the supposed-to-be-dry house. Then, its a day full of beer pong, keg stands, and dancing on tables at frat houses as you prepare to get your heart broken by USC football. You can literally walk down Troustale Parkway (the center street on campus) chugging out of a plastic vodka bottle. No one cares or will give you a ticket.

The football team has a super proud tradition of success and national championships and Heisman winners and all of that fun stuff, but theyve kind of shit the bed recently after a certain ex-boyfriend of Kim KardashianReggie Bushgot caught illegally taking money. Whatever. It also has a super proud tradition of really fucking hot quarterbacksMark Sanchez, Matt Leinart, Matt Barkley, just to name a fewso that makes all games worth it.

The other six days of the week, youll never be bored at USC. I mean, youre in fucking Los Angeles. You can literally uber one mile to watch the Lakers play at Staples Center, or ride your bike to campus to watch James Franco get high and teach his class at the cinema school. Between classes, which are actually hard because its one of the best academic schools in the country, most students hang out at the campus center and spend $15 for a salad and a pizza from California Pizza Kitchen. Basically all students have bikes or longboards at USC, and most students see these bikes and longboards get stolen fairly regularly. Just a hazard of living in South Central Los Angeles. The campus is fenced in for a reason.

Where to drink

There are two options at USC: the row, and the 9-0. There is literally one bar on USCs campus, and the 901 Bar and Grill is that bar. Its a lovable dive. It smells like shit. Theres always a line out the door Thursday-Sunday. All drinks are $11. If you have too many Mind Erasers or AMFs, you will sleep through all of your classes the next day. As a freshman, you sneak in using your bigs ID. As a senior, you use your own ID and wear sweatpants because youre a #SWUG.

When the administration isnt ruining your party life on the row, you head to whatever mixer is being held on a Monday night at your favorite fraternity, and go drink on a Monday, because collegiates are functioning alcoholics. Duh.

Where to travel

Los Angeles is an international hub. And with the frequency of private planes around (were seriously not joking), you have every opportunity to travel. Lots of Trojans go abroad the second semester of junior year, basically anywhere in Europe.

Otherwise, the biggest travel weekend of the year is The Weekenderwhen USC football plays Cal-Berkeley or Stanford, and the entire school gets on a plane to go be arrogant and obnoxious football fans up in San Francisco.

In the spring, get your favorite wannabe-hippie outfit prepared months in advance and go to Coachella. Or if youre a country fan, go and throw on some cowboy boots, make out with a 30-year-old cowboy, and fantasize about Luke Bryan at Stagecoach.

Spring break

Cabo San fucking Lucas. Try not to lose all of your money at the Mango Deck or El Squid Roe. Youll spend your days collecting Cabo San Lucas headbands and posing for Instagrams and drinking way too much tequila, so its heaven.

Drawbacks

People in LA get a reputation for sucking, which is a completely earned reputation. The campus is in a sketchy area. People have gotten murdered and mugged in recent years. Parking sucks. Tuition is expensive.

But other than that, its the best fucking school in the world. Fight on, betches.

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source http://allofbeer.com/2017/09/08/betches-love-this-college-university-of-southern-california/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2017/09/betches-love-this-college-university-of.html