#I maintain that this is grace's fault I should not have been enabled

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

The Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards (1722-1723)

Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God's help, I do humbly entreat him by his grace to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ's sake.

1. Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God's glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriad's of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many and how great soever.

2. Resolved, to be continually endeavoring to find out some new invention and contrivance to promote the aforementioned things.

3. Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.

4. Resolved, never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God; nor be, nor suffer it, if I can avoid it.

5. Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.

6. Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.

7. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.

8. Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God.

9. Resolved, to think much on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.

10. Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.

11. Resolved, when I think of any theorem in divinity to be solved, immediately to do what I can towards solving it, if circumstances don't hinder.

12. Resolved, if I take delight in it as a gratification of pride, or vanity, or on any such account, immediately to throw it by.

13. Resolved, to be endeavoring to find out fit objects of charity and liberality.

14. Resolved, never to do anything out of revenge.

15. Resolved, never to suffer the least motions of anger to irrational beings.

16. Resolved, never to speak evil of anyone, so that it shall tend to his dishonor, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.

17. Resolved, that I will live so as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.

18. Resolved, to live so at all times, as I think is best in my devout frames, and when I have clearest notions of things of the gospel, and another world.

19. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour, before I should hear the last trump.

20. Resolved, to maintain the strictest temperance in eating and drinking.

21. Resolved, never to do anything, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him.

(Resolutions 1 through 21 written in on setting in New Haven in 1722)

22. Resolved, to endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness, in the other world, as I possibly can, with all the power; might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of.

23. Resolved, frequently to take some deliberate action, which seems most unlikely to be done, for the glory of God, and trace it back to the original intention, designs and ends of it; and if I find it not to be for God's glory, to repute it as a breach of the 4th Resolution.

24. Resolved, whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, till I come to the original cause; and then both carefully endeavor to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.

25. Resolved, to examine carefully, and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and to direct all my forces against it.

26. Resolved, to east away such things, as I find do abate my assurance.

27. Resolved, never willfully to omit anything, except the omission be for the glory of God; and frequently to examine my omissions.

28. Resolved, to study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly and frequently, as that I may find, and plainly perceive myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.

29. Resolved, never to count that a prayer, nor to let that pass as a prayer, nor that as a petition of a prayer, which is so made, that I cannot hope that God will answer it; nor that as a confession, which I cannot hope God will accept.

30. Resolved, to strive to my utmost every week to be brought higher in religion, and to a higher exercise of grace, than I was the week before.

31. Resolved, never to say anything at all against anybody, but when it is

perfectly agreeable to the highest degree of Christian honor, and of love to mankind, agreeable to the lowest humility, and sense of my own faults and failings, and agreeable to the golden rule; often, when I have said anything against anyone, to bring it to, and try it strictly by the test of this Resolution.

32. Resolved, to be strictly and firmly faithful to my trust, that that in Prov. 20:6, "A faithful man who can find?" may not be partly fulfilled in me.

33. Resolved, always to do what I can towards making, maintaining, establishing and preserving peace, when it can be without over-balancing detriment in other respects. Dec.26, 1722.

34. Resolved, in narration's never to speak anything but the pure and simple verity.

35. Resolved, whenever I so much question whether I have done my duty, as that my quiet and calm is thereby disturbed, to set it down, and also how the question was resolved. Dec. 18, 1722.

36. Resolved, never to speak evil of any, except I have some particular good call for it. Dec. 19, 1722.

37. Resolved, to inquire every night, as I am going to bed, wherein I have been negligent, what sin I have committed, and wherein I have denied myself: also at the end of every week, month and year. Dec. 22 and 26, 1722.

38. Resolved, never to speak anything that is ridiculous, sportive, or matter of laughter on the Lord's day. Sabbath evening, Dec. 23, 1722.

39. Resolved, never to do anything that I so much question the lawfulness of, as that I intend, at the same time, to consider and examine afterwards, whether it be lawful or no; except I as much question the lawfulness of the omission.

40. Resolved, to inquire every night, before I go to bed, whether I have acted in the best way I possibly could, with respect to eating and drinking. Jan. 7, 1723.

41. Resolved, to ask myself at the end of every day, week, month and year, wherein I could possibly in any respect have done better. Jan. 11, 1723.

42. Resolved, frequently to renew the dedication of myself to God, which was made at my baptism; which I solemnly renewed, when I was received into the communion of the church; and which I have solemnly re-made this twelfth day of January, 1722-23.

43. Resolved, never henceforward, till I die, to act as if I were any way my own, but entirely and altogether God's, agreeable to what is to be found in Saturday, January 12. Jan.12, 1723.

44. Resolved, that no other end but religion, shall have any influence at all on any of my actions; and that no action shall be, in the least circumstance, any otherwise than the religious end will carry it. Jan.12, 1723.

45. Resolved, never to allow any pleasure or grief, joy or sorrow, nor any affection at all, nor any degree of affection, nor any circumstance relating to it, but what helps religion. Jan.12 and 13.1723.

46. Resolved, never to allow the least measure of any fretting uneasiness at my father or mother. Resolved to suffer no effects of it, so much as in the least alteration of speech, or motion of my eve: and to be especially careful of it, with respect to any of our family.

47. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to deny whatever is not most agreeable to a good, and universally sweet and benevolent, quiet, peaceable, contented, easy, compassionate, generous, humble, meek, modest, submissive, obliging, diligent and industrious, charitable, even, patient, moderate, forgiving, sincere temper; and to do at all times what such a temper would lead me to. Examine strictly every week, whether I have done so. Sabbath morning. May 5,1723.

48. Resolved, constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence, and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that I may know whether I have truly an interest in Christ or no; that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of. May 26, 1723.

49. Resolved, that this never shall be, if I can help it.

50. Resolved, I will act so as I think I shall judge would have been best, and most prudent, when I come into the future world. July 5, 1723.

51. Resolved, that I will act so, in every respect, as I think I shall wish I had done, if I should at last be damned. July 8, 1723.

52. I frequently hear persons in old age say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: Resolved, that I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age. July 8, 1723.

53. Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer. July 8, 1723.

54. Whenever I hear anything spoken in conversation of any person, if I think it would be praiseworthy in me, Resolved to endeavor to imitate it. July 8, 1723.

55. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to act as I can think I should do, if I had already seen the happiness of heaven, and hell torments. July 8, 1723.

56. Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.

57. Resolved, when I fear misfortunes and adversities, to examine whether ~ have done my duty, and resolve to do it; and let it be just as providence orders it, I will as far as I can, be concerned about nothing but my duty and my sin. June 9, and July 13 1723.

58. Resolved, not only to refrain from an air of dislike, fretfulness, and anger in conversation, but to exhibit an air of love, cheerfulness and benignity. May 27, and July 13, 1723.

59. Resolved, when I am most conscious of provocations to ill nature and anger, that I will strive most to feel and act good-naturedly; yea, at such times, to manifest good nature, though I think that in other respects it would be disadvantageous, and so as would be imprudent at other times. May 12, July ii, and July 13.

60. Resolved, whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination. July 4, and 13, 1723.

61. Resolved, that I will not give way to that listlessness which I find unbends and relaxes my mind from being fully and fixedly set on religion, whatever excuse I may have for it-that what my listlessness inclines me to do, is best to be done, etc. May 21, and July 13, 1723.

62. Resolved, never to do anything but duty; and then according to Eph. 6:6-8, do it willingly and cheerfully as unto the Lord, and not to man; "knowing that whatever good thing any man doth, the same shall he receive of the Lord." June 25 and July 13, 1723.

63. On the supposition, that there never was to be but one individual in the world, at any one time, who was properly a complete Christian, in all respects of a right stamp, having Christianity always shining in its true luster, and appearing excellent and lovely, from whatever part and under whatever character viewed: Resolved, to act just as I would do, if I strove with all my might to be that one, who should live in my time. Jan.14' and July '3' 1723.

64. Resolved, when I find those "groanings which cannot be uttered" (Rom. 8:26), of which the Apostle speaks, and those "breakings of soul for the longing it hath," of which the Psalmist speaks, Psalm 119:20, that I will promote them to the utmost of my power, and that I will not be wear', of earnestly endeavoring to vent my desires, nor of the repetitions of such earnestness. July 23, and August 10, 1723.

65. Resolved, very much to exercise myself in this all my life long, viz. with the greatest openness I am capable of, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him: all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and every thing, and every circumstance; according to Dr. Manton's 27th Sermon on Psalm 119. July 26, and Aug.10 1723.

66. Resolved, that I will endeavor always to keep a benign aspect, and air of acting and speaking in all places, and in all companies, except it should so happen that duty requires otherwise.

67. Resolved, after afflictions, to inquire, what I am the better for them, what good I have got by them, and what I might have got by them.

68. Resolved, to confess frankly to myself all that which I find in myself, either infirmity or sin; and, if it be what concerns religion, also to confess the whole case to God, and implore needed help. July 23, and August 10, 1723.

69. Resolved, always to do that, which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it. Aug. 11, 1723.

70. Let there be something of benevolence, in all that I speak. Aug. 17, 1723

[ashleysheatz]

By Jonathan Edwards

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Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God's help, I do humbly entreat him by his grace to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ's sake.

Remember to read over these Resolutions once a week.

Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God's glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriads of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many soever, and how great soever.

Resolved, to be continually endeavoring to find out some new contrivance and invention to promote the aforementioned things.

Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.

Resolved, never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God; nor be, nor suffer it, if I can avoid it.

Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.

Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.

Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.

Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God. July 30.

Resolved, to think much on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.

Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.

Resolved, when I think of any theorem in divinity to be solved, immediately to do what I can towards solving it, if circumstances do not hinder.

Resolved, if I take delight in it as a gratification of pride, or vanity, or on any such account, immediately to throw it by.

Resolved, to be endeavoring to find out fit objects of charity and liberality.

Resolved, never to do any thing out of revenge.

Resolved, never to suffer the least motions of anger towards irrational beings.

Resolved, never to speak evil of anyone, so that it shall tend to his dishonor, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.

Resolved, that I will live so, as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.

Resolved, to live so, at all times, as I think is best in my devout frames, and when I have clearest notions of things of the gospel, and another world.

Resolved, never to do any thing, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour, before I should hear the last trump.

Resolved, to maintain the strictest temperance, in eating and drinking.

Resolved, never to do any thing, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him.

(Resolutions 1 through 21 written in one setting in New Haven in 1722)

Resolved, to endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness, in the other world, as I possibly can, with all the power, might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of.

Resolved, frequently to take some deliberate action, which seems most unlikely to be done, for the glory of God, and trace it back to the original intention, designs and ends of it; and if I find it not to be for God's glory, to repute it as a breach of the 4th Resolution.

Resolved, whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, till I come to the original cause; and then, both carefully endeavor to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.

Resolved, to examine carefully, and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and to direct all my forces against it.

Resolved, to cast away such things, as I find do abate my assurance.

Resolved, never willfully to omit any thing, except the omission be for the glory of God; and frequently to examine my omissions.

Resolved, to study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly and frequently, as that I may find, and plainly perceive myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.

Resolved, never to count that a prayer, nor to let that pass as a prayer, nor that as a petition of a prayer, which is so made, that I cannot hope that God will answer it; nor that as a confession, which I cannot hope God will accept.

Resolved, to strive to my utmost every week to be brought higher in religion, and to a higher exercise of grace, than I was the week before.

Resolved, never to say any thing at all against any body, but when it is perfectly agreeable to the highest degree of Christian honor, and of love to mankind, agreeable to the lowest humility, and sense of my own faults and failings, and agreeable to the golden rule; often, when I have said anything against anyone, to bring it to, and try it strictly by the test of this Resolution.

Resolved, to be strictly and firmly faithful to my trust, that that, in Prov. 20:6, "A faithful man who can find?" may not be partly fulfilled in me.

Resolved, to do always, what I can towards making, maintaining, and preserving peace, when it can be done without overbalancing detriment in other respects. 26, 1722.

Resolved, in narrations never to speak any thing but the pure and simple verity.

Resolved, whenever I so much question whether I have done my duty, as that my quiet and calm is thereby disturbed, to set it down, and also how the question was resolved. 18, 1722.

Resolved, never to speak evil of any, except I have some particular good call for it. 19, 1722.

Resolved, to inquire every night, as I am going to bed, wherein I have been negligent,- what sin I have committed,-and wherein I have denied myself;-also at the end of every week, month and year. 22 and 26, 1722.

Resolved, never to speak anything that is ridiculous, sportive, or matter of laughter on the Lord's day. Sabbath evening, Dec. 23, 1722.

Resolved, never to do any thing of which I so much question the lawfulness of, as that I intend, at the same time, to consider and examine afterwards, whether it be lawful or not; unless I as much question the lawfulness of the omission.

Resolved, to inquire every night, before I go to bed, whether I have acted in the best way I possibly could, with respect to eating and drinking. 7, 1723.

Resolved, to ask myself, at the end of every day, week, month and year, wherein I could possibly, in any respect, have done better. 11, 1723.

Resolved, frequently to renew the dedication of myself to God, which was made at my baptism; which I solemnly renewed, when I was received into the communion of the church; and which I have solemnly re-made this twelfth day of January, 1722-23.

Resolved, never, henceforward, till I die, to act as if I were any way my own, but entirely and altogether God's; agreeable to what is to be found in Saturday, January 12. 12, 1723.

Resolved, that no other end but religion, shall have any influence at all on any of my actions; and that no action shall be, in the least circumstance, any otherwise than the religious end will carry it. 12, 1723.

Resolved, never to allow any pleasure or grief, joy or sorrow, nor any affection at all, nor any degree of affection, nor any circumstance relating to it, but what helps religion. 12 and 13, 1723.

Resolved, never to allow the least measure of any fretting uneasiness at my father or mother. Resolved to suffer no effects of it, so much as in the least alteration of speech, or motion of my eye: and to be especially careful of it with respect to any of our family.

Resolved, to endeavor, to my utmost, to deny whatever is not most agreeable to a good, and universally sweet and benevolent, quiet, peaceable, contented and easy, compassionate and generous, humble and meek, submissive and obliging, diligent and industrious, charitable and even, patient, moderate, forgiving and sincere temper; and to do at all times, what such a temper would lead me to; and to examine strictly, at the end of every week, whether I have done so. Sabbath morning. May 5, 1723.

Resolved, constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence, and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that I may know whether I have truly an interest in Christ or not; that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of. May 26, 1723.

Resolved, that this never shall be, if I can help it.

Resolved, I will act so as I think I shall judge would have been best, and most prudent, when I come into the future world. July 5, 1723.

Resolved, that I will act so, in every respect, as I think I shall wish I had done, if I should at last be damned. July 8, 1723.

I frequently hear persons in old age, say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: Resolved, that I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age. July 8, 1723.

Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer. July 8, 1723.

Whenever I hear anything spoken in conversation of any person, if I think it would be praiseworthy in me, Resolved to endeavor to imitate it. July 8, 1723.

Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to act as I can think I should do, if, I had already seen the happiness of heaven, and hell torments. July 8, 1723.

Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken, my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.

Resolved, when I fear misfortunes and adversities, to examine whether I have done my duty, and resolve to do it, and let the event be just as providence orders it. I will as far as I can, be concerned about nothing but my duty, and my sin. June 9, and July 13 1723.

Resolved, not only to refrain from an air of dislike, fretfulness, and anger in conversation, but to exhibit an air of love, cheerfulness and benignity. May 27, and July 13, 1723.

Resolved, when I am most conscious of provocations to ill nature and anger, that I will strive most to feel and act good-naturedly; yea, at such times, to manifest good nature, though I think that in other respects it would be disadvantageous, and so as would be imprudent at other times. May 12, July 11, and July 13.

Resolved, whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination. July 4, and 13, 1723.

Resolved, that I will not give way to that listlessness which I find unbends and relaxes my mind from being fully and fixedly set on religion, whatever excuse I may have for it-that what my listlessness inclines me to do, is best to be done, etc. May 21, and July 13, 1723.

Resolved, never to do anything but duty, and then according to Eph. 6:6-8, to do it willingly and cheerfully as unto the Lord, and not to man: "knowing that whatever good thing any man doth, the same shall he receive of the Lord." June 25 and July 13, 1723.

On the supposition, that there never was to be but one individual in the world, at any one time, who was properly a complete Christian, in all respects of a right stamp, having Christianity always shining in its true luster, and appearing excellent and lovely, from whatever part and under whatever character viewed: Resolved, to act just as I would do, if I strove with all my might to be that one, who should live in my time. 14 and July 13, 1723.

Resolved, when I find those "groanings which cannot be uttered" (Rom. 8:26), of which the Apostle speaks, and those "breakings of soul for the longing it hath," of which the Psalmist speaks, Psalm 119:20, that I will promote them to the utmost of my power, and that I will not be weary of earnestly endeavoring to vent my desires, nor of the repetitions of such earnestness. July 23, and August 10, 1723.

Resolved, very much to exercise myself in this, all my life long, viz. with the greatest openness, of which I am capable of, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him: all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and every thing, and every circumstance; according to Dr. Manton's 27th Sermon on Psalm 119. July 26, and Aug. 10, 1723.

Resolved, that I will endeavor always to keep a benign aspect, and air of acting and speaking in all places, and in all companies, except it should so happen that duty requires otherwise.

Resolved, after afflictions, to inquire, what I am the better for them, what am I the better for them, and what I might have got by them.

Resolved, to confess frankly to myself all that which I find in myself, either infirmity or sin; and, if it be what concerns religion, also to confess the whole case to God, and implore needed help. July 23, and August 10, 1723.

Resolved, always to do that, which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it. 11, 1723.

Let there be something of benevolence, in all that I speak. 17, 1723.

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Seventeen: Kamikaze

Let them talk/ It's not about the crown/ We could share the kingdom

"What the hell is your game, witch?" Ib snarled as he threw aside the tent flap, storming into the tent and grabbing Badb roughly by the arm.

The witch didn't even look down at his hand, just maintained perfect eye contact with him as the edges of her mouth pulled up into a coy smile. She did not look at all surprised to have him bursting into her home.

"Whatever do you mean, Ib?" She asked in a mock-innocent tone.

"Ajra!" He snapped. "You said you were taking away her love, but she was praising me and invited me down into her chambers."

Badb tilted her head back in a laugh. Ib growled, throwing her down onto a pile of cushions. His hand went to a knife at his side.

The witch stopped laughing, leveling her gaze at him, but her smile did not leave her face. Nor did her body language seem at all threatened. She lay like she was lounging, like she had made the choice to sprawl herself out on the cushions.

"Do you really think I'm scared of a little knife?" She asked. Her voice was still mirthful, but beneath the amusement lurked something darker. She lifted a hand and Ib felt a breeze against his back. He turned to look at the tent flap, to see a stiff wind blowing it open. Dust swirled in that wind, and he froze, on the alert, nervous that Nelan would appear again, that he had not really defeated the spirit.

The spirit did not appear. The wind faded and the dust settled on the rug floor of the tent.

"Shall we try that again?" Badb said from where she lay. "And this time, being civil?"

Ib cast a sidelong glance at her. She was smiling broadly. No, he didn't have to worry about Nelan.

But he might have to worry about Badb.

He sheathed his knife. Once the blade was put away, Badb patted the cushions beside herself, inviting Ib to sit down. He was now much more wary of showing her any vulnerability, but he sat anyways, crossing his legs underneath himself. It was a power move he'd developed years ago, due to his tendency towards kilts, but Badb remained unphased.

"You said Ajra wouldn't love me," he said, cutting right to the point. He was sure Badb would play games if he didn't.

"Oh, Ib," she reached out and patted one of his hands. "You of all people should know that sex doesn't equal love."

"She praised me, though. She never does that for anyone."

Badb flashed him a grin and shrugged. "I never said she wouldn't respect you."

"But…" Ib began, but stopped as he thought about what he was going to say. And what was that, exactly? He certainly felt like he had been denied, rejected, but at the same time, he couldn't say that he really had been. He'd been offered something that he would've wanted only a few days ago, before he'd even thought that Ajra might love him.

But if he'd never come to the tent, he could've had her love in addition to her respect and sex. Wouldn't he? He tried to think if things had gone differently. If he had never come to the tent, he never wouldn't received the sword, never would have fought Nelan. And thus, he never would've earned Ajra's respect. And he knew enough about her to know that she didn't like anyone she didn't respect. So he never would've gotten her love without going through the fight.

He chased his thoughts in circles for a few moments. Everything always came back to the tent -- and to what Ajra had said. She wanted to die, and she wanted to stop thinking about death. That wouldn't have changed no matter what he did. And if she was thinking only about her death, there was no way she would think of love…

"She was never going to love me in the first place, was she?" He said under his breath, staring at his hands.

Again Badb patted one of them. "No, but now you know that. Which means you can make a better decision -- leave her because she won't reciprocate your love, or stay and take what you can, being honest with yourself that you may not get exactly what you want, but that you can still be one of her closest companions."

Ib looked up. Badb's smile had vanished, and she looked at him with all seriousness. Her dark, almost black eyes displayed a deep sympathy for him, but she didn't make him feel pathetic. She felt for him, but she was not sorry for him.

And it made him realize -- he had paid a price that didn't exist. She hadn't taken anything from him, she simply made it so he would reach the realization that he won't get exactly what he wanted from Ajra a lot quicker. Which made him wonder…

"That sword you gave me -- it didn't feel like a magic object. It didn't make me feel stronger or better -- if anything, I won fairly easily. And I used one of Nelan’s own swords."

The grin returned to Badb's face. "I never said it was magic. I simply said it would enable you to win, if you chose to fight. Nelan was rusty -- a few millenia inside a crypt will do that to you."

Ib squinted at her. "Are you even a real witch?" He asked.

"I'm whatever you make of me. Whatever helps you sleep at night," she replied.

Ib sighed and got to his feet. He was tired again, having somehow managed to maintain his frustration and rage for the two days' journey to her tent. But this time he had no intention of staying. He wanted to put as much distance between himself and her as possible, as quickly as possible.

"Oh, by the way," she said as he headed for the flap, "be careful with how you use her. She needs very clear instructions, unless you want to wipe out the entire village's crops again."

He paused, glancing over his shoulder. "Who?"

"Nelan, of course. You are her new master, after all."

* * *

After four days of riding, Ib was sore and tired, and wanted nothing more than a bath and some sleep. But as he made his way through the village, back to his tiny and lonesome quarters, a voice called out to him.

He turned to see one of the villagers bustling towards him. She was short and broad, with brown skin and reddish hair. She held a brightly patterned blanket around her shoulders. He had seen her before, but never up close. Up close he realized she was younger than he thought she was. She carried herself like an elder woman, and her face certainly had some lines from hard living, but she wasn't any older than himself -- younger, even.

"...Magdalena, right?" He asked when she stopped in front of him.

"Yes. And you are Ib, correct?"

He nodded, not sure what else to say to her. They stood looking at each other awkwardly for a good long moment, before she took a deep breath and began to talk.

"I realize that the village has not given you the kindest of welcomes. I must admit, we were all wary of a mercenary in our midst, especially since you are close to Ajra. But you saved all of us, and for that, I -- we -- are grateful."

She bent into a deep bow. Ib felt even more awkward as he looked down at her. No one ever bowed to a mercenary.

"Uh, you're welcome," he mumbled. "It was nothing."

"It means everything to us," she said as she straightened. "My village -- our village -- is small. We've only been here for a little over a year. We aren't fighters, so we didn't plan for this -- which is my fault. I am the leader here, and my old village was destroyed because we were unprepared for an attack."

"Sorry to hear that," he mumbled again, unsure what to say to this small, unsure woman. He was used to leaders who were always ready for war, and who never took the blame for anything, even when it was their fault.

"I would like to ask you something," she said, though she didn't give him time to respond before continuing. "Our village is unprepared for an attack -- we have Cinna, but he's only one patrolman. You saved our village, and you're used to fighting… I wanted to ask, would you consider becoming the head of our guard, and training those who are willing to fight? I know you're a mercenary, and we don't have much, but we can reopen the mines and pay you in that--"

"That's unnecessary," he cut her off. He watched as her face fell, clearly interpreting that as a 'no'. And he could certainly give that as his answer. He could be done with this village for good. Just pack up and leave, since the person he'd come to serve didn't seem like she was going to let him lead her to greatness any time soon.

But he wanted to serve someone. If he left, he'd just have to find someone new.

And here was this small woman standing in front of him, trying her best to lead a village despite having no idea how.

He glanced around the village. It was in an easily defensible location. There was farmland on the canyon above, game out on the plains, plenty of room for a growing population…

He looked at Magdalena. She spoke with such uncertainty and timidness, but she held herself with a kind of grace that was rare. She took more responsibility than any ruler he had ever known, and she was trying to make her village better.

"Payment is unnecessary," he repeated, "but I want different quarters. Bigger ones, in the middle of the village."

She blinked, unsure for just a moment, before her face filled with hope and happiness.

"Yes," she said, "yes, that can be arranged. Right away. I'll see which quarters would be most suitable for you and send someone to you in the morning to help you move your belongings."

Ib nodded as she babbled more thanks, eventually shooing her away so he could get some sleep.

This could do, he told himself. It wasn't what he'd expected, but it could do. He could lead this village to greatness.

As he made his way along the back wall of the village, he passed by the mines. A lit lantern was hanging just outside of the entryway, something he had never seen done. It made the mines seem almost welcoming.

He felt that strange pull again, the force that had compelled him all the way to the bottom of the mines.

He paused, glancing towards his quarters, then back at the mine.

He pivoted where he stood, and stepped inside the cave. He followed the pull all the way to the bottom.

All the way to her.

[pamphletstoinspire]

“Ex Opere Operato” - A Convert’s Reflection on Church Scandals by Bob Kurland, Ph.D. - Retired, cranky, old physicist. ________

“…the sacraments … are efficacious because in them Christ himself is at work: it is he who baptizes, he who acts in his sacraments in order to communicate the grace that each sacrament signifies…. This is the meaning of the Church’s affirmation49 that the sacraments act ex opere operato (literally: “by the very fact of the action’s being performed“),[emphasis added] i.e., by virtue of the saving work of Christ, accomplished once for all. It follows that “the sacrament is not wrought by the righteousness of either the celebrant or the recipient, but by the power of God.”50 From the moment that a sacrament is celebrated in accordance with the intention of the Church, the power of Christ and his Spirit acts in and through it, independently of the personal holiness of the minister.”[emphasis added] - — Catholic Catechism, 1127, 1128 ________

A Convert’s Qualms

When I came to the Catholic Church some 23 years ago, I did so in spite of some misgivings. (I should add, that after deeper study I found that these misgivings were not altogether justified.) Among these qualms were the treatment of Jews during Crusades and the Spanish Inquisition, the Galileo Affair, the doings of the Renaissance Popes (Medicis and Borgias), and what I thought was the Church’s requirement for a literal interpretation of Creation according to Genesis. Nevertheless, these misgivings paled, as I realized that Christ had truly risen, and, if the New Testament was to be believed not only in the account of the Resurrection, but in other matters, the keys of the kingdom had been given to Peter. Christ’s Church is the Catholic Church.

Since that time I have learned that priests are human and thus subject to human faults and frailties. I have respected almost all of the priests I’ve known as a convert, liked — qua persona — most of them, and tangled with two on ecclesial matters (writing some angry letters, before I came to realize — as a Benedictine oblate — the necessity for humility). I have known several of the priests mentioned in the Pennsylvania Grand Jury’s Report, not personally or well, and I was much surprised and saddened to see their names listed.

In thinking about these scandals and about the reactions of higher ecclesial officials (including that of Pope Francis), I try to maintain a respect for their positions as priests, bishops, and pontiff, even while my intellect is telling me they are either fools, liars, or some combination of both. My wife (who has her graduate degree in Medieval History and is an expert on the Albigensians) has told me that history gives a perspective on the current situation that enables one to keep from getting one’s knickers in a twist. (Not her exact words, but a version more suitable for a family friendly article.)

So, let’s look at history and see how our current situation ranks compared to the past.

A Historical Perspective of Misdeeds in the Church.

The Catholic Church is an institution I am bound to hold divine — but for unbelievers a proof of its divinity might be found in the fact that no merely human institution conducted with such knavish imbecility would have lasted a fortnight.

— Hilaire Belloc: a comment made to William Temple and quoted by Robert Speaight in The Life of Hilaire Belloc.

I saw this quote first in a recent comment on an article in this blog. Queen Kristina of Sweden said much the same when questioned about her conversion to a Church so full of misdeeds. Let’s see what the internet tells about the Church’s “Bad Popes.” (See here and here for a more complete account.)

Pope Stephen VI (896–897), who had his predecessor Pope Formosus exhumed, tried, de-fingered, briefly reburied, and thrown in the Tiber. Pope John XII (955–964), who gave land to a mistress, murdered several people, and was killed by a man who caught him in bed with his wife. Pope Benedict IX (1032–1044, 1045, 1047–1048), who “sold” the Papacy. Pope Boniface VIII (1294–1303), who is lampooned in Dante’s Divine Comedy Pope Urban VI (1378–1389), who complained that he did not hear enough screaming when Cardinals who had conspired against him were tortured. Pope Alexander VI (1492–1503), a Borgia, who was guilty of nepotism and whose unattended corpse swelled until it could barely fit in a coffin.[3] Pope Leo X (1513–1521), a spendthrift member of the Medici family who once spent 1/7 of his predecessors’ reserves on a single ceremony. Now there are many other instances of a culture of worldliness and corruption by priests and monastics. It would take a much longer article than I could write to discuss all these. Rather, I will list the saints who attempted to reform the Church and monastic orders (I’ll admit the list is by no means complete):

Pope Gregory VII (Hildebrandine/Cluniac Reforms) St. Robert of Molesme St. Francis of Assisi St. Catherine of Siena St. Teresa of Avila St. John of the Cross And who would you add, dear reader? These saints founded monastic orders in which a simple life, austere and devoted, could be followed in the footsteps of Christ. Do we need new religious orders such as these?

Summing Up, Ex Opere Operato

The catechism quoted at the beginning of this article assures me that even though the priest who consecrated the Eucharist I am about to receive might be in a state of sin, his consecration was valid and effective, so that I will truly consume the body and blood of our Lord. (Note: this doctrine stems from the reforms of the monk Hildebrand, later Pope Gregory VII.) The history I have read tells me that some of those in high places in my Church were sinners. But do I not see myself as the sinner with his head cast down, praying in the Temple, rather than the proud, sinless Pharisee? And did not Peter deny our Lord three times? Our Catholic Church is a Church of forgiveness AND repentance, a Church that has survived sinners and will do so in the future.

[parapiaffe]

What's the Deal with Western Dressage?

I have been interested in western dressage for some time now, and I’ve met many people who don’t know what it is or that it even exists, so I decided to make a post about it so we can all learn something new today!

As the name implies, western dressage combines the traditional grace and technicality of english dressage with the best of western horsemanship. The goal of either type of dressage is to build trust between the horse and the rider, and in the process mold them into a balanced, athletic, and skilled pair. 

Although the elements of both types of dressage are very similar, the tests in Western dressage are designed with the movements required of a Western horse in mind.  Western Dressage horses are expected to be handy, willing and calm while demonstrating lightness and elegance. The goal of western dressage is to create better Western horses and increase rider education, not to make Western horses that compete in traditional dressage.

Western dressage is shown in western tack and clothing, and no special equipment is needed so that the focus may be placed on the horse’s movements. Riders may choose to wear chaps or western hats. Any horse is welcomed to participate in the sport.

Judges Guidelines 

The Gaits

Clear four beat walk, two beat trot (jog), and three beat lope (canter) with a moment of supension after the third beat are essentail for all correctly moving horses. Emphasis must be placed on gait purity, a connection from pushing the hindquarters from a soft back into a supple hand. 

Big suspended gaits are not favored, since the western dressage horse is a working horse, but the jog and lope inwestern pleasure are also not favored. The horse must move naturally and happily in a way consistent with its breed. Excessive speed or slowness is penalized. 

Western Dressage defines three walks:

The Working Walk: four beat, active, energetic gait, with ground covering strides  and confident stretch to the bit. The head and neck should swing naturally as a result of a relaxed back and free shoulders. The nose will be infront or on the vertical, the front feet should track up to or beyond the prints of the front feet.

The Free Walk: Rellaxed walk with unconstrained, forward steps where the hind feet touch the ground clearly in front of the footprints of the forefeet. The horse must be allowed to completely lower his head and neck, stretching forward and then down, demonstrating length of stride, relaxation, and swing through the back.

The Collected Walk: The horse, on the bit,  moves resolutely forward showing upward balance and self carriage. Hind legs are engaged with good joint flexion. The steps should remain regular, covering slightly less ground than the working walk.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     ��               

Note: I had to use an english rider for this pic because there were no good western ones :)

Western Dressage Defines four jogs:

The Working Jog: Horse travels forward with even, ground covering and elastic steps showing a relaxed back and shoulders. The hind legs step up actively under the horse allowing them to balance properly and maintain light contact with the bit. May be ridden sitting or posting, but in more advanced tests it should be ridden sitting.

Lengthening of Strides: The horse coveres more ground through lengthening its frame while maintaining the same tempo as the working jog. 

The Free Jog: A pace that shows moderate lengthening of frame and stride, Without hurrying, the horse moves forwaed with impulsion and uphill balance. Ridden on a loose rein, the neck will stretch forward and down, the nose must be in front of the vertical. The steps must be clearly even, balnced, and unconstrained.

The Collected Jog: The horse, remaining on the bit, moves forward with the neck raised and arched showing clear self carriage. The horse’s head approaches the vertical position and light contact is maintained. Haunches lowered, hocks well engaged and must keep energetic activity. The horses steps are shorter than the other jogs, with clear elasticity and and implusion. Must be ridden seated.

Western Dressage recognizes four lopes:

The Working Lope: while maintaining a clear three beat rhythm, the horse moves forward with even, elastic steps. The back is relaxed, the shoulders are free. Obvious push from hindquarters, and hind legs step actively under the horse. Horse maintains light contact with bit, nose slightly in front of vertical.

Lengthening of Strides: see above

Collected Lope: Horse remains on the bit and moves forward with neck raised arched. Haunches lowered, enabling free movement of shoulders, and demonstrating self carriage and uphill tendency. Strides are shorter than other lopes, without losing elasticity.

Counter lope: Balancing and straightening movement where horse is asked to take the lead oppositw of the direction of travel. Must mantain correct bend.

Additional Movements

Transitions: changes in gait and pace should be clearly shown when rider’                                                            s leg is at the correct marker. For diagonal transitions, change of rein is made when the riders leg is at the letter at the end of the diagonal

Turn on the Haunches: Horse may walk in a small circle with hind feet (found in Dressage). Or in keeping with stock horse movements, the horse may pivot on the inside hind leg and step around it with outside hing leg. Do not switch between methods, backward steps are a fault.

Tests

Introductory- provide introduction to discipline, mainly walk/jog. Rider demonstrates basic understanding of position, aids, and figures. The horse should be relaxed, and harmony between horse and rider is important. The jog should look natural.

Basic- confirm the horse is supple and moves freely forward in a clear, steady, rhythm, accepting light bit contact. Horse demonstrates greater understanding of aids. Emphasis placed on rideability, relaxation, harmony, and pure gaits

Level 1- development of impulsion and improved balance, Horse begings development of self carriage and engagement, horse accepts light bit contact. Introduce collection, engagement and lateral balance. Emphasizes rideability.

Level 2- confirm the horse has developed impulsion, accepts more weight on hindquarters, moves with uphill tendency, especially when collected, reliable on aids and light on the bit  

Level 3- confirm acheived impulsion, accepts more weight on hindquarters, and moves with more uphill tendency as needed in lopes. Horse must maintain light bit contact and show balance, self carriage, and energy from better engagement. Movements should also be performemed with greater suppleness and bending than level 2.

I hope that this post was educational and informative! I worked really hard on it!

Works Cited 

http://westerndressageassociation.org/faqs/

http://westerndressageassociation.org/western-dressage-rules-tests/

http://westerndressageassociation.org/wdaa-tests/

Images taken from Google Images 

[neranishin]

Ok I am watching last week’s Critical Role and I had to transcribe The Contract (which will possibly be altered before the episode is over, but I’m not there yet). So I’m posting it here for my own amusement. And reference, because I suddenly viscerally understand how a warlock can get in way over their head in a way that that one dialogue in MotB didn’t manage to impart.

Link to the part of the episode with The Contract here. Any loopholes due to improper punctuation or transcription are my fault and should not be assumed to exist in the actual document. Apologies if I butchered the name of the prison, since I’m just going by whatever phonetic rules my brain has decided makes sense for the spelling.

This contract binds the scribe and recipient into a deal of chosen escalation for an unending period of time or this contract is voided by an agreement on the part of both parties. Upon agreeing to and signing this contract, the recipient is bound to their agreed obligations and parameters within the first pact, as is the scribe. Upon completion of the agreed obligations and parameters on both sides of the initial pact the first pact is considered complete and concluded.

The contract as a whole remains until the predetermined period of eternity allowing the recipient, should they feel inclined, to invoke and trigger the second or third pact any time thereafter through verbal acceptance and relative proximity of this contract. The obligations and parameters agreed upon within the second or third pact then become binding and immediate to be fulfilled on part of both parties within an agreed upon period of time. Upon completion of the agreed obligations and parameters on both sides of the second or third pact, that pact is considered complete and concluded. This contract remains in effect through all pacts and thereafter maintaining any agreed upon specifications and obligations that remained outside of a pact's completion for eternity.

Any violation of this contract on the part of the scribe immediately holds this contract null and void requiring a penalty payment of 15 thousand gold pieces to the recipient to be paid immediately.

Any violation of this contract on the part of the recipient immediately locks the claim and ownership of the everlasting soul of the recipient, invoking the laws of this Pact Primeval, under the control and dominance of the scribe for all eternity, sending the soul of the recipient, immediately upon death, to the scribe to do with as they see fit.

First Pact: The scribe, [your name here], agrees to enable safe passage to the depths of Mintiri, specifically the Bastion of Flesh, unharmed. The recipient, [your name here], agrees to be the instrument of assassination leading to the death of - a name I will not say out loud -, the Herald of - something I will not say out loud - with[out?] the revealing or leaving of evidence that could connect or incriminate the scribe in an act or reasons for the act.

Second pact: The scribe, Ipkesh, agrees to immediately conjure forth a cadre of devils in service to the recipient, whom shall remain under the command of, and dedicated to he protection of the recipient for the duration of one month. The cadre shall include four Hamatula and a single Osyluth. Should any devils bound within this agreed-upon cadre be slain outside of Baator, they are absolved of future service to the recipient.

The recipient, [your name here], agrees to the introduction and installation of at least two Chosen of Dispater, who have been selected by the scribe, within a place of divine worship of the scribe's choice. The recipient must not interfere with this installation upon completion, and any interference will be considered a violation of contract.

Third Pact: The scribe, Ipkesh, agrees to immediately impart the recipient with knowledge of ancient power beyond their grasp, enabling the use of divine powers granted under the grace of Lord Dispater that can instantly restore themselves or allies to a healthy state or rend the life force from their opponents. These powers remain in your possession until death.

The recipient agrees to immediately lock the claim and ownership of the everlasting soul of the recipient, invoking the laws of the Pact Primeval, under the  control and dominance of the scribe for all eternity, sending the soul of the recipient immediately upon death to the scribe to do with as they see fit.