#I made it SOOOO NEEDLESSLY LONG lmfao I am so sorry

[spiritsong]

hi hello appearing unhinged in your ask box again on main like a young, wide-eyed and willing to learn page asking questions of their philosopher master:

where do you think all the companions align on a submissive/dominant scale (esp with your characters)?

i trust your judgment WITH MY LIFe

LMAOOO you put me on the spot with this one and I love you for it

the way I had to pull out pen and paper just to get my thoughts in order 💀

SO obligatory preface — the only romance I've completed is spawn!Astarion's, so I'm sure my headcanons will change in the future when I've played through the others and don't have to only base my opinion on the snippets I've seen, how their platonic relationships are, their personalities, etc.

overly long explanations continued under cut; nsfw obviously (plus cw for brief discussions of trauma and also story spoilers)

Companions:

Astarion: I personally believe Astarion is a dom, judging by his personality, his history, and his behavior in his romance scenes. I think even without his experience as a vampire spawn, he'd still employ the dominant role; however, after the 200 years of trauma he's suffered, the need for it increases a hundredfold. I don't think he had the freedom to choose pre-tadpole. Astarion did whatever he had to do to ensure he had a victim to take back to Cazador, which is heartbreaking.

Post-tadpole, I think being the one in control when seducing Tav/Durge/one of the companions helps him feel a modicum of safety in a situation that he might not necessarily put himself in if he knew he didn't have to. I absolutely think he'd eventually (like post-game) be comfortable as a switch with the right kind of emotional processing and preparation, done both on his own and as a couple. Shadowheart: Shadowheart is a tried and true switch. She says in Act 1 that she prefers casual sexual relationships over long-term ones; I think in such situations she'd probably prefer the more dominant role (the Sharran coming through). However, in the future (especially in the Selunite path), if she's with someone she loves and feels safe with, she'd enjoy letting someone else take care of her. She comes across as someone who needs the catharsis that letting go of control can bring. Gale: IMO Gale is a switch who is incredibly accommodating to the needs of his partner, so I think he can play both roles with much enjoyment and enthusiasm. He likely has more experience on the submissive side of the scale considering his one serious relationship was with a whole ass goddess, and I doubt Mystra was letting him like. lead her around on a leash or something lmfao The thing is I don't think it would take much for him to feel comfortable being the dom becauseit's clear he has a desire for power; he is resentful about what happened between him and Mystra (though he tries to hide it behind his *genuine* regret), he wants to scurry out from under the thumb of gods, and he wants to become a formidable wizard (again), if not a god himself. Gale has a darker (dark =/= bad) side that would take pleasure in being the one in control. He struggles with his self-worth; knowing that his partner trusts him in such a way would be a huge deal to him. Ultimately I think his natural inclination would be to put his partner first however; he wants to wow and worship them. Lae'zel: I see Lae'zel as a dom; she's clear and transparent and a warrior in both the battlefield and the bedroom. She knows what she wants and she will be aggressive in her taking of it. However, she doesn't want a partner that is constantly bowing their head at her; she wants an equal - someone she can trust at her back, someone she believes is powerful and formidable. That is the mark of a worthy lover to her. So perhaps she's at her happiest when there's a push-and-pull dynamic going on. I think with the right person she would totally be a worshipping sub type (cough cough Shadowheart), and also she would really enjoy being praised and worshipped in turn (she deserves some softness pls). Minthara: Skipping Minthara because I've only had her as a companion in one playthrough that is still on Act 2 😂 (I will know more about you soon my love... one day...) Wyll: I think Wyll would technically be a switch, though because he's more traditional when it comes to sexual matters (and is still young), he'd explore those roles in a much more subtle way. He needs time to figure out what he enjoys and feels comfortable with. Karlach: Karlach is a switch IMO; however, her most important goal is to have fun and feel close to her sexual partner, so whatever facilitates that is what goes. Though I do think she leans a bit more dominant. Despite her being very open with her sexuality, she probably doesn't have much in the way of sexual experience due to her youth (like Wyll) and her particular circumstances. I can't speak for her time before Avernus, but I believe at one point she says she kept everyone at a distance during her ten years in the Hells.

Though she puts up a front in the beginning of the game, I think emotional connection and intimacy is very important to her. Halsin: My headcanon is that Halsin is a switch, but he falls into the extreme of both sides; when he's subbing, he's devoting every little bit of his energy in making sure his partner is has an earth-shattering experience, with little care for his own pleasure; when he's domming, he's in full primal mode and he's going to take what he wants. 💀 (But at the end of the day, even that animalistic desire that drives him is in service to his partner; their enthusiastic consent, safety, and comfort is most important to him.)

My characters:

tav!Aune: In the beginning (pre Act 2 confession), I think her and Astarion would actually butt heads when it comes to vying for control. Aune has a similar background in regards to loss of free will, so she's also reluctant to be in the submissive role. (funnily enough I already took character building notes on this, so this following bit is from that lmao)

By the time she realizes the depth of her feelings for Astarion, all of that fighting falls away for her, and she's completely okay with placing herself in his hands. It actually ends up being very cathartic to give up control; to know she can trust him to respect her sovereignty and keep her safe. It ends up being a lesson about submission by force vs. submission by choice. It's a profound experience for her. So basically both Astarion and Aune start as doms and end up as switches, but the former still prefers the dom role more.

Idk how it worked out this way, but despite tav!Aune being the "most" polyamorous of my characters, she has the least amount of sexual interaction with the other companions adfkljfdl so the only other person I can comment on with her in particular is Shadowheart. They never sleep together but they have that homoerotic besties thing going on 😂 Hypothetically, if they were to have sex... because they're both clerics they come with the complementary worship kink lmao so I think they'd both be switches with each other and take turns being heretical 💀

durge!Aune: She is demisexual and not polyamorous. Her relationship to sex is practically non-existent post-tadpole as a result of losing her memories, as as well as the trauma of dealing with the Urge. Ironically, (and perhaps tragically), it's the Urge's influence & desire for Astarion that brings that part of herself back to life. Still, in the beginning, she actually finds it repulsive to be close to him, much less entertain the idea of sleeping with him. But eventually she does (as a spur of the moment decision) and finds that it wasn't nearly as bad as she thought it would be. One substantial reason for that is that she feels "desire" and "hunger" when she's intimate with him for the first time; two emotions she thought exclusive to the Urge. It's a relief to her that it isn't, and she wants to chase that feeling.

When the pair go through the Act 2 night when she tries to kill him, everything changes. (This is pre-confession.) Aune's disgusted with herself for her actions and is scared it will happen again, but she also realizes that Astarion cares for her; she puts her emotional guard down at last.

Both versions of Aune had the same upbringing up until they were 12 years old, so they have a lot of the same baggage and don't like to give up power. However, weirdly enough, durge!Aune finds it easier to completely and totally release control to Astarion at this point. Exercising TOTAL control over herself is her ~thing~ due to being Durge, and yet, with him, she doesn't feel like she has to. (well she still needs to control the murderous urges but I mean everything else 😂) So, essentially, durge!Aune does not have a dominant bone in her body when it comes to Astarion lmao. She is the subbiest sub to ever live. Which is hilarious because she isn't like that with the only other people she's slept with:

Gale - They slept together once. There wasn't much of a dom/sub dynamic that night, but the actual sex was good for both of them. (The aftermath, however, was not.)

Gortash - 😏 ldfjd;lf Though Aune and Gortash fooled around a LOT much to the disappointment of the three daddies (Bhaal, Bane, and Ketheric), they only had sex a couple of times. Aune would never ever let Gortash be anything but her sub. If he gets a little feisty or bratty (in or out of the bedroom), it's because she's allowing him. 💀 In general I am a sub Gortash truther tbh but I can see him as a dom as well and understand/enjoy the appeal of that!

Lae'zel - The pair don't have a sexual relationship. However!!! Aune is very much a "Whatever I say goes, we're doing what I think is the best idea, and if anyone has any qualms about that, they can meet the end of my blade" kind of person, EXCEPT when it comes to Lae'zel. She will defer to Lae'zel in almost all matters (and it perplexes the other companions endlessly). So if they were to sleep together, Aune would be a sub with her.

Minthara - Aune doesn't have very many approval points with her yet but I totally see them with the same sort of homoeroticism between tav!Aune and Shadowheart 😂 (okay I'm now coming to the realization that even though durge!Aune is technically a dom (minus with Astarion) and prefers men/masc people (but is bi/pan!), in all the hypothetical situations with women she is always a sub. LMAO this says nothing about me at all, nope)

Lethe: Lethe is pan and polyamorous but thinks Gale is the best thing ever invented and will kiss the ground he walks on. So they have no problem whatsoever with Gale being their one and only. Like genuinely Lethe somehow simultaneously has starry-eyes and heart-eyes for the wizard. If you couldn't tell, they would absolutely default to being submissive with Gale, but in truth they are a switch so I think the pair would have fun going back and forth.

BONUS ROUND: My blue tiefling Vir (I still owe you an introduction to him!!!) who romances Lae'zel is a lot like Lethe is with Gale. He fell for Lae'zel within minutes of meeting her. Like head over heels. He will do anything to make her happy as long as it means he can metaphorically put a ring on that finger 😂 Literally the picture that just popped into mind is Vir being Lae'zel's step stool so she can reach something on a high shelf and he just has the biggest dumbest smile on his face because OF COURSE he is happy to be a piece of furniture for his heart's desire 🥰 lmaooo

Soluwae!! She's definitely a dom and that comes entirely from her role as the head of her cult. She's practically revered by the other cultists and has been trained to feel most at home in a position of leadership; taking control, being assertive, and staying calm and cool throughout it all. Giving orders comes naturally to her, and receiving them does not feel "right" in the slightest. She does not take well to being commanded. Soluwae has had a lot of sexual relationships in her years but no romantic ones; she's never fallen in love (specifically, has never allowed herself to). Of course ALL of this changes when she meets one Minthara Baenre.... 😌