#I love the stupid shit that the county puts on the back of busses

[knitpurlgoal]

I was stuck behind a bus today with a reminder from the county to “pass on your household hazardous waste!” and then a a photo of Cooch passing?????

Talk about garbage passes I guess?

[b-e-a-n-b-u-n]

I switched schools several times. I went to a public school till mid 3rd grade, a private school the rest of 3rd grade and 4th grade, and then back to a public school for middle school, then finally, highschool. All of them where very hard transitions in very different ways.

School can be hard for young kids, and for the longest time, I was an only child, living with 10 other people, who all loved me, and tried to spoil me all the time. My grandmother took me to my first day of kindergarten, she said I cried the entire way there. Every day after that, she said I cried a little less, and looked forward to going to school.

My mom pulled me out of public school mid year during 3rd grade. I remember it vividly. It was one of the only times I had failed a test. A spelling test no less. I had a hard time with penmanship, and still do to this day. The teach failed me because I didn't write my P's and Q's under the line. My mother says I didn't spell any of them incorrect, but it's still and insecurity of mine. She pulled me from the school, put me in a private school. It wasn't a fancy private school like people see in movies or shows. It was small. The entire student body (which went from kindergarten to 12th grade) was less than 200. The building was older than my grandmother and used to be the church before it slowly got too small to hold everyone during mass. My entire 4th grade class was 7 people, including me and a transfer student that came in halfway through the year. Even though it was small, it was expensive. With less than 200 active students, the tuition was high, and not only that, but each student had to pay for their uniforms, food, and if you lived out of the area, a bussing fee. I didn't really have to pay much of these fees. I lived in the area, and walked to school each day, the school paid for my school lunches, and I got hand-me-downs from the school. I remember going to this dark, damp basement where they had so many old uniforms, ranging from the 80s to the 2000s. Deadass looked like the bathroom that Moaning Myrtle haunted in Harry Potter.

I moved in the summer between 4th grade and 5th grade, two hours away from the home I had grown up in. It was sad, but now it was me, my brothers, and my parents, instead of every living relative in the area. It was ok, I tired to fit in, make friends, get good grades. After awhile, friends would get bored of me, or I would have to take space from people (autistic) and I would hang out with other people. This did not help. I didn't have a lot of friends, and this was a much bigger school than the last two I had gone to. I had become depressed, and my anxiety had gotten worse. I gained weight. So much weight. I got bullied so much, and shamed by doctors and school nurses alike. My mother put me in boyscouts, which I had grown up with my uncles and my grandfather going to meetings or campouts, but the problem was, I am afab. I got bullied so hard for that, and still do. As the only female eagle scout in my county, I am proud but I also think, things would have been a lot better for me if I was put in the program. When 8th grade rolled around, I was losing it. I slowly was doing worse and worse in classes, I started stealing from other students, stealing in general. I got caught (duh, I was a stupid kid that didn't know where the cameras were) and almost got sent to juvie. A month after that, covid hit. I got of Scot free, and got to highschool without anything on my record.

Highschool sucks. I got to a school that was double the size of the last, because it combined 2-3 different middle schools into one highschool. Too many people in the halls, too many teachers didn't like me, my grades were shit, and the people who bullied me in middle school, still bully me in highschool. It slowly started getting better, but my freshman year, I was with the wrong crowd. I hung out with people who tried to be alt and some who even faked have severe illnesses or disabilities. I got lumped in with them, but at the time, I just wanted to be normal. I had survived the first wave of covid, and finally being back in school sucked. Constant shut downs due to spikes in covid cases in the area ruined everyone's grades and movation, and I'm surprised some people, myself included, passed for the year. Sophomore wasn't much better. A few of the problematic people moved away, and I was thankful for that, but more, worse people, were entering my like. I had made eagle scout this year and was not doing great mentally. Grades sucked, I could never turn anything in on time, and if I did turn it in, the grade on it would be poor. I was getting bullied more and more due to stupid things. I would complete my comp apps assignments early in class, get a mid grade, and draw something for the rest of class to keep myself entertained, but somehow, drawing is bad in the eyes of teenage boys who where 50$ juicewrld hoodies and supreme slides, so they picked on me. My dad said it toughen kids up, and kids nowadays are too soft, unlike when he was growing up, but to me, this fcking sucked. I was doing something I liked, and these kids my age, where telling me to kms or something along those lines for just existing, and what makes it worse, is that if they asked me for help, I would help them! They would tell me to get run over in traffic, and I would tell them how to use excel.

My junior year wasn't too bad. I cut off communications with this guy I had been friends with since freshmen year, but I felt so good after that. I really did feel like he was weighing me down, and treating me like shit. After I stopped talking to him, and people stopped associating me with him, people started to stop bullying me. I was in a healthy relationship with my bf, I had great friends, that weren't too problematic, and I didn't have such horrible grades that I had a chance to get held back. At this point I had been going to a therapist and a psychiatrist consistently, and my mental health has been getting better. I made new friends, cut off old ones, and slowly started to figure out who I am. Hopefully my senior year will be better.

Good luck if you go to school, and if you don't, good luck in the goal you strive to complete.