#I love the fans were calm and nervous and polite with Louis

[sunshineandlyrics]

🥰 Louis being his usual sweet self with fans at the meet and greet, Estadio Bicentenario de La Florida, Santiago, Chile, 4 April 2024 via DG Medios.

[tommodirection]

She’s Not Afraid

Louis Tomlinson x Reader

Masterlist

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: swearing, a lil bit of angst, not proofread (I’ll do it one day guys)

A/N: Heylo! I don’t know what’s come over me honestly! I should be writing for my next chapter on my other account, but these ideas just keeps coming to me! I really should be writing for the other boys too, but it’s really hard when you have a favorite, although I do have some other stuff planned for the other boys! I hope you enjoy this, and sorry if it’s bad! Thank you, and have a nice day!❤️💕🥰

—

You really hadn’t intended for him to see you. You weren’t sure if he even wanted to see you.

But when you buy front row tickets at a One Direction concert, the possibility of them seeing you definitely crosses your mind.

You had talked your best friend, Kate, into going with you. She told you it wasn’t the smartest idea, but you chose to ignore it.

So here you were, sitting in the front row of your ex’s show.

It had been about an hour, you were singing along to each song, smiling as you watched Louis crossing the stage.

You had been together for three years, right before the band hit big.

Of course, being the girlfriend of a celebrity, you were always under constant pressure and surveillance, but you didn’t mind.

Neither of you really cared about the paparazzi, you’d just do your best to ignore them. However, it did make you laugh when he would tell them off.

But it all had to come crashing down eventually.

He had told you that he loved you, something you had both said thousands of times before, but that wasn’t the problem. He had started talking about your future together. Up until then you had both lived in the moment, doing what made you happy and running wild. You hadn’t thought about the future.

It scared you, so you ran away. You regretted it every day. You were only twenty one at the time. It’d been a year since you broke up.

It was astounding to watch the way he moved across the stage. He was enjoying himself so much, it almost made you regret coming. You didn’t want him to spot you and ruin the concert for everyone else.

You were about to tell Kate that you had to leave, but then you heard the opening notes. The song he wrote about you, well, the one you thought he wrote about you. She’s Not Afraid.

You held your cup a little tighter, and took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. You’d be fine. You’d listen to this song, and leave. It’d be over.

Kate must’ve realized what song it was and put her hand on your shoulder, trying to yell above the crowd. “Y/N! Are you alright? Should we go?”

You shook your head lightly, “I’m fine!” You yelled back, “let’s just enjoy the show!”

She nodded, and turned her attention back to the stage. Meanwhile, your eyes continued following Louis. He counted them in and Harry began singing, but your eyes never left Louis.

“Maybe all her friends have told her, don’t get closer, he’ll just break your heart,” Louis sang and you saw Kate cringe and look down guiltily. He wasn’t wrong.

She hadn’t meant any harm, only telling you that it was inevitable that he’d leave. She didn’t see a big pop star like him settling down. Kate was a lot of things, but she wasn’t a liar, or a dreamer. She was a realist, and she had gotten to you a little bit. She had apologized for her behavior after what happened and you had made up, but her words still echoed in your head sometimes.

You put a hand on her elbow, showing her it was alright.

Niall’s second solo and he and Louis stood back to back, nodding. When Niall sang “so hard,” he looked down at his crotch and Louis pointed to it as well, making you laugh. He really hadn’t changed.

For the rest of the song, he and Niall danced around the edge of the stage, running around and waving to all the fans, occasionally throwing in their harmonies.

You felt your heartbeat quicken as he and Niall neared you. Kate could sense your panic and put her hand on your back.

“Y/N, maybe we should leave,” she suggested and gestured towards the aisle.

You shook your head, “No, I can’t keep running away forever. He’ll just pass over us and continue on, he might even realize it’s me,” you said the last part to yourself, more wishful thinking than anything else.

He and Niall were a few feet away now, your heart clenching in your chest.

He and Niall were laughing at some fans next to you, holding a sign with their faces when the band first started.

They moved to you, expecting to see another screaming fan, but instead saw you. You weren’t screaming or crying, well, not yet. You were simply standing, looking up at them with a small smile on your face.

Louis saw you first. He waved and kept walking, but furrowing his eyebrows and did a double-take. He recognized you. Of course he would, you dated for three fucking years.

Niall was still laughing at the fan, and bumped into Louis. He looked at him confused for a moment and followed his gaze, seeing you.

“Y/N?” You saw Louis say, the stadium being too loud to hear anything.

You waved at the two, suddenly too nervous to even move.

Louis blinked a few times, trying to process what he was seeing. He mumbled something to Niall, and you watched Niall pinch his arm seconds later.

You let out a small laugh, and you felt tears pricking your eyes, threatening to spill over.

Neither of you moved for a few moments, both Niall and Kate glancing nervously between you two, all while the band continued playing.

Without any warning, Louis jumped down into the pit in front of the stage, the security guards groaning in protest.

The crowd went wild, most only seeing him disappear into the pit.

He immediately stepped forward and wrapped his arms around you, holding you by the back of the head. You both tried your best to ignore the rail in between you.

The girls around you began screaming and clawing at you and Louis, trying to get his attention. You admired everything they’d ever done, but sometimes his fans were a bit… aggressive.

He felt the people clawing and scratching at you, and you yelped as he lifted you over the railing, nearly bringing you over his head.

He carefully put you back on the ground and gave you a proper hug, no rail and no scratching. You were so wrapped up in him, that you had forgotten about Kate.

“Wait! Kate!” You yelled in Louis’ ear and he nodded, grabbing the attention of a security guard and pointing to Kate, whispering something to him. He immediately pulled you back into his arms, placing his head in your shoulder.

Next thing you knew, Kate was over the rail, leaning against the stage as she watched you two.

“I missed you,” Louis said into your ear, talking over the roaring crowd.

You felt a few tears slip out, “I missed you so much, so fucking much,” you cried out and he held you closer.

The song ended, and the boys spotted you two hugging, looking at each other quickly.

“Well…” Harry began, “Uh, how about I tell some jokes?” He gave a cheeky grin and the audience erupted.

Louis pulled himself up on stage, sitting on the edge and lifting you up. Niall helped Kate on stage and Louis grabbed your hand.

He reached Liam, and Liam gave you a polite, but hesitant, smile.

“Listen, I’m going backstage for a bit, keep the audience entertained, if I’m not back in ten minutes,” he paused, glancing at Kate, “have her sing for me, she’ll do good,” he added and you laughed, quite loudly.

Liam glanced over at Kate, who was currently being dragged into Harry’s comedy show.

“Sounds good,” Liam said, holding his fist out for a bump. Louis lazily hit his fist and Liam nodded at you, “Long time no see, Y/N,” he smirked and you chuckled.

“I know Liam,” you gave him a nod, and he ran to the front of the stage, joining Harry and Kate. Niall was currently jig dancing to no music.

Louis led you backstage, making his way to his dressing room, his hand never leaving yours.

He opened the door, allowing you inside, closing and locking the door behind him.

You sat on a small futon, rubbing your hands on your jeans, your nerves finally settling in.

“Hi,” he said, sitting next to you, barely leaving any room.

“Hey,” you smiled, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

You both sat in silence for a moment, not knowing what to say.

“So, Uhm, how’ve ya been?” Louis asked, breaking to silence.

“I’ve been okay, how about you?” You asked both of you very stiff. He was about to answer but you collapsed. “Oh god, Louis, I’m so so sorry!” You put your head in your hands, Louis’ hand on your back almost immediately.

He didn’t say it was alright, which was something you were grateful for, you wanted him to be honest.

“I reacted horribly. I don’t know why I did it, there’s no excuse! You started talking about getting married one day, and having kids, and I freaked out! I knew you didn’t mean anytime soon, but I hadn’t even thought about any of that! I didn’t think that you were, and it really, really scared me,” you admitted, picking at your sleeve.

He inhaled deeply, and went over to his vanity, opening a drawer and scourging for a bit. He found what he was looking for and turned around. It was a little black believer box. You stopped breathing.

He fidgeted with the box for a moment, chewing the inside of his lip. “I bought this for you about a year after we started dating. I wasn’t going to propose anytime soon, but I knew you were the one for me. I remembered that we went to the mall one day and you insisted on stopping at a jewelry store, you said you needed to buy something for Kate. I remember that you saw this ring and you fell in love with it, you didn’t even need a second glance.

“The guy who was behind the counter told it was an engagement ring, and you got really embarrassed and walked away, I think you went to look at the necklaces. I told the guy to hold it for me when you walked away. I came back that day when you went for lunch with your mum, and I bought it for you. I knew it was the ring that you’d want. I knew there wasn’t another chance of me getting it. I was going to wait a few more years, wait until we were both ready. Well, until you were. I was ready the second out first date ended,” he laughed and ran his fingers along the edge of the box.

At this point, the tears were freely falling down your face, you didn’t care anymore. “Lou…” you whispered and he shook his head.

“I don’t know why I started talking about that stuff, I guess I was just thinking about my mum, and I just imagined what our kids would be like, and how you’d be a great mum, and I just got too excited,” he wiped a stray tear from his cheek.

You loved how he thought he always needed to act tough, you found it adorable. You stood up, making your way over to him.

“Lou, I always wanted that stuff with you, I just hadn’t really thought about it, and I guess the future kind of hit hard. I started getting anxious about it, I was worried I wasn’t going to be good enough for you, that I wasn’t going to be able to fit into your future, so I ran. It’s the worst mistake of my life,” you slowly wrapped your arms around his wait, glancing at the box he still held.

“Why did you come tonight?” He asked, his hair falling in front of his eyes.

You hesitated before answering. “Kate got engaged to Eli. It hurt because it reminded me of you, of these things we both wanted but I wasn’t ready to commit to. It made me realize how much I missed you, and I heard you were doing a show here, so I made the decision, I just wanted to see you,” you finished, avoiding his eyes.

He gently grabbed your chin, forcing you to look at him. You both had tears building up in your eyes. He leaned closer to you, stuffing the box in his pocket. “Can I kiss you?”

You nodded and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Your lips met his, after a year of not kissing him, you were surprisingly calm.

You molded against each other, fitting together better than you did before. It wasn’t needy or desperate, it was passionate, slow. You were trying to show him how much you loved him, and missed him, you assumed he was doing the same thing.

You both pulled away, resting your foreheads against each other. You let out a content sigh, unable to stop the grin from forming on your face.

“Let’s do this for real this time, alright?” Louis rasped, “No more games, no more lies, just honesty. We’ll let each other know when something bothers us, okay?” He asked, rubbing small circles on your back.

“Yes, of course Louis, of course,” you quickly agreed and he gave you a chaste kiss.

“Would you mind waiting backstage for me? I need to get back out there so I don’t get fired,” he joked and you shook your head.

“I wouldn’t mind at all.”

—

You both were backstage now, he was about to go back out, but he insisted on one more hug, so you were holding onto each other. You didn’t want to let go.

Alas, he pulled back and pressed a kiss to your forehead. “I’m going to get back out there, I’ll send Kate back,” he explained, and you nodded.

He reluctantly walked away, throwing his arms up when he stepped onto the stage. He brought his mic down to his mouth. “I’m back!” He shouted and the crowd erupted into cheers and applause.

He sent Kaye backstage, and she ran into you, giving you a hug.

“How’d it go?” She asked, you nodded, looking down at the ground.

“Well, I’ll have a date for your wedding now,” you smirked and she gave a small squeal, wrapping you in another hug.

“If he talks about your future again what are you going to do?” She asked.

“I’m going to listen.”

—

A few months later, you were stood backstage with Kate again, this time joined by Eli.

You attended all of his concerts now, staying backstage to greet him when he was done. The boys were a bit hesitant around you at first, but after a few weeks, they welcomed you back, things being like before.

Conveniently, the last show was on the day of your anniversary, well, your first one. The boys had one more song before they finished the tour. She’s Not Afraid.

“Now, before we begin this next song, we have a special guest for you!” Harry announced. You looked at Kate. She shrugged, a small smirk on her face.

“Y/N, love, can you come out here?” Louis asked, and your eyes widened in shock. You glanced over at Kate. And she ushered you out.

You stepped out onto the stage bashfully waving at the audience.

You walked over and stood next to Louis, grabbing his arm and leaning over to whisper in his ear, “What are you doing?”

“Just trust me!” He said back and you sighed.

Louis counted them in and grabbed your hands, spinning you around the stage, stopping and spinning you with one hand when had to sing.

Towards the end, he just grabbed your hands, smiling as he looked into your eyes. The rest of the boys finished the last verse, and Louis got down on one knee, fishing for something in his pocket.

You squinted at him for a moment, confused as to what he was doing until he pulled out a familiar velvet box.

You gasped and put your hands over your mouth, the crowd roaring in your ears. “Lou,” you whispered and he opened the box, revealing the ring you had first spotted in the jewelry store years ago.

“Y/N, I love you,” he said, and he gestured to the crowd. You understood, he couldn’t say much when they were screaming over everything. “Will you marry me?” He asked.

You began nodding furiously, “Yes, yes I will Lou, of course I will!” You yelled and he quickly stood up, placing the ring on your finger. The second it was on, he picked you up and spun you around.

And for once in your life, you were sure everything was going to be alright.

A/N: Let me know if you wanna be added to my permanent taglist! Just send an ask or a message!

Permanent Taglist: @everything-is-alrightt

[the-fandom-is-now-my-life]

Hc inverse au! Fem Reader in Victorian era England and ynm characters are in our time.

You are a character in an anime and ynm are in real life

Williams

( he seems like the type to be into really dense, historical mangas)

He first read a manga featuring you when one of his students left their copy on their desk and he had to overview some students while they were using the presentation room.

He mostly just sat in the first row while the group of teens were recording hamlet for the theater class.

He didn't really took the story seriously so he started reading a lady who was trying to seduce a noble for a few pages, he was about to leave the manga given that he supposed it was a hentai but when you poisoned them with the wine cup he found it interesting

The main character had a set of very strong ideals that weren't so common in the historical context, be it strip nobles and royals from benefits, be a suffragette, or something similar .He ate the manga in five minutes

When he returns home (and leaves the item in lost objects, ofc) he checks online to buy the first volume to see if the background and sort are interesting along with every other volume and official light novel and Novella . He usually isn't home from very early to very late at night so it would be Louis most likely the one who receives the box with the books

"Brother, did you buy a box full of comics" Louis asks from the kitchen after he feels his older brother returning home

" oh? They already arrived? I thought they would be here next week" well Louis always was worries about how his brother didn't have any hobbies aside from teaching at the University so he was happy that he found something else to do with his life

He would ask for a sick day on a Monday or Friday so he could plan everything that was needed at his class that day and spend the weekend lazing around and reading the various volumes and the light novels. That day Louis and albert almost cried of happiness, that was the first time he took a sick day in all of his teaching years to take a break

The type of fan who creates theories that everything is symbolism, how they are ambidextrous to show that even if they intend good sometimes their methods are too extreme or how their hat was placed or the color of their clothes show their political affiliation. Nothing can be just a coincidence with him, everything means something

Is a big pain in the ass about historical inaccuracies, be it dress, manners or social hierarchy being off

" But listen this is the late Victorian era, where is their crinoline??/ They are supposed to be a Victorian dandy and the writer wants me to believe they would wear that? In that society?" williams turned on the lights to his younger brother room while walking in circles as if he was trying to calm down

" Williams it's 3 am. Please I want to sleep"

" Oh and don't let me get started when they crossdressed/dressed as lady northinburg, that tight lacing scene made me so angry" he was dragging his words, Louis guessed he was sleep drunk " how much I hate that, karolina or bernadette would kill those producers if they saw it" Louis simply opted to sleep while his brother was ranting about how the hairstyles were al wrong

When speaking of merchandising he appreciates his mature and elegant reputation so he would buy small things like cute stationery and notebooks and a few pens. Most of them either are about the main character, you, or have the anime title or something similar

A few students think that the professor brings some childish pens in case some student forgets one and he doesn't have to give them his mechanical pencil. He actually uses those pens when he is grading the exams. His notebook annotations look a lot cleaner and are more colorfully bc of the markers and pens

When and if your manga gets and anime he would be 100 percent bitching about how they skipped, if you are a minor character, scenes where you are introduced or you character gets development.

" Oh my goodness, they skipped to this ark? And 'the mask'? In that ark we get the development of many characters, yn, edward, Amélie, Alex. We are absolutely robed of their backgrounds and aspirations and how they are all connected"

" Brother be honest with yourself, you only wanted more animated yn, you follow their voice actor on twitter"

" That is not my point!"

Albert

he was watching it when he came late

Albert usually keeps company to his youngest brother until around 5-6 pm, then he leaves for work and returns around 12 am and eats dinner alone mostly.

When he returns from his job the house is more often than not totally dark so he makes his way to the kitchen and microwaves the leftovers and eats silently.

But one day it seems like Louis or williams forgot to turn off the TV before going to bed, he was about to turn it off but decided that watching something with the tv muted wouldn't wake his brothers up and kept watching.

He didn't pay much attention to it at the start but it became routine, he comes home, heats the food, sits down and watches that show so he grew quite fond of it

How much attention he pays to it depends on the type of plot it has, if it is light-hearted humor he would most likely not pay much attention but laugh when a joke came, one the other hand, if it's a more serious he would find it hard to take his eyes away from the screen

Second least likely to buy merchandising, if he buys it's mostly to wear home, a one size too big shirt for a pj (mostly for the comedy anime) or, if they aren't childish and look professional maybe a pocket watch like the one x character uses ( in the more serious one)

Won't buy the mangas if there are any because he is happy watching the animated version and already has to read a lot at work, but if he is gifted the volumes he will read them sparingly, maybe he will finish one volume every week and a half, unlike williams.

Louis

He spends most of his time home because of his illness and doesn't like to stress too much given that it makes the symptoms worse, he enjoys light hearted comedies or cooking in the victorian era or those typical time travelers who now have to live in different situations than those they are used to

He most likely found it after doing all the housework and being bored so he opted to browse the TV or netflix and fell on one specific serie

If it is a comedy he will listen to it while cleaning or cooking, he feels like he does everything faster and the housework is more enjoyable that way.

If it's a cooking related program he will watch as entertainment after doing everything and to get ideas what to cook, he is always surprised with the recipes that your character comes up with, be them savory ( things he will absolutely do the next day for lunch or dinner) or sweet ( things he will make more sparingly given he can't have too much sugar). I think of mangas and series like the duchess' 50 te recipes or shokugeki no soma

If it the third option he was interested on the alternatives to modern things, like how to make a more natural soap with animal fat and wood ash, or how to use certain plants to help a headache or stomach bug.

With merchandising he doesn't buy much, some kitchenware and some bowls mugs and maybe a tea set that isn't much of an eyesore. Overall he isn't all that crazy over that kind of things if there is a cooking book he will definitely buy it

He, like albert, doesn't care much about historical accuracy and if the events that happen are cohesive, he is there to have fun

Fred

He watched it because he heard his classmates talk about it and wanted to join them but was too scared to bother them if he didn't know anything. Baby has the social abilities of an anxious lobster

He comes home from college and looks the anime up in his phone and, like every broke college student, he watches it from an illegal streaming service.

He gets hooked up and stays all night watching it until his clock snaps him out of his trance and makes him drag his feet to his 7:30 am class

Fred tries and fails to talk to the group so, after the lesson, he drags himself to his room to be miserable alone. It's not until he reaches a certain chapter or episode where you say something that make him think, " if you wish to be loved you must face first your fear to be known" he keeps thinking about it, he didn't truly ever talk to the group, he cowarded before even trying.

The next week at that same lecture he approaches the group and tries to make some small talk

" Oh hey uhm i heard the past class that you liked (maga name)" he was this close to running to his desk and act as if nothing happened

" Yeah! You like it too?" The boy seemed to notice fred was nervous

" Yes! I really like it, what is you favorite character? Mine is yn" he certainly didn't have any favorite one before but after this he thinks your character is pretty good " they are really inspiring"

In terms of merch he is broke so there is none, If he had any money to spare he would buy notebooks and even those chibi statues or funko pops

[jlf23tumble]

1D Day: Hour Four

Over the past few years, I’ve seen people try to insinuate that Zayn wasn’t into 1D Day, that he was moody or distant or some other adjective that implies he was on his way out the door, and to those people I ask, did you actually watch any of this, especially hour four? I mean, seriously, watch Zayn over the course of the whole day, but hour four is a revelation if you’ve ever had that notion. He’s witty, charming, happy, smiley, completely on board with every stupid game, and so professional with the fans and the rest of the team that he makes Liam look like an asshole (and Liam is so very far from being an asshole, like, ever). 

In fact, both Zayn and Liam are naturals as hosts; they’re a dream broadcasting team, and for all the (justified, mind you) attitude Louis and (especially) Harry throw down as the day progresses, it’s the complete polar opposite with Ziam. I could watch hours and hours of these two because they manage to convey that fake on-air TV personality chirpiness with a sincerity that’s endlessly compelling. They’re also off-the-charts HOT on this here day (Louis, too, but Jesus CHRIST have mercy on us in hour four). Let’s break it down under the cut.

Hour four kicks off with Zayn and Liam skateboarding onto the set, and Liam is honestly me with his plaintive “I’m really rubbish at skateboarding” as he basically stands on a board that somebody literally pushed in a straight line into the shot.

Zayn’s all excited that this is his first hour (like, he’s literally pumped up for it, and some could argue that he’s as coked up as Harry appears to be, but he’s not as aggressive, he just seems legit happy to be there). Liam’s an old pro by now, and the general mood is positive and calm, in spite of the mega fuckups in hour three and the immediate in-ear issues they’re both already experiencing. Help, they're so hot:

The first segment is about invention ideas from fans, and joining them in the Google+ Hangout (lmaoooo) is Peter Jones (Liam: “a very rich man”) from Dragon’s Den, aka the UK’s Shark Tank, and for all of his cash and presumably all of the D’s, this feels VERY low rent. Way to sell this Google ad, team…maybe that’s why Google+ is a total failure, hmmmm, makes you think. Anyway, the first invention is a 1D Kube, and noah fence to this fan, I’ve made better merch, c’mon, people think outside the box:

Because Peter’s gross, he suggests using nude body parts of the boys instead of their faces, and me as Liam, completely creeped out by that suggestion. The next idea is a 1D pillow, where you go to sleep, and the pillow pipes two 1D songs directly into your brain before powering itself off, but Liam wisely says this might be more distracting than soothing. Peter’s right there with the idea that it should instead offer up soothing pillowtalk (Zayn, take notes!), which instantly worries both me and Liam because it’s weirdly sexi instead of sexy sexi.

The final invention is fart pants, which boils down to deodorized boxers for people like Niall who practically shit themselves when they fart in closed tour buses (paraphrasing). Naturally, Peter likes this idea a LOT, and asks Liam a low-key invasive question about someone stealing his underwear, which leads to a riveting tale of the missing pants and a nervous Liam asking Peter exactly how he knew about this incident. Peter laughs it off as something he found online to embarrass Liam with, but try harder, asshole…they answer worse questions than this before breakfast.

Next, we get Julian “I can’t bother to find out how to spell his last name,” one of the D’s cowriters, in a cringe VT about picking up girls with 1D lyrics. It’s so fucking gross that only Ben Winston could have come up with it, and it goes on FOREVER, even though nothing about it is interesting or cute or witty or anything other than tedious yikes for the women involved. Even Julian knows it’s creepy, and he seems like a guy who’s pretty comfortable with creepy.

We get back in the studio to some actually attractive people who have chemistry together, and, no, it’s not Julian and John “I can’t bother to find out how to spell his last name either” (they make sure to sit far enough apart to maintain their extreme masculinity):

Liam has some good interview questions for these two, such as, “What’s your favorite song that you wrote on for this album,” and John thinks he’s clever by saying it’s both “Little Black Dress” and “Little White Lies,” but the real gem here is the audio of Liam creating “Better Than Words” out of thin air. Look at this fondness while we all listen to Liam’s genius (it’s kind of embarrassing, this whole bit):

We move to fan selfies, and Liam does a terrible Irish accent to request potato selfies for Niall. Moving on to the call box of doom, the two Larries currently rocking out in there seem to dig “Strong” the best (as you do), and Zayn, valiantly battling someone in his ears, politely whispers, “You can crack on listening,” before shutting the door softly.

The VT of randomness from New Zealand prompts Liam to ask, “Zayn, what did you get up to in New Zealand?” (the answer is getting a snake tattoo that’s one of Liam’s favorites on him, in case you’re wondering). But before we can ponder any of that too closely, it’s time for opera singer Rebecca to return for the excruciating opera version of tweets.

Scott’s on the scene to point out the obvious, i.e., Ziam makes it all look so easy, but this next segment is not for the faint of heart. The boys have to blindfold each other (!!) and then feel up crew members to see if they can identify them. Whyyyyy is this so tender:

Someone else blindfolds Liam after he does Zayn (Liam, after it’s done: “Nobody touch me”), and there’s a brief moment where they can feel each other, and Zayn says, “That’s you, Liam,” and fuckkkk me up, wowwww, it’s a lot to take in:

 Anyway, they go on to feel up a lot of doughy white guys to see if they can blindly identify them, and AGAIN, it’s gross because Scott keeps encouraging them to feel this person up below the waist, too (note, they don’t know if it’s a guy or a girl). Fortunately, it’s a parade of doughy white guys until they get to Lou Teasdale, and Zayn identifies her immediately because she’s so fidgety.

We head over to another Google Hangout, and god, words cannot express how good Ziam is at this because even though the same shit happens here as it does in the last hour, these two handle it all like pros. I live for Zayn’s, “Have you been watching the whole show? Are we doing a good job?” with an intense amount of sincerity, and thank god these girls give him the thumbs up because they truly are.

My fave part of this segment is the girls who ask them what their first CD and concerts were. Liam says Linkin Park for CD and Gareth Gates for concert, which earns him boos from the homophobes in the studio, but warm hugs from me. Zayn, who answers this fan question to Liam instead of the girls who asked it, says he can’t remember his first CD, but his first gig was JLS with the boys, and wow, the first date realness here:

Zayn’s genuinely sweet throughout all of these fan segments, asking questions and being invested in the answers, dawwww. The last question is about where they get the inspiration for their dance moves, and Liam says he blags its, but Zayn is here to kill us all by saying, “My inspiration for dancing comes from you, Liam (Louis in the background: “hahahahaha”) because you’re such a good dancer,” and god, I’m not ready for this right now, tbh.

There’s a BSE VT from the fans before a bingo spin to figure out who to follow (again, just follow them all, what does it even matter at this point, ratcha fratcha). But the most annoying part of this bit is that even *I* can hear the in-air buzz of chatter from Ben’s team, so I cannot even imagine how annoying it is in actual ears, holy fuck.

Next up is a live link to Finland, to say hello to the fans who created a massive fanbook that Zayn carefully flips through and sincerely thanks everyone for creating. The VT he introduces next is Louis playing footie, and YES, look at this angel who’s only 22:

Naturally, there are LOADS of technical problems and fuckups, but it’s so refreshing to hear that “hahahahaha” in a massive, empty arena, and to see him practicing a sport he clearly loves.

We’re back with the poor bastards running the Guinness Book of World Records, this time with Liam’s ass smashing balloons (Zayn: “If he wins, do we get our names put down as well?”). The first time is a bust (ha) that ends up hurting Liam’s balls (how, I don’t know):

Everyone agrees they can do better, but Zayn’s not having any further fuckups as he literally coaches Sandy in the background about how best to hold the balloons so that Liam’s ass can smash them in the most efficient manner:

Sadly, it’s not enough to smash the record, much to everyone’s chagrin, but there’s no time to fret or redo, we're off to Stan teaching Zayn’s school to sing (ooops, the VT is incorrect, it’s Scott teaching the X Factor staff to sing “What Makes Your Beautiful,” and they’re the shittiest singers ever, so go off on judging people, I guess).

As per usual, the highlights are fucking horrific. Can’t wait for hour five!