#I love every character in this including Jin Zixuan himself so I don't ACTUALLY think he's the biggest dumbass out there. just close.

[guqin-and-flute]

How to Romance a Woman feat. Jin Zixuan [Episode 25]

[TRANSCRIPT BELOW]

(1) LWJ: oh god more straight nonsense is this gonna be like the soup thing? the soup thing was s t u p i d

WWX: the soup thingn was HIGHLY OFFENSIVE omg keep up lan zhan

LWJ: no wei ying it was stupid

WWX: look at him fuckin t a l k i n g and shit the gall

(2) JZX: HEY LOOK! OOZE

JYL: oh. cool…?

(3) JZX: do u like ooze?

JYL: not particularly… but if that’s ur thing that’s…fine i can work with ooze …i think

(4) JZX: that was snake ooze

JYL: Oh. ok is that good? i have no idea

JZX: this place is dangerous af does that turn u on?

(5) JYL: no?? ? that frightens me like a regular person strangely enough wtf wtf wtf

(6) JZX: that’s weird every other girl has liked the dangerous ooze i’ve shown her (guess my mom doesn’t count tho)

(7) JZX: I LIED BEFORE the ooze is fine totally safe definitely not a sign of man eating snakes

JYL: why don’t i feel like that’s true??

(8) JYL: okay?? good? i guess?? …i’m not following

JZX: oh look more ooze

JYL: omg why is he talking about ooze so much?

(9) LWJ: jfc this is worse than the soup

WWX: holy shit he’s bad at this

LWJ: is this just what being straight is? i am physically nauseated

WWX: i’ve seen fish flirt better now i’m hungry i want fish

(10) JZX: wouldn’t it be cool if someone died at one of these? maybe some light maiming

JYL: literally no?? what is h a p p e n i n g

(11) JYL: honey i wanna work with u but you GOTTA give me something pls stop talking about ooze for the love of god

(12) JZX: oh so u hate me u want me dead u want to snap my neck and leave me alone to die slowly in these woods so that’s what ur saying and u’ve been laughing at me this whole time figures

(13) JYL: uh no idea how we got from there to heare i just said i didn’t wanna watch forest based blood sports maybe a dinner? or a nice movie? i’m trying i’m so confused

(14) LWJ: i stg if u prolong this bullshit by leaping down like a caped crusader i will personally end you

WWX: but LAN ZHAN—

LWJ: THE SOUP WEI YING I WON’T REPEAT IT

(15) JZX: SO U DON’T LIKE OOZE AND U DON’T LIKE MURDER WTF DO U LIKE? why isn’t being incredibly haughty WORKING?

(16) JYL: omg what is happening why are we yelling?

JZX: BECAUSE I HAVE LIMITED SOCIAL CONTACT WITH PEOPLE MY AGE CRIPPLING SOCIAL ANXIETY AND A LIFETIME WITHOUT ANY THERAPY TO SPEAK OF NEVERMIND GIRLS SUCK U SMELL

(17) JYL: okay??? guess i’ll go now?? wtf i have literally no idea what’s going on come out to the forest he says i need to talk to you he says do you like ooze he says

(18) JZX: NO PLEASE WAIT I LOVE U

JYL: why am i like this?

Sound coming from offscreen: nyooooooooooo-

(19) Sound coming IN from offscreen: oooooooooooooooom

LWJ (offscreen): wEi YiNg

Random bush/narrator’s note: here he comes, cockblock mcgee

(20) WWX: SURPRISE ASSHOLE

JZX: wtaf

JYL: omg why

WWX: bitchslap for a bitch

JZX: get ur own tragically maladjusted love life

(21) WWX: eat shit and die, skanklord i already HAVE my own tragically maladjusted love life thank you very much

JYL: omg a-xian please he was about to have a coherent THOUGHT

(22) LWJ: i am here now and i cannot begin to describe the agony that causes me

JZX: i’m beginning to think i have problems communicating

JYL: a-xian p l e a s e he’s forming actual sentences i must go to him

WWX: at this point i’m protecting u from urself

LWJ: u are all so terrible at everything

[more brief summaries i suppose]