#I looked my coworker dead in the eye yesterday and said | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

eetherealgoddess · 11 months ago

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TR: YANDERE BF - ꨄTALKING TO ANOTHER BOY HEADCANONSꨄꨄ

Sano Manjiro, Hanemiya Kazutora, Sanzu Haruchiyo, & Haitani Brothers x Reader

Characters are 18+

❦Damn, you’re putting ppl at risk without even trying to❦

Not fully proofread

MY TR FANDOM WORKS ARE ONLY ON TUMBLR, AO3, AND WATTPAD UNDER EETHEREALGODDESS! REPORT IF YOU SEE IT POSTED UNDER ANYONE ELSE BUT ME!!!

Notice:

✩Y/n is 18+. I picture her as a black female but you can see her however.

✩Some parts of the story may not be realistic or factual. After all, this is a work of fiction.

✩Although it's a dark 'romance,' I do not condone any of the behavior displayed.

✩Dark content such as: gore, violence, triggering topics, graphic scenes, vulgar language, explicit sexual content, etc.

✩There may be scenes that involve non con and/ or dubcon so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable

✩That being said, this story is for 18+ only.

Enjoy!

Mikey: You had been confused as to why your boyfriend, Mikey’s behavior had become passive aggressive. Ignoring you and refraining from communicating even when you’re in his presence. You’d call and after a couple rings, it’d go to voicemail. You’d text and he’d purposefully read it, just to leave you on read. Confronting him is no use considering every time you do, he never explains himself, continuing to give you the same glare as he had been for a while. Finally, you return the favor by not contacting him, sick of being dismissed.

Surprising you, he showed up to your doorstep. Once you let him in, he gives you a mix between a look of sadness and anger. “How could you flirt with that guy and ignore me like that?” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What guy? I didn’t flirt with anyone and it was you who kept ignoring me.” You rebutted as you crossed your arms. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. The problem has been taken care of.” He shrugs before walking to your couch and sitting on it, patting the seat next to him. You follow, leaning into him as he wrapped an arm around you.

“I still want to know who you’re talking about. What problem?” His hand runs up your arm and gives it a tight squeeze. “Your coworker.” You take a pause of contemplation before realization hits. “Ah, Mikey I have to talk to my coworkers. You should’ve told me that’s what you’ve been so upset about.” You say before giving him a comforting peck. You spend the afternoon in each other’s arms once all is forgiven.

The next day you show up to your job at a retail shop, eyebrows furrowing when you see the manager and employees gathered around each other, murmuring. You walk up to them. “What’s going on?” One of your coworkers turns to you as the rest continue talking. “You haven’t heard? Isamu passed yesterday.” You gasp. “Isamu? What happened.” “Apparently he was found wounded in his home. They’re investigating it as manslaughter.” Your eyes widen. It’s insane to think of someone you had talked to only a few days ago, being pronounced dead, especially by murder.

“What guy? I didn’t flirt with anyone and it was you who kept ignoring me.” You rebutted as you crossed your arms. “It doesn’t matter, anyway. The problem has been taken care of.” He shrugs… The memory invades your mind. During your work day, you couldn’t stop replaying what Mikey said. As well as the timing of everything, so you confront him after stopping at his apartment unannounced after work.

“Did you do it?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Isamu, did you kill him?” You whisper the last part, still in disbelief. “No, why would you ask me that?” You furrow your eyebrows. “You shouldn’t worry your head about problems that don’t exist anymore, Y/n” You pause in contemplation before allowing him to pull you in. You shower before you decide to spend the night with him, still shaken up by your co-worker's death and a killer on the loose. As Mikey hugs you from behind while you bask in the warmth of his arms and the blankets, your eyes shoot wide open. “The problem has been taken care of.” “You shouldn’t worry your head about problems that don’t exist anymore.”

Kazutora: “Do you like him?” Your boyfriend asks as you walk hand in hand from the booth with a stuffed animal in your arm. “Like, who?” He gives you a side eyed glance before stating, “That man back there.” “The guy who worked at the booth?” He doesn’t respond, keeping his head straight ahead. You stop walking and turn to him. “Kazu, we have to listen to the rules at the booths.” “Yeah, but you did more than listen.” You sigh. “I just needed clarification on one of the rules which is why I asked him to repeat himself. That’s all, babe.”

“I didn’t like the way you looked at each other.” You look at him with disbelief. “l literally make eye contact with everyone I’m talking to because that’s what you’re supposed to do.” “He clearly wanted to do more.” You hold back from rolling your eyes, knowing your boyfriend gets insecure from time to time and overthinks. “Is there any way I can prove to you that I want you and not him?” You ask while caressing his hand with your thumb.

“You can kiss me.” He smiles. You chuckle before leaning in and meeting his lips with yours. He used his other hand to wrap around the back of your neck gently pulling you closer. You move back once he tries to use tongue, warmth in your face in embarrassment at the people who passed by. You continue your walk to the apartment you shared, getting ready for bed. You lie down as Kazutora tells you he’s going to grab some water right before you fall into a deep slumber. Instead, he grabs some gloves before passing the kitchen to the front door, heading straight for the carnival.

When he reaches the booth, he walks behind it, motioning for the guy to get closer. He snatches him by the shirt and throws him on the ground, glancing up to make sure nobody can see behind the booth. He covers the surprised man’s mouth and pulls out a switchblade. Before the guy could react, Kazutora swings the blade down, penetrating the man’s stomach. He repeats as the guy yelps against his hand, attempting to push him off by grabbing his shoulders. He continues his assault as the man becomes quieter and weak. Once his body was limp and lifeless orbs sat still, he stood up, wiping the blade off and shoving it into his pocket. He takes his gloves off and shoves them in his pocket as well before walking off as nothing happened.

You were still asleep when he arrived, smiling and kissing your forehead before he got ready for a shower. Once he finished, he eased into the sheets and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close as he kissed up your neck, purposefully waking you to have a passionate night.

Ran: You wince as Ran’s arm tightens around your waist, nails piercing your skin through the fabric of your shirt, though a smile on his face as you continue to converse with the old friend who’s telling him about your old endeavors. “Yeah we were pretty crazy in school.” You nod nervously, attempting to speed the conversation. Once finished, you both say your goodbyes as you and Ran walk off. “H-hey, you okay?” “Yeah.” Your eyebrows furrow as you eye the stoic expression. “Are you sure, babe?” He turns to give you his infamous smirk. “Why wouldn’t I be?” You sigh in relief, still a little suspicious, though willing to let it go if he claims to be fine. “I’m just making sure, your grip seems to tighten back there.” “Oh, sorry about that. I didn’t notice.”

“So you’re okay with us hanging out again? Like old times?” A pause of silence causes anxiety while you wait for his answer. “Of course.” You smile as you lean into him more while you walk. You give your kiss goodbyes as he drops you off at your apartment. Once the door is closed, he walks away, pulling out your phone as he contacts the old friend via message. He tells him to meet him at a cafe, in which the guy complies thinking it’s you. Once the friend is there, he looks around in confusion, searching for you outside of the building. Before he can walk inside to check, he’s grabbed by the shoulder, an arm reaching around his shoulders and walking with him towards an alleyway.

His eyebrows furrow at the baton in your boyfriend’s hand as well as the close eyed smile on his face. Before he knows it, he’s shoved to the dirty ground into a puddle of water. “What the hell?” Before he picks himself up, the object slams down on his shoulder before it’s slammed against his stomach. Attempting to pick himself up once more, he rolls over, face becoming wet with sweat and grime as he yelps and grunts, coughing up blood. Another hit though on his back causes him to drop back down, along with a scream of pain.

“Cancel your date with my girlfriend and delete her number.” “D-dude, it wasn’t a da-!” Another hit lands, this time to his face. He continues to hit him over and over until he’s limp and lying still in his own puddle of blood. “I’ll kill you if I have to do it myself.” The friend slowly grabs his phone while trembling and sends you the message, canceling plans and deleting your number. “Block her on everything.” He complies before finally giving into the darkness. Ran smirks before walking to his apartment to drop his stuff off and clean himself up, heading to your apartment after.

“Oh! I was wondering where my phone went. Thanks babe.” You smile happily. He gives you a kiss before you invite him in for a romantic night of cuddles and love.

Rin: He couldn’t help but eye your phone’s screen as he caressed you from behind, watching as you text back and forth with your step brother. “When did he join your family?” “Only recently when mom and his dad married. Why?” “Just curious.”

The next night, your new step brother comes to visit. A dinner made as you all sit at your family’s table. Rin watched with a stoic expression as the step brother would flirt and make jokes, occasionally gripping your thigh as you laughed uncomfortably, nobody but Rin seeming to notice the weird behavior. Sometimes the newcomer would even glance at your boyfriend whenever he would act out.

Once the dinner was over, you all decided to stay the night with your parents, you and Rin getting your old room while your brother stayed in the guest room. When everyone was asleep, Rin snuck out of the room and walked into the guest bedroom. Using a cloth he balled up, he shoved it into the sleeping brother’s mouth and hopped on top of him. He punched him, waking him up with wide eyes. Before the guy under him could attack, Rin pulled out the gun he brought without your knowledge and set it to the man’s head.

“You gonna flirt with her again?” The man shakes his head. “What about touching her thigh?” He shakes his head frantically, fear causing him to tremble under your boyfriend. He pulls the gun back as he flips his hair and readjusts his glasses. “Good. I thought I’d have to kill you in her parents' home. That wouldn’t have been a good look for me.” He smirks before hopping off of the scared man who pissed himself. “You should take care of that. It stinks.”

Sanzu: His eyes narrow while he watches you at your job, bartending amongst all of the dirty scum that hang around you. He regularly sits at a table where you can’t see him, watching as your personal guardian angel. You have no idea that your boyfriend hangs out at the place you work for hours. You have no idea that with every man that flirts with you is another name to his list of people to terrorize. You have no idea that he just caught someone trying to touch you, the security you called having to throw the drunk out of the bar without even knowing he threw him to a shark.

You had no clue that Sanzu had grabbed the man and pulled him into his car. You had no knowledge of the warehouse he brought them to. You also didn’t know that he ties them up and acts out different torture methods, killing them in the process. You couldn’t have known about the pile of bodies he’s chopped and burned. There’s no way you know about the clean up process as well as the shower he takes to wash the blood away once he reaches home.

You just go about your nights normally, cheerfully conversing with people as the parties go on. At the end of the night you clean up and go home to your lovely boyfriend who greets you with a sweet expression. Excited for your nightly cuddles and maybe even love making you get ready for bed, snuggling into his arms at night, unknown to the cycle that repeats the next day.

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conniesanchor · 1 year ago

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stop I saw your “you are in love” prompt and thought of spencer reid and wildest dreams

YES, THIS FITS SO WELL. this fic is a part of my 300 followers celebration!

spencer reid x fem!suspect!reader

summary: you're a suspect in a homicide. what happens when you fall for one of the fbi agents working the case?

I thought Heaven can't help me now

Nothing lasts forever

But this is gonna take me down

when you heard a knock at your door, you didn't suspect anything. it was a friday night, so you figured it was just one of your girlfriends coming to pick you up to go to the club. when you opened the door to see two men standing there, your heart dropped. the man on the left was tall and skinny, his hair dangling in front of his eyes. if you weren't so afraid, you would've been more attracted to him. the man on the right had a darker skin tone, and he was more buffed up than the other one, "hello, mrs. l/n. im agent morgan, this is dr. reid. we're with the fbi, could we ask you a few questions?" the man on the right. asked, a silent request to come in.

you were concerned, but you let them in anyway, "yeah, of course. come in." you walked in, trying to tidy up in any way you could. "can i get you two anything?" you asked, your throat dry.

"no, that's alright. you worked with lani perez, correct?" dr. reid asked, he received a nod in response, "she was murdered last week. some of your coworkers have said you were the last one seen with her. do you know what happened?"

you shook your head, and if you had any saliva left in your throat before, it was gone now. how could she be dead? you just saw her yesterday. thoughts were flooding through your head, "um, no. i was the last one in the office, i think she might have said 'bye' or 'have a nice night', but other than that, no. we weren't that close." you rambled on.

after a few more questions that you didn't really listen to, but answered anyway, the agents made their way out. the taller one handed you a business card, "don't leave the state, be prepared to be called in for questioning at any time. right now, mrs. l/n. you are a suspect in the murder of lani perez." and then they left.

He's so tall and handsome as hell

He's so bad, but he does it so well

I can see the end as it begins

it wasn't long before you were called in for questioning. you sat in a cold, dark room, with only one window. you were in there for what felt like hours until the doctor that showed up to your house walked in. "i know how hard this must be for you, y/n. we aren't here to accuse you of anything, but you understand how it looks for you, don't you?" he asked, his eyes meeting yours intently. "you're gonna be here for a while. do you want water or something?"

"no. im okay."

he sighed, "for the record, i know you didn't do it. we just don't have any other leads. i know you're stressed, but you need to take care of yourself. let me get you water and food." he placed his hands on top of yours.

"okay." you couldn't really speak, and your hands were shaking too much. you were doing everything in your power to keep the tears from falling onto your face.

spencer moved toward the door to get you what you need. then, he turned around to do something that he normally doesn't do (and that would probably cause him to burn his suit at a later date), "do you need a hug?" he asked, and when he received a nod, he moved to wrap his arms around your neck. on instinct, you wrapped yours around his torso. you only stayed there for a moment, but you needed it.

Say you'll remember me

Standing in a nice dress

Staring at the sunset, babe

Red lips and rosy cheeks

your name had officially been cleared. however, another one of your coworkers had been killed the other day. you knew it couldn't have been a coincidence. after the second murder spencer himself had an officer put outside your door. it was weird how close you had gotten recently. he was checking in on you every night, and he even stayed at your house for a couple hours one night.

now, it was ten pm when you heard a knock at your door. you knew no one should have made it past the officer sitting outside. so you rushed up the stairs and locked yourself in your bedroom. you pushed your dresser in front of the door and closed your curtains before dialing spencer on your cell.

he picked up after the first ring, and before you could get a word out, there was a crash downstairs. "spencer," you whispered. "spencer there someone in my house. please help."

"im on my way, okay? just stay calm. i will be there soon. don't hang up," he started. you were thankful that the police station he and his team were based at were just down the road from your house. "where are you?"

you tried to slow your breathing, "im in my bedroom. the door is locked, and i put something in front of it, but im not sure how long it will hold him off," your words were rushed, and you were panicking. the only thing that was helping you was the sound of police sirens on the other line.

"okay, that's good. were two minutes out. just stay calm and quiet, baby." baby. your life was on the line, and all you could think about was the fact that he just called you baby.

as promised, it was only two minutes before you heard the police sirens outside your house. two gunshots went off, and all you could think about was spencer. you had only known him for a week, but it felt like longer. it felt like you already knew everything about him. you kept worrying until you heard his shaky voice, "y/n. are you okay?" he asked before pushing the door and the dresser out of the way.

you quickly got up from your resting spot on the ground and rushed toward him, throwing your arms around his neck. "it's okay. you're safe now."

You'll see me in hindsight

Tangled up with you all night

Burning it down

Someday when you leave me

I bet these memories

Follow you around

spencer and his team had stayed in the city for a while longer. you shouldn't be happy about another case popping up in your hometown, but it gave you more time with spencer. the short amount of time he did get away from the case he spent at your house. in your bed. spending time with you.

when they solved the new case, spencer had to leave. virginia wasn't that far from your hometown, so you and spencer agreed to make it work. you would take turns flying out each weekend.

Even if it's just in your wildest dreams, ah-ah, ha (ha-ah, ha)

a year later, you moved in with spencer. you found a job and you were happy.

thank you sm for requesting ml. this is pretty angsty. hope you liked it.

#criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spence reid #spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #wildest dreams #1989 taylor's version #taylor swift #cm #criminal minds fic #criminal minds drabble #spencer reid imagines #mgg #matthew gray gubler

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rainfallnightmare · 1 year ago

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Chapter 2

Heart break to Comfort

(Experiment Sun, Moon and Eclipse x Caretaker Y/n)

Genre: Angst to Fluff

Warning: Mention of Character death

Word counts: 1230

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

June 20th, 2087

CBR

Y/n POV:

After yesterday's event that happened. I was in my office doing some paperwork on the astral beings I was assigned to when I first started this place. I was reading and going over some details of what the scientists did during their testing. "Alright what do we have here" Looking at each folder that had the info for the astral beings. After reading and reading , I got to the last page of each file.

"What the hell?!"

I was shocked by what I saw. There were meant to be four but one was declared dead after it disappeared over 2 years. "Oh my God…" I didn't know what to say or what to think of this. "LunarNight, I wondered what had happened…" I understand now why the guys didn't trust anyone. One of their kinds was declared dead and was probably told the news knowing what their reaction would be.

After reading and putting files away for now. I went to get the supplies and others for my caretaking part of my job now. As I head to the astral’s containment area. I walked past one of the scientists who gave me a dirty look before they continued to head to god knows where. When I scanned my card and walked into the large room, My eyes widened when I saw one of the scientists being flung and hit the wall beside me while another was being held tightly in Moon's hand.

“P-Please let me go, I was only doing my job!!”

The male scientist said panicking as he begged for his life. I quickly checked the scientist that was flung to the metal to see if they had a pulse. Surprisingly they did but most likely had some broken bones. Then I run over to the captured and pray to stop this in time. “Moon!” I yelled to get his attention but his focus was on the scared scientist that he was about to squeeze to death.

“Moon…MOON…MOONY!!!” I yelled again and this time with the nickname I gave him that he liked. This got his attention as he looked down to see me. “Please Moony, don’t kill the guy. I’m here now..” I gently gesture my hands towards Moon to calm him.

Moon quickly looked at the scared male scientist and growled at him before he put the guy down. “Leave!” Moon angrily said at the man as the scientist ran to his coworker and picked them up as both were gone quickly. Letting out a sigh of relief, I gently placed my hand on Moon's clutch one as it caused him to turn to look at me. “You okay Moony?” Moon fully turned his body towards me as he carefully picked me up in his arm and quickly buried his face into my neck. I felt Moon shaking as I started to hear soft sobs and something wet on my shoulder.

“Hey, hey what’s wrong Moony” This was the first time I ever seen Moon cry and it made me worried very quickly. I tried to calm Moon a little while trying to figure out what did the scientist do to cause him like this. “They mention him...They mention and blame us for Lunar’s death!” Moon said as he held me closer to him while he sobs even more.

Those sick basterds, how could they do this to Moon and the others. As much as I want to have words with them. My main focus was to calm Moon down and see how Sun and Eclipse were doing. “Oh Moony, don’t listen to them. Their jerks trying to get a rise out of you, You guys didn’t do anything wrong or cause Lunar’s death” I said softly while I gently cup Moon’s cheek and carefully caressed them to show Moon that it was gonna be okay. The sad moon astral soon pulled back and looked at me with his teary eyes that I gently wiped away.

Moon POV:

Y/n being the sweet and caring human. They said sweet nothings and comforting words to help me calm down. Sun,Eclipse and I were honestly blessed to have Y/n in our current life. If it weren’t for them, No one would have gotten this close to us no matter what others could have done.

“I’m glad that you're our caretaker little comet” I said as y/n smiled that I always end up adoring. As I was finally about to calm down fully. Both y/n and I heard a door open as it caused me to become defensive while I held Y/n close to me. It was Sun and Eclipse chambers being open as I felt a gentle hand on my cheek again.

Y/N POV:

I placed my hand on Moon’s cold cheeks again to get him to relax. Hearing Sun’s and Eclipse’s chamber doors open did spook us both a bit but it was just them which was better than having the scientists around right now. Sun seeing the both of us quickly came over and hugged us as I was now squish between the two tall astral beings.

"What happened, we heard loud ruckus and screams" Sun said worryingly while Eclipse came over and placed his palm on both Moon's and Sun's shoulder. "Let's just say the scientists were trying to have a quick death with Moon here" I spoke as the three looked at me. Sun realized that he was squishing me as he pulled away a bit and gave me an apology look.

"What did they do to almost get themselves killed this time?" Eclipse asks in a curious tone as one of his secondary pairs of arms move to light play with my hair. "Do you want me to say it Moony?" I turned my attention to Moon as he shook his head and lightly nuzzled my cheek with his. Soon Moon handed me over to sun as he looked at both Sun and Eclipse with a hurtful look. “They spoke about Lunar..” Moon said in a rough voice as both Sun and Eclipse tense up quickly. “They said horrible things and then tried to blame us for his mysterious death, My anger got the better of me that I almost killed both the humans that came in today” Moon was starting to shake again this time both Sun and Eclipse was here an pulled him into a group hug as I yet again light place my hands against Moons cold cheeks.

Seeing how the three of them get let this cause the scientists even mentioning their lost kind. I felt helpless cause I want to help them have some kind of closure knowing their lost brother is no longer hurt. The best I could do is keep them company til I could find a way to set them free from this prison. Carefully moving as Sun looks and helps me stand up on his hand. I had Moon look at me with his sad eyes and lightly lean in and place a light kiss on his nose. Moon was surprised as I leaned back to look at him and the other’s.

“Everything will be okay, I will do everything I can to get you guys out of here one way or another”

I have a feeling Lunar is still here…Somewhere

#dca fandom #fnaf dca #dca au #eh sun #experiment sun #sundrop x reader #eh moon #moondrop #experiment moon #eh eclipse #eclipse x reader #experiment eclipse #experiment's hearts #eh #moondrop x reader #aus #fnaf sb #caretaker y/n #eh y/n

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serafiel-jacobs · 10 months ago

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Delusion (Fanfic)

One shot 💛

After Carlo dies, Geppetto slowly starts losing his sanity, desperately trying to put together the pieces of his fractured mind.

Geppetto was in a rush to get to the Monad Charity House, it was late, hoping he didn’t miss his son’s graduation, why does he always tend to prioritize his stupid job? This is so unfair to Carlo, he promised him yesterday he would be there on time, he even gave him that necklace as a promise.

He broke his promise.

He needs to find a way to make it up to him, he is always letting Carlo down, he needs to show him how he loves him no matter what, but first he needs to apologize.

When he gets there, something is wrong, terribly wrong, the police are there, there are doctors, he is desperately trying to get inside but they won’t let him. Geppetto starts shaking, people are coming out of the place in protected suits, and people are being carried away from the place, some barely alive, most dead, he starts praying, he has to see Carlo, he needs to see him again.

And he does, someone has his son in his arms and Geppetto feels despair, the body of his dead son is the last thing he sees before passing out.

——-

“Geppetto”

Someone is trying to talk with him, a coworker.

“I understand these past few months have been hard”

It’s hard to process to Geppetto what he is hearing, has it really been months? How many? One? Two?

“But it’s almost been half a year since Carlo died”

His heart sinks, Carlo is dead, his son is…. No, Carlo isn’t dead, his son isn’t gone, Carlo is-

“You have to pull yourself together, you are the director of the workshop union”

Geppetto’s mind can only understand bits and pieces from the conversation, something about the workplace, something about how he is supposed to be a leader, something about how others don’t think he can….

——

Antonia is staring at him strangely and he doesn’t understand why.

“Why is-“

His mind blocks the rest of the sentence, it’s something about Carlo’s funeral, the closed casket.

“Maybe it’s in my mind” Antonia whispered, “I could have sworn the casket sounded hollow”

Geppetto has a pounding headache, the body, there is no body because

Because

——-

He has the bottles in his hands, the liquids that were so hard for him to obtain, he had to make calls, he had to ask for favors. Geppetto hears a woman’s voice.

“Just in case you forget, I wrote down the specific use of each” She looks intrigued, “This project of yours must be secret but I just have to ask, why do you need the embalming fluid?”

Did he make an excuse? Or did he even respond to the question?

—-

Geppetto is crying and desperately apologizing over and over again to Carlo, he is promising he will help, that he will save him, that they can be a happy family, that he would be a good father, that he would do anything for him.

Carlo is holding his hand, Geppetto sees his son’s face, Carlo can’t speak but his brown eyes show a deep sadness, he is trying to tell him something, and Carlo is pleading with him. Pleading for what?

Geppetto doesn’t understand, what he does understand is that he made a promise to his son, and this time, he won’t break it.

—-

Venigni is trying to reassure him, both were spending time together, both of them were supposed to be relaxing.

“Please friend ignore those sorts of comments”

Did someone say something to him? Geppetto takes a sip of his drink, trying to remember what was said yet no matter how hard he tried he simply couldn’t.

“Just because you are a man that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to show emotions” Venigni asked to spend time with him; everything, everyone had become so overwhelming.

“I want you to know that-“

Venigni is trying again to reassure him, although Geppetto can’t listen to him, the only thing, the only one he has his mind is Carlo.

—-

Geppetto is lying on the couch of his home when he gets the first call.

Then another and another.

It’s his coworkers, it’s the police, the alchemists…

Everyone is frantic, they want answers, they don’t know how this happened, it makes no sense, the grand covenant was supposed to bind them, this should have never happened. They ask questions, questions that he can’t answer.

After all, he can’t remember why he started the frenzy.

—-

“I’m doing this for Carlo, I’m doing this for Carlo”

Geppetto hears the words frantically being spoken, but they aren’t coming out of his mouth this time. There are tears in Romeo’s eyes, he is gasping for air because of the pain. Geppetto is on autopilot, working on the body, the plan, the deal that was made.

Hours pass, the process is hard and complicated. Geppetto managed to do it, he managed to turn the young man into a puppet.

So he apologizes to Romeo.

Romeo feels agonizing pain, Geppetto keeps apologizing, Romeo grabs his hand and applies pressure, he is hurting him, he can feel one of his fingers being fractured, but Geppetto doesn’t complain, he deserves this, for being a horrible father, for being a horrible person.

Finally, Romeo lets go, looking at his body, looking at what he has become, then Geppetto pulls something out of his pocket, the pendant now in Romeo’s chest as he sets the necklace in place.

It’s the one he gave to his son, the one Carlo gave to Romeo. Geppetto knows that he deserves to have it more than him.

—-

He is knocking at Antonia’s doorstep in the middle of the night, obviously, she is confused at first, but then her expression changes to one of fear and worry.

“Geppetto what happened?!”

He told her it was an accident, that he was working with something at home and accidentally hurt himself. How he didn’t want to see a doctor or go to the hospital, they were all too busy with those with the petrification disease anyway.

She is helping her by disinfecting the cuts that are all over his left arm, and grabbing alcohol to wipe around the injuries.

“What exactly where you working on?”

Geppetto dances around the question, he makes excuses, and he tries for Antonia not to know the truth. Antonia already doesn't look very convinced.

The cuts look too clean, too methodical to be an accident, Antonia asked once more what occurred.

He lied to her like he has been lying to everyone all this time, how he lies to himself that he is fine.

——

Oh my God…. Carlo… what did I do to you?

His sweet son, his sweet boy is almost unrecognizable, tubes are coming out of his back, his skin is completely gray, and his face is.

His face is.

Carlo applies more force, his son has him pinned to the ground, he has something sharp in his hand. Carlo puts the blade in his neck, but Geppetto doesn’t try to fight back and doesn’t try to calm Carlo down.

The only thing he can do is apologize.

Carlo stops what he is doing, a tear falling from his deformed face, now Carlo is the one apologizing, but he is asking something out of his father.

“Father….”

Carlo’s voice is completely different, it’s raspy, it almost sounds like a scream, and it doesn’t sound like his son’s voice at all.

“Please… let me-“

No no no, he loves Carlo but he can’t do that, he can’t let him go, he can’t let him die again, he has to save him, he will save him.

—-

This is it, he is going to die, he locks himself in that carriage but with the weapon is only a matter of time before the stalker uses it to break the door and get to him.

That’s went suddenly he hears the sound of a battle outside, the stalker falling dead on the floor saying his last words. Geppetto comes out and looks at his son.

It’s Carlo, somehow he woke up in his new body, without the need for his help. The body he made for him so that he wouldn’t be in pain anymore, he only had to take part of his Ergo and put it inside the new heart.

Geppetto finally meets his son again, his precious son.

Whoever Geppetto can’t shake this strange feeling something is wrong, Carlo is smiling at him with his blue eyes, did Carlo have blue eyes? Why did I give him blue eyes?

Eyes like mine.

And freckles, Carlo didn’t have freckles, did he forget what his own son looks like?

Geppetto ignores those feelings in the back of his mind, he is just grateful that Carlo is safe and sound again, it’s hard but he has to ask a favor of him, but Carlo gives him a sweet smile and nods, like a good boy his son is eager to do what he tells him.

—-

Geppetto is preparing to leave for work while doing so, he can hear a few coworkers talking behind his back.

“Is he leaving work early again?”

“Apparently something reminded him of Carlo”

Geppetto is trying his hardest to pull himself together, trying to ignore them.

“Look I get that losing family is hard but come on, this is the third time this month he breaks down crying”

“I agree, he is a grown man, life is unfair he needs to get over it”

Lately, he has been hearing the same things, people starting to lose their respect for him, people who don’t want him to be the leader of the workshop union anymore.

The union he started, the union where he did everything to make it become the place it is, the factory that creates the puppets he invented, the ones that led Krat to an era of prosperity.

The union he hates, the work he despises. The worthless job that took his son away from him.

No, it’s all his fault, he is the one who prioritized it over Carlo, over his only son. The many goals he missed in his life, how he abandoned him at that boarding school, all because he is an idiot. What kind of worthless father puts his work over his family?

Not anymore, not ever again.

——

Geppetto feels the scythe up to his neck there is fire all around the stage, Carlo is hurt yet even then, he is desperately grabbing Romeo, begging him to stop.

“You are pathetic”

Romeo’s voice is back to normal, his glowing red eye fixed on him, he lowers the weapon, Pinocchio looks relieved and goes to his father's side.

Romeo’s words become incomprehensible again, this time because Geppetto’s mind is blocking them. The next thing he knows is that they are all back in Hotel Krat, everyone but his son is mad at him. It doesn’t matter, Geppetto fixes Romeo until his puppet body is back to normal, as normal as it can be in that condition.

Carlo is grabbing his long black hair, his son feeling tense, not used to everyone yelling, not understanding why everyone was so mad at his father.

Geppetto looks at Pinocchio, he tells him that he did something bad, something horrible. Pinocchio doesn’t care he hugs his father because he loves him.

Even if Geppetto knows doesn’t deserve that love.

—-

It’s not enough, it’s not enough Ergo.

He stole a good amount from the ones used at the factory. It’s not working, why isn’t it working?

Geppetto does the calculations again, he reads books and investigates the nature of Ergo. He needs more but how much more?

A ridiculous amount, an amount of Ergo he simply can’t get in his hands, dozens of people would have to die to get that much.

He looks at the black box, Carlo is resting in there, the box is special, he doesn’t remember how he did it but Carlo is no longer enraged, it’s almost as if his son is resting. Although Carlo can’t truly rest, the pain is too unbearable for his poor son.

The pain, what kind of father allows his son to be in pain? He can’t let Carlo suffer, he has failed his son so many times.

Geppetto has an idea, a horrible idea, he is ready, ready to set the entire world on fire if it’s necessary, the only one that truly matters is Carlo.

He asks his son for forgiveness again, then he asks God to forgive him as he activates Law 0.

——

Carlo returned with the painting in his hands. Geppetto had no idea the Black Rabbit Brotherhood had stolen it, he stared at the painting, he almost wanted to cry, he needed to stop crying he is a grown man, he can’t cry, specially not in front of his son, so he apologizes for getting sentimental.

He asks Pinocchio if there is something wrong, he doesn’t mean to make him feel uncomfortable. Geppetto knows that he has to be more careful, unlike Carlo, Pinocchio is a little sensitive, the only thing he does is end up worrying him too much.

Geppetto tells Carlo to be a good boy and to be careful out there, he can’t lose him, he can’t lose him again.

As Pinocchio is leaving, Geppetto looks at the painting, again this feeling that something is wrong comes back. He just spoke with his son, why does it feel odd? Why does it feel like…

——

Antonia looked furious at him, she wanted to have a word in private.

“I want to know what the hell you were thinking”

She isn’t shouting, her calm anger is somehow worse.

“I almost had a heart attack seeing him, why did you-“

Geppetto makes up an excuse, someone had to save everyone from this mess, someone had to save them from this mess. The mess he created.

Antonia looks away for a moment, she looks tired, and stressed, can anyone really blame her? She is dying.

“Geppetto are you okay?”

Her voice sounds sweet and caring, she wants to know the truth because she wants to help him.

Geppetto says he is fine, how many times has he lied to her by now?

—-

There is blood in Geppetto’s hands.

His blood.

How did this happen? Why did it happen?

He looks at his left arm, there are more cuts than before, this time Antonia would get too suspicious so he cleans himself, he cleans the mess he made. When he is done Geppetto goes to bed, in the morning he starts to get ready for work, he looks at his arm, there is something that wasn’t there before, words that were slashed in his skin.

Camille I’m…

He can’t make up the rest of the words, there are more cuts, and his arm now truly looks as if he suffered an accident, filled with wounds, his wrist red, black, and blue.

——

Geppetto is hugging his son tightly, he is shaking and crying, begging him for forgiveness.

Pinocchio looks at his father confused, not understanding what’s going on, not understanding what his father did wrong. He is saying that he is an awful father, that he is only making the same mistakes over and over again, how he loves him, how he wants him to be someone he isn’t.

Then Geppetto grabs his chest, a piercing pain he cannot handle, he falls onto the floor, his son is now the one who is crying shaking him because he doesn’t know what to do, that’s odd… he remembers Carlo once told him that they taught him how to do CPR at school, something they teach all stalkers in training.

Geppetto is gasping for air, the last thing he hears is his son screaming for help.

——

“Mr. Geppetto you had a heart attack”

He is in a hospital, he was brought here from his workplace.

“Thankfully you didn’t go into cardiac arrest, however, this is very serious”

The doctor asks him questions about his family’s medical history, and about how he has been feeling in the past few days.

“Well you are an older man and it seems likely that could be the cause, although it might be that external factors are making it worse, is there anything stressful in your life currently happening?”

Geppetto is a liar, a good liar, how can he not be after the many web of lies he has pulled? The doctor believes his lies and he is discharged from the hospital before they perform a full examination. Geppetto feels relieved, when he is home he touches his chest, then he looks at his left arm, the one they didn’t examine.

There is another message slit in his wrist, before he can read it he starts feeling exhausted, so he decides to go to bed and rest, he goes to his room, the box is in his bed, it’s a little hard sleeping next to it since it takes so much space, but not having Carlo by his side was killing him.

And now, his heart is killing him.

——

“Can you make them stop?”

Venigni was asking Geppetto to make the puppets stop the frenzy, so he did, it was very simple, only having to activate Law 0 and undue his command.

Romeo is watching from afar but looks away, he mainly stays away from everyone, he can’t look at anyone, specially not at Pinocchio.

“At least… at least the only thing to worry about now is the carcasses”

Venigni can’t look at Geppetto either, not after what his friend had done, Geppetto makes his way to leave, to be alone in that room as he had always been while staying inside Hotel Krat.

He barely talks to anyone, besides it’s not as if he deserves their compassion.

A few minutes pass before Venigni goes to see him. He is trying to talk with him, but this time Venigni is the one apologizing to him, saying that he should have seen how much pain he was in, saying that he should have helped him when he was at his lowest.

Geppetto doesn’t respond, he can’t respond, his mind is somewhere else, his sanity completely fractured, Venigni gets closer to him, asking if he is okay, then he tells him not to answer that because it’s a stupid question since he is clearly not okay.

Like the liar he is Geppetto does respond and tells Venigni that he is okay, it’s a stupid lie, an obvious lie, and Venigni and everyone else can see it.

Venigni looks away again, Geppetto can tell that Venigni feels helpless, that he doesn’t know what to do to help him.

His friend can’t help him, it’s too late for that.

——

Geppetto is trapped in that cell, Simon had come to see him, to try and gloat about his victory, to mock him.

“Are you even listening to me?”

Simon looks annoyed at first, but he stares at Geppetto who is in a terrible state, Geppetto is on autopilot, living because he has to, talking because he has to, and nothing he does feels natural anymore.

“How unfortunate, Geppetto the genius inventor losing his mind”

Simon is now smiling, he opens the cell, and with confidence he makes his way to Geppetto and grabs his shoulders with force, making direct eye contact.

“Your son is dead Geppetto, and it’s all your fault”

Geppetto breaks down crying, Simon looks happy, he mocks him again, he doesn’t stop. He reminds Geppetto of every time he could have spent with his son, every achievement he missed.

The graduation he missed.

“You could at the very least have died with him, what kind of father doesn’t go to his son’s graduation?”

Simon lets go of him, and Geppetto covers his face with his hands sobbing, completely breaking down. Completely defeated, Simon is right, the man who killed his son by spreading that disease is right.

—-

Geppetto is lying in one of the couches of Hotel Krat. He is too exhausted to open his eyes, still, he hears what everyone else is saying, Carlo is thanking Romeo, apparently, he was the one to save his life.

“Hey it’s okay, please don’t cry”

Pinocchio is sobbing, Romeo is reassuring him, trying to make him feel better. That’s why they are best friends, Geppetto knows how Romeo always stood by Carlo’s side. Pinocchio then asks why Romeo hates his father, and why he is always so cold towards him. Geppetto can hear Romeo give out a sigh.

“I can’t even hate your father anymore, I just… I just pity him”

Pinocchio doesn’t understand why, everything is overwhelming him, everything is too much, he barely understands the world around him, barely understands what’s happening most of the time and he always has to go outside to fight, to save everyone because no one else can.

“Even if your father is sick, he loves you, like he loved-“

Geppetto’s mind can’t hear that last sentence. He opens his eyes, is exhausted, and looks at both of them, his son going to his side, his son kneeling next to him, Carlo making direct eye contact as Geppetto gently touches his son’s face.

“Pinocchio I’m…”

He wants to say he is sorry however Geppetto then gasps for air, the pain in his chest starting to come back. Everyone is rushing to his side, everyone wants to help him, help a monster like him who caused so much pain to others.

——

Geppetto can hear the elevator descending, his son making his way towards him.

Carlo has his pinned to the ground again, he opened the box, he shouldn’t have, opening it only made Carlo be in pain. Carlo is asking why he is stuck in the past, why he can’t move on, and why he always says the same things. How everything his father says doesn’t make sense anymore.

Everything sounds like a broken record, everyone lives until they go away and the truth is he doesn’t know anything.

Not anymore.

It’s him who says the same thing over and over again, why does he beg for forgiveness if he doesn’t deserve it?

Geppetto can see the arm of god on the floor, he stares at Carlo more closely, did he use it on himself? His son no longer looks disfigured, he looks like a normal corpse, the same way as the day he died, no, he doesn't look the same, his limbs are still mechanical, at least… at least looks somewhat normal again.

Still, that doesn’t satisfy Geppetto, he needs to have his son back, his real boy.

“I want to die”

This time, his brain doesn’t block out his son’s words. Carlo asks why, why he did all of this, why he can’t simply let him be at peace. What the hell in the world does he want from him?

“I don’t want the world” Geppetto’s voice doesn’t feel like his voice anymore, it sounds hollow, devoid of life, “I just want you back”

——

Geppetto hears purring, he looks up to see Spring sitting at his desk, the cat staring at him curiously.

He isn’t a cat person, still he pets the small animal who rubs her head in his hand. The cat’s head is now stained with his blood.

His arm is dripping blood, when did he hurt himself again? This is bad, he grabs something to clean up the cat, and it somehow works, looking like a strange stain, hopefully, everyone would think she got dirty wandering around.

As for his arm, he washes it and changes his bloody shirt. He takes a look at his arm, he can no longer recognize it, he remembers years ago at the factory, someone had an accident and their arm looked sort of like how he does now. Completely filled with cuts, slashes, and bruises, most parts of it are black, the necrosis taking a tool on his body.

Geppetto stares at the arm, and the first message he ever wrote to himself is now completely unrecognizable, as for the second one, he tries really hard and makes the words out, or rather, makes the word out.

Help.

—-

He is at a work meeting, and all the high-ranking members of the union are there, all of them speaking to him, he has known them for many years but at this moment he can't recognize their voices, he can't tell who is who anymore.

“Geppetto we are very concerned about your health, considering the previous event”

Geppetto assures them that he is fine, that he can work perfectly fine.

“I know you think you can, let’s be realistic, you can’t”

The words cut like a dagger, and Geppetto stays quiet.

“We think it’s best if you were to retire early”

Geppetto wants to speak up this time, but he cannot because he is interrupted.

“Please don’t try to argue against this decision, Geppetto you have to be honest here”

No, he is capable of doing this, he can-

“Also we wouldn’t want to you know… affect more your state of mind”

He isn't crazy, he hasn’t lost his mind, he is okay, he can work perfectly fine, he can bring Carlo back. So he tries to argue against this.

“Oh for the love of God, Geppetto you have to resign, we can’t have the leader of our union breaking down over every small detail that might even remind him of his son, Carlo is dead, move on already!”

There is shouting directed at the man who said those words, “You didn’t have to say it like that”; “You didn’t didn’t have to be so blunt”; “You didn’t have to be so harsh, think of his heart”

Geppetto says how he understands, they looked relieved, almost as if they all had wanted to say the same thing. There is an agreement, that he will resign willingly by the end of the month.

He is getting ready to leave, when he is by the front door one of his coworkers stops him.

“Geppetto wait before you go, we just realized a shipment of Ergo is missing can you-“

He leaves, he doesn’t care anymore, it’s not like they will find out it was him, plus they are already firing him, this job isn’t worth it anymore and Carlo needs more Ergo to survive.

——

The door of the cell is being opened, his son is here to rescue him. Frantically asking him if he is okay, hugging him tightly and Geppetto hugs his son back.

Geppetto asks if he is a good father, and the boy says yes, he says that no matter what he will always love him. Then he starts shaking him, he starts asking him what’s wrong if his heart hurts again.

“Who are you?” Geppetto doesn’t know who he is speaking with anymore, this is his son but what is his son’s name?

“Father it’s me!” His son says frantically, “It’s me P-“

Carlo looks strange, why is his hair white?

Geppetto knows he is getting old, although he should be able to recognize his son by this age, it should take at least a few more years before he truly starts to lose his memory. Carlo tells him he should rest, that there is a stargazer nearby, and that he should go back to Hotel Krat.

He can’t go back to Hotel Krat, Geppetto knows that Pinocchio is worried but there is one last thing he must do, he has to grab the black box, he has to free Carlo from this nightmare.

—-

Antonia told him to come downstairs, and that she needed to speak with him. This time she is tired, she demands an answer, a real answer, and doesn’t tolerate Geppetto’s lies, she wants to know the truth. Yes, she blames herself for not reaching out more, however, Geppetto didn’t make anything better by constantly lying about his feelings. Now he is lying again when everyone knows that he is an emotional mess. Antonia starts getting desperate, and angry and asks him if he is truly happy with himself with this delusional web of lies.

“I haven’t been happy one fucking minute of my life since Carlo died”

Antonia is speechless, she had never heard Geppetto curse, much less at her. Now she feels guilty, guilty because knowing the truth was only making things worse for Geppetto. She tried speaking to him again but he ignored her, he went back upstairs. Refusing to talk with anyone, he has to push them away.

Despite his love for Carlo the only thing he did was hurt him, they don’t understand, and he has to push them away, he doesn’t want their care, he doesn’t want them near him. He doesn’t want anyone he loves to suffer again because of him.

They don’t need me here.

—-

“Son, I know you are there”

Pinocchio was outside the Opera House, he was going towards the stargazer when he saw his father staring at the statue outside the place, Pinocchio decided to hide to see what his father was doing, unfortunately, it didn’t work.

The clouds in the sky began to look gray, drops of water going around with the humid air.

Pinocchio got closer to his father, he couldn't tell if there were tears on his face or if it was the drops of rain.

“Do you miss her?”

His father asked, Pinocchio looked uncomfortable, he had read the inscription in the statue before.

“No, you don’t miss her, you’ve never met her”

Pinocchio faintly smiled, his father remembering he wasn’t his brother, the boy grabbed his father’s hand; his father looked confused, Pinocchio touched the stargazer to bring him back to Hotel Krat, it was not safe there for him.

—-

Geppetto stole the artifact, the arm of god.

The alchemists underestimated him, he now had everything in place, the P organ to collect Ergo, the hand to bring him back as he was before, and the puppet.

Geppetto knows that puppets tend to awake to their previous self with the Ergo used, he wanted to make Carlo comfortable so he made the puppet body exactly like his.

The only thing missing was what he needed to make modifications to the heart, the automaton police offer was the key, he just needed to get there and use Law 0 to break him apart and get what he needed.

He turns to look at him, resting in peace in that chair, he gently touches his son’s face and promises he will be back.

As Geppetto is walking away, he can’t help but wonder what would happen if he used the arm on Carlo’s real body now, could that ease the pain? Could that make him look somewhat normal?

No, he has to be methodical, all of this has to be perfect, according to plan.

——

“Father please don’t die, please don’t die!”

Carlo has his hands on his chest, giving him chest compressions, Geppetto can see Pinocchio right behind him, kneeling next to him, his son is… praying, he didn’t know Pinocchio knew how to pray.

Geppetto fully gains consciousness, despite that, he feels an impending sense of doom, his time has finally come to an end. Carlo is apologizing for getting mad, saying that he didn’t mean to, saying that he does love him, Pinocchio is saying that he loves him as well, that he doesn’t want to lose him either, too many have died, and he can’t die as well.

“Pinocchio… Carlo…” Geppetto struggles to get the words out, “I… love you both… please…”

One last time, one last apology, “I’m… sorry”

Geppetto gives out his final breath, the last thing he ever sees, the last true memory of his fractured mind is his Ergo being split in half as it floats towards each of his sons, their P organs absorbing it, as each of his sons hold him in their arms together. His other senses begin to die as well, his body becoming cold and weak, the numbness, his heart taking his final beats.

In the end, only his hearing remains and he hears those last words, words that he doesn’t deserve from them.

Their forgiveness.

#lies of p #lop #liesofp #lies of p game #lies of p fanfic #ao3 link #this is in ao3 too #lies of p geppetto #lies of p pinocchio #lies of p carlo #lies of p romeo #lies of p venigni #lies of p antonia #lies of p simon

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pearlsephoni · 1 year ago

Text

Coffee for Two

Can also be read on AO3!

Rating: T

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Pairing: Iwaoi (Iwaizumi/Oikawa); mentioned Sakuatsu (Sakusa/Atsumu)

Characters: Tooru Oikawa, Hajime Iwaizumi, Atsumu Miya

Word Count: 5.1k

Summary: Tooru Oikawa's work as a barista is simply a means to an end until he joins the V.League. The last thing he needs is a secret admirer leaving presents around the café and making him look forward to this cursed job.

A/N: Written for @/Katefacee on AO3 as part of the HQ Valentine’s Day Exchange over on Twitter! This was originally published on AO3 on February 14th.

“Kawa-kuuuuun— Woah, what’s wrong with you?”

Tooru lifted his head from the counter and blinked at his coworker. “Look who decided to come in.”

“Huh?” Atsumu breezed into the backroom of the cafe, the small space letting the metallic slide of his coat on a hook and the rustle of him tying his apron reach Tooru at the cash register. “I told ya I’d be late today. Got it approved and everything.”

“It seems awfully convenient that you couldn’t make it to your only opening shift this month.”

“Awww, don’t be bitter, Tooru-chan.” Atsumu joined him at the register with a pat on his shoulder. It was deeply frustrating, how good he still looked despite coming straight-in from the cold. The wind had artfully tousled his bleached hair and left his cheeks looking nice and rosy. It only made Tooru more self-conscious of his own hair, left unstyled and frizzy in his rush to get to the cafe on time.

“You left me to open alone. Let me be bitter.”

“Fine, fine.” In his own version of an apology, Atsumu began restocking the fridges and re-brewing coffee for the canisters, letting Tooru continue to lay on the cashier counter. “How was opening?”

“A group of moms going on a biking trip came in. They all wanted frappes and breakfast sandwiches.”

“Jesus.” Tooru smiled into the granite at the sound of the blenders getting rinsed out as well. “Well, here comes yer favorite. If that’ll help.”

It was a taunt. Tooru knew it was a taunt. But that didn’t stop from him shooting upright and dragging his fingers through his messy waves just as the door opened with a jingle. “Good morning, Iwa-chan!”

He looked dead on his feet, poor thing. Tooru would’ve felt bad about taking comfort in that, if Iwaizumi hadn’t still looked devastatingly gorgeous. Even with dark circles under his heavy-lidded eyes, he took Tooru’s breath away, all tan skin and strong muscles and messy hair that he wanted to run his fingers through and get even messier. His frown at Tooru’s nickname made him even hotter, all serious and brooding. “I told you not to call me that.”

“But it’s cute! Just like you!”

Those hazel eyes widened a bit at that, and his ears turned a sweet pink. “Can I at least have some caffeine before you start annoying me?”

“So mean, Iwa-chan,” Tooru said with a pout, already finishing up with putting in his order. “Want anything to eat? We got more egg white sandwiches in yesterday.”

Iwaizumi blinked. “Maybe later.”

“Oooh, are you sticking around today? Midterms already?” He only got a groan and an adjusted backpack in response. “Can I help with anything?”

“Want to write my kinesiology lab report?”

“I meant with coffee.”

Iwaizumi snorted, the corner of his lips ticking up just enough to make Tooru feel proud, before wordlessly handing over some cash. “You can keep the change,” he said, “for a tip.”

If he kept this up, Tooru was going to reach across the counter and pull him into a kiss.

Atsumu stayed suspiciously quiet the whole time, only piping up with a chipper, “Here ya go!” as he handed Iwaizumi his drink: a black coffee with a single pump of vanilla. He finally broke his silence once Iwaizumi got settled into his regular spot at the booth in the far corner. “I still don’t know why he, as a senior, is getting a coffee everyday when it’s such a simple drink.”

“Maybe he just wants to see me!” He grinned at Atsumu, waiting for him to roll his eyes and give him snark for his “misplaced confidence.”

But instead, the blonde just hummed noncommittally, still watching Iwaizumi as he blearily unpacked his laptop and notebooks. “...Tsumu-chan?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, maybe.”

Cool, so he definitely wasn’t listening. Tooru would forgive him, if only because he was now restocking the breakfast sandwiches. If Tooru had to handle a bagel within the next hour, he would be making sure the knife was sinking into anything but a bagel.

Shifts with Atsumu usually passed like this: bickering punctuated with silent acts of help. Tooru opened by himself, and Atsumu cleaned up the carnage when he clocked in. Atsumu prepared the sandwiches, and Tooru refreshed the food displays and wiped down the unoccupied tables.

And all the while, Iwaizumi worked in his corner, frowning at his laptop and shuffling through the growing piles of notes that migrated from his backpack. Sometimes he had his headphones on, especially when it was a busier day. Other times, like when there weren’t many other customers lingering, he was happy with nodding his head to the cafe music. Tooru wasn’t sure if it was just a happy coincidence that Iwaizumi usually nodded along with his playlists, but he’d take any wins he could.

“D’you need me to move?”

Tooru looked up from a stubborn stain on a table to see Iwaizumi looking at him. “Hm? Oh, no, that’s fine! Tsumu-chan can wipe down your table after you leave.”

Iwaizumi’s brow creased, but he just nodded and watched him silently for a moment, before muttering, “Do you ‘-chan’ for everyone, or just people you like annoying?”

Another glance up showed Tooru a tiny curve to Iwaizumi’s lips, which brought a gleeful smile to his own. “Nah, just people I like annoying. That means I actually like you!”

Did Iwaizumi always blush and frown like that whenever someone flirted with him? How did he get through the day like that? Surely a ton of people flirted with him, right? “Lucky me,” Iwaizumi mumbled, turning stolidly back to his laptop…only to look back up at Tooru. “Wait, how many hours have you been working today?”

“Awww, Iwa-chan, you’re worried about me?” Tooru snickered at the deepening frown he’d earned himself. “Don’t worry, I’ll be done in an hour.”

For some reason, instead of the relief he was expecting, Iwaizumi looked a little nervous. “Oh. Alright.” He slid his headphones on before Tooru could ask any questions. Weird.

Weirder still was the thoughtful expression on Atsumu’s face when Tooru returned behind the counter. “Tsumu-chan? Whatcha looking at?”

When Atsumu met his eyes, Tooru was startled to recognize a strange mix of glee, confusion, apprehension, and suspicious, all melting together in his warm eyes. “I’ll tell ya, but you have to promise you won’t freak out.”

“That is the best way to guarantee that I will freak out.”

“Then I’m not tellin’ ya.”

“Wha— why? Tell me!”

“No!”

“Bye.”

“Tsu— wait, Iwa—!” Too late. In the time that Tooru had finished cleaning up and gotten back behind the counter, Iwaizumi had packed up his things, thrown away his trash, and slipped out of the cafe. “You made me miss saying goodbye!” he whined at Atsumu. “Now you have to tell me!”

“Oh please, like ya won’t get another chance tomorrow,” Atsumu scoffed. He rolled his eyes, but he also finally let Tooru get his hands on the mysterious item.

It was…an envelope. An envelope with his name neatly written across it, correct characters and all. “...What?”

“Yep.” Atsumu popped the “p” with flair.

“Where did you find this?”

“By the granola bar basket. Open it, I wanna see what’s inside!”

Tooru glowered at Atsumu as his fingers moved to obey him, carefully tearing open the top of the envelope. Inside were some carefully pressed autumn leaves and a short note, written in the same neat writing on a small, blue piece of notebook paper.

For the best barista in town. I saw you collecting some leaves the other day. I don’t know what you need them for, but here are more for your collection.

“Wait.” Tooru flipped the paper over and saw only empty lines. “Wait. There’s no name!”

“Holy shit,” Atsumu breathed, his confusion giving way to delight, “you’ve got yerself a secret admirer! And he gave ya…leaves?”

“My secret admirer knows me better than my coworker,” Tooru sniffed as though his cheeks weren’t growing warm. “I’ll have you know I’ve been collecting some to decorate my apartment!”

“Okay…why does he know that?”

“He doesn’t, he says so in the note— hold on! How do you know they’re a ‘he’? They could be a girl! Guys don’t usually notice stuff like that.”

“Sure, usually. But for a crush? Absolutely. Besides…” Atsumu turned away to finish refilling the fridge. “Girls tend to be less shy about sentimental stuff like this. If they make you a present, they’ll give it to ya personally. Guys, though…they get embarrassed by any advances that aren’t just…askin’ ya out.”

“Speaking from experience?”

“Don’t throw stones from a glass house, Tooru-kun~” Atsumu shot Tooru a blithe smile. “Now put that stuff away and get back to work.”

“So unromantic,” Tooru scoffed, “no wonder your boyfriend’s so scary.”

“I heard that!”

☙❧

Tooru knew, objectively, that he had it good. He was the shining star of the collegiate leagues, poised to receive multiple Division 1 offers once he graduated. As the starting setter of the university team, he could work towards any degree he wanted while resting assured that he would earn the career of his dreams. Every time Iwaizumi spent an entire day frowning at his laptop and nodding off over his notes, Tooru felt a burst of gratitude for his own circumstances.

Even the cafe wasn’t so bad. Sure, most days he had to bite his tongue so hard, he nearly tasted blood. But at least he didn’t hate his coworkers, and he had a finish line in sight: he would graduate in March, sign on to one of the teams that sent him offers, and leave behind this university and this cafe, never to be seen again. And until then, he had occasional presents from his secret admirer to look forward to—just the week before, he’d gotten pressed marigolds to add to his autumn decor, along with a sports energy drink powder packet to help him “stay upright when you’re overworking yourself.” But all the little perks and presents in the world couldn’t ease the horror of—

“Oh my god, Christmas is next week.”

Atsumu shot him a bemused look. “Yeah? I just told ya all about my plans with Omi. Weren’t ya listening?”

“It’s next week?” Tooru repeated, ignoring the question.

“Yer such a jerk! I was so excited, and you just ignored me?”

“Tsumu-chan.” Tooru pushed himself off the counter to take Atsumu by the shoulders. “I love you—”

“No, ya don’t!”

“—but if I have to listen to someone’s romantic plans with their romantic partners, I will be walking into the sea.”

An abashed wrinkle came to the corner of Atsumu’s eye, though that didn’t make him stop pouting. “We’re not close to the ocean.”

“How is that what you—”

“Morning.”

Tooru whirled towards the entrance (definitely not with a squeak, thank you very much), and felt the clouds around his head disperse at the sight of Iwaizumi. “Iwa-chan! Hello!” He had to fight to not skip to the register, ignoring Atsumu’s quiet scoff. “Is it still morning?”

With a small frown that made him look unbearably cute, Iwaizumi pulled out his phone and squinted at the time. “It’s not noon yet.”

“...You’re kidding.”

“Why would I kid about that?”

“I still have four hours here?”

“...Ah.” Tooru couldn’t believe what he was seeing: a small, sympathetic smile softening Iwaizumi’s weary features. “Did you open again?”

He didn’t often ask after Tooru, mostly because Tooru was more than happy to offer his own unsolicited updates. But he always remembered the smallest details, and when he did ask, his quiet concern always made Tooru’s chest feel warm. “Yeah,” he sighed, feeling the corner of his lips tick up despite himself, “but it’s alright. Seeing you makes it worth it.”

It really was worth it, especially to see Iwaizumi’s eyes widen and ears flush that sweet pink again. “...Can I have my coffee now?”

“Already on it!” Atsumu called.

Iwaizumi’s ears stayed pink as he paid and rounded the counter to the pick up area. The color only ebbed away when he accepted his drink from Atsumu, much to Tooru’s quiet satisfaction. “Here ya go!” Atsumu cheerfully announced.

“Thanks.”

“Hey, Iwa-kun?”

Iwaizumi stuttered to a halt and turned just enough to pin Atsumu under a small, confused frown. “Yeah?”

“I’m feelin’ nosy about our favorite regular.” His smile stayed blithe, even as Iwaizumi’s eyes flickered towards Tooru and his ears warmed again. “D’ya have any plans for Christmas yet?”

“Don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“Oh, I’m not asking for myself! Just curious, thas’all.”

“Oh…then…not really.”

“Aw, what a shame,” Atsumu hummed, with a smile that said quite the opposite.

“...I guess.” With a last quick glance at Tooru, Iwaizumi adjusted his backpack and made his way to his regular spot. When he was safely tucked into his seat and had his headphones settled over his ears, Tooru landed a backhanded smack to Atsumu’s arm.

“Ow, what the hell?”

“That’s my question!” Tooru hissed. “What the hell was that?”

“Oh please, don’t act like you weren’t wondering,” Atsumu scoffed, rolling his eyes even as he rubbed at his arm. “I did you a favor.”

“Being embarrassed by the world’s most obvious wingman is not a favor!” Never mind that a knot he hadn’t noticed in his stomach had loosened the moment Iwaizumi reluctantly admitted he didn’t have Christmas plans. No Christmas plans meant no partner meant Tooru could continue crushing on him guiltlessly, even if he still needed to scrape together the courage to actually…do anything about his crush. It wasn’t fair, how much harder it got to flirt the more he actually liked a person.

“Oh, quit moping.” Tooru squawked from under the hand ruffling his hair. “Just cuz ya don’t have plans doesn’t mean all hope is lost! You might get another gift from your secret admirer!”

“Shut up!”

Too late. Tooru didn’t miss the way Iwaizumi went still for a breath, eyes flickering towards the counter, before snapping back to his laptop.

“Nah, don’t worry. I still think it’s him.”

“Well, I don’t,” Tooru grumbled, letting the top of the coffee grinder drop with a dulled clang over new beans. “If Iwa-chan liked me, he would say something. He wouldn’t jump through all these hoops.”

“Fer chrissake.”

Tooru wasn’t sure why, out of everything about the strange secret admirer situation, Atsumu was so stubborn in his belief that Iwaizumi was the one behind the gifts. Iwaizumi didn’t do secret gifts and notes. He certainly didn’t do pressed leaves and flowers and sports energy drink powder packets.

Okay, maybe he did the last thing. But still. If he’d wanted to give them to Tooru, he would’ve just…handed them over. The sad thing was, as much as Tooru wanted to relish the feeling of having a secret admirer, any happiness he felt was tinged with a bitter disappointment that the gifts weren’t coming from Iwaizumi.

At least he could keep enjoying the view. Iwaizumi only stayed for a few hours—“Practice is earlier today.”—but in those few hours, he kept standing and stretching a bit before sitting back down to work some more. Something about not wanting to stay seated for too long because it’d be bad for his muscles. Tooru couldn’t quite recall the reason, but he could say that he was in full agreement. Anything to let him continue playing witness to the bulge of Iwaizumi’s bicep and deep sigh he let out as he stretched his shoulders.

“One more hour,” Tooru finally sighed, rolling his neck and shoulders during a brief lull in customers.

“Congratulations,” Atsumu muttered with a wry grin. “Any plans for the rest of the day?”

“I’m going home and taking a nice nap before practice.” He noticed a flicker of movement from the corner of his eye and looked up in time to see Iwaizumi making his way to the bathroom.

“God, yer like a prairie dog.”

Tooru frowned at Atsumu. “I’m sorry, we can’t all have some weird enemies-to-lovers thing in high school. Some of us have to make do with sad little crushes.”

“You said it, not me.”

Tooru only dignified his coworker with a stuck-out tongue as he made his shift drink. If he were totally honest, he did feel a prick of jealousy for the way Atsumu had met his boyfriend: years in high school pining away, until they found out they would be attending the same university, playing on the same collegiate team. The thought of holding back his feelings on a daily basis, instead of at infrequent tournaments and training camps made Atsumu pop his secrecy like a balloon and blurt out his feelings. By some miracle, Sakusa had felt the same, and the rest was history.

Meanwhile, Tooru had spent high school thinking he was straight and dating his way through girls who didn’t understand his devotion to volleyball. He didn’t realize he was bisexual until college, which meant his lame gay puppy crush was happening just as he entered his 20s instead of his teens. And he hated it. He hated feeling like this, so easily flustered and pining and hoping something would change without actually doing anything to change things himself.

“Leavin’ already, Iwa-kun?”

Tooru’s head snapped up to see Iwaizumi frozen in the middle of sliding his laptop into his backpack. “Ah…yeah. Practice is soon.”

“Want a snack before ya go? Kawa here loves the peppermint brownie!”

“Tsumu, you snitch!” Tooru gasped, secretly preening under Iwaizumi’s soft scoff and softer grin. “Now he’s not going to think I’m a big serious volleyball player!”

“The occasional brownie won’t ruin your playing,” Iwaizumi reassured him in a flat voice. “But I shouldn’t, not right before practice. Maybe next time.”

“I’ll have a nice and warm one ready for you!” Tooru called after him as he left the cafe.

“Maybe yer right.” He turned to see Atsumu shaking his head at him. “Maybe it’s not him. With how obvious you are, he’d have no reason to feel nervous about askin’ ya out.”

Tooru didn’t have any comeback besides narrowed eyes and a muttered, “I’m going to restock the coffee and not think about the injustice of you having Christmas plans.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Tooru hauled the box of coffee bean bags to the cafe’s merchandise shelf and began refilling the lines of beans. Arabica, French Roast, Peppermint Hot Chocolate, Espresso—

Wait, what?

His eyes snapped back to the packet that they had just scanned over. Sure enough, it was a little white paper packet with green lettering, clearly taken from a larger box of hot chocolate. The lettering promised peppermint hot chocolate “with real peppermint crumbles!” And next to the packet was a now-familiar envelope, holding a now-familiar slip of blue notebook paper with now-familiar neat writing.

You really like candy canes. I don’t really see the appeal of mint, but my roommate swears by this hot chocolate around Christmas, so I asked if I could take a packet. Maybe this will become a favorite of yours, too.

“Tooru-kun? Why’d you stop?”

His head shot up, and he was mortified to realize that his eyes were stinging with the threat of grateful tears. “Nothing, just…found something.” The sound of a gasp made him grin as he hurried through the rest of the stock and returned behind the counter.

“Lemme see, lemme see!”

Tooru skirted Atsumu's grabby hands to present the note over his head. "Behold! A Christmas prese— hey!"

Atsumu reached up and plucked the note out of Tooru's hand to coo over it. "Awww he—

"They."

"—noticed yer favorite candy? And robbed his roommate for ya? That's so romantic!"

"...Robbery is romantic?"

"Sure! I stole Samu's shirts for my first coupla dates with Omi!"

"...Huh. Well, my admirer specifically said they asked their roommate, so…wait, that's not the point!" Tooru sputtered. “The point is that they’re observant and sweet about it, and they don’t expect any congratulations for it, they just want to spread a little happiness, and…”

His words faded as he stared at the note, noticing something for the first time: a slight smudge to the otherwise-neat letters, as though something had brushed the still-drying ink. It looked an awful lot like his admirer was left-handed.

Iwaizumi was left-handed.

No. No. He couldn’t let himself hope. Iwaizumi didn’t even know about how much he liked peppermint until today, thanks to Atsumu’s blatant wingmanning. No amount of wishful thinking and Atsumu’s conspiracies would make it any more likely for Iwaizumi to be the secret admirer.

That’s what he told himself, at least. If his mind still lingered over all the possible “what if”s, well…nobody’s perfect.

☙❧

Against all odds, Tooru made it past Christmas and New Year’s unscathed. It helped that he was forced to work less during that holiday week, though for once, he found himself wishing he could be back at the cafe when he was stuck at home. He loved spending the New Year with his family, but he couldn’t help wondering what, if any, presents his admirer might have left him.

Never mind the fact that the gifts had stopped while Iwaizumi was out of town. Correlation did not mean causation…or something like that.

He didn’t fully realize how much he’d come to look forward to the gifts until mid-January, when he arrived to work on a Saturday afternoon and was presented with a tiny gift bag dangling off of Atsumu’s finger. “Awwww, Atsu-chan! I didn’t get you anything.”

Atsumu rolled his eyes. “You know this isn’t from me.”

“Then who—? Oh!” Tooru snatched the bag off of Atsumu’s finger and peered inside. He found a red good luck charm and, sure enough, a slip of blue notebook paper.

Happy New Year. It’s a bit late, but I hope this can bring you some luck this year. Honestly, you won’t need it for V.League try-outs. You’ll be the best setter they’ve ever seen.

“Why’re ya crying? What’d the bastard say?!”

“These are happy tears, you idiot,” Tooru laughed, hastily wiping his tears away. “He…he knows I’ll be going to V.League try-outs this year. How does he know that?”

“I knew it! You said ‘he’! D’you admit that yer admirer’s Iwaizumi?”

Heat rushed to Tooru’s cheeks when he met Atsumu’s knowing, glinting eyes. “N-no! Not necessarily…”

“Right. And the fact that he came in this morning is just coincidence,” Atsumu said with a snort. “He looked mighty disappointed to find me here alone, by the way. Not that that has anything to do with anything.”

“Shut up!” Tooru shoved at Atsumu’s shoulder with a helpless laugh.

He would never admit it out loud, but Atsumu’s theory was proving to be more and more likely. The thought was thrilling and terrifying all at once. Here he was, so impossibly close to the two things he wanted most: a place on a Division One team, and Iwaizumi. At least the V.League was something he’d been working toward for most of his life.

Iwaizumi, though…he could only call upon luck and the other man’s feelings. Tooru was so close, the clues were lining up so well, that the thought of his guess being wrong made his stomach twist into knots. If his admirer wasn’t Iwaizumi, then this whole endeavor would become incredibly disappointing for both himself and whoever his admirer did turn out to be.

As the gifts continued, they began to show hints of the admirer: a favorite candy, the flavors of sports drinks that he avoided, a mention of his mother’s cooking.

Then, a week before Valentine’s Day, Tooru found a Vabo-chan keychain with a note tied to it like a carrier pigeon.

I don’t know if you have plans for Valentine’s Day. If you do, then I’m so sorry if these trinkets have made you uncomfortable at all.

If you don’t, and you would like to spend it with me, could you leave a note here with your answer? You can accept or reject me, but either way, I’d like to know. I don’t want any chocolates to go to waste.

Chocolates…chocolates on Valentine’s Day. Usually girls gave chocolates on Valentine’s Day. Was his guess wrong? Was his admirer in fact a young woman and not the young man he’d been yearning after for the past year?

He shook himself out of that spiral. Whoever his admirer turned out to be, he knew one things for certain: he wanted to meet them.

And so, with a piece of plain white lined paper torn out of his Spanish notebook, he followed the instructions and left a note in return, for the first time in the months that he’d been receiving gifts.

I’d love to~ I close on Valentine’s Day, but we’ll be closing a few hours earlier for the holiday. You come here often enough to leave all these presents, so…I’ll see you here?

Two days later, he found a slip of blue paper with five short words.

Yeah. I’ll see you then.

“Holy shit,” he whispered at the paper. “I have a valentine.”

☙❧

Valentine's Day found Tooru breaking one of his cardinal rules of fashion: he was wearing his favorite dark jeans to work, putting them at risk of coffee stains. But he also had a chance at breaking a years-long streak of being single on the holiday, so screw it. He deserved to break a rule.

"The second yer done with dishes, ya have to change out of your work shirt," Atsumu reminded him for the umpteenth time that shift.

"I know, Mom."

"Snark all ya want, it's not gonna be my fault if yer valentine sees ya in the orange monstrosity before ya even leave for yer date." Atsumu fell silent, eyes widening in horror. "Oh my god," he whispered, "I really do sound like my mom."

As nagging as his coworker was, Tooru immediately missed his distracting presence when he was left alone for the last hour of business. He nearly dropped the espresso cups at least three times while making orders in that hour, and as soon as he locked the doors and flicked off the cheery neon "Open" sign, he moved faster than ever before through the closing procedures.

Once the meeting time rolled around, Tooru had not only changed into his teal shirt and gray cardigan, but he'd also had the chance to fix his hair in the cafe bathroom.

All that preparation, and he still jolted at the sound of a light knock at the front door. He peeked out from the backroom at the glass door, his heart swelling with joy as soon as he made out the person outside.

There, looking like a dream in black slacks and a green button-down that brought out the olive tones in his eyes, stood Hajime Iwaizumi. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and he fiddled with a small gift bag as he stared up at the sky. Tooru could tell he had tried and failed to tame his messy hair, the strands already springing out of the soft combover he'd attempted.

Happiness and anxiety unlike anything he'd felt before swirled in Tooru's stomach as he made his way through the store and flicked off the lights on his way to the door. Iwaizumi had looked at the door when the lights started switching off, giving Tooru the unique pleasure of gazing into those lovely eyes as he unlocked the door.

Iwaizumi backed away from the door to give Tooru space to open and lock it from outside, but they still stood just a breath away from each other when Tooru turned from the store.

"It's you," he whispered.

"Y-yeah," Iwaizumi admitted, sounding strangely hoarse. "Um…surprise? Oh, uh, here." He suddenly held the small gift bag between them.

Tooru wasn't surprised to see some peppermint-dusted chocolates inside, but pure joy and gratitude still made his eyes sting when he met Iwaizumi's gaze again. "They look wonderful," he said with a smile. "I didn't know you like to cook, Iwa-chan."

Like clockwork, the nickname made those tan cheeks turn a sweet pink. "I…I don't. I mean, I don't cook sweets, not really. So…sorry if those don't taste good."

"Still…thank you. For this and for…for everything else." The more Tooru thought about the series of little trinkets and gifts, the more he marveled at the idea of Iwaizumi so diligently taking note of his life and preferences. "You…you remembered so much about me."

"I…yeah." Iwaizumi grimaced, and Tooru couldn't imagine why, not until he asked, "That wasn't…creepy or anything, right?"

A soft laugh slipped out of Tooru before he could hold it back, but it was hard to feel guilty about it, not when it earned him an even deeper blush from his secret admirer. "I could answer that," he murmured, stepping in close and relishing the sight of those hazel eyes widening. "But I think I'd rather kiss you, instead."

A quiet "Oh" was all the warning he got before he was pulled into a slow, deep, swoon-worthy kiss. Iwaizumi kissed with intent, as though he wanted to make sure every brush of his lips would be seared into Tooru's memory. Tooru tried to give as good as he got, and he was rewarded with the sound of a low groan and Iwaizumi's hands falling to his hips to back him into the storefront.

Everything about him was intoxicating: the amber musk of his cologne, the note of chocolate on his tongue, the feeling of his hands trailing up to Tooru's waist, the sound of his soft noises and groans. Tooru wanted to catalog and file away every detail of this kiss that he'd thought he would never experience.

When they parted, Tooru felt drunk, a feeling he saw mirrored on Iwaizumi's face. "Woah."

"Woah," Tooru agreed, laughing. "You'd better get this date started, Iwa-chan, or I'll keep you here and kiss you all night."

"That's not the worst idea you've had," Iwaizumi grumbled. But he stepped away, letting their only contact be Tooru grabbing his hand.

"Hey, Iwa-chan," Tooru hummed as Iwaizumi led the way to the bus stop.

"What, Nosy-kawa?"

"Hey!" Tooru gasped, helpless to the laughter shaking out of him. He valiantly ignored the heat prickling through him at the sight of Iwaizumi's smirk.

"...Well?"

"Nothing, just…I am oh-so-happy it was you! I’ve been hoping you were my secret admirer since the first gift!"

Iwaizumi didn't say anything in response, and he didn't need to. The pink on his cheeks and the gentle squeeze of his fingers told Tooru everything he wanted to hear.

Their date had barely started, but Tooru already knew that this would be the best Valentine's Day he'd ever had.

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iamlittlelostsoul · 2 years ago

Note

Since I didn't see any rules I'll request it based on my own taste!

✎ Riddle Roseheart x reader (can be they/them, he/him, she/her) angst: Imagine dancing to the music, dancing with him on the day of your marriage yet at the end of the day it wasn't you but just your ghost and his broken heart.

✎ Malleus Draconia x reader (same thing) angst: Flower language with Malleus, giving him flowers was a normal occurrence yet on the day you left him, a bouquet mixed with Purple hyacinths and Tulips.

✎ Silver x reader (same thing) angst: The joy of one person can be shared through simple acts, but what if those daily activities are what brought your separation?

here's my masterlist! just incase anyone is interested ><

Hello @whatevermywpis!!! THX for dropping by!!!

I'll do my best in writing all your Req's ideas!! And yes just like what I most of the time use reader is still going to be gender neutral.

But I'll start with your first idea! ^v^

Hope you'll like it >//<

Their Final Waltz

Riddle Roseheart x gn!reader

A lovely tune play in the background at a lovely ballroom.

'It was our favorite melody.' he thought smiling at them as they smile back at him.

There were not so many people invited to this celebration...only people closest to them.

The guests enjoyed the party with the couple some were enjoying themselves with wine, and food, chatting with the other fellow guests, while some are on the dance floor but all are equally happy for such a lovely event.

Riddle stood from his seat as he heard the main song play. He offers them his hand with a bright smile, and they take it as happy as he.

The two walked to the center of the room. Then Riddle faces his partner, taking the lead as he places one of his hands on their partner's waist while the other still latched on their hand.

Moving along with the music, they danced. Riddle's eyes shimmered with love and happiness. He finally married her/him and he's finally their husband!

"I can't believe we've finally reached to this point. We've went through so much and finally, we are wed!" he happily says as he lead his partner.

"Mmh, I know right! It felt like it were only yesterday were we fight the blots and all those crazy events!" they said giggling as Riddle spins them around.

"hehehe...am sorry for that one time too. I swear it will never happen again." he says determined and truly a little guilty.

"Aww~ Riddle no need to apologize! It's all in the past, and besides everything's all good already!" they said kissing Riddle on his cheeks.

"Hey! Under the queen of heart's order Rule number-....oops- habits." He says laughing.

"Hahahaha! This is why your coworkers are a tiny bit afraid of you."

"Hey! Im trying, ok..." he says with a slight pout.

"Hehehehe~ I know. And you're doing so well!" they said leaning their forehead on Riddle's.

"Mmh..." he says happily nodding as he too leans his forehead on them.

"Riddle?"

"Yeah?"

"You should try doing 'that' too...." they said as they stopped dancing and looks him straight in the eye.

"That? What do you mean?" He asks confused.

"You know what I meant Riddle...." they look at him with pity as they let go of his hand and moves a step back from him.

Riddle looks at them shocked and confused. Everyone that was dancing with them were now all at the sides.

"huh, what do you mean love?" He says as he reaches his hand towards them.

"....you know, It's time...to move on...Riddle" they said as Riddle's hand passes through their body.

"Wait- no nonono! Please don't go...you-you're not dead yet." he says dropping to his knees, tears threatening to come out. "You're not dead yet.....you..are not dead."

"I wish so...maybe next time. But not now...let's meet again and finish our favorite song?" They said...as Riddle notices their body looking more transparent.

They sat down beside Riddle and looks at him with pity. "Hey....it's not your fault ok?...I will forever love you." They said with a pain-filled smile before disappearing.

Riddle broke down. He wailed and cried as he hits the floor repeatedly. He wailed and cried as his best friend Trey and Chenya runs up to his side and tries to console him...same goes with his other friends like Cater, Ace, and Deuce.

"It was my fault..." he cried in Trey's arms. "I could have saved them.....I-I could have...yet I wasn't able to do so. I-I failed them."

"Riddle no is to be blamed....it was too sudden. We were all too late." Trey says as he hugs his friend.

All the lavishing decorations, all the flowers, all the food, and the whole party...could never felt so dull and dark.

Why oh why do the gods have to be so cruel sometimes?

...To take such a lovely person to a lonely man.

It always have to be the kindest and purest of heart that lives the shortest...

If only an event like when they were still at school happened for him....something like when the ghost Eliza comes to get her groom.

Riddle would have taken their hand unhesitatingly if it were them looking for a groom. He would gladly wed them and follow them to the afterlife.

'Hah, his mother is truly right about this one...love along with a very lonesome goodbye truly made him mad.' And he misses them dearly...

The warmth of their skin, felt cold to touch.

The sound of their gentle voice, never to be head again...

Their sweet gentle smile, now buried 6 feet under.

And the pranks and tricks...the rule breaking and everything....he would never see nor witness it again.

And all he could do is break down and cry.

Cry and scream his aching heart out.

"My love...how am I to move on?...how could I ever live a proper life without you...my beautiful rose."

<...End>

#littlelostsoul #riddle x reader #riddle rosehearts #riddle twst #riddle x y/n #twst riddle #riddle angst #twisted wonderland #tw: death #twst #disney twisted wonderland #twst mc #twst angst

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zprite-x · 3 months ago

Text

Thinking about yesterday when I kicked open the freezer my work, half a chunk of ice in one hand, bread knife in other. And I looked at my coworker dead in the eye while smiling ear to ear, and said (loudly but not shouting) “ I’m half-way through :D”

I saw pure fear in her eyes.

#it was awesome #also there was a new employee too #it was like their second day #I had to make sure they new what I brought to the table at the workplace #sprite spam #i wasn’t looking wildly either I was just rather proud of myself #but those two can be the same sometimes so I might’ve

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stayarmytinyzenmoa-l · 1 year ago

Text

NCT Spooky Season [Day 10]

Does Your Dog Do Tricks?

TW: Language, Ghosts, dead bodies, gun use, break-in-and-enter Genre: Comedy Pairing: Suh Johnny x Reader YN Pronouns: Not specified Word Count: 0.9K Prompt: Werewolves. Not the ABO kind.

[NCT Masterlist] | [NCT Spooky Season Masterlist] | [Yesterday] | [Tomorrow] [Ao3 Link] | [Wattpad Link]

Notes: I know! I know, not the kind of fic y'all had in mind! Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.

Feedback is greatly appreciated!! Thank you for reading!

"Oh my goodness! Who is this handsome boy?! How cute, he's even wearing shorts!" Your coworker gushed one day, bending down to meet the Doberman's eye.

"Oh, it's Johnny," you said. Your coworker froze.

"Johnny? Like... Johnny Suh?!" She shouts, her hands hovering on either side of the Doberman's face.

"Yup."

"Your boyfriend's a werewolf?!" She half whispers.

"I guess technically he's a weredog," you corrected her. Johnny barked next to you. "He just uses his dog form when we're on the train, we pay less," you explained. Then, with a quick column of light surrounding the Doberman, Johnny steps out and shakes his hair out.

"Hey, Karina," he waves and her jaw drops. You shove a shirt toward Johnny and he pulls it over his head.

"Suddenly the shorts make sense," she huggs.

"Yup," you nodded and Johnny flattened out his shirt with his hands.

"We're not late, are we?" He asks.

"Nope... but, uh, I didn't know werewolves could change between forms so readily," Karina follows close behind while you and Johnny take off.

"Nope, not usually," Johnny answers. He opens his weather app and shows Karina. "Full moon tonight, my transformations are kind of going haywire right now," he shakes his head. "Really bad."

"That's why I told him to cancel our meetings today, but no, he decided to be hard-headed and keep them," you rolled your eyes.

"It'll be fine! I'm not the one in them anyway!"

"No, but you're going to be right next to me, so how am I going to explain to old geezers why there's a whole ass dog sitting next to me one minute and a half-naked man then next?!" You sat behind the desk, the nameplate '(Y/N) Suh - CEO' glimmering in the sunlight as you did so. Johnny took the usual secretary's desk a few steps away and, again, another column of light and, instead, you see a dog sitting on a chair. "Look at that!" You groaned.

"Wow, you really are a cute dog though, Mr. Suh!" Karina comments. Johnny barks and you run a tired hand down your face. Sure, there's less of a stigma of werewolves in the workplace now, but considering the age range of shareholders it'll still pose a challenge to have Johnny switching back and forth between man and dog for a whole meeting. He can barely keep one form for more than an hour before switching back, and it was impossible to determine the length in between too. "Maybe I can sit in instead?" Karina asks.

"I'd ask you to, as well, but it's a 'no,'" you sighed. Another column of light.

"Unless you know the entire file on our property in Mexico, it's not a good idea," Johnny says and Karina flinches in surprise.

"We have a property in Mexico?!" She turns to you.

"Exactly my point," you shook your head. "It's fine, we'll just have to wing it!" You said. "Johnny, you think you can try to stay in one-" A column of light. You sighed.

"Borf!" Johnny barks and you buried your face in your hands.

"We're so screwed."

You were so on edge. You were nearing the end of the shareholder's meeting and somehow, miraculously, Johnny had stayed in human form for nearly two hours. Which meant that he was overdue for a transformation and that nagged at the back of your mind.

"What do you think, Mr. Suh? Should we invest more into the Mexico property?"

"Oh absolutely," Johnny nods. "There's plenty to do and even more to see in our location and we want to make use of that," he says. Your phone rings next to him.

"Speaking of," you cleared your throat and slid it to Johnny. "Please answer this for me, let me know what they say," you instructed. Johnny nods, leaving the room with your phone in his hand. You crossed your arms.

"And what about you, CEO?" The shareholder turns to you.

"I also second the investment in our Mexico property. If anything, we should divert the extra funds we put into our China property and," you noticed the slight beam of light under the door and you swallowed harshly. Then, to your horror, the door swung open again and Johnny trotted in, as a dog, and sat next to you.

"Suh, is that a dog?" The shareholder asks. You look at Johnny. And Johnny looks back at you, phone in his mouth. You took the phone back.

"Yes, this is... my dog," you nodded.

"A well-trained breed, John must have stepped out for a moment and given your phone to him, does he know any other tricks?" One of the shareholders ask.

"He knows a couple," you nodded and handed him a pen. Johnny took it in his mouth and signed a paper with his signature.

"Remarkable!" Another shareholder exclaims. "How did you train your dog to do that?"

"Well-" You are cut off by the beam of light next to you and there sits Johnny, pen still in his mouth and without a shirt.

"My god..." The man across from you drops his pen and the woman next to him drops his jaw.

"So... uh... Mexico," Johnny grins and slides the deed toward the shareholders.

"Right... we're both onboard," the man says slowly, signing the document while still looking surprised. The woman next to him was the same.

"Dear god..." you sighed, and another column of light flashes next to you and there sits the Doberman with a wide smile.

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blazed-bitch · 8 months ago

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So there's this guy at my work and he is so fucking gorgeous. I've thought this ever since I laid eyes on him. However he is not really chatty or friendly. Mind you we work in the same building but completely different departments so we don't actually work together. I honestly never thought he noticed me even though I have seen him look a me a few times though which made me think, hmm I wonder if he thinks I'm cute but then reality set in and I realized I probably looked super gross that day or maybe he was like WTF is she wearing.

However that changed yesterday. I went out onto the main floor in the store to get some money from the ATM. The store was dead that night and I noticed him and 2 other employees just chilling and shooting the shit since there was nothing else to do. I mind my business get my money and then head back into our office. And right as I'm about to walk into the office I hear a voice say "Were you gone for awhile?" I was shocked and I turned around and saw he was right behind me. I got a little flustered and I said "No I've been here. I took a few days off this week but other than that I've been here. I usually only work like 4 or 5 days though." I have no clue why I said 4 or 5 days lol. Like duh 5 days is a normal work week however my schedule is different due to my availability so I meant to say 3 or 4 days ugh stupid brain lol. Then he says "Yeah I hadn't seen you for awhile and I kinda wondered." I told him "Yeah I feel like I don't see you too often." We both kinda giggled and the conversation ended there as he walked into the restroom. As I walk into our office my friend/coworker says "Who was that?" And I was like OMG it was J****!!" She's like "What?" We've talked about him before so she knows I think he's cute but this dude doesn't even talk to her aside from a few times but nothing like that. I've never seen him have a full conversation with anyone come to think of it.

That whole interaction with him shocked me yet made my night in a sense. I'm the black sheep everywhere I go and for someone to seemingly notice if I'm not around or whatever made me kinda happy. Of course it doesn't hurt that this guy is adorable/gorgeous af lol. I'm also like "You thought about me??" Another thought crept into my head as well "Was he checking out my ass while walking behind me??" Honestly I hope he was and that he enjoyed the view.

#personal #me #my ramblings

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uncovering-sumac · 1 year ago

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Of course the historical society had to put their ghost tours on hold- something about harassing the guests and pressuring them to drink- so our mysterious paper heist is on hold too. In the meantime, I've been searching Pat's old desk. I know there must be something useful in there. I brought a box of his old articles home to inspect them in private yesterday- but I think I found an even better source.

My upstairs neighbor (the one who gave me the muffins when I moved in and who may or may not be running a cult out of her living room) bumped into me as I came in the door. I tried to excuse myself and move around her, but as soon as she saw the box, her eyes went vacant and she grabbed my hands. She began asking questions about Pat and rifling through his papers, and before I knew it I was in her apartment with a glass of lemonade and her two cats suspiciously sniffing my ankles.

I learned her name is Evelyn. She wanted to hear everything I knew about Pat: when he left, what he left behind, what his coworkers say about him. I didn't have much to say- in fact I think Evelyn knows more than me. When I said that's all I had, she began to cry. Pat was a good friend, she said, and when she paused a little too long I realized she had hoped he could be more. He used to come to her spirit summonings now and then. She swore the spirits spoke louder with him around. And he was a steadying presence for the other members of her group, making them all feel a little braver. I thought about asking why the blasting music and chanting are necessary for this process, but she kept speaking, remembering how Pat grew distant and consumed by his work. He was always talking about strange women she didn't know, Gertrude and Claudia and countless others. He split his time between the lake shore and the library, digging through archived obituaries. His withdrawal hurt and for a little while she refused to talk to him. By the time she forgave him he was gone.

Evelyn was crying hard at this point. I offered her some tissues and awkwardly patted her shoulder while her cats fought for a space on her lap. Suddenly she stopped crying and said "I know he's not dead."

Startled, I asked why. She pointed to the carpet, which had had a design of three concentric circles and was worn with footprints and wax drippings. Two huge speakers stood at each end of the room. She's still doing her spirit summonings, she told me, but now she's seeking only one spirit in particular. She calls for him as often as she can but he's never answered yet. She looked at me so intensely as she said this, like it proved everything. I nodded and kept quiet. Normally I'd describe myself as someone who doesn't believe in ghosts, but I think you're not allowed to say that when you have an unseen force in your apartment throwing your stuff around like an angry toddler.

At the end of our conversation she invited me to attend her summonings anytime. I'm pretty much already attending them when they wake me up in the middle of the night, but I didn't say that. She made me promise to give her any updates I find and I said I would. I was about to leave when I remembered something. I asked her to repeat what she said about Pat and the library. She said the records he was obsessed with were in the historic section- early 19th century, or sometime around there. I thanked her and left. I'll have to check out that LIBRARY.

#sumac ny #unfiction

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flamingjets · 1 year ago

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Loss of a parent..

Death of a parent is tough. especially when it is unexpected and no one sees it coming. My dad was healthy and active and yet a couple days before he died he was complaining of shortness of breathe. The nurses at the doctors office didn't even check him over just sent him on his way and made an appointment with his doctor on of course the day he died.

I can remember the day like it was yesterday or even just like it happened today. I was at work at got the call from my mom that the paramedics were at the house working on my dad giving him CPR. I nearly fell to the floor as a coworker had to grab me and pull me over to a bench near her desk. I was shaking and in shock. I tried to find one of my managers but of course at that moment neither of them were around. One was taking a personal day and the other was off on a meeting. I was freaking out needing to get home and wanting to tell my manager I was leaving. I also did not have my car since it was then Friday I didn't drive to work but took the LRT. I was freaking out knowing I would have to wait to catch another train. Thankfully another coworker of mine without hesitation offered to drive me home!

While in the car I was talking to my sister who was freaking out as well and needing to grab an uber as she couldn't function to drive safely and I told her I'd call my boyfriend to pick her up since he lives about five minutes away from her and can get her to our house. The more time in the car with news from my mom about my dad the dread washed over me knowing it was going to not end on a good note. The paramedics weren't taking my dad to the hospital as my mom was hoping...

I finally got home and ran inside after thanking my coworker profusely for driving me there! I ran inside and saw my mom as she told me they were still working on my dad and don't go upstairs. She filled me in on how my dad didn't come downstairs for his usual breakfast and she went upstairs to find him breathing heavy, grey and clammy as she asked him if he should call 911. the last words my dad said to my mom were "I think I'm dying". Before long the paramedics arrived and that was the last time my mom saw my dad alive.

My mom need fresh air and went outside to take a breather and that was moment the paramedic came downstairs and told me my dad had died and they tried everything and still couldn't bring him back. The shock, pain and grief were overwhelming I had to sit down. My dad was dead just like that. I last saw him alive the night before as I said good night and told him see him tomorrow. I never got to speak to my dad again or see him. My mom returned back inside with my sisters fiancee as he just arrived at the same moment my mom went outside for a breather. I looked at her and started freaking out and she told me not to but that no longer was an option as dad was just pronounced dead. My mom crumbled as my sisters fiancee pulled her in for a hug as I put my hands to my head and couldn't believe it. And to a certain degree I still don't believe it. Paramedics asked me if I wanted to see my dad and I went upstairs with one of them as the rest of the crew were putting away their life saving efforts so I could say good bye to my dad. I asked them to close his eyes. As I looked down at my once alive and breathing dad lying on the ground white and the life no longer there I felt numb. I said goodbye to him. To this day I look into my parents room and stare at the spot and picture my dads lifeless body still there.

My sister called and asked if my boyfriend and her should go to the hospital ad why aren't the paramedics being dad to the hospital. She already knew the answer but can't tell her over the phone dad was gone. Just said get here quick. Once my sister arrived at the house I asked the paramedics if they have sedatives since my sister might need one. Humor in a dark moment. My sister came through the door and was already crying as she crumbled into our moms arms and then her fiancees arms as I crumbled into my boyfriends arms and started to cry. My dad was gone.

My dad died at home and the death wasn't suspicious so they didn't take him away so we had to make plans for a funeral home to come and pick up his body. It was the hardest two hours waiting for the funeral home to show up and pick up his body. I kept going up stairs to check on him as the color changed on his face from white to purple as the blood stop circulating. I needed to see him or make sure nothing was happening to him. finally the funeral home showed up and took him away. Hearing them wrap up his body and bring it down the stairs as they bumped down them in my head i screamed at them be careful with him! Not like it matter he no longer felt pain.

In that moment I said goodbye to my dad officially as it was the last time I would see his body as they took him away.

Even after a month of him being gone I still can't believe its happening that my dad is gone. I have moments where I cry but mostly I get a pit in my stomach and feel very anxious. I have to stay strong for my mom as she needs the support and she cries almost every day so does my sister and I feel like I have no more tears to cry. He wasn't ready to die and we weren't ready to say good bye. its unfair and I get mad since why did this have to happen and why couldn't they bring him back. I know its stupid to be angry at the nurses but they should of checked him over and maybe just maybe he would still be here but no.

I have to be strong for everyone. If I can hold the pain and grief for my mom and sister I will. I will be strong but even at times I can't be strong anymore and cry. But then pick myself up and be strong again. I feel numb and at times do not really care or find myself not caring. i know its bad but I can't seem to get past it.

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janiestumb · 1 year ago

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Tokyo

Yesterday’s early morning rain and wind made for a humid, sunny mid-morning. Yesterday’s 7-10am weather event was truly the only weather wrinkle in an unexpectedly warm trip thus far. So I won’t even remotely complain. But I had planned to take the train to Kamakura at 8am and hike to Buddhist and Shinto shrines in the wilderness early so I could make my way back to Tokyo for a pre-planned omakase at 6.

I, of course, did consider hiking in the rain. Because I’m nuts here. More on that later. But when the unfriendly weather and time crunch forced a pivot, I decided to listen to reason (Pee Wee) and escape the heat in some of Tokyo’s truly overwhelming number of museums (dedicated to art! origami! military weapons! packaging!) and continue to do what I love most here. Walk and walk and walk and and walk. And walk and walk. And walk. And have a coffee and charge my phone. And find a bakery and eat bread. And think and look and go "wow" and take a picture. And walk and walk.

At about 10am, I was making my way north toward a museum complex in Ueno when I found myself sweaty, frizzy and self-conscious in the modern, airy business district of Toranomon.

From the moment I arrived in Tokyo, I have felt incredibly out of place here. Not just for my phenotype, but because I am dressed like a piece of shit. That said — despite sticking out, no one in Tokyo has given me even the slightest sense that I don’t belong or any sense of judgment. This is internal. I keep expecting France-style side-eye and getting none!

Before coming here, I of course knew that Tokyo style would be cool, but I am still blown away. People are dressed breathtakingly, stunningly simply and chicly. Not just some people. All people. I mean it.

The common cut of women’s clothes is loose but well-fitted, modest and refined. Not a lot of extraneousness. No prints. No logos. Nothing flashy. Just clean, interesting, modern but classic, and perfect.

“Loose” for locals is not for me. I learned this the fun way a few days ago when I tried on a pleated skirt with an elastic waist at a boutique in one of my favorite new areas, Nekameguro. Already feeling like a hulking ogre in my clunky hiking shoes, dirty shorts and anything-but-understated backpack, I squeezed the skirt over my hips and it squinched my stomach like a hairband. I pulled back the dressing curtain and signed to the shop clerk, “bigger?”, making a circle with my thumbs and pointers and then expanding. She shook her head. “Only one.”

Yes, stores sometimes carry only one size, and that size is too small for me.

So there I was, yesterday, in my extremely non-modest leggings showing off my above-average-for-this-city size, feeling self-conscious that I brought a short, purple rain jacket when that is simply not the cut nor color here, and I was wondering about the salary men.

At every corner in the large district of Minato City, there are groups of men waiting for the walk signal (no jay-walking here) in extremely expensive-looking suits, all going to or from this office or that. Where are they going? What do they do all day?

Sometimes you travel to a place and wish you lived there (Portugal), but this is not one of those places for me. I am obsessed with this city. My heart and mind are expanding at an untenable pace, but I have no desire to live here because I recognize that my life as an outsider is totally different than that of someone living here with a career.

Work-life balance in Tokyo is notoriously tough. My dinner host from Sunday (who I have to devote an entire other blog post to) told me that her late husband used to come home at 11pm and leave for work again at 7am. You get PTO, but never for more than a week at a time, and then sometimes you have to cover for a coworker, so actually just forget it. Time off is never a guarantee. But for me? Without travel, I would be dead.

What’s unbelievably moving to me, in contrast, is that wedged between the modern office buildings, and skyscrapers and businesses and monuments to capital, there are extremely old, fucntional shinto shrines.

And as people come and go throughout their day, they actually use those shrines. They follow the ritual — cleansing their hands and mouths when they enter, bowing, clapping, praying, then bowing again at the exit. Imagine if you were in New York on a Tuesday at 10am, hustling your way from the gynecologist on E 72nd to your office at a media company on 23rd, and on the way you stopped for a quick traditional prayer. It’s breathtaking to see.

Some very brief, reductive info on Shinto - it’s not something you can convert to. It’s Japan’s native belief system. Japanese people can practice it along with Buddhism. Not at odds. I told my host I loved the shrines and she asked if I could even enter because I’m Judeo-Christian. (This is not an unreasonable question! I googled it. Some Christians feel they can not!) My version of spirituality is “all roads lead to the same place and g-d is everywhere.” If I don’t have to pray to a deity or through an intermediary, it’s a go.

Anyway, every day of my life, I feel like I have to make up for lost years, for time spent dealing with death, for giving away my life to career paths that spat on me and a dude who sucked, for actually never having PTO because I was full-time but freelance (still mad), and of course COVID. This is my first non-working vacation in a really really really really long time. And I haven’t had PTO in about a decade.

Yesterday, contemplating what work is all for, I texted my friend “But what do salary men do?” He responded, “I think we are salary men.”

Here’s the thing — he is right.

I had a career pivot this year. I officially stuck the landing of re-entering the full-time employee corporate sphere, selling my soul for health insurance, but the tradeoff for benefits has been that I find myself having to wake up at 7am, sign on and work until 6pm, without ever having the chance to even change into real clothes. I’m still falling behind somehow, and the stress is horrible. (Funny enough, my large mega-corp is based out of Japan.)

I think that’s part of why this trip feels like I’ve been shot out of a rocket. All I do all day long is sit sit sit. Every day is the same. There’s no movement. There’s no meaning. No nothing. Lately, it’s been actually kind of stupidly bad because all that’s consuming me beyond the drudgery of whatever I’m doing is the barrage of horror in the world and my sadness over the way the government is handling it and people are handling it online, my disillusionment with what it means to be progressive, and America slipping further and further into a country of hateful, gun-toting mavericks without any hope for socialized medicine. The tension between my desire to have a family and not wanting to be stuck with some loser partner, no longer being able to travel the way I like, and also wanting to throw up at the thought of what a kid being raised in our modern world has to face. To step away from that right now made me feel worried and guilty, but it has been wonderful.

And life in LA is obviously as good as it gets in America, but don’t come for me, I still think it mostly sucks. It isn’t a city for walkers. It isn’t a city for exploring. It’s a city of cars. I hate traffic and freeways and repetitiveness. And a lot of the time, I feel a weird tension with it.

[Redacted rant about LA because no one cares]

But then, to land in Tokyo. And find a New York meets Paris but way bigger, extremely safe, quiet, clean and tremendous and its entirely own thing that is so fucking pretty and cool and interesting with a phenomenal history feels like shooting off the starting block. I’m flying.

My hips are aching, my lower back is tight and my already-calloused heels have blisters. Despite my brain wanting to keep going going going going every night, at some point I have been forced to stop exploring and assess if I should rest.

I feel this spiritually too. I’m 37 and making up for lost travel time. I’m making up for all the places I haven’t yet seen and trees I haven't touched and people I haven't met and wondering when I’ll get to go back to each place I only see for the first time. My physical ability and my being alive are not guaranteed for one second longer than this moment. Soon, will I be forced to rest?

There are places I go - like here - that my mom would have loved but she never made it. I grieve her so much when I travel. She’d be proud of me. She’d know this person I become when I travel - someone who’s more curious, humble and brave - as me. There’s certain things she said to me that I carry with me when I travel, that nailed the exact kind of person in and of this world I want to be.

I always wish she was with me. She is, but she isn’t. There’s an awe I feel that I get to experience anything at all.

And every day in Japan, I’ve felt what the Portuguese call saudade, a unique nostalgia. For me, it’s for the fact that this trip will end and I’ll be back in my stupid chair 13 hours a day and then trudging through traffic to get to an office in Culver City and back. I’ll be wishing I was traveling. I’ll be feeling like each day is meaningless.

But I’ll get PTO.

Until then, I am simply here — and in life —needing to go and go and go until the wheels fall off.

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whoops-my-mental-illness-slipped · 1 year ago

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so yesterday I had a rough night at work.

I was working the closing shift and there were some asshole customers. there was a highlight from working drive through that an employee of another branch came through and when I was having trouble he helped me. after he and his friend paid for their drinks and had their drinks he told me I was doing great.

later I had some great conversations on headset with my coworkers. there were four of us working that night. it ranged from game of thrones and lotr and final fantasy to my shift supervisor telling us about his exploits (and the rest of us telling fun stories about bad relationships)

there was a moment when my supervisor looked at me (the only minor + virgin in the room) and told me what his dad told him: "it's ok to experiment. you're young, you're going to want to experiment. just don't do the hard stuff."

he went into the back and I replied: "I do want to experiment. but no one will want to experiment with me. because I'm trans."

he came out of the back and looked me dead in the eye with a look of anger and disgust on his face and said: "there is nothing wrong with being trans."

I said: "I know. it's just other people that have a problem with me, because I go to a rich private school and I have shitty self esteem."

one of my coworkers later pulled me aside and said: "if anyone ever gives you shit, my number's in the back and I don't stand for that type of shit, even if it gets me sent to jail. I don't mind breaking faces."

the night continued and then two douchebags came in two minutes before closing and I messed up the orders and my supervisor finished them because I was freaking out. as I was leaving he gave me a hug. he gave some important advice: "it's just coffee" and "it's not about being fast, it's about being accurate."

I went home that night (earlier I'd asked my friends to send me memes and hugs because of the shitty shift) and made an executive decision. I'm taking a break from instagram. I can't work on myself and my shitty mental health if social media is fucking with my brain 24/7. I'm gonna focus on my art and my fanfic writing because they are extremely therapeutic for me.

this morning, I texted one of my best friends and told them that they're one of my best friends and I fucking love them. they texted back and told me that they love me too.

I'm not pushing anyone away this time. I just can't deal with social media. because it sucks. I'm going to reach out to my friends and spend time with them as much as I can because I'm so fucking lonely I can't bear it.

I have problems I need to work on, so I'm going to.

that's it. that's the update.

#blog post #mental health #mentally fucked #kinda depressing #I'm tired #that's it

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c0ffinshit · 2 years ago

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Lust For Life (Robert Renfield x Reader) PART ONE

a/n: since yall liked my headcanons so much, i thought “why not” and decided to write this. after a while (aka like four days), i finally finish this fic wooooo! i hope yall like it!

word count: 1,264

warnings: blood, swearing, renfield is such a bottom lol, fake dating (if you squint )

New Orleans was a place I would not have thought to live in; hot and filled with crime, it's basically a waking nightmare. The worst part is seeing those teens crawling along the walls of the Whole Foods near my home. Their large, garish video cameras; records them as they walk into the building, shouting loudly about what they plan to do there. Honestly, I forget why I moved here in the first place. I had been a retail worker for a year, making ends meet. It was a cold night, and I had just gotten off work when I saw a man walking toward me. His hair was dark against his pale skin, and his suit was filled with holes and rips. His fingers were long and covered in a dark, smooth texture.

"Can I help you?" I ask politely.

It almost looked like he didn’t hear me. The man continues to slowly walk toward me.

"Hi-yes, please help me," he quickly said.

I noticed that the man looked even more different up close. He seemed very chipper but timid. His icy blue eyes felt as if he was looking right through me. He looked great, better than I expected.

"(Y/N), you know this boy?” one of my coworkers yells.

"Um, yeah, I do. This man is my-" I pause, looking at him. "Boyfriend." I spit out.

Suddenly, the man entered my field of vision again. His hair followed above his ears, forming a shaggy comb-over on his head. He looked at me with a curious look in his eyes.

"Really? What’s his name?" he asks suspiciously. I look over at the man, looking for an answer.

I, of course, dodge the question. "Yes, we talk all the time. We’re best friends."

"I wouldn’t say that," the man mumbles in reply.

"Seriously? You call this poor boy your boyfriend, and you can’t even tell me his name." my coworker replied.

"Shut up, Jim." I replied, "I do know his name."

"Don’t you think you should say it then?"

A long pause. "C’mon. Can we not fight in front of your so-called boyfriend?" Jim looked past me, and I could feel the man’s eyes fall toward the ground.

"No, you’re right, Jim. This boy has intrigued me as she did all those months ago. Let me talk to him just a bit longer." I say.

"Aw, fine," he rolls his eyes. As I got closer, I noticed even more stains and holes on his shirt. His shoes seemed like they were too big for his feet. He seemed ancient.

"Listen, man, I am so sorry about that boyfriend thing. My coworker is so nosy sometimes and doesn’t know when to keep things to himself."

He turns around and looks at me. "It's fine; I can find help elsewhere. It’s no worry."

"You don’t get it. I didn’t say I wouldn’t help." I say, letting my bag fall to the ground. "What can I help you with?"

The man’s eyes slowly look at my body. "It is hard to explain-"

"Hit me. I’ve done some fucked-up shit before."

I tried to sound rigid when the “fucked up shit” in question was clean-up blood from a bloody nose I got yesterday.

He nods slowly. "Alright, follow me."

This is fucked. Here I am, following a man I just claimed was my boyfriend mere seconds ago, probably to a murder warehouse where I live out my final moments.

But I can’t help but want it. Wanting that danger and desire in my life. So, I followed him. His hands flex and tense as we walk to an alley a block from my job. Inside, he leads me to a man who appeared dead, covered in his blood. My body reminds me to keep up the edgy girl persona, but that all leave my body the moment; I see the blank expression on the body.

"JESUS CHRIST!" I yelp, covering my eyes.

The man is quick to hush me, covering my mouth. "Hey, it's okay. I didn’t kill this guy. I just found him."

He wipes his hands on his coat and holds my wrists gingerly. I drop my hands, briefly looking at the body again and at the strange man.

"Who are you?-" I ask, my voice shaking.

"Robert Montague Renfield, and everything is going to be fine-"

"THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF FINE ‘BERT!" I scream, my eyes trying to look away.

Renfield is quick to cover my mouth again. I want to scream even louder or maybe try and bite his hand. Nothing could’ve worked, though. We continue to stand like that until my breath slows. Renfield removes his hand, still worrying that I might scream again.

"Hush, you said you’d help. Please…" his eyes went soft, so vulnerable.

I nod my head. This is the scariest moment of my life.

"Okay… fine. I’ll do it." I say, giving in to defeat.

"Also, not that it matters, but it's Robert, not ‘Bert.’"

"That’s what I said, but okay. What do you want me to do?"

Renfield looks at the body and back at me, scanning me. His pupils dilate for a moment, looking at my face.

"You grab your feet. I’ll take the head."

I nod again and pick up my feet, picking up the corpse. People don’t exaggerate: dead weight is the heaviest. Renfield grabs the head by its hair and slowly moves it into the palms of his hands, covering the ears. He jerks his head, ushering me to move with him. I stumble along with him to what I assume is his car. Starting with the hair, we shove him into the trunk. Renfield takes one final look and closes the door.

"Thank you for helping me… I’m sorry I completely forgot to ask your name." Renfield lets out a long sigh. "It's been a long night."

I giggle. "It's fine, really. It's (Y/N)."

"(Y/N)..." he repeats. "What a beautiful name."

"Well, it's no Renfield." I laugh.

Renfield extends his hand to me. I look at it puzzlingly. I believe he wants me to shake his hand.

Suddenly, his eyes go wide. I look down to see that I’m sparkling under the moonlight. My body glitters as if I was a diamond.

"It's body glitter… like Twilight. Y’know sparkly vampires… Edward Cullen."

"Oh." Robert places his extended hand over his chest. "I thought you were really oily or something. I get what you mean."

"No, but I’ve always wanted to meet a vampire." I picture a strong and kind-hearted vampire man covered in blood. I wanted to meet a vampire and fall in love with a vampire.

"Well… I know a guy. I mean- he’s my boss, but I don’t think he’d mind." Robert mumbles.

My eyes go wide. Yes, finally! I will have time to live out my own Louis from Interview with a Vampire moment. Maybe I’ll become a vampire. That would rule!

"Yes, I think it’d be cool to meet him… if he’s available."

Renfield eyes me for a second, "Okay, do you want to drive, or shall I?"

"I’ll drive. It's alright. Now, gimme those car keys."

As he tosses me his car keys, I take note of what he has. A small, white cat keychain hangs off what looks to be an apartment key. Taking a closer look, I notice that if I move the keychain, the cat’s eyes look in my direction. Before getting too distracted, I hop in the car and turn on the engine, slowly backing out of the parking space.

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