#I literally only do writing for mystic messenger at the moment... haha.

[merakiui]

Omg!! I'm so late! work kept me busy 😭 but I wanted to reply to your last message! regarding hetalia and such!

Going back to the hetalia fandom it's like coming home after a while <33 and Personally my favourite female characters are Seychelles, Liechtenstein, Belgium and Belarus (Belarus is low-key yandere for her brother and Unhinged omg),

Did you have or should I say do have any ships you like ? maybe with England since he is your favourite? I'm much more into rare pairs/ships which means there isn't much content of them 😭 like : England x Seychelles (because their interaction in Gakuen Hetalia was cute and funny ♡) or Iceland x Seychelles (I adore opposite-attract 🥺 💛 Iceland is more reserved while Seychelles is more outgoing and now imagine Seychelles helping Iceland coming out of his shell or Iceland cooling down Seychelles! ♡) lol can you tell I like Seychelles??

Nyo France is a charming lady ❤ I like your taste 🤌Personally I also like Nyo America (I love my tomboy princess) and nyo Italy/Romano such babes, Nyo Finland looks cute but will kick your Ass 💪❤

Also, Pirate England and Pirate Spain are Hot af 👌That's all I want to say haha (or even viking nordics 👀)

And Omg I'm actually currently obsessed with Danganronpa! 😭 In fact my profile picture is sonia nevermind bc she's one of my favourites! Which characters do you like the most?? 👀 are there any moments in the game you liked/saddened you the most ? (like favourite character dying 😭)

As for mystic messenger! did you ever notice how similar looking Saeran/Ray and Rollo look like? maybe it's the eyebags but seriously the first time I saw Rollo in twst I thought "Ray what are you doing in twst?? leave me alone, I'm not into you anymore 😭" but not only the physical Apperance both of their characters are kind of similar? I mean Ray is literally in a cult and Rollo is well you know based of an Disney villian who's religious corrupted sooooo yeah! but Saeran/ray/unknown has such yandere tendencies! and yes that one jumin ending omg! 😭 Yoosung is a cutie 💓 and well jaehee keeps us in the friendzone 💀

And Obey me! Asdfghjklöä! while writing this Obey me nightbringer came out! 🎉 I see you like Mammon 😂 seems like you like Greedy Demon and Octopus 🤌 only difference the Octopus is successful business owner and well..... the demon is constantly broke, so broke in fact the steals from his brothers 💀 I can also totally see Idia and Leviathan (maybe yoosung too??) bounding over videogames or hating the normies together 💀 (and maybe talking about having a certain crush on a certain MC 👀👀) they sure would make great frenemies 😂😂 Also Satan reminds me of APH England 💀💀 maybe its the hair colour?? the colour green?? or maybe the small same similarities personality wise?? but omg I can't unsee it now 💀 And AHEM Jade and barbatos, I don’t think I need to say anything else but yeah they also have the almost same hairstyle!!

Ooooh but can you imagine the Twst Characters as Sins?? Like Riddle = Wrath, Leona = Sloth, Azul = Greed, Jamil = Envy, Vil = lust, Idia = ??? Gluttony??, Malleus = Pride!

Oooh yes Omori is such an interesting and Deep game I would recommend you to play it 🌟

Anyway, take good care of you and drink a lot of water! I've seen that you have lots of unfinished Luna love hotel requests and different ideas/fics you want to write! take your time and don't stress yourself or burn yourself out! writing is suppose to be fun, I hope your not overdoing it 🙏

Take Care 🤟 Anon 🌸

Hello again, 🌸 anon!!! I'm also quite late to respond, but omg you have good taste in female characters! Seychelles was a sweetheart and I liked her character a lot, too!! As for ships, I didn't really have any, but I did enjoy the interactions between Germany and Italy! It's very funny and cute. <3 and aaaaaa nyo!America is also a very nice design!!! Wonderful taste once again hehe. I love her tomboy look!!! >0< and nyo!Italy and nyo!Finland are also both so pretty!!!

Pirate England and pirate Spain..... AAAAAA orz and the viking nordics omg omg!!!! The amount of fanfics I used to read with them... too many to count. I remember there was a time I read too many pirate England fics that I ended up dreaming about him LOL. I think I was a stowaway on his ship, but the entirety of that dream was essentially England and Spain fighting over who got the rights to own me????? ^^;;;; I couldn't begin to explain it if I wanted to.

Sonia!!!! I like her a lot!!!! Additionally, I also like Shuichi, Kokichi, Kaede, and Hagakure! I thought Aoi and Sakura's friendship was very endearing, so Sakura's death crushed me the most in the first game. It's always painful being a Danganronpa fan because your favorite character has the possibility of getting killed and that's the worst feeling. </3

AAAAAAA Mystic Messenger....... every summer, I play it just so I can get more hourglasses to finally unlock Saeran's route. I'm vaguely familiar with what happens, but even so I need to play it. T_T the same goes for Jumin's route. I want that bad ending!!!! OTL I have played Zen's route so many times in the past because he gives the most hourglasses. He's so engraved in my brain hehe. <3 I love him. And Jaehee!!!! When I played her route, I kept thinking, "Why does she keep friend-zoning us? We're so obviously in love." >:( let Jaehee love the player!!! It's what she deserves. <3 aaaa and Yoosung!! He's the cutest. :D

Mammon is my number one!!!! Something about greedy and pathetic men is just so *chef's kiss,* so it makes sense I'd inevitably simp for Mammon and Azul lol. But then Satan and Belphegor are so !!!!!! When the latter was manipulating us and planning to trick us all along when we found him in the attic. :) oooooo he's the worst. I need him. I should play Obey Me again just to see Mammon and Belphegor hehe. I have no idea what is happening in the story now, but I heard there were new characters added and I also saw a few things regarding Nightbringer! Omg but your comments on Jade and Barbatos... I need them to sit down and have tea together to see who can out-babygirl the other. >:) and if memory serves, Barbatos can see into the future or foretell all possible timelines? If that's the case, WOOOOOOO the yandere potential!!!! orz

Also, the twst characters as the seven deadly sins is such a fun thought to entertain. <3 you're giving me so much brain rot... orz

Thank you for your kind words!!! I will make sure to take care of myself and drink water! Please do the same as well! :D though there are many things I want to write, I am pacing myself and focusing on one fic at a time. ^0^

[saeranlover]

Haha... I have been writing a lot recently so I’m just using this post to make myself something like a list of stuff I need to do, primarily on AO3.

Jumin and MC fic. Also maybe start dropping hints of Jaehee x Zen in there because I like those two together.

Work on next chapter of 707 x MC/Unknown x MC fic. Focus on 707 a bit more in it though for this chapter!

Next chapter for True Happiness

Next chapter for Critical Hit

Need to make a start on story with Saeran and MC as parents. Also need to decide whether it’ll start with Iseul as a baby or a bit older.

Come up with ideas for fics shipping MC and Zen, MC and Yoosung, MC and Jaehee, MC and Vanderwood, MAYBE MC and Rika. So at least four new story ideas.

Cry because of how much I love Saeran.

[sugarandspice-games]

Okay, so I finally got through Saeran's good ending, I might go back and play the normal and other bad endings later if I feel like it, but as that was an emotional rollercoaster, I need some time to recover. But I'm going to put my full review under the cut.

Will I be releasing my rewrite outline at this point (though not really a rewrite, since I made it before the AE was ever released when I was drunk and salty at the lack of news)? I'm not sure. I wasn't 100% satisfied, but we'll call it a good 65% as I feel like there was more I liked than I hated. I'll leave that decision up to my dear readers, whether or not they want to see it. (Though there are only like... 8 of you here and I know you're probably here for Obey Me content and not MysMess)

I do plan on playing the Jumin Bad End DLC, but I may not liveblog it as I haven't really heard good things. This seems like another ploy for fanservice, but I do want to get more lore about Jumin's backstory, and honestly... I'm gay and want to see those sexy CGs. That being said... this is the last I will discuss the canon material on this blog, and it may be the last time I engage with the canon material (as I believe cheritz has announced that this is the finale anyway, and will no longer update the game). I will most likely continue to create fan content for it, as Sugar and I have our own sort of... fanfic thing going on with the characters and our OCs. But this is a personal and huge special interest of mine, and rather than go through everything and pick it apart for the rest of my days... I want to leave the game and the characters I love so much with only my happiest memories. They'll live on in my heart.

But I digress... here is my semi-condensed review. Sugar may talk about it as well, though I do not speak for them. THIS SHOULDN'T NEED TO BE SAID BUT HERE THERE BE SPOILERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU DID NOT COMPLETE THE GOOD END OF RAY'S AE.

The Good:

Saeran. Saeran was the best thing about this route. His character development was beautiful, and every time I saw him, I felt my heart swell with pride and love. His new sprites are so adorable as well as his beautiful CGs, and he looks healthier and happier in a lot of them. He's grown to be such a loving, gorgeous, wonderful man despite everything that happened in his painful life, and his story is nothing short of inspirational. I have a lot of love for Saeran, I have from the moment I saw him but this route really drove it home for me. He will have a special place in my heart among my fictional loves that can never be replaced.

Jumin Jumin Jumin! Jumin was one of the absolute MVPs this route, he was doing the most and boy... I just want to hug him. Even though he was in horrendous pain he was doing the absolute best he could to help everyone. He's been a love of mine for a long time, and that love only grew in this route. I was also glad to meet Driver Kim and see the interaction between him and Daddy Han Sr. (Because obviously Juju is the junior Daddy Han lol)-- even though I have mixed feelings about the Chairman, it makes me happy to see Jumin getting the caring he deserves from his father. And the fact that he even turned his back to let Jumin express his emotions without feeling embarrassed... Fucking killed me.

They did Rika right this go around. Yes, she got off to a really rough start, but she was very human and bearable here... and complete with her realizing her wrongdoings and working to right them in the end. It was a gorgeous arc, I'm so happy for her. I have a love hate relationship with her character, as she used to be a very badly written villain IMO... but one of the good things about Another Story in general is that it gave her depth that she didn't have before. And if they wanted to redeem her, they 100% did it right here, even if she had a rough beginning and had to make mistakes to get to where she was. I thought it was very human. Good on you, cheritz.

Vanderwood got a lot of good interactions here, and I'm really happy they gave us more Van content. Even if we're not getting a route for him, it's enough to me to finally see him expressing the affection we all know that he holds for Saeyoung, and working to help him.

The twins finally get to be happy! Need I say more?

Everyone doing well in their lives made me really happy too... most of the other routes had this problem where if one person got to be happy, someone else would have to suffer in exchange. I'm so glad that everyone got a happy ending.

The new chats made me extra emotional... I'm not sure why, to be honest, I think I'm just happy to see everyone again. It had been such a long time since I played Mystic Messenger, and talking to everyone again just like old times felt like returning to a childhood home (though I was 19 when I discovered this game initially, haha). I cried a lot, which is extra weird for me since I don't tend to cry in general.

Yoosung loves Saeran soooo much... in fact, everyone does. It made me happy, bc I was initially worried that he wouldn't have made friends with the RFA or that it would be awkward, but seeing everyone loving him and him being sweet back to them was adorable. Jumin also loves him and you can't change my mind (though maybe that's my wishful thinking of being in a Jumin & Saeran sandwich talking...)

So many good messages in this AE, and they hit very personally. I came to the same realization last year, that in the end, nothing in life matters except love, since you can't take anything else with you when you die. I shan't elaborate more!

Everyone's voice acting was so good! It was so beautiful and emotional, I could feel it through their voices. I usually skip the voice lines since I read so fast, but I'm happy I didn't.

The Bad:

Oh Jihyun... what have they done to you? I know I said he wasn't OOC and I stand by that, but it really feels like the writers hated him this AE. Even his sprite looked so awful and blurry. And he didn't get any good realization that he deserved better or anything, the literal cult leader and prime fucking minister got to be redeemed when he didn't. What the actual fuck. Sugar will definitely have more to say about it, and probably in a more articulate way, but let it be known that I don't like it either.

Furthermore, even if it's not OOC, it's structurally sloppy for him to come to some realization only to stay the exact same as he's always been. And same with Rika too. As I said in a previous post, having them both go through these realizations only to make them the villains again really felt like beating a dead horse. What can I say except AAAAAAAAA. WHAT THE FUCK?

Again, I must reiterate... why'd they make it so you have to be a bitch to Rika to get the good ending? I get that it's probably wish fulfillment for some people in the fandom, but it isn't for me. I really don't have any desire to berate or insult her bc in the end she needs serious help (even if I wanted to throw hands with her sometimes), and if the point was to call her on her misbehavior... some of it went too far (looking @ the "Don't stab Saeran's eyes out!" choice. I didn't like that at all, especially since it felt like you were making fun of Jihyun's trauma.) It especially made the end of her arc fall flat when she's like "Thank you for being kind and trying to understand me..." like, gurl... the game didn't let me do that without making me bad end! Jeez.

Also, literally why was it necessary to redeem the prime minister? He's a monster who tried to murder his own children. It's okay if they needed that scene where Saeran and you tried to understand him, but having him actually come around made no sense... why would he want to listen to you or Saeran when we've seen time and time again that there isn't really any good in him? He's just not a good person. And no, I'm not saying this because I wanted him to die or anything! ...Okay, maybe I did. Fuck that guy. I hate him. (Also the whole "you're only this way because you're lonely!" was so corny, I didn't choose those options but gjkgkgkfk)

The Ugly:

Have y'all heard about how much I hate the agency Boss? I hate him so much... I want to drown him in the toilet. I want to feed him taco bell laced with laxatives. I want to-- anyway, I digress. Not classifying this under bad because cheritz did their job by making him hateable and oh boy, did I hate him. He made me want to barf. I also commend his voice actor for somehow making me feel greasy through the screen. Seriously, dude, hats off to you. You are a genius.

That's about all I have to say for now... you can peruse my talk tag if you want to see any of my other thoughts on this game, but they don't tie into the good and bad. Despite the flaws, I enjoyed myself this route and I'm happy I played it. Even though there will always be things to improve upon in this game... I'm happy I picked it up, and I'm happy I met everyone. I would write them all letters or something but that'd be kinda corny since they're just game characters and won't see it anyway, and I know I'm not the only nor am I the most attractive MC out there... so this is Spice, signing out! Byebye, Mystic Messenger. You'll always have a special place in my heart.

All of the... weird horniness between Rika and Saeran made me feel grossed out. Her having him in a collar with a leash, and the game options that insinuate she has a thing for him... ew ew ew. Please stop it. That shit is so disgusting and I'm going to puke.

@ Both Saeyoung and Saeran: stop fucking trying to die all the time! Seriously! Let me love you and want to save you, when will you get it through your thick skulls that one gay ass MC who loves you very very dearly would NEVER be happy if you died? AAAAAAAA

[irageneve]

I know that sometimes it is better to let your praise stand alone but I can't help but respond again. Because it is not just that piece I mentioned. You always produce such detailed artworks (even for free which is mind-blowing and making me wish I had enough money to pay you.). You invest so much time and love and it shows, each piece seeming to have a soul of it's own. May I ask how long you already draw? I would love to know about the road you've taken so far while pursuing your passion :)

you will literally make me cry you’re so so kind i don’t know how to thank you enough T__T feel free to come around and ask me anything, my heart is yours

story time, Ira’s art journey (it got way longer than I expected and I also got sappy lol, I’m sorry)

like any other kid I started to draw when I was little. I used to spend a lot of time in hospitals as a child so coloring books where how I was spending my time. after that I continued to draw just for myself, ugly drawings that back then were full of thoughts that I was proud of haha. besides that I was always drawing on something, notebooks, napkins, my hands, tables. even now I draw floating eyes and random hair shapes on my notebooks lol

I continued to draw by pausing different anime scenes on TV and drawing them on paper, trying to reproduce it as accurate as I could only by studying the paused episode. looking back I realize I was doing art exercises without even knowing what I was actually doing, back then I was just drawing what I was admiring (I remember even now the anime Slayers, I drew Lina one night and then I wrote down every one of her spells that I was remembering)

I was never the best at traditional art, I’m pretty clumsy, smudging everything or painting everywhere that shouldn’t have paint on it. watercolors hated me (literally, once I had a watercolor tube explode in my face when I tried to open it)

I started digital…12 years ago I think? I started in paint and for good years I mastered that. my first ever digital art was an anime schoolgirl I reproduced from the cover of one of my notebooks. I drew that in paint and I remember it took me several days to finish. and then after a while I discovered Paint Tool Sai

I kept drawing for myself and for my friends for the longest time, mostly my OCs and my own stories. after a while, with school getting stressful and losing motivation because I had the mindset that art is just a hobby and it won’t get me anywhere, because society and family and etc told me that, I stopped. for 3-4 years I haven’t touched anything art related (I used to draw with a mouse back then)

then, I got into mystic messenger where I met people outside of my group of friends. I started to want to draw again for that fandom and even if my skills were really rusty I was enjoying it. I started to post art online two years ago under the name of Cheebs. for a while everything went fine. I was drawing and a friend that I considered very close to me was doing the backgrounds, we called them collaboARTs. but when I started to feel art was more like a chore than a passion plus some other details that I won’t go into now (regarding the friendship between me and this person) I realized it was toxic for me. things went south, we “broke up” and that was the moment I decided to never leave my arts with a white background anymore. even the simplest backgrounds are fine, but no more lazy

around…August/September I think, 2018, I got my first tablet. man the difference between a mouse and a tablet is HUGE. I felt like I was rediscovering drawing all together

wanting more of my art I started to watch speedpaintings on youtube, to search for different ways to do backgrounds, how to make the composition in order to enhance your art and not to make it heavy, color theories, etc. I started working on my technical side, I always drew just how I felt like it looked good (I never got art classes, only in elementary school which were more to play around than to learn art)

my art improved in the last year while I realized I was drawing for myself and that it never should become a chore, more than the entire time before that. I worked on my fears of “what if” (what if won’t come out good, what if they won’t like it, what if someone will find this trash) and that helped me more than anything. I improved in anatomy, perspective, colors, backgrounds because I wasn’t afraid of failure anymore and I pushed myself to go out of the comfort zone. it really helped

now my next step is to make my art a bit more…lively. I love when I hear people saying that they are feeling things when seeing my art or my writing, cause that’s what I’m aiming for. but I feel like I don’t have the dynamic I want, I feel some of my pieces are…stiff. I want more fluidity in my art so lately I’m trying to draw in a different way, to use more lines of actions

and now because you mentioned the free art part, I’m going to be a bit honest: giving free stuff (art, writing, edits, readings, any free content) it’s always going to be tricky. there are going to be people who demand, who are pushy, who want things their way. I opened requests a while back because I wanted to get better and to draw more, and I don’t regret that, but it was hella stressful and it burned me out in half a year because I didn’t know when to tell them to stop. I was making full illustrations daily. then after I stepped up for myself and changed the rules I felt much more better and now I can do up to 6 requests per day. of course, not top quality, but that doesn’t mean I don’t put love in them. love, and time and thoughts

there are wonderful people coming into my inbox almost daily and I love to draw for all of them for free, but there are always people making you question your choice of doing it in your free time. this is why I always fire up when I see people being mean towards learning artists. no one just knows how to draw, not even pro artists. who says “do it” never ever tried to do it themselves

I like to say that creativity is a muscle, if you don’t train it and challenge it it won’t evolve. but the pace of doing that it’s different from an artist to another. who cares if a young artist doesn’t know how to draw latino characters but still wants to draw that certain person cause they like them? let them try, let them fail, let them learn

ahh this got off track but I got a bit sad and angry today because of this topic and some discourse, I guess I just had to let it out. I saw people bloom when they got a bit of support to start drawing, after years of putting it off because teachers or family told them they have no talent. they only needed a bit of push and while they aren’t Picasso they are drawing, it looks great and they are using their creativity. they are enjoying it. that’s all that matters

it’s late and idk why I’m sappy but I really hope people would start appreciating creativity more and would let people enjoy and discover the world without any labels or judgements or unnecessary drama. I’m so sorry if I bore you, thank you for your kind words and I’ll stop here before I’ll write a goddamn novel hahaha

much love to you anony, you’re truly an angel 🧡

[selia707]

Bad Apple Wars: (Emotional) Game Review

Just finished Bad Apple Wars.  Wow.  Like... seriously... WOW.  For those of you who don’t know, Bad Apple Wars is an Otome Game localized by Aksys Games that came out a month ago to PSVita. 

And this is as far as I’m going to go into technical stuff in this review.  This... this is a pure emotional review based on my feelings and thoughts on the characters during the game. 

                                                     Alma

Alma’s backstory was one of the most heartbreaking.  His whole route brought me to tears.  It was just so emotional. 

I loved him to pieces.  His route was amazing, he was amazing, his CGs were amazing. 

On the first day of playing this game I was literally in pain (wasn’t feeling well), and this... truly... took my mind off it. I didn’t feel the pain or my real-life situation. All I wanted to do... all I cared about... were those fictional characters that I fell in love with.

                                                    Higa

This guy.  I honestly can’t even decide if I love him and his route better than Alma because they were just as equally good.  Why, you ask?  BECAUSE THEY BROUGHT ME INTO TEARS, CRUSHED MY HEART, AND MENDED IT WITH HAPPINESS.  *Happy sigh* This was amazing. 

*Spoiler Alert*

That scene when Higa started to disappear...  Oh my god. My heart.  It was on the floor.  In pieces.  Broken.  Shattered.  Everyone’s reactions... RINKA’S reaction. How she started to cry, how she begged him not to go... was just... so...  *gaaaah*  I know their ending was a happy one, but just remembering this is enough to bring all the feels. 

*End of spoiler*

                                               Shikishima

Personally speaking, Shkishima wasn’t my type of guy/route in Otome games.  What can I say, I’m just inclined to be drawn into the bad guys, so to speak ‘^^  Although real-life speaking I would probably never go for a bad guy (haha). In real life, Shkishima would probably be my type. Just not in a game. In a game, I’m someone else (:

Anyways. I enjoyed Shikishima’s route, just not as much as I wanted to.  But I wasn’t disappointed or anything. It was a solid, good route.  The type you can’t help but smile at the end of it.  And yes, be prepared for some feels. Every route in this game has it. 

                                                      Satoru

Boy, did it took me a while to warm up/understand/figure out/like this one.  It was just because he did... not... stop... studying...  Not until a while later, that is.  BUT.  You only later really realize what makes him the way he is, and his painful backstory.  Then... you start feeling for him like no other.  All you’ll want to do is hug him and promise him everything is going to be okay.

                                  Watase (a.k.a White Mask)

First I was all: Scary... scary... scary... scary... *__* (since he was seriously scaring me)

Then I was all: When is this story going to get personal? We didn’t even get close to him yet! 

And then: Oh my god. His backstory is just... so... OH MY GOD. This is too much pain for one person to bear! 

Finally: I want you to be happy! No, You MUST be happy! With Rinka! In the real world! I love you! 

And this is how it went ^_^

                                                     Naraka

Naraka doesn’t have a route (Hopefully, though, there will be one in the future? One can dream). 

Naraka is the protagonist’s best friend during all those hard times.  Always there for her, to help, to give advice.  The best friend one could hope for, really. 

I love Naraka very much :D

                                                     Sanzu

Let me start by saying:  SANZU’S SONG.  MY HEART.  THE FEELS.  I love music.  Music makes me feel alive. Just like books and writing, music is my everything.  And when I hear a song that touches my heart... they become part of me.  And that song... the one Sanzu sang... I just...  I did not expect it.  It was so passionate, so warm, so full of feelings.  Just like Rinka in the game said: This song is what love is.  You could just feel it in your heart. 

If I could I would attach this song here for everyone to hear, but I can’t find it anywhere online.  Which is sad and frustrating.  I can only listen to it at my playstation at the moment. At least that.  I can’t stop listening to it. 

This game = the best Otome Game I played on PSVita thus far (Since the best Otome Game I *ever* played is reserved for Mystic Messenger). 

Another revelation: Who needs option choice when you have such an amazing plot, character development, setting? *_* (Since this game is operated on a *screen touch* feature rather than option choice one). 

[dindadeel]

Character / Storyline / Whatever-you-called-it Analysis: Mystic Messenger

I really want to credit the artist, but unfortunately I, too, stumbled across this image on the web. If any of you know the owner of this picture, please let me know. Oh, and if the artist does not allow me to repost this picture, please let me know to as I’d be more than willing to take this image down if the owner does not allow me.

Oh my darling,

If only I dare to publish my (twitter) second account here, (will not happen, since I want to say things under privacy, too) you guys would’ve known my obsession over this Korean game called Mystic Messenger.

It is a female-oriented otome (dating) game. You’ll play as this Main Character (MC), so far Cheritz (the developer) has released 6 routes, which you can play depending on which character you want to choose.

So after playing each route and finishing the secret ending, here’s my thought overall.

(lol I actually already wrote a review on my 2nd account, but I’ll write a repetitive thing here lol don’t mind me).

This is a long ass post btw, if you’re not up to that, then you’re free to browse anything else. But if you do want to stick around, feel free to grab some ice tea (I’m recently into honey lemons) and some pockys.

When starting Mystic Messenger, there’s 3 options to choose; Casual Route (free), Deep Route (80 Hourglasses), Another Story (300 Hourglasses). Hourglasses is basically like coins that you can exchange to unlock features throughout the game. You can still proceed with the game without it, but you’ll definitely get more benefits with these hourglasses (e.g.; unlocking new routes like Deep Route, making phone calls, participate in chats that you missed, etc).

You can find more about Mystic Messenger here if you’re a beginner to the game.

Now on to the analysis!

(WARNING: SPOILER ALERT)

If you’re hoping for your-typical-shoujo-storyline-i-met-a-prince-of-my-dream, well you’re wrong because Mystic Messenger is here to fuck you up and make you emotionally attached to fucking fictional characters.

I’d like to think each and every route is a different universe every time I chose a new route (believe me, you’ll have hard time restarting your day after the 11th day). But I cannot help to feel that every route is actually linked to one another and the final ending is Seven’s route. (Yes you can fight me but thats the fact because Seven’s always have this additional thing in his route and he even owns the secret ending, technically).

However, another story (aka V route) is another different universe, because the storyline is a little bit distorted than the original 5 stories (well, it is an additional story).

The reason why I wrote a Tumblr post is because I got a bunch of bullcrap I need to write after finishing V route and Secret Ending.

First of all,

What the actual fuck?

Okay, everything was all good and jolly when you start playing Casual Route. I guess they called it Casual Route because it literally give you the tiniest bit of the secret of RFA. It literally means nothing if you compare it to Deep Route, Another Story, and Secret Endings. In actual fact, even in Jumin’s route, it don’t give as much information.

On casual route, it is very fitting to the name; very casual. It just gives you all these simkung moments with your character of selection. Sure, every route all-in-all asking the MC to ‘help’ the character from their wounds.

(list is based on my recommendations on taking which route first)

Jaehee - To choose her dreams or live on social prejudice

Yoosung - Dealing with his depressions and confusion after Rika’s passing

Zen - Overcoming his insecurities and his past

Jumin - Expressing his emotions when the world seems like tangled threads

Seven - Making sure he is belonged in this world and to be a place where he can call it home

V - Letting him know that he should love and put himself first

Tbh after finishing all routes, I cannot help to think that this whole mysme universe is started as a couple quarrel. But it is a twisted and complex couple quarrel. Basically it all turned murky when  — turned out both the couple did not realized that they’re in a toxic relationship.

 I’m gonna talk not only about any specific route, but the universe as a whole. Mainly towards Secret Endings in which branched from Seven’s, but the inputs came from every route regardless.

Rika had an illness to begin with. She struggles with depression, anxiety, paranoia, and (paranoia induced) delusions. Now this woman (haha please note on how I address her because I put my whole feeling on it) tried to hide it (and she succeeded) from the rest of the member, except V, who’s her fiancee and the one she trusted wholeheartedly. I guess her intentions are good, because she don’t want the rest of the member to worry about her. All she ever wanted to do was to create RFA in hope she could help people with her charity parties and where people with different background and social status could mingle. But again, she’s dealing with a mental illness and I guess she needs someone to know her as a whole, which is V.

This is where everything went wrong, I guess.

Rika does not represent people with mental illness. Cheritz just need a character as an antagonist, or there won’t be any storyline, hahaha.

Don’t get me wrong. V is a loving man. His intentions are also come from a good heart. V loves Rika wholeheartedly. He loves Rika with her flaws, too.

But their actions were like a ripple in a calm water. A single drop could disturb the whole surface.

V comes from a wealthy family, alongside Jumin. He was brought up to act like one. His father brought him up so that he could continue the family business, like Jumin. However, V’s mother was a musician. In fact, his family business related a lot in art & creative industry. So he have this ‘artist blood / tendency’ within him. I think his father opposed him on being an actual artist, so instead he became a photographer. This is where he encountered Rika.

Rika, on the other hand, did not came from a good childhood memory. She was adopted. However, turned out the adoptive parents regretted adopting Rika (that’s a fucked up parents to begin with. I mean, you HAD a choice to PICK your child for God’s sake. You’re not stuck with whatever-God-gave-you on your womb but you GET to choose, either the gender nationality race whatever suits you best and you STILL regret it?). She always felt that she does not belong anywhere and don’t have any place to harbor. She always feel empty.

Now when Rika met V, it felt like a faith to both of them. Rika was the empty canvas. She never knew how it felt to be loved. V, on the other hand, does not know how to give love, as he was always brought up in prince-like manner, and his mother was not able to be there to teach him how to love. So when he encountered Rika, I guess in his artistic mind, his love was like this massive artwork, ready to be painted on Rika’s blank canvas.

Both of them thought that their love was like the sun in the sky.

Why the sun?

Well, the sun is the source of living being. No matter where you are, it will shine. Even when the clouds are there to cover it, the sun is still there, giving you all the warmth. But the thing with the sun, in my opinion, yes it is warm, but there are times where you can get burn to crisp if you stand too long below it. You can get blind if you stare too much. Why, you can even get skin cancer if you’re not well protected.

Both of them could not express their love... as a couple. One wants to accept everything and one is willing to give everything. But the thing is... everything has its own limit. Sure, it feels like they’re meant for each other, however I think it is a toxic relationship as no one in that relationship know how to say no and to stop. V being too philosophical attracted to Rika’s innocence. Back to my canvas-paint theory, it is like Rika is the blank canvas, and V is willing to paint every single space within Rika. So much it turned into obsession. So much that Rika’s actually suffocated from it. Rika’s running out of space.

Sally’s death was the trigger. Rika was in the verge of breaking down. She said it was her fault. Said nobody would love her if they know how dark she is. She is actually ashamed of her illness and struggles, and she wants people to see her as a savior instead. V, who love her so dearly, instead of stopping her, said;

“Even if you strangle my neck, blind my eyes and break my limbs... I will still love you.”

THAT IS FUCKED UP OKAY. Now, if you have a loved one that’s struggling with these conditions, you do not add fuel to the fire. Don’t encourage them to hurt people! What V did was to turn the switch in Rika. In her innocent thought (at first I could not believe Rika was this stupid, but then again, she had her condition), it is okay to be abusive, as V said, he will still love him regardless. THIS. WAS. THE. FUCKING. TRIGGER.

Rika hurt V on purpose due to him trying to stop Rika on creating this cult where she force happiness onto people, drug them so that they would not know any pain. I know V had a good intention trying to stop Rika but I cannot stop thinking that he’s the one who made Rika to had this thought. It was the seed he planted on Rika. He was expecting a beautiful flower to bloom from it, but a monster sprouted instead because of the way he tended the seed.

Due to that, Rika left V for three main reason;

V opposed her idea on creating this everlasting paradise

She thought that V did not love her anymore because she thought V is disgusted with her monster side and the last thing she wanted was for V to leave her side

She knows what she did was wrong. She might be distorted, but she is good by nature. So when she realized she injured V severly, she is actually scared of herself. What if she hurt V even more in future?

And this is where everything went from what the fuck to what in the actual motherfucking fuck?

So instead of spilling the truth, V, being a chivalrous man he is, decided to keep it as a secret. He stated that the reason he kept it as a secret because he did not wish to put Rika under a dark impression. He wants Rika to be seen in her glorious days, as a brilliant young lady which everybody love and adore.

He decided to make Rika’s departure from RFA as her passing. He made up this story that Rika decided to take her own life. Jumped out the cliff, he said, so none of her remains were to be found.

I know RFA trusted this man 100%. But there’s a reason why Yoosung always doubt him, because I will certainly do, too.

First, do you think it is fair for the rest of RFA to be treated that way? To live their life in lies? I mean, come on, she’s basically everyone’s center. If someone that was that close to me, suddenly her fiancee come to us and said she took her own life but her body was never to be found, I would use every measure to fins her (I believe Jumin was loaded enough to do so). 

That aside, does V never consider the rest of RFA’s feeling in the first place? Does he think it was okay for him to lie to them? If only they did not discover the truth in Seven’s route, he will even keep it to himself. I could not help to feel that V is selfish, in a way he wants to keep Rika to herself. He is the one who Rika trust as a whole, and he’d like to keep it that way.

In Casual route, there’s no sign that Rika’s still alive. At the end of each casual route, V is always nowhere to be found. He is either not attending the party, announcing that he’s about to be blind, or just ‘let’s not discuss it now” / “I cannot tell you now”.

IMAGINE how betrayed everyone was when they found out that Rika was still alive and V decided to keep it as a secret. To make things worse, Rika even created this illegal cult. If they truly cared for Rika, I bet they would even love her and help her from her darkness. Hell, Rika was their savior in some way. I just don’t get the logic behind V keeping it from the rest.

For Zen and Jaehee, it might not be a significant lost, just a sense of disappointment. They’re not directly involved in Rika, emotion wise. Jaehee was merely Jumin’s assistant and she respected Rika. Zen was a bit closer to her, as Rika was his fan and the who ‘discovered’ Zen and help him with his career. But other than that, they did not share any emotion bond with Rika.

Yoosung though, he saw Rika as his own big sister. He saw her as his role model. He looked up to Rika a lot. So it is understandable that he was struggling after Rika’s passing, in the most unreasonable reason ever. Especially when Rika only showed her good personality. Who could accept that reason?

Sometimes, people said ignorance is a bliss and that is exactly what happened to each of their routes. They NEVER know. But that is the sad thing. They WILL never know. But if they WERE know the thing that happened behind their back, imagine how hurt they will be? Especially in Yoosung case, where he even get depressed over Rika.

Anyway, it gets even more disappointing for me for the deep route guys. If I were to talk in detail, it will take another dedicated post because it is a deep route hahaha I guess I was deeply attached to them (lol).

By know I guess everyone can grasp on how hurt Seven would feel. His brother was taken by someone that he trusted could take care of him. HIS FUCKING FAMILY. The only person in this universe that he share his blood with and his very existence is the most precious thing. Due to this stupid lover quarrel, Rika just fucking took him and drugged him so that he could work for her and made him hate his own brother. 

WHAT THE FUCK. This is a one sick lady. But whats even sicker is the fact that even knowing this, V did not give Seven any information. He just stick with “I can do this myself, so that none of the member will get hurt”. ITS HIS FUCKING TWIN BROTHER FOR ALL THE GOD’S SAKE. How stupid you could be?! He is more than entitled to know anything about Saeran. Even if love my s/o to death, if he done anything as outrageous as this, I would definitely call for help. This even involved other person’s closest relative!

Another thing to point out is why can’t Seven left any note to Saeran? I know it took awhile for Rika to take Saeran out of Seven and Saeran’s mother. But afterwards, when Saeran was under Rika and V’s care, he could leave a note to him. A simple post-it will do, if he was that scared to be traced. Let Saeran know that the reason he left first is to protect him. Why can’t he do this? I mean, its not like Seven never met V, if in this sense we put Rika under bad light.

Why does V think he is entitled to keep this as a secret? I could see why Seven was in rage when he found out about the whole truth when he about to rescue MC at Rika’s apartment. His reunion with his long lost brother was suppose to be sweet, but no, he was brainwashed and hate him to the core. And even when Seven asking for the truth, V still dare to lie.

But what is even more saddening is Jumin position. Surprised? Well, I guess it is unexpected as he is not a part of Secret Endings. He is constantly suppressing his emotions too. But that is even worse.

The fact that Jumin is V’s closest friend. In his route, Jumin even told MC that the only people that he could trust was V and Rika. I get that couple only share some things among themselves, but imagine how Jumin would feel when he knows two people he trusted the most turned out hiding such big secret? 

He trust V decision, always. When everybody seems to doubt V, he will be that very last person to agree with V. He will never hide anything from V, and even when V hides something from him, he will always said that “V’s always like that. I will trust his decision nevertheless”. The only thing that he didn’t tell V was probably he had feelings for Rika, too (fuck this thing. Jumin’s my man don’t you lay your hand on her Rika (lol)).

Speaking of that, Jumin was in fact treasure Rika, too. He claimed that Rika was that very few people that was able to make him open up and let him expressing his emotion.

He had feelings for Rika, but knowing that Rika never saw him that way and only love V, he suppressed his feelings and decided to just watch from far.

He even treasures Elizabeth the 3rd. Elizabeth the 3rd was so dear to him because it was from Rika, and V named her. The Jumin that we know now is head-over-heel over cat, but in his conversation with Rika on his route, he was not particularly interested in cats to begin with. Jumin’s fucking loaded, if he really likes cat, he could’ve bought the rarest breed of all and enjoy its beauty. But everything changed after Rika gave him Elizabeth the 3rd. He treasured every fragments Rika left him with. He didn’t even finish the book that Rika gave him.

So imagine, imagine it, my dear friend, how unfair his situation is. He already decided to be a bigger man and root for his best friend’s relationship. But turned out his most treasured people are keeping this huge secret. Imagine how disappointed he would feel when he knows Rika was brainwashing Saeran. Imagine how he would’ve felt when V decided to quit RFA on Seven’s route. Imagine how confused he would feel when V is always out of reach on everyone’s after ending. Imagine how painful it is for him to see Rika was beyond repair on V route, the two people he wished for happiness, turned out to be destroying each other?

Imagine how broken he would’ve felt when he attended V’s funeral at Secret End, knowing that his best friend’s own fiancee was the one who lead him to death, and the fact that he has to stay composed in this situation?

There’s a reason why I like Jumin so much. Not only his capability on stay logical (though sometimes can be interpreted as emotionless), but the fact that he never beats around the bush. He never sugar-coat his words (except during his route when he acts like a stupid love bird—no complain about this tho). 

Yes, he is not perfect, even on his route he could be irrational sometimes with his obsessiveness. But knowing his upbringing and his background, its understandable he’s acting this way. But in the end he even tried to overcome it and when V came, he believed in V almost immediately. Even when MC’s life was somewhat along the line.

That is how much he trusted V and how deeply he cared for him.

V, on the other hand, was so drowned on his own ideology of protecting everyone to even notice this. Do you think its fair? Does he thinks its right for him to keep the truth from everyone, when Jumin’s always there for him?

Jumin is even willing to go extra mile for V. I guess sadly V doesn’t see Jumin in the same light.

I know this post somewhat treating V as the main villain. I swear, on V route I tried to save him like everyone else. Rika was truly a sick woman on his route. I really loathe her. As Seven said, she was beyond repair. But again, I couldn’t help to feel sick over the fact that both Rika and V are still hiding Saeran/Ray’s existence, even when Saeran blow himself, ON SEVEN’S AWARENESS.

Even under this fiasco, V never tell anything to anyone. He didn’t even tell MC as far as I know.

Ray... he was the main victim. He was tossed here and there without him able to control his own consciousness due to the drug.

I don’t want to blame V. I really want to hate Rika because Cheritz created this character for us to hate to begin with. But then again, I can’t help to think that the root of this problem is both of them. Both of them acted like they want to save people, how they don’t want to bring pain to innocent souls, but in the end, with their lies and their acting like a goody two shoes,

how many souls did they hurt?

[my-mystic-messenger]

Can I request a high school AU (the RFA and everyone is in high school) with MC x Zen? Like them meeting in theatre class together and she's really shy and quiet around them but they both love acting and she's secretly really good at improv and comedy? Like how they get together and how the other members react and stuff. At this point Zen would have been on his own for a while now and he's probably in a gang. Sorry if this is too specific haha I just love your writing

So haha the last two days I spent re-watching Ouran High School Host Club so basically this is a mash-up of my experience in theatre club + Ouran High School Host Club + Mystic Messenger. What could possibly go wrong, am I right?! 」(￣▽￣」) Also, this blew way out of proportion, so I put it under a read more. I hope you enjoy that clusterfuck of fic as much as I enjoyed dreaming it up

Mentioned MC’s Masterlist

|| REQUEST ARE (ALWAYS) OPEN!! ||

Fandom: Mystic MessengerRating: GeneralWarnings: NoneCategories: F/MRelationships: MC x ZenWord count: 6060

Ouran Elite PrivateAcademy

a prestigious privateschool located in Seoul, Korea. The school is attended primarily bychildren of the rich and famous. Ouran Academy houses five differentdivisions: Kindergarten, Elementary School, Middle School, HighSchool and University. All four divisions are all located on the samecampus and students are free to move about.

Meet the students:

Jumin Han (19) - Freshmenin College (child of a business magnate)

Jihyun Kim (19) -Freshmen in College (child of a celebrity)

Madeleine Campbell (18) -12th grader in High School  (child business magnate)

Mélodie Carpentier (18) -12th grader in High School (child of a celebrity)

Jaehee Kang (18) - 12thgrader in High School (honour student)

Hyun Ryu (17) - 11thgrader in High School (child of prominent family)

Macy Cain (16) - 10thgrader in High School (child of prominent family)

Saeyoung&Saeran Choi(15) 10th graders in High School (children of a politician)

Yoosung Kim (14) 8thgrader in Middle School (child of a politician)

Hyun Ryu had beenattending Ouran Academy since Kindergarten. Despite his family beingneither rich nor famous both his older brother and him had beenaccepted due to their parents’ scholar status and the fact that theywere Ouran Alumni. Hyun and his brother were labeled as children of a‘prominent family’, yet basically being nothing more than honourstudents. At first Hyun had enjoyed it. The school was prestigiousand fancy, the people were generally nice and with smaller classesstudying wasn’t half as bad as it would have been in any publicschool. Plus, he looked really good in the uniforms. However, asyears passed he began feeling less and less comfortable and happy.Especially once he’d realized that he most certainly did not aspireto be some business mogul or even a scholar like his parents. 

He’donly dared to admit as much once he’d finally entered High School andwhile his parents didn’t transfer him away from Ouran – mainlybecause they still hoped the school would shape him and talk somesense into their son – he’d no longer been welcome at their home.Hyun had been forced to run away and somehow find his own way throughlife from that moment on. Despite having made good friends during hisyears at Ouran, Hyun refused all their help. He was annoyed at theprivilege he’d received so far as it was, set on making his way tothe top all by himself. Hyun gave up his former life and completelyreinvented himself as Zen. Zen who was charming and confident. Zenwho started the Ouran Theatre Club, open to all and everyone. Hewanted to perform, become the best at his profession and bewitchnations with his talent.

Sadly, ambition alone didnot pay rent and Zen learned that bitter lesson rather soon. Hungerstarted to drain him, constantly jumping between sleeping somewherein school or at friends’ places became inconvenient and borderlinemortifying. He needed money and he needed it soon. Sadly he was notquite at a place where he could earn enough money with his acting andZen had very little other talents that could have been of help. Thatwas until a man asked him about his bike, how well he rode and howconfident he was in his abilities. Zen had been confused at first –the man did look kind of sketchy – but when he mentioned big sumsof money he could win with nothing more than racing on his bike Zenhad been sold. Desperation overruled logic and before he knew Zen hadjoined a motorgang, riding for their lives, in the most literal ofsenses.

The days were spent inschool, his afternoons in the barely there theatre club he’d startedand by night he raced other people for money or got into fights withother clans. It wasn’t the perfect situation, but he got by and thatwas all that mattered. His body soon started to condition itself,healing at a rate that was almost inhumanly fast to make up for allthe damage he took during races or fights gone wrong. Barely a weekwent by without Zen doing some kind of damage to his body. It soonled to a bad-boy reputation to be build on his part, something hehadn’t quite played on but works with. The girls enjoy him in leatherjackets and tight jeans, riding to school on his bike and smokingbehind the building, so he accents such behaviour instead of hidingit in his desperate need for attention and affection. It is only atthe beginning of his 11th school year that things begin tochange.

♬

When the door to thetheatre club opened Zen froze, instantly jumping up from the tablehe’d been sitting on to look who it was. Despite his desperateattempts to put even a single play on stage he’d failed miserably sofar. No one at Ouran seemed to be interested in joining the theatreclub, too busy following their parents’ footsteps into commercialsuccess. Zen desperately wanted to judge them, but opposite to himthey seemed content with their fate. He’d almost given up hope on theclub, ready to dissolve it entirely, when suddenly a young girlentered, looking around the big room. “Hello”, she called, eyesscanning the entire room before landing on Zen. They widened withsurprise – something he’d gotten used to by now, with his strangelooks – before a bright smile and kindness replaced the initialsurprise, leaving Zen breathless.“Are you Hyun then”, sheasked, heavy American accent in her Korean. Still, at least she’dbothered to learn the language, something that Zen was more thanimpressed with. He stepped towards her, holding out his hand for herto shake. “I am. You’re a foreigner. Could it be that you are thetransfer student everyone has been talking about?” The girl nodded.“Yes, my name is Macy Cain. I came here to study dance in a DanceAcademy, but I still have to go to school, so here I am.” Shechuckled and Zen hadn’t heard such genuine sounds in a long time. “Isee. Sadly our school doesn’t have a dance club, I’m afraid”, hesaid and Macy nodded. “I know, I already asked around. That’salright though. They told me about the theatre club and Ifigured…well if we perform something like a musical, a danceperformance is a must and I could definitely help withthat.”Musical? Zen hadn’t even considered musicals. He wasquite the good singer and he did play the guitar, but without anyactors for even an ordinary play, how on earth was he supposed tothink about musicals. He rubbed the back of his head nervously,cheeks reddened. “I’m sorry to say, but the theatre club is ratherdead. I tried getting people to join, but some are afraid of me, someare not allowed to be associated with me and some are too busystaring and admiring me to even consider proper acting and disciplineand I detest half-heartedness, so the club never really came to be”,he explained, sighing when the thought really sunk in anddisappointment overwhelmed him. Macy hummed. “How unfortunate.Well, we’ll just have to gather some people then. See you tomorrowfor practice”, she announced, cheerful as ever, before leaving theroom and a baffled Zen behind.

♬

The next day Zen foundhimself surprisingly hopeful as he sat in the auditorium all byhimself. Every time he heard steps from the hall his heart skipped abeat, excitement flooding his body, only to be disappointed when thedoors didn’t open. About half an hour into ‘practice’ Zen was readyto throw the towel and leave when suddenly the doors opened and Macystepped in. Zen instantly jumped up, practically running towards her,happy to at least have her return. That is when he spotted threeother people walking and froze. “Trust Fund Kid?! What the fuck areyou doing here?!” Zen glared at the guy, hands balling into fists.Jumin merely gave him an uninterested glance. “I am here to jointhe theatre club, obviously.” Beside him another young manappeared, blue haired and much friendlier looking as well as ared-haired young woman.

“Did Macy talk you intothis? I don’t people like you to join my club”, he hissed back,reading to throw a fit. Jumin huffed. “No, she did not. Madeleinedid”, he replied, hand resting on the young woman’s lower back. Shelooked gentle, smiling up at the boy beside him which lead Zen tobelieve that she must have been his girlfriend. That possibly shockedhim more than Jumin’s willingness to join the club. Who on earth withever subject themselves to Jumin Han on a regular basis? “Not tomention that calling it 'your club’ is rather absurd considering thatup to this point it had no members and the only reason it has any nowis thanks to Madeleine and Macy.” Oh Zen definitely wanted to smashhis fucking face in. Then again, Jumin was right. Not only did theclub have any members now, it had enough to be considered legitimateto school standards. They could finally perform!

“How didyou do it”, Zen asked, this time talking to Macy, awe written allover his face. She chuckled. “Madeleine and I got to know eachother at orientation day. When I asked her about it she was delightedto join. She asked Jumin, who was a little reluctant at first, butonce Jihyun agreed to join if he did we roped both of them into it”,Macy explained, high-fiving the other girl. Ah, so Jumin Han wasn’tquite as independent and controlling as he liked to portray himselfto be, if his girlfriend could rope him into things like that. “Ididn’t know you could act”, Zen said, glaring at Jumin again butthis time with less heat. “I can’t. What ridiculous assumptions.I’ll manage the club, Jihyun will record the performances, Macy willdance, Madeleine is a mighty fine actress and you…I guess you’lllook pretty on the posters.” This time Zen had to be physicallyheld back from punching the asshole.

♬

“And who are you two”,he asked, looking down at the twins with confusion. “Saeyoung andSaeran. Macy is in our class”, they replied in union, alreadyirritating Zen. He closed his eyes o hide the fact that he wasrolling them so hard, any more and he wound have seen his own brain.He looked to Macy then, pleadingly. Was she serious? Macy grinned andshrugged. “They are really clever. Both of the skipped a grade,which is why they are so young”, she explained as if it helped thesituation. He already had Jumin Han to annoy him. Zen didn’t need toknow it alls on top of it. “We can memorise any script afterreading it once”, one of the brothers said, the one with theglasses. “Plus, we can act. So well some people can’t even tell weare acting”, the other one added, a somewhat mischievous glint tohis eyes. Zen shivered. “W-well…welcome to the theatre club, Iguess…”♬

“I could help V with thescenery”, Mélodie suggested on the clubs third meeting. Despitenot having chosen a play, everyone in the club was getting excitedand dividing up the work. They were only eight people at this point,but things were staring to look up. Frankly, one could do a lot morewith eight people than Zen had first assumed. “Okay so V andMélodie are taking care of the stage design, Zen and Macy will beworking on the music, Madeleine and I will work on the costumes andthe twins will take care of special effects and technology ingeneral. Now the real question is…should we write an originalscript and if so…who wants to do that?” That was when a quietvoice chirped up from the back of the auditorium, startling all themembers gathered on stage. “I could do that.” Madeleine andMélodie recognized the girl as their classmate Jaehee and so eightmembers became nine.

♬

“Isn’t he a littleyoung? Especially compared to the oldest members”, Zen whispered atMacy as they watched the new addition to their club – Yoosung Kim –be teased by the twins. “I mean…I guess, but he seems reallyeager? Frankly he seems to get along better with the older guys thanwith the twins who are closest to his age. Plus, he might be aninteresting addition”, she whispered back, shrugging. “Uh-huh?How so”, Zen asked, disbelieve audible in his voice. “I don’tknow, Zen, he’s cute. He could be our mascot or something like that.”Zen hummed, looking at the little blonde dude with huge doe eyes. Hedid have that whole shota-boy thing going for him and they didn’thave someone like that in their rounds yet. “I bet he can trickpeople into coming to our shows if we let him hand out the fliers andstuff”, she added and so the deal was sealed.

♬

“Okay everyone, we’llstart todays practice with an improv session. Maybe it will help uscome up with a possible plot for our play and yes, Jumin, you have toparticipate as well”, Zen announced into the round. Jumin huffedbut instantly relaxed when Madeleine pressed a kiss to his cheek.Whipped! They stood in a circle for a quick warm up before Zen askedinto the round who would like to begin. Suddenly the room wasoverwhelmed by a radio silence. How come the theatre club was full ofpeople who didn’t want to act?! “Macy, come join me, please. Youtoo, Yoosung. We’ll start with a simple family scene and see how itgoes from there.” While Yoosung actually seemed eager upon havingbeen picked, instantly climbing on stage to prove himself and hisworth, Macy was hesitant. Usually she was very confident andoutgoing, which is why he’d picked her to begin with.

“Zen, I’m not anactress. I came here to dance, mainly”, she said, not meeting hiseyes. Zen frowned, taking in her demeanour as he’d never seen herlike that. Macy never shied away from a challenge and Zen wouldn’tallow as much to to happen now. Holding out his hand for her to takehe smiled. “Don’t be scared. We’re all friends here so no one willjudge.” After quickly glancing around the room, met with a row offriendly smiles, Macy took Zen’s hand and climbed on stage to joinhim and Yoosung. Zen could tell that she was still nervous, but atleast she was trying and he appreciated that. Acting was completelydifferent from dancing and on top of that improv was especially hard.Without a script or more than a general idea to go by a lot of peoplestruggled with it, even professionals. Still, Zen believed in Macyand as it turned out he was right in doing so.

Whatever you threw at her,Macy had quick, witty comeback. During their short improv that day –mere five minutes at most – she managed to make even Jumin laugh.Not only that, but she turned out to be a great actress too. Hercomedic act could have easily turned out to be ridiculous andunprofessional, but Macy took her role serious, which probably madethe whole thing all the more hilarious to watch. Meanwhile Yoosungsuffered through the improv as it got increasingly hard for him notto crack up at Macy’s jokes as well, thereby breaking character. WhenZen called cut on the scene the rest of the group cheered andclapped, leaving Macy to blush and bow to them shyly. Zen could do nomore than stare at her, heart racing. It was only when the twinsdemanded to play a scene as well that he snapped out of it, shakinghis head to focus on practice.

♬

“I think we should meetafter school to take care of the music now that we finally have anactual script”, Macy suggested, two weeks after their first improvsession. Jaehee had done a great job at writing it. After watchingthe entire group do their improvs for a couple of days, Jaehee hadcatalogued all their strengths and weaknesses, incorporating theminto the characters and story she wrote. After sitting everyone downthey’d turned the story into a proper script a new motivation takingover the small club. Every day they met to practice their lines andblocking on stage and after practice most of them stayed behind totake care of their individual tasks as well. Zen was so happy to seeeveryone excited about their play as well as having such a devotedand loyal group of friends. Even Jumin took his role as manager ofthe club increasingly serious, silently pulling the strings oneverything.

“Sure, we can staybehind in the auditorium after practice to work on the music”, Zensuggested, grinning down at the blonde. Since the beginning of theirlittle club about a month ago he’d grown rather attached to her.Despite not being in the same class they spent a lot of timetogether, both at theatre club as well as the breaks in betweenclasses. She always sought him out during lunch time, sitting next tohim where others had kept their distance, while Zen always walked herhome after school. Well, he never walked her the entire distance,scared that someone from another gang would see and possibly attackthem. He did, however, watch her leave once they’d reached the cornerthey usually parted ways at, heart beating just a little fasterwhenever she turned around one last time to wave him goodbye.

“No, that won’t do. Therest of the club is always day making some kind of ruckus and wecan’t practice, let alone compose, under such conditions. Plus, I gethungry if we stay too long and then I get cranky and when I’m crankyI can’t work. I would suggest going to my place, but I live by myselfand my apartment is extremely tiny. Could we maybe meet at yours?”Zen knew that Macy had asked without mean intent, actually makingsome valid points, but the question hit home. He froze almostimmediately, expression falling from happy to something dark andempty instead. Macy stopped in her tracks when she noticed the suddenchange in mood, turning to look at her friend. It was obvious thatshe was worried, reaching out to him but hesitating. Her hand reachedout for his face but hung in the air until Zen moved into the touch,hand resting against his cheek as he closed his eyes.

It feltso warm against his cold skin, so much so that he had the need torest his hand above hers to keep it in place, burying himself in thegentle touch. “I don’t really have a home”, he admitted in awhisper like it was some kind of dirty secret, something to beashamed off. “What”, came a quiet gasp in reply. “Why?” Zenfinally opened his eyes, meeting Macy’s. He could see the tearsthreatening to roll down her cheeks gathering and hated himself formaking her worry like that. Still, he could not lie, not with her.Macy was probably the only person he could be fully himself with andmaybe Zen needed that from time to time. No acting. No falseconfidence. No playing cool or tough. Just…Zen. “My parents bothwent to Ouran Academy as honour students. They are scholars, elitesif you want. My brother followed their footsteps but when I announcedI wouldn’t -”

“They kicked you out?”Zen nodded. “At first I tried living with friends, but its rude tostay longer than a couple of days at a time and eventually, after acouple of months, I got tired of jumping between families. I was atan all time low, walking down the streets with my tiny suitcasedragging behind me when this dude came to me, asking about my bike.They offered me a place to stay and food, so I accepted to come withhim”, he explained, shrugging. He never had to explicitly mentionit, but Macy soon realized what her friend was trying to tell her.“You joined a biker gang?! Oh Zen, don’t tell me you’re racing!”Zen blushed, taking a step back and instantly missing the featherytouch against his cheek. “It’s not like I had a choice. It’s eitherride or die and I’d rather die trying than die curled up in someditch.”

Zen had expected a lot of reactions, but mostcertainly not the slap to the face he received. “Risking your lifefor something like that? I thought you were smarter than that, youidiot”, Macy snapped, tears now freely running down her cheeks,slender body shaking almost violently. “It’s not like I had achoice, Macy! I had no money and nowhere to go.” Had he not caughther hand, she probably would have slapped him another time. “Youcould have asked us”, she screamed. “Every day you meet with ninepeople who care for you and love you and yet you are too proud to askany of us for help!? Shame on you, Ryu.. Risking your valuable lifeon illegal races that could kill you faster than any starvationbecause you 'had no other choice’ is the dumbest excuse I’ve everheard. I’ll wake the rest of the way myself. Someone who can’t takecare of themselves should not be worrying about taking care of me.”

♬

Upon entering theauditorium the next morning Zen was met with his nine friends, alltalking in hushed voices that instantly stopped when they noticedhim. For a while they all silently stared at him and Zen had beenabout ready to turn around and leave when out of all people Juminstepped forward. Without a word he held out an envelop and Zen didn’thave to be a genius to know it was money. He could feel the angerrise inside of him and before he knew he was slapping the others handaway. “I don’t need your money, jerk! I’m not your little charitycase”, he snapped angrily. As per usual Jumin’s expression remainedcalm and stoic. It was Madeleine who seemed hurt and angry as shestepped forward to look at her boyfriends hand before picking up theenvelop that had fallen to the floor. “It’s not Jumin’s money, Zen,so please man up and just accept our help already.”

Zen instantly calmed uponfaced with such defeat in everyones eyes. He sighed, taking theenvelop and actually looking inside. He felt a little dizzy when herealized just how much money that was. “You don’t seriously want meto believe that this isn’t his. Who else has so much money on theirhands”, he asked, waving the thick bundle around. “OuranAcademy’s student body. We knew you wouldn’t accept our money, oranyones really, so we asked for tiny, tiny donations from everyone.Only so much that it wouldn’t be a bother to them. We didn’t tellthem what the donations were for, so they wouldn’t feel obliged tohelp. Ouran Academy is filled with rich people so some of thedonations might seem like a lot to you, but to them it’s not even asplit of their lunch money. They happily gave it up so please acceptthe money and rent a place”, Jaehee explained calmly with everyonenodding along.

Zen looked at the money, on the verge of tearsas he considered through how much trouble his friends must have gonethrough to ask all the students for money like that. He sighed. “I’mreally thankful for your guys’ hard work, but even if I accept this,I can’t rent a place. This might be enough to the first deposit andmaybe first months rent, but what should I do afterwards? I don’thave any other way to earn money but participating in those races.”That is when Jumin decided to speak up once more. “This is whereyou are wrong. You can earn money by acting. We decided to scrap theplay with had in favour of writing a new, much shorter one. That waywe can perform once a week instead of once a month or year. We caninvite people to our performances and do so in exchange for money.It’s neither charity nor are we forcing anyone and you will earnmoney without risking your life.”

Zen couldn’t believe hisears. They’d not only gathered enough for him to rent an apartment,but they were also coming up with a solution for him to pay rent andprovide for himself without having to race. That is when everyone gotout the scripts they’d been hiding behind their backs, presentingthem to Zen. Every member had written their own sketch. They wereshort and not all of the members were needed, which gave the othermembers more time to prepared for their own, creating a perpetuummobile performing and writing. “You’ll have to live a very modestlife and we won’t be able to do this for longer than a couple ofyears tops, but none of us have a shred of doubt in your abilities toprovide for yourself. You just needed some help to get up, but soonyou’ll be running on your own”, V added after some silence,everyone nodding along to his words.

Zen looked at everyone,trying his best to remain calm and keep his face when in reality hewanted to sing and cry with joy. Never in his life had he experiencedsuch unconditional love and he’d never imagined to find it in a placelike this, nor from the people he got it from. Considering thecircumstances he was all the more grateful. “Thank you”, he said,looking down at the money, holding it tight to his chest as he bowedto everyone, one by one. “Thank you so much for your help. If it’salright…I’d like to accept it.” Everyone clapped and cheered,pulling Zen into a group hug. Everyone but Macy, that is. She wasstill standing at the side, watching with an unreadable expression,arms crossed over her chest. It was when Zen swallowed nervously thateveryone took the hint, wished him good luck and scrambled out of theroom.

Faced alone with Macy Zen felt more nervous than he’dever felt before. It was usually him that seduced the women, madethem feel weak in the knees. Now he felt like a little child writingtheir first love letter to a secret crush. It was nerve wracking. Hewas about go gather up the courage to say something, anything at all,when Macy uncrossed her arms and held out a stack of papers. Zen wasconfused, to say the least. He’d prepared a million apologies thenight before after she’d quite literally slapped sense into him, butnow he was taken off guard. Was that script really that important?When Macy merely continued to hold it out for him, saying nothing,Zen figured it probably was and took the script hesitantly. Macyreached behind herself once more, picking up an identical stack andopening the first page, clearing her throat. “Read”, shecommanded and Zen did as he was told.Macy: This book…Weused to read these to each other. Why did you even buy it?

Zen: You know.

Macy: No, I don’t.

Zen: Yes, you do.

- Zen attempts to makea pass at Macy, but gets pushed away -

Macy: No, I don’t!

Zen: You know, I hate yoursquishy guts.

- woman grabs ontoman, holding him in a tight embrace -

Macy: I hate yoursquishy guts.

Zen: You know you love me.

- woman pulls back andstarts lightly hitting man with her fists -

Macy: I did love you. Iloved your squishy guts. You fucked it all up.

Zen: You fucked itall up.

Macy: Oh God! Why do Ilove you? It’s those eyes! Why do you have such pretty eyes? You’resuch a jerk! Why do you have to have those eyes? Why did you make mefall in love with you? I was supposed to be over it – falling inlove. And then there you were, with those eyes.

- Macy wants to getaway but Zen stops her -

Zen: We never evenfinished them all.

Macy: Ha! You know a lotabout not finishing something.

Zen: That again? It’snot like I’m not trying. Do you have any idea what it’s been likefor me? Trying to write something, something really good, when itjust isn’t coming?

Macy: Yea, well, you’renot the only one who’s not ‘coming.’

- Zen gets the pun,then stops for a moment. He changes his demeanour to that of aseducer -

Zen: Oh. Is that yourproblem? You need a little something? I think I can take care ofthat.

- Zen pulls Macy intoa passionate kiss - Once Zen had finished reading throughthe script he understood, smiling at the last line before looking up.He was met with a pair of  half lidded blue eyes looking at him,paired with small smirk. He’d gotten the message loud and clear andnot just the good part of it. Zen put away the script, walkingtowards Macy to embrace her, holding her tight to his chest. Itwasn’t quite as seductive as the play made it out to be, but it waspassionate and sincere nevertheless. “You came up with all of it,didn’t you?” It was formulated like a question, but Zen knew theanswer without her having to tell him. Even if the others cared forhim, no one cared quite as much as her. “You saved me, you know?”Macy looked up at him then, smiling gently. “I know. I think youshould repay your hero”, she replied teasingly and once more Zenobeyed, pulling her in for the kiss they’d both waited for.

♬

“Excuse me, Hyun Ryu?”Zen turned around, surprised to be greeted by an unfamiliar, adultface. Usually only the student body came to their performances,rarely the teachers. The man in front of him was neither. “Please,call me Zen. It is the name I chose for myself”, he replied. Zentook the hand that was held out to him and shook it politely, smilingat the man. “How may I help you?” The man laughed, reaching intohis pocket and getting out a small card. “I think I might actuallybe able to help you. We’re still looking for a young lead for ourupcoming play and you are perfect for it. With your amazing looks youstick out and your talents hits the nail on the head. If you’reinterested that call that number. We can discuss the details in amore private setting.”

♬

“It’s about time toinvited us to your place, Zen”, Saeyoung said, looking around thesmall apartment curiously, twin always by his side. “Yeah, we’rethe reason you have it in the first place.” Zen huffed, shaking hishead but smiling nevertheless. All his friends were gathered at theplace he was allowed to call his own home. A couple of months hadpassed since he’d moved in and if Zen was completely honest withhimself, he could have lived with never inviting the bunch of themover at all. Seeing so many filthy rich people gathered in such amodest place, probably silently judging, made him nervous. “He wasprobably enjoying his little den of love with Macy”, Mélodiereplied with a chuckle, making herself comfortable in V’s lap. Zenhad no idea when that particular relationship had happened, but aslong as they were happy, he supposed he was happy too.“Please,don’t make such crude remarks, Mélodie. It is bad enough to thinkthat they are probably true, let alone be reminded of the fact thatZen and Macy are living a immoral life style”, Jumin repliedsternly, holding onto Madeleine like someone was about to snatch heraway. “Oh please, like you’re the one to talk. You’re drooling overyour girlfriend”, Zen replied, rolling his eyes. “Fiancée.Madeleine is my fiancée soon to be wife and if you must know, we arewaiting until after marriage for such intimate acts to be shared,thank you very much.” Zen huffed, shaking his head. “Stop callingher your fiancée. It’s creepy. You’re just nineteen years old”, hesaid. “Huh, I didn’t know love had some sort of age stamp on it”,Jumin replied easily. Madeleine snickered at his stupid come-back andJumin lovingly pressed a kiss to her temple, effectively making Zenwant to throw up.

“Hearing you talk aboutlove…it gives me the chills. Are you really sure about marryinghim, Maddy? You could still find someone better”, Zen said instead,looking at his friend with concern and pity in his eyes. The redheadmerely chuckled, shaking her head at the two boys. “As sure as youare about Macy.” Well, that certainly put things into perspective.Zen looked across the room to where Macy was talking and laughingwith the twins and Yoosung, cheerful and happy as ever. He couldn’thelp but smile just looking at her. “I’m really happy for the twoof you, by the way. We all are”, Madeleine said as she noticed theothers glance. Zen turned his head to look at her, beaming from earto ear as he thanked her for her kind words. Had it not been for thenever ending support of his friend, Zen would have never dared topursue Macy. Thankfully, he’d been nudged in the rightdirection.

“Anyway, why are we gathered here today? Don’ttell me you’re proposing to Macy”, Mélodie said, instantly causingboth Zen and Macy to blush and choke on air. “What? No! I won’tpropose to anyone until I’m finally an established man, ready toprovide for myself and my future wife. Until then, I’m afraid, Macywill have to wait.” The blush in Macy’s cheeks only deepened andshe quickly looked away to hide it. Zen couldn’t have found her moreadorable if he tried. “We’re gathered here today, because I have avery happy and not marriage related announcement to make. After ourlast performance I was approached by a producer. He was amazed withmy talent and offered me a role in his upcoming play. It’s only asmall production, but I will be playing the lead and hopefully itwill open some more doors for me.”

Everyone cheered,gathering for a big group hug. In the short time all of them hadworked together on the theatre club they’d grown together as afamily, really. There wasn’t a day they didn’t see each other or atleast chat in their little chat room the twins had provided.Naturally those were the people that Zen wanted to tell about hissuccess first. “Without all of you none of this would have beenpossible. I have a job, I have a steady home, a girlfriend I love andfriends who are by my side. Even Jumin is here”, Zen said, earninga couple of laughs while Jumin looked unimpressed. Zen grinned. Therewould not be a day that he’d miss a chance to jab at the other. “Butmost of all, I have to thank you, Macy. Without you…I would haveended up dead sooner or later. Thank you for believing in me. Pleasewait a little longer for me so I can make a name for myself, becomethe man you deserve. Will you wait for me?” Macy nodded, stealing aquick kiss that left Zen flushed and everyone else in loud cheers.“Forever.”

The little script part is not mine. You can find it here

[lyonface]

Writing Review 2016

I was tagged by @galadrieljones​. Thank you, falon. I haven’t been writing much lately but I hope to jump back on the wagon soon.

Total Number of Stories Completed:

Completed? Sheesh. If my self-contained prompt fills count, we’re getting close to 20. Klexos EV can count as self-contained, but really is just an extended universe for Klexos proper, so I don’t like counting it.

Total Word Count:

All of the fanfiction that currently exists on my AO3 was basically started in 2016 (Klexos was published on 12/22/15, but it counts.)

I docked the first two chapters from Klexos (holy shit you guys those were 8k words BY THEMSELVES) and added unfinished work, the rest of my AO3 wordcount, and my poetry. We won’t even touch rping because that is literally unquanitifiable, but I have no doubt that those blogs would add on thousands of words of just my entries on their own. My written works (fiction and nonfiction) in 2016 total approx. 172,201, minus roleplaying and planning documents.

Fandoms Written In:

Dragon Age, Hannibal, Mystic Messenger.

Looking Back, Did You Expect To Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected?

I had no true idea what I would end up writing, but I can be pretty damn sure that I would never imagine myself writing the sheer volume of work that I have. Although I did anticipate being further in Klexos by this time (it’s over a year old!) I also had no idea that I would write it’s side story, Klexos EV, nor that I would be roleplaying again and getting into other fandoms.

Short answer: I expected to write a shit ton less.

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year?

Klexos is my darling child, despite my lack of attention to it in recent months. Klexos EV is the first self-contained fictional work that I’ve completed since an original piece of fiction back in high school that we shall speak no more of. Although I haven’t gotten to what I anticipate will be my favorite parts of Klexos, I have thoroughly enjoyed the experience of creating it and having people see it.

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year?

Doing it at all was a risk, honestly. Setting up my AO3, deciding to prioritize my fiction over my nonfiction. My Patreon was also a pretty big risk, which I hope to pay off (literally) soon once I get the hell over this cold and writer’s block and jump back on the bandwagon. So basically I went from making an AO3 to making a Patreon to neaty bookend my year.

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year?

Finish Klexos or get damn close. Start an original piece that’s been kicking around in my head since my failed attempt at NaNo this year. Prioritize my time better so I can be productive and still enjoy myself. Push my personal boundaries and make myself write things I may find uncomfortable so I can more thoroughly explore myself and my worldview.

Best Story Of The Year?

I see Klexos is going to be basically the answer to all of these, isn’t it?

Most Popular Story Of The Year?

Still Klexos my dude.

Story of Mine Most Under-appreciated By The Universe, IMO:

The Senris that was never allowed to be on @lyrium-larvae​ tbh. You can check out the #solas tag and start from the beginning to see how it plays out. It hurts me. My friends and I have phrases for certain instances during that whole arc. Good lord...

Most Fun Story To Write:

Klexos is really fun, but it’s getting to where I’m finding gaps that need to be filled up with meaningful content before moving on to the next story beat, which is proving a bit more difficult than I intended. First big work I’ve planned until the end, so it’s bound to have issues.

Story With The Single Sexiest Moment:

I haven’t er...written anything sexy and posted it besides No More Games, which doesn’t actually get into any raunchy bits because I chickened out and couldn’t justify how those two characters would have sex on their first night together that was unplanned.

I have written....a lot of stuff off site though, and hope to stop being a shakey baby and just get to posting it out for the public to see. It’s one of the hurdles I want to overcome in 2017.

Most Sweet Story:

Basically all the prompt fills I have written and will ever write for Galenris (Galaren DuMarc/Fenris) is going to be sweet. Because the two of them together just hit me right in the Good Feels.

“Holy Crap, That’s Wrong, Even For You!” Story:

I haven’t written anything that would make people be aghast. If someone reads Klexos EV and says that, they clearly don’t know me.

Story That Shifted My Own Perceptions Of The Characters:

Binary actually helped me understand Will better even during the process of writing it. It’s short, but it will inform my interpretation of Will Graham probably for the remainder of the time that I write him, in fanfics or otherwise.

Writing Fenris in general has made me realize more and more that he and I have a lot in common, almost to an uncomfortable degree.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story:

Yeah uh...those will be coming in the future I have no doubt. Considering my post not 18 hours ago about having an idea for a fic related to dubcon that made me uncomfortable haha.

Hardest Story To Write:

Mmm. Klexos is difficult because of its sheer scale and demand for organization in order for everything to work properly together. I’ve never written anything this involved or with multiple interactions and arcs going on at once while still trying to remain focused on character development. It’s rewarding, and will be more so I have no doubt, but man it is not easy to stick to it sometimes.

In terms of subject matter... I don’t think I’ll write something as emotionally uncomfortable or compromising as Klexos EV for...a long time, unless Hannibal dredges something out of me I don’t know is there (or goddamn Mystic Messenger, of all things.) I felt actual physical discomfort and emotional anguish while writing EV, especially for Chapters 5, 7, you know just the entirely last half, especially after 6. The experience of basically rewriting Klexos Chapter 6 as Klexos EV Chapter 9 was incredible, and gives me a lot of appreciation for tied together endings like that.

Like, fuck guys, I’m writing a fix-it oneshot for my own fucking fanfic. That is intense, dude.

Biggest Disappointment:

All but abandoning my Wordpress blog is...pretty depressing. Today was the first day it’s gotten no hits in a very very long time, and I guess it just kind of felt...mm, like I’d let it go too long. I’m also disappointed in my own inability to apparently time manage effectively. It was a strength I had during school that has apparently gone flabby with lack of use. I plan to rectify that.

Biggest Surprise:

That I’ve learned so much not only about myself through writing the way I have (a lot, like oh my god) but that I’ve found friends and learned more about writing than I necessarily though I might. I’ve met so many good, varied writers through fandoms and it’s so interesting to see everyone’s styles and processes, even if they’re not so good at feedback or working together (beyond rps, at least.) I’ve found far more confidence in my writing than I thought I would necessarily ever, I think. I mean jeez, one of my poems got published in 2016! That still doesn’t feel real sometimes!

---

Thanks for tagging me! And if anyone feels an urge to fill it out and log their progress, make sure to tag me! :)