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let-it-raines · 5 years ago

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Rising from the Ashes (20/21)

When her husband died, Emma wasn’t sure that she could ever move on. He left her with a broken heart and a baby who was only three-months old. It’s enough to take most people down, to make them not want to keep going, but Emma Swan isn’t most people. She’s stronger than she has any right to be.

And after years of heartache, she’s found ways to move on…one of those being in Neal’s best friend, Killian Jones.

As she’s always known, however, things are more complicated than they ever seem to be.

Rating: Mature

A/N: So, friends, this is the penultimate chapter! The next chapter is the epilogue with all of the happiness that this family deserves, so be looking out for that one! I’ll post when everyone has had some time to read this one! 💙

A special shoutout to @shady-swan-jones for prompting me this story back in November. I was going to write a one shot, never could figure out how to do it, and then posted the introduction to the one shot so I could encourage myself to keep writing it. Another shoutout to @wellhellotragic for helping me formulate ideas and for making sure everything made sense and another one for @bmbbcs4evr because she literally messages me after every chapter with detailed notes that point out little things that I figured no one would notice and flails over something that’s super angsty. And thanks to @resident-of-storybrooke for simply being herself 😊

This has been such a difficult story to write, but I’ve really, truly enjoyed getting to put my heart into crafting it.

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @ultraluckycatnd @jamif @cs-forlife @qualitycoffeethings @resident-of-storybrooke @captainsjedi @captswanis4vr @teamhook @ekr032-blog-blog @mayquita @bmbbcs4evr @pirateherokillian @wellhellotragic @kmomof4 @jennjenn615 @onceuponaprincessworld @shady-swan-jones @snow-into-ash @andiirivera @mariakov81 @shireness-says @kristi555 @facesiousbutton82 @superchocovian @jonirobinson64 @snowbellewells @thejollyroger-writer @tiganasummertree @idristardis @blowmiakisscolin

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“Hey, Ems,” Neal smiles, looking for all the world like he belongs in this house while suddenly the place where she once felt safest no longer feels secure. Her heartbeat has picked up by a solid twenty seven more beats per minute, and her legs seem like flimsy toothpicks beneath her as she places her hand against Henry’s shoulder, the warmth of Killian’s hand on her back the only thing that seems not to be freezing her out.

She’s dreaming. She has to be dreaming. There’s no other explanation for any of this. She’s going to wake up in thirty seconds and Killian’s arms are going to be wrapped around her and the man who abandoned her isn’t going to be holding her daughter in the way that he never held his son.

Vomit makes its way up her throat, but she swallows it down and closes her eyes as she attempts to take one deep breath after another. The tension is practically rolling off of Killian, but he’s the ones who brushes by her first, quickly heading into the living room and pulling Neal into a hug only to come out with Ada held securely in his arms.

Good.

Okay, good.

That makes her breathe a little more easily, and when Killian nods at her, a soft smile on his face, she takes that as her cue to try to act as naturally as she can. It’s difficult figuring out what that is, especially since even if she didn’t know everything she knew, she would still be pissed at Neal and at their conversation from yesterday. Every bit of that was unacceptable, but she can’t knock the teeth out of his mouth with Henry in here.

She really wants to knock the teeth out of his mouth and possibly break a bone or two.

But she can’t. She can’t do any of that, and it’s so damn unfair. This man has made her love him time and time again, even if it has been in different ways, and then ripped her entire life out from underneath her. All she wants is to scream and yell and work out every bit of anger and resentment, but none of that is possible.

This man is her son’s father, and even if he is a criminal and an undeniable asshole, she cannot degrade him in front of Henry. Not yet. They’re going to have to have that conversation, but no part of her is ready for it.

And she imagines she can’t be ready until someone arrests her ex-husband.

What the fuck is her life?

“You look like a ghost,” Ruby laughs, and Emma blinks in response several times until her vision clears of the blurry tears and Ruby comes into view. She’d forgotten that Ruby was here. How did she forget that? Why didn’t Ruby text her that Neal was here? “Of course, I would too if my ex-husband showed up in my house,” she whispers in Emma’s ear, making her laugh even if she doesn’t know why.

“When did he get here?”

“About five minutes ago.”

She nods, swallowing her gulp again. “Thanks for watching the kids, Rubes. Were they good?”

“They were great. We got ice cream, like I promised, and then we did stop by my house to pick up some paints. They’ve both got a few pieces drying out on the back deck, so make sure to look out there and get them.”

“What’d you paint for me, kid?” she asks Henry, her voice cracking as she tries to smile at him.

“Dinosaurs. Ruby looked them up for me online and drew them for me before I painted them.”

“Well that’s nice of her. Why don’t you thank her before she leaves, okay? I’m going to go say hi to your dad.”

Henry nods before he starts chatting Ruby up like she hasn’t been with her all day. It makes her legitimately smile when she’s having a difficult time keeping control of any of her limbs, but she focuses on the way that Henry is currently happy and Ada is babbling without stopping to Killian as he sits with her on the couch all the while she steps closer to Neal and pretends that he doesn’t make her feel like she’s covered in a layer of un-washable grime.

Unlike Killian, she doesn’t have the wherewithal to give him a hug, so she steps in front of him and straightens her shoulders all the while he smiles down at her. She’s never found his smile creepy until this exact moment. Condescending, sure. Creepy, not at all.

“What are you doing here, Neal?”

“What? A man can’t come and surprise his son?”

“Not without talking about it to me first.”

Neal’s jaw ticks. “He’s my son. I can see him when I want to.”

“That’s not how parenting works when you don’t live in the same house, and you know it. I’m not asking for the world. I’m asking for you to give me a heads up before you show up at my house.”

“Thought you’d be happy to see me.”

Emma laughs, something dark and sadistic, and she has to reign herself in. She will not let Henry see everything right now. At least he’s still talking to Ruby. “Yeah,” she lies, forcing another smile onto her face, “I think you showing up here is the highlight of my day. How is it that you couldn’t make it up here on Friday like you were supposed to and yet you’re here today?”

“Change of plans.”

She clicks her tongue and crosses her arms over her chest before sitting down on the arm of the couch, all of the remaining strength in her body leaving her as the lack of sleep and stress catches up to her. “Well, I’m sure Henry is excited to see you. I’ll order some pizza for dinner, and you guys can watch a movie or something after he finishes his book report.”

God, she doesn’t want to deal with having to do a book report even if it’s for a third grade class.

Life goes on even when hers is falling apart, it seems.

“Dad,” Henry says, coming to stand between them as he bounces up and down on his toes, “I have to show you my room. I got new books. Come on.”

Henry tugs at Neal’s shirt, and Neal smiles before following him up the stairs, his footsteps leaving an imprint on each stair. She doesn’t really want him alone with Henry, but honestly, it’s a relief for the both of them to be out of the room so that she can breathe. Why can she still not breathe?

Leaning down, she props her head between her legs and places her hands on her neck to try to squeeze out the tension that’s remaining there. In muted tones she hears Ruby saying goodbye, her laugh the loudest part about it as she talks to Ada and Killian, and vaguely she realizes that Ruby is saying goodbye to her too. It’s difficult to get her voice to sound normal, to think straight as she hugs Ruby goodbye and promises that she’ll explain everything at work tomorrow.

Except she knows that she’s not going to be at work tomorrow. There’s no way.

As soon as the door clicks behind Ruby, everything becomes a little louder, Ada’s babbling clearer, and she walks into Killian’s side before he even gets the chance to lift his arm. She’s always been able to stand on her own, but sometimes she needs the support. Right now is one of those times. Killian lifts his arm out from between them and wraps it around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him so that she can feel all of his warmth as his lips press against her forehead. She nearly sobs at the feeling.

“It’s okay, love.”

“It’s n-not. How is he here? Why is he here? What are we supposed to do?”

“I don’t know. I’ll…I think that I’ll text David and let him know that he’s here, and he’ll talk to Graham. They might – Emma, they might not be ready to bring him in yet, and if that’s the case, I need you to act like nothing is wrong. If Neal gets a whiff of anything, if he knows that someone is on to him, I’m sure he has the resources to run.”

“Would he do that?”

“He’s done it before.”

She nods her head against his chest before pulling back and looking directly at Ada. It’s kind of like looking in a mirror, but right now her eyes show more blue than green, and her eyelashes fall darkly against her cheeks like Killian.

“Hey, bug,” she sighs, taking her in her arms and holding her. Her limbs are still shaking, nerves and tiredness winning over determination, but she knows that she has to push through this.

Nothing has ever completely knocked her out before. She can do this. She has to.

The entire night is this odd blur of confusion and anxiety and tenseness that can’t be fixed. Neal is acting like everything is normal, like he didn’t just show up at their house, like he isn’t a liar, like he didn’t try to cut Killian out of Henry’s life. She still doesn’t understand any of that. The man left her, left Henry, and yet he came back. Why in the world did he come back when he obviously wanted nothing to do with them? Why does he want something to do with them now, and what is his issue with Killian? If he didn’t care enough to come home, why would he care about Killian’s role in Henry’s life?

The only thing she can think of is jealousy, and that seems like the worst excuse in the world. He didn’t want her or want to be with her, and yet he’s acting like he has some right to the life they used to share.

Neal may not have died, but their old life is dead and buried in the ground far more than six feet under.

Instead of putting Ada to bed in her room, she lets her fall asleep on her chest, the small puffs of air more reassuring than anything, and throughout the night she never takes her eyes off of Henry to make sure that he’s okay. She’s sure that he’s safe, that they’re all safe in here, but her life has been so unpredictable that she can’t help the worry that is continuing to fester in the pit of her stomach as she waits to see just how much longer she’s going to have to live with Neal being back in her house.

When all of this is over, she wants to move. She wants to be away from this place. It has been her home, the place where she’s felt the most secure and the place where she conceived her daughter, but it’s been tainted by everything that’s happened over the past nine months.

Ada turns one in two weeks, and this is not a year that she wants to remember even though it will be inked like a tattoo on her brain for the rest of her life. Hopefully the bright spots will blur away the darkness.

It simply has to.

Neal doesn’t make any odd moves, doesn’t say anything else that is horrifically wrong, and from the outside looking in, he looks like a father who loves his son and loves spending time with his family. For all of the world, and most of the western world does know who they are if they watched the news at some point last year, they are some kind of perfect family who is making the best of a complicated situation. That’s what Neal put on in his interview, what he made everyone including her believe even if she’s never been under the impression of anyone being perfect, and now she wonders what parts of her life are still true.

Killian is true. He may have withheld things from her, and they may have their issues, but he’s real. And he’s not going to abandon her. Of that she is completely and totally sure.

Her children are true, her brother, her mom. She needs to call her mom and tell her that she loves her and thank her for helping to give Emma so many good parts of her life. No part of her would be the same with Ruth having adopted her, and even if it’s a shitstorm right now, it’s still good.

She has to have hope that it’s going to get better too.

“Alright, time to go to bed,” Killian yawns when the Lego Movie ends, their thousandth viewing of it finally over.

Henry groans and throws his head back against the couch. “Seriously?”

“Aye, you’ve got school in the morning, and I imagine that Mary Margaret won’t be too happy if you’re sleeping through one of her lessons.”

“I’ve done that before.”

Killian laughs at the same time that she does, and for the briefest of moments, everything feels normal again, especially when Henry slides down the couch cushions and is basically a noodle for forty five seconds until Neal scoops him up from the couch, standing him on his feet and placing his hand on his shoulders.

“I’ll put him to bed.”

“Thanks,” she says with a forced smile. How can he be acting so normally when everything is not normal? How has he spent nearly this entire time like that with only a few slip ups? “Goodnight, kid. I love you.”

“Love you too, Mom.”

She watches as Henry and Neal make their way up the stairs, the two of them peas in a pod, and her heart sinks again at absolutely everything. Henry is a smart kid. He’s going to understand a lot of the fallout of everything that’s inevitably going to happen, but he’s also still eight years old. There are a lot of things he’s not going to understand right now, but he’s going to understand them one day. The repercussions are going to follow him forever.

Can they still get that group rate on family therapy sessions?

Her sadistic jokes have got to stop.

Emma adjusts Ada on her shoulder, wondering when in the world she got so heavy, and carefully stands to join Killian in the kitchen where he’s putting away the leftover slices of pizza in a Tupperware container, neatly sliding it into its spot in the refrigerator before his phone chimes.

“Who’s that?”

He doesn’t answer, but she watches as his brows pinch together and the lines on his forehead all focus in on one area as the skin at his jaw convulses, Killian very obviously frustrated and focused.

She runs her hand over Ada’s back and takes a step closer to Killian. “Babe, what is it?”

“David says that Graham and some of his coworkers are going to come to the house to arrest Neal so they can question him.”

“What?”

“They’re – they want to move ahead with the investigation, to stop losing money on manpower. Apparently after talking to you they realized they weren’t going to learn anything new without Neal, and they’re willing to offer him some kind of fucking deal.”

Her heart is never going to take up residence in her chest again. It’s permanently going to live in the pit of her stomach and never return to its normal beating within her chest. At least it’s still beating because her breath has been escaping her all night.

“Right now?”

“Aye.” Killian nods his head before he drops his phone onto the countertop, the clanking loud against the marble, and he steps forward to wrap his arms around she and Ada, pulling her as flush against his chest as he can with their daughter in between them. She doesn’t even realize that she’s shivering until Killian rubs his hand up her back. He’s always doing that, and she needs him to never stop. “Take Ada upstairs, darling,” he whispers in her ear so that the warmth of his lips press into her skin and his beard scratches her. “Put her to bed and make sure that Neal is finished getting Henry to go to sleep. Our kids are going to be in bed when this happens, and when they wake up in the morning, nothing is going to be different for them, okay?”

“How do we tell Henry about any of this?”

“We’ll figure that out later. He doesn’t need to know right now. We won’t tell him until we have to.”

She nods her head against Killian’s neck and presses her lips against his collarbone. His arms fall from around her, and she moves toward the staircase to take Ada upstairs, hoping that she doesn’t wake up when Emma places her in her crib. She stirs a bit, but mostly she’s able to put Ada down without any fuss. She’s always loved this nursery, loved the calming neutral colors and decorations, and even though Ada spent most of her time in her bassinet in their bedroom, Emma can’t begin to count the hours that she spent in here nursing or reading Ada to sleep. Her baby is so full of innocence, of light, and she wishes for all the world that she could give that same innocence to Henry.

“I love you, bug,” she whispers to Ada, leaning down and brushing her lips against her forehead before pushing her hair back.

Swallowing the emotion in her throat, she walks out of the nursery and sees Neal closing Henry’s door. It’s something she grew used to in his time living here, and if she closes her eyes, it’ll be just like it was then. Neal will have read Henry one of his books, told him he loved him, and there would be no underlying history of betrayal. It would simply be a father loving his son.

But it’s not that. How can it be?

“Is he asleep?” she questions, trying not to let anything slip past that shouldn’t while she messes with the pendant on her neck, needing something to do with her hands once more.

“Out like a light. He kept talking about his goal from yesterday.”

“It was a good one.”

“So I’ve gathered.”

“Do you have tomorrow off of work too? When are you going home?”

Neal smiles and takes a step closer to her. She instinctively wants to take a step back, but she doesn’t. She holds her ground. “Why? You trying to get rid of me already?”

“Never. I’m glad you’re here for Henry.”

(Always. You’re a bastard, she wants to say.)

“I felt bad cancelling on him. You have to believe me on that.”

“I do. Let’s – ” she hesitates, turning her head to look back down the hallway toward the stairs, “ – let’s go downstairs. I want you to tell me a little bit more about work.”

Neal quirks a brow and tilts his head to the side, and a shiver runs down her spine in recognition that he’s studying her, that he realizes that something is off. Neal may have lied to her, may have hidden truths of his life, but they were still together for four years. He knows her, and it terrifies her that she’s somehow given something away that she’s not supposed to.

“You want to talk about my work?”

“It’s important to you.”

“Huh. I just thought I’d be in for more of a lashing because of yesterday.”

If only.

“I have nothing more to say about that,” she grits as she turns on her heel and starts to walk away so that she can compose herself. She has a hell of a lot more to say, but really, she knows that it doesn’t matter. Not now. “Come on. I’ll get you something to drink.”

She doesn’t turn around, but she can feel Neal’s heavy presence behind her, a continual hovering that weighs her down over time. That’s how he’s always been, and she’s been too naïve to realize it. It’s how he works, apparently. He’s nice enough, saying and doing all of the right things only to gradually break her down and make her feel worthless. But then he’ll be sweet, do something kind for Henry, and she forgets all of the snide remarks he’s made toward her.

That’s not okay. It never has been.

“Babe,” she calls when she gets to the bottom of the stairs, “will you get Neal some whiskey?”

“Aye.”

Her eyes follow Killian as he reaches up to grab a small glass out of the upper section of the cabinet. His muscles strain under the sleeve of his t-shirt, and her eyes fall to the dark hair that covers his forearms and the veins that lie beneath them. His shirt rises to show his stomach and the strong lines there that dip into his sweatpants. Her limbs are still shaking, goosebumps covering her arms, but Killian is steady. He’s always steady.

Right now she feels so incredibly weak, but really, she knows that she’s rarely had to be this strong.

Slowly but surely Killian pours all three of them glasses of whiskey, the liquid sloshing into the glasses, and when she’s handed hers, it takes everything in her not to gulp it all down so she can feel the harsh burn of it falling down her throat. Her gaze watches her drink move, the slow steadiness of it, and she takes pleasure in the consistent back and forth movement. In the back of her mind, she knows that she, Killian, and Neal are having a conversation. She can hear her words in her own head, hear the forced sound of Killian’s laugh, and then hear the quiet murmuring of Neal’s voice.

Mostly, though, she hears the click on the door as it opens, the crunch of boots as Graham walks into their house with a woman she’s never met following behind him, and she hears Neal cursing and questioning what’s happening before suddenly legal rights are being read over the clink of handcuffs snapping together.

That’s when the muted sounds stop, when everything comes back to full volume, and she listens to the familiar sound of Neal’s voice, the one she only heard in her dreams for eight years, and the unfamiliar sound of Graham’s voice as he continues to explain what’s happening. The woman, Agent Fa apparently, thanks she and Killian for their assistance, tells them that they’ll be able to get more information tomorrow, and then she’s gone too, closing the front door behind her and letting it click into place.

She places her drink on the counter, the whiskey untouched despite her desperate desire to drink it, and it takes one and a half steps for her to fall into Killian and rest her head on his shoulder, burying her nose into his shirt so that she can smell the faintest whiff of the detergent they use. It’s that familiarity, that normalcy of the smell that grounds her as her arms tighten around his stomach and his come to rest on her back again. This time they don’t move, they don’t rub her back to reassure her. They simply stay still, a warm presence when she feels so incredibly cold.

“I love you. I’m so proud of you,” Killian mumbles into her neck, and she nods her head in response as she feels a tear slip from her eye quickly followed by another until she’s uncontrollably sobbing, every single part of today and yesterday and the past twelve years of her life coming back to her while Killian finally rubs her back up and down. “You are so brave, my love. Undoubtedly the strongest person I’ve ever come across in my life.”

She chokes on one of her sobs, air struggling to get to her lungs, and she knows that she’s got to be wiping snot on Killian’s shirt from how she can’t stop her body from falling apart.

She’s thirty one years old, and she’s lived five lifetimes worth of pain.

“Shhh, shhh,” he comforts, his hand now moving against her back, patting her every time she gasps for breath, “I have got you, Emma. I’ve got you.”

No part of her misses that he doesn’t say that she’s okay, that it’s okay, and she takes comfort in that too. There’s no point in lying.

“I love you,” she gasps in a quiet whisper that he most likely can’t hear over her. “I – don’t…I’m…can we – I really need to go to bed,” she finally gets out as she pulls back to look at Killian through her blurry vision. She blinks through the tears, trying to clear her vision, and Killian moves one hand up her arm until he’s wiping away her tears with his thumb so that she can see the tears falling down his cheeks as well.

“Let’s go to bed,” Killian agrees, and she can’t help herself from pressing up on her toes and kissing away the tear staining his cheek.

The next day is the most difficult day, she thinks, because she spends the entire day wondering what exactly comes next and wondering if she’s ever going to get the answers she craves. It almost feels similar to how she felt when she was told that Neal couldn’t be found, that he’d disappeared, that he was most likely dead. She knew for sure that he was dead, that he was gone, but the way that there were no definitives made the tiniest glimmer of hope radiate from within.

Now all that radiates is dread.

They take Henry out of school that day, she and Killian call in sick, and after they tell Henry that Neal had to go home early, his brown eyes full of disappointment, she and Killian take the kids to Willard beach, packing up a picnic and beach toys to entertain everybody since it’s still a bit too cold to get into the water despite it being early May. Henry is definitely a little down at first, the highs and lows of thinking his father is going to be around only for him to be gone the next day definitely taking a bit out of him, but when they get onto the sand and Killian starts kicking a ball back and forth with him, he seems to forget, especially when Killian purposefully kicks the ball far enough away that Henry is running with all of the speed that his legs will allow him. He runs back, red faced with his hair all a mess, but he’s smiling.

Her little boy is smiling, and that’s all that matters.

Ada keeps trying to stand only to fall down into the sand, the uneven surface not good for her as she tries to walk (oh man is Emma not ready for that for whenever it comes), and Emma spends her time helping Ada out as much as she can but mostly lifting her in the air and making her giggle as she listens to her daughter babble every little word and sound she knows.

It lifts her in ways she never thought possible.

For a few hours she forgets everything that’s going on in a police department downtown and forgets everything that’s happened in the past forty eight hours. These three people in front of her that are making her laugh as mustard gets stuck on Killian’s beard and Henry sticks his tongue out to make his little sister laugh are making her see that there is such good in the world that makes everything else seem a little less harsh.

At least for now.

Three days later the news breaks that Robert Gold has been arrested at his home in London, and it’s all a spiral from there. She and Killian have to explain to Henry what is going on, and she adds it to the list of the hardest things she’s ever done. He doesn’t understand, even when they break it down into the simplest of terms, and the first hour of the conversation is spent with him yelling at the two of them telling them how they’re liars and that his dad would never do anything, that his dad is a hero. It’s what they’ve told him his entire life, and it’s an awful dose of reality having to explain that heroes fall and that dads aren’t infallible superheroes even when it seems like it a lot of the time.

Her heart shatters once more, the pieces becoming a little more broken, and when Henry finally stops yelling, finally stops being angry at her, he falls into her arms and sobs as loudly as she’s ever heard him sob. His small frame shakes in her embrace, and no matter how tightly she holds him she can’t get it to stop.

She may be shaking too.

Emma promises that she loves him, promises that he is a good kid with a good heart, but all of her words seem to fall flat to a kid who’s finding out that his dad, the one he just got to know, is going to be in prison for the foreseeable future.

It’s twelve years.

That’s the deal he made with the FBI or Interpol or whoever the hell it is in charge of his case in exchange for giving details up about his father. David tells her that when he, Mary Margaret, Leo, and Ruth come over for dinner to try to distract Henry from everything that’s going on. Maybe to distract she and Killian too. David says things factually, Mary Margaret overly worries about if everyone is eating and drinking enough, and Ruth stays being the calm in the storm. It’s difficult dealing with all of these people worrying about her, especially when her natural tendency is still to close herself off and deal with it on her own, but they help. And weirdly, she holds herself together until Killian is video chatting with Liam to give him an update on what’s going on and she sees Caleb in the background lining up cars in a neat row.

She sobs once more, covering her mouth with her hands, as she looks at how at home that kid is. In all of this mess she hasn’t properly had time to talk to Liam and Belle, to let them know how happy she is for the two of them, and seeing them with their son breaks her down to her core.

“Birdie,” Liam coos, concern filling his voice while that same concern fills Killian’s eyes. “Lass, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she says, really unsure of why exactly she’s crying. She takes a step into Killian’s space and settles down on his lap while his arm comes to wrap around her waist, pulling her flush against his body as his chin rests on her shoulder, beard scratching her skin. “I’m just so happy for you guys, and I really want to hold onto my nephew. Hi, Caleb.”

Caleb looks up at her from his spot and smiles, giving her a frantic wave before he goes back to playing.

“You can’t take him away from his cars,” Liam explains, the smile on his face exactly the same as the one that Killian gets when he’s thinking about their kids. The similarity would be weird if it wasn’t so heartwarming. “He loves the things. And trains, though he doesn’t seem to like riding on them.”

“That’s pretty much how it works,” Killian laughs as he presses a warm kiss into her cheek, making her close her eyes as a slight smile forms on her lips. “Ada loves messing with her bows when they’re on the ground, but if I put one in her hair it’s like I’m the worst person in the world.”

“Where is she? I need to see her on her last day before she turns one.”

“She’s napping,” Killian sighs. “Am I not good enough to talk to you?”

“Never. Though Emma does help. She’s always elevated you.”

“Amen,” she and Killian laugh at the same time, and the comfort of it has her leaning back to rest her cheek against his while he taps his fingers against her upper thigh, squeezing the slightest bit. “We’re going to come see you guys when life is a little less crazy, okay?”

“Take your time, Birdie. We’ll always be here.”

They talk for a few more minutes before Liam has to go, and when the conversation is over, she takes a deep breath, the air around her lighter than it has been in twelve days.

“We need to bake Ada’s birthday cake.”

“Aye. We could always buy one. There’s a bakery ten minutes away.”

She places her hands over his on her stomach and pats down. “I made Henry’s first birthday cake. I want to make Ada’s even if I’m still not the best baker.”

“It’s a good thing you’ve got me then.”

“Hmm, probably the best thing.” She twists her head until she can slide her lips over Killian’s, their mouths lightly brushing over each other for a minute until she pulls back. “And I want to get all of the decorations up tonight because I’m not going to be here in the morning.”

“We can do that. Are you – do you still want to go? You don’t have to.”

“I need to.”

Killian nods against her forehead, every word he says making his lips brush over hers. “I know. I can come in with you.”

“No, no. I want to…Killian, I need to do this one thing alone.”

“Of course,” he says, kissing her one more time in a way that makes her stomach melt. “I’m going to go get Henry so he can help us with the cake.”

“That sounds good.”

It’s a bit of a mess baking the cake, especially when Killian and Henry keep swiping icing out of her bowl, but they do make progress on Ada’s lady bug cake. She’s turning one and won’t care what kind of cake she’s eating as long as there’s sugar involved, but this is her baby, her little lady bug, and dammit if Emma’s not going to make sure she has a good first birthday. Her boys end up being bigger helps than she expects, and Henry has a great time placing the black dots onto the rounded red cake. Just like everything else they’ve been doing, it takes her mind off of everything.

Seeing Henry be happy makes all of the difference to her when he’s been having a really difficult time. Dr. Hopper tells her that he’s handling everything as well as can be expected, and she has to take comfort in that. Dr. Lawrence says the same thing about her, and yet it’s still harder for her to accept that.

“You’re a regular star chef,” she tells Henry, wiping a bit of icing off of his face.

“I am pretty good, aren’t I?”

“Fantastic. I think your sister’s going to love this cake even more because you made it.”

“She’s a baby, Momma. She doesn’t care.”

“But she loves you,” Emma promises, pulling him into her side and pressing a smacking kiss into his forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Can I go outside now?”

“Of course, kid. Let me get some sunblock on you, though.”

“Mom,” he groans, resting his head against the countertop in despair. “I don’t need it.”

“Yes, you do, lad,” Killian adds in. “Unless you want to end up all shriveled and wrinkly like a raisin.”

“I like raisins.”

Killian rolls his eyes before winking at her. “You’re wearing sunscreen. Let’s go.”

The baby monitor goes off to show that there’s movement in the nursery, and she opens up the app on her phone to see Ada propping herself up on the crib grabbing at her mobile to reach for the little red crabs. She’s cried so much more than any human being should cry recently, and even though she knows she’s going to be emotional over her kid turning one, over the memories of that day nearly three hundred and sixty five days ago, it’s a good kind of emotional. She’s here and alive and healthy as can be.

She and Killian did a good job when it comes to that chubby-legged menace even if one day she’s going to turn on them and try to get out of having to wear sunscreen.

Among other things.

After spending the rest of her day with her family, keeping things as normal as possible, she has a restless sleep, constantly tossing and turning around on the mattress. At one point, Killian tugs her into his front and wraps his arm around her middle while sticking his legs between hers, and she knows it’s because she’s driving him crazy with her basically running a marathon while in bed. It helps to feel his solid warmth behind her, but when Killian falls back asleep, his grip on her relents and she keeps moving. In the morning, she knows that she’d eventually fallen asleep because of the way she jerks when the alarm goes off, and even though she needs more rest, she immediately gets up and takes a shower, readying herself as if she was getting ready for her daughter’s first birthday party this afternoon.

Once she’s dressed, eyeliner applied to her eyes and her natural waves curled a little more, she quietly pads down the hallway and into the nursery to see Ada. She’s still asleep, her lips curved into a serene smile, and all Emma can do is lean down and press her lips to Ada’s forehead once more before she walks down the hallway only to find Killian standing against their bedroom door with his hair sticking up in several different directions and his arms crossed over his chest, one brow raised on his forehead.

“Did you really think you were going to slip out without me knowing?”

“I was coming back to tell you I’m leaving.” He nods his head, and she steps into his space, placing her hands against his chest so that she can feel the beating of his heart as she looks up at his tired eyes. “I’m going to be back before two, and we’re going to go on with our day like nothing out of the ordinary happened.”

“You’re going to talk to Neal in prison. That’s not ordinary.”

“I need answers, Killian. He may not give them to me, but I have to ask. I deserve to know.”

“I can still come with you. Ruth can watch the kids.”

“I still think I want to do this on my own, but thank you.” She presses up on her toes and slowly slides her lips over his in a gentle caress. “I love you, and I’ll text you when I get there and when I leave, okay?”

“Alright. I love you too.”

She studies Killian’s face for a moment more, making sure that he’s okay, before patting his chest and stepping away so that she can go downstairs. For as weirdly calm as she is, she doesn’t want to risk anything by putting too much on her stomach or drinking enough caffeine to make her jittery, so she simply grabs a water bottle and her keys before leaving the house. It’s an hour and a half drive to New Hampshire, and despite her running into a bit of early morning traffic, she makes good time.

Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing, she doesn’t know, but she’s in the prison’s parking lot thirty minutes before visitors are allowed in.

There’s something she never thought she’d think.

She texts Killian that she’s here, and leaves her phone in the car before going inside and going through security after filling out all of the paperwork. It’s insane, but being here makes her feel better than she did last night. Worrying makes the reality worse before reality even gets a chance to happen, but that’s never stopped her from tossing and turning at night.

Obviously.

When she’s told that she can go inside the room, she takes a deep breath to settle the still nervous set of her stomach and finds herself settling down onto one of the center tables while the other people fill in the spots around her. A ringer goes off, a harsh buzz surrounding her, and her head turns to the side as a sliding door opens and several men in gray jumpsuits walk out. She doesn’t recognize any of them, wouldn’t expect herself to, and for a moment she thinks that Neal isn’t going to come and talk to her until he rounds the corner and enters the room after a guard.

It’s…she doesn’t like seeing him like this. He was wrong, is a criminal who hurt a lot of people even if he wasn’t actively hurting them, and he hurt her in a way that’s permanently going to affect her, as well as Henry. She’s so undeniably pissed and broken, but there are still good memories of him buried not too deeply in her brain.

She’s a mess.

Unlike a lot of other people in the room, she doesn’t get up to hug him. Instead she stays sitting and nods while he cautiously slides onto the bench in front of her with his unshaved beard and unruly hair.

“Never thought I’d see you,” he greets, curving the right side of his lips into a smile that she doesn’t return.

“Surely you didn’t think that I was never going to come.”

“Didn’t think you cared about me anymore.”

“Whether I like it or not, Neal, a part of me will always care about you,” she admits, leaning forward and placing her joined hands on the table. “How are you doing?”

“It’s not the first time I’ve been in captivity, and honestly, this is a hell of a lot nicer than the first time.”

He’s trying to joke, probably to cut away some of the tension between them, but to her, all it does it make it grow.

“Why’d you do it?” she blurts out, figuring that she may as well get straight down to why she’s here. She’s got other things to do today, and if she’s not going to get her answers, she doesn’t want to wait.

He shrugs on the other side of the table, the wood dividing them in more ways than one. It’s still so surreal that this is happening. In all of her wildest dreams (nightmares), this was never one of them. There was never one even similar to this. This is…this is the absolute last place she ever expected to find Neal.

“I wasn’t always a bad guy, Ems.”

She flinches at that, but she also knows that it’s true. He wasn’t. He’s never been the best man in the world, but she loved him. She loved him before he died and she loved him in a way when he came back and got to be a part of their lives, even if it caused them all problems for a little while. But he was alive, he was here, and she was happy to have him home.

But that was then. She isn’t any longer.

“No, you weren’t,” she agrees, giving him a soft smile even if her heart feels hardened over it all, the smile more forced than anything. “But you abandoned me, Neal. You abandoned your son. A part of me doesn’t even care about all of the arms trafficking, which, holy shit is that fucked up on so many levels, but you left us. You told me over and over again that you loved me, and you left us. Why?”

His shoulders sag, his back falling toward the open air instead of leaning forward. She honestly didn’t expect him to talk to her at all, but she needed to know answers. She can’t live without them again when she’s already spent so much of her life that way when it comes to her birth parents and the eight years that Neal was gone. She deserves more, always has, and one day when Henry is older and can understand all of this, he deserves more too.

“I really was captured,” he starts, drumming his fingers on the table so that she focuses on his fingers instead of his face. “That part is true, Ems, you have to believe me. I was captured and tortured and beaten, and even though I was a shitty husband to you at the end, I did think about you and Henry to get me through it all. But then my dad – he made a deal to get me out, and I had the opportunity to come home to you guys. I was going to, but I…After everything that happened, I just needed a fresh start. I could have everything, all the things I couldn’t have at home by staying and working with my dad. I could have freedom and money and – ”

“Women who didn’t have abandonment issues and a newborn baby.”

“Ems.”

“Please don’t call me that.”

His lips part before snapping shut again, a subtle nod of his head. It’s almost like he’s accepted what’s happening, that he’s not going to deny it, and of everything, that shocks her most of all.

Asshole.

“What do you want?” he finally says.

“The truth.”

“It’s not simple.”

“I just want to know, Neal. I get it. You’re selfish. You wanted a new life where Henry and I weren’t going to hold you back, and your apparently alive father helped you out with that because he freaking had contacts with actual terrorists. I don’t – you don’t need to break my heart again by telling me that you abandoned me and lied to me when you knew I had issues with that. But I do need to know why you came back. And damn it, if you have any decency at all, I need you to tell me about all of that so I can stop wondering.”

His jaw ticks, but he nods his head anyways and she feels such apprehension but mostly relief that she gets to know.

“My dad and I had a plan. We knew if I came back home and everyone thought I’d survived for nearly a decade under captivity, I’d be hailed as some kind of American hero. It’s why I did the interview, why I continuously sought out the attention. I wanted people to know my name because our goal was Congress.”

Congress, she thinks. Why would his goal be Congress? How would that…

“You bastard. That’s why took the job in the State Department. That’s why you were so insistent on moving back to DC even though we had a life in Portland. What was the plan? Schmooze politicians and try to change laws for some kind of way to make your dad’s business bigger?”

He shrugs again, and she knows that she’s right. “That’s the gist of it, but me working at the State Department was a bit of a roadblock. I – I didn’t know that you were with Killian. I checked to see if you had remarried, but since you guys aren’t married, there was no record. I didn’t think to check for kids. I didn’t…I figured you hadn’t moved on from me, so I came back. We were going to be reunited, and it was going to be this big thing where our family made us this kind of all American dream that helped propel me more toward a role in Congress so I could make contacts in the government and help ease our sales.”

“You don’t need to sugarcoat it. You haven’t with anything else. Bribes. That’s what easing sales means, right? And what, you thought that I was sitting around waiting for you for a decade? How self centered are you?”

“I missed you.”

“Bullshit.”

“I did.”

“You left me, Neal,” she yells, making everyone in the room look at her before she quiets her voice. “There is no changing that. You abandoned your family, and I mourned you every day of those eight years. But I also grew the hell up, realized how shitty you treated me, and I allowed myself to find happiness again. Happiness that you didn’t seem to care about and yet suddenly resented when you found out I had it with someone else. And now you’re telling me that you were going to use me? You were going to use us to paint this pretty portrait to further your business and to seriously fuck up an already fucked up system? That’s – that’s…you’re a dick. I can’t even believe any of that, and yet I can. After all of this I can. I mean, God, you don’t even care about me or Henry, and yet you pulled all of that shit about how you are Henry’s dad and Killian isn’t. You tried to poison that kid against the man who raised him out of some petty jealousy, and I…did you ever even love me?”

She doesn’t know how she got that question, not really, but deep down it’s been blazing its way to the surface, breaking its way through every other muddled thought that she’s been pushing down.

She’s not even sure if she wants to know the answer.

“I’ve always loved you even if I didn’t know how to show it. I’m a selfish man, Emma. I always have been. My father is too, and it’s the only thing I ever knew growing up. I guess I couldn’t help myself. But yeah, I fucked up. I fucked it all up, and none of it worked. I’m…I guess I’m sorry that I dragged you all into this, but you were never supposed to find out about my dad or that I hadn’t been in captivity the entire time. It was part of why I was distancing myself from you guys. Yes, it was to go along with the plan, but I also didn’t want Henry to get hurt. And I guess I let myself have feelings for you again, and I was pissed that I couldn’t have you and couldn’t have the relationship Henry has with Killian.”

“That’s your own damned fault.”

“Don’t you think I know that?”

“I don’t think you know anything about what it’s like to have a family.”

“That’s rich coming from you.”

She laughs, one of those dark laughs that makes her own skin crawl, and while she’s trying to contain herself, she rubs the heels of her hands just below her eyes. When her chest has stopped heaving, the rage calming itself for a minute, she looks directly into the eyes of the man who she once loved more than anyone in the world.

“I know more about family than you ever have, and I may screw up a hell of a lot, but I would never abandon the people I love for some money and the ability to fuck around. I would never abandon them for anything.” Emma presses her lips together before standing from the bench and leaning forward on the table. “You know, all that time that you were gone I wished you were alive, but now, I wish you were dead.”

With that, she gets up and walks from the room. He doesn’t deserve more of her time, and she doesn’t need anything else from him.

Walking out of the gates of the prison and loading up into her car is exhilarating, and as she drives down the open highway with music blaring through the speakers, she feels free. She hadn’t realized that she felt trapped until now, but the shackles that have been holding her down are no longer binding. She knows that this is all something that’s going to stay with her for the rest of her life, but that doesn’t have to stop her from living.

When she gets home, she quickly parks in the garage and steps through the door into the kitchen. There’s a spread of finger foods on the island that makes it look like it’s a Saturday and Killian is having his friends over to watch a soccer match with Henry excitedly following him around wearing whatever jersey he’s decided on today, and she smiles a little as she picks up a carrot and dips it into the sauce that’s in a bowl. Killian took the day off of work today so she could go see Neal and so they could have everybody over this afternoon for Ada’s party.

“Babe,” she calls out, grabbing another carrot and walking to the living room where she finds Killian laid out on the couch with his arms crossed over his chest and Ada sleeping in just her diaper on top of him. “Kid,” she asks Henry as he sits quietly reading his book in the arm chair, “why in the world is your daddy asleep?”

“He said that hosting people is exhausting, and he needed to nap with Ada.”

She hums in acknowledgement and walks over to Henry, shimmying down to sit in the chair next to him and wrapping her arm around his shoulder. “What have you guys been doing all day?”

“Getting ready for Ada’s party. I wanted to see if I could catch real ladybugs outside, but Dad said I couldn’t put them into the food.”

“Gross.”

“No, cool.”

“We’re not eating bugs.”

“But what’s the point of having a ladybug party if there are no bugs?”

“Because it’s cute, and it’s our nickname for Ada. But for your birthday, if you want to have a bug themed party, we’ll have lots of bugs…just outside, okay?”

“I think I want to go out on a boat for my party.”

“We should definitely do that,” Killian pipes in, sitting up on the couch and sliding Ada down onto his lap.

“Oh look, Henry, you said the magic words to wake your dad up.”

“Ha ha,” Killian mocks, rolling his eyes before he rubs the sleep out of them. “When’d you get home, love?”

“About three minutes ago. I’ll tell you about everything later, but I think right now we have to go get my bug dressed for her party.”

“What? The diaper look doesn’t work for you?”

“Only when we’re eating the cake.”

Emma takes Ada from Killian and walks her upstairs to change her diaper and get her dressed in the romper Emma has for her. It’s a hassle, but she gets the headband on her too, brushing back her slight curls as she tells Ada the story of the day she was born. She does the same thing with Henry, even if she has to embellish the details, and she takes the time to appreciate that Ada can’t complain about Emma getting all sentimental as she talks about that painful, magical day. Ada will hate hearing about one day, but it’ll forever be one of the best days of Emma’s life.

Her mom, David, Mary Margaret, and Leo show up an hour later, Ruby, Robin, and Roland following behind them as well as a few of Henry’s friends from school that she told him he could invite. Everyone is aware of what’s been happening lately, most of them intimately so, but none of them mention it as they laugh and talk and have the carefree time that she’s wanted for today. Ada loves all of the attention, really hams it up for everybody, and she laughs at her continuously trying to steal everybody’s food even if Henry is the one actually swiping food.

But eventually it’s time for Ada to finally get to smash into her birthday cake – because what better idea is there than giving a child that much sugar – and she, Killian, and Henry crowd around Ada’s high chair so that Mary Margaret can take a picture of the four of them before Killian lights the candle and they all sing. For the briefest of moments, she looks over to Killian, and he winks in return before threading his fingers through hers.

When the song is over, everyone claps, Ada moving her hands along with them, and Emma leans down to blow out the candle for Ada, extinguishing the light on the completion of one year and signaling the beginning of a new one.

#rising from the ashes #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

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charmed-asylum · 5 years ago

Text

🔪Midnight Desire🔪

Midnight Desire, part one

Summery: A group of seniors simple night of drinking and partying at their local grocery store. Turns for the worst when they realize they are lock in with something far more dangerous then they ever imagine

Declaimer: Midnight Desire has a few curse words and hints at some abuse. This is my very first story I am posting onto tumblr so please be kind give it a glance. Also my sweet lovers I do have dyslexia so for me to jump the head 1st and do this is a big deal for grammar might be a bit off. I promise you a good ride from beginning to end. So buckle up and enjoy the ride. - xoxo Charmed- Asylum

tagged: @weapinggwillowss @strangerfictions

wanna be tagged let me know. wanna tell me i suck heck let me know.

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Fire alarm sound police sirens heard off in the distance. The noise of such importance however is muffed from the sound of a soft cry, crying for help . Nothing can break this cry , it plead can break glass hurt even the biggest monsters. Where is this cry comes from this dark cool winter night. As the cry becomes loud so loud that it more a scream a bloody hand comes out of a chained cellar door.

24 Hours Earlier

Beep beep. A hand lounges out the bed and press the snooze button, old Hello Kitty stickers cover, alarm clock. Slowly getting up. A young girl around 16 with golden brown beginning of October soft skin with matching midnight sky eyes and short curly golden honey brown hair that came up to her chin.While she could ever tell from looking into a mirror her beauty would make anyone want to stop and give a second glance. A few minutes she mumble into the pillow. As the time slowly past she finally decide to get up. Her eyes were closed as she slumped forward still in deep sleep went across the hall to the bathroom. Another girl tall with fair skin long store bought blonde hair about 18 came from behind and rushes into the bathroom before other girl can realize what was happening. Slammed the door in her face. Upset. The girl starts knocking on the door full of rage.

" Cora come on. I got up first. Let me in! You take forever" she said banging at the door with all her might .

An older man in his late 40s advantage build with ash brown hair came from behind and quietly watch the young girl in her old Queens T shirt attacking the door like a punching bag. A smirk appears . Music start blasting from inside the bathroom.

" Good morning, sweetie. Don’t worry just come use our bathroom. Mom done and I just need to finish getting dressed Jolie" the man says smiling at her with his hand gently place on upper backside. Looking back at the door pissed she kicks the door one last time as hard as she could and follows him to the other bathroom. As she closed the door to get ready she sees him sitting on the bed in a still daze just looking at her with a jester grind. She glanced back at herself she never felt pretty even though her mom told her time and again she was. She had freckles across face that was a bit closer to her long lashes that blink across she never worn makeup so her face remain bare. She always wishes she had more of Cora beauty the ones some girls are born with ones that everyone has a picture of ones that they use to paint a picture or create another barbie after. Her hair drop in front of her face. Ripped jeans that sits slightly below her waist that went with Velvet Underground t shirt that drop over her mom old denim jacket. Satisfied with what she was wearing she decided it was best to face the music and start her day. She peak around before walking out ready to get another day over with.

" Jolie how was your sleep last night" her mom asked. She was a bit younger than the man with a face that belongs in a museum by itself. With tired eyes she came over and kiss Jolie on the forehead. Smiling at her. Jolie says nothing and grab a piece of bacon and sit down on a wooden stool by the kitchen.

The older girl skips down the stairs, pushing into Jolie causing her to spill her orange juice. Jolie looks up at the girl then starts to pick up the broken glass. The man comes from behind her holds her back gently for a minute before helping with broken glass. Looking up with eyes that burn with a blue fire.

" Cora it's been almost a year. You need to stop acting like a fucking baby. Be nice to Jolie she your baby sister " he says firmly.

Cora rolls her eyes and smirks at him. " Not my fault the loser. Does not pay attention to me or her surrounds. It’s stepsister by the way we are not related" Cora said while taking a bite out of an apple. Jolie gets up and throw the rest of broken glass in the trash. " Thanks. But it's fine. Mom how are you this morning. Take your pills" Jolie said pretending Cora said nothing.

A gentle kiddish like laugh left her mom small plump lips as played with her curls between her white manicure nails. Kissing her cheek as she walked passed her. " I'm fine. Jojo Stop worrying about me. I’m the sick one not you. You need to be like your sister and start….. You not always guaranteed a tomorrow, Jolie Wellstone" she stops and looks at Cora putting makeup on. " You need to socialize not staying here. Maybe you should do something with Cora" she says looking at Jolie as she drinking a cup of hot green tea.

Jo glance at Cora as she finished her face. Thinking of other things she wants to do then do that. So far her list has living the zombie apocalypse and eating vegan food.

A car outside honk, BEEP. Not missing a beat ,Cora excited to end this charade bounces up and rushes for the door. Jo watched Cora from the window to get a better look outside to the red convertible. A guy that looks like he came out every cliche John Hughes movie was driving while another guy was in the back smoking weed. Cora hops in the front and the guy grabs at her perfect 40C boobs and starting to make out with her before driving off. God I hate it here Looking back at the stock photo picture perfect couple she slug back into the chair and plays with her tea bag with her spoon. The man watches her as she slipped into her own thoughts then looks at mom concern.

" Richard being so good to us. I know you understand but. ...Eventually he and Cora will be your family, Jojo. She like us not used to this. You just need to find something" mom says holding Richard hand tight. She hated when her mom use her name worst when she used her nickname. Jo looks at him then looks away back at her cup.

" I try on the behalf of the both of us, mom. It's been some really good months here. Don't want you ups..." a bus horn beeps. Saved by the bell she thought to herself.

Grabbing her bag and lunch she kiss both of them on the forehead and goes out to start her day. She was glad to leave she hated lying to her. But knowing mom she knows she already knows she always know Jo thought to herself.

The bus is basically a collection of the body snatchers. It was an oddball of folks. The bus crew. Jolie was nothing like Cora at less not here. She was lonely and no one could give two cents who, Jolie Wellstone was. Best way she found herself making sense of this feeling was like her birthday, it is a month that millions others she share with but don't know. Weird way of thinking yes. But that's how she was brought up how her mom and dad taught her to be like. Only other group she talks was groups she put with because of class. This week Ivy, Kyle, Robinson.

School for Jolie was different since she moved . She use to jump early before the alarm go talk to her many friends give everyone a smile and high five in the hallways. She wasn't alone but ever since Richard came into her and her moms life it all she knew now. She use to be more than just a piece of space moving from classroom to classroom. Now and days Jo basically rush to class answer the questions the teacher asks right in her head. Only once she got it wrong 5th grade health class,the human brain can read up to 1,000 words per minute .

Lunch use to be full with laughter as she made her friends spill their milk and juice out there noise or she talk up anyone with a smile to sign her newest protest of the week. Now lunch was a time she spent by herself in the bathroom or on brave days outside by the basketball courts. She like it there because eight of ten times she would see Garrett . Nothing more then her high school crush. He had a surfer tan that was just perfect even though it was never above 60 degrees 6’5 tall glass of yummy with matching gorgeous summer sky blue eyes and a voice that all alone made you explode. You all had one why not to him she always says as she goes through his iBook page . Checking like it was a daily ritual. Still single. Thank you baby Jesus yes.

They had four classes together including lunch. He was older but same age as Cora,18. Four had became her magic number so far. 4. Four on the amount of times they talk or was close. First day bump into him , put on his team in gym, ask for a pen, and passing English Lit chapter 7 test to him. While Jo was a sophomore she had all senior classes. Something she hated until she saw Garrett for the first time.

Jo was a loner and sadly he was too. However, for him it was by choice. He was better at hiding it but she knew even though they never really talk outside of those four times in her months of being stuck in this hellhole. Her Winston to her Holmes. Her moon to her stars. That magic number would be something of the past after today. Today was different. It was the second to last class study hall in the library, also with Garrett and one of her favorite class. What can ever be better than reading books, doing homework, and looking at Garrett as he had his feet kicked up on the table smoking a cigarette playing with his lighter and no care.

Jo was simply looking at the black and white checkered floor walking to class when she saw Fred, Mr. John Hughes and Farrah making out, Cora’s bestie and boyfriend. She knew she should've left but she couldn't help herself but get a quick look and see. Creeping in the shadows like a ninja. Part of her wanted to watch see what was happening out of concern. She might of had a very strong dislike of Cora , still cared. Wasn’t that she hated her just there were a lot of things she would hope happen before she admit it. Going down the list like starve to death or god forbid not be able to see her mom, or Garrett again. The root to all her evils. Caring about others before herself. The bell rings. Being late or being caught. Very hard decision Jo turns around and bumps right into Fred . Caught red hand.

She grabbed her things tried to make a break for it. Fred being Mr. I’m a meathead and press 450 easy was able to stop her in no time.

" Macy right your Cora new step sister" he says holding onto Jo bag strap. Looking at up into his storm gray eyes Jo nods.

" It's kinda not Macy though but that's fine " Jo says trying not to stress sweat. She never spoke to him she got a few looks from his when he would pick or drop Cora off. Or when he came by one of the first days she and her mom move here and Richard had a little barbecue for them. He does not say a word just brings himself close to her still holding onto her bag.His eyes could turn her to stone that how intense it felt What was going on between the two was nothing close to any good tension but more like they were about to have a staring contest. He looks her once over and smile.

" I actually was worried seeing you watching me until I realize who you are, Macy. Did it turn you on watching me.Like the little holy mary virgin you are ” he stops and twist her curl that dropped down into her face with his finger “That was her doing . I stop it as soon as it started to happen. So no word right " he says in a very very serious but creepy tone his finger still twisting her curl.

Feeling her ten seconds was up Jo nod and bolted to class without a word. Busting right into Garrett strong define chest, he held tight to her small figure a bit tight as she almost fell. He glanced back to where she came from then back down at her. That one touch almost sent her sent her places she only went to when she was alone in her room or in her dreams. She bit corner of her bottom left side of her lip as she mouth sorry and ran off embarrassed.

After that touch by heaven moment Jo spent the rest of her day hiding from the world. She even decided to walk the 12 minutes walk home in hops she would not bump into Fred or Garrett. Today word be bad luck Jo Jo she said to herself as she continued her walk home. The name her dad use to call her. Everyone can call her Jolie even Jo but no one but him use to call her Jo Jo that was his and his alone.

Her Mom came home from work 5 ish beat. Just in time for their alone time, watching the news and Family Feud for an hour or so. Then by 7 she would play house wife for Richard. Something she never did before.

" It's Friday .Do you have any plans? Me and Ricky are going to the doctors then a party. Fun uh. What abo-..." her convention was interrupted by the Cora and Richard arguing in the next room.

Which for some reason still gets her startled but for Jo it was the new normal. She and her mom never was as vocal as they was but after the fifth scream match it shock value lesson . Cora lungs her bag on the floor and stomps up stairs. Richard loosens his tie and un bottom a few bottoms from his shirt walk into the living room, where Jo and mom was at. Watching the real Family Feud in front of them. Kissing both of them on the forehead. He pushes his way between Jo and her mom putting one arm tight around Jo shoulder. And like a switch of the light her mom got up to mostly likely continue her housewife duties. Jo never understand why she did it. She never did that before but she was young. She could not remember how much time past when Richard stop talking to her and they got up to do something.

She had to get away from him as far as she could. Walking pass Cora’s bedroom door. She peeks in like the weirdo she is to see if Cora was hot gluing her face on. Covering the evil witch that she was. Why a witch easy because she can make everyone foul that she actually nice. Nope. Just on the phone talking. As she started to walk pass. She stops and turns around back into the lion dean.

"Cora we need to talk" she said blunty. Why What uh. The simple thoughts started flashing in her mind. Cora chewing on gum rolls her eyes and continue to talk on the phone as if Jolie said nothing. Same thing she did earlier.

" I lost my dad just like you lost your mom and brother only difference is you still have time with your dad. I lost mine young and found out I'm losing my mom all” Jo stops and looks away hiding her tears" I found out the same time….. You stay here. I left my life. I'm going to be stuck here. You got lucky always lucky. You leave in a few months. Everyday I'm alone. Because at the end of the day. I got the dang short stick. Never nothing I want. You might hate me well I do sometimes too. But I still care about you and... Richard, always will. Just like my mom does. Can you at least fake it. Then when she gone you can go back to whatever this is" Jo stops. She hated talking about any of this. Her father, mom, the future, her path. But she was tired of it. Sick. Jolie decides not to wait for Cora response. Not this time. Later maybe but not now. Also she had to pee.

Dinner was as normal as abnormal it always was. Eating her corn, " So dad. Can I get a 50 I’m going out with the squad to" Cora starts to say to Richard.

Richard devouring his stake looks at her then at mom. " No way. It's dinner time. Family time. Your n" he starts to say cutting Cora off. Mom feeling and seeing the same overdone clip cuts in.

" Honey..... so Cora what are you plans with your gang " she says trying to sound hip. Jo looks at her and smiles at herself. There it goes. There where I got all my social traits from. Richard was of course was talking to himself attack the stake. Which from the look of it the plate was really the loser. Poor plate.

Cora mad looks at Jo. " Daddy. Me and lo- Jolie talk. She new and being such a nice person I am I bringing her to the homecoming game then to the movies afterwards. Starting a new leaf. Which is why I need the money daddo. Also we will be back by 2 ish" Cora says looking at Jo. Smart move using the socially awkward girl to get what you want Jo thought to herself as she looked down at her food.

Mom excited smiles. "Really oh my shit balls. I’m so gosh darn happy. See Jolie. Of course. Your dad be glad to. Ricky. It gives us some alone time,after the party. HUH . Give Jo some money. And Jo remember the rules. And 1 am Cora. No more than that not even a second" mom says getting up grabbing her plate. What about board game night we was gonna play Trouble she thought to myself watching her mom getting all the dirty plates. Richard smile and waits till mom leaves.

" Cora, don't do ANYTHING to hurt her. Only reason you're going is her" he says gulping rest of his Budweiser. Cora smirks at his threat and rolls her eyes and looks at Jo.

"They are like so gonna be here soon. REMEMBER so hurry up....and don't forget the cash" Cora says with a plastic Barbie smile and storms off. Jo slowly looks at Richard still gulping down rest of his Budweiser. As she starts to leave Richard grab tight to Jo tiny wrist. " Have fun. Baby . This night ...will be one you will never forget. Here. Take the money. Tell the coach I said hi" he says to Jo with a smooth demeanor one he did not have seconds ago . Numb by the feeling. Jo simply smiles and leave.

She fumbles up to grab her things. Nothing much: her keys or janitor as she calls it, her wallet, lighter for Cora because she always losing hers and asking. A few books no less than three. Two normal and a color book. Pens and markers. Gum. Tissues. And charger. All stuff with way to much more crap in her old backpack cover in bumper stickers and buttons.

Mom was down stairs taking pictures like it was a senior prom. Memory She always said before she would go over overboard with it. Ok not this time but for the most of the time. She goes over over board. Cora was enjoying every second of it. Posing and laughing like she was going to be cover of Seventeen .

" Come down Jolie two pictures that's all then you can go " mom says. Jo stand by Cora and waited. click click. And one selfie of all three on mom's phone. Simple kiss on the check and wait let me email this to you Jolie second. Mom hold her close. “Thanks Jolie. We both need this. Love You sweetie” she said then wave goodbye. Jo hold her tight and whisper I love you before leaving.

Cora was more than excited minus Jo was coming. In the car were the same three people as this morning . Jo walks slowly behind her nervous praying to baby Jesus. There was no one drunk and or cops would pull them over because of drunken foul . Newspaper reads poor loser dies when mom force her to socialize with others

" Hey dumb shit let's go" Cora says sitting in the passenger seat. Jo looks back and wave goodbye once more. “ You won't believe how I got out. This space cake actually help me. And got cash. Was able to even score more than what I ask. Gonna have to bring my little pet often" Cora says laughing putting more of blood red lipstick on. A boy with a bad case of twitch looks at Jo like a glass of water in the desert.

" So you visiting or something"he says looking at Jo.

" No actually I been living her with Cora for months now. Hi name Jolie but you can call me Jo ” Jo says trying not to give off the you smell like yucky weed face. He smiles and look at the girl sitting next to him, Farrah aka bestie who made out with you know who. She had black hair blue eyes look as perfect as Cora did. Cora gets up from her seat and turn around. " Does anyone have like cigs or liquor on them. Babysitting lil dumbo here. Forgot to grab out daddy stash" Cora said.

Jo look at everyone as no one offer her anything. " I got pop and some matches" says like a silly head. The boy deadpans her then starts to bust out laughing. Pointing at her crying like he was Banzai from the Lion King .

" I....I....I..Oh I like her. What is she like 2 and retarded. Pop and....and matches" he says giggling to himself. Fred turns around and curse at himself. " How we gonna have fun at a game with no fucking stuff" he says. Cora looks and whispers to him.Fred looks out to the road and makes a sharp turns around.

After a few minutes pass. They pull up to an old grocery market in the center of the town. It late, deserted. Snow was falling gently like the beginning of a Christmas movie. Something that caught Jo eye so she did not realize it at first what was happening. Fred exchanges some looks at everyone and grab a flashlight got out and started to walk towards the store. Follow by Farrah and Lex, the boy that was differently high. Cora was left behind checking herself once again. Jo rocking back and forth.

" Cora Cora we made a wrong turn. We are not by the school anymore. What are we doing here. Mom and Richard are going to be worried. What happens if they stop by and we are not there…. Lord cheese crackers. That's it I’m texting her" Jo says stumbling around her bag freaking out. Cora making a fish look glancing in the mirror to see Jo still looking for her phone.

" So you want to look and act like a baby. Baby. Well congrats you are top of that list. Hey stop. We already heard the game gonna suck. Like we are gonna win and blah blah. Same thing every year. We already made new plans before we left. So either you suck it up and come in or stay out here in the cold till we come back"she says getting up and leaving Jo speechless.

Jo watched as Cora catwalk in the store in the freezing cold in her high heels and small pink Michcal Kors jacket . Her phone in her hand she starts to text her mom. She stops mid way texting her mom to see the pictures from earlier her mom sent her. A long struggle Cora put her though. I’m not a baby. Just ... Okay I'm a baby. One that does not mind being the helper and loner. I bet Garrett would thinks that be fine. If he knew me. They playing a joke I just wait out here. I show who a baby Jo whisper to herself looking out to the empty roads. Laying down in the back Jo looks up at the stars. Passing time till they come back out. It was quite. Only thing you could hear was the sound of the lights. Light of the street lights, neon or store lights. Then the cold breeze. Cold very cold breeze. She slowly gets up after a while when she realize she was all alone.

Looking around again. She stops. Fudge It she pouts to herself. Start to walk inside. See what was taking so long. The front of the store was locked . Chains and chains oh wait some more locked chains. Jo tried to look through but she could only see the outline of what looks to be a person. Jo following to the back to see a door with a rock keeping it open.

It looked like it was one of those vintage out a magazine stores. She came with her mom a few times but her mom prefer the one town over more populated and better selections. Following the noise she heard laughter and arguments. Walking closer she sees a figure talking to Fred. Cora lending across closer to Fred but in a mid distance as she was waiting for her call. Farrah and Lex was smoking giggling at each other stupidity. Lex of course was the first to realize they weren't alone anymore. He strung his head to Fred and then he stop giggling.

Screaming from afar it sound like mumbling. Lex closer smiles and says" Cops outside. Girlie" he says chuckling at Jo. Shaking her head no she looks around then back at him .

" Uh....No. Just. No" Jo says.

Fred strugs. " So you finally decided to come in we were betting. I guess we are technically all wrong. Cora and I said never, Lex said ten minutes, Farrah had no faith in you and said a second" Fred stops and laugh. Looking at his watch " 1 hour and 49 minutes. What were you doing ? It's freaking cold as ice breaks out there " Fred says with a devilish grin.

The figure behind them upset throw it hands up rushes off between the allies.

" What is going on is this a joke" Jo says looking at Cora. Cora rolls her eyes " We are seniors in a boring ass hick town. We wanted to do something legendary so why not sneak into the town old ass market and party to dawn. Think of it as a senior prank. Look we did a nice thing. You are our like well witness. The person that gets to spread it around and be the undergrad that was apart of history"Cora says proud of herself.

Jo shock not only by the coldness of emotions but the fact she was even numb by the blow. " I'm not getting in trouble. Why should I....anyway we can get caught. Trouble. I can't do trouble. I am not built for that . NO WAY JOSE I'm out where the nearest bus towards home or taxi" Jo says starting to go back outside looking at my phone for service.

They tried to stop her reason with her best a couple of drunk and high teenagers could do. Fred piss came from behind her grabs her collar of her shirt and pull her back. Jo clumsy stumbles back bumping her head against a rack stack of photo chips .

An Hour Later

Jo woke up still a bit dizzy from the fall ice on her forehead laying on a stack of old Sunday newspaper. She holds the ice closer to the back of her head looks up. Fred was talking to Cora. Cora looks royalty piss like worse then the time Jo accidentally slipped paint on her expense Gucci shoes and Richard had to hold Cora back from killing Jo. Fred look back to see Jo walks to her with Lex.

" Look. Kitten. You would mess up things. We are not doing anything wrong. Party till game ends clean up then leave. No ones out there everything close. So stay here like a good baby . And be grateful we are nice to a loser like you. You got it" he says with a mean tone pointing into her chest. Jo looks at him then glance at everyone else. Nothing. Empty. Still no figure. Jo shakes her head yes. Still feeling the pain with each nod. What could she do say. She was not tough brave. She was a baby.

Cora walk back with the figure. It walked passed everyone till it got to Jo. She could not tell it close arm distance to see who it was. Garrett. Shock and piss. And if Jo was not so dizzy from the hit him coming this close to her would have made pass out from all the excitement in going on in her body. " I can't lose this job. You got till midnight. Then we are FUCKING though. Go get drunk in the parking lot all I care" he says looking back at the group pissed. He stops and glance at Jo. His eyes shift from pissed to concern. Jo shock starts to open her mouth to say something but before anything he leaves once again.

Fred rolls his eyes and brush it off as what's ever. Drunk now he grabs Cora and start to dance with her to Lex mp3 player . They spend some more time drinking and smoking around the store. Jo sat still on the floor, glancing to the back a few times to see if he comes back. After a while she was pulled back into reality and force to dance with Farrah. Who was as slutty as a video vixen. As time passed they either left to explore or grab some munchies aka find somewhere to make out . Jo decided to make the best of things and found a quiet spot closer to the vents with a cool breeze. Reading one of her books in her zone her space. She stops mid paragraph mid word death . There was something cutting her breeze.

" You mine I chill here with you. Everyone hooking up and I'm not in the mood to smoke. Been trying to quite a few months ago the huh the smoking" a voice says. Jo shakes her head no looking at the page. Pain was not as intense but annoying . She looks up to see Garrett standing there. He looks down at you with his drop dead smile and glitter blue eyes piercing back at you. Garrett sits down and looks at the book Jo was reading, " Good book. So much irony. Jo is that your real name" he says still holding the book in his big marvel hands. Jo shakes her head no. Surprise not only he knew her name but it being his first question " Jolie. Its huh Jolie. Most people call me Jo. Before you ask kinda. My dad used to call me Jo Jo. Why" she says trying to default all her butterflies away.

Garrett smiles a bit bigger. He looked away for a second then back to her. She was mesmerized at his face eye darted to his pink lips. GOD THOSE KISS READY LIPS. " Jolie. That's pretty beautiful . Fits you more then Jo. Mind I call you that Jolie not Jo. I seen you around. I think we got classes together. How your head" he says looking up at her head. Jo slowly touches it wincing at the pain.

" Gym, English lit, and something else" he stops he was closer to her and takes her bag while she wasn't paying attention. Smiling with such charm he starts going though. " Running away huh. That never helps anything, Jolie" he says playfully. Jo smiles iffy about the name but he sure changing that" I’m not runway no more. Or at least NOT now. That's to help me remember a reason to stay. Can't believe even you " she says scratching back of her ear. She stops and look at him. Garrett smiles and goes through her bag not fully pay attention.

" Well I’m happy. You would have kept me alone with these drunk horny retards. Dang. Jolie got a lot of stuff. Cool stuff. Wait why the keys and fake tattoos. No nope these must have a story" he says looking through the fake tattoos. Jo smiles. " Dad said more keys you have the more opportunities you have. Now I’m pushing endless. A lot of them it's like endless stories.Ideas” Jo says trying not to blush.

He scoop a bit closer still looking through her things. His dirty blonde hair was the perfect blend of messy with a purpose. Match with a scent that always drove her crazy it was a mixture of lumber wood and sex appeal. She has been close to him but mostly back of his head in class or behind him in gym class. Never out of class never him coming to her. Was it that he was bored and she seems easy. Or was he really put on babysitting duties. She wasn't sure she really wasn't. But for a quick second before it clicks into reality she just decided to enjoy it. Garrett look up to speak, interrupting Jo inner thoughts.

" Don't see any pictures of your boyfriend how come. Or girl-" Jo interrupts him " Boyfriend. BOYS. MEN. I mean I'm single" she says looking at him as he took out a pop and a bag of chips. He glances at her for her approval. Nodding. " My turn. More of a statement. You don't have to baby me. Or whatever they have you doing. And I'm not that type. That take you against some canned food or on the cold ass floor. I'm sure you can understand" Jo said looking at him. He freezes with sour cream and onion flavor chips in his hand and stuff in his mouth. Chewing slowly he just look at her confused . Clearing her throat. " I mean. What about you any special girl in your life" she says cursing at herself for saying something.

He smiles at her with that million dollars just won the lottery smile. " No. But I do have my eye on a girl to be honest. But it complicated. And I sorry. I can imagine what it looks like. Me here. You. But reality is I just feel your more my speed" he stop and look at a have no clue Jo" Sober. Good vibes. Cool" he says drinking some of the pop. She wanted to smile so bad blush even. Text her mom the cool news. Her mom knew from there little talks she had a crush on Garrett. But instead she just said nothing. "So this girl. Why not tell her. What she some cheerleader or something" Jo says trying to hide the bit of jealous for this girl. Garrett struggles and blushed a bit. " No. She actually new here. And she no cheerleader. She way way more fucking prettier them those dust bag. Smarter too. She also a bit younger not much . Not sure she likes a guy like me" he says looking down at the bag of chips.

Jo hated this girl already no name or face but she hated her more than anything. "Hey uh Garrett. As a girl who shares class with you. This girl she be stupid no borderline retarded beyond repair if she doesn't like you... Hey want do something fun out of my bag" she said to him trying to change the subject before she confessed her undying love for him in the middle of a grocery store. He glances up after a long thought. And says yes. They talk a lot more. What they thought of class today. Taste and music. List was endless. She for once did not feel alone or afraid or even flushed by being by this close to Garrett. Instead she felt normal like the girl she used to be before moving here.

Garrett looking at his cool new panda bear with roses and bar wire, " It must be hard. Coming here. Not really belonging anywhere both at school and home. If it makes you feel better it's the same with me, Jolie. I kinda want to confess something" he starts to say. The alarm on his phone went off. Damn he whispered to himself. He looks at Jo sipping on some water listening to his music, Foo Fighters. " Have to do rounds. Want to come with. Also with what Fred did kinda don't want to leave you behind, Jolie" he whispered into her ear. Nodding at the delight of continuing this affairs or the omfg this isn't happening tour. They walked side by side down each row. Jo looking up at him as he talked about the job, his family or the many stories he smile and laugh as he told her.

" Hey tour guide. Do you know if we get a bathroom break. The water getting to me" she said trying to hold her pee. Garrett smiles down at her as she did her pee pee dance. " Sure but I might have to meet stay outside" he says.

He stop by these old metal swinging doors. She looked back and sneak in. Garrett stood watch with his flashlight. The hallway was dark and musty. A few old lights winging from the ceiling. The bathroom was in worse condition. Dirty. Smelly. Something even the best horror novelist couldn't even make up. She lends over and tries to go. The old metal door starts to open. Creek creek. Jo gets up a little to see what it was. Nothing but a shadow. Unsure what to think she turns around for some toilet paper. Footsteps now . Heavy as a meter. Stomping towards her. She froze her hand press on each side of the stall . The footsteps stop in front of her. Jo mouth open a little to slow her breathing. She couldn’t tell whatever it was.She tried to listen to see if someone else was here. Jo slowly put her feet up close to her and lends towards her legs to her chest. A sharp sounds goes across the door. Jo shivering trying not to scream. Froze. Keep it together just a joke she thought. She tilts her head to the side to peak. It was gone. What or who ever wasn't there. She waited a little to make sure it was gone. She opens the door to peak. Nothing. She gulp and rush out as fast she can. Not even a hair or turtle could catch up to her. As the doors swing open. She landed right in Garrett strong arms for the second time and one day . She held him tight her head dodged into his chest. Only thing that stops her for crying was the warm touch he gave as he rubbed her back. But it did not stop the fact she was freaked out by what just happened to her.

" What wrong you ok? " Garrett said still holding her. She said nothing just hold him tight her head on his chest looking down at his sneakers. He looked down at her. Nothing but the head of curls and a silent whimper. Under her breath she says" something was down there with me". He looks up at the door. " We have a lot of rats was what scared you. It's alright shi-" he start to say.

" No a person. A shadow was there. Watching me. I want to go home now" she said still holding him. Using his shirt as a tissue as her tears roll off her face. He shocked his head pissed.

" That bitch ass jerk" he says quietly to himself.

" I bet Fred did this. Does not know when to stop come on let's find him" he says grabbing at her small wrist.

They were all laughing smoking a joint. " You're freaking dead. Now Fred" Garrett says rushing right to Fred forgetting he was still holding Jo wrist. Fred turns at Garrett and Jo then back at everyone else. " What the fuck you talking about" he says laughing at him. Garrett was mad. He glances at Jo who was giving him Bambi eyes then at him. " That real cool. You scared her half to death. She literally came out to me screaming like she saw the fucking devil. Look at her" he says shaking Jo. Jo for the first time look up out of her daze. Fred blows out big poof of smoke at Garrett and Jo. " Really like. Bro you sniffing to many things of white out again . That never happened. Whatever that baby got scared of must of been her own shadow. I was with Farrah checking out the joint. Cora was here with Lex sleeping off the liquor" he says licking his top lip.

Jo looks at Cora who face look puzzled. As if he not saying something. Farrah was standing by Lex fighting something she wanted to say. Jo tug at Garrett shirt. She leaned in close to him on her tippy toes. " Garrett it's fine. Can we just chill it" she said to him then glanced at Farrah and Fred. Garrett still mad makes a mad face then turn to apologize to Fred. Fred piss off walk away with no other than Farrah behind him. Cora upset shakes her head and mouth the words you slut. Hope you choke on a stick. Garrett looks at Jo then walks towards the others with his head down. Cora was now screaming at the top of lungs at Fred.Garrett rushes up to Fred and tries to calm him down as if the last five minutes never happened. Jo looks at Cora storming pass her. Cora was sitting on cashier filing her nails.

" You ok. Cora" Jo said sincerely . Cora looks at her then raises her eyebrow up.

" I'm not stupid. I know that bottom eater is doing. I'm popular duh. But I have my limit. Doing it and being so obvious in front of people. That does it. Twice a day" she says to a puzzled face Jo " I know what you saw today. Damn thing went around faster than a twit. No one thing. May you my witness. Who ever does Cora wrong gets put on the freaking list" she said still filing her nails. Jo look at her then back at Fred. " If you knew why then be with him. There much more guys heck captions then him" she said looking at her. Cora looks at her and then walk away.

Garrett walk right past her to Jo . " Hey Jolie. I need your help. I need to get the key. Thought I had them on me but mines are the wrong ones. Master keys in the office. Door locked everything shut down. Can you stay here. Keep watch. I'm gonna take Lex so nothing happens. He kinda upset" he says looking at Jo.

She glanced at him then shook her head yes. She watched him leave. Placing her hands up above her head she tries to focus. As she started to walk she remembers something. Earlier the figure she saw. Was it something or just her imagination. She had to figure it out. Garrett won't do that . At least she hope not. She had to figure out was it and the one in the bathroom is the same.

Looking at the car Jo then rushes to Fred and Farrah talking.

"Look Freddie. She knows Lex knows why not just be together. We had sex. We make out alot why not" Farrah said trying to touch Fred face. Pushing her hand down he starts to laugh. " Look I’m starting to sober up so let me make this quick because it's kinda sad. You're like an on the street bootleg of a movie. Might think it's a good deal. Because it's cheap and looks like the real deal but always mess up quality and a waste of money. Cheap worthless. Lex told me he only with you because you give it out.Cora a real girl. I have to fight for her. You I smile and give you a second attention and your hook. What? " he says looking at Jo.

Looking back at Cora then at them. " You should at least have the respect and talk to her. I get it. It's a joke. On me. The noises the playing with me when I was in the bathroom. It's not funny. We are already in trouble so let's just go" Jo says. Fred laughs at her then walks towards Cora. Farrah upset starts to walk off. Jo afraid of anyone leaving by themselves follows her.

" Wait wait. It's not safe" Jo says running behind her. There was a creepy creak coming from behind but far enough that even if you tried you could hear it.

" What do you want. Im piss and you're not helping" Farrah says still walking. Jo looks back again. There was the sound again. No one heard it. " Look I don't know is still part of the prank. But I'm over it. I saw you when I was in the car, when I was using the bathroom. You running away now is letting him win. Now if I can put pass the silly nonsense you guys are doing so can you. You deserve better then a descent 3rd division college player that gonna be either back here working at some depressing job if he smart get a bookie to do all his work or a mid wage in some middle state overweight loser. Either way. He not worth it. You're not perfect but you don't deserve to be treated like horse poop" Jo said. She was upset. She was upset that this was happening she really only wanted to be home with her mom. Safe. Nope instead she trying to pump up a you can do the high road to the school slut. Farrah came and raise her hand to slap Jo. " It wasn't a joke. On you. You're not worth it. You're seeing things. We was smoking a joint when we first got inside then we.....we..... we found this weird place. In the back. Fill of old meat and big ass fucking knifes. Some straight A fucking shit. He wants to do it but I couldn’t. So after we play around broke something crap and left" she stopped and started to walk back towards the group. She stops " Thanks. You're actually cool. Cora was wrong" still walking. There was the noise again. The never ending feelings someone calling for you but know no ones behind you. Then that's when it happened. All at once.

They were taken.

#midnight desire #midnight #aesthetic #dark #writeblr #short story #young adult fiction #fiction #suspense #thriller #desire #teenage angst #scary #grunge #girl #2019

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queerhargreeves · 6 years ago

Text

Big Brothers Need Help Too

Diego’s usual stoic silence lasts longer than normal. His siblings take notice, because of course they do.

sOOO tumblr ate the inbox request?? a wonderfully kind anon asked me to write a diego-centric fic where he doesn’t talk for a while and the siblings take notice!! i’ve been in a writing rut for a while, but this prompt broke me out of it. dear anon you are like my diego-angst soul mate!!! so pls, if you’re out there and wanna talk diego......im all ears!!

The Hargreeves siblings have been together post apocalypse for a few months now. And they’re mostly okay. They’re alive, and that’s all the matters right? Well, almost everyone is. Grace and Pogo are gone, but billions of lives are not. Hell, even Ben is as back as he can be. They’ve spent the last few months healing in their own ways.

It’s been a tough six months for all of them. Vanya’s training has been long and intensive, but she’s gotten stronger. Her siblings have forgiven her for everything even if she hasn’t fully forgiven herself. She probably never will. Diego insists on giving her a ride to every rehearsal, making sure she gets to the auditorium and back safely. Allison and Klaus drag her out of her room and makes her join them on their nail party nights; even if she usually settles with a clear top coat or nude color she will happily paint Klaus’ nails nine different colors.

Luther, the most aloof and ignorant of them all, has finally started to accept that he is a victim of trauma: A victim of Sir Reginald Hargreeves, just like his siblings. He’s been ashamed of being seen for so long that he would purposely isolate himself from his brothers and sisters. He knows what he’s done to hurt them, what Reginald drilled into his brain was the correct thing to do. He’d flinch at any contact with his siblings, retracting so quickly as if their touch burned him. They all notice, because of course they do. He’s getting better about it though. With Klaus sprawling his legs over his knees on the couch and Diego’s shoulder massages after their sparring, how could he not. Their casual touches is slowly bringing the big man out of the shell that he’s never stepped foot out of before.

Allison’s life as America’s Sweetheart came to an end. The power that destroyed her life has been forcibly stripped away. This new loss, this disability, is something she’s had a hard time coming to terms with. Her brothers and sister help her in every way they can. Diego was the first to go to an ASL class with her, the rest of the siblings promptly went after. Vanya would always offer her voice to talk to her daughter, to be her interpreter.

Five, the man who went through literal hell for the sake of his family, is now learning how to actually exist. Being a person is so much harder than he had ever imagined. He was focused for so long on one thing: surviving. Five never really thought about what to do after that. He doesn’t remember a life before ashes, fumes, and a sea of nothingness. He doesn’t remember a life before killing, before taking orders. Diego is the first person to notice when Five gets lost in his head at the dinner table, his fork shaking lightly in his hand and his eyes looking far off. He’s somewhere else. Diego would simply lay a gentle hand on the smaller man’s shoulder. It was grounding. Five doesn’t quite know who he is yet, but shopping trips to the mall with Allison and Klaus and movie nights with Ben and Vanya are certainly good places to start finding out.

Ben, although he’s only able to be corporeal for 7 hours max a day, has had to do his own adjusting. Sometimes he forgets he can be seen, touched. The touches can be overwhelming, the locked eyes too intimate. Diego and Klaus are patient with him. They understand that sometimes he just wants to be corporeal and alone and they give him the agency he deserves to do so. But he’s grateful to be apart of his family again even for a little while at a time.

Klaus has been sober for six months, the longest he’s ever gone since he was 13. He has never been able to go longer than 30 days without relapsing so 188 days is a huge feat. His siblings have held him through the terrible dope sickness, the bone rattling shakes, the nausea. Allison would silently tuck herself in his bed in the middle of the night after hearing him scream in the middle of the night, muttering heart wrenching words about war and his lost love. He’d sob in her embrace as she’d run her hands thru his curls, whispering kind affirmations until her throat begged her to stop. Diego would and has dropped anything to take the man out on a late night drive. Klaus wouldn’t even have to say a word. All it took was one look at his brother for Diego to know he needed to get out. The house, the mausoleum, had so much history - there were just too many of them. It didn’t matter where they went, Diego would drive for hours until if it meant Klaus would fall asleep in silence and safe.

Then there’s Diego. The now ex-vigilante has been one of the most solid constants for his siblings over the last six months. He’s been there for them through each of their traumas, their coping, and their recovery. He’s been an anchor for each of them in his own way, never asking for a thank you or any recognition of the sort. Diego has always been the softest of them all, not that he would ever admit it. Before their rankings were enforced, before they were taught that emotions were a sign of weakness, Diego was the most empathetic of the bunch. He’d pick Vanya up when she fell and scraped her knee in the courtyard, helping her over to their mom for a band aid. He’d always play tag with Luther and would let him win when he could see he was getting frustrated at losing. Diego was always a good, kind brother in his own way.

Which is why it shocked Klaus that no one noticed until now. Diego had never been much of a talker unless he was angry and felt the need to be defensive. His nonverbal communication was usually enough. And he’s been less angry, working on his impulse control and actually thinking through his feelings instead of immediately acting on them. A silent pat on the shoulder, a hug, a nod towards the door to signal a car ride was all it took for his siblings to know his intentions.

But this? This went beyond Diego’s usual causal stoic silence.

The siblings were sat around on one of their three living areas, the only one with a TV. Diego, Klaus, and Ben were on the three seater couch with Diego cushioned in the middle. Vanya and Allison curled up on the floral loveseat and Five and Luther sat on their own recliners. They were watching Disney movies, per Allison’s instance that Five be educated on some of the classics he had missed out on. They were on movie number two, Bambi. Vanya and Diego’s favorite.

“Hey Di,” Klaus started, voice soft as looked up from his place on Diego’s chest to meet his deep brown eyes, “Why is Bambi your favorite Disney film? It makes sense for Van, but I wouldn’t expect something like Bambi to be your cup of tea.”

Klaus could feel Diego’s body tense at the question, pursing his mouth in thin line before he settled on a quick shrug of his shoulders. Klaus cocked his head, not finding that answer completely satisfactory. There was no witty comeback, no snide remark. No backlash. Why isn’t he saying anything? The more he started to think about it, the more he realized something.

Diego hasn’t said a word all day. Wait, scratch that. He actually can’t remember the last time he heard his brother say anything. Something that hasn’t happened since they came home from an interview where Diego stuttered through an answer and was forcibly shoved in the tank for 36 hours.

“C’mon bro, this is a safe space and all.” Klaus shifted from his spot on Diego and straightened up, turning his body so he could look his brother straight in the eyes. “Tell me. Why is this your favorite movie?” He asked again, louder this time. Diego didn’t know how long ago the movie got paused but what he did know is that he wished he didn’t give Five the remote privileges for the night.

“Diego?” Vanya piped up, her voice small but full of concern. “What’s wrong...are you..?” She trailed off. This was so unlike her big brother.

Diego opened his mouth, his adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. His tongue was jammed in his mouth and nothing but strangled grunts escaped his lips. He gave up after a few moments, closing his eyes tight and sighing softly. He started to shrink in on himself, his usual usual strong presence turning into anything but.

“Oh Di.” Ben wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

Diego gave another shrug, his body releasing some of the tension he didn’t realize he was holding.

“Diego, how long has this exactly been going on?” Five asked cautiously, his voice lacking it’s usual edge and snark.

The six siblings watched as their brother struggled to form words. They all saw the shame start to wash over his face. He was becoming more red as each second passed. Diego started to close in on himself, but Ben’s arm was keeping him from completely slipping away. They knew he was almost scared of their reactions of what would come out of his mouth.

“Please, Diego we just want to help. It’s...it’s okay. Like Klaus said, safe space.” Luther affirmed, leaning forward from his seat and placing a firm grip on his knee and giving it a light squeeze. Allison cleared her throat until Diego met her eyes and gave a gentle smile.

“Please, we love you.” She signed and mouthed.

He took a deep breath, trying to remember what his mom told him all those years ago. Just picture the word in your mind, right? He knew his trigger letters, he knew to speak out the exhale of a breath if his stutter was particularly bad.

“S-since M-mon-m-monday.” He managed to get the answer out, his hands curling in tight fists and leaving moon imprints on his palms. God, this was a lot harder without Grace here.

Vanya eyes immediately narrowed at her brothers frustration and in one swift motion she plopped herself criss cross applesauce right in front of the man before he could break skin. She gently ran her hand on his knuckles and started massaging his wrist until he slowly released the firm grip.

“Monday?! Bro, that’s six freakin’ days!” Klaus exclaimed, his eyes widening.

“Diego, why didn’t you tell us? It’s just - you’ve helped us all so much. Like, with everything. Let us help you this time, yeah? I know you like being the strong, big brother all the time but it’s okay. You don’t think any less of me when you help me, right? Or Five?” Klaus stressed. Diego shook his head.

“Right! So don’t wait so long to confide when stuff comes up. I’m sorry I didn’t even think to see how you’ve been coping? We’ve all been so caught up in our own lives that it just. It shouldn’t of slipped - it won’t happen again.”

Diego nodded again, letting out a soft scoff.

“I-I-I th-thought I c-could g-get over it alone. But w-w-with-without m-mom…”

“Without mom, it’s hard, right?” Vanya finished a few seconds after Diego stopped, making sure she wasn’t speaking over him.

“It won’t be the same, and I can’t promise we’ll be as good as her. But we can try. All of us.” Five assured, the other five siblings agreeing and nodding their heads.

“It’s n-not that I-I-I don’t trust y-you guys,” Diego paused, thinking carefully on how to word the next statement.

“I-I just d-d-didn’t w-want to w-worry you. I’m s-sorry I didn’t s-say a-any-anything.”

“Honestly? I’d be lying if I said I’m not worried, Di.” Klaus started softly, “But we don’t have to go through this shit alone anymore, remember? You of all people should know that. You’ve taken me on more drives the last few months than I’ve been on in like, my entire life. You take Van to every rehearsal, you’re the best at ASL so far. You’ve always had the biggest ‘protective big bro’ energy and I’m sure even Lu over here can admit that.” To which Luthe agreed with a “true, true” at the statement.

“But that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to lean on us when you need to.” Klaus ruffled Diego’s hair, causing a quiet giggle to erupt from the man.

“I think this calls for a Hargreeves group hug, no?” Allison whispered softly and signed.

“GROUP HUG!” Ben exclaimed, wrapping his other arm around Diego. The rest of the siblings jumped up and squashed themselves around each other, not daring to move for another 30 seconds.

“I-I know I c-c-can h-hold my b-breath, b-but I d-don’t think F-Five can.” Diego’s voice was barely audible, muffled from the center of the pile.

“Oh Diego, always the observant one.” Five gasped as they disbanded, heaving dramatically.

“I think Di deserves remote privileges for the rest of the night, no?” Vanya grinned, running her hand through her hair.

“The honor is yours. But please, no more Fight Club.” Five pleaded.

“Fine. K-k-karate k-kid.” Diego retorted, yanking the remote off the chair and collapsing back on the couch. Five rolled his eyes, but his tiny grin and prominent dimple always gave away his lack of annoyance.

“Karate Kid it is then.” Luther agreed.

Yeah, so maybe they weren’t perfect. But they were the only people who could even begin to understand what each other went through. They knew each other through and through. They knew each of their flaws, their insecurities, their defense mechanisms. That meant nothing goes unnoticed, but that always meant that nothing would go unsupported. The seven of them would be there for each other always - the spent entirely too long tearing one another apart. And they saw how that could’ve ended. They weren’t going to do that anymore, the Hargreeves made sure of that.

#diego is the best soft brother....#diego hargreeves #tua #the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy fanfiction #fanfic #tua fic #diego centric #sibling bonding #allison hargreeves #five hargreeves #luther hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #ben hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #fic

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writingquestionsanswered · 7 years ago

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Hello. Do you have any advice on how to promote yourself as an author via social media like writing blogs? I'm struggling greatly to keep myself active in any of these because I don't know what to share. My life isn't very interesting and any free time I have for writing I spend working on my novel so I also don't have any extra short stories to share like some guides tell me to do and I don't want to post many details about my novel before publishing it. Thanks in advance.

Guide: How to Promote Yourself as a Writer/Author via Social Media

1) First and Foremost, Don’t Overthink It.

I’m starting here, because this is a subject that can be very overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. Some writers/authors seem to have limitless time to dedicate to social media, but most of us don’t, and that’s okay. It’s better to prioritize your writing, but there are things you can do to work social media into your routine. Also, don’t feel like everything you post has to be related to writing, your writing life, or some super interesting event or adventure. Content is content. It can be just about anything.2) Your Main Social Media Options, Just to Get Them Out there- Tumblr- Facebook- Twitter- Instagram- Pintrest- YouTube- Goodreads- Google Plus- Writer/Author Blog2) Get to Know Your FavoritesIt’s better to have good visibility on a few platforms than it is to spread yourself thin across all of them. Even if you set up accounts on all of them, you don’t have to be active on all of them. Focus on the ones that work best for you, even if it’s only two or three of them. I recommend choosing at least two, if not three, then dedicate a week to each one. Set up your account (if you haven’t already), find and follow other writers/authors, especially in your genre. (Hashtags are helpful for this. Google will provide lists of hashtags for writers/authors on each platform.) Try to spend ten to fifteen minutes a day on that week’s chosen platform. Make a post, then spend some time liking and commenting on the posts in your feed. This helps to build relationships with other writers. And don’t be bashful. Anyone who has a public writer/author page is hoping for likes and comments, even from people they don’t know yet.3) Choose a Primary Platform and Stick with ItAs the saying goes, “Jack of all trades, master of none.” The same is true of social media, so even once you’ve narrowed the field down to your favorite two or three platforms, you may want to choose one that you use daily, for ten to fifteen minutes per day. Then, try to dedicate a little time to the other two, maybe on the weekends.

4) What to Do About Content

It depends on the platform, obviously, but here are some ideas:

Re-Blogs/Re-Posts: - writing advice/tips- writing-related quotes- motivational quotes- book/reading related quotes- pictures that relate to what you write- pictures that inspire what you want to write- pictures that relate to reading/writing- posts from other writers/authors that are shareable- writing/reading related memes- aesthetics of your favorite books

Original Posts:- personal writing-related anecdotes- writing tip/advice posts (share what you know!)- photos of your writing space/reading area- pictures of handwritten quotes or tips that you want to share- aesthetics of your WIP- photos of coffee, tea, stationery, books, pets, nature- your monthly goals- end of month review of which goals you completed and which you didn’tTags/Challenges/Questionnaires:- “tag” challenges are sort of like hashtag photo prompts. Search for an existing tag challenge or create your own and tag your followers to join you.- monthly photo challenges give you a prompt for each day. These can be related to books/reading, writing, both, or anything else.- prompt challenges inspire daily short poetry or micro fiction- you’ve seen questionanaires here and probably on facebook, too. Often you can find some geared toward reading and writing.Book Reviews, Movie Reviews, TV Show Reviews, Video Game Reviews- book reviews make for great content. It doesn’t have to be anything long and drawn out. Just a picture of the book, how many stars you give it, and a few things that you liked (or didn’t like) about it. - did you watch a movie over the weekend that you really enjoyed? Tell your followers about it in a spoiler-free review.- did you binge-watch a new TV show? Let others know about it with a spoiler-free review.- did you play a new computer, phone, or video game? Talk about it!Support Other Writers/Authors:- if a writer/author you admire or follow posts something you can help promote, do it! For example, maybe an indie author your friends with has just posted that their book is on sale this week. Sharing that can promote audience sharing between you and them, it gives you content for the day, and it’s awesome to support other writers/authors, especially indies.Arts, Crafts, DIY, Cooking, Adventures, and Other Hobbies- share your grandmother’s recipe for pumpkin pie- share a picture of the sweater you’re knitting along with your three favorite knitting tips and tricks.- share a picture of your bujo or planner layout for the month- share a picture of the cabinets you re-finished and talk about what the process was like.- share pictures and stories from the antiquing road trip you took over the weekend.- share a picture of the painting you’ve been working on.- share a picture of the room you cleaned out along with some de-cluttering tips- share a pretty picture of a flower you took on your afternoon walkSpend some time looking at the content of other writers/authors on the platform you want to focus on. This is a great way to see what’s most common, what you can mimic, and what you can jump in on.5) Set Up a Schedule

Whether you focus on one platform or three, it can sometimes help to set up a posting schedule. For example:Monday - Blog post on author blogTuesday - Re-tweet two or three writing-related tweets on TwitterWednesday - Post a writing/book related photo on InstagramThursday - Re-blog writing tip on TumblrFriday - BreakSaturday - Twitter re-tweetsSunday - Instagram tag challengeThat’s just an example, of course. If you focus on one social media platform, it might look more like this…Facebook Posting Schedule:Monday - Re-post writing adviceTuesday - Post writing/reading related quoteWednesday - Share personal writing tipThursday - Link to interesting writing-related articleFriday - Book reviewSaturday - Picture from weekend adventureSunday - Break6) Social Media Management Apps

If you’re still feeling overwhelmed, you may want to look into a social media management app like Hootsuite, Pagemodo, or Sprout Social. (There are many others, too.) These sometimes cost money, but they can be well worth it if you need help managing your social media presence. Ultimately, these allow you to plan out posts in advance, so instead of worrying about it every day, you take maybe an hour every week to pre-plug in all your tweets and other posts for the week. When you see writers/authors who seem to post on all social media every day, this is generally how they do it.7) Don’t Neglect your Writer/Author Blog

Last but not least, make sure you set up a writer/author blog and try to make a post in it at least once a month. Not only will this give you content you can share on the platforms you focus on, but it’s a great way to keep track of your writing journey and to keep your growing audience up-to-date with the latest news. Even just a short post to talk about your progress for the month and your goals for the next month is better than nothing.8) Try to Relax and Have Fun with It

It may take you a little while to establish a routine that you’re comfortable with, but it will happen eventually. Just remember not to overthink things and not to feel like you have to do everything. Like I said, it’s better to choose one platform and post on it every two or three days than it is to be sporadic on all the platforms. Just do the best you can, and it’ll all make sense in time. :)

#writing #writing tips #writing advice #writing help #writing-questions-answered #wqa #wqaadvice #wqaguide

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videogames-and-stardust · 6 years ago

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Tagged by @thatonegirrl16

Rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people that you’re like to get to know better. (Make a separate post!)

Nickname: It depends on who I’m talking to. People who knew me from when I would cosplay call me Liz and there are some others in my college life who call me that. Some family call me beth and my mom tends to call me “beetle” or “bee”-- I have started using “Bea” as my name in games because I don’t really think my name works with me and I kinda like it.

Zodiac: Taurus

Height: 5′8”

Last Movie I Saw: Last two movies I watched were both spiderman into the spiderverse (yes it’s good enough to see multiple times)

Last thing I googled: Why is my keurig making a yelling noise after I make coffee. If anyone else is having this problem the answer is you just need to descale it.

Favorite Musicians: Dodie Clark, Hayley Williams, and Billie Eilish are my top three at the moment.

Song Stuck in my head: It’s been back and forth between If I’m being honest and Bad ideas

Other blogs: My personal blog is: avasefullofnations and my blog dedicated to appreciating cranky crew fan made things is crankycrew-appreciation

Do I get Asks?:I don’t really keep track of that kinda thing and haven’t for years tbh ;;

Followers: More than 0 and less than 1000 :P but really about 450.

Following: 240 tumblrs; I’m sure some of those are inactive tho so I might look through it later when I need to procrastinate some more on my homework tonight.

Amount of sleep: oof I’d say most nights its over 10 as I fall asleep too early. Some nights though I just decide not to sleep so I don’t at all.

Lucky Number: I don’t really have one I think. I used to change it every time I was asked but idk honestly.

What am I wearing: sweat pants and my pma hoodie. I think tomorrow I’m gonna wear my pma hoodie, black pants, and my rainbow doc martens to make them pop.

Dream Job: I don’t know really if I have a dream job tbh-- right now I’m working towards becoming a teacher but I honestly didn’t think I’d make it this far so I’m kinda making it up as I go

Dream Trip: I don’t know if I have a dream trip per se but some places I want to go to in the future is disneyland for my 21st birthday and to go to a cat cafe in canada because I’ve been to many different places but never canada despite being super close to the border? Honestly just getting out and travelling would be a dream.

Favorite Food: My go to foods from my favorite store are miso soup, squid jerky, and sweet corn chips.

Play any instruments: I once knew how to play the piano and tried at the violin and guitar but I didn’t stick with any of them. I find the toycon piano super fun to try to decode songs though!

Favorite Song: this is a hard one. I’d say on my phone it’s between my teeth by orla. I’m super excited to listen to human on repeat this weekend though and fall in love with those songs all over again (and hear some new ones how exciting)

Random Fact: I’ve actually been on tumblr since 2011 ish. I started as a personal blog then I ran a cosplay ask blog where I would spend pretty much every afternoon of my highschool career making gifs of myself answering questions and hosting tinychats-- I stopped abruptly in the spring of 2017 after getting frustrated with the fact that my friends were growing up and leaving the community and deleted my blog-- I spent a few months off of here before creating a personal blog and then nearly a year later I created this blog after watching mark play hearts and heroes.

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: sitting on a beach as the sun starts to set, neatly painted cups filled with fancy teas, watercolor being dropped into a puddle of water and the ink just spreads instantly, and fairy lights in a cozy afternoon.

I’m tagging:

@nival-kenival @loucid-lines @crankybois @2sidedmonologue @sohowdoilifeandstuff @toffee-coffee-bean @paint-on-my-tongue @quietjosie @glixbitch @jellyfishdreams1

#of course dont feel like you have to do this #sorry that this is so long #tagged a few old friends and some others who I haven't interacted with at least not much

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thing-you-do-with-that-thing · 7 years ago

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SEASONS OF LOVE CHALLENGE - Bloom of Spring

Hey guys so a new season is upon us so here is the 3rd part of Season of Love. This time we will be focusing on spring.

Each part of the challenge will run for almost 3 months - to fit the season. This time I decided to add the option of getting a gif/picture prompt for another fandom than spn. Song and Word prompts are still strictly for SPN fans and if you wanna write for another fandom you have to run the pairing by me first since it is far from all I’d be willing to read.

If you are gonna need an extension when we near the end of the challenge or need to drop out just let me know. If you don’t turn in your fic on time and you haven’t kept in touch, you will be banned from all my future challenges.

Do I have to taken part in in Fall and Winter?

No. You can take part in one, in two ect. Any you would like.

If I do all do the stories have to be linked?

No. They can be but that is not an acquirement.

If I do them all do I have to write the same pairing each time?

Nope.

Will you read and reblog my fic?

You betcha :D

Do my fic have to be spring themed?

Since it is the idea of the challenge - yes I am afraid so.

When Do I Post?

Between March 1st and May 26th. Sign Ups start now and ends when there are no more prompts

Can I sign up more than once?

If there are still more prompts left Feb 22nd - yes! But I wanna give everyone a chance to get a prompt the first 5 days! - and I need 1 fic per prompt you sign up for!

RULES - READ PLEASE!

Don’t Post Before: March 1st

Due Date: May 26th

Word min: 500 words

Word Max: 6k words

Style: It can be a drabble, one shot or beginning of a series. Do not put in in the middle of an ongoing series since I plan on reading them and don’t want to read 10 parts of something to understand the entry. IT CAN BE THE MIDDLE OF A SERIES IF YOU ARE DOING FOUR PART ONE FOR EACH PART OF MY CHALLENGE WHICH I WOULD LOOOOVE!

Genre: Fluff, smut, angst are all welcome. DO NOT write smut if you are under the age of 18 and tag everything with appropriate warnings. AUs are more than welcome!

Limits on what you can write: No Mommy/daddy kinks, no non/dub con, no A/B/O, no glorification on cheating, no wife or actor hate in rpfs (breaking this last one will get you blocked and banned!) - if you got any questions at any time feel free to send me an ask.

Format: State in your A/N that it is for my (thing-you-do-with-that-thing) Seasons of Love - Bloom of Spring Challenge. And use the # SoL - Bloom of Spring challenge in the first 5 tags.

Submit: After you posted on tumblr you have to add yourself and your fic to this doc. If you don’t do this you will not be added to the masterlist I create when the challenge is over. If you got questions - just ask :D

Doc link it case tumblr is an ass: https://docs.google.com/document/d/17_oedTQINgq69u9FUif2tcpTLk8LzmuZxJKZ6qdMURA/edit?usp=sharing

How do I join?

You pick a prompt and a pairing off the list. Send me the prompt number along with a backup just in case and your pairing of choice. ASKS ONLY!! REPLIES, REBLOGS AND IMS WILL BE IGNORED!

There are no limits on the pairings but I only allow 1 person per prompt so think before you sign up. If you don’t think you will be doing it then don’t take the spot from someone else. Prompts and Pairings are under the cut!

Pairings:

No male readers - gender neutral are fine!

General Fics - character or rpf are both fine.

Sister/daughter/romantic/friendship reader pairings for following are all fine - just let me know which:

Jensen

Dean

Misha

Cas

Jared

Sam

Genevieve

Danneel

Ships (all are allowed as poly with reader too):

Destiel

Deonna

Megstiel

Saileen

Chestervelle (Dean x Jo)

Cockles

Jensen x Danneel

Jared x Genevieve

AS SOMETHING SPECIAL THIS TIME I WILL ALLOW TWD, GOT, OUAT AND MARVEL PAIRINGS - NOT ALL BUT SOME. ASK ME IF YOU ARE INTERESTED - I READ BOTH READER INSERTS AND SHIPS FOR ALL BUT NOT EVERYTHING! THERE IS A PROMPT LIMIT ON THESE. YOU CAN ONLY SIGN UP ONCE AND ONLY FOR A GIF/PICTURE PROMPT! - You can sign up for once of these and still do a SPN prompt too!

No shaming of any pairings or ships I just have to read them and these are the things I prefer. On to the prompts:

Activity and word prompts

1 Easter @rainyjaredpadaleckimoviespanda (Jarevieve)

2 Painting Eggs - @supersunsetkittypie (Jenneel)

3 Planting Flowers @teamfreewill-imagine (Jenneel x daughter!reader)

4 Picnic @mysupernaturalfics (Jenneel x Reader)

5 Spring Break @roxyspearing (Dean x Reader)

6 April’s Fools @internationalfandomgirl (Misha x Reader)

7 Baby Animals @sammy-moo (Sam x Reader)

8 Spring Cleaning @storytimewithlyva (Dean x Reader)

9 Spring Fever @mrspadalackles (Dean x Reader)

10 Birds

11 Bees @mysticalgrungefarm (Megstiel)

12 Flowers @percywinchester27 (Dean x Reader)

13 Butterflies

14 Bunny @not-moose-one-shots (sam x reader)

15 Mother’s Day @oneshoeshort (Sam x Reader)

16 Birth @captainemwinchester (Jensen x Reader)

17 Bloom @ruined-by-destiel (Sam x Reader)

18 May Day @ravenangel33

19 Baseball - @iwantthedean (Jensen x Reader)

20 April Showers - @tngrayson (Dean x Reader)

21 Memorial Day @plaid-lover-bay25 (jarevieve x reader)

22 St Patrick's Day @impalaimagining (Jared or Jensen x Reader)

23 New Beginnings - @torn-and-frayed (Jensen x Reader)

24 A Day Out @queen-of-deans-booty (Jensen x Reader)

25 Warmer Weather @thegodbucky (Jenneel x Reader)

Song Prompts:

26 April Come She Will - Simon and Garfunkel @like-a-bag-of-potatoes (sam x reader)

27 Spring Breakdown - Luke Bryan

28 Fires of Spring - Chris Rea @haunteddeanwinchester (Dean x Reader)

29 Spring Street - Vanessa Carlton

30 Wild Mountain Thyme - Jensen Ackles

31 Gypsy - Shakira @deanandsamsbitch (cas x reader)

32 Soak Up the Sun - Sheryl Crow

33 Hummingbird Heartbeat - Katy Perry @lifelovelaughangell123 (Dean x Reader)

34 Music of the Sun - Rihanna @myherodreamercowboy (Destiel x Reader)

35 Walking on Sunshine - Katrina and the Waves @atc74 (jared x reader)

36 Strawberry Swing - Coldplay @firefly124 (sam x reader)

37 Feel Again - One Republic @abbirae99 (sam x reader)

38 Butterfly Fly Away - Miley Cyrus @sillesworldofwriting (jarevieve x reader)

40 Here comes the sun - The Beatles @samsbeecharmer (sam x reader)

41 Purple Rain - Prince

42 Beautiful Day - U2

43 The Lifting - REM

44 Happy - Pharrell Williams

45 Best Day of My Life - American Authors

46 Brighter than the sun - Colbie Caillat @ladyismoriah (megstiel)

47 Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper @samwinjarpad (Sam x Reader)

48 All Star - Smash Mouth

49 The Rain Song - Led Zeppelin

50 Centerfield - John Fogerty - @katymacsupernatural (Jensen x Reader)

40 Secret Gif/Picture Prompts:

1 @winchesterprincessbride (Sam x Reader)

2 @luci-in-trenchcoats (Jensen x Reader)

3 @coldglittersupernaturaltaco (Deonna)

4 @homeschooldonmyhands (winchester sister oc)

5 @captain-s-rogers (steve x reader)

6 @waywardkittenarmy (Cockles)

7 @jayankles (Dean x Reader)

8 @deanxfuckingadorablexwinchester (dean x daughter!reader)

9 @docharleythegeekqueen (destiel x reader)

10 @trunk-full-of-ideas (winchester sister!reader)

11 @highlyfuncti0nings0ci0path (dean x reader)

12 @queen-of-deans-booty (sam x reader)

13 @queen-of-deans-booty (dean x reader)

14 @acreativelydifferentlove (bucky x reader)

15 @becs-bunker (Bucky x Reader)

16 @deanssweetheart23 (Dean x Reader)

#sol - bloom of spring challenge #seasons of love challenge #sol - bloom of spring

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dragonpigeons · 7 years ago

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Bam. I cannot believe how much I have drawn (and improved?) this past year. I owe it all to the support of my friends and followers. Thank you.

Special Mentions to Special People

@casxia @anandinair @serensama: My two sisters/wives and mother, respectively. A girl couldn’t ask for a better family :’) I know we’re all busy doing our shit but whenever I hear from you guys it makes my day. You’re all so talented and I hope you get what you’re after in your crafts because, dang it if y’all don’t deserve it and more! Thank you for being the first friends I made on Tumblr and sticking with me. Let’s talk more in 2018!

@7space0chips7 @lilith5th @sander-sonia @crystalsoul16 @yoosungsbutt aka the Plus Ultra Server: You guys are lit. I’ve had the funniest and wildest chats ranging from outlandish speculations on ink boy’s quirk to designing the most ridiculous otome game featuring Larry the Seagull together (which we should totes carry on doing LOL). You never fail to make me laugh. Let’s Go Beyond to 2018 PLUS ULTRA!!!

@kuromiyadk @indispanna @blissfullyintoxicated @mariamagica @nanahuatli @didem-dg @yooshixlucy @pokebe @princeforestfox @prisoner-of-cerebrum: We don’t talk that often but when we do I really appreciate getting your messages :) I basically met all of you via the MM fandom and I’m really grateful to know you. Getting to know you has brightened up my life and I hope we keep in touch into 2018 :D

@The MM Server by @chaoticstarblossoms: I joined you guys only several days ago but I’m really happy I did. You’re all so friendly and welcoming and, for someone who’s kinda shy when it comes to big groups, I’m pleasantly surprised by how quickly I came to feel a part of the server. Not only me but you take any new member under the wing right from the start with warmth and it’s just really awesome! I hope to get to know you guys more and to join in with more shenanigans in the next year. Thank you for having me ^-^

@The MM fandom: Thank you so much for welcoming me with open arms. I created my first MM fanart at the start of 2017, not really expecting to draw much more than that for the rest of the year. Well pffftttsjfsehjerhej I did a rough count and would you believe that I’ve drawn 100+ MM-related and 50+ BNHA-related pics in the past 11 months?? 8D This is a huge deal to me because previously I drew maybe 10 pics on average per year. I was unmotivated, uninspired and pretty hopeless back then. But MM was the spark I needed and you guys became the fuel that keeps me going. It gives me life when I read your comments in the tags and reblogs. It also gives me life to see what you’ve created and shared. I have awed, laughed, cried and suffered over fanart, fanfics, edits, memes etc. You’re all inspiring and you gave me a place to belong. Thank you.

@my followers: What can I say...thank you for actually hitting that follow button. I don’t even know why you would tbh. There is practically no consistency to my posts - I’m not creating any long-term comics and I don’t just draw one thing, like strictly painting MM or BNHA. And also I don’t think my ideas are all that popular in the grand scheme of things. It sometimes makes me feel a little insecure but that’s a whole other topic for another time.

I just gotta say this - you guys give me hope as an artist. Before I came to Tumblr I was on Deviantart and my stuff largely went by unnoticed for quite a few years. It gave me the impression that nobody cared about my art and that it would never reach anyone because the things I draw aren’t the things a lot of people cared about. But you guys proved to me that it can reach someone. And not just someone but several someones. I really can’t believe that nearly 2k of you actually like what I create. Even though I draw silly and strange things you still chose to follow me. Thanks to you all, for the first time I feel that I can make something of myself as an artist. And that is more than I could ever ask for.

To the newer followers, welcome to my shithole. To the older veterans, thank you for sticking with me. I hope you’ll all stick with me for a long time yet but if you have to go then thanks for the time you’ve spent with me. Ultimately, thank you for instilling some much needed confidence in me. I still have a long way to go and so much to learn and improve on. But if there’s one thing I wanna do going forward it is to put more of myself into my creations. For someone who’s kinda shy on social media, I guess I just want to show more of myself as a person through my stuff. Whether that means more crack or something serious, well...who knows. Either way, I hope that you’ll continue to enjoy my art in the coming year :)

Thank you once again for being with me.

TL;DR @Everyone mentioned here: Thank you for giving me the best gifts of 2017 - love, friendship, laughter, confidence and hope. I’ll wrap this up by wishing you all a fabulous year ahead. Let’s work hard and make it happen in 2018 <3333

#art summary 2017 #art summary #dragonpigeondraws #really sappy and sentimental stuff under the keep reading tag #aimed at pretty much everyone - friends | MM fandom | my followers #it's pretty long so feel free to skip #kjsehrksthsejkhtsejk #i don't usually do long wordy posts but i had things to say lolol #I hope nobody reads >.> <.<

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shinssoliloquy · 4 years ago

Text

WHO? WHAT? WHERE? WHY? HOW?

5 Questions you should ask anyone when they’re starting off a project made from the basis of ego and tenacity. I’m really not a particularly smart person, But I’m smart enough to know how dumb I really am.

I’ve always been itching to do this. Twitter was never a great way to display my thoughts and writing on grounds that by limiting characters your characters by tweet you’d either get into long threads of diatribes that likely no one will even read or you’d have to space out your thoughts and mince words in order to fit to these said limitations. Obviously it’s not a bad way per say to fully flesh out your thoughts but there’s obviously some downsides and you won’t be fully capable of fulfilling those quandaries, much so espousing on your thoughts and opinions to the fullest extent. I could write a book but I’m not knowledgeable enough feel like my thoughts are worth putting into a non-fiction book. I could join discord servers but I don’t know a wreath of people who even care. I could still talk off into the Twitter void but that’s only for short bursts at a time, any ideas or subjects I’d like to elucidate or spell out would just get lost, all my themes would shoot off into the negative space that is a twitter timeline regardless of if they’re worth revisiting or not.

But of course, would it even matter if people do care or they don’t. People live off making Youtube videos and content based on themselves because they assume people actually care about whatever benign thought or creative pursuit they’d have in their head. It’s not up to me to judge if my thoughts are worth putting out there but I guess the reason people use social media is to give a voice to the voiceless, have anyone out there a chance of their own success, But how does that affect content input though, How does impact your very own mental psyche. This is a conversation for another post and it’s far from a topic I’ll have any meaningful outlook on, just from my own experiences as an outsider looking in.

WHO?

I always fancied myself a writer more than an illustrator. The whole crux of my need to learn how to draw was from the idea that “hey no one wants to draw my webcomic ideas on something awful or whatever internet messaging board I was using at the time that’ll date this post when I look back on it when I’m 40, I’ll learn how to draw then and show everyone I can STILL MAKE IT” Then I started drawing and never really looked back. Within the few years or so since I’ve made that discovery I never really focused on my writing, much less my creative writing. I’ve had few instances where I’d try to light up my spark by blog posting was making other short lived wordpresses and blogspots where I can peruse and write for a short while until I get bored and go back to drawing everyday. Of course two particular things happened in which I’ve gotten that spark back, to an extent. 1. The corona virus quarantine happened and I was stuck with nothing to do, I dropped out of school to go to a new college out of country that hasn’t really happened yet and aside from my retail job I haven’t had a good outlet for where to put my creativity too. So I ended up just drawing more but also, reading off some books off my backlog. I’ve always been interested in philosophy and non-fiction since reading Kant and Hume at age 12 and Now rediscovered it because of quarantine. Really I’ve always been a better writer or story teller than anything else but efforts to light up that energy in me has been fruitful and I’ve relegated to being another artist in the pile of artists who’s only personality is that they “like art”. Which made me realized how much of a better self sufficient and self respecting the writer can be rather then the animator. Illustrations are fleeting, words stick with you. Of course greats work of art exist and will always exist. Beautiful paintings can grip me just as much as a good work of philosophy can, But lately beautiful paintings have been disgruntled and disavowed from public schema. If you want to provide good art for people to see, use hashtags and make fast fleeting content for people to consume easily and forget about. Such is the way of social media and how they grip you to keep using their products, It’s not a revolutionary idea but it’s a concept that ends up working. In a way I’d like to counteract this by making fast fleeting content but also putting in forth ideas and writings which I can consider good but we’ll see how that ends up panning out. My goals as an artist is for another topic entirely but really I need a way to practice my non-fiction writing skills and having a blog where I can just go on and on about pointless shit is good exercise. 2. I’ve stopped communicating to people that would point me to a direction in life I didn’t really need to go through and because of that I took a detour in my mental stability and mental development, really it wasn’t good for me. but because of that I was able to keep track of where I need to go and have removed all elements in my life that can allow me to find different paths and know where I’ll truly be. I could also just talk to people about these kinds of stuff but it’s hard to really find people who I can talk about the stuff I want to talk about with and nothing really beats writing a whole diatribe about whatever comes to your mind at the time. Why do I have a lot on my mind? You’ll hear that story in another time but it’s MOST likely an autism thing.

WHAT?

Look at section: Who again but to summarize and clarify what I mean. Content is fast fleeting and non-self actualizing, people don’t want ideas they want content, They need personalities to leech off and see themselves in instead of being creatives themselves. As someone who makes art and wants to make more art It’s hard to really judge if my art is worth it for the algorithm or if it’s worth it to bring in audience retention. Not to mention most people who use social media are kids, and the only way to grab kids attention is to play to their interests, play into their already corroded brains by playing onto their synapses, Not to imply I dislike it per say but more so that I feel that certain audience can somewhat affect your creative output.

WHERE?

I made a Medium account last month after reading an article on Luxury Communism. It was a fine article but what I got out of it was how good it seems to use Medium to communicate and write articles like these, Until I realized that really it can only be used for more academic pieces and while sure I’d like to do that one day something more lowkey and personal was what I really needed. Hence a tumblr, originally a blogging website before being used to oxidize internet discourse and internet creativity in general, was a perfect outlet for these kinds of posts. I’m actually used to using tumblr for one and can edit and know my way around doing these sorts of posts and the archive feature is good if I ever want to look back on old posts as opposed to Twitter. I can use the ask feauture to take requests or have feedback on my posts in a more concise manner. Unlike Medium or Wordpress I can easily hide certain posts or even the entire account if I wanted too and I won’t be seen or be recommended by the algorithm because I won’t even put tags on these posts. If you know where to find me you know where to find me. Although I do think I’ll make this public at some point I atleast need to know if I’ll even use this or if I’ll even keep making the same kinds of posts as I’d want too.

WHY?

I’ve already explained why you knucklehead, but I guess here were some of my inspirations to make a writing blog. I could list actual writers or twitter personalities or internet reviewers with blogs I can talk about, for example Yahtzee Crosshaw, Film Crit Hulk, Or even the elusive Andrew Hussie when he had a wordposts and while those people were instrumental to my development as a writer and artist I can’t say they were my full inspiration for making this.

Back in 2016, I was introduced to the Procrastinators’ Podcast by consuming Digibro content and having her podcast be linked at the end of one of her videos. I’ve since started concurrently watching her podcast and while I’ve always sucked into Digi’s cult of personality I’ve started appreciated her other friends in the podcast too, everyone except Nate. One of those members I gravitated too was MunchyWearsTinyHats. He was only one year older than me but I could still see myself in him and in effect appreciated him more than anyone in the podcast. We both seemingly grew up watching and reading the same shit, Homestuck, TF2, He introduced me to Nuclear Throne which because one of my favorite games and we both had the same appreciation for Hussie, Sam Hyde (sadly) Performance art, weird abstract art bullshit and of course My Little Pony. If I actually joined RFCK who knows what would’ve happened but that’s just my take. Of course a surface level description of Munchy aside, as someone who consumed everything he was in, I Lived my life vicariously through him and to all the members of the Procrastinators’ Podcast to an extent even though we both became completely different people as we reached our 20s. Currently he’s 20 and I’m less than a year away to being 20. But I feel as if our paths have drifted far enough that I can properly say I became a whole new different person to who I was in 2016. I still have appreciation for MLP, Homestuck and Minecraft and all the weird media shit me and him consumed. Back then I even modeled my art and persona to look like his too, It was a whole thing. Of course all of these posts and videos and personalities are very very out of date and they don’t reflect the content I consume or even the type of person I am now. I had a friend who also liked the PCP, well it was more like a love-hate relationship I feel but it was nice having someone who I could talk about the PCP with since at this time they were the only people or content creators I was consuming, what’s less said about current pcp the better. She’s always told me, I feel sorry for people who model their lives around these content creators and take advice from them since they clearly don’t know what they’re doing. And while I agree with her to an extent, I wouldn’t go as far as to discredit these artists accomplishments since they seem fulfilled with what they’ve made of themselves, not like we’re doing anything different or are any different to them. It’s about trying to live in a world with your own meaning in it and you can’t do that but disparaging the careers of grown men you don’t even know. Again topic for another day but I guess with this blog I’m always copying and ripping off some of their ideas for myself. In 2019, Munchy made a Tumblr where he’d detail and do the same thing and post blogs or writings he’s made or opinions he’s had, It hasn’t been updated in a year and a half but if it isn’t broke, don’t call the gas company asking for a refund. I even stole his alliteration with Shinsuke’s Soliloquy and Munchy’s Manuscripts, Shinsuke being my real God-given name. Of course the posts on his tumblr are really incredibly out of date and downright stupid and I’ll talk about them on their own on a seperate post since I feel like he really just didn’t know what he talked about and they’re baseline at best and wrong at worst. Regardless he still planted the seed of me as a person to make my own blog and talk about random bullshit.

HOW?

Obviously I will still tweet out stuff on my private twitter, Obviously I will still make art. Right now I’m making my own comics and writing a few short stories that maybe? I’ll put here I’m not really sure. Just depends on if they’re worthy on being posted since I’ll make a short story collection with them instead. Maybe I’ll continue the favorite character writing, maybe I’ll make my own picrew. We’ll see and no doubt these promises will become out of date in a week or two. Rather than the right of the moment malaise of tweeting around bullshit and sending it quickly I’ll use this for more concise text, something that I can sink my teeth in and tap away for what like 5 hours or so? Beats the essays i’d be doing but it doesn’t help that I am typing this in total silence, and I guess those essays will just be posted here. Do people post their school essays like they post their poems or their artwork for school? If you want to use my ask blog then it’s right there if you want a topic for me to talk about or just ask me a regular question. I’m bringing back tumblr asks to it’s real purpose. And of course, the only thing sure about me, is that nothings for sure.

#shinsscripts

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