#I know the words to so many country songs that were popular in the early 2000's

[skarsjoy]

15 years ago today - (09.09.09)

Swedish actor Alexander Skarsgård plays the powerful vampire Eric on HBO's series True Blood. His Guest DJ set was emotional and revealing as he chose to dedicate each of his five songs to people that play an important part in his life -- including his father, actor Stellan Skarsgard, a lost love and an old friend. True Blood's Season 2 finale airs September 13.

For More: True Blood, Season 2

Tracks Rolling Stones: Mothers Little Helper Ebba Grön: 800 °C The Buzzcocks: Ever Fallen in Love Van Morrison: Brown Eyed Girl Iggy Pop: The Passenger

Transcript:

Anne Litt: Hi, I am Anne Litt and I am here with the actor Alexander Skarsgard who stars in the popular vampire drama series True Blood on HBO. He plays the powerful vampire Eric. Today, we will be playing excerpts of songs he has selected that have inspired him over the years as part of KCRW'S Guest DJ Project.

Alex, what did you bring us today?

Alexander Skarsgard: I brought 5 songs that I'd want to dedicate to people – five people that play or have played an important part in my life.

AL: What a great idea. Let's start with Rolling Stones "Mother's Little Helper"

AS: I spent a week at my Dad's country house in southern Sweden. His grandfather built that house 9 years ago and my dad, it's very important to him to maintain it like the way it was built, to preserve it and not to modernize it too much. So, there is no running water there. If you want to take a shower you have to go out to the well and pump up water and pour it over yourself. When I was a kid, me and my Dad would go out and pump up water, pour it over each other and sing this song. So I want to dedicate this song to my old man and I want to thank him for not building a jacuzzi out there or an infinity pool or anything like that.

Song: Rolling Stones" Mother's Little Helper

AS: At the time , I didn't know a word of English but it didn't stop me from shouting, ‘ra pa doo pa da da dee…' I just made up jibberish but it was just a beautiful thing to share with my Dad singing that song. I couldn't care less what we were saying."

AL: That was the Rolling Stones, "Mother's Little Helper." I am here with Alex Skarsgard on KCRW's Guest DJ Project. What's the next dedication?

AS: When I was a teenager I was a punk rocker. This was in the early 90's and it was like 15 years after it was cool to be a punk rocker. Everyday after school I would bring my boombox out to this park and I would sit there with my friends singing and watch the sunset and listen to loud, angry, fast music. One of my best friends from back then, he's sick. He's been in and out of the hospital for a couple of years now. This is like an old Swedish punk song from the late 70's that I would like to dedicate to him. I hope he gets better soon so we can get a chance to drink cheap beer and bitch about the decay of our civilization. This is Ebba Grön (dedicates it to his friend in Swedish)

Song: Ebba Grön's 800 °C

AS: I was kind of a half ass punk rocker. I didn't go full punk. Ebba Grön started the Swedish punk wave in the mid-70's so this was 15 years after that but we loved this band and listened to them all the time.

AL: Are they still around?

AS: They're not but they are still very, very famous in Sweden. I still love them and think they are an amazing band.

AL: I am Anne Litt from KCRW and we are here with Alex Skarsgard. This is KCRW's Guest DJ Project and the next song I want to talk about is the Buzzcocks' "Ever Fallen in Love."

AS: Yeah, I had this girlfriend awhile ago, many years ago, and it was a very passionate relationship. I was very much in love with this girl, but after a few months we both realized we weren't good for each other. But it was one of those relationships that we didn't make each other happy, but every time we broke up, we ended up back together and that went on for almost 3 years. I don't know if you've experienced that, but it just killed me. It was really, really tough. I just tried to move on and so did she but we just couldn't. I want to dedicate this song to her and I hope she found happiness somewhere out there.

Song: Buzzcocks' "Ever Fallen in Love"

AS: Every time after a fight I would just put on my big headphones and I would crank up the volume and go Pete Shelley freakin' gets it. In a way she will always be a part of me, but I don't have to listen to Buzzcocks and cry every day and night any more. I can actually listen to it now and enjoy it because it's a great song.

AL: It's the Buzzcocks," Ever Fallen in love". We're here with Alex Skarsgard from the HBO series, True Blood, on KCRW's Guest DJ Project. What's the next song you have for us?

AS: When I was a kid we went on a lot of road trips and my mom had this song that she always wanted to play. She is a very considerate person, my mom, so she would always ask the kids and my Dad if it was okay if she played the song. Like I mentioned before, I was a punk rocker so I would just shrug my shoulders and be like ‘oh whatever, I don't care.' So I want to dedicate this song -- my mom's favorite song --to her and I want her to know that even though I would never admit it at the time, I actually loved it every time she put it on.

Song: Van Morrison's "Brown Eyed Girl"

AL: Do you ever feel homesick?

AS: Yeah.

AL: Is there a piece of music that you hear that just takes you there?

AS: It's kind of tough because I am the only one in my family here in LA. The rest of my family lives in Sweden so music is great for that. I just put on a song and it brings me right back home.

AL: That was Van Morrison's Brown Eyed Girl. This is the KCRW'S Guest DJ Project. I'm Anne Litt with Alex Skarsgard who has brought in a whole bunch of great songs and the next one is "The Passenger" by Iggy Pop. Tell us about that one.

AS: I've been in LA for five years now, on and off. Growing up in Stockholm, Sweden that transition, it's not easy because Stockholm is a very densely populated place, you walk or you ride your bike. Most of my friends are within just a few blocks away from each other and coming out here was kind of tricky. Suddenly you're in a city where it's considered normal to sit in traffic for 45 minutes for coffee with a friend or people drive Hummers to the gym so I've kind of spent five years complaining about LA and talking about how much greater Stockholm is, how good it is back there. I was just there for two weeks and when I landed I flew into LAX and I had this really weird feeling when we touched ground. I felt like I was coming home. I've never felt that before so this last song I actually want to dedicate to Los Angeles and I hate to admit it but I think I'm falling in love.

Song: "The Passenger," by Iggy Pop

AL: Nobody is going to let you get out of here today without telling us what music Eric listens to.

AS: He listens to a lot of Swedish death metal.

AL: Is it hard to talk with those things in your mouth?

AS: The fangs?

AL: Yeah

AS: Yeah, you know, it takes a while to get used to it.

AL: Are they like those things you used to get on Halloween?

AS: Well, they're not plastic they're like molded for your teeth but it's basically the same thing.

AL: Alex, thanks so much for joining us on KCRW.com, you've shared such a meaningful group of songs

AS: Thank you so much for having me, it was a true pleasure

AL: For a complete track listing and to find these songs online, go to KCRW.com/GuestDJProject

photo by Chris Maluszynski (photo shoot for DN Söndag, August 2009) taken in Shreveport, LA, while filming Straw Dogs

[samsm2mstories]

My coming out story.

I thought I should share you my story about coming out which was actually recently.

For many years I had a lot of suppressive issues that were out of my hands, society, cultures and other reasons which meant for me it wasn't the right time. Luckily for some countries it's easily being who you are compared to 10-20 years ago. The world sucks still as there are homophobic idiots everywhere, some are just sore losers who got not respect in society while others just don't know any better as their upbringing wasn't teaching them to respect others.

Luckily enough I live in the UK and we as a country have got better even although the early / mid 1900s generation are still hard at adapting to the modern world. It's not their fault as their times were different. Religion, society didn't know much better but that's history as we are the ones that living in this world and will be the ones moving forward. Some people will never understand it and respect it.

I'm lucky to come out around great people, I am a very well respected in person and in general a natural born leader so you could say I was like a captain that was popular which made my coming out harder.

Some of you might be thinking now does it become easier to come out as your identity?

I believe it's can depends on a number of reasons. You got to truly believe that you are who you are.

Don't question it.

If you question yourself, don't come out as that's a sign you are not ready. Talk to your friends, talk to strangers who are gay online (be safe not to disclose personal information)

I will admit I sat in my chair for a few good hours debating how to come out. I decided to go for it and do it in one big statement. That's a strong trait of mine as you all can tell on here.

I needed to write my story in a way that it wouldn't offend people, I did mention about the industry that was homophobic, some of my family and school.

It was that second most nervous point in coming out, just posting/saying it. I thought about listening to a few songs that were a big part of my life, thinking about those moments where sometimes I should of come out earlier to enjoy those moments.

You know what, I don't regret it at all, yes I missed out on some years but I had a brilliant life, travelling the world, experiencing new cultures, and making amazing friends on the way.

It did take a toll on my mental health at times but being the strong person I am, I dealt with it quickly enough.

So that night I sat there and my song came along.

Starship: Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now (read the lyrics while listening to this song)

You know this was a song of mine but the words in it made me realised I want to go out there and enjoy myself.

I finally did it.....

Those nerves, stomach turning inside out, emotions running wild. It all hit me like a ton of bricks.

What will people think?

What will people say?

Will I lose some friends??

Everything was rushing in and out of my mind, I just went to bed, signed out of social media. I recommend you doing this for a day or two as you want to feel the response in one go.

People started to message me, those who had my mobile number. It became a bit easier, I wasn't in the mood for talking much so I text back in small sentences.

I went to work that day and luckily enough nobody there is on my social media pages. I managed to complete 8/10 hours of my shift.

I went home and cried for abit, emotions still hitting me like bullets. You will have moments thinking was this right but deep down you know you are right.

I decided to look at my social media pages.

The final verdict?

I'm finally a free man.

For those who are younger, there shouldn't be anyone under the age of 18 reading my stories as they are explicted but if you are reading this.

For you coming out would be different, I would recommend you do it now when the moment is right but take into consideration your family. Make sure you won't be disowned or kicked out of the house. Have a read-up online about it all and PLEASE RESEARCH EVERYTHING.

We all have different circumstances and you must be completely assured that coming out will be good when the moment is right..

Yes some might not agree with it.

Yes some might hate you now.

Yes some might be shocked and haven't replied.

Who cares????

This is your life so go out there and enjoy it, be safe while at it. Please use protection during sex with strangers.

Remember if you ever feel I doubt or want to talk, there's helplines, friends in the community, even send me a text if you want to talk more.

Don't be afraid to talk.

I hope you all enjoyed this irl story and it would be amazing if some of you reply to this about your coming out stories. It would make a brilliant discussion.

For those who are unsure on their sexuality, speak to me or other members of the community. Talking helps to make a decision. You will feel much better.

Sam your favourite Alpha writer 😎

[psychicreadsgirl]

Hi, I wanted to ask about kpop in general. I have come across comments of people saying they miss the old kpop and that now kpop is becoming too westernized and hollywood. Like kpop is losing it's Identity somehow. What are your thoughts on this?, Will kpop lose it's idenitity?

There's always going to be something else that comes along that replaces the current pop trend in music/entertainment. Like in the 90s to early 2000s people were really into NSYNC or like Backstreet Boys. Then One Direction came out. Mixed with this was some jpop trend too etc.

Things will come and then go, just like kpop. Kpop won't be forever this popular. I still don't sense kpop is that widely accepted among Western countries; there's still some racism or the need to keep to music from your own country you know? Western countries aren't going to be so inclined to let others take away their business you know?

Kpop has always tried to spread more to USA, starting way back with like SNSD/DBSK or even earlier probably. Things didn't really boom until social media was born and then booming more and some idols were able to communicate more in English (that 1 language that most people know/forced to study). BTS just happened to come along around that time. Part of it honestly is luck because many kpop idols work hard too. Right circumstances. Right people. A fresh feeling. Had they debuted earlier like in 2005 or something I highly doubt they'd be this popular. This is why it's very, very difficult to replicate or have a formula for this.

Does adding English words to a song make something less Kpop or does having foreign producers/people working on a song make something less Kpop? When an idol sings a completely English song does that make that less Kpop? How do you define Kpop - Koreans singing pop songs or ??? Does adding a non Korean in the group make it less Kpop ? I think these sort of questions will forever be a debate and there's no clear answer. However, our expectations from the past for Kpop groups have been that there are members in a group (usually just 1 gender - rarely coed), they all must dance in some way or attempt to, they all must either sing or rap, most of the songs are in Korean and sometimes there are some English words sprinkled here and there, the MVs are filmed well (sometimes with a storyline), the members have "set" personalities, and there's fan service.

I don't think it's really about Kpop losing its identity. It's more like people/fans are tired of similar things being pumped out like a lot of people thinks it's a formula and a lot of people are aiming for the Western markets or recognition from the West. There's also an element of politics at play, business, etc. Kpop/K-entertainment is South Korea's soft power so it's important for the gov to also maintain that likeability that people have for Kpop/K-entertainment. South Korea compared to other countries doesn't have much arable land or natural resources. They have to rely on other things like ship building, tourism (tied to Kpop/K-entertainment), electronics, etc to maintain their economy.

[deathlygristly]

I live in the biggest city in my southern state, and every day on the way to work I drive past a queer youth center. It usually has four big flags flying, and I think I've seen pretty much all the flags I've learned about on Tumblr rotated through their display. I also drive by a famous local queer store and a queer bar most days. Our local Pride festival draws 260,000 visitors each year. So to me personally here in my big Southern city, it feels like being queer is normal and accepted. At least in some areas of town - I don't know about the rich white suburbs as much. Speaking of which, according to the census my city is only 43% white.

So when people talk about the South being populated only by hateful white people, it feels completely removed from my daily experience.

I've been living here in the city for over 20 years but I grew up in a more rural and more white area 100 miles from here, but honestly I don't remember a lot of hate growing up either. I see on Facebook that a good few of the people I went to high school with have come out since, and not many still live in the same town but the great majority of us do still live in our Southern state.

I don't know. It's just been pretty obvious to me ever since I first started participating in political discussion online in the early 2000s that lots of people are classist and racist and any other form of prejudiced you can think of, and they like to say things about the Other being bad and the Self being good.

They especially like to project anything bad about the self into the other. Like "My town/county/state/country doesn't have any problems! It's those Others who are the problem! Everything would be perfect if it wasn't for them! Nuke the South! I don't care about the environmental/economic fallout that my area will experience as a result, because I am just saying random things to reinforce my feelings that I am Good and They are Bad!"

In the ye old times before I had a computer and an internet connection, when I was 9, I read every book the local library had on the Holocaust. No one in those books was from the American South and yet they were humans being human, with all the cruelty and dehumanization and destruction of the other in order to feel good about the self that comes with having a human brain and access to power, and the struggle to survive against other humans with power that comes when the humans with power have decided to target your group and project all their problems on to you and make you and your group a scapegoat.

As far as I can tell, hatred and prejudice and oppression don't have any roots in what particular bit of land a certain group of humans lives on. At most the climate and crops and history of the land help to provide a particular shape to the fluid of human hatred on that land, but that fluid flows through the whole species and we take it to every land we live on.

In other words, y'all ain't better than us, and if you really want to help the species get better at living together it'd probably be a better use of your time to look at your own area and figure out what misuse of power is going on there and work on that. Denying that there are any problems in your own backyard and projecting it all on to whatever weaker Other is popular to hate in your particular culture is very human, but it's something you can work on and eventually stop doing.

Anyway, I'm gonna spend the day listening to Carolina Chocolate Drops songs to wash the bitterness of reading some of the notes on this post out of my brain. I like to use their song Country Girl to introduce new people to them, so check that out if you want.

yall have got to be more normal about Southern people and I'm not kidding. enough of the Sweet Home Alabama incest jokes, enough of the idea that all Southerners are bigots and rednecks, and enough of the idea that the South has bad food. shut up about "trailer trash" and our accents and our hobbies!

do yall know how fucking nauseating it is to hear people only bring up my state to make jokes about people in poverty and incestuous relationships? how much shame I feel that I wasn't born up north like the Good Queers and Good Leftists with all the Civilised Folk with actual houses instead of small cramped trailers that have paper thin walls that I know won't protect me in a bad enough storm?

do yall know how frustrating it is to be trans in a place that wants to kill you and whenever you bring it up to people they say "well just move out" instead of sympathizing with you or offering help?

do yall understand how alienating it is to see huge masterposts of queer and mental health resources but none of them are in your state because theyre all up north? and nobody seems to want to fix this glaring issue because "they're all hicks anyways"

Southern people deserve better. we deserve to be taken seriously and given a voice in the queer community and the mental health space and leftist talks in general.

[archiveb1912]

I'd like to recount a story from about 11 years ago.

I was living in hawaii at the time, I was halfway throuhg my 4 1/2 year stay there I think. I Believe it was 2013 at the time, for reasons ill explain later. Now, I lived on Ford Island, middle of pearl harbor. Two blocks away from the Battleship Missouri. Now, Hawaii is one of those Tropical places with 2 seasons: Wet, or dry. it was october, I think, so right before the Wet season, with rains that only lasted say a minute or so. But maybe it was August, Some of the details escape me, regretibly. However, back then I always had my radio at that time tuned to NPR, 88.1, 24/7, ually at a 2 or 3 most of the time, just loud enough to give my room some ambience, so i could sleep. My bed was a loft bed, wedged into a corner, opposite to it was the radio, a simple setup, yet effective at spreading sound throught the room without letting it leave.. But one night, I would like to say it was 3 AM or so, I was wide awake. It was a cloudless night, but there were no stars to be seen. So there I sat, wondering when I would get back to sleep, when suddently my attention was drawn to the radio. A strange piano score begain playing, tranfixed I crawed to the foot of my bed to listen more carefuly. The lone piano, which wasn;t so lone but a combonation a few intruments, was joined by a bass guitar, and the loud crash of a hammond organ. This was the start to tubular bells, a song from 1973 later used in a film called the excorist, but the track itself was 20 minutes long, and that night, as they played the entirety of part one, I listencend with an intensity I had scarecly known before. Before this I had listened to what was mostly a combonation of billy joel, nursery rhymes, 2000s grunge, and country. My only exposure to Progressive rock was A vauge recolection of Another Brick in the Wall Part 2 and even then, I hadn't the slightest what the word progressive even meant, let alone in a musical sense. But that night, in 2013 (it being the 40th aniversery of tubular bells, I highly suspect that it's the year they played it) Changed my life, perhaps for the better, perhaps for the worse. I may never know but what I do know is that it was an imporant turning part in my life. I wouldn't quite say it was the point in my life where everything suddently worked out and i knew i was going to be ok, but it created a memory of confort, a gourgous song that I could always come back to. I'm very happy to have heard it, and to be perfectly honest, I wish it was a bit more popular, but I will say I hope to someday give someone that same joy and wonder I felt when I first heard that song.

I didn't hear the second part of tubular bells for many years, which is a shame, but i would say better late than never.

What's the lesson here? IDK, I just hopped I could give my recollections, and write them down before i forget them all the way.

TL:DR One night I woke up really early and heard one of the greatest songs ever and it left me changed.

[logicked]

What was Taylor Swift’s homophobic song? I know like, zero of her discography beyond the inescapable hits and, like, lmao in the context of gaylor theorizing

she had a popular song in her early days that went "so go and tell your friends that i'm obsessive and crazy, that's fine i'll tell mine you're gay". the lyrics were changed pretty quickly for the radio version, not because the popular culture was against homophobia (this was in the era where people commonly said "that's gay" to mean "that sucks"), but probably because many country radio stations wouldn't allow the word "gay" on air, even disparagingly. if i remember right the album release still had the line.

[musicmoney]

“I may never be rich and famous, but I already feel fulfilled and immensely blessed.” #MusicMoney Speaks with Eluozo 

Where are you from?

 I come from a small town in the southern part of Nigeria, nested in the more popular city of Port Harcourt. Like most artists, I was exposed to music quite early as a kid. My folks generally love music, especially my dad, my fondest memories of him are when we will both listen to a show called “Country Classics” that runs from 10pm into the mid night every saturday. No one in my family could sing to save their lives Lol, it came as a surprise to everyone that I could even hold a note and had such a strong passion for music, their surprise translated into support. As for why I choose to do music full time, I can’t say it’s one thing, it’s a mixture of many things, from it being a gift, an escape and coping mechanism, my family’s undying support, to the fact that I just couldn’t function at a regular job however hard I tried, all lead me down this path.

Describe your sound…

This latest single Fly Away Anthem is a Dance Mix to Eluozo's original RnB/Afro Pop track Fly Away. “The words!” I want people to resonate with the words – Artists, especially in and around the RnB genre are usually judged based on their vocal dexterity, but that doesn’t mean much to me, I think the lyrics of a song are what makes it powerful, not hitting high notes or riffing and running, those are nice, but I want the words in my song to be tweeted, printed on t-shirts, framed etc. long after I’m gone. I describe my sound as “Universal” because every single genre in existence influences my sound.

Who inspires you?

 I was really into country music coz of my Dad, so Jim Reeves, Don Williams, Dolly Parton and the likes were my first contact with music, as I grew I started to consume any and everything that sounded pleasing, RnB, HipHop, Afrobeats, all of the greats, past and present in these genres inspire and influence me a great deal.

Eluozo is actually my grandfather’s name, I was told I may have gotten my musical gifts from him coz he was the only one in the lineage that had an artistic bone, he played a weird instrument I don’t even know the name of and sang, but not professionally, just by the fire side to the kids and stuff. So the idea is… I sing, he gets the credit to his name, technically I’m in a band of some sort, a really creepy one LOL.

Tell us something everyone needs to know…

When I lost my Job and told my Father I wasn’t going to bother finding another one, I’d build some type of spiritually and financially rewarding system based off of my music. He was genuinely worried for me but reluctantly supportive. Exactly 6 years since that decision, I have a home, a beautiful wife and a kid on the way. He visited me at my place a short while back just to say he’s proud of me (my dad is African, the Nigerian kind of African, getting him to voluntarily say he’s proud of me is right up there with winning a grammy). I may never be rich and famous, but I already feel fulfilled and immensely blessed.

https://www.instagram.com/frannie_el/

https://twitter.com/Frannie_el

FLY AWAY ANTHEM

[thecameronchronicles]

Peppermint

TW: smut. Language. Spit kink. Choking kink. Spanking kink. DOM!Topper. Slight bondage. Degrading language. 

SUMMARY: Being Topper's stepsister comes with certain...perks. 

WORD COUNT: 3200

REQUESTED 

a-dorkier-book-keeper asked

Oh my GOD I had  a Thought TM: stepbro!Topper 🥵🥵 he'd be so sweet - a little too sweet, but that's easy enough to brush off as him just being a good big bro, and jokes around with you a lot, even if the jokes are a little weird... He takes you to meet all his friends and they're so nice, but you're not sure they've got the right idea: telling Topper that he'd better take his girl home before you had too many drinks at the country club.

*HOPE THE CHANGES I MADE ARE OKAY! ENJOY!*

Peppermint 

You drank to forget while everyone else stayed sober to remember. The decorations for the yearly parade of wealth the country club set forth had only worsened the sting of your recent heartache. The sight of happy couples set early within the 'Honeymoon' stage had made your stomach churn as you decided against any ideas of romance given the result of your recent betrayal. And somewhere within the back of your mind you were annoyed that Rafe's words rang true. 

What could you expect from a pogue? 

But the details didn't matter now. Not the sight of another girl's bra on the floor of The Chateau. Not the sound of her moaning in the same cadence he brought you the very night before. Yep, those same details that you had been trying to forget since you walked in on the sight this morning. 

And now you were trapped needing to feign happiness to save face for the Thornton family you had recently become apart of over the last summer. Luckily, this came with the 'perk' of Topper. But this was only because he had a habit of showing you a kindness when you needed it most. He was simply sweet. A good guy you wished you could find somewhere on the island.

 If only he wasn't your stepbrother...

"I know it's hell, but luckily the adults are drunk on the eggnog to notice if we'd slip-" You began to feel as if there had been hope for the evening just yet until hearing that laugh over your shoulder. The familiar laugh you had been responsible for up until this morning. Your stomach turned and your eyes narrowed at the sight of your ex having crashed the event with the very girl whose tasteless set of lingerie sat over yours just hours prior. Topper sensed this tension and released the bottle willingly as you took it to your lips. 

You drank for any reason you could find, talking to yourself as you managed to distance your steps further from the party. The poor attempt to modernize the event with covers of popular Christmas songs faded until the effects of the alcohol took you to a slumber like a thief in the night. 

You awoke sometime later to the feeling of arms lifting you from wherever your body had decided to fail you. Unfamiliar arms. Strong and sturdy. But ones that kept you against an equally built chest as you found comfort in this kind notion. The weight of your eyes reigned over your attempts to make out any further details, the last thing you remembered having been the scent of peppermint lingering as your eyes closed. 

Daybreak had yet to dawn as you felt the weight of your overindulgence from the night before. You swore off both eggnog and vodka from that moment forward as you attempted to gather your bearings. But as your hand searched the sheets for your phone or something to use for light in the unfamiliar setting, you felt a body. A bare back beneath your palm. 

Immediately, your eyes adjusted and whatever remaining effects of the alcohol had now shortened to sobriety. You knew the lines beneath your hands well as you'd fantasized about them more than you should have. 

Topper. 

You were quick to assess your own body as you had a habit, and reputation, for being a coquettish drunk. A flirt from the second your lips wrapped around any bottle. Because of this, you cursed to yourself for the recent mistake. Topper was the only thing that kept you sane since you'd moved to The Outer Banks over the summer. You became close with his friends and had become welcomed in his circle, even after you began dating a pogue. And he was always so sweet. Always so accommodating and supportive. Almost too much…

But now, he was lying in what appeared to be the nude as you wore only his shirt and a lack of panties. Familiar with the way your body existed after sex, you were relieved to find an absence of the ache you knew would remain if you'd been penetrated. But still, a buzz of some kind had remained. As if perhaps you were touched or even kissed at your most sacred apex. 

"You feeling any better?" He asked as your eyes made a quick note of the nail marks across his torso. Ones you believed had been from the origin of your fingertips. Because of this, you narrowed your eyes to him and altered from confused to enraged. 

"Why the fuck are you naked?! Why am I here with you?! Where's my underwear?" Before he could answer, you were on your feet.

 "I swear to God, Topper, if you touched me-" His eyes sharpened, insulted by your words. 

"I'm going to make sure our parents-" He was suddenly out of bed, shameless in only a only of boxers as he caught your wrist on your attempt to flee. 

"You aren't going to do anything." He spoke against you for the first time. Those kind eyes darkening to the controlling hue you were warned at by Sarah during a party of introductions. 

"And why's that?" You shot back after being bewildered by his response. But he would only further your confusion as he led a hand to your hip and continued directing you until you were against the wall beside the door. 

"Because if not for me, who knows whose bed you'd be waking up in right now...Someone who would have definitely taken advantage of how pathetically drunk you were-"

"And you're such a good guy?! Where the fuck is my underwear then?!" He clenched his jaw as your hands came to his chest. 

"Tell me! You always love to hear yourself talk, so fucking talk!"

"I brought you back here so you'd sleep off making a mistake and you started touching yourself." Your eyes widened. "Saying my name...saying you wanted me...." As he spoke these words, you began to remember...

"Please..." You moaned as you bit your bottom lip. 

"We can't..." 

"Nobody has to know..." You rose to his shoulder, directing his diverted gaze back to you while ghosting his lips with your own. 

"I'm so wet for you Topper, it would be so easy for you to come...you wouldn't even have to touch me...you could just come..." He fisted the sheets beside you. 

"You don't mean it, you're-" You silenced him with a kiss. A slow start to what became a French buss. His fingers tangled within your hair as you moaned to his widening kiss until you were flat against the bed. 

"You're always so sweet to me...But I want you to touch me." You explained through muttered speech. 

"However you want...just please don't stop touching me..." 

You deepened your scowl at him now. 

"So you just took advantage of it?!"

"You literally made me finger you. And you felt so fucking good..." He clenched the same hand he'd used at his side as you swallowed hard to his change of volume. 

"But I didn't do anything. Not for long. But you made it easy to want to..." 

In remembrance, you could feel him over you. His breath hot at your chest as you had removed your dress prior to his fingers at your hip. 

"I want to ride your fingers...please...I won't come yet...I just want to feel them. I know what I said but please-" He bit his bottom lip as you brought those thick digits to your lower lips. 

"Yes! YES! TOPPER!" 

He clenched his jaw then just as he had now. 

"You were so tight and wet...and I could have taken you so easily..." He lowered his head just enough so you understood his sincerity. 

"But I wanted you to remember. To remember when I touched you. Not because you were drunk or just being a slut." Your lips parted to reprimand him for such a title, as he took hold of your hair. 

"I've been patient. I've waited. I've watched you make mistake after mistake because I wanted it to be where I could console you..." He scoffed. 

"But I'm done being nice." He set those same two fingers from the night before into his mouth and then to your sex. 

"Topper!"

"You begged for it last night. You told me how you've always wanted me. You wanted to ride me and have me fuck you like a whore from behind while he heard you..." You recalled those moments, your cheeks flushing and your thighs dampening in the recollection. 

"And you still want it now...you're dripping on my fingers and I haven't even touched you yet..." The wrap made in your hair tightened into white knuckled as he took you to the bed. 

"You should be showing me gratitude that I saved you from being fucked by some random tourist or another pogue...But lucky for you...I know exactly what you need."

"Whatever I said, I-"

"Shhh.." He moved closer, fingers rimming your sex. 

"Nobody has to know." He plummeted both fingers at once inside of you at once. Your legs trembled as he held you upright by the grip of your hair, the piston of his fingers, and his body pinning you between him and the bed. 

"I always knew you wanted this. Told me how much last night when you said you came every night wanting this..."

"Ahhh...Topper....mmm…Wait…" You moaned against his fingers as he led you to his lips. The vibration from your continued approval interrupted his kiss with a smirk until he withdrew. 

"So now you're gonna have it." He lowered to you, continuing to finger you, but slowing as you needed him to accelerate. This sent your hips to rise and accommodate him, only to feel the grip in your hair keep you in place. 

"Such a greedy and impatient little whore aren't you? Wanting to come already? Not after I waited all night...just to wake up to you bitching at me." He scoffed. 

"Knees. Be a good girl for me?" He feigned a response that he took by his dominant hand as you obliged. You licked your lips to the sight of him coming to life from beneath his boxers. 

"Shut the fuck up and take me further than you took even him." He pulled your hair before leading the second hand to your jaw. Pulling apart your lips, he spat on your tongue. 

Peppermint.

"Spit it out on me. I need a bit of motivation." He lied, using it as a means for your obedience. His eyes darkened further to your consent as you spit out onto his angry shaft, already tearful by the thought of your touch alone. 

"I know you can make me come this way. What else is a little slut good for?" He scoffed. "But MY slut is going to let me come inside of her...not down her throat..." You showed your understanding by beginning slowly. The width of his cock wore heavy on your tongue as his length made you gag immediately. You began to breathe through your nose and open your throat to him as he loosened the grip made of your hair. 

"Fuck..." He breathed in commemoration as he nearly let your hair. 

"He's a fucking idiot to give this up...oh shit..." He looked down to you, "Look at me." He growled as you hesitated to obey due to your angle. As you weren't immediate, he took hold of your hair once again. Only this time to lower to you, his cock forced away from your suctioned lips, as you gasped. 

"If you want to come, you better start fucking listening..." He threatened as you kept your eyes to him. 

"Such a good stepsister..." He explained as your eyes rolled for a moment onto to rise to him again. The moment was nearly pornagraphic for a multitue of reasons. But nothing more than just how submissive you were for him. 

"Stand up." He ordered after you'd neared him to yet another edge. 

"Off." Motioned for his shirt before you obliged. The second your bare chest faced him, he set you to the bed. 

"I want you to do it for me now. I want to watch you touch yourself for me. Get real close to that orgasm…the one you've had so many times thinking about me…without me…"

"But I want you in your knees. Looking back at me. Because once you're nice and wet, I'm gonna take you exactly how you wanted." You swallowed hard, setting yourself into the doggystyle position. 

"Topper-" A slap to your ass made you shudder over him. 

"Even that sounds better than I thought…" 

"I want-" 

"You told me enough about what you wanted. You give me what I want and then we'll see about you…" He smacked your left cheek before smoothing the sting with a loving caresses. 

"Slow strides. You don't come until I say." Your face was feverish with embarrassment but the need between your legs became too boisterous. Annoyingly so as it seemed to have the same effect as the alcohol. Each glide made over your clit had you moaning for him. 

"That's good…shit…"

"Don't play with yourself." You ordered as he swept his dominant hand to your untouched cheek. 

"You don't get to make demands, baby."

"I want every drop for myself…" You whined. "I wanna feel you come inside me, Top…I want it…" You mewled as he scoffed in disbelief. The same disbelief that brought him into his knees from behind you. 

"Just a bit more for me…this shit is too fucking good…" He spit on your folds, unnecessarily yet for more of the principle of the moment as you gasped. Two fingers made their way inside of you, forcing yours to focus on your clit. 

"Don't come." He reminded you. "I can already feel how you want to-"

"Top, please!" You bent forward, his breath to your slick chilling your lust from the inside out. You wanted to feel him touch absolutely every nerve that was ready set on fire because of him. But he was more patient than you. And you loathed him for it. 

"Please-" He drew another hand to your ass, now silent, as you continued to plead. The stinf was made quiet by the deafening need for more. His tongue. His cock. Anything more than the slow strides he made purposely lengthy against your desperation. 

"Please, Top!!!" 

You were taken by the back of your neck and led to his bare chest. A breathless rest and moment of silence making the sensation of his cock in a slow penetration somehow more intense. Almost as if it had been in slow motions itself. 

"You're not a good girl. You're my whore-say it…" He breathed deeply, a slow thrusts making it difficult to breathe, let alone speak. And yet, it was what he requested. And to keep girdled at risk for edging or overall abandonment, you submitted to him. 

"I'm your whore."

"Aww…you really are desperate for my cock, aren't you? Enough to degrade yourself, baby?" You clenched your jaw. 

"Maybe I should be a bit nicer? Softer?" You only tightened your jaw, certain hour teeth could shatter with the strength behind. 

"If you were my girlfriend, I would. I'd make love to you. I'd be soft and tell you how beautiful you are. But you said it yourself…you're my whore…so you get my hand to your ass and around your neck…you get my cock deep and hard…but don't worry…you still get to come like you're my girlfriend…" He teased. 

"You feel what you do to me?"

"Topper!" He curves your face to his, a deep French kiss making you silent. 

"You feel how hard I have to fuck you do you understand?! Shit!" He forced you back at rest on your palms. 

"I've gotta come! You're making me come!" He spoke quickly as you nodded. 

"I'm close-" But he withdrew, pulling your hair to such a degree that allowed him to make out your expression. 

"We're going to try this again. You're going to come for me and I'm going to get to watch you. I've already seen you touch yourself. You've done it for me. You even came for me last night while I fought very fucking nerve to keep from coming…so now…you're gonna come because of me…"

"Topper!" 

"Not yet…Let me savor those moans just a bit longer…"

"Please! I can't stop it!"

"If you want to come again at any point in the future, you'll fucking wait." You groaned as he quickened himself inside of you. Every thrust, almost meticulous as it hit against you to perfection. Every inch of your body vibrating to his actions. 

"Top I can't…I'm trying I can feel it…I'm gonna come…I'm-" you announced. 

"Come on then my little slut…show me how you come for me…" 

"Topper!" Your body seized for a moment, his cock continuing to batter into you as you fisted the sheets beneath you. 

'Keep coming…Do you have any idea how you look when you come? Fuck!" He grunted. 

"Open your eyes…'

"I-" He smacked your cheek one final time. 

"Open." You obliged, watching his face contorting because of your body clenching around him. The rise and fall of his chest acting as a reminder to his anatomy you'd fought to touch until now. The same torso wearing sweet from this endless interaction with you. 

"I'm-" 

"Again?!" He scoffed. 

"Please…" you whined as he turned you onto your back. Using the shirt of his you'd disposed of just recently, he bound your hands above your head. 

"You've made enough noise. You come quietly for me now…gotta know that you can do it for when we get back home…" 

"Topper-" 

"If you expect me to keep my hands to myself after this…you're sorely mistaken…every dinner…" He was between your legs as he spoke. "Every second alone…after my mom goes to sleep next to your dad…You'll have to get used to this…" He savored you in silence for only a moment. As you built to that edge, he would retreat. 

"Now since I know you're a screamer, gonna have to train you to be quiet for me." His tongue returning to you would pull your eyes into a roll. 

"One more time…" He smirked, leading your legs over his shoulders in a final moment of relief. That familiar wave just beneath his fingers as you bucked into his tongue, riding into his favoring tongue. 

"Mmm…peppermint.' He winked as you realized he had been dutiful from the night before, making him more deserving of this. He was chivalrous until provoked. And you wanted to provoke him. And doing so in repetition.

TAGLIST: @hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets @lovedetlost @trikigirl271 @maybankslover @slut4starkey @slvtherinseeker @obxiskewl @bluesongbird @slut-era @ailee-celeste @camilynn @sweetestdesire @onmykneesforrafe @drews1love @phildunphyisadilf @mashdan0916

MASTERLIST

TOPPER THORNTON MASTERLIST

CHRISTMAS MASTERLIST

[websterss]

FRIENDS DON���T  — LUKE PATTERSON

SUMMARY: Julie, Flynn and the boys elaborate on a plan to get the reader to come out to the Red Barn for a night filled with country tunes and a great time. Reggie finally gets his country song moment!

WARNING(S): Angst, fluff 

WORD COUNT: 5,006

PAIRING: Luke Patterson x fem!Reader

A/N: Hope you enjoy it! ♡ Feedback is always welcomed!

Jordan Davis — Goin’ Round Maddie & Tae — Friends Don’t

MASTERLIST

“Please.” 

“No.”

“Pretty please.” Julie smiled sweetly. 

“No.”

“Pretty please with a cherry on top?” 

You looked up at her.

“Two cherries? Three. I’ll buy you the biggest milkshake with as many cherries you want.” Julie nodded.

“Or just the milkshake and you stop asking me to go to the Red Barn.” You copied her sweet smile.

“Y/n it’s just one night out, it won’t kill you. All I ask of you is that you come out, get some booze in ya, and have fun for once!”

“I have fun.” You battled.

Julie tilted her head not believing your bullshit.

“I just don’t understand why I need to go!” You exclaimed. “Besides we have that paper due next week.”

“Y/n, it’s Friday!” You flinched hearing Julie exclaim.

“Exactly, enough time to start early on it. Thanks Jules.” You slapped the side of her shoulder with a smile. You closed your locker and walked past her heading to class.

“Y/n we are not done talking about this!” She yelled after you. The bell just now rang over your heads through the coms.

“Oh sorry, can’t hear you. I’m late for class…and allergic to fun.” You motioned to your ear. 

“Y/N!” Julie threw her arms up annoyed. “I know where you live, Y/L/N.” She sighed then turned around walking around the corner, flinching upon seeing Luke, Alex and Reggie huddled up together.

“Soo, how’d it go?” Alex sang. Julie groaned and rolled her eyes.

“Your turn.” Julie walked by smacking Luke upside the head as she continued her way down the hallway.

“Ow!” Luke frowned rubbing the spot she hurt him. He looked back at her then back at his boys. “Anyone got any ideas?”

Alex shook his head no, and Reggie…was distracted by his jacket’s zipper. Luke sighed and threw his head back groaning.

He was about to give up when he noticed Flynn walking the opposite way. “Flynn!” He yelled after her, startling the poor girl.

-

You stood with your back against one of the shelves in the library. Your thoughts were lost within the storyline of the book you held in your hand.

“Psst…” You stopped reading your sentence and raised your eyes to look around. After no noise came you shook it off and began reading again.

“Psst…” Okay you definitely weren’t imagining it that time. “Y/n.” A voice rushed out quietly. You looked around until you spotted the familiar braids. You stepped forward eyeing Flynn suspiciously as you met her eyes through the book shelves between you two.

“Flynn?” You emphasized wanting her to get to the point. 

“Reason with me.” She began.

“Don’t I always?” You chuckled. She eyed you nervously. “Alright, make your case.” You sighed urging her to begin.

“The Red Barn. Known to be one of the most popular places to hang out. Also, it’s where many musicians or singers in the making get noticed.” She nodded. “Added bonus, there’s cute guys, booze…” Flynn trailed off feeling like she was losing you. “Dancing, um stargazing on the upper level. Best place to be kissed too. Or the stage, where you work your magic and win the hearts of fellow classmates and college boys.” Flynn smirked. You smiled, rolling your eyes at her.

“Or Luke.” She added. You sighed smiling at your feet. “When are you going to tell him, Y/n. He clearly likes you too. It’s just a matter of when.”

“Everything’s just easier with him.” You closed your book shut. “I’m just scared of what will happen if we let this thing between us, ya know happen. I can’t lose my best friend.”

Flynn felt for you, yet she and Julie were fed up playing matchmaker, trying anything to get you two together. So she decided to tell you the truth.

“Ya know, he’s been the one trying to get you to come to the barn.” You perked up at this. “He hasn’t stopped talking about you all day. I’m getting tired of him honestly.” She laughed. “Julie and I are this close to killing him.”

“Julie already tries to though?” You laughed, raising an eyebrow. Flynn stopped then said. 

“Then I’ll try then.” She nodded with certainty.

“He really wants me to go, huh?” You smiled up at her. Fond of the thought that he really wanted you around as much as you did him.

“Yeah, so as your friend. I’m saying go tonight, have fun, get drunk, hell kiss Luke already. Do it for our sake please.”

“Our?” You questioned.

“Ow!” You heard Alex groan, now standing to his full height. He looked at Flynn offended, rubbing his head.

“Our.” You nodded understanding.

“Please say you’ll go, I can’t take anymore of Julie and Flynn hitting us.” Alex pleading with you. He leaned closer towards the shelf. “I. Think. I. Have. A. Concussion.” He whispered.

“It’s okay Alex no one will be hitting anyone anymore.” You gave Flynn a pointed look. “I’ll go.” 

“YES!” They both cheered.

“Shhh!”

Alex’s eyes widened as he glanced around the library. “Sorry…” He whispered. Then continued to silently cheer.

-

If there was one thing you knew to be certain was that the guys, Julie and Flynn never gave up on you. So when the opportunity to go perform at the Red Barn came up…well let’s just say they were trying everything to get you to go. Which Flynn already did. They, mostly Luke, were hoping you’d go to see them perform, but hopeful enough to get you to sing one of your own songs too.

“What’s she doing now?” Reggie whispered to Alex keeping an eye on you from around the corner. “Like I said five minutes ago, nothing!” Alex sassed. He sighed then said. “She’s writing in her songbook.” The word song made Luke perk up.

“She’s writing a song, no way!” Luke yanked Reggie back and peeked around the wall to see you leaned up against the lockers next to your open one. You were tapping on your book with your pen humming some kind of melody. “You think there’s a chance we’ll still convince her to come tonight?” Luke said keeping his gaze on you.

“Actually she-” Alex began but was cut off by your voice.

“And like I said the last time you guys asked me, no!” You laughed. You turned to the boys, who not so smoothly toppled to the ground. Luke being the first one to jump up and act like they weren’t just talking about you within ear shot. “Seriously?” You raised your brow at him as he approached you, Alex and Reggie following guilty behind him.

“Hey, Y/n you look great, do something with your hair?” Luke leaned an arm on the lockers, his smirk plastered on his lips. He leaned over your shoulder. “Whatcha writing?”

“Your tragic death, I was thinking pickaxe or burned alive?” You pondered.

“Shoot me it’d hurt less than your rejection.” Luke replied cheekily.

“Lucky me then, daddy’s got a shotgun.” You smirked.

“Come on sweetheart, one date with me. Would it really be such a bad thing?” Luke leaned in closer to you. His found interest playing with a strand of your hair.

“Oh my god Luke, it should be my death instead.” You faked being shocked with a smile. “Thanks.” You punched his shoulder playfully.

He shook his head smiling at you. “What can I do to convince you to come out tonight? Everyone’s going.” He bit his lip.

“Mmmm…” You thought about it then gave him a crimson smile. 

“No, whatever you’re thinking, no.” Luke straightened up.

“You don’t even know what I was gonna say!”

“Don’t need to, nothing good ever comes from here.” Luke poked the side of your head. 

“You literally implied you’d do anything.” You poked his head.

Luke looked away. His head falling with a heavy sigh. “Just tell me already.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” You then looked past his shoulder. “Alex, I need your help with this one.” You smirked at him. He picked up on your look and played along.

-

You placed a hand over your mouth to prevent you from laughing, but to no avail a giggle slipped past your lips. You choked it back when Luke turned his head sharply at you with a death stare.

“S-Sorry. Not funny.” You choked again. “You look um…good.” You giggled.

“Nice legs.” Reggie teased. Luke turned to you.

“I’m gonna kill you.” Luke muttered under his breath.

“Alright here you go, Hannah said we could borrow them, just have to get them back to her before the next game.” Julie walked up to you and Luke, handing him the tinsel-like objects. 

“How’d you manage to get her to lend you her pom poms?” Alex asked.

“Tutoring sessions. She owes me.” She replied.

“Alright, Luke, give me an L.” You came out from behind your camera lens. 

“I’d rather die.” Luke deadpanned.

“Can’t kill what’s already dead inside.” You smiled. “Come on now like we practiced.” You urged him.

“If this gets outs I swear-” He warned.

“It won’t…” You assured him then leaned over to whisper to Julie. “This is totally going around.” 

“Oh yeah.” She laughed along with you.

“Come on now, do it!” You nodded at him.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this…” Luke looked up to the sky then down at his feet. 

“G-Give me an L.”

“L.” You all yelled.

“Give me a U.” He said with a fake ass smile. 

“U!”

“Give me a K.” 

“K!”

“Give an E!” He threw his arm up with the pompom. 

“E!” You all looked at each with knowing smiles. 

“What does that spell?” He sighed.

“Luke is a dumbass!” You yelled. You snapped the picture seeing Luke’s shocked reaction. “Time to run!” Then you took off running down the track.

“You little sh- Y/N!” Luke yelled, taking after you as fast as the skirt he wore would let him. “Yeah!” Alex laughed. “Wooh!”

“Wooh!” Reggie, Julie, and Flynn cheering and whistling as Luke’s skirt flew up. His boxers on full display. Flynn winced, watching Luke fall then get back up. You were doing a great job dodging him.

“Is Y/N in track?” Flynn asked.

“Nah she’s just used to Luke chasing her.” Julie shrugged it off. 

“Makes sense.” She nodded.

The bell then rang catching their attention.

“Come on we have class.” Alex said. They all grabbed their bags.

They stopped and watched Luke fall on his back on the football field. You were still running, but now towards the bleachers where your bag was sitting. You caught up with them, running ahead of them with Luke’s duffle bag in your hand as well.

“Did she just take-” Alex pointed out.

“Go, go!” Julie didn’t even let him finish. She grew scared, ushering everyone forward.

During the last period, Luke walked in now fully dressed in his jeans and white tee. A pissed off look on his face as he flopped into the empty desk next to yours. Your attention was still on the board, yet the smile on your face was clear as day to him.

You bent down to retrieve a pencil then ripped off a sheet of paper from your notebook. Your extended hand caught Luke’s attention. Your focus was still on the math problem written down. You motioned with that hand for him to take it. He sighed and took the items and started writing down the problems on the board.

Luke hardly ever came to class, and usually when he did, he never had anything other than a pencil.

“Thanks.” He whispered,

“Mhmm.” You hummed not even glancing at him.

“So the Red Barn?” He asked again after a few minutes of silence. He wanted to make sure it all worked out.

“I’ve been convinced since free period.” Was all you replied with as you worked the problem out. 

“What? How?” You looked over at him.

“Flynn. She made a strong case with supporting reasons and all.” You shrugged. 

“You’ve got to kidding me…” He scoffed. “So all that shit I did?”

“Was solemnly for my entertainment.” You smiled up at him. 

“Wow!”

“Nice batman boxers by the way.” You chuckled under your breath. 

“Shut up.” Luke scowled.

-

Later that night you grew self-conscious as you stepped out of your car and walked up to the actual Red Barn. This being your first time attending one of the band nights they held, you didn’t anticipate the barn really being red. It made you laugh. You finally reached the open barn doors looking at all the people that came to either sing, drink, or dance. You none of the options. Maybe as an observer? You didn’t know. You walked further inside, finding the fairy lights put up a nice touch. Stacks of hay lay against the far walls. Few tables here and there. Some people on the upper level like Flynn said there was. You turned in circles then felt yourself collide with someone. Their arms were sticking out to hold you steady.

“Hey you came!” Luke’s voice filled your ears. You turned and smiled, meeting his eyes.

“Yeah. Look at this place!” You laughed, surprised that you truly were missing out.

“Well, I’m glad you came.” His laughed, nervously looking away from your eyes. His hand slid down interlacing yours with his. You glanced down then smiled gently up at him. Luke then started walking backwards. You reciprocating the stupid smile of his that you loved. “You made it just in time actually. They’re about to start.” Luke led you over to where Flynn and Willie stood on the other side. A beer in Willie’s hand. One in Luke’s too now that you noticed. “Hey guys, look who finally decided to show up!” Luke teased. Letting your hand go to let you hug Flynn, then Willie.

“Hey stranger.” Willie smiled. “Long time no see.”

“Ugh don’t remind me.” You felt bad. It had been a while since you last saw Willie. 

“Well, glad to see you nonetheless. You made it just in time, they’re about to start.”

“Yeah, Luke was just mentioning…who’s singing tonight?” You accepted the red solo cup he gave you, and turned your attention to the stage.

“He is.” Luke gestured to the stage, taking a sip of his beer.

“I still got your number and I wonder. What you’re doing tonight. I heard you were hurting but he wasn’t worth it. Well I could’ve told you he wasn’t right…” You gasped, eyes wide as you saw Reggie on stage.

“No way!” You gripped Luke’s arm then continued to look at him sing. His eyes filled with delight as he watched your own lit up from seeing Reg sing.

“Well some buddies of mine. They said you had a big fight in town. You ran off crying. At least that’s what’s going ‘round!” Alex’s drums filing your ears. Julie up there with the two of them. “Know how those rumors fly. Sometimes they’re all a lie.” Reggie sang to the front row of girls. “Burn up before they hit the ground. But right now they’re goin 'round. I don’t wanna move in too soon.” You bobbed your head, raising your hand in the air as you watched your friends take the stage. “I know your heartbreak is brand new. If I never would’ve let you down. This probably wouldn’t be going 'round.”

“Why aren’t you up there with them?” You turned to Luke. His eyes met yours causing a smile to break out on both your faces.

“Cause you aren’t.” He shrugged. Your eyes lingered on his face a little longer than usual. You didn’t ask him about it though, and turned back to watch your friends perform.

“Round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round.” Julie sang out.

“Probably wouldn’t be going 'round.” Reggie then stepped back from the mic, letting Alex take over.

“It might’ve been time. And it might’ve been my bad. But I wanna try again. Another dance. A second chance. If you are in I’d be in.” Alex sang as he hit his drums to the beat.

“Well some buddies of mine. They said you had a big fight in town. You ran off crying. At least that’s what’s going 'round.” Reggie then sang the chorus again. You couldn’t contain your excitement any longer, so you dragged Luke to the dance floor and planted yourself in the front row of the stage. Reggie catching sight of you two.

“Know how those rumors fly. Sometimes they’re all a lie. Burn up before they hit the ground. But right now they’re going 'round.” Reggie knelt down playing his guitar in front of you and Luke. You sang the words with Reggie, having learned them in the short time you did. “I don’t wanna move in too soon. I know your heartbreak is brand new. If I never would’ve let you down. This probably wouldn’t be going 'round.”

You felt a hand wrap around your waist and pulled you back into them. Luke’s front against your back, swaying you both to the rhythm of the song. Luke’s beer in his left, and your red solo cup in your right. Your free hand curling up into his hair, and his holding you tightly against him. 

“Probably wouldn’t be going 'round!” You belted out in the air. Luke’s heart fluttered upon hearing your voice. You could feel him smile against your exposed neck.

Julie’s voice mixed well with Reggie’s. The duo you didn’t think would sound so well together, and yet here you thought it was Luke and Julie. But you had to disagree, it was actually Julie and Reggie singing together that was something special. They turned to each other sharing a mic. Reggie smiling down at Julie encouraging her on. “Well some buddies of mine. They said you had a big fight in town. You ran off crying. At least that’s what’s going 'round. Know how those rumors fly. Sometimes they’re all a lie. Burn up before they hit the ground. But right now they’re going 'round. I don’t wanna move in too soon. I know your heartbreak is brand new. If I never would’ve let you down. This probably wouldn’t be going 'round…Probably wouldn’t be going 'round…” Luke let you go as the crowd cheered and applauded them.

You turned around telling him how great they were. He agreed as he guided you back to where Flynn and Willie were.

“Oh my god.” You gestured to Reggie, Alex and Julie as they came over to take a break. Another band was going up now to keep the party going. “You guys…I seriously have no words. Luke finally let you do a country song, huh Reg?” You hit his shoulder playfully.

“He actually helped write it…” He outed his best friend. Luke closed his eyes sighing. 

“Really? We agreed not to tell people!” Luke let his arms fall to his side.

“Oh, did he now.” You laughed. “What was it that you said? I’m never doing a country song they’re not my thing?” You teased him.

“He won’t admit it but this genre is starting to grow on him.” Julie added. “But enough about us…you came!” She reached forward bringing you into a hug.

“Thanks to Flynn of course.” Julie directed the credit where it needed to be.

“I could not take another night where she sat in her room and read books.” Flynn shook her head. The group’s faces scrunched up at the embarrassing information Flynn said. “Not in this group, nope. We have fun and go out. Speaking of drinks I need another.” You all laughed as she turned and left.

“Hopefully now Luke will stop bugging us. You finally showed up to one of these. Now, all he needs to do is see you on stage and he’ll die happy.” Julie eyed him. Luke frowned rubbing the back of his nervously.

“I- uh” He stammered.

“What?” You chuckled nervously. Their laughs all died down.

“Luke has something to tell you, Y/n. Luke, you care to elaborate what you did?” Julie gave him a tight lipped smile. It had to come out one way or another.

“Julie-” He warned her, shaking his head. He wasn’t ready yet.

“I don’t like keeping things from her, you know this. Just tell her what you did, you promised!” You looked between the boys and Julie. Flynn came back with another drink and then stepped back slowly with Willie, not wanting to be evolved, even though she was always about any

drama she could get her hands on. You looked back to Luke who stared at his vans full of what looked like guilt. Any fun you were having now was flushed away with anxiety and nerves. 

“Luke?” You tilted your head to try and catch his gaze. He finally looked up and took a big swig of his beer. He walked past you and went to retrieve his backpack that lay next to his guitar case. You scoffed once you saw him pull out your songbook.

“My book. You have my book…” You stated firmly. “Why do you have my song book, Luke?”

“Because I wanted to see the song you were working on.” Well at least he didn’t try and sugar coat it. He took a step forward, yet you took a step back. His heart shattering as you moved away from him. “Y/N I-”

“You read my song. A song that was personal to me, Luke. It wasn’t ready. I-I didn’t want anyone, let alone you, seeing it.” Your anxiety began to grow. You had written it about you and Luke’s relationship, or the special thing that just worked between the two of you…and he just read it.

“I finished it.” You stopped and looked at him confused. “You were missing the bridge, Julie worked on it with me. So it wasn’t all me.” He gave Julie an annoyed look for trying to throw him under the bus. “Look, all I ask of you is to go up there and sing it with me.”

“It wasn’t a duet…” You muttered softly.

“It will be once you sing it with me.” He smiled big, noticing your mood start to shift. “You take care of the rest and leave the bridge to me.” He reassured you.

“Why the bridge?” You grew curious.

“Julie!” He panicked and called to her for help.

“Okay, enough questions, get your butt on stage.” She grabbed your hands and tugged you behind her. You threw a glance at Luke who gave you another smile. Then you were out of his sight.

He went to his case and pulled out his acoustic.

“You know what you’re doing?” Alex asked behind him. He was leaning into Willie’s side, wanting to catch a moment with his boyfriend.

“Y-Yeah.” Luke pulled the strap over him and adjusted the guitar. He quickly made sure it was tuned correctly, giving it a strum, letting him know the strings sounded good.

“You got this man.” Reggie patted his back. “You got her here, now you just gotta tell her.” 

“Well, actually Flynn was the one who convinced her.” Luke furrowed his brows.

“Yeah but Flynn doesn’t have feelings for her.” Alex teased him. “Come on, we got your back.” 

“Like always.” Reggie finished.

“Okay.” Luke shook out his nerves and made his way to the stage. “I-I can do this.” -

“Julie, I don’t think I can do this…” You frowned.

“Hey you got this okay. I’ll be right up front with Flynn and Willie, plus you got the boys up there with you. We got you.” She placed her hands on your shoulders, her words bringing you a certain amount of comfort.

“O-Okay.” You nodded, and recollected yourself. Then you gulped the second you stepped onto the stage. So many faces staring at you, you felt like fainting.

“Alright folks next up we got a performance by…what’s your name darlin’?”

“Uh…Y/n Y/L/N.” You smiled nervously at the guy.

“Give it up for Y/n everybody.” The crowd cheered and clapped.

He walked off as the boys arrived on stage. Alex took his place behind his drum set, and Reggie sat on a stool to your right, and Luke, Luke stood off to your left, standing in front of the mic next to yours. You were scared, nervous mostly. You hadn’t even figured out a melody for the song, and yet Luke saved you the trouble. You just had to sing the words.

You looked over at him, worry featured all over your eyes. Luke only continued to smile and mouthed, ‘You got this’. That’s all it took to feel better.

Luke swung his guitar around and began strumming. Your ears picked out an E minor, C add nine, G, and D chord pattern, along with Alex’s drums filling out for the big moment that just hit nicely. And Reggie, with a steel guitar using a slide playing technique, which was something you didn’t know you wanted to see. Country instruments were his specialty. You just never had the pleasure of actually seeing him play any.

You nodded along to the rhythm and fell into the beat, falling into the first verse.

“They don’t cancel other plans. Have conversations with nothin’ but their eyes. They don’t hear each other’s names and forget to concentrate. Hits a nerve and lights you up like dynamite.” You had your eyes closed as you sang the first lines.

You opened them back up and looked over to Luke as the chorus came. “Friends don’t call you in the middle of the night. Couldn’t even tell you why. They just felt like saying, Hi. Friends don’t stand around, playing with their keys. Finding reasons not to leave. Tryna hide the chemistry.” You let your eyes linger onto his. “Drive a little too slow.”

“Slow.” Luke sang into the mic. 

“Take the long way home.” 

“Home.” Luke backed you up. 

“Get a little too close.”

“Close.” He threw you a smile.

“We do but, but friends don’t.” You shook your head no at the lyrics. You closed your eyes again, taking a big inhale of air, knowing which lyrics were coming up next.. You felt the need to turn your head to Luke as you sang the second verse.

“They don’t almost say, I love you. When they’re downtown somewhere, just a little drunk.” You smiled as you shared a moment together. The crowd ate it up as they watched you two. Alex and Reggie looked at each other knowingly. Julie, Flynn, and Willie, felt the need to capture this on their phones. It was too good not to have it recorded. “They don’t talk about the future and put each other in it and get chills with every accidental touch…” You trailed the words. Your smile only grew, hearing Alex hit his drums for the chorus again. The crowding bobbing their heads and jumping up and down.

“Friends don’t call you in the middle of the night. Couldn’t even tell you why. They just felt like saying, Hi.” You turned to the crowd and waved.  A big grin plastered on your face as you sang. “Friends don’t stand around, playing with their keys. Finding reasons not to leave. Tryna hide the chemistry.” You sang your heart out, pouring your heart out to emphasize the words a little more. “Drive a little too slow.”

“Slow.” Luke sang again. He stepped away from his mic and slowly making his way over to you. 

“Take the long way home.”

“Home.” Luke mouthed.

“Get a little too close.” You motioned him closer.

“Close.” He now stood in front of you. You put the mic in between you to share it.

“We do but, but friends don’t.” Luke shook his head no as well. He looked down at his hands changing chords, then you let him take over the bridge.

“I keep telling myself this might be nothing.”

“This might be nothing…” You stared into his eyes echoing back the words to him. 

“But one look in your eyes and, God, there’s something.” He nodded at you. 

“There’s something.” You nodded.

“You can lie to me and say you don’t.” Luke shook his head. Then nodded yes. “But I know you do…and I love you too!” His words grew quieter towards the end. You breath hitched, you were stunned. Staring at him with widened eyes. Luke swallowed back the nerves he was feeling. Then felt relieved when your smile only grew bigger. You reached your hand up and pressed your foreheads together. Then belted out the chorus one last time.

“Friends don’t call you in the middle of the night. Couldn’t even tell you why. They just felt like saying, Hi. Friends don’t stand around, playing with their keys. Finding reasons not to leave. Tryna hide the chemistry!” Luke pecked your head as you started lifting your head to look at him.

“Drive a little too slow.” You sang. 

“Slow.” He echoed you.

“Take the long way home.” 

“Home.”

“Get a little too close.” 

“Close.”

“We do but, but friends don’t…”

“Friends don’t…” Luke sang out, letting his guitar trail the last note out.

You were pulled out of your daze, turning the crowd with the happiest expression you had. Alex and Reggie stood and bowed. You grabbed Luke’s hand and did the same. You were filled with the utmost joy. The two of you never really did know how to say those three words, but you did in the form of a song. The best way you two know how to communicate.

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, the unimaginable happened. He pulled you in by the waist, not wasting anymore time and kissed you. The cheers and whistles only added to the effect, but it was your lips pressed against his that felt like fireworks.

Yeah...friends definitely don’t do that.

[klonoa-at-blog]

Famitsu KPRS interview (Part 1)

An interview from Famitsu with Tsuyoshi Kobayashi and Yoshihiko Arai, both original development staff members of the Klonoa series. This interview was translated with help from DeepL and may contain inaccuracies. ----------------------------------

The Klonoa series is celebrating its 25th anniversary and is still extremely popular. The innovative 2.5 dimensional side-scrolling action and the memorable storyline have been a hit with players and have been the talk of the town since their release. Two games in the series have now been revived with Klonoa Phantasy Reverie Series (hereafter referred to as Phantasy Reverie Series)!　

The highly popular first game Klonoa: Door to Phantomile (Klonoa 1) and its sequel Klonoa 2: Lunatea's Veil (Klonoa 2) will be released in a remastered edition on July 7, 2022 (July 8 for Steam). The game will be available on Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 5, PlayStation 4, Xbox Series X|S, Xbox One, and Steam.

We interviewed Tsuyoshi Kobayashi and Yoshihiko Arai, who were involved in the development of the original version of the games, and asked them about the development status at the time and behind-the-scenes stories. The interview contains spoilers, so please be careful when viewing the interview.

Tsuyoshi Kobayashi Currently a director of Namco Bandai Studios. He worked as a game designer on Klonoa 1 and as a director and game designer on Klonoa 2. He was also in charge of promotion of the game, as well as reviewing the specifications of the game, such as the action and feel of the controls.

Yoshihiko Arai He is currently the lead artist at Namco Bandai Studio. He was in charge of graphics and scenario for Klonoa 1 and art director, character design, and scenario for Klonoa 2. In addition, he has been involved in the series in various other ways, including voice acting, language creation, and writing lyrics and provisional-songs.

--First of all, please tell us your honest impression about the announcement of "Klonoa Phantasy Reverie Series".

Kobayashi: I was somewhat aware of the "Phantasy Reverie Series" being produced as part of the internal development flow of the company, but I didn't officially know about it until a little later. I was invited to give my opinion during the development process, and that's how I became involved in the project. I am very happy to have been able to present it successfully.

Arai: I was also involved in the same way, providing some of the materials from that time. It was 25 years ago, after all, so I am very grateful to be able to revive the work in this way.

--The official announcement was made during the "Nintendo Direct 2022.2.10" program (broadcast on February 10, 2022 from 7:00 a.m.), and the word "Klonoa" has been trending on Twitter since early that morning. Did you see that?

Arai: I was up early in the morning watching everyone's reactions. I was happy to see the loud reactions of people from other countries.

Kobayashi: I couldn't follow it in real time, but I heard that there was a great response. The work had many devoted fans even back then, so I am very happy to hear that they are still supporting it today.

--Did you realize that the "Klonoa" series has a dedicated fan base?

Kobayashi: We were aware of the existence of such fans from the time we exhibited at the "Tokyo Game Show" and wrote about our works on our website. What made me realize that there were people who had played "Klonoa" when they were little and later had joined our company. I heard stories like, "I hated going to school, but I managed to survive by playing Klonoa," and when I gave them goods as gifts, they were very happy.

Arai: At that time, I got the impression that we were often mentioned by game magazines and other people in the game industry. I had interviews like this one published, and I also received compliments directly from Koichi Hamamura, who was the editor-in-chief of Famitsu at the time.

Kobayashi: We received good reviews from all over the industry. I didn't know the details of the reaction to "Klonoa 1" immediately after its release, but I was impressed by the fact that there were people who gradually supported it for a long time.

--So you gradually realized the popularity of your work. Was the response more than you expected?

Arai: At the time, just the fact that it was a PlayStation (PS1) game attracted a lot of attention, so we were quietly expecting it.

Kobayashi: Yes, that's true. At that time, Namco was releasing titles such as the "Ridge Racer" series and "Tales of Destiny," and although sales were not as explosive as those, they were good enough to warrant a sequel....... For some reason, the titles we were in charge of were all in the "Tales of" series (laughs).

--Could you tell us about your involvement in "Klonoa 1" and "Klonoa 2"?

Kobayashi: Mr. Yoshizawa* was the development director for "Klonoa 1," and I worked under him as the main game designer. It was not long after I joined the company, but there was actually a game that was the predecessor to "Klonoa," and I have been involved with it since then. For "Klonoa 2," I was in charge of both the director and the producer.

*Hideo Yoshizawa. Game creator, currently a professor at the Department of Games, Faculty of Arts, Tokyo Polytechnic University. He was involved in titles such as "Ninja Gaiden" at Tecmo and the "Klonoa" series at Namco.

Arai: I was a newcomer myself, about two or three years after joining the company, and I was involved in the project from its predecessor, which Kobayashi mentioned earlier. When the development of that game was abandoned and it was decided to start over from the character level, I participated in a competition that was held. I was in charge of visuals in general, as well as director-type work. I was asked to work on "Klonoa 2" as part of that process.

--So there was a predecessor to the "Klonoa" series?

Kobayashi: Yes, there was. Once we decided to flatten the previous project, we held a competition and solicited various ideas. At that time, there was a feeling within the company that we had not created any original Namco characters recently, and that is when Klonoa, designed by Arai, was born.

Arai: My own design was chosen for the character, but the theme of "making dreams come true," which was thought up by the planning team, was also born from that competition.

--What aspects of its predecessor did "Klonoa 1" inherit?

Arai: The concept of moving 2D characters against a 3D background was decided at that point. I remember that I was also doling out 2D pixel art in the beginning.

Kobayashi: The theme of the game was to create the feeling of being in a 3D game while playing in 2D, with curves seen at the back of the stage and enemies approaching from the back. We wanted to make it so that people who had played 2D games before would have no problem playing it.

Arai: One of the reasons was that it was difficult to move characters in full 3D with the specifications of the PS1 at the time. We reduced the rendering to 2D and made adjustments while watching the overall capacity of the game.

--I feel that you have put a lot of thought into the depth of the 2.5 dimensional stages, but do you have any memories or stories of difficulties during development?

Kobayashi: At the time, 3D games suddenly appeared, so the developers all wanted to move the camera. The sudden transition made it difficult to play many titles. So, we had to find a way to make the game easy to play while paying attention to the expressions that only 3D can provide. It was difficult to find the right balance between the two.

--I also felt a strong sense of commitment to the location of the gems hidden in the stages, etc.

Kobayashi: I really enjoyed creating the stages myself.

Arai: The planners had already created the stages using "Softimage" software.

--I often hear stories about the lack of tools and difficulties in development at that time, but I feel that Namco's environment was one of the better ones.

Arai: At that time, Namco had "Ridge Racer" and "Tekken," etc., and there was an atmosphere of "Let's go ahead with 3D!” I myself used a tool called "LightWave" to create base models for Klonoa.

--One of the features of the "Klonoa" series is the double jump action using enemies.

Kobayashi: The idea for the action of using the Wind Bullet itself came from the very beginning, but at first it was designed to place an inflated enemy in front of Klonoa by pressing the △ button while the enemy was caught in the Wind Bullet. The idea was to use the placed enemy as a staircase to go further up, but the tempo was very slow (laughs), and we had a hard time getting out of it until we came up with the idea for the double jump specification. Once the specifications were finalized, we created an experimental stage that included elements like the hidden extra vision Balue's Tower, which was test-played by members of the development team.

--About the Extra Vision! That stage was extremely difficult, and I thought it was meant to be a challenge from the development staff.

Kobayashi: I didn't intend it that way, but I wanted to include it somehow because I thought that the most interesting element of the game would be a series of actions at high difficulty levels like that stage (laughs). I thought it would be okay if they appeared only after the story was completed, so I adopted them as post-game elements.

Arai: In the planning and visual department, members who were good at games would get together and play Time Attack. It was a very interesting situation where we were creating our own illustrations while playing the game.

Kobayashi: As we played, our times got better and better. I wondered what would happen in the end.

Arai: I couldn't keep up with them from the beginning (laughs).

-The character designs are cute, but the enemies and other characters have a slightly eerie feel to them. What theme did you have in mind?

Arai: Rather than deciding on a theme at the beginning, it was more like I and the other members came up with the idea and worked it out as we went along. The cat's eyes in Klonoa are a remnant of that.

--I heard that the design of Klonoa was decided through a competition.

Arai: We made some adjustments, but the design was adopted as it was from the beginning without any changes. The Pac-Man on Klonoa's hat is also from the beginning, but it was a free competition with no worldview planned out at all, so I put it in with a feeling of "Isn't that just like Namco? (laughs). I thought I would be asked to remove it later, but as it turned out, it became something like a vestige of reality, symbolizing that Klonoa is the alter ego of the player.

--I've always wondered about Pac-Man on the hat, but I didn't realize that was the way it was decided. Do you have any memories of other character designs?

Arai: Huepow was designed directly from a postcard I had made during a meeting. At first, it was a completely different design, like a fireball, but we adjusted it based on the content of the scenario and finally came up with the cute look you see today.

--The story is full of cute characters, but as it progresses, it gets heavier and heavier, and the final scene is something that cannot be told without tears. Was that your goal from the beginning?

Arai: Yes, that's right. Mr. Yoshizawa created the flow from the beginning to the end, and I added the branches and leaves. I was trying not to make the story too heavy, so I kept fighting with Mr. Yoshizawa, adding random lines during the storyboarding and having him cut them (laughs). There are still some gags from those days in the work, which is a bit embarrassing when I look at it now.......

--Personally, I imagined that the story had a children's feel with gags in between, but as the story progressed, it became more adult oriented. The ending in particular is impressive when viewed.......

Kobayashi: I was also shocked by the ending movie. I remember everyone in the company was surprised when the ending started playing while we were playing a test game. I often heard about it later from the children who later joined the company, and I think it must have made a big impression on them.

Arai: I was listening to the whole story from beginning to end, so I wasn't completely sure if the players would cry when they saw it. Even at the time of its completion, "Finally finished......!" was all I could think of (smiles). However, I felt afterward that the players' enthusiasm was slowly spreading without being consumed all at once. Perhaps it was deeply engraved in their hearts by being transmitted little by little.

--Please tell us about the atmosphere of the development team at that time and your memories during the development process.

Kobayashi: We would have meetings with each position in the daytime to get the team working, and then at night I would quietly create stages by myself, and that flow went on forever. I had a lot of help from my seniors, and although we didn't get along very well, we did fight at times (laughs). It was a very gratifying experience for me at the time to be able to bring this much to fruition in the first game development project I was involved in.

Arai: Since we were all newcomers, there were not many barriers between us. Normally, I would have been told to "concentrate on your job first," but at that time, I would raise my hand for anything I could do, and in turn, many people would offer me jobs.

Kobayashi: At that time, there was a culture of "whoever could do it, would do it anyway.” Looking back on it now, there were some difficult times, but I think it was a good experience.

--I heard that you were also in charge of voice acting for Joka.

Arai: Eriko Imura, who was in charge of the main sound, was calling on people who looked like they could do it, and I was sort of called in to do it. The language of the game was the fictional Phantomile, so I didn't have to do a lot of acting. At that time, this kind of thing was common at game companies, wasn't it?

Kobayashi: In the old days, they would just say, "Hey, can you give me a voice?” It was not uncommon for voice actors to be called in on the same day to record a scene (laughs). Sometimes I was called in on the same day to record a scene.

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

[shititbe]

Anyway, HSM2 is about internalized homophobia, and no one can tell me otherwise.

High School Musical is one of the most beloved franchises in the world. Teenagers all over the world grew up watching Troy and Gabriella harmonize together. Three movies, and nearly a decade later it’s still beloved by all. The first film easily forgotten in the ashes of the early 2000’s, the third film stuck in a purgatorial limbo of the rather unfortunate late 2000’s. The second film on the other hand sticks out between the ruckus. 

The second High School Musical film takes place at Sharpay and Ryan’s family country club, during the summer between junior and senior year. The Wildcats are working summer jobs on the country club, often forced to the beck and call of Ryan and Sharpay themselves. Sharpay uses all her prestige to help Troy with college instead of starting at the bottom ( or rather, in the kitchen washing dishes) with his friends. In the time she’s helping Troy, she is also pushing her brother away; replacing him with Troy in their musical number for the talent show, and refusing to hang out with him in preference for Troy. Ryan becomes vengeful to his twin and starts hanging around the Wildcats in the kitchen. At first, he was met with some distasteful looks and words (most of which from Chad). With the help of Kelsey, and her neutral party, Ryan fits in smoothly with the other teenagers, eventually giving the WildCats all dance lessons.

 Throughout the movie, the main conflict continues to be the internal conflict of Troy Bolton. He debates over and over again if he should go through with Sharpay’s shenanigans, or if he wants to “listen to my own heart.”  This of course involves Gabriella, as she is Troy’s love interest. She’s not in the second film except for the beginning, then, where she leaves in the middle of the film - in order to create angst for Troy - then when she shows up again in the finally to sing/rejoin Troy. 

The conflict in the second film  is the combining of Troy’s two worlds. His first - his main world in the first movie, that hence became his secondary world - which is represented by Chad. Then his secondary world - which becomes his main world in this movie - which is represented by Ryan. Chad represents Troy’s masculinity, or his more idealized version of himself. Ryan represents Troy’s femininity or his current version of reality. These two worlds collide in the iconic song “I don’t dance”.  

Since this movie - and hence this scene - came out in the early 2000’s, a lot of the innuendoes went over people's heads. Luckily, as the children who watched this movie grew older and more experienced, and the world became more accepting, we’re able to see this song for what it is. 

Before getting into the lore and symbolism of the iconic “I Don’t Dance” sequence, context is needed. For most of human history, homosexuality was seen as a sin in all places except ancient times (see: Greece and Japan). The modern age is the most accepting on all fronts, such as sexual orientation, race, and religion. In the early 2000’s, High School Musical director Kenny Ortega was not publicialy out yet. He wouldn’t be till 2014. 

Originally, while writing this, my first thought was  that Kenny - the director - would be using Troy as a y/n type character to project his insecurities and struggles with masculinity, and what that means in defining his orientation and societal views that would be placed upon him. Then, it came to me later that this is in fact not the case, Troy (and Gabriella - who is in fact a y/n character for the female audience) is more of a character for a man of his time, confused with his own ideals of masculinity and the views of society because, “oh god, I can’t like theater/drama because only queer people and girls like it!” The second point is pushed further with the Troy and Sharpay sub-plot. Sharpay tries to further Troy’s career as a basketball player, though that’s not what he wants anymore, and Troy is no longer sure if that is what he ever wanted to begin with (enter the song “Bet on it” and the hilarious meme “no dad, I’m giving up on your dream”). 

Keeping these things in mind - Kenney’s queerness, and Troy’s struggle to realize you can in fact sing and be a heterosexual, wow, revolutionary - it became clear to me that Kenney’s y/n characters were Ryan and Chad. 

For those who aren’t into the arts, or find them too difficult after a singular attempt thinking they could write a world class novel on the first go, let me be the first to tell you every author has a y/n character. First, for those who don’t know what y/n stands for, it’s a popular fanfiction trope where a writer will write a story about a character dating, being friends, and so on, with the reader. The y/n stands for “your name” so anyone can be the main character in this story at any time. For a writer of mainstream fictional work, such as High School Musical, Game Of Thrones, Lord Of The Rings, Pride and Prejudice, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, even most comics. Now, most writers or directors aren’t going to be as obvious as having a character not named (or named y/n) or even named Jane (looking at you Jane Austin), the y/n character of many mainstream authors/directors/comic artists and so on is usually the character they feel or have given the most attributes similar to themselves. 

It’s the same reason people have favourite characters. You see a fictional character and you either 1. Want to Bob the Builder them, 2. Some sort of weird sex thing, or 3. See more/the most of yourself in this character. Number three - thankfully - is usually the main reason. Some people just create their own favourite characters. An even easier way to think about this, is just projection baby, that’s psych 101.   

Before I went off on a small tangent of fictional works and how human emotion plays into creating them (except anything Disney has made in the past decade, and no you can’t change my mind on that) I mentioned that Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s y/n characters. As a queer person myself, it’s clear for me to see the different struggles each of these characters face and how these reflect the queer experience. 

So, let’s finally get into it. 

Ryan, without it being explicitly said is clearly a character of what people in the early 2000s think a gay man is. He is effeminate, wearing bright coloured outfits with lots of accessories - namely his signature hats - he is also in the theater department doing musicals, and passive/subservient to any of his twin sisters' wills. Yes, now we know gay men aren’t just feminized men, but in the early 2000’s a gay man who can do "masculine" things like change their car oil, like sports, and so on, break the "effeminate" stereotype thus confused many cishet people. Sharpay is painted as more confident - or, for sake of comparability - masculine to her twin in the first movie, and most of the second movie. Making Ryan a bit of her dog who would do anything to get by - painting Ryan as lesser than human, once more, playing into the homophobia of the early 2000's.     

Despite the clear stereotypes playing into his character, Ryan is consistently one of the most confident characters in the movie. The other, being his sister of course. This confidence in himself is what gravitates the other characters towards him, either by being intimidated (Troy, thinking Ryan and Gabriella were a thing), or admiration (Chad, by the end of “I don’t dance”). 

Chad, on the other hand, is a whole different ball game. While he is confident in the first movie, and the first portion of the second movie, he begins to break more and more when Ryan becomes a more integral part of the Wildcat group. To keep in mind, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste for Troy’s artistic past-time. When the other Wildcats join Ryan and begin learning how to dance for the talent show at the end of the movie, Chad is also the most vocal about his distaste. The baseball game where “I don’t dance” takes place, is the climax of Chad’s arc and his turn towards acceptance to Ryan/Troy’s hobbies. 

Of course, there is more to the “I don’t dance” sequence than just Chad’s realization - the exact one Troy comes to terms with in the second movie as well - of “oh my god I don’t have to be gay to enjoy stereotypical ‘feminine’ things.” That is the main part of the song though, that and all the sexual tension. 

Going back to what I’ve stated previously, Chad and Ryan are Kenney’s projection or y/n characters. Let me do a small recap before we get into the nitty gritty of the famous “I don’t dance” video. 

Thinking back to the first few paragraphs, I stated that Kenney wasn’t publicly out till 2014, about 7 years after the second movie came out. This could be due to the fact that a) it’s the early 2000’s and everyones still very homophobic, or b) self-doubt that comes with the queer experience. The most likely reason is a mixture of both of these. Because of this, Ryan is the more self-assured version, or idealized version of Kenney that he wants to be. Ryan is confident, never being swayed about his lifestyle (could be read as: sexuality) even though Chad - and most of the wildcats in the first movie - put him through relentless “teasing” and humiliation. He’s confident, almost to a fault, he’s sure of himself, and yet still reaches out a hand to Chad and the other wildcats to show them that they’re just being, kinda dick-ish. 

Every queer person wants to be Ryan. Despite his heavily stereotyped characterization, I personally believe he is one of the stronger written characters in the movies, mainly due to Kenney putting the time in to really make Ryan feel like a real person, to give himself some sort of relief of his own anxieties, a chance to see the world through a person who truly has no fear. Unlike Kenney himself. 

This is where Chad comes in. 

Chad is seen as “confident” in the first movie, the second Troy “leaves” basketball though, all that confidence comes crashing down. His best friend has another hobby - one he thinks is “not right” (it’s okay, you can say gay), - they wont be spending all their time together (first, can you say dependent relationship much, yikes).Chad’s defining characteristic up until their fight that instigate act three of the second movie, is being Troy’s best friend. I’m going to take this as if this were truly the case, and not a decently written character arch. Some people base themselves around their friends and their whole identity on being a friend, that they lose sight of themselves, this mainly in high school of course, when your whole world is really nothing but school, and friends. Newly developed independence is there, but that’s scary, so instead of worrying about the future, cling to something that’s reliable. I’ve seen this happen, mainly at the end of high school, when the “real world” is coming a bit too close for comfort. This could generally be the case if a person is lonely, but for timeline sake I’m going to say Chad has got some anxiety about graduating (considering the second movie takes place the summer of junior year). 

His lashing out at Troy’s hobbies and at Troy’s neglectful friendship, make more sense with that background, and are seen more in the second movie where Troy begins spending all his spare time with Sharpay (trying to collect that BAG!). Chad - and others (read: father) - insists that music is not a feasible career option, and Troy should just stick with basketball (like...that is a feasible career option). The tension Chad creates in the studio only grows when the other wildcats decide to take up Ryan’s offer for dance lessons and move from the kitchen, to helping out with the talent show. (Next essay idea: how high school musical two was really about class all along, cause Jesus). 

 Chad is the less obvious option for a y/n character. Though again, the 2000’s were not as cool people like to pretend they are. Chad - for Kenney - represents what he actually feels, this fear of being rejected for how he is and how he chooses to live his life/lifestyle, so he sticks to something reliable. Ryan is new, and exciting, and confident in a way that Kenney/Chad wish they could be, but in order for that to happen they need to understand that maybe people are complex creatures, and can enjoy multiple hobbies (aka: the same lesson Troy is teaching the viewers, but far less boring). But, for Kenney/Chad facing that thought and that realization is scary, and thus, they lash out at anyone (read this paragraph as: Chad mad jealous of Ryan cause Ryan bomb as fuck). 

All this build up, finally comes ahead in the employee baseball match 

                                                       ******

The baseball game is probably the most memorable scene in the whole High School Musical franchise (minus Sharpay’s “Fabulous” solo, but that’s also from the same movie, and it’s kinda rude to give what’s already the best more points); the tension in the scene, and what it implies makes it the best written segment of all three movies, let alone the most entertaining. 

Some things to keep in mind from our background information: Chad is missing his bestie and struggling with what being “masculine” really means for him and others. Ryan of course makes this confusing, because the traditional method is being thrown out the window. In short, Chad has internalized homophobia, and Ryan being open - or as open as Disney would let him - is causing all sorts of problems. 

Despite the song, “I don’t dance” being logged into our collective skulls for all eternity (you’re probably humming it right now, sorry about that), the very brief interaction of Ryan and Chad before the game is lost on the public consciousness. The two are clearly comfortable with each other, though the distaste seems to be on Chad’s side more than Ryans. So, the two start playfully jabbing at each other before deciding to do a bat toss to see who will be in the outfield first. 

Before they begin the bat toss, Ryan says “You don’t think dancing takes some game?” Chad then very clearly checks him out, doing a simple but effective ‘drag-your-eyes-over-them-top-to-bottom-then-smile’ and says “you got game?” (Seen in gif below) 

I don’t know how much you know about sex metaphors and how many of those baseball has in it (seriously though, it’s a lot), but with the bat toss, Ryan’s hand ended up on top, and Chad’s under Ryan’s. Let’s ignore this for now, it’ll be implied again later. Ryan’s team starts out in the outfield because he won the bat toss, and hence, the song officially starts. 

The first lyrics (ignoring the chores of “hey batter batter, hey batter batter, swing”) is 

I'll show you that it's one and the same

Baseball, dancing, same game

It's easy

Step up to the place, start swingin  

This part is sung by Ryan, who is taunting Chad out in the outfield. Before the game, as stated, Chad was taunting Ryan about his lack of “game” (both sexual and not sexual metaphor are implied), and now, Ryan has turned those tables around. Baseball - is seen as more masculine than dancing, not as masculine as football or basketball, but it’s up there. Chad is someone who cares about his masculinity, enough to the point that Ryan playing baseball makes him loose his mind. Makes him question his own personal definition of masculinity, if you will. 

Ryan says, “baseball, dancing, same game,” impyling that, to him, baseball and dancing are one and the same. That is baffling to Chad, cause well, how can something meant for girls even be close to something meant for boys. 

Chad comes back with: 

 I wanna play ball now, and that's all

This is what I do

It ain't no dance that you can show me, yeah

This only proves my previous point. 

I had a conversation with myself about this, and I’ve decided not to include it in this essay, but a second essay may or may not be possible. Basically the premise - the dancing/”musical” moments of High School Musical are conjured up images by those meant to see them (ie: like a visual hallucination, but, not really) but this scene kinda poo-poos that idea. 

Now, the thing I am talking about is Ryan and Chad’s  peacocking at each other during the time they sing these lyrics. The movements they’re making could be mistaken for dancing - as we automatically assume it is because of the title and themes of the movie - or it could be them just getting ready for the baseball game. Ryan swings his leg over the pitcher's mound, tossing the ball up and down into his glove, making wavy hand gestures, etc. Chad brushes off his gloves, swings his legs, hits the bat on each foot, and so on. 

For the peacocking, Chad makes a mock of the ballerina foot stance before strutting over to the home plate. Ryan laughs at this, which earns quite the smirk from Chad himself (see gif below). 

This is when it becomes a conversation.   

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch

Come on - Ch

When Chad says “Come on” it’s when Ryan throws the baseball at him, starting the game, and giving Chad’s team their first strike of the game (get it, it’s funny). Now, obviously we need to talk about the “there’s just one little thing that stops me every time.” As a queer person, I assure you, two of the things that kept me from living my Best Life were 1) my own ignorance of what asexuality was and 2) the fear that everyone I love would hate me for who I am, and what I have no control over. 

Sorry to get deep like that on main, but, can any other queer person say different? Obviously, your first point may differ, but my point still stands. In the video/scene there is a very short moment (to which I have condensed into a gif for you all, you’re welcome, and I’m sorry about the quality in advance), of the camera moving over to Chad’s team (or his friends in this case since it’s an employee baseball game) as he says this line (gif below). 

I will not be explaining the use of subtly in this essay, but I’m sure you get the metaphor Kenney is trying to use. If not, let me spell it out for you in very simple words. This song has a lot of sexual innuendos (as mentioned pervious with the baseball bat scene and still, more to come), with that in mind, and clearly queer themes at play (as mentioned before, again), this scene only shows Chad isn’t as straight as he leads on. His fear/phobia of Ryan/the arts come from a much deeper place. 

In shorter, and much simpler terms: Chad queer. 

But, let’s get back to the boy's conversation. 

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R 

Not a chance, no - Ch 

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R 

Translation: “If I can do this weird, sweaty, dirty, Male thing without blowing a fuse, you can and should be able to dance just fine.” 

But I don't dance - Ch 

Hit it out of the park - Both 

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both

I don't dance, no - Ch  (This is just the chores, you’ll see it multiple times throughout the essay, I just figured if the song is going to be in your head, go all the way right). 

Two-steppin, now you're up to bat - R

Bases loaded, do your dance - R 

Here we are with the baseball metaphors you’ve all been waiting for ladies and gentlemen. Girls, gays, and non-binary pals. For those who have somehow managed a sheltered existence with access to the internet, lemme help you. Ryan is talking about “loaded bases” both in the context of the game (where it shows each base has one person from Chad’s team on them) and in the term of sex. While you go out there dating - while it’s mostly douche bags and people using it ironically - your nosey friends may ask you how far you got. 

“First, second, or third base?” They may ask. Or something like, “oh wow, did you get to home plate/base?” These are simply the rankings of the stages of a sexual relationship. First - kissing, sometimes just handholding, Second - making out, some light groping, Third - full on groping, no clothes come off, but it gets close. While each person has different boundaries, these are the general accepted definitions for the bases. 

Home base is obviously full blown sexual intercourse. Since Chad has his “bases loaded” it means he’s done all these things before, just never gone completely to sexual intercourse with someone - in the terms of the song and the history we’ve already established, it’s most likely a male character. This is only proven by Chad’s uncomfortable nature towards Ryan (internalized Homophobia, thank you, returning theme) but his easy, and cocky personality towards everyone else. “bUt thAt DoEsnT pRovE” hush, that’s the final cherry on top. Remember this conversation. 

It's easy - R  

Again. Previous points have been made.  

Take your best shot, just hit it - Ch 

I've got what it takes, playin my game - Ch

So you better spin that pitch - Ch 

You're gonna throw me, yeah - Ch 

I'll show you how I swing - Ch

Ah, the famous “I’ll show you how i swing” a very strong baseball metaphor for everyone. Keeps queer people from defining themselves to dangerous (straight) people, and, well, that’s it actually. This term is mostly used by bi/pan people, though if you want to stay in the closet or are in a dangerous place, it is also used to subtly tell other queer people you are in fact, not straight. My favourite is when this term came into play when President Buchanan got elected in 1856 (for those that don’t know, he’s the first and only gay president). 

You'll never know - R

Oh I know - Ch

If you never try - R 

There's just one little thing - Ch

That stops me every time, yeah - Ch 

This is again, the same lyric as before it doesn’t pan, and the tone is much different. The camera stays on Chad as he says this line, meaning he’s reflecting, he is now his own problem, the person that is keeping him back. His friends are not on his mind anymore, which is good, Ryan’s Gay Propaganda has been working. 

Come on - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

I know you can - R

Not a chance, no, no - Ch

If I could do this, well, you could do that - R

But I don't dance - Ch

Hit it out of the park - R

I don't dance - Ch

I say you can - R

There's not a chance, oh no - Ch

Slide home, you score, swingin on the dance floor - Both 

I don't dance, no - Ch

Lean back, tuck it in, take a chance - R

Swing it out, spin around, do the dance - R

I wanna play ball, not dance hall - Ch

I'm makin a triple, not a curtain cal - Chl

I can prove it to you til you know it's true - R

'Cause I can swing it, I can bring it to the diamond too - R

You're talkin a lot, show me what you got - Ch

Again, like the beginning of this song, this is a heavy base for flirting and sexual tension, which this song is drowning in. 

Stop swinging - both

Hey - both

This is the part where they all start a flash mob in the middle of the baseball diamond. Again, alluding to the conversation I had to myself earlier, this only proves my own theory as no one takes notice of this. But, that’s not this essay, this is where I mention how close Chad and Ryan are at the end of the group dance.  

Come on, swing it like this - both

Oh, swing - both

Jitterbug, just like that - both

That's what I mean, that's how you swing - both

You make a good pitch but I don't believe - both 

Here is yet another (and the final) sexual innuendo. This is actually a rather quick one. Pitching in queer culture is considered the person who tops (because queer people even had to straight-ify their sex lives to “top” and “bottom”), this is the person who is giving, if you know what I’m saying. 

I say you can - R

I know I can't - Ch

I don't dance - Ch

You can do it - R

I don't dance, no - Ch 

 Here is where that mosh pit ends, and how they get a little too close to comfort. 

Nothing to it, atta boy, atta boy, yeah - both

The rest of this song is simply a mash-up of the baseball game being finished, and this lovely gem. 

Now, clearly, Chad’s self conscious nature towards his sexuality is gone, he’s sitting close - if not squishing - Ryan, and talking to him like they’ve been friends forever. Take note of the change of close, most likely due to all the tension at the end of the song, and maybe a little of Chad’s own natural human curiosity built in. Now, I leave you with this note: 

If there is anything that confirms all this more, its Chad’s girlfriend wearing the pride colours. 

Also note: this could also be seen as a friend helping his bro discover his sexuality and fighting internalized homophobia, but, that’s ignoring the sexual tension, so go off I guess. 

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.  

Watch the full thing here

[sunshine-and-raincloud]

Some thoughts about my favorite piece of fiction that I needed to put into words

Experimentation is finished and it makes me feel things. So many things, in fact, that my brain has trouble computing it. If there was a dictionary stored in my mind’s library, filled with my own definitions for every object, concept, or being I’ve encountered in my life, the entry to Experimentation would be a long string of keysmashes and random emojis.

There are words inside Beca. She's confident enough in her vocabulary to say that there are a decent amount of them, though she can't always remember which one is the right one to use and when or how. They're all there though, she has access to them.

Usually

Alas, I need to make at least some sense of it – for myself, to process the fact that the story that has been a constant for me for years is now finished. Naturally, finished does not mean gone, and I’m sure I will be re-reading this wonderful piece of fiction many, many times, but there is certain grief to be processed nonetheless.

I’ve never been one to have hyperfixations. Growing up, I never had strong favorites of anything, be it books, tv shows, songs, etc. I enjoyed things, I got excited over them, but nothing could ever capture my interest and hold it for a long time.

Startled, Beca blinks as she untangles herself from the redhead and looks around. Sure enough, there are other people besides Chloe present – Cynthia Rose, Stacie and Lilly, to be exact – and she tries to withhold her embarrassment in favour of pretending she'd know that all along. That she hadn't been blinded by Chloe.

This changed when I accidentally discovered bechloe. The Pitch Perfect franchise is not especially popular in my country and I, similarly to Beca Mitchell, am not very fond of movies, so I was not aware of the existence of the said movies until I watched a Rose&Rosie video in which they mentioned it in passing. It sounded like something I could enjoy, so I decided to check it out and the rest is history; I fell into the bechloe hole. I was 19 at that time—technically an adult, about to start uni, and there I was, developing my first (and so far only) obsession, as well as joining my first fandom. I’d read some fanfiction before that, for a few other fandoms, but I’d never shipped two characters as intensely as I do Beca and Chloe.

So naturally, as soon as I finished watching the movies (there were two, at that time), I went looking for fanfiction. I read through the completed ones first—not all of them, obviously (even back then there were...a lot of fics), but I’d say the majority of multichapters—so it took quite a while before I even considered starting any of the unfinished ones.

“Awesome.” She mutters, clicking down furiously on the mouse pad in the hopes that doing so will magically make her laptop thaw its way back from freezing glitchiness. Maybe her dad would buy her a new one if she told him she needed it for school.

“If this is some new way you have of announcing my presence to the room,” red hair and a sly smile greet her as she looks up and finds Chloe lingering at the top of the staircase, “I like it.”

I don’t know when exactly I first started reading Experimentation, but it must have been either 2017 or early 2018 at the latest. I’ve been eyeing the story for a while, as it was on the first page on ff.net (the only fic site I knew at that time—shameful, I know) when filtered by favorites, so I expected it to be good. Having finished the first chapter, I could already tell that it was not, in fact, good.

(On the off chance that anyone is actually reading my stream of consciousness, I shall explain myself before I get hate anons. See, to say that Experimentation is a good story is like saying that Aretha Franklin was a good singer. Ridiculous understatement is what it is.)

"I could carry around like a little white flag and wave it around at the appropriate time?" Chloe bursts out laughing at the image, at the way Beca has made a fist with her hand and is flicking an imaginary flag back and forth, at the stupid too-wide smile she's plastered onto her face. She laughs because she believes, without a shadow of a doubt, that Beca would do that if Chloe asked her to.

I was absolutely enchanted, hooked from the very first paragraphs. Every aspect of this fic was beyond perfect; the language, the pacing, the characterization, the romantic tension with no unnecessary drama. I’ve devoured all the chapters there were at that time, as stopping was impossible once I started. Once I got to the last one, I wondered briefly whether I should have waited until the story was finished.

I am so incredibly thankful to my past self that I did not.

Waiting for updates for months was hard, sure. But it made me appreciate every single chapter all the more. It allowed me to savor every sentence, enjoy every tender moment between the girls. And the joy I felt whenever I would get an email notifying me that Experimentation was updated? Unparalleled. I still have a folder in my mailbox created specifically to house these notifications.

“Thank you,” Chloe’s words of appreciation swing Beca’s gaze back up to her face and she finds the redhead looking at her with such a sense of solemn gratitude that it upends any potential response. Thankfully, Chloe continues. “For everything. Not just,” she gestures between them, “this but….” Chloe trails off, running the fingers of one hand through her hair as she tries to collect herself. “For joining the Bellas. For coming back even though Aubrey was awful to you. For making us important to you.”

You are important to me , Beca wants to say. The most important.

I can’t even imagine reading Experimentation for the first time in one go. A few weeks, months maybe, if one’s busy, and that’s it? That is not nearly long enough to be able to fully appreciate this masterpiece. I started reading it a few years after its first update, but still, Experimentation was with me for long years. It was there, sitting in a tab on my phone when I started university. It was there, five years later, when I graduated and then defended my MA thesis. It was there when I moved out of my parents’ house, moved to a new city, found my first job. And it was there, on the first day of 2022, when I read the last chapter.

During this last chapter I cried three times—one was at the author’s note. What an incredible journey it has been. Now that there’s only an epilogue left, I am sad that it’s over because it’s been such an important part of my life. But mostly I am just filled with love for Experimentation. Just because it is completed, doesn’t mean it is gone or forgotten. I know it will always be special to me, a source of comfort whenever I need it.

“You’re a ten,” Chloe says again and now Beca can hear the warble in her voice. Can feel it like something tangible as it reaches inside her chest and squeezes. Catches her breath in its hand and holds it. “You’re an A-plus.” It’s only when Chloe lifts her hands to wipe at the underside of her eyes that Beca realises she’s crying, sees the shimmer of tears on her fingers as she crosses her arms over her chest. “I love you so much.” Her voice catches, stumbles over a sob in the middle of her declaration, but she powers on through. Doesn’t hold back. “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”

@redlance, you absolute queen, what could I possibly say to you? You took a piece of your heart, shaped it into this beautiful story, and shared it with hundreds of strangers who now hold it in their own hearts. If there are any words appropriate for that, I do not know them. So let me simply say thank you and I love you <3

[citrina-posts]

Avatar: Cultural Appreciation or Appropriation?

I love Avatar: the Last Airbender. Obviously I do, because I run a fan blog on it. But make no mistake: it is a show built upon cultural appropriation. And you know what? For the longest time, as an Asian-American kid, I never saw it that way.

There are plenty of reasons why I never realized this as a kid, but I’ve narrowed it down to a few reasons. One is that I was desperate to watch a show with characters that looked like me in it that wasn’t anime (nothing wrong with anime, it’s just not my thing). Another is that I am East Asian (I have Taiwanese and Korean ancestry) and in general, despite being the outward “bad guys”, the East Asian cultural aspects of Avatar are respected far more than South Asian, Middle Eastern, and other influences. A third is that it’s easy to dismiss the negative parts of a show you really like, so I kind of ignored the issue for a while. I’m going to explain my own perspective on these reasons, and why I think we need to have a nuanced discussion about it. This is pretty long, so if you want to keep reading, it’s under the cut.

Obviously, the leadership behind ATLA was mostly white. We all know the co-creators Bryan Konietzko and Michael Dante DiMartino (colloquially known as Bryke) are white. So were most of the other episodic directors and writers, like Aaron Ehasz, Lauren Montgomery, and Joaquim Dos Santos. This does not mean they were unable to treat Asian cultures with respect, and I honestly do believe that they tried their best! But it does mean they have certain blinders, certain perceptions of what is interesting and enjoyable to watch. Avatar was applauded in its time for being based mostly on Asian and Native American cultures, but one has to wonder: how much of that choice was based on actual respect for these people, and how much was based on what they considered to be “interesting”, “quirky”, or “exotic”?

The aesthetic of the show, with its bending styles based on various martial arts forms, written language all in Chinese text, and characters all decked out in the latest Han dynasty fashions, is obviously directly derivative of Asian cultures. Fine. That’s great! They hired real martial artists to copy the bending styles accurately, had an actual Chinese calligrapher do all the lettering, and clearly did their research on what clothing, hair, and makeup looked like. The animation studios were in South Korea, so Korean animators were the ones who did the work. Overall, this is looking more like appreciation for a beautiful culture, and that’s exactly what we want in a rapidly diversifying world of media.

But there’s always going to be some cherry-picking, because it’s inevitable. What’s easy to animate, what appeals to modern American audiences, and what is practical for the world all come to mind as reasons. It’s just that… they kinda lump cultures together weirdly. Song from Book 2 (that girl whose ostrich-horse Zuko steals) wears a hanbok, a traditionally Korean outfit. It’s immediately recognizable as a hanbok, and these dresses are exclusive to Korea. Are we meant to assume that this little corner of the mostly Chinese Earth Kingdom is Korea? Because otherwise, it’s just treated as another little corner of the Earth Kingdom. Korea isn’t part of China. It’s its own country with its own culture, history, and language. Other aspects of Korean culture are ignored, possibly because there wasn’t time for it, but also probably because the creators thought the hanbok was cute and therefore they could just stick it in somewhere. But this is a pretty minor issue in the grand scheme of things (super minor, compared to some other things which I will discuss later on).

It’s not the lack of research that’s the issue. It’s not even the lack of consideration. But any Asian-American can tell you: it’s all too easy for the Asian kids to get lumped together, to become pan-Asian. To become the equivalent of the Earth Kingdom, a mass of Asians without specific borders or national identities. It’s just sort of uncomfortable for someone with that experience to watch a show that does that and then gets praised for being so sensitive about it. I don’t want you to think I’m from China or Vietnam or Japan; not because there’s anything wrong with them, but because I’m not! How would a French person like to be called British? It would really piss them off. Yet this happens all the time to Asian-Americans and we are expected to go along with it. And… we kind of do, because we’ve been taught to.

1. Growing Up Asian-American

I grew up in the early to mid-2000s, the era of High School Musical and Hannah Montana and iCarly, the era of Spongebob and The Amazing World of Gumball and Fairly Odd Parents. So I didn’t really see a ton of Asian characters onscreen in popular shows (not anime) that I could talk about with my white friends at school. One exception I recall was London from Suite Life, who was hardly a role model and was mostly played up for laughs more than actual nuance. Shows for adults weren’t exactly up to par back then either, with characters like the painfully stereotypical Raj from Big Bang Theory being one of the era that comes to mind.

So I was so grateful, so happy, to see characters that looked like me in Avatar when I first watched it. Look! I could dress up as Azula for Halloween and not Mulan for the third time! Nice! I didn’t question it. These were Asian characters who actually looked Asian and did cool stuff like shoot fireballs and throw knives and were allowed to have depth and character development. This was the first reason why I never questioned this cultural appropriation. I was simply happy to get any representation at all. This is not the same for others, though.

2. My Own Biases

Obviously, one can only truly speak for what they experience in their own life. I am East Asian and that is arguably the only culture that is treated with great depth in Avatar.

I don’t speak for South Asians, but I’ve certainly seen many people criticize Guru Pathik, the only character who is explicitly South Asian (and rightly so. He’s a stereotype played up for laughs and the whole thing with chakras is in my opinion one of the biggest plotholes in the show). They’ve also discussed how Avatar: The Last Airbender lifts heavily from Hinduism (with chakras, the word Avatar itself, and the Eye of Shiva used by Combustion Man to blow things up). Others have expressed how they feel the sandbenders, who are portrayed as immoral thieves who deviously kidnap Appa for money, are a direct insult to Middle Eastern and North African cultures. People have noted that it makes no sense that a culture based on Inuit and other Native groups like the Water Tribe would become industrialized as they did in the North & South comics, since these are people that historically (and in modern day!) opposed extreme industrialization. The Air Nomads, based on the Tibetan people, are weirdly homogeneous in their Buddhist-inspired orange robes and hyperspiritual lifestyle. So too have Southeast Asians commented on the Foggy Swamp characters, whose lifestyles are made fun of as being dirty and somehow inferior. The list goes on.

These things, unlike the elaborate and highly researched elements of East Asian culture, were not treated with respect and are therefore cultural appropriation. As a kid, I had the privilege of not noticing these things. Now I do.

White privilege is real, but every person has privileges of some kind, and in this case, I was in the wrong for not realizing that. Yes, I was a kid; but it took a long time for me to see that not everyone’s culture was respected the way mine was. They weren’t considered *aesthetic* enough, and therefore weren’t worth researching and accurately portraying to the creators. It’s easy for a lot of East Asians to argue, “No! I’ve experienced racism! I’m not privileged!” News flash: I’ve experienced racism too. But I’ve also experienced privilege. If white people can take their privilege for granted, so too can other races. Shocking, I know. And I know now how my privilege blinded me to the fact that not everybody felt the same euphoria I did seeing characters that looked like them onscreen. Not if they were a narrow and offensive portrayal of their race. There are enough good-guy Asian characters that Fire Lord Ozai is allowed to be evil; but can you imagine if he was the only one?

3. What It Does Right

This is sounding really down on Avatar, which I don’t want to do. It’s a great show with a lot of fantastic themes that don’t show up a lot in kids’ media. It isn’t superficial or sugarcoating in its portrayal of the impacts of war, imperialism, colonialism, disability, and sexism, just to name a few. There are characters like Katara, a brown girl allowed to get angry but is not defined by it. There are characters like Aang, who is the complete opposite of toxic masculinity. There are characters like Toph, who is widely known as a great example of how to write a disabled character.

But all of these good things sort of masked the issues with the show. It’s easy to sweep an issue under the rug when there’s so many great things to stack on top and keep it down. Alternatively, one little problem in a show seems to make-or-break media for some people. Cancel culture is the most obvious example of this gone too far. Celebrity says one ignorant thing? Boom, cancelled. But… kind of not really, and also, they’re now terrified of saying anything at all because their apologies are mocked and their future decisions are scrutinized. It encourages a closed system of creators writing only what they know for fear of straying too far out of their lane. Avatar does do a lot of great things, and I think it would be silly and immature to say that its cultural appropriation invalidates all of these things. At the same time, this issue is an issue that should be addressed. Criticizing one part of the show doesn’t mean that the other parts of it aren’t good, or that you shouldn’t be a fan.

If Avatar’s cultural appropriation does make you uncomfortable enough to stop watching, go for it. Stop watching. No single show appeals to every single person. At the same time, if you’re a massive fan, take a sec (honestly, if you’ve made it this far, you’ve taken many secs) to check your own privilege, and think about how the blurred line between cultural appreciation (of East Asia) and appropriation (basically everybody else) formed. Is it because we as viewers were also captivated by the aesthetic and overall story, and so forgive the more problematic aspects? Is it because we’ve been conditioned so fully into never expecting rep that when we get it, we cling to it?

I’m no media critic or expert on race, cultural appropriation, or anything of the sort. I’m just an Asian-American teenager who hopes that her own opinion can be put out there into the world, and maybe resonate with someone else. I hope that it’s given you new insight into why Avatar: The Last Airbender is a show with both cultural appropriation and appreciation, and why these things coexist. Thank you for reading!

[heyitsmerose]

Ateez reaction to a fan with Smudged Lipstick (Maknae Line)

Okay, I decided to write an imagine that didn’t include y/n and the members being in a relationship, because that too unrealistic, but then again this isn’t any more realistic so I don’t really know. Okay also, I think I may be starting to run out of ideas, please send in your requests I’ll make sure to do all that I can! :)

Word Count: 2k

Genre: Fluff, Whump

Mature Language*

San: 

You couldn’t beleive your luck. You had been selected for one of the ‘82′ challenges that Ateez were featuring on, and as a lucky guest, they had to do your makeup. (Inspired by this video) You were living every atiny’s dream right now. You got to personally interact with Ateez, and they would be doing your makeup. To be honest, before applying to get this opportunity, you didn’t really know what it was going to be, after you found out they were doing your make up though, you started getting a little nervous. They would have to see your bare face and you were quite insecure. Although your skin was really clear, you had freckles and covered them up when you could so it would be hard for you to show the world your bare face. 

You were sitting and waiting in the studio for the first member and Hongjoong walked in. You tried your best to keep your composure only to fail miserably. Hongjoong looked at you directly, and you immediately felt shy covering your face. He noticed and removed your hands assuring you that you had no reason to feel shy. He was the first one, so he had to put foundation, this was the scariest part. He was going to have to stare at your face for very long. You got nervous and insecure and he seemed to notice how you covered your face whenever you got the opportunity. He asked you and you said you were insecure about your freckles, but he just gasped telling you not to worry as your bare face was pretty. Once he was done, he went back to the other room, he made sure to tell the rest of the members about your insecurity, so they could try to cheer you up. You definitely noticed the extra jokes they cracked and the compliments they gave you. 

Finally it was San’s turn and he was to apply lipstick. He picked a soft pink colour and you nodded at his choice. He then came very close to your face and began applying lipstick. He held your chin with his index finger and thumb as he slowly started applying it. He made the mistake of looking up into your eyes though, because as soon as he did, you both burst into laughter. This caused, his hand to shake and go off to the side, messing up your foundation. You heard the members yell from the other room, as you had only a certain amount of touches. He decided to fix it, by using his thumb, as technically that wouldn’t be counted as a touch, and he could adjust it as much as he wanted. He held your chin firmly, and licked his thumb, wiping the excess lipstick off the side of your mouth, you could feel his spit, and you turned bright red. You heard a bunch of loud hollers and ‘OHHH’s from the other room, presumably from the other members. San just giggled and continued fixing it. After a while, he was done, and the rest of them came in to see the final look. You however, couldn’t stop thinking about what San did, and your hand unintentionally flew up to your face to the place San wiped your lipstick. The other members noticed and teased you for getting so flustered, while San just rolled his eyes. It was safe to say that you’d remember this experience for the rest of your life. 

Mingi:

You were going to see Ateez, and had planned your outfit for months. To your surprise, you were able to get a limited ticket to one of their fan meets. You were excited and wanted everything to go perfectly. Except Of course, Something had to go wrong. They recently had a comeback and had a title track similar to ‘wave’, with the concept being similar to ‘One to All’, a bright summer concept. You decided to dress up similarly with a bright orange outfit and matching coral lipstick. You actually were one of the first people to get the tickets and so you arrived early, when not too many people were there. It was just you and maybe another 30-40 people. Finally it was your turn. Mingi was actually the second person in line and once you reached him your eyes lit up. Your bias was sitting right in front of you and you were starting to feel the emotions. Mingi held your hands and happily swayed them from side to side to match one of the songs playing. You just giggled. You were just talking calmly until one of the staff interrupted you. She informed you that you had just another 3-4 minutes left with Mingi. This was one of the advantages of being first, you got more time, but still 3-4 minutes would go by so fast and you were disappointed. You pouted, your top lip making contact with your nose. Mingi noticed and licked his thumb. He grabbed your face with his other hand and just openly wiped the bottom of your nose with his thumb. Your eyes widened and a blush crept on your face. Mingi didn’t see anything wrong in it and was unfazed, you on the other hand, were burning from embarrassment. You feared that something was on your face so you croaked out softly....

“What’s wrong? Is there something on my face?” You whispered feeling embarrassed.

“No, no, no don’t worry, its just when you scrunched your face like this... Your lipstick got on your nose, it’s fine now though” He said, while scrunching his nose, showing you what you did. You just nodded trying to calm yourself down. How was he so unfazed by that? He just grabbed your face and wiped your face. After your time was up and you had to move on to the next member, the only thing on your mind though, was Mingi.

Wooyoung:

Ateez was doing a challenge in which they had to serve drinks at a cafe. They weren’t too popular at the moment, so they didn’t need to worry about security as they knew many people wouldn’t recognise them. Additionally, atinys were one of the most respectful fandoms in general, so they didn’t have to worry too much about that either. You were going to your usual cafe, only to realise that it was packed directors, camera men, etc. You thought that there was some movie shooting going on inside, so you decided to take a seat outside and wait a bit before placing your order. For a few minutes you were scrolling through your phone until you heard a voice approach you.

“Hello, miss! What can I get you today?” You furrowed your eyebrows, as the cafe didn’t have any waiters and was self service so you looked up, only to be greeted by your biggest celebrity crush. You gasped audibly, and your eyes widened. You moved a little farther from him, not wanting to invade his personal space. The second you gasped however, the biggest smile erupted on his face as he realised you were a fan. He then began to speak casually to you.

“Hi, beautiful, what’s your name?” He said flirtatiously, you knew it was apart of his idol tendencies to please his fans and everything, but you couldn’t help your heart fluttering. You bowed deeply, and he ushered you to pull down your mask so he could see your face. You were a bit insecure, so you slowly pulled down your mask. As soon as you did however, Wooyoung stepped in front of the cameras blocking you from them. You raised an eyebrow, but he just held a hand in front of your mouth, covering it, signing that your mask had smudged your lipstick. You nodded and thanked him turning away from him and fixing it quickly. You turned back around and he smiled moving away from the camera so you were in view too. 

“I’m Y/n and I’ll have my regular please” He raised his eyebrows and you corrected yourself.

“S-Sorry, I mean I’ll have a caramel macchiato” You said embarrassed he just chuckled and went back inside. The cameras followed him and you got a minute to chill. 

Reality was finally setting in, you just met THE Jung Wooyoung. 

Jongho:

Ateez was on the last leg of their world tour and were flying to your country. In fact, you were actually with your friend in Paris at the time, and had just watched their concert in Paris too. You didn’t know they were coming to your country, as it seemed that the last tour stop was surprise. If you would have known they were coming to your country, you would have never flown all the way to Paris. Either way, anything for Ateez. You were on your flight back to your country and got you and your friend business seats. The problem was that you had separate seats, on opposite sides of the plane. You had seat number 2a while she had 3d, how unlucky huh? You discussed trying to switch seats with the others when you got on the plane. You boarded the plane and a few minutes later, around 10 people walked into the plane and took their seats, with two of them attending to the other 8. One of them sat right next to you and you noticed all of them had hats and masks on. You noticed the opportunity as another one of them was sitting next to your friend, maybe they’d want to sit together and agree to switching seat, so you slowly asked.

“Excuse me, is it possible to switch seats by any chance? My friend is right behind us, on the other side, and I noticed one of your friends is there too, do you mind switching with my friend?” You said softly. He looked at you and you noticed those familiar eyes. It was fucking Jongho from Ateez. Your eyes widened but you said nothing, not wanting him to feel uncomfortable. He removed his mask and you saw his face clearly, trying your best not to break character, and remaining nonchalant. He just nodded and looked at your friend. You smiled widely and thanked him sincerely, waving to your friend with a big smile. He looked back at you and smiled and your heart almost exploded. You instantly stopped and blushed bright red. He just took his bag and walked to the other seat. Before leaving though, he looked back at you and motioned at his mouth, your hands flew to your lips and you looked at them noticing your bright red lipstick, you quickly bowed and thanked him, rushing back to your seat to fix your lipstick.

After the flight was over though, he did something surprising, as everyone was leaving the flight, he made sure to stand right behind you and he quickly slipped a piece of paper into your pocket. You acted as if you didn’t notice, but your heart was beating out of your chest. As soon as you entered the airport, you checked your pocket, while your friend was silently fan-girling. You opened the piece or paper only to realised he had slipped his autograph into your pocket. He must have realised you were a fan. Real smooth Jongho, real smooth.

[sylvies-chen]

Okay, so non TV fandom related ask but curious to know your ranking of all of Taylor Swift's albums!

OOF OK THIS IS A HARD ONE but thank you so much for the ask anon! I’ve never had to do this before and it’ll definitely be a challenge, but a fun one! Also keep in mind I do like all her albums so even the last place ones are iconic and dear to my heart. Anyway, let’s do it:

*Taylor’s Version for all albums that apply

Folklore: there is not a single song on here that isn’t an absolute banger, 10/10 it’s perfect for spring and summer but also works all year round, convinced this album can do no wrong ✨

Lover: this album never fails to make me feel every single type of happiness. I do have some nitpicky issues with a few songs— like I didn’t love You Need To Calm Down because as someone who’s bi/queer I can say with certainty that homophobia isn’t just a “haters gonna hate” mentality— but honestly Cruel Summer, Daylight, Paper Rings, Lover, they’re all bops that completely make up for it and give you that epic sort of joy when you listen to them. Instant serotonin boost!

*Fearless: honestly I don’t know if this album would have ranked as high for me had there not been a Taylor’s version just because the added songs gave it such an extra pop. Before we knew Red (Taylor’s Version) was coming, this album being remade and expanded was something completely unprecedented and new. It still would have ranked high in my head regardless, because it has so many songs I consider to be quintessential to the early days country Taylor!

Evermore: BEAUTIFUL ALBUM, gorgeous gorgeous girls love Evermore!! only reason it doesn’t rank higher for me is because it makes me cry too much so I have to be in the mood to get emotional (which, in all fairness, most of the time I am)

*Red: again, probably would have ranked Red a little lower had it not been for Taylor’s Version because the dumb ass internet ruined a few of the songs on the original album for me by doing the most traumatizing parodies ever. But then Red (Taylor’s Version) came and Phoebe Bridgers popped in for a duet and Taylor blessed us whth the LEGEND that is All Too Well (10-minute version), so really idk what I’d do with myself if this album DIDN’T exist.

Speak Now: this one is like peak angsty tortured yet epic love, like Haunted and Enchanted and Dear John and Sparks Fly like CMON, if you ever go numb and need to feel something, put this album on. It’s an emotional awakening!! There are some songs on here that I just find a little forgettable, like Innocent or Long Live, but that doesn’t mean they’re not good! I just wouldn’t have remembered them if I hadn’t been listening to the full album to prepare for this post.

Reputation: I feel like people are going to hate me for putting this one so low on my list but don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the songs!! they’re so fucking good! The only issue I have is that when it was released, it was so clouded by the drama of Taylor v. Kim K sparked by Look What You Made Me Do that the press kept pushing, so I just got annoyed and couldn’t fully enjoy the album until years later.

1989: Again, not to say this isn’t a god album, but my main issue with it was that the songs that I liked the best were the ones that weren’t broadcasted as much or weren’t as popular!! It makes complete sense that Shake It Off was the one that became super popular because structurally it was just the perfect formula for a classic, successful pop song: it was fast, upbeat, a theme about shaking off a “hater” that was generic enough to reach a wide audience, a chorus that was three words and easy to remember. Those are the kinds of songs that do really well on radio stations and in the general public which is why so many people who don’t know Taylor Swift’s music all that well still know that she made that song. It was really smart of her to do that actually, but it was definitely the most typically pop of all her albums. You Are In Love and How You Get The Girl were my two favourites though, absolute gems that make me believe in love <3

Taylor Swift: the songs on this album are good but I’m just not a huge country fan (if you ask me if I like country music I will say yes, absolutely, but it’s not my favourite genre by far) so none of them resonated with me as much and especially seeing where Taylor’s skill is now, this one’s really only at the bottom for me because she’s very new and green and inexperienced in this album and it’s audible.

[goldnkuro]

´ ´ noir’s backstory  ` `

warning: mental abuse, some physical abuse, stalking, paranoia, cussing, crying, panic attack (it isn’t detailed, although i have it written on another note), child neglect

a/n: i think this was the one who took the most of my brainpower, but i guess i’m pretty satisfied with the result. this is pretty lengthy btw, i think the word count reached to 3,7k words.

[ early life ]

kwon soo-young was born on september 16, 1998 in quebec, canada. daughter of the current ceo of a popular conglomerate company, kwon changmin, and of a renowned interior designer and administrator, kwon hannah, and younger sister of kwon young-joo, who is an entrepreneur that many consider to be a genius.

to say that soo-young never had the greatest relationship with her parents is an understatement. the only moment the older kwons ever paid attention to their younger child is when the media is involved or when she did anything that would disappoint them (even if it was a small thing that normal parents would consider to be meaningless), which they would punish and degrade her for it for weeks until they forget completely about her again. it would soon be common in soo-young’s life for her parents to heavily compare her with her older brother and say how she should be exactly like he is, which wouldn’t help her mental health in the future.

many would think that because of the comparison always present in her daily life, she would dislike her brother or even hate him, however, it’s actually the very opposite. even in her very young days, she would consider her brother to be her only light, how could she hate the only one in her family that genuinely cared about and for her. nowadays, while she’s always teasing him, she always reminds him how much he matters to her, more than anyone.

but not everything is a bed of roses, the bad news arrived when soo-young was 10 years old, young-joo was being sent to live with his uncle in south korea by his parents so he can prepare to study in a university his father chose. when the day came, and the siblings had to be separated for an unknown time, she knew that she had to endure hell for the coming years.

and endure it she did but at the cost of her mental health. the verbal abuse she suffered from those who were supposed to care for her just became worse with her brother’s departure, and it took a few months for her father to start abusing her physically, but not enough to cause permanent bruises.

only 2 years later that soo-young started getting a deeper and genuine interest in music after watching a band show that her school was hosting for a celebration she didn’t really care about. the way the band was being passionate even if it was performing for a bunch of kids intrigued soo-young. ever since, she started to get deeper and deeper in music until she found a kpop video, to be more specific, songs from boa, girl’s generation, and super junior. it was basically love at first sight, or first listen. that was the moment that she knew what she really wanted, she wanted to be part of that.

luckily for her, at the age of 14, soo-young's older brother was able to invite her to live with him in south korea, and of course, soo-young jumped at the opportunity to stay away from her parents while being able to get physically close to her newfound dream. in the beginning, soo-young’s parents didn’t allow the idea, but all it took was a little chat with young-joo, until this day, she never knew what her older brother said to their parents, all she knows is that he somehow was able to convince them, and she won’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

[ life in korea ]

now living in incheon, soo-young started working on her korean right away, she took a whole day to memorize at least the basics while her older brother was finding a decent school for her.

the first week at school was rough for soo-young for 2 reasons, 1. she was in a new country that spoke in a language she wasn’t fluent in yet, and 2. she was aware that most of the kids there weren’t that open-minded towards foreigners, even if they looked asian, so it was really hard for her to make friends at first. but there was one kid who approached her without caring for the whispers about her, song mingi, who was 1 year younger than her. he admitted that he was shy to approach her at first, but they “clicked so well together, it was as if they were friends forever!”. mingi was a breath of fresh air for soo-young, even with her broken korean, he was still patient enough and helped her to communicate with him, it didn’t take long for both to become inseparable.

in the same year, mingi one day showed soo-young a leaflet showing that near their school there would be an open concert of a group of people who would perform local songs, with both of them interested in similar fields and soo-young wanting to show mingi – who never went to any show – how exciting it is, they wasted no time to ask their guardians to go watch. after that day, both friends started looking for places to take dance lessons, as mingi was more interested in rap while soo-young was more interested in singing, the two found a happy medium with dancing, and out of countless attempts, both were accepted into one of the joy dance and plug in music academy units in incheon.

in the beginning, soo-young was a goner when it came to dancing, only her vocals (which wasn't even that stable) saved her, and because of that, she used all her free time to practice non-stop, of course, she also rested so she wouldn’t go to her classes completely exhausted. but she would be lying if she said she regretted signing up with mingi.

unfortunately, young-joo was sent by his father to move to seoul, as there was little time until he was able to finally start working, so he thought it best to send the older sibling to live closer to his future job. and being responsible for his younger sister, young-joo had to take soo-young along, which broke the hearts of the two inseparable friends. before moving, soo-young – with her brother's help – bought two farewell gifts for mingi, one of the gifts was one of the most expensive cell phones at the time so they could always stay in touch, and a pair of rings, she told him to wear the sun ring on his pínky that she would do the same with the moon ring, and the two promised that they would be successful in the music industry.

[ the seoul life ]

soo-young's life in seoul was difficult, young-joo started to spend less time in the apartment they shared, so soo-young had to learn to cook to make it easier for the eldest, she had to continue to dedicate herself strongly to her studies so she wouldn’t irritate her father, and because of that, she didn't have time to look for another dance or singing academy, so she had to improvise. in terms of her dancing, she always watched as many videos and went to as many public performances as possible, soo-young always recorded dance covers on her cell phone for her to review later, so she could see the minor and big mistakes and fix them as quickly as possible. in terms of her singing, she would review what her singing teacher at plug in music academy taught her, and from there, soo-young started testing her vocal limits, like how high she can hold a chord without straining her vocal cords, and the lowest notes she could manage without making it sound bad for the ears.

[2013] just before graduating from high school in 2013, soo-young wished to see how far she could go with her own efforts and decided to audition to an entertainment company, wanting to try her luck, she auditioned at one of the big guns, which turned out to be sm entertainment. honestly, she wasn’t supposed to pass the audition since her dance skills weren’t really the best, but soo-young was told that “it would be a shame to lose such a gem just because it’s unpolished, and when we can polish it to the max”, and therefore, soo-young was accepted as the new trainee at the company.

during her time at sm, soo-young has always been dedicated to all her activities as a trainee, while never forgetting to take care of her own health. and apparently, there were some trainers who seemed to favor soo-young among some of the other trainees, rumors said that those trainers had a soft spot for the more passionate trainees, and it is known between the trainees that soo-young was one who had the most passion.

of course, she also made some friends while training to be introduced at “sm rookies”, most notable ones were won soo-jin and lee taeyong, they were the ones who helped soo-young the most and were able to conquer their place in soo-young’s heart.

[2014] finally introduced as one of the “sm rookies”, soo-young started to feel deep in her gut that something wasn’t right. she ignored it, of course, in her mind, if it was truly important then she would’ve remembered. but then the days went by and she started feeling eyes on her, even when she was by herself. she kept it to herself because she didn’t want to burden her friend and her brother, and because she wanted to confirm her suspicions. everything was going right according to her plan until one night she received a few messages from an unknown number, in there was a single “don’t think just because you’re living in another country, they won’t know. they will be always watching you.” and then there were lots of photos of her in her daily life, going to the company with her two friends, enjoying ice cream with her brother at a park, even more private photos like ones where she was cooking, when she was putting makeup after waking up, and even when she invited soo-jin to a sleepover. how this person was able to get such photos when she was living on the 10th floor, she didn’t know, all she knew is that she was right from the very beginning, she had a stalker and a creepy one at that.

that day was when soo-young had her first panic attack, and she unknowingly called her friend from incheon instead of her brother, mingi stayed with soo-young on call until she fell asleep and he hurried to inform young-joo about what happened. and it was like that how soo-young discovered from her brother that their parents hired someone to “always keep them updated about their dearest children”, and that was the official day when soo-young developed an unhealthy paranoia, knowing that every day from now on, there would be someone to report every thing she does to her parents.

[2015] almost 2 years later, soo-young was able to earn herself the internal title of one of the best female trainees in sm, due to her rapid development, wherein the beginning she was an "okay" level and now many considered her to be able to debut in a possible future female group of the company.

however, to the surprise of many, a new group debuted, but soo-young wasn’t included in the line-up. that was okay, soo-young was a bit sad at that but she soon got over it, there were a lot of other female trainees that in her eyes were way better than her, and the girls in red velvet totally deserved debuting. but then yeri was added to the group, and soo-young couldn’t help but let the jealous feeling and insecurity take over her at the moment. both soo-jin and taeyong did their best to comfort their friend, and at that moment soo-young was really grateful for having such great friends. but soo-young knew that one of them was hurting from this as well. while soo-young wasn’t even considered for the debut line-up, soo-jin was being prepared to be the 5th member of red velvet, only for the company to substitute her last minute for yeri, and while soo-jin didn’t show it, soo-young knew she was hurting from this.

in the same night, soo-young and soo-jin were cuddling together while binge-watching some disney movies at soo-young’s apartment while they were waiting for her older brother to bring takeout for them. soo-jin suddenly came with the news that someone from her family could easily get some spots for both of them to become trainees at cube, and that soo-jin already claimed one of those spots because she wanted a fresh start and wanted to know if soo-young wanted one too. soo-young was confused at the sudden talk but she still understood her friend’s point of wanting to start fresh after all that happened. it took some thinking, but soo-young decided to postpone her decision, she still wanted to have some faith in her company, and she also didn’t want to leave taeyong behind, but at the same time, she didn’t want to completely decline the invitation.

for soo-young, training felt a bit emptier without soo-jin training with her, but she was able to handle it by being more productive in the year. soo-young registered at a dance studio which was also located in seoul and had caught her attention when she learned that lia kim, one of the well-known choreographers that she admired, was the one who founded this studio that known as 1MILLION. there, she knew she would receive dance lessons that she would take for the rest of her life, as well as she could also evolve enough to create her own choreographies.

[ things started changing ]

[2016] one day, the ceo asked to see soo-young and another trainee she didn’t meet but definitely saw between the trainees. the ceo came with a proposition for both her and park eun-chae, the other trainee with her, for them to participate in a new survival reality show that mnet would host named produce 101 while representing their company. maybe the ceo chose both of them because he knew they would be desperate to debut soon since he wore a satisfied expression when both trainees didn’t hesitate to agree.

even when both soo-young and eun-chae never talked properly, when they started to train together to prepare for the show, they had a certain natural synergy, it was as if they trained together since their first days as trainees.

the d-day arrived and soo-young couldn’t be any more nervous, she and her duo weren’t the first ones to arrive and because of that, there would be other trainees from other companies who would see which company they were representing, and it would only be natural to have high expectations on soo-young and on eun-chae, which placed a heavy burden on the former.

everything was going okay while in the program, or at least, it was what it seemed to be for outsiders, but actually, soo-young was a pile of nerves during the eleven episodes. there was even a moment where she had a breakdown while training for one of the missions. she begged the staff to cut that part off of the episode and even asked her brother to back her up, who agreed with the condition she would tell him every single thing after the reality show was over.

fortunately, soo-young was able to finish on rank 4, therefore, she was a confirmed member of the debut lineup, soo-young was sad because eun-chae wasn’t able to debut with her, but soon she was assured that it was okay and she should enjoy the moment.

soo-young’s time during i.o.i was a dream come true, but she knew it wasn’t going to last forever since that was sadly a temporary group, so she enjoyed the times with her girls to the fullest. the last show she performed with the other 10 girls was one of the saddest days of soo-young’s life. but, life goes on.

[ things started changing, the sequel ]

[2017] some things happened at sm entertainment while soo-young was busy with i.o.i, eun-chae left the company and joined another one which soo-young didn’t catch the name of, taeyong debuted and became leader of nct u and 127, which soo-young congratulated him a lot and made sure to let him know how proud she was of him.

with her friends either busy with his own group or at another company, it didn’t take long for soo-young to start feeling really lonely, then she remembered the offer soo-jin made to her 2 years ago and decided that it was time to really consider it. one phone call and a deep conversation later, soo-young had her mind already set, she would leave sm and join cube.

said and done, it wasn’t difficult at all to convince the ceo, which made soo-young wonder if the ceo only seemed to care for her when she was in produce and on i.o.i, but she didn’t put any more thoughts on it since she was now out. now she did a few more phone calls and sent an audition video to cube so they could evaluate her, and now it was official, the 2soo duo was back together again, this time to wreak chaos upon cube.

to soo-young’s double surprise, she found out that eun-chae was actually on cube as well, and yet again, the ceo called soo-young for a “quick chat”, but this time with soo-jin and another japanese trainee, whose name she learned to be haruko, this chat was an invitation for yet another survival show, but the difference was that this one was going to be basically girls vs boys. soo-young almost declined, but soo-jin was able to convince her to at least give it a try, and so, soo-young was ready to face her second survival reality show.

preparing the songs for the audition was a piece of cake with soo-jin and haruko, soo-young used to train with soo-jin, so they already had a synergy, but haruko was quite helpful, although she was pretty quiet and didn't talk much, but she listened and did her role well.

the day came when the oh so great yg’s ceo, yang hyun-suk, alongside seungri came to cube as judges for the audition. soo-young was confident that the three of them were going to pass, they made sure to train enough and soo-young knew for a fact that soo-jin and haruko are really talented. both soo-young and soo-jin were able to get into the debut bus while haruko was placed with the other trainees.

to soo-young’s surprise, the bus’ next stop was at kq entertainment, mingi’s company. to say that soo-young was excited was an understatement, she heard stories about his group of friends, and they seemed like they were cool guys. while watching the group’s performance, soo-young couldn’t hold back the proud look on her face. when she heard that he was going in the trainee bus, she almost jokingly asked if she could exchange seats with either soo-jin or haruko just so she could talk with her old friend.

soo-young’s time while on mixnine while it wasn’t as rough as it was in produce 101, it still wasn’t a walk in the park. she managed to pull through thanks to her friends, mingi, soo-jin, and haruko, and also to the friends she made while in the reality show, who were there to help her with her struggles.

[2018] unfortunately, mingi was eliminated from the reality show, and so was haruko, soo-jin and soo-young were able to get to the final line-up but their team lost the boys’ team, so they weren’t able to debut. however, soo-young can confidently say that she didn’t regret joining mixnine, she had a lot of fun, met wonderful people, and felt the thrill of a survival show once more, of course, she pitied the male trainees that were chosen for the final line-up since their debut was canceled.

the next few months were pretty productive for soo-young, she spent most of her time getting even closer with haruko and eun-chae and other trainees at cube, she practiced and even choreographed for some songs, which many were uploaded on her personal sns, and that was how she met one of her sunbaes.

a few days after she was tasked to create a choreography for btob’s ‘only one for me’, and she met peniel while she was using one of the free practice rooms so she could brainstorm since she found herself stuck at some parts, apparently the other members were busy doing something and he wanted to check on her. both of them spent most of the day chatting, but at the same time peniel was really helpful, he gave his opinion on the choreography she had ready and gave some ideas based on a few options on which soo-young was stuck. their close friendship came naturally as they talked more. she met the rest of the group on the day she had to teach them the finished choreography, the boys were very receptive and it wasn’t difficult to teach them, although the fact that soo-young was a very good teacher did help, the atmosphere was light and it felt like they knew each other for years, which was a very good thing in soo-young’s eyes (even nowadays, peniel jokes around saying that eunkwang adopted soo-young the moment they first spoke to each other).

as if life wasn’t done rewarding her, a month later, she received the news that she was chosen as one of the girls who would debut in a new girl group that was being prepared, and it was asked of her if she would accept it, and her answer was pretty obvious, she accepted it. luckily for her, when she met the other girls that were confirmed in the lineup with, she knew most of them, with the exception of the youngest, and to soo-young’s surprise and happiness, eun-chae, soo-jin and haruko were in the lineup as well.

soo-young suffered and shed a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to get where she is now, but now she has a place to call home with people to call family, and she couldn’t be happier.