#I know the twilight lore circumvents that but I respect his concern

[theeminentlyimpractical]

My 41-year-old partner watching Twilight Eclipse: A True and Mostly Accurate Record

���so…… do vampires have a pulse?” (me: “yes he eventually knocks her up”) (this was literally his first comment of the entire movie. he was concerned about this the entire fucking time*.)

“if they need her scent she should be filling up water balloons with piss and throwing them on all the trees”

“what kind of virgin? vaginal? anal? oral? nasal? ocular?” I am going to murder this man

“so do they get a u-haul to move all this antique furniture every time they move or do they fly it themselves? I wanna know vampire logistics”

“why are they hiding under the monorail?”

“I like victoria’s goth wristband straight from claire’s”

“if they’ve been dating for like two years now that’s like 24 periods right, so what did edward do the first few months before he could control himself?”

we’re at the tent scene and he’s just chanting “throuple throuple throuple” (he’s not wrong)

“her kissing jacob is definitely solidifying this as not in edward’s top 10 days”

the vampires are running through the woods and he is just yelling NARUTO repeatedly

“why do the vampires sound like aluminum foil crunching when they die?”

he looked this up and I didn’t listen to anything until “so I guess he could actually get a massive erection and tear her apart with his giant vampire dick”

“do you think jacob keeps bella’s hoodie around to smell it because he’s a dog?”