#I know the timelines also don’t line up blah blah blah but it’s also not narratively compelling to me at all for her to be patrick’s

[steveyockey]

suggesting lily could be patrick’s child erases art’s hard work in baby trapping his wife and tashi’s commitment to the Donaldson Brand

[legendsoffandoms]

Thinking about two Lloyd Dr aus rn

1. Is like a mercenary/bounty hunter(though he refuses to hunt dragons and oni) instead of staying at the monastery, because he needs money to buy food and supplies. So he starts doing bounty and/or letting people hire him. Though he doesn’t do jobs that kill people and/pr creatures at first, but over time he slowly starts taking them. But he only kills people who he thinks deserve it, so he’s a relatively good guy. He also doesn’t take jobs from clearly bad people, and doesn’t go through with a job once he realizes the person who hired him is bad.

But he still ends up finding Arin and Sora(and Ryu), and becomes their dad :). But oh no, he finds the ninja. And they aren’t supportive of the whole job, so that’s a big plot point. Oh and maybe Imperial (or however you spell it) try and hire Lloyd, another plot point. Arin and Soea get nervous thinking he’ll accept. Blah blah angst

He also looks like a bad ass, has horns because yes. Though his long hair hides it, because coolness. The kiddos love putting his hair up to reveal his horns and side shave. Oh, he also has dragon features like ears and a tail that he hides.(Fun fact: I gc them as dark green and black because his oni side is gold and purple. And I want them to be opposites but also really not)

Also the reason to me why he could not stay the monastery despite still being dumped there, is because he is traumatized. He doesn’t want to be in the place where he lived with his family. Because honestly, he doesn’t even know if they’re alive. And that thought alone convinced him to find somewhere else, now he didn’t settle far. In cause he did find the Ninja, but he hadn’t touch the place since he packed up his things and left. Just random check up’s to make sure no one tried to stay there. (This is just my hc for this au, you can have a different reason or him just not landing there at all. I honestly don’t mind if you don’t like the reason and go for something else, whatever you feel is right)

2. Is like an au where the events of the merge happen a lot sooner, and at the end of crystallized I hc Lloyd as 16(which is says on the fandom wiki but idk if that’s cannon or not). So instead of being in his early 20s Lloyd is like 14.

Because this happens before seabond, so Lloyd is 14. And trying to navigate the world(now to make this au line up, Arin and Sora are gonna be a bit older than they would be. So like 8-10)

And now Lloyd is a dad with two kids and a baby dragon, he has no idea what to do. And is on the verge of a meltdown 24/7 like dr Lloyd is.

Oh and he hasn’t unlocked his oni powers yet cause of the timeline, so angst anyone??

There’s my aus, do what you will with this lol

And have fun out there! Oh and I would love if someone would rope in Greenflower/Forgiven Shipping in to these aus, I don’t feel like it cause I gtg write chp. 2 of my Greenflower fanfic. Which is based off a ninjago hc post I saw lol

Anyways have fun! And be safe with these traumatized kiddos

[crguang]

ok, so, I wasn’t sleeping bc I probably just have insomnia, possibly my depression, and also I’d just moved in to my dorm and I suck at sleeping in new places, lol, dw tho I slept for like most of the weekend and I’ve been sleeping regularly this week.

I honestly forgot that we don’t actually know wtf the stellaron hunters are actually doing , line they literally could just be lying abt everything. Actually none of them even say anything except Kafka , blade has his own thing going on, silver wolf is usually behind the scenes fucking around and firefly just didn’t say a thing , like come on, TB didn’t even think to ask anything, there was that dreamscape pass thing of whatever it’s called and the quote from 2.3 is like “Once, we dreamed of being strangers.Upon waking up, we realized we had always loved each other.” Which I assume is abt TB and firefly, and I do kind of wish we got some more stuff about TB’s past with the stellaron hunters, especially since firefly was so important, but it’s whatever. I am actually kind of interested in the script, what Elio tells them to say, and the stuff they’re just making up as they go. Especially since firefly’s script for penacony was just a few words (also firefly said she was part of the iris family the acting/performing one bc she carries out scripts). And Kafka was told was to tell TB during her interrogation abt what they’re doing on the Luofu, but I’m not sure if she’s just lying after that 😭Kafka has some explaining to do when she comes back very soon, in the main story.

hsjajsmskdmnx the arrests on the Luofu are so silly tho, especially since jing yuan pardoned her so she’s not technically wanted there anymore BUT I STILL WANT HER even tho she’s literally worth almost 11 billion by the IPC. The IPC stuff kind of bothers me tbh, they’re not the government, but also they’ve got a fair amount of authority, I feel like pardoning the stellaron hunters wouldn’t be allowed, like I don’t understand how Jing yuan did that without getting in trouble 😭 especially with the most wanted one. And topaz APPARENTLY doesn’t know who the stellaron hunters are, in her voice line abt them she said she didn’t know who they were but they had a good credit score ITS KAFKAS CREDIT SCORE SHES THE ONE W THE CARD and like it’s funny bc that means Kafka registered it under her actually name, and no one cares. Like it would’ve been funnier if she said like the wanted criminals, the ones who blah blah blah, but they have a good credit score. And jade knew exactly abt firefly and the other stellarom hunters, and even tho they’re different ranks topaz should know them. Especially considering the fact that they’re pretty infamous, ig I shouldn’t be nitpicking especially since march literally says when in Rome one time, but whatever.

sorry for ranting 😭 hope you’re doing ok!

-🌠

hope you’re doing a bit better!! insomnia is a bitch, make sure to take care of yourself as much as u can <3

i totally agree with you on the stellaron hunters not revealing anything, i dont really expect them to since we’re still quite early in the game timeline wise but it’s a bit disappointing for the TB to have gotten close to firefly and she never alluded to them knowing each other before, especially when the game’s marketing was pushing romantic implications between them😭 and the trailblazer’s “idgaf” mentality is a bit annoying because i get wanting to move forward and not wanting to be burdened by the past but not being curious at all is… weird. even march, who was repeatedly told not to look into her past, got upset about it at some point. and in the TB’s case, their connection with the stellaron hunters is actively shaping their present/future, so it’s not like they gain nothing from asking a few questions. kafka was the one who encouraged them to get some information from her when they were alone by playing truth or lie, like they don’t care😭 it’s annoying cause i wanna knowwww. a big missed opportunity with firefly imo, we could’ve gotten a pattern of learning a little bit about the trailblazer on every planet they stop by and it’d have been nice. instead all i get is trashcan and raccoon jokes like oh brother are we 8. i wonder what the script actually says, the SH says he always tells the right future but from what we know , it feels super vague. “experiencing 3 deaths” “finding the stellaron in a non-physical way” is not precise at all like how do they even carry those orders😭 no wonder they have liberty to do lots of stuff during missions, there’s barely anything in the damn script

about jing yuan, he’s general of the luofu and the xianzhou has its own regulations and criminal law, the ipc has no control over how they treat their prisoners and their bounties dont really matter to the xianzhou unless they want the money LMFAO, so the ipc has no jurisdiction to punish jing yuan for letting the SH get away. not to mention that the alliance and the ipc have trade agreements and stuff, so their relationship would be damaged and the ipc wouldnt benefit from that. at the end of the day they’re a corporation, they don’t really care for justice.

what bothers me is TOPAZ. IT MAKES NO SENSE. she’s a stoneheart in the same division as jade, sure jade is more cunning and always looking for opportunities to make profits but not knowing them at all is so ridiculous and unrealistic fr. they’ve broken into pier point like twice and that’s her place of work😭😭😭😭😭😭 no way she never heard anything about it to not form an opinion on them. i feel like giving her a voiceline about them was just for the credit score joke which also makes zero sense because why would any of them pay taxes to the corporation that wants them dead or imprisoned. how would the ipc even know which credit card is theirs and why are they doing nothing about it like its so stupid… herta froze all of silver wolf’s accounts cause she was feeling petty but youre telling me the ipc is monitoring their credit scores?.. like im not going to lie i dont take the ipc seriously at all. silver wolf was literally participating in a tournament they sponsored and they just let her compete. like that girl was on the big screen with people cheering her on… for a company that would benefits from civilians fearing/hating the SH, they really dont give a fuck. once again it lowers the stakes and makes the story less exciting for me, and in general it’s inconsistent and weird narration wise to approach heavy themes while simultaneously making a joke of everything. if that makes sense 😭 like the tonal shifts are always very harsh and out of place, it’s one of the things i hate the most about hsr. having the trailblazer crack a stupid joke when everyone’s super serious (which often gets them ignored by dan heng or makes march’s face turn unimpressed, or has her tell them now isnt the time) is starting to annoy me like we get it they’re dumb as rocks omg. when cocolia died at the end of the belobog mission and march’s first words were “well! what an adventure!” in front of bronya hello?!? having no tact in actual serious situations isnt endearing to me like u can just keep ur mouth shut atp

anyway sorry i ranted i guess i needed that off my chest HDJFKFKG

[weebatron9000]

AND ANOTHER THING!!

So besides the Maestro, whose lines (oldest one? He can’t be there! Blah blah) make sense with the whole “Sutekh clung to the Tardis” bit.

Are the other Villains (RubixCube man and Every Fnaf players wet dream) all talking about Sutekh when they mentioned the “Boss and his legions” and all those other titles?. Because first of all, what legions? Man had like ten guys and 9 of them were the same person but cloned a whole bunch.

Secondly, how did they even know he was coming? He was supposedly stuck to the Tardis all this time? AND even if he’d inserted himself into different timelines and planets through the Doctor, are you also telling me he had time to send out a mass text “Hey guys omw to fuck shit up so just fuck around until then?” Because I will absolutely refuse to believe that the Furby spokesperson sensed him coming when the Doctor didn’t pick up on ANYTHING WEIRD AT ALL.

Plus surely all these people were aware that Sutekh is the guy that wants everything dead right? Like? Everything?. So why even bother with your plans when they won’t matter because you’re all gonna die??.

And you can’t tell me they’re not talking about Sutekh because Maestro called him out back then and they had also seemed surprised enough to NOT know he was coming back??.

I just got a lot of questions, and I feel like I gotta watch it all again because I don’t wanna watch 73 YouTube theories.

[amethsys]

Who wants to hear about my tsams show kin timeline. I don’t actually care I’m saying it anyway. it’s long

- my name was cosmic which was silly because I had cloud and weather theming. Also in the mindscape my head had clouds around it that would like rain when I was sad and storm sometimes. Y’know. It didn’t happen outside the mindscape though

- everything same until after eclipse made lunar

- after making lunar and putting him into moon he decided to make another backup plan in case lunar betrayed him or whatever. Said backup plan is me

- after my completion but before eclipse finds out lunar had been talking to Monty and stuff he like??? Trained me??? During this I very quickly learned how to lie to him well.

- One time he upset me and my emotions got outta wack and I accidentally struck him with lightning. He gave me the nicknames “storm” and “stormcloud” because of that

- Eclipse realises lunar has y’know. Stopped being easy to control and kills him

- I’m released into moon to take over his body, being in a body rather than a mindscape made it easier to hide my emotions from him

- Eventually, I realise moon is being tortured and shut that off, and sort of??? Open a line of communication to him???

- moon is grieving lunar, I attempt to offer comfort it is quickly shut down

- Moon asks for his body back and I say No Actually If Eclipse Finds Out He’ll Kill Me

- Moon offers to try and figure out a way we can make sure he doesn’t find out

- some stuff happens and like. A few days after the offer we figure out a way to each have partial control

- I don’t fucking remember what happens here but somehow we managed to get to Sun Expelling Eclipse While Fighting Bloodmoon

- Something something me n moon are getting along a bit better, probably due to him being able to hear me panicking when eclipse came nearby (thing he programmed into me)

- Surprise! Monty And Moon made me a Body! Body acquired! Yippee! 🥳

- I don’t remember much from this time frame but I know that basically the stuff with KC and sun and BM and all that stuff happened because I remember eclipse being in moons computer.

- and he was all like “oo go outside the daycare” and I was fucking Dizzy and having a Bad Time so I DID I think???? And he sort of kidnapped me.

- got sort of used as a trophy and eclipse threatened Monty with my life to get the star and like Aaaaaaoughhhhhhh

- eclipse fucks up everyone’s memories (except moon, sun, Monty, and me) (I got spared memory loss by my awesome pleading skills and the stream of awful thoughts that are literally just robot OCD)

- blah blah blah most of the same stuff happens but I’m there looking sad.

- at??? Some point??? I just sorta got fed up with Eclipse and went “You. Were terrible to me. And I was afraid to say how much I hated you because I knew you’d kill me. I knew it from the start. But I am not afraid to die anymore. Goodbye you piece of shit.” And then killed myself

- black void of death

- woke up to eclipse having partially repaired me. Punched him in the face and then fucked up his repairs and went back to The Black Void Of Death

- ???????

- Wake up to Moon repairing me

- oh_shit_im_cared_for.png

And I dunno the rest

[childofaura]

So I’ve read your post on the latest FEH chapter and wow…. It still gets mind screwy as always.

Well, we are at least one month left until this whole story was over cause man, from what I’ve heard, this is the most glaringly inconsistent story.

Tho, I wonder if we’ll get to see Njoror despite him being killed off by Gullveig in this month's Legendary/Mythic banner…

I do hope that the New Years banner for next year will at least give the Vaneheimr characters proportionate designs….

I’m really baffled as to how they’re gonna wrap this up in ONE more chapter. I just realized that the story mentions that Kvasir was sent back in time after the Summoner is killed but they’ve… never shown that? They showed Heidr being sent back but that’s it. So there’s the Kvasir mystery and the unaddressed child we STILL haven’t seen confirmed (whether it’s supposed to be Kvasir or Heidr). I don’t know if I’m missing anything else…

Something tells me they won’t release Njoror, they’ll probably pull a Freyr with him a few years down the line. But I could be wrong on that. We’ll probably just get a dual Kvasir/Gullveig banner in November.

Now see, my problem with the designs isn’t so much the proportions themselves, but rather a bunch of other factors that I have gripes with. A character can have some absolutely huge knockers but that’s not a bad thing. Characters like Cornelia, Malice, Loki and Thorr, Camilla (yes Camilla),and even Freyja either have reasons that tie in to their designs, a good solid character design overall, or they’re part of a cast with diverse body proportions. My biggest issue with the character designs of Book 7 is how imbalanced they are. It’s just:

-Big tits and thighs

-Big tits and thighs but gold

-Big tits and thighs on a goat

-Big tits and thighs on a Miku Hatsune ripoff.

And additionally, I mentioned it earlier this year but… How are these designs any different from those hentai ads on Youtube that manage to skirt the ban on suggestive content? It’s kind of just trashy.

Finally, the story suffered because they wanted to be horny. Nerthuz is a shitty, useless character, Heidr has no significance to her personality or compelling character and only exists to be emotional fodder for Seidr, Kvasir shows up ONCE for some forced emotional bond with the Summoner, and Gullveig has no real motivation for doing the shit she does. Not even like “This world was so unkind to me, everything I loved was ripped from my grasp, so I will erase everything in vengeance”, it’s just “Prophecy and timeline demands this, it can’t be stopped blah blah blah”. Njoror was the only character who had potential and his motives were revealed last minute right before he died, creating absolutely no lasting impact.

I just really hope the next book isn’t also another horny-fest. IS unfortunately might be looking at the success of Gullveig being thirsted for in her CYL vote, and just keep cranking out bad designs and bad stories suffering for the sake of smut.

[koravelliumavast]

I posted 4,761 times in 2022

That's 4,731 more posts than 2021!

2,053 posts created (43%)

2,708 posts reblogged (57%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dustbringermoash

@lordofscars

@isdalinarhot

@stardustravens

@jewishdainix

I tagged 3,814 of my posts in 2022

Only 20% of my posts had no tags

#cosmere - 727 posts

#brandon sanderson - 619 posts

#stormlight archive - 479 posts

#books - 241 posts

#mistborn - 221 posts

#kaladin stormblessed - 186 posts

#adolin kholin - 155 posts

#tlm spoilers - 149 posts

#kelsier - 129 posts

#the lost metal spoilers - 116 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#chem lab practical. this is one of the exams but i’m confident that i may know what i’m doing but i also don’t know what it’s about exactly

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Screw the whitespine uncaged THIS is one of the best parts of words of radiance

See the full post

688 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

#4

When people bash tua because every seasons the same and why is it another apocalypse and blah blah blah just admit you’re boring and don’t like fun and the irony that no matter what they do to fix the timeline and shit, they’re still going to have an apocalyptic world ending event caused by one of them.

747 notes - Posted July 16, 2022

#3

I love that almost instantly after the Percy Jackson book was announced that people were like Percy could just say I saved you like a shit ton of times, you offered me immortality easy but COLLEGE LETTERS is where you draw the line and make me go on a quest?

754 notes - Posted October 19, 2022

#2

Probably The best Stormlight Archives review I’ve seen because it’s complaining about everything that I liked about the series but it’s also hilariously true:

“This book is mind-bogglingly bad. I'm always looking for fantasy books and I knew this was very popular so, after a few years I've decided to try it. I can stomach the childish depiction of characters but I cannot bring myself to accept the utter idiocy of the setting. The opening is painfully bad: an all powerful assassin kills a king and his guard by having superpowers taken straight out of videogames. Then we are introduced with the hero, who, of course, rejects the greatest conceivable honour in the world out of pure spite. He is then spared his life out of sheer plot armour, and the reader is left wondering why he hasn't been killed for constant rebellion. His mates are all killed, but he survives because, oh, he's sooo special. Slaves are paid a living wage so that there is a way for the hero to earn money because it's needed by the story. When the hero screws up, his senior officers are killed immediately but he's instead given a chance to survive, and, not very surprisingly, he does. Then there is a war in the Shattered Plains: for six years the warriors, instead of fighting, go looking for overgrown shrimps to steal the enormous emeralds that grow inside of them. I kid you not, this is the primary purpose of the war: not beating the enemy but killing the shrimps while they're pupating (to turn into what, an enormous blowfly?) before the enemy slays it. The entire strategy works like this: the entire army is sitting idly, wearing fashionable scarves and drinking wine. A horn sounds in the distance announcing that a shrimp has been found. The warriors scramble to arrive first, before the enemy but, more importantly, before the other commanders. The moronicity of the portable bridges defies belief. The idiocy never seem to finish: soldiers with organic armour, illiterate kings with learned wives, even the regular storms that make magic. The hero, of course, discover magic that has been hidden in plain sight for countless years. In a specific kingdom, people live with feet constantly in two inches of water. In another, people eat horns and shells. For some reason, on a different planet, people know of Japanese katas. I could go on for hours: avoid this book.”

875 notes - Posted May 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

You know what isn’t talked about enough? The fact that Adolin is terrifying. Because in fanfics Adolin isn’t super scary but Adolin made his enemies summon fearspren when he was outnumbered 4-1. In Sadeas’ pov after the duel it says that Adolin TERRIFIED Sadeas.

976 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[lokittystuckinatree]

I’m baaaaack

I’m eating pancakes and drinking an entire glass bottle of San Pellegrino. It’s 2:30 am.

This movie is genuinely so freaking…weird

Thor basically says Loki hasn’t been acting like himself lately. We don’t know what Loki is like in a healthier place. So why do so many people swear TVA Loki can’t be a version of OG Loki’s true self? For example, I find Loki’s personality in the Loki Series reminds me most of Loki in Dark World. Makes sense. Same period of life, different timelines. I theorize season 2 Loki will be very Dark World esc from what we’ve seen

That scene where he shapeshifts into different people to drive Thor crazy reminds me of his shenanigans at the TVA.

when Loki said Thor “likes (his new friends) so much,” did it sound sarcastic, resentful, jealous? I could be imagining things. He may just be mocking his brother’s friends. Too subtle to tell.

Loki is definitely into Steve

and I’m definitely into Sif

Odin is the real villain

Is it embarrassing that Thor and Loki driving that spaceship and the exchange that leads to “you just decapitated your grandfather” and then Loki driving super sexily and “TA DA” is possibly my all time favorite MCU sequence? A bit, however cringe is dead. So many iconic quotes from those scenes.

Dashingfrost canon methinks… “FLeXibLe”

Whenever Loki exists in this movie I want to lick my screen

The only woman whose love you’ve prized will be snatched from you! *cut to Loki crying at a random McDonalds in Oklahoma* I wish Thor was there to roast him back

I need to stop quoting Loki but “Satifaction is not in my nature,” is such a tragic line coming from such a tormented ambitious dreamer of a person…he’s an enneagram 4 for fvcks sake. He spent his whole life chasing a rainbow…Ouroboros, serpent chasing it’s own tail. (Possibly also the name of that new Loki character?)

Legend says, every scene in Thor the dark world can spawn up to 13 Loki character analysis metas. His character growth in this movie alone means so much to me. I can’t stop pausing every 3 seconds and dissecting his character. Dark World is a Loki masterclass alongside Thor 1, and in my opinion more important to understanding his character than Avengers.

Selvig went insane cause of Loki’s mind control via the mindstone… The mindstone altered Loki himself to a lesser degree. I wonder how much…incharresting

Why is Loki the only one who ever has a goddamn plan? At least Thor helped for once. Meanwhile Jane is like “wait, is Loki actually a good person?” I’d talk about the plot but it’s convoluted and very blah in every way. Loki is the plot, to be honest

Me whenever Loki “dies”: he’ll be fineeeee

The anomalies/portals in this movie are still super funny

Mjolnir on the coat rack, so iconic. Even funnier knowing Loki’s wandering the desert off screen with a stab wound this whole scene. Who said this movie was bad I just want to talk (the plot is sketchy but it’s fucking hilarious. Easily one of the funnest MCU movies)

Sometimes I too daydream about faking my death, Loki. Go to therapy. (Oh wait that’s what Mobius is supposed to be )

The suspicious face Loki made in guard disguise lol. So subtle so subtle I’m just picturing him eating trail mix, mildly concerned, while the convergence goes down.

I forgot this entire part of the movie. Ya know, the climax. With the important bits and stuff.

Thor: basically advocating the throne. Loki as Odin: did I - did I just get a fucking happy ending?

When you speak, do I never hear Mother’s voice? Potent use of double meaning and dramatic irony. *Sentimental Loki noises* He loved his mom so much bruh I’m choking up.

And eventually, Loki did finally choose being a good person over being a great ruler. Ironic, as Loki was a better person and better ruler than Odin ever could be. The soft way he talks to Thor in this scene…it’s so funny, because on one hand, Loki is a phenomenal actor (and a theatre kid lol) but he’s also not acting a lot of the time. He meant most of what he said to Thor, and in Avengers he was at his worst but much of what he said was projection… he hides his true self behind a mask. The Loki series got something right at least…

Loki is so fucking neurodivergent

The Thor/Jane end credit scene. They’re endgame in my head, Marvel

The end

LCU (Loki Cinematic Universe) Rewatch Part Three here we come!

Thor: the Dark World

Oh Gods I forgot how…indescribable this movie is. I have no words. The outfits and settings look so real and the elves look so fake?

Me every time I see Loki: oOmMgGg Hiiiiiiiiiii 😘

“Mother did I make you proud?” And the whole way he handles this scene…How did anyone ever take him seriously - no wonder he went off the rails, that’s his greatest fear

“Do you not feel the gravity of your crimes” ok this is pure speculation but going off of what we know about Loki’s moral and emotional system - he’s capable of remorse and empathy, but he tends to compartmentalize and bury guilt and shame, repress and conceal his true feelings, and rationalize, minimize and justify his actions instead of accepting what he sees as weakness, so yes, I’d imagine that deep down he absolutely fucking feels it. And it don’t feel good.

Loki justifies his imperialism genocide and violence in an imperial genocidal militaristic society but the second he becomes king he decreases military intervention something something (one of the good bits of Ragnarok)

“I don’t enjoy hurting people” But Odin does. And so Loki pretends to.

BOOOOOO Odin no one likes you BOOOOOOO SCREW YOU

oMggg Sif hiiiiiii. Look at her, Thor. LOOK at her! With your eyes! She prettyyyyy

Odin and Thor: talking about Thor’s love life. Loki probably: rocking back in forth in his cell because no one’s ever gonna love him. Another Loki at the same time: chasing his soulmate across spacetime because she pulled a Loki on him and he finds that endearing

The sets and ambiance of Asgard are gorgeous how do I move there

Yet another obscure character I don’t remember, Darcy’s in the comics now I’m so proud, Selvig’s lost his last marble, so have I Selvig, so have I

The weird gravity/time space anomaly/warp thing in that abandoned building actually makes for a fun scene. You cannot change my mind on this. The Aether is pretty creepy though ngl.

Thor and Jane are so cringe together. I love them. They also break my heart

The plot of this movie is really…something

Loki and Frigga’s bond actually makes me teary I know they didn’t have the best relationship it was strained and toxic at times but omg they care about eachother so much I’m getting emotional…she genuinely was the only person Loki truly loved in a healthy way. And he fucking lost her. FUCK

Cut to me relating to Loki so much it makes me physically recoil. I’d get into why but I’m not trauma dumping today.

“I don’t know why Loki helped the dark elf get into the palace”…lol stop lying to yourself you know the reason very well. You have the same resentment and lust for chaos inside you that Loki does…that desperate grief that makes you want to burn down the world that burned you. you know. I see my worst in Loki, and his story gives me hope that I can change. There’s a good chance I will die young (medical shit) and Loki dying young also gives me comfort.

This movie is peak Loki. I just fucking adore the little shit. I just aahfhkjkmng *aggressively squeezes*

Heimdall is underrated

Someone on discord said Frigga autocorrected to Fridged on their phone and Frigga’s dying and that’s all I can think about rip…bruh this scene hits a lot harder after my dad’s death ✌️

HE WASNT EVEN ALLOWED AT HER FUCKING FUNERAL FUCK YOU ODIN DRINK BLEACH!!!!Anyways I forgot how cinematic and heartbreakingly beautiful the funeral was

YOU CAN SEE THE SPARK LEAVE HIS FUCKING EYES IM GONNA FIGHT ODIN IN A DENNYS PARKING LOT. I’m ending on the Loki illusion scene for tonight because it’s 3 am and I’m in emotional distress.

How can anyone watch the illusion scene and the deleted bits and actually believe Loki is a cold hearted psychopath? I have this fucked up headcanon that Loki almost attempted suicide after Frigga’s death and either stopped himself…or Thor showed up right on time. I can’t prove it but I know it’s true by gut instinct.

There’s something so weirdly profound about someone who seeks out death being unkillable. Character who thinks he represents death actually represents life. That’s something the Loki series actually did well. They definitely screwed up his character in places, but I can see the backbone of what they intended. I don’t know how to explain this, but I don’t ship Sylvie with TVA Loki, I ship her with Pre-Ragnarok Loki. Aka, I characterize TVA Loki as closer to OG Loki than he is thus far.

There’s a tiny detail about Loki that makes me go feral. You have to psychoanalyze a little, but Loki doubts his brother even cares about him, so whenever Thor says he feels betrayed and threatens him, Loki smiles. It means Thor cared. It means there’s hope. Negative attention is better than none at all. Disappointment is better than apathy. I wish I didn’t know how he feels.

[kitspindles]

Okay

The whole “Ingo has a receding hairline” thing has been, like, beaten to death by this point so I’m not gonna address that fullly. I for one don’t mind. However. Understandably, as a result of the hair reveal, people want to know when he got eeby-deebied into Hisui (immediately after the events of BW and BW2? A few years later?), and how long he’s actually been there (a few months? A year? Over a decade?). Everyone has been talking about it ever since the art book page was shown, and a lot of people have brought up really good points-- aaaand some people are just off the fucking tracks about it. So I’m just putting together what I’ve heard and what I’ve noticed myself. Here we go. Speculation for why Ingo has NOT been in Hisui for 10+ years:

1). Based on their appearances alone, we’re lead to believe that the player character is Dawn/Lucas from DPPt, but a couple years down the line. They’re not 10 like they were in Diamond and Pearl: Cyllene says right away that they’re “around 15 or so.” So right away we can assume that the events of Legends Arceus occur shortly after BW2 (which is set roughly 3 years after DPPt and 2 years after BW).

2). When characters like Irida mention Ingo and his origins, they talk about it as if it’s a more recent occurrence. If it had been 10+ years the dialogue would most likely come across differently to imply that he appeared in Hisui some time ago. Heck, they might even bring it up if that were the case-- yet we don’t see anyone saying “long ago” or “some number of years ago” in reference to Ingo spawning in. But again, see point one: if we’re to believe that the player character is Dawn/Lucas, who is said to only be 15, then the 10+ years timeline just doesn’t line up.

3). This one might be a toss away, but it’s been said before elsewhere so I’ll just throw it in: the art book states “XX years” or something like that which is ultimately what led people to believe that it’s been 10+ years since Ingo dropped in Hisui. Fair assumption. However, Xs are almost always used to state a vague and unspecified year (obviously) because people don’t want to date their concept in real world measurements, or they simply just don’t have an exact time period set. And given that this is a Pokémon game where the years and flow of time for the whole series is outside our own, we can assume that they’ve done the same here. Also, XX is arguably more visibly pleasing than just putting X. I mean, it just looks weird imo. I wouldn’t put much stock in any years or dates that Pokémon throws out.

4). Ingo’s memories. Yeah, we’re the main character and everything so it’s our job as the player character to go around helping people and progressing the story blah blah. But if Ingo had been in Hisui for 10+ years one would think he would’ve recovered some memories by now, right? I mean, all it took was him walking through the cave with us and having a Pokémon battle to jog some things loose-- surely he’s done both of those things numerous times before our arrival? It makes more sense that he’s only been in Hisui for maybe a year, maybe a couple months, and he’s only just now beginning to think about his past more since his memories obviously aren’t returning smoothly on their own.

5). The receding hairline from the book. I’ll just say it here: it’s not a bad thing if it’s canon-- men lose their hair, lol. That’s life. Even video game life. And Ingo has to be at least in his early to mid 30s (like in BW the Subway Bosses never came across to me as, like, super young or anything. Late 20s, early 30s for sure there). However, as some people have pointed out before, some of the things pictured in the artbook don’t exactly line up with what’s in the game. For instance, the picture of Ingo face down on the ground by the clan member doesn’t line up with what he and Irida say in the game (correct me if I’m wrong on this, though. I’ve seen it said by a lot of other posts). So it’s entirely possible the hairline is false (if you care about this. I don’t really. It adds character. And anyway, he always has his hat on so we never see it to know. Some people on Tumblr are just thirsty for twink men with a full head of hair or something like that). Anyway, it’s concept art. It’s job is to pan things out and plan, but not necessarily everything is set in stone. I think people are seeing the receding hairline and assuming this means Ingo is, like, old now. But who knows? I don’t think we’ve never seen his or Emmett’s hair before this. And I believe it’s the first time we’ve gotten a more detailed art page about one of them? Maybe it’s always been this way.

6). Again I make mention of point one. Because if we’re really to assume that the player character is the same one from DPPt but older (and I mean c’mon, with their appearances they just have to be), then there’s really just no feasible way for Ingo to have been in Hisui for more than 10 years. BW takes place about a year after DPPt at most. BW2 takes place, canonically, stated in game, two years after BW. And Ingo was still in BW2 (ignoring the fact that this game came out like 10 years ago and they had no notion of Arceus then, okay). So it’s safe to assume that Ingo fell sometime after the events of BW2. Say about a year or so after that. Two at most. Because that would land Dawn/Lucas at roughly 15, their given age in Arceus when they fall through the rift.

7). Grimsley. Remember him? He looked pretty young in BW, BW2. But then cut to Sun and Moon-- he was there on the beach right before Po Town, and boy did he look rough. Yet only about 2-3 years had passed since the events of BW, as stated in the game. So if we follow this logic, a lot can apparently happen to a person in two years. Ingo looks so disgruntled compared to his former art from BW and BW2, but so would we all if we had gone from living in modern day Unova to suddenly being dropped into a late 1800s era Sinnoh without any of our usual modern care products (probably why he has a cool little goatee now. Not enough opportunities to shave regularly) and constant stress and threats from a hostile world. This being said, he doesn’t look that much different from his og art, just really tired. He’s the epitome of “I don’t look older, I just look worse.”

8). Volo. Okay, so I’m sure we’re all aware by now that it’s Volo’s fault that Ingo is even in Hisui to begin with, not Arceus’s. As a direct result of him meddling with space-time and trying to get Girantina, the rift opened (and ultimately led to all of those smaller rifts/distortions that open up across Hisui from time to time where modern Pokémon and items are found). And this is all a recent development in the last year or so, as stated in game. As Laventon tells us, Jubilife Village has only existed for two years, and the big rift wasn’t there when they settled-- would you settle so close to a big disaster just waiting to happen? Probably not. especially not Komado, either. Like we learn in-game, he wants no issues-- he tells us about all his hardships in another land. The whole reason why they moved to Hisui and built a new village to begin with. In short, the rifts have only been cropping up in the last few months to a year in game, and we know that’s how Ingo got here. So it couldn’t be that he’s been around for 10+ years if the rifts are a fairly new development.

9). There’s just no way that Gamefreak would separate Ingo and Emmett like that, for so long, with no clear reason or wrap-up.

10). His shoes and dress pants from Unova are still intact. They for sure wouldn’t be after 10 years, especially walking around in Hisui. His coat and hat are actually more beat up than anything else, but still wearable and identifiable as his old uniform. Probably from his spin through time-space and just Pokémon battles and the climate in general. But also, they had to make him look disgruntled somehow but still be Ingo— and Ingo isn’t Ingo without his jacket and cap.

Did any of this make sense? Probably not. Did anyone read this far? Also no. I just really don’t believe that he’s been in Hisui for longer than a year based on a lot of in-game stuff and just based on what the games have done in the past with characters. In reality we just don’t know yet. I could be totally wrong! But until we get more DLC for Arceus, or until another Pokémon game comes out that makes mention of it, we just won’t have any clear answers about Ingo’s time in Hisui.

[owen-not-carvour]

hey y’all guess what. here’s an essay :)

blah blah, Super long post, something something, sorry abt the length (you know the drill by now lol)

“hell, i probably spent as much time hating you as you did”

that line drives me literally insane. the phrasing of it is so fucking important.

this is literally just owen telling curt that a) he knew that he hated himself for what happened, and therefore had a way of keeping an eye on him, but still just decided to Not let him know that he survived (not surprising, if i were him i wouldn’t want to fucking talk to curt either lol) and b) he actually Stopped hating him at some point. sure that doesn’t mean there’s no anger at him still (there Definitely is, see torture tango and the way owen talks down at curt the entire time he’s monologuing) but owen doesn’t hate curt anymore.

because directly after that, he goes on to talk about how he Realized something,, that something being that “perhaps putting the fate of the world in the hands of an arrogant, impulsive brute is simply Not the best option".. owen basically then realizes that it’s not necessarily entirely curt’s fault that he’s the way he is or that owen fell. it’s bc of Spying and all the flaws with the agencies and all that that both of those happened (they gave curt power, and he got too cocky because of it, causing him to make the mistakes which led to owen falling). and Because of that,, owen basically realizes that Both of them are victims because of spying, just in different ways. owen is obviously the one who paid the price for it because he fell,, but curt had basically been being keyed up by the agency because of his reputation and being labeled as the Best,, and true or not that got into his head and made him Too proud and subsequently careless. so Yeah. owen realizes that the Root of the problem is the agencies and spying (chimera’s whole thing) and that they could stop suffering if those didn’t exist anymore. (this also ties into everything owen says during the staircase scene but we’ll get there).

also, by saying “i probably spent as much time hating you as you did” owen thinks that curt has already stopped hating himself for what happened. and while this Is true in a way,, because Yeah curt’s starting to move on (albeit Slowly,, though he’s still doing better than owen…) but i don’t think he has actually truly forgiven himself for owen falling. he’s just started the process to getting there. but owen obviously thinks that he already Has.

side note before i elaborate on this: one of the big problems in talking abt this line like this and trying to make points with it is that spies has the most ambiguous timeline like Ever. all we know is owen falls in 1957, and curt comes back to spying in 1961. this line doesn’t tell me how far into those 4 years owen realized the thing abt spying and stopped hating curt. it doesn’t tell me when he thinks curt stopped hating himself. it just tells me that that’s what owen did and what he thinks.

though i Do think that he would’ve been in chimera from very early in those 4 years bc of the dma and just how he talks abt it,, so tbh i think that owen just overthought Why he hated curt one day and realized that what happened wasn’t Entirely his fault (well. the Fall was,, but the reason he was so careless wasn’t. bc i think owen could see some of the same arrogance in himself- he Did tell curt to set the timers to 4 minutes after all- and then connected it to the agencies yknow) so yeah i don’t think he hated curt for that long… but this also kinda doesn’t add up bc then again curt hated himself for a Lot longer than that so. idk. (maybe owen just wanted to exaggerate to make it clear that he knew curt hated himself for it?? but yeah no clue. this is hard. i have to remember that i’m just (over)Analyzing and that i’m not Supposed to be an expert here lol)

but anyway, back to what i was saying, as we know, curt has only Started to move on,, because that’s why he’s back to spying in the first place (spy again ofc) but he’s rlly still not doing too great with it yet, as seen by how he tries to just Convince himself that everything is fine, and the flashbacks and just. how Not Great he’s doing in act 1 part 6. but then, enter tatiana,, and she Really helps him start to move on in a much more effective way (legit just by Being there and letting/making him talk. curts lonely as hell y’all.)

but because owen says “i probably spent as much time hating you as you did” it makes me think that he possibly saw/heard abt curt coming back to spying and thought that meant curt finally forgave himself and figured he could just jump back into spying to try and act like nothing had happened (which i mean. that is what he Tried to do,, but as mentioned, he lowkey was Not ready to be back Bc he hadn’t moved on or actually forgiven himself yknow. it’s cycles. everything is a fucking Cycle.) and that idea probably made owen even more angry at him.. even though it was just based on a conclusion he jumped to.. but how’s owen supposed to know that?? he hasn’t talked to the guy face to face in 4 years!! (he’s Also lonely as hell yknow) and because of that, now Nothing owen knows about curt is For Sure anymore, even if he doesn’t realize it.

he thinks he knows curt as well as he used to (“i think i know which one you’ll choose” and all) but he Doesn’t. and the biggest place this comes into play is when he tells curt to move on (yknow. the thing that makes curt kill him). because curt Is moving on!! but owen doesn’t know this bc he’s not there and he Hasn’t been there to see it. yeah it’s a really recent development for him but still !! so it’s rlly interesting to see how owen is just trying to use what he used to know about curt to his advantage but it backfires on him because he really Doesn’t know him anymore. he just has the old curt and whatever warped image of him he’s created in his head over the years to go off of. he doesn’t Actually see or know abt how deeply losing owen hurt curt. all he knows is that he hated himself for it for awhile,, but then (owen Thinks) something made him stop. he likely doesn’t know abt the flashbacks (despite torture tango,, either he didn’t hear it or didn’t understand what it meant yknow. but owen never mentions it so idk for sure) or the alcohol or that the Reason curt came back was bc he wanted to be someone owen would be proud of. and then, as mentioned, he Definitely doesn’t know about how much tatiana has helped him. hm. in a way, because of this.. curts one step ahead of owen. bc despite what owen says, curts the one who’s actually moved on more. hmm) bc that’s another thing that supports this, too. literally Everything (or close to it) that owen says in one step ahead.

however, while owen doesn’t know curt as well as he thinks he does anymore,, on the opposite side of this, curt doesn’t Realize that owen doesn’t hate him anymore. remember how i said we were gonna come back to the importance of owen no longer hating curt in the staircase scene later? here it is, this is now Later. so here’s the 2 most important things to note for this scene: owen doesn’t Hate curt (though that doesn’t mean he forgave or even really Likes curt. it just means he doesn’t hate him) and owen hasn’t moved on.

that being said, by the time we get to the staircase scene, owen still cares about curt a little bit, even if he doesn’t want to admit it to himself. he even starts the staircase scene without his gun cocked(?? idk gun terminology but i think that’s it) and only cocks it after coldest goodbye reprise,, so he didn't even go into that fight with the intention of killing curt. (which is Another thing we will get to, as well)…. but curt doesn’t see this. he doesn’t see just how Close owen is to letting go and breaking and giving up at the end of the staircase scene (bc oh he IS you can see him getting more and more Tired and hopeless as the scene goes on!!)

but the biggest thing is that curt just Doesn’t realize that owen still cares the Slightest bit for him bc he gets thrown off by “that secret died the night you left me for dead” and what that actually means. i’ve mentioned it a Lot but like. it’s such a weird way for owen to phrase that he doesn’t love curt anymore,,, so in True over analyzing fashion, i very literally take that to mean that just their Secret is dead (as well as that owen stopped caring abt it bc he knew if it got out, only curt would get hurt bc he’s Dead) but owen doesn’t know wtf he actually feels for curt anymore,, but he knows that he doesn’t care abt secrets or anything, and that he Did lose his love for curt when he fell. so by saying it that way he kind of leaves it just ambiguous enough for curt to come to his own conclusions abt what he means by it,, and it doubles as owen’s attempt to maintain his upper hand (one step ahead) somehow,, though he Loses that power directly after that line bc it backfires on him bc he Again incorrectly assumed he still knew everything about curt and how to manipulate him to make the staircase scene go in his favor,,,,,,,, which Very Much So doesn’t work. (told you it all ties together :))

but i digress,, curt thought that his owen was completely gone and that he was basically only looking at the shell of the man he once trusted and loved (which is what he took the secret line to mean) but that's only Partially true,, bc owen wasn't Completely gone.. he was still in there,, though not by much (see he Thought that part of him was dead. but it’s not!)… it's why he never kills curt. curt kills owen bc he thinks the owen he knew is completely gone, bc why else would he have done Everything that he did, and bc he also tells curt to move on... but curt doesn’t realize that that’s not necessarily true.

owen never kills curt despite the literal 5 chances he gets because he just can’t bring himself to. closest he gets is torture tango (which i Will say is very hard to tie into this bc he made it Very clear that that was his goal) but then tatiana interrupts and saves curt. i think that despite how close he got to killing curt,, he still hesitated. like he played it off as just relishing in finally being able to get revenge (and it was definitely Partly that,, not saying that wasn’t true) but in his mind he was probably wondering if this is really what he wanted to do,, which is also why he was susceptible to tatiana’s blow (too many Thoughts paired w focus on curt. no room for anything else).

((oh also, speaking of that,, i Definitely think that owens main goal for curt wasn’t to kill him, despite him Wanting otherwise, but to just Hurt him. really fucking bad. yknow. to show him the horror of staying alive :). it’s the same thing,, he Thought he wanted to kill curt but then after torture tango kind of revised the Plan yknow. like that’s why he doesn’t kill curt at the gala or when he kills the informant.))

but Yeah by implying that he no longer hates curt, owen is basically Saying that he hasn’t moved on (well that and the legit obsession w destroying everything curt stood for kind of says it too) but like. he didn’t make it Clear enough to curt,, so curt didn’t realize this and stopped caring about owen.. and that’s why he Took His Advice instead of keeping him alive and trying to reconcile Something. (bc that’s another thing. no way was he gonna let owen go. it was either he killed him or he took him somewhere. and we know what he chose.)

this isn’t a great conclusion but like. you see how long this post is? you can come to your own conclusion based on alllll of that lol. i am but a vessel for. whatever the Fuck this is :)

if you read this whole thing, and even if you didn’t, thank you for your time.

[clarenecessities]

As my followers may have picked up from my long, spiraling rants, I’ve undertaken a new research project, courtesy of the death grip She-Ra has on my brain. And guess what? It’s finally at Disseminate Information Stage! So I’m going to lay out all of the gods, demigods, and godbeasts of the Masters of the Universe. With sources!

This table is more of a cheat sheet. We’re gonna tackle this god by god, with a section on Actual Lore & a meta section to help you decide how valid you think they are, because frankly some canons are more canon than others.

Asklepia, Benevolent Snake Goddess

Lore: Asklepia is one of two snake goddesses, the benevolent twin sister of Serpentia. We know very little about her abilities, but the Snake Clan (a clan of human warriors) were said to worship her, and they were famed for their architecture and healing. She had the ability to curse and deform people--to what extent is uncertain, but she’s known to have condemned a fallen priest named Ka, whose disfigured likeness now adorns Snake Mountain.

Behind the Scenes: First appearing in the 1987 comic “Il Nero Cristallo Del Potere“, Asklepia remained nameless for over 30 years, until Masters of the Universe Classics (MOTUC) released a few choice bios. For the unfamiliar, MOTUC seeks to reconcile the often contradictory canons into one overarching narrative, which is great in theory, but in practice is kind of like putting ice cream on a hot dog. And calling it a Chilly Dog ® as if that makes it taste better. But I digress. In 2019 they released a bio for the Staff of Ka which finally put a name to the less-evil Snake Goddess, in an obvious nod to Asclepius and the asklepian (that staff+snake icon people put on medical stuff).

Sharella, the Green Goddess and/or “Avatar” of Asklepia

Lore: Contradictory

Long Version: Okay I’ve put avatar in quotes because it is... contentious. Basically, and you’ll see here why I felt the need to make this post instead of relying blindly on the wikis, Sharella was introduced (in the ‘87 licensing guide) as a tribal leader who had joint custody of Gray, the original name of He-Ro’s alter ego, while he was growing up. This was further developed by Emiliano Santalucia’s concept work, wherein she was the leader of the Green Tiger Tribe (GTT) specifically. While the comic concept was not run through licensing & is thus not “canon”, the idea of her leading the GTT persisted. This teeny tiny image of her from Tytus and Megator’s 1987 Italian box art was all we had until 2008, when one of He-Man’s accessories described her as the “warrior woman ally” of Queen Veena, “who had been changed into the immortal green-skinned avatar of the Goddess Asklepia”. In 2009, MOTUC released a figure for The Goddess, apparently forgetting they’d done that shit the year before because the packaging did say “K’yrulla” was her real name. They had to cover it up with a sticker. 

So who’s The Goddess? Way back in the days before Mattel solidified any of the lore around MOTU, there were mini-comics released with the toys. Initially, the Goddess served a similar function to the Sorceress in the cartoon, and was in fact sometimes called the Sorceress. She facilitated He-Man’s transformations, gave him missions, was generally magical and mysterious, etc. If you know who the Sorceress is, and you can picture Teela, but green? That’s about it.

Back to Sharella, though. The Third Ultimate Battleground rolled around in 2015, and for the first time since some packaging in the 80s, we saw Sharella in action! She was shot through the heart with a poison arrow. Yeah. But don’t worry, she received a blood transfusion from Moss Man (who we’ll get to later), and was transformed into the Green Goddess! She’s immortal now. How Asklepia figures in here is sort of unclear, which is weird since this is still part of the MOTUC line, but whatever. Whatever! Queen Grayskull (the aforementioned Veena) received a bio in 2015 as well, which described Sharella as her apprentice who became “The Goddess”.

Horokoth, Aspect of the Mother Goddess

Lore: DC went a little batshit (pun intended) with the lore for the Eternity War. Here the Goddess is three combined aspects, “Serpos” (Serpentia) for the Snake Men, Zoar for the human “Eternians”, and a third, invented deity called Horokoth, who represents the Horde. Horokoth is “the coming destroyer. The darkness at the end of days.” and is represented by a bat.

Behind the Scenes: That last link has a clearer picture of her, it just didn’t crop well. Also, I confess I couldn’t bring myself to read Eternity War. As thrilling as the prospect of a cohesive narrative is, if I wanted to see Adora slit her brother’s throat there’s the edgier side of deviantArt to peruse. Therefore I know little of Horokoth outside of a few still images of Hordak. The bat was almost certainly selected for the Horde’s vespertilian emblem.

Hordeous, God-Beast of Horokoth

Lore: A “primordial”, bat-like godbeast of Horokoth, created in response to the god Saz’s feline races. Their face was “forever infused“ on the surface of Horde World by Horde Lord (Hordak and Horde Prime’s father in the MOTUC canon) to grant their family power and immortality.

Behind the Scenes: Yes they’ve used some words wrong, but they’ve got the spirit, right? Hordeous was (allegedly, this is secondhand) an invention of the MOTUC crew in answer to Horokoth. Now, the Horde Supreme bio predates Horokoth’s introduction by about 3 years, but obviously the comics were in production already. There’s an undated sketch of Horokoth Hordak from an undated interview (thanks for nothing you useless website) but in that same gallery there’s an orko sketch labeled 2012 so. We’re good right? That makes sense, timeline-wise. Anyway the comics slam dunked Horde Prime out of existence and combined him with Horde Lord so it’s contradictory anyway. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Serpentia, Malevolent Snake Goddess

Lore: The evil counterpart of Asklepia, Serpentia is the goddess of the Snake Men. The priest Ka of the Snake Clan forsook Asklepia in her favor, destroying Asklepia’s sacred orb and stealing the Serpent Ring (an artefact capable of transforming humans into Snake Men) from the Ophidian Spire with King Hsss. In DC’s triune interpretation of the Goddess, Serpentia (here ‘Serpos’) is blood, passion, and desire. A primal and primordial force appearing to the Snake Men in their own image.

Behind the Scenes: Okay yes I’ve reused the Asklepia pic but in my defense they are twins and this is the easiest one to crop. So here’s the thing about Serpentia: we only got a name for her in 2019. We knew there was a snake goddess, and she was pretty evil, or at least hostile towards mammalian life (see: the source of the pic I chose for her). Where Asklepia references the asklepian, ‘Serpentia’ is a much more heavy-handed snake reference, even though Anguis was right there. Those Masters Mondays came through for us, though, with the shield and staff of Ka, Ssssylph, and of course MOTUC’s Dark Despot Skeletor, which is. something. Though only recently named, Serpentia has been a shadow over Eternia since the Snake Men’s introduction in 1985 (or, depending on how much of the presented backstory you accept, even sooner in the form of Skeletor’s lair, Snake Mountain).

Serpos/Sarcedon, God-Beast of Snake Mountain

Lore: Contradictory, but the gist of it is he’s a very large snake with elemental magic and a grudge, that was turned to stone and became Snake Mountain.

Long Version: Snake Mountain was conceived of towards the end of 1982, but wasn’t revealed to the public until September of 1983, with the debut of the Filmation cartoon. For another year, the snake coiled around its summit was simply a carving, its mouth hollowed out for Skeletor to stand in and loom. But in 1984 the Snake Mountain toy was released, completely discarding the Filmation design in favor of the hewn face of the figure we now call Ka. Instead of a snake carving winding its way up the peak, the Mattel toy featured a ‘striking serpent’, alive and attached to the mountain itself. From there, it was an easy leap to make to ‘this carving comes alive’. So easy, in fact, that they did it twice!

First attempted in 1985 in the newspaper storyline “Vengeance of the Viper King”, the snake was here called Sarcedon, the World Destroyer. At the dawn of time, he was said to crush Eternia within his deadly coils. He burrowed deep into the ground, causing fearsome storms that nearly destroyed the planet. Only a fearless hero (implied to be He-Ro) could defeat and imprison Sarcedon. Using a macguffin called a Mirror of History, He-Man forced Sarcedon to behold his own reflection in a reference to the Medusa myth that kind of missed the point of it being reflective. Sarcedon was sent back in time, Snake Mountain was restored, the good guys win, blah blah blah.

That was the last of it until the MYP cartoon in 2004. Serpos as a name was actually first invoked by Mer-Man in a 1982 minicomic, but like it probably wasn’t about the snake. Anyway in the MYP cartoon the Snake Men get this thing called the Medallion of Serpos that lets them un-petrify the snake around Snake Mountain, grow two more heads, and unleash his godly wrath. He breathes fire, trashes Eternos, beats up He-Man, then turns his attention on Castle Grayskull to consume the Orb of Power (containing the strength and wisdom of the Elders, who had first trapped him in stone). He-Man cuts off Serpos’s extra heads with a sword upgrade, the Elders are somehow magically restored to life, and they re-petrify him. Snake Mountain is restored, the good guys win, blah blah blah.

Zoar, the Fighting Falcon

Lore: Contradictory, but it sure is a bird!

Long Version: While Sharella’s backstory is fraught because of the comics couldn’t decide what they wanted her to be, Zoar was similarly tangled up by the toyline. Initially male, he went through several color schemes, some prettier than others. Though there was a vague association with the Sorceress before the cartoon (recall that pre-Filmation, the Sorceress was just the Goddess), Filmation made them literally inseperable by designating Zoar as the Sorceress’s falcon form, to which she was confined when leaving Castle Grayskull.

Some of the comics and Golden books showed Zoar as being flipping enormous & ridden into battle as a steed by Teela and Man-at-Arms. Pre-Filmation, Zoar was always referred to as male, but post-Filmation, always female, as an incarnation of the Sorceress.

The Eternity Wars comics describe Zoar as the third aspect of the Goddess, the ‘Great Preserver’ whose light would shine through the universe for eternity. They pull off a sort of tripartite priestess thing where it’s Serpos/Zoar/Horokoth represented by Teela-Na (the Sorceress)/Teela/Evil-Lyn.

MOTUC, of course, had to reconcile all of these contradictory canons. How’d they do it? “In the folklore of Eternia, the golden falcon symbolized the godhead Zoar, a powerful deity of Preternia. As a god, Zoar could appear in both male and female guises and while the blue-tipped female falcon was associated with the Sorceress of Grayskull, the golden falcon represented Zoar's masculine nature.” So Zoar is genderfluid now, and the Sorceress is merely borrowing their form when transforming into a falcon. This bio also established that Zoar had anointed the first Sorceress, Veena (Queen Grayskull), which explains why she has wings for no apparent reason.

Also it’s not offically MOTUC but the scultors of the line, Four Horsemen, made a single anthro Zoar for Power-Con 2013. In case you need that for some reason.

Glorybird, Emissary of Zoar

Lore: Many millennia ago, there were three siblings, who were very poor and mistreated by their stepmother, but had hearts filled with kindness and love. Zoar, recognizing their resilience and desire to help people, sent an emissary named Glorybird. Glorybird bestowed upon each sibling a divine gift, but as they used their new powers to fight for good, their stepmother revealed herself to be a Celestial Witch & attempted to sacrifice them to Zoar’s “greatest enemy”, Horokoth.  

Backstory: Okay, so the Star Sisters (and Glorybird) were in exactly one episode of She-Ra, primarily to set them up as new toy designs. While prototypes were made for these, the figures weren’t actually produced until MOTUC released figures for them in 2012. Though they were referenced in Princess Prom, and we saw a brief cameo in a background, Glorybird was absent until the introduction of the Star Siblings in Season Five.

That’s right! This bird is a god, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Saz, God of All Felines

Lore: One of the “Gods of the Multiverse” (he is the only member named explicitly), Saz was a blue-furred, feline deity responsible for the creation of all cats, humanoid or otherwise. He transformed himself into an enormous cat-beast to defeat Serpos and Hordeous, whose progenitors created them in envy of his children. Though Serpos was defeated, Hordeous escaped into the cosmos, and Saz himself vanished mysteriously.

Behind the Scenes: “By the whiskers of Saz!” is a fun pseudo-swear made by various cat races throughout MOTU, first in He-Man’s “The Cat and the Spider” and later in She-Ra’s “Magicats”. That was the only real mention of him until... okay, so MOTUC bios aren’t always attached to the product. Starting in 2018, they did this thing called Masters Mondays where they put unposted bios on the org forums. So while we’ve had the sword since 2010, we didn’t get the background on it until March of 2020. And then a couple weeks later, the Cat Mask of Catra bio referred to him as a “mystical being” instead of a god, but the mask was from 2011 so. He may not have been a god yet. It really depends on when the bios were actually written.

Saz wielded a blade probably best described as a falchion, whose quillon & langet formed a vaguely triangular shape around a deep red gem. I want to be clear that while it looks totally rad, this sword would be very impractical and have poor structural integrity were it not made by a literal god. Do not make swords like this. Also it’s almost certainly riffing on the Sword of Omens from Thundercats (affectionate).

Sabe-Or, Son of Saz

Lore: A green-furred, orange-striped paladin, Sabe-Or is one of the only named Ancients. He inherited his father’s blade upon Saz’s mysterious disappearance, and lived for centuries more. Upon his death, he transferred his “heroic essence” into a group of Eternian tigers, forever transforming them into the Green Tiger Tribe, whence both Granger (steed of King Grayskull), and Cringer, steed of Prince Adam.

Behind the Scenes: So “Battle Cat Man” is a concept that’s existed since they decided to make their hero ride a wicked tiger into battle. If you show a kid a superhero, and a supertiger, apparently the natural inclination of most children in the 80s was to combine the two. There are so many custom action figures. So, so many. Sabe-Or is visually a clear reference to this concept, and canonically seems to be the closest we’re going to get outside of the Thundercats crossover, unless you count Cowarros from 4H’s Mythic Legions line (I do, because it means Purrrplor is also canon and I fucking love calling him that).

Moss Man, Ancient Eternian Nature God

Lore: An ally of King Grayskull, Moss Man was something of an Eternian cryptid in the centuries leading up to He-Man Times. He has control over all plant life, the ability to meld with plants, and apparently can imbue sentience to said plants.

Behind the Scenes: Moss Man wasn’t featured in many episodes, because he’s a little... incredibly over-powered. He’s literally Bigfoot from 5000 years ago with magic powers. And like, since I don’t think the writers appreciate how long 5000 years is, you know what happened 5000 years ago? Stonehenge. This bitch is Stonehenge-old. But sure, you can trace a direct line of descent from his contemporary. smh. Anyway according to MOTUC his real name is Kreann’Ot N’Norosh so make of that what you will. Also his toys were pine-scented. I just love that.

Evil Seed, Rebellious Creation of Moss Man

Lore: Created by Moss Man to help fight in the Great Wars, Evil Seed betrayed his master and turned to evil (who could have foreseen this...), finding joy in corrupting all forms of plant life for his own amusement. Moss Man imprisoned him in enchanted chains, keeping him restrained for many millennia.

Behind the Scenes: According to MOTUC, his real name is Sero Malustro, clumsy New Latin for “(to) plant evil-burnt“. Why his name is New Latin and Moss Man’s is... whatever that is, I have no idea. As you can see from the image I included, he originally had an artichoke head, which was upgraded for the Mike Young Productions (MYP) cartoon. Personally I think the artichoke rules.

Volcana, the Fire Goddess

Lore: Canonically, she’s a fire goddess, and the mother of the Volcano Magus. Together, they are a rising force that seeks to conquer Etheria in the wake of Hordak’s defeat.

Backstory: Volcana has taken a long a twisted journey, but was first revealed to fans at Power-Con 2016 in a panel revealing previously unseen concepts and characters. After the first wave of She-Ra toys, a second wave was planned with a snow focus, to bring more attention the Filmation-neglected Frosta. This began with the introduction of a fire villain, an “evil lady that glows with heat” who would attempt to melt Castle Chill. That concept actually refers to a character named Amber (not Ember, as one might assume) who was reworked into a benevolent counterpart, Volcana’s twin sister.

Volcana was later fleshed out to be a Fire Goddess with flame-red hair, x-ray vision, and arms sculpted with flames. Her cape flew up with flame detail that rose up to control the volcano (of Volcanica, a proposed toyset that seems to have been reworked into the Crystal Falls). She was emphasized by Mattel to not start fires, which, honestly, is probably why they scrapped the character. He-Man couldn’t use his sword as a sword; a woman made of fire was basically doomed.

Now, though, we’re several decades in and lines made for collecters that are largely in their 30s and 40s can say whatever they want! So she’s canon, even if Amber isn’t. Yes there’s only one mention of her. Amber technically was mentioned in an unproduced episode titled “Amber Waves of Flame”, but as it was unproduced, it’s noncanonical.

Volcano Magus, Sinister Son of Volcana

Lore: Living within a dormant volcano, the Volcano Magus of the German audio plays was the source of most of Catra’s power and all of her evil intent. He supplied her with magic for spells and schemes with which to assail the Crystal Castle, but neither she nor Clawdeen were aware of the dark influence he held over them.

In the MOTUC canon, he’s specified as the son of Volcana, a demigod from the “Region of Volcanoes” who craved the nature magic of the Whispering Woods. When he learned the Twiggets were inextricably linked to that magic, he used his powers to petrify the former Rebels (this was after the Horde's defeat) and kidnap three Twiggets to drain the magic from their souls. Twiggets, for the uninitiated, are like purple tree-elf things. According to MOTUC, Razz is a Twigget, though the ‘real’ name they assigned her doesn’t fit their naming convention. She is purple, I guess.

Kowl, who avoided petrification, read Razz's spellbooks to find a way to save his friends, and learned of an Entrapment Gem that she hid in a shoe, for some reason. He confronted the Volcano Magus, spoke in the ancient tongue of the First Ones, and sucked him into the Gem.

Backstory: Admittedly this stuff is second hand, as I don’t speak German & they only have transcriptions/translations for the He-Man tapes anyway, but if anybody can find me an audio file I will do my best to verify. The MOTUC stuff at least I can confirm 100% because it’s from 2019 & I do speak English, for better or worse.

Oak, the Jackal God

Lore: Oak was the terrible Jackal God worshiped by the denizens of Zhar, an ancient civilization that once existed in a remote, forested region of Eternia. Long ago, Oak was imprisoned within a statue which could be found within the Temple of the Jackal. When Skeletor removed the statue from the temple, Oak broke free of the enchantment which imprisoned him and wreaked havoc on Eternia. Although the Jackal God was immensely powerful, he could be weakened by the elements of nature and was ultimately foiled by a rainstorm conjured by the combined powers of He-Man's sword and the magic of the temple's guardian priest.

Backstory: I have lifted this from a He-Man guide word for word as I cannot for the life of me find a copy of the Brazilian Editora Abril comic he came from, O Templo Do Chacal (1986). The description is like, suspiciously similar to the plot of the He-Man episode The Cat and the Spider, except the Grimalkin was never described as a god. The rest of it--statue, Skeletor, storm defeat--plays out almost the same. True pity I can’t find the original source, but I do trust this guidebook. You may be interested in Ceres from the UK comics--another dog-slash-statue who frankly might as well be a god himself, but as he’s not called one in canon he’s not going on the list.

The Bitter Rose Goddess

Lore: As Man-at-Arms told the legend, “Every day, a woman climbed Rose Mountain to look for her husband to return from the war. Alas, he never came back. Her tears poured from her cheek and entered the ground. One day she disappeared, but where she stood was a single, solitary rose. It’s the only thing that grows on Rose Mountain.”

The Insect People, who lived at the base of Rose Mountain, believed that the Bitter Rose is all that held the mountain together (and when it was picked, they were proved right). After the flower was restored, it transformed into the Bitter Rose Goddess herself, who explained that she had been a prisoner of her love's sorrow, so bitter that she refused to allow anything else to grow on Rose Mountain. She blessed the surrounding area, blanketing the jagged peaks with roses, and disappeared.

Backstory: She’s kind of... barely a god. She showed up in one episode and no other media & has objectively less power than like, every single demon they ever brought in. I almost didn’t put her on this list.

Mask-Ra, Goddess of Masks

Lore: A goddess who created the magical Masks of Power.

Backstory: Mask-Ra was first mentioned in 2019 and like, look, I’m gonna be real. I don’t respect her. She’s an invention of MOTUC (unless they were drawing on this concept art of Maska-Ra, which I doubt bc he was a Man-E-Faces precursor) and they retconned her into having created Catra’s mask, which is kind of redundant given the entire episode Magicats. This mask did not need two bios. There are no other mentions of her in any canon.

Potential other Masks of Power: The Deemos and Tyrella masks from the He-Man episode “Masks of Power”, lizard and canine masks from the mini-comic “Masks of Power”, Lord Masque’s Demon Mask from the He-Man episode “House of Shokoti, Part 1″, and whatever the hell Red Shadow has going on.

Procrustus, Giant Guardian of Magic

Lore: During the creation of the various dimensions (5 in MOTUC canon but demonstratably higher everywhere else), the gods installed the four-armed, immortal giant Procrustus to guard their secrets at the heart of Eternia. There lay the Starseed, from which the entire dimension was created. It still held immeasurable power, and could be used to conquer entire universes. Hordak, in an attempt to access the Starseed, cracked Eternia in two with the Spell of Separation. Though he was (mostly) thwarted, from then on Procrustus was forced to hold the two halves of Eternia together from within, lest the planet break apart and the Starseed be exposed.

Backstory: First appearing in the mini-comic “The Magic Stealer!”, Procrustus is a lot more tangible than most gods. We know where he is, at all times, and he seems confined to one size. His powers appear to be largely physical, as he had to burrow out of the ground to investigate in the mini-comic instead of teleporting or like, magicking the dirt away. This was his only appearance until MOTUC released a figure for him in 2012. He also showed up in the Subternia map the next year, holding Eternia together.

Standor, Cosmic Creator of Power

Lore: “Before time began, the great Gods of the multiverse convened in the Hall of Power to create all that was and all that will ever be. Head architect of this great task was Standor. A cosmic being of unlimited imagination, Standor helped lead his fellow deities by fueling their energies with raw creative force.”

Backstory: Released for Comikaze 2013 to celebrate the partnership of Mattel and Pow! Entertainment, Standor is literally just Stan Lee But a God. The prototype was called Standar--idk why they changed it, but I think it’s because it’s too easy to confuse with “Standard”. They made a bio for his sunglasses. I don’t want to talk about it.

Bash-Or, Slain Mystic God-Beast

Lore: Very little is known of Bash-Or, the Ram. His last remnant was sealed within the Ram Stone by the ancient sorceror kings of Zalesia, imbuing it with his divine power to overcome any barrier, magical or otherwise.

Backstory: Bash-Or was revealed in the bio for the Ram Stone, September of 2020, but his spirit (previously referred to as ‘the Spirit of the Ram Stone’) was twice utilized by Skeletor in the MYP cartoon, to great effect, before the stone was destroyed.

[lysershine]

@willwoodimagines​ lore timeline (what is my life)

So firstly, a fuckin massive thank you to @hotsinglelemonsinyourarea​ because I cannot do this shit alone and he’s helped me compile all of their old posts because I, apparently, underestimated how long they’ve been doing this. So from this point forward, I’m assuming nothing is a joke. Here we go!!

I am so sorry. Let’s do this.

So earliest posts that are likely lore come from around April the 9th. This post is a conversation seemingly between Three and One where Two is gone on a road trip, -- although it might not Actually Be A Road Trip, -- and then One tells everyone to stop acting like Two is dead, because he’s not. Which, fair enough, although later in the conversation, Two replies and seems to invent that he’s at the beach, probably to calm down the people speculating about his whereabouts. I am Anything But Calm. 

There’s also this post, presumably from One or Three but it’s hard to tell cuz Three didn’t start signing posts until much later and they type pretty similarly, where they tell us we should be grateful for them feeding us and keeping us warm, and it’s tagged with ‘#I wish I was warm.’  

So here’s where stuff gets very interesting! Backstory, people! In this post, we start to see some pieces put together. The imagine reads:

IMAGINE: Will Wood invites you into his home for an exclusive performance of I/Me/Myself. You are so excited! But then, he asks you to come down into his wine cellar, explaining that his keyboard is down there. You go down there hesitantly. You don’t realize for several minutes that he did not follow you down here. The only things here are a laptop and a sticky note with the words “POST IMAGINES” written in sharpie. You are so afraid and attempt to leave the way you came in but the door is gone. You are trapped. It is so cold and you just want to see your family again.

So that’s horrifying!! But it gives us insight into how the mods were probably captured and why they’re running this blog. It’s a great blog. 10/10, doesn’t make me solve codes. Oh wait. 

After that post, -- which I am assuming comes from Three, -- we’re treated to a bunch of morse code that the wonderful Nigel was kind enough to translate for me:

They then added in a reblog, “It seems I have made a typo! I meant mod 1 won’t let me speak, I am mod 3.” So, it seems like One is trying to quiet any cries for help.

This is shortly thereafter followed by this post from the 11th, and to quote directly, it says:

IMAGINE: Inside of the cellar basemeant, there is a suit. It is tempting but Weill said you are not allowed to touch. YOu know you want to. Touch it. he is guarding it. he is hiding something. follow for more will woof imagines.

So that’s riddled with typos, and if you stick them all together you just get eeOf so I’m gonna assume that all this means is that this post is courtesy of Two. There’s also a skeleton circled so maybe Will has previous victims or something? Who knows.

On the 12th, we have a couple posts, one about being in Will’s basement and watching him cosplay the onceler, another about Will being vaguely inhuman. Don’t know how important that is but I’m gonna make note of it anyway, because Will being inhuman especially might make sense for some stuff.

The next seemingly important post is this one:

So this one is probably about Two, my evidence being this post and the fact that, following this, Two gets significantly worse at spelling and more confused about what’s going on with their captivity. My best guess is that Two gets in trouble either for the lack of imagines OR they did touch the suit from that earlier imagine and now they know something that they shouldn’t. Either way, Will takes him away and brainwashes??? Lobotomizes??? Bite of ‘87s???? Idk???? I’m gonna go with lobotomy, it seems the most accurate to Two’s behavior from here on out, I really have no idea but he comes back Very Different. And in the tags it says ‘Laplace’s Angel 2:14!’ and the line at that time is “Somebody, help me!” so you know, pretty straightforward cry for help. 

Though it makes me think that in the cellar, they are probably limited to interaction with only things directly connected to Will Wood, which is why “as a treat” they watch the documentary and they communicate with his music like this. They’re not allowed any media other than his. 

Anyway, here’s an important note: From this point forward, Two is an unreliable narrator. Everything he says from here on out should be taken with a pillar of salt. (H.A.L.T., it’s not my fault!) 

So with that in mind, the next post of importance is this one, a conversation that goes Three, One, and then Two. Two says Will let them watch the documentary as a treat, One tells them to stop making it seem like Will is holding them captive, and Three just says “movee :-)”. Which, fair enough.

The next posts that are worth noting are this one, where Three simply says “mental anguish” and One shuts them down saying that no one on the blog is experiencing that, and threatens them in the tags, and then this one where someone is being silenced.  

There’s this post, which in the website version of their blog links to itself, I don’t know how or why or if that matters but if someone figures something out with that, please let me know. There’s also this imagine, which is about bodyswapping with Will -- storywise, I don’t think this is something that really happens, -- but it’s tagged with ‘#I miss my family.’ So that’s Not Good.

There’s some posts in between solidifying that despite this wackiness, the mods are indeed still friends. And then we go straight back into absolute horror with this post:

And so evidently they are Less Than Okay and probably being held captive by Will Wood. It’s immediately followed by this morse code, presumably from Three because he seems to use morse where One uses binary, and when deciphered, it reads: “I am blinking. Hear my cry.” Three’s post is then followed by One trying to shush them once more, saying: 

“[W]e at Willwoodimagines would like to apologize for last night. We might have, perhaps, made it seem as if we are being held in a wine cellar against our Will (Wood), and that some of us have been down here for six years, and that we may miss our families, but I, Mod 1, would like to remind you that we are fine and need no help! Cheers!:) #We are NOT blinking. At all. #Not at all. No blinking from us! Blinking? Aha! Not at all.”

So what can be gathered from this is that they’re absolutely being held in Will Wood’s wine cellar, and some of them have been there for six years, and they miss their families, are NOT fine, definitely need help, and are CERTAINLY blinking. Also the random bolded letters spell “help” again.

Then there’s this post, which Nigel translated for me (ty man ily):

We also have this crudely-drawn map from Two, but it doesn’t seem to be related to anything. Anyway, the address is totally garbled, yep, but nonetheless if you put it into Google you get the address for a relatively poorly-rated landfill in New Jersey:

So clearly someone picked up on that, because then we have an ask from an anon who wants to know what the recycling situation is where they are being held. One seems very confused by this question, and Two pipes in saying that have a trashcan. Their confusion would make me assume this is the wrong address, but I don’t actually have to assume, because One(?) confirms it later with this post containing binary that can be translated to read:

“oh god the address was wrong i don't know where we fucking are help“

So you know, concerning! This is immediately followed by another ask, this one in binary. The conversation goes:

“Are you good?” “Absolutely not”

Which kinda speaks for itself. There’s also a quiz they made and I took it to see if there was any lore and uh apparently I’m most like One, so that’s poggers, I think? Idk there wasn’t any lore though. There is this post where Three says that Two’s favorite song isn’t a Will Wood song, and One threatens to knock them the fuck out, and I’m adding this as a point to my theory that they’re unallowed to consume media unrelated to WW. They make up though, so it’s fine.

It gets more quiet and more confusing for a while, Three saying “wake up” and this post being tagged with ‘#I’m cold and I am afraid.’ Two leaves again, Three goes quiet cuz they’re having a rough time, Two hates being smol-bean-ified and is behind held below One and Three, who seem to be in the same room? They’re also all starving, and Three could be an arsonist if you let them out.

Blah blah, they called me out and I cried about it, and NOW we’ve reached the 100-follower-special. Thank fuck.

Three posts this, it leads to binary, and that binary says:

“Listen carefully. The video that Will (Wood) be posted is extremely important. Do not skip it.“

This is immediately followed by this video of Two sprinting through the woods, presumably to freedom, if you read the tags. Three follows that with another post, saying “It has begun.” One shuts them down again in this post, but it links to binary that says:

“hello? can you read this? mod 2 is free! and hopefully will be coming back for us both. you all did absolutely nothing to help so i'm not thanking you for this. however i am thanking you for following us all! you've given us moral support thank you, mod 1“

As I’ve said earlier, I’m fairly certain that their captor is Will and he has access to this tumblr, which is why One especially is trying to be quiet about this. Like in this post where they apologize for the insanity on the blog, which links to binary, and it reads:

“we’re not in ddlc. i am not monika. listen to me closely. mod 3 and i are still stuck here. we have been posting cries for help for weeks. go look for them! they’re like easter eggs. just for you! thank you, mod 1“

DO I LOOK LIKE I’M COLLECTING EGGS YET??? DO I??????? Anyway, I got named the official lore account so now I’m fucking trapped here, and then we get some posts about how Two has made it to a McDonald’s.

Then One posts yet another apology, with two links. Link one directs you to a groupchat between the three mods, detailing Two’s escape and everyone’s very odd adoration for fast food. But then again, Three says they’ve been eating slop for a while, so. Fair enough. To bring back my old commentary about this, though; in this conversation there seems to be a bit of confusion over who exactly put them in the cellar where they’re captured, but as we saw earlier it was indeed Will Wood himself who is keeping them prisoner. However, Two also asserts that very soon he will be able to save One and Three, apparently with the help of Will? So there are two possibilities here:

1. Two is still an unreliable narrator, so it’s a possibility that his lobotomy or whatever has ruined his ability to perceive threats and he is being tricked by Will, who is indeed their captor, and will get thrown back in the cellar with the other two.

2. Something bigger than Will is controlling the situation. It makes no sense that all three mods would remember Will putting them in the cellar if he didn’t. So someone else could be controlling Will, I don’t know. They allude to a person from the documentary and initially I assumed it was Will but I actually haven’t seen the movie (shock and horror, I know, I’m sorry), so maybe it’s someone else and that’s the piece of the puzzle I’m missing? Idk, if you’ve made it this far and you’ve seen the documentary, check the conversation and let me know.

Link two leads to binary, and when translated it becomes:

“i do think it’s less endearing and more terrifying how people on a blogging website care more about my freedom than my own friends and family did i dont need to sign this. you know who it’s from“

Which, maybe, but I love ARGs and Nigel and I are already incredibly invested so whoops. Besides, who’s gonna do it if we don’t?

Anyway!!! I sent an ask in response to some of my confusion for the groupchat, and because One said to keep sending messages. One responded, and I was redirected to even more binary because of course! This time it says:

“THANK YOU FOR ASKING MOD 2 SAID THAT HE HAS INTERACTED WITH WILL. SO I DO NOT THINK WE ARE BEING HELD BY WILL HIMSELF. I BELIEVE MOD 3 KNOWS BUT WHEN I ASKED AGAIN HE JUST TOLD ME THAT IT WAS THE GUY FROM THE MOVIE. THIS WAS NOT VERY HELPFUL THANKS  MOD 1 P.S. THIS IS IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE I'M VERY EXCITED!!” 

Then there were two posts in quick succession, the first one was a new puzzle type! Morse code! And grandma taught me that, so I can tell you it says:

“I think we posted an address once but it was wrong and we got caught doing it. I didn’t like that day. This entire computer has safety settings on it so I can’t just ??? (this looks like a keysmash or something to me?) stop writing. Hold on, I hear something.”

And I would’ve thrown it directly in a translator, but as One acknowledges in their next post with a link to more binary, I had to translate by hand because:

“well! you'll never guess what desktops do to morse code! we're back at binary! anyway. we did post an address but everything went wrong, i don't like thinking about that entire week, the pain was unimaginable! more importantly, though, i've asked mod 3 and he s hold on i think i hear something.“

That post was immediately reblogged with more binary that just says:

“well that’s not good”

Which is horrific!! So I sent an ask, like, ayo homie what the fuck, and I got a response! The text itself is just a dismissal that anything’s wrong, but the bolded text spells out “footsteps” so that’s terrifying! Also Two apparently slept in the McDonald’s parking lot and One slept in a sleeping bag in the cellar.

They posted that this morning when I started working on this post, -- I’ve been here for like eight hours now I think, -- and so I replied expressing my distress that they were active again and One responded with backwards text, which when read normally, says:

“Did you think we were going to sleep forever? The show must go on!”

Death undertones, I dig it.

Anyway, @hotsinglelemonsinyourarea​ my beloved asked why they were watching @emerald-whale​, and One hit back with binary that says:

“you don't think we're watching all of you? tell the lorekeeper to write this one down. sincerely, mod 1″

Which is fucking horrifying, but no worries One, I am writing it down!! I am making a whole ass fucking timeline!! Because I am but a humbled servant that kneels to whatever story you’re trying to tell here. :) Apparently. ::) I hate it here.

Anyway, an anon sent in an ask that is one of the funniest interactions ever:

“ooohhh pizza mozarella pizza mozarella rella rella oohh“

“alright no more lore for you guys until you learn how to behave”

And then Two felt like pitching in as well:

Now keep in mind all of this was posted very fast and I was writing this post, -- still am, whoops, -- so I sent this very stressed ask telling them to SLOW DOWN THE LORE PLEASE IM FUCKING PLEADING as well as asking each mod a question, and I got shot back more binary cuz they hate me but they did answer my questions so the conversation goes:

Me: “One, are you in the same room as Three? What about Two?”  One: “yes. no. i miss 2 dearly.” Me: “Two, who did you bite to get out? Two: “the  ghuy from the movee !!!!  i bit him and sstole hias phone!!!!!! his passw ord was "willwoodsux"  :-)” Me: “Three, how long has it been since you’ve consumed any media that isn’t WW related?” Three: “It’s only been a year since I entered the cellar, so not that long ago :-) Around July you're welcome, lorekeeper sincerely, the three mods

So to clarify what and why I was asking:

1. My theory about One and Three being together while Two is separate is confirmed, yay me! Kinda trivial but I want to understand what’s going on in the cellar, so that stuff makes sense in context.

2. I haven’t seen the Will Wood movie, so this means nothing to me! Lucky for me, I have a friend, @indubitablyswag​, who has seen it, so I asked them!

They have no fucking clue either!! So I will probably be renting that movie tonight, because this lore is worth money to me now, apparently, -- and I’ve been meaning to see it anyways. 

3. Three made a comment about having never seen Ratatouille, which Nigel thought tied into my theory that non-WW things weren’t allowed in the cellar. I think this confirms that, but it actually doesn’t excuse Three from not knowing Ratatouille because it came out much longer than a year ago. (Unless this ARG takes place in a different year? I’ll have to ask about that.)

Then there’s another pizza mozzarella whatever ask, but it’s okay cuz Two fucking murders them. 

I got my numbers screwed up and hurt One’s feelings, (IF YOU’RE READING THIS, ONE, IM SORRY, I MEANT THREE!!) something???? hurts, and I have wasted a solid nineish hours of my existence on this.

Then One gave me a whole ass heart attack by asking my favorite flavor of ice cream. (Theirs is birthday cake, apparently.)

I’m posting it before any of those fucks give me any more lore to add to this timeline because I’ve been here for like ten hours and I honestly just Can Not Keep Doing This, so I’ll be back with more theories later, -- especially after I’ve seen the movie. 

In the meantime, au revoir, I’m gonna go have a stroke. I hope you guys are pleased with your lorekeeper. Cuz if you’re not then literally what has this been for? :::))

[botwstoriesandsuch]

DEAR FISH FUCKERS, YOU’RE WELCOME

I’ve done what no other has done before (to my knowledge) and found the aging system for the Zora! 

Ok so this started as simple research for this ask

See, I misread the phrasing of “best educated guess” to “research for 2 hours and come to a conclusive answer” so anyhow before I indulge you into the answers of the universe allow me to explain the research I’ve come across 

[TL;DR at the bottom]

So firstly, we have to look at our conclusive evidence, from which we’ll base our theory/headcanon on, which can mainly be found in the Creating a Champion book, and some dialogue in game. I’ve compiled them all in these bullets here

Zora children are around 20ish years old [as said by dialogue with Finley in her love letter sidequest, I don’t have a screenshot but please just take my word for it]

150ish is considered middle-aged for Zora

Muzu is around 4 centuries old 

Curved claws, weathered fins, and worn noses are signs of an older Zora that is more than 3 centuries(ish) old

Zora that were friends with Link must be around 150ish (not just 100), since you need to also account for the 20+ years of growing from a child stage, to the more normal sized form that you see them in the game, ergo, it’s that age plus the 100 years stasis that we determine the “middle age” of around 150

150 is the middle age, double that for the average old age of 300 years, but I say it could go to 400 too for additional reasons I’ll explain later with examples with my final age system. Anyhow, Muzu is around 400 if you take the 100 years for actually growing up from childhood, additional 100+ years of holding a different job as I doubt you just straight out hire a councilman without experience, and then another century for where he first started working in in the council, training Mipha, which would overlap with the period of the pre and post Great Calamity and Link’s return, meaning that’s 3 centuries plus 50ish years if we’re being generous with the overlap. This would help line up with the “for over a century” line as that doesn’t quite mean 2 centuries of working in the council, but Muzu is definitely getting up there to 4 centuries for his age alone

Now, I thought, this was gonna be my breakthrough, this screenshot here, depicting the traits of the older Zora. The elderly Zora are probably around 3 centuries old (since King Dorephan said they were young men around Mipha’s time, 150ish+100 gives us the range of 250-300), so I was like “Oh l can look at the size of their fins and noses and head/tail things and find a more efficient way to find their age” but nOPE. There is very little variation in that ballpark, the Zora either have exaggerated weathered noses or nice and shiny fins and no in between. The size of their head fins are roughly the same, with again, the only exaggerated differences being with the King and Sidon which doesn’t help at all because the Royal Zora already have a bunch of other difference such as their SIZE to name one.

I even went to the part about their curved toes, which initially would line up with some other Zora like Muzu

And let me tell you

I’ve looked at their toes

This is them from a child, a middle-aged, and an elderly. Color doesn’t matter and the curve? Well there’s

BARELY A DIFFERENCE 

At least not nearly enough to find an efficient way to find age. Even Muzu’s final model didn’t have the exaggerated curvature as seen in the book.

I looked at their tail tail fins, (not the tail on their head, but their actual small rounded tail fin by their butts) because the book also mentioned how the grown Zora have more pronounced tail fins compared to the kids, but it was the same for the 150s and the 300s sooo not that helpful

So I kept digging. In the book I found that King Dorephan was crowned around 100 years before the game started. In addition I reread the 10 Zora stone monuments and found that he had killed a Guardian with his bare hands and thrown it off a cliff, which he still had a scar from. 

[and yes I attempted to find his definitive age by seeing how long it takes for a scar to fade but I gave up cause Zora anatomy is too different to find a conclusive answer]

So I was like, “ok Dorephan had to have been around 150 when he came to the throne, then 50 years later the guardians are excavated giving way to the story about the guardian...” blah blah blahbla I even went to the supposed site where that guardian was, but it all didn’t really give me that much more info than what I already knew. I was researching ways to age the rock monuments from visuals alone which needless to say is pretty impossible, so I gave up on finding Dorephan’s age and I kept digging. 

All I wanted was something physical that could properly give way to identifying a Zora’s age was that too much to ask???

Now this is where I had all but given up, it seems that my only answer was this vague note about how their fins move up when they grow

Which, to be fair, held true when I looked at the in-game character models myself, but I can’t exactly pixel measure these things for each Zora.

But THAT’S where the revelation came. I was so focused on finding inconsistencies within the elderly Zora, when I should have been looking at the young baby ones. See, this pictures, literally right next to the page about elderly Zora that I was analyzing for ages, is the key to it all

Now, I was thinking about the rings on a tree, and certain species of banded fish that grow and discard different markings as they grow older, I even counted the neck rings on certain Zora to see if they did that thing where they add a ring for each birthday like some African and Asian cultures do (look it up, that stuff’s pretty interesting!) and that is where it struck me.

Count how many luminescent markings are on their head 

The males have 11, the females have 8  (on the one side, the other side has the same number of dots but for simplicity purposes I’m doing one side)

Now let’s count for these Zoras, who are middle aged-ish

The male has 10, the female has 7.

Now let’s look at the oldest Zora that we know of

3 dots above the eye, four on the tail. Muzu that motherfucker has 7 damn dots and I couldn’t be happier.

MY DUDES, GALS, AND PALS THIS IS IT, I’VE CHECKED AND DOUBLE CHECKED WITH NEARLY EVERY ZORA I COULD AND THE NUMBER OF LUMINESCENT MARKINGS ON THEIR HEAD CORRESPONDS WITH THE AMOUNT OF CENTURIES THEY’VE LIVED, LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY      DOWN     TO     THE     DOT

First we have Muzu, who as I’ve preciously stated is around 4 centuries old. 11-4? Oh, it’s seven, and that’s the amount of markings he has? OOoo??

How about this Zora Lady who recognized Link from 100 years ago?

Seven dots? 8-7 is 1 so shes just over one century which lines up timeline wise. You can even see how the third dot is slowing shrinking on her head so she’s coming up on 2 centuries 

Ok how about the elders?

NINE. 11-9 is 2 centuries, with again, the dot by their head shrinking significantly showing how they’re getting up on 3 centuries.

The part I circled in green there is jewelry, not a marking, however this only goes further to prove my point. What better way to appear youthful than to have jewelry that makes it look like you have more markings than you have, made with luminous stone, no less.

This guy? Seggin? Super close to 4 centuries, those dots are fading away fast. Count your days old timer

Random dude that doesn’t recognize Link but is an new apprentice for sculpture making? 10 dots, a fresh 1 century pal, lookin young

I was a feral child running across the Domain screaming people’s ages in their face like a rude, naive, brat, I was elated to say the least. Especially since this system even works on the King himself

[plus one dot slightly behind the fin here...]

King Dorephan has 7 dots, he’s 400 years old. Which still lines up timeline wise, especially since he’s similar age with Muzu who he has stated is one of his most trusted advisors, beecaaaaaaaause of the years they’ve spent working together the timelines match uppppppp

This system works for almost all Zora, with 2 exceptions. Guards have helmets that cover their markings, so it’s impossible to tell. In addition, Prince Sidon, has sixteen lights on this hammerhead because he’s fancy like that (we already know he’s canonically 2ish centuries old anyhow from the DLC)

EDIT: I WAS WRONG THIS WORKS FOR SIDON TOO. The sixteen markings I was referring to was actually the amount of marking on each side of the head total, however if we look at the markings for only one side, like intended

Ten dots, Sidon’s over 100 years old. I’d say he’s closer to 150 given the timeline

Essentially, the most surefire way to find almost any Zora’s age is to identify a male or female Zora, count the number of lights on the side of their head/tail thing, then subtract from 11 if they’re a male, and from 8 for a female. The number left is how many centuries they’ve lived. You can check to see if their markings are shrinking and fading to get a sense if they’re coming up on the next century anytime soon. Comparing this with the oldest Zora we see in game, we can conclusively say that the Zora lifespan is around 3 to 4 centuries since no Zora has been seen with less than seven markings

Now go and make your Zora ocs with your appropriate number of lights. I’m gonna have a cookie

[swiftgronmasterpost]

Winter 2014 - Clean?

Karlie and Taylor have met by now and are quickly getting close.  Karlie appears to be spending quality time with Taylor through December 2013 and beyond.  There are reports that Karlie may have been at Andrea’s birthday party (early January.)

However according to the Lover Diaries Taylor is still feeling frustrated about love:

January 6, 2014

She ends out this journal entry by saying “They say if you love something let it go and if it comes back blah blah blah....So I’m leaving the day after tomorrow.  Dating is awful.  Love is fiction/a myth.  I’m over it all.”

That line about letting something go actually sounds a lot like This Love lyrics:

This love is good, this love is bad This love is alive back from the dead These hands had to let it go free And this love came back to me

This Love seems to be about her and Dianna’s fall 2012 reconciliation and is now referenced again a year and a half later.  That’s what makes me think she’s referencing Dianna in this journal entry.

She also mentions deciding to move to New York.  She had been seen searching for property in London in November 2013.  Karlie claims in an interview later on that she’s the one who convinced Taylor to move to New York.

Some time early winter 2014 - Taylor stops by the Glee set

Kevin tells the story on a 2020 episode of Showmance about Taylor visiting the Glee set “just to see who was there.”  We can’t be sure of the exact date but given the episode they’re reviewing we know it’s January or February of 2014.

The people Taylor were closest to on the Glee cast were of course Dianna obviously and Cory but Cory had passed away by this point.

This anecdote from Kevin and the Jan 6 Lover Diary entry make it clear there is a bit of residual Swiftgron pining and I think one last fling around this time in early 2014 becomes the inspiration for the song Style.

February 2014 - Dianna appears in UK InStyle done up like James Dean with her hair slicked back:

February 8, 2014 - Taylor writes Clean while in London - a song about finally being done with a relationship that’s officially been over for 10 months.  She’s finally clean of Dianna right?

The “months and months of back and forth” referenced in Clean I believe points to the time around September when they appear to attempt to reconcile and then Dianna’s increasingly frustrated Instagram posts that appear exactly when Taylor meets Karlie.

(Later on in an interview Karlie claims Clean is her favorite track on 1989)

February 14, 2014 - Dianna posts to IG a clip of her dog being funny and ignoring her and she says “Freddie doesn’t care. Not at all. February 14, 2014.”

February 19, 2014 - Sike she’s not Clean yet - Taylor writes Style - a song about a relationship that never goes out of style and about hooking up with an ex where you’ve both tried to move on, been with other people even, but are still drawn back to one another

It’s thought that Taylor may have seen Dianna in the UK copy of InStyle dressed up like James Dean and been inspired to write the song.

Check out all-my-possessions’ post diving more into Style and Clean!

In interviews about this song Taylor says a lot of interesting thing.  First of all she says “there’s not always a case of who was right and who was wrong.” when she speaks about the relationship that inspired this song - it’s more complicated than that:

She also describes the person who inspired this song as “that one person who you feel like might interrupt your wedding and be like ‘don’t do it, cause we’re not over yet’ I think everybody as that one person who kind of floats in and out of their life and the narrative is never truly over.”

Taylor describing the relationship that inspired this song as intense but essentially something she’ll look back on without any malice and the phrase “that one person” is one of the key pieces of evidence that made me think that the break up songs on Red (which were described by Taylor as about a toxic relationship) could not be about Dianna.   Also the lyric in Clean - “just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it” tells me that however tough it got with Dianna she still misses her and thinks fondly of her.  

Back to the timeline...

Early March (March 6th?) - Taylor and Karlie go to Big Sur and I believe this is the official start to their relationship (due to the love locked down instagram post) - Swiftgron is essentially over.

Click here to keep reading!

[phoebehalliwell]

ok but let's discuss astrology. like i just made girls natal charts and got a thought. what rising sign would you give to each sister? (lmao their charts like literally witchy and kinda strange, like prue is a scorpio sun and aquarius moon, piper's a leo sun and sag moon, phoebe's a scorpio sun and libra moon, and paige is a leo sun and pisces moon. like... these are very strange. but funny)

!! okay. so. so like many moons ago i started a charmed astrology series that i literally never finished but hey maybe i should finish that where i like. did the girls whole charts. mainly based off vibes i kept the generational signs and the sun signs

which sidebar that ik is gonna be a long enough rant to warrant it's own paragraph but i'm a diehard piper capricorn truther because like in canon we are given not one not two but three whole pieces of conflicting evidence for piper's birthday first being the family tree placing her as a leo in s2 next phoebe's line decreeing her a gemini in s3 and then 3) a whole ass birthday episode in s6 set in january, placing her as either a capricorn or an aquarius. (which, it has been argued. could potentially be in july/august or may/june But. given the timeline with chris's birth take into account and also relativity to wyatt's birthday which is canonically in february. it's p solidly january in my opinion.) anyways so not only am i a capricorn truther because i think it is the best sign for her like everything about her to me reads very strongly earth sign like shure u could argue leo i can see it gemini is really reaching imo i really. i do not see her as a gemini. But. not only am i a capricorn truther because she's a capricorn, i am also a capricorn truther because given the three pieces of evidence, which was the most canon weight: a prop, a quip, or an episode. right??? like. like if we accept the family tree as canon there are literally so many errors there stuff that simply is not canon it was just made by some guy in props prue's birth year is wrong given her past life's death year, grams not only has like a brother like 20 years her jr i'm p sure it also implies she gave birth to patty at age 13 like there is So Much fucked up in that tree (and they never even put paige on there!!!!!!!!!!)

anyways. piper=capricorn. i also did moon sign off vibes just because i prefer it that way but ig these are like. their canon moon signs. given the day/year. i do really like aquarius for prue i love pisces for paige because i feel like it leans into that artist side and really like um. like the fact i think paige really doesn't lean into her moon sign that much i think like you know that whole well of emotions i think it can be very debilitating for her if that gets opened (like what we saw in a paige from the past) so i think kind of her bursts of creativity and her like. she kind of has this sort of bleeding heart when it comes to looking out for people she barely knows i think that really is her moon sign scratching its way to the surface because i really don't think paige like again i don't think she leans into it that much she's not someone who leads with her emotions. for phoebe's libra moon i'm literally just like advice columnist. yeah. if i'm still on my piper capricorn tilt i think the bday i gave her was the 13th, so her moon sign would be taurus. which i also like for her. like her being possessed by gluttony and also her speech to the elders in early s3 in once upon a time where she demands leo back? yeah.

but!! rising signs. starting with prue i think she'd probably have an fire rising sign just given like. like her energy. like in school she was head cheerleader we see constantly throughout the show like her first impressions kick your ass like everyone knows they're looking at a fierce spirit when they first meet her. i would say the ram i'd say prue aries rising. for piper i'm saying cancer rising. to level with you i'm not even considering the other ones she just feels so cancer rising like in high school she was nobody in almost every situation in the early seasons (and honestly sometimes beyond that) people just look at her and go oh. housewife. doormat. i can walk all over her (both douchebag bosses at quake, the like. homeowners association meeting in the s3 episode where the triquetra breaks. the high school reunion ep). but on the more positive side her and leo's early relationship and the really shy dance around each other a sweet puppy love or even why tyler the firestarter first showed up in the house it was piper who was able to put him at ease i'm saying cancer rising. next up on the docket is phoebe who i am going to give a leo rising just because she does always seem to have this (occasionally unwarranted) confidence like she turns heads when she enters a room she has this power this chutzpah that i think only gets further driven up in shallow situations (like what we say with clay her ex-flame from new york i mean, you barely had a spare minute in new york, three jobs just to afford your social calendar type shit) like i think she. yeah. i think she's a leo rising. paige i think i'm gonna give an aquarius rising to paige just because like yes the whole "humanitarian" aspect of the aquarius sign which like. like to level with you. think of all the aquarians you know. humanitarian? how many people would you genuinely describe as humanitarian maybe i just personally have beef with like. aquarian men. just like. in general. but humanitarian? really? it's mainly just guys sucking themselves off to their own ideas about how the world works and assuming that every single other person is like them and that's why society is the way it is and blah blah blah blah i'm sorry this was in college it's a small sample size ik i try not to hate all aquarians. but humanitarian? anyways tho i think if someone were to like actually read humanitarian i think paige is def a candidate but i think what really sells her on the aquarius rising for me is the fact that i think she is really difficult to get a read on (which is another trait i associate w aquarians due to their lack of emotions, as we all know. i'm sorry i'm really gonna hafta go back and find the aquarian who hurt me bc i feel like this is running strangely deep. but i also feel like i'm right so.) but i think paige is like. like, if we look back on almost all of her first introductions (first meeting the sisters, kind of first interactions with leo, first interactions with richard, first interactions with kyle), like. there is something detached there, but like, slightly underneath, this strong desire to help. yeah. <3

[panharmonium]

next round of in-progress naruto thoughts under the cut

[i actually haven’t progressed that far from where i was last time, honestly, but i could feel myself getting to a stage where i had some things i needed to write up.]

fyi, this one is a little more gripe-y than usual - still enjoying myself, but there are some things in the current arc that are bugging me.

[spoiler policy disclaimer first, as always: I am watching naruto for the first time and have only gotten to the point where naruto and bee break out of the island barrier and leave to join the war.  i am trying to avoid spoilers, so please don’t interact with this (tags included, because the notifications now show them to me automatically) with any spoilery commentary, including even general things like “oh i love this show but it gets less good after X point” or “X season is better than Y season” or any general assessments of quality/likability/etc re: future seasons.  Thank you! <3 ]

anyway, to go ahead with my grousing -

there are a couple things about this current arc that have me feeling "ehhh.”

1) too many dead people

i’ve personally always been lukewarm on the “revive/reanimate dead characters for the Confrontation Value” trope, which is probably due to me having been a comics fan for so long (i was pretty deep into DC-land during Blackest Night, and that’s not even the first/last time this sort of thing has been done there, so).  i’m not saying it CAN’T be done in an interesting way, but most of the time my experience with it has been that it’s kind of cheap/redundant storytelling.  it usually doesn’t add much to an emotional arc, for me, and when it retreads an emotional arc that did have a strong conclusion, i feel like all it does is weaken the original story.  

so like - places where i feel like shippuden does this well are with minato and kushina.  i found both of those scenes with naruto to be powerful moments that added something new to the story/to naruto’s development.  (but they’re not even part of the whole reanimation jutsu plotline, which is what i’m mostly feeling “eh” on, so it’s not even the greatest example.)

a place where i’m kind of in the middle is with asuma.  on the one hand, i really don’t think that this needed to happen, because the original story arc with him was SO strong.  however, they did kind of redeem themselves in a way by focusing the redux on choji instead of shikamaru, so at least they were still saying/exploring something something new.

places where i’m still pretty dubious are pretty much...everyone else.  i’m just not sure...well, i don’t know.  i can’t really say definitively how i feel about it until i get to the end of the arc and see how it ends, but at the current moment, i’m just not sure what we get out of seeing people like zabuza+haku, lady chio, itachi, nagato, etc....ALL of those stories had such powerful endings; it just makes me leery of these “resurrections” invalidating everything we saw previously/weakening the impact of what came before.

2) mixed messaging

this is my bigger gripe, and it’s something i’ve kind of had floating on the edges of my mind for a long time, but this season especially is highlighting it.

the one thing that is guaranteed to make me frustrated about this show (besides its obvious disinterest in female characters) is when it starts to lean super hard into the “Naruto Is The Only One Who Can Do It!” for every single task that needs to be completed.  and i know this is a stupid thing to complain about when the show is literally titled “Naruto,” but the reason it gets frustrating is because the initial message of this show was never “one super special person must do everything on their own and save everyone else.”  the original message of this show was teamwork.  

the very first lesson kakashi teaches the kids (and the foundation upon which the rest of the story has been built) is “you are stronger together.”  if you had all come at me together, you might have been able to take [the bells]!  he specifically criticizes naruto for working alone: “naruto - you do EVERYTHING on your own.  EVERYTHING.”  and that’s understood to be the Wrong Thing; it’s the reason naruto ends up tied to the stump.  but in the last few seasons especially (though there have definitely been previous moments where this has shown up before) the ONLY thing we keep hearing is how naruto has to accomplish everything by himself.  

it didn’t bother me in the Pain arc; i actually thought that confrontation was appropriate and necessary for naruto’s development.  but ever since then, it’s escalated to a point where now it’s like - “naruto is the only one who can fight sasuke!  naruto is the only one who can defeat madara!  naruto is the only one who can stop the war!  naruto is the only one who can erase everybody’s hatred!”  

and that’s the point at which i start to get frustrated, because my mind is like “okay, and the other characters are going to be doing...what, exactly?”

again, maybe it’s stupid to complain about that when the show is literally titled “Naruto.”  but i don’t think so.  title notwithstanding, this story at its heart was, in the beginning, an ensemble show with four main characters, whereas nowadays, the messaging is that only one of those characters can actually accomplish anything.  so i get kind of resentful, when i’m told that the other members of the team can’t do anything but step back and hold naruto up, because the essential message of this story has ALWAYS been “teamwork is more important than anything.  you are NEVER stronger by yourself.  we ALL have something to contribute.”

right now, the other characters feel like they’ve just been shunted off to do busywork.  none of them have grown or changed at all since the end of season 10 (and even the end of season 10 was starting to slide into the “only naruto can do anything about sasuke in the end blah blah” - yes it’s a huge pet peeve of mine but it is what it is; whatever; moving on).  we haven’t even SEEN sasuke since the end of season 10.  there’s been no consideration given to how kakashi is handling being drafted into a second war and being put in charge of 20,000 lives (and his clash with zabuza was just a vehicle for all the characters to reflect once again on how great naruto is).  there’s been virtually ZERO attention given to how sakura is handling things, minus that one scene where she’s looking at gory pictures from the previous great ninja war.  everybody is just marking time, punching a bunch of identical white zetsus until naruto can come solve the problem and wow everyone with his new abilities.

part of my annoyance might just be due to the fact that the timeline is so wonky due to filler arcs - it feels like ages have passed for me, but in-universe it really hasn’t been all that long.  but i also think there are legitimate reasons for me to be frustrated, when the show introduces things and then just unceremoniously drops them without any indicator of when they might be picked up again.  like - the uchiha genocide reveal was (i thought) a Huge Fucking Deal that should have Major Repercussions - but it’s just kind of.....disappeared as an issue???  and yamato - he’s been CAPTURED!!!!!!  but the show has not shown a single character reacting to this, or even being informed that it happened, and i think that’s shitty, actually.  yamato isn’t a minor character.  he’s been naruto’s personal guardian since season 2.  he has done SO MUCH for the kids, and he is kakashi’s friend, and i think it is shitty to have him get captured by the same people who experimented on him as a child and then not spend a second or two making it clear that other characters CARE about this.  

anyway.  this is just something that’s been creeping up on me as time goes on, and the last few episodes of “Naruto is the Savior of the Entire World” talk just made it feel more immediate, i guess.  plus the new intro (which i know may not be reliable; sometimes they show things that never happen) had a shot of naruto fighting itachi, and i think that tipped me over the edge, lmao, because you know what?  enough!!!!!  naruto can’t be the one who gets to do EVERYTHING!  some stories are not about him!  there are other characters who have relationships that are not about naruto.  there are places where other characters should be able to accomplish things naruto can’t do.  the other main characters should be allowed to complete their personal arcs, separate from (not just secondary to) naruto’s journey.

like - just - this is how i feel: this show started out as a story about a group of four people, and the root theme was “teamwork is everything.”  i don’t like how the show has slowly started to mutate into a story about naruto’s “solitary” quest to save sasuke, when we have seen MANY TIMES that: 

a) sakura was the first of the kids who even knew that something was wrong with sasuke, while naruto remained utterly oblivious all the way through shonen jump (and partway into shippuden, tbh)

b) kakashi in the past has connected with sasuke in ways that NEITHER of the two kids have been able to achieve

i just don’t like it.  i don’t like how S10 had sakura say the line “naruto...you were the first one to ever see the darkness in sasuke...” when she’s reflecting on their fight on top of the hospital, because that is a LIE.  it’s a blatant retcon.  of the kids, sakura was the one who knew from the very beginning that something was wrong with sasuke.  she was the one who was with him when he had that semi-dissociative episode during the bells test.  she was the one who was with him during all the curse mark stuff in the forest of death.  she was the one who knew something was off when he challenged naruto to a fight - naruto was just psyched that sasuke wanted to “spar” with him!  and SHE was the one who suspected that sasuke might do something as drastic as leave the village - naruto explicitly told her not to worry; that sasuke was totally fine; he would never ever do something like that!

like - the show already barely gives sakura anything for herself; now they try to take this away from her, too?  and give it to naruto?  to hammer in a kind of connection between naruto and sasuke that demonstrably did not exist??  (i’m not saying that naruto and sasuke don’t have their own important relationship!  but it is just provably untrue that naruto was the person who understood sasuke best.  shonen jump goes out of its way to demonstrate how clueless naruto is about what sasuke is really like and what he’s going through.  naruto is SHOCKED that sasuke would go to orochimaru.  he doesn’t realize that their fight on top of the hospital is anything more than their usual rivalry business.  when sasuke pops out of the coffin behind kimimaro, naruto waves and starts laughing, because he thinks sasuke is still on their side and is going to run right home!  and even in shippuden, when naruto hears that orochimaru is dead, he gets all excited and goes “so sasuke must be on his way back to the leaf village!!! :D”  like.  he just doesn’t get it.)

and i won’t really get into kakashi’s side of things here, because i would end up writing too much, but suffice to say that i am just...wary of the way it feels like recent parts of the show are trying to minimize or...push aside the real, textually-documented connections that kakashi and sakura had with sasuke in favor of “Only Naruto Can Help!”  it frustrates me.  kakashi made inroads with sasuke that neither of the kids ever achieved.  sasuke talks to kakashi in a more honest way than he ever does with either of his peers, even when he’s out of his head with rage.  and i would prefer to see this show taking the angle that all three of sasuke’s team members are going to be indispensable for saving him.  

you know.  like teamwork.