#I know i could just read the web novel however

[weirdsht]

Stereotypical . Cliché - LoTCF & Venion Stan! Reader

notes: ngl i took more time dwelling whether i should make this a series. but i never did two series at once because i can't handle the commitment, so i compromised by making it a long oneshot. ALSO TRIGGER WARNING: I put my psych major to work while writing this fic so...

tags: TRIGGER WARNING PLEASE CAREFULLY READ THE TAGS (dw nothing too graphic for every warning) depression, eating disorder, anxiety, self-loathing, torture and abuse, guilt, like lots of guilt, passive to mild suicidal thoughts, not being able to control your body, catatonic depression, anhedonia, blood, cursing, vague novel spoilers, Taylor Stan being the best brother out there, open ending i think, can be seen as hurt/comfort

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are open and welcome

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Tak Tak Tak

The sound of the horses of the carriage filled your ears as soon as you woke up.

…Wait horses?

How could there be horses when you were sure you were inside a lecture hall?

“Young master I’m glad you’re awake. We are nearing Viscount Tolz’s territory.”

Viscount Tolz? That sounds familiar, but you can’t quite put your finger on it as you just woke up.

You observed the unfamiliar place you woke up in. You seem to be inside a carriage, years of reading manhwas, manhuas, mangas and web novels have gotten you familiar as to what they looked like. 

Observing the interior a bit more, you notice that the carriage you are in seems luxurious. That and the servant riding a horse outside the carriage window just called you “young master”. 

‘Did I transmigrate? I swear I was just nodding off during one of my lectures…’

“You. What date is it? My head feels fuzzy from sleeping in this uncomfortable carriage.”

‘I’ve rotten my brain reading that damn isekai genre. I already know the drill, I should be a villain or something. I guess I should be glad I didn’t end up as an animal, those things have gotten popular these days…’

You silently shivered at the thought of being a bird or a snake.

“I’m sorry about the seat young master. You’re custom cushion should be arriving tomorrow. As for the date, it is currently year 780 of the Felix Calendar.”

Shit

By the calendar mentioned you could already tell what series you transmigrated to. There was only one series you know that uses Felix Calendar.

Lout of the Count’s Family

And it looks like you got sucked into that novel a year before things began.

“As soon as that arrives install it in my carriage. This thing is as hard as a brick.”

Contrary to what you say, the seat is very soft and comfortable. However, if you really did transmigrate as a villain like in all those manhwas you’ve read then you figured you have to act as bratty as possible. 

“I understand young master. We are nearing the villa soon, I’m sure young master Neo has prepared your room so you can rest.”

Fuck. You’re fucked.

Out of all the small villains in existence you just had to steal the body of a dragon abuser. You just had to get in the body of Venion Stan.

Venion out of all people. Even Neo Tolz or Adin or Duke Fredo would’ve been better picks.

But no, the gods of this world just had to put you in the body of an atrocious villain that has no use.

Never mind running away in the countryside while enjoying all the inheritance, there’s no way that black dragon is going to leave you alone.

…And for sure the black dragon is already 3 years old, there’s no saving you now. Anger and despair are already planted in that poor baby’s heart.

Everything moved too quickly to your liking. One moment you were in the carriage, then next Neo was greeting you. After you blinked you’re already in the black dragon’s cell.

‘Can I survive a year before Cale comes here to get the dragon?’

The black dragon can’t use mana, let alone dragon fear. But his vicious gaze full of animosity is already enough to make you feel guilt and fear.

He looked so pitiful. The cell might be spacious, but a cage will still be a cage. He was just there, in the middle of the cell. Chained and unable to fight back.

The buffet in the middle doesn’t help the queasiness you feel in your stomach.

“Do-”

‘Don’t bother with it, I won't be visiting the dragon further.’

The words you want to say are stuck in your throat. Some unknown force is stopping you from uttering them out.

You figured it was so that things would still go according to the plot.

‘I know I wasn’t the greatest in my previous life, but was I so bad that I must experience this?’

Tap Tap Tap

Heels of your shoes tapped against the ground as you walked towards the table. You tried to stop your body, but it was useless. No matter how hard you try to stop yourself you just keep moving.

“Start.”

Your voice- no Venion’s voice said and the torturer started whipping the dragon.

Gulp

There’s a bile in your throat threatening to show itself. However, you swallowed it. The scene may look horrendous, but you didn’t look away. You didn’t stop eating the feast in front of you. You didn’t stop laughing at the small dragon’s demise.

More like you couldn’t.

You wanted to cry. You wanted to go back to your world and curl up in your bed. You wanted all of this to be a dream.

‘Is this the doing of the gods? If so then why must they be cruel.’

“Is there anything else you want to do young master?”

“No just go out. All of you. I will follow in a short while”

Following your order, everyone in the dungeon started heading out. After a few seconds, there was no one but you and the dragon in the room.

Bleurgh!

As soon as there was no one else in the room you vomited. Good thing there was a bathroom attached in the dungeon. The bathroom door was wide open as you puked your gut out, showing the black dragon a view of your pale face. Despite that you didn’t care, your only focus was to get rid of the horrible feeling running through your body.

It’s not as if the dragon would care about its torturer.

That night you spent the entire time in your bed tossing and turning. Too tired to sleep but too scared to face the nightmares you have to combat every time you do.

“Go find a magician or something and commission a temperature-regulating device. I want it installed at the cave before we visit the Tolz territory again.”

“As you wish your highness. However, aren’t you spending a bit too much on a mere pet?”

“You dare think I’m buying all these things for that pesky dragon? I’m buying it for my own comfort, you should be aware of how I want to be comfortable all the time.”

“It seems I made a mistake. I shall prepare everything you desire for the next time you visit the villa.”

Six months has already passed since you became Venion Stan. Adjusting wasn’t easy, especially when there are more times when you can’t control your body than when you can.

But still, you persevered.

It wasn’t like you had a choice anyway. You have already taken over this body so you have to live in it. That and there’s also the fact that you want the original plot to go smoothly.

You want the black dragon to experience justice.

So you persist. Even when the atrocities you did make you puke. Even when you want to kill yourself.

You didn’t

It wasn’t right.

You may not be the original Venion Stan, but it wouldn’t be right to take away the revenge the black dragon deserves. That was why you decided to persevere.

Persevere now and suffer at the dragon's hands later before finally dying.

That was your plan.

You didn’t care about other things anymore. Money, territory, power; none of those things mattered to you anymore. Too disgusted with yourself and everything you have been doing to even attempt to enjoy those things.

However

There’s a silver lining in all of this.

After a month of being in your new body, you have found a loophole. You found a way to combat some of the restrictions to your actions. As long as you sound selfish and villainous enough, you can get away with saying and doing most things.

Using this knowledge to your advantage, you slowly made life for the dragon easier. You bought a lot of things such as cushions, a more comfortable collar, and the temperature-regulating device you just ordered. You also used this fact to lessen your hold on both Taylor Stan and the underworld.

“Venion, I heard you withdrew the people watching over your older brother.”

You scowled at Marquis Stan’s words as if the mere mention of Taylor Stan upsets you.

“Father, what can that cripple do? He has no legs, no power, and barely has any money. Putting people to watch over someone like that will only be a waste of resources.”

Luckily, the marquis agreed with your reasoning and let the situation go while praising how smart you are.

‘Hopefully by this Taylor Stan can gather more information now that my people are now hovering over him.’

That night you managed to sleep for approximately 30 minutes. The longest sleep you’ve experienced since coming over to this world.

Bleurgh!!

It was another torture session and once again you were vomiting everything you ate that week after the session. 

While you were busy trying to not make a mess on the bathroom floor, you didn’t notice a certain young dragon observing you.

He may be three years old and he may not know much but his still smart because he's a dragon. That was why he noticed the changes in his captor that started around 8 months ago. 

The young dragon noticed the hesitation in your eyes whenever you entered the dungeon. How you were puking from self-hatred and not because of how bad the food was like you said. How your laugh is soulless, especially when he’s being tortured. 

How you stagger the slightest bit while standing up after those sessions. How your hands shook ever so slightly from guilt. How you tried to make the cell as comfortable as possible for him despite saying you were doing it for your own comfort. 

How your eyes look more lifeless each time he sees you.

The young dragon noticed all of it. He may not know what caused the change, but he knows that everything you’re doing is against your volition.

“Fuck I lost my appetite already. I’m going back to my room. Feed those scraps to that dragon.”

You ordered your servants on your way out. Walking as if your entire body wasn’t shaking ten seconds ago.

The black dragon just watches you with observant eyes. 

The “scraps” you were talking about were the feast that was barely even touched. It had always been like this for a few months now. You would barely touch your food and give it to the dragon in the guise of treating him like a dog.

For now, the young one accepts the food. He’ll figure out your intentions later.

“Lessen the guards at the dungeon. Remove all the cushions too, I’m going to change them. Do the same thing to the dragon’s collar too. While you’re at it increase the guards stationed at my quarters. Put the guards in the cave to my room.”

It’s the fated day. Time passed and now is already the day the black dragon will be rescued by Cale, Choi Han, and the cat tribe children. You already met them earlier and acted as arrogant as you could.

Hence the preparation. You need to make it look like the dragon was kept in a horrible condition. Of course, he was… but like much more worse conditions.

“Assassins have been increasing their attempts lately. If I see someone assigned to my room not doing your jobs I’m going to feed you to the sharks. Oh, and you.”

You pointed at a random servant passing by.

“Here’s some gold, buy some alcohol from the inn. Don’t tell anyone I was the one who bought it.”

“May I ask what you’re going to do with the alcohol young master?”

Everyone knows that Venion Stan deemed things not noble enough as disgusting. But you felt guilty for pushing that old man around earlier so you made an excuse.

“Depends on my mood. I’m feeling generous so if you all guard my room tonight then I’ll give you the alcohol tomorrow to drink.”

Everyone held in their shock.

“But if you don’t then I’m going to throw each bottle in your heads while drinking real wine.”

With that, you turned around to lie down on your bed.

That night was the same as every other night you spent in this world. Sleepless. However, that night you felt some weight being lifted off your shoulders as you heard the ruckus Choi Han was causing outside.

‘He should be curled up in Cale’s lap while looking at me viciously’

You stealthily peeked at Cale as you walked towards your seat. Just a moment ago he was trying to rile you up by acting obnoxious. It was hard to try and act like you were keeping your composure when you agreed with everything he said.

“What the..!” 

‘Shit did I not put enough strength into my acting?’

You barely felt your blonde hair sway as you slapped the table in supposed shock at Taylor Stan’s entrance.

‘Maybe I should’ve forced myself to eat a little bit more before coming here…’

Gritting your teeth, you ignore the black spots dancing in your vision. Today is a vital day, you can’t ruin the script by fainting because you only ate 3 spoonfuls during breakfast.

Luckily, it looks like everything is going according to the plot. Based on everyone’s reaction, you looked like an enraged noble.

Days following that event were even more chaotic. Not only was the terrorist attack in the plaza terrifying but trying to act as if you were trying to hold on to your position when you just wanted to give it to Taylor was even tougher.

As usual, you persevered.

Comforted yourself at the thought that in a few months, you can embrace death’s sweet presence.

“Do I look different without the blood?”

You felt scared and relieved at the sight of the black dragon that now goes by Raon Miru.

Scared because even though you have resigned yourself to your fate, and felt like you deserve it even, you still feel fear for what’s about to come.

Relief because he looks healthy. Chubby even. You were glad that he was living a good life after he got away from you.

Disregarding your feelings, you let the poisonous fog into your body. Resigning yourself to the four days of hell waiting.

Ugh…

Your body feels sluggish when you wake up.

“What the… It hasn’t even begun yet why does that bastard’s eyes already look dead?”

“That’s what I was telling you human! That punk's eyes tell a different story from his actions.”

Soft. Whatever you were lying down on felt soft. It wasn’t like what you’ve read in the novel where Venion was lying down on the hard ground. The magic collar was also soft. It felt similar to the one you bought for Raon a year ago. 

You would know because you made sure to pick the softest one yourself.

“His eyes look more dead than when I last saw him at that cave.”

Eyes? Were they talking about yours?

You didn’t know. You didn’t care.

You just want everything to end.

Gasp!

Someone gasped, you think it was one of the kittens.

“T-tears! Why is he crying? I only put paralysis in poison earlier.”

Crying? You were crying?

You sit up. It was hard because of the chains tying your arms but you still did it.

As you look down on your lap, tears are indeed flowing.

‘Why am I crying? Wasn’t I waiting for this day?’

Everything was already planned in your head. You get tortured then you will go crazy. Then you will kill yourself and make everyone believe you did it because you’re crazy.

So why are you crying now?

Why are you in tears as if you don’t deserve what’s happening to you?

Why do you weep as though you haven’t committed several crimes this past year?

How dare you do so.

How dare you act so pitifully when the child you tortured is right in front of you?

Shameless. Till the end, you’re so shameless.

Click! 

Thunk!

Beacrox unlocked the magic collar. As he did you saw it falling on the ground.

“Ah, so there really was fur inside…”

Your voice sounded soulless. It sounded so dead that even you were shocked at how you sounded.

But it also felt cathartic.

After two years of trying to act lively. Two years of acting as if you were fighting for something.

You can finally let out your real emotions.

Two years. It took more than two years for you to be granted that privilege. 

“Speak. I heard you bought the same thing for Raon.”

“You really named him Raon…”

Beacrox grabbed your collar. He looked furious. If you remember things correctly, he just heard about the dragon’s story a while ago so you understand his feelings.

“He told you to answer. Why did you buy something like that after 3 years?”

“I was getting tired of looking at the hard metal… There was nothing in that cave but stone and metal…”

Your tears are still flowing. It looks like they were crying a whole year’s worth. 

Despite that, you were not shaking, nor were your eyes looked sad.

Contrarily, you looked like those creepy dolls with soulless eyes that cried in horror films.

That low-key scared everyone in the room.

“Before, when I was three, I saw you shaking every time you came to the cave. Why was that?”

What’s happening? Why is there a sudden interrogation? You signed up for torture not for a cross-examination.

Still, you answered the dragon.

“I can’t tell.”

“Is it related to how you can’t seem to say what you want at times?”

Just how much did that kid notice in the few times you visited him?

“Yes. When are you going to get started? I need to meet with my hyung after this…”

Meet him and then die.

So please hurry up already.

“Hey punk, you sound like you already know what’s going to happen.”

“It’s obvious. This place looks exactly like that damn cave.”

You were getting tired of talking.

Actually, you were tired. Period.

“But it doesn’t look like how I left the cave when you rescued him.”

“Yes, because that wasn’t how the cave I lived in looked like. It looked like this.”

And the “this” Raon was talking about felt more homey. There were soft lights and a bunch of pillows and cushions. There were even some stuffed toys and blankets.

Was this how you decorated Raon’s cave?

You can’t remember.

Not that you care.

“Can we get started already please?”

“I thought you were a sadist, not a masochist.”

Something snapped inside you at that moment. You didn’t know why it was Choi Han’s comment that riled you up. Maybe it wasn’t the comment but the waiting that set you off.

“Just do it already! Are you dumb?! This fucking plot will not move unless you fucking torture me!”

In that moment you felt a searing pain in your chest.

“Argh!”

Blood flowed out from your mouth.

‘So that’s what happens when I try to push the restrictions.’

Coughing out blood when you’re body was already weak from not eating and sleeping enough was bound to cause you to faint.

And faint you did.

“Young master Cale said you were unconscious for 4 days. The doctor told me you were both malnourished and fatigued. One of your servants confessed that it’s an achievement if you eat 4 spoonfuls every meal. The young master also mentioned how it seems like you were forced to do everything you’ve done… Just what is happening? Hmm? Tell this hyung of yours.”

“Hyung…”

In the end, you didn’t get tortured…

“What’s going to happen now? What’s going to happen to me?”

You diverged from the fate carved out for Venion Stan.

That made you scared.

The restriction placed upon you to prevent you from straying from the plot scared you.

“Everything will be okay. But you need to tell me what’s going on.”

Taylor Stan hugged you, and you felt disgusted with yourself that you dare find warmth and comfort in that hug. Disgusted that you dared cry in front of him when you tried to kill him in the past.

But you couldn’t help it.

You couldn’t help that your hyung was soft and caring even though he was stern and strict. 

“I’m scared hyung. I’m a horrible person.”

As you speak you notice Cale in the corner of the room. He was trying to go out to give you two some privacy.

“Please stay.”

‘You deserve to hear the truth too.’

Cale stopped moving at your words. 

At that moment you decided to spill everything. Venion Stan’s role was already done. Even if it wasn’t, you already strayed from the path written for him. So you’re pulling all stops now.

“I’m a horrible person that did horrid crimes. I know that, I did them with my own hands after all. But I didn’t want to do them.”

You felt that stinging pain slowly coming back.

“There are times when I can’t control the things I say or do. No matter how hard I try my body won’t listen to me.”

The taste of blood in your mouth is back. You tried to act as calm as possible and nonchalantly spit it out in a napkin as if you were just wiping your mouth.

“I think it’s the god’s doing. It’s fated that I must be a bad guy for everything in the future to work out.”

You wiped your mouth again.

“I couldn’t resist it. But I found a loophole.”

Wipe

“If I make it look like what I was doing is villainous then my movements will not be restricted as much.”

“So when you removed the people watching over my residence..?”

You nodded while wiping your mouth once again.

However, this time Taylor snatched the napkin out of your hands.

“You’re bleeding..!”

“Ah…”

You were wiping so much blood that it already seeped out. Causing for Taylor and Cale to see the blood.

“I should’ve used a darker colour…”

“Stop talking. I’ve already heard everything I need to know.”

“I have nothing else to say to you anyway.”

The two men started walking out of the door when you called out to someone.

“Young master Cale, can you please stay? I must tell you something.”

The marquis and the young master exchanged a glance before one of them left the room.

“What is it?”

At Taylor’s exit, Raon undid his invisibility.

“It’s not fate.”

Cale and Raon looked at you as if you’d lost your head. Honestly, you wish you did. Being beheaded right now is better than living with these horrible feelings.

“It’s plot. You should know what I’m talking about.”

Luckily, Marquiss Stan left the napkin so you could wipe your mouth again.

“I think the universe, not the gods, made a mistake with me. But despite their mistake, they are insistent on going with the plot laid out.”

You discarded the napkin. It’s already drenched with too much of your blood that it can’t be used anymore.

“But don’t worry. This plot is very beneficial to you. You just have to follow whatever you think is right. You can disregard whatever anyone says. Even if that anyone is a god.”

‘Unlike me’

Cale handed you a handkerchief and you wiped your mouth with it.

“Lastly, I’m sorry Raon Miru-nim. My only choice was to either keep torturing you or throw you out. I couldn’t throw you out, because if I did then you wouldn’t meet the young master.”

“It’s okay… I am great and mighty so I figured out long ago that you were being forced.”

“Thank you.”

With that the dragon became invisible again and the two head out of the room.

Cleanup was easy. Of course, it was. Everything was already planned out beforehand.

The previous marquis was arrested and his people were successfully rooted out. You got sentenced to house arrest.

Meaning, you got a slap on the wrist.

It confused you. Why did you get such a light sentence when you did so many horrible things? It didn’t even feel like house arrest because your hyung always kept you by his side and personally took care of you.

“How about you? How are you and your brother doing?”

You heard Cale speaking on the other side of the communication device. But you just kept your head low and stared at your palms, unmoving.

“That…”

Marquis Stan hesitated.

“His been listless since that day. I checked with an expert and they said his in a catatonic state.”

You blur out the rest of their conversation. It wasn’t like there was a need to listen anyway. There’s nothing for you to do now. Your role is done but you can’t die.

You're tired.

So so fucking tired.

Tired of waking up. Tired of moving. Tired of thinking. Tired of breathing.

Tired of living.

So you opted to not move. Tune out the world around you. Maybe if you’re lucky they’ll leave you to rot in that lavish room of yours.

“Your eyes look more lively today. Do you have enough energy to speak?”

You blinked once. Then twice. You don’t know how many days have passed already. All of them look like a giant blur in your mind.

For the first time in a while, you moved your body to look at your surroundings.

As you take in your surroundings you notice that there’s a storm outside. That and Taylor Stan seem to have put you in the wheelchair he used to use.

“Taylor Stan…”

“Call me hyung.”

Did you deserve to? Well, it doesn’t matter since he ordered you to.

“Hyung”

“Yes, my dongsaeng?”

“Why won’t you kill me?”

The wheelchair stopped in its tracks. It was because the one pushing it stopped walking.

“Why would I kill you?”

“Why would you not kill me?”

You had no way of knowing just how scared Taylor was at this moment. Your voice sounded so soulless. As if you were asking about the weather and not about your death. He was already scared that one day he would just wake up to find you dead. Your questions and your way of asking them are not helping his fear.

“I told you, I wouldn’t kill my family.”

“Ah…”

Silence lingered as the two of you went to your room. Inside, the first thing you noticed was the door on the wall.

“That’s a connecting door. It’s connected to my room.”

“Very fitting for a criminal like me that needs to be monitored at all times.”

“That’s not…”

Taylor Stan chose to sigh instead of answering. After he did, he called the servants to help you with your nighttime routine.

“You all can go now, I’ll take it from here.”

Servants filed out of your room as your brother took the brush from a servant's hand.

“You know that this is useless right?”

“Why is that?”

Taylor continued brushing your blonde hair that now reaches past your shoulders.

“It’s not like I’ll sleep. There’s never a night where I slept for more than 30 minutes. I think.”

“Maybe if I stay by your side you’ll sleep better.”

You didn’t respond. You just watched in the mirror how your hyung gently brushed your hair. At some point, you pulled your legs up to your chest and started hugging them.

Taylor Stan didn’t seem to mind your movements. In fact, he seems to encourage them.

“Let’s eat dinner now. Do you want to walk?”

“No.”

The mere thought of moving more than you already did makes you feel nauseated.

Your hyung nodded and started pushing the wheelchair again. As he did the sight of the food prepared on your table caught your eyes. It wasn’t a feast like how you were served in the past.

Instead, there were just two simple identical meals on the table.

It reminded you of how you used to eat your meals back on earth.

“You’re eating too?”

“I haven’t eaten yet. I figure we can eat together since Cage is not here.”

She must be in the super rock’s villa or something.

Eat together was what you did. Well, more like Taylor ate while you take a few bites and play with your food.

“Do you not want to eat anymore?”

“No.”

“It’s fine, just leave it there. You already ate thrice more than you usually would. It’s okay to take it slow.”

That’s true. You ate 10 spoonfuls today when you would usually just take a bite or two. Three at most.

Maybe a gentle company and a simple meal did the trick. But you aren’t sure.

After the meal, you brushed your teeth before lying down on the bed. Taylor was sitting on a couch beside your bed as promised.

That night, for the first time since you arrived in this world, you managed to sleep almost the whole night.

[alottiegoingon]

like in the movies

van palmer x fem!reader

summary: friends to lovers with van.

warnings: van uses they/them pronouns, yellowjackets brief mention, reader uses reading glasses cause its cute, no crash, jackieshauna and lottienat mentioned, no smut but characters aged up anyway, just lots of fluff, not proofread

the memory of you as a middle schooler sneaking into the living room past midnight was still fresh inside your mind. with droopy eyes and your favorite blanket glued to your hand, you would tiptoe to the comfort of the warm armchair just so you could watch the creepiest horror movies that would definitely traumatize you. they were only exhibited late at night for a reason, you were aware of that. but you didn’t mind the nightmares and the terrifying feeling of being chased by an invisible monster every time you turned the lights off.

however, horror wasn’t the only thing you were obsessed with. you've always imagined how it would feel like to love someone like they showed in those stupid romance movies, daydreaming about finding the right person that would share the same interests as you. so romantic. in high school, it got even worse thanks to the teeth rotting sweet romcoms you desperately devoured and the immesurable hours you spent in the book store trying to find new romantic novels.

lucky for you, amid all your friends that were actually living in the real world instead of creating perfect scenarios inside their heads, you weren't alone.

you met van palmer in literature class. you used to sit right by their side and, despite your love for books, you wouldn't ever dare to say a word. van was the complete opposit, they weren't scared of sharing their opinions. many of your classmates would prepare themselves to hear the countless words of van palmer, slumping onto their desks, but you were always excited.

you instantly became friends when they first defended you in class when the teacher suggested a polarizing topic; comic books. unlike a few of your classmates, one of your favorite ways to spend the weekend was to read a bunch of comics. spider-man was your favorite. he had a pretty fun costume and could fly, hanging to spider webs. so nice!

"everyone knows that comics aren't as good as books. they are made for lazy people who can't read anything longer than ten pages." the guy sitting in front of you made sure to look back as he whispered, lips twisting into an arrogant grin.

"i don't think she cares about the opinion of someone who did an entire essay of arthur conan doyle thinking that sherlock holmes was a real person." van intervened, leaning closer to you but staring at him, before you could have a say. you shift your attention to the redhead with their head slightly bent to the right, raised chin and brows and firm jaw.

"i just got confused!" he defended himself using an irritated tone, surprised by van being able to hear him, not waiting any longer to look back at the teacher and leave you alone.

"don't listen to him. that guy is a knob." their quiet voice is followed by a change in their expression, face softening along with relaxed muscles.

you were surprised that someone as cool and as smart as them would defend you so quickly.

"thank you." you murmur timidly as your mind desperately tried to find something cooler to say than just a simple thank you.

"sure. i'm van, by the way." you watch van extending their hand in your direction and you don't think twice before greeting them.

"hi." you whisper, trying to stay away from your teacher's aim and not interrupt her. "i know. i like how you always talk in class. it's so cool."

for you, that was the second you made a friend. for van, it was the second they fell in love with someone who didn't think their opinions were annoying.

[📓]

things happened pretty quickly after that. you created the perfect excuse to talk to them again, scared that you weren't nearly as rad as they were; a book club. except for the tiny detail that it wasn't exactly a club, just the two of you reunited in the small office in your house with cookies and tea.

"gosh, you look like an old lady." was what van always said to tease you. sitting just a few inches away, they would cautiously look at you with reading glasses and emma by jane austen in hands.

"this old lady here is getting to page 221 so you should hurry up!"

once or twice, you would look up to take a quick break from reading just to discreetly glance at van. it wasn't rare the times that they would catch your stare. sometimes it was the other way around and you could swear that van had their eyes on you the entire time.

from books and comics to movies, you shared a lot of similar interests. you were completely obsessed with the book and movie misery from 1990 and you often forced van to watch it with you. you knew all the details and fun facts from the movie and, of course, loved kathy bates.

"we've seen this so many times that i think kathy bates is actually visiting me in my dreams!" van complained over and over about the tedious movie choice with their mouth full of popcorn.

van would see the effort behind every movie and fall in love with the story of every character. watching misery, on the other hand, was such a common occurrence that they could spot the colors of the movie already stained on the insides of the tv.

"it wasn't that much!" you rolled your eyes at them but felt your lips involuntarily curling up. you would always laugh at the silly things van used to say.

"okay, fine." you give in after half a second, getting up from the couch. you didn't want to torture them that badly.

you got closer to the tv, removing the vhs tape of one of your favorite movies and securing them inside the small box. you were ready to let van decide, maybe even excited to watch something new.

"wait, van, where are the others?" you feel a whiff of desperation as you notice the absent tapes. van was in charge of renting them every friday. the feeling you had when getting lost in a bookstore or a library was van's feeling when they were surrounded by some old classic vhs tapes and a world of movies that you two would probably never get to see.

"oh, crap! i think i forgot all of them at home. sorry, i was in a rush." you sigh in relief, soothed by not being the responsible for losing them.

"then it looks like kathy bates will be visiting you again tonight." you tease van, looking at them sinking into your couch with a mischievous grin. you were going to give van a chance to choose movies, you really were. but it wasn't your fault if they forgot to bring the other vhs tapes.

"lord help me..." they whispered, dramatically covering their ears when the intro song started, making you giggle. too excited with your favorite movie and too focused on it, you didn't even caught van's eyes on you, watching you completely fascinated by the small screen.

little did you know that the tapes were buried on van's backpack, hidden under books, pens and the soccer uniform.

[📓]

van was just as cool as you thought. maybe even more. much more. they would help you study after class, follow you to parties even though they hated it just to make sure you were safe (and to judge people with you right after), walk you home and read comics with you.

after your first kiss, that happened during a date in the movie theater as you were watching the craft in 96, van knew that they had to make something special to ask you to be their girlfriend immediately.

they spoke to shauna, asking for ideas. they knew that shauna was the best with words and romantic letters, always gifting her girlfriend jackie with those. they were dating for three years now, shauna had to have gome good tips. it took van two days to realize that writing pretty words on a paper wasn't exactly their talent after not being able to write anything except "hi, it's van".

that would be an awful letter.

then, van asked lottie; their best friend. lottie was dating natalie for almost a year now.

"i don't know, lot. this looks hard..." van was careful when questioning their friend, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

"it's not, really! and she's gonna love it, it's so cute." lottie reassured van while shoving lots of colored paper sheets into their hands.

"nat loves when i make her those cute paper rings when im bored during french class. she even wears them all the time!" lottie pointed to natalie in the back with at least four paper rings in their fingers. lottie sucked at french and she was always bored. evidently, natalie had a long collection of paper rings at this point.

the blondie was definitely threatening van with her eyes while they were trying so hard to not laugh at the situation.

van got home and the first thing they did was practice for hours, folding the paper multiple times and hoping that that mess would eventually turn into a paper ring. and, damn, they were wrong, again.

neither of those things worked for van and they wanted to do something special and good enough to make you happy. something important that would make your heart beat faster. something that matched your personality.

the hardest part was to keep it a secret, van was a huge blabbermouth. always enthusiastic and determined to make you laugh, it was tough to create excuses for not showing up to your typical movie nights. they were just too tired in the aftermath of spending days and nights creating you something.

"are you mad?" you suddenly ask them, impatiently untangling yourself from them. van, who had their arm around your shoulder as you were cuddling in the couch, gave you a baffled look. "you didn't show up last friday, i thought you were going to choose the movie this time."

"i'm not mad, i promise. i'm doing something important and i didn't have time to rent anything." van was a complete softie, almost pouting like a baby.

"more important than me?"

and that was what van needed to spill everything. it wasn't their fault, they just couldn't handle seeing you upset!

"of course not! look!" van left the couch in a blink of an eye, anxiously digging into their backpack for what they were working on.

"i was making you something. i was waiting for a better moment but i guess the moment is now." they chuckled awkwardly. you notice their shaky and sweaty hands clumsily holding at least three vhs tapes and a comic book.

"i wanted to give you something special to ask you something and i tried writing something or those stupid hard paper rings that lottie gives natalie but it didn't fit us. so i spoke to the lady that runs the video store and i actually bought your favorite movies so we can watch it together and, huh..." they look at their own hands, realizing that they forgot to mention the comics. "oh, and the new spider-man comic book cause i know you like it."

"are you serious?" it was your turn to frown your lips, eyes brimming with tears. while you were melting, van was terrified and inspecting your face for any signs that could tell them that you had liked it.

"thank you, van. i love this. i love spider-man, i love watching movies with you. i can't believe you bought those, it must have cost a fortune." you approach van and help their nervous self to handle you the movies and the brand new shiny comic. you smile tenderly at van, using your free hand to gently stroke their cheek.

"i wanted you to feel special." van says in a barely audible and still overwhelmed tone. "and i was wondering that maybe, if you aren't too busy with books and kathy bates, you would like to be my girlfriend?" their cheeks were matching the tone of their hair now.

"i think i can break up with kathy bates and give you a chance." you laugh, laying your presents on the coffee table. in a second, you wrap your arms around van's neck to bring them closer and press your lips against theirs.

[📓]

"that's so unfair! why can't i be spider-man?" you whine, following van around your bedroom as they were holding your costume for halloween.

"because i wanna be your favorite, obviously." van place the costumes on your bed to give you full atention. your effort to look sad in order to convice them went down the drain when their arms held your waist, fingers carefully squeezing your skin.

"and because spider-man is the lucky guy who gets to kiss the pretty and smart girl." they murmur proudly, knowing that they had won.

"i hate you." you feel your cheeks getting warm as you fight against a beaming smile, leaning in for a kiss.

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

Hii, I asked you a question about spiritual qi being transferred. Thanks for replying!

Also I'm a bit shocked. Mo Xuanyu and Jin Guangyao did not develop a golden core yet? I didn't know oh my goodness! I might have missed this in the novel. Do you know where it says so? I need to bookmark this. Or is it only explicitly said so in the interview with mxtx?

Man this makes me view Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng in a way different light. If I remember correctly, Wei Wuxian punched a few meters into the ground while in Mo Xuanyu's body. So the fact that he did it without a core and with a weakened body like Mo Xuanyu's... he's an absolute monster XD. What can't this man do?

And it makes Jiang Cheng a loser even more. He lost to a physical fight with Jin Guangyao XD. Jiang Cheng literally wasted Wei Wuxian's golden core at this point.

(I really really hate you tumblr erasing my posts I work on mid sentence 💜) sighhhhh round two of this:

Hi again anon!

Chapter 1 and 2 of the web serialization and chapter 1 of the published version:

Hanzi:

然而,尚未等到莫玄羽修仙有成、继承他父亲 的家业,他就被赶了回来。

而且是被极其难看地赶了回来。因为莫玄羽是 个断袖,还胆大包天地骚扰纠缠同门,这丑事被当 众捅破,再加上天资平平,修为无所建树,也就没 有让他继续留在家族中的理由了。

My translation:

However, before Mo Xuanyu could even succeed in cultivating like an immortal to inherit his father's position, he was driven back.

In an extremely brutal way at that. Mo Xuanyu was a cut sleeve, he had been so bold as to harrass his fellow disciples and the scandal became public knowledge. Additionally, he was of mediocre talent with no achievements in cultivation, so there was no reason for the clan to keep him.

Sevenseas:

ExR:

(Remember that immortal part in particular because his mother had bragged specifically about Mo Xuanyu achieving immortality as a cultivator and expecting him to be the fastest at it just before this passage when Jin Guangshan summoned Mo Xuanyu to Lanling Jin)

Secondly:

Hanzi:

他索性先打坐一阵,适应新舍。这一坐就是一 整天。睁眼时,有阳光从门缝窗隙漏入屋中。虽然 能起身行走,却仍头昏眼花,不见好转。魏无羡心 中奇怪:“这莫玄羽修为低得那点灵力可以忽略不 计,没道理我驾驭不了这具肉身,怎么这般不好 使?”

直到腹中传来异响,他才明白根本不关修为灵 力的事,只不过是这具不辟谷的身体饿了而已。他 再不去觅食,说不定就要成为有史以来头一位刚被 人请上身就立刻活活饿死的厉鬼邪神。

My Translation:

He decided he would simply meditate a bit to adapt to his new accommodations*. He sat there almost the entire day. When he opened his eyes, sunlight seeped through the cracks of the door and the windows. Although he could stand up and walk, he felt dizzy without it seeming to ease. Wei Wuxian was puzzled, "This Mo Xuanyu's cultivation is so nonexistent any spiritual power might as well be ignored. It doesn't make sense why I can't control this body. Why is it so difficult?"

Until he heard a strange sound from his stomach, he realized that it had nothing to do with cultivation and spiritual power. It was just that this body hadn't practiced inedia, and was hungry. If he didn't seek out food, he might just become the first evil ghost in history to starve to death as soon as he was summoned to possess someone.

(*That first line is pretty funny because Wei Wuxian literally does refer to the body as a new residence/dwelling)

Sevenseas:

ExR:

Now in terms of this, I guess you could say it requires to know some general cultivation conventions (personally why I don't suggest MDZS as a first time cultivation read as well as it being a deconstruction of the tropes). If Mo Xuanyu had achieved forming a golden core, even a low level one, he would be able to practice inedia as that is one of the first things learned by cultivators once a foundation level is achieved. Mo Dao Zu Shi also just... mashes the first three stages of cultivation ( qi formation, foundation level and golden core) into one base at immediate golden core at young age.

We also get told Mo Xuanyu is summoned at the age of fourteen, but did not stay long enough to learn the cultivation to form that essential core (in this jianghu it is pertinent to form these cores early otherwise it is next to impossible unless you are EXCEPTIONALLY talented). If Mo Xuanyu had formed a core his spiritual power should at least be somewhat of note and it is not. No one with a golden core or uses spiritual energy often should be lacking in spiritual prowess as he is. MXTX's interview just reiterates this all.

As for the Jiang Cheng matter... well... Wen Ning was right to say he was lacking despite being given a prodigious core...

[creatingblackcharacters]

So I have a question about writing slave characters (stay with here i know ok)

So I'm black, and in the process of writing a novel. The main character is a black woman rescuing her girlfriend from a whole immortal cult thing. One of the supporting characters is a victim of the cult who was a free slave who is now immortal and living in the modern world. I wrote her originally because some of the themes I'm writing are healing from physical, emotional, and generational trauma (I'm thinking of making the main character her descendant and incorporating that into the plot but I'm unsure) and the effects of colonized religion on people of color + the past not being truly dead, but something that shapes our present and future.

Now obviously I'm working with a horror/tragedy, but I started wondering if I was going to be able to write this character in a respectful, realistic manner. I live in a super isolated/white community irl and due to circumstances, don't have black family members anymore, so i guess I'm just needing to bounce the idea off someone who would see what my struggle with writing this is? Or see if you have an resources for writing this in an effective way. So I guess I'm just asking, what do you think? Could this be done well, or should I scrap this part of the story?

Well, if I'm being honest- and I'm saying this kindly- your struggle might be coming from not knowing yourself, and where you stand. It might help to find some Black community where you can, even if that's the internet, to grow back connected with your roots and identity. Part of why it might be hard to write the process of generational trauma, and how that all passes down within Black families, is well... It sounds like you don't have that connection. I'm sorry to hear that. But this can be done, and it can be done well!

If this is something you want to do, and be confident in, it means it's time to do your reading! There are resources on the history and effects of colonized religion, and the purpose it served to force colonized peoples into submission ("you're a savage who can't take care of this land/natural resource like I can, let me force introduce you to Christianity and save your soul").

There is also plenty of literature on how the past has never really gone away- shit, the reason we still discuss slavery (outside of it being important to!) is because the outcomes were damn near not addressed and then practically and legally replaced right after. Most of the same problems with white supremacy from then still stand, however they have morphed into modern language. I can read WEB DuBois, who was cited by Kwame Ture, cited by Ta-Nehisi Coates. While your character would see how much better it's gotten, she would also see the signs still festering.

Lastly, I'd read and watch some Black classics, especially Black Gothic. Maybe some indigenous ones as well, since the forced religion is quite common. This story you're telling is not a narrative that hasn't been done- study how it's been done!

[rigelmejo]

Some language learning apps:

Notifyword - free, closest I cpuld find to a free alternative to Glossika with the feature to upload your own sentences/decks/spreadsheets, and it makes audio using TTS and plays them. However I did not test it enough to see if it schedules new/reviews so you don't need to manage figuring all that out yourself. It has potential, I will check into the app again in a year.

Smart Book by KursX - free, used to be my favorite app to read novels as it could do parallel sentence translation, then something broke on my version and it crashed whenever I opened a novel. Now any chinese book I add epub or txt shows me a black screen, no text, making the app unusable. Its easier to read in the web browser now. Which makes me sad because this app was so good back when I got it. Then something broke and I haven't been able to fix it. I paid for premium for this app I liked it so much, I'm really sad I can't see text in books in it anymore. If anyone knows how to fix this problem please let me know? Maybe it's a txt file setting? But then why do the epubs also not load text? Anyway great app... if it works for you. Sadly its broken for me.

Live Transcribe - I don't use this enough. It transcribes what people say (or audio), then you can click to translate the text.

LingoTube - only free app I know where I can put in a youtube video link, and it will make dual subtitles/let me replay the video line by line (including repeating a loop on one line), click translate individual words. Excellent for intensive listening. I'm usually lazy so I just watch youtube and look up an occasional word in Google Translate or Pleco. But this tool is excellent for intensively looking a lot up in a video/relistening to particular lines.

Duoreader - basic collection of parallel texts. No options to upload files, but super nice for what it is. Totally free.

Chinese:

Hanly - a new free app for learning hanzi. Looks great, has great mnemonics and sound information and you can tell it was made with love/a goal in mind. It's still new though so only the first 1000 hanzi have full information filled out, making it more useful for beginners. As the app is worked on more, I'm hoping it will become more useful for intermediate learners.

Readibu - free, great for reading webnovels just get it if you want to read chinese webnovels. You can import almost ANY webpage into Readibu to read, just paste the url into the search. So if you have a particular novel in mind you may want to do that instead of searching the app's built in genres.

Pleco - free, great for everything just get it if you're learning chinese. Great dictionary, great (one time purchase) paid features like handwriting, additional dictionaries, graded readers. Great SRS flashcard system, great Reader tool (and free Clipboard Reader which is 80% of what I use the app for - especially Dictate Audio feature which Readibu can't do).

Bilibili.com app - look up a tutorial, it is fairly easy to make an account in the US (and I imagine other countries) using your email. The algorithm is quite good at suggesting things similar to what you search. So once I searched a couple danmei, I got way more recommended. Once I searched one manhua video, more popped up. Once I searched one dubbed cartoon, more popped up. You can easily spend as much time on this as you'd like.

Weibo - you can browse tags/search without an account. I could not make an account with a US phone and no wechat account. Nice for browsing tags/looking up particular topics.

Japanese:

Tae Kims Grammar Guide - has an app version that's formatted to read easier on phones.

Yomiwa - this is the dictionary app I use for japanese on android.

Satori Reader - amazing graded reader app for japanese with full audiobooks for each reader (which you can listen to individual sentences of on repeat if desired), individual grammar explanations for each part, human translations for each word and sentence. When I start reading more this is what I want to use. Too expensive right now unless I'm reading a bunch, as only the first chapter (or first few) of each graded reader is free. I would suggest checking out the free Tadoku Graded Readers first online, then coming to this app later.

[alexanderwales]

do you have thoughts on marination as a worldbuilding process?

you know the saying that about having a lifetime to write your first novel, but a few years the second. works like Worm or your own Worth the Candle could only take the shape they did because they're drawing a deep well of past endeavors and (inadvertent) preparatory work

often, it seems, authors won't, can't, spend nearly as much time sitting on their next ideas. and, arguably, they shouldn't.

cook up enough worlds and plots, and you learn which questions are interesting to ask, you develop a repertoire of favorite themes to vary and truck around cuttings to give new homes. so much of initial "marination" is spent in blind alleys and skill-building

i don't want to write a blogpost in your inbox (sorry), so i guess to hone in on what i want to ask: how highly do you value marinating on ideas? how much is it something you try to leave slack for, or occasionally sacrifice? do you have general recommendations for or against the approach?

this is one of those topics where the simple, sure, and unsatisfying answer is "it depends" or "balance the extremes", but maybe there's personal notes to add - or toss out the framing?

I tried to answer this three times and threw away those replies, so let's hope this fourth time is the charm.

I guess if the question is "how much does giant amounts of upfront work that you simply throw away or distill down to almost nothing help" then my feeling is that there are a lot better ways to get virtually the same result. If you're going to spend 100 hours getting ready for a story, then I think you can do that in ways that are much more effective (but maybe less fun) than writing test chapters for different characters.

So how important is spending those hundred hours, or however much time it is? Assuming that we're talking about just worldbuilding, or characterbuilding, getting lots of ideas lined up and ready to go, rotating them in our head to make the connections with each other and spark inspiration ... eh? Kind of not really that important?

That is to say, I think that there are really incredibly heavy diminishing returns on worldbuilding, and it's usually not that hard to pluck the low-hanging fruit, especially if you've had some practice with that.

Two caveats to that.

First, I think the thing that web serials do is kind of different in some significant ways from what a novel does. They tend to have lots of characters, and they tend to switch locations. If you're putting out two chapters a week, it actually is important than you have a lot of stuff ready to go, because otherwise you can find yourself creatively tapped when you find yourself in need of a new superhero team, or a new nation to come in for their story arc. It's great to have things in your back pocket, a stack of ideas that you can mine out, old works you can cannibalize, etc. This is much different from writing a short novel, where you're not constantly pushing to new frontiers.

Second, there's a difference between spending a lot of time-at-desk, and spending a lot of time-in-days. If you're spending time-at-desk, I think you start hitting the diminishing returns fairly quickly: if I spent a 40 hour workweek bashing out a world, I actually kind of doubt that it would be all that much better than a world I'd spent 10 hours on, there would just be ... more of it, I guess? It would be fleshed out in ways that are good, but not vital to the story, and which wouldn't reflect themselves too much in the narrative, maybe mostly being things that I would come up with during writing anyway given a solid base?

But if you spend time-in-days where you have this idea and it's sitting there in your headspace, I think that can be extremely valuable. You're just going about your normal life, reading fics, watching TV, doing dishes, cooking, etc., and something sparks a connection, or you just deliberately contextualize a topic within the context of your world, and that gets jotted down somewhere so you don't forget it. Eventually, if you do that enough, your world develops and deepens and gets richer, just from being kept around.

So these are very different, I think. One is "put in a bunch of work" and the other is "don't put in a bunch of work, just keep this background process running". And it is very valuable to have time-in-days, because you get this trickle of associations and more depth that can only come from new connections forming. (Note: probably there are other ways to get this, probably you could substitute some amount of time-at-desk, or do deliberate exercises)

But I don't even think time-in-days is that valuable, either! One of my maxims is that "you won't have all the ideas you're ever going to have when you sit down to write the story", and that's true no matter how much you prep, unless it's a pretty short single-sitting story. All that time-in-days, you're still getting that while you write the serial, and you're probably getting more of it than you would if you weren't writing the serial, so it's just a matter of leaving yourself enough room to plop in the good ideas as you have them, and not be completely locked in with nowhere for the ideas to go. (This is one of the reasons that endings are hard, because you stop being able to introduce new cool things, and you're left only using the cool things you already set up.)

Fuck, I don't know if this was helpful or even what you were asking.

tl;dr: it depends, balance the extremes

[mytragedyperson]

So I watched Link click and, um, I feel like on some level it's changed me. Like there are certain things about that show that I'm just gonna think about randomly. Like yes it's very sad, they make no illusion of this being happy. From episode 1 you know this is gonna be sad

But, first of all, this has 2 of the most badass female characters I've seen in anime.

Lu Guang sailing across a river just to tackle Cheng Xiaoshi to stop him being taken.

Lu Guang breaking his rule for Cheng Xiaoshi.

How much they care about each other, all 3 of our main characters.

It's got a really interesting plot. Like a lot happens but they do a good job at explaining things.

Also, I don't know the shipping scene here but I really do like either Cheng Xiaoshi x Lu Guang or all 3 of our main characters dating. However I do also like their relationship as is with just friendship.

But also this show stabbed me in the heart about 50 different times. Episode starts, you get attached to character, something bad happens to character. You'd think I'd learn, I did not.

The earthquake episode. The inevitability of some of the things that happen. It just kept me hooked basically all day. I still need to watch the shorts bits and the origin type thing but it doesn't have a dub on crunchyroll yet and I don't know if it's got subtitles yet. So I might have to wait. Also apparently there's gonna be a season 3 so that should be interesting

I wonder if Lu Guang's rule break will be revealed to Cheng Xiaoshi in season 3. That could be interesting.

I've been made aware by Google that it's a Web novel, I have not read that. I just really loved this one even when it was grinding my heart into dust.

[wetcatspellcaster]

I might be poking a proverbial bear so if you don’t want to answer this ask I completely understand. Do you feel that any of the people who engage with you as the result of finding your work have developed any parasocial relationship qualities?

yea lmao. the difference between before and after bg3 full release is marked.

below the cut bc long post, and probably only interesting to me. (and to you, anon, hopefully!)

i think it depends on your definition of parasocial, which i'm taking here to mean 'celebrity encounters that lead people to see them as a friend, despite limited interactions'. I think that anyone on tumblr is welcome to treat me as a friend. fandom and ao3 as a platform certainly encourages that, it's my own social battery and introversion that's the hindrance, in the grand scheme of things.

but, to me, it's the perceived 'celebrity' bit that's changed.

I don't consider myself a celebrity, to be very clear. fanfiction 'fame' is, to me at this point, so very not real, and it doesn't matter or mean anything to anyone once you get about two steps away from your ship or circle of readership. my writing didn't really change across full/early access release, but the audience and the audience attitude did as more people read my work. I think that 'big name fans' have always existed, but in recent years there's been a marked change in what 'big name fan' means - as fandom behaviours, practices, and fanworks all become more and more mainstreamed. there's now a lot of different factors that have led to people raising fic authors up as 'creators' (we always were creators, obviously, i mean this in the sense of 'creator' as a professional title), as fanfic becomes another brand of 'content' they're invested in. partly this is bc lots of other web content (webtoons, web novels, streams) have blurred the line between what is hobbyist and professional media. i've also noticed (not in a shade way, in a fan studies scholar way) that fan authors/readers across fandoms seem to act a little differently now, in a way that encourages people to see fanfic popularity as a brand of fame or as an in-road to other capital. i could list the changes but i think that would feel targeted to specific people, when the reality is everyone is allowed to act however they want in their space. so instead, i'll just say i think this might be a post-Ali Hazelwood era development. especially as more and more fic is now being trad published.

I also think that there are behaviours in place at my end that may accidentally encourage parasociality with me, when combined with this new landscape of fan culture. writing is the hobby, for me - other fandom interactions just seemed to have happened as a result. and as writing started as a way to make my introvert time more interesting to me, that means i have boundaries in place around fandom socialising that make it seem more parasocial? i can imagine the amount of asks i get comes across as me being interviewed/having 'official' takes on things (just like this answer!), but it's more bc I don't have the energy to sustain more than *counts fingers* six new fandom friends lmao. it probably makes me seem more popular or 'bigger' than i actually am. and the version of myself i put up here is certainly filtered, and projects a confidence i don't have in real life, as this feels like a safer space for me to act that way. it's what makes the anon hate so funny bc they don't touch me as a person... they barely even scrape this version of me on the internet.

I don't always think parasociality is a bad thing. i also think the fic author/reader version of it is also very companionable, a lot of the time. we're all lurkers on the internet, here, and some people prefer this brand of interaction - judging by the number of anons i get which means i can't answer privately/don't know who's talking etc. i think strangers looking out for me and caring about me and my wellbeing is lovely when I can't care about myself. i also don't want to undersell what i've done in the fic space or dismiss it, and instead let myself hold it up as an achievement etc.

but i do think that it leads to a different kind of atmosphere. people seem to envy fanfiction popularity as 'fame', when what happens here barely touches my day-to-day life, except to brighten my day when i get an ask or an ao3 email. people (both authors and readers) sometimes seem to want fic to mean something different than what it is: hobbyist writing you do for fun. at my end, I'm just some guy writing some silly stories. some people seem to think i'm more than that, but i'm really really not.

[iantimony]

big ol' tuesdaypost

listening: background noise for the week has been relistening to TANIS. not gonna lie, y'all, this podcast has not aged well! it is simply not very good! it was always kinda mid with regard to dialogue etc but now after listening to other narrative podcasts (TMA, Silt Verses, Wolf359, etc) it's even worse. all it ever really had going for it was Vibes and it's hanging on that by a thread. however, it is serving the purpose of essentially white noise. audio drama equivalent of eating packing peanuts.

I also got surprised in one of the early episodes because Elisa Lam's name wasn't censored - I could have SWORN that at the time there was a pretty large backlash to using a real person's tragedy and name in a narrative fiction podcast so they went and censored her name out? like, that's why all the following episodes have that disclaimer about "for legal and safety reasons we've elected to change some names and leave others out entirely"? okay yes live mid-writing of this I went and checked and the transcript of that episode literally says "Also, we have decided to entirely redact the name of one person who has passed away whose name was used in this episode. It appears in this transcript as [REDACTED]." did I somehow get an unedited version in my podcast app??? very odd.

when I got bored of TANIS or needed something more engaging/stimulating I got back on The Silt Verses season 2! on s2e3 now for reference. especially in contrast with TANIS it is so phenomenal lol.

you will notice that last week I linked "Pale Green Things" from the album The Sunset Tree by The Mountain Goats. this made me realize that a song I listen to a lot around this time of year ("This Year", obviously, lol) is on the same album. I have embarrassing news which is that I have listened to exactly one Mountain Goats album all the way through (Jenny from Thebes) so I resolved to listen to The Sunset Tree all the way through.

gang, this is not a surprise, or news, but man, this album fucking whips. it's so good. why didn't I do this years ago. oh my god.

Broom People

Dilaudid

Magpie

reading: "Bad Influence" by Mia Sato - duuuuuuuuuude lol. I am no legal expert but I think I know how this case is gonna go because let's be totally real. the beige home shade is really funny to me, not quite a maximalist but someone who loves her home with objects that are colorful, lively, full of sentiment, and secondhand where I can make it (i.e. not mass market sludge).

On the Origin of the Hebrew Deity-Name El Shaddai by F. M. Behymer - a discussion of the name 'El Shaddai' in contexts of fertility came up in weekly torah study this week and the rabbi was wondering if there were any real scholarly sources related to that beyond just noting it a few times in scripture. naturally I immediately went to jstor. interesting article, not sure if it's exactly what my rabbi was thinking about but I will be emailing it to him.

[Is] BookTok for Dummies[?] by Chels - I am not a tiktok girly (I have deleted social media apps from my phone because I find accessing them through web browser is less addictive, and tiktok simply does not function in a web browser so I don't use it) so I am very removed from these dynamics. call me crazy but I do not care if people on tiktok are reading porn because [looks at my ao3 history] glass houses, etc. the weird reactionary bent against romance novels is very strange to me.

Static by purplewhales on ao3 :3

watching: the death of personal style by Mina Le - I've definitely never been as extravagant as she is known to be but I do love a little Outfit(tm), especially since I have officially acquired my Good Leather Jacket this fall. cooking this one in my brain still though because it takes me SO long to get ready for the day and having a 'uniform' would probably. help that. lol.

The Winter Reset Guide by Morgan Evelyn Cook - she's kinda basic (in a positive way) but I've been enjoying her vids along with Caroline Winkler as background noise. ngl I love her high five thing it's very cute. I did stop everything to hold my hand up like I was high-fiving her. her dog is adorable too.

LED Christmas lights which don't hurt the eyes by Technology Connections. "this is not what christmas looks like. it looks like a vape shop. or, worse, a gaming PC." extremely funny thank you autism etc

I bought the world's most expensive yarn by Cinema Knits - the background noise while my soup was simmering and I was crocheting another mouse cat toy. cozy bliss.

The Online Gambling Epidemic by Drew Gooden - I'm becoming more of a hockey person (especially with the women's league coming up let's goooo) and while I'm not that tapped into it I'm sure gambling there exists, though it doesn't seem as plastered across everything as it is with football?

relatedly: watched a hockey game in the background on Saturday while I ran dnd! my mom and brother were there in person so I tuned in remotely to keep up :) also watched the Sirens/Frost game on Sunday yippee

playing: as above: ran dnd on Saturday! once again I spent time before it agonizing how I did not want to even a little bit but after actually doing it I had a lot of fun.

making: like a fool, I left the container with my winter wear open and my cat RIPPED THE POMPOM OFF the top of a hat I made a few years ago. it's no great loss - the pompom really wasn't big enough, I didn't have enough of the beige yarn I'd really wanted to use - and she didn't eat any of the yarn, just relished in tearing it all apart, so I made a new one with some leftover of the white. this one is bigger and fluffier and definitely matches the vibe of the hat better so I'm not mad. it's been deadly cold here, like windchills bringing it to single digits, so I've actually gotten some good wear out of it the past few days.

made what will hopefully be a lemon coaster but I think I gave it one too many rows of the interior yellow so stay tuned, plus a mousie for my cat :)

further work on the holiday card for this year! sketches followed by some inspo images:

sources: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

eating: yayy thanksgiving. many leftovers, etc. made a big ass kugel that was demolished over two different get-togethers, gonna make another one for a potluck at temple this coming Friday! might make that one with crushed pineapple because every time I mention it my grandma sighs wistfully and says how her mom used to make it that way.

I also made this sunchoke soup from some sunchokes that I blanched and froze about a month ago. I halved the recipe because I only had about a pound of sunchokes and this is soooo good. no picture because I'm ngl it looks like sludge lol. made waffles again too.

finally: little emotional support cheese board from the other day, lol.

feat. paesanella ciresa (soft vaguely mushroomy?), somerdale red dragon (very dijon mustard-y), cotswold (super chives and onion flavor), and appenzeller white label (swiss adjacent) picked up as little samples from the cheese counter castoff bin. and olives and mozz balls of course.

misc: really enjoyed these few days off. it is cold as fuck here which is not encouraging me to get back in the swing of things but it has put me in cozy mode. I did reformat my resume in LaTeX so now it's sexy for my conference next week because I am … printing out a few copies I guess ?? to bring to hand to people if needed. do people still do that. who fucking knows.

[teriwrites]

Beyond Alder Creek: Part 3

My Live Reactions to Reading Through My 2023 Novel

Chapter 7: The Ferryman's Skiff

They've been sitting on the beach for ages, yet the sun hasn't moved, how interesting

This lake is Massive, Winnie's not entirely convinced it's not an ocean

"How do you normally get across?" Winnie asked, turning back to Taliesin only to flinch at the glaring sun reflected over his features. "We fae have our means of transportation," he said. "How do you normally get across a lake?" "Typically by a boat." "That sounds reasonable." (he's such a little prick lmao)

Only after she finally sits down on the sand does there appear to be someone approaching from the lake

You'll never guess who it is! That ol' skull-faced Ferryman!

He claims to have been summoned, but nobody said anything, so Winnie's like 'wtf'

Not Taliesin asking the Ferryman for the latest gossip LMAO they're just like '....bro, just tell me where you want to go'

Whaddya know, there's a woman dancing on a lil inlet jutting into the lake, and Winnie's captured by some emotion she's trying to convey, convinced she can figure out its meaning if she watches for just another moment

'A hand landed on Winnie's shoulder. She turned back in annoyance to see Taliesin's stoic face. "Careful," he warned. "Do not trust the beautiful here. It often masks cruelty." Winnie should've heeded his advice, some of the first she had received. But she wrestled with the criticism. "I'm fine." Taliesin looked pointedly down. Following his gaze, Winnie realized her hand was clutching the edge of the skiff, knuckles white. She couldn't remember reaching for it.' (this man already has his hands full rip)

Chapter 8: Treacherous Waters

I remember this chapter being one of the hardest to write in the first draft, for some reason, so I'm curious to see if my misery translates in this second draft, too

Winnie's really creeped out by the sun not noticeably moving

'Beauty as a warning, like some animals wore bright colors to keep predators away, or as a lure, like a plant's toxic aroma, struck Winnie as the Beyond's entire calling card.' yeah pretty much

Oop a sea drake just burst up from the surface of the water and thrashed around their skiff

Winnie's hat fell off and flew into the lake, but not before she managed to reach out and get hold of something - the pin

Meanwhile, that drake just casually fanned out its gills and is now sunbathing, no longer bothering them

The incoming squall, however!

Less harmless

They are very quickly Drenched and their skiff is very quickly Filling and the Ferryman is just like chilling as they desperately try to empty out the water

'Winnie was throwing another handful of water from the skiff when she felt something wrap around her wrist. It was half-obscured by the waves, but the silhouette of a webbed, clawed hand tightened its grip as Winnie tried to pull away.' no big deal, i'm sure!

She's panicking

The creature feeds off of panic

'Her breathing was ragged, her mind swirling with fragmented solutions that wouldn't form a cohesive whole' wait a second, i stole that from myself from downstairs, 4 hawthorn rd lmao

Oh wow she's like Panicking panicking

Like Taliesin had to just go over and check on her

"Are you okay?" he asked. Winnie shrugged his hand off. "Fine." (yeah... says the girl who was just screaming)

And as she calms down, whaddya know, no more squall!

'Winnie straightened, reflexively smoothing out her skirt. It was dry. The whole boat was dry, as though she'd imagined the entire storm. But the indents of the creature's claws still marked her arm. Winnie rubbed absently at the grooves they'd left.' trippy

'She could imagine what she would find [when they reached the Warden's estate]: Bran's delighted face to see her, the chattering about everything he'd seen and done in the Beyond, the obliviousness to how much trouble his curiosity had caused. She silently promised to repress her scolding until after they'd made it back to town. The last thing she needed was for Bran to insist on staying behind to irritate her.' it's so cute how easy she thinks this will be

They've just landed at the docks of the Undernell!

"Your debt is paid," Taliesin offered as he dipped his head towards the Ferryman. "Remain vigilant," the Ferryman responded, "and remember. The Warden does not tolerate being trifled with." (they sound like a delight)

And with that, they have just stepped beneath the pitch-black canopy of the Undernell Woods

Chapter 9: The Undernell

Oh, it's Dark dark here under the trees

Good thing Taliesin can light up like a lil glowstick lol

See, NOW they have their conversation about some of the broader details about the Beyond, which Taliesin justifies as a form of protecting against it

'The more detail that Taliesin provided about [the fae's] hierarchy and their relationship with the Beyond itself, Winnie found herself losing track. "So the Beyond is alive?" she asked. "Well, yes. And no. It isn't conscious, but it is discerning." (that's not eerie at all!)

So why doesn't the sun move?

"Time is a malleable resource," he finally answered quietly. "It is real, but it does not like to act unless acted upon." That made even less sense than if she'd never gotten an answer at all. "You won't feel its effects regardless," Taliesin promised in an assuring tone. "And why is that?" He stopped, and Winnie nearly ran into his back. "Well, you're a human." As though that was answer enough. "And?" Taliesin laughed. "You don't belong here. These lands claim no ownership over you, and you hold no allegiance to them. You can walk across any territory, act as you wish. You have utter freedom and absolutely no power. Time is fixed in your world, but here, it's only another form of power. So long as you're here, you will exist frozen in time; no hunger will pain you, no exhaustion demand you rest. You're untethered by it." (evidence that i did, in fact, put in some effort into worldbuilding between drafts)

A sudden cry breaking through the woods, and Taliesin grabs her wrist and Bolts

Pretty similar scene of them running through the woods until Taliesin decides the move is to climb a tree to keep away from the hounds

Winnie feels a lot less confident about her ability to climb this tree, but he tells her to take a step forwards, and she suddenly finds herself stepping up a staircase. within a tree trunk. which appears to be entirely solid.

Fae shit, man

Up here in the upper branches, she can get glimpses of the light above, and apparently the leaves themselves are all a deep midnight blue, which is part of why it's so dang dark in the Undernell

Well, the Hounds moved on

But what are they, Taliesin?

"The Hounds of the Undernell. They're the personal pets of the Warden. Vicious and indiscriminate beasts with an unparalleled ability to track. Never leave traces for them to find. It's hard enough to escape them without, but if they catch your scent, you'll never outrun them." coolcoolcool

"Do you know how to get back to the path?" Winnie knew she wouldn't be able to find it. Taliesin shook his head. "There's no need. It won't be back there anyway, not anymore." "Do all of your paths have the tendency to change course?" "Do yours stay the same?" It was answer enough. With another roll of her eyes, Winnie chose a direction and began walking. "I wouldn't go that way!" Taliesin offered behind her. She was going to kill him long before they reached the Warden's estate.' (i love them, your honor)

Chapter 10: The Abandoned Estate

'The manor was definitely empty.' welp

"How should we break in?" [Winnie] asked Taliesin, staring up at the central tower. "Climb in a window? Scour the mountain for an alternate entrance? Climb onto the roof?" Taliesin ignored her, stepping forwards through the courtyard. Circumventing the stone fountain, he continued until coming even with the front door. With a single push, it swung open. Winnie deadpanned. "That works." (lol a reference to her climbing through a window in the first draft)

Winnie insisting on the two of them splitting up feels like a great idea

'Taking hold of the railing, [Winnie] began to ascend. One step after another, she kept her gaze pinned on the upper platform. It became quickly apparent that she was not making any progress. Stopping, Winnie looked back. She was in the center of the staircase. Another several steps forward, and she was in the same place. With a sigh, she looked back at Taliesin. He was grinning.' (this entertainment is going to make his whole century lol)

She goes back down and tries walking up without the railing - no dice

Walking in a zig-zag pattern up the wide stairs - nothing

Takes the stairs at a run - nada

'With a groan, Winnie dropped down to sit on the steps. Leaning her head against the banister, she thudded against the top picket. She'd made it to the landing.' classic

Oh, chill, there's a Massive tapestry hanging over the front door

A massive fae with an oval mask covering her face, wings extending out of her head and draped in golden beaded chains, wearing layers of robes in varying shades of blacks/blues/golds

Queen Nyphinae of the Dusk Court

"She's terrible," Winnie murmured, the that word didn't seem quite right. Intimidating, certainly, and ominous, and frightening. But there was a gleam of regal justice woven into her eyes that seemed fitting of a ruler.' i love her so much

Winnie wanders into one of the two halls extending out from the second floor landing, and, whoops! It's looping in on itself - the same pattern of doors and right turns that somehow never meet

And retracing her steps only continues the pattern

She sits down - nothing

Crept, ran, skipped, closed her eyes - nein

The trick? Walking backwards

So Taliesin and Winnie have actually split up to search the house here, and it does beg the question - how far can Taliesin venture before he's not near enough Winnie for the whole 'breaking the rules of the Beyond' thing to work? If they got too far away, would he blip out back to the Courtless lands?

Not something to worry about right now, because Winnie just opened a door at random and found a feast hall laid out for a very elaborate banquet

'Winnie stood beside the table now. Some internal alarm was blaring out, screaming for her to be careful, but it was dulled beneath the sight of a stack of heavenly croissants. She reached out. As her fingertips brushed the crisp, flaky crust of the croissant, it suddenly began crumbling away from her. Blinking, Winnie took a step back. The entire feast was collapsing in on itself, hollowing out with rot. Mold crept over the surface of the breads, the fruits, swimming in the soup. Flies swarmed over the feast, buzzing in a dissonant chorus. Winnie stumbled back to the doorway, gaping in horror at the scene as it unfolded. The meats were spotting with age, the fruits crumpling in as worms split out of their dimpling skin. The smell of rot hit Winnie's nose, and she gagged as she ran back into the hall. Slamming the door, she made for the staircase.' (i'm so nice to my characters)

She goes up a staircase, which leads directly into the ceiling

After several more rooms, she winds back on the landing, only to discover another staircase leading up to a third floor

It leads to exactly one room: some kind of workstation

Vials of glowing blues and greens, torches flickering with purple flames, a globe with unrecognizable landmasses, books writing in a variety of languages, some of those books discuss humanity

'Pulling one of the books off the shelf, a rumbling caught her off-guard. Swiveling on her heel, Winnie saw a door where previously had only been a wall.' classic

It leads to a short hall, which leads to an even smaller room

A singular bed

'Winnie would've ignored the bed entirely, taking it as belonging to the Warden, if a glimmer off one of the pillows didn't catch her eye. She plucked up a small glass sphere from the bed, rolling it between her fingers. Holding it up to the light, it was clearly a small, red marble. Bran's small, red marble.' (aha! it was relevant after all!)

Winnie doesn't trust Taliesin enough to show him the workspace - she knows he wants the Warden to be removed from power and where there's a vacancy, somebody is going to have to fill that void

Oh I forgot about this part

The marble falls to the floor and rolls, and as Winnie crouches down to pick it up, she realizes some of the dust won't lift from this one floorboard

She pries it up fairly easily and, beneath it, what does she find?? A small chest!

As in the first draft, she considers trying to pick the lock, and goes to use her hat pin, except the lock rusts away and snaps easily with a pull

'[The chest] was filled with boring valuables. Jewelry, a stopped timepiece, engraved coins. Nothing that would tell her where Bran would've been taken once they'd left the estate. It would be smarter to remove everything, just in case. Winnie lifted each token and trinket out of the chest. A particularly intricate necklace was wedged into a corner, and Winnie pricked her finger while trying to untangle it. Hissing, a single drop of blood fell into the chest before she could clean it. Her first thought was to the Undernell Hounds and whether they might find this. The second was the realization that a flash of blue light illuminated the edges of the bottom of the chest. Using her nails to wedge into a small indent in the wood, she pulled away a false bottom.' (see, i like this more than just leaving everything in the open)

It's just some blank pieces of paper, but she tucks them away anyways, along with Bran's marble

But then a thud sounds from the first floor

'Expecting to see the reflective surface of her companion, Winnie froze as she made out the back of a dark cloak. This wasn't Taliesin. Somebody else had entered the house. And they clearly knew someone had invaded the Warden's estate, as they quickly disappeared, slipping into one of the rooms on the first floor. Winnie's mind buzzed with panic and the warnings of being caught by the Dusk Court. She had to get out of here.' (in the Warden's defense, did you Really think they were going to leave their house totally unguarded??)

Ending Thoughts:

A small critical thing - I really need to work more on that active voicing lol But man, as challenging as it is balancing out Winnie's introduction to the Beyond without just infodumping everything, I really do love this weird, wacky world. I think as I go forwards, I'd like to continue leaning into the sort of eeriness and tension that's really been established for Winnie through Bildenbey's folklore. It needs to not just live up to it, but surpass the strange incomprehensibility they all fear so much. And simultaneously, it should be beautiful! Wonderful! Entrancing! I also like how Winnie still is clearly untrusting towards Taliesin - she should be! That dude's a fae with a grudge! And he's clearly using her as a pawn to get back at the dude he hates! He's not exactly hiding any of that. Winnie's very openly using him, too, and that always works out smoothly and never involves any degree of development, obviously! Things are going to run so according to plan!

[thedramabinger]

Reset (开端)

My consistency atm is not bad with writing reviews aha. This show I’ve rewatched, I don't even know how many times, maybe like 4 times. It’s literally one of my favourite shows and if you continue reading you’ll know why!! I fell in love with Bai Jing Ting and Zhao Jin Mai from this series, and I’ve watched almost everything with these two in it. Cause wow, they are such good actors!! Going into this show for the first time, I think I wanted a time-loop show because I just finished watching Marry My Husband and was looking for something with good time travel and I came across the show, and just wow. My review for this show won’t follow the same layout I usually do, since it’s not romance based! 

My Rating: 10/10

Episodes: 15

Country: China

Genre: Thriller, Sci-Fi, Mystery

Aired: Jan 11th, 2022 - Jan 25th, 2022

Cast:

Bai Jing Ting as Xiao He Yun

Zhao Jin Mai as Li Shi Qing

Liu Yi Jun as Zhang Cheng

Huang Jue as Wang Xing De

Liu Dan as Tao Ying Hong

Zeng Ke Lang as Lu Di

Zhang Xi Qian as Ma Guo Qiang

Leon Li as Jiang Feng

Liu Tao as Du Jing Song

Synopsis (according to MDL):

An unexplainable phenomena finds college-going student, Li Shi Qing, trapped in a never-ending time loop where she is always stuck on a public service bus which is due to explode, bringing death and destruction to not only herself but to all on board.

Desperate to find a way to escape not only the time loop but her tragic fate, Shi Qing inadvertently drags fellow bus passenger Xiao He Yun into the time loop as well. Together they try to find a way to alter their fate by ensuring the bus arrives safely at its destination, but attempting to do so proves anything but easy.

Adapted from the web novel "Kai Duan" (开端) by Qi Dao Jun (祈祷君).

How did I feel about the plot?

This show honestly had me on my toes for a while. At one point, I already knew what and who caused the explosion, however, how the show plays out, and how every little detail matters in this show is really well done. I went into this show not expecting much since I’ve seen very little time loop shows/ movies done well, I was pleasantly surprised with how the author wrote this show/ brought together all these little details to help us understand how the story is coming together. From beginning to end I enjoyed this show thoroughly, because of how well put together it was. Time loop plus murder mystery, it's a concept we see a lot in Hollywood media, however, my first time in a Chinese production and it was executed so nicely. I also thoroughly enjoyed seeing the backstories of the other characters on the bus. By the end of the show, it makes you feel more connected with all the characters and you genuinely hope for no one to die. 

Beware of (Some) Spoilers Moving Forward!!!!!! 

The actors portrayals of the character

I could go on and on about how I feel about the acting in this show. My god. The actors, let's give a round of applause to them. *vigorous clapping* LOL. They. just wow. The actors in this show were phenomenal. Let’s start with Bai Jing Ting and Zhao Jin Mai, I have almost no words. These two are wonderful actors, they evoked all the feelings that most people would feel in a situation like this, through their acting. Considering this is a time loop show, a lot of the scenes are done in the same areas (aka on the bus) for the majority of the show. They always show these two actors waking up in the new loop, and every single time, their reactions are different. Sometimes they are significantly different, yet sometimes there are very subtle differences, and that shows how well they understand their characters. Let me just say, the actress who plays Tao Ying Hong, Liu Dan, she’s a gem. Her portrayal of this character was insane (literally), and she does a wonderful job portraying the sorrow and vengeance that her character feels throughout the plot. I, also, want to applaud all the other actors who play the characters on the bus. I felt genuinely connected to all of these characters, one because of the plot but also because of how the actors/ actresses portrayed them. I fell in love with all of them and their stories. 

Reset Review- an invigorating time-loop series worth your time

I gave this show a 10/10. Its rewatch value is off the charts, personally, as I’ve already watched the show like 4 times. The plot was executed well from beginning to end, the actors/ actresses do a wonderful job portraying their characters, even the length of the show is perfect, a good 15 episodes that are emotional, heartbreaking at times, filled with hope, fear, thrilling, and love. It was thrilling from beginning to end, and the 2 main characters' arcs, and how they grow to understand each other more and work together better as the show continues is just wonderful to see! All in all, I recommend this show to anyone who loves time travel/ loop series/ movies, or a good murder mystery. 

[ghostflowerdreams]

Surviving the Game as a Barbarian (게임 속 바바리안으로 살아남기)

Surviving the Game as a Barbarian (Korean: 게임 속 바바리안으로 살아남기; RR: Geim Sok Babarianeuro Saranamgi) is a South Korean manhwa adapted by Han Tae-su from the original web novel by Jung Yoon-kang, with illustrations by MIDNIGHT Studio.​

After nine grueling years playing Dungeon and Stone—a brutal RPG no one has ever cleared—Hansoo Lee finally reaches the final boss room. But just as victory seems within reach, he receives a notification that he has completed the tutorial. In the blink of an eye, Hansoo finds himself inhabiting the body of Bjorn Jandel, a real barbarian in the game’s harsh, unforgiving world. Now trapped in a reality where death is permanent and failure means execution, Hansoo must navigate a ruined world where only one city remains, its survival dependent on monthly expeditions into a deadly labyrinth. Barbarians like Bjorn are considered little more than muscle, and players like him who are discovered to be possessing their characters are labeled “evil spirits” and killed on sight. Armed with nine years of in-depth knowledge and a barbarian’s brute strength, Hansoo must fight, adapt, and outwit this merciless world to survive. His only option? Conquer the labyrinth and hope it doesn’t conquer him first.

Maybe it’s just me, but this manhwa gives off strong Fear & Hunger and Darkest Dungeon vibes—both being brutal RPGs that focus on survival and the psychological toll of living in such a dangerous world.

This story captures a similar intensity, following Hansoo (now going by Bjorn) as he navigates a deadly dungeon while keeping up the act of being a barbarian. The world is unforgiving, death is permanent, and every decision feels like it could be his last. Unlike many other stories in the genre, the tension here feels real—you can sense the pressure, the stakes, and the ever-present threat of dying in the dungeon or being exposed as an 'evil spirit.'

Bjorn is the main character, so his survival feels more or less guaranteed, but plot armor isn't always obvious, and you can’t say the same for his companions. That uncertainty keeps me on the edge of my seat, especially when it involves characters I’ve grown to like.

I also appreciate how each battle carries real weight. There's tension when it matters, and nothing is handed to Bjorn. He starts out weak and inexperienced, earning every step forward through careful planning, research, and smart use of his gaming knowledge. He doesn’t rely on just brute strength or luck—traits typically associated with barbarians—but instead uses strategy to survive.

However, Bjorn quickly learns that playing a 2D character and actually living as one are two very different things. His game knowledge only goes so far, and watching him adjust to the unexpected makes his journey all the more interesting.

As the story progresses, he realizes he can't solo the dungeon like he did in the game. To survive the upper floors and make money, he actually needs a team. But finding the right people is difficult. They must not only be skilled in their roles but also trustworthy.

Just like in real life, you can’t easily tell who’s good or bad. The friendly guy offering help might secretly be a killer, while the shady-looking one might actually be a decent person. He probably won’t kill you in your sleep, but don’t be surprised if your gear disappears. Or maybe not. It’s always a gamble.

As far as I can tell, there’s no harem here—though there is some potential for romance. It’s subtle, and I don’t think it’ll become a major focus of the story. Some readers might appreciate that, while others might not. I haven’t read far enough to know if that changes, so keep that in mind.

Overall, I found this manhwa entertaining. If you enjoy stories that blend survival, strategy, and character-driven storytelling, this one’s definitely worth checking out.

[meeravandaseera]

Folkloric Counterpart of Disney's Ariel

... some analysis and comparison of The Little Mermaid and the folkloric forced-waterspouse motif

Edited "Lure of the North" detail by Arthur Wardle in 1912.

During my initial research, I had read about the half-grilse or the half-young-salmon watermaiden called the maighdean na tuinne or maid-of-the-wave, maighdean mhara or maid-of-the-sea or the ceasg, pronounced kee-ask in Scottish folklore. The folktale "The-maid-of-the-wave" collected by Donald A. Mackenzie in his "Scottish Wonder Tales from Myth and Legend" as published on Sacred Texts https://sacred-texts.com/neu/celt/tsm/tsm16.htm primarily informed me. When the appearance of a ceasg's hair was described, Ariel swam up into my sea of thoughts. It is quite understandable since Ariel has been conditioned into the wide sea of society ever since the movie had released. A ceasg's appearance is quite similar to Ariel, but of course it was never intentional.

According to Donald A. Mackenzie, the ceasg possesses copper-colored hair, similarly to Disney's The Little Mermaid called Ariel. (Many paintings of the past tides feature watermaidens with reddish hair, too, by the way!) The tail of a young salmon, like a ceasg was described with one, may appear like a greenish teal alongside just like Ariel's tail, but possibly more dull.

Illustration from "The book of the salmon; in two parts... Usefully illustrated with numerous coloured engravings of salmon-flies, and salmon-fry" in 1850.

Well, one should also consider that Ariel was originally supposed to be blonde, but got changed to red since she might get associated with the movie "Splash" and because it made a nice complementary distinction from her green tail according to 15 Things you didn't know about The Little Mermaid - Oh My Disney: https://web.archive.org/web/20201111145631/https://ohmy.disney.com/movies/2014/08/16/15-things-you-didnt-know-about-the-little-mermaid/

Edited "A mermaid and a goblin in conversation" detail by Louis Moe (1857-1945) in 1932.

According to the aforementioned folktale, a ceasg was in the possession of a large, bright salmon skin covering for her tail. The maidens-of-the-waves also wore sea-blue garments ashore instead of their salmon skins. This seems a bit similar to Ariel's blue dress she can be seen wearing outside of the movie in some promotional artworks.

Anyhow, a ceasg would be capable of shedding her salmon skin in order to venture ashore. Such a ceasg could do so without having to give up anything like The Little Mermaid does with her tongue or her voice. However, like in the folktales of the selkies, a ceasg's salmon-skin can get stolen by a mortal human being. This seems quite similar to The Little Mermaid's story of her losing all ability to go back into the sea until later on, but she willingly gave up her tail which was stolen in some tide by the Sea Witch. The ceasg is forced into the relationship with a mortal while The Little Mermaid's relationship with the prince is seemingly taken away in the story. In the original novel, The Little Mermaid has no chance of ever getting together with the prince unlike in Disney's version where there is the Happily Ever After. In the original novel, The Little Mermaid returns to the sea just like the ceasg does later on when she finds her salmon skin again. The Little Mermaid in the movie found her prince, but the one from the original novel and the ceasg did not. In the folktale and the original novel, The Little mermaid left her love behind. Both the folktale and the novel are versions mirrored from an alternative sea with darker waters past in contrast to the movie.

"The Siren" by John William Waterhouse in ca. 1900.

I find that the folktales like those of the Irish merrows, Scottish ceasgs, Gurindji karukayn or all the other forced waterspouses are one of the more older origins of The Little Mermaid contrary to Paracelsus' undines. Like many, The Little Mermaid's story has origins coming from the farther depths of the ocean. Andersen claimed that he got inspired by the novel "Undine" by Friedrich de la Motte Fouqué while that novel of his got inspired by Paracelsus' alchemical works on elementary beings and Paracelsus himself got possibly inspired by Christianity's influence on waterfolk. A similar legend featuring the motif of the undines' longing for a soul can be found in the Scottish mermaid from the Isle of Iona where she supposedly lacked a soul, not being able to marry a monk or saint she loved according to "Creatures of Fantasy - Mermaids" by Kathryn Hinds on page 24 and "Sea Enchantress - The Tale of the Mermaid and Her Kin" by Gwen Benwell and Arthur Waugh on page 64. She pleaded him to give her a soul, but she needed to leave the sea forever for him to do so, which she could not as the call of the sea was stronger.

The Little Mermaid may have been based upon such folktales, but she turned the tides to allow newer perspectives and interpretations of them to surface in our minds!

Here is another good article which dives into more folkloric origins in The Little Mermaid and thus explores some more uncharted waves that I did not surf upon here: The Influence of Folklore on The Little Mermaid - Mythos Blog https://www.mythosblog.org/post/the-influence-of-folklore-on-the-little-mermaid

(If any sources are not viewable, consult an archival site)

Thanks for diving into this :>

Thanks to my friend Angel who contributed and helped me choose the depictions for the ceasg!

Added note: I also re-published this on reddit via r/mermaid: https://www.reddit.com/r/mermaid/comments/1gjiptx/folkloric_counterpart_of_disneys_ariel/

[pocketmau5]

“Never Satisfied” being discontinued feels like the end of an era for me.

Specifically web comics with privately hosted sites. All the webcomics I read at that time of its production are all “dead” now: Monster Pop by Maya Kern, Monsterkind by Enenkay/Taylor C, Cucumber Quest by GiGi, Paranatural by Zack, and I thought Sakana was gonna be but it came back after a 3 year hiatus. (There are more, but I can’t remember their names. There is one where I distinctly remember the alt text on a page saying how another artist “lovingly redlined Avery’s ass”) A lot of newer comics are hosted on apps, like webtoons, now. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I think it’s convenient that they are all here together, but I do miss how incredibly personalized and charming browser experience each comic had. It’s just kinda odd to feel the passage of time and how things change in this way

Majority of the comic artists I follow have shifted away from comics and instead have taken to writing novels because they hell of a lot easier. Which is great for them and I definitely encourage doing whatever it takes for your mental and physical health. I think having the ability to write novels are an incredible skill and feat in of itself! However, I can’t help but feel a bit dejected. Because of my reading disability and vision impairments, I can’t enjoy these stories when they are converted from a comic into written form. It’s difficult for me to read walls of text, and even harder for me to retain it. Even typing this is difficult. I just have to pray that I didn’t make any typos and that this shit is actually coherent! And since these books are all very small productions, none of them are on audible so I can’t even listen to it. Sure, there is text to talk, but BOY is it hard for me to retain anything I’ve heard when the Stephen Hawking synthesizer is reading to me. Maybe it’s the cadence? Regardless, a lot of the comics I listed above have an ending written out that I will never be able to know of because I suck at reading. Hell! I’d be more willing to “tough it out” and struggle for long periods of time, but reading fatigues me something fierce. I got maybe 5 minutes max before I have go lay down. I don’t even get to retain what I read either! I just get exhausted, and I’m useless for the rest of the day.

For some reason, comics don’t seem to do that. I have absolutely no idea why. It is the only written media I can consume with ease. All I know is that I hate it, and it fucking sucks to be this way. If I know how I could fix it, I would. But so far, nothing seems to do anything,

I know it’s selfish of me, but I am curious if artists would be more inclined to finish a project if there was better system for comic artists. Of the comic artists I have followed years ago and still continue to make comics usually have a partner that they work with. Perhaps if there could be some kind of business platform where there was a team of artists working on an idea, like what they do with animations. ….However, considering how underpaid and overworked artists in general are, I’m sure the only improvement would be the rate of production. I know that is especially bad in other countries. They overwork and underpay their employees, which doesn’t really help resolve burnout, the whole issue I’m trying to address. Not that I have any right to say anything on the matter. My stupid ass can’t make more than 6 pages of a webcomic before hitting an art block.

Unrelated, but something I think is kinda funny is how many artists and comic artists I follow that have come out as trans within the last couple of years. In hindsight, it is probably why I liked and connected to their work so much.

[multiverse-ofbookreviews]

For My Derelict Favorite

Description:

I entered my favorite romance-fantasy novel, which I have read many times.

Thanks to the body of a wealthy commoner, I bought the status of a fallen aristocrat, attended a noble family’s gathering and observed the romance of the characters in the original novel.

I wanted to return to the real world after witnessing the ending.

But somehow, even after the ending, I was not freed from the body I possessed and remained living in the original novel.

As a result, I acquired the stories behind the scenes that I refused to comprehend.

My favorite sub male lead, Caelus, has died.

Living impoverished in the original work without him, I eventually fell ill and died.

Now, I wanted to return to reality.

However, the irony of fate has returned me to the end of the novel overnight. This is definitely… to save my beloved, right?

Review: I CAN'T WAIT TO TALK ABOUT THIS BOOK! Okay, I know I mentioned I've been addicted to Chinese web novels, but you can't sleep on our Korean novels either. THIS BOOK WAS MUCH MORE FASCINATING THAN I THOUGHT! Honestly, I thought this book was going to be about a strong woman saving a weak man and getting stuck in a love triangle, and it'd be toxic, boring, and just the same overplayed love story, but I WAS SO WRONG!

I wanted to share this comment because it can better explain why I like this book so much:

"I like the realness of being with someone who didn't really got over his first love. It is frustrating but it's what FL chose at the end of the day. It's a slow burn too so not much romance from the start.All in all, I liked it. Mainly because is different. I see it as an exploration of different possibilities. I've read some novels where the man who was rejected by his one true one sided love, OGfl, moved on pretty easily to the transmigrated FL and honestly? This always rubbed me the wrong way. Like he could switch easily and even if our FL left, any other girl could have him next. It's too mundane for a romance. This one explores a "what if our FL doesn't have a relationship buff?" And for that alone it marks it self as special." - Commenter

This ^ This ^ all of this ^. Hestia was such a badass FL! Did I mention she was a hard-core FAN of the ML before transmigration into the novel? (Transmigration: She left the real world, woke up one day and found herself in her favorite novel. She took on the mission to save her favorite person) Hestia did this purely out of her genuine love for her Idol. And when I say love, purely between a fan and her idol. She had no love between a man and a woman. At the moment, anyway, UGH, I'm going to spoil it! Anyways, please know Hestia and her favorite are considered side characters, "cannon fodders." Well, Hestia's favorite, Kaelus, is the second male lead in the original book. Hestia transmigrates into this book and becomes the new FL, with Kaelus as the ML. SPOILER ALERT: Don't continue WARNING WARNING

ML EVENTUALLY LOVES OUR FL UGH! I love this novel so much. At first Hestia was absolutely clueless but she went hard for her favorite person. She took his fifedom and made sure it was flourishing with tons of golds, happy villages, and everyone loved her. She did this to ensure her favorites land was flourishing even though he was done dirty by OG ML and FL. She took care of him, didn't push him, allowed him to heal his broken heart from his best friends OG ML AND FL. She would update him about her work whielist working int the background to PUNISH the OG ML and FL. Yes my girl Hestianot only wanted to save Kaelus but PUNISH TF out of the OG FL and ML. Which she did. Personally, I feel like OG ML and FL feel in love for the wrong reasons. OG FL wanted a fairy tale ending with OG ML while still having Kaelus. While OG ML liked the OG FL because Kaelus loved her. This was obvious when Hestia came into the picture and OG ML fell in love with her too. Of course Hestia "no nonsense" slapped him in the face and scolded him.

Moving on ~ my girl Hestia went to ball with the OG ML and FL, while taking care of her favorite, and ensuring he's okay. At the end of it all, once OG FL was about to fall from grace and complete Hestia's revenge plan, her favorite wanted to save OG FL. WAIT WAIT There's a reason for this. Hestia didnt' realize she was sad about this not because of her efforts NOOOOOOOO she is too good for that she did all of this without asking for anything she just wanted to save her idol. Instead she was lost, she felt her purpose was to save him but once her idol wanted to save the OG FL Hestia wanted to leave. Leave by falling off of the balcony, anyways Kaelus comes back and sees that, grabs her back and spirals down the same depressy mood he had when the novel first started. The reason he saved OG FL was to allow Hestia to let go, he loves her. YES LOVES HER to DEATH! Like so hard cold love when the OG FL has thoughts about his again he turns her away and scolds her back. I LOVE IT. Anyways he wants Hestia to let the OG FL and ML go and to focus on them.

Hestia and Kaelus end up becoming envious lovers in their kingdom. OH and the best part: *whispers* this book is actually erotic at the end AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Once Kaelus falls in love and realizes Hestia doesn't understand his feelings, our holy idol takes her to bed. And let me tell you the way the writer wrote "glistens." OMG, OMG, OMG.

They become an envious couple with 7 kids, I think. Ugh, I wish I had written this once I finished it. But yeah, they keep having kids because he can't get enough of her and her of him. End rant* I love this book so much.

Rating: 10/10

Reaction:

[gingersnapwolves]

Hello,

I used to follow your website at the dawn of the century even you wrote with Karasu. I'm not sure what happened between you two and it's not my intention to bring up any bad business, however I was just wondering if your original works were still floating around somewhere where I could read them again. To be honest as a (at the time) young gay man trying to find a way to come to terms with myself and life, your stories were an honest breath of fresh air. Not many people were doing gay stories let alone inventive and well written ones, so they hold a special place in my heart. I recall you were trying to get Touch the Sky published and I had always tried to keep an eye out for it in book communities and Amazon. Were you successful and I missed it? I would love to read your original works from back then again if possible.

Thank you,

J

This is such a sweet ask, I really appreciate it! What a long time ago that was. I have some good news and some medium news for you...

Firstly, no worries about bad situations because Karasu and I are actually married now! We'll be celebrating our seventh anniversary later this year. She's not online as much as she used to be because of real life stuff, and we don't write together that much anymore but she still helps me plan all my stories.

The original stuff we wrote back then isn't technically up anymore. Our old livejournal (knkfics.livejournal.com) is still functional but it's friends-locked due to a plagiarism incident and I can't add more friends to it because they limited the number for free accounts. Our own website went down a long time ago. That being said, if you use the Wayback Machine, you can still get to some of it here (https://web.archive.org/web/20050211232749/http://www.fatalistic.net/knkfics/original.html). Just please keep in mind for anyone who clicks that link that this is stuff I wrote almost twenty years ago, mostly when I was in college, and it's not up to the standard of what I post today lol.

As for Touch the Sky, we started rewriting it but never finished. There was a lot going on back then, we wrote a LOT of different things and that one just never found an end we were satisfied by.

That being said, I do have some published novels now, although they are self-published, and they are queer as hell! If you like werewolves, you can find my werewolf series here, and if you're more of a dragon person, you can find the links to those books on my sidebar. Neither seriers is finished yet but I swear they will be someday!

It's so heartwarming to know that my stories were important to you, and I really hope your life is going well! Enjoy reading!