#I know financial situation is not the best rn so if people feel like they cant get this rn that's alright

[ohno-the-sun]

OoOooo opening up commissions! Exciting but also nerve wracking haha

All drawings will be fully rendered, color or black and white whatever you prefer. Feel free to specify what style you'd like, just try to make sure it is one I have done before in the past.

Down to do humans and robots but I'm so sorry I'm really bad at drawing furries 😭

Also no NSFW

If you are unsure about the background price feel free to DM me!

Please have a description or reference ready of the character you'd like. Price is per character minus background so if you want two torsos with a simple background it would be $30+$30+$5= $65

I accept payment via Kofi or Paypal

[keypaa]

Astrology Observations No.5 🧛🏻‍♀️💋🖤👻

(+ a bit creepy stuff)

I use the whole sign system

Uranus opposition Ascendant & strangers talking to you all of a sudden in unexpected ways and places

Mars in 8th house get attacked by spirits often (sleep paralysis, seeing shadows, feeling presences) in many places you go to

!Sensitive topic¡

Astroid Medusa (149) in strong aspects (usually squares) with the north node/southnode + pluto indicate r*pe. I saw it in two of my friends chart. The north node can be seen as destiny. Even if you don't have this aspect and still went through this i love you you are never alone ❣︎

Scorpio ascendants attract a whole bunch of creeps trust your gut and keep it safe people always pay attention to what you are doing you just need to look closer

Lilith in the 10th house and females being annoyed of their presence in the work place. Usually also attract a whole bunch of jealousy in school, uni or at work. Michele Avil that was murdered by her best friend because of jealousy had this placement

Moon in Scorpio hate not having control they know how to (atleast try) to get someone to do something. Positive note good investigators who would make great psychologists, detectives and so on

So well if you have a bunch of 1st house, 8th house or 12th house placements in planets like venus, mars, moon or lilith you are more prone to attract stalkers atleast once in your life KEEP IT SAFE and I mean it¡! And by stalkers I also mean people who do a whole bunch of research on you and your life or keep following you obsessively on social media.

Don't leak unnecessary information about you and try to not go to quite places alone where no one could find you if something would happen.

Lilith in leo are feared by females loved by men

Venus in 10th house don't tell anyone about your love life trust me even tho people always find things to say and spread rumors about. You will publicly be known for what is happening in your love life.

Moon in aries need to be feared, if introverted it takes long to see their anger but most aries moons show ther anger explosively nevertheless they cool down rather quickly, loyal to their loved ones tho

Don't fuxk with leo venus friends they take care of them like a lion mother, dedicated

Venus in capricorn always have enemys

Masculines with libra placements always fall for people who don't love them the same way/or for absolutely toxic & crazzzy people

Lilith in the 22nd degree are necrophilists. Just look at Richard Ramirez chart, he loved s*x with the dead.

According to Ian Altosaar the 22nd degree is about murder and I combined this information with liliths nature, hidden desire. 👻Ps: Most necrophilists are men not always but almost all the time https://ijop.net/index.php/mlu/article/download/734/688/1339 or on Wikipedia (not so reliable source but says that about 92% are men)

Virgo placements get underratedly sexualised a whole lot. The biggest p*rn star right now has virgo placements. Also virgo liliths can be se*ualised

Pisces moons had a time of their life where they cried a lot or still are very emotional (nothing bad). Other than that they can be dangerously manipulative if they want to and feel every slight difference in someones behavior

Aquarius ascendants and loving colorful clothing

Juno (3) in aries and rooting for ambitious people that behave masculine in a loving manner (romantically)

Juno (3) in aquarius want a partner that sticks out from the masses

Mercury in sagittarius have a special voice

Pholus (astroid) shows you what transformed you the most in your life:

1st hous/Aries: You yourself/sports caused a transformation in your life

2st house/Taurus: Your financial situation changed you

3rd house/Gemini: The area where you live in (hood) affected you, or off topic your car/drivers license

4rd house/Cancer: Your home life, emotions or femininity

5th house/Leo: Creative skills of yours or recognition transformed you

6th house/Virgo: Routine or your health/hygiene plays/played a crucial role in your life

7th house/Libra: Your love life/ or glow up affected your life view

8th house/Scorpio: Deaths, paranormal stuff, operations, accidents and your sexuality transformed your way of dealing with life

9th house/ Saggitarius: Other cultures, traveling and your ancestors trigger something in you

10th house/Capricorn: Your work, work environment and accomplishments changed you

11th house/Aquarius: Humanitarian topics, technology and friends started your transformation journey

12th house/Pisces: Religion, spirituality & plastic surgerys may have affected your journey of developing your sense of self

Luvvv muah

3:18 PM

555

© 2024 the content is subject to the copyright and responsibility of the author

[damagedcoda6669]

this is stupid

lets talk about this dumb ask for a minute. (leaving them anonymous so they dont get SLAUGHTERED)

ive gotten a handful of comments on my youtube video accusing me of the exact same things, so im gonna use this as an opportunity to teach you HOW NOT TO ACT TOWARDS CREATORS ONLINE. first of all, my financial situation is NONE of your business. i will establish that i pay rent, i have an income, i help synni out financially, but i dont owe you ANY of that information. making an assumption about my private life and then using said assumption to demonize me is exactly the kind of behavior exhibited by the internet growing up which ruined my childhood. you are making an assumption about me and using it to victimize synni and demonize me, two people who you have NEVER MET and in reality you know next to NOTHING about. stop making me out to be the bad guy in every situation, it goes to show that you have learned nothing from my video and are continuing the cycle of birdie hate for no good reason.

second of all, this is fucking ableist. assuming im mooching off of my best friend and being lazy because i happen to be disabled and mentally ill? fuck off. there is no "you need to get your act together" youre not my fucking parent, and also??? i need to get my act together??? you mean stop being disabled??? wtf are you on about??? synni chooses to vent about her financial situation, but i choose to keep that part of my life private. me and synni are in the exact same boat. you know NOTHING about me. for all you know i could be working a 9 to 5 like everybody else, but you never considered that possibility because im disabled. i did say in my video "fuck work" but guess what? people who have jobs also dont like working. synni has expressed the same "fuck work" rhetoric but instead of treating her as manipulative and evil in this situation you make her out to be a victim. we all know why youre talking about me the way that you are.

third of all, its not my fault synni is working 24/7??? its not my fault we're poor??? did you ever consider the economic climate rn??? or think to blame capitalism for making us need to work all of our lives only leaving us with a few hours to ourselves, barely surviving and scraping by? but of course, you dont want a rational answer to why synni and i are suffering financially. the internet always wants somebody to throw under the bus, and it will always be me because you will always see me as a mentally ill dangerous freak. think for yourself, unpack your own ableism. its exhausting.

OKAY BACK 2 NORMAL JACK MODE srry 4 writing a whole bible abt this, i feel VRY strongly abt this. my disabilities have been effecting me so badly ive been considering getting a wheelchair. (dont forget im physically disabled as well!!!) its not FUN 2 not be able 2 do the same things every1 else can (and it certainly isnt fun 2 have 2 explain that 2 ppl who dont care enough 2 understand) but i will never stop advocating 4 myself, becuz i never had any1 2 do that 4 me when i was a kid

[elekid]

Feel free to ignore if youre not up to giving advice. I'm unemployed (working on getting a job via higher education) and live in seattle. Recently I applied for cash and food assistance, but the idea of the interview makes me nervous... I suddenly feel very guilty for trying to receive welfare, considering I had enough money saved to keep myself afloat for a bit thanks to nonstop working (min wage) for 7 years. But money doesnt last forever, especially here in the pnw where everything costs so stupid much, and I can't just keep putting the interview off.. ... So, I was curious from a human standpoint about what the interview entails? *Should* I be nervous? I'm trying not to bank on getting assistance to keep my expectations in check, it would just solve like. A ton of my current financial problems

nahh there isn't a need to nervous like all that

the person doing your interview is a person, so u might have an asshole or a chill person, but at the end of the day they aren't going to let their personal opinions get in the way of doing their jobs.

DSHS is not awful aside from waiting time. What'll happen is

you go inside to the first line, let them know what you came for

they send you to wait longer in a seat

they call your name, you go to whatever window you get called to

the interview consists of very dry yes or no questions about what resources/cash/assets you may or may not have, and then they give you a realistic answer on the spot about your options. the whole thing is really quite boring, which pisses a lot of people off and they leave disgruntled.

The belltown dshs on like 3rd ave iirc? nicest dshs i been to yet in this usa. not all of them are that way. but thats the situation in seattle rn.

I genuinely urge you to take any shot that may help, even when you get told "no" or "wait" or "go ask ____". its worth it, cause it could just save your life! Best of luck getting assistance. Please don't let your emotions trick you on money, cause it can be reprinted and you cannot. I really hope this answer helped.

[blankingbloom]

5/26/24

Dear Angelica (aka future me),

Hey! How are you? Before I start my thousands of questions, let me first say, congratulations on graduating and finishing your senior year of high school!!! this must be a bittersweet moment for you, as I am experiencing this at the moment as a junior watching the grades above me graduate and do senior activities. Graduating is a once in a lifetime moment, not everybody gets to graduate due to unfortunate circumstances, but congratulations! Thank you so much for staying strong, the k-12 system is literally horrible lol. I just wanted to say, I (17 year old Angelica) will forever be within you. I am you, but I want you to have no regrets or wising to be me because “life was so carefree” 💀💀 naw it’s not I’m suffering rn lmfao I have 3 summer classes, a job to juggle and volunteer opportunities to catch up on and college apps 😿 whomp whomp. I so desperately want to be you right now! It may feel insufferable at the moment and you feel lots of bittersweet feelings and loneliness being unleashed from hell (prison) (kleinisd) (kleinhigh); you should know that there is a whole chapter ahead of you and you’ve achieved a milestone! When something ends, a new opportunity arises. I hope you’ll feel better soon, knowing how I feel now will probably affect you 10x deeper (you’ll understand). Highschool for me was no fun adventure; I was barely sociable, barely any friends (like a few ofc I’m not a loser), I felt like I wasn’t on track to be my genuine real self anytime soon, but you have the opportunity to change that through college. I need you to be stronger for me until we get our masters in compsci 💀. Be an academic weapon once more for us plz!! I know you want that so bad. I know our experience wasn’t the best, especially during covid and certain situations, but there is a whole life ahead of us, that is depending on our actions. I trust us to keep it up! BTW Im missing a ton of the 2023 seniors, I can’t believe that it’s real. It low key hurt seeing everyone I had classes with especially in financial math, english, photography, and a&p graduate. It’s so bittersweet it low key hurt my feelings, especially seeing everyone I grew up with who were a grade above me. I don’t want to forget them at all, I want to remember who they are! I never peaked in high school, but I’m never going to see these people again, unless it’s by a rare chance someday, I doubt they would recognize me. I guess I just grew attached. Anyways, I have some questions LOL.

1. What is our plan after graduating Highschool? What college are we going to?

2. Did we end up submitting any of our SAT/ACT scores?

3. What’s your favorite song currently?

4. Are we still dating Ben?

5. Did we make any new friends?

6. What is your college essay about?

7. What made us stronger?

8. How was senior year? Was it any easier taking AP classes? Do we understand pre-calc?

9. Do we still want to take comp sci?

10. What happened to your H‑E‑B job?

11. Did we get any stoles/cords for graduation or not?

12. What was our final Highschool GPA?

13. What’s our class schedule?

14. What do we look like now? Do I still have short hair? Do I still look gay?

15. Can we crochet with greater experience?

16. What’s your biggest worry?

17. Are you happy?

Thank you for reading this!! Respond to my questions soon. Goodbye! I will always be within you.

Sincerely, Angelica

____________________________________________________________

REPLY:

Hi Baby Angelica!

Since you're from the past, I have so so so much to catch you up on. Time flies by when you're consistently stressed out. But don't worry! I will answer your millions of questions first! Then we can actually discuss :)

1. What is our plan after graduating Highschool? What college are we going to?

A: We are doing Computer Engineering! After hours and hours of research, I wanted you to have opportunities in both the computer science and electrical engineering fields. I want you to have a lot of pathways so you can have tons of money and opportunities! We are going to UT Dallas. We got CAPPED from UT Austin and UW-Seattle was way out of our budget sadly. Maybe someday my love :(

2. Did we end up submitting any of our SAT/ACT scores?

A: Hell no, they were too low LMFAO

3. What’s your favorite song currently?

A: Talk by Beabadoobee, Antihero by Taylor Swift, any MSI song

4. Are we still dating Ben?

A: Yes <3

5. Did we make any new friends?

A: YES! We aren't friends with.. those girl(s) anymore. They were bad for you. WE HAVE MORE GENUINE AND KIND FRIENDS!! There is a whole world out there waiting for you. I love my friends.

6. What is your college essay about?

A: Bugs. In the UT Austin essays, we wrote about photography, allergies, tamagotchis, etc.

7. What made us stronger?

A: Learning to adapt, spreading love, reading people, putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations in order to grow. Being with likeminded people!

8. How was senior year? Was it any easier taking AP classes? Do we understand pre-calc?

A: PRE CAL WAS MY MOST HATED SUBJECT. It is so fricking hard I dont think I ever understood the concepts. The AP Classes had lots of work in it but you managed your time fine and it was never that serious anyways (except AP 2D art) that sucked a lot. Senior year was shit im not even gonna lie. I didn't even attend like 98% of the events LOL. Fuck no I am not going back!

9. Do we still want to take comp sci?'

A: Computer Engineering babe dont sweat it

10. What happened to your H‑E‑B job?

A: OUR LAST DAY WAS TODAYYYYYYYY

11. Did we get any stoles/cords for graduation or not?

A: One stole for NHS, one stole for DUDU CREDIT!

12. What was our final Highschool GPA?

A: 4.6/6.0 LMFAOOO

13. What’s our class schedule?

A: -1st period: Late Arrival (Used to be Photography 4)

A: -2nd: AP Art History

A: -3rd: Photojournalism/Office Aide

A: -4th: AP Psychology/Interpersonal Studies

A: -5th: AP 2D Art

A: -6th: AP Pre-Cal (idk how u survived but girl... never again)

A: -7th: Early Release

14. What do we look like now? Do I still have short hair? Do I still look gay?

A: You got the short hair back and we still look gay asf. We have new pink glasses though and they're see through! We still have bangs. Shit load of stretch marks though smh. Im like 115 pounds now.

15. Can we crochet with greater experience?

A: fuck no

16. What’s your biggest worry?

A: If my roommates will like me, I'll feel lonelier, money, If ill be smart enough for college, if my friends now will still want to hang out with me :(

17. Are you happy?

A: I could be happier but I am okay! Not stressed right now :)

[roobylavender]

I wrote this during my breakdown so I'm not actually crying rn jshshjs

Being in a desi family means no matter what I'll do for my parents, I know they will always choose my brother over me, well at least my father will. I will never get the justice I deserve as long as I live in this family. Sure, my mom tried for me but that only lasted 5 minutes at most before she gave up. Maybe she knew it will never happen so that's why. It still hurts tho. Only trying once and then never again. And instead preaching ME to not get on my brother's bad side. I really, really loathe living in this family. I loathe desi men. My parents will never raise their voice for me to my brother. They will never defend me as he continues to bully me whenever he wants to. And as I continue to type this as I cry, I know it's pointless. Tomorrow I will act like nothing happened and continue to please my father, as if I don't have this thoughts running through me everytime I talk to him. I will continue to talk to my mom as if I don't think how she will never fight for me even if I told her all of this. Because what is the point knowing it will cause a meaningless discourse in the family that will only last a few hours or a day at best and embarrassed myself. Knowing it will be me who will get lectured. And I'm not even crying because of my brother rn it's the fact knowing my parents never did, and never will fight for me. I might've forgave my brother if only my parents did something and he apologized. But they never did. Every day I loathe and love my parents. Being in a desi family sucks.

i want to apologize again for getting to this so late and while i am more than familiar with how this is unfortunately a perpetual, never-ending kind of deal, i really hope that today you’re feeling at least a little better than you were when you were typing this. i’m not sure how old you are but speaking from personal experience i really think the best outlet for any desi kid is to try to be independent as soon as possible. if your family can afford it go for an undergrad degree in a different city. keep connecting with people so your network provides you with opportunities to get out and get a job. prioritize financial stability so that you have the means to move out even if it’s into an apartment. it depends from family to family obv but sometimes there’s a point where some families will not change and you have to do what’s best for yourself and that’s okay. i think it’s easy for us to harbor a lot of guilt that we’re ungrateful if we don’t stick around and try to fix some of the baggage ourselves but what i’ve learned is that even if you want to try to fix the baggage you need to be in a mentally stable place to do so. living at home doesn’t necessarily facilitate that. and i don’t know what your thoughts on it would be personally but if from what i assume you’re a girl then i again would highly highly recommend doing whatever you can to forge financial independence for yourself. even if it means working a minimum wage job for now. i feel like in a lot of desi families there’s a tendency to look down on that sort of thing (odd, no?) but it’s really a vital developing experience all people and esp desi women should invest in. my lack of financial experience has hindered me in so many ways and kept me tied to a familial situation where i am often very unhappy. i love my parents very much but we have ideological and practical divides and we’re at a stage in life where we need our space from each other (and i imagine that’s true in your situation too) and yet i don’t have the means to execute it bc i’m still figuring my life out. it’s easier said than done obv but i think if you develop the conviction early to get your life in order and work towards creating your own space where you can control how you’re respected it will be worthwhile. the pain of your parents’ faults and inability to protect you is always going to sting and esp within desi families there’s a very deep trauma every child goes through when evaluating what their parents have or haven’t done for them. but that sting will hurt more when you’re completely at your parents’ mercy (and your brother’s, in this case). when they’re not in control anymore it will be easier to manage, and i really hope whatever your circumstances that you’re able to forge that path where your life is your own and you’re not bullied for existing within this familial structure. iA let me know if you ever want to vent again, my dms are open as well so if you want to talk more privately that’s welcome, too. love you lots 🤍

[songmingisthighs]

every time i open x (twt) i immediately get reminded why i hate that shithole

within the past 5 minutes, i saw 2 things that got me going "heh ???"

- the absolute boycot towards eric nam and dive studio bc dive studio is being funded by a company who openly support israel

- an atiny complaining about ateez's group photo teaser and calling kq cheap and saying shit like "ateez don't eat dirt anymore" (it's user hvpnosis and i decide to not like this person based on that one tweet)

i'm ranting. ignore if you don't care. and i'll be talking about the eric nam and dive studio situation in regards to their stance on palestine and israel so if you think you might get triggered or you can't objectively understand my point, just ignore this.

NOW IN MY DEFENSE, i don't know what's going on between palestine and israel like i know there's bad beef and it started bc england promised both sides gaza during world war or smth and i know civilians are being (X - X) from both sides and something about abduction or kidnapping or hostages ??? i don't follow the news and frankly the only battle i'm keeping up with is the battle going on in my head and that's hard enough to watch as it is. but from what i read about the eric nam situation is that people are boycotting him and dive studio for something they didn't even do ?? like a company who invested in dive studios did smth but apparently... it's eric nam and dive studio's fault ??? like make it make sense. and under this atiny's comment, people are like "SILENCE MEANS SUPPORTING ISRAEL" like g0rl i don't even know the shit going on in my own country but i know innocent people paying the price is BAD bad and it shouldn't have happened at all but so far i don't see eric nam or dive posting anything about palestine or israel but people took that as them supporting israel ??? like idk that whole comment section and the hate it support just made me feel uncomfortable

NEXT THAT FUCKING ATINY. I feel like this person equates ateez's success to kq expanding to a monster company WHICH IS SO NOT TRUE. kq is still a small and young company and idk this might be me, but i think kq put the money ateez made more towards paying ateez for a job well done than corporate expansion ??? and how do you think they were able to make sure their idols are thriving while still being able to make comebacks and tours ? financial planning and budgeting. as simple as that. even with investors, there's NO WAY kq could shell out $100,000 per comeback bc the way idol companies work is do your best but don't overdo because there's always a chance of failure. not to mention they have to pay not just for the set, but the photographer and videographer, editing, actors, dancers, outfit rental, collateral (on outfits bc ateez are performance monsters, shit is bound to rip), staff overtime, transport, music stage decor, and more bc those are just off the top of my head. i don't see anything wrong about the published comeback teaser photo bc in my head, i literally thought "ooo hot men" "ooo what is this concept?" but apparently people on twt think it's ugly beyond any excuses and absolute trash ??? what a way to talk about ateez. ew. and i don't see these people who complain do anything to get what they want (which they shouldn't and couldn't bc kq is not your parents who you can just call a bitch and cut contact with) like it's the same logic with fanfic writters like if you contribute nothing to a creation, don't complain. don't like it? DON'T BUY :D simple concept really

rn my manic is making me want to scream out into an abyss or smth bc W H A T T H E F U C K T W T elon musk should just shut that site

[feralmorty]

I JUST started hyperfixating on RnM a week ago and it always lasts a really long time and gets incredibly unbearable for me when I can't engage in my fixation so after hearing this news with Justin Roiland I've never wished that I had the ability to just change what I'm fixated on more than I do right now

Sorry if this is super long but I definitely understand you as I’m in the same boat. I recently got back into R&M so this news definitely sucks especially because my maladaptive daydream is all about my R&M ocs rn. Tbh tho I don’t think you or anyone needs to be ashamed of liking the content when you’re hyperfixated. You can watch it and engage in fandom as many talented non-creeps also worked hard on the show. I don’t think their work should be brushed aside just because one guy fuckin sucks. I just would recommend not spending cash on legal merchandise or streaming it legally. If you’re not contributing financially then you’re not allowing the creator to benefit. The situation sucks and I definitely want justice for the victims but at least for me, I’m gonna keep up with my ocs and watch the show still.

Also this reminds me of when I got hyperfixated on helluva boss. There’s a lot of controversy around viv from way in the past as well as recent allegations. I chose not to engage in purchasing things but I still drew art and watched it on youtube with ad block. I know tons of other animators helped with the show and I feel sad that their work gets shat on just because the creator sucks. I had to prepare myself because I knew so many people hated viv and her works so I just…. Tried my best to enjoy myself while remembering that viv does not benefit from my viewership.

[magical-glimpse]

Hello. This isn’t a dream interpretation request or anything, but I wonder how one can break out of toxic relationships & manifest?? Do you believe in manifestation? If so, how does one do it?

In terms of breaking out, it depends on what you depend on this person for. If you don't depend on much, or only emotionally on them, then it's more "simple", in the way that only you ( and the trauma they inflicted on you) is stopping yourself from leaving in a way. If there are other barriers such as a financial or physical, start by reaching out. Reach out to trust worthy teachers, to hotlines or associations around you that can help you in your particular situation. Learn to hide things from them. Create a bank account they dont have access to. Have a burner phone, if possible get some money they cant access nor can see. Start planning your escape step by step.Dont be obvious. Dont do it all at once but dont get caught.Make sure to keep an online copy and/or physical copy of all important documents. If it is about parents, most people do not escape until they have graduated and found a job with a salary where their parents cannot have access to it. I am personally getting close to that stage. I fully moved out to live with my partner and only reliant on them for my studies and health insurance, every thing else i can get by more or less. I am not the best person for this, so please if you are in danger see with someone you can help you, a doctor, a school nurse, a social worker, an association... In terms of manifesting, I am currently learning about it and will make a full post once I have succeeded " scientifically". Manifestation is deeply personal, so it's good to find different methods and see what works for you and what does not. I found that manifesting on things that are already "likely" to happen make it feel/come a LOT easier and faster (surprising I know lmaooo). Personally, as of right now a good part of it is visualizing something happening and feeling as if I am there rn, and visualizing all the elements of it happening and how happy I am about all of them. I manifested my current internship, which straight came out of a dream for me, with an ideal team, great missions, (minimum pay but hey, guess it's fine), WFH three days a week AND a four-day work week with highly anticapitalist and antiproductivist hierarchy lol. The manifestation in particular made the recruiting process so much faster than other interns too, because i was exactly and more the profile they were looking for and everyone was excited to work with me. The best part is, I didnt even find it in the domains I was looking for at first. I also manifested finding herbs for my craft for very cheap !! I am still trying to a build an actual method, but as of right now manifestation works very randomly for me. I am trying to build up the skill for rn.

[trainwreckweather]

.

[madmagicalheathen]

🌸PICK A PICTURE🌸

I've been seeing these around a ton and I like em so I figured I'd do one to practice reading for others! FYI, this is gonna be a long post. Have Fun!

For entertainment only;

⭐Yellow⭐

Rn you feel as tho you are not being seen and appreciated as much as you could be. You may wanna take a look in the mirror and ask what could be hindering you and rid yourself of anything shady so you can express yourself as freely as possible. You've been quite cold and detached lately, working a lot to assure your finances are stable but in the meantime you're neglecting yourself and pushign down your feelings. Take this time to really immerse yourself in what you love, follow your passions and they may bring you the free expression you've been needing.

🔮Purple🔮

Decisions, decisions. It feels like your life compass is broken rn cuz you just can't figure out where you wanna go, what you wanna do, and who you wanna be (or be with). Some of your relationships are up in the air rn and you're not seeing eye to eye. There's an apparent lack of connection and trust between you and them, and you worry that even if tou win, you may end up still stuck in the same stagnant place as before. You need to weigh your options; is winning gonna truly be best for both of you in the end or do you just want the victory?

🌊Blue🌊

There has been a lot of competition around you, sometimes involving you. You know logically that if you are being competed with it means you have things worth fighting for and people see you as a worthy rival however you are feeling quite anxious and wondering if you really are as capable as others seem to think you are. But remember, you are strong and this cycle will pass. Life is full of cycles, and this is just another one. Look back on those who have supported you in the past and reflect on how far you've come. Fate has a way of working out and as intimidating as all of this is, you have the strength to pull through.

🌷Pink🌷

Heartbreak. Rejection. Pain. You've had it all. And somehow you still manage to hold compassion for others. Just be sure you don't take on others emotions, your heart mends over time but you can only fix something so many times before it's no longer the same as it was before. Supergluing the pieces back in makes it harden over time. You need to lean into the pain. Feel it. Cry it out. Be kind to yourself, you cant operate without regular rest. Your body and mind need to co-operate and be in sync to work best. Take time to recharge both so you can be your best every day.

💸Green💸

A setback you had recently is causing you to have some anxiety about your current career situation. Youve been putting a lot of hard work into your passion, it was never about the money. This is just a minor delay tho, keep being persistent and patient and you will have built the foundation for your financial freedom. However you do need to address the current money dip and what caused it, so accept help when it comes and research ways to build yourself back up and make sure this won't happen again. This isn't permanent and you can get back to a stable income. You may have to step outside your comfort zone to do it, but you see the bigger picture and are willing to put in the effort to make it work!

🏵Orange🏵

You do need a little structure in your life but you high-key hate being told what to do. Are you gonna bend to the rules or go off on your own and be your own boss? You tend to put others needs above your own so being your own boss would give you the freedom to make your own schedule so you're not spreading your energy everywhere and wearing yourself out. You want to start a new hustle! You dream of finding an art or a career that you really love and work at it so you can look back and be proud of how far you've come, but you can't seem to find any inspiration right now. Once you find it, the task at hand will feel very overwhelming and may be hard to push yourself through but persevere and you will eventually make it to a place where you are fulfilled and living by your own rules!

⭐ 🔮

🌊 🌷

💸 🏵

Thanks for reading you guys! I had fun making this for y'all. I did a mix between tarot and intuitive messages to piece it all together. Hope y'all had fun!

[blooming-violets]

I JUST FINISHED SMITTEN AND IM IN LOVE<333 THE ENDING IS SO 😭😭😭😭 idk if you take requests rn but if you do, can you please write a short drabble on how mia and peter's relationship would be like now that they have child? but ofc if you're not comfortable to write it, it's fine!! i was just curious :))

This is not an actual blurb but I rambled for a long time anyway.

You made me go back and reread the epilogue because my memory is so bad that I low key forgot what happened.

I always wanted Mia's story to be kind of tragic. She went through something so horrific that her life was never going to be easy. Even before Peter, she was suffering through serious trauma. People don't bounce back from that with ease. I made sure to mention that she started going to therapy but then quit when she felt judged by their comments. It's unknown if the therapist was actually judging her or simply making an observation but, because of Mia's entire life history and personality, she took it as them looking down on her which made her quit. She hasn't gone back to therapy since then. It's the same thing that happened between her and Patrick's relationship after Peter. She took his comments as a personal judgment and attack to make her feel small and disgusting. So she ran away.

I wanted to make it so she was dealing with everything on her own like she had her whole life. She can't trust people because she thinks they have ulterior motives or hide their true feelings. In her messed up thinking, Peter was the only one who showed her his true self so she knew what to expect. For her story to ever work with Peter, she needed to be incredibly vulnerable, kicked down, extremely isolated, have zero self-worth/think so little of herself, and be financially stuck. I tried my best not to romanticize their situation and actually show the reasons as to why she was ever accepting of him. Her way of thinking was never okay. Mia needs serious, professional help that she's not getting because she has no one in her life who cares enough to step in. She's very much alone.

All that rambling to say, that's exactly how I tried to set her up in the epilogue even after she escaped Peter. Not much has changed from before she was with Peter to after. She tried to heal but fell short. Sadly, I think it's very truthful. So many people end up back with their abusers. When all you have is yourself to keep you in check, it's really easy to lose track of things and resort back to what you know.

Mia is still alone, trying to raise a daughter who looks an awful like her captor, and dealing with trauma that she has no outlet for. Her PTSD is currently manifesting itself into hypersexuality. She wants people to use her so that she can feel a sense of familiarity that she's always known.

About ptsd and hypersexual behavior:

"People also often feel tremendous guilt or shame in line with their trauma, which can promote hypersexual behavior. Sex, in this case, can be seen as a coping mechanism used to manage the symptoms of PTSD. Many people feel hypersexual impulses as their brains are focused on the trauma. They can enter an unhealthy cycle where they seemingly reenact their trauma. As mentioned, this can be a coping mechanism for many."

This is where Mia is right now. She's clearly scared of Peter. She's scared for her daughter. But there's a part of her that is relieved to see him. She doesn't have to wonder or worry about where he is anymore. He's standing in front of her. She's able to physically have him in her sights. She can monitor everything that he does. She no longer has to live in the unknown. Her abuser is right there and she knows what to expect...almost craves it because it's familiar and she's tricked herself into think that she loves him. If she loves them then it makes everything easier to digest. He's not an evil stranger, he's her lover. She can twist his actions into love to soothe her own messed up thinking.

ALL OF THIS TO SAY that I think Mia would let him back into her life without a fight, as sad as that is to think about. I want her to take her daughter and run but everything we know about Mia doesn't align with that. The moment she decided not to kill him when she escaped the basement was the moment she chose him over her own life. She killed Jake. She could have killed Peter too but she didn't. That was her choice and Peter knows it. He knows he has her wrapped around his finger and has full control over her. His plan from the very start worked. Mia is his. She lost the fight. For now. She can still change! And I like to believe that she does...because she lives in my head and it's my story so I can force her to eventually change if I want haha.

I see Peter living in secret with her for a while. I see her willingly and almost excitedly letting him have sex with her. She wants to reenact her trauma and he's the perfect one to replay that scenario with. If I wrote this, there would be a lot of really crazy, dark smut.

I think she'd let him get close to Sofia only under extreme supervision. She wouldn't let him see her unless she was there. No matter how long he was around, I don't believe she'd ever give up control over Sofia to him. It would be the only time the fantasies in her head would drop back to reality whenever he interacted with Sof. She'd feel a tightness in her throat and anxiety in her stomach that she would try to push away but could never quite shake anytime he looked at her daughter.

I think they would play house for a little bit until one day Mia would finally snap, the reality of what they were doing sinking in and slapping her in the face, and she would probably stab him to death or something crazy then sink his body in the bottom of the pond on the property. No one but her and Sofia know he was ever there. She'd tell Sof that he had to leave and wasn't going to come back. Eventually Sofia probably forget about him because she's only three. It would be Mia's dirty secret that she would take the grave. No one would ever know. It's the only way she could ever be free of Peter. Jail wouldn't cut it. The only way for her to be sure that he would never return to her life would be through death.

Sofia would grow up wondering why she was never allowed to swim in the pond and Mia would tell her it's because of leeches...which would conveniently mimic that one flashback of Aunt May telling Peter not to go swimming and Peter killing the leech in that exact same pond thus implying that maybe the story one day repeats itself but with Sofia growing up in Peter's footsteps. Because a daughter of a serial killer father and a mother who's murdered two people as a result is a great villain origin story.

The End.

[enamouredfae]

♡ Pick a Card ♡

Advice from your Spirit Guides!

This reading is for entertainment purposes only.

This is a timeless reading for the collective, therefore it is likely that some messages will not resonate with you. Please only take the messages that do! The messages that do not, are meant for somebody else. Remember that the future is never set in stone and that you possess free will! Love you! ♡

Pile 1

Charm: Shell

You may see shells as signs from the universe. You may have Venusian placements. You have a tough exterior, but once you finally open up to people you are a hidden gem! You are a person that values privacy.

Flower: Carnation

The meaning of carnation changes depending on its colour, since this one is a stripped purple carnation, it symbolizes rejection/refusal and capriciousness. It being a dry bud, for me at least, symbolizes that this is a small issue that isn't likely to grow! You might've been refused a caprice recently, or you may have too high expectations that are likely not going to be fulfilled.

Significator: Page of Cups

Self-sufficient is the word I thought of when I saw this card. I think that at the moment you are really starting to work through your emotions, you might be finally doing some introspection, journaling, talking to people, seeing a therapist, etc. You are beginning a journey of emotional growth. You might also be receiving a message soon, be aware of any symbols that matter to you or ask the universe for certain symbols for guidance.

Astro: Virgo and Capricorn

There is a high chance that you have Virgo or Capricorn placements. You may be earth dominant. You may be Mercury/Saturn dominant/ruled. This could also apply to the person you need advice on if that is the case.

I thought of soil when I saw these cards, not a plant, but very well-nourished soil. It seems like you are making a foundation for yourself that is not rooted in anyone else, it simply comes from you. You are the soil, the water, the nutrients, and your future self is the plant. Flower crowns may be significant to you as well, or you may find great healing by connecting with nature and connecting to nature's cycles.

What you need advice on:

VI of Wands and X of Pentacles (reversed)

There are a few possibilities I see here. You may be having a hard time getting your accomplishments noticed by others, you might not receive the praise you desire or feel you deserve. Another possibility is that you may have a hard time feeling successful due to your financial situation. You may have received a large sum of money that should make you happy, but it doesn't. You may be very well off financially, but it is causing some hardships, and others might not understand these hardships because they think that they'd be very happy in your position.

Advice:

King of Pentacles and XVIII. The Moon

I feel like at least one of you should monetize your intuition. Some of you have or will meet a person (very likely an earth placement), that is either a business partner or a lover/friend, that will somehow help you with your financial issue. They might recommend you to someone for example. Perhaps if you confide in the King of Pentacles, they'll help you immensely, they're someone you can rely on, if not financially, emotionally. Others should embody the King of Pentacles, be determined, stick to a routine. For others, someone could be hiding smth from you that would help you immensely with this issue. Listen to your intuition! Do not forget that your anxieties and fears are valid, and it is normal to be feeling like this! Your worth is not defined by your financial success!

38. Willow and 5. Cerato and Honeysuckle

Willow talks about self-responsibility: make a plan, stick to it and, most importantly, try to stop complaining. You have the strength to get through this, complaining just engrains it in your head that you have a problem making it harder to get out of that mindset, instead try working on the solution. Cerato talks about the fact that no matter how many people you ask, no matter how many books you read, your gut knows best! Trust yourself and your intuition. Whatever feels right, is! Just know that domestic happiness is very important right now, cherish whoever that may be (King of Pentacles perhaps), be it your cat or even yourself if you live alone, give and accept affection! This could be a message for a specific person but I feel called to note that as I was shuffling the oracles I started singing "Runaway" by Aurora. Perhaps the lyrics are meaningful to one of you, or it can reassure you that this pile is meant for you if this is your favorite song.

Pile 2

Charm: Cactus

You may see cacti as signs from the universe or have a very strong emotional attachment to them due to a certain memory. I feel like a lot of people are attracted to you, but they feel that you will reject or hurt them if they get too close. Or you consciously or subconsciously hurt people when they get too close. You might think you don't deserve love, which is NOT TRUE. Love isn't something that has to be deserved! But if it were, you most certainly deserve it!

Flower: Freesia

Yellow freesias symbolize joy, renewal, and friendship. It is the go-to flower to convey to someone that you trust them. You are incredibly trustworthy, someone to whom your loved ones come for advice. You are a great listener, are very delicate and tactful in your interactions with others.

Significator: IX. The Hermit

You are doing a lot of self-reflection right now, sometimes the pondering even turns into daydreams. You may also be connecting with and thinking about your spiritual/religious beliefs. You are looking to understand the light that illuminates your path. You may have started meditating, or you should start! Spiritual awakening is happening or coming soon! You could be isolating yourself at the moment as well.

Astro: Jupiter and Libra

There is a high chance that you have Libra or Sagittarius placements. You may be air dominant. You may be Jupiter/Venus dominant/ruled. This could also apply to the person you need advice on if that is the case.

The words that I kept thinking about at this point in the reading were "letting karma do its job" and "visions of the future". You may be clairvoyant! But most of you act a lot like the Justice tarot card, you like balance and fairness, and have a life philosophy based on these ideas. Your higher education might've played a big role in this.

What you need advice on:

II of Cups (reversed) and Queen of Swords

Someone may be rationalizing or overthinking a perceived imbalance in a relationship. Of course, the Queen of Swords, likely an air placement, is intelligent, they may be right in their thinking but because of the advice received, I believe their judgment is clouded by insecurity. They may feel unworthy of what they receive, seeing that you chose the cactus charm and have libra as an astro card, it is very likely that this is you but this may be your person as well, both options are possible.

Advice:

King of Cups and IV of Swords (reversed)

See, the King of Cups is upright, this person, very likely a water placement, is very emotionally mature, compassionate, and understanding. Whereas the swords person is exhausted and stagnant due to the deep contemplation happening. I feel they may also be insecure, causing the overthinking. If this is you, trust me, you deserve the King of Cups! If this is your person, make them realize that they deserve you! They need a lot of reassurance.

1. Agrimony and 7. Chestnut Bud and Morning Glory

Love, whether romantic or platonic, requires hard work, determination, and affection. Agrimony talks about a person that needs balance, both inside and outside. You may find it by showing more of yourself, especially by starting with your loved ones. Because you might not be used to it, start little by little, and observe how accepting those you love can be. Chestnut Bud talks about focus and learning from experience. For me, it's another confirmation that someone is overthinking, see the girl looking very melancholic, whereas their counterpart is goofing around. Don't take life too seriously! Have fun with your loved one!

Pile 3

Charm: Leaf

You might see certain trees or leaves as signs from the universe. When I picked up this charm I immediately thought "Leave!" So if you were thinking about a voyage, there's your sign, just be mindful of covid regulations, please. The idea of falling also popped up, so you might be falling for someone rn or feeling like you're in a perpetual fall emotionally.

Flower: Orchid

I would just like to point out that, although this orchid dried white, it was actually a baby purple orchid when alive. I will therefore explain both colors: purple orchids represent royalty, admiration, and respect, whereas white ones symbolize purity and innocence. But they are, no matter what color, always a symbol of luxury, delicate beauty, and virility.

Significator: 0. The Fool

You may be starting smth new with confidence, smth you haven't done before, making you a bit inexperienced, but still willing to take the leap of faith. OR you may be acting foolishly by looking back or the opposite way of the thing you'd do with confidence. Let me explain, as you can see the Astro cards are both looking in one direction, with determination, and confidence. Whereas The Fool is looking the opposite way. Your significator may be saying that you're being foolish to look the other way, wondering what-ifs.

Astro: Sagittarius and Mars

There is a high chance that you have Sagittarius, Aries, or Scorpio placements. You may be fire dominant. You may be Jupiter/Mars dominant/ruled. This could also apply to the person you need advice on if that is the case.

You have a clear goal that you can easily reach through your actions. Look at Mars' demeanor, he knows Sagittarius is hitting the target. Do not doubt yourself, there's nothing to worry about. Stay focused!

What you need advice on:

XI. Justice (reversed) and Queen of Cups

Clearly, there is a decision to be made here, and you really want to listen to your heart. And you're questioning whether you should? I just want to reassure you, the Queen of Cups is highly in tune with their intuition and their emotions, you should trust yourself.

Advice:

X of Swords (reversed) and II of Pentacles

You are clearly in pain, whether or not it is talking about this decision that is eating you up. Healing and recovery are important right now! It's time to stop resisting an inevitable end, and start recovering. Look, the reversal allows for the swords to just fall out of your back, just look inwards! Don't forget to balance work with fun, you deserve to relax! Another way to see this is that you are restricting yourself by seeing this as a choice, why not do both? Although, if we are talking about people here, there better be a mutual agreement on polygamy! I will not invite you to cheat! If we are talking about activities, you are capable of doing both if it's too hard to choose, you just need to figure out how to balance them. A specific message is that some of you want to go back to doing smth you've dreamt of doing as a child, if that is the case, pls do it, at least as a hobby!

13. Gorse and 32. Vine and Trumpet Gentian

There is a need to heal some inner wounds. I immediately thought of inner child work when I saw the Trumpet Gentian in combination with the Vine. Vine talks about acts of service and leadership skills, try parenting yourself/your inner child, give yourself the love that you may have lacked as a kid. You are worthy of it! Gorse is all about perspective and imagination. Do a brainstorming of possible outcomes depending on the decision you take, you can do this alone, but the input of loved ones that can be honest with you would do wonders. Don't forget your future can go in many different ways, and whichever decision you take is the right one!

Pile 4

Charm: Angel

You may see angels or angel numbers as signs from the universe. You are a person that is divinely guided and divinely protected. It seems to me like you have a very strong intuition or are very aware of your divine gifts.

Flower: Rose

Of course, roses are always symbolic of love. Therefore I believe it is more note-worthy here to talk about the size. This is a tiny rose. Just like the carnation bud, it did not have time to grow and is now immortalized in its youth stage. You may be inexperienced in love, or hold naive beliefs about it. You might be experiencing youthful romance right now.

Significator: XV. The Devil

What I find interesting here is that you got the angel charm with the devil significator. This is very conflicting energy. The sentence that I kept thinking throughout the reading is "wolf in sheep clothing" or "sheep in wolf's clothing", I kept mixing up the words, just very contradictory energy. The way you present yourself to the world is very different from how you truly are. You might also be a person prone to obsessing over people, things, interests, etc. I also would like to note here that this pile was the hardest to get the cards, the amount of shuffling I did here until the cards flew made me sweat hahaha. It's also a very confusing reading. Therefore, I believe you carry a lot of confusion yourself, although your intuition is incredibly powerful, you might suffer from being very paranoid, and sometimes being unable to differentiate your intuition from your delusions. I also think you're very secretive, you do not want people to know or understand you.

Astro: Neptune and Moon

There is a high chance that you have Pisces or Cancer placements. You may be water dominant. You may be Neptune/Moon dominant/ruled. You could have a Neptune/Moon aspect. This could also apply to the person you need advice on if that is the case.

"This is a time of great psychic sensitivity for you. Trust your intuition and follow its guidance." You should try to differentiate emotions from intuition, I know it's hard, but they are different things, and it's very important to tell them apart! Your dreams may hold messages, try having a dream journal and interpreting them if you don't do that already.

What you need advice on:

IX of Wands (reversed) and V of Swords (reversed)

As you can see ALL of the tarot cards I've received in this reading are reversed, implying inner conflicts that require inner change/work. You might've said/done smth you now regret, and you hate yourself for it, you may also be incredibly paranoid that others will find out. You want the paranoia to end. You want to make amends, to reconciliate/atone, but are unsure on whether you should do it. Perhaps you don't feel emotionally prepared to reopen that wound.

Advice:

V. The Hierophant (reversed) and VII of Wands (reversed)

What I noticed here is that The Hierophant mirrors The Devil, not as perfectly as The Lovers, but it is incredibly similar. Once again that energy of opposition, contradiction, and confusion appears, "the wolf in sheep's clothing". For some, my fixation on this phrase could be a warning. For others an invitation to look in the mirror... Try looking at the situation from the other person's point of view! I'm not saying you are a "wolf in sheep's clothing", but that might be how you're being perceived. You are exhausted, remorse is eating up all of your energy. The Hierophant is saying that you should stay true to your personal beliefs, so if you believe apologizing is necessary to move on, do it!

This could be unrelated and for a specific person, but don't be afraid of challenging the status quo! If it hurts none, do as you will, embody your true self! I just want to remind you that going against your loved one's idea of "normalcy" is not hurting them, it's loving yourself. But remember that you also don't owe anyone a "coming out", you are valid whether or not you tell people! Do whatever your heart tells you and please be safe!

!!! : Of course, this doesn't count if what's challenging the status quo doesn't respect others' identity/ sexuality/ ethnicity/ religion/ etc. If challenging the status quo comes from a place of hate please block me. Nobody is using this reading as a sign to do some fucked up shit.

3. Beech and 2. Aspen and Lily

When I saw Beech I immediately thought "talk to someone, or you could spiral." Beech talks about self-acceptance and self-compassion. You must first accept yourself as you are, an imperfect human being, like all humans, before starting to work on embodying your highest self. Stay open-minded! Aspen, on the other hand, invites you to connect with others, not only for advice or consoling but for quality time! I have a feeling that you have very high morals, but having them isn't enough, you must act accordingly!

Thank you for reading! Love you all.♡

You can buy me a coffee if you feel called to do so! This is never necessary, but always appreciated! ♡

[warriorsfireandwater]

hey y'all, sorry to be doing this again - but here to ask for help if anyone is able to provide it. i'm in a tight spot with money and would greatly appreciate if you'd be willing to buy me a coffee to support me <3

short version: i'm really behind on payments to my therapist and psychiatrist, recently got my ADHD meds changed which was expensive, I'm going to get them switched to something cheaper but in the meantime could generally use any help with catching up in payments. i am working 3 days a week but it just hasn't been enough to keep up with rent and with my medical expenses. rn im living with a super abusive landlord and therapy is really what's getting me through it

while my living situation sucks royally and is genuinely psychologically abusive, i do not believe i'm at risk of eviction or homelessness - please only donate if you can afford it, i know it's a hard time for most people and i love and support you all whether or not you donate! reblogs are also appreciated and i'll post a longer version of my sob story below if that helps you feel better about throwing money at a stranger

long version:

i've been living in my landlord's duplex since the end of winter - it's setup to be an intentional community space but like so many is totally Not That - everyone other than my partner and I left before their leases were up because of how emotionally and psychologically abusive our landlord is. we have nowhere else to go as a result of living in a rural town and me needing to finish school this month/my partner needing to be able to get to work. we'll be moving out in september (thank god) but in the meantime i'm getting through it largely because of therapy and psychiatry and i am way the fuck behind on paying for both of those things!

currently owe my therapist over $400 and my psychiatrist around $600 - the latter hasn't asked me for payment yet because I think my insurance still hasn't processed my claims for working with her, but my therapist rightfully wants me to pay her. she has been extremely gracious with me and my situation, i'm only able to send about $80 per week and my weekly copay is nearly $40, so I'm far from getting caught up. i have part time work, but one of my part time jobs was working for my landlord which i can no longer do for my own safety. i work 3 days a week and go to school the other 4, i'm burnt out and just trying to get caught up until i can finally leave this house

got a bombshell payment of $50 for two weeks of a small dose of ADHD meds which was not at all what i was expecting and took out a chunk of much needed cash from what i have - trying to get ahold of my psychiatrist to get it changed to something cheaper again, but she is 1) not actually the best with treating adhd and 2) not quick to communicate with me, so no word on that front yet

if it makes you more comfortable to donate, i can privately share receipts and evidence of what i owe (and describe my landlord's abuse - super comfortable communicating about this so please do not feel weird about it if it makes you less uncomfortable giving money to a stranger over the internet)

also like i said before despite how terrible my landlord is, i really do not expect her to try and evict me (she couldn't if she wanted to anyway) so i do not think i am at risk of homelessness - just struggling to keep up with other financial responsibilities :')

thank you and i love u all

more updates for the story to come today i swear!

[snarktheater]

Hey, d'you have any French book recs? I'm trying to work on my French, and rn I have downloaded one of my favourite book series' French translations, but I figured maybe books already written in French might work better? Also have you read the Ranger's Apprentice series? 1/2

RA's def flawed - the books' narration does like to point bright arrows at the protagonists' intelligence, and the last few books def have the tone of 'old white man trying to write feminism', although at least he's trying? - and it's aimed more to the younger side of YA, but it is still a very fun series, and I can ignore the flaws fairly easily, at least partly due to nostalgia? This rather long lol but I'm wordy.

I'll start with the second question: no, although every time the series is brought up I have to check the French title and go "oh, right, I've seen these books in stores". But I've never purchased or read them. It sounds like something I probably would have enjoyed as a teen but I just missed the mark, and these days I'm trying to drown myself in queer books, so that probably isn't happening.

As for your first question, geez, I haven’t read a French book in years, so this is gonna skew middle grade/YA, though that may not be so bad if the point is to learn the language. I will also say that as a result, these may read a little outdated.

I'll put it under a cut, even if Tumblr has become really bad with correctly displaying read mores. Sorry, mobile crowd.

It's also likely that old readers of the blog will have seen me talk about most of these. I don't feel like going through old posts.

One last thing: while I was curating this list I took the time to make a Goodreads shelf to keep track of those.

The Ewilan books by Pierre Bottero

(It's a testament to how long ago I read these books that these are not the covers of the edition I own, and I can't even find those on Google. I'm settling for a more recent cover anyway since it'll make it easier to find them, presumably)

There are at least three trilogies (that I know of) set in the same world.

The first trilogy is essentially an isekai (so, French girl lands in parallel fantasy world by accident) with elements of chosen one trope, though I find the execution makes it worth the while anyway.

The second trilogy is a direct sequel, so same protagonist but new threat, and the world gets expanded.

The third one is centered around a supporting characters from the previous books, and the first couple of books in it are more her backstory than a continuation, though the third one concludes both that trilogy and advances the story of the other books as well.

Notably these books have a really fun magic system where the characters "draw" things into existence. It's just stuck with me for some reason.

A bunch of stuff by Erik L'Homme

I have read a lot of this man's books, starting with Le Livre des Etoiles.

They also skew towards the young end of YA, arguably middle grade, I never bothered to figure out where to draw the line. They're coincidentally also using the premise of a parallel world to our own (and yes, connected to France again, the French are just as susceptible of writing about their homeland), but interestingly are set from the point of view of characters native to the parallel world.

It also has a very unique magic system, this one based on a mix of a runic alphabet and sort-of poetry. I'll also say specifically for these books that the characters stuck with me way more than others on this list, which is worth mentioning.

This trilogy is my favorite by Erik L'Homme, but I'll also mention Les Maîtres des brisants, which is a fantasy space opera with a pirate steampunk(?) vibe. I think it's steampunk. I could be mistaken. But it's in that vein. It's also middle grade, in my opinion not as good, but it could just be that it came out when I was older.

Another one is Phaenomen, which was a deliberate attempt at skewing older (though still YA). This one is set in our (then-)modern world and centers a group of teens who happen to have supernatural powers. I guess the best way to describe it is a superhero thriller? If you take "superhero" in the sense of "people with individualized powers", since they don't really do a lot of heroing.

...I really need to brush up on genre terminology, don't I.

The Ji series by Pierre Grimbert

This one is actually adult fantasy, though it definitely falls under "probably outdated". It is very straight, for starters, and I'd have to give it another read to give a more critical reading of how it handles race (it attempts to do it, and is well meaning, but I'm not sure it survives the test of time & scrutiny, basically).

If I haven't lost you already, the premise is this: a few generations ago, a weird man named Nol gathered emissaries from each nation of the world and took them to a trip to the titular Ji island. Nobody knows what went down here, but now in the present day, someone is trying to kill off all descendants from those emissaries, who are as a result forced to team up and figure out what's going on.

I'm not going to spoil past that, though I will say it has (surprise) a really unique magic system! I guess you can start to piece together what my younger self was interested in. Which, admittedly, I still am.

Once again, this one also has a strong cast of characters, helped by rich world building and the premise forcing the characters to come from many different cultures (though, again, I can't vouch for the handling of race because it's been too long).

The first series is complete by itself, though it has two sequel series as well, each focusing on the next generation in these families. Because yes, of course they all pair up and have kids. Like I said: very straight.

A whole lot of books by Jean-Louis Fetjaine

OFetjaine is a historian, and I guess he's really interested in Arthurian mythos especially, because he loves it so much he's written two separate high fantasy retellings of them! I'm not criticizing, mind you, we all need a hobby.

The former, the Elves trilogy (pictures above) is very traditional high fantasy. Elves, dwarves, orcs, a world which is definitely fictionalized with a pan-Celtic vibe to it. The holy grail and excalibur are around, but they're relics possessed by the elves and dwarves with very different powers than usual. Et cetera.

Fetjaine also really loves his elves (as the titles might imply), and while they're not exactly Tolkien elves, there's a similar vibe to them. If you like Tolkien and his elf boner, you'll probably like this too. And conversely, if that turns you off, these books probably also won't work for you.

This series also has a prequel trilogy, centered around the backstory of one of the main characters. I...honestly don't remember too much about it, but I liked it, so, there you go, I guess.

I said Fetjaine did it twice. The other series is the Merlin duology, which, as the title implies, is a retelling of Merlin's story. Note that Merlin is also in the other trilogy, but it's a different Merlin; like I said, completely different continuities and stories.

This one is historical fantasy, so it's set in actual Great Britain, and Fetjaine attempts to connect Arthur to a "real" historical figure...but, you know, Merlin is also half-elf and elves totally exist in Brocéliande, so, you know. History.

Okay, that's probably enough fantasy, let me give some classics too.

L'Arbre des possibles et autres histoires - Bernard Werber

Bernard Werber is a pretty seminal author of French sci-fi and I should probably be embarrassed that the only book of his that I read was for school, but, it is a really good one, so I'll include it anyway.

It's a novella collection, and when I say "sci-fi" I want to make it clear that it's very old school science fiction. It's more Frankenstein or Black Mirror than Star Trek, what we in French call the anticipation genre of science fiction: you take one piece of technology or cultural norm and project it into the future.

It has a pretty wide range of topics and tones, so it's bound to have some better than others. My personal faves were Du pain et des jeux, where football (non-American) has evolved into basically a wargame, and Tel maître, tel lion, where any animal is considered acceptable as a pet, no matter how absurd it is to keep as a pet. They're both on a comedic end, but there's more heartfelt stuff too.

L'Ecume des Jours - Boris Vian

(no cover because I can't find the one I have, and the ones I find are ugly)

This book is surrealist. Like, literally a part of the surrealist movement. It features things such as a lilypad growing inside a woman's lungs (and, as you well know, lilypads double in size every day, wink wink), the protagonist's apartment becoming larger and smaller to go with his mood and current financial situation, and more that I can't even recall at the moment because remembering this book is like trying to remember having an aneurysm.

It is also really, really fun and touching. Oh, and it has a pretty solid movie adaptation, starring Audrey Tautou, who I think an international audience would probably recognize from Amelie or the Da Vinci Code movie.

I don't really know what else to say. It's a really cool read!

Le Roi se meurt - Eugène Ionesco

Ionesco is somewhat famous worldwide so I wasn't even sure to include him here. He's a playwright who wrote in the "Theater of the Absurd" movement, and this play is part of that.

The premise of this play is that the King (of an unnamed land) is dying, and the land is dying with him. I don't really know what else to say. It's theater of the absurd. It kind of has to be experienced (the published version works fine, btw, no need to track down an actual performance, in my humble opinion).

The Plague - Albert Camus

You've probably heard of this one, and if you haven't, let me tell you about a guy called Carlos Maza

I'm honestly more including this book out of a sense of duty. The other three are books I genuinely liked and happen to be classics. This book was an awful read. But, um. It's kind of relevant now in a way it wasn't (or didn't feel, anyway) back in 2008 or 2009, when I read it. And I don't just mean because of our own plague, since Camus's plague is pretty famously an allegory for fascism, which my teenage self sneered at, and my adult self really regrets every feeling that way.

Okay, finally, some more lighthearted stuff, we gotta talk about the Belgian and French art of bande dessinée. How is it different from comic books or manga? Functionally, it isn't. It really comes down more to what gets published in the Belgian-French industry compared to the American comics industry, which is dominated by superheroes, or the Japanese manga industry, which, while I'm less familiar with it, I know has some big genre trends as well that are completely separate.

The Lanfeust series - Arleston and Tarquin

This is a YA mega-series, and I can't recommend all of it because I've lost track of the franchise's growth. Also note that I say "YA", but in this case it means something very different from an American understanding of YA. These books are pretty full of sex.

No, when I say YA I mean it has that level of maturity, for better or worse. The original series (Lanfeust de Troy) is high fantasy in a world where everyone has an individual magical ability but two characters find out they're gifted with an absolute power to make anything happen, and while it gets dark at times, it's still very lighthearted throughout, and the humor is...well, I think it's best described as teen boy humor. And it has a tendency to objectify its female characters, as you'll quickly parse out from the one cover I used here or if you browse more covers.

But still, it holds a special place in my heart, I guess. And on my shelves.

The sequel series, Lanfeust des Etoiles, turns it into a space opera, and goes a little overboard with the pop culture reference at times, though overall still maintains that balance of serious/at times dark story and lighthearted comedy.

After that the franchise is utter chaos to me, and I've lost track. I know there was another sequel series, which I dropped partway through, and a spinoff that retold part of the original series from the PoV of the main love interest (in the period of time she spent away from the main group). There was a comedy spin-off about the troll species unique to this world, a prequel series, probably more I don't even know exist.

Les Démons d'Alexia

Something I can probably be a little less ashamed of including here.

Some backstory here. The Editions Dupuis are a giant of the Belgian bande dessinée industry, and for many, many years I was subscribed to their weekly magazine. That magazine was (mostly) made up of excerpts from the various books that the éditions were publishing at the time; those that were made of comic strips would usually get a couple pages of individual scripts, while the ongoing narratives got cut into episodes that were a few pages long (out of a typical 48 page count for a single BD album). Among those were this series.

For the first few volumes, I wasn't super into this series, probably because I was a little too young and smack dab in the middle of my "trying to be one of the boys" phase. But around book 3 I got really invested, to the point where I own the second half of the series because I had canceled by subscription by then but still wanted to know more.

Alexia is an exorcist with unusual talents, but little control, who's introduced to a group that specializes in researching paranormal phenomena, solving cases that involve the paranormal, that kinda stuff.

As a result of the premise, the series has a pretty slow start since it has to build up mystery around the source of Alexia's powers, but once it gets going and we get to what is essentially the series' main conflict, it gets really interesting.

Plus, witches. I'm a simple gay who likes strong protagonists and witches.

Murena

There was a point where my mtyhology nerdery led me to look for more stuff about the historical cultures that created them, and so I'd be super into stuff set in ancient Rome (I'd say "or Greece or Egypt" but let's face it, it was almost always Rome).

Murena is a series set just before the start of Emperor Nero's rule. You know, the one who was emperor when Rome burned, and according to urban legend either caused the fire or played the fiddle while it did (note: "fiddle" is a very English saying, it's usually the lyre in other languages). He probably didn't, it probably was propaganda, but he was a) a Roman Emperor, none of whom were particularly stellar guys and b) mean to Christians, who eventually got to rewrite history. So he's got a bad rep.

The series goes for a very historical take on events, albeit fictionalized (the protagonist and main PoV, the titular Lucius Murena, is himself fictional) and attempts to humanize the people involved in those events. Each book also includes some of the sources used to justify how events and characters are depicted, which is a nice touch.

It's also divided in subseries called "cycles" (books 1-4, 5-8 and the ongoing one starts at 9). I stopped after 9, though I think it's mostly a case of not going to bookstores often anymore. Plus it took four years between 9 and 10, and again between 10 and 11. But the first eight books made for a pretty solid story that honestly felt somewhat concluded as is, so it's a good place to start.

[sadbarcarolle]

28.12.21*

it’s been years since i last used this tumblr... it’s crazy how much has changed since then and why am i back? so, i actually plan on turning this into some sort of digital public journal i’m too lazy to write instead of typing and my physical journal is almost full and i can’t really bother or afford to buy a new one so i wanted to do something digital instead and i have a private twitter account but for some reason it doesn’t feel enough/ i don’t feel comfortable to fully express myself there i kinda don’t want anyone to read this but i also don’t wanna have to actively hide it so that’s why i thought this tumblr was the best option since no one follows me here but it’s not exactly a private platform, you know? so yeah today it’s the 27th of december of 2021 and it’s currently 8:43am and i have been up since 9pm because my sleep schedule is this messy, yeah i sleep when i should be awake and vice versa i really wanna fix this because it’s kinda depressing ngl so i kinda wanna try to stay up all day so i can sleep when it’s nighttime but i don’t know if i can do it bc not only do i get really tired but also really disoriented when i stay up for too long but hopefully i’ll succeed i have a few house chores to do and i know that if i skip them once again my mom is gonna kill me (okay she won’t but she’s gonna be insufferable) she usually pisses me off but today i felt overwhelmingly fond of her for some reason so i wanna please her i also have an assignment and the deadline is on the 2nd of january so i really wanna get rid of it soon but i have to read a lot of shit in order to do it and i can’t help but keep putting it off cause i feel like i cant concentrate well enough because i’m always too tired or overwhelmed ? but hopefully i’ll manage to do it soon anyways something that i wanted to write about was... loneliness? i feel like loneliness has been this big theme in my life ever since i turned 16... i’m 22 now it’s not as big or as bad as it was back then but well it’s still here i have the most amazing friends, i really do i consider myself so lucky to have grown up alongside the group of people that i did because they’re such amazing people, really but sometimes i can’t help but feel distant reaching out feels so... idek it feels so out of the question for some reason i can’t help but feel like i’d be bothering them and that might not be true but even when i do reach out i feel like the response that i get isn’t the response that i need or... it just doesn’t satisfy me? i always feel like something gets lost in translation somehow and i just want to be seen i want to be seen so bad, i want someone to understand me and to hold space for me i can’t help but feel like all i do is hide there is so much bottled up inside of me and i feel so suffocated that’s one of the reasons why i’m doing this too, getting all of this out so i can make sense of these abstract thoughts and feelings i just wish i had someone who i could share this with i wish someone wanted to share something significant with me too i miss having that kind of exchange without feeling like i failed to get my point across or end up feeling misunderstood regardless of how many times i try to articulate something better i was gonna say that i also miss being told how someone’s day went but i feel like that’s something i can’t hold against anyone bc it’s something i don’t have to offer either as all my days have been pretty much the same and it’s so uneventful and boring that i’d feel embarrassed to have to tell someone about them but yeah i do miss that ... so another thing i should mention is that my family’s financial situation at the moment is quite... well it’s not good i don’t wanna say it’s bad because there’s a roof over my head and food on our table and i’m very grateful for that but yeah my mom’s business is not doing well and there are so many expenses we can’t afford rn :/ it’s very stressing it makes me feel quite anxious and it’s interesting that i became familiar with maslow’s hierarchy of needs just the other day which helped me understand better why this affects me this much ofc i already knew that it’s very reasonable to feel this way about this situation but now i know why it disturbs me so much? bc it really does i feel like it interferes with so many other areas in my life anyways i think this is enough for now idk if i’ll come back later today or when i’ll come back bc i don’t like to force myself to write like ever, i’ll only do it if i feel like it so yeah, till next time