#I know I'm easily triggered rn so helping others too. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

reachingmygoalsss · 9 months ago

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Life Update

April 25 2024

Got multiple new jobs, a new apartment and new dogs literally 5 days after the December post. Lost some weight around 15lbs rn! Things are looking up the dogs have helped me relax so so much.

My boyfriend got a new job as a carpenter now and actually stepped up after a fight we had on Valentine's Day. He started trying really hard, and I admit I wasn't the best person during the time because of how hurt and betrayed I felt. I feel a lot of guilt for that, and like I don't fully deserve this new beginning to some extent with him because of how angry I was up until he got the job. I'm really happy for him and thankful too. After all I wouldn't be dating him this long if I didn't love who he is. Stress just gets in the way of that sometimes.

My new dogs are the best little girls! They are German Shepherd lab mixes and are beautiful. Now around 7 months old. I will upload some pictures with this of them! They literally help me so much in my dream realms and through my healing stuff as well as with the transmutation of my emotions. I try to give back as much as I can to them by getting them treats, bones, and things they need or want. I really think I'm gonna try and walk them more, though. It's something I have been lacking with. That and training, and they deserve more of that, so that is a new thing I want to do for them going forward.

I have lots of big plans for the future. I'm going to make a goals list soon, so be hopeful for that. But I think the rest of the post I'm going to rant.

My parents still suck. I don't like how they take everything as me trying to hurt them. It's very frustrating. I'm not going to say I didn't have a lot of hate for them from all the buildup and stuff but I have let go of most of that now. I don't hate them anymore I just don't like them because I realized they will never actually understand me or how I speak.

Something I have been having issues healing lately is feeling like I'm hurting others. Today I talked to my mom for the first time in months and we were having a conversation about my brother since he is in the process of having a kid. Said conversation:

"you know your brother he gets stressed so easily and is nervous"

"that's because you yelled at him for so many years"

"that's because he never would listen unless I yell at him"

"he never was able to hear you because his ears were damaged from you yelling at him"

"I'm not going to let you ruin my day today I'm about to have a grandkid"

"I'm just telling you where that comes from"

✨️conversation ended 2 mins later✨️

This is how every conversation goes and yet I still somehow feel like I'm a dickhead for just stating what I see when she tries to bring stuff up. I feel this way with everyone, either in a state of confusion or guilt and shame for triggering them. I genuinely don't mean to trigger them either I'm just looking at a situation and word vomiting what I see, hear or feel. Sometimes I think I'm autistic because of this. With my mom though I do question if my motives are good. Like is it a subconscious jab at her character? Am I living in the past? Part of me does feel like I am still there in the house a scared kid waiting for her to come in my bedroom and tell me to do some chore or scream at me. During those times my throat feels tight like I'm being strangled and I still can't seem to get the words out clearly. It's hard for me to be in a relationship when there is no relationship because it will always be one-sided. She still wants me to wear the golden child, straight A student, favorite cousin, grandchild, bullshit mask I wore for so long. Perfection mask curated to her, otherwise I'm imperfect, but more importantly she is imperfect. I find myself with traits like her sometimes. Cold and cruel due to insecurities and superficialities. I see how hurt she is too and I guess that's why I still hold so much guilt, shame and hurt for cutting her out. She will never see me. Just like her mother never saw her.

I hope I'm not like her.

My father, I cut off from Jan 1st to early April. It's nice to talk to my dad, and I miss him. The problem is that I usually go into an anxiety attack after I get off the phone with him. Even if the conversation is good, it feels like he invades my whole being, and I have intrusive hate thoughts every time I talk to him that I have to clear out of my head almost every time. He also defends my mom with her behavior, and then he lets her into conversation a lot. Which has put a lot of strain on our relationship in general. I didn't want to have to make him choose between me or mom, but she made that the case a lot of the time. I wish he had the balls to say no to her and just have a relationship with me. I don't expect him to ever stick up for me though at this point. If he defended her to a 5 year old me saying I was the problem at 5 why should I have expected anything different at 22. That's the part I think that hurts the most is still dealing with the same thing younger me dealt with. No one to help me stand up to my bully other than myself.

Good news is I'm an adult now and I no longer feel helpless against them. I can stand up to them and they can't put their shit on me anymore. Though I'm the villain now and that kinda sucks considering I went from being perfect in their eyes. I destroyed their image of everything they saw in me and I feel like myself for the first time but I have no family because of it. I will have to build my own.

Everyone in my family looks at me like I'm an asshole and none of them other than my dad want to see me truly succeed. And even then my dad will try to change my plans or will outright judge or insult them behind my back to my mom. I know this because that's how they all work. Then they get sick or get into a car accident or some shit because they are fucking mean. I don't know why I keep going back. When I disconnect from them I feel so much anxiety, sadness, and hate and it's hard to focus on anything else. I hope there's a day where I can just let go or talk to them without feeling so fucked up. Self harm or self hate maybe? Self sabotage? Layers of bullshit that needs to go. Too much manipulation. Sometimes I wish they would just die so I can move on and get some relief.

I guess the end of this is just me wishing I had a supportive and loving family. One where I don't have to be fake to avoid making people upset or afraid.

#family #therapy #life lessons #update #dogs #weight loss #lifestyle

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doctor-direst · 2 years ago

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Hello, I believe you are knowledgeable with bugs?

There's something that looks like a lady bug in my room rn, so I was like "oh, cool! " because ladybugs don't trigger the irrational fear of bugs that I am trying to get rid of ya know?

So anyway, I let it crawl on my hands, and everything was fine... Then it threw up a white grub thing and me being afraid of everything completely panicked, and the lady bug flew away and I got my dad to squish the grub.

Listen I know bugs play an important part in the ecosystem and without them as would perish but the primal fear part of my brain does not understand this, especially when they barf gruby things!

I'm hidding outside of my room, will it throw up again if I try to put it outside? Is it even a ladybug?! Did it lay eggs in my house plants? How to not be bosses around and afraid of little fools that are easily squished?!

I'm very sorry if this is inconvenient, if it is just ignore.

-me, Aloeverawyvren a coward.

I will answer this as best I can:

If it’s a lady beetle or other similar beetle, I have no personal experience with them throwing up insects, so I’m not too sure about that one. Though the likelihood of them doing it twice should be unlikely, an insect can only hold so much in its gut.

It’s completely valid to be spooked after such an odd encounter!

Unfortunately without a photo, I won’t be able to confirm or deny it being a lady beetle but if it is one, you don’t need to worry about any unwanted eggs! Most insects (including lady beetles in this instance) will lay eggs near the end of summer so they can overwinter and hatch in spring. A beetle waiting until midwinter would be mighty ambitious!

As for not being scared of insects, I highly recommend research! Humans fear what they do not understand, so it can be mighty helpful to do some light reading about lady beetles to know what you’re up against :D

Assuming you live in an area where it’s currently pretty cold, it may be an Asian lady beetle instead, since they seek shelter in winter which includes human homes. They are more known for reflex bleeding and look pretty similar to regular lady beetles, but this post would be getting way too long if I got into it. I’ll provide a simple image below to help you get started:

Helpful readings:

If you want to identify an insect and don’t have anyone to talk to, I highly recommend BugGuide.net which narrows down insects based off of images

OR I would equally recommend using the App iNaturalist, which allows you to plug in your OWN photos and it will give you some recommendations on what your insect could be!

Happy hunting! :D

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goonsgospel · 1 year ago

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I wanted to help review bomb Tumblr but my review was too lang, however I'm not going to let it go to waste.

I've had Tumblr for 5 or 6 years now, but I've been a "fan" for much longer. I love the sense of community and the spirit of the site, as I've always been a huge advocate for fandom in general. The creativity, the collaborations, the jokes and bits the users come up with are all fantastic and have since become cultural phenomenons in some circles. Tumblr is one of my favorite social media sites.

Staff has effectively ruined this.

Everything I love about social media is being thrown out to accommodate advertisers and thinly veiled attempts to bleed as much money and content out of Tumblr users as humanly possible. The creation of tiktok triggered some kind of switch in social media managers' minds. Every single site now has to have quick, easily consumable content. Tumblr has not only hopped on this bandwagon, but they have done so in a way that makes the site entirely unusable.

First off, Tumblr live. A blatant yet weak attempt to cater to people who prefer tiktok type media, despite the majority of users choosing Tumblr over tiktok because it does not have these features. Rampant with spam and p*rn bots, Tumblr live is outmatched in its ability to frustrate only by the fact that you can only snooze it for seven days.

I lied. The layout changes are worse. The removal of icons, the twitter-esqe sidebar, and the fact that new users are forced to use only the FYP, despite others having both their following feed and FYP. Speaking of which, racism, antisemitism, homophobia, transphobia, and flat out favoritism governs the lawless land of "For You." Users are being banned for being openly queer, disabled, Jewish, or even for just openly disagreeing with staff's choices. Meanwhile, TERFs and bigots are allowed to use the site freely, with many of those TERFs and bigots being on Tumblr staff. Not to mention the ads being crammed down your throat every half second. You know, the unstoppable ones that can cause epileptic seizures.

There are many other things I could talk about; the clown, the crabs, or the fact that staff won't listen to complaints no matter what we do. But, I've said enough, and I don't want to imagine what other deplorable methods staff might employ to torture us next.

@staff please. Listen to your userbase.

#goonsgospel

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teacup-captor · 8 months ago

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Hi OP! Autistic DID system here. I love and adore your take holy shit.

I'd never considered that he'd reached final fusion before (honestly I forget it's a thing 😭) but I love that thought holy shit???

I definitely see him finding his DID to both be useful, yet inconvenient.

I don't have a lot of knowledge or experience with final fusion to be honest, but that honestly seems like a very Sherlock thing to aim for.

You're very correct in mentioning his relations to memory and identity, most of us will know of how pained he sounds in a certain episode, he seems to experience a lot of distress in not being able to trust his own memory. One way or another, that's definitely something he'll have had to work on.

Personally, though, I like to think that he's closer to functional multiplicity, like everyone in the system go by a collective identity (that being Sherlock, the he/him consulting detective guy person), and he's just far too busy trying to live his life to be concerned about exactly who's fronting when.

Like, I feel like he'd mostly have switches that he doesn't quite notice, everything about his system would very much so work in the background. Instead of "big" switches where a different alter fully takes over front, everyone would be quite similar, but would help the system regulate emotions in different ways. We have experience with this ourselves, a previous host as well as myself function like this, we have our own subsystems where one "main" alter will take care of the actual fronting, and other alters will go in and out of front completely unnoticed to help adjust our emotions as needed.

I feel like Sherlock may not entirely mind this process that goes unnoticed- and anything he does mind he'd work on, such as memory, dissociation, blackouts/grayouts and the likes.

From what I can tell from the podcast, it doesn't seem like Sherlock has blackouts. Now rn I can't remember if this actually happened or if this is something I'm making up but I believe there's some moments where John tries to get his attention and Sherlock has to take a moment to "recalibrate". This can very well just be that he spaced out and he needs a moment to catch up/process what's happening, but it can also be that he's had a grayout (which is when you forget stuff but it comes back to you once that's triggered), which we have personally. (Can you tell I'm just projecting our whole system dynamic onto him?)

Speaking of calibration, the moments where he's "uncalibrated" may not only be him having an autism moment, but it could also be one of his alters fronting- someone with less of a filter, potentially even a nonhuman alter, or even just someone who tends to front when his host is tired.

Oh, and if you've heard any of the mailbag episodes, you've noticed how he's different in those, right? (If you haven't. He's different in the mailbags)

When Sherlock is in "work mode", he's very focused on his work, he tunnel visions on the case, and he doesn't really talk about anything else.

When he's not though, from what we know (either from mailbags or from John tattling on what he's doing, thank you John) he tends to be way more creative, silly, easily distracted, and he also seems kind of more like a friend than a coworker (towards John- and in my heart tyvm)

So he could very well have one alter that fronts for work stuff and cases that's a lot better at tunnel visioning and using his energy for just one thing- an alter that's more inclined to be inattentive rather than hyperactive (yeah different alters can be affected by ADHD differently), and then there's one alter that fronts for more day to day life that's a bit more loose, probably more inclined to be hyperactive, and we potentially have a third alter (what I mentioned earlier with Sherls being "uncalibrated") that is more affected by autism than their other disorders (also a system thing)

OH christ I've written more than I expected. Okay one last thing.

Joel Emery's writing is really good. And so far, Sherlock's neurodivergency has near brought me to tears (/pos) and I feel seen without having to dig for it (which, as I hope I've made clear with this post I'm very willing to dig for it), however a part of me hopes he doesn't dive into Sherlock's DID, only because I know how horrible it can go. Then again, with his amazing writing so far I believe that if anyone, he can do it. I just hope if he decides to, he'll reach out to actual systems, especially systems who like the podcast, and he decides to talk to them.

If that's ever needed I trust he'll find someone in the patreon discord, I mean there's me, I don't go anywhere without my PluralKit, I have explained what it's for and it got the attention of one lovely James, at least. But there are also other systems within the community, and I know that there's resources out there,

Just some thoughts about DID Holmes in Sherlock & Co.

I need to preface this by saying I don't have DID, all I know about it is from reading and hearing people who do have DID talk about their experience. I can be wrong, I don't mean any harm by it and I encourage people to correct me (just please be kind).

Ok so in the Sherlock & Co. canon, Holmes has DID, amongst a variety of other things, which is a new and interesting thing to explore with this character. I'm not sure if we'll ever see it explored in the show, or if it'll just stay a part of a long list of what makes Sherlock neurodiverse. But I've been thinking about it and I'd like to dump my thoughts here.

I think it makes absolutely perfect sense for Sherlock Holmes to have DID. Even in the ACD canon, Holmes isn't known to have had a good childhood and a good relationship with his parents. Jeremy Brett liked to think Holmes didn't see his mother until he was like eight years old. Lots of neglect, coupled with the struggles of being a "difficult child" because of his perticular cocktail of disorders (ADHD, ASD, SPD, DMDD and ODD), is just the perfect recipe for repetitive childhood trauma that could very well develop into DID. There's no question in my mind that it was a good decision (at least an interesting one) to give Sherlock DID in this adaptation. And that got me thinking about how much he probably struggled with it.

I chose to believe that Sherlock achieved final fusion years before he met John. That's what makes the most sense to me. We know he's got official diagnoses for these things, so it would make sense to me that he got professional help for his DID as well. And based on his personality, and his need to be in control and know all the information available to him, I think final fusion would be the result he would have seeked, as opposed to functional multiplicity.

Now of course one can't logic their way out of neurodiversity, and one can't just logic their way into final fusion. But what works and doesn't work has to have some connection to the way someone is, and I think Sherlock Holmes would have worked his ass out in therapy to achieve final fusion because I think it would have been a horrible time for a man like him.

I'm thinking about how he would handle the amnesia (we know his views in memory and identity), the loss of control when a different alter fronted, the confusion of "waking up" in a completely different part of town, disassociating in the middle of important (or interesting) tasks, etc. etc. I also think that perhaps, his addiction could have been a result of a persecutor alter.

As someone who struggles with communication because of his autism, I think perhaps that could also affect Holmes' communication with his alters. I genuinely don't know if that could be a thing or not, I've never met anyone who had DID and autism so I'm not sure how correct that assumption is. But if that communication was also a struggle, it would explain why functional multiplicity wouldn't work as well.

And I don't know, perhaps we'll have more glimpses into Sherlock's past in the podcast, and we'll learn more about his DID diagnosis, perhaps he hasn't achieved final fusion, perhaps he very much still struggles with switches and memory loss. We don't know, but I do hope we get to explore it more! It ads a new layer of complexity to the character that we haven't seen in other adaptations, and I really love that!

We know that Sherlock Holmes is always neurodivergent, whether that is explicitly diagnosed in canon or not. The whole point of Sherlock Holmes as a character, from ACD canon to any modern version, is that he doesn't think like everyone else. That is literally the definition of neurodiversity. To take that away from Holmes is to destroy the character. But what this adaptation did, by giving a name to each and every trait of Holmes is very interesting and I hope they can handle it well! So far I've been very pleasently surprised by the way they have handled Sherlock's autism. It is very much a part of him and it informs his actions, but it is not all that he is. And maybe it's because Joel Emery's daughter is autistic so he has more knowledge about it than the other disorders, but I still hope we get to see more of that as well, especially Sherlock's DID.

Alright that's all kdjfhg

As I said, I don't have DID so take everything I said with a grain of salt. But if anyone has thoughts they'd like to share please come talk to me! :D And if anyone has DID and wants to share their thoughts about Sherlock & Co. thought the lense of someone with the disorder please do! I'd be very happy to read about it. (Also my ask is always open if anon is more comfy)

#I'm so sorry if this isn't coherent I read “Sherlock & Co.” and “DID” in the same sentence and #Then I sat down to write and then I greyed out #All I remember is extreme clacking and my eyes hurting #but also feel free to completely ignore it lol #sherlock & co #sherlock holmes #sherlock & co.#sherlock and co #sherlock and co.#long post #(sorry)

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monochromepalette · 2 years ago

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I am here with yet another request bc I have writers block rn and I can't think of a proper story 😋 I know you're working on a oneshot already so I don't wanna be a bother </3 So yeah this is just a suggestion if you could consider it it would be amazing and I am talking too much AAAA anyways. A really patient reader. SO PATIENT AND GULLIABLE YOU COULD PUNCH THEM AND THEY WOULD APOLOGISE FOR BOTHERING YOU. Going crazy. THEY FINALLY RAGE. (Bc of Adeuce duo ofc who else)

THEY START CURSING, SCREAMING AND EVERYTHING maybe even pulling their ears like an angry parent. Maybe even uhm.. saying a few phrases in their mother language COUGH COUGH..-

DRAGGING THEM THROUGH THE SCHOOL HALLWAYS. COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW THEY'RE SUCH A PAIN IN THE ASS

(Adeuce and riddle reactions maybe..)

-🌺 Annon

Don't worry, 🌺Anony🌺! I'm happy to fulfill another request for you!!! Fret not, I got this all under control c:

I hope you'll be okay with GN!Reader on this one? 💖

---

GN!Patient!Reader x ADeuce

---

|•| [ Trigger Warning (In case...): Swear Words ] |•|

---

"Yo Deuce, ever wonder what goes on in their head?" Ace nudged Deuce as they followed [ Name ] from behind.

Deuce gave Ace a quizzical look. "What do you mean?"

"Like, do you ever see [ Name ] get mad? Express any kind of emotion like rage, frustration, or anger?"

Deuce perked up at the word "rage". That... was the last thing he wanted, really. He stayed silent. Although... the more he thought about it, the more he did want to know how you were like when you were mad. Deuce knew more than anyone what anger felt like. The emotions were rooted deep in his past, and sometimes it still lingered there like a deadly parasite.

"What if I just..." Ace slowly creeped up on [ Name ], getting closer and closer until he smacked their back. Hard. [ Name ] turned around and looked at Ace. He smiled goofily at them. They didn't say anything, but looked confused. They kept marching on. Ace shrugged and patted Deuce's shoulder. "Your turn."

"I—" Deuce gave him a dirty look. "I can't do that to [ Name ]...!"

"Why?" Ace provoked him, "You scared they'll get mad?"

Deuce glared at him and inhaled sharply, "No." Deuce started whistling. He innocently made his way to [ Name ] and stepped on the hind of both their shoes. "Whoops. Sorry, Prefect."

"I'm so sorry! I should have walked faster," they said.

Deuce and Ace made eye contact and chocked back a laugh. What kind of response was that? Deuce couldn't help it. He stepped on their shoes again. [ Name ] walked even faster—to the point where they looked like they were... running?

"Wait, you're going too fast!" shouted Deuce.

"Am... I?" They turned around and... Ace tossed his bag at them. It was a relatively light bag but... It hurt. A lot. Three of those magic books could easily break someone's leg. Luckily, there was only two. [ Name ]'s right eye twitched. What was that for? They slid their leg over the straps, keeping themselves inside so Ace would have to pull to get it. He wouldn't hurt [ Name ], right?

...Correct. Because the person who PULLED on the strap was Deuce! For shame, as he was the better one of the two! He sent [ Name ] backwards and their butt slammed onto the cold cement. Their eyes narrowed. Their mouth held a deep scowl. "What the fuck was that for! What's wrong with you two cock sucking bitches today! You guys on your period or some crap? Because you sure as hell are acting like you are, being fucking little brats!"

They started to say some words that the duo didn't understand. A foregin language... Maybe? It was incoherent as they were muttering a whole lot with an occasional, "peices-of-worthless-shits" and "one-brain-celled-bastards" loudly. Deuce pursed his lips as he stared at [ Name ]. His hands were holding tightly onto Ace's backpack as Ace was held himself tightly in a self-embraced hug.

[ Name ] shot up from the ground and pulled the duo's ears, dragging them through the long hallways and towards the Mirror Chambers. Other students stared but [ Name ] didn't care. They needed to be heard loud and clear to and by everyone: "Do not mess with [ Name ]!"

This was a war and battle that [ Name ] didn't plan on losing.

---

* Riddle's Reaction *

Riddle's mouth was slightly agape as he stared at [ Name ]'s vehement fury. You were always so calm, so gentle, so patient with those two. Yet today was your breaking point. What set you off? What did they do?

He was just unsure of how to approach you now. Surely you hadn't seen him from around the corner as you were throwing your temper onto the boys, but what if he somehow said or did something that would upset you as badly as they did in the future?

He would make sure not to do so, and promised himself that he would check up on you later today. Perhaps a soothing, hot cup of rose tea in the garden would put your mind at ease.

All in all, he could only applaud you for holding onto that anger for such a long time. For he wasn't very good at hiding it. When he gets the chance, he'll ask for some tips to hold it in—you were the right person to ask for it but now was not the time.

He had to chase after you before you started a fight.

---

* Deuce's Reaction *

Deuce was surprised by the pure strength of your hands. You tugged at him like a beast with a force of ten thousand arms. At the moment, he couldn't even process what was going on or what was going to happen.

As you pulled on his ears, he felt a little bad—actually, really bad. It... also hurt him when you called him and Ace all those words. Not that he could blame you for it, he actually felt like it was deserving. They taunted you and the consequences were laid out upon them.

He just didn't think your anger would be like this. He thought you would cry in frustration—not go all out and pull them back to the Mirror Chambers where they started to get scolded even more.

The next time Ace and him did something stupid like this (or anything stupid at all) he was going to make sure it wouldn't end up like this ever again. Not for the sake of him or Ace, but for you and your feelings.

You didn't deserve this kind of bullshit. You were always so tolerant and selfless, especially with him.

---

* Ace's Reaction *

Ace regretted his mistake—well, kind of. He was just a little happy to see you had other emotions to show. He always wanted to see another side of you other than the one that they saw on a daily basis. He wished sometimes you could join in on their antics and have fun but you always preferred to do the right and smart thing.

You always were way too nice with them, and he didn't like how easy it was for you to simply apologize and cast a smile upon every mistake someone made. Of course, the term "kill 'em with kindess" was a strategic move but what happens when the people around you begin to take advantage of you? That was what worried Ace the most.

He most certainly cared for you but he also wanted to know how you would act if you got upset. He was glad that when you did, it was vicious.

Next time, he wouldn't get you mad like this. At least try to. His ear was hurting so much, he was starting to think that it was going to tear off by your brutal might.

Though, he knew this punishment was warranted.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #ace trappola x reader #deuce spade x reader #ace trappola #deuce spade #gn!reader #twst wonderland #riddle rosehearts x reader #riddle rosehearts

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ratcandy · 3 years ago

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Subcon Forest Analysis

Hi everyone I'm here to spill my aggressive overflowing thoughts on Subcon Forest and what it represents because it's been driving me insane since I finished the Sleepy Subcon time rift. Okay let's go. Obvious spoilers for AHIT ahead so proceed with caution.

This is also very, very long.

Disclaimer/warning: I will be discussing abusive/unhealthy relationships in this analysis. I mean. Vanessa. Come on. Also, there is a section on the nooses, and that delves, of course, into mentions of suicide. It will be sectioned off and easily skipped, but if you'd rather be safe and skip the entire post, that's completely understandable! Please stay safe. <3

Alright. Main point to be had here:

Subcon Forest is a giant extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character.

You all get to now listen to me spout nonsense about metaphors and symbolism because I'm a sucker for analysis and I'm given an opportunity to go ham. So perish.

The Ice

Let's start with the most obvious and most glaring thing in Subcon. The ice. It's everywhere. Not just outside Vanessa's manor, either; no, it's throughout the village, too. Shows up in the well and in random locations sprinkled about. When it comes to literal plot, we know that ice is just what lingers after Vanessa's wintery curse on Subcon. But going deeper and analyzing the meaning behind it?

Well, let's look at this from the perspective I've suggested. Subcon Forest being an extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character. A symbol for Vanessa then litters his mind, enough where it's certainly noticeable at first but blends in more easily once more of Subcon is unlocked to Hat Kid. This is clearly meant to be his lingering trauma, whether or not he wants to acknowledge it. Which he doesn't, as he never mentions it directly in his forest (that I can recall). Her influence plagues him, as to be expected with the traumatic experiences he went through with her. Breaking the ice is something Hat Kid must do in order to fulfill the wishes of the Fire Spirits (another subject I'll get into shortly), which, if self-indulgently playing with the found family idea, could mean that Hat Kid is helping him heal; if indirectly. Even if fulfilling the Fire Spirits' wish to die is... counterproductive, in that measure, which I'm now getting ahead of myself so hold on a sec!!

Vanessa. Ice. Everywhere. Traces of it all over his forest. That's the effects of an abusive relationship! Especially in a worst-case scenario where... yknow! One party in the relationship dies! So of course ice would be everywhere.

In and of itself, ice is a common symbol in literature and other forms of media. In this case, it's presented as an antagonistic force; emphasis is placed upon freezing and the harm that comes with it. The cold is unwelcoming, threatening, merciless. Snow can act as an insulating force, at least, but ice cannot. It can only make things colder.

A slight stretch: Seeing as this game deals a lot with time shenaniganry, I'm not sure if it'd be too out of left field to connect "freezing" with the theme of time. Yknow. Frozen in time. Both parties here, Snatcher and Vanessa, would be in this frozen state. One largely repressing it and never fully moving on, and the other doomed to her isolation ever since the event in question. They never moved past that moment after the Prince and florist's interaction.

The Fire Spirits (& the Portraits)

I'll put a slight warning here for suicidal ideation, if only because... it's the Fire Spirits we're talking about. It's not as grossly in-detail as the noose discussion will be, though, so make of that what you will.

To me, the Fire Spirits are a very interesting case. After all, they're fire. They're a direct contrast to the ice, thus being the only thing we're shown that could potentially melt it. The Fire Spirits, in my opinion, represent hope or a strength to continue. A strength to move on after troubles of the past.

...And that hope wants to die.

The Fire Spirits wish to burn out, to leave this mortal coil and abandon the forest to the cold. They make no effort to melt the ice, they simply dance, blissfully ignorant towards their surroundings. This being a metaphor for Snatcher's own hope for moving on is made all the more obvious by the fact he wants them gone. The first contract is to kill the Fire Spirits, to kill the hope. Perhaps he believes that sort of thing to be fruitless or naïve, so it only clutters his mind or has him foolishly optimistic at points. So, get rid of it. And the hope is happy to oblige.

(That, or their willingness to leave the forest to its own suffering and not aid in the ice's thaw angers him. Besides the whole "bark bark growl I can't get to parts of my forest because of them!!" which... also could represent a naïve hope clouding his judgement, not allowing him to see a bigger picture. But hope can't all be lost if one wants to move forward...)

A little side-tangent now on the portraits! And it's another slight stretch but the idea is in my head and I can't let it go. Portraits are another common symbol, usually being a physical representation of a memory or idea. For our purposes, let's say they're memories. I know in canon they appear to just hold souls captive or something but for now we're just Ignoring That(tm). The Fire Spirits have to burn the portraits to disappear. See where I'm going with this, maybe?

Instead of handling bad memories (or perhaps memories of the past in general) in any healthy manner, Snatcher chooses to forget/repress them, which just allows his hope to progressively die out.

I'm really hoping this is making sense because it makes a lot of sense to me but I might be insane rn

The Fact that this is a Forest

Forest symbolism breakdown! What's a forest usually mean in literature? "Traditionally, the forest has come to represent being lost, exploration and potential danger as well as mystery and 'other worldliness'." Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. That certainly works with the whole aesthetic we've got going on. Wood usually is life, growth and strength. But the trees of subcon are all dead. So what about that? It stands for death, big whoop, very spooky, we know Snatcher's dead and so are the children, yadda yadda wowie wowie. But. :) The trees in Subcon look a lot like trees that were scorched in a forest fire. Don't believe me?

(You could also argue they're just regular marsh/swamp trees bUT SSHHSUUHSH HANG ON HEAR ME OUT LOOK LOOK,)

What I believe to have happened was a controlled fire to rid the forest of the majority of its ice and snow. Likely done by Snatcher. It leaves behind a very desolate, depressing, barren scene... but. What else do dead/burnt trees symbolize? Rebirth. After all, controlled fires happen to make way for new trees to take the place of old ones. Some trees only drop seeds in fires/hot temperatures, so new ones take root and begin anew. Weird. It's almost like... I dunno. Snatcher was given some sorta second chance, given he's not just a corpse in Vanessa's cellar. So were the subconites. Another life given then by Snatcher. All connected I tell ya!!

Generally, aside from that, forests have many connotations. Mystery, isolation, claustrophobia; a place to dwell on regrets, or the past; to worry over one's future; to seek escape from or escape inside of... hmgmrnmm!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The Nooses

The t/w is given at the top and another cut-off point will follow the bottom of this, for those that would like to skip. This will delve into talk of suicide and abusive tactics used by abusers. Please don't read if it will upset you or make you feel unsafe!!!

Personally, I cannot stand the nooses, but that's just due to my own triggers. Were there a way to hide those from the game or replace the damned talking ones with anything else. I would take it. In a heartbeat. But I can still appreciate the potential analysis to be had with them. So now i'm gonna talk about it despite how uncomfortable it will make me to do so. yEa

So, what about 'em? There are three types of nooses seen in Subcon. At least that I remember but I didn't really go looking for them. Empty ones, ones containing empty subconites, and the talking ones.

Nooses in general obviously can hint towards suicidal thoughts or behaviors of the characters that interact with them. If saying Subcon is Snatcher's mind, it could suggest that he suffered from some sort of suicidal thoughts in life (or currently, if second death is possible... or if he never truly died... or maybe he's trying to figure that out...which has given me... a separate idea...uh oh). But. And hear me out. Different perspective.

A talking noose. I hate them with a fiery passion that is unmatched. But think of the packed symbolism of a noose that talks. And think more about what it says. "I wouldn't mind being strapped around a cute neck like yours." "Be careful now, I don't want to see you meet a miserable end anywhere, but with me." Oddly, a lot of what the noose says seems almost... endearing? One could argue it's a way of luring someone to put it around their necks, which in and of itself is a whole lot to unpack when it comes to suicidal thoughts beckoning one forward; painting itself as something romantic, almost. But. Here's a wild idea, now. What if the nooses, at least the talking ones, are another symbol for Vanessa?

They're tinted blue, after all. While Vanessa's scheme is more red, one could argue two things: One, ice. Blue. Ice. yeah. Or two, the fact that Snatcher's scheme is more purple. Blue and red... make... purple. So, for all we know, Snatcher's current state was a compound effort between suicidal thoughts and Vanessa's treatment of him. Perhaps he even found a way to put himself out of his misery before freezing/starving to death. (I know he has dialogue that argues against that, but... are we certain Snatcher would be the kind to admit suicide over freezing to death?... I don't think so.)

At any rate, a common threat by those in "control" of an abusive relationship is that of killing themselves should the other person not do as they desire. It's a cruel form of emotional manipulation to get their way, worse off if the other party is an empathetic individual. As a person who has been the empathetic individual in relationships like this... I would know. I've been here, unfortunately So, it's not completely out of the question to say Vanessa could've used some tactic like that, even before the whole... cellar ordeal. Did she? I dunno. I'm tossing ideas around. But if she did, the threats of such would sit around in the Prince's mind easily. Even if she has a reputation of not going through with it. It doesn't matter. That shit sticks with you forever, that scare, the potential of it ever being true, is horrifying and it ruins you. I'm projecting, Squirtle.

Still. A noose cannot hang itself. It has to have a victim.

...yea.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W PASSED -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Misc. Ideas

- The spiders: Aside from the usual things spiders can be chalked up to symbolizing - toxicity, alluring danger, just... general pain - I like the potential wordplay that can happen here. Yknow. A black widow. Say the Prince and Vanessa were married when one died. What would that leave Vanessa? A widow. ...She's red and black, too. Yknow. Like a black widow. HA wordplay is fun isn't it?

- Snatcher's tree: Love this place, love sitting in here. But not the point! The inside of Snatcher's tree is such a harsh juxtaposition to the rest of Subcon that it kinda throws ya off guard. After all, the dark, purples and blues then contrasted with the bright warm colors of the inside. Even the music switches over. The thorns outside aren't present indoors. Ohh yeah this is gonna be on the nose as hell but the Tree(tm) is 100% representing Snatcher's appearance/put-on personality vs. his truer nature. Spooky outside with thorns, foreboding, unwelcoming. Then the more comfortable interior. VULnerable. Have I even mentioned that the tree is HOLLOW I mean COME ON. The sturdiness of that tree? Nonexistent. He's not a sturdy guy at all no matter how he fronts

- Intrusions are unwelcome: Snatcher does not like the fact that Hat Kid sticks around in his forest. His personal space. His mind. In fact he tries desperately to get rid of her after their fight, not wanting her presence in his forest at all. He has no problem providing more contracts later on with the Death Wish thing, and he finds great entertainment in messing around with Hat Kid, so it's not just a weird sudden hatred he has for her; it's the fact that. After she's finished being useful, he no longer wants her around, lest she find some things she shouldn't find. Now he's just uncomfortable with her in his personal boundaries. Could just be a denial that she's helped him heal (breaking ice, stealing from Vanessa, being something interesting for his kids to interact with) or just not really wanting a child to get wrapped up in. All that. Most likely the former. Considering the amount of joke-hints he drops regarding his background during his Death Wish dialogue. I see you funny man, making jokes out of your trauma as a coping mechanism. Punts him

Annnd I think that's all I got, for now! I'll make an update post if I get any more sporadic ideas. If you read this whole thing, thank you!! and also!! Wow that was a lot!! Hell world. Please feel free to elaborate on any of my points or debate with me on em!! I'm always open to other ideas, just be aware that if I disagree I am not shy when it comes to debate hehehe, tho I won't be aggressive to any extent I prommy!!

Alrighty. goes to sleep goodnight

#clamtalk #VERY long ramble #a hat in time #snatcher #ahit snatcher #subcon forest #vanessa ahit #ahit #analysis #the prince ahit #goes crazy. goes insane #ask to tag #i'm frazzled I can't add more tags I'll do so later

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wecandoit · 3 years ago

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i just started 11th grade and also my medical entrance exam preparations like other students in my country. my last school is very good academically but the friends i made there are emotionally exhausting. i recently ended things with them and now i am considering changing schools to a school that's closer to my house, because i want time for self study and i feel suffocated with my old friends and i barely talk to anyone else apart from them there . but the school I'm considering to transfer to, has a mixed enviornment i.e. not as studious as my previous school. I'm iin an all girls catholic school rn, and my new school is a co-ed catholic school, so thered be a huge change in the enviornment too.e I'm extremely confused. and have no idea what to do. Do you think it'd be okay for me to switch schools or try making new friends at my old school?

Hi! Obviously, ultimately this decision is up to you but I can tell you some things from my experience that may help:

a co-ed catholic school: I actually attended a catholic co-ed school myself and a LOT of girls transferred there from a particular all-girls school and I think they adjusted really well. I’m sure that you won’t struggle to fit in there bc of the fact that it’s co-ed. Obviously I don’t know what kind of people who attend the school and that’s always a consideration too.

moving schools: I’ll also mention my own experience moving schools. keep in mind that this was in fifth grade when my social life was far more important to me than my grades or individual space. At the time I was just excited for the experience but it ended up being the main trigger for a series of mental health issues. I advise that if you decide to move schools, you ensure you are emotionally and mentally prepared for it (ofc if you have your friends numbers and socials you may still be able to connect with them which may help mental health wise)

old friends: The way you worded it, that your old friends are suffocating you, makes me feel like there are other things you are having to compromise, not just studies, for your friends. which is a major red flag 🚩remember that losing old friends (and making new ones) is an inevitable part of life.

new friends/prioritisation: Despite my last point, if you’re like me, you may find it hard to make friends very easily and may find it hard to separate from your existing friends. This is where prioritisation is key. You need to decide whether for the remainder of your school life, you prioritise forming friendships VS academic success. It sounds like you’re prioritising your studies over socialisation and if you’re old school is getting in the way of studies it’s clearly a reasonable decision to move even if it means that making new friends may be difficult (but not impossible! i’m sure there will be lots of groups and people you can fit in with)

cost + efficiency: You may also find it useful to look into the cost of the school and the efficiency they provide. I obviously don’t know if costs are something that is important to you but efficiency is always important in studies. A school closer to home provides opportunities to stay back for special classes etc. while this may be difficult attending schools further away. But then again, if you are the kind of person who gets to work as soon as they get home, a longer ride home provides a much need break from studying.

academic resources: Now the most important thing, in my opinion, is the quality of resources the school provides. Something a lot of people forget is that the school does not make the students successful, rather the students make the school successful. Ultimately, how well you perform depends on the resources and help provided to you, not necessarily what ranking your school had that year. Ask around and find out whether the teachers are patient and willing to spare time giving you extra support if needed. If the classes are comprehensive and easy to understand. If I didn’t have such helpful teachers for 11th and 12th grade, I don’t know what I would have done.

Remember that a change of scenery and breaking routine may be refreshing, but consider whether it is what you need and can afford (financially, mentally, academically) right now. I’m sure that you can make the right decision, often in these situations, you already know what you want in your heart. Good luck!!!

#ask #anon #moving schools #tips #��

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missingvibrance · 4 years ago

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♡︎ 18 years of age ♡︎ any & all pronouns ♡︎ nonbinary ♡ ︎white & arab ♡︎ agnostic ♡︎

☺︎︎ mentally ill: depression, anxiety, c-ptsd, bpd

☺︎︎ 11 1/2 months out of an abusive household

☺︎︎ neurodivergent

☞︎ this is a side blog so if i follow ur account or like ur posts it'll end up appearing under the name of my main blog (@monsterenergydrunk)

☞︎ dni if:

- racist, homophobic, "super straight", transphobic, etc.

☞︎ this is a trauma blog and a safe space for me to exhibit my personal experiences with abuse and mental illness. if you are easily triggered by such things it is best not to follow me, but if what i post helps you sleep at night then go ahead and do so (:

☞︎ my inbox & msgs are always open as a safe space for anyone who needs it. i literally don't have a single judgmental bone in my body (unless u count fascists & ppl who get in the way of other ppl's existence) & comforting ppl is just something that i like to do & if u don't need comfort, i'm totally down for random convos too (:

☞︎ everything i post is okay to reblog unless i mention otherwise in the hashtags.

thank you for stopping by my blog and i hope you're doing okay today; if not, i hope tomorrow is better, and if it's not just know i'm happy that you exist rn even if idk you (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃

#about me

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imnotusedtobeingloved · 3 years ago

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Hi!!! :D can I please have a ship for peaky blinders and Vikings?

I'm 18, 5'3 and I'm pretty chubby, I'm black with dark skin and I have pastel pink 4c hair right now but I like to dye my hair a lot!!! My face is round and I have hooded eyes and big lips.

I'm an infp and a Gemini and I tend to not speak until I'm spoken to, but once I start talking I don't stop easily lol. If I'm talking about something I'm especially interested in I can literally go on for hours at a time. I'm really into witchcraft, mythology, most cartoons, twilight, and languages (especially dead ones, rn I'm learning ancient Egyptian and Latin and I am ✨obsessed✨) I'm a huge history nerd but I hate hearing about war and politics because they can be kinda triggering for me, I'm incredibly sensitive but I think since I talk so much and overthink constantly I'm a lot more likely to just communicate with someone instead of arguing or fighting with them, (not that I can or would want to fight anyone I hate all physical activity so much lol)

My receiving love languages are acts of service and a bit of quality time and my giving love languages are gift giving and quality time, I'll cry while watching anything even though I hate crying in front of people, and I love literally all animals (except centipedes, they scare me a lot) and would jump in front of a Mac truck for a cat, and I will stop in the middle of a road to pick up a shiny rock.

My friends would probably just describe me as weird, but funny, and a little too intense a lot of the time.

My favorite genre of music is probably hyperpop even though I listen to literally everything (one of my favorite songs is an Icelandic lullaby about the ghost of a child calling out to its mom) and I almost always have headphones on at 100% volume.

Not sure how much of this information is relevant but I really like your work!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 thank you!!! I hope you're having a good day!!!

I SHIP YOU WITH...

SIGURD RAGNARSSON

Sigurd probably spots you from afar while you're making your way around the market of Kattegat. You, most likely, did not even know he was there. He would approach you a few days later, start up a conversation to find out more about you and the rest is history. Your interests, especially mythology, will sit quite well with Sigurd. He will definently be able to tell you a few tales you have not heard yet, among all the stories his parents told him when he was small. As for whitchcraft, that is something Sigurd might be sceptical about at first, but only until he finds himself reminded of Aslaugs gift for seeing and her predicting his "snake-eye". Just like you, he craves quality time, having been denied some attention in his childhood. He would write you his own songs and poems, beaming like a young boy when you state your approval of the lines. In addition to that, Sigurd is the least likely to start up a conversation about war or politics, much rather following his own interests. Sigurd is a gentle partner, always concerned with your well-being and a helping hand. With him, you can be sure to be appreciated for who you are.

YOUR BESTIE IS...

POLLY SHELBY

Having a positive relationship, especially a friendship, with Polly Shelby is something other people can only dream of. Polly and you connect over your senses for the supernatural. The rest of the Shelby-Clan might not be concerned with it, but the both of you know there is a higher power. You're there for her while Polly goes through a hard time and in return she makes sure to stick with you. She balances you out quite well, being tough where you're sensitive, and if there is anyone who could calm your nerves when overthinking, it would be her. Apart from that you might catch her interest with those languages you've been learning, she would find it amusing and help you practice. In conclusion: having Polly by your side is a big plus. She is an incredibly loyal friend and you can rest assured that she would send out the whole Shelby-Clan, should you ever be in need of help.

A/N: here you go! i hope you like this!

#sigurd x reader #sigurd vikings #sigurd imagine #sigurd ragnarsson #sigurd snake in the eye #sigurd #polly shelby #pollyanna #polly grey #aunt polly #peaky blinders imagine #vikings imagine #shipping requests #ship requests #ship request

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elektroyu · 4 years ago

Text

I'm not sure if I should post this on my art blog, but since it's impacting my art too I figure why not. I'll be very honest here and it's not something beautiful, so if you don't like to read about such things rn please go somewhere else and find something that suits your needs better. :) To keep you from accidentally continue reading have this picture of pretty dew-topped grasses in the morning that I took a couple years ago:

I love grass, it's so elegant and just <3

So the thing is. The absence of a close friend for me is... crippling. I'm feeling so fucking lonely that it's really not fun anymore. Not being able to share art things (in the broadest sense) or even dog training (agility in particular) with someone close is just about killing me emotionally. I'm a typical textbook introvert who doesn't need tons and tons of friends and I have a hard time committing to people in the first place, but the only people who I can talk about these things is my family, meaning my dad and my sister(s), but that's not really sharing anything. They let me talk and even give opinions or try to help if I'm struggling, but they're not involved in these things themselves. My coworkers like to see my art and are impressed with it, they will share pet stories on a superficial level, but their interest doesn't even remotely reach where mine does. I love my family and coworkers and I honestly appreciate what they DO give me, but it's just not the same as a proper same-interest friendship. Especially a close one. I had one for many, many years (and others before that), it was a truly special connection that's probably just a once-in-a-lifetime occurence. Very gradually it fell apart over time and I trusted a little bit too much that it would last forever. I'm not saying I didn't do anything wrong there, mind you, nor am I blaming anyone for addressing their own needs first and foremost, as that's simply the right thing to do. It was more along the lines of people change and sometimes their needs and expectations change too. That's perfectly normal and that wasn't the first time I've experienced this. But like I said, I didn't see the possibility of this particular friendship ever ending. To me, this thing was eternal, and in a way it still is, even though there's no possibility it could ever come back now. It did end. And that devastated me more than I can express. It ripped my entire heart out and left me bleeding. I still can't quite deal with it even after 5-6 years, although it's gotten slightly better in the last few years. This particular experience changed me in a not at all good way. It made me even more of a hermit. I'm even more afraid to reach out and commit to other people, even though I'm sometimes nearly losing my mind from being lonely. I'm constantly doubting myself to not be enough, to not care enough, to not be good enough to even deserve the friendship of another human being. I'm always, always afraid to disappoint again. I'm seriously, honestly doubting if I even should have a friend, if I'm even able to give them something back. Maybe I'm way too selfish to have a friend. Maybe I don't even really want a friend, even though I obviously do.

Almost worse for me is that the topic of 'friendship' developed into a giant trigger for me. I'm feeling perfectly fine one moment until by chance I stumble upon someone fleetingly mention some human connection on their blog or in some ffxiv tutorial or something and I instantly feel just hollow and unwanted. Instantly feel the absence of someone who can live in that giant void in my heart. It hurts so much. Usually I'm good in my everyday life, but this little thing is becoming more and more of a problem for me, and it doesn't exactly help art things either, as it warps and/ or hinders my ability to think about things properly. My therapist said I should just keep trying to find irl friends, which I'm kinda doing and kinda not doing. That bit of advice was kind of not very helpful, I feel ^^; even though I admire and respect my therapist a lot (not getting sessions anymore, though, I went there for social anxiety and got a LOT out of it, but with friends there's always at least 2 parties involved, right, not just one).

I'm a firm believer that friendships happen and develop on their own, even if there's hardships along the way. I have no interest to beg anyone to be my friend just because I want one. I'm convinced in time I'll meet someone who's feeling as drawn to me as I am to them again and something grows naturally. Or maybe I'm just greedy and it won't happen again, then that's that and I'll have to settle for looser connections. Maybe in the next life. Until I know which one it is I'm going to fight on by myself (life is too precious to waste, after all, if I'm damned to do life alone then I'll rather do it alone than waste all those opportunities to do and experience all this amazing stuff that's going on), love my pets and be loved by them (are humans even able to love so unconditionally?) and talk to you lovely guys on the internet. And believe me, you mean a lot to me and I'm beyond thrilled about every single one who talks to me ;) <3 you know who you are.

So there it is, the thing that plagues me (art me/ dog training me/ personal me) and has no easy fix. I'm putting it out there into the internets, which maybe will be one step towards me learning to deal with it, or heal from it, or live with it at least. It would be nice to process it to a degree that I can either use it for something productive or so that it at least doesn't hinder me anymore. There's no question there's going to be a major scar from it and I don't mind that, but it would be nice if it was only a scar and not such an easily opened wound that hurts like hell and still feels fresh after such a long time.

#random stuff #maybe I should actually look into grief processing #it feels kind of similar #never had grief issues with actual losses #these losses hurt their fair share #but never like this

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bittybattybunny · 4 years ago

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I'm enjoying the various facts of the RuClipse Aus, mostly because I was planning to do RuClipse month. So Im curious how many you have? I know you got A LOT, I mean, I remember the list you post before and apparently you have more under your sleeve (Im looking at that Regis kills Eclipse D':). Im just curious as which ones are more present in your mind/you have more facts and lore. -from a RuClipse fan

dlkgjsdkgkldsngkladnklgsfd

I JUST

IM SORRY IM JUST BLOWN AWAY I HAVE FUCKING RUCLIPSE FANS

PLEASE UNDERSTAND THE SHEER SHOCK THIS GIVES ME AND DELIGHT

dgfisjkgfjdskg

Speaking of Ruclipse month I’m makign a proper “banner” with teh prompts this is the WIp image

As for Aus!!

this is gonna get long---

Ummmm The lsit wasn’t full full cuz like I have some AUs tied into others and some I’ve made since then... Like i have a number of Aus I don’t talk about since they are mostly JUST RuClipse focus like I have a Kelpie AU in which Arulius is a Kelpie who’s been trying to eat Eclipse since she was a child but winds up falling for her when she’s older because she’s facinating and eventually starts staying with her because humans age too fast. I also have a Red Riding Hood AU that’s cute fluff. Plus my Fairy Cinderella one.

IDK an exact number tbh I’d have to like. Sit and count. I just like to write them cuz it’s relaxing and I really need that (like man i need relaxing... i had a break down at my day job and my manager had to drive me home by force cuz I wanted to keep working----but that’s because im a severe workaholic with some trauma involved with perfectionism)

Which are my focus/most lore

Right now it’s @eclipseofthehat that’s a big one!!! I’ve been working a lot on the comic scripts and figuring that plot out since I consider that AU kinda my “hub” Au in which everything else is the AU of if that makes sense?

Other than that I’m slightly obsessed with the Nutcracker AU and the Triassic Planet AU but I’m not the main writer on those so I can’t do much lore there.

Well I’m making a shit ton of angst in the Triassic Planet AU but that’s cuz Gin is as angst fueled as I am.

The thing with me is I get inspired off pretty much anything and can come up with a full damn lore plot in a matter of hours.

Sometimes I go ham on them and they become full-fledged things (like the Lamia AU i have was based off of the simple fact of I was watching Anime, a lamia showed up and I went ‘hey what if’ and now I wrote about 7 short chapters i need to finish) or I just do a snippet (the phantom of the opera au. Like i do have the full plot figured. but I really just wanted to write a small snippet)

I have a lot of like partially written things I just worked on while I was bored, sometimes I sketch things randomly and run off.

I get stressed out pretty easily and over whelmed with day to day stuff so I use this as my escape.

anyhow here’s a smallish list of AUs i have rn I think are new from that list im too lazy to look up:

Under a read more CUZ IT GOT LONGER THAN I THOUGHT

Lawbound (Hattie summoned poor law student Prynce Arulius Law who is dead by his fiancee’s hand and trying to solve his own murder. Chapter one is written to post Im doing the cover. chapter 2 is started. Epilogue is also already written)

Red is the Wolf (Red riding hood au, Eclipse is a young woman who’s slowly become a wolf forest spirit due to being born with too much magic. If she interacts with humans she’ll remains human. however she has a terrible fear of people. Her life gets thrown when she accidentally encounters the Prince in the woods and discovers he’s similar to her but his curse is more damaging. She winds up trying to break his curse while slowly falls for her)

The Snake prince (based off my favorite fable from childhood ‘the enchanted snake’ in which Arulius is a Prince who was turned into a snake for the sin of signing the order to execute the forest guardians. his fiance was unable to bear his snakeness and had him trapped in her basement where he escaped injured. he was found by folklorist Eclipse who is a witch and the lone survivor of the massacre. they have no idea of the other’s identity but this is the one AU he’s pretty open about his feelings and while she’s trying to break his curse they end up in love and eventually she has to do the kings trials and Ru semi breaks his curse and the two flee his father who wants her dead. I actually drew a really cute picture of right after eclipse properly breaks his curse. it’s a super fluffy au tbh)

Sunken Ship (new au from the past week. Eclipse is a sea witch who loves ship wrecks. she met the ghost of Arulius Law, a law student who passed away when his fiance shoved him off the sinking ship. She took his skull back to New york with her so he can try to move on. Bittersweet story of them growing close but he’s dead... but mermaids live a long time. and im a slut for reincarnation)

Whipped Water Horse (this is the kelpie au i talked about above. Arulius is a Kelpie who’s been threatened with a whip by Amaris Nightingale since she was a small child and she doesn’t fear the fae. ends up falling in love with her and saving her several times from her human suitors under the guise of “youre my target so no one can have you” has some major angst and some not so fun stuff nearly happen)

The contractor’s wish (Snatcher is a demon who has to grant the whims of those who form contracts by writing in the book he’s bound to. Eclipse found the book while cleaning her attic out and ends up freeing him without question. he sticks around and slowly recalls being human and how he wound up in his situation while trying to figure what his actual wish is)

Cute Barista (a coffee shop au with a cinderella twist. Amaris is a graphic design student who works at her brother’s cafe “the horizon” and attracted the attention of a law student named Arulius law who visits daily. Her brother tried to get him to piss off but sadly the two actually enjoy chatting with each other. As a peck you to her brother they start going on dates. She’s very down on herself and he’s secretly the reclusive prince who’s been in hiding because he’s afraid of peoples reactions after he was scarred by an accident in his youth. he’s trying to find the best way to tell her the truth but also doesn’t want to scare her away. He’s a single father in this having adopted Harriet while doing volunteer work)

the Art Student’s muse (this one is fully written i just haven’t posted it. Basically, Arulius is an art student who became obsessed with this one nude model they had. Like not persay in a creepy way she just captivated him. he gets a lot of shit from his best friend Vanessa but winds up keeping the model in mind despite not seeing her. In his senior year they cross paths again and she has a break down but they wind up together.)

Swapped (a short one shot chapter in which TLC eclispe wakes up as Moon guardian Eclipse and gets very confused emotions when snatcher kissed her)

Darkrai’s Wish (a pokemon au Ive posted one chapter of already in which Arulius is a darkrai but used to be human and doesnt remember this. he has to deal with being human again thanks to a little jirachi and dealing with the fact he loves Eclipse who has issues cuz he used to be a pokemon)

Wolf bite (Prince Arulius was cursed as a werewolf in his youth. as an adult when he got out one full moon he bit a village girl giving her the curse as well. She winds up nearly being burned at the stake for witch craft and he has her saved and brought to the castle. he’s trying to make it up to her but she’s understandably pissed off. It’s a lot of him trying to get her to be not angry but also they start liking each other and she helps teach him a lot about how the world works because he’s naive and sheltered)

Familiar (Amaris lives in a world magic exists. many people have famialars to help do day to day tasks and the more impressive your family the better. Most meet their famialar when they are children, however, Amaris didn’t. But one day her past returns and she is taking care of a small chubby dragon who to everyone else looks like a deformed ferret and has to learn her magic may not be as limited as thought as well as the truth behind her familiar and the strange young man who keeps stopping by her work with flowers for her)

The Prince’s Pet Snake (this is the lamia au. Eclipse is a dangerous lamia with venom to take down an army. Arulius is a naive prince who thought of her as an animal and came to realize she’s far more human than he thought and being dumb to the fact he loves her despite he’s engaged. Has a sad ending)

Tangled Adventure (tangled au: Arulius law was cursed by his wife and is now trying to find the horizon and the daughter of the moon to break it. he picks up a changling child along the way who’s also searching for the horizon to find out where she came from. they meet the daughter of the moon but it seems to break the curse isnt as simple as they think and after making a deal with her to show her the outside they get into trouble when the queen comes looking for her lost prince)

Going Ghost (a danny phantom au idk if i’ve mentioned at all lol. hat and bow are twins and friends of arulius and they are inspecting a weird floor at his girlfriend's house. he winds up getting stuck when they trigger a gate to the horizon and becomes the snatcher. thankfully MJ and Eclipse where there and can somewhat help him calm down but it’s nuts)

Princess and the Rogue (a fantasy Au in which Eclipse is a runaway princess who became a fighter and teamed up with the rogue Snatcher who was cursed after wooing a noble woman. the two have been traveling for a few years and have one of those totally love each other but wont say it but also the search for the princess is getting intense and his curse is getting worse.)

Undergrounded (this is just my undertale au. )

Skates on Point (an ice skating au. Arulius is part of a famous olypic duo, Amaris is a selective mute woman who teaches at her daoptive father’s rink and an ex-ballet dancer. her brotehr was the gold medalist in the olympics but had to quit when he lost the use of his legs in a car wreck. Arulius is stressed over his realtionship and skating and winds up going to skate at the owl express rink where he sees the young woman skating alone in the morning. the two wind up bonding and spending more time togehter and she with his urging and her brother’s urging starts skating competitivly while he starts show skating under and alias and the two wind up performing togehter and realize they may have a thing. Eclispe is in teh process of adopting two little girls but having issues and ru helps and its jsut a lot of healing for everyone. Chapter 1, 2 and 3 typed as well as various snippets)

The little sea wolf (a little mermaid au but eclipse is the mermaid and a sea witch who winds up befriending teh prince after she saved him from thugs. things get sticky when the mermaid princess fell for him after seeing the sea witch save him from a shipwreck and deamnds to have him. the sea witch beause of teh strain of her magic starts to break down and unless she gains a soul she’ll die. Sena punches ru in this one and its great)

So yeah thats the ones on top my head im sure i probs have more but i cant think

#ask #anon #long post #Eclipse Guardian #Prince Arulius #sketch #digital #themoonguardianandthelostprince #anyhow sorry im so wordy weep #also like most these aus i deabte if ill ever post #a few i will when done but idk #ya get me???

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onyxgaytrash · 5 years ago

Note

We already talked about it for a bit... But this weekend I had a bad incident in relation to sexual harassment and I don't know what to feel. It's like I'm empty at the moment and I still smile and laugh... But it's strange... Idk (I'm a sad Mogli :( )

Oh Baloo :( I hope you are ok and safe now. I hope you try and process it with a proffesional you trust. social worker, psychologist, therapist idk whoever u work with.. and if u don't you should but it's not a MUST. I know when i were going throught that i didn't process it at all for 3 years. i just didn't know how to process it as a 15,16,17 y/o. I just got into a routine so hard and just the lack of sleep.. is such a toll. i didn't have anyone with me and im still ok. I'm progressing and recovering. We got this. the fastest and safest and the most effective way you treat your situation and your mental health will really determind if u get ptsd and how bad will it be so please don't postpone it :( your mental health is much more important than anything rn and you should focus it as much as u can. I AM advising you to go see a proffesional how ever because they can help you learn tools how to control or at least take control back to your life. even in the slightest. and help you regain insanity i'd call it lol

sometimes u won't feel at all.. sometime u will feel too much. things could overwhelm you. idk it depends on how bad it impacted on you. and you don't get to choose how bad it will be today or tomorrow. at least that's for me. it's always that constant feeling of void tbh. at least for me. and tbh i personaly don't have a trigger(s) it could just come to me. But I really do understand what you are feeling :( I've came back to live with my abuser and it's taking a toll on me even if it's passive interactions. slowly building up and i know at some point i will break and be a wreck. but i have no other choice. it makes sense you still smile because you are still you. and you are NOT broken. it's hard and it takes time to understand things that are obvious to others.. downs and ups will be your road and you always gotta keep going forward. it helps if a friend knows and helps you regroup yourself mid day or when u breakdown they can be comforting if they understand how u struggle.

And ik u didnt ask for all this but im just sharing all of this info and idk experience because i thought you should know from someone that deals w it for 5 (in july it would b 6 years) and please just take the bits and pieces that fits to you. every single one can experience it differently but PLEASE process it the healthy and correct way ❤ and please remember IT'S A PROCESS. not just a thing you can get out of your way and not that easily!it takes time YOU take time to heal.

anyway this is my take on this and i hope you know you can ALWAYS talk to me. ALWAYS. ill hug you with open arms. and if you choose to do it through asks im here for you. we'll go through it together ❤

#ask

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

Text

Ali & Carly

Ali: oi walsh Ali: wanna go to a party where the guestlist is undesirable Ali: not in the cool way Ali: but the drinks will be aplenty Carly: u had me @ party but keep talking Ali: obviously you love when I chat you up Ali: family function but they ain't gonna force smalltalk on you w the booze, like so no fear Carly: love wen ur offering 2 take me away Carly: compliments are a beautiful bonus Carly: ur hot bro gonna b there?? Ali: easy Ali: take you somewhere better than wherever he is after if you play your cards right Ali: and someone isn't too OD'd on beer and BBQ by tonight to organise a decent shindig Carly: yea lads r sooo easy Carly: its boring Carly: showing my cards we should get some 💊 & fly through it Ali: 👌 Ali: sadly my mother refuses to address her issues so no stocked medicine cabinet here to raid Ali: I'll ask about Carly: ha Carly: mine don't Carly: I've got this Carly: show your love later Ali: 🙌 Ali: gimme her number Ali: put in the groundwork now like the overachiever I am Carly: [does give her number out] Carly: k but you love me more Ali: obviously Ali: love of my life Ali: gotta rep my manners with your ma though Carly: said as ur slipping ur 💍 off & giving some other bitch the 👀 Carly: how my da works Ali: hmm Ali: better leave her alone then Ali: don't need to repeat her mistakes Carly: if 1 person did the cabinet wouldn't be full for us Carly: let's keep one 'rent 💔 at a time Ali: smart Ali: that's why you're my bae Carly: its cos I kno how to juggle 💘 Carly: & other body parts ofc Ali: 😂 Ali: and a decent trip, hopefully 🤞 Ali: your mum's got a mixture, yeah or do I need to bring tissues Ali: or 🥊 Ali: what's the #mood Carly: whatever you want it to be baby Carly: shes got docs wrapped around her finger Carly: hers anyway Carly: mine's a woman & she refuses to flirt w her own gender Ali: k am a bit in love with her now Ali: soz Ali: clearly send her in, she'll change her tune and your prescription Carly: other than my da who isnt Carly: taught me everything I kno Carly: leave her a message she'll hit you back if you pretend to be hot lad Ali: 💔 that Carly: same I could have two mas Carly: more clothes & drugs to steal Ali: idk, my missus might reckon your da's a style icon Carly: ha Carly: she coming? Ali: nah Ali: you wanna see actual flirting w a middle-aged woman, like, she's your woman Ali: I can't Carly: on her bday she'll propose a 3way w ur ma Carly: been there Ali: 🤢 Ali: that's vile Ali: her diehard need to be more chivalrous than any man should work in my favour for once, like Carly: k Carly: tell me I'm wrong wen she's 1 year older & you ain't had to nah that Ali: bold of you to assume we won't be happily married by then, babe Ali: it ain't til feb Ali: hint hint buy me something Carly: ur married to me Carly: so you gotta say no Carly: & i kno ur a typical aquarius Carly: but I said hers you weren't listening such a hubby mood Ali: wish I could be the man you want and say I don't remember when it is Ali: but I think I do so Ali: 💔 fucking estrogen and empathy strikes again Ali: ultimate cockblock Carly: im not wrapping myself in a ribbon for her so idc when it is Ali: gutted for her Ali: when's yours then Carly: I'm a gemini girl Carly: guess Ali: ah fuck Ali: gonna have to kick it belated Ali: just means I have to go harder so enjoy Ali: hmm Ali: gonna go for 21st Carly: 😢 Carly: nope Ali: damn Ali: just wishful thinking I'd only just missed it, tbh Ali: it's June though, not May Ali: I'm positive Carly: yea Ali: I'll ask our mans Ali: shake him down for all that knowledge I'm sure he's hiding Carly: try it Carly: be funny Carly: how wrong he is Ali: counting on it Ali: how else am I stealing his girl Carly: im not his Carly: already yours Ali: 'course Ali: you seen him much since partygate Carly: just waved him out before you hit me w your invite Carly: y i said yea so fast Ali: I get it Ali: making him leave was always harder than it had any right being Ali: least he didn't invite himself Carly: he makes himself comfortable if I am or not Carly: revolving door on this caravan too so Ali: having 'nam flashbacks Ali: yikes Ali: let's not waste any more time talking 'bout exes tonight Ali: or currents Carly: did your ma let him in on her way out too or does she only like the girls ur w? Carly: aw you don't wanna talk Carly: let me apply gloss hold on Ali: safe to assume he's not coming 'cos of multiple people Ali: not just Lene Ali: 🍓 if you got it, babe Carly: & she's not coming cos of multiple ppl not just ur ma Carly: you not a 🍒 girl hm Carly: interesting Ali: she's not coming 'cos I ain't asked her Ali: awkward if my mother has taken the initiative but help the party go with a swing, I guess Ali: nah, you're a 🍓 girl Ali: too sweet for 🍒 Carly: cos you asked me i kno 😍 so cute Carly: aw you want me to taste how i naturally do Carly: even cuter Ali: be more fun Ali: invite her to my next protest or something more fitting Ali: nothing personal Carly: hey i can be loud Carly: do it all the time Ali: aw you want all her invites now? 😏 Carly: yea Carly: you want me you got me 💍 Ali: alright Ali: you're on Carly: k Ali: get ready for so many adventures Carly: 😊 Carly: wot am i wearing to this 1? Carly: gotta dress for hot bros & disapproving mas Ali: 🙄 Ali: if that's the mood you wanna go for Ali: though idk why you'd choose that over turning my head but go off, honey Carly: i can do that in what Im wearing rn Carly: gimme a challenge Ali: love the confidence Ali: my ma ain't but you will need it with my brother Carly: they all play hard to get until i get there Carly: being easy keeps it easy for them Carly: not my first bbq Ali: nah babe Ali: remember, we're ditching before it gets to that part of the evening Ali: soz to 💔 but I'll be nicer about it than he would so also welcome Carly: throw the keys in the salad bowl as soon as i get there idc Carly: no foreplay needed Ali: gotta get you outta the caravan park more, babe7 Carly: yea Carly: im walking now before he can follow me Ali: meet you halfway? Ali: will bring a crowbar if he's being that clingy Carly: ha Carly: im in the stash don't be sad Carly: ill leave you lots Ali: 👍 leave me chance to catch up too and no worries Carly: ofc Carly: 💙 Ali: you're a doll Carly: yea thats y everyone wants to fuck me Ali: nah Ali: plenty of other reasons for that though Carly: its k you dont need to list off ur compliments 1 per 💊 Carly: i feel the love Ali: you ain't saving me that many, I know 💚 Carly: aw Carly: ur so sweet Ali: nicer to my wives than my girlfriends, obvs Ali: pecking order Carly: 😊 Carly: she's still lucky to have you cos ur an angel to me Ali: you Ali: trust, no angel Ali: and that ain't some juvenile attempt at a brag there Carly: it's a flirt 😈😉 ha Carly: you wanna misbehave w me in front of your whole fam im there Ali: assuming my brother ain't up for it, obvs Carly: cant i have both Carly: what kind of bi r u Ali: one that don't like her brother's handmedowns Ali: lived that life long enough Ali: he ain't a style icon either Carly: ur first Carly: hes maybe Ali: was hoping if we skipped ronan and lene off the guestlist we could avoid the punch-up, tbh babe Carly: aw you dont wanna fight for me Carly: 💔😢 Ali: I mean my brother's girlfriend will have you Ali: only tryna protect, not kill your vibe Carly: scarier than your gf? Ali: deffo Ali: she wishes, the real threesome request that'll spell the end of it all 🙄 Carly: hes forgotten then Carly: be more fun just me & you Ali: obviously Ali: been tryna tell you but easier to prove it Carly: k Carly: ready when you are Ali: soz, forgot shoes Ali: gimme 5 Carly: ha Carly: im not wearing any & im fine Carly: you just wanna do a last mirror check for me 💙 so cute Ali: 😂 Ali: such a pisstake, you walsh Carly: part time flower child you Carly: but its k i still love you Ali: just defending why I'm being so slow Ali: obvs my 😍 weighing me down but lemme have some pride, woman Carly: ha Carly: you're my cute 🐌 Ali: now you're gonna be adorable, fucking hell Ali: you're dangerous Carly: if you cant handle me now wait til I come up Carly: 💊s are the real danger baby Ali: I'll be caught up by then Ali: might have to double-down but I can handle that, no worries Carly: they r being so slow 😢😢😢 Ali: ride it out, baby Carly: you sounded like him then Carly: except hes never called me baby ever Ali: oh dear Ali: I've gone full dickhead Ali: 😬 Ali: I'll take it down a notch Carly: no youre being sweet Carly: theres just lots of ways to trigger a fuck flashback when youre me Carly: dont change Ali: dunno if I could but glad you still wanna keep me around Carly: ofc Carly: i love you Ali: you're so pure Carly: not for years soz boo Carly: & this stash aint either Carly: such a let down 💔😢 Ali: shh Ali: we can make it work Ali: there's enough here to get crossfaded Carly: just dont hate me k Ali: why and how could I ever Ali: silly wabbit Carly: easily Carly: my phones full of Ali: you gonna fuck my girlfriend? Ali: or me and leg it Ali: neither's likely so we're all good, baby girl Carly: she scares me still even if she would have an amazing collection of giant strap ons Ali: 😂 Ali: well I can neither confirm nor deny Carly: no need its every lesbian of her kind Carly: labelled herself Ali: just don't bring up penis envy Ali: she'll lose it Ali: #freudstarteditbabe Carly: can i ask her what she'd do first if she woke up w one? Carly: fave ice breaker Ali: it is gold Ali: but save it 'cos it's just me and you remember Carly: do you wanna know my answer Ali: of course Carly: guess Carly: you owe me a right answer for my wrong bday Ali: Hmm okay Ali: would you Ali: bang as many people as humanly possible Carly: i do that anyway Ali: well you get banged, if we wanna be misogynistic about it Ali: I know what I'd do Carly: more fun with more holes tho so I'm not mad Carly: first thing I'd do is measure to see if I need to brag or exaggerate Ali: pragmatic of you Ali: hadn't even considered that Carly: wanna know if mine's bigger than the lads I've been w ofc Carly: size matters idc what small dicked lads are trying to say Ali: yeah but they're always thinking length when really Ali: girth is where it's at Carly: yea Carly: shouldve taught that in school Ali: how to measure circumference Ali: they defs did Carly: yea?? Carly: idk Ali: I'll show you Ali: on a beer can Ali: unrealistic expectation but you get the idea Carly: all my expectations r unrealistic Carly: make me cum is a stretch for most lads on site Ali: babe Ali: gonna make me 😥 Carly: youre the pure 1 aint you Carly: aw Ali: hardly Ali: saying at least I get that, like Ali: minimum Carly: your gf has some uses that arent being your ma's BFF Ali: precisely Ali: I would've been a bit kinder with it but in a nutshell Ali: what about ronan at least Carly: have you forgotten him now youve upgraded Carly: shouldnt need my review Ali: shh, he'll cry Carly: he was when i wouldnt let him stay for dinner idc Ali: poor boy 😏 Carly: one of his other girls can cook for him Carly: my ma aint there & i aint doing it Ali: he needs to just give in and marry one of his own Ali: it's what he wants, no matter what he reckons Carly: he told me he is Carly: but hes said worse for a fuck so idk Ali: rude Ali: where's my invite to mourn my loss, boy Carly: ill tell him to text you Carly: wont have lost your number Ali: got the drunk texts to prove it Ali: bless Carly: ha Carly: only answer mine tho Carly: 💍 perks Ali: only if I ain't also there with ya Carly: yea Carly: youre gonna b w me forever so Ali: I'll just tell you in person then Ali: if you tell me Ali: deal? Carly: k Carly: i feel happy Carly: 😊😊😊😊😊 Ali: you're on your way Ali: where are you, btw Carly: the longest road ever Ali: hm, tell me about it Ali: I'll run Ali: in dramatic, sexy slo-mo Carly: me too Carly: only way i run Carly: see you when we collide Ali: wifey goals Ali: won't even try and make it our lips that collide Ali: scout's honour Carly: anticipations more fun Carly: plenty of other places I can touch you first Ali: we'll pretend you meant my 💘 Carly: i did that first night @ first 👀 Ali: no lie, we'll have to think of somewhere else innocent-sounding then Ali: do some experimenting, straight girl Carly: i have Carly: i told you ready when you are Ali: I told you, dangerous Carly: only if you get caught Carly: i won't tell if you don't Carly: so good at keeping secrets Ali: I'll sort it Ali: I made vows Ali: she'll understand Carly: were just taking them seriously Carly: nobody can be mad about that Ali: deadly, like Ali: also forgot a bra, naturally and this run is killing me Carly: somewhere innocent I can touch you then Carly: god works in obvious ways Carly: like you Ali: please Ali: if I was doing it for your benefit sure I'd put one on Ali: show 'em off Carly: you kno you dont need to Carly: not your first bbq either Ali: 😏 Ali: maybe Carly: no maybe u kno Carly: & you can feel my 😍 Carly: travelling faster than my slo mo run Ali: love being your wcw, babe 😉 Carly: idk what that is Carly: but if the first letters arent wild child I'm sad Ali: that's far less straight girl so we'll go with it Ali: hope for you yet, like Carly: youre not gonna tell me what it means Ali: woman crush wednesday Ali: used exclusively by girls like Leesha and that Carly: omg i think my ma said that @ the telly the other night Carly: it wasnt wednesday Ali: feeling like hyping up Chezza whatever the night Ali: I 👀 you Carly: but youre wrong Carly: i dont have a crush on you i love you Ali: so if I need a kidney you're down Ali: but no gay shit Ali: 👌 Carly: yea cos whats mine is yours Carly: all of me Carly: so you can have anything you want Ali: good to know Ali: make a killing on the black market Carly: just tell me if youre draining me in the tub so i can have a good last nite before Carly: & stop making me beg for gay shit that's not a mood Carly: i dont do the begging its the other way round Carly: ask anyone Ali: of course Ali: I ain't an animal Ali: you don't have to beg Carly: what do you want me to say then Ali: what you want Ali: obviously Carly: find me Carly: you can do that yea Ali: easy Ali: [does 'cos how long can one road be] Carly: [most excited hug that turns into the longest hug & moment because well we know] Ali: [turns it into linking arms and walking 'fore shit gets too real here] Carly: [is just happy & loling & chatting shit which is endless compliments basically like her eyes being tiny skies & sunshine hair etc you get the idea because high af] Ali: [is listening and not dismissing it 'cos not that bitch but also knows she's high so not being like ooh lol, 'you're so pure'] Carly: [dramatically stops cos remembers suddenly that she needs to give Ali her share so does, sad & mad at herself like she's so upset she nearly forgot bless] Ali: [cups her chin like hey and tells her it's okay whilst looking in her eyes as she takes her share] Carly: [back to being smiley just like that because reassurance bitch & takes her hand & leads her along cos handholding ftw] Ali: [is happy she's happy again] Carly: [her phone is going off cos Ronan but she's ignoring cos only got eyes for Alison rn] Ali: ['you put love eggs in or?'] Carly: [talks in depth about how she's drawing the line at borrowing that kinda shit from her ma cos oversharer even when she ain't high & also throws her phone to Ali playfully like no look so we can imagine how lovely those messages are even just from the first line preview thing] Ali: [takes Carly's thumb so she can open it and reply 'cos that bitch] Carly: [is just loling even though this is such a bad idea] Ali: [schools him in a way that probably sounds familiar lbr] Carly: [then a selfie sesh cos those bitches they love themselves] Ali: [takes her sunnies off her head and puts 'em on Carly 'cos her eyes are massive/pinholed depending which way we're rocking this lol] Ali: [does a 'shh' like no one's gonna know] Carly: [you know she's keeping them sunnies forever now soz] Ali: [just swinging their arms having a gay old time] Carly: [just singing something as they going cos no stage fright when high af & her voice is nice so its a moment] Ali: [😍] Carly: [more compliments when she notices Ali is looking at her cos she's pretty af lbr] Ali: ['how many other hidden talents you got, like?'] Carly: [thinks about it way harder than the question warrants like its a hard question cos lowkey is when you don't reckon you got any skills. Says 11 cos bday clue & lucky number with a mysterious expression like but then laughs cos if she has to ever back that up awks] Ali: [lols back but squeezes her hand like don't doubt it] Carly: [looks down at her feet because actually is shoeless here 'how far?'] Ali: [gestures like 'piggyback?' but ain't that far in my mind] Carly: [accepts because always, good thing Ali is strong & Carly is skinny cos they literally the same height] Ali: [galloping about and into your function like idiots 'cos she's coming up now too] Carly: [miracle that Carly don't fall cos not holding on properly cos wants to stretch her arms out so its like a bike with no handlebars situation lol] Ali: [imagine everyone's faces lmao] Carly: [Tess scowl be like seen from space] Ali: [gets situated on the grass and is just helping herself to drinks Carly: [is just having a little dance by herself cos feeling great not soz everyone especially not soz Ro cos you wish you could babe] Ali: [at least little rock can join in] Carly: [aw the two of them dancing together like cute nerds & she's spinning him round & everything] Ali: [just ignoring all her fam's questions and being chatty af like nothing's weird 'cos high, then joining in 'cos duh more fun[ Carly: [all you can hear is Carly's laugh which is the best so deal with it fam thank you, let my sweet baby angel be happy] Ali: [when you being blatant af] Carly: [when you don't need to be touching a girl who has a girlfriend this much when you dancing in a non sexy way but you is] Ali: [defs need a sprinkler they can all be running through] Carly: [wet t-shirts ftw I see you] Ali: [is motioning like come to my room but not like that lads, just get some weed like you need it] Carly: [takes some drinks with her but the only mental image I have is when Lily in Skins with armfuls when she says keep your vagina on & I'm loling] Ali: [hey ro hey] Carly: [okay but Carly trying to talk to her & being so nice cos she's so pure & Ro being so rude] Ali: [even in her state given her all the disappointed looks like ??] Carly: [this sweet child laughing it off cos how she do but how dare you Ro, I'm mad] Ali: [going to the kitchen for food, accidental ultimate ro shade] Carly: [just following Ali cos she's never been here & don't know where she's going but quieter cos you can tell she's thinking what did I do wrong cos how her brain works] Ali: [being reassuring af] Carly: [sitting on the kitchen counter swinging her legs looking so cute with her dirty feet & drinks from the tap cos she do what she want] Ali: ['you look beautiful'] Carly: [smiles & laughs like its chill but is seriously 😳 cos who says nice things to her like this ever] Ali: [gets them and rocky ice lollies bye everyone else] Carly: [when you eating it seductively without being aware or trying to be that cos its your life] Ali: [is giggling 'cos high] Carly: [more compliments because how cute] Ali: [lays her head in her lap to 'cloudgaze' aka sneak peeks] Carly: [playing with her hair & freckles sporadically because she's soft & intimate like that, be more blatant girl, love it] Ali: [doing daisychain around her wrist 'cos bringing it back] Carly: [finally remembers there are drinks so is on that but v distracted looking at & touching Ali, oh girl same we all would] Ali: [tryna be chill but obvs into it regardless of how 'straight she is] Carly: [lies in the grass & does snow angel moves like she can flatten the grass & make one, god bless you babe, brings Ali with her so they just snuggling cos we can be this blatant] Ali: [just stroking her hair nbd] Carly: [loves it & is making it known by talking about how good it feels & throwing out compliments like its her job sorry for how gay this is everyone but she thinks Ali is the best so] Ali: [backatcha telling her how pure and sweet she is and they're just blabbing at each other] Carly: [soz k stew but this is cute] Ali: [when you wanna kiss her so bad 'cos you're high and happy and this is a mood] Carly: [I'll either save or condemn us cos she's gonna go take some more pills so they don't wear off so they could be alone if Ali goes with & she'd be dragging her along so v dangerous] Ali: [looking at themselves in the mirror and making funny faces] Carly: [& Carly just peeing cos no shame, same tbh] Ali: [but doing like war/festival style paint on each other's face with like, whatever lipstick has been left in that bathroom] Carly: [but think how close Ali would have to be to her face to do that like how has she not kissed her, applause needed honestly] Ali: [draws a lil heart on Carly's nose] Carly: [can't stop looking at herself cos loves it] Ali: [takes loads of pictures, improtu bathroom photoshoot sesh] Carly: [likewise taking loads of pics of Ali but like weird close ups cos she gaaaaaaaay & focused on the details] Ali: [posing 'cos we know she's about it lmao] Carly: [more touching of freckles like she's gonna draw something connect the dots style but just using her fingers cos they are perfect as they are & she'd say so] Ali: [not much would phase her but she would be blushing rn] Carly: [just gushing about how adorable she is endlessly like it'd be too much from anyone else] Ali: [keeps saying ILY 'cos being off your face ftw] Carly: [saying it back of course & all the terms of endearment like baby, angel etc cos that's just how she is anyway] Ali: [someone, probably Tess, banging on the door like they're desperate, we see you ma] Carly: [jumps out of her skin, again same] Ali: [hugs her protectively] Carly: [smelling her hair like a peak gay during the hug because lbr it'd smell nice, no shade or shame here, more compliments for that obvs] Ali: [going back downstairs before there's a brawl but when you ain't even phased 'cos something happening here deal fam Carly: [when you lowkey dancing your way back out cos you happy af & you find the dog on the way so you're carrying him with you & kissing & loving him & its adorable sorry bye] Ali: [and spuds such a funny looking boy lmao] Carly: [lying on the grass again spooning the dog & singing to him probably a song from when she was little & her mum cared like he a baby] Ali: [just watching and melting 'cos actually so cute, don't cry bitch lmao] Carly: [sees her & crawls over like hey, curling up with her again because the lap is a mood forever & we need to claim it from your future child for the gays] Ali: [doing teeny tiny plaits in her hair and humming the song she was just singing to the dog] Carly: [just chatting shit the whole time soz everyone else but they loving life let them be] Ali: [just getting to know each other hardcore 'cos neither of them has much time for small talk or bullshit anyway so on drugs it'd be like 1000 percent more intense, also shamelessly ignore a call and multiple texts from your actual girlfriend] Carly: [but then after all that because I'm evil & she's 'straight' let's say she makes eye contact with Fraze somehow so off she goes to flirt with him as if that's even a possibility when you know it'd just be annoying like her taking his 🚬 to try & be so cool & seductive, babe no. He's just like Ali control your girls] Ali: [is annoyed but not gonna do anything unless it got more dramatic like you deal, casually going through her phone to find a party or something] Carly: [Fraze just being such a dickhead soz Carly also knowing that's Bea's lipstick because of course he does so loling about her & Ali's impending doom] Carly: [also Ro coming out cos someone made her to 'eat' so just being super judgey such joy] Ali: [fully like fuck this like don't kill my vibe fam so walking like she just gonna go in the house but really she peacing] Ali: if ur done come back out Carly: where d u go? Ali: found us a party Carly: k Carly: [catches up to her like oh hey] Ali: [tells her it ain't far to go and starts walking] Carly: [looks down at her feet like she only just remembered she's not wearing shoes but doesn't miss a beat in keeping in step with her because being gay is more important] Carly: dont b mad @ me Ali: [looks down too and is like, we can go get shoes first if you want lol] Ali: I ain't Carly: the colours around you have changed Carly: i kno u r Ali: nah it's like Ali: hmm Ali: I'm not sure what it's like Carly: like me again Carly: [is saying sorry because always quick to that one] Ali: ['I do, you don't need to say that'] Carly: [trying to give Ali her drink as a peace offering like hmm I've done something wrong must make amends somehow] Carly: [& then more pills when she remembers she has them still] Ali: [shrugs like why not and accepts, cue Leesha and probably her 'best' friend tottering out of her house looking the most overdressed] Carly: [Carly loling because she has the whole day but these bitches taking it as a slight against their everything] Ali: [Leesha started shouting the odds 'cos mother's daughter and obvs already white girl wasted, Ali like let's just go 'cos over it] Carly: [Carly offering her pills cos change your mood babe & being looked at like she's offering poison, you've been there before Leesha I get it] Ali: [tryna lowkey drag her away before this becomes the Thing tm they want it to be for the #drama] Carly: [Carly just chatting about Ali's heroics & how sweet she is cos knight in shining armor for her forever lbr just like 😍] Ali: [loling] Carly: [Carly just out the blue like 'you should kiss her, then she'd be happier' like no babe Leesha ain't you but I love the softness of your world view] Ali: ['fully converted, are you?'] Carly: [lols but is also like 'you haven't kissed me yet' with a cute little pouty face as she walks on slightly ahead looking at the sky] Ali: ['Night still young, baby'] Carly: [clearly is buzzing about this & not hiding that 'I love you more than her' how unspecific she could mean Leesha or K stew or both, god bless] Ali: [is all 'I know' but not 'cos she's a cocky bitch lmao 'cos you're pure'] Carly: [puts her arms up like a child who wants to be picked up cos she wants Ali to carry her into the party] Ali: [does 'cos duh even if she's joking about how high maintenance she is] Carly: [snuggling into her the whole time cos she's soft] Ali: [let's hope it's not too far, probably some 20-something hippie waster's chill thing] Carly: [when you humming but using Ali's heartbeat as your basis for a tune cos gaaaaaaaaaaay] Ali: [when you're harmonizing] Carly: [#goals for real] Carly: [but then she gotta stop so she can compliment Ali again cos we know her voice is fire but Carly didn't necessarily know this] Ali: ['we should jam for real some time'] Carly: [cue her rambling stage fright reveal because like we said no time for bullshit so its just being put out there & she's like 'you'll have to sing to me'] Ali: [is like okay but silently thinking of all the ways she could help her confidence 'cos that bitch but not gonna be pushy and patronizing about it 'cos not THAT bitch] Carly: [just staring at her adorably all like 'what are you thinking about?'] Ali: ['you'] Carly: [such a big smile but also blushing 'good things?'] Ali: [just gives her a look that's like what do you think and obviously, yes] Carly: [a big hug moment and kisses her on her forehead cos where the thoughts come from] Ali: [the mess of lipstick their faces are] Carly: [they must look crazy, living for it] Ali: [good thing no one at this party will care, turn up and chatting to people and the usual] Carly: [there should be someone there for Carly to hook up with to hurt Ali's heart & reaffirm the 'straightness'] Ali: [when you can't 'cos you got a gf, gutted] Carly: [who is probably still trying to contact you cos highkey] Ali: [text her back girl, come on] Carly: [do it while your real gf is getting you a drink lol] Ali: [let's text]

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