#I know I said this blog would be for racy shit but | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

notepadsandtealeaves · 4 years ago

Text

Dick Grayson x GN!Reader in: The Franken-Bat Rises

12 Days of Batmas || Day 5—Ugly Sweaters

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT || 18+ ONLY ||

↞ previous: let’s wrap this up || wrapping presents

|| ao3 version | 12 days m.list | batboys tag | main blog ||

|| dames day 5 | jay day 5 | tim day 5 ||

“Uh, Richard? What, uhh, what is that?”

“A sweater,” he says—no announces. He’s clearly proud of something, though for the life of you, you cannot figure out what.

“You sure about that?”

If you listen closely you can almost hear Bruce wondering where he went wrong.

🌟 Once again these are all v. loosely connected. I guess it technically starts with Dick, but honestly you can read them in any order.

🌟 Really the only thing that connects them is the fact that it’s Dick’s turn to pick the theme of their annual Christmas Eve party and he went with ‘ugly holiday sweaters’. They’re having a competition and the winner gets to pick which movie’s they’ll be binge watching that night, so naturally they’re going all in lol.

↠ Requested By: Not a soul lol ↠ Reader Gender: Neutral ↠ Content Type: SFW fluff ((but my blog’s 18+ if minors want to consume my sfw stuff while still respecting my wishes of them staying out of this space, they can head over to my AO3)) ↠ CWs: There’s some implied intimacy in the ficlet. Nothing too racy, but you definitely can tell where things are heading lol… ↠ Betas? Nah, we don’t do that here. ↠ Total WC: 1.6k~

Headcanon || WC: ~500

🌟 I’ll give you three guesses as to which brother thought DIY-ing ugly sweaters was a good idea.

🌟 Of course it was Richard John Grayson, because who the hell else would it be? Lol…

🌟 He’s always had a weakness for shit like this.

I picture him as being the kid that always went ten thousand steps beyond every time he had to do any class projects and this is just more of the same, really.

🌟 Christmas is already his favorite holiday, if only for the aesthetics.

Snow makes everything look better and Gotham is no exception. Add to that all the lights and colorful decorations and general good vibes/holiday cheer (and the mandatory family time) and *chef’s kiss*

But as lovely as classic holiday glamour is, he’d be a liar if he said he didn’t love a good ugly sweater. The gaudier the better.

We’re talking pom-poms, tinsel, puff paint, glitter, the works.

🌟 Of course you could always go out and buy something premade, but where’s the fun in that? And if there’s a competition—and given the state of this family there will most certainly be a competition—how can entering something that you got off of a rack be fair?

🌟 So yeah, you’re pretty much stuck making a sweater. Suck it up, buttercup lol.

If you’re resistant to the idea at first it doesn’t really matter as this charming mf knows just what it takes to bring you around.

Doesn’t matter if it’s honeyed words, kisses, or straight out bribery with actual cash money—he’s not above any of it lol.

((Though I would hope it would never come to such an extreme point; he’s a sweetie that never hesitates to give you the best of everything, so the least you can do is indulge him in this, I think.))

🌟 Your living room looks like a Michaels threw up in it by the time he’s got everything laid out.

He loads up on (almost lmao) everything, even stuff that he knows has no business on a sweater.

Dude really doesn’t see the problem with putting legit glass ornaments on a fucking sweater, Richard, bby, no—not everyone’s as freakishly coordinated as your family ;n;

There’s also more glitter involved than what you’ll probably be okay with, but it’s fine. You’ll just be shimmery for the rest of your lives, it’s fine lol.

🌟 Once you get into it, it’ll actually be really fun! Plus you’ll be getting all the smooches and cuddles you can handle for the duration, so there’s also that. It’ll be a grand ol’ time–

🌟 –well that is until you realize that the sweater that he’s opted to use for his creation is actually one of your favorites to see on him and there’s no way to replace it as he bought it several years ago when vacationing in Milan and “–goddammit Grayson, why would you do this terrible thing???!”

🌟 Good thing he’s so fucking cute, yeah?

The Franken-Bat Rises || WC: 1.1k~

“So what’s on the agenda for to-” You stop short as you try to make sense of the monstrosity that your man is so proudly brandishing. “Uh, Richard? What, uhh, what is that?”

“A sweater,” he says—no announces. He’s clearly proud of something, though for the life of you, you cannot figure out what.

“You sure about that?”

He laughs, long and loud, as he finally drops his arms allowing you to see him fully. His ridiculously handsome face is made all the more so by the light flush that his mirth has brought about, and there’s a warm glow to be found in the sapphire of his eyes as he regards you with a crooked grin. You return the sentiment as you reluctantly drop your gaze back to the jumper. Unlike the man that holds it the thing is ugly. Like offensively so. Said offense multiplies tenfold when you realize that it’s actually one of your favorite sweaters to see him in. The forest green material hugs his muscled frame just so, leaving very little to the imagination, not to mention the fact that it’s soft as hell…

For him to have destroyed its glorious silhouette with pompoms, miniature gift boxes, and is that a legitimate glass bulb ornament? This… this is a crime. One against humanity and any and all exalted entities out there in the universe—one of the highest order.

“Hideous, isn’t it?” he says as he shakes the thing for emphasis.

“It’s like you read my mind.”

“More like your expression, sweets.”

You share a laugh at that before uttering a very emphatic “Why?”

“Well you know how we all like to get together on Christmas Eve?” he starts, grin wide.

“Yeah…”

“And you know how there’s a different theme every year?”

“Oh god…”

“I’ll give you three guesses as to whose turn it was to pick this year.”

The sound you make in reply is caught somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. “So an ugly sweater party then? I bet Dames is thrilled.”

“He’s already sent a grip of texts to the group chat, and several to me personally, promising bodily harm if anyone outside of the family ever sees the pics.”

“I second that motion.”

He snorts at that, though he’s quick to agree when he sees the look you’re giving him. “Anyways!” he continues on, “I got the stuff all set up in the front room, so whenever you’re ready we can get started on yours.”

You know exactly what he’s referring to, but you still find yourself asking, “My what?”

“You’re sweater, of course! You cute, silly little goose!”

“Dick…”

This is not how you planned on spending your rare shared day off. You just wanted to cuddle up with him and block out the rest of the world and any semblance of responsibility for the next twenty-four hours. It was the perfect plan, but you can see it slipping further and further away the longer he talks.

“Aww, come on babe, don’t be like that! It’ll be fun,” he promises as he tucks you in under his arm. “I got all types of decorations and snacks and a hot glue gun for that extra bootleg, homemade look.”

He tries to turn you towards the hall as he speaks, but you resist him with planted feet. Ignoring the potent puppy-dog eyes he’s shamelessly tossing your way, you give him a quick rundown on why his little plan won’t work, at least not today. “Okay, firstly hot glue guns should not be lumped in with the ‘fun’ stuff—those things are scary and hurt-y, not fun. Secondly, decorations and snacks are all well and good, but we’re still missing the main ingredient.”

“Which is?”

“A sweater, Richard. I don’t have any I’m willing to sacrifice to the cause and it’s snowing too hard to go out get one.” Thank fuck, you silently amend.

Dick considers your words as he rubs over the stubble he’s been growing out these past few days. Well ‘stubble’ is both too grand of a word and not; part struggle beard, part heavy five o’clock shadow, you’ve never seen facial hair grow in so uneven before. He swears it’ll be more presentable in a week’s time, but for now he—and by proxy you—are stuck dealing with this mildly terrible transition phase.

“Ooo! Idea!” The latter word is punctuated with a loud clap that leaves you flinching from its suddenness. His apology comes in the form a quick peck to your temple before he continues on. “Yes, an idea has been had. Okay, so you know what’s cute? You.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, babe.”

“Ah, but you didn’t let me finish. You’re cute, yes, but you know what never fails to enhance said cuteness? Oversized clothes.”

Oh. Oh no. You know exactly where he’s going with this.

You can tell the exact moment the dawning crests on your face because his smile goes unbearably smug. The expression would be better suited to any of his brother’s faces, though to be fair you don’t really mind it on his so long as it’s not leaving you at a deficit like it is now.

For his part Dick moves past you to dig around in the back of the closet until he pulls out the cursed item. The result of an ‘all sales final’ online purchase, the sweater he produces with a flourishing flick of his wrists is comically large—so large in fact that it can fit you, him, Steph, and Cass in it somewhat comfortably so long as you don’t all try to use the neckhole at once.

…Look. Sleep deprivation makes people do weird things, and you’ve all agreed to never speak of the incident again—not because anything weird or terrible happened, but because it’s funnier that way, especially since Bruce desperately wants to know what the fuck he walked in on that night but he’s too disturbed to ask. None of you volunteer any information, though you do occasionally toss one another a look when he’s around before cackling because you know, and more importantly he knows, though not to the extent that he wishes.

The more sinister part of your mind gets to working then, thinking about finally getting Bruce to maybe possibly crack by showing up in an artfully jankified version of the dreaded sweater. Your thoughts must be showing on your face again, because your man sidles up to you with a devious smile.

“If I told you we could widen the neck enough for both of us to use it and go full on Franken-Bat, would that sweeten the deal?”

“Oh, most assuredly.”

“Then shall we?”

He smirks as you accept the arm that is extended to you without any further protests. Did he play you? Mayhaps, but it’s all whatever. Your quiet-chill-time can wait, for now you’ve got a Bat to break.

Up Next:

🌟 Day 6: They Never Stood a Chance || Baking Cookies

“Richard my love, why are you this way?”

He shrugs at that, laughing a bit. “Poor impulse control, probably. A better question is why do you love me for it?”

Look. It was his cheat day, okay?

© notepadsandtealeaves, 2020 || Please do not repost, translate, or otherwise alter or distribute my works without my express permission. And for the love of god keep it away from Youtube and TikTok lol…

#((Immy does fan fiction: the Batboys))#dick grayson x reader #dick grayson x gn!reader #dick grayson x gender neutral reader #dick grayson x you #dick grayson imagine #dick grayson hc #dick grayson headcanon #for the record--#--you also cut two arm holes in the front so that you can move about with a bit more freedom #unsurprisingly the pair of you spill /a lot/ of things that night lol #also idk why but i find the idea of torturing bruce in small and super bizarre ways hilarious #does that make me a terrible person? shiiiit prolly #tbh i’m not all that happy with this one but i’m also tired of trying to make it better so…#hopefully it wasn’t too terrible :/

14 notes · View notes

honeytrappaz · 5 years ago

Text

call out post for @ratsofftoya

TW: GROOMING/PEDOPHILIA AND SUICIDE MENTIONS

recently @i-am-a-fish got suicidal baited off tumblr for the most bullshitted accusation post I've seen so far.

apparently I-am-fish is a pedophile/ potential child groomer, as said by @ratsofftoya

All because he made a joke on twitter about moving to pornhub, and follows artists that draw lolicon/aged-up smut of fictional underaged characters.

but there are some major fallacies in @ratsofftoya 's accusations (as if it wasn't obvious enough).

moral appeal:

ratsofftoya's commentary on goldie's pornhub and sex toy posts were very moralistic despite the posts clearly being a joke.

Humor is subjective so it's okay if you didn't laugh at this post, but that isn't an excuse to take away its humor to demean someone by making hasty generalizations about his fanbase. We can't confirm his fanbase is mostly kids, but because this claim is based on a hasty generalization, it is an inappropriate appeal to emotion. Trying to imply that goldie willingly exposes kids to child porn, classic "but think of the kids!" argument.

• There is no data we have on I-am-fish 's audience age demographic.

• there is no proof that majority of the fanbase are minors. that's just a hasty generalization.

• I-am-a-fish does not claim to be a blog for kids, not including "18+" in your bio does not make you a blog for kids.

I can't believe i have to point this shit out, but tumblr and twitter are not for kids. Nobody on these two platforms should have to put "18+" in their bios because nobody below that should even be on these two platforms. I-am-a-fish is an adult making adult jokes on an adult platform, to imply he could be a child groomer because he makes sex jokes that minors see is unfair because thats beyond his control. Tumblr and Twitter are adult spaces and yet we are not responsible for kids being in a space where they don't belong, that responsibility goes to the parents. All we can do about minors in online adult spaces is REPORT them.

2. cherry picking:

ratsofftoya specifically picked TWO sexually suggestive artworks by japanese Twitter artist Krskii. problem is ratsofftoya uses these two posts to portay this artist as a highly lewd/fetish account, when that isn't the case. In actuality, krskii's twitter page is a fanart page for a duo from IDOL MASTER: cinderella girls starlight stage anzu fubata(the blonde loli) and kirari moroboshi. it's a fanart page for other IMCGSS characters as well. i use to play game, its alot of fun but its japanese exclusive so i couldn't play much due to language barriers. the fanart page is almost all SFW, but ratsofftoya pick TWO out of dozens of sfw pics to solidify her claim.

you can go on Krskii's twitter and see for yourself:

and my personal favorite:

(ooh lawd this is cute i might have it as a PFP with credit!)

anyway, ratsofftoya ignored these possibilities:

• There is no proof goldie liked the two photos, or any engagement at all.

• there is no proof that he had seen it, especially out of dozens sfw art.

• just because he follows this artist does not automatically confim he has a sexual attraction for lolis or kids. especially due to how the page is mostly sfw.

• goldie could just be a fan of IMCGSS.

this isn't a creepy pedo twitter page, just an idol fan page. but what really is illogical is the commentary ratsofftoya has in regards to loli drawings. Now with using two pics racy pics, ratsofftoya came to the conclusion that Goldie is sexually attracted to children. But lolicon isn't real children, it's not real CP and it's not even a realistic depiction of humans children, so what rataofftoya did was simply pass off her opinion of lolis as fact. I'm not trying to debate on whether lolicon is okay or not and im not gonna share my opinion, because the real point isn't the subject of lolicon but the wrongful accusation. the real fact is that lolicon is still legal, but social opinion of lolicon is very mixed, our opinions on such a complicated subject is not enough to convict someone as a pedophile. you're opinions do not hold that kind of power, especially without sufficient evidence. let's actually move on to ratsofftoya's evidenced and how insufficient it is.

3. False attribution of discord chats

the screenshots provided from the discord chats do not add up to ratsofftoya's claims, making the screencaps irrelevant more than anything.

she provided this screenshot of a mod stating their opinion on aged up fanart, and claims that this opinions makes ALL MODS in that discord MAPS and Pedo apologists. problem is that there is no real sympathy for any pedo/maps in both ratsofftoya and nestbian's screenshots. if anything, it's just some bad jokes, and Goldie doesn't even say one himself.

rattsofftoya commits the same fallacy like with the loli argument; the concept of aged up characters is complicated subject, its not illegal but there is alot of debate surrounding it. Ratsofftoya makes her opinion clear that aged up artwork of characters is wrong. she uses small and insufficient screenshots to to help make her OPINION seem like a fact, and accuse the mods of being MAP sympathizers. she's convicted these mods based on a biased opinion, the concept of aged up characters is not legally pedophilic so whether you think the subject is right or wrong, is still not enough to convinct others with opposing opinions as MAP enablers.

Another issue is how she claims minors are talking inappropriately with adults on discord, but there are no such screenshots, the screenshots provided give no evidence of such accusation. With her convictions based on biased opinions, that accusations is not going to be getting any credibility anytime soon. Many of us know how discord works, it's not unusual for adults and minors to be in the same server, it's not a pedophilic thing. But one thing that discord mods do is have NSFW chats specifically for adults, while minors are exluded and stay in the SFW chats. ratsofftoya has no screenshots on minors in a nsfw chat, you'd figure that nestbian would take screenshots of that if it was actually true.

Lastly, ratsofftoya uses these discord screenshots to further solidfy her statement that I-am-a-fish is exposing sexual content to children. But you don't see goldie or any inappropriate/sexual content in the screenshots, just problematic opinions at best.

4. Bad intentions:

from what i've said in this post above, I can conclude ratsofftoya's post overrall was very manipulative and biased. I think the most manipulative part of the post was the last paragraph:

Using the idea of child exploitation and sexual abuse to pull on people's emotions, a huge inappropriate call for emotion. yet, ratsofftoya has not proven or shown any child exploitation or pedophilia at all. we have yet to see any evidence of abuse! How can I believe ratsofftoya has good intentions when I can easily break the accusations apart and see lies?

As a real victim of child grooming, i won't speak for all victims, but as a victim I really don't like my trauma being used to witch hunt innocent people. My trauma is not for woke points, it's not a badge and it's not for your ego to exploit. It's pretty clear that ratsofftoya did NOT make this post for the well being of children and grooming victims, but the post was made for her moralistic ego. If anything, to use sexual child abuse to lie about others, is exploitive.

5. consequenses:

I commented on ratsofftoya's post, mentioning that there are serious consequences to false accusations. Of course the response was immature af so not sure if she'll ever learn, but I'll say it for those who'll hopefully listen to my advice.

Call out post with false accusations can destroy lives, and put you, the poster, in serious legal trouble.

Slander and defamation on its own can get you a lawsuit, you never know who on this platform has money for a lawyer. If this person you publicly slander is to self harm, commit suicide, or lose their job, you can be legally held accountable for it even if it wasn't what you intended to happen, disclaimers cat save you from that. Just because ratofftoya says the suicide baiting is wrong, doesn't mean that she isn't legally responsible for it, I-am-a-fish can legally use it against her. Even with the legal consequences, lying in its own has social consequences and it will be brought to light.

Remember this, you broke ass college students, no amount of woke points is worth the lawsuit. If you GENUINELY see a real predator, report it!

#I-am-a-fish #I am a fish #discourse #fishcourse #call out post #call out

457 notes · View notes

starberry-cupcake · 5 years ago

Text

For the new workshop, I need resources I didn’t have when I was preparing classes to teach live, such as pictures and portraits and other visuals to convey things in videos. This is the story of my slow descent into desperation, peppered with some fairy tale history for you.

With Madame d’Aulnoy, it happened for a long time that when you googled her you got a painting called The White Hat from 1780 by Jean-Baptiste Greuze (which is sometimes even wrongly adjudicated to other artists I’m not naming to avoid confusion) in which there’s a young lady with a hat and a boob out.

Look, I wouldn’t put it past Madame D to pose tits out, but by 1780 she had been dead for 75 slutty years, so yeah, not her. Maybe someone mixed up the painting’s title (Le Chapeau blanc) with the title of one of d’Aulnoy’s stories (La Chatte blanche) and then it spiraled. Nowadays the painting still shows up on google with her name and some people even made paperback editions of stories by d’Aulnoy with the painting. The confused folks who used it to depict d’Aulnoy cropped the boob out, though, so that’s not on the paperbacks.

Now, you might think "that’s really inconvenient and also pretty shitty that she gets associated with some other random lady in a google search and the actual painter doesn’t even get proper credit”. And you’d be right.

But, at least, she isn’t Laura Gonzenbach.

Laura Gonzenbach. Awesome gal, incredible traditional tales compiler, has a cool fairy tale about a girl who uses nature to get back to an abusive prince who took her by force and threatens to get him chocked by a snake.

A German scholar was like ‘hey, I need a couple of Sicilian folk stories for a book about Sicily I’m putting together, can you send some?’ and Laura, who spoke 4 languages and had been educated by her suffragist sister who put up a school for women, because they weren’t allowed on university at the time, was like ‘sure’.

She Went In, complied 92 stories, mostly from female narrators of poor means who didn’t write themselves. Hartwig, the German scholar, was like ‘damn girl, you should publish this asap’ and she was like ‘k’ and got it published in German in 1870. It became one of the largest compilations of folk stories made by a woman in the XIX century. She included all those things male compilers either took out or romanticized, like abuse, violence, imprisonment and murder committed to women and children but, more than anything, all the stories women told to express themselves, but without adding the morals and ideals of the aristocracy that people like Perrault had. She died at age 36 but nobody knows how because the records of her death got lost in an earthquake in 1908.

Anyway, Laura Gonzenbach, love that bitch, one of my top faves fairy tale compilers. You know who doesn’t love her though? The fucking internet.

If you google Laura, you’ll see a photo of a young woman. Google puts it there because it shows up in like 25 million pinterests that state that’s Laura Gonzenbach. The portrait was taken by Baron Wilhelm von Gloeden and it shows up in searches a million times with two different dates: 1897 and 1903. Laura Gonzenbach died in 1878.

The first date comes from a 2015 blog post of a book author who made a tiny article about Jack Zipes’s edition of Laura’s stories and the biggest picture on the post is this portrait. She didn’t credit the photographer, she put the source as National Geographic Collection, but not a link, and she called it “Sicilian girl”.

If you go to NatGeo and look for the photographer, you’ll find the photo labeled as “Portrait of a Sicilian girl”, but without a date. Where did the date come from? Only this person knows. This post is the one that shows up in some of the pinterest posts that come up first in search, and certainly the ones that label the photo as being of Laura, because the post was about Laura, but the photo was not.

The second date comes from pinterest, again. This time, the photo is labeled as “a Sicilian girl, 1903″ and the source is, because why would it be any other fucking way, tumblr dot com. The post in question has said label, does not name photographer and its source is, listen to this: pinterest again. So pinterest -> tumblr -> pinterest. Pinterest #2 mentions as source a site that’s defunct and that may or may not have been partnered to natgeo.

Another pinterest choice names that 1903 date, the name of the portrait and the name of the photographer and also came from tumblr. But it was pinned from the “Sicily” tag and not the post itself. I’ve tried as much as I could to find it through the text but all I get is more and more pinterest results of it and nothing on tumblr proper. Maybe the post got deleted, maybe tumblr blocked the blog entirely after the ban, because a lot of the portraits from that photographer are nudes, he was known for homoerotic depictions of young men, sometimes too young, and some other racy shit that I’m not getting into.

Another pin I found looking for it dates it again as 1897, but the source didn’t list the date, it was added by the guy who pinned it. From where? who knows.

I’ve stopped looking because I can’t even find which of the two dates is correct (I’m totally including this misshap in my video because I need people to know FACTS) but, in any way, Laura was dead and buried by the time whichever date happened, we have no records but we have a tombstone, and I’m certain this girl in the photo is not her anyway, because she would have been older by this time had she magically survived and was hidden somewhere living her best life instead of dead at 36.

To end this post I’ll just say: SOURCE YOUR SHIT PROPERLY. GIVE CREDIT PROPERLY. RESPECT PEOPLE. Do it for Laura Gonzenbach.

#i needed to vent #luly rambles #I'm only tagging this with her name so if anyone is looking for the photo knows that's up #laura gonzenbach #long post #fairy tales #I know you don't like my long posts but I need to

4 notes · View notes

itsrogerbaelor-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Ama educates

CHARACTERS part 1

so, I have made a list of people who were close to Queen, these people are frequently mentioned in fandom discourse and this is basically descriptions of them that might make it easier for new fans to understand older fans discourse and references. Bolded names are very important, but other than that they are not in any particular order. There is another part coming out tonight!

Jim Hutton

Jim was Freddie’s last long term relationship and stayed with him until his death. In 1990, a year before Freddie’s death, he found out he was also HIV positive, first he decided to not tell Freddie as he felt that he already had enough on his plate, but he eventually found out about the results. Jim didn’t die of aids though, he died of cancer in 2010.

Jim described himself as the polar opposite of Freddie. Freddie was flamboyance personified, while Jim was just his silent gardener and described himself as lacking in character. (though I get the impression that he was a very sweet man!)

His relationship with Mary Austin (Freddie’s ex girlfriend and later one of his closest friends) was good in the first few years of Freddie’s and Jim’s relationship. However, Freddie’s illness obviously damaged it as she had him evicted from Garden Lodge (Freddie and Jim’s house) shortly after Freddie’s funeral. The reason? who knows. Jim himself thought it was due to jealousy. Freddie left him with 500 000 £ and he left Mary with Garden Lodge and the rest of his money.

Mary Austin

So, a lot of people have very different opinions about Mary. Mary actually dated Brian for a while, and it was he who introduced her to Freddie and the rest of the guys. Freddie asked her out and they eventually moved in together, and they lived together for seven years. Once again, just like Jim, Mary was very shy and quiet. Freddie obviously had a type! Freddie was very open about his love for Mary, as he said that she was the only person he ever loved. Their romantic relationship eventually ended when Freddie had been sneaking out to meet other men, so they broke up.

But they kept being close friends, she actually toured with Queen and there is a clip of her in the concert movie ”Queen in Budapest” where she is standing with Freddie and he’s practicing a hungarian song that he was going to perform during the concert.

Mary has done some things that makes her.... not so popular with the fandom. She snubbed Jim, and not long ago she decided to remove all of the flowers and cards and everything that fans leave at a particular spot in front of Garden Lodge. I admit, I prefer Jim over her though I try to remember that Freddie loved the both of them and I doubt he would have liked someone who trashtalked either of them.

Peter Freestone (”Phoebe”)

ok so Phoebe is one of my favourite bitches in the Queen sphere!! He was Freddie’s personal assistent and regularly spills the tea on queen and all the shit they got up to, also, like I’ve said before, he was the Mom Friend.

Freddie loved giving out nicknames, often female (though he called three different people in his catering staff ”not david”) he called himself Melina, Brian was Maggie, Roger was Liz and John Belicia, and so Peter was given the name ”Phoebe”. Like I said, he loves talking about Freddie and he has even got an ”ask phoebe” page on freddiemercury.com. basically he is a fandom protector and a reliable bitch

I really recommend reading his blog!

this is the kinda trivial shit he talks about and i am l i v i n g for it

basically bless him

Paul Prenter

So, Paul Prenter is generally regarded as a bad character and some blame him for Freddie catching HIV as he pretty much led Freddie into that life. I don’t know if you can blame all of that on him, but I still dislike him very much. He was Freddie’s personal manager, also his fuck buddy basically - and wingman. Freddie’s other friends did NOT like Prenter at all. Together they lived a very promiscuous and damaging life and - this is the worst part - he sold Freddie out to the press for 32 000£. He told them that Freddie had aids. Obviously, Freddie never forgave him. Prenter also had aids, and he died before Freddie. Basically, screw Paul Prenter.

Chrissie May

Brian’s first wife. They were married from 1974 until 1988 and had three children together, Emily, Louisa and Jimmy (James). Their marriage ended brutally in 1988 as Brian had been meeting actress Anita Dobson and when it got out to the press it got really infected and as it was around the time Freddie’s health was getting real bad, all of that contributed to Brian becoming really depressed. suicidal even. On The Miracle from 1989 there is a track called Scandal, written by Bri that is about this divorce but also, it also fits in with Freddie’s situation at the time when the press were hounding him about the AIDS rumours.

brian and chrissie

Anita Dobson

An actress and also the love of Brian’s life. They met in 1988 and tried to keep their relationship secret at first but as I already said, it got out and their relationship got off to a rocky start.

A few years into their relationship, they were actually involved in yet another cheating scandal. Brian had been caught in an affair with his assistent (I think?) Julie Glover. Anita found racy texts adressed to Glover on his phone and even forwarded them to Glover’s husband. Anita was furious and made Brian choose between them both; he begged for Anita’s forgiveness and they got back together. Glover lost her marriage though. Since then, Brian seems to have learned to keep his dick in check but it is clear that women is a weakness for him.

Anita had described her relationship with his children as ”difficult”.

Debbie Leng

Roger’s second wife. They met on the set to one of his solo videos, in 1987. She also appeared in the LOVELY ”breakthru” video from The Miracle album (1989)

She also starred alongside Roger in the infamous Sex tape, that fans have searched for for yeeeaaars. We’re not likely to find it though, and I wouldn’t watch it even if I could.

She and Roger had three kids: Tiger Lily, Rufus (who is a drummer and tours with Queen) and Lola

Stay tuned for the next part coming out in an hour 🌝

#queen #freddie mercury #roger taylor #john deacon #brian may #anita #jer #ama educates #itsrogerbaelor #characters #phoebe #jim hutton #mary austin

832 notes · View notes

sonoflayton · 4 years ago

Text

Laws

DISCLAIMER

I do not claim to be or own Alfendi Layton or any of the face claims I have used for him.

SENSITIVE SUBJECTS

If you can't already tell, sensitive subjects are often discussed on this blog. Lots of traumatic events have occured in Alfendi's life, and they heavily affect who he is as a character. In addition, Alfendi works as an inspector for the Scotland Yard, typically solving locked-room murders, so the subject of death and murder is bound to come up. Al and Fendi also have their own mental health issues that they're sorting through, like Al's PTSD and Fendi's depression.

Because of this, this blog has a recommended age rating of 18+. Minors are welcome to follow, but please be aware of what you're getting into, as I will not be censoring anything for you (aside from tagging triggers).

PRIVACY

I am a PRIVATE blog, meaning that I only interact in character with my mutuals. A mutual is an account that follows and is followed by me. If I do not follow you, we are not ( yet ) mutuals. If we are not mutuals, please do not send me in character content, attempt to initiate threads, etc. The only exceptions to this rule are sideblogs that I follow that cannot follow me back ( y’know, ‘cause they’re sideblogs ).

SELECTIVITY

I am a SEMI-SELECTIVE blog, meaning that I can be picky about who I follow, but I will not dismiss any blog without giving their account a fair, solid look. If I decide not to follow you, please don't take it personally! It is a polite declination to roleplay.

UNFOLLOWING

IF YOU DON'T FOLLOW ME BACK AFTER TWO DAYS TO A WEEK, I WILL UNFOLLOW. This is in the interest of keeping my dash clean and limited to only those that I can interact with. If you follow me back after that time period, I will refollow you, so no worries.

ACTIVITY

AT ANY GIVEN POINT IN TIME, I AM ONLY SEMI-ACTIVE AND HAVE LOW ACTIVITY. As much as I love writing and roleplaying, my real life comes first. I’m a full-time college student and it is possible for me to disappear for as long as a week without even a notice. ( Though I’ll try to at least give a heads up.

I am often SLOW TO REPLY. This isn't always because I am busy, but because I have ADHD and depression, which affects my motivation and ability to focus on my replies, unless the thread I'm replying to is my "new favorite thread". I'm sorry!

QUEUE

MY BLOG RUNS ON A QUEUE. My queue is set to post three times daily, at 10am, 12pm and 2pm PST. All threads will be queued. OOC posts and memes, non-starter asks, etc. are posted as they are conceived. If, for some reason, I have fallen behind in my drafts, I will load a couple of day’s worth of posts in my queue in order to allow me time to catch up.

THREAD TRACKER

I have one.

GUEST MUSES

Are you an Alfendi blog whose getting tired of the "OMG, it's me from another universe" plot? Do you want to know more about some of the characters that influenced my Alfendi? Look no further: my blog features guest muses for your interaction pleasure.

• Guest muses are not full muses. They are here to add depth to my Alfendi's story.

• Guest muses default to my own interpretation of Alfendi and his canon. What does this mean? If you send a guest muse an ask about Alfendi, they will default to my Alfendi and speak on him unless otherwise stated. During threads, especially ones where the multiverse is acknowledged, guest muses will default to my blog's canon. There can and will be exceptions to this, and those will only take place when discussed by the muns.

• For Claira, everything above is void. Claira is an OC, one that I'm proud of so far and excited to work with. If Claira meets an Alfendi that is not my own, her canon will change to fit that of the Alfendi she meets. She is here as a guest muse for the meantime, but if she gains traction, she will be given her own blog.

• In addition, if Alfendi is asked about or name drops a character who happens to be one of my guest muses, he is speaking about my guest muse unless otherwise specified. The only exception to this is if I have an exclusive sharing the same muse as one of my guest muses. If this is the case, the exclusive muse will take priority.

MAINS & EXCLUSIVES

Here's my mains & exclusives call, to help break the ice if you're interested in being mains or exclusives!

Poptart, what are mains & exclusives? I'm glad you asked.

Being exclusives means that you are the only version of your muse I will interact with, and I am the only Alfendi you will interact with. The benefits of being exclusives with me are:

• Reduced duplicate anxiety for both of us.

• When your muse is namedropped by Alfendi, Alfendi means your muse.

• When your muse is namedropped by someone else, Alfendi will react as though they meant your muse.

• Many opportunities for deeper character and relationship development.

• Surprise starters.

An exclusive relationship requires a lot of trust, obviously, so before becoming exclusives, we need to be OOC friends.

If you, an exclusive of mine, go inactive for a month or more without notice, you'll be bumped down to a main. Not because I don't love you, but simply because it isn't fair to others. I expect the same treatment. If I haven't started interacting with a new version of your muse when you return, I'll be happy to take you back as an exclusive.

Being mains means that you are the primary version of your muse I will interact with, and I am the primary Alfendi you will interact with. The benefits of being mains with me are:

• If I have an idea for a plot for our muses, I will come to you first before anyone else.

• Many opportunities for deeper character and relationship development.

• Surprise starters.

I would like to have at least a thread, preferably more, and I'd like to get to know you OOC before becoming mains.

I accept two mains per muse, but if you want in, talk to me. I might make an exception.

SHIPPING

I am a MULTISHIP BLOG. This means that every ship with my muses takes place in an alternate universe where each ship is canon, and as such, infidelity does not occur. Do not accuse my muse of cheating on yours with another muse that they are being shipped with. Infidelity only occurs when plotted with all involved parties.

REMINDERS

PLEASE DO NOT SPAM ME FOR REPLIES. I'm grateful for the occasional enthusiastic reminder, inquiry, or idea about our thread, but nothing too aggressive or constant, please.

NSFW

REGARDING 18+ CONTENT: As of writing, I am 19 years old. My birthday is 09/29/2000. I am comfortable discussing sex occasionally, making racy jokes, etc. I am not comfortable writing smut, please do not proposition me to do so. I am also not comfortable discussing sex with or about muses or muns who are minors.

THE MUN IS AN IDIOT

Sometimes I make mistakes, so does everyone. I can guarantee that I never mean any malice, so if I have accidentally said something rude or offensive, please correct me. Sometimes you will know more than me about a given subject. I will always try to do my research, but if I ever say something incorrect, let me know!

TRIGGERS

I TAG TRIGGERS AS "#TRIGGER TW" (e.g. "#negativity tw"). Sometimes I forget to tag some common and unique triggers. Please let me know if I forget one! I will immediately go back and tag it.

BLACKLIST

Please tag naughty things with "#nsfw", "#nsfw tw", "#lemon", "#lemon tw", "#smut", "#smut tw", or something along those lines.

Also, please tag vague posts with "#vague" or "#vague tw".

Please don't use aesthetic tags to tag these sorts of posts.

DON'T TALK SHIT

In the same vein as the rule above, IF YOU PLAN ON TALKING SMACK ABOUT ME BEHIND MY BACK, BLOCK ME. IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME, SAY IT TO MY FACE OR DON’T SAY IT AT ALL. I’m an adult and I can take criticism like one. This is a massive no-no when it comes to interacting with me and will earn you an instablock.

FAN ART

IF I HAVE USED FAN ART, IT IS PROBABLY AN ACCIDENT. I try to only use fan art if and only if I know for a fact that the artist is comfortable with roleplayers doing so. If the artist has not publically stated their comfort with roleplayers using their art, andI have used their art, it is 100% an accident and I have likely confused their art for canon material. Please let me know if I have done so, and I will react accordingly.

MY ART

Being surrounded by all these artist friends lately has inspired me to practice my artwork more seriously. Please don't use any artwork that I post here for anything. I'm insecure about how my art looks, and usually the artwork that I post on this blog reflects my specific headcanons and things relating to Alfendi or the guest muses, so I'm not really comfortable with it being spread around.

That being said, if I draw you art as a gift, you are allowed to do whatever you want with it. Make icons? Promo graphics? Go for it, it's my gift to you. You don't even need to credit me. You are not, however, allowed to badger me into making free art for you. That's just not cool.

Here's a good rule of thumb: If you see artwork watermarked with my URL, please don't use it. If I send you art in DMs without a watermark, go wild!

COMMISSIONS

Please do not reach out to me in asking for free graphics, icons, promos, art, etc. This has happened multiple times. Yes, sometimes I do free art and graphics for friends, but this is never prompted by them---it is always because I am inspired, not because they solicited it.

As someone who is struggling to make ends meet, knowing that people are commissioned for this sort of thing, this makes me very uncomfortable. This is for a few reasons. One, if someone comes to me, requesting I make them a graphic for free and I do it, I would feel guilty, as though I was taking work from an artist who makes their living making such graphics. Two, it feels a little exploitative, because if I say no, I could be putting our relationship at risk. Three, because of how exploitative it is, I worry that someone may try to manipulate me into being their friend specifically to get free art and graphics from me.

I’m happy to do informal commissions and such for whatever you need. Pricing will be discussed on what we decide together sounds reasonable, but I’ll be flexible. I don’t expect to earn much, and money earned will be used to fund minor luxuries. If enough people commission me and I earn a better understanding of how commissions work, I’ll open up commissions formally.

CALLOUTS

I NO LONGER BOOST CALLOUT POSTS UNLESS THE CALLOUT IS PROVING BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT THE BLOG IN QUESTION IS DANGEROUS (NOT TOXIC). I have simply made the personal decision to no longer boost callouts regarding someone’s behavior. For those who would like more information, please contact me privately with a polite inquiry.

DO NOT POLICE WHO I DECIDE TO INTERACT WITH

IF I INTERACT WITH SOMEONE, AND THEY MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW AND I WILL TAG THEIR URL FROM THEN ON. Or you can unfollow, that’s cool too. No hard feelings.

LIKING THREAD HABITS

I TRY TO LIKE THE MOST RECENT REPLY TO OUR THREAD WHEN I ADD IT TO MY DRAFTS. It's a notification for you to let you know that your thread made it into my drafts and I have not lost it.

FOLLOWER TRACKER

I USE A FOLLOWER TRACKER. It doesn't track your IP or location or anything, it just checks my follower list for changes. I only use it to ensure that I don't send any more in character content to you if you are no longer interested in interacting with me. I take no offense if you do decide to unfollow me, and I won't hunt you down and ask for an explanation or anything creepy like that.

ICONS

PLEASE DON'T TAKE MY ICONS. I spend a lot of time working on them. It makes me very sad. Instead, please consider asking me directly how I achieve the effect you like on my icons so you can make a cool psd of your own.

GODMODING

You control your character, I control mine, DON'T GODMOD, GODMODE, POWERPLAY, AUTOHIT, ETC. It's not cool. If it does happen, I'll assume it was an accident and ask you to change your reply.

PLEASE CUT YOUR POSTS.

If the thread is para or multipara, I’m alright with three replies on a single post: your reply, your partner’s reply, and then your next reply. If the thread is a one-liner or crack, I’m alright with more as long as you don’t go overboard. If you do more than I’m okay with, I may unfollow for the sake of having a clean dashboard that I can scroll through.

ASKS ON NEW POSTS

IF OUR THREAD BEGINS WITH AN ASK, PLEASE CONTINUE IT ON A NEW POST LINKING BACK TO THE ORIGINAL ASK. Please. It’s confusing and cluttered and looks really ugly.

REBLOG KARMA

PLEASE DON’T REBLOG ROLEPLAY MEMES FROM ME without sending one in beforehand. I mean, I’m not going to be angry or confront if you do, but I’m just going to be a little bit upset and hurt about it.

SPECIFY MUSE

I am not a mind reader, so PLEASE SPECIFY MUSE WHEN LIKING STARTER CALLS, SENDING MEMES, ETC. I always say something along the lines of “tell me who you want or I’ll pick for you”, but what I’m probably actually going to do is, depending on how comfortable I am with you, ask you directly which muse you wanted, or completely avoid you because I’m scared of messing up.

MUN VS. MUSE

I, THE MUN, AM NOT MY MUSE. MY MUSE IS NOT ME. Please don't confuse us, our behaviors, or our ideals.

MUSE AND FANDOM DISCOMFORT

I HAVE SOME MUSES AND FANDOMS THAT MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE. These include, but are not limited to:

My Little Pony muses.If you are a single muse blog, and you write an MLP muse, I am not likely to follow you. If you are a multimuse, however, and you write non-MLP muses, this alone will not deter me from following you. I merely have a personal distaste for MLP.

Dolph from Camp Camp. Hitler jokes are not funny, and shame on the team for thinking it’s okay to make an entire character who is one. Unless you are writing Dolph in a way that you are actively acknowledging the bad choices on the part of the creators and are developing him as a character in a way that moves him beyond his unfortunate schtick, I have no interest in writing with you or any other muses you may have.

Real-life people. I’m not really cool with roleplaying with people who roleplay as real-life people, such as YouTubers, historical figures or idols, especially those such as Jacksepticeye, who has expressly stated his discomfort publicly. I find it disrespectful and it makes me uncomfortable. Self-insert OCs are of a different variety, one that I’m okay with interacting with as long as typical RP etiquette is adhered to.

Religious and mythical figures and dieties. I'm not comfortable with muses who are from religious texts of any sort, because these figures are someone's god or messiahs, and to them, they are not works of fiction, and thus, portraying them is wildly inappropriate. If it isn't okay to portray Jesus Christ, why would it be okay to portray an obscure diety from Native American mythology? However, I am comfortable with interacting with OC or fictional characters who are deities, because they are creations of the imagination, not someone who is worshiped.

Genderbends. Genderbends, by their very existence, are transphobic. Here's a post that explains the issue beautifully. If you want to bend the gender of your muse, just make them trans, man.

UNWELCOME IDEALS

DO NOT INTERACT IF...

You are a pedophile, support pedophilia, or write smut with or about minors, or are a minor writing smut.

You support or write incest.

You write active discrimination in your threads. (Differing from mentioning and discussing discrimination as a part of your muse’s past.)

You write active sexual abuse or sexual violence in your threads. (Differing from mentioning and discussing sexual abuse and violence as a part of your muse’s past.)

LISA & CHILD ABUSE

Child abuse is a topic that is frequently discussed on this blog, but is one that is always tagged and never written about explicitly. It only occurs implicitly with young Alfendi, and seldomly at that, and is sometimes talked about in threads.

I will never, ever, ever write Lisa. Ever. I am not comfortable writing her, not even for one of those 'ask my muse's parents' memes. I am not comfortable composing even a single line of dialogue for her. Not only is she abusive and gross, but attempting to write her would be triggering for me in a couple different ways.

If you want to terrorize Alfendi by sending an anon saying something as a Lisanon or Ghost!Lisa or whatever, go for it! Fuck him up! But, don't send literal active child abuse to my inbox, because that's disgusting.

UNFOLLOWING AND BLOCKING

It is extremely rare that I will unfollow or block someone. IF I HAVE UNFOLLOWED OR BLOCKED YOU, I HAVE A VALID REASON FOR DOING SO. I DO NOT OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION, SO PLEASE DO NOT INQUIRE.

If you decide to unfollow me, that is fair and I will not hold it against you. PLEASE SOFT BLOCK ME IF YOU CHOOSE TO DO SO.

BLOG PASSWORDS

I DON'T SEND IN BLOG PASSWORDS, EVEN THE 'LIKE-THE-POST' ONES. It makes me anxious. I promise that I have read your rules a minimum of thrice: once before following, once before beginning our first thread, and once before interacting. I often refer to other people's rules.

If you have read my rules, you are welcome to like this post to let me know! ( This is completely optional! )

MUN

Alias: POPTART Name: RED Birthdate: 09/29/2000 Pronouns: THEY/THEM Timezone: PST

hello! my name's poppy and i'm simultaneously a good lad and a chaotic entity. i have two cats named katrielle and flora. i really, really love this chaotic bastard, alfendi layton.

i'm in a relationship with @mragentofchaos.

CREDITS

Icons and PSD were made by me.

My main blog theme was made by ddkinzart on Tumblr.

The stars update tab was made by leiqhade on Tumblr.

The music player theme was made by nobroken on Tumblr.

The background for my blog was made by me, using these free bloodsplatter brushes.

The music player code used on my blog was made by fukuo on tumblr.

Alfendi sprites from the game are pulled and compiled by mysteryroomfiles.

Custom Alfendi sprites used in icons were made by mystery-room on Tumblr.

Some art used for icons was made by my friend p0p-r0x75 and is used with permission.

Some Alfendi icons were drawn for me by the lovely taiyodoroki as part of an art exchange and are used with permission.

Base icons for Alfendi's main face claim was made by professordipshit on Tumblr.

One of Alfendi's face claims is the Bartender from the manga "Le Théâtre de A", and the base icons were capped and made by me.

Base icons for one of Alfendi's mainverse face claims comes from dcfygraviity, boulevardofangstydreams, jefemetro, aspartha, and iconsbyafangirl, all on Tumblr.

Base icons for Alfendi's teen, young adult and child face claim were made by iconsbyafangirl [second link] [third link] [fourth link], sharesicons, iconmakingaddiction-blog, thatsharkguy, fuckyeahanimangaicons, and bishies-are-here, all on Tumblr.

Base icons for Alfendi's IRL face claim are made by rpicxns [second link], on tumblr.

Base icons for Alfendi's alternate IRL face claim are made by pripecias on Tumblr.

The 'faceless' rp icons used come from animanga-icon-dump on tumblr. I have since forgotten which icon packs I use.

My OOC faceclaim is Apollo Justice, and base icons for him were made by , nochordsofsteelnojustice, anythingapollo, and yumis-icons, all on tumblr. Fanart is used in some icons, and I assume due dilligence was done in asking the artists for permission before making base icons of their artwork. If your art is featured in these icons and your permission was not given, I will happily take them down and delete them from my computer upon request.

0 notes

failingtheoscars · 4 years ago

Text

2021 Oscar Predictions: "I Didn't See Shit" Edition

Hello everyone, Facebook has deleted the Notes feature despite my numerous stern emails, so I've been forced to use tumblr, of all things. Remember tumblr? It's that website that was made for porn. Turns out it's for blogs now. Who knew?

Let's take a trip down memory lane:

2020 - 21/24

2019 - 13/24 (lol)

2018 - Lost to the sands of time

2017 - 17/24

2016 - 16/24

2015 - ???

2014 - 18/24

And sometime in the past I entered some concert to beat Ebert and I got 21/24. This is the current record. It will not be beaten this year, because I ain't seen SHIT. But there's only 23 categories now, so I guess that helps? So let's do this.

Best Actor - This is one of those years where all the wind is blowing behind Chadwick Boseman's back - he is very good in Ma Rainey, and also he's... post-humous. If we can all be honest to ourselves, we know this doesn't hurt your chances. There's also, however, a "no one goes there anymore, it's too crowded" effect where a lot of Academy voters are saying "I know Boseman is going to win, but I voted for Hopkins!" and that was enough for Hopkins to take the BAFTA. I'm going to follow my gut here and say it's still going to be Boseman but this is way tighter than I think anyone expects it to be.

Will win: Chadwick Boseman

Might win: Anthony Hopkins

Should win: Everyone who's ever pretended to give a shit about my Oscar predictions

Best Actress - Probably the closest and hardest to call race of the night since seemingly everyone in this category could win, but I think Frances McDormand's performance wasn't flashy enough for the voters, and Mulligan's is too genre-y to win it too. I think it's going to be Davis by a fucking hair despite the rather limited screentime of this performance.

Will win: Viola Davis (???)

Might win: Mulligan

Should win: Sidney Flannigan for Never Rarely Sometimes Always

Best Supporting Actor - I am going to go with Daniel Kaluuya for Judas and the Black Messiah, but I'm not as confident about it as other people are. I still think of the Academy voter pool as being old, white, and generally just afraid of the Black Panthers.

Will win: Daniel Kaluuya

Might win: Paul Raci

Should win: Delroy Lindo for Da 5 Bloods

Best Supporting Actress - Yuh-Jung Youn. I feel good about this

Will win: Yuh-Jung Youn

Might win: Glenn Close, maybe?

Should win: I'm okay with Yuh-Jung Youn taking it.

Best Animated - AKA, the award for "Most Pixar" movie, unless of course its 2001, in which you encounter the "Shrekkiest" movie exception. Still, Pixar almost never loses no matter how mediocre and underwhelming their film is.

Will win: Soul

Might win: Wolfwalkers

Should win: That scene in the Simpsons where Marge holds a potato and says "I just think they're neat"

Best Cinematography - L A N D S C A P E S

Will win: Nomadland

Might win: idk... Mank?

Should win: Yeah, Nomadland feels good

Best Costume Design - B L A C K B O T T O M (S?). It's a period piece.

Will win: Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

Might win: Mank

Should win: The Golden Globes, for disguising itself as a legitimate organization qualified to give awards

Best Directing - Yeah, I think it's going to Chloe Zhao. So glad she's working on a Marvel movie now. Now THAT is good use of talent.

Will win: Zhao for Nomadland

Might win: Uh... I dont know. Fincher?

Should win: I haven't seen a single 2020 movie I really want to go to bat for, so whatever

Documentary (Feature) - My Teacher's an Octopus! An Octopus Taught Me!? Meet this Octopus: Teachers Hate Him! Taught... by an Octopus!? My Teacher Octopus. Octopus, my teacher. Teach me, Octopus! Octoteach my puss.

Will win: Octoteachapus

Might win: who cares

Should win: i can neither pronounce or spell "dacumintery"

Best Documentary Short - WOW lets throw a fuckin dart at the dartboard because Ive never known the winner of these and I NEVER WILL

Will win: A Love Song for Latasha

Might win: Colette

Should win: WHO KNOWS. NO ONE KNOWS

Best Editing - Ever since Bohemian Rhapsody won this oscar it broke my fucking brain so who knows anymore.

Will win: Trial of the Chicago 7: Revenge of the Sorkin

Might win: Bohemian Rhapsody, apparently

Should win: MY DUDES LETS JUST GIVE IT TO BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY AGAIN LETS MAKE HISTORY

Best Foreign Language Film - DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!

Will win: Another Round

Might win: Quo Vadis, Aida

Should win: How should I know, I don't watch movies with subtitles

Best Make-up and Hairstyling - Is the award for most Make-Up? Because I think Viola Davis is carrying a legit 10-pounder around for Ma Rainey.

Will win: Ma Rainey's Black Bottom

Might win: The Milanese Swan

Should win: Me, for "making up" the movie The Milanese Swan. Hahaha get it

Best Music (Original Score) - Not only is Soul a movie, it's the name for a whole genre of music! You can't lose!

Will win: Soul

Might win: Funk

Should win: Jazz

Best Music (Original Song) - I haven't heard any of these songs.

Will win: Speak Now

Might win: Husavik, apparently

Should win: I can neither pronounce or spell the word "moozik"

Best Production Design - To quote myself: "9 times out of 10, the period piece wins." And to add on, the one about Hollywood does too.

Will win: Mank

Might win: Ma Rainey

Should win: WHO CARES. THERES A PANDEMIC. sorry

Best Short Film (Animated) - how would i know, stop asking me! leave my family alone!!

Will win: If Anything Happens I Love You

Might win: In the end, we're all winners

Should win: Sorry, I misread the copy. We're all wieners.

Best Short Film (Live Action) - lol

Will win: Two Distant Strangers

Might win: LITERALLY ANYTHING

Should win: well in my erudite opinion i bleh bleh bleh

Best Sound - Holy shit, they finally admitted they have no idea what the difference is between sound editing and mixing and just smushed them together. Nice.

Will win: Sound of Metal - It's got sound in the name!!

Might win: The Sound of Music

Should win: The Sound of Yo Mama. ayo gotem

Best Visual Effects - Did you know CGI stands for "Can't Get In?" It's named after what yo mama said when she tried to fit through the door to her house. lmao gotem

Will win: Tenet

Might win: i dont know

Should win: this is taking too long

Best Writing (Adapted Screenplay) - OH GOD it's actually hard this year but I think it's going to be Nomadland just because it has the forward momentum for best picture (spoiler). Could be The Father. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't feel so good Mr. Stark

Will win: No, Mad Land!

Might win: ZEE FATHAIR

Should win: Look, I think I've only seen like... 20 movies from 2020, tops. I don't care. Honestly, I'm just happy I'm still alive at this point.

Best Writing (Original Screenplay) - You know, this is starting to feel like a lot of pressure. Like why would I ever be able to predict the Oscars? What do I know? I used to have at least seen the movies, so that gave me an edge. But this year I've barely seen any of these. I'm lost, adrift in a boundless sea. I think it'll be Promising Young Woman.

Will win: Promising Young Woman

Might win: Try Oh Love The Cigar Goes Heaven

Should win: a movie

Best Picture - Weirdly probably the only category of the whole night I feel pretty good about. I've seen Minari, Mank, Nomadland, and Trial of the Chicago 7, which are all varying degrees of good except for Mank which is varying degrees of bad. And Trail of the Chicago 7 which is an hour of good and then a half hour of really bad. Anyways I don't have super strong feelings about any of these movies but Nomadland was good, I think it has the momentum, and despite minimal Oscar controversy I don't think the voters give a shit.

Will win: Nomadland

Might win. Honestly I live in fear Green Book is going to fucking win again somehow. Some fucked up Lala Land/Moonlight scenario where Viggo Mortenson roles up in some old beater and says "woke up dis moooohnin, got some gabbagool" and then walks away with another oscar with a fat cigar in his mouth.

Should win: Green Book. It was very touching

this is the bad place

0 notes

djevsmev · 5 years ago

Text

Episode 7: Check One-Who?

HELLO!

I hope you’re all keeping inside and keeping well.

It’s been a while since the last Vinyl Lockdown and the effects on the UK have been staggering. Without the weekly tunes and the accompanying thought-provoking blog to keep them entertained whilst inside, people have been going wild. WILD! Street parties, congas, anything to fill that void. Well, Big Nicola had a quiet word, said I should pull my finger out my rear end, and get the next episode up. For the good of the nation, you understand. No problem, says I. However, unlike FM BN, Vinyl Lockdown will not be giving an extra big shout out to the kids. They can, as Neighbours’ Henry Ramsay would have said circa 1989, rack off. Shove it.

And with that paragraph clearly showing why satire is so tricky to pull off, let’s begin.

SANDIE SHAW - LONG LIVE LOVE

Starting with a lovely old crackly one and a new discovery.

By now regular readers will all have come to know and love VL’s writing tone that sits somewhere between Loaded magazine, Ladbrokes adverts, and latter Clarkson Top Gear: we’re about Lads, Lads, Lads, Blue Wkd, double entendres, spewing in buckets because of all the Blue Wkd, laughing hilariously as you’ve pranked your mate and left him naked in a nest of fire ants, asking Johnny Foreigner where you can buy more Blue Wkd, and of course, the laydeez.

Well, I’m thrilled to be able to keep that standard up by telling you that not only is Long Live Love as delightful a tune as I remembered it being, but since googling to find the cover of this record, I have developed a massive crush on Sandie Shaw.

Those cheekbones could cut glass.

Stone cold hottie.

Wooft! Even for this blog, it’s all getting a bit racy! I’d better calm down, but next time I build an amphibious tractor to challenge my 2 sycophantic pals to a race, I’m going to call it Sandie, geddit? SANDIE! [Puts hand up for high-5]

Lads lads lads lads lads lads lads...

DELAYS - NEARER THAN HEAVEN

Right, stop mucking about and objectifying women. I really liked a lot of Delays stuff but this was my favourite. His voice and guitar always sounded great, a wee bit Bernard Butler, especially live.

Me and a pal tried to see them live and it took about 3 attempts: I think the first time they were supporting and we were late. The second, they were playing Tut’s on a Sunday (we lived in Edinburgh) and they were so late we had to leave after 2 songs so we could get public transport home. Then we finally managed to see them.

I really thought that anecdote was stronger when I began telling it. Oh well. To make up for it, here’s a lovely interview with singer Greg Gilbert about his recovery from cancer and finding new creative outlets. It’s really nice.

https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2019/jan/30/greg-gilbert-cancer-delays-paintings-peppermints-da-vinci

EVERYTHING BUT THE GIRL - I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT

In all honesty I’m not a huge fan of Everything But The Girl, but someone I worked with used to put on an album of covers that they did and it really did change my view of them. Maybe just because it was songs I knew but their arrangements and Tracy Thorne’s vocals were lovely. I think they did versions of Love Is Strange, and Time After Time. Think there might have been a Boss song too. Anyway, I saw this so thought I’d give it a whirl and it’s just a great song done well. Well done them. I’m sure they’re delighted at my assessment.

SHEILA E - TOO SEXY

Sorry, everyone. This has been a catastrophe from start to finish.

I wanted a usual, slightly pot-luck, 80s pick and when I saw the legend that is Sheila E, I thought I’d scored a goal. When I then saw that the B-side was called Too Sexy I though, we can’t very well pass up a song with a name like that by Sheila E of all people.

Turns out I probably should have.

I mean it’s fine. It’s fiiiiiine. But it it could basically be any generic funk instrumental from Prince’s career. Should have given Belle of St Mark a listen.

THEN I’m writing up this blog and I realise I’ve forgotten to take a photo of the sleeve so I just downloaded from the net. Which obviously doesn’t fit. “So, if you don’t have the photo, how do we even know this is in your collection? Mmmmm?” I hear you ask. Quite simply, it sounds like shit. Classic VL.

DONOVAN - CATCH THE WIND

The Scottish Dylan! Yeah, it’s very easy to take the piss out of Donovan as a wannabe, but I’d be quite happy with my musical contribution if I’d penned something this nice.

It’s a lovely song, and frankly if you’re going to nick ideas off people, nick them off the best people. And let’s be honest, we can be quite bad for tall poppy syndrome here, but the moment Sunshine Superman appears in a Wes Anderson film or something and becomes cool again, we’ll be holding him up as a legend!

DON’T CRITICISE DONOVAN, I’LL FIGHT YOU!

Ahem, sorry. Got a bit carried away.

TIGHT FIT - THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT

Right, is this pretty much considered to be a terrible song? Or a terrible version of a song? Or am I making that up? Maybe I’m wrong but my gut tells me that people hate this song, but I’ve always really liked it since hearing it as a kid in the 80s. Maybe that’s it: any taste, such that I have, is being blocked by a fug of nostalgia, but whatever the reason, I’ve enjoyed it before and hearing it again brought a smile to my face. God, I’m quite defensive this week.

THE RAPTURE - LOVE IS ALL

I couldn’t remember much about either this song or The Rapture before I put it on, except for the melody of the title lyric. You’ll probably understand why when you hear it. It’s really quite good but then the record doesn’t seem to go anywhere. It just sort of peters out. It hooks me in but then it leaves me dangling. It’s a cheeky dangler, that’s what it is.

Maybe if The Rapture had taken a leaf out of Tight Fit’s book they would have been more memorable too.

They must be kicking themselves.

CRAIG MCLACHLAN & CHECK 1-2 - MONA

As I was photographing The Rapture 7″ I was looking at the sticker on the top left and wondering if I had a limited edition or something, which reminded of the time I put stickers on my vinyl as a kid and... HOLD THE BUS! I’ve not got a young Ev selection!

So here comes Craig McLachlan (Henry from Neighbours) and his version of Not Fade Away, sorry, his original composition “Mona”. I remember at the time he was keen to stress that pre-Neighbours he’d always been in his band Check 1-2 (formerly The Y-Fronts, if I remember correctly) and indeed he name “checks” them (Arf!) her on this single.

BUT WAIT, let’s look at the back cover, shall we:

What’s that photo? It looks a lot like the one on the front but... bigger.

It’s the same one, but look, there’s what we have to assume are Check 1-2! Not good enough to go on the front cover. Even though the only photo we have has you in it. No, you’ll just drag Craig down. You’re getting cropped out. You can appear on the back, and you’ll be grateful.

Check 1-2: cropped out of history. Poor bastards.

It’s a shit business.

THE POINTER SISTERS - JUMP

Well, my battery’s low, as is my moral after McLachlan-gate, so all you need to know is, once again, we’re finishing on a banger. This should help the world seem OK again. It’s not, but this will help it seem that way, and frankly that’s probably all we can hope for right now..

Keep safe.x

0 notes