#I kinda feel like a stranger recently and it feels bad. //shrugs// idk anyways im gonna go have my emotions for a while

[goldenguillotines]

A few things going forward- and I try not to make stuff like this but I feel like it's necessary not only to kinda. Put boundaries down but also for my comfort as well. This isn't sparked by one person but rather multiple occurances and just. Wanna be transparent, because I do have feelings. Gg isn't always super happy go getter energy silly everyone sees me as. I know some people don't really care and that's fine I just want to be clear (pls read tags as well)

I'm going to be selective with who I ship my characters/plot my characters with. I don't mind characters being friends and such but I have been feeling like I've been given mixed signals from people I've reached out to or during talking about them? It makes it hard to tell if I'm just on some one Sided eager excited and the other person isn't digging it. Or that plots get dropped and suddenly im seeing what we were planning or brainstorming thrown away because I wasn't told they were doing something with someone else. I need to explicitly say, I don't mind when plots cross, but if were planning a quad. Most of my characters are monogamous or specifically only open to polycules or occasionally fully polyam. I try to keep it single ship because of bad expierences in the past and my own comfort with how I interact with my characters. Hard to be super chipper excited about it when it brings up bad personal memories myself. I kinda put a piece of myself in every character so trust me when I say it makes me feel disjointed.

Just please be direct with me and tell me if you don't wanna! I hold these quads hostage basically with the idea of a ship that gets dragged on when I wanna do stuff! Again- I know I get excited and wanna do stuff!! Brand new blorbo syndrome!! You can just say no! I won't be mad! I promise. I won't be upset! Or just give me clarity that a quad is shifted. When I'm given no clarity at all- It makes me feel really bad. Again this is not about anyone in particular and imbkot trying to vague anyone but understand this has happened from different people

My commissions are gonna be semi-closed going forward. I don't have the time for it and frankly I'm not sure where I am art wise.

I am putting this blog on a semi Hiatus. Kinda smacking it with that sticker because I haven't really been producing art that i enjoy. Everyone can say "I love gg art" and all that but it's like looking at a mess I made on my canvas and just wondering where I went wrong. It's very very upsetting for me when art is my outlet, I do it to be happy! I like making! I really do. But I feel like stranger with it. My skills have stagnated and it hurts me a lot. The only thing I've felt like that hasn't been bad has been my chibis and I know people don't want to see those all the time. I'm kinda trying to work through it but it hurts. I'm a human, I have feelings. I try not to put my emotions too online or my problems because I think a lot of people here use Tumblr to escape like I do. I try to be positive! I wanna keep things happy and light but I can't always be like that

I wanna also mention I have been trying to keep up with everyone's happenings and stuff but I am awake about 12~14 hours a day working or having my responsibilities. I am tired. So if you haven't seen me in your notifications a lot or when you do, I seem deflated. I don't have a lot of energy to spare and I try to catch stuff here and there. But I won't be able to see everything. it's not that I'm avoiding anyone's content or something like that. I just. Have a physical job.

[verdigrisprowl]

Feb 7 Blurr’s Horror Stream - IT

Only Blurr and Soundwave showed up. The stream kinda stopped being IC halfway through.

Welcome to the 'speedxstealer' room. The chat room has been cleared by the moderator. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Peek.* B l u r r: / Here he is. Arriving in all of his pirate style / ItsyBitsySpyers: *Will follow in and park himself. No minis tonight. Rumble and Frenzy are on balcony washing duty.* B l u r r: [[ okay. got my foood. I haven't eaten all day yikes ]] B l u r r: / wiggles claws at Soundwave / ItsyBitsySpyers: *Bob bob.* B l u r r: Good to see you, as usual. B l u r r: mechlets busy today, hn? ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Mechs, full. And, yes. They're busy seeing the error of their recent ways.]] B l u r r: Oh? Punishment, hnn? K-Kyehehheh. Got into trouble? B l u r r: [[ lemme know when y'all are ready! ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((ready whenevs)) ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Quite a bit.]] B l u r r: A pity. I certainly hope they're easy to educate? ItsyBitsySpyers: [[...Sometimes.]] ItsyBitsySpyers: [[This particular incident's a bit of a repeat. Work in progress.]] B l u r r: Ah, a repeat offense, then? K-Kyeheheh. B l u r r: They'll learn eventually, I'm sure. So long as the punishment is something they hate. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[You'd think that.]] B l u r r: Do they enjoy getting punished then? ItsyBitsySpyers: [[You'd think that.]] B l u r r: / shrugs slightly/  Teaching is a concept I'm well versed in, though I admit, not EVERY mech is able to be educated. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[In truth, he would not change them too much. But he would prefer they targeted someone other than him.]] B l u r r: Ahh... pranked you, hn? ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Mhm.]] B l u r r: K-Kyeheheheh. Well, that's not /so/ bad. BoneAndHook: ((what is this?)) B l u r r: [[ In the Heights ]] B l u r r: [[ it makes me an emotional meSS but here we are ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: [[He's considering turning the tables on at least one of them. Rumble is typically the ringleader. A dating application for him might be amusing.]] B l u r r: K-Kyehheeheh. You want to prank them back? Sounds amusing. I've got down time. If you need some help with that. BoneAndHook: ((feel free to start, i'm not feeling up to hauling a structie in at the minute but i might later in the movie)) ItsyBitsySpyers: *Turns his head to the side. He's... not so sure he wants help from a murderer like Blurr.* B l u r r: [[ okie dokie. ] B l u r r: / Hey, a murderer and then some. / ItsyBitsySpyers: *Especially after the talk with Prowl.* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[...He'll think about it. But he should be capable of it himself.]] B l u r r: / shrugs a shoulder / If you'd like. B l u r r: We're currently in a lull. Stocking up on supplies before our next chase. B l u r r: We've got quite the lead on a relic, you see. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[What relic would that be?]] ItsyBitsySpyers: *If he hears one more person talk about the blasted Covenant...* B l u r r: Hnnh... what was it called? B l u r r: / fiddling through datapads / The speed ring was one thing... then we located another. Some sort of... giant hammer from Malgus. ItsyBitsySpyers: *THAT?* [[Good luck with that one.]] ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Try not to let yourself get boxed in.]] ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soft huffing.* B l u r r: K-KYAHAHAHA!! I'm not that idiot. B l u r r: I wouldn't get stuck. Besides... if it's not worth grabbing, there are /other/ things in that universe. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[There are.]] B l u r r: [[ honestly tho like is this what people do in these back country towns? ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: *Vent snort.* ItsyBitsySpyers: ((well i mean the story was originally set in the 50s, paper boats -were- a thing)) B l u r r: [[... true. i am a fool ]] B l u r r: [[ captions are okay, right? ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((captions are very helpful)) B l u r r: [[ okie! ]] B l u r r: / snort / I hear their Magnus is out of commission anyway... B l u r r: Now the hammer sits in the hands of some... idiot. Or was it Optimus? I can't recall. B l u r r: [[ this guy deserves an award 4 how creepy he is ]] BoneAndHook: ((he does)) B l u r r: [[ cause i am terrified of clowns ] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((well you're in for fun tonight)) B l u r r: [[ but IT never scared me ??? Like. IDK B l u r r: Maybe it's because I know he's not really a clown?? ] B l u r r: [[ ALSO IM SORRY BUT Have you guys seen the freaking second take of this scene?? ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: *Startled.* BoneAndHook: ((YES)) B l u r r: [[DSNFKADFS ]] B l u r r: [[ THE ONE WHERE HE GETS THE BOAT? ?] ] BoneAndHook: ((yes lmao)) B l u r r: [[ I was wheezing. ]] B l u r r: [[ ' shiit ' ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: [[...Does Earth have an Underworld of its own?]] B l u r r: Earth? Not that I know of... B l u r r: Well... I do know of SOME places. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Such as?]] B l u r r: Well, there's been a few anomolies we've detected. B l u r r: I know that the Earth in my universe has a belief of the Underworld, but there's so many different things people believe. B l u r r: [[ oh my god I thought that was the actor for Carl Grimes for ten seconds and I was like wHAT ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Rude.]] B l u r r: But, I /have/ found something. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Go on.]] B l u r r: It's a little hard to get to, but if you give me some time... I could show you. B l u r r: I bet you would enjoy it. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Possibly. He's willing to see what it is.]] B l u r r: I've been there only once. It was a complete mistake. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[And?]] B l u r r: It's something I think you would like. B l u r r: It has a lot of... color. B l u r r: / wiggles claws/ and music! B l u r r: [[ oh hELL NAH KID RUN ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: [[...Is it that tiny alternate toy of his.]] B l u r r: No no. B l u r r: It's an Earth I've never been to before. B l u r r: We stopped by to seek out some resources, but I ended up getting into a bit of trouble. B l u r r: What else is new, right? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Huff.* B l u r r: / smirks and leans forward / But this place. Well, if you're into music, you'd love it. Even /I/ liked the way it looked. B l u r r: And, you know me, I'm a fan of dark and gloomy. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Are you going to hint all night or do you intend to tell him?]] B l u r r: [[ I am A) not used to seeing this kid outside of Stranger tThings and B) not used to the glasses ]] B l u r r: ... Well, I don't know what it's CALLED. B l u r r: They call it the Land of the Dead. Very typical. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[-No.-]] B l u r r: No? ItsyBitsySpyers: [[No. He goes nowhere the dead rule.]] B l u r r: Oh, please. They don't RULE. B l u r r: They just... it's like a whole city. B l u r r: They even have jobs. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Suspicious as all hell.* B l u r r: Listen, I don't usually go where the dead walk either, but it isn't something as scary as it seems. B l u r r: Or unsettling. Whatever you'd like to call it. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Corrupted.]] B l u r r: That, too. ItsyBitsySpyers: ((also: stream ded)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((pennywise too scary, gave up the ghost)) B l u r r: [[ i pause it ]] B l u r r: [[ is it back? ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((ye)) B l u r r: [[ its good, yeah? ]] BoneAndHook: ((lagging tho. only JUST paused)) B l u r r: [[ want me to reset it ? ]] BoneAndHook: ((nah, it's technically looking okay)) B l u r r: [[ lemme know if it isn't ]] B l u r r: [[ it's dropping it isnt it? ]] BoneAndHook: ((no, it's fine)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((sorry i had to grab drink)) B l u r r: [[ no worries. Welcome back! ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Irreverent, isn't he.]] B l u r r: I suppose. B l u r r: [[ it's a no for me, dog. I would not go in there ] B l u r r: [[ not without two bottles of pink fairies and a sword ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: *Armor clamps down.* B l u r r: / reaches over and pat / ItsyBitsySpyers: **Human terrorcons. No better than their own kind.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *SMACK the hand away. Do not touch.* B l u r r: / B( / B l u r r: / wiggles claws at and settles back in seat / B l u r r: [[ eW ??? fsbhgjsf EW ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((creepo)) B l u r r: [[ so gross ]] B l u r r: [[ I always hated her dad, too fbgjkfdss ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: [[...Why is that on the television.]] B l u r r: who knows? Human television is weird. B l u r r: [[ awww she's cute with short hair ]] BoneAndHook: ((giiirl nooooo don't put it in the sink, it's gonna clog the drain and then you have filthy nasty wet hair clogging it up)) B l u r r: [[ i knoooow it's gross ]] B l u r r: [[ true horror of the night: the government shut down again ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((lord)) BoneAndHook: ((at least they can pass fewer shiitty laws while they're closed)) B l u r r: [[ truth ] BoneAndHook: ((i like that wild musical interlude)) B l u r r: [[ yesss ]] B l u r r: [[ they aged the kids up for this movie, eh? ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((no idea)) B l u r r: [[ Honestly, I haven't read the book in so long, so I dunno ]] BoneAndHook: ((don't put your eye over the talking drain ffs)) B l u r r: [[ nah fam. nAH ]] BoneAndHook: ((don't you know what's down there? HAIR)) B l u r r: EW DONT OPEN YOUR MOUTH  ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((god this grosses me out so bad)) B l u r r: [[ IM SORRY ;A; ]] BoneAndHook: ((ugh. ugh. ugh. ugh.)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((lmao it's okay)) B l u r r: [[ to be fAIR I have never seen this ]] B l u r r: [[ i mean not this version ]] BoneAndHook: ((and both of us have lmao)) B l u r r: [[ oh yeah , i forgot. lmao ]] BoneAndHook: ((there's something in this movie for everyone and FOR ME IT'S HAIR)) B l u r r: [[ i thought something was going to go in her eye tbfh ]] B l u r r: [ i had a leg up in defensE ]] BoneAndHook: ((i had an arm up to block it and i still gagged lmao)) B l u r r: [[ big mood ]] B l u r r: [[ NAH FAM I SAW THIS PART IN A PREVIEW NAH THIS IS SOME CLOWNERY ]] BoneAndHook: ((if i had been in her place i would have just. thrown up the moment the tape measure came up with hair on it. just. straight into the sink. it would have been like "the FVCK")) B l u r r: [[ truth ]] B l u r r: [[ how do people take him seriously with the goofy eyes. He got TFP Megatron eye syndrome ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((it's supposed to be extra alienating or somethin)) B l u r r: [[ im wheezing ]] BoneAndHook: ((yeah it helps give IT away as a lure rather than a real person)) B l u r r: [[ i like it. ]] B l u r r: [[ but i keep snorting ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((nobody's gonna bribe the kid on the steps to shush?)) B l u r r: [[ first of all, they are cleaning all of that wrong ]] BoneAndHook: ((didn't the kid come in with them?)) B l u r r: [[ nah richie is outside ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((no no there was richie as lookout but also some kid on the steps)) B l u r r: [[ ooh. ]] BoneAndHook: ((no the one who was waiting on the steps, i thought i saw them get up and follow them in. i wasn't paying attention to which one it was)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((i'm not sure now)) B l u r r: [[ she's a cute kid ]] B l u r r: [[ just drop ur bikes in the street wtf ] B l u r r: [[ i can't fdbkda ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((HELL NO not this)) B l u r r: [[ is there a thing i should know? ]] BoneAndHook: ((yes. hold onto ur seat.)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((literally)) B l u r r: [[ gsbhjfksd ]] B l u r r: [[ thats not helpful ]] BoneAndHook: ((here we go)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((*crawls under blanket*)) B l u r r: [[ see, i can dig this version of this movie a lot ]] B l u r r: [[ I appreciate its appeal ]] B l u r r: [[ bRO WHY WOULD YOU GO ]] B l u r r: [[ nah faqm im good fjks ]] BoneAndHook: ((u just know IT heard "scared of clowns" and went "oh this one's gonna be so easy")) B l u r r: [[ me tbh ]] BoneAndHook: ((me getting out of bed in the morning)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((LMAO)) B l u r r: [[ LMAO ] B l u r r: [[ well, don't be scared of it, u fool ]] B l u r r: [[ u go, bill. u fight that *** ]] B l u r r: [[ he is not gonna shoot that fuccking cat, is he ]] B l u r r: [[ im gonna scream ]] B l u r r: [ please tell me if he does or not because i can't watch that shyte. ]] BoneAndHook: ((i don't remember if he gets it)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((iirc no)) BoneAndHook: ((... notice we see this weirdass show in the houses of abusive parents)) B l u r r: [[ right ? ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((didn't catch that before)) B l u r r: [[ why would u hide in the bathroom ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((so you can do that)) B l u r r: [[wow guess who missed all of that ] B l u r r: [[ because this dang woman had to yell at me to put one fuckking bowl away ]] BoneAndHook: ((you can rewind if you want)) B l u r r: [[ nah it's fine ]] BoneAndHook: ((dad followed her into the bathroom, she was hiding behind the tub curtain)) B l u r r: [[ i saw up to when she hit him ]] BoneAndHook: ((he fell down and died, she tried to walk out the bathroom door, IT grabbed her throat)) B l u r r: ahh ]]] BoneAndHook: ((we cut to bill out in the park, probably waiting for bev, but she doesn't come so he goes to her house. finds dad dead in the bathroom and YOU DIE IF YOU TRY written on the ceiling in blood)) B l u r r: got it ]] BoneAndHook: ((and now the avengers are assembling and you're caught up)) B l u r r: [[ sweet ]] B l u r r: thank ]] B l u r r: [[ well this shows his collection and hideout better ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((what's really behind slendy's mask)) BoneAndHook: ((LMAO)) BoneAndHook: ((it's an accurate amount of teeth)) B l u r r: lmaooo ]] B l u r r: [[ thats stanley. Always causing issues. ]] B l u r r: [[ i remember that from the book ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((CRIMINY, CATS DID YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE THIS MOMENT TO BOTH STARTLE)) B l u r r: [[ omg ]]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((hfff i'm so tired but i wanna see the rest)) B l u r r: [[ it says it's almost over ]] BoneAndHook: ((we're close!!)) BoneAndHook: ((i was so terrified that georgie wasn't going to start moving again)) B l u r r: [[ omg ]] BoneAndHook: ((i was like "oh no what if IT left him alive as bait and he kILLED THE REAL ONE")) B l u r r: [[ right? ]] B l u r r: [[ *has flashbacks to boggarts* ]] B l u r r: [[ Sequel is this or next year I think ]] B l u r r: [ anywaYS. Thanks for dealing with me for a lil while with the horror filmies. Next week is horror aND cute ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((yaaaay)) B l u r r: [[ HOPEFULLY I can squeeze both in. ]] B l u r r: [[ neither movie is terribly long ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((we shall see! but for now.... zzz)) B l u r r: [[ but thank y'all for coming! ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((yw!)) B l u r r: <3 ]] BoneAndHook: ((ty for hosting!))