#I kept this simpler on the rendering side but it still took like two weeks a/f event ended due to valley stretches T0T

[mothgoddesss]

HAPPY 4 YEARS OF SKY: CHILDREN OF THE LIGHT!

The disco lights are ON! The stage is LIT! Everyone's dancin' and prancin' in the office! Even Telfoso adorns herself in the iconic teal hue as she twirls around on the dance floor! Baybei attempts to mimic her moves, and Moro busts a few moves, too!

While I normally don't make art like this, Sky means too much to me, to where it is literally a hemisphere of Brainne. While I've only been around for half of its total life, it has brought me countless memories, cherished friendships, helped me build a genuine and meaningful following, and made me realize two little stars of my own who shall be born someday. The event itself was a BLAST, I had a lot of fun jamming to the music conch shell with friends and my older sibling, and the vibes were truly pristine. They've just been knocking it off the ballpark with the events this year-!!

Here's to another year of greatness and many more! ♥

Got this done a while back, but I forgot to post it here ERRP

[sunassweetie]

Already Gone.

Pairing: Suna x Osamu (Osasuna)

Word Count: 5.4k 

Genre: Pain haha :):

Disclaimer: Underage Smoking don't @ me 

Warning: I wrote this after I read the galaxy is endless. But also like major trigger warnings for a lot of various things, just know I didn't hold back. 

When Osamu was younger, he absolutely, and indefinitely, hated the idea of holding onto nothing. The idea that a person alone could hold themselves upright, and power through life on their own. Maybe it was because he had been surrounded by the welcoming arms of his family his entire life, hell the man shared a womb with his twin. There was never a time where Osamu had felt alone, and he couldn’t understand the want to ignore those who held their hands out to help. He couldn’t fathom not having a support system, or someone to help him get back up when he fell off the tracks. 

There was always someone there. Until of course there wasn’t, and only then did Osamu realize what he had meant when he said, “The world is unforgiving, you’ll always be alone even when you’re surrounded by millions of people.” 

-:-

Osamu met Suna in his first year at Inarizaki, shuffling into the lowest class, his twin in tow next to him as they moved down the corridor. He could hear people whisper, even through the speakers of his earbuds, unsure of whether or not he liked the attention him and Atsumu had been receiving the moment they stepped foot onto the school grounds. 

Are those the miya twins? 

They’re so attractive! 

I want to ask Osamu out! 

Do you think they are going to try out for the volleyball team? 

Duh, just look at them. 

Osamu could already feel an immense amount of pressure settling upon shoulders as he slipped into his designated classroom, leaving Atsumu’s side as different classes separated them. Idly walking down the aisles until his name tag placed on the corner of the desk seat number popped into his vision, cueing him to take a seat. 

It's uncomfortable, he thinks, I didn’t miss this. His notebook, that he didn’t really plan on using, took up space at his desk along with the small pouch that only contained two pens, a pencil, and extra lead. Leaning back in his chair, his hand fishes down into his pocket to pull out his phone, turning up the volume, as he checks the time. 

He has five minutes till class starts, not that he cared in the slightest. The only thing currently on Osamus mind besides his first high school volleyball practice (after guaranteeing a spot on the team months prior during his middle school scouting days) he was mostly worried about what seasonings he could add to his next onigiri batch. 

There's a loud thump next to him, his head craning to see the commotion. He’s only met with a lanky boy, shoulders broader than those Dorito chips he once saw his old school mate aran eating, and eyes slanted in a bored glare. His earbuds dangle from the neck hole of his shirt, but his large hands quickly come to pull the buds into his ears, leaning forward on the desk  and putting his arms out in front of him to use as a pillow against the hard wood of the tables. Osamu couldn’t describe the way the boy rendered him speechless, eyes staring into the boy wondrously.  

“Do you need something,” The boy says to him, pulling him from his daze, blinking twice as both boys stare at each other. 

“Sorry,” Osamu fumbles, turning forwards in his chair. 

-:-

“So these are the new first years?” The coach says next to a second year whos hair falls in front of their faces, amber eyes weaving in between each of the younger boys lined against the court. 

“There's one missing.” His voice is automatic, cool even to hear. 

 Osamu isn’t paying attention to the talk, his mind blankly staring at the nets, wondering what type of position would he be most effective in. Perhaps Atsumu would play as setter, and he could work alongside his brother, the only harmony that was ever brought into their never ending sibling rivalry. 

“Your late first year,” The coach booms as someone stumbles into the gym. This catches Osamus thoughts, his eyes following the commotion as someone goes to stand next to Atsumu. 

“Sorry, a teacher held me back.” 

“On the first day?”

“I fell asleep during announcements.” 

He falls silent as the coach goes on, explaining how the team would work and what was going to be on the agenda for the upcoming scrimmage game they were suppose to be playing against another school. But Osamu finds it hard to concentrate, looking between the tall brunette and the court. 

-:- 

He couldn’t pinpoint the moment he knew, it wasn’t something he had ever realized before in his life, until the confusion of his emotions finally made him realize it. Over the year, he hadn’t just grown close to Suna as you would expect of friends. No, it was much more to Osamu then he would ever admit to Suna. 

The way his heart would beat out of his chest, or the slight sheen of sweat that would slip across his hands when he spoke to the other boy. Sometimes he hated the way he felt, wishing he could return to simpler times, when all he had to worry about was volleyball, and the next snide remark he’d throw Atsumu’s way. 

He wondered endlessly if Suna ever picked up on those miniscule hints he’d leave. Like when the team would go out for ramen after a tournament went right, and he’d always take the seat next to Suna. The same applies when traveling distances, it was an unspoken agreement that Suna and Osamu would always be paired together in the bus seats. Those little gestures when Osamu would pick a pack of Chuupets to hand to Suna at the most random times, “Saw ‘em when I was grabbing some stuff for the onigiris ‘m makin’.” Possibly when Suna forgot his team jacket on cold days, Osamu would give him his extra that made home in his locker specifically for this occasion to pop up. 

-:-

The first time that Osamu ever inhaled the hazy smoke into his lungs, he was sitting next to Suna. The dark sky towering over them, the pressure of nationals coming to cause a permanent crease in their brows. 

“Wanna hit,” He asks Osamu, as they swing back and forth in slow, repetitive motions on the empty playgrounds swings. 

“I’ve never smoked before,” Osamu admitted, somewhat shyly, embarrassed at his lack of experience in front of someone who he knew had been smoking for a while now. 

“It's up to you, no pressure,” Suna would say, taking another hit, the rolled joint limply dangling from his lips, smoke emitting from his mouth with each inhale and exhale. Osamu wants to, he wants to know the high that Suna had adored so much, the pleasure that Suna would succumb to with each passing moment.

“Teach me,” He was scared he sounded desperate, or enthusiastic. He tried his best to act as if it didn’t bother him, attempting to keep a cool façade in front of Suna. Suna looks at him with a smirk, eyes slanted and red as he hands the drug to Osamu. When Suna slips him the joint, their fingers brush by slowly, lingering momentarily. It takes a few tries for Osamu to stop coughing when he takes a hit, Suna laughing each time until he gets it. 

Osamu gets it now, the feeling Suna chases each time he comes to smoke under the stars, “Does it always feel this good?” 

“Most of the time, sometimes you might have a bad trip,” He says. 

Osamu looks at Suna, wondering when they hand ended up lying in the grass together, at the most a foot apart as they gazed up at the burning balls of fire littering the sky. He always has his earbuds in, and Osamu wonders what is always playing through them, what music accompanies the man in front of him. 

“What are ya listen’ to,” Osamu asks then. Suna looks at him, and without a word, is taking the other earbud and handing it to Osamu.

Cigarettes after Sex. 

He had been listening to Cigarettes after Sex. 

-:-  

At the beginning of their third year, Osamu caught Suna in the halls, long after the bells had dismissed everyone to return home, leaving the building empty of all noise, minus the creaks the old building would create every once in a while. 

He had been kept back by his teacher, insisting to go through his bag as he, as the teacher explained, “Reeked of weed.” However Osamu mentally praised himself for leaving his stuff at home and blaming the smell on a convenience store he had been in, addressing the owner who had been smoking that morning. Of course this was a lie, but the teacher was stupid enough to believe the pitiful lie, sending Osamu on his way out. 

He was propped against the wall, head tilted upright as he crossed his arms over his body. He looked peaceful there, with his earbuds more than likely playing some form of arctic monkeys or pearl jam. Maybe he was listening to the 1975 this time, or U2, it could have been any of them. The sunlight bounced against his complexion, soaking him in a warm bath of melanin. His hair had been slightly tousled, more than likely the job of himself constantly running his hands through his hair. 

“What are ya still doing’ here,” Osamu asked him when he had finally approached him after ogling at him for a moment down the hall. 

“I heard you got called back, figured I wait around to go to practice with you.” Suna says as if it were nothing at all. Osamu would never admit it, but it meant more to him then words would even be able to begin to describe. 

“Ya coulda gon’ to practice,” Osamu mumbles, walking in sync with Suna now. 

“Got me out of warm up laps anyways.” His words are mysterious, not that getting out of warm up laps wasn’t a common occurrence for Suna, but to wait for Osamu, it just wasn’t typical of Suna. 

It surprised Osamu even more, when the next week after finishing a test late he found Suna waiting for him in the corridor, and every time after that. 

 -:-

“Do you ever think about what's going to happen when we graduate?” Suna asks quietly next to Osamu. They had been sitting at the skate park together, smoking accumulating between the two of them, as they talk quietly though they are the only ones here under the dim lights scattered around. 

“We graduate in a week and you want to start pondering what's going to happen in life?” Osamu laughs, taking another hit, lying against the cold cement. Suna doesn't say anything, staring directly in front of him. Osamu wonders what's going on inside of his head right now, though he doesn’t feel like he has the right to know. 

“Yeah,” He hums, “ I guess you're right.” 

But his words have something hidden behind them, something that Osamu can’t describe, but it twinges a wave of fear through him. The words felt cold, distant. He wants to ask, he wants to ask so badly if he’s okay, if there's something he can do if he is not. But he bites his lip and he doesn’t ask. 

He knows Suna too well at this point from the countless nights spent smoking together, the morning practices and pairings in class. He’s been to his hand more time then you’d even be able to count. He knows every little thing, like when he starts complaining more than he normally does, it's because he’s running on an empty stomach. And if his hands start shaking, it's never because he’s cold or because he’s angry, it's because he hasn’t gotten his daily dose of caffeine, and when he goes silent, it's never because he's sad, it's simply because he has nothing left to say. He hates when people talk too much, and it irritates him when people start singing for no apparent reason other than to just sing. He loves chuupet, and volleyball, and alternative music, and smoking. And he doesn’t care about much of anything else. 

But right now, as his eyes hold back the emotions he’s suppressing within himself, Osamu can see right through it, he can see the pain lingering in his grey-yellow eyes. He knows Suna will lie to him, because Suna’s thoughts were Suna’s thoughts alone. 

-:-

Osamu hated the way that the feeling never changed. It never let up, it never ceased. It only grew until the roots had entangled so deeply he could feel it crawling into his lungs branching out in a painstakingly slow ache. Suffocating him like he was ten feet under, buried beneath the surface of platonic smiles and thoughtless gestures. 

Some days he wished he would just say it. Three words, thats all it would take to assimilate this stupid feeling he couldn’t control. Three, simple, little words that hefted the weight of the world. 

In ways, it made him angry. Why couldn’t he just say it, why couldn’t he just tell the boy how he had truly felt. It was a simple feeling, and when the rejection came it would bide Osamu the time to figure himself out, to learn how to breathe again. But maybe that was it, maybe the reason he feared telling him the hardened truth of his feelings is because he knew deep down the rejection would kill him. It would make him lose any ounce of control he had built up, it would make him see red. He had already been hanging by the shreds of thread, if he exploited himself in this way there was no going back, there was going to be no more midnight smoke sessions, no more trips to the convenience store after practice, no more movie nights, no more him. 

Osamu felt constricted by the material wrapped around his body, was it hot in here? It was just him, the pouring rain against the window fogging it with each burst of coldness proving it to just be him. With a sigh, he slips the material off of his body, and throws it to the other side of the room. He’ll pick it up later, he tells himself when it hits the wall with a thud and silently falls to the ground below. 

He knows he won’t though. The pile of laundry that had been piling for the last month tells him exactly that. 

-:-

It's sticky in here, Osamu thinks. 

Its stick, and its muddy, and its hollow. It's packed to the brim with people, it's loud and annoying and they won’t shut up over the obnoxious thumping of whatever trash was blaring through the speakers set up through the house. And it's lonely. He knows Kita and Aran are over in the corner, arguing over who is going to be the designated driver, and he sees Atsumu’s talking to some boy with a mask over his face, thought Osamu notes how the boy looks out of place and uncomfortable (he feels the way this boy looks, but he wouldn’t ever voice that outloud) and he sees Suna. 

He’s sprawled against the leather couch, there's two girls, one on each arm, stuck to him like pesky little leeches, taking hits from his joint with those agonizing high pitched laughs. They were fake, he could see it from a mile a way, and he was sure Suna could see the same, but Suna wasn’t going to complain, not when later he’d mingle his way upstairs with one, if not both of them. 

It hurt Osamu to even think about it, and now the kitchen counter seemed to be pressing into his back more evidently, more uncomfortable then it had been before. He moves quietly outside, ditching the red solo cup that had been placed in his left hand, somewhere now scattered with the array of cups lining the counter. 

His hands pressed into the rail against the outside patio overlooking the backyard. Not as many people were here this time, only the couple in the corner who resembled suction cups and the scattered druggies doing harsher things than Osamu would ever even think about trying. Osamu couldn’t explain what was happening to him right now. 

Why did that suffocating feeling seem deeper, rougher now. Why did it feel like everything was breaking down. He didn’t understand why water had been leaking from his eyes, or why his breathing had picked up in pace, or why the red bleeding feeling felt like it was going to overcome his entire being. He just wanted out, but he couldn’t move. Paralyzed into holding onto that rail, knuckles burning white as he leaned over the edge slightly, rocking back and forth on his heel. 

He just wanted it to stop. He just wanted to breathe again. 

“Osamu,” He can hear the voice, but he can't make it out. It's more like white noise, like that shitty music in the background, or those girls laughing in Suna’s lap just moments ago. 

“Osamu,” He hears it again, it's louder this time, but the panic begins to trickle deeper inside of him, the rocking becoming more violent. Shaking his body in waves of unstoppable tremors, more tears relentlessly streaming down his face. 

“Osamu, hey, listen to me,” There are more words this time. He can feel someone's hand on his shoulder, he could hear the fear in their voice, as he slips further and further down this rabbit hold he can't climb out of. The world shifts for a moment however, and he feels his body slipping, he can’t tell if he’s being moved, but he feels the tugging at his wrist. The voice is yelling again, the music is louder, and Osamu can’t remember how, but somehow, someway, when he snaps from his daze, from that suffocating world of constant agony, he’s in a dimly lit room. 

Suna’s in front of him, his eyes are wide, and he has each hand on Osamu’s shaking shoulders. Atsumu is behind him, nervously biting his lip with his arms crossed against his chest in a worried manner. Kita is at the door with a glass of water, and other members of the team are hanging on at the door frame. All eyes were on him, and it made him feel even more constricted than before. 

“Make them go away,” He whispers, pulling his legs to his body, only now realizing the fetal position he had taken accustomed to on the floor. 

“Everyone out,” Suna says while standing up, pushing even his twin out the door, grumbles and groans following suit, a ‘hes my brother i should make sure he’s okay’ and a ‘he doesn’t need you to see him like this right now, it will only make him feel worse now get out’ before the room goes silent with only the bass from below shaking the floors and Suna’s shuffling from the door back over to him. 

“Are you okay,” He quietly asks, unsure of how he can help Osamu right now. 

Osamu doesn’t know how to respond, so instead he stays silent, he stays so quiet for so long he hopes that Suna will eventually get bored and take his leave. But Suna never does, he never moves from the squatted position in front of Osamu, he never takes his hand away from Osamus shoulder, he never stops the little circles he rubbing into the top of Osamu’s shoulder. 

It only hurts Osamu more, because it only makes him realize how much more in love with Suna he truly is. 

-:- 

“We did it.” Suna mumbles, kicking his feet against the wood chips surrounding the child's swing set him and Osamu had been sitting at. The sun had long since fallen, and the breeze picked up in their black graduation robes, the suits underneath the flimsy fabric enough to keep them warm. It had only been a few hours since they had been taking a plethora of pictures with family, walking across that damned stage and shaking hands with a principle they had only met enough to count on one hand alone. 

“I guess we did,” Osamu mumbles. He thinks back to only a week ago, back at the skatepark, the smoke, the atmosphere, the words that had left sunas lips that night. “Do you ever think about what's going to happen when we graduate?” 

Its only now Osamu truly understands what Suna was getting at. With one foot out the door they had their entire lives ahead of them now, bracing for impact for the true glories and misfortunes life had to offer them.

“I’m not gonna pursue Volleyball in college,” Osamu blurts, speaking softly as he watches the star twinkle in the sky. He had been thinking long and hard about this decision, fearing what the consequences may be of quitting a sport, he not only loved, but was good at. He can feel Suna’s head turn toward him. 

“Really?” 

Osamu stays quiet for a moment, “I love volleyball, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think I like it as much as ‘tsumu does, and it just doesn’t feel like my calling.” 

“What feels like your calling then?” Suna is quiet. 

“Not sure yet, but I do love food. Maybe I’ll travel, learn different food cuisines, or I’ll start my own shop, who knows where life will take me.” 

Suna goes quiet, his eyes trained down into his laps as each finger picks at the other, his chunky silver rings twirling and twisting with each fumble, “What if life won’t take you anywhere.” 

It was Osamu’s turn to snap his head in the direction of the brunette, curiosity laced in his emotions. Suna won’t look up at him, instead focusing still on his rings, playing with them gently, in particular the snake slithering up his middle finger, whose emerald eyes glare up at him.

“What do ya mean by that.” 

“What if...what if life doesn’t have anything planned for you, what if you're just there to take up space.” 

“Everyone is here fer a reason Suna. Everyone has a purpose, a cause, an effect. One day, yer gonna find yer life heading in directions ya love, and directions ya hate. But there’s always gonna to be a path waiting for ya, there’s always gonna to be somebody there too, to keep ya standing, to keep ya breathing,” Osamu was sure these were the wisest words to ever push past his lips. 

Sunas eyes bore into his now, they’re still on the swings, not even the gusts of wind can move them at this moment. Suna breathes out for a moment before taking off his snake ring, and gently opens up Osamu’s fingers before placing it in his hand. 

“The world is unforgiving, you’ll always be alone even when you’re surrounded by millions of people.” 

-:- 

It was exactly 2:46 am when Osamu had been disrupted from his sleep, pulled out of bed by the crying sounds of his phone, blaring out that ringtone he wished he could just smash at the wall. 

It was exactly 2:46 am when he heard Suna’s shaky heavy breath on the other line. 

It was exactly 2:47 am when he was running out the door, his shoes half on, his keys in one hand, his brother yelling from down the hall. 

It was 2:59 am by the time he had reached Suna’s front door, smashing through it at the speed of light. 

It was 3:00 Am by the time Osamu found him, mopped up by his own saliva, foam trickling from his mouth, his body convulsing in panic rages surrounded by pools of blood seeping from his wrists and pills sprawled across the floor. 

-:- 

Osamu hated hospitals. He hated the smell of antiseptics that flowed down each hall, and the way people walked in almost pure silence. He hated the way he would see people crumble on their knees the moment the doctor came out with that look on his face. He hated that hospitals go be the center of positivity and the bane of someone's worst nightmare at the same time. 

“How did we not know he wer’ gonna do something’ like this,” He hears from next to him, and with the lull of his head and the most deadpan expression Osamu mutters, “Shut up ‘tsumu.” 

And the silence overtakes them, and the entire waiting room is filled with people. So many people Osamu knew from school, and others from when he’d go over to Suna’s house after school. The hardest, perhaps in Osamus opinion, was Suna’s little sister. Her hair was in two separate braids, flicked up in different directions as her eyes were puffed out in an angry red color, glossed over by the tears that had long ago stopped falling. She hadn’t released her bottom lip from the grip her teeth had on it, her hands moving in her lap, similar to the way Suna’s had once fumbled. 

It chokes Osamu, suffocating him, but this time it's not because of the emotions he felt towards Suna. This time it was at the numbness that began to over encumber him leaving him void of any expression. 

-:- 

He couldn’t leave the chair at Suna’s beside when no one else was in the room, he always held his hand too then, even if the wires got in the way of him holding his brittle cold hands. The snake wrapped around his index finger now, curled up against the pale flesh Suna had silently offered to him. 

He was afraid he wasn’t going to wake up. Osamu knew this situation too well, he knew he would drown in this. It was his fault, wasn’t it. He should have picked up on the cues that night, he should have picked up on the cues the week before, or the months before that. He should have known when it started, instead, he was selfish. Instead he only focused on himself, on the feelings he tried to hide from the male next to him. If only he admitted his feelings, if only he had seen the bigger picture, maybe he would have seen Suna. 

Osamu hadn’t cried yet, though he had probably been the closest to Suna, he hadn’t let a tear slip yet, afraid that if he were too, then he would never stop. He brings Suna’s limp hand to his lips, leaving his lips to gently lay a kiss at the spot where Suna’s thumb and index finger were conjoined. 

“Come back to me Suna, I have something to tell you.” 

-:- 

He never missed a day, every single morning he embedded it into his routine to check in on Suna during the following months. He was always still breathing, but never awake. His heart always pumping, but his brain shut off. 

He just wanted Suna to wake up, to hold his hand instead of the other way around, he wanted Suna to know the truth, he wanted to hold him, and this time he would never let him slip. It was a promise Osamu always wanted to make to him. 

“I’ll be back later tonight, you’re mom asked me to drop some things off at your house for her, don’t wait up,” he tries to joke, but it doesn’t ease the feeling inside of him. He looks at the motionless body, his eyes were trained on his lips. Osamu had always wondered what they felt like, but he was sure between the stone cold air of the hospital and the lack of vanilla Chapstick Osamu always saw peeking out of Suna’s bag, that right now his lips would feel bitterly chapped.

It doesn’t stop him from leaning in, to place his own against Suna, just slightly away from his lip however, and onto the silky smooth skin that lie at Suna’s cheek. 

He’d kiss him for real when he woke up. 

-:-

“The key is under the mat, Osamu thank you so much for doing this, I just...I can’t go into his room right now, I haven’t been able to for months,” Suna’s mothers voice was strained, cutting in and out from the sobs she was trying her best to hold back. 

“It’s okay Mrs. Rintarou, I’m glad to help.” 

And the line goes dead as Osamu hangs up with a simple click to the red button as his hand slips under the welcome mat to find the spare key awaiting him. He pushes the key in and the stagnant air hits him like a brick as he steps through the doorway, discarding his shoes at the front entryway. He looks down the hall, his memories flashing back to that moment, as if it were all in slow motion, like it had been happening all over again. 

Osamu shakes his head as he slowly steps down the hall, making a left before the sealed off bathroom, and walking into the room he hoped he’d never have to step into again. If he thought the front door had been a pile of bricks, then his room had to be the cement burning him into the earth. 

“Dude shut up, it was one time.” Suna laughs, throwing pieces of the popcorn from the round bowl in his arms at Osamu. 

“Oh yeah, just once,” He mimics in a sarcastic tone, throwing the popcorn back at Suna. Suna rolls his eyes and goes back to scrolling aimlessly at his phone. Osamu was lying stomach down on the floor, and angled that if Suna looked over, he would absolutely see the younger miya twin staring up at him, but how could he not when the sun was glowing so effortlessly against the boys skin. 

He could trace every curve along Suna’s defined face in this lighting, burning this image of him into the back of his skull. 

Osamu blinks, reality setting in around him that he now stood in the room alone, the basket of clothes Suna had arrived at the hospital now lying in the plastic bag, taking up needless space inside of his hospital room.  He just needed to set it in the corner and leave, that was his only job, nothing more, nothing less. 

But Osamu’s eyes flicker too far to the right, and an envelope neatly placed in the center of Suna’s desk fills his vision. He knows what it is, that's obvious enough from the placement of the paper. When his legs wander to the table, he wishes he had just turned on his heel and left right then. But when his vision is evoked with the letting of Suna’s familiar scribble and his name adoring the empty space of the white canvas, Osamu loses his control to stay strong, and the first tear falls. The second when his hands unseal the back of the envelope, the third when he pulls the letter from the pouch, and the fourth when he reads 

Dear Osamu.

Its not your fault. 

And I love you too, even though I should have said it allowed. 

I love you so dearly.

I’ve lost my fight, but please don’t lose yours. 

Suna. 

He didn’t know when the showers from his eyes began as he collapsed down to the floor, holding the letter closely to his chest as he screams out. For the first time in months, he screams out the pain blocking him, the pain consuming him. 

He doesn’t even have the time to process this information, because that ringtone flares up again, just like it had done that night. 

“H-hello?” Osamu says as he picks up, unsure of the caller id, he couldn't care to look at this point. 

“He woke up Sumu. He’s awake.” 

And just like his legs carried him out of the house that night, he’s sprint full force to his car and sliding into the driver's seat, turning the key into the ignition and speeding down the road recklessly past the stop sign. 

He should have stopped. 

-:- 

“Where’s Osamu,” Suna croaks out, it's the first thing he’s said, the vision of Osamu bleakly pulling into his memory. 

“He’s on his way, he’ll be here any minute,” Suna’s mother says, with joyous tears in her eyes. 

-:- 

“Where’s Osamu.” 

“There was an accident.” 

-:- 

Suna was wrapped in the navy blue sweater Osamu had given to him, tightly secure in the knitted fabric as his white collar shirt peeked out from the bottom of it, contrasting against his dark jeans. His long legs were wrapped up to his chest, his head softly laying in between his knees. 

“It would have been easier if I couldn’t remember you,” he whispers, “You were like a drug you know. You were heaven to have, a high I’ll never get back now that you're gone.” 

He stares at the stone in the grass carefully watching the flowers he had set up hours ago sway with the wind, “We’d probably be smoking right now, except we’d be closer. Sometimes I imagine the way it would feel to have you laid across my lap.” 

Suna can feel the tears now, “I wish I never woke up, I wish I had gone that night, you’d still be here, and it should have gone the way it was supposed to.” 

He can almost hear his words in the back of his mind. Everyone has a purpose, a cause, an effect. He sniffles slightly as he brushes his finger past his nose with his sweater hanging past his fingers, “You would have told me otherwise...wouldn’t you Osamu.” 

[crystal-grace]

As the World Crumbles - Homecoming

Post-Trespasser AU in which Inquisitor Kethryllia Lavellan drags Solas back to answer for bringing Thedas to the brink of war. Until the Inquisition renders judgement, Inquisutor Lavellan has assigned her advisor and twin sister, Yaviel as Solas’s jailer and possible salvation.

Regret and shock were likely the only thing that kept her from disappearing on the spot. They were the only things that kept her moving down the hall and not climbing out of any windows to disappear into the Frostbacks.

She didn’t want this. 

Creators, she didn’t want this. Two weeks. She’d been given two weeks and instead of running she’d stayed to see the outcome. Yaviel was suddenly that much more grateful for being at the lead. It made swallowing down desperate tears that much easier while the guards chattered along behind her. As if this was any time for laughter.

“Maybe the Inquisitor’ll make ‘im Tranquil.”

“Now ya know better than that. Our Inquisitor’s too soft for that.”

“Yeah but—there’s a first for everything.”

Tranquil. 

Just the notion made her blood run cold, colder still when the men laughed. The guards thought Tranquility was a joke. Stripping a mage of everything that made them a person, was a joke and a punishment. A punishment that they thought her sister would ever consider. How had these men continued in Kethryllia’s service? The question twisted in her stomach while she fought the urge to look back and set them on fire.

“I can manage from here, thank you.” There was steel in her voice that she didn’t feel when she finally turned.  

“My lady?”

“You can return to your posts, I’ll be fine from here.” Steel and ice kept her voice from quivering. It was just as well. She could manage both in ample enough quantities to make the guards quail. Quail and drop the bundle of chains into her outstretched hand - she didn’t dare focus on the knot building in her stomach - before they bolted back down the hallway.

Yaviel didn’t dare look at where the chains led. Faked indifference only held up so far and she needed it to hold until she - they - were safely locked in the infirmary and not where gossiping guards and servants could see.

The infirmary door creaked as it opened, creaked as it was shut and wards slid in place. Not another soul present and Yaviel could only wonder if she hadn’t made a mistake. Too late to wonder now if she had.

“...let me get those off...” there was only so long that she could listen to the chains clanking before she wanted to scream.

”They're warded.”

”I know.” she paused, considered briefly before continuing, ”I gave them the spell.”

Chains whispered, one over the other, gathering on the floor and in her hands. Mythal have mercy. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want any of this. The Inquisitor had handed her the chains and the keys.  Keth hadn’t asked because Keth hadn’t handed down the sentence. Inquisitor Lavellan had and Yaviel had accepted the words without complaint. 

She was to be Solas’s jailor until the Inquisition  rendered judgement. Yaviel could only manage a curse now that they were tucked away in the infirmary. Now that she could see the bruises for herself and focus on them rather than the man before her. Bruises were easier to tend than two years of silence. Much simpler than trying to figure out if she wanted to hug him or strangle him. Mythal’s mercy. It alternated by the second. More so when she took a moment to really look at Solas.

“You haven’t been eating.” Yaviel’s eyes narrowed, a purposeful poke to his side before she finally met his eyes. “Or sleeping properly.” Creators. Solas looked exhausted and it only made her frown more.

“No wonder I couldn’t find you.”

The ghosts of fingers brushing her shoulders and the crimsons strands there made her jump, jerking away.

“Don’t...”

“Vhenan I-“

“Don’t call me that.”  she snapped, “You don’t get to call me that. Not after you disappeared. Not after you had me convinced you were dead somewhere.”

The empty infirmary was a blessing and a curse. No one to overhear what they shouldn’t and no one to distract her from the wounded looks Solas kept sending her way. Pacing was a minor respite though, she could focus on weaving between the beds, table and back again, always far enough that she wouldn’t risk him reaching for her again.

Two years of wondering and worrying herself sick. Two weeks on top of two years. Maybe she should have left when she had the chance. Leaving wouldn’t have changed anything though. Just delayed it.

"Two years, Solas. Two years without a word...just why?" Yaviel felt tired, too tired to fight the building tears, “Why didn’t you come back?” 

Why weren’t we enough?

[danielstuddert-blog]

100 Days of Maya: Half Way Recap

Having a little bit of an issue with Maya and my computer not liking each other today and after two reinstalls I decided to do something a little different, which won’t count towards the day count (ATM Machine? count++?) but will remove a little bit of the oh I didn’t work on it today feeling.

So starting with the first week of results here is a recap and quick thoughts on the process.

The first week really was just trying to work the tool out, material work was minimal and rendering, lighting, texturing and UV unwrapping were all non-existent, all of the screens were taken directly from the Maya perspective window.

Using the modular design teachings from my design class did assist with the making of the building, chest of draws and the castle and would have turned out to be smaller models if I did not follow these principals. 

Week 2: (Or the descent into finding a low poly style)

Still taking screens from the rendering window, but this was the week where I discovered low poly dailies, which has continued to be the source of inspiration for the majority of the pieces in this project so far. 

The card house was a big example of what I was suffering from at this point: I know what I want to do but I do not actually know how I go about doing it. Though it was the first instance of UV unwrapping in the project.

Week 3: 

Played around a little bit with style in this week, but kept coming back to the low poly style because of the hard limit of 2 hours I have put on myself. The skyscraper was a mix of still falling into the not being able to do exactly what I wanted and seeing if I could express the general idea of the scene with as minimal geometry as possible. I’m still not sure how I feel about the results of it.

And by the end of the week, I had discovered the render window for the 1st time, though admittedly all I did was throw in a directional light.

Week 4:

This week contains one of my personal favourites from the project so far, the octopus. Which was an interesting case of trying to make something as real as possible given the constraints of the low poly style, then being really unhappy with it and having Maya crash on me. Then trying again with something a lot simpler and discovering the amazingly useful tool of duplicate special to cut my workload in half. Not to mention being really pleased with the cartoony result

Also contained here are a couple of work in progress shots of my hero piece for the Mother Duck project from my design class.

Week 5:

My other favourite piece sits in this week, the potion.

Some final beauty shots of the Cafe Billed piece were shown off in this week, I could have improved the model overall slightly by adding skirting boards around certain areas and some moulding at the joint between the ceiling and the walls.

Looking back at the fast food piece I really should have made the burger bun larger....

And the super simple coffee mug was added after a frustrating crash destroyed my work as I hit the render scene button in Maya.

Week 6:

I was struck by a realisation this week, that I am much more satisfied by the models I create for this project if I focus on just a single thing instead of trying to create an entire scene, take the cinema vs the car for an example.

Supplied a helpful tip by Shane, one of the design teachers at the school I am attending, I did a little research into hard and soft edges in this week, removing one of the annoyances I was having with my work. Namely the inability to get the hard polygonal look that characterises the low poly art style.

Half of this week's models were props being used for one of the many programming challenges that I took up for the week, which became a spinning many plates scenario, one where I only succeeded in not getting the majority of what I wanted done, done.

An important lesson for later on as the work from school increases in intensity.

Did some more UV unwrapping in this week but it was a simple process, not the whole hog. I created a colour palette and cut the model into UV shells depending on where I wanted each colour then just dragged and scaled them in the UV editor to fit within the block of colour on the texture

Week 7 + 1 Day:

So this is where we are now half way into this side project I gave myself. This week had a couple of props modelled for setup work in some of the projects I am going to be working on in the near future, one at a time and with enough time given to them for me to feel they are complete.

I feel like I have improved, but there is still 50 days worth of improvement to go!

[hydrus]

Version 380

windows

zip

exe

macOS

app

linux

tar.gz

source

tar.gz

I had a couple of difficult weeks, with illness and other IRL problems getting in the way, but I got some hopefully pretty neat work done. A new fast video and audio player is available for advanced users to test, and there are a bunch of fixes and ui improvements as well.

A user just notified me that the Duplicates page has crazy layout! I apologise. Nothing is broken, it is just sizing wrong, and part of a longer fight I am having to convert my old wx layout code to Qt. I know exactly what happened here, and I will have it fixed for 381. If you discover more UI like this (the system predicate panels have a bit of it), please let me know.

mpv

This is just for advanced users this week. It is a basic prototype that is not ready for real use. I will improve a bit before turning it on for everyone, hopefully next week.

MPV is a good free video player. One of the core benefits of moving hydrus to Qt was the potential of being able to neatly embed it into the media viewer. I am happy to report that these past two weeks have been successful, and it looks like hydrus is finally getting hardware-accelerated video playback and full native audio support!

If you are using the windows build in advanced mode, please check out the big ugly filetypes list under options->media. Under all the video and audio filetypes, you can now set 'show using mpv' as a show action. Please forgive how large this list has grown--before I turn mpv on for everyone, I am going to rework this list so you have the option to just say 'for all video: xxxxxx', rather than always having every single filetype.

Once you have it set, it should load video almost exactly the same as my native renderer, with the scanbar below for navigation. Audio files will show as a (for-now fixed-size) black box or album art. Be warned: there are no volume/mute controls yet! I have set it at 70% volume for now. MPV has an optional and configurable on-screen display, but for technical reasons I had to stick with my custom controls.

I know what features I need to add, so the feedback I am most interested in this week is in where mpv breaks. If it doesn't work for you, or if it fails to load a file, or it has bad performance, or it sizes wrong, or you get a crash after closing the media viewer, anything like that, please let me know. Performance in my tests has been excellent--rendering 4k 60fps no problem as long as you have any sort of branded GPU. I have had some audio jitter on some unusually encoded videos and some crashes (which I think I have fixed).

One annoying thing is mpv requires a hefty 57MB dll, making the already bloated hydrus download even bigger. One user suggested perhaps putting out two releases--a 'core', and an 'update', which wouldn't have the big stuff. I am still thinking about it--while I like the overall idea, the hydrus build is held together with duct tape, and having a small non-functional release will increase complexity and inevitably cause ugly syncing difficulties whenever the big stuff does need to be updated.

Users running from source will need libmpv and python-mpv to enable this. I haven't pinned down the most convenient and functional way to do this for Linux and macOS yet, so we'll have to figure this out over the coming weeks and get it into the help. Any knowledgeable feedback here would be great.

For the near future of mpv, I would like to: figure out the technical side of including mpv in the Linux and macOS builds; write volume/mute UI and shortcuts; add global volume/mute management; test mpv with gifs and apngs; explore custom shaders and configuration files; and generally polish the whole thing.

quality of life

The tag right-click menu has had a significant overhaul. More commonly used actions are moved up, less common down. Tags with siblings now provide all siblings under the 'copy' menu! System search predicates have better copy and search-action support (like 'exclude' system:archive, which will actually add 'system:inbox').

Right-clicking on the thumbnail grid's 'whitespace' no longer does a 'deselect all' action, so you can now easily right-click in an empty area and go remove->selected!

Across the program, all filetypes are now referred to with human language. Instead of 'image/jpg', it is now just 'jpeg'. Instead of 'application/x-7z-compressed', it is now just '7z'. Please let me know where it looks bad, and if you would like to edit these labels.

The 'new page chooser' dialog now dismisses itself if you click off it! So, if you accidentally middle-click in some page tab whitespace and it annoyingly pops up, just left-click, and it will go away. Also, this dialog now catches enter/return key, and will hit the 'first' button (if you imagine the nine possible button locations as a number pad, starting at top-left). Hitting enter twice will typically open a new 'my files' search page.

A user surprised me recently by asking where to find the 'pause video' shortcut--I hadn't realised there wasn't one! Now this is fixed: 'pause_media' and 'pause_play_media' are added to the 'media_viewer' shortcut set, and 'pause_play_slideshow' is added to 'media_viewer_browser' set. Previously, the slideshow pause/play was hardcoded to space bar--this is now gone, so if you used this, you'll want to set it up yourself.

the rest

I have added simple support for RealVideo, RealAudio, and TrueAudio files. These are some formats, so if you come across some variable bitrate rmvb file or something that doesn't work, please send it in and I will have a look. MPV couldn't handle a couple of my test .rm files' audio tracks, but the .ttas seemed great.

Ever since the CloudFlare-8chan break, I have been telling myself to figure out some new downloader objects for the bunkers everyone scattered to. This job kept being put off, long enough that 8kun came back(!), but I managed to fit in some time in this morning and got 8kun and vch.moe support added for today's release. 8kun was obviously easy to convert from the old 8chan parser, and vch's engine provides an API very similar to 4chan that I was able to duplicate and modify for. I had a proper look at julay, smuglo.li, and endchan, but these use their own API formats (or no API at all), so I will have to write new parsers, which will take longer. I really would like to get them done for 381--please remind me if it looks like this job has slipped away again.

full list

basic mpv support is added. it comes with the windows build this week, and is a prototype meant for initial testing. the library is optional. users who run from source will want 'python-mpv' added via pip and libmpv available on their PATH, more details in running_from_source help

took an qt-mpv example kindly provided by a user, updated it to work with the hydrus environment, and integrated it into the client as a new choosable view type under audio/video filetypes under options->media for advanced users

reworked how the 'start paused' and 'start with embed button' media viewer options work under options->media. these are now separate checkboxes, not combined with the underlying 'show action'. existing embed/paused show actions should be converted automatically to the correct new values

unfortunately, due to some python/qt/libmpv wrapper mouse interaction issues, mpv's 'on screen controller' overlay is not available

for now, left click pause/plays the mpv window, just like the native mpv window.

preview/next frame shortcuts should work for the mpv window when playing video

no volume/mute controls yet, these will come in the coming weeks, including global mute settings

updated media show and sizing code to account for mpv widgets

reworked my animation scanbar to talk to mpv, and for my mpv window to talk back to it

improved the animation scanbar to be more flexible when frame position and num_frames are not available, both in displaying info and calculating scanbar seek clicks

mpv api version added to help->about

.

new downloader objects:

thanks to a user, updated the 'pixiv artist page' url class to a new object that covers more situations. the defunct 'pixiv artist gallery page' url class is removed

added 8kun and vch.moe download support. I got started on julay, smug, and endchan, but they were a little more tricky and I couldn't finish them in time--fingers crossed, next week

.

menu quality of life:

a right-click on thumbnail whitespace will now not send a 'deselect all' event! feel free to right-click in empty space to do an easy remove->selected

remorked the tag menu layout to move less frequently used actions down:

- moved the discard/require/permit/exclude search predicate actions down

- moved 'open in a new page' below select and copy

- moved copy above select

and some misc menu layout improvement on this menu

fixed some labelling with the discard/require/permit/exclude verbs on negated tags

right-clicking on system search predicates now shows the 'copy' menu correctly

system predicates that offer easy inverse versions (like inbox/archive) should now offer the 'exclude' verb

when right-clicking on a single tag that has siblings, its siblings and those siblings' subtags will now be listed in the copy menu!

copying 'all' tags from a list menu, with or without counts, will now always copy them in the list order

across the program, all menu 'labels' (menu text items that do not have a submenu and have no associated action, like 'imported 3 years 7 months ago') will now copy their text to the clipboard. let's see how it goes

.

other ui quality of life:

across the program's UI, filetypes are now referred to with simpler terms rather than technical mimetypes. instead of 'image/jpg', it is now typically just 'jpeg'

the 'remove selected' buttons on the gallery and watcher pages are now smaller trash icon buttons

the new page chooser will now auto-dismiss if it loses focus--so if you accidentally launch it with a middle-/double-click somewhere, just click again and it'll go away

hitting enter or return on the new page chooser now picks the 'first' button, scanning from the top-left. hitting enter twice now typically opens a new 'my files' search page

added pause_media and pause_play_media shortcuts to the media_viewer shortcut set. new clients will start with space keypress performing pause_play_media

added pause_play_slideshow shortcut to the media_viewer_browser shortcut set. this shortcut is no longer hardcoded by space keypress

the six default shortcut sets now have a small description text on their edit panels

the options->media edit panels now enable/disable widgets better based on current media/preview action

added a checkbox to _options->gui pages_ to set whether middle-clicking a tag in the media viewer or a child tag manager to open a tag search page will switch to the main gui. default is false

mr bones now reports total files, total filesize, and average filesize

mr bones now loads your fate asynchronously

.

the rest:

added tentative and simple realvideo (.rm) and realaudio (.ra) support--seems to work ok, but some weirder variable bit rate formats may not, and I have collapsed the various different extensions just down to .rm or .ra

added trueaudio (.tta) audio support

fixed a bug from the recent search optimisations where a bare inbox search would not cross-reference with the file domain (so some trash could show up in a simple inbox/'my files' query)

fixed an issue with searching for known urls by url class where the class was for a third-or-higher-level domain and was not set to match subdomains (this hit 4chan file urls for a few users)

fixed the issue with 'open externally' button panel not clearing their backgrounds properly

fixed some of the new unusual stretchy layouts in the options dialog

removed overhead from subscriptions' 'separate' operation, which should stop super CPU hang when trying to split a subscription with hundreds of thousands of urls

fixed an issue where the advanced file delete dialog would not show the simple 'permanent delete' option when launched from the media viewer's right-click menu

fixed the select/remove actions for local/remote

fixed 'set_media_focus' from manage tags to correctly activate the underlying media viewer as well as set focus

stopped the 'file lookup script' status control from resizing so wide when it fetches a url

fixed a rare mouse wheel event handling bug in the media viewer

reduced db overhead of the 'loading x/y' results generation routine. this _may_ help some users who had very slow media result loading

cleaned up how the server reports a bootup-action error such as 'cannot shut down server since it is not running'--this is now a simple statement to console, not a full error with trace

improved client shutdown when a system session shutdown call arrives at the same time as a user shutdown request--the core shutdown routine should now only occur once

fixed an issue with thumbnail presentation on collections that have their contents deleted during the thumbnail generation call

misc wx->Qt layout conversion improvements

updated the github readme to reflect some new links and so on

misc code cleanup

next week

I pushed it a bit hard this week, so I am going to try to take it easy. Hopefully I will be able to get some volume/mute controls going for mpv and then launch it for all users, including on the Linux and macOS builds. Assuming there are no catastrophic problems this week, I will be overwriting user settings to move all 'show as normal' video and audio options to 'show with mpv'. Then these new imageboard parsers and some more Qt cleanup work.