#I kept it on anon bc I've never written something like this before and it was my first published fic after a long while but

[numbuh424]

I'm the one that you loathe

Mature | 3,380 words | read on AO3

Light wants satisfaction. There’s an easy fix for that; he could simply pick any person he wants among the many who want him and take them without even thinking. But that's too easy. It's all too easy. He wants a challenge. He wants L. And L is dead. In the midst of picturing L's hands on him, the thought of his latest adversary comes to mind. He refused to humor Light before; maybe he'll humor him now. Fuck it. Light decides to give him a call.

Took me a while to take this off anon 🫡 Read my fic where Light spends the night before the warehouse meetup missing L, deciding to call Near, and quickly realizing they're not the same. But enjoying it anyway 👍

[not-poignant]

Re: your - totally valid! - feelings on writing more Augus & Gwyn as MCs. Do you find still writing the Nascent Diplomat emotionally taxing bc of that? Like, I adore that story and would love to read more ofc, but if it doesn't bring you any joy that would dampen my own enjoyment too. Personally, I'd much rather you put TND on pause and maybe pick it up again in a few years, but just write the stories you are excited about for now! Idk, just, pls write what makes you happy, Pia💗

Hi anon!

Let's talk about this in more detail and hopefully you'll understand better at the end of it. :)

I can still write The Nascent Diplomat partly because it's not a conventional romance story (Gwyn is developing relationships not just with Augus, but also with Kimerrin and Temsen), partly because I started it before I burnt out on Gwyn/Augus as a couple, and partly because the feel of the story is so different to general stories where Gwyn and Augus are present.

Augus' sadism has been muzzled by Gwyn's traumatic past, and putting Gwyn with the vench means he can't use his stoicism and his stubbornness in the same way anymore without literally disabling himself and suffering, so they've both had to become as much different people as they could possibly be within the scope of who they are.

I've found a lot of the time, the things most folks want from Augus and Gwyn is - understandably - when they are most 'themselves' in new stories. So Augus as a sadist, potentially taking Gwyn (or another character) down or taming him or being an incredible dominant. Or Gwyn being stoic and repressed and having a traumatic family background and needing to be hurt until he has no choice but to accept comfort and being a submissive in denial that he's a submissive. And I've now written versions of that narrative about 6 or 7 times. Gwyn being with Temsen would be a similar enough dynamic to classic Augus/Gwyn, that while it's fun to think about, I just can't write that same journey again with either of those characters any time soon?

And The Nascent Diplomat isn't that journey either, it's one of the reasons I do enjoy writing it still (though I don't think I could write more than one chapter a month, which is why I...only release one chapter a month, so I stay fresh with it and can stay present with the characters).

And one of the comments tND gets most as an AU, is that it's incredible how different this version of Augus and Gwyn are, compared to all the other versions, because of circumstance/s.

But any time a new AU idea or something similar comes up, what folks want most - say even with Gwyn/Temsen - is very classic Augus/Gwyn dynamics, and I'm just... not writing those with Augus/Gwyn because I've done it 6~ times now across over a million words, and I no longer feel fresh with it, with those characters specifically, as a concept. And I feel like if I kept forcing myself to write the dynamic people ask for the most from them, or expect from them, that's when I would really truly burn out. And tbh anon, I did just...stop writing them in that dynamic actually years ago. Even the epilogue that Augus/Gwyn are in, within Fae Tales, is very different from COFT and GT content. I had 'Gwyn is too traumatised for sex' to fall back on, but I deliberately could not write something similar to what they used to be. In some ways that was a win (we got to see a different kind of love between them, and a different way of coming together for them), but... *thinks* it's been years since I've written 'classic' Gwyn and Augus and my burnout hasn't gotten any better. To me, The Nascent Diplomat isn't very classic Gwyn and Augus at all. And it makes me happy to know that Augus will likely never be able to be truly sadistic to that version of Gwyn, because it means I can't be sort of...driven back into that version of that story for those two.

So while I appreciate your concern, anon, I wouldn't write a story I didn't want to write or didn't know how to write. I'm not that sacrificial and I care about my mental health too much to do it, which is why I constantly say I won't be (or will not likely to be) doing it anymore in new stories, lmao. Even if that risks the displeasure or dislike of other people.

The Nascent Diplomat gets to sit in its own window. It helps a lot that it only demands 12 chapters a year from me, so it never really trips off that burnout in the same way. I'm sure if I had to write more of it more often, I may have put it on hiatus, but I don't need to because I found the sweet spot for it.

[dalishthunder]

I'M BACK I'M NOT DEAD. Life's been hella busy and it will be again by the end of the week but I'm taking this little break and typing this while I can lol

As usual, amazing characterization, I'm deeply enjoying ramattra's inner monologue. He's still got these conflicting moments of not particularly caring for human habits/nature (like sleep. ignore that he seriously needs some more metaphorical rest himself) and at the same time appreciating reader's trust to share these moments with him. Also he was laser focused to have counted how many minutes until they stopped snoring lmao I loooove when 'noticing the small details' is taken to this extreme, there's something very endearing about it

Also

“Ramattra?” Your voice was hoarse as you sat up, sucking in air through your teeth and wincing.

“By your side.” He let his orb fall into his hand.

aAAAAAAAAAAAA (read: if i could word things a bit more smartly I'd say besides being heart-achingly sweet this perfectly captures his voice and the DOUBLE MEANING)

Okay now my favorite part of the chapter which is also the fic title THE GAME OF GO, I LITERALLY HAD THE BIGGEST GRIN WHEN I GOT TO THAT PART BC I HAD A FEELING I KNEW WHERE THAT WAS GOING AND IT'S SO MUCH BETTER THAN WHAT I IMAGINED

They let him go first? Okay. They placed the tile right next to his? Okayyy. They kept the board just for him?? Okay Okay. ACTUALLY WINNING?? BEATING HIS ASS AT GO THEN TELLING HIM YOU'RE STICKING TO HIS SIDE NO MATTER WHAT?? *insert that soyjack pointing meme* SYMBOLISM!!! TITLE REFERENCE!!!

This was a great cascade of events and also my favorite part about their dynamic (and how the fic is written), there's always two conversations happening at the same time with them; one with words and one without. And they both seem to see the two happening and it's so delicious

Three last things to note...

1. Ramattra holding back on his fantasies bc that's just silly it's never happening then the second reader goes "I'm staying btw" he immediately stops resisting LMAO

2. Zenyatta keeps getting referenced so I wonder if that's leading up to anything...

3. “… Please don’t ask me to shoot anyone though.” “We shall see.” THAT'S. THAT'S NOT A NO. RAMATTRA THAT'S NOT A NO.

I am so so excited to see what happens next bc reader will be probs directly involved w the decision making now, or at least come in as another factor and Ramattra's not gonna be happy with all of it...

- smile anon but you've probably already guessed hehe

Smile Anon I need you to know how much joy you bring me, sorry your life has been so busy, I definitely understand though (my job sent me on a business trip this week the week before Christmas! My bro has come to visit for the holidays and I miss out on a little bit of that)

I've read this at least 10 times like ... Hhhhhh you're so sweet thank you!

Yes! I have been doing my best to stay true to his voice and character, though I caught a few mistakes in earlier chapters that I went back and corrected bc I'm neurotic lol

I love this omnic so much it's insane, I'm so glad you enjoyed the game of go!!!!

And I love writing conversations where the words aren't the only focus because communication is more than just language

And yeah, it definitely was not a no 😏

[mightbewriting]

Hello! I loved Almost Nothing At All and really enjoyed the way you structured it! Can you tell us about your writing process with it? What was the first part you thought of? How did you end up structuring it the way you did? Hope you’re doing well, and thank you for all the wonderful stories you’ve shared with us! Happy holidays! 💖🎄

omg hi anon! thank you so much! that really means so much. like a stupid amount. because the writing process looked a lil something like this:

to be totally honest, i had a lot of trouble writing for advent this year. i struggled with a lot of internalized pressure to ~get it right~ and not disappoint anyone who nominated me, and i didn't have any immediate bursts of inspiration with my prompts.

so since you asked, i'll walk you through the horror show that was my process this year lol.

the 2022 dhr advent doc has all my brainstorming rando thoughts in it. it's got 1700 words of concepts that didn't grow legs, outlines i didn't ultimately like the direction of, and a lot of me trying to talk myself into liking at least one idea, any idea. most projects i work on have a doc like this, it's just a brain dump. normally it's more productive and less chaotic though lol.

draft one has a thousand words of a time loop concept that ultimately didn't work out.

draft two is 4700 words of my actual first draft of almost nothing at all. it's in third person (which is relevant in a minute lol) and includes the back and forth structure that's hinged on those bits of dialogue slingshotting draco between his present and his past. the initial inspo for the fic came from the yearning feeling i got listening to conan gray's people watching, and so my brainstorm doc has a section i added to it after my first attempted story idea bombed about capturing that feeling. i ran with that idea, began writing this draft, and then went back to my brainstorming doc and wrote this (which is that ultimately gave this story its structure):

so there was some back and forth for me too figuring out not just my premise, but also my structure. (which are the two essential components to my writing process: what is my story and how am i telling it).

draft three is almost 5k of this fic written in first person. i wasn't feeling like i fully nailed the ~feeling~ i wanted in my first draft, so i tried for an even closer pov. tbh, i did really like this story in first person, but ultimately had to decide if it was doing enough for the narrative to counteract the very real preference against first person story telling in this fandom (once again, not wanting to disappoint the folks who nominated me played a part)

draft four is a the final product you see on ao3 after i got some feedback from all the people who helped convince me it wasn't as bad as my writer neuroses kept telling me it was. with those few changes, i also switched it back into third person. which was a pain.

so then what's draft five? it's 2.5k of Panic Other Fic i wrote the day before advent was due because i still couldn't shake feeling like i didn't land the story how i wanted to (still don't, but i've accepted it lol). i liked it enough that i will post it eventually too, but i didn't end up scrapping my original advent fic bc sounder minds told me to buck up and get over myself (in much nicer words).

all of which is to say, this is probably way more than you asked for, but maybe there's some reassurance to be had for anyone out there struggling with their work. sometimes the process is stupid messy, sometimes it's riddled with self doubt and false starts, and sometimes it never fully comes together the way you want it to in your head. all those things are okay, and none of them negate the value of the thing you actually made. i'm so thrilled folks have enjoyed this fic, perhaps even more so because of the struggle to write it. and even if it's still not exactly what i was imagining, i'm at least trying to appreciate it for what it became and the enjoyment its giving other people!

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Hi Colour! This is going to be a long one, so buckle up!

Oh wow, that's so precious! You've definitely earned the "real life Dani" nickname haha I wish I could find something meaningful like that to do with my life. I'm actually autistic and have ADHD so hearing you do this kind of work makes me really happy! Keep up the good work Ms. Clayton! 😁 Haha

You sound like a lot of fun to hang out with at pubs! Haha I'm glad you identify with that bit of info on your star placements. I had a lot of fun doing it too!

The thing about Hozier is that some of his lyrics are incredibly sapphic to me for some reason, I'm still trying to figure it out. NFWMB is one of the songs that feels like that to me. Don't know if you've heard it before but give it a try if you haven't. If you close your eyes it sounds like you're in an epic romantic story and there are swords, pretty gowns, and rooms lit by torches. Haha

The beginning of this song was inspired by a poem written by W.B Yeats called "The Second Coming" in 1920, and it talks about an apocalypse of sorts, alluding to all of the horrors men inflicted upon the world which ends up awakening this beast that goes to Jesus's place of birth in the Bible (Bethlehem) to be born. The last lines being:

"And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,

Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?"

So the song starts with:

"When I first saw you

The end was soon

To Bethlehem it slouched

And then, it must've caught a good look at you"

And oh boy do I think of Dani when I hear that. Especially bc of that scene where Viola accepts Dani's invitation to live inside her. And nobody knows why she accepts it (but I do!).

And yeah at first glance you might not think much of Dani. in the beginning she's just a tiny frail small-town girl with a lot of anxiety, running away from her past traumas. But she proves us wrong again and again and again. She moves to a country she's never been before entirely by herself, sees an opportunity, and doesn't let go of it even when it looks like it went wrong. Then is very loving and tender with these children who have gone through so much and are still going through so much. Tries to fight (with a fire poker!!) the threatening man that keeps harassing her, the children, and her friends. THEN manages to soften the angry, grumpy lesbian who's given up on people after A LOT of trauma (too much in my opinion) and doesn't give up on her when she rejects her either. Freaking exorcises her ex and makes him stop haunting her so she can be with the love of her life. And then finally as if all of that didn't make her the bravest hero in this story, she literally stops an apocalypse from happening and saves everyone from this beast by sacrificing herself without even thinking twice. Saves everyone that came before her and then the ones who'll come after for the rest of eternity. I mean the P-O-W-E-R this girl has. 💪 so hell yeah the lady in the lake wanted to take her.

When Hozier says:

"Ain't it a gentle sound, the rollin' in the graves?

Ain't it like thunder under earth, the sound it makes?

Ain't it exciting you, the rumble where you lay?

Ain't you my baby? ain't you my baby?"

I can only think of Dani at the bottom of the lake laying on top of all the bones of the people Viola killed and how she's at peace living forever in a dark place like that. That's kinda hardcore y'know?

After the first verses, Hozier goes on to talk abt his lover, someone so utterly terrifying even the beast of the end of the world can't stand to look at them. But this song is also about being proud to be this person's lover bc nothing can fuck with them, not bc you are there to protect them and wouldn't let anyone harm them, but bc they're more than capable of protecting themselves and you too. So in my head, this song is Jamie's declaration of love to Dani.

And then I think of Jamie's devotion to Dani when she said "If you can't feel anything, then I'll feel everything for the both of us." shown in this verse:

"If I was born as a blackthorn tree

I'd wanna be felled by you

Held by you

Fuel the pyre of your enemies"

And the fact that she took what she could get just to be with Dani. She knew she'd have to suffer for/bc of her at some point, but chose to be with her anyway. I have no doubts in my mind she'd want to be anything for her as long as they could be together in any way, shape, or form. In all the lives they happened to meet one another too.

Wouldn't it be cool to see them in an AU where Dani is like a medieval princess who's supposed to marry Edmund to form an alliance between kingdoms or something and Jamie is an assassin who is hired to kill the princess so she has to pretend to be Dani's personal guard or wtever but they fall in love and run away together and Jamie teaches her how to fight so Dani becomes this warrior but turns out Dani is naturally good at it and then she becomes a legend? Hahaha I can see her riding a horse in the winter with paint on her face and her blonde hair falling over this fur-lined cloak, fierce look on her face, and Jamie riding next to her (always). Then they come across Viola who's a witch and puts a curse on Dani and then Dani and Jamie have to travel to all sorts of places and fight all sorts of people and go on this whole adventure to rid Dani of this curse. Maybe Dani has to go back to her kingdom bc her father dies and there are other people trying to take her kingdom so there's a lot of angst and suffering but then they win at the end after a lot of sweat and tears and they live happily ever after! 😎Hahaha

Anyway, I hope you're having a great week so far and hope you had fun with your niece today! (I know if I was her and you had us make fudge and paint I'd worship you haha) I'm sorry for the very (very) long ask, but I've been obsessing over this idea for months and I just had to share it with someone! ✌️✨

(And you can call me Libby or wtever since I'm not anon anymore 🤗)

Awwh thank you so much for saying I have earned my 'real life Dani' title is means a lot to me that you guys see that in me!! I am sure you do so many meaningful things in life without even realising it!! I honestly just want to make a difference and I love helping people so going into a career like this just seemed so natural to me and I really do love what I do!! Thank you so much I really hope I can keep up the good work!! I hope I'm a lot of fun- I know I have helped win a few pub quizzes and there's been a few times I've won games of trivial pursuit as well so that really did make so much sense to me and learning about all the placements of my chart was so much fun and was so interesting so thank you very much!! I have heard some of Hozier's lyrics are quite sapphic and I always mean to look into more of his songs and then just never do but I will definitely look in to NFWMB because the lyrics you have sent me here are incredible and definitely give of Dani x Jamie vibes I definitely agree with you in everything you have said about why Viola accepted Dani's invitation- Dani and Viola are similar in some ways and this was something I was explaining to my niece when she watched it with me. I explained to her that both Viola and Dani are strong willed, and stubborn, and would do anything to fiercely protect the people they care about. We saw that time and time again with Dani, how within days of knowing Miles and Flora she was out with a fire poker trying to protect them from a strange man that she kept seeing around the manor. And how Viola would've done anything to protect her daughter. One major difference between them though is that Viola seemed to have a slight selfish streak where as Dani is entirely selfless, she was selfless for the longest time in even agreeing to marry Eddie so she wouldn't hurt him, she was selfless in protecting Miles and Flora, and even more selfless in saving Flora's life and freeing all the trapped spirits of Bly Manor and then she is selfless in the fact that she won't drag anyone down and won't hurt anyone else at Bly ever again. The one thing she did for herself was being with Jamie- and she was able to make Jamie open up and trust people in way she probably hadn't for the longest time. Dani is a truly strong person as was Viola and I can see why she would accept Dani's invitation. I will have to listen to this song to see it from a Jamie perspective which I will definitely do tomorrow but from the lyrics you have sent me I can definitely see it being a love declaration to Dani from Jamie. Jamie knew in the end she would suffer because she knew she wouldn't be able to keep Dani forever, and knew that one day she would have to leave her- but she knew loving Dani for as long as she was allowed to would be worth that pain in the end and Jamie is a truly strong person as well for knowing this and staying by Dani's side anyway when that must have been such a hard thing for Jamie to ever have to accept. Jamie would've been anything for Dani and would've one anything for her as Dani would've for Jamie and that's why I love them so much. They loved each other so purely and without conditions and so wholeheartedly and it really was such a lovely thing to watch play out in front of us (even if it did hurt us all at the end). I think it would be so cool to see an AU like that I think medieval stuff is always so fun and so interesting and a good enemies to lovers start never fails either because there's so much tension there between them. And Jamie being undercover as someone to get close to Dani and them slowly falling in love with each other would just be a great thing to see!! And I am all for warrior Dani and Jamie (women with weapons is a little bit of a weakness of mine)!! This whole AU just sounds incredible I love a good curse in fantasy stories and the curse slowly taking over and you thinking they're going to run out of time but everything works out in the end!! Dani going back to her kingdom because of her sick Dad dying would be great for angst because it would look

like she would have to marry someone to create an alliance and that she would have to take over a kingdom (perhaps something she never wanted to do in the first place)!! I think this could be a very angsty one shot and could be so interesting and fun and the happy ending would definitely make all the angst worth it in the end!! I am having a good week so far thank you and I had so much fun with my niece today, making fudge went great and she was happy that I was able to show her how to do it because she'd never made it before so now that's something she knows how to do (I think she thinks I'm way cooler than I actually am haha thank you for saying you'd worship me though if you were my niece haha 😂) but tomorrow she is teaching me how to do something because I taught her how to make fudge today... she's gonna teach me how to draw in an anime style- which is something she is really into and even though I'm not she loves drawing so I've asked if she can teach me since I taught her something today!! There's no need to apologise I loved this long angst and I loved this idea I think it's really great and interesting and that song just seems amazing and I am definitely gonna listen to it tomorrow when I get chance!! Thank you for sharing this idea with me I loved it!! ☺️ Haha oki doki then as long as that's alright with you Libby is what I'll call you!! Like I said you can seriously call me anything!! ☺️