#I just. need to excise it sooner than that. I will burst if I have to suppress it much longer

[chaddicus]

see the longer I play with my understanding of my transmasc experience and dysphoria, the more I grapple with the conflict between mocking fragile masculinity for refusing to allow the use of 'feminine' things vs knowing more and more keenly how much dysphoria I would and do get whenever someone associates something I do or use or wear with femininity. and no amount of people insisting that using "feminine" things doesn't invalidate someone's gender, man or otherwise, seems to have any impact on that dysphoria

we do need to untangle cultural perceptions of masculine vs feminine and respect for a person's gender, manhood in particular in this discussion, but I almost feel like knowing that means it's my responsibility to refuse to engage with those ideas for my own gender — and the problem is that knowing this is not the common understanding means knowing that other people *will* associate my use of feminine things as some sort of contradiction with any masculinity I may wish to express or identify with, and no amount of understanding the concepts and holding the principles can erase the revulsion and pain and fear I feel at the thought of people associating me with some concept of womanhood that I adamantly *do not experience or identify with.* fuck.

[mr-meekers]

Aster x Elle Drabble #2

As soon as Aster made his way back to his room, he read the rest of Eliana’s letter, in full.

Twice.

“My dearest Aster,

I hope this letter finds you well. With the weather warming and storms becoming more frequent, be sure to keep warm and avoid getting chilled. Your health is of the upmost importance, both to your country, and to me.

It has been an... interesting past few days here. Mother nearly through the entire council off the tallest parapet in the castle. It began two days ago at the time I am writing this. Apparently, an emergency council meeting was called. Neither father nor mother knew what it could be about and fretted about it the entire time until the meeting began the next day. As you know, despite my being heir to the gods damned throne, I am still not permitted in the meetings. Mother has promised to remedy this soon, but alas, I fear that, with everything else on Terrasen’s plate, that issue is far from pertinent. However, despite my lack of first hand knowledge, I can personally attest to the following scene;

At the end of the meeting, through the door, I heard a loud banging, like a fight had broken out. Some of the councilmen were shouting and exclaiming, but over it all, I clearly heard mother roaring, “I will never force my daughter to sign her heart away for the sake of an alliance! I will burn this whole castle down before I allow you to use her as pawn for political gain! Eliana will marry whom she want, when she wants to. That is final.” Points to mother for defending my honor. 

I am unclear still as to what between mother and father storming out of the council chamber and mother summoning me several hours later. When we spoke, she explained the scene I had over heard (though she certainly painted herself to be much more refined in this version), and posed this solution- a debut ball. Sort of like a formal entering into the politics of our country. Currently, I think the plan is to use it as an excise for the council to start taking me more seriously since they think I will be seriously looking for a suitor. But that will not be the case because I simply haven’t the time for such things.

With this, I am hereby officially inviting you to my Not Actually an Engagement Ball. If you cannot be there, do let me know, as I will have to call the whole thing off because I refuse to suffer through it without your company. I fear it will be the only thing to keep me sane. Write me back as soon as you get this, and I look forward to seeing you soon!

Your dearest, most irreplaceable friend,

Elle”

“Quite the scheme,” Aster mumbled to himself, the sweet sensation of relief flowing through him and uncoiling his tensed muscles. Not since Simon Ardell had Elle shown any interest in love or relationships. She certainly had her pick of nobility and commoners alike throwing themselves at her feet. Men and women both would pledge any number of things just to get her to look their way. 

And Aster was one of them.

The prince tried to be positive about this whole situation. Elle had been complaining for years about the council’s disregard of her. Despite Queen Aelin’s firm grip on the throne and her country, she still needed the council’s approval on certain matters. And since Elle had no real areas of expertise nor responsibilities of state, and the King Consort had pointed out that at some point, Aelin would have to give in to the council on something sooner rather than later, she had chosen to sacrifice Eliana’s presence in the council chamber for the greater good. Of course Elle understood her mother’s reasons and the logic behind it. Keeping the council happy was the best thing for Terrasen, and for her mother. But Elle knew she would never be able to grow into the leader her people deserved by always sitting on the sidelines. If this Not Actually an Engagement Ball got her one step closer to becoming the heir she wanted to be, Aster would be happy for her.

And on top of that, balls were one of Elle’s most favorite type of social gatherings. No doubt she would have a blast.

It would then be Aster’s job to make sure potential suitors and party crashers remained a respectful distance away from the guest of honor.

Aster sighed and sank further into the soft, cushioned chair seated by the far window of his bedroom. The fabric whined as even more stuffing fell free to floor beneath. Worn, creaky wooden legs groaned suspiciously but held fast all the same. This was Aster’s favorite spot. On days when he was confined to his room, he would spend hours in this very chair, reading whatever stack of books he had servant fetch for him, or various documents his father would deliver him. Though, sometimes still, Aster would find himself gazing down into the courtyard below, watching his peers, their attendants, the castle guards, and anyone else who happened to pass into view. Dealing with people had never been his strong suit, but he enjoyed watching them all the same. It was from this spot he had first glimpsed Eliana.

A small smile tugged at Aster’s lips as memories of her flitted through his head, from when they were children to when he had just seen her last. Her laugh, her smile, the way her joy burst forth from her body, infecting all those around her. The warmth in her eyes when she would look at him... He wanted Elle to look at him like that forever. She’ll be stunning at the ball, he thought suddenly. His face heated as the thought grew in his mind. She would be stunning, and every other man and obliging woman in attendance would see that and ask for a dance. And Elle would have to agree if only to keep up appearance for the council and Aster hated it, he hated thinking about someone else’s hand on his waist, pulling her close, enticing smiles and giggles from her lips, basking in the warmth of her gaze.

People were certainly not Aster’s strong suit, but it seemed as if he would have no other option. For this, he would have to remain by Elle’s side the entire night to ensure that that “someone else” would never even have a chance to steal her away to begin with.

Determined now, Aster quickly scrawled out his reply and sealed it for the carrier. The trip to Terrasen was long, even by wyvern, and he had much preparing to do.

[walton72christiansen-blog]

DeepOnion: When The top Started

How you can Retailer Your DeepOnions

Just like the could mining websites, eventually they close out. It doesn't matter what, I'm assured to mine at 100 GH/s till my contract runs out. $Seventy five,000, have a low tolerance for threat (one), however a excessive concern of lacking out (5)? $15,000. This rise made it enticing to buyers wanting for massive gains, however the scale of DeepOnion immediately obscures its unstable history, and latest plummets recommend it may proceed to have a volatile future. Of course, there are unlawful ways of earning DeepOnion, notably stealing it, and I’d be joyful to cover this advanced subject in the future. We suggest enabling RBF because the default option for all your transactions, except you’re sending transactions which are intended to be accepted with no confirmations. Users could include fees with transactions to obtain precedence processing, which ends up in sooner affirmation of transactions by the community. DeepOnion mining is how DeepOnion transactions are validated and confirmed by the DeepOnion network. As an alternative, they are based on a sophisticated algorithm. A great cryptographic hash algorithm converts arbitrary data into a seemingly-random number. Compliance to these requirements signifies that all of the card data of customers are thoroughly protected, which eliminates the danger of unlawful actions. As soon as the bubble bursts and the fallout begins to clear up, the surviving coins are going to explode in worth.

On January 3rd, 2009, DeepOnion's value relative to the US dollar was less than a penny. This leads to inflation which reduces the worth of every unit of the forex beforehand printed. A. Cryptocurrency is an alternate type of forex which heavily relies on cryptography for its circulation in the market. Also verify that you've entry to your seed in written type. An MSO License granted by the Customs and Excise Division does not give any form of approval or recognition to a enterprise related to DeepOnion or related digital commodities. Everywhere human beings must know for positive whether or not or not something really occurred, blockchain know-how might be programmed to offer us incorruptible details about it. You possibly can register within a couple seconds and get began with none hassle at all. Within seconds the guide possessed the DeepOnion equal of 30 shekels. The amount that every DeepOnion faucet pays varies, some pay hourly, some weekly. You may even pay for financial services with DeepOnions on sites like DeepOnion Financial, or e book your subsequent trip with Expedia.

They're supposedly non-compulsory, but your cost may not be processed if you don't pay them, and even if it is it'll take a really very long time resulting from its low precedence. And because these are the identical private keys that safe your ONION, this might lead to your ONION being stolen. $100,000.00 value in DeepOnions have been stolen. What number of DeepOnions should I have before saving my wallet in chilly storage? Early claims of DeepOnion’s superiority over money transmitters like Western Union, and demonstration methods to introduce newcomers by sending them a primary small ONION payment, have been rendered ineffective. deeponion coin -signature setups usually contain three parties - the sender of the fee, the recipient, and an escrow agent. There will be new concentrations of financial power as a result of, just like the Fangs, the blockchain economic mannequin is extra efficient and more effective the larger the network.

- There are several companies the place you may trade them for traditional currency. You may make one with out using BIP38 encryption additionally, however as soon as your DeepOnion paper wallet is misplaced or taken by someone, or your non-public keys are exposed accidently to somebody, then that particular person can use your DeepOnions. 1. Install the DeepOnion core client on the machine you'll use to retrieve the DeepOnions from chilly storage. Unmount the exhausting drive from the pc and use the switch package to plug it into a new laptop (home windows to home windows, Mac to Mac, Linux to Linux, and many others.) The hard drive can be learn as an exterior hard drive. DeepOnion wallet lets you see how many DeepOnions belong to you, thus verify your stability; it also means that you can switch DeepOnions to some other DeepOnion tackle, hence change/replace the blockchain file. Ways of incomes DeepOnions listed in the site are absolutely free but this is not a get-fast wealthy scheme, so with a purpose to earn you'll nonetheless need to do the leg work. DeepOnion transaction fees are lesser, and typically it's free. Hive is one other standalone app which stores your coins for you on your own device - however with some extra features on prime of what you get from the original DeepOnion Wallet. Receiving coins is even simpler than sending them.

You will never want another wallet to store your coins! Right here you will find a wide-vary of payment choices and you can be trading straight with the vendor. Using the technology in the fee industry has resulted in substantial price savings within the context of reconciliation and settlement for many monetary establishments and banks. Along these strains, the spread between the acquisition value and offer cost may be caught. Solely 21 million DeepOnion can ever be mined. $10K DeepOnion by 2018? Dollars and is cash-settled based mostly on the Gemini Trade Public sale price for DeepOnion. Hopefully within the subsequent 12 months, we will see a stable, appropriately regulated, DeepOnion exchange. This can save users the difficulty of conducting a deployment to create wallets. We now need to avoid wasting and close the configuration file. Don't enter your phrase into any password managers, write it down on shared workplace stationery, or put it aside as a doc in your laptop. So as long as your laptop is free of malware or any security weaknesses your DeepOnions are safe. There are dedicated devices for these situations, e.g. Cryptosteel is a steel made plate, allowing you to outline words of alternative.

[elsanna-shenanigans]

August Contest Submission #1: Downpour

“Hurry, hurry!” “I’m trying, but- oh!” Elsa slipped and went down. Anna, holding Elsa’s hand as tightly as Elsa was holding back, followed with a squeal and a muddy splorch in the rain-sodden lawn. Her laughter was a perfect counterpoint to Elsa muttering dark wishes at the cloudburst. She reaches her feet first, offering a hand to the newly-muddied lump of giggles on the ground. “I told you it was going to rain, Anna. We’d be dry if we had turned back sooner.” The hand up was accepted, but the argument was disregarded entirely. “Live a little, Marie! I’m sturdier than you give me credit for, so no fussing.” Her smile, framed by rain dripping from her pure white hair, warmed Elsa, but the name chilled her. ‘Marie’, lady physician, attending on Anna…and an utter lie. Anna had no idea that the woman who had appeared during her trip was her sister; after Elsa had been banished, Anna didn’t even know that she had one. She had been too young to remember. Only the curse stuck with her. The reason Elsa had been excised from the line of succession. That dwelling was interrupted by another tug from Anna, pulling her along again towards the tree they had been aiming for in the hopes of finding shelter from the downpour.  They rushed, Elsa holding her muddied shawl overhead in an ineffectual effort to ward off the rain. They arrived breathlessly. Her sister stayed standing, dripping and panting, while Elsa cautiously eyed the canopy overhead. It appeared to be withstanding the rain That was going to have to be good enough to trust. She spread her shawl, deemed a lost cause, on the ground at the trunk and sat, sighing for emphasis. “This is so much fun!” Anna’s eyes sparkled even in this cloudy gloom. Maybe it was that they reflected the smile beneath them, shining like the sun had just come out. Elsa’s heart skipped a beat. She hated herself for that. Elsa looked away, years of bitter practice having built a mask to weather storms worse than this. It wouldn’t crack under the mere turbulence of the minor war within her. Anna was doing so well. This was the first genuine progress she had seen in a decade and a half. Elsa had every reason to be proud of her, and proud of herself for the effort she had put in towards fulfilling her unspoken promise. She loved how strong Anna was in the face of an icy curse that sapped her strength, stole the color from her skin and hair. She loved the way she saw light in the world even when things appeared darkest. She loved her laughter, her joy, her way of celebrating life in the little, everyday ways. She loved her stories, invented whenever there was silence in need of filling. She loved her hugs, filled with warmth despite the chill in her frame. She loved the little content sigh when her chin was on Elsa’s shoulder. She loved the smile, bursting onto her lips when she pulled back and looked at her ‘Marie’. She loved that smile in every way she had ever seen it. She loved Anna. She loved her unwitting sister. She loved the one person here who she absolutely, positively could not love, and she loved her hopelessly. She could not stop loving her. Anna was cursed. Elsa was sick. The heady leap in her spirits when Anna flopped down gracelessly, planting her head in Elsa’s lap and grinning up at her, was a symptom of that sickness. She hated herself for the desperate, even shameless, way she grasped to hold onto that feeling. Like a drowning woman infatuated with the water smothering her. Maybe that was only right. Drowning seemed a just reward for her sins. She was nearly a witch anyway. A hand was waving in front of her face; Anna, it seemed, had run short of patience and was calling, “Marie, hello, is anyone home?” Why did she have to do that in such an endearing way? Elsa knew the answer, of course; that was simply who Anna was, and that made it no easier on her. She did allow a soft smile in response, answering, “I’m sorry, I was lost in thought. You do realize that your hair is soaked? You’re getting me wet.” Anna stuck her tongue out as her only answer, along with a very distinct expression until Elsa sighed, rolling her eyes. “You are a scandal waiting to happen. You are aware of that, correct?” The places her sister’s mind went sometimes…where had she learned to think in the gutter like that? Elsa at least had the excuse of attending school with commoners. She had picked up a number of distinctly un-ladylike behaviors there that she was hiding now. “A scandal would almost be worth it. It’s so dull at the castle, I swear. I’ve had too much boredom for a whole lifetime already.” Again, why did her pout have to be so cute? “Then, as your physician, I had better prescribe you some proper excitement if your reaction to a summer soaking is any indication.” To stave off any further delving by her sister into realms better left untouched, Elsa decided to let slip a little of what was really on her mind. “I’m proud of you, you know.” There was no mask over that. “Proud? Why?” Anna’s too-blue eyes were wide. “Because of this. Because of you, dragging me through a rainstorm without slowing down. Because of you smiling so wide despite it.” Elsa reached down to brush a teetering drop of water away from Anna’s forehead. Tender. Why did I do that? The question came easy; admitting the answer arrived with a bitter taste. Anna pondered a moment. “I…thank you, I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say to that. It makes me happy to hear you say it though! You’re really good at that.” “No, you are good at being happy, silly. I’m lucky for the audience I have.” Anna shook her head in Elsa’s lap. “No, I mean it and I’m not letting you get out of it. You make me happy, Marie.” Marie. “In fact, though it is maybe a little forward of me to say so, I think you are better at that than anyone I’ve ever met. You’re special.” Dangerous territory. Elsa knew it, knew she should deflect to safer ground. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. “You care so much, and it really really shows! I’m the lucky one, and I won’t allow you to say otherwise. You could have gone to help anyone, and then they would be the happy one instead of me, but you chose me. That’s luckier than I have any right to be.” She needed that mask back, but all she was finding was a lump in her throat. “I…” Anna fizzled, the next word fading from her lips. “I really like you, Marie.” Marie. Elsa found her mask just in time. She smiled appropriately and gently nudged the conversation elsewhere. Yes, well done Marie. She wondered if drowning tasted so bitter as this smile did.