#I just want Kim to secretly be a Very Intense Person who’s learned to lessen himself for others

[queen-beefcake-sqx]

you know what!!!! I’m going to yell about emotionally repressed but endlessly devoted Kim Kitsuragi!!!!!

Because imagine Kim “Professional Distance” Kitsuragi, who uses every excuse in the book to dodge Harry’s advances or attempts to turn them into more permanent partners beyond the RCM. Except he can only keep him so far away, both by virtue of the person Harry is and Kim’s own terrible, terrible decisions that always bring them back together. And Kim realizes quickly that distancing from Harry leaves him more vulnerable to the jabs and jeers of McLaine, Torson, and Vicquemare.

Harry swears it doesn’t bother him. Kim always stands within earshot of Harry, close enough to shut down any attempts to dig at Harry’s history. McLaine and Torson learn quickly to walk the other way when Kim is near, checking over their shoulders when he isn’t. Jean doesn’t learn as easily. Harry’s the one to stop Kim from punching him in the bullpen after one glib comment about Harry’s recovery.

And afterward, when Judit’s dragged Jean away and Harry’s hauled Kim out to the kineema (because where else would kim feel safe?), Harry sits next to Kim in the passenger seat and holds his face so he can’t look away and asks, “What the hell was that?”

And it’s shaky because Harry is breathing heavily, like he ran a mile, except in his brain because he’s been working on a Thought Project for the last several weeks since Kim started acting more…. and more… like….

“He had no right to speak to you like that,” Kim would reply, swallowing his embarrassment, sending Harry’s entire head screaming —

Authority: … Because you’re his superior and he should show you respect.

Inland Empire: … Because he claims to care about you, that you’re an old friend, but he does not act like it.

Drama: … Because he’s projecting his own problems onto you, Sire.

Espirit de Corps: …Because you’re brothers, you should have each other’s backs. Always.

Empathy: … Because Jean hurt you…

Half-Light: …and he will kill him if he does it again.

And it knocks the breath out of Harry as the Thought Project finishes and he realizes Kim might actually be as devoted to him as he’s always been toward Kim. Everything was always to protect Harry and keep him safe and uplift him and Dei if that isn’t everything Harry’s wanted since waking up haunted by the Ex-Nothing that begun a depressive spiral he’d be kicked deeper into for at LEAST SIX YEARS.

(After the inevitable twenty minute kineema makeout that follows, Kim reluctantly promises not to hide Jean’s body anywhere it could never be found. Only obvious places. Harry attempts to be stern when he chides him, but Kim is much better at keeping a straight face.)