#I just think he should have a henchgirl or two

[smallsubpoena]

The Beulah saga! From Batman: The Silver Age Newspaper Comics Volume 1 (1966-1967). Maybe sometime I'll get better scans of these, but for now, I just want them on this blog.

[just-an-enby-lemon]

Stephanie Brown had no idea how her life got THIS ridiculous. No screw that. She had a very clear idea: as always it's a mix of Gotham being the worst and her dad existing in her general vicinity. A horrible terrible mix. 

Now normally Christmas isn't all that bad. Her useless father likes to spend the holidays plotting and robbing because according to him "no one is expecting crime" or some equally boring clichê (that is increasingly untrue as Batman is chronically incapable of taking a day off) . That means Christmas Eve in the Brown household is usually spent with her and her mom exchanging gifts with their small poor decorated three and watching Die Hard while eating chinese. Two years ago making sure her dad would spend the morning on Blackgate entered as another tradition. Overall great times. 

That was until her dad in all his stupidity decided to invite Riddler to move on with them. How he even met an A lister was beyond Stephanie compreheension (his only call to fame was the fact that even though Spoiler grew to actually fight serius rogues she still always took a time to fuck him over but most heros still dealt with D-Listers, so did it even meant anything?). 

Now the idea of having Nygma for Christmas was terrifying. But he seemed to have already got the memo and stayed the hell out of Stephanie's way unless her dad was forcing them into a family dinner or some other uncomfortable bullshit so she still had hope he would just fuck of for the hollydays and come back never as he never stayed when Arthur was in jail even though (for some unknow reason) her mother actually appeared to want him to. Her hope lasted until her dad loudly announced he would actually stay home for Christmas this year and they would do something special. Now Stephanie wasn't a fool she knew that this sudden change of heart was Arthur Brown trying to impress. She had no idea of why her dad wanted to impress Nygma so much but since Riddler moved he went out of his way to show to him his perfect little family (and to include the other villain in it as well). She was expecting Riddler to answer with the same fake enthusiasm he always did (the one that let very clear to anyone not called Arthur Brown that he really was only there out of necessity and the whole perfect family thing creeped him out, while she was never going to admit it that actually gave Steph some small modicum of respect for him, he really appeared to consider that as much a torture as she did) instead he looked almost relieved before saying:

"I'm so sorry, but I don't really celebrate Christmas." 

Now if Steph was the one controlling the conversation it would have ended there. No point in doing a Christmas anything, he would fuck off, without a Riddler to impress her dad would go fail at being a criminal and her and her mom would have their little tradition. Peace established, everything is fine. Unfortunately she did not control anything that happened in that family because Crystal Brown, her only ally, decided to be a fucking traitor. 

"I do think you should give it a chance, Edward, the food is going to be delicious and we can watch movies afterwards."

"Tempting as it may be." He may fool her parents but Steph could easily read in his tone that it wasn't tempting at all. "I'll have to pass. I have a small tradition of skipping the whole thing altogether and just watching horror movies with the girls and I already confirmed." 

"You can invite the girls as well." Arthur said. Oh hell no, Steph thought, the last time Riddler's infamous henchgirls had been in the same space as Cluemaster it had been a total disaster including her dad's failed attempts at what she could only guess was flirting. Unfortunately she couldn't point it out as it was Spoiler who had to witness that particular brand of torture. "We can even go to church"

The word church gave Riddler an involuntary shudder and Stephanie couldn't avoid the image of him burning the moment his feet touched any form of holy territory. A little bit relatable sadly. 

"I'm jewish, Arthur." Nygma said. Stephanie had no clue if he was lying or not. "Or at least my mother was." 

"Oh stop with the excuses!" Her dad exclaimed impatiently and slightly offended. Riddler looked a mix of uncomfortable and confused. "I know for a fact the old bitch was irish." 

What? 

Steph wanted to laugh but also to scream in exasperation. She had watched the tapes of her dad's old show, heard the stories, he used to be someone, to be smart and now here he was saying one of the dumbest shit she ever heard. Her mother seemed to be dealing with a similar train of thought as she switched between looking sadly at Arthur and apologetic at Nygma. The last seemed to be trying really hard to not snap at Arthur.

"One can be both." He settled for and even with his massive effort it still sounded very snappy. "There are jewish people in Ireland, Arthur."  

Her dad pathetically looked around for back up. Steph answered with a vegentfull smille. He looked back at Nygma being defeated (only her dad to lose at a game where he was the only player, Stephanie concluded bitterly).Then a sudden moment of brilliancy. Or better put he had an idea that would likely be very dumb.

"Weren't you an atheist,  Eddie?"

Riddler gave a deep breath. "Yes. I'm only ethnically jewish, but it's still part of the reason I don't do Christmas and so I found it relevant to point out." He stopped for a second and followed with an almost imperceptible irony "I'm sorry if it didn't sound genuine." 

Her dad looked defeated again and a little confused. But he soon was smiling as another thing crossed his mind."No need to apologize, Eddie boy!" Her dad gave a friendly loud slap into Riddler's back making the ginger yelp and look even more uncomfortable."No church going then, still I must insist for the rest of the celebration after all it's still a time to spend with family, I'm sure the girls will understand."

"I say that with the utmost respect, Arthur." He was sounding so sarcastic how on Earth weren't her parents getting that? At this point Stephanie was sure Nygma was going to kill her dad the moment he didn't need the Browns anymore and a huge part of her could only consider it a good riddance,  even better if it landed the Riddler on Arkham afterwards. "But the girls are my family." The and you isn't was not said but was heavily implied. To the point her dad seemed to get it for once.

"That 's funny. I always thought family helped each other." Since when? Because he sure as hell never helped her or her mother at anything ever. Au contraire he made their life so much worse. "But here you are needing a place and your girls are sure as heck not offering it." 

Great. If there was something that bothered Stephanie more than the fact her mother seemed to genuinely like the presence of one of the major members of Batman's Rogues gallery was that her dad seemed to go over  his way to get it, between the not even a little bit subtle threats, the weird fact he was in charge of Nygma's medication somehow and Stephanie increasing suspicion that he was maintaining Riddler's accounts froze somehow just so he stayed for longer Stephanie almost felt sorry for the guy. Her dad really seemed like a weird blackhole that keeps everyone tied to it. That's to say that Nygma straight up flinched at the comment and Stephanie knew her dad had won. Way to ruin Christmas for everyone. She didn't bother to hear the rest of the conversation. Instead she went to her room, decided that whatever the fuck was stopping Nygma from accessing his accounts she was fixing it before the two of them had to suffer through each other presence in another hellish Christmas Eve.

[lfthinkerwrites]

The First Christmas

(As promised, the entirely self-indulgent family fluff. You have been warned.)

“So, this will be yours and Eddie’s first Christmas together. Any special plans, Doc?”

Penelope took a sip of her tea before she answered the woman sitting across from her in the coffee shop. “Well, Ellen convinced her Grandmother to let her spend some time with Edward on Christmas Eve, so we’ll be at his house that evening. Deirdre and Nina will be coming from Central City too.”

Selina chuckled. “The whole Riddler family together. How cute.” Penelope shook her head, but she smiled just the same. After everything that had happened over the past year, it would be nice just to spend a quiet evening with the man she loved, with the people he loved the most. She almost didn’t hear Selina ask her next question. “Are you nervous about Deirdre and Nina?”

Penelope raised an eyebrow. “Why? I’ve met them before at Edward’s and Ellen’s birthdays. We’ve gotten along just fine.”

“You weren’t his girlfriend then,” Selina said, twirling her straw through her espresso. “You are now. Their behavior around you is going to be a little different.”

Penelope took another sip of tea and rolled her eyes. “They’re not going to give me a shovel talk, are they?”

“Shovel talk? No. More like a ‘chop up your body and leave it in the desert talk’.”

It sounded like Selina spoke from experience, which, judging from the encounters Penelope had observed between the three women in the past, she more than likely was. Given the rap sheets that Edward’s oldest friends had, Selina was probably understating things. “I’m not afraid of Deirdre and Nina,” she said decisively. Selina looked bemused by her statement. “Should I be?”

Selina took a sip of her own drink before she answered. “Deirdre’s usually pretty stand-offish. Nina’s the more protective one. She might poke at you a bit, but the fact that they’ve already met you and that Ellie likes you are going to help you out a lot. Don’t let them walk over you, but don’t get nasty with them either. Eddie’ll step in if he thinks they’re going too far.”

Penelope wasn’t worried about Edward not defending her. Quite the opposite. She remembered Harley and Cobblepot and let out a sigh. “I don’t want to come between Edward and his friends.”

Selina’s face grew serious. “I know,” she reassured her. “Look, the biggest thing to remember about Deirdre and Nina is that they aren’t just Eddie’s henchgirls, or even just his friends. They’ve known him for half his life. Before Ellie came along, they were the closest thing he had to family. They saw how bad he got before he went into his coma, and they’ve seen how much better he’s gotten in the past few years.” Selina smirked. “And unless they’re deaf, dumb, and blind, they know who to thank for that. They already like you more than they ever liked me or Crane. As long as you respect them, they’ll respect you.”

Penelope nodded. “Thank you, Selina.” She shook her head. “Anyway, what are your plans?”

***

Two days later, Selina’s words swirled through Penelope’s mind as she approached Edward’s apartment, gift bag in hand. Respect Deirdre and Nina, and they’ll respect you. She’d never been one to care much what people thought about her on a personal level, but she remembered just how much his estrangement from Harley had hurt Edward, much as he tried to deny it. She remembered all too well what kind of chaos had been caused by his fight with Cobblepot over his relationship with her. Deirdre and Nina didn’t have to like her, but if she was the cause of a falling out between them and Edward...Penelope tried to shake the thought out of her mind. She’d gotten along with them just fine before. She should make the most of her time with Edward instead of worrying about hypotheticals.

She arrived at Edward’s door and her attention was immediately caught by the large, ornate wreath on the front of it, complete with glowing question marks. She shook her head. What else could one expect from him? Taking a breath, she knocked on the door. Edward answered it immediately, a stricken look on his face. “Darling!” he cried out. “Thank God you’re here!”

“What’s wrong?” she asked. Had Ellen’s grandmother changed her mind? Had something happened with Deirdre and Nina?

Edward immediately ushered her inside and gestured to the interior of his apartment. “Look at what they’ve done to my house!” Penelope looked inside the apartment and her jaw dropped. Almost every surface in Edward’s living room was covered in nutcrackers, plastic and wooden Christmas tree and Santa Claus figurines, and so much tinsel that Edward would be vacuuming it off the floor for weeks. A three-foot Santa was standing by the front door, and in the corner of the living room, where his bookcase was, stood a tall tree, ostentatiously decorated. Ellen was standing on a footstool, under the watchful eye of Deirdre and Nina, putting the finishing touches on the tree. All three wore tacky green and red holiday sweaters.

Ellen looked over her shoulder, made eye contact with Penelope, and smiled. “Hi Doc!” she shouted. She hopped off the footstool and gestured to the tree. “It’s done! What do you think?”

Penelope took in the scene with wide eyes before deciding to be diplomatic. “This is the most decorations I think I’ve ever seen in one home.” Even her mother, who was notorious for going overboard with decorations, would be shocked. “Where did you even get all this?”

“We bought most of them,” Deirdre said. “Ellie wanted to make sure her Dad had a proper Christmas this year.”

“Proper Christmas indeed,” Edward huffed. “It looks like a Sears Catalog and a Hallmark exploded in here!”

“Where were you when this was happening?” Penelope asked.

“They locked me in my bedroom! They only let me out five minutes ago!”

“If you really wanted to come out boss, you could have picked the lock,” Deirdre drawled.

Edward rolled his eyes. “Unbelievable. Come on in, Penny, I’ll try to find you a spot that isn’t covered in glitter.”

Nina laughed. “Aren’t you forgetting something, Eddie?”

“What?” Edward asked. Nina pointed towards the door frame and Edward and Penelope looked upwards to see a sprig of mistletoe tacked on. “Oh for the love of,” Edward muttered, his face flushing. He quickly leaned in to give Penelope a peck on the cheek, glaring at his friends when they cooed. He led Penelope to his armchair and took the gift bag from her. “Rachel wants Ellen back by dinner, so we’re going to open a few gifts, then drive down the 40′s block in the East End to look at some decorations. I have dinner reservations for the four of us at The Taverna after we drop off Ellen.”

“That sounds nice,” Penelope said. For the first time since she’d arrived, Edward smiled, then lightly squeezed her hands. “Do you need any help with anything?”

“No no, make yourself comfortable,” he insisted, gesturing for her to sit down. He took her gift bag and deposited it at the foot of the tree, around other wrapped gifts. “I’m going to get drinks for everybody. Hot chocolate or tea?”

“Tea would be lovely, thank you,” Penelope said, taking a seat.

“Don’t forget to spike our drinks,” Deirdre called after Edward as he went into his kitchen.

“Of course not,” Edward called back. Ellen followed him, asking about marshmallows. That left Penelope alone with Deirdre and Nina, who in the brief amount of time it took for Edward and Ellen to go into the kitchen, had taken seats on the sofa. They fixed Penelope with identical, calculating looks. And now it began.

Penelope politely nodded at the pair. “Deirdre. Nina.”

“Doc,” they said in unison. Well. That was disturbing. Penelope hoped they wouldn’t make a habit of that.

Penelope didn’t let on any discomfort and folded her hands in her lap. “How have you been?”

“Good,” Deirdre drawled. “We made a cool $500,000 two weeks ago knocking out a rival in Central City.”

“Yeah,” Nina echoed, a smirk on her face. “His whole haul is now our haul.”

“That’s...interesting,” Penelope brought herself to say. The previous times she’d met them, Edward’s friends didn’t talk much about what they did for a living. Were they comfortable enough with her to share that now, or were they testing her to see what her reaction would be? “You weren’t too violent with him, were you?”

Deirdre shrugged. “He’s only going to be in traction for another week. We let him off easy.”

Nina leaned forward, her eyes narrowed. “That’s not a problem, is it?”

So it was a test. Penelope didn’t break eye contact with Nina. “I know full well what the two of you get up to,” she said, soft enough that Edward and Ellen couldn’t hear. “As long as Edward and Ellen don’t get involved, as far as I’m concerned, it’s not my business.”

Deirdre and Nina shot each other a quick look. Deirdre then nodded. Nina, however, wasn’t done with her just yet. “Thought you worked for Gordon.”

“I consult with the GCPD,” Penelope corrected, keeping her tone level. “I don’t work for Gordon personally. If I wanted to, I could have reported the two of you to him a long time ago, but I didn’t.” Penelope looked over her shoulder to make sure Edward and Ellen weren’t listening. The father and daughter were chatting in the kitchen, Ellen pulling a big plate out of the fridge and Edward putting the finishing touches on some drinks. Penelope turned back to Nina and Deirdre. “I love Edward, and he loves the two of you. We don’t have to be friends or even like each other on a personal level, but for his sake, and Ellen’s, I want us to be able to respect each other.”

Nina’s face softened. “We want that too,” Deirdre said. “We don’t have anything against you, we just don’t want Ed to get his heart broken again.”

“I have no intention of that ever happening,” Penelope assured her.

“You’d better not,” Nina warned. “Or we’ll chop your body up and bury you in a desert.”

Penelope resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Noted.”

Nina nodded and settled back against the couch. “Alright,” she said. “I guess we can accept you being the number one girl in Eddie’s life now.”

“Number two,” Penelope corrected. “Number one is Ellen.”

Deirdre and Nina exchanged another look, and this time, an identical, satisfied smile appeared on their faces. “Well played, Doc,” Deirdre said. “You pass.”

“Pass what?” The three women looked up to see Edward approaching the dining room table, holding a drink tray in his hands. He looked from Penelope to Nina and Deirdre and fixed the latter with a look. “Girls! Have you been bullying Penny?”

“We’re fine,” Penelope said quickly. “We were just chatting.”

Edward didn’t look convinced, but Ellen arrived with her large plate. “I made sugar cookies for everybody!” she said, putting the plate on the table. “Well, the dough was premade, but I made the shapes and decorations!”

“I’m sure they’re lovely, Ellen,” Penelope said. Ellen grinned, then began putting cookies on napkins and passing them around. Penelope looked down at the cookies and shook her head fondly. Ellen had decorated the sugar cookies to look like green question marks. Edward placed a drink on the end table next to the armchair, then pulled a chair from the dining room table so he could sit next to Penelope. He shot her a grin as he took his seat, and reached over to hold her hand.

“Aww,” Nina cooed.

“Knock it off,” Edward bit out, though without any venom. He then looked over to where Ellen was on the couch, sandwiched between Nina and Deirdre. “Ready to open presents?”

“Yay!” Ellen shouted, finishing off her cookies in a big gulp and getting up off the sofa. She dashed to the tree and gathered gifts up in her hands. “This is everyone’s presents from me,” she said. She then looked back to the tree and passed around another set of presents. “This is from Nina and Deirdre to everyone, this is from Dad to everyone-”

“Hold off on Penelope’s,” Edward said. “I want to give that to her later tonight.” He looked towards Penelope. “If that’s alright?”

She squeezed his hand. “That’s fine.”

Deirdre laughed. “Ooh, what did you get her?”

Edward glared at his former henchwoman while Penelope flushed. “Don’t be crass!” He shook his head. “Honestly, I can’t take the pair of you anywhere.”

Ellen made a face when she realized what the adults were talking about, then quickly turned her attention back to the presents. “Here’s Doc’s gifts for everybody.” She took her small pile and sat on the floor between her father and the sofa.

“Ellen, do you want a chair?” Edward asked.

“I’m good,” Ellen insisted. She looked at her gifts. “Now, which one do I want to open first?”

“Open mine,” Edward said.

Ellen looked at the large garment bag and cocked her head in curiosity. Then her face lit up. “Wait: Is this what I think it is?”

A grin came to Edward’s face. “That depends on what you think it is.”

Ellen practically vibrated with excitement, though she was careful as she opened the present. Penelope had to smile at the enthusiasm the girl was projecting, and judging from the looks on the other adults' faces, they felt the same way. Ellen got the bag open and let out a whoop of joy as she pulled a turquoise suit jacket out. “It’s my suit!” she shouted with glee. She pulled out a pair of dress pants that were the same vivid color. “My prom suit!” She got up and practically tackled Edward in a hug, almost knocking him off his chair. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, Dad!”

Edward laughed and returned her hug. “You’re very welcome, sweetheart.” He separated from her long enough to nod towards his bedroom. “Go try it on. I want to know if I need to take it into Anton and get alterations done.”

Ellen nodded and picked up the suit then ran off to the bedroom. Edward chuckled indulgently. “Prom suit?” Penelope found herself asking.

“Rachel wanted her to wear Diane’s old dress for prom. Her old baby pink dress. Ellen disagreed.”

Penelope had a brief mental image of Ellen in a poofy, 80′s style pink dress and shuddered. “You’re not going to get in trouble with Rachel over this, are you?”

Edward shrugged. “We’re going to keep her suit here for the time being and pull a switcheroo when prom comes. I’ll deal with the old battleax then.”

Deirdre laughed. “You need any help getting Gramma in line, let me and Nina know.”

“Yeah,” Nina added, cracking her knuckles. “We still want to get back at Brown, Dent, and those other assholes for what they did earlier this month.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that too much,” Edward said. A smirk came to his face. “Dear old Arthur and Harvey were so broken up about what they did to me, they agreed to pay my business expenses for the next six months, hence why I’ve been able to splurge for Christmas this year.”

Penelope’s eyes widened. “Edward Nigma, did you hack into Brown and Dent’s accounts?” That would explain why Brown had to get a public defender, actually.

“Hack is such an ugly word,” Edward defended. “Besides, it’s the least they could do for my physical and mental distress.”

Deirdre cackled and raised her glass. “You’re still the biggest son of a bitch I’ve ever met, Boss.” Edward raised his glass in response. Penelope scoffed but raised her glass as well.

“Just don’t make a habit of it,” she warned him, tapping him on the nose.

Edward pouted but nodded. “Of course not, darling.”

“Whipped,” Deirdre muttered, much to Nina’s amusement. Before Edward could interject, Ellen stepped into the living room, clad in the suit and white dress shirt her father got for her. Her hair was down, and it looked like she’d combed her hair back in an attempt to emulate her father’s look. She twirled around the room, stopping in front of her father.

“Well?” she asked. “How do I look?”

Edward got out of his chair, beaming at his daughter. “Like a chip off the old block,” he said proudly. Standing in front of Ellen, Penelope was once again struck by the resemblance between father and daughter. Watching them embrace, Penelope was once again struck by how much, despite their constant bickering, the two loved each other. Nina and Deirdre got up off the couch and joined in the small huddle, cooing over Ellen and taking pictures. Penelope continued to watch, taking in the sight of her lover with his family. Edward looked over his shoulder and caught her gaze. Wordlessly, he gestured to her. She got up immediately and made her way towards them.

She was part of that family too now.

***

Four hours later, Ellen was back at her grandmother’s, her suit hidden away in Edward’s closet. After dinner, Deirdre and Nina had gone back to their hotel, the latter teasing Edward about giving him some alone time. That left just him and Penelope.

They were sitting on his couch together, Edward almost glued to her side, touchy in a way he hadn’t been when there were other eyes. “Alone at last,” he said, nuzzling his nose against hers.

As much as she liked Ellen, and as comfortable as she was becoming around Deirdre and Nina, she had been looking forward to having Edward all to herself. She leaned in and pressed her lips softly against his. She pulled away and let out a small laugh at the dreamy look on his face. “Do you want any help cleaning some of the decorations?”

Edward shook his head. “No, I’ll keep them up for a few days. Ellen’s coming back on Boxing Day.”

As she suspected, the fuss Edward had made over the decorations was more for show than genuine distaste. “I have your present still,” she said, getting up from the couch to get her gift bag, much to Edward’s dismay. She sat back down and pulled out a small box, wrapped in silver wrapping paper. “Here. It’s not much, but-”

“I would have been perfectly content with having you as my present,” Edward said, taking the present. He unwrapped it and his eyes lit up when he saw the luxury green fountain pen. “Darling!” he exclaimed happily. “I love it!”

“I know you’ve been wanting one for a while,” Penelope said happily. “It has green ink too.”

“Perfect,” Edward said, putting the pen down on the coffee table. he then picked up a small box off the table. He looked almost nervous giving it to her. “I said once that I’d give you the stars if I could,” he said. “Well, this is about as close to a star as I can get.”

Penelope unwrapped the box and realized it was a jewelry box. She opened the lid and let out a small gasp. Inside was a silver necklace, shaped like the North star. In the middle of the star, she realized, there was a small diamond. “Eddie,” she breathed. “It’s beautiful.” She looked back up at him, almost ashamed. “This didn’t cost you too much-”

“Arthur and Harvey are taking care of my business expenses, remember?” he said with a wave of his hand. He cupped her face. “Penny,” he said. “You’ve made me happier than I’ve been for a long time. With everything going on with Strange and Batman, I haven’t been able to make as much time for you as I should. I want to make you as happy as I can. What kind of boyfriend would I be otherwise?”

She’d noticed, over the time that she’d known him, that Edward tended to equate giving material possessions with love. “I’m grateful,” she said. “But you never need to do things like this to make me happy.”

“I know,” Edward said with a roll of his eyes. “But I want to. And it’s Christmas, let me spoil you for one night.”

“Fine,” Penelope said with an eye roll of her own. She smiled fondly at him and put the necklace on. He gave her a look of approval.

“The girls didn’t give you too much grief today, did they?” he asked.

“Nina and Deirdre? Not at all.” Penelope smirked. “Besides, even if they had, I think I would have gotten the better end of the deal. You’re meeting my mother tomorrow, remember?”

Edward paled slightly, then puffed himself up. “Of course I do. I’ll be sure to sweep her off her feet, just like I did her daughter.” He waggled his eyebrows.

“You swept me off my feet? Really? That’s not quite how I remember it.” Edward pouted at her, only for her to lean in to kiss him again. “I love you,” she said softly.

“I love you too,” Edward answered. “Merry Christmas, darling.” The pair shared another kiss as snow began to fall outside.

[mirrorfalls]

Lego Liveblogs ST: TOS, part 9 (of who-the-hell-knows-how-many?)

What Are Little Girls Made Of? Let’s just hope it’s more moral stuff than the last boy the Enterprise took onboard...

* I see we’re wasting no time getting the nurse to take over Yeoman Rand’s eyecandy duties. Shame that Barrett’s Number One characterization is a no-go now. * Huh, plot’s shaping up to be a redux on The Man Trap. Not a high bar to clear. * “Beam down alone, just yourself.” Yeah, that’s your cue to pack an extra-sized Phaser, Kirk. * Nice try, girls, but Spock still ain’t turning his head for either of you. * “Whoopsy daisies, almost forgot our sacrificial meat!” ** Wow, even I wasn’t expecting the sacrifice that quick! * That is one Scooby Doo-ass lookin’ villain ** Who’s on a whole shelf away from this assistant guy, which obviously means he’s totally fine and trustworthy! * Aaaaand you two goldbricks are officially on your own. * Does... it really make sense for a species to go underground when their sun’s too cold? I guess they’re supposed to be warmed by the geothermal stuff down there? * Alright, Gene I’m impressed. How’d you get an outfit like this past 1960s censors?! * Well, that escalated quickly. ** I’d wisecrack about Kirk’s choice of “tactic”, but I think I’m more disturbed by the fact he dialed his Phaser straight to “melt stomach” intensity before he knew he was shooting a robot. What happened to Stun Mode? * He breaks necks and does voices! Wotta guy. * Kirk, you gotta start thinking like a sci-fi protag. Who says that’s the real professor? ** Oh, okay, I guess he is the real professor, he’s just completely lost his marbles. * Hum - this seems to be sowing the seeds for Nurse Christine to save the day, and if any actress has that level of pull it’s Barrett, but once can never underestimate the sexism of ‘60s TV... ** Case in point: Andrea, who proves this isn’t just The Man Trap. It’s The Man Trap with Mudd’s Women thrown in for good measure. * Make up your mind, Prof, are you trying to keep this a secret or not? * Don’t be racist, Nurse. * Nah, Prof, if she were logical you would’ve been choking on your own spinal cord ages ago. * Funniest. Cliffhanger. Ever. ** Seriously, Kirk asks one stupid question and smash-cut to him in a Batman ‘66 deathtrap. ** Wait, is that the Piltdown Man? * “Choose, Christine. Which is your captain?” “Do I get a Phaser?” * Oh jeez, I’d heard there was an episode where the crew snagged a fake Kirk because he was being racist toward Spock, but I didn’t know it was because the real Kirk fed that racism into the fake one. * “What he's done may seem wrong...” Nurse, he killed two guys without blinking. It’s a good thing you’re feeding all this to robo-Kirk, because I’m not sure the real one would forgive you. * Okay, even money says robo-Kirk dies by getting force-fed something that makes him short-circuit. Irony at its most delicious. ** Alternatively: why not just ask it to calculate pi? ** And they say Starfleet siblings always come outta nowhere! * Okay, I’ve kicked this episode pretty hard so far, but the central point here is pretty solid sci-fi: can a machine ever be a proper receptacle for a human consciousness, however advanced its programming? On the other hand, should we get so high-and-mighty just because the electric impulses driving us come from meat instead of silicon? ** I also like how the professor isn’t a full-on “ALL emotion is Bad!” type. He’s not even opposed to sentimentality, necessarily - he just thinks you can program away all the negative bits. * Ooh, Godwin’s Royal Flush! That’s pretty rare. * Whoof. Okay, I know people usually like to paint Kirk and Bond as opposites, but this is a move worthy of any 00-agent. Doesn’t just give you a momentary hostage, but makes sure he’s in no position to give complicated orders even after you’ve tossed him. * Give the big guy some credit too - he knows he’s programmatically bound to obey Nurse Christine, so his solution to that is just running the fuck outta earshot. * Ah, the legendary Dong Rock. 50% more dong-y in context! * Heavens to Betsy! How will Kirk save himsel... ** By not saving himself, apparently. Seems the big guy heard Christine after all. * Love Spock’s “Has the Transporter been spewing evil clones again?” face. * So Kirk... logics(?) both the big bruiser and the sultry henchgirl into defying their master. Adherents of the Three Laws are no doubt crying, but personally I think it’s more hit than miss; no matter how airtight the programming, once an AI reaches a certain level of complexity it has to develop some kind of survival instinct. * Holy last-act plot twist! * Prof, maybe you shouldn’t have programmed her with Yandere chips. Just a thought. * But back to the he-was-a-robot-all-along! bit... it’s got a strong base, but I feel it refuses to quit while it’s ahead. The longer Kirk talks, the more his argument starts sounding like “If you’re really human then why don’t we like you? :|” * Aww, a murder-suicide to cap things off. Isn’t it romantic? * “Think up a better excuse than that, Captain, or my next message will be to Starfleet HR.” * Written by... the Psycho guy? That explains a lot.

I’m probably not even the hundredth guy to note this, but this is easily the pulpiest Trek script to come down the pike - the square-jawed hero who ain’t scared to get his hands dirty but really survives by his wits, the swooning damsel who gets to be useful exactly once, the mad doctor wielding Scary Foreign Knowledge that not only perverts every law of God and man but threatens to infiltrate our fair society, his Big Scary Humorless Thug and sultry (but dangerously jealous) henchgirl... 

There are parts where the sci-fi port improves things and even broaches legitimately interesting topics, and it’s a damn sight better than either The Man Trap or Mudd’s Women, but on the whole I don’t think I’ll be in a rush to rewatch this one. Without too many standout “What the fuck is this?!” moments, there’s nevertheless a kind of sleaziness to the whole thing...

(Those were some neat overalls, though.)

Next: The first of many Shakespeare-derived shows! Will the Bard be done proud?

[dandelionflower]

Felix Month

Day 9: Tragic

It was tragic, really.

Lila Rossi lost the baking competition against Marinette. She revealed her lies, as per their agreement, and the class fell apart.

Truly tragic.

Alya was in denial, typing furiously on her phone, trying desperately to find some truth. She was fact checking everything. Too late.

Nino was in shock. He sat, rigid stiff, staring at Lila and the rest of the class. He stared at Alya, who had trusted Lila the most, who pushed him to believe her as well, and he moved ever so slightly away from his girlfriend. Their relationship would need to be rebuilt from scratch after this massive betrayal.

Rose was on the phone, crying to Prince Ali, apologizing over and over for not believing him. Rose was always far too trusting. Just not to the people who mattered.

Juleka patted her shoulder, silent as always. There was something in her eyes, though. Something that wanted to scream.

Mylene was weeping, immediately after the news had stuck, she had ran to Marinette, apologizing. She hugged her and apologized again. She was the first one.

Ivan was struggling with an enraged Alix, but he seemed to be fighting himself too. His eyes never left Mylene.

Alix was clawing and fighting her captor with every bone in her body. Odd, Felix didn’t remember her being lied to specifically.

Chloe was cackling. She was painting her nails. She would relish in watching the class regret siding with Lila. They should have stuck with her. Better an evil queen than a witch.

Sabrina sat close to Chloe, camera at the ready. She would be prepared to film the action when it occurred. For once, she benefited from following Chloe.

Nathaniel shrugged. He was never involved with Lila anyway. He was unaffected. He was one of the few.

Max was broken. He stared at a printed sheet of lies, scanning again and again. He was wrong. Anger flashed in his eyes as he glanced at the one who fooled him. Calculated became feral.

Kim was shaking Max, trying to do anything to wake him up. He even pulled out Markov, who claimed Lila had muted him once he started fact checking. They were unaffected, the only others.

Finally, Max leapt over the desk, hands bent like claws. Kim jumped after him, tackling the genius. “What are you doing!”

Alix took the opportunity to slip out of Ivan’s arms and skate up to Lila. “How dare you! You broke Max, Alya, Nino, even Juleka! You hurt Marinette!” She turned to her. “I’m sorry we didn’t believe you, we should have trusted you.”

Marinette looked up from where she was comforting Mylene. “I accept your apology, but it’s going to take some time for me to forgive you.”

Alix nodded, sitting next to her as Rose and Juleka came up and offered their apologies. Ivan was next, and then came Kim and Max, who had recovered from his momentary fury.

Soon, the only ones who hadn’t come up to apologize to Marinette were Alya, who was still trying to prove her wrong, Nino, who wouldn’t leave his girlfriend and best bro, Chloe, who doesn’t like apologizing and would probably just send a gift later, Sabrina, who apologized that morning, Lila, and Adrien, who sat by with a pitiful look in his eyes.

Felix came forward from his spot at the doorway. “Nette, why don’t you go out to Andre’s for some ice cream, to celebrate and recover.”

She grinned. “Sure! Come on guys!”

As she lead them off, one by one they each made eye contact with Felix. We won’t hurt her again.

Marinette’s head popped back in. “Chloe? Sabrina? You guys want to come?”

Chloe shook her head. “We would rather see whatever comes next.”

“Felix?”

He gave her a smile. “I’ll be there in a second. I have a few words to say.”

Confusion passed over her face, before she nodded and left, surely happy to be with her friends again.

Felix shut the door, turning to glare at the four. “You are all horrid, despicable people for not apologizing to Marinette after what you did.”

Lila burst into tears. “I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I did that! I-“

“Cut it out.” Felix fixed Lila with a look that could kill. “No one here is pitying you.”

Alya stared at Felix. “How dare you! Lila is clearly remorseful, let her apologize!”

“No one wants her apologies. Especially or Marinette. It’s you three that did wrong.”

“Marinette did wrong! She publicly humiliated Lila!”

“Would you rather she let Lila continue lying to you?”

“She wasn’t hurting anyone.”

“She was hurting Marinette! She threatened her in the bathroom and effectively turned the class against her and none of you were the wiser.”

“I knew.” Adrien stood up. “But this won’t help. It’s only hurting Lila. This is why I told Marinette not to expose Lila. She’s going to get akumatized now.”

Felix turned, not acknowledging Adriens foolish comment. “Did you get that?”

Sabrina nodded. “I can have it edited and ready for publishing by tomorrow.”

“Excellent.” He began to leave before stopping and staring at Nino. “I hope you think about what you’ve seen and ask for forgiveness soon. The other two don’t think they did anything wrong, I should hope you possess at least a tiny bit of remorse.”

Nino nodded, eyes hollow and contemplative.

“As for the rest of you, stay away from Marinette, she’s happy now and if you change that, I will end you.” With that threat, Felix left to join Marinette at the ice cream stand, a still cackling Chloe and giggling Sabrina following.

—————————

When Felix left the school, Marinette and her group of newly returned friends were standing outside waiting for him. Rose was standing in front, animatedly telling a story, Juleka standing close by, muttering minor corrections.

Marinette turned, “Felix! Felix’s here, guys. Let’s go to Andre’s.”

As they walked, Felix gravitated towards Marinette, not unlike the rest of the class. However, unlike with the class, she grabbed his arm and matched her step with his, immediately beginning to talk about her latest design. He smiled, Marinette always knew how to calm him down.

As they arrived at Andre’s they separated. Ivan and Mylene went first, greeting Andre and receiving a couples ice cream. As that was the only official couple, they all went alone after that.

Alix received a vanilla and coffee bean cone, “perfect for the solo athlete.”

Max received an orange, peach, and blackberry cone, “there’s someone out there for you yet, robotic intellect.”

Kim stepped up and got a strawberry, watermelon and blueberry cone. “It may be a time to change flavors.”

For Rose, vanilla. “I don’t need to know my soulmate! It’ll happen when it happens.”

Juleka, chocolate. “Same.”

Nathaniel received a myriad of flavors. “I don’t even know what this means…”

Then Felix stepped up. He hadn’t tried Andre’s ice cream before; however, he had his suspicions of what it would turn out to be.

“Blueberry for her eyes, blackberry for her raven hair, and rasberry for her favorite color!” Andre leaned forward as he gave Felix his cone, “I��m very sorry, but the object of your affections has her eyes on a mint eyed boy.”

“I’m well aware, thank you.” As he accepted the cone, he heard Marinette’s scoop combination.

“Ah! A new cone? Good, between you and me, the other’s combination was a bit toxic. Icy blueberry for his eyes, vanilla for his hair, and some caramel.”

“What’s the caramel for?”

“That’s a secret only they and I know.”

As Felix sat on the bench, he saw Marinette begin to walk over to him. A brief surge of panic course through him. What would he do about the ice cream? He quickly schooled himself back to his usual demeanor. Leave it to Marinette, she’s been through a lot, let it be her choice.

Marinette squeaked. Felix looked up to see her staring at his ice cream cone, then at hers, then to his again.

“How about we table this for another day?” He suggested. “You’ve had enough drama.”

She looked up at him and nodded, sliding next to him and resting on his shoulder. They ate their ice cream while Felix stared at the sunset and Marinette watched her peers talk and enjoy their ice cream.

The silence was soon interrupted, though, by the vibration of Marinette’s phone. She lifted it and grinned, angling it so Felix could see. “Look.”

Nino 🎧: sorry about the lila thing and not apologizing sooner

Nino 🎧: it was uncool of me

Felix grinned at her. “Looks like there’s still hope.”

His own phone rumbled. He lifted it and couldn’t help but smirk when he read the messages.

Happy: I can’t believe Alya and Adrien would do something like that!!!! 🥺😢😭

Purple: Nice job putting them in their place👍

Giant: Lila, Alya, and Adrien? How can anyone use the Ladyblog now?

Robot: I cannot say it was suprising to see Alya and Adrien’s reactions. Congratulations on lecturing them.

Jock: Alix and I are planning murder

Skater: I CANT BELIEVE IT!! ALYA I GET BUT ADRIEN!! IM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENS TO HIM!!

Illustrator: did you see the video?

Henchgirl: Video edited and delivered

Horrid Blonde: I hope you don’t mind, but I had Sabrina add some aftermath to the vid

He allowed himself another glance at Marinette, who had started a conversation with Mylene, before replying. Turns out a little tragedy wasn’t so bad.

[split-n-splice]

in my heart this is the “dino nugget chapter” uwu

[Chapter Guide]

11. Distance – 4

It was a few days before she went back to the lair.

In the meantime, Shilo stayed busy familiarizing herself with the bus routes and the shortest path to Buckley’s Brew, which was just within walking distance as long as she told herself she needed the exercise. She bought a few things to spruce up the new digs with what cash she had left on hand, like blinds, bedding, and a VCR, along with some provisions for herself. She didn’t like the thought of settling in, or waking to an alarm clock even earlier than usual, but she had no one but herself to complain to.

The henchgirls-to-be she worked alongside in the mornings weren’t the nicest bunch, but she should have expected that much. Shilo had her suspicions the reason for the snub was because they knew she was Go City’s disgraced hero Shego, though it was never brought it up.

By Friday, she was glad to make it out of the shop without clashing with either of the girls.

Returning to her apartment didn’t appeal to her, no matter how badly she longed for a nap. There was no air-conditioning, for one, and autumn or not, it was still sweltering hot. It made her miss the ocean breeze and the beach and splashing in the waves to cool off when it got unbearable, but the closest thing in the Nevada oasis was a sorry river that crossed through town, which was shriveled up to little more than a trickle this time of year. She’d heard of a lake not far from town, but she wasn’t up to making that journey.

By the time she considered finding refuge in the library, she’d already caught a bus heading to the other end of town. Maybe next time, she told herself.

Luckily for her, she didn’t have to kick the gate or wait for an attendant, as she happened to catch a henchman marching by in his sweep of the perimeter. The new guy seemed unsure of her, as if she were just some civilian that had wandered in off the road and demanded entry. He reached for the radio on his belt, but thought twice about calling for instruction when Shego narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms impatiently. “I’ve got an appointment with the Doc,” she lied. The guarded man straightened up fast and fumbled with the key to grant her access before she could rip her way through the gate herself.

The new henchman said nothing. Shego didn’t thank him, but he earned a glare shot over her shoulder when he stepped toward her as if to escort her to the garage. It was enough to teach him his place, because he quickly turned to chain the gate shut again to keep out meddling kids, the likes of which he must have assumed she was. Shego relaxed when he resumed his patrol.

The lair was a cool respite from the scorching Nevada winds, although it was a little on the chilly side. She warmed her hands and rubbed her bare arms as she made her way deeper.

The lab was shut down, although the overhead fluorescents remained on. Dr. Drakken’s favorite worktable was buttoned up to hide his pet project, surgical light off, and the computer screen was dark, though some lights blinked across the mainframe that doubled as a desk. An arrangement of crates and boxes of supplies had been moved in for a new project, but Shego could only make out heaps of scrap metal. She didn’t bother to unroll the scrolls of blueprints.

She regretted not leaving a spare uniform behind, but popped into her room anyway for a sweater before peeking in the office. Her shoulders slumped and she hummed, noting it was especially dark inside with only the hall light and the ambience of the CCTV system. Even the oversized fireplace was put out, which explained why it was especially cold today in the subterranean lair.

A check over security feed gave away the positions of the henchmen only, the newest of which she already knew was still making his rounds outside. Two were in aprons and goggles and heavy-duty gloves, grinding metal and working some sort of press machine in a workshop in the deeper recesses of the lair, while the pudgy one was stuck with janitor duty mopping the hall somewhere between the henchmen’s dormitory and the cafeteria.

It wasn’t the first time Dr. Drakken had disappeared without a trace, but it was still unusual enough to make her quirk her mouth and huff. His van was still in the garage, and unless he’d gotten a new rig in the past few days, no vehicles were missing.

She decided he’d turn up eventually, and moseyed back upstairs. If she shut her eyes and concentrated, she thought she might have still smelled a faint trace of coconut in the stagnant air. A little part of her gave an ugly twinge at having run out unannounced as she had the other day, and she’d thought she’d gotten over it until now, but the guilt crept back to drag her down as she reached the door of his quarters.

Shego didn’t expect to spot him lounging on the couch. That alone seemed unusual for him, given the time of day.

She studied the back of his head as she shut the door silently behind her, which may have been a mistake. His hair was plastered flat as if he’d just gotten out of the shower and neglected to towel off. Given his bare shoulders, she was hesitant to approach in case he was au naturel. It was his living space after all, and she hadn’t exactly been invited. Maybe she should have knocked.

Unfortunately for Drakken, her interest was piqued by his indiscernible muttering before she could make her escape. Over the back of the couch, she saw him raise one of the dinosaur chicken nuggets she’d chastised him about earlier in the week, and he hummed a familiar tune in imitation of last summer’s box office hit.

As she neared, Shego was relieved to find he at least had sweats on. She didn’t need that much proof he was thoroughly blue from head to toe anyway.

Drakken interrupted the Jurassic ditty with a mock roar as he beat the brachiosaur nugget with a T-rex, dipped its head in ketchup from the plate on his stomach, and bit it off at the shoulder. The T-rex nugget got its share as Drakken supplied carnivorous sound effects around a mouthful, at least until he dunked it in ketchup too and popped it whole in his mouth.

It was then that Shego leaned over the spine of the couch to grab the plate from his stomach. “Oh yeah,” she chimed, selecting a misshapen nugget – she had to assume it was a pterodactyl – from his plate while he choked on his T-rex and just about fell off the couch in his surprise. “You are the embodiment of evil, Doc.”

He sat up, pounding a fist on his chest as he coughed into his other hand. Coughing and hacking wasn’t particularly charming, but she didn’t let it dissuade her from stealing another nugget off his plate. He’d certainly made enough he could spare a few.

“What—,” he paused to wheeze as he swung his legs around off the couch to put his back to her as he reached for his soda pop on the coffee table, guzzling it and gasping for air. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at Buckley’s?”

“It’s, like, three o’clock, Doc,” she noted around a stegosaur’s head end, and cast a glance back to the clock on the kitchen wall. “Three twenty. My weekend starts now.”

“That’s nice,” he said insincerely, and twisted around to grab the plate back. She held it out of reach and popped the rest of the stegosaur in her mouth as he grunted his complaint. “Get your own. That’s mine.”

“Fine. Here.” She forked over the plate, though she had half a mind to dump it in his lap, sauce and all. “They taste like cardboard anyway.”

She stood up and leaned back to sit on the back of the couch instead, ignoring the slight protest of the frame beneath the upholstery. “Did you always have the belly pooch, or have you just been in here snacking this whole time?” she wondered, casting a glance to the pile of dirty dishes in the sink, baking pans among the mess.

Drakken stood suddenly with an extra-annoyed grunt and adjusted the waist of his sweatpants. “You missed out on coconutties,” he said as if in explanation before shuffling off to abandon his plate on the counter.

She let herself fall back into the spot he’d occupied moments ago. It was warm, if not a little damp. She didn’t want to try identifying the lingering scent of his soap, and shoved the appreciation for this particular villain’s hygiene standards right out of her head.

“Are you here to work or for my cable?” Drakken called from the kitchen as she flipped on the TV.

“Depends,” she said with a shrug. “Did you save me any cookies?”

“No.”

“Jerk.”

She didn’t mean anything by the offhanded remark, but it clearly offended him because she heard him scoffing and sputtering disjointed syllables. She wasn’t about to apologize though – not for calling him a jerk, and not for bailing or tricking him either.

A cabinet slammed, and she didn’t think anything of it until a brown paper sack was dropped on her stomach to distract her from the TV. She stared at the bag dumbly for a moment, but as she turned her attention up to utter something in question, she just barely caught a peek of Drakken’s back disappearing into his room. He slammed his door with enough force that it bounced open, and she almost laughed in reflex at his added curse as he shut it again.

She was sitting up with the bag open and nibbling on her second coconutty cookie when Drakken came skulking back in. She’d had just enough time to feel bad again for ditching without warning the other day. Tricking him into baking had to be awfully degrading for an aspiring villain she was supposed to be abetting, but given the discovery of being labeled the boss’s girl, she was suspicious all over again of his motives and why she was here at all. She didn’t bring them into question, though.

Instead, “These are nice,” slipped out.

Now dressed at least semi-professionally with his black slacks and blue button-up, Drakken tugged at his cuffs and grunted as he approached. “They would have been better if you’d tried them fresh, but you looked like you had somewhere better to be.”

“Yeah. I did,” she muttered, drawing into herself a little without meaning to. Her hands felt warm. She really wished she had her suit, but consoled herself that she’d long since outgrown any combustion problems, at least while conscious. “So you got anything for me to do, or do I need to bend the rules again?”

“I’m afraid not today,” he announced as he passed by behind her. “But I’ll have something for you tomorrow, if you’d be so kind as to be here by nine.”

“I don’t like surprises, Doc,” she warned, tipping her head back to scowl at him upside down. “What’s the job?”

“You’ll have to be here at nine AM to find out.”

++X++

Just to spite him, she made up her mind to show up fashionably late.

Of course, it wasn’t like it was completely intentional. If she wanted to make it even close to nine o’clock, she couldn’t wait around to see if he’d send a ride for her, and it wasn’t like she could control how fast the bus driver drove without resorting to drastic measures.

She’d slept in a little anyway, after having spent the better half of the night awake in front of an oscillating fan, wondering what the surprise possibly was. She also waited to get sick from cookies she hadn’t tested on him first for poison, but the only queasiness she felt was over the fact she’d still brought the bag home with her at all and even nibbled on a couple more throughout the night.

On the drudging walk out of town, a sputtering rusty sedan pulled to a near-stop beside her. The occupants gave her deceitful smiles probably meant to seem friendly but instead invoked an urge to plasma blast them in their faces. She declined their offer for a ride, but they continued to creep along beside her as she made her way up the hill.

The car that came up behind honked their annoyance and sped past.

After the third rebuff and a middle finger, Shego hopped across the ditch to walk along the tree line instead, glad to have something between her and the car about to have its tires blown out. She had to squeeze her fists to restrain herself, finding it especially difficult to keep up the civilian act. She made a point to remember the men and the vehicle as it drove away. It was a small town, and she’d keep her identity a secret better if she avoided the hooligans.

Shego couldn’t help raising her brow when she saw two more cars wiz by. She was already long past the residences gathered around the foot of the mountain. Unless there was some party in the backwoods, she couldn’t think of any reason for the unusual traffic.

Half past nine, she found out what the hullabaloo was all about as she made it up Drakken’s driveway. The gate was open for arrivals, but one of the henchmen shut it behind her. All the vehicles that had passed her on the way up, plus a couple others, were parked out on the blacktop in front of the garage. The various strangers lumped together to socialize.

Flanked by two henchmen, Dr. Drakken was dressed up in navy-blue business attire, black gloves and oxfords to match his tie. He was looking particularly professional with a clipboard and shaking hands with the latest arrival.

“You’re late,” he called in displeasure as she cut through the crowd.

She ignored the remark. “So what’s the big surprise?” she asked, adjusting the shoulder strap of her go-bag holding her uniform. “Throwing a party?”

“Cute,” he snorted, and shook his head. “Tryouts. You’re going to help me assess these men.” He waved his pen like a pointer to them.

Shego eyed the lineup. “Wow, Doc. It’s only been, like, a week. How’d you rustle up ‘em up so fast? Mail order?”

He turned and all but stuck his nose in the air. “Connections, Shego,” he said, and gave a wave for the flock of henchmen to follow him.

“What’d you promise them?” she chuckled under her breath as they came around enter the garage through the side door. “A share in the spoils?”

“It worked on you.” He flicked a wily smirk down at her, and then quickly blinked and looked ahead again.

Shego dropped her voice further, shooting over, “Hey, I’m not here because I really think you can do it.” Which earned her a crestfallen gawp, and then he squared up again and glared at her and snorted and took two big strides ahead, as if trying to ignore her hot on his heels. “How do I tie into all this?”

“If you had been here earlier, I could have briefed you,” he noted.

He paused at the staircase in the foyer, instructing the senior henchmen at the head and caboose to take the candidates to the gym. He waved them off with his clipboard before turning to Shego, but held his tongue as the very last henchman, the early bird who’d arrived the other day, came jogging through the room to take his correct place in line.

Drakken waited for their footsteps to fade down the hall above before ascending the stairs himself. He cast Shego a sidelong glance along the way. “If you’re going to be picky about who I hire to work for me, then the least you can do is help evaluate them for me,” he said. “At least in terms of fight training. I’d like to know what I have to work with here, and you’ve handled enough henchmen to be a good judge of their capability, I presume.”

“Can I rough ‘em up?” she asked, just a little too eagerly. There were already two in mind she’d like to teach a valuable lesson to. Maybe three.

“I’d rather you showed some restraint,” sighed Drakken. “You can do that for me, can’t you?”

Sure she could. She’d had to subdue not-quite-villains more times than she could count without battering them, though she’d walked a fine line, and quite often that aspect was left to her big brother. “I can try,” she said reluctantly, giving her shoulder strap a squeeze. “No promises.”

She met Drakken in his office minutes later, suited up and ready to go. He almost said something about the gloves he’d specifically asked her not to wear, but he must have realized they were the old pair, as he shut his mouth again before he could whine about it. It would be too easy to forget about restraint anyway if she were brandishing concealed weapons at her fingertips. The old gloves felt wrong somehow though – unpleasant even.

She couldn’t wait to get this over with.

Drakken brought a stack of manila folders with them to the gym. Henchmen clad in secondhand jumpsuits filed in minutes later.

Shego would have expected the chief to make use of the time by interviewing while she performed her task of testing the men, but instead he sat on the bench along the wall with the goons, crossing his legs and folding his hands over a knee. Despite his stoic stare, something about it seemed a little too keen to watch the show. It made the hairs on the back of her neck rise, but whether it was over a suspicion she was being evaluated herself or just the fact she was being watched at all, she wasn’t sure.

Giving helpful pointers as she had before was different than actually putting the men to the test individually, but one by one, she sifted through them. Two didn’t know the right way to make a fist, while another was a bouncy boxing fanatic who horrendously overestimated himself and got a heel to the teeth. The remaining men were average, all except for one.

The last actually provided a challenge. Shego didn’t need to peek at his file to know he was a trained martial artist, likely with far more years experience under his belt than her, though he wasn’t a master by any stretch. The lithe man still managed to knock her down and pin her with a fist drawn back in a feigned punch, but the pause he gave to mark his assumed triumph was his error.

The second she was pinned, she saw Drakken in her peripheral rising from the bench, but then she was too preoccupied with kicking the candidate back with enough force to send him flying into the wall beside the benches. His head cracked on unforgiving stone and he collapsed momentarily. Two senior henchmen came to the aid of the limp heap as he groaned and came around.

Shego lay back on the mat for another moment to catch her own breath after having the wind nearly knocked out of her, and then swung her legs to hop up. She pulled her ponytail tighter and brushed stray hair back behind an ear as she came to take the man’s file from Drakken. A glance over his credentials and Drakken’s notes, and she nodded, sparing a breathy, “He’ll do.” What the man lacked in brawns, he made up for in skill and stealth, a good teammate if she ever needed one for infiltration and theft.

Drakken grunted and took the folder back. “Break time,” he loudly announced, already on his way back to the catwalk out of the gym.

As she followed him, Shego cast a glance back to the last contestant to be sure he was on his feet and not looking too resentful. It was reassuring the guy just smiled to the others and rubbed the welt on his head. He must not have taken offense to her getting the last strike in after the match was decidedly over.

Back upstairs in Drakken’s quarters, he threw the folders down on the coffee table, and Shego sank down on the couch to peruse them for herself finally. There was the shuffling of glass clanking in the fridge and cabinet doors, and before Shego could finish skimming over the first file, Drakken was beside her and all but shoving something in her face.

“Open this.”

Shego leaned back from the pickle jar with a scoff, and pushed it away. “Stick a spoon under the lid to pop it,” she suggested with a shake of her head.

“They’re all dirty.”

“Then wash your damn dishes!” she barked back. The grunt he gave her might as well have been a whine. “Fine. Just – give it here. Cripes.” She jerked the jar from him to give the snug lid a twist and pop the seal before shoving it back at him. She wished she hadn’t though, because he stepped around her to plop down a cushion away and crunch and slurp on what he considered a lunch. She made a mental note not to get into his contaminated stash as she tried to ignore him fishing around in the juice with his bare hand after the third pickle.

Focusing on reviewing the candidates’ files proved difficult, until she sat back with a sigh and warned him to take his snack elsewhere with a reminder not to wipe his hands on his clothes or the couch, because she was not going to put up with smelling pickles for the rest of her time here today. He glared, but complied.

He was leaning over the back of the couch a few minutes later. “Well?” he grunted. “What do you think? Are they up to snuff? Or are your standards set so high this was all a waste of time?”

Shego sighed and shoved each folder aside as she sorted them and gave her biased opinion. “Don’t like this guy. Really don’t like this guy. These guys just suck, this one’s worthless—”

“Must you be so picky?” Drakken interjected with a groan as he slumped over the back of the couch. He was leaning a little too close for comfort if she could feel his breath on the back of her neck and smell the vinegar on it.

“Why ask for my opinion if you’re not going to listen to it?”

“Oh, I’m listening to it,” he assured, and she shot a glare back at him as he picked an ear. “I’m just taking it with a grain of salt, that’s all.” She had half a mind to shove his face away with a plasma-coated hand, but instead she scooted aside. “Anyway, I need that last one. He stays.”

“Ew?” she couldn’t help scoffing. She grabbed the folder again to hold it up to him, to be sure Drakken was looking at the right name and mugshot. “Did you see that dude’s hands? He’s got missing fingers.”

Drakken snatched the folder from her to double check the file for himself. “Cut him some slack. He’s a metalworker. I need more of them down in the shop.”

“Must not be any good at it if he’s losing digits. Just saying. And he can’t fight worth a damn, so—”

“Henchfolk aren’t all one-trick ponies geared toward combat services, Shego,” said Drakken in a long-winded sigh. “Did you ever stop to consider that? They’re technicians, and tradesmen, and – where are you going?”

“If I’m done here, I’m out,” she declared as she made for the door.

“Oh,” Drakken uttered, and she didn’t want to look back at what she just knew was a deflated pout. “Alright. Well – be here tomorrow. On time, please, if you will. Nine o’clock sharp.”

“What for?” Shego scoffed from the doorway. She risked a glance back to him wringing his gloves.

If she had to guess, he was making up an excuse on the spot. “Ah, well, it would still do the lot of them good to have, ah…someone as skilled as you to give them some one-on-one—”

“Do I look like a personal trainer?”

“Well, you’re the closest to one I’ve got on hand, so you’ll have to do,” he retorted, scowling back at her.

“Fine. I’ll start with you. Tomorrow. Nine AM sharp. Be there or be square.”

[platinumsupa]

Sulotte + Sucy's opinion of Nightfall?

1250 words. I feel like I wrote this one in a different style than I usually do!

The 366th novel in the NightFall series had been released on the 20th of themonth. Sucy knew that for a fact. It was hard not to, with the way Lotte hadbeen acting since the 3rd. Sucy swore it was like living with twoAkkos, a scenario she’s had nightmares about more than once.

Sucy didn’t hate NightFall.She’d have to care enough about the series to actually form an opinion one wayor the other. Whenever Lotte and Diana’s dark-haired henchgirl around startedgoing off about it, Sucy just tuned it out, not even bothering to make a snidecomment.

Yet on 19th, when Lotte went to wait in lineoutside the store for the night, Sucy ended up camping right there with here. WhenLotte excitedly speculated about how the story might conclude, Sucy stayedsilent and let her bounce ideas off her. And whenever Lotte got embarrassed forrambling so much, Sucy told her it was fine, she could keep going if shewanted.

She couldn’t say why she did it.

She knew, she justcouldn’t say it. She was too stoic, too blunt, too…Sucy, for a sensitive soullike Lotte.

It had taken about six hours in total. Standing around for alot of it, sitting for the rest. Having two of them meant one could go and getfood or hit the bathroom without losing their place. She supposed it should’ve been boring, listening tosomeone babble about something she didn’t know or care about for six hours. Hadit been someone else, Sucy would’ve left before just one.

But Lotte never asked for much. She stuck to the background,a quiet pillar of support. She considered herself invisible. It was rare to seeher being so excited, and it felt…special. Like she was being granted anexclusive privilege.

Now only ten people away from the front of the line, Lottecontinued her rambling recap. “So then, get this! Edgar tells her it’s over!A-and he just…just leaves! Just like that!”

“No.” Sucy deadpanned.

“I know, right?! I thought I was going to cry, right thenand there!”

“And that’s how the book ends?”

“Yes!” Lotte threw her hands up. “It was even an worsecliffhanger than the one in 212! At least that one we had the future arc to gooff of, but this one we had nothing! I have no idea what’s going to happen!”

“…You know, you could’ve been the one to write it.”

Lotte laughed, pushing her glasses up in a small, bashfulway. “O-oh, that’s right. I’m glad I didn’t. I wouldn’t have done nearly as good.”

“Why not?”

“W-why?” Lotte blinked. “I…I mean, I’m not…I’m not really awriter. I wouldn’t be able to capture reader’s hearts like Annabel can.”

Sucy scoffed. “Hey, I don’t even like these books, but youstill make them sound interesting to me. You couldn’t do too bad.”

Lotte gaped at her, and Sucy winced. She hadn’t meant tophrase it so harshly, but try as she might, she just wasn’t good with gentle.

“You really don’t like the books?”

Sucy looked down at her feet. “…Sorry.”

“N-no no, it’s fine!” Lotte shook her head. “I mean, youdon’t have to like…b-but why did youwait for so long with me then? I mean…you have better things to do, right?”

“Not really.” Sucy shrugged. “My schedule’s pretty emptylately.”

“But…why? I mean…we were here a long time! I’m just…Imean, if you don’t like the books, and I know I’m sort of a boring person to bearound, so I’m just…I don’t really get why you’d stay.”

“You’re not boring. You’re just quiet. And that’s…” Sucysuddenly found it difficult to look her in the eye, or to even speak loudly.“That’s not…a bad thing. I…like thatyou.”

Lotte smiled. “I guess it’s good to have it nice and quietsometimes, huh?”

Sucy felt her face heat up. “That’s…no, t-that’s not whatI’m saying. I…like when you’re quiet, but you’re…also…not…bad when you’rerambling either.”

And now Lotte just looked confused. She was a gentle personat heart, and again, Sucy wasn’t good with gentle.

But she continued to try, floundering over her words.“It’s…it’s like…how Edgar does all that nonsense for Belle, even though she’skinda a flake to him. You…wanted to read this book, so…I wanted to wait withyou, because it’s important to you. I guess.”

“Like…how Arthur does all that nonsense for Belle…?” Lotterepeated. “…W-wait, are you saying-?”

Sucy’s eyes went right back down to the feet. “I’m notsaying anything, alright? Just…forget it.”

Lotte opened her mouth to say something more, but before shecould find the words, her eyes got caught on Sucy’s cheeks. More specifically,the color they were taking.

And then Lotte giggled into her hand. “I’m sorry!” She saidin between breaths. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh! It’s just…I’ve neverseen you get embarrassed before!”

A small groan escaped Sucy’s lips.

“I really didn’t mean to laugh, honest! I’m sorry! Don’t bemad, okay?”

Sucy didn’t meet her eyes. “…Let’s just…get your bookalready.”

~~~

It took another ten minutes, one Sucy stayed silent andaloof for the entire time, but eventually they got into the store, Lotte gother book, and they got jealous stares from the people behind them in line asthey walked out.

Lotte was excitedly reading the back cover, and having anargument with herself about waiting until they got home to read. Sucy wasmentally kicking herself for opening her mouth and ruining a nice moment. Sheshould’ve stayed stoic. She was goodat stoic.

Eventually, Lotte lowered the book to her side. “…um…Sucy. Ithink I get what you were saying before.”

Sucy’s brows furrowed. “You…get?”

“About how Edgar treats Belle, and what you said about mebeing quiet. That’s…kinda why I laughed, you know? It’s…um, how do I putthis…it’s k-kinda nice seeing you getting embarrassed, because it’s like…I’mgetting to see another side of you, you know? It feels special, in a way. Andit’s kinda like…”

“Like…?”

Lotte fell silent, and simply giggled to herself. “See?” Shescratched the back of her head. “This is what I mean when I say I can’t be awriter! I don’t know how to say this stuff! So…! Um…lemme just…”

She motioned for Sucy to bend down, which she did with asmall hum. And before she knew what was happening, Lotte stood to her toes andplanted a gentle kiss to her lips.

Sucy swore her heart skipped a beat.

Lotte hugged her book close to her heart, pinching her eyes shut.“T-that…that’s how Edgar said thanks to Belle in…a-and since you waited with methis whole time, I thought I should…y-yeah!”

Lotte beat a hasty retreat before Sucy could say much ofanything, leaving her standing alone in the sidewalk. Sucy watched her run backhome in silence, struggling to find a reaction. And eventually, a full-ongiggle escaped her throat. The noise was foreign on her throat, but she couldn’tstop it anymore than she could stop the grin spreading up to her ears.

She took her time walking home, figuring she’d give Lottesome time to finish her new book. That way, when she was done, she might beable to tell her all about it. Even though she couldn’t care less about theplot or the arcs, she couldn’t wait to hear how it all ended this time around.