#I just saw a post on how they’ve basically emotionally cheated on every partner that they’ve been with in some ways

[buddiesmutslut]

When people say “I’m okay with Buck & Eddie not ending up together as long as their friendship doesn’t change”, I hate to say it, but that’s just not possible.

I’m not saying that they’re going to stop being best friends or anything, but if they get into actual, healthy, serious relationships, with people that are well matched & good for them, their current relationship is going to change. It’s inevitable.

I do believe that they’ll always be family, that they’ll do their best to be there for each other & for Chris, but they get so much from each other. In the past, even unintentionally, they’ve been more emotionally connected to each other than they have been with their partner, & that’s part of why their friendship is so solid, because they’re both only ever vulnerable with the other.

If they find good, healthy, stable partners, they’re not going to need each other in the same way, and that’s going to change their relationship. Do you honestly believe that Eddie is going to leave Buck as Chris’ legal guardian if he finds a partner that he actually & genuinely loves and enjoys being with? (The fanfic writer in me wants to say yes, but the realist in me says no lol.)

If Buck falls in love with someone who is accepting & soft and kind and understanding with him, that person is going to be the one he goes to first for everything, not Eddie.

So much of their friendship is rooted in the way they show up for each other in ways that only committed partners really do, and if they fall in love & get serious and marry other people, it’s not going to be the same.

I just, idk if I’m explaining it eloquently enough, if I have the right words for it, but unless Buddie goes canon or they keep ending up in these half-assed relationships where they repeat the same mistakes over & over again, their relationships and these “moments” everyone loves so much are going to stop.

[marvelous-imagining]

Wrong

Hey, everyone! I realized after posting this on my Wattpad account that I completely forgot to post it here on Tumblr as well and I think you guys have the right to read this too if you so please.

Basically, to put it as short as I can, I still see people liking this series and it makes me feel bad that I never finished it. I still won’t, so don’t get your hopes up. Also, sorry about that as well... But I explained in my Farewell post why I won’t be writing here anymore. Nothing about that will change. But I can share what I had planned for Wrong specifically. Writing all this down kind of gave me an odd sense of closure since I did feel a bit bad for never finishing it when I had some things planned. I had some key plot points along with the ending somewhat figured out and wanted to share them with those who might be interested to know how it all could have ended. I hope it’s not too disappointing, haha.

But anyway, without further ado, here we go...

(the rest is pretty much copy-pasted from Wattpad)

So, we left off with Chris's POV in Part 12. We saw Reina, she seems to be an ok person, right? Well I had a lot planned for Reina.

1. She's controlling. Throughout the story I wanted to bring that out more. She's asking (more demanding) Chris to shave, she would have had a lot to say about the way he dresses, the amount of exercise he does (too much but he does it to destress especially if reader isn't around to help him with that ayoooo), just wants to control him in every way possible, even with the smallest of things

2. She's after that perfect suburban married couple life who will have a couple of kids who will go to great schools and grow up very prim and proper. She never got that calm family life, her parents weren't the happiest and she was an only child. Growing up in her household was a bit rough for her and her relationship with her parents still affects her. She also works in her father's company because she was practically forced to. She can't escape her family in that way so she tries to recreate her fantasies of a perfect life with Chris to no avail.

3. There's a point in time she starts getting more and more interested in sex with Chris. He's not really feeling it because it all feels so forced and also he can't stop thinking about the whole situation with the reader. He's torn between his affair and wanting to make things work with his wife because he has once convinced himself that he wants the same things as Reina. He's also scared of divorcing her because he has once swore to love her and be with her forever and they were in love. truly. not anymore though. but anyway, so they become more sexually active in the relationship. chris might cut ties with reader during this time once again only to realize he has tasted that forbidden fruit that is the reader and now cannot be satisfied with his wife anymore. sexually or emotionally. he needs more of that forbidden fruit. sin tastes and feels so amazing although it's so wrong.

4. Reina gets pregnant. And at this point Chris and Y/N are back at it again, affair going strong. The news really shock Chris, the pregnancy wasn't planned. Chris had begun to lean more towards the decision to divorce once again but this whole pregnancy throws him off. He has a little one on the way now. So he meets with Y/N not too long after and breaks the news. Y/N can see he's distraught, maybe even felt it from the way he acted in bed because of course problems in this story would be attempted to be fixed by sex because we love that problematic way of dealing with emotions, don't we? nobody ever said this wouldn't be problematic. so obviously both are torn, they don't want to leave the other but.... chris has to think about his family.... and the whole thing with them being in a professor/student relationship

5. after some time it comes to light that the kid is actually not chris's but a coworker of Reina's who she had been cheating on Chris with for years. (hence the sudden desperation for sex that followed afterwards to prevent chris from getting suspicious) Reina married Chris to please her parents pretty much, their fathers were business partners, planning on using each other for profit and all that business stuff for having their families intertwine like that. Reina never really wanted to marry chris, they did have their time in love and everything but this coworker of hers was actually her one true love from her younger years. he married someone too but the two kept seeing each other nearly every day, the feelings never went away, they ended up caving many many many times. and yeah, chris is not the biological father. obviously this will cause a huge fight. they will eventually separate, and a divorce will happen. 100%. and reina will find out about chris and y/n... and though she is bitter this college girl stole chris's heart who she wants to blame the whole problem on, she decides to stay quiet about the whole thing. she knows she's wronged chris and she has no business trying to ruin his career or cause him more pain. she knows she's done awful things, she can't really take it out on him. she will probably threaten them with the knowledge at first but decide against it, even show them she won't say anything. she still is not fond of y/n. she also ends up with the father of her child. they are growing a family together now.

Now..... timelines will be a bit mixed up here, so this next thing would have come before the whole pregnancy thing.

So the thing between Y/N and Chris continues, they have many talks about stopping, maybe at this point they would have just agreed on a break or sth and they actually end up meeting in a company party. because surprise surprise, Y/N's mother is actually working in Reina's father's company. She works above Reina, so she's her senior/superior. They don't really work together that much but they are acquainted and friendly. Y/N and Chris will both be there for the party and it will be very uncomfortable. A conversation about Y/N studying in the same college that Chris works at comes up and there'll will be a lot of comments from both Y/N's parents and Reina that hit very different when you know about the affair. like "I hope our daughter hasn't been troubling you." and "Well, I hope in return my husband has been treating you well."

on top of all of that y/n might be struck with some jealousy and actually tease chris in very sneaky ways. maybe there's some finger foods she's eating in seductive ways, maybe she's flirting with some interns and sending glances at chris to make sure he's watching. she's taking the risks and it's making her all the more excited. this relationship is very exciting, thrilling for both of them.

chris will walk up to y/n and her parents and ask for permission to talk to y/n about certain school stuff that he "has been meaning to talk to her about but haven't had the time". and now that reina is mingling, he found the right timing to snatch you away. he's also apologizing for the inconvenience.

turns out y/n's dad is actually quite fond of chris, saying how nice of a man he is and senses nothing iffy in his behavior.

they may or may not have a little fun in a public bathroom and create rumors that reach reina's ears that she brings up to chris later on. nobody spilled the beans on who those two were, they weren't fully seen.

she will realize through her jealousy that she actually wants something more with chris but him being married and all is what complicates things. he, after cheating on his wife with y/n in the company party of his father-in-law's, realizes just how risky this whole affair is, but realizes he has no intentions to stop. he want's y/n real bad. he's in deep, just like she is.

so there are connections. small world, isn't it?

but anyway, to the finishing line of his story.

chris divorces his wife. he meets with y/n again after a while of not being in contact, after thinking some things through. they love each other deeply but they've both been through so much during their affair as have other people around them. chris has gone through a divorce, he had been preparing for a child that ended up not being his in the end, he's battled with not taking control of his life and following his long forgotten dreams. all throughout this story, he would have been writing a story himself about the whole thing. a little romanticized, dramatized (though the story in itself is already filled with drama) but most importantly he's gotten his inspiration back, y/n woke something in him that got him writing again. she had become his muse, someone who nearly possessed his mind... obviously the whole connection between these two is problematic and.... toxic in a way??? like i think we can all agree this isn't the healthiest of relationships. there's a lot of back and forth, hot and cold, breakups and makeups, the fact that it's frowned upon/illegal due to chris being y/n's professor, chris cheating on his wife with her which she is just enabling.... also this situation has not helped her education at all and in turn made things a but worse... it's messy and causing a lot of distress for both parties. they end up separating as well. it will be hard for both of them. chris will do most of the talking, explaining how this is not the right time for them to start a proper relationship after everything they've both gone through. he's explaining her how she needs to focus on her studies, he doesn't want to sabotage her future and he needs to give his dreams a shot once more. he's moving away after the semester ends, he's starting off new and he hopes she will do the same. obviously the whole night will be emotional, romantic yet sad... there's a lot of pain but also a lot of love for each other. and they end up separating, not contacting each other again.

years go by and finally y/n graduates. she finds out that there is a book signing event from none other than chris. he's finally published a book and it has brought quite a lot of attention. it's nothing too big for now but a spike in sales and popularity has been talked about. she's brought back to her time with him and can't help but feel proud that he's finally doing something he's wanted to do for a long time. he's written a book that will become successful. though romanticized in some parts still a very raw story about love, family, career and affairs (maybe even midlife-crisis) that doesn't sugarcoat things. obviously characters, the setting and much else have been changed to not reveal too much of what happened in real life. i'm thinking even occupations of the characters would be changed, it won't be a professor/student relationship but still an almost boss/employee one... or maybe better described as senior/junior... idk didn't think that far..... but anyway...

she's very happy for him but also curious to how the book turned out, curious to know what was going on inside his mind when they had their affair. she gets the book, curiosity becoming too much for her to bear.

so she reads the book. probably won't be too fond of some of the things written but recognizes the beautifully written raw emotions and feelings and feels the depth of them. she sheds many tears while reading the book, realizing how deeply he truly loved her. her heart clenches at the memory of him, of everything they went through. she realizes she still holds him dear to her heart. and she has nothing romantic going on for her right now, she's wondering how his situation is. based on what she read she is hopeful he still feels the same somewhat. i mean, it's been years and he book is being published only just now... she's trying to make sense of why he would still be interested.... but without thinking about it much further, she decides to go to the event, ask for her book to be signed.

she's nervous obviously, waiting until the last of the people have gotten their books signed. just as chris is wrapping up and starting to leave, y/n walks up to him and nicely asks for him to do one more signature. he immediately recognizes her voice. though it's been years, his writing has kept it alive. every time he described her voice, he could hear it in his head. you had stayed to haunt him even after all this time.

the two will catch up, fidgeting awkwardly. it's been years, jumping right into each other's embrace would be quite weird and awkward for them. they still kind of want to do that... but anyway they keep it all civil and everything but end up agreeing to meeting up for dinner or something. they will be going for dinner and on the drive be talking and catching up but during the ride their plans change. though both of them wanted to take it slow and be careful, they just cannot wait. they go up to either one of their apartments or a hotel room one of them is staying at (didn't think where this event would be held) and just go at it. it'll be passionate, emotional... they will take their time, make sure to show each other how they truly feel when they've never really been experts at communicating verbally, but no need to worry, they'll learn in time.

it will end with them sharing their want to take things slow but throwing that out of the window. they finally have the chance to be together, they want to get right on it. jokes will be made about moving fast, even a quick vegas wedding might be brought up only to be challenged with a "ok, maybe take things just a liiiiiitle bit slower"

but yeah so in the end they do end up together. that's what i had planned for the story. i hope you liked it, i'm sorry if you didn't. i know how bothersome it can be to have a story you like be left completely unfinished with no closure but i hope you find some closure in this if that's what you were missing. i know it's not written in the best way possible, but it gives you the gist of how the story would end if i finished it. if you have any questions, let me know and i'll see if i can answer them.

i'm sorry for those of you who wanted this story to be continued. that sadly won't be happening from me. if any of you want to give this story a go, to put your own little twists into it, you have my permission. just remember if you decide to continue the story, or you're inspired to write something based on any of my stories, remember to give credit when credit is due. and with all of that said do what you want with this permission.

again, i hope this brought some closure to those who were seeking it. thank you for reading and voting for Wrong. It is a shame I can't quite put it into story form anymore. But I feel like even I got some closure from sharing what I had in store for you guys. Now I can let it rest with no remorse.

[ones-delight]

A letter to him for the final time.

Lots of raw emotion so I’m just typing whatever I feel lmao. 

With the Cancer full moon in effect, I’m really trying my best to release all of my bad feelings out. Going into a new year, I want to confidently release all of the spite, hate, anger, annoyance, frustrations, basically all negative feelings I have towards my ex. Our relationship was not meant to last. I need to accept that 100000% and me continuing to be invested in his life (in a toxic stalkerish way) is not the right way to move forward with my life. I need to stop being in denial (in terms of trying to move forward) and actually start making moves that will be better for me mentally and emotionally in the long run. Especially with the new year coming around, 2021 is a new year full of changes coming up that I need to give my 100%. I will not be able to give my 100% if I continue to sulk about the past, specifically my past relationship with my ex, Eduardo Javier Castillo. My first love, first real boyfriend, who was overall not good for me and God put him in my life for a reason. To learn and teach me what I actually need and value in a relationship. In addition, I keep feeling like I’m making progress, however, I’m not making enough to where I can entirely let go. I need to come to a place where I can completely let go. I continue to feel like I’m making steps forward, but then take 10 steps back. For example, last week when I was in Iowa City, I had a moment where I realized it wasn’t worth my time to be in my fake accounts trying to figure out what he was up to or how he is treating his new girl (Kylie Cameron, girl who also works at KWCH with him). I get gratification seeing what he’s up to, however, every time he “shows her off,” on social media, all I feel is anger, frustration, and quite honestly, jealousy. I continue to play this comparison game of “why did he NEVER do this with me?” or “wow okay so he does this with her but not me?” Anyways, I’m going into a huge rabbit hole because there are just a lot of feelings and thoughts I have that I need to release. 

If you’ve made it this far, sorry for my random notes. Let’s get onto the purpose to this post...A letter I want to write to him. I think in order to help me make progress, let’s let all of the feelings I have out. Although I am tempted to send it to him, I really shouldn’t. It is a much better idea that I do not send it to him. He doesn’t deserve anymore of my time or energy. He didn’t honestly since day 1. Even if I were to send it, he will not actually read it. Also, even if I did, he may read it but do nothing about it. God, as I am typing this I’m literally contemplating sending it to him. fuck me lmao. I REALLY SHOULDN’T BECAUSE I’VE WRITTEN LETTERS TO HIM BEFORE BUT HE NEVER SAID ANYTHING. Ok you know what I’ll keep thinking and I’ll just do what I keep doing, do what feels right. also, even if I do it and it’s not a good idea, FUCK IT. I do what I want. Dear Eduardo,

  You’re probably thinking “I never want to hear from her again.” or “what the fuck does this bitch want.” or even “why can’t this bitch leave me alone?” I think these are things you’d say because you’ve actually stated these words to/about me. Anyways, I reflected on 2020 and been thinking about the people who have impacted me. Going into 2021, it’s going to be a full year of changes for me and in order for me to put my 100% into my future, I need to actively work through letting go of my past. I hope you remember that I’m not a Ph.D in letting go (lmao), so this is the one of the ways that felt right for me in order to continue moving forward without looking back and finally put past experiences to rest. I hope you take the time to listen and reflect on what I’m about to share.

  Although it’s been over a year since you’ve ended our relationship, I’m still hurt. Mainly by the choices you’ve made, especially since you were my first. You know how seriously I take relationship things and I’m caught in between being grateful and hate that you were the person who had to be my first. You’ve taught me an incredible amount about myself and relationships that I will always cherish. You also hurt me in multiple ways that I never expected someone (who claims to have loved me & cared about me so deeply) to do. I think about the ways you’ve gaslighted me in numerous situations that made me question my own worth/value, cheated on me with multiple women throughout our relationship (Jennelle Brown..Victoria Farr…Ashley Walker just to name a few), hid info and lied to me multiple times instead of being honest, kept me a secret (i.e. refused to allow me to meet any of your friends, allow me to post about us/you yourself never post about me on social media where people who’d actually know you would see), and overall, were not willing to let me be a part of your life. What was worse for me was not understanding these things until after you’ve broken my heart. (Side Note: Especially the cheating….You knew what would completely destroy me due to my past, yet, you still chose to cheat on me with multiple women..We’ve had numerous conversations about how “we” could never understand why someone would cheat on their partner and you acted like you wouldn’t when you were cheating behind closed doors the whole time..) You even allowed your insecurities gaslight yourself of my intentions such as you telling me “you’re making power moves and I’m not.” I never thought of myself as ever being better than you. You were always as someone who I saw motivation, ambition, and admiration for the work you’re trying to achieve. I’ve always viewed you as someone who always standing besides me.

  You claimed we had a great relationship; no cheating involved, ended on mutual terms, when we both know that is not the truth. I can understand why you lied to me and people in your life (to protect yourself while you actively paint me as the bad person), but why are you lying to yourself? Why do you deny the actual truth of your own choices? Anyways, I was invested in you to be my life-long partner, not to be another woman’s man. I hope you will always remember that I’ve fought for us, for you, and never gave up when we were together even during times when you made it extremely hard for me. I did this because loved you with my whole heart. I always tend to look at the good in people, but I’ve finally accepted that you were never truly a good partner or person with wholesome intentions.

  I do also want to acknowledge my own wrongdoings. I was not the perfect girlfriend. I’m the most imperfect person who has an eternity membership to the hot mess express. My biggest flaw were my emotions. I have contributed to times where it was hard for you to also stand by me. I do want to put in the space that all I wanted was your time, effort, love, honesty and support. You gave me that during the first few months of us dating, however, you stopped as we continued to progress. I continued to fall for you while you were falling out of love the moment, we stepped out of the honeymoon phase. You even admitted to me that you never wanted me from the beginning because you felt “forced” to be in a relationship with me. It still hits me like a train knowing you never truly wanted me, but continued to string me along…

  I’d be surprised if you’ve made it this far. There is still so much I want to say and ask “why?”, but we’d be here for 20 centuries. As much as I’d like to continue to analyze and understand the whys, I can’t continue to put myself in a position where I cannot fully embrace the letting go process. Overall, I want to thank you (but also say in a sarcastic way that I hate you at the same time lol) for entering my life. I know we re-added each other back on social media in April, but the more I continued to see you and Lila progress in your relationship, the more it hurt me even though I simply wanted to be your friend so I had chosen to remove you a second time in June. I removed you from Facebook and unfollowed you on Instagram. I didn’t unfollow you on twitter since you don’t use twitter. I promise I didn’t remove you out of spite, I removed you for my own well-being (again, took a lot out of me). I did try to re-add you back on Facebook in November because I thought I was ready, but I really wasn’t so I removed you again (sorry but not really lmao). I’ve also noticed you’ve blocked me on all forms of social media so I hope it’s not for the same reason of being salty with me especially since I did just try to re-add you back on Facebook just for me to immediately remove you again lmao.

  Finally, if you ever needed anything, please don’t hesitate to reach out. If it’s 2 months or 50 years later, please know that you can reach out. I don’t have it in me to deny someone asking for help (even if they’ve done me extremely dirty). I don’t have the heart to do so. I don’t expect us to remain friends because you still continue to never outreach to me on your own, so I do just want to put in the space that if you do need anything, I’ll still always do my best to help. I wish you all the best as you continue to progress in your career and your future adventures in life. I hope you and your family stay safe and well.

  Sincerely, Cass.