#I just realized it got long im suman

[hannalysis]

These past few days made me realize how badly I can overthink things but also how fortunate I am with my family and that I'm getting better at asking for help and making good choices for the sake of my health.

Aug 16 - I had a low-grade migraine in the morning but had such a bad neck pain that it scared the shit out of me. I was so scared on the commute back home because it was so painful.

I slept from 2AM to 7AM and was so uncomfortable because of how muggy our room was and how painful my neck was. Got fixated on searching about neck pain and migraines.

Aug 17 - Not feeling refreshed at all but my headache was gone. Neck still felt tight and tense.

Went and bought some stuff to exchange with Ronn (Korean for the suman ng Rosalie's) and tried the Korean cafe I was eyeing a few times na with Keon and parents.

Taught my parents to take mirror selfies 😂

Did jogging after a long while.

Didn't sleep and got even more anxious and scared about stuff

Aug 18 - tried my hardest to catch up on my sleep throughout the day but I couldn't. Finally fell asleep at 10PM and woke up around 7AM. Did some vagus nerve exercises coz the anxiety was making me feel even worse.

Aug 19 - was not at all feeling well. Talked to Ate Iya to have it checked. IM in-house consultant ordered X-ray and prescribed muscle relaxant for 5 days. Finished the X-ray while doing S&OP 😂

There's the Jollibee Tower! Bought some food for my pamangkins and went there to see them and wait the rush hour out.

Went home and was able to sleep naman.

(Was told that possibly, I had high blood pressure but actually I just felt really nervous that I can feel how tense everything was.)

Aug 20 - worked the morning but taking my first dose of Myonal felt super weird so took the afternoon off. The rest of the day was unremarkable. Was able to sleep well.

Aske to WFH for the rest of the week because of the meds' side effects.

Aug 21 - worked the whole day. Neck was still very tensed. Was able to sleep at 10PM but woke up at almost 1AM. Not able to get back to sleep and was legit freaking out (tightness in my chest and tingling of my left arm are stress responses, I think). The feeling of numbness taking over your body and black void taking over your vision but you're still awake. It felt like I was getting into a coma so I open my eyes and wake up.

Aug 22 - Asked Ate Iya if we can go back to the hospital. Broke down to my parents telling them I'm not okay. Asked to leave the online pre-planning session to go back to the hospital. Grateful that Jen can rep the MET in person.

Fell asleep on my way there but feeling really scared when I woke up from my nap. When I got the results of muscle spasms, there's relief but also disbelief. Opted to continue with Ortho consult. It was so fast and reassuring. When I got home, I was more anxious about not being able to fall asleep. But was finally able to! (I actually woke up at past 1 because I hated the sound of balloons squeaking (that's the part that's playing in the ASMR). It was uncomfortable trying to sleep on my back so really grateful to be able to get back to sleep.

13 is always a good sign! ❤️

part 1 of x

[arillusionist]

s&b s2ep2 reactionn once again it has been. too long since i watched this show

oh hell nah why is this episode so long

i might have to start now finish later

THE KNIFE BOMB AND GUN IN THE INTRO?? please tell me this is a crow centered episode of sorts 🙏🙏

everyone calling nikolai a pirate is so funny

she looks like inej from the back or maybe im just crazy

"my alina" is crazy hes so fucking weird

crow centered episode my ass its been 10 minutes and theyre still not here

maybe theyre js showing everyone else first

get your hands off her get a job 🗣️ i've said it before and i will say it again

genya looks terrified

Is that ketterdam i actually cannot tell i cant imagine it in the daytime

yay it is

young kaz looks so unkaz its hard to believe its kaz

OH kaz blew up the crow club why did i just realize that... anyways that feels so wrong to me i kinda wish they just did the book's plotline

why does kaz calling matthias nina's man sound so funny

yeahhh he knows what hes doing putting jesper and wylan together

"i like having her around" ong me too

seeing hellgate in daylight is also very wrong

ICE COURT MENTION 🔥🔥

"our god will forgive you" Not with that dream he wont?? ur going to hell matthias

PLEASE HE SAID IT HIMSELF

well that was almost 15 whole minutes of crows so maybe i was right

can alina please hang out with these people more they're better than mal

this is where i take a break because the darkling's parts are so boring

its literally the next day but im back

KANEJ TIME

get his ass inej

HES SO STUPID JUST TELL HER

the way he still doesnt know mals name

and the way mal still calls him a pirate lmaoo

is he on the same island as alina i cant tell

no probably not

i dont get why alina doesnt want to kill it like theres no way she can tame that giant ass thing

the sea whip looks so small - like i get why they changed it but still it feels weird

nina is so cute 😍

why isnt jesper teasing wylan why do they keep removing the funny from the characters

they got inej oh kaz is going to murder him for that

Nvm they havent got her yet

STAB HIM INEJ

THAT SMILE STOP i feel like kaz rn

oh my god this scene is breaking me amita suman is such a good actor 😭😭

if kaz dont get his ass over here RN

PLEASE NOT JESPER REMEMBERING WYLAN WHEN HES ON TOP OF HIM

every time i think "damn maybe pekka is as smart as kaz" they prove me wrong

get him inej who needs kaz

please dont let the episode end yet ahh

somebody needs to smack some sense into kaz because hes literally taking advantage of them but hes acting like their lives dont matter

did they get the sea whip or not

oh they did

i like alina's storyline now but everytime the darkling comes on... 🥱🥱🥱

mal doesnt seem like hes jealous or whatever tf he was feeling in the books hopefully it stays that way

i cant take the darkling seriously who is he talking to

and done i might watch ep3 today if i have time

[yerizu]

@tianlao re: your comment about YouTuber worshipper on the suicide forest post;

I totally agree and while they're same as us people, everyone loves youtubers or being one, probably because "Wow get paid by doing dumb shit that I already like doing". In essence they're like mini celebrities - more accessible and more relatable (as they're closer to us normal people level) and some would even say they're more "real" but surprise bitch, they're not.

I have a friend who's friends with this youtuber slash influencer whose content is all literally sponsored content by brands. She didn't even use any of the products, save for the one time when she's recording the video... I was surprised (or not, lbr) when I found that out.

So, no, not all of them are not fake. Capitalism and consumerism culture are the only real things here.

I'm not shitting on youtubers tho, because some channels really provide good content (and not just copies of stolen clips and memes or sponsored content). So Yes they do provide content and entertainment but some of these youtubers are rlly vile af, and just basically that fuckdude you hate in school except now he's got a youtube channel to showcase the fuckshit he does. Like making fun of other cultures and stuff.

Speaking of which my friend is friends with this semi-famous youtuber/instagrammer, whom she helped to edit videos of. When coming up with content this youtuber will follow the fad or whatevers the popular meme at that time and there's a few times he was like "oh lgbt is IN, let's make a video related to that" so he made a video about #loveislove supporting lgbt and all when behind the scenes / in reality he said it's weird for same gender and that "I'm OK with it just don't do it in front me". Imagine my fuckin rage hearing that . Like wow. YOU'RE NOT FUCKING """OK""" WITH THAT. So what the fuck was your video for you fake fucking shitrag. That's not what an ally fucking means.

And he cracks offensive slur jokes all the damn time. Basically what a typical dumb straight does. Yet he still had the audacity to even make a video about lgbt. I was so disgusted. It broke my faith in humanity really.

Yep and that's why I don't trust any youtubers anymore lmao. I don't get why people worship them either. So many of them are dicks or just plain rude

[dahlia-molinas]

i have what may be an unpopular opinion. i didn't like the show's portrayal of the crows. i enjoyed the shadow and bone characters- they were much better and more fleshed out than they were in the books. (im putting it under the cut because this got long)

but the crows? kaz and inej in the show were not the ones i read about in the book. kaz in the book struggles to express his emotions, and in the show he throws a cheesy line at inej ten minutes into the first episode. in the book kaz is a ruthless criminal mastermind driven by his need for vengeance. in the show kaz shows some resemblance to being a mastermind. every single one of his plans failed and it was so sad that i was laughing. what was the point of the map heist. why have jesper get the coals when you know they're important- why not have him get the goat instead. why did they even need a goat, honestly, other than for comic relief. was kaz's plan to kidnap alina really reliant on him and inej taking her "to get dinner"??? really??? they really thought they could just walk away with her in front of everyone??? where was the lying, the cons, the thieving, the pick pocketing, picking the locks, scaling walls, stakeouts, where were my crows?? i understand that there was no way the crows could have successfully kidnapped alina, but couldn't they have done something else to integrate the two stories? as for his backstory? it's barely hinted. barely. there are about two scenes about his gloves or his aversion to touch, three at most about his cane, and one about his relationship with pekka rollins.

as for inej, i felt like she was reduced to her faith. maybe this is just me, maybe its amita suman's rather poor acting, but inej was simply a starstruck woman the entire show. they talked about how she didn't want to go back to the menagerie, but they never properly explored it. they never explored tante heleen's relationship to inej, how inej was abused, what she went through, and how it affected her. i think making inej work with the menagerie (or whatever the deal was- it's still unclear to me honestly) was a poor decision.

as for kanej, their dynamic was so so far off. one of the things that made them so special in the books, in my opinion, is how subtle they were. the build-up. kaz rarely says what he wants to say (see: investment scene) he struggles to put his emotions into words. and in the show? the first scene between them he says there is no one like inej. which is cute and all, but where did it come from? there was no build up. we just see that he cares about her, that she is different and special to him, and that's it? where was the build up? where was the subtlety? kaz risks the crow club for her, but how are we supposed to know what that means? what is the crow club? what is its meaning to kaz? it's never explained. then we have the "i need you" scene. which comes out of nowhere. yes, jesper said they needed her, yes, kaz repeated it again when they were planning to board the skiff, but it still came out of nowhere. what made kaz realize he needed her? was there a moment where she wasn't there and he got in trouble? there has to be something, a scene, where kaz either talks to her or she saves him or something- something that shows, yes, he did need her. not just cliché lines being thrown around.

i loved jesper. he was my favorite part of the show. he was incredibly charming and funny and kit young absolutely killed it as jesper. he stole the entire goddamn show. i still wish he was given more depth- i wish there was more to him than just one liners and funny expressions and some sort of gambling issue shown twice and one sex scene. which, speaking of, was terrible. i appreciate that they at least tried to explore his sexuality somewhat, but it was simply terrible representation. it was one sex scene with a man that had no overall impact whatsoever, and is also viewed as some sort of distraction, similar to his gambling. he was also never labelled as bisexual. they did hint at him being grisha but thats all it was- hints. he is good at shooting yes, but god i am so tired of getting just hints and hints for the crows.

nina and matthias were perfect. they felt very independent from the plot- i can understand why a non book reader would maybe be bored by them or think them unnecessary, but to me they were perfect. the acting, the characterization, the chemistry, their story- it was amazing. is it a coincidence that nina and matthias's story stayed completely true to the books? who knows.

wylan, i missed you so much <3

i just don't understand why they chose to create new plots that added nothing when they could've simply shown their backstories. they could've talked about kaz and jordie, inej and her brother (which was an interesting choice) jesper and his mother, inej and kaz and jesper all meeting each other for the first times, they could have properly explored them as characters- but they didnt. i get that they wanted to combine the two stories but god couldn't they have found some other way to do it? some way that didn't just completely ruin them (mostly kaz and inej) for me? the plot was rushed and poorly done. there are several plot holes i noticed, or things i am very confused on. it would have been a nice balance to have a fast paced plot for the shadow and bone characters, but more of an exploration of character and trauma for the six of crows characters. i am so disappointed.