#I just randomly remembered this so you may also partake in this blessed memory

[chaberkowepole]

Shoutout to the time when I was 3 yo and my mum left me quickly with my babcia and I, getting impatient and also having just been to Switzerland and watched some German TV where they ran Pinocchio (the 70s anime btw, which is the only true version don't @ me) and it must've been the episode where Gina is looking for Pinocchio bc I was ready and equipped with a new German phrase for these kinds of situations, as I started loudly exclaiming "Mama wo bist du?"

Unfortunately, to my Polish and very Catholic Grandma's ears "bist du" really does not sound good. Like, at all. It coincidentally ressembles another Polish word that 3 year olds really shouldn't know.

Long story short, my grandma thinks I'm yelling "pizda" (vulgar word for vulva) in the streets and is desperately trying to silence me while I get perplexed thinking she's trying to stop me from finding my mum and shout even louder until my mum finally comes back and finds a shaken grandma asking her who na litość boską taught me such bad words. People are already staring. Puzzled, she asked me what I was saying to which I innocently repeated, my mum errupts in laughter and this is the story of how I taught the entire street and my babcia some German

[fleetingthoughts-blog]

Anyone else?

Appreciating the joy in the journey sounds so idealistic and lovely and magical.

But not necessarily REALISTIC.You know…some days a person could go MAD, when navigating the blessing (silently appreciating my sarcasm AND sincerity, here) of being a parent.

Arguments echo and fill the air.

HORMONES.

The response of an eye roll, sigh, or silence is regular.

Piles of clothing and random items on the floors of bedrooms.

The whine of “MOM!” can be my daily soundtrack.

Temper tantrums worthy of an Oscar, STILL, at 9, 10, and 12.

Attitudes that never end.TECHNOLOGY.

The war waged just to get a math assignment done or 30 minutes of reading.

The reasoning skills a parent needs just to get their humans to have good hygiene.

Dishes that never quite make it to the sink, let alone the dishwasher. 

Tupperware can be used before one considers actually washing the bowls.

LAUNDRY.

They’d rather wear dirty clothes than take the time to wash them. 

The constant delegation of chores making sure they don’t randomly “forget” about them.

Loud discussions on why we have rules and guideline, and how they BENEFIT from them.

I could ramble on and on, about all the trials and tribulations that come with parenting. And then I step back, take a deep breath and refocus. 

I AM BLESSED......

when I am greeted every morning with “I love yous”, bear hugs, and kisses.

...with random acts of kindness to help make my day to day life a little easier, while loving and caring for them.

While we may have “loud discussions”, I have also learned to appreciate that it means they have minds of their own. It is essential for them to be allowed to think for themselves. While growing up, home should be the safest and most nurturing place to do that. I do NOT want to raise robots. 

...because when they have hurt each other with words or actions, they are learning the art of being empathetic. Loving each other. Being kind.

...when I witness them thinking outside of themselves and blessing another with kindness.

...when I see just what they have created behind those screens. Clever and well done videos. Architecture of a business building or home and its landscape put together, literally piece by piece. Composition of music, small books, drawings, and so much more. Their minds are so clever, creative, and amazing.

...to see past the explosion of items in my lil humans’ rooms and really take note of the personality that they reflect. They are SO unique is so many different ways.

...by remembering all of the shared conversations, laughs, and moments we had over the meals, treats, and snacks served up in all of those dirty dishes my counter is covered with.

...when they call for me, because that means they still want my participation in their life.

...with watching them grow into who they are, in so many different ways: music, school, sports, games, conversation.

...with their most sensitive thoughts and experiences; they trust my heart will help them navigate their very complex emotions and situations. 

...with witnessing friendships blossom into beautiful bonds. 

...with knowing when they say “I love you”, they really mean it. 

...when they get in my bubble because at 9, 10, and 12, they still want to be near me. Whether it is to snuggle during a movie, sit with me on the couch or swing when we all gather around to chat, or they just need a mom hug.

...to be their mom.

I will be honest. There are days where I cannot wait for bedtime or I am glad when they get sucked into the screen because I appreciate the calm/quiet within the storm. Some days I can only handle so much of the love, stress, joy, and craziness that comes with being their parent. 

I used to be so good at seeing the positive in every situation, finding the silver lining to every struggle and unfortunate event. Somewhere I lost that. I’m not sure how or when my thought process became so negative/pessimistic. When my friend passed away a couple of weeks ago, I realized many things. As it often happens, when someone we love and care about passes away, it sometimes encourages us to take inventory in our life. Are we living it the way we really want to? Are we living life in a way that brings us joy and pride and doesn’t leave in a cloud of regret? 

When she passed away, many things were reinforced for me. She used to always tell me, “Nothing comes from nothing.” I have to actively go after what I want in life. Whether it’s joy, new experiences, quality time with my loved ones, knowledge, success, or understanding...it doesn’t just happen. I have to want it and I have to work for it. ALL of it. She also reminded me that my life is greatly influenced by my attitude and my perspective.  

And I have gotten lazy. I find that being in “poor Tina” mode, which includes but is not limited to poor mom / friend / sister / student / daughter / wife / human mode (I know...I’m rolling my eyes too), has been a frequent space residence, lately. That makes me sad but I am trying to be transparent. It is the mode that requires the least amount of work on my part and I tend to depend on others to take care of my emotional and mental state. In some ways that can be selfishly gratifying but it can also be extremely toxic. It is extremely unfair to put such pressure and expectations on my loved ones and it’s extremely toxic for me to not take charge of my own self-care.

The beauty and blessing of being human is we make mistakes but we also have the opportunity to learn and grow from them. If the season of life we are in is painful and uncomfortable and undesirable, we can change that. So I am going to take my joy back. I will remember to find the joy, growth, and victory in amongst my struggles. I will remember to take responsibility for my joy.  

My experiences as a parent are not chaos and stress. I am witnessing and partaking in…

memories being made,

little minds learning,

children growing into amazing humans,

bonds and friendships that are forming,

love being shared, 

curiosities chased after,

personalities being developed and owned,

meals that create open dialogue,

lessons learned,

victories shared,

and a bond/love so beautifully extraordinary. 

The millions of moments I get to be a part of as their parent is one of the most magnificent and delightful blessings I will ever experience in my lifetime. In less than 10 years, all three of my children will be done with high school and adventuring into life. The time will come, soon enough, where they will be living their own lives. I will not take for granted, the time I have with them. I will not view my blessing as a burden.

It is time I remember just HOW blessed I am to be immersed in it, every day. It is time to remember to count my blessings. It is time to be thankful.

It is time to be joyful.

Maybe someone can relate.