#I just gotta get through my birthday next week probably. hopefully. idk.

[musical-chick-13]

Love when people make a judgmental comment about [xyz behavior that holds absolutely no inherent moral value] and it's a thing that they don't realize applies to me.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #192

“i’d love to give you wings, but babe, you’ve got to grow them.”

Where have you lived throughout your life? The same general area in North Carolina. Do you find your job rewarding? N/A What kind of cake did you have for your last birthday? I'm sure it was red velvet. To you, which is better: English muffins or bagels? I enjoy both, but bagels. Do you paint your nails? No. What’s the last website you signed up for? Good question... maybe a feral dog RP forum I was considering making a character on? Do you check your email everyday? I'm getting into the habit. Have you created any pages on Facebook? Yeah. Is there a subject that you absolutely suck at? Social studies/history, math. What’s your favorite song by Dave Matthews Band? I have no idea who that is. Are there people you have absolutely nothing in common with, but still enjoy talking to? Maybe? Have you ever wandered around drunk with your friend? No. Are you good at holding back your laughter if needed? Nooo, not at all. Have you ever been so unfortunate to suffer from a hangover? No. Have you ever had a panic attack? Plenty. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Have you ever had a mouse in your house? Yeah. In our old one, anyway. Do you know anyone who DOESN’T have an ex? Not personally, I think. Is anyone you know really religious? Welcome to the South. Yes. Are your eyebrows naturally thick? I'd say they're average. Has speaking in front of people ever made you sick? No. I haven't spoken in front of an actual audience since my senior project, though. It was hard, but I think I did well. What was the last movie that made you teary-eyed? I'm not sure. Moana may have gotten me a bit teary? But if no, Coco absolutely did. Have you had two friends that absolutely hated each other? I think "hate" is a strong word for it. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes. I legitimately had dark spots on my right leg for a long while. Do you know anyone who has a scar through their eyebrow? Juan. Who was the last person to flip you off? Idk, but I'm sure it was playfully. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? Miiiine! And my friend Alyssa's. Would you ever wear fake eyelashes? Sure, in rare circumstances. Are you good at following directions? No. I have zer-O sense of direction. Do you have someone that you can just act a fool with and not care? Sara. From where you’re sitting, can you touch a wall? Yeah, behind me. When at a restaurant, do you put your napkin on your lap? Not unless I'm with my grandmother. She's extremely "proper" about things. Do you prefer electric or manual pencil sharpeners? Electric. Are your biceps at all noticeable? No. Have you ever seen a walrus? Are there any at SeaWorld? Otherwise, no. When it comes to dropping food, do you believe in the 10 second rule? HELL NO. I'm a germaphobe with that stuff. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure? Do you believe that cellphones actually do cause cancer? I don't recall the science behind this theory, so idk. When people you know cry, does it make you feel like crying too? Oh yes, especially if it's someone I'm very close to. Particularly, I can't handle Mom, my sisters, or Sara crying. I've never seen Dad cry, but if he ever did, I know I would bawl. Do you tend to jump to conclusions? Was this written as a direct @me??????? Are you good at remembering your friends’ birthdays? NOPE. I only remember... Sara's, Connie's, Caleb's (just because it's on Halloween), Shaylee's, and that's literally it out of friends/acquaintances. Is there something you need to do, that you’re trying to avoid doing? Actually use WiiFit. I'm doing periodic exercises throughout the day, but I need to dedicate more and be able to see my center of balance. Ever pop someone else’s pimple? NONONONONO IT'S SO GROSS TO ME How long does it take you to fall asleep? No less than 15 minutes, I think usually more. Do you crack your neck often? I can't. Did you have a weird dream last night? OH MY GOD YES. I was awkwardly with one of my acquaintances at his house somehow????? and we both seemed very uncomfortable??????? and I think I was high or some shit???????????????? I don't even know this person well enough to like-like him?????????????? Who do you sometimes compare yourself to? My sisters and successful friends. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things. But I aim for both. In what way are you your own worst enemy? I criticize. The. Hell out of everything I do. What activities make you lose track of time? Video games. When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?” Full offense, you're an absolute dick if you do that. Who do you tell your secrets to? Nobody really unless there's reason to, and only ever Sara, Mom, or my therapist. Who do you live with? Mom and the pets. When did/will you graduate? '14 for high school. Idk when I will for college, gotta get there first... When are you moving next? Probably when Sara and I are ready for our own place. When is the last time you took a vitamin? I have to twice a week now, so Thursday, because I have an incredible vitamin D deficiency, and that's probably what's causing my knee problems. Why are you stressed? The everlasting weight loss struggle. Do you need to return anyone’s phone call? No. Where do you keep your birth certificate? It's in a safe. How many books are in your room? Uhhh like three? Then one coloring book. Have you ever been IN a wedding? I was the immensely triggered and ugly bridesmaid at my older sister's. Weddings were a very sensitive thing to me at the time, so while I was so happy for Ashley, I had a very difficult time and cried numerous times. What was the last thing you laughed out loud at? I think during a Mark video? Do you have a nickname? Why? "Britt" for obvious reasons, and Mom's called me "Twinkie" since I was a baby. She gave all her children sweets-based nicknames. Fuck out my face if you think that ain't the cutest damn thing. Have you ever had a bad concert experience? No. When was the last time someone told you that you were beautiful/good-looking? Do people often tell you this? I think the last time was when Sara said I looked really pretty with eyeliner on and I just eeeeeeeeeek. I'm not often told it. Are you missing someone of the opposite sex atm? Not romantically. I'd like to see Girt as a bud; I'm gonna invite him to my birthday dinner to hang out. Hopefully he doesn't have work. Want someone back in your life? Yes. Are you currently sad about anything? Weight. Unbelievable difficulty getting my fucking transcript and inability to find my ACT score so I can go back to school. Are you wearing anything shiny? My lip ring has gems on it, and they shine a bit in the right light. How important is a sense of humor in a significant other? I need it. I don't think I could really enjoy a constantly serious person as a partner. How many followers do you have on Twitter? Idk, don't care to check. I only ever use it to be able to like Mark's shit lmao. Do you sleep with the door open or closed? Open so Roman can go in and out. Have you ever been to the beach? Multiple times. Can you handle blood? Doesn't bother me a bit. Do you pay your bills or do your parents? My parents. I have no source of income to. What’s your best friend’s middle name? Jane. Has any place hired you underage for a job? No. Have you ever barely passed a grade/year in school? In college courses when my mental state was at its worst. Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No. Have you ever tried to sell something overpriced to someone? No, I don't think so. Do you plan to become very wealthy some day? "Very" is unlikely, but I am dead serious about being at least perfectly financially stable one day. I refuse to live how I have my whole life so far, wondering if rent will be paid each month 'n things like that. Do you remember your first time going to the movies? No. Does eating breakfast make you sick? No. Are you dying to say something to someone right this minute? No. Well, not dying to, but after this whole revelation I had, I really want to apologize to Jason. I wasn't without evil in how I responded to and treated him after the breakup. Book series you enjoyed reading recently? I haven't read a series in years. Do you enjoy lying in the grass during the summer, and just existing? Nooo. Summer sucks and lying in grass is super uncomfortable. Do you have a passport? If so, how many stamps do you have in it? No. Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? Not fading, but literally gone from the keyboard because this one is horrible, even after being "fixed" or replaced (idr). No joke, 21 are gone. Sooo I have to smash those buttons for the sensor or whatever to understand I'm pressing them, to the point my fingers, especially right pointer, are mildly callused. Do any of your close friends have children? No close ones, but one I'm hoping to reconnect more with it expecting. What do you plan on having for dinner? Probably a sandwich and nutrition shake to get enough calories to take my medicine and get the intended effect. Do you like Chinese food, or do you find it disgusting? The only things I enjoy now are fried rice and eggrolls, but I used to like sweet and sour chicken and bird on a stick or whatever its proper name is. Have the police ever come knocking on your door looking for someone? Once. Know anybody who works in a tattoo parlor? We're not like, "real" friends, but I know a good number of and get along great with the employees at the parlor I'm a regular customer at. I want to work there so badly. Small, environment I feel at home at, great people. Have you ever played flashlight tag? Don't even know what that is. Could you call yourself a movie buff? Not at all. Have you ever had a piercing get infected? A second hole in one of my earlobes, and the first time I got my tongue done, there was an abscess inside that indicated one was likely to form. Thank God that the rollercoaster of The Tongue Piercing Woes has ended. Do you check your fire alarms when you’re supposed to? Mom does occasionally. Are you a shorts wearing kind of person? NOOOOO MY LEGS ARE NOT OKAY. Plus I chafe. Is your grandparents’ house obsessively tidy? Ohhhh I'm sure. I haven't been to her house since I was a kid, but I remember it being like, pristine. Her rooms at her son's is neat as hell too. About how much can you bench press? I have no clue. Have you ever had your phone die on you in the middle of a conversation? Yeah. Is anybody in your family a carpenter? Not to my knowledge. Are you avoiding someone? No. Do you call your boyfriend “Monkey”? I have a gf, and I have never in the least understood how that's a term of endearment. What’s your favorite primary color? Red. What were you for Halloween? Nothing, ugh. I haaave to dress up this year. Do you have any clothes from Walmart? Yeah. When did you get a Facebook? I have no clue. What color are your eyes? Grayish-greenish blue. What motivates you? How far I've already come, wanting a better future than I have now, encouragement from friends, family, my therapist, and psychiatrist, the drive to thoroughly enjoy my one mortal existence. Can you walk in heels? Not well. When was the last time someone asked you your age? Ummm, last time I got something done at the parlor, I think? Do you keep a journal? No. Have you ever tried a weird flavor of vodka? No. Do you wear a ring on your finger? One, my friendship ring with Sara. What are you doing? This, listening to Asking Alexandria's "Closer" NIN cover (no shame), and waiting for Girt to reply on Facebook. What’s the last kind of soup you ate? A bit of vegetable. Do you currently have a sunburn? No. Who did you last text? Mom. Who’d you last call? About what? My old college to find out why I couldn't get my fucking transcript after weeks upon weeks of being directed to different people about it. I regret going there immensely. Complete waste of time and money. Are you currently frustrated with someone? I'm really frustrated at myself. Do you drink water or soda more often? I'm actually not sure... Do you straighten your hair? No. When did you last talk to your brother or sister? One, not since Christmas, and the younger, a few days ago. All my half-siblings have been forever, and one I've never spoken to. What is your least favorite vegetable? Probably asparagus. Or beans. Outside of family, name 3 people that make you smile/laugh often. Sara, Mark, Shane Dawson. In school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in? English or art, idr. Was there a subject that you enjoyed, but weren’t too good at? No. When was the last time something didn’t go to plan? What happened? Being into what's called "vulture culture" now (at least to a certain degree), I searched for quite a while for the bones of the very first opossum I photographed (I have a photography "series" focused on exposing the horror of roadkill to hopefully influence people to be more careful and vigilant), but despite thorough searching, I couldn't find it. Gruesome, but Mom speculated the remains were destroyed by whoever mows the grass there. Do you have any children? If not, at what age do you think you’ll feel ready to be a parent? No, and never. When was the last time you bought a new item of clothing? Describe it. Uhhh. I seriously have no clue. Maybe some underwear months ago. Was your last Facebook friend request from a male or female? Idk who the last person was. Do you have an item of clothing that makes you feel especially beautiful? Describe it. No. Think of the last person that betrayed you. If they said they were sorry, would you forgive them? I can literally almost guarantee Colleen shared our whole goddamn conversation and shit on Facebook after our last talk, as she did the first time too. Too many times our business became everyone's. I'd forgive her, but I refuse to ever be friends again. Nastiest thing you've ever done? I hate talking about this, but okay. When I was deep into my suicidal depression phase, I had a hard time brushing my teeth as needed. Like... I wouldn't for days. I avoided brushing my hair as long as I could too. Anyone who doesn't believe in how deeply depression is capable of chaining you down and making vital things almost impossible, go get fucking educated. Have you ever been in a lighthouse? No. What color is your shower? White. Where do you order your pizza from? Ideally Domino's, but sometimes Little Caesar's. When is the last time you had a serious talk with someone? Yesterday. Do you find that you have a certain meal you eat every time you go to certain restaurants? Oh yes. I rarely try something new. What color is your bike? N/A What word can you not stand to hear people say? The “n” word. What room of your house are you in? My bedroom. What is the temperature in your city right now? Apparently 38 F. When did you last use a post-it-note? No idea. Would you ever want to own your own restaurant? No. Do you have a fan in your bedroom? I have three lmao. My room is unbearable in the summer. Who is the last person that you took a picture with? Sara. When is the last time you were stuck in a fairly long traffic jam? A couple months or so back when there was an accident. Do you have certain friends that you hug every time you see them? All my friends. When was your most recent trip to an aquarium? 2016 visit to the beach. We went to the aquarium there and it absolutely sucked. What do you like in your salads and what dressing do you prefer? Just lettuce (but I can also handle cucumbers) and the Olive Garden dressing. If it has one, do you ever use the notepad function in your phone? Occasionally. Rn I have tattoo ideas written in it. Surprised? How good would you say your memory is? Absolutely horrible, lately worse than ever. I worry about it quite a bit. About how many times during the night do you wake up from your sleep? Once or twice. Are there any air fresheners in your house? What kinds? Not currently on or anything. What’s one thing you’re glad you’ve done recently? Improved on picking up the phone when I don't know the number. Have you ever done something sexual that you regret? Well, I've talked about flirting with my friend's bf as a pre-teen, and it wasn't always innocent, if you count that as "sexual." I regret the hell out of it. Do you like to sit in the sun and tan when it’s hot out? NO. Ever had a person who was obsessed with you so much that it scared you? Yes, Tyler. I wasn't like, terrified, but preeeetty uncomfortable. Can you drive, and if you can, do you like it? I can, but I'm not that great, and I absolutely hate it. Have you ever said anything to the last person you kissed that you regret? Yes. Do you like french fries? Hell yeah. Have you ever eaten so much you puked? No. Do you care about what others think of your physical appearance? People whose opinions I care about. Would you rather go to Greece or France? Probably Greece.

[roboromantic]

these past few days have been So Much. Not in a bad way or anything but im just Exhausted

I finally got more or less settled into the sweets position but then to give me more hours (which I absolutely do not mind) I started learning the kneading stuff today (harder than it looked!) It's also 7-10 (for now? might be longer shifts once I'm used to the position, idk) instead of 4-10 so I mean that's fine, I'll take a couple more hours of sleep, but it kinda threw me off the groove that I'd barely gotten into

I've also had to get stuff ready for the consignment sale; I finally got everything priced and tagged and dropped off yesterday after work since it's very conveniently located on the way home. Tomorrow the sellers get to shop first and I was thinking I might need to go home, shower and change, and then drive all the way back out there to shop, but turns out it's not nearly as messy as making the sweets so I should be fine to drop by on my way home. I'm not really gonna be there all that long anyway — probably just gonna check out the Transformers and leave. Maybe shelving? idk they have a LOT of shit

and THEN my dad proposed to his girlfriend and the tentative date for the wedding is the day before my birthday which I mean. I don't super care about that overlap but it's just. basically that's the deadline for my brother and I to Get Out. and I mean, my brother has a decent amount in savings and now that I'm working I can save up for a bit but neither of us want to deal with renting an apartment but I ain't making enough to be even be able to afford a 2 bedroom apartment, so he's gonna have to find a job and/or I'm gonna have to find a second job (and IWouldPreferNotTo.jpg) and I'm Very stressed about this

and I mean my dad's been very generous by allowing us to live here rent-free for this long! I can't exactly complain about him wanting us to leave but. more time to save up and look around woulda been Great. like I've never rented an apartment so I'm not 100% sure on the timeframe for that but doesn't it generally take at least a couple months to find a place and get through all the red tape n shit

also my dad like just helped his fiancée move so. I think the plan is to sell this place and he's gonna move in with her? I'd have to ask him about that. idk. I'm very happy for him but also having to find housing at such short notice with next to no money is WILDLY stressful and I mean. I kinda wanted to have SOME disposable income

anyway. The kneading job isn't that difficult and I've only got the one other 3-hour shift tomorrow before I'm done for the week. The hard part of the consignment sale is done, all I gotta do is actually shop tomorrow. So I've got a long weekend to finally hopefully finish cleaning out my room; once I'm done with that and listing stuff on ebay I should be good to relax for a while and hopefully be able to hang out on Discord again

and like. I enjoy gaming and I'll have fun doing it, but it is still kind of a little stressful to have my relaxing activity be disrupted by worrying about getting everything I want from a video game's season before it ends :/ . I should have plenty of time to finish the stuff I wanna do for Destiny and Fall Guys but the latter is kind of a pain to grind. I really want the Mecha Godzilla costume and in-game currency to buy the next battlepass for free though so. At least that one I can do while lying in bed listening to a podcast

and like there's SO MUCH I wanna do and I was kinda hoping that having a job would alleviate some stress so I could work on those — and I mean, it's definitely reduced it — but I think until my brother has a source of income or I suddenly get a bunch of money/a free house somehow I'm still gonna be stressed

[sociallyawkward--fics]

Jasmine, daffodil, tulip, hibiscus, magnolia, dandelion, heliconia (how was your day?) ~S

Eh, yesterday wasn’t good. Today hasn’t been shaping up to be amazing either, but I get to see my friends soon (and especially a friend who I’ve not seen in WEEKS because she’s been out of school for mental health) so hopefully things will shape up. How was/is your day?

JASMINE: What color looks best on you?

A lot of people tell me that I look good in yellow, which is great because it’s my favorite color lol. Shockingly, though, I don’t own a lot of yellow clothes anymore. Just a lot of black graphic tshirts lol. But yeah, I think it had something to do with my brown hair and eyes going well with the yellow, based off of what people told me.

DAFFODIL: What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received?

Copy/paste from H because y’all think very similarly lol

Oh man, idk?????? Like, my parents were really awesome and got me a camera last year for my birthday/Christmas. Or my friend got me a carebear stuffed animal (Friendship Bear) for Valentines Day, but gave it to me early because I hadn’t been doing well and that was really sweet. Or my friend came to my family birthday dinner and surprised me, and that was really cool of her.

And this is just stuff I remember off the top of my head from recently. Like, this oen time in elementary school I wanted to go to the county fair that year but my parents wouldn’t take us, so my friends who went brought me back a stuffed unicorn from it and I still have it in the house somewhere.

Honestly, I just have a lot of wonderful people in my life that give me wonderfully thoughtful things and I love them so much.

TULIP: For your birthday, what kind of cake do you ask for?

Fun Fact about me: I think it’s an OCD thing, but I cannot eat cake unless it’s in cupcake form. Like, I know I’ll like it and that it’ll taste the same, but I can’t eat it, I can’t even force myself to try. I am physically unable to eat cake.

So I would ask for cupcakes, not cake. And not storebought stuff either, that stuff is gross and the frosting is even worse. Like, buy a box recipe and get a can of frosting, that tastes 300 times better than the cardboard they sell premade at stores.

Probably just plain white cake and vanilla frosting, though. I’m a simple girl lol. 

Or, I’d ask my friend to make me a homemade cake with her amazing frosting recipe that is to die for omg, I used to love that stuff.

HIBISCUS: Did you ever play an instrument? If so what?

(WARNING, THIS ANSWER GETS LONG BECAUSE i START RANTING)

I played violin for about 5 years I think? (4th grade-8th grade), though I was never really all that good. I quit when I started high school because the main reason I’d kept going was to have a class with my friend’s and because I loved the teacher at my middle school (and then he had a heart attack and died partway through 8th grade so woohoo, that wasn’t an awful experience, especially when they replaced him with an idiot buffoon who was more of a band teacher than orchestra).

I started with guitar in my freshman year and took classes at school until my junior year before I stopped those, too. My freshman year teacher was great (he was actually the stage management teacher at the school, technically a long term sub because there were too many guitar classes for the one teacher) but shortly after 2nd semester started, he had a stroke and couldn’t come back to school that school year. The last news I heard of him was during sophomore year and he was still alive, but I don’t think he ever went back to teaching.

The “real” guitar teacher was CRAP. While the guy I had freshman year taught us chords and strumming patterns and how to hold a pick and stuff, the real teacher did jack for the two years I had him (sophomore and junior year). All day, every day, he just sat at his desk with his headphones on, doing something on the computer. The entire class was self-taught. I eventually got so frustrated that for my entire last semester in his class (2nd semester junior year), I refused to even play the guitar. I sat on my phone in his class, or I read a book, but I stopped playing guitar altogether. I did not take another guitar class from him this year. I came to hate the guitar.

I’m healing from what that idiot did to me, though. I can look at and pick up and play my guitar without feeling that intense feeling of disgust and hatred, now. The thing that really got me back into it was when Thomas released “The Things We Used To Share.” I was determined to learn that on guitar. I still rarely pick it up because I’m trying to readjust still, but slowly and surely I’m getting there. I don’t mind self-teaching when I’m not taking a class, but a teacher is supposed to teach me, not sit there and do nothing, y’know?

tl;dr: violin for 5 years, and guitar for the past 3.5ish

I answered these next two with H, but I copy/pasted them so you don’t gotta go searching!

MAGNOLIA: Favorite kind of candy?

Ummmm, tootsie rolls or M&Ms. Reeses and Smarties coming in at close seconds

HELICONIA: Do you like when it rains?

Yes!!

Living in Arizona, it’s not something I experience often, so if it’s raining you can bet your butt I’ll be out there frolicking in it. Or sitting inside staring at it. Or just simply standing in it.

I do not like storms, though. I don’t like the raging winds and thunder and lightning. Storms freak me out really bad lol

[soap-brain]

gonna take a sec here and talk about my life in some detail bc things are happening

so like. life is fucking great atm. technically.  because there are finally people who are ... idk, interested in me and like me for me and where i don’t have to hide and who are willing to talk with me and who are here for ravenna, and not just bits and pieces of her. and ... that’s really fucking great and i’m hanging out with people who geniunely like me. and ... that’s never happened to me before (lol i am so happy i’m away from my dearest lea i hope you get fuckin’ rekt or smth you toxic bitch) (seriously though i am super happy to be rid of her, i’m feeling ... so good honestly, it’s such a relief). i’m going to a poetry slam tomorrow, we went out for dinner and drinks yesterday and sometime next week me and a couple others are going to see the new thor. so that’s awesome.

but ... i also feel like i don’t have enough time. not because i’m having such an active social life (i’m not, i’m just hanging out a normal amount), and not in the “oh my god my life is almost over i’m going to die soon i’m so old” kinda way, but just ... twenty-four hours in a day is fucking nothing. i’m currently trying to plan out my days in a bit more detail, because my general plan isn’t working too well for me, and ... there is so fucking little time. like ... tomorrow, for example. i know i’ll be fucking useless before 9am. i’m aiming for 8am but idk how well that’s gonna go. so say i start at 8. i go over my flash cards until ten, which is two hours. you’d think it’s a lot but i have a LOT of flash cards to learn. after that i’ll take a half hour break. then i’ll get ready for my presentation on monday until noon. then i’ll take another half hour break, and then i’ll take half an hour to get ready for anatomy class aka look over my topic and do research for that. then i’ll take an hour off, have lunch, write a little maybe (even tho idk what to have for lunch unless i go get bread before starting my day). then from two to three i’ll go over my flash cards again. from three to five i’ll do extra work on my presentation, maybe on my topic too if i need to, or i’ll continue working my way through the textbook. then i’ll  have an hour off and we’ll go to the poetry slam at six, and that is on until nine. i’ll get home, wash up and hopefully hit the bed at ten, which i need because otherwise i will have world’s worst time getting up the next morning. and ... the tally is seven hours of work (including smaller breaks and stuff), and ... that’s just not enough time. i don’t know whether seven hours of work is even enough, but in that time i also didn’t hit the gym at all, i didn’t vacuum, i didn’t do my laundry, i didn’t shower (which i absolutely need to do tomorrow), i didn’t clean up my desktop, i didn’t make a meal plan for next week etc etc.  and i still didn’t watch any of the sectio chirurgica eps, didn’t watch any more tas or voy, didn’t write, didn’t read ...  there just isn’t enough time and that’s so frustrating. because i’m so excited to go to the poetry slam tomorrow and i’m so excited to learn all this (even if it is a bit of a drag sometimes lmao), and i am still kinda excited about anatomy class, and i am excited about working out, and i am excited about writing, but ... there is no time, you feel? and on monday i’ll get up to be at the store at 8, so i can get breakfast items and generally do my shopping, and then i still have an hour before class so i can go over my presentation again, and then i’ll spend five hours at uni if i do go get lunch with the others (and i do want to, so), and then i’ll probably manage to squeeze two hours doing flash cards into the afternoon, but i also want to go the gym, which’ll take 90 mins approx, and then when i come back it’ll be shortly before eight, so i gotta eat by then, and then i can maybe squeeze in another hour or so of studying, either going through the textbook or preparing for the next class on tuesday, and then it’ll be nine thirty pm, and then i gotta get ready for bed, but i didn’t yet watch the new disco ep, but if i don’t go to bed at ten, then i know i won’t be able to get up early the next morning. there just isn’t enough time to do everything i need to do and want to do.  and then i’ll have pretty much the same day on tuesday, and then i’ll have wednesday off, so that’s where i might sleep an hour longer usually, but this week i have an appointment at 8:15, and then i’ll try to put in five hours of studying plus two hours of going to the voluntary seminar which i probably should do, and then i’d like to go to the gym as well, so boom, eight hours+ done for. and then the week after next it’s my little sister’s birthday on tuesday, so i should her present sent before the weekend so it arrives on time, but i don’t know when to even shop for the present, so i’ll have to do that on friday or so, and then two days after her birthday i’ve got an exam, so i also gotta study a lot for that, and then two weeks after that december is going to start, and ideally i’d have all the presents ready in the first week of december so i can relax the rest of december and don’t have to worry about that and can instead focus on starting to study for chemistry so i pass that at the end of the semester, but there’s also another exam on the organs very shortly before christmas, and then at the end of january there’s the third exam which i think is neuroanatomy, and then two days after that there’s the final on anatomy class, and sometime around that time i’ll have to do the chem exam, and then i’ll likely visit my parents again so i’m there for my mom’s birthday, and then i’m going to come back because a) i have some more uni (in my holidays, i know) and b) a great friend of mine is visiting so close to me, and then i’ll get to see them which i usually don’t (bc they come all the way from america so like ...), and then the new semester will start already and i just hope i’ll have had time to already pre-study for that. oh yeah and on one of the first days of december another really great friend of mine has their birthday, and i wanna do something for that, and i already know what, but it’ll take a lot of time.

just ... time. i don’t have nearly enough. i need 48 hrs every day, honestly.

anyways. i am super happy though. life is finally going really great. i still have a lot of work to do with my personality and who i am vs who i want to be, but ... seriously, while moving seemed so bad because i would lose my “one true friend” (who then freaked out about me “destroying the friendship” and “not taking her feelings into consideration”), and i’d have to start completely anew and i’d be all on my lonesome, it turned out to be so good for me. i’m so incredibly happy. i just seriously need more fucking time :D

anyways, i’ll go now, i’ll do some planning. if you read all the way until here, you get a free ... a free ... a free emoji. reply to this post with anything and you shall receive your free emoji for all your troubles :DDD

[markyishanthonymartinez]

4/17/17

i rushed home to hopefully do this before you check.

today was alright i guess.

no. no no no. 

today was great. like sometimes i think about my days and I'm like, “eh yeah it was pretty normal, decent day, whatevs,” but like that’s so dumb. like most days are so great. today was average, but there’s so many great awesome wonderful things that happen every day that i dont think about or appreciate cause i’ve become desensitized to them as being good things and that’s no bueno. 

okay gonna talk about even the lil tings.

i woke up a bit late if i’m being honest, but that’s okay. i sprung straight out of bed and made a quick breakfast (quietly of course, cause logan was slep). ate, got dressed. okay tbh i looked cute af today. i wore one of my fav shirts, which is my pink state champs shirt and like i just really think soft colors really work well with me cause they kinda play well with how dark and defined my hair and facial features are and stuff (honestly that’s probably why like 60% of my closet is white shirts). but yeah and not to mention that pink is kinda polarizing and makes people double take and idk fam, i paired that with my favorite khakis (cuffed up once of course), my normal black vans that i’ve probably worn for like 100000 days straight, and my black bomber jacket that i wear sempiternally. idk i thought the fit was fly af and i felt dank and looking good=feeling good and feeling good is always worth noting. 

went to class. instrumentation is half pointless at this point, cause like we already had our last midterm and the final isn't a written final, the only final for the class is a lab practical. and we’ve learned all the things that the practical could be on. so like in a very loose use of the word, class is kinda pointless the rest of the way. obviously there’s homework and learning and stuff so it’s not completely pointless, but having that in the back of my head just makes it a bit difficult to give my undivided attention in class. even poles was doing other stuff and he’s alwayyyyyyys the attention-payer. bags and jeff are always on their phones and I'm kinda in the middle 4ever. wait also, we got our test scores posted online like a week ago, but he hasn't even mentioned passing the test back to us and like, “fam... if the tests are graded and the scores are entered into canvas then why can't i have it?????????? @ ME” 

after class, as we do every monday, wednesday, friday, we went to the ecc and put in two hours of homework time. i almost finished the mech design due thursday and that’s good cause i need to turn my attention to the heat transfer test on thursday as soon as i can. OH DANG ALSO i finally listened to the new kendrick record. that probably sounds ridiculous considering how hyped i was for kendrick last night and i hadn't even listened to his record, but lemme essssplain. i, mark anthony martinez, love love love listening to records in full and will hold off listening to singular songs until i find the time to run through a record. i just love following the story and letting it all hit me in one fell swoop. but yeah DAMN. is DAMN. absolutely wonderful. kendrick has really outdone himself, and that’s saying something considering his last two releases have been instant classics. i just identify so much with the record and i can't say enough great things. but yeah gr8 times, did hella homework and listened to gr9 record, happy merk. 

then we all walk together to systems. okay this one asshole has been kinda trying to take our seats for the past two weeks and i’m gonna kick his teeth in next time he does it.... okay not really i’ve never been in a fight. but forreal, WE’VE SAT THERE ALL SEMESTER, 1-2-3-4-5. JT ON THE END, THEN ME, THEN POLESIES, FOLLOWED BY JEFF, AND FINALLY BAGS. EVERYONE ELSE RESPECTS SEATS. WHY CANT YOU, YOU DISRESPECTFUL UNGRATEFUL TURD BASKET. no, but really, fam has sat in the row behind us allllll semester and like just last week he decided to try us? nahhhhh, aint gonna fly. 

anyways, jt didn't get a seat with us because of that, and like he just walks up and loudly proclaims, “DAMN MAN, WHY DO PEOPLE GOTTA FUCK UP THE STATUS QUO?” same jt, same. 

systems was dope. it’s probably my most fun class considering how dynamic and interesting and just all things it is. v hard, but i love to dip my mind into the material. 

wow okay i just peeked at the clock and whoops.

ummm okay then i came home with poles and bags and logan was on the couch watching the arsenal game on his phone cause i guess the nbc sports xbox app wasn't working. so i came to the rescue and put the game on my laptop and connected it to our projector, yay haps logan. 

then we all hung out for a bit and did guy stuff.

talk shit about each other and talk about memes and make fun of bags for breaking poles’ garbage disposal

arsenal won, logan was haps, i wasn't lol. 

then poles left to go try to fix his garbage disposal lol. and logan bags and i kinda just hung out and continued the previous activities and yeah. bags left for work and logan left for the airport and i did homework while listening to más kendrick. 

then i had a game tonight. tyler didn't show up... which is weird cause like he’s the one that organized this and like is one of our better players and prettttty sure he took and nap and just slept through everything lol. but anyways, we played tke. FUCK TKE. (in case bags reads dis). but yeah uh they weren’t very good. like they weren't garb, and had a few solid players, but in the grand scheme of things they did a lot of nothing lol. we had soooooo many chances that we didn't put away. we got the first goal through nathan early on. then they tied it up and kinda celebrated all over the place, which sorta kinda maybe pissed me off. so, naturally, i scored a beautiful little heel flick that drew cheers form the tke crowd lol. and then nathan set me up beautifully for a second that i got really clean connected on and drilled passed the keeper from outside the box. it ended like that 3-1. oh oh oh also one of the refs was a rad friend that lived on my floor in the dorms that i hadn't seen in 15k years so that was nice to see her. oh wait at the end, okay hold on, why am i always a dickhead? like the the crowd kinda got on my nerves a few times cause they were just being overly rambunctious. so what does lil ole mark decide to do? i go into sarcastic mark mode, but not verbally (well okay a lil verbally), mainly physically. like one time they kicked the ball out and said they were all like WTFFFF FAM THAT WENT OUT OFF HIS BACK. and like it defs didn't and the refs knew it didn't and i’m kinda just chuckling and then one of them is like, “see, he’s laughing, he knows it went off his back” so of course, what do i do. i literally point at my back and just lay down in the middle of the court. then there were other things here or there, but yeah i was nice most of the time. 

came home, eating pizza, gonna shower and slep now. 

april seventeenth is a beautiful day.

happy birthday lil ms orange

ilylots

hope you did fun things//and even if you’re old and grody, stay beautiful

- mark anthony martinez

[alittlechaos-xo-blog]

21 things to do before turning 21 // 

So yeah, in 19 days I turn 21 and as the days quickly approach I get the fear that I haven’t done anything spectacular in the first 20 years of my life. I made a list of things I want to do within the next 19 days but whether I complete it or not doesn’t really matter it’s just for myself as is this tumblr blog. Half of the things on this list aren’t even “things to do” as such but more ways to improve myself tbh so yeah.

1. Change appearance  I doubt I will actually go through with this because right now my hair is       almost at hip length and I love my long hair but I would love to just go         crazy and get it all cut off to my shoulders (maybe soon idk) or change my appearance in some other way; just something different.

2. Take more pictures. I have this big fancy camera and I have an interest in photography but I always forget to take it with me whenever I go anywhere so I want to improve on that. I also want to make myself take more selfies because I don’t like pictures of myself but if I do it gradually who knows maybe it will grow on me.

3. Be a better friend. In general, I feel like I just need to improve on being a better friend. Treat others how you would like to be treated and all that jazz.

4. Be more grateful for things in my life. Tbh I don’t think I appreciate the things I’ve got in my life; family, friends, education, religion, etc. Even just the small things in life that I tend to complain about, I need to appreciate these things more.

5. Try to get some exercise at least once a day // Get fit. Not gonna lie, this is what I was supposed to do for Lent this year but I kinda failed that one. I don’t want it to be something I force myself to do, I want to do it because I want to. Tbh I just want to have a body that I’m happy with and confident with and right now its a no.

6. Get outside my comfort zone. I’m like super shy (which is also super annoying) but yeah I feel like if I make myself do things that I normally wouldn’t do that it’ll make me less nervous to do it again and that’s how I aim to build my confidence in doing whatever.

7. Develop my personal style. Everyone seems to have their own style when it comes to fashion but all I wear is jumpers and scarves or just long sleeved tops. Again, I think it comes back to confidence and whatever feels most comfortable wearing but yeah need to find my own personal style.

8. Learn a new skill. Maybe teach myself a new language on Duolingo or improve whatever French I still know from secondary school.

9.Stop thinking negatively. Obviously, this one is easier said than done but I have discovered I’m a very negative person and I need to start thinking more positively so my aim will be to think a positive alternative to every negative thought my brain thinks up.

10. Teach myself guitar(again). I went to guitar lessons twice when I was younger to 2 separate people and I quit both so now my guitar just sits in my room unused collecting dust. So as I approach the age of 21, I want to teach myself guitar possibly through the likes of YouTube videos or whatever and actually stick at it and hopefully learn at least one song on the guitar.

11. Improve my grades. Pretty self-explanatory, instead of scraping by I actually want to get good grades.

12.Do something that scares you. I haven’t thought of what this could be yet but I’ll come up with something eventually.

13.Think positive about yourself. Kinda the same as number 9 where I need to stop thinking negatively but this time it’s in regards to myself. I need to stop putting myself down and find some positives about my appearance etc. 14. Watch the sun rise/set. This sounded good when I first wrote it down but now it sounds cheesy af. But yeah, watching sunsets is honestly the prettiest thing ever and I feel like watching the sun rise would be the same because you would be awake before everyone else (might do it during summer).

15. Try to be more extroverted. More or less similar to number 6 about getting out of my comfort zone because being shy is a real inconvenience.

16. Stop complaining and start changing. Tbh, most of these are about me changing my outlook on life and being less negative and more positive so yeah. 17. Say yes to more and no to less. Literally the same as above more or less.

18. Let go of all grudges. There’s literally no point in holding grudges with people anymore, tbh the person probably doesn’t even realise so it’s really only harming you and what’s the point wasting energy on shit like that when you could use that energy to something good in your life.

19. Don’t let people walk all over you. So yeah this kinda goes with the whole shy thing because up until now I’ve just agreed with what people say to me but over the past 2 weeks I’ve started doing what I want instead of what other people want. Standing up for myself and whatnot. Not gonna lie, it’s really difficult and people tend to fight you if they don’t get their way but I’ve realised you can’t just let people walk all over you.

20. Get outdoors more. That sounds stupid when I type it out but basically I mean go for more walks and just get outdoors more; nothing better than fresh air to clear your head especially after stressful days.

21. Be Happy; you’re only young once!

So yeah, I don’t even know why I made this post but it’s mainly just for me to read back. It’s not necessarily a checklist to do before turning 21, even if I do this shit whilst I’m 21 as long as I do it. I feel like your birthday is like the equivalent of a new year so I aim to change myself for the better starting on March 31st.

Just gotta get that self confidence; 21 seems like such a major age and it’s making me think about life and yeah I’ll end it with a good quote I found recently that relates to me wanting to improve my confidence etc.

“If someone doesn’t want me, it isn’t the end of the world. but if I don’t want me, the world is nothing but endings.” - Nayyirah Waheed.

                                                                                                                                      Bri xoxo

[luckylagerlegacy]

Lil Uzi Vert “Luv Is Rage 2″ Album Commentary

I’m excited that this Album is here… But at the same time it makes me a little bit sad that the twitter jokes about it never being released will cease now. I think I put the first Luv Is Rage mixtape as my rap album of the year in 2015, which makes it hard for me to know what to expect from this one. It’ll either be a classic, or an audio version of whatever Lil Uzi’s hair is doing right this very moment. Let’s not waste anymore time here, and instead just shoulder roll our way into Luv Is Rage 2:

1) Two:

Calling the first track on your album “Two” is a piss off, Uzi… But this song’s beat got the trademark accordion over it and I am instantly lulled into being okay by it. This track leads off right where Luv Is Rage ended,which is fire.. Sure, now he’s rapping about fame being poisonous and money being evil BUT shit slaps stupid hard and I can suspend my concern for his personal well being for at least as long as this song lasts.

3.5/5

2) 444+222:

EITHER SLOW DOWN WITH YOUR DIRECTIONS OR DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, MR UZI VERT. I’m also not doing math so your probably clever song title is completely lost on my dumb ass!!!!! This song has me voguing into a broken mirror while thinking about all the girls who have ever wronged me. I’m flash dancing in my back yard, nae naeing at the thought of my own death. This is a total stripper joint, but don’t be surprised if some of them dancers recognize the sadness in Lil Uzi’s voice and shake their titties wild mournfully and make all of the perverts watching reflect on their own shit.

4/5

3) Sauce It Up:

Coincidentally, this song title is exactly what I tell the drive thru dicks at Wendy’s when they ask me which one (1) sauce I want with my six (6) orders of the dollar menu  Five (5) piece nugget. This song is sort of about nothing, but it has the cutest fucking line lmao check it out: “I WAS ON THE PHONE, YEAH WITH PLAYBOI CARTI - COMMES DES GARCON, HEARTS ALL ON MY CARDI” lol that’s silly as hell I love it, who the hell calls a cardigan a cardi? Tegan And Sara fans do. I do. This is the first song on the tape that hasn’t made me want to call a distress hotline on Lil Uzi’s behalf.

3.5/5

4) No Sleep Leak:

This song stupid as fuck but in a good way. I just woke my dog up dancing to this song. That’s a real thing that happened. He raps about recouping all of his wealth in the span of a single night which is tight, but I often do the same. I can go from like .34 cents in my bank account to uhhh like a few hundred when it’s payday. It’s not that impressive, Uzi.

3.5

5) The Way Life Goes:

My girl is at her Aunt’s house in Maryland this week (holler at me if ur tryna rob her house while she’s gone just hmu she has an xbox) and I’m actually glad now, cus you have got to be missing somebody to truly grasp whatever the fuck Lil Uzi Vert is going through right now. Who the hell hurt you Lil Uzi Vert? Your hair dresser? Reese La Flare when you ripped his whole existence off and added KPOP to it?? Who the fuck did this to you lil guy??? Lmao this song goes hard as hell though I’m pouring out a tear for my guys rn over it. This one is hilarious to me tho cus he samples an “Oh Wonder” song, and it’s adorable to me that Lil Uzi Vert knows about some fabulist ass pop duo like the rest of us sad schmucks do.

4.5/5

6) For Real:

I’m assembling an interracial squad of dance teens to perform funny looking dance moves to this song while I stand behind the camera and jerk it side to side (not like that) whenever they do the dab. This song is the most stripped down, “normal” on the project I guess. It’s cool, but I like my Lil Uzi Vert to be manic and sad and weird. NEEEEEEEEXT

3/5

7) Feelings Mutual:

Oh wow we’re diving back into the sad drug stuff pretty abruptly here. Hold the fuck on I’m gonna google “Who Did This To Lil Uzi Vert??” gimme a second. Okay, nothing came up… But damn we gotta get this guy some mood stabilizers and a workout routine so he can start to turn that frown upside down. Nobody getting double toppy from models and driving ferraris should be sad. Even if he is like, five foot minus five. Nobody who’s friends with The Migos should cry, ever! They have their own chips! This song is very good though. Again, his sad shit is really effective so even tho he’s crying for help I’m gonna pretend he’s asking me to ignore his situation and dance instead!

4/5

8) Neon Guts (Feat Pharrell Williams):

Two things: I misspell Pharrell’s name every single time I type it, and whoooo shit Pharrrlel can make a goddamn track, even now that he’s more of a spiritual guide to XXL’s freshman classes than a hit maker. He took his gigantic cowboy hat off and donned the BDBC fitted for this one. This is gonna be the biggest song off this whole album, mark my words. Shit slaps dummy hard.

5/5

9) Early 20 Rager:

Oh hey, Lil Uzi named this song the same thing as my friend’s name their Birthday events on Facebook! Hopefully this song doesn’t make me get dressed up and go to 3 bars I don’t like. He says “FUCK YO GIRL ON CAM, GOPRO” which is hilarious. I want my POV porn to have an extreme sports edge to it now. I wanna see Mia Malkova giving head while jumping out of an airplane ASAP.

3.5/5

10) UnFazed (Feat. The Weeknd):

Dog I fucking hate the weekday. I -oh wow this shit slaps nvm I’m wrong.. Still tho if I catch you out here with XO gear on I am throwing it high up into an unscalable tree. One with mad prickles. He does say “Take three Xannies like a hattrick” on this which is super fucking lame and ultra Canadian of him. I know I said that the Pharalel track would be the biggest song on this album, but every white girl I know who does blow loves The Weeknd so this track is gonna go quadruple platinum.

4/5

11. Pretty Mami:

               This song boring as fuck! Maybe Lil Uzi not liking rapping anymore… Isn’t a good thing? I thought disenfranchisement meant bangers that would make me wipe tears away in secrecy at the club… But maybe, instead it means a lack of bangers?????????????????????????? Fuck man… I hate whoever made this man so sad.

2.5/5

12) How To Talk:

THIS BITCH! This song starts with the audio of some woman calling Lil Uzi Vert out for some shit that uhhh I’m not paying attention to. Somebody on 4chan analyze this woman’s vocality n stuff so we know who to speak to about making this guy sad. This song slaps tho, he’s all apologetic about treating her badly and jealous that she’s talking to a ball player. The beat is rad as hell. This is the mood I think of when I think of Lil Uzi’s music. More of this, less Pretty Mami.

4/5

13) X:

Metro Boomin and Pierre Bourne co-producing a Lil Uzi Vert track? I’m in clout heaven. Somebody fetch me a pair of those dumbass glasses that every future dead kid wears while they nod out on xanax. You know the ones? The Fallout 4 fancy lady joints. Thanks. Okay this song is golden and I will defend it no matter what the hell happens with the next two tracks. I’m doin all of Uzi’s dances as best I can to this, eating gummy bears, feelin cute.

5/5

14) Malfunction:

               In the first verse on this dreamy lil song Uzi says “ALL MY GIRLS DRESS LIKE THEY WORK AT HOOTERS” like it’s a good thing. If I’m worth millions of dollars, my many, many girlfriends would all be dressed in differently themed designer garb: One goth model with diamond encrusted tears, one pioneer thot with a golden pitchfork, a pair of ghost women wearing spooky Red Bottoms, etc. Let’s have some showmanship, please. This song is good though, the last ¼ of this album is picking it up.

4/5

15) Dark Queen:

Dark Queen is my favourite race in World Of Warcraft, so I’m stoked on this. The song is all about his relationship with his mother, and how it relates with his relationship with the music business instead of sick raids and fuckin uhhhhhhhh killin monsters? Idk I never played WoW I was too busy playing other videogames u fuckin dorks.

3.5/5

16) XO TOUR LIF3:

               *Crying* SHE SAID BABY I AM NOT AFRAID TO - *still crying* DIE! I forgot this song was on the album. Wow, what a fuckin banger. I want whoever reads this to make sure the lyrics to this song are etched into my gravestone (if I somehow don’t end up buried in an unmarked grave by a jilted lover and her new, tougher boyfriend) Ugh this goes so fuckin hard. This is one of the only songs that, if you have it as your ringtone and it goes off really loudly while we’re sitting next to each other on the C-Train, won’t earn you a dirty look and a subtweet. I want to celebrate the sadness in this song. You did it, Lil Uzi.

5/5

 FINAL SCORE: 7.8/10

This shit had some up and down moments, I’m not gonna lie. But, the good outweighed the bad. I hope Uzi finds the help he needs before his hair gets any more neon than it already is. We believe in you, lil fella.

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

5/12/17, 11:11pm - gettin cucked up

me and a particular group of my melee friends have been using the word cuck a lot still and I never really thought about where it came from. Like 4chan probably repopularized the use of the word because I saw that cuckold porn became a really big trend on there, but the way we use it isn’t like cuckoldry exactly, it’s more like getting fucked over, or stood up, or most specifically teased with a promise of a good time and then having someone back out at the last minute.

More on that later I guess. This week’s been so hectic. Wtf it’s only been like 5 days it feels like it’s been weeks already. I’ve restrategized my Get Your Shit Together (4.0) list, and the big three things are 1. pass the RPSGT, 2. get moved out of my apartment, 3. get some surgeries. 

Tony actually wrote my letter for real, so I put in my application to take the test this week! My cpr aed certification is outdated so I got an online one and I’m not allowed, so I have to do a course this weekend and fix that, but otherwise I’m all set. Gotta study hard, I’m pretty fucking pumped to get a raise. Glad I’m not dying for the money rn though, the $500 to take the test and get a new cpr cert would have me stresssssed the fuck out, dude.  No progress on getting someone to take my room just yet, my room’s a fucking mess, I need to do laundry, I’m kinda putting all this shit off for now tbh. We’ll wait until I’ve taken the exam I’ve got vacation this week anyway. And I talked to my dad, who gave me his blessing so to speak to get a vasectomy. I fudged a number that I told him, said that it’s 90% reversible (most numbers say 95% or greater w/in 3 years, about 50% at 10), but with the potential for in vitro fertilization even if the reversal fails I’m sure that’s about right. He told me that my mom had told him that she wasn’t trying to get pregnant for a year or so and then ‘was practically pregnant the next day.’ coupled with how mom was talking about being pregnant at their wedding I can see that lol. He basically told me that he loves all of us a lot, but yeah I would’ve definitely done that because it’s worth it to not have that kind of surprise when you can’t make money for a kid. I definitely can’t make money for a kid right now lol that would kill me. So I’ve already called the doc to get a referral and I’m gonna get a vasectomy. Gotta figure out how much my septum surgery will be too, but that’ll be a lot more -_- Me and dad were catching up for a bit and I helped him get in touch with Dr. Bruce to fix a hernia so he’s gonna be giving me some more money so that’ll help with that too though. Plus I’ll FINALLY be making sleep tech money. I’m so fucking pumped.

Plus basically the past 3 days I’ve Actually just been working. 3 patients a night for the first time this week was stressful as fuck. I mean not exactly. Just time consuming and pretty frustrating. As jimmy said “if you were still trying to get through Zelda you probably would be dying right now.” Made it through fine and that should sweeten up my paycheck just a smidgen.

Still haven’t eaten french fries, but definitely gave up on cigs. Practically like two days later. I was out drinking for Josh’s birthday and smoked a bunch. That shit was so fucking cash omg. I got blackout drunk for the first time in forevvver. Was hanging out with Jimmy, Josh, Ian, Jack, ran around with one of josh’s friends trying to pick up chicks at a bar after smashing beers into our head and shotgunning them. I have a video lol I’ll try to upload it once I have internet. Was trying to ‘flirt with all the ASA bitties’ but got too drunk and ended up boxing someone in Josh’s friend’s basement (w/ boxing gloves) lmfao. Reminded me of middle school boxing Cory Winters and having our little fight club ring lol. Drunk snapped a bunch of people, ian drove me home, it was a great fucking night. Oh and at Josh’s friend’s I ran into one of my asian friends who I could not remember for the life of me. I wasn’t sure if he was a league friend or one of brosciouss friends or a smash friend I was just so lost, but played it off really well (as always) and did jager shots with him. Fuck. Ing. Lit. First time I felt so happy and natural to be drinking in forever, too. Even got to see brett3 for a bit. Nice to be back in chapel hill. Especially when they’re good old drinking buddies like Jack. It’s so strange that I don’t really talk to anybody else from chapel hill, but then again it really isn’t. 

The date with Brianna went pretty meh. We met up and joked around a bunch and thrift shopped and I bought a whole fuckton of new pants to ease the process of spring cleaning and two new sweatshirts so I’m not wearing fuzzy shit all the time now that it’s getting warmer. Ate at Ms. Winner’s and it was some delicious ass cheap fried chicken, might be my new go to in gboro now. But she like barely wanted to kiss me at the end of the date idk what’s up with her, I’ve kinda bailed out since she’s all preoccupied with her family anyway.

Instead ive gone back to what I call my “harem strats” You see, by chatting up as many girls as possible (right now juggling 4-5) I divert my attention and stay aloof enough that I don’t seem like a crazy fuck. Instead I’m just an asshole who’s two timing girls, but yknow fuck you stop judging me.  This girl hit me up on snapchat saying I looked cute in my story and that we should smoke sometime. With the snapchat name Smokeahontas I could’ve sworn it was Kat, so I just go along with the convo. But then I see kat has a diff username and I was like wtfff who is this lol. I didn’t ask her though, just played along and eventually remembered when she asked for my insta that it was this girl I matched with on tinder months ago that I never followed up with (like most of them), probably because I got lazy lol.  Had a sort of date with Jamie, we got some food because she was getting off work, we smoked a bit, but she was like texting the whole time and fuckin bailed out after just an episode of south park to ‘go to the beach with her roommate.’ I still have been talking to her a bunch, but Idk what the fuck is up with that, kinda whack. Super cucked by how that went. Especially because when I walked her out to her car I didn’t even get a kiss goodnight it was this weird lasting embrace like she pressed her cheek into mine to make sure I didn’t try to kiss her I guess, but still held me tight for a really long time, I was like rubbing her lower back hoping she’d like loosen up and kiss me but hooooly shit it all felt super fucking awkward. I’m hoping she’s just really conservative about dudes since she’s such a cutie, but idk. it makes me actually not give a fuck about her. I have a date tomorrow night with the other textiles girl idr if I wrote about her, but she’s cute, going to ncsu. “allergic to smoke” lol I told her I quit. (I mean I had that day before but I lied and said I did two weeks ago hahah goddamn I’m kind of a twat maybe.) Also actually got cucked by smokeahontas. It was like a situation that was too good to be true though, to be fair. She didn’t have anything to do yesterday night and wanted to hang out; when I told her I was stuck at work and said she should just smoke with me in the morning she said she actually wanted to and would stay up all night to meet up with me when I got off. Ofc she fell asleep, and when she woke up she said she wanted to go back to bed, so I flippantly said “well you could always sleep over here.” and surprisingly enough she said she was actually game for that, so our smoke and horror movie date turned into a naptime date. But an hour passed while I was eating breakfast and in the shower so I was like ‘wtf is up’ and she said she got sick and threw up. Figured I was super cucked once more by another flaker, kind of a bummed out, but not as bummed as after the dates with Jaime and Bri both went so poorly lol. Just happily told her we can try again another time, and now she’s saying she wants to do the same plan for tomorrow morning. 

So There. Is. The potential for me to get laid twice tomorrow. Pretty exciting. I haven’t told anyone that I remade plans with her though. RIGHT after I told some friends about how the nap date got planned out she said she was sick. I FUCKING swear that every time I brag about one of my dates I have lined up it falls the fuck through the floor. So I’m gonna try to never do it again. 

Then there’s this other theatre major girl I started talking to yesterday. Talked about horoscopes and transitioned from talking feminism to her (woke as fuck teens smh) into asking if she ate ass (jokingly) into asking if she wanted to hang. Turns out she’s actually a really cool super geeky chick and I’m really excited to spend time with her since she wants to show me jurassic park for the first time and learn how to play melee. Kinda weird that she’s only 18 still though O.o oh you, tyler. 

SO yeah. That’s the sitch with that. Went from supppper fucking bummed a couple days ago about my dating situation into thinking that I’m the shit again. I think I want to establish that “i’m the best” mentality once again. Because I really am. I’m fucking amazing lmao. 

Ultimately though, I’m still getting cucked left and right and I have little to no faith that I’ll find anybody I actually care about ever again but we’ll see yknow. I think that’s the strats to how I fell in love last time anyway.

hmmm. what else is there... Work in burlington is still super shitty, my commute went from an hour to like an hour and forty minutes today bc people in NC can’t drive through a little bit of fucking drizzling. 

Idk that’s about all I’ve got. Next week’s lake week so gonna have to work again in a few days after some date shenanigans and hopefully I’ve got some more good stories and shit.